Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum Podcast.

Alright Adal, please step to the front of the class. Your report on movies from 25 years ago is due today. So again, this is going to be movies of 2001. I believe you said that you were going to do…

I'm going to do 2001 A Space Odyssey.

No, that was quite a bit before.

Well, Teacher Sir, the year is in the title.

Okay, thank you for using my proper married name, Teacher Sir.

Excuse me, Mr. Teacher Sir, I just want you to know that I watched a bunch of movies from 2001.

Oh, okay, Erin. It's not like you to want to do your report first, but if you would like to do your report, please step to the front of the class.

Not like her. Her desk is pushed way forward from the front row. It's almost touching your desk, sir.

Scooch, scooch, scooch, scooch, scooch.

Okay, don't touch my desk. Nobody touch their desk to my desk.

Her desk is on your desk now.

A big group of men all with the same goal. You're going to think that I'm talking about maybe another movie that came out this year, The Lord of the Rings, The Fellowship of the Rings. But I'm talking about a different group of men with a shared goal. Ocean's Eleven theme starts playing.

Okay, Erin, now you were supposed to do Lord of the Rings. That was what your assignment was about. And it was specifically about remembering who, um, Theoden's successor is.

I've gotten absolutely destroyed on the internet the last couple weeks. Everyone is so mad at me. Because I forgot who A. O. Mayer was.

Mariah Carey wants to do movies. So she did Glitter. I watched Glitter.

I was going to say, are you talking about Donnie Darko? Okay, so Mr. Teacher Sir.

Mr. Teacher Sir, yes.

Nicole Kidman in a haunted house filled with ghosts. But she's the ghost? Hi, I'm Erin, and I'm here to talk to you about The Others, a film that came out in 2001.

Okay, you know what class? I can see that everyone used AI to do their assignments again.

Clutching their pearls, nodding yes.

Opens my drawer, all my pearls are gone. Hey, wait a minute. Get back here you damn kids with my damn pearls.

Swine are going nuts and then they realize they don't know what pearls are.

And you swine are going nuts because it's another episode of Hey Riddle Riddle. Welcome. I'm JPC, that's Adal, that's Erin, and this is the best podcast in the world.

In the world. You guys, 2001 was an incredible year for movies. Princess Diaries, Zoolander, Legally Blonde, Moulin Rouge, A Knight's Tale, Monsters, Inc. You guys, Shrek? Monsters Inc and Shrek at the same time?

That's a Con Air Armageddon situation.

That's an illusionist prestige.

Now I watched Eyes Wide Shut for the first time last night.

And you think Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise should get back together?

They're the on screen chemistry. Well here's the thing. I thought I was watching them have sex for like two minutes and then I realized Tom Cruise was just drinking a tall glass of milk. I was like look at that naked Nicole Kidman and her skin is flawless. It was a tall glass of milk. Her skin is the milk of skin.

We all know. We all know.

We all know.

We all know. I was telling Adal, I don't think I've seen that movie since high school, and I remember being so excited to watch a porno. I was like, hell yeah, there's going to be boobs and everything. And then you watch it, and you're like, I don't think I got a lot of the themes.

I'm pretty confused, because I was pretty high when I watched it, so I do need to watch some like... YouTube video essays or something just to be like, what did I miss here? What did I miss here? It was good, but it wasn't I think in my mind's eye for the last 30 years or however long it's been out. I think I've had a wildly different version of what the movie was.

I think maybe because like when they play clips from it, it's just from that one specific part that you, if it's in your periphery, you're going to think that that's going to be most of the movie.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's so much more Secret Society than there's not. The fun part is there's moments where I'm like, oh, that's the, they introduce some guy who like owns a costume shop. And I'm like, oh, that's the bad guy from John Wick 1 or whatever.

So it's fun.

It's fun to sort of, or Alan Cumming is like the hotel clerk who's actually insane. Tom Cruise walks throughout that movie almost like he's dragging a thousand pounds of pheromones because everyone he runs into is suddenly trying to like eat him with their eyes and they approach him and they're like, we should fuck. So I understand that there's some sort of dreamlike quality to this or some sort of like skewed perception of like what's really happening, but I don't know quite what's going on.

I mean, come on. Are you telling me you wouldn't want to fuck that little guy?

Is there any other movies you feel like missed your desk that seemingly everyone else has seen?

Like, Riley hasn't seen Children of Men. And I was like, I think that it would be one of your favorite movies. And he's like, and I just know this, it's just one of those things that fell through the cracks. Josh hasn't seen Goonies.

Best movies in the last, like, 50 years. Goonies is a wild one to miss.

I know, I'm like, how, that's, I'm impressed when people, I think that just, like, everyone has these weird blind spots.

Well, speaking of Tom Cruise, I've never seen The Legend. Oh, yeah.

What's he doing for a review crew?

Yeah, I heard that's a popular... You just heard that it's popular. A boss talking to his co-workers at the holiday party. Oh, is this Bud Light? I hear that's popular.

I actually have no idea what the movie is. I've just heard that it's popular. And that's all I need to know. I'm there.

Stacey was saying everyone loves...

Okay, this guy's from another planet.

I'm trying to think of like, there's probably a bunch of movies that I, I mean, I've definitely not seen a ton of movies and some of them are probably considered to be like pretty like, you know, important to film or important to cinema. But I will say that I think the big thing is that I, like some movies that were like totemic movies that people are like, oh, I watched that all over.

Totemic?

Yeah, like that was just important to people, had like a big importance to people like, like Godfather or Casino, I don't know, like probably a lot of Scorsese movies. I think I just watched a lot of those one time and I was like, yeah, I'm okay. Like I don't, I don't, I saw it and I don't think I, I don't think I need to see it like more, you know?

