Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum Podcast.

Today's episode is supported by Jesters of Ravenloft, a podcast where a collection of comedians start a D&D campaign only to find out that they are the characters and they've been sucked into the nightmare realm of Ravenloft.

Oh my God, the number of times I've been sucked into a nightmare realm. I mean, Ravenloft sounds really nice. It's just not for me getting sucked into a nightmare realm.

DMed by an award-winning game designer and voiceover actor with a cast made up of professional comedians, Gestures of Ravenloft is a show that will make you laugh no matter what horrors are happening to its characters.

Oh, and the best part is Jesters of Ravenloft has been downloaded more than 2 million times, so you won't be the only loser listening to it. There's going to be other people. And it's ranked in the top 40 fiction podcasts on Spotify. I have actually been listening to this podcast. It's very, very funny. Like, I normally am not one for actual play, but the way that they have the pacing, the pacing works out so well. It's so funny. It's so well done and well produced. I think that people are going to like Jesters of Ravenloft.

You've got two new episodes every week, so there's twice the fun. It's the best Dungeons & Dragons podcast you've never heard of.

Well, I've heard of it now, and I want to listen to it. And you can listen to Jesters of Ravenloft anywhere you get your podcasts. Our thanks to Jesters of Ravenloft for their support.

Hip hip... Jesters! Hooray!

We should have planned what we were going to say.

Bark bark bark, JPC. Me hungry.

Adal, we've talked about this, my man. If you do that, I will feed you, but it will be dog food.

That's fine.

Okay, I mean, I think I know what's going on. You want the dog food because you know that I use Ollie dog food.

Ruff ruff.

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It just looks and sounds so good. Also, with Ollie, you don't just get food through their app, you can actually check in on your dog's health with real vets. Just by uploading a picture of your dog, not of your Adal, their team can check in on your dog's weight, digestion, coat, all because they're obsessed with making sure your pup is as healthy as can be.

I wonder what happens if I upload a picture of Adal. Let me just try it now. They said, oh, they said, this dog is very sick. Take this dog. Take this dog. It says to a people hospital. I switched to Ollie, I tried it out, my dog Spaghetti absolutely went nuts for Ollie. She is a dog, one of these types of dogs, I don't know if you've heard of, have you heard of these types of dogs? She's the type of dog who you can like put the food in her bowl and then she'll just like see it in there all day and only eat it when she's hungry. Now, when it's time for dinner, at about four o'clock every day, she comes up and starts snapping at me like, hey man, get the Ollie out of the fridge, put it in the bowl, dude, you gotta be getting faster at this. She absolutely loves it and it's the first food that I've ever given her that she actually seems to be interested in. So get ready for both you and your pup to be obsessed. Head to Ollie.com slash Riddle, tell them all about your dog, and use code RIDDLE to get 70% off your welcome kit when you subscribe today. Plus, they offer an obsession guarantee. If you're not completely obsessed, you'll get your money back. That's O-L-L-I-E dot com slash Riddle. And enter code RIDDLE to get 70% off your first box. Can't confirm the promo code works because I used it. I used my own promo code for my own podcast. That's how much I like the product.

Oh, shoot. I just remembered I buried some bones in the backyard. And by bones, I mean Erin. Let me go dig her up.

Oh boy. Ollie, feed the obsession.

GBC, would you be more embarrassed if audio of you being mean to Casey got released or audio of you being nice to Casey got released?

Nothing embarrasses me.

Next question. Can't possibly. Can't possibly happen. Won't happen. Nothing.

Nothing embarrasses you.

I'm trying to think of the last time I can remember being embarrassed. Oh, that's a good question. And this is Hey Riddle Riddle, a podcast about questions. And on this episode today, we're asking the important question, which was the last time you can remember being embarrassed? Erin, for you, I would gather that this happened several times over the past 48 hours, I would say.

Welcome back to

That's my secret cap.

I'm always embarrassed. I stay embarrassed. J.B.C., not an embarrassed kind of guy.

No, not an embarrassed kind of guy. I think it would take a lot, like, I'm trying to think if it would, like, I've called people the wrong names before. I've done, like, things that, like, I feel like should be embarrassing, but I'm like, why bother? Like, why bother being embarrassed by this? Yeah, I don't know.

If you were an inside out emotion, what one do you think you could embody the most? And it doesn't have to be one of the ones that's in the movie.

When you say which one could I body, do you mean like fuck? Come on.

Come on. It's 918 AM for me.