Yeah. Yeah. Stuff like Lahane. Lahine? I'm so sorry, the band Haim. I'm thinking of the three sisters who rock while making fish faces. I'm thinking of the three sisters who rock. It's a Vincent Castle movie from maybe the 90s? The Punisher? It's black and white. Sorry, Vincent Cassell. It's L-A and then space H-A-I-N-E, Lahine. I've never heard it pronounced. Here's the thing, I've never heard a single person talk about this movie. I've only seen online, anytime I pull up like top 100 movies, XYZ, of the 24, you know, important movie lists, Lahine is always, Lahane? I'm so sorry for anyone listening who's like, oh my god, Adal, say it right. That word that I keep saying, those words, it's like one of the top 50 movies. Interesting.

Huh.

Interesting.

Elizabeth Andrews came over my house this past weekend and had watched Mystic River the night before for the first time. That's an emotional one. Yeah. And I was like, she's the type of person where I'm like, I wish I got a notification of what she was watching and reading because there's seemingly no rhyme or reason. Every time I've gotten a flight with her, she's reading the most random book of all time. One time we were going to a bachelorette party and she was reading In Cold Blood on the way there. And I was like, what are we doing? I'm reading a beach read on the plane like everyone else. You ready to party, girl? What's going on?

I just got back this weekend from a camping trip, and I haven't been camping in years, and I was very excited to do just a very basic weekend car camping thing, and it literally rained and thunderstormed the entire time. It was so miserable. We all woke up just absolutely drenched in our tent, and I was like, And one buddy who went with us who also hadn't been camping in a long time was kind of on the fence whether he likes camping or not. We were like, we lost him. We lost him. We just lost him. We lost one. He'll never be back. He'll never camp again. But I feel like it's that same thing. And I have another buddy who really loves camping. When you have a movie that you love and you show it to another person, you're like, this movie is important to me. And like 20 minutes over, you look at them and they're on their phone. You're like, yeah, shouldn't have done this.

It's too vulnerable.

Shouldn't have showed somebody my favorite film like that.

Hayley Palmer texted me when Riley posted a review of A Little Princess, the movie from the 90s that I love, on his Letterboxd. And she like texted me as if we had gotten married. She's like, Oh my God, I saw you showed him your favorite. Did he like it? It's really sweet.

I do that when I have friends on Letterboxd, and I only ever open it when I'm logging a movie, but then I'll see what my friends have logged recently. I will get mad at my friend if they put a Jason Statham movie that's like under four stars on Letterboxd. Because I'm like, hey brother, it's 2026, you knew what you were getting into. Don't watch it if you're not going to love it. Don't watch it if you're not going to love it. Amazing.

What's that bee movie he did?

Oh, Bee Movie? That's Jerry Seinfeld there. Now, very similar guys.

You're thinking of Vincent Price, who did mostly Bee Movies. What do you mean Bee Movie? Do you mean like a movie about a... Oh, The Beekeeper. Oh, The Beekeeper. Which was like a code word for like a CIA special ops or something? I thought you meant Bee Movie as in like all of Jason Statham's movies are like Bee Movies.

Like, they're not...

Did someone make that joke when the beekeeper came out? Because that's awesome.

That's very fun.

I'd like to see a scene. Adal, you are a guy who just saw the beekeeper and you just a second ago logged it on Letterboxd. And JPC, you're going to be his friend calling him immediately too. You have a bone to pick with his review.

And half a star, submit. Okay. And now we play the waiting game. This might be Letterboxd themselves. Ahoy hoy.

Hey man, it's JPC.

Oh, hey buddy. What are you, did you, did I... Oh nothing much, this is the last time we'll talk.

This is our last conversation. Is this because I haven't watched Reacher season 4 yet?

Call waiting for Adal. Oh, uh, JPC, one second. Hello?

Adal, I just saw your beekeeper letterbox review. Delete it quickly before JPC sees.

And who is this?

This is Erin.

Oh, Erin!

You can't recognize me? It's the modern age. Am I not saved in your phone? Am I not saved in your phone?

I have a condition where all women sound the same.

Oh my god. Well, I was trying to help you.

Do you want to unpack it, or?

No, I don't have the time.

Everyone in my house is sleeping. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep Is that his instinctive character? Oh, that's Benicio del Toro. Yeah. Benny of the Bull.

Oh my god, hold on, let me go to your letterbox. Usual Suspects, Half Star? It's like they're having too much fun. Erin, no. Is that Erin? No. Is that goddamn Erin Keif on this phone?

Well, at least he could tell my sneeze apart from other women's sneezes.

Well, JPC has a condition where it all seems to sound like Erin.

Yeah, it actually all seems to sound like Erin's character Momo. That's what they all sound like to me.

I'm hanging up.

I'm hanging up. Click. Oh, click. I should review click.

He better not. He better not.

Now this begs the question, JPC. Yes. Name one or two movies you think would be vastly improved by recasting the main character as Jason Statham.

Oh, you like movies? Name one or two.

Classic Adam. Are you like the Cubs? Name 20 players. So we're talking like if Statham with Gandalf, which Erin might go a little something like... Oh, Statham as Gandalf.

I'm not here to hurt you, I'm trying to help you. Statham as Gandalf, okay.

Jason Statham in the lead. He's got to improve at least one movie.

I think Jason Statham as Elle Woods in Legally Blonde. Is this not a good Jason Statham impression? You're looking at me like I'm very far away.

Oh, that's what it is. It is Jason. You're doing... Okay. No, no, no, no.

They both lifted off the ground. Let's go on a quick break and then we'll do riddles and I'm going to prove my Jason Statham impression while we're gone.

Okay. Erin, Adal, you guys have to help me. You have to help me.

What's going on, buddy? Are you okay?

Fall just started and I know fall just started and please don't make fun of me for this because I know fall just started like yesterday. But I've only had pumpkin spice to eat for the last 48 hours. I'm only eating the spice from pumpkin.

Okay, okay. We understand. We totally understand.

I'm so hungry I feel like I'm dying. It's only pumpkin spice.

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Okay. Tempo meal stat. I'm going to have a sweet and sour pineapple meatballs with jasmine rice and broccoli. One of my favorites and most cherished Tempo meals. Also, You gotta try their pork carnitas and rice bowl with corn, salsa, and guacamole. Mmm, guacamole.