That's the goal, girl. But like come in, if you know what I'm saying. Busting Louis Black. He was Anger, right? Or something? Yeah. But he got replaced.

I think they should be a pretty cute couple.

He got replaced? It's

I don't think so. No. I think that maybe it was a money thing. Who knows?

The best thing about the Terrence Howard Don Cheadle situation is that Terrence Howard has a line in Iron Man 1 where he looks at the armor and he says, next time baby. It's like the most embarrassing line. Like you as an actor should comb through every line of the script and be like, hey, can I not say this one just in case you guys fire me and I get replaced?

You might as well have said, I'm definitely going to be in the sequel, huh? Huh, guys? Right?

Right down to camera, right to Meryl, just be like, sequel time, baby.

Adal, what emotion do you think your voice would be great at embodying?

Oh boy. What do I think about mine?

I have no idea. Is incredulity an emotion? Sure, yeah. Yeah, that's the one I would... That's funny. When it's like inside out five, and they're really looking for something, I want incredulity.

Is putting on a brave face an emotion? Not even a brave face. Is putting on a face?

Pride.

That's my face, sir. Is being an open wound an emotion?

Yes. I'll allow it.

Okay, here's my next question for you guys. When was the last time you guys were brave?

Well, I like to think every day.

Every day?

That's funny that you say that. I feel like this week I'm realizing how not brave I feel lately.

Interesting.

I think I've felt pretty brave in my 20s. And now I'm like risk averse in a way that is holding me back and stressing me out. So I could use a little bit more bravery, I think. What about you guys?

Uh, yeah, you know what? I don't know. I mean, like, I do think that you, for me at least, personally speaking, I have gotten less brave as I've gotten older. But I don't know, like, I've been thinking a lot about bravery because, like, my kid is very interested in the concept of, like, being brave. And this weekend I was like, oh, you know what? We could watch Lord of the Rings, Fellowship of the Rings. Because I was like, I was thinking back, I hadn't seen that movie in a minute, but I was like, there are some scary parts, I think, in that, but like, maybe not like too, too scary. But also, I was like, well, let's see, because sometimes I'll put on something that I'm like, this might scare them, and it doesn't. So we watched it. And we watched, not in one sitting, but we watched pretty much the whole thing. And they never really said that they were scared at all. So I never mentioned being brave, because I was like, If you're not scared, then like, whatever, this could be normal. But one of the... I'm sorry, I meant Two Towers, not Fellowship of the Rings. We watched the one with Gollum in it.

That's significantly scarier.

That's what I thought because it because well the Fellowship has the Nazgul in it and I feel like that part is kind of like scary but Two Towers has the big battle in it. It's like at the end of the end of the movie But I was like, you know, maybe the orcs they're like cartoonish. Maybe they won't be they weren't they really weren't scared of the orcs but I asked them afterwards who their favorite character is and they said the one with the long knees I was like Uh, I was like... Saruman?

Saruman?

Who's got the longest knees in Lord of the Rings?

I was going to list... Legolas?

I got it, I got it I think on like the seventh guess. But it's not Legolas, not Saruman. We'll see you next time.

Um, the guy who... Rivendale. The King of Rivendale. Elrond? Elrond.

Mm-hmm.

His son.

Wait.

Who, like... Liv Tyler?

His daughter?

No, no, no, no. Not Rivendale. Oh, um, what's the... Oh my God, I sound like my mom.

Rivendale's with the elves.

Oh my God, I sound like my mom.

Wait, Faramir, Boromir's brother? No.

Oh my God. Oh my God. What do you mean?

Erin, I'm still processing that you would get down with an ent. That's like some tantric, that's like sting-level patience.

Just think about it.

Make it real slow. Ear, nose, and throat, baby. Emphasis on the throat. Who are you talking about, Erin? Is he a human or is he an elf?

Who says, you have no power here? In the second one.

Wormtongue?

No, the guy who Wormtongue is talking to.

Oh, Theoden King.

Theoden King, his son. The one who dies?

No, the... Thayden King's son dies, but he doesn't have any lines in the movie.

But the other one... Oh, boy. Am I out of my fucking mind?

Lee Payson?

No. Oh, is he? You're thinking of... What's the guy from the boys? That guy. What? He's his nephew. Oi. Oi. Oi. Oi, you cunt.

I'm thinking of Faramir. I'm thinking of Faramir. I am. I'm thinking of Faramir.

You're thinking of Boromir's brother?

Yeah.

Yeah, that guy's good looking.