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Hey everybody, it's JPC. Well, it happened again. I was in the market for a weather balloon, I had stopped at a roadside weather balloon stand, and as I was browsing kind of the new weather balloons, the 2026s, the 2027s that have just kind of hit the lot, they release in fall of the previous year, I got all of my clothes snagged on a weather balloon, and the dang thing took off and took all of my clothes with it. So, completely naked, and I'm thinking to myself, JPC, why does this keep happening to you? And then I thought, well, it doesn't matter, my friend, because you can go to Quince. Quince focuses on high-quality wardrobe staples made with premium materials like 100% Mongolian cashmere, organic cotton, and merino wool. The styles are timeless, versatile, and designed to become the dependable pieces you reach for day after day. And I'll be honest with you, I put on this 100% mongolian cashmere sweater and this thing is not breaking the bank. It starts at just $60 and I thought there's no way this thing gets snagged on another weather balloon and pulls all my clothes off up into the sky to who knows where. And when temperatures start to drop, it's more important than ever to wear clothes. Quince makes it easy to build on those everyday staples with premium down jackets and classic wool outwear. Versatile layers designed to keep you warm and comfortable all season long. And now that we're in the fall, guys, you gotta reach for some of these Quince sweaters. You will not believe the quality. You will not believe the craftsmanship. I love my CableNet Quince sweater. I reach for it every year. So you can find your next fall favorites at Quince. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers or go to quince.com. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns, now available in Canada and the UK too. And when Quince asks where you heard about them, let them know it was Hey Riddle Riddle, and more specifically, it was JPC who got all his clothes stolen by a weather balloon. It's the best way to support the show.

Guys, my finances are crazy right now. I'm in the middle of the move and there are so many unexpected costs. Like I'm paying for movers, I have to pay for the storage place, I got to pay for all sorts of new things, and I have to buy new furniture, and I'm so stressed. But guess what? I've got Rocket Money, and it's helping me stay organized and making sure I'm not going over budget. It's also helping me save money because it has canceled so many unwanted subscriptions that I'm not using anymore.

Wow, Erin, it sounds like you are using Rocket Money to its full potential. And it sounds like this move doesn't have you stressed at all. I can't see it in your face. I can't see it in the way you act. And I definitely can't see it in your face.

Huh. Thank you.

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Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join at RocketMoney.com slash Riddle. That's RocketMoney.com slash Riddle. RocketMoney.com slash Riddle. R-I-D-D-L-E.

Oh, Erin, did you get punched in the stomach?

What are you guys doing with Jason Statham?

So this is Jason Statham as Mrs. Doubtfire.

Okay.

I'm a woman, see? I put my face in a cake and now I'm a woman. That's beautiful. Right?

Right?

Isn't it? This is Jason Statham ordering coffee. I'm sorry, he's using an app.

Oh, come on.

Erin, that's just more efficient. I'm sorry, Erin, you're ordering your coffee in person?

You sound like creatures from Dark Crystal. Erin, did you know that Jason Statham was a And I don't know if I'm 100% right. He was either pre-Olympic trials, which is a little bit of a thing.

You still getting pregnant.

He was an Olympic diver, an Olympic level diver. I don't know if he made the Olympics, but he was like Britain's representative.

That also is true because I'm gullible.

I think he was just training for the Olympics. I don't think he, maybe that wasn't the actual Olympics. Maybe it was like the qualifiers.

Are there videos of this, though? Can I see videos of young Statham doing his Olympic diving stuff? That'd be pretty fun to see.

Yeah, but please don't get all horned up while we're recording.

And that's the thing, is he killed a pool. Look, Erin, if he's over 18, I reserve the right to get all horned up. Now, this is like a whole movie of Jason Statham when he's like, you know, 17 years old. I'm not gonna get horned up at that.

Here's Jason Statham diving at the 92 Olympics.

Wow. It's also crazy to see him with that kind of head of hair on.

Yeah.

Wow. OK, let's see. We're watching him dive. He's jumping. He's flipping.

Oh, oh, he hit an empty pool. Oh, my God. Jason Statham exploded at the bottom of an empty pool. That's not the real Jason Statham. Oh, my God. It never was. He never was.

He never was.

So the premise of our show is it's a Riddle podcast by name only. And here we go.

The beekeeper. There it is. The beekeeper.

I'm the beekeeper. There you go.

I'm the beekeeper.

I'm Snatch. The name's James Snatch. The name's James Snatch.

Okay. Okay, no, please. I'm telling you. More fun than Riddles.

Erin, I found my Jason Statham.

I'm ready. The name's Snatch. James Snatch.

Pretty good. Why isn't he Bond?

Why isn't he Bond, huh? Old Bond. Old Bond. It's me Old Bond. Gold Bond.

Water. Shaken. Or stirred. It's just water.

These are from Yoni. I started listening a few months ago, but your voices have deeply inspired me to write my own riddies and puzzies. Here we go.

Okay.

A beard of white, when fast I age. A signal wind of earthly rage. I always crash, but never burn. Born to die, but still I churn. This is my fight song. Take back my life song.

And Erin, is this, you said these riddles come from Yanni, the Greek singer? Do we know Yanni?

Why did you start this when you weren't sure?

Is he like a violinist or is he a singer?

Does he sing?

I'm just picturing a man with like very long curly hair.

He definitely does music. Erin, you could agree he definitely does music, right? How do you know Yanni? I need to know how to spell it.

Is Yanni a raffi?

A communist children's singer?

I think it's like bourbon and scotch. All Yanis are Rafis, but not all Rafis are Yanis? Exactly. Yes, yes, yes. Not all Rafis.

Peanut butter sandwich made with jam, one for me and one for David Amram. Okay. Y-O-N-Y.

Okay, not my Yanni.

Okay. Do you know the answer to the riddle I asked? I guess is the more important thing that we need to be talking about.

I'm so upset that it wasn't my Yanni.

Is it a beard of white or a beard of white?

White.

Santa.

When fast I age, I signal wind or earthly rage. He's not here, Adal. I always crash but never burn. Born to die.

I always crash.

He always crash. Uncle Santa, please. You're from like three years ago and we don't have the time for this.

Ho, ho, ho. I'm Stace. I'm Jace. I'm Stace. I'm Gloss. There it is.

I was going to say Jason Santa, but yours is slightly more creative.

Jason Santa.

All the things people will do to distract from the riddle. I've never done anything like that when I've been in your shoes. A beard of white when fast I age, a signal wind or earthly rage. I always crash but never burn, born to die and still I churn.

Is it Cod? Born to die? Is it Lana Del Rey? No. Damn, I love Lana Del Rey.

Didn't she marry an alligator farmer or something?

She was dating a cop for a while, I remember that. That was fun.

Keep that culture in your periphery. Don't look close at anything. Hi, welcome back to Culture with Adal Rifai, where he talks about stuff he's seen sort of on the edges of his vision.

I want to say Lana Del Rey married an alligator farmer.

You were watching The Princess and the Frog when Carly Rae Jepsen came on and you...

You churned that into some sort of wild ice cream.

Beaver dream.

So this feels like Father Time, or is it a physical, literal thing, or is it a concept?

It's a physical, literal thing.

Okay, Beard of White. Beard of White.

Is it a cloud?

It's not a cloud, but I think that is a good line of thinking. I think I also can safely say I think this is a great riddle.

Okay, Beard of White. Is it Zeus?

No.

Is it a person?

No.

Okay, so it's not a person. It's like a Spanish oak tree or something. And beard of white, cloud was close.

Cloud is more close. Cloud is a great way of thinking.

Is beard of white like a snow, like snow on like a mountaintop maybe?

You guys are, we're all working with the same material here.

A waterfall is kind of like a beard.

Yeah, a waterfall I would say is the closest.

Okay. A beard of white would pass the age.

You can use a waterfall as a beard for sure. Glacier?

I signal when waterfalls closer than glacier of earthly rage. I always crash. Wave. A wave. A wave.

A wave. A noble wave. A wave.

I'd like to see a scene, Adal, you are a wave and you're about to crash onto the beach and you're waving at JPC on the beach because you think you know him and then you realize you don't and it's a little bit awkward.

Okay, just kind of grab on to the tide here, and the moon is letting... Here we go, Gary! Woo! Let the force of nature do the rest! Oh my god, no! I know that guy! Hey, Tom! What the hell hit me? Oh my god. What the hell hit me? Hey, I'm swimming here! Oh my god. Kick me back in the ocean? Kick you what? Kick me back in the water.

Hey man, I'm all wet.

Scoop me back in the water.

What's going on? I'm just waist deep. There's no reason to do that.

Sorry, water doesn't talk.

Yeah, I'm sorry water doesn't talk. Water could apologize. Water ever heard of maybe doing an apology? Unbelievable. Unbelievable. I'm so sorry. How am I going to get this cleaned?

And I pulled your dog back. I'm so sorry.

You pulled my what?

Was that not your dog? Oh my God. That's my son. Excuse me? He was on all fours. Aren't those human dogs?

Toddlers crawl, okay? He was on all fours. You should be ashamed of yourself.

But you know what? What's your badge number? I don't know. Badge number?

24709?

I wish I had a pen.

Last name Wave?

Last name Wave? Bullshit. This is a fake name. This is a fake name. You know what? I hope you're happy with yourself. I hope you're fuckin' proud of yourself, man.

I'm mortified. I am mortified. I'll be telling this anecdote for years, but I'm gonna say it happened to a friend of mine. Of course. Yeah. Well, I gotta get to my son now. Who's out there. Do you take bags of salt? What's that? Do you accept bags of salt? That's our currency in the ocean. That's your currency.

You don't have pearls or anything in there, just bags of salt.

Did you know you just hand back little six-inch pieces of paper and you're making fun of salt? Salt has worth. Can you crumple up whatever those pieces of paper you guys use onto food or something?

So how did you two meet?

Well, it's actually kind of funny. Tom, did you want to tell it? You tell it best. I call Tom, but he's not my friend Tom. He's someone else. Same. Two people that don't want to tell the story.

That have no desire to tell that story.

Okay. Gourd to wood, hide to plastic. Even today, I sound fantastic. My bridge floats high, my drone higher still. I echo out upon the hills.

Hide to plastic. Is this when like a dog drives a car?

Is that like a thing?

Put the hide in the plastic. If he wants to protect the leather seats.

Gored to wood, hide to plastic. Even today I sound fantastic. My bridge floats high, my drone higher still. I echo out upon the hills.

Gored to wood.

It is a instrument.

It's an instrument. The pumpkin tuba? Oh, I want to see a scene!

I want to see a scene! Adal, you own a music shop, and Erin, you're in there to buy an instrument for your child who's learning music, and Adal, you're really trying to push the pumpkin tuba.

Hi, sorry to bother you. My son has been so into watching videos of people playing the bass guitar, and I wanted to surprise him with one for his birthday. But I don't know anything about the bass guitar. Could you help me pick one out? Maybe a starter one? He's like 13, so he doesn't need anything crazy. But just something easy and something where like, not too heavy, too, because he's smaller.

Hmm, okay. Anyone wants to play this October?

Um, yeah I guess. Yeah, is there a waiting list for them?

For bass guitars? Yeah. Oh, God, no. God, no. Can't give the things away. No, it's just that I ... Do you mind stepping in the back here?

Yeah, we're walking towards brass instruments, but I was hoping to stay in the guitar bass section.

Let me open this big warehouse doors here. I got a little setup in the back. So much dust. Please don't breathe that in. I'm trying not to. Please don't breathe that in. I'm trying not to. So this is where I keep the creations now. I started to make my, I thought, oh, Stradivarius had a pretty good idea. He was onto something. Les Paul was onto something, right? So I started to make my own.

Famous. Yeah, okay. Oh, that's great. Did you make bass guitars? What is this place?

Do I make bass guitars? Honey, that's pretty well been handled, huh? Oh my God. What do you do for a living?