It doesn't matter. I don't even care anymore. I talked so long I don't think I can answer anymore.

I never realized how much it sounds like a periodic table. Yeah.

Boromir, Faromir, Gondor. That's so true. What's his name? Strider the Ranger. His name's not Strider. His name's Strider for like one minute of the movie. Is he good? Yeah. He is in love with two women. Not in love with two women, but he's got like two women that are like pursuing him in the movie. And it's like Eowyn and Arwen. And I'm like, you couldn't come up, you couldn't come up with two- My name's Erin.

All ladies have the same kind of name. Eowyn Arwen. Darwin and Erin.

J.R.R. Tolkien would be like, okay, he's got two love interests. What about Mary and Mary? And someone's like, what can we, would that get confusing to the reader?

I feel like when I first either read it or saw the movie, I can't really remember. I feel like I remember being like, he went to see Saruman and I'm like, ooh, the guy who created the rings. And it's like, no, that's Sauron. This is Saruman. Like I remember being just for 30 seconds, but I remember being like, we couldn't distinguish this a little bit.

It's like Pokemon evolution of people. You're like, these guys have to be cousins, you know?

I saw a funny video on the internet recently where a woman was talking about how the evolution of crushes you have on Lord of the Rings is when you're young and you're watching it, you think Legolas is handsome, and then you turn 25 and then you have a crush on Aragorn, and then you turn 35 and you have a crush on Sam. And I was like, oh my God, I spiritually understand this.

And then 45, Gimli.

Gimli, and then for 100% 45 Gimli, 50, you're Gandalf to the day you die. Erin, fuck me! Today, we're

My kids' favorite character was Gollum and I remember when Gollum first, not when they first came on, but it was like one of the times where Gollum was on the screen. They looked at me and they said, I like, I like his hair. It's so beautiful. And I said, his hair? His hair is what's... But I'm like, who am I to tell my kid what's beautiful? It's like, hey, you should have your own subjective experience of what's beautiful, but Gollum's hair is beautiful?

GPC, it's been a minute since I've been in a biology class, so forgive me if I say anything that is a little bit stupid. Yeah. But is it possible that doing J.P. Riddle so many times jimble jambled your sperm in such a way? That it permeated it, and now your kid's favorite character is Gollum, and they think the character has nice hair. Do you think that you've accidentally imparted some of your, Adal, how do I say this gently? Madness?

I've got like my sexuality- Like 1600s madness. I've got my sexual health spectrum graph, and I'm like looking at Gollum, like where does Gollum write on like, I don't know, calcions on like- Is it possible? How gay will my kid be if they're into Gollum right now?

Jimbo Jambo's one of the cats, right, Erin?

Yeah, he's a railway cat, I think. I haven't looked in a minute. But yeah, if someone is a biologist out there, can you let us know if that's possible to pass sort of a madness like that along to your kid?

I think that's fun as hell, to watch Sopranos and be like, Artie Bucco is my favorite kid. I think it's fun to have an outside-the-box I think that's great.

And Gollum is, like, Gollum's fun. He crawls around on the ground. He's got like a weird scratchy voice. He coughs his own name. Like there's some fun aspects of Gollum.

You sound like my friends who are trying to sell their shitty boyfriends to the group. He's fun. He coughs his own name. It's nice.

He's got long knees. He is the most, like, cartoon-esque character. Like, that voice, if I was a kid and I heard that voice, I do think it would be, like, fun.

Yeah. Yeah.

Gollum made me sad when I was a kid. Like, I was just, like, I felt, like, bad for him, but also he was kind of scary.

What about Smeagol?

Now we're talking.

I felt bad for Smeagol when they do the flashback and you see Smeagol in the movies and Smeagol's just got Gollum's voice and you're like, oh damn. Yeah, what the fuck? That wasn't like a 500 years later thing? That was always the voice?

Looking the same way, moving the same way, same voice.

It's like, oh, it's just the name thing.

I truly thought being in a cave for two centuries had done something to you, but it seems like it's just your whole shit.

It's like again off the white thing where it's like just the slightest change.

I know you take it too many, petty.

My kid also called him Grandolph, which I thought was really fun. Because I do think he looks like a grandpa. So it's like, yeah, his grandpa name is Grandolph.

That checks out to me.

Checks out to me.

Well, I'm not old man puzzles today. So I just want to let you know that I'm not.

I'm not old Grandolph puzzles either.