I'm a teacher. What is this stuff?

Did you make teach? Did you make new subjects? You sound insane. Listen, let's get down to breath.

I don't recognize a single one of these instruments.

What are these things? This is a squobo. It's a squash oboe. Okay? Try and play it.

Smells like garbage.

Don't breathe that in. I'm gagging.

I breathed in squash. That's how you play. These are just like a bunch of autumnal fruits and vegetables that have been kind of butchered into becoming instruments.

Kind of butchered? Is that what they said about Frankenstein? I'm trying to bring something new to life.

Is this a saxa potato? That's not good.

Wow, you think that is, you saw that and you thought it was a saxa potato?

You think of one!

Sweetie, this is a Yamamophone. It's a yam attached to a saxophone.

Hey Larry, I'm here to pick up my dust.

Oh. What the? I know. I know. Calm down. This lady breathed it all in. No! Oh, he fell down the hole.

I'm sorry.

I fell down that hole that Darth Maul falls down in. In the best Star Wars. In Star Wars 1.

Carrot-net. Like a clarinet. Carrot-net.

Carrot-net. I like that. Carrot-net. Carrot-net.

Acordion.

Acordion! Wow.

That's amazing. Okay, and that's it from me.

Is cello just jello with a cello, Erin? No. Cornet!

That already is one.

Yeah, cornet. French bread horn.

Like a bugle, but a... The chip. Come one, come all, there's things to see.

This sounds like the description to Eyes Wide Open.

This is a different kind of riddle format where these are like it's the same word or kind of word but different meanings.

These ain't your mama's riddles.

Yeah, so I'm just gonna read all four lines and I think it will be more helpful than going one by one. Come one, come all, there's things to see. For anyone, for you, for me. Buy your ticket, keep your health, bid adieu to this bit of wealth.

The French Health Circus?

Okay, is that a place that we could go?

Erin, can we please take a break?

Is that, and that's a place we can go?

The French Health Circuit? Circus?

Oui oui! You need a urine sample, oui oui!

For anyone, for you, for me, is a helpful line. Like if you get something and I get something and there's equity.

Reciprocity.

Welcome to No, it's a word. We're looking for a word.

Can you imagine the guy behind King Arthur who's like, are you kidding me?

Or the guy right before him who's like, I loosened it.

He's putting it under hot water. He's begging the sword on the counter a little bit.

Getting a cloth.

Are you sure it can be open?

You guys remember that the clip of the podcast Red Pill Guy trying to open a pickle jar and it completely crashes out? Oh guys, it's so good. You'll love it so much. He's such a fucking loser. I do love it.

I already love it.

I'll send it to you. Oh, he's such a loser.

Something bad happens to a loser? Erin, I love it.

It's awesome.

I love it.

He's like, it can't be opened. And then the woman he's yelling at, his boyfriend off screen opens it and he has a complete crash out. It's truly incredible. So for anyone, for you, for me,

Like anyone for you, for me.

Like you want- Communal.

Cigarettes?

It's like, it's something like a kid. It's not an object. It's like kids really care about games being this and situations being this. And when it's not, yeah fair. Fair, fair.

Come on from all the state fair. Now, JPC, you recently were at the Minnesota State Fair.

Yes, I was. Did I talk about it on the podcast?

I don't think so.

I went to the Minnesota State Fair, but as we went up, my kid got sick on the way up to Minnesota, so we stayed at the state fair for like two hours when they had energy, but as soon as they were like, we were like, okay, let's get the hell out of here. But it was We're Um, but we did go to a butterfly house where, like, the butterflies just, like, land on you. And we saw this... They give you, like, little honey sticks to go and, like, hold them up so the butterflies, like, come and land on you. Sure. But the butterflies were just, like, chillin'. And there was this one little girl who was walking around, and she had, like, 18 butterflies on her. Like, the butterflies were just, like, on her clothes, landing everywhere. It was pretty cool. Butterflies are... A young witch. Like a young witch. I wouldn't say that. Erin's words.

I said it. And it's a compliment.

And it's a compliment. Butterflies are so cool. I love any animal that metamorphosizes, right? Like, yeah, I'm just this animal right now, but I'm thinking about becoming a completely different fucking animal pretty soon.

Or anything, even like a cicada or something where it's like, I'm tired of this exoskeleton.

Yeah, getting rid of this exoskeleton.

I bet that would feel so good. Erin, I bet it feels so good, but the process, like when a skin is molting, like when a snake is molting or something, that's got to be the itchiest, that's got to be the worst. Itchy! To be a snake and have an itch? What are we doing? To be an animal with an itch?

I never thought about it being itchy.

I do want to see a scene. Erin, you are going over to a butterfly's house. JPC, you are the butterfly, and you've never had a human over before, and you feel a little thrown.

Ding dong. Oh, oh my god, you're, oh my god, oh my god, oh, you're, oh, you're early. Am I early? Are you decent? I'm sorry. Oh, we don't we don't have I don't have like a clock so I don't actually don't even know if you're early I don't have a my conception of time is like when it gets cold I go to Mexico, you know Right.

Yeah, I think I am actually five minutes late. I brought a casserole Oh good, is it nectar, or no, or it's not... Looks like it's human food. Well, that's fine. Oh, I think I'm so sorry. I'm at the wrong place. I'm here to see a caterpillar. My new neighbor, the caterpillar.

Okay, um... Not really my job to educate you, but... Yeah, you're here to see me. I'm your new neighbor. I was a caterpillar and now I'm a butterfly. Whoa! You actually just deadnamed me. So in my culture, and in your culture too, that's not really seen as something that's cool to do, if that makes sense?

Okay, yes and. It's a foundational role in improvisational comedy.

Hi, so how did you two meet?

You tell it. I love it when you tell it.

Me? I don't know.

Yeah, why would he tell it?

She always does this.