I mean, we basically have been doing riddles in the dark this whole time. You guys, you don't even know it because you've been having so much fun. You already answered one riddle. Who's got the long knees in the Lord of the Rings movie?

Casey answered it, but I see your point.

Casey answered it. And the way that Casey said Gollum, by the way, in the chat was Gollum, dot, dot, dot, question mark. Like, it was the lowest confidence way that you could say Gollum.

Gollum?

Gollum, I guess? Well, here's something that I guess. I guess that we can get into some riddles, because we do have some riddles that we had a listener send us, and so I'm going to, and by send us I mean like physically in the mail. If you ever want to mail us something, the mailing address is in the episode description of every episode. But before we get into that, let's take a little break.

Hey Riddle Riddle!

This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. JPC, good to see you, buddy.

Oh, if it isn't my other friend. Well, well, well. Mrs. Keif, first name, Squarin. I had it legally changed. You're welcome. How?

Huh? Did I sign something?

You did. On Squarespace.com. I love it. Erin, my dear, you signed everything.

I love it.

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Good name though.

Thank you.

Hell of a title.

Thanks.

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Look guys, I'm square dancing. I'm just regular dancing, but my name's square now, so it means I'm square dancing. Are we having fun? Because I am.

Oh yeah. Very fun much.

Whoa, who's that new hunk? He's dressed so well. Whoa, look at him. He is dressed so well.

You guys, you're looking in a mirror.

Oh, I thought that was like Vince Quince or something. Yeah, that's us. We look amazing. I thought that was like Quince Diesel or something.

We look like that?

Yes, it's because you are wearing your new Quince high-quality wardrobe staples. Look at you, Adalyn, your 100% Mongolian cashmere sweater. And JPC, you look incredible in this button-down, if I do say so myself.

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Did someone say Vince Quince?

Whoa! Yeah, like five minutes ago.

Yeah, like a long time ago.

Find your next fall favorites at Quince. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers or go to quince.com slash riddle. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK too. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash riddle. Vince Quince out. Bye Vince Quince. Did somebody say Quince Diesel? No. No. Come on, man.

You don't know what you've got until it's gone. You guys, I legitimately had terrible sleep last night. I'm staying in an Airbnb while the AC gets fixed in my place. And guess what? I missed my bed. I missed my Helix mattress. I have a Midnight Luxe. And guess what? I couldn't bring it to the Airbnb with me. I wish I had appreciated it more. I wish I had told it. I wish I had told my mattress.

Did someone say miss my mattress? It's me, the Helix sleep mascot, Sympathy Steve.

Oh, hey Sympathy Steve. Did you win Miss My Mattress, the competition?

Isn't he mattress?

I did.

Sympathy Steve.

And while I can't give you a Helix mattress because, you know, that'd be insane if I was just a guy who gave out Helix mattresses, I can say it sucks what you're going through.

Yeah, it does suck. Helix is the best. They deliver your mattress right to your door with free shipping in the U.S. You get a 120-night sleep trial and limited lifetime warranty. So what's the risk? And they also have the Happy with Helix guarantee. Rest easy with seamless returns and exchanges.

Whoa, Sympathy Steve, you have a tattoo on your leg. It says, Helix is the most awarded mattress brand, tested and reviewed by experts like Forbes and Wired.

And I won't tell you what that's covering up. It was worse. But what I will tell you to do is go to helixsleep.com slash riddle for the Labor Day best of web sale that's running now until September 13th. It's 27% off sitewide, and that is exclusive for listeners of Hey Riddle Riddle. That's HelixSleep.com slash riddle for the Labor Day best of web sale. HelixSleep.com slash riddle. I can't empathize with you, but I can sympathize with you. Did someone say empathy?

It's me, Empathy Ed.

Hey, man.

They're brothers.

No, we're not.

Hey, Steve.

We're simply not.

Oh.

We're exes.

We don't have time for the lore of this, unfortunately.

Okay, every once in a while we get a... We get something from a listener, an email, a letter, that kind of turns me on to a thing that I had just no idea was happening before. And here it is. This one's from Matt. Matt sent in a bunch of riddles on paper. But Matt said, I've been enjoying a puzzle on LinkedIn called Pinpoint. A puzzle on LinkedIn. What do we think?

Taking my brain a moment to process this.

Pinpoint.

LinkedIn, the site, the professional website where you connect with other professionals.

Yeah.

The only thing I really know about LinkedIn and what's going on on it in the year of our Lord 2026 is it's like when people post like crazy hustle grind set people from LinkedIn and I'm like, look at this, you know, look at this piece of human trash.