I'm going to start, anytime I'm at an airport or a train station or something, I'm going to be like, do you have the time? And they'll say it, and I'm like, sorry, my concept of time is it's cold, I go to Mexico. Let's take a quick break and then we'll be back to finish these riddles. Let's do it. Hey Adal, hey Erin, I got a bone to pick with you. Wait, what a whoop do I sound like Adal? Uh oh, I also sound like Adal, I'm a woman. JPC, Erin, calm down, I can explain. Sort of a wacky Wednesday situation, not Freaky Friday, where I was standing in a fountain Thinking about Jamie Lee Curtis, and I passed out. And when I woke up, everyone in the world sounded like me. It's sort of a oops all adults, if you will. I will. Thanks, GPC. But I know the solution. We should all just have a beautifully comfortable night's sleep in our Helix mattresses, right? I believe the three of us all have the Midnight Luxe version, which is the most comfortable sleep we've ever had. Our animals love it, even. Our partners. Yeah, I sleep on mustard. OK. Yeah, and I'm a tall woman with a lady dog. I know. But Helix has over 20 mattress models so you can find the perfect model for you, whether you're a mustard sleeper or a tall woman. Helix also has cooling upgrades so you can get the best rest even on hot nights. Oh, also, as a woman I should say they offer free shipping and seamless delivery. Helix delivers your mattress right to your door with free shipping in the US. I'm so tall. Yeah, and they have a 129-night sleep trial and lifetime warranty, so you can use the Happy with Helix guarantee. Rest easy with seamless returns and exchanges, right? Very good, Erin. Very good, JPC. We failed to mention they are award-winning. Helix is the most awarded mattress brand tested and reviewed by experts like Forbes and Wired. Go to HelixSleep.com slash Riddle for 20% off site-wide. That's HelixSleep.com slash Riddle for 20% off site-wide. Make sure you enter our show name after checkout so they know we sent you. HelixSleep.com slash Riddle. Great job, everyone. This is Casey Toney. Great. I just want to say great job. This is Casey Toney.

This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey everybody, it's JPC and I want to talk to you about World Mental Health Day. Now, do I know what day World Mental Health Day is? Absolutely not. But every day could be World Mental Health Day if you take the time to, you know, see to your mental health. Here's You should try therapy. Therapy isn't just for the big life choices. It can be a place to talk through smaller things, the work situation taking up so much of your mental real estate, a relationship dynamic you can't quite name, or simply the sense that something feels off. I love therapy. I love talking to another person. I love being able to run down the things that are happening in my life and then get some context for them and take some time to reflect on them. If you've been waiting to start therapy, BetterHelp works with more than 125 health plan networks and Eligible members have an average copay of just $23 per session with insurance. Don't have insurance or don't live in the United States? You can still get 10% off your first month. Visit BetterHelp.com slash Riddle to explore your payment options. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash Riddle.

All right, we are back from break. How's everyone feeling? Did you guys stretch before we did this episode? I feel Feel a little sore already from these riddles.

Yeah, this is like, I probably should have stretched. I probably should have stretched my brain a little bit too, which is what I call eating taffy in the morning.

I have found that having a baby, I should start stretching every day, like every morning, because what I've realized is having a baby is basically carrying 15 to 18 pounds constantly. This episode is brought to you by

They should do that in high school, but it should be a bowling ball. You should just carry a 12-pound bowling ball around just to be like, yeah, this is the weight.

Can you imagine the War Zone, the crossfire board game that would be the hallways?

That would keep the hospital in business. You see the principal, you just hear in the background balls smashing everywhere, and the principal's just like, indeed.com. I guess I could join the army, not too late. They're taking people up to 38 now, so I could... That's so funny.

But just, it's a lot more lifting of weight than I, I guess, thought about.

Well, I think that you're going to be so built by the end of this.

Hopefully.

By the time your kid's five, you're going to be like a bodybuilder.

I wonder if there's like a baby, like, baby workouts for dad.

You googling baby workouts for dad?

There's an 80s fitness tape of that, I think, that I can send to you.

And burp and burp and burp and swing and burp cradle cradle burp.

Baby workouts for dad and it's all just like, like weird fertility hacks. Oh no, this is not the thing that I, I did not want. This is not what I, oops, oops, oops.

All right, gentlemen, let's work on not complaining when your wife asks you to hold the baby while she's showering for 10 minutes. Here we go.

And shut your mouth.

And shut your mouth.

Shh, shh, shh. It's got to, it's got to. Mommy needs her own time. Mommy needs her own time.

Okay, let's be so serious. We have two more of these.

And these are original riddles?

I know, aren't they amazing?

These are fantastic.

I think that these are some of the best riddles we've had in a while. Point me seaward, point me skyward. Double me for birds that fly. Or make me smaller, point me down, at tiny things upon you now. Colored glass for shows of light, and heat for finding things at night.

Okay, watching heat at night. Yeah, I mean Val Kilmer still holds up, but Tom Sizemore is kind of a moron. Okay. Okay, okay, okay. Double me for birds in flight. Double me for birds in flight.

That fly, yeah, but same exact concept. This is a great, a great riddle. And I think that's a helpful part of it.

Paul McCartney. Paul McCartney, wing. Love take me down to the streets. So it's Erin. It's not Paul McCartney.

It's not Paul. I wish it was. I love him. Me too.

I wish it was too.

Point me seaward, point me skyward.

A lot of bird songs by Paul McCartney. Blackbird, et cetera. Guy who just knows the one bird song.

Rocky Raccoon. That's a raccoon.

He has more. Rocky Raccoon. That's a raccoon. That's a raccoon.

Fool on a Hill could be a bird.

Fool on a Hill could be a bird.

Oba Di Oba Da could be the sound a bird makes.

Okay.

Okay. Okay.

A song that I know Adal doesn't get or understand.

I get it.

Adal, I hope that I die younger than I should when you hear that song and then it finally has a meaning to you.

It feels like he had a little tune, and then he was like, he's like, I'll fill in the lyrics later.

Yeah.

And then it felt like he did that with the rest of it, where he's like, and he made up all these lyrics. He's like, I'll put in good ones later. And then it felt like John was like, do you have the song?

I got it. I got the song. And then you guys go, yeah. How do you not like the lyric, girl, I like your face? Desmond says to Molly, girl, I like your face?