I didn't know they had games, and shame on me. And shame on me for not knowing.

LinkedIn does sound like a British game show.

It does.

It does. It does.

Hello and welcome back to LinkedIn, where you have to link up the clues and connect them all together. I point to the guy who's doing the sound effects. This is my husband. He does all the beeps and boops.

As always, we'll be playing for nothing with people you've never heard of. Okay, well, Matt says, the object is to guess the category of five words, starting with one clue. So, take a guess at the category. Starting with one clue, take a guess at the category. If a guess is incorrect, then another clue will be revealed. You repeat the process, aiming to guess the category with as few clues as possible.

It's kind of like Only Connect.

Yeah, so I'll give you the first word, which is your clue, and you're trying to get the answer. We'll just do one as a warm-up. I think you guys will get it.

I like the idea of revealing more when it encourages you to attempt, I guess, to know that you're going to get more information revealed. I think this is nice.

So with two people, the way that I'll do it is don't burn a bunch of guesses. I'll give you one clue and then you each get a guess. Great. And then we'll move on, okay? Okay, so the first one is door. And I'd say pretty low chance that you get it on the first one.

Yeah. I'm going to say... 70s bands in the singular.

Wow.

That's awesome.

That is such a fucking like called shot that I almost want to change what this is and just be like, you got it, brother. But I'm like, can I think of more pluralized 70s bands?

Rolling Stone.

Doors, Stones.

I guess I'm getting into the 60s.

Yeah, I would have given it to you. Aerosmiths? What are we thinking here? Okay, monkeys? No, that's probably none. 70s, is it? 60s?

I'd go more broad and just say like popular bands.

Singular. Erin, do you have a guess for door?

Things that sometimes need keys.

You guys would be fucking good at this. These aren't right answers, but you guys would be fucking good at this. Okay, door, floor.

Oh come on.

Door. Floor.

Oh boy.

Things that are made of wood.

No. Door. Door and floor.

This ends up being a rhyming one. I'm coming for your neck.

Floor. These are parts of a house. Door. Floor. Place.

Door. Oh, I think I know it. Adal! Are these types of mats?

Adal, these are types of mats. Wow. Your next clue, and the clues I think get more obvious. The next clue was Diplo, and then it was Londro.

Oh nice. Oh, that's nice. Um, I'd like to see a scene. GPC, you're a doormat.

Mm-hmm.

And Adal is the guy that you live with and you're like deciding to stick up for yourself for the first day of your life. Whew.

That was a good run. Let me just wipe.

I got a question for ya.

Hey.

Hey, down here. I got a quick question for ya. Yeah, hey, hey, hey, hey. Were you running in the woods?

Yes, yeah.

Are you running in woods that are exclusively dog shit? Are there like a dog shit woods around here I don't know about?

Are you aiming for the dog shit? Could've fooled me. Hey, listen, would you rather I just throw you in the fucking trash?

Honestly, that would be a relief for me. The only reason why I don't say you do it is I know there's going to be a next guy and you're going to treat the next guy even worse.

Oh, I see what's going on. I see. I open the door. I see. I just got the new carpeting. So you're trying to impress carpet? Is that it? Uh, first of all, I don't know carpet, because I'm out here, but... You don't? You haven't? Oh, let me introduce you. Hey, new carpet. Hi. Hi, sweetie. This is... Have you met Welcome Matt? Welcome Matthew, I'm so sorry.

I'm not usually... I'm not usually... I'm usually covered in shit, but it's never my choice.

Well, you protect me pretty well. I'm pretty expensive, pretty soft.

Oh my god, I never thought you'd match the drapes, but you do, baby, you do.

Excuse me. Just to get out of the way, would you ever date this, um, welcome mat?

Come on, man, come on.

Oh! Um... I sort of have a thing going with tile floor.

Yeah, no, yeah, yeah, that makes sense.

We're not exclusive yet. It's like still early days, but um... Wow, not exclusive and she still turned you down.

Well, I'm gonna take a shower.

All right, man. Hey, hey, hey. I, you know, you did it. You put me in my place. You're a fucking big man, okay? Um... Would you drop a couple more cigarettes on me? What? Would you keep... Just come on, you wipe the shit on me, but you drop a couple cigarettes on me as well. Come on, you know the deal. Like this? Yeah, I like this. You think all welcome mats sound like this?

See.

Matt Fazima. Matt Fazima. Matt Fazima. I'm Matt Fazima. These riddles come to us from Matt Fazima. Okay, you ready for your next one?

Yes.

Lab.

See, now my brain is like, these are all Batoris. I'm thinking of compound words or something. These are allbatories.

I'm going to go ahead and say coats.

Oh, interesting. That's a great guess.

I'm going to say these are all things that give results. Okay. Lab and bar. Lab, bar. Labrador. No, I'm just thinking of doors. Lab, bar. Lab and bar. These are things that deal with liquids?

Yeah, that's what I was gonna say.

Oh, convenient, Erin.

I was gonna say, like, things that have liquids in containers.

Okay, you're both out on that. So here's the next one. Lab, bar, milk.

Oh, wait.

Lab, bar, milk. Erin, Adal might have it. Were you also going to say the same thing? If you want to say that you were going to say the same thing now, and Adal gets it, I'll give you half credit.

No, I don't know. Don't assume that I know anything ever.

Lab, bar, milk. Adal? You want one more? Does everybody want one more? One more. Lab, bar, milk, chip.

I'm

Ooh. And it was spelled M-O-U-S-S-E. And I probably would have given you the spelling if you had not. The French way. Yeah. The French way.

I would like to see a scene. Please. I would like to see... JPC, you are entering a bar. This is in a town you've never been before. Erin, you are the bartender, but you are a bit of a scientist.

Uh, hey.

Ah, welcome in, welcome in.

Hi.

Ah, yes, very good. Good energy. Come, take a seat. This place is so cool. Thank you.

I drive by this place on my way to work. I work in Glenview, so it's like I see this from off the highway all the time. And yeah, I thought maybe I'd stop by.

You don't really work, do you? You find different ways to kill time at your desk. You play games. You stalk your exes. Wonder about a life you could have led.

I know the drink for you. We don't deal in money here, by the way, so you'll have to exchange something that is...

I don't know, payment of a different kind.

Oh, is it because, like, credit card fees are so high that you stop doing it? But sure, you have to accept cash.

No, that's exactly why. No, no, not cash. Something important, like your firstborn son or your singing voice. Start mixing together a bunch of different liquid.

I'm 39 and I've had a vasectomy, so I'm not going to have a son, or any child.

Who said that you haven't already?

What is your singing voice?

Behold see, here's your pina colada, now sing into the seashell Sing! Nope, I don't want it.

I thought you had it!

Nope, nope, I don't want it.

It's my- normal's not like that.

Oh God, no, yuck.

Um... Also, this pina colada is awful. This is- what is this? Is this- is there sand in this?

Yes, it's changing your life. It has magic spells. I'm somewhat of a drink scientist, and I can sort of change people lives with a single drink.

Why would a drink scientist know spells?

Get out.

Oh, come on.

Get out of my bar.

Here's your next one. Honey.

These are Mariah Carey movies. There's a bunch, right, Erin?

I think so. Yeah. Honey. Terms of endearment.

No.

The other day I was putting my kid to bed and I was like, okay, go pick out a book. And my kid goes, okay, honey. I go, okay, honey. I'm like, where did you get that? I was like, I don't think I've ever said honey as like a term of endearment.

Did you take him to a diner recently? Hey sugar, you want to top off?

Okay, now it's just my kind of topic. You have to go around the parking lot for that kind of thing. Polar, honey, polar.

Honey, polar. Honey, polar.

Bear.

Erin, it's bears.

Honey bear.

Polar bear. Oh, polar. Brown, grizzly, and teddy.

Wow, nice one, Erin.

I'd like to see a scene.

Oh, please.

You guys are at the bear convention. Which kind? You'll see. Adal, we're gonna have you be a grizzly bear and JPC, we're gonna have you be a teddy bear and you guys are just trying to find some common ground.

Oh, it's so cool to just link up with other bears.

I'm Twinkie

Yeah, not the biggest, but I'm up there. I'm up there. You know, if it turns you on or whatever, I could catch salmon in my mouth or whatever.

Oh, um, I'm not actually really looking to participate in the kind of hookup. I think the only reason I know who Brian Urlacher is, is because of the hair billboards.

Have you seen those Erin?

No.

Well, they're probably unique to Chicago because Brian Urlacher was a bear, but they're like billboards that have like hair puns on them from whatever hair regrowth service he used or endorses.

And they're all on the way to O'Hare. Yes. Oh, oh hair.

Okay.

So it's like a whole campaign.

Yeah. So this can really only happen in Chicago.