If Usher said, girl, I like your face, while dancing sideways? Yeah. Love it. When Paul McCartney does it? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

What is the answer to this riddle?

I don't know. Double me for birds that fly. Now, is this, like, for that specific portion, double me for birds that fly, is that doubling of the word?

No.

Okay.

But that is such a good clarifying question. And your bird can sing when you don't mean me. Another Beatles bird song.

Is it a letter? Double me? Does that, you know what I'm saying, Erin?

Is it like a... No, it's not. It's a literal. It's a literal.

She came in through the bathroom window. A bird. There's a bird in the house. Guys, there's a bird in the house.

Bird!

Bird!

How'd she get in? Bathroom window. Patrick, get the broom! Can we shut the goddamn window?

Patrick, get the broom!

Patrick, get the broom!

Patrick, the broom! Patrick, get the broom!

Oh my god, is it dead? No, it's just... She's dead.

Yeah, she's dead. Erin, give me the riddle one more time. I need the riddle. I need to hear it one more time.

Oh, you don't want to think of birds, Beatles songs?

I don't know. I don't know any Beatles songs. The Burtles.

The Burtles! Point me seaward, point me skyward. Double me for birds that fly. Or make me smaller, point me down. At tiny things upon you now. Colored glass for shows of light and heat for finding things at night. This is such a good riddle.

This is also just like a beautiful poem.

Yeah, I don't even have like a handle. I don't have like any handle on what it is. Same.

I'm giving you a physical hint, which the listeners won't be able to appreciate.

Lens, binoculars, lens crafters, glass.

What's it called? A spyglass.

Telescope.

Telescope!

What's up guys? Riddle on Amazon for $3.99. No thanks. I was just trying to watch heat.

I don't know why everyone's laughing.

I would like to see a scene. Adal and GPC, you guys are neighbors. GPC, you were just minding your business watching a movie. And Adal, you're going to ask him to pick a different movie because you've been watching all of the same movies through a telescope through his window.

All right. Time to watch Eyes Wide Shut again. Knock, knock, knock.

Ding dong. Knock, knock. Ding, ding, knock.

Hello. Oh, hey. Oh, hey, you're, um... Sorry, we haven't met. You're Brian, right?

Yeah, yes, yes, yes, yes. I'm Liam's dad. You are, I want to say, Corey? Yes, I'm Corey.

I just, yeah, this is... Your wife's tall. She is tall for a wife. Yeah, I was, yeah.

Yeah, I see her leaving the house sometimes in the morning if I'm up, and she really has to duck down to get out.

Yeah, it's every morning she, because she works, and I, um... I play. No, but yeah, but no.

Oh, like a streamer?

Oh yeah, would you like a streamer?

Oh, please.

Whee!

Well, let's get down to it.

I don't have enough male friends. This is awesome.

Listen, I do want to be your male friend, but I do notice that you watch a lot of the same thing. You keep your sort of curtains open. I'm really trying to watch Carlito's Way before I leave for vacation this weekend. So if you could put on Carlito's Way sometime between 7 and 2 a.m. tonight, that would be awesome.

First of all, what, you're looking through my window?

Yeah. Oh, did you not get the notice? Here in this cul-de-sac, if you have your curtains open, that means fair play. Oh. Yeah. Okay. And a sideways pineapple means you're considering sex in front of the window. Well, listen, Carlitos Way, ideally around 830, let's call it. You know what?

Here's the only thing, and I'd love to be a good neighbor in this regard, but I just don't have it, and I don't know what that is.

I don't know what... Okay, well, I see you watching a lot of, what is it, Treasure Planet? A lot of animated movies.

This is Treasure Planet. Yeah, this is Treasure Planet. This is the animated movie Treasure Planet is what I'm watching now.

Welcome to the show.

You kind of got to give some stuff up in a marriage though, you know?

Hey guys, I've been watching you from across the street. Could you guys kiss at any point? This is a little dry to be watching.

Oh, I'm sorry. We're not swinging. I'm just drying my pineapple out.

Then what's going on with the pineapple?

I got it so wet in the bathtub. I'm just trying to dry it out a little bit. So sorry.

Aww.

Yeah, I'm, yes, it's, I, this is, this happens all the time.

All right, everybody, false alarm. Oh, come on.

Why are the curtains open? Taking a bath with a pineapple. You can't join us in this. Why not? I did a different voice.

I can't put on a silly voice. All right, one more of these.

Wait, wait, wait. Oh yeah, we got that one. It was the stupid one about the goddamn stupid spyglass or whatever.

It's a telescope and you're bitter. Cotton basket masquerade. Skis and pins in an arcade. Get a hand on me. Drop me two. There's four between the three of you. And I have two.

Buttons? Is this like a pinball machine?

Cotton basket masquerade. Cotton basket masquerade.

Cotton basket masquerade. Cotton basket masquerade. Cotton basket masquerade.

Cotton basket masquerade. Cotton basket masquerade. What's a cotton basket?

Cotton, basket, masquerade.

Oh boy.

If this was like the Connections game, there may be a fourth one.

Cotton basket masquerade.

And it's a pretty typical purple category where you add another word to all those words.

Is laundry close, Erin? No, it's not close. Adal was so wrong when he said that.

Cotton blank basket blank.

Erin, if I may, this does sound exactly like the start of a Shel Silverstein poem. Totally. Like cotton basket masquerade, yummy tummy lemonade, like doesn't it? Yeah.

Yummy tummy lemonade! Oh, yummy tummy lemonade. Patrick the Broom!

Blinds that make yummy tummy lemonade.

You do have to fuck in front of Carlito's Way. Cotton basket masquerade.

Yummy tummy lemonade.

It's Dylan losing his mind.

Cotton basket masquerade.

Yummy tummy lemonade. Somebody puts a hand on Bob's pin like, please buddy, you gotta stop.

Cotton, okay cotton clothes, right?

Cotton blank.

Basket. And a basket.

Basket blank.