But they say like, don't they say like more like hair locker or something like that?

Yes. Which doesn't make a ton of sense.

It doesn't make a goddamn lick of sense.

Someone's listening to this at their desk at work and they are tossing their headphones out and bursting into tears being like, I worked so hard on that fucking campaign.

If it was like Jeremy Renner, then you could say more like Hairlocker, but it just doesn't... Thank you.

There you go.

Earl doesn't ride with hair.

It doesn't ride with hair. It's not really a pun. It's not even, it's not a play on words. I guess it's like technically a play on words and the fact that like... Hey guys, they won because we're talking about it.

Touché. They did. I mostly think of Brian Hairlocker is one of the better defensive players the Bears have had in 25 years, but he... More like hair-fensive. Thank you. He dated Paris Hilton for a little bit and I always think of anytime I It's rare for him to kind of pop up. But anytime I see him I think of she in some interview was like Being intimate with him. This is a nice way I'll put it is like playing on a jungle gym or something where she's just like he's so big and so strong that it's like she just crawls all over him and I'm like Okay, some things can stay a secret.

Scary!

That's so awesome. I feel like there's like, nowadays, there's so much like media training that they drill into celebrities that sometimes you like see quotes from like celebrities from like the 50s and the 60s. You're like, holy shit, nobody. There was a guy who was like feeding you cocaine pills. But other than that, they weren't really.

Yeah, they were saying whatever.

Saying whatever. We're not media trained over here. No, I'm not media trained whatsoever. And we're living in the era of woke too.

Too woke, too furious.

Woke 5. God, they should do a series of movies that are parodies of the Fast and the Furious movies that are just called woke.

I love it.

Paul Walker. Rest in peace. Rest in power, King.

Here we go. Thank you. Let's move on. So you are media trained.

Okay, here's your next one. I'm just thinking Paul Walker probably shouldn't be in a movie about woke. Thanks for watching.

Crazy, they did that for that movie. They just took his brother and CGI'd him. That's gotta be one of the weirder experiences in any person's life, is to be like, yeah, I got my CGI dead brother's face put on my body. Another day, clock it in.

Another day, another dollar.

Right is your next clue. Right. Can we ask how it's spelled?

Yeah, I'll give you how it's spelled since it's the first one. R-I-G-H-T. These are angles. I'm giving it to you. I'm giving it to you.

Wow.

On the first one. Because these are types of triangles. Whoa. And triangles are just angles but three.

That's really beautiful.

It was right, love, Bermuda, scalene, and isosceles.

Wow.

Wow.

Nice. Okay.

Let's jump onto the next one. Here we go. Gates.

These are famous computer people.

Yeah, famous founders.

Okay, here's the next one. Lines. Gates? Lines. These are borders. These are types of borders. Ooh, interesting.

Yeah.

And Erin, is that you just co-signing Adal's answer?

I'm co-signing. Adal, do you mind if I co-sign your answer?

No, please.

I didn't do my homework last night. I'll make my answer sound just different enough so you don't get in trouble, but it would really let me out, man.

You looking on my test during a class, and I write like A, and you just go, yeah. And the teacher's like, Erin, what are you?

Uh-huh. Yeah, exactly. You look beautiful today.

I do want to see a scene. So I'm going to be playing a teacher and I've asked Erin and Adal to stay after class because they sat next to each other for a test and they got all the exact same answers on the test.

Hey, I just want to personally thank you for asking me to stay after class. I've always really admired you and I think being a teacher is a really important profession and I just think that you're really brave and you're really selfless for going into a line of work like this.

Thank you, Erin. You're welcome. Given the circumstances of why I asked you to stay after class, while I appreciate that, I think that you may be having an ulterior motive to why you're giving me this compliment.

No, no. I had planned on saying this anyway. I really, I had been sitting all class thinking, you know who I bet doesn't get enough flowers? Mrs. Cunningham.

I was like, I bet you don't get... I know you're the one that yells shitbird when I turn my back Shit bird.

That's an interesting term. I've never heard such a term.

So you don't hear when people call you Mrs. Cunningham?

No, Adal, I hear that one too. I hear that one too. And when you say people, that's interesting because to me it's really only one person that I hear calling me that.

Well, we have another class to get to. It was so awesome catching up with you, Mr. Cunningham.

We love you. Thank you so much. Take care.

It's not a situation where... Mr. Cunningham, you are... Stay sweet!

It's not a situation where... Adal's great point about staying sweet. You two... Yes? Got the exact same answers on your most recent test.