A basket. Cotton towel, basket towel. Basket towel. Mask, cotton mask, cotton. Erin, are you really telling me that the answer's not mask?

You said something earlier that I went, oh. Remember you said something earlier? No.

My one weakness, recollection.

I don't remember anything about earlier.

I said it? Yeah, and I went, oh.

Laundry? Did you say Oupon laundry? No. No, it was pinball.

Yep.

Pinball. Because you mentioned an arcade, right? Pin, pin, wooden pin.

Ball, ball, pin.

Ball. Ball. Cotton ball.

Basketball, masquerade ball. Skis and pins in an arcade. Get a hand on me, drop me two. There's four between the three of you.

We have four balls. Somebody wrote, and that's actually presumptuous, you know? Because I don't think I've ever talked about my ball situation on the podcast. Yes, you have.

Casey, hit it. It takes two to make a thing go right.

It takes two to make a ball decide. One can also make a thing go right.

One can get the job done. Two if by pleasure, one if by fun, one could get the jobeth done.

Paul Revere trying to normalize having one testicle.

He sacrificed that testicle to warn us.

Here's the thing, here's the thing. I have friends that have one testicle, but I've never met a person that has one testicle that doesn't, like, make you know that they have one testicle. Now, sometimes it's because of cancer. Okay. But, in general, I feel like if you have one testicle, you're telling people about your one testicle.

Or if there's anything interesting with your balls, I've noticed that men want to show it to you in a platonic way. Show it to you? Yeah. They just go like, I have a funny, cool ball thing. Let me just show everybody.

What? What are you talking about? Erin, I need an example.

I'll give you one after we record.

But Erin, they're showing you?

Everybody. They're showing literally anybody. Who are these guys?

I have friends with weird ball things and I've never seen them. Well, lucky you.

Is this an L.A.

thing? I've never even been offered. I've never even been offered. This feels very LA. Like, talking about an audition, showing a stranger your balls. Like, very, very Los Angeles.

I could see Oscar Wilde, like, eight drinks deep at a bar being like, oh, I'm bored, let me show you a weird ball thing. A wild ball thing in this case. Thank you. Wild balls.

Weren't these fantastic riddles?

Truly some of the best we've ever had. And the fact that it was a listener who created these is mind blowing.

I know. And I just I also was like, I think that this sometimes when people find out you're on a Riddle podcast, they want to hear a riddle. And it's hard to think of the example one to give people. And I think I might be using this wave one. I think it's like.

You should use the one that involves knowing how many balls me and Adal have, though. I think that's the best way to give a stranger. For context for this riddle, my friend Adal and my friend JPC both have two balls. It's two balls each, so... Why are you kicking me out of this bar?

Excuse me, ow, ow.

They walk away and you're like, huh, they don't like riddles, I guess.

Well, everybody... I would like to say hello and thank you to everybody here. The question was, how do you feel about the economic welfare of France and its surrounding allies? Such as and also then, of course.

If we're wrapping up, if we're wrapping up, I would also like to wish a happy birthday, happy 72nd birthday to Yanni, the Greek composer, keyboardist, pianist, and music producer. This episode is coming out on Yanni's birthday, on Yanni's 72nd birthday. Happy birthday, Yanni. Well, no, but it is a month from now. It is exactly one month from today. That's pretty cool, though. It would be cooler if today was the day, but we can't hold the episode. We can't hold the episode for a month.

Let's hold the episode!

No, Erin, it looks like Yari's pretty sick if we hold the episode.

What if I say please with a W?

Please! Yanni's pretty sick right now. If we hold the episode, it might actually not go well for us in terms of him.

Fine. Adal, anything to plug?

Oh wait, before we get into plugs, can I say that I've heard from a lot of people who like the podcast that they want to listen to the podcast ad-free. Previously on the Patreon, we only had like, I think it was like episode 180 and up were available ad-free. But our entire back catalog is now available ad-free on our Patreon if you are a Review Crew tier member. So if you want to listen ad-free, the whole back catalog is now available and I just wanted to announce that as a big show announcement before we get into our individual plugs.

Woo!

And thank you for doing all that work, JPC.

Oh yeah, it sucked.

I want to plug the Birdles. We will be on tour, it's the three of us.

Bowl cuts.

Bowl cuts. And we kind of cover, we're kind of a Beatles cover band but we reimagined the songs to be more about birds. Also, with all the sort of upcoming holiday travel going on, you might be in a car, you might be on a bus, you might take a flight. I highly recommend you download and listen to Gumshoes and Dragons, our delightful D&D podcast we did with Anthony Burch that has come to a close. All episodes should. Be out now, or at least by full-on holiday season, so check that out. We had an absolute fucking blast doing it, and we hope you listen to it and enjoy it. Erin, do you have anything to talk about?

Not this time. Check out Magic Tavern. I did a girls' night thing recently over at Hello from Magic Tavern, and I had the best time. I have such a good time every time I go over there. JPC, any review to read or anything to plug?

I just want to plug my new app. It's called Birdle. You can get it wherever you get apps or on birdle.com. Now, what you do is you have five chances to guess the bird that I'm thinking of. Well, here's the thing. There's a wrinkle to it because I don't really know a lot of bird names. So it's not only are you trying to guess the bird that I'm thinking of, but you're trying to help me get the name of the bird that I'm thinking of. Because I know kind of what it sounds like and I know like color, like a little bit of color. It's hard, guys. It's hard. Do it every day. It is, unfortunately, ad-supported. So, you'll have to click through a couple little, like, porn app game things that... And there's no... You can't not have those at the pop-up. And also, some of those porn app games are pretty fun, guys. So, if you're both looking for a new app and a new porn app, you can't go wrong with Birdle. Birdle.com. And Casey, let's go ahead and get that website before this episode comes out.

Hey Riddle Riddle, created by Adal Rifai, starring Erin Keif and John Patrick Coan, Casey told me to be editing, and already parents and

Hey there, libraries and books! If you liked that, you're going to love this week's Patreon. We take you to the Geneseo Town Hall. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.

That was a HeadGum Podcast.