Whoa! A miracle!

Jinx, so cool. Jinx, owe me a Coke. Thank you. That's so interesting. I'm sure you're going to put that in your diary later tonight. Take care. See you next summer. No, it's actually not.

See you next summer.

See you next Tuesday.

We still have three quarters of the year left. With school just started. YouTube both also got a 0% on the test. So it's very rare that two students would have the exact same answers and none of them would be correct.

So you're pissed that two kids failed in your class that you teach? You're the one who's supposed to impart this information and we failed completely and one you're upset about that? The two, you're the reason for it. That's rhetorical. I'm not upset that you failed. I'm upset that I believed.

We are a mirror to your teaching, obviously.

That is great, Erin.

And we are.

There are 32 children in this class.

Incredible counting.

Everyone, thank you so much, Erin. Everyone else passed the test except you two who got all the same answers and they were all incorrect.

You should study our brains. You should send this to a scientist or a lab or something because all the same answers are a miracle.

I'm going to ask you guys. I'm going to ask the two of you. I want honest answers.

Did you cheat off each other's tests? You should get back in the dating pool. You're gorgeous and we think that a divorce can't keep you down forever.

I'm happily married. I don't know why you said divorce.

Happily.

Happily.

The two of you— I saw you guys once at Olive Garden, and you sat in complete silence for the entire meal. And then for one second you thought he said something, and you said, what was that? And he said, I didn't say anything. And then you went back to silence.

My question for the two of you, with the answers that you put down. Also, in my top drawer of my desk last week, I did put a decoy copy of the test.

What?

Whoa. Clever girl.

Whoa, this is new information. I can't stress that enough.

Well... I wish we could stay, but I'm not Spanish or something.

Not a situation where you could leave the room. A situation where you have... I'm accusing the two of you of taking a copy of that test.

Yuckies.

You are one of the good ones. That's French.

I am one of the good ones.

Here's what I'm going to have to do. I'm going to have to fail both of you for the entire course. You're going to take a zero in my class, and you're not going to be able to graduate with the rest of your class. Have to.

Let's unpack that.

You don't have to do anything. Can you grab me one?

Grab me one. No, those are not Coke zeros.

I don't grab anyone.

Welcome back!

You know, my dad is the mayor. He's the mayor.

Your dad eats a lot of mayo.

Yeah.

That is what your dad is known for.

He's Joey Chestnut's biggest mayo rival. He's the mayo-er.

He would not be happy to find out that I got hit in the face with a Diet Coke zero can that came from your classroom.

Oh yeah, Ms. Cunningham, you hit Erin and you pinched my butt? You pinched his butt. Uh oh. I better text my dad.

Guys, there are cameras in every classroom now. We know this. That's illegal.

There are.

What's that? That's illegal. It has to be.

That's illegal.

I wish it were. Miranda Rights. Miranda Rights. Doesn't apply, Erin. I didn't say bathrooms, I said classrooms. I said in every class.

Miranda Rights. I call Miranda. I'm Miranda Rights. Miranda writes, Here's what I'm going to do.

I'm going to let both of you pass. If you promise me you will not go to college and you will not do anything productive with your life. Just promise me you'll be drug dealers.

That's an insane thing to ask someone because, well, now that was already my plan to do that. And now having you tell me I have to do that makes me want to do it less.

OK. I already had machinations to be a podcaster. Now I'm going to start a podcast about you, bish.

Bish. Yes, I said bish. You called me shitbird.

You called me cunty ham. Okay, now, so I've caught you saying shitbird to me.

I did. I was saying that to someone. To whom we might not know. Were you saying it to Adam? To Ro. I was saying it. Yes. Yes.

Okay. Well, you know who's.

Maybe try asking your husband some questions or pick up a hobby so you have something to talk to him about.

We have never been to an olive garden. I don't know who you saw at an olive garden.

Okay, well then I saw your husband with someone else sitting silently in an olive garden.

How would you know what my husband looks like? Well, that's almost sadder that he's cheating on you with someone that he has nothing to talk to about. That's almost sadder.

Yeah, that's bad, Mrs. Cluntingham. That is bad.

Okay, so you've both said it now. You've both said it.

Said what, Mrs. Cunningham? You are so all over the place. I'm not even sure if this is math or not. It's not. I'm starting to feel a little faint. I have to go lay down.

Yeah, same. Yeah, same.

We're both sick. We have to walk each other to the nurse for safety.

Wow. We'll just head out. Don't cough on me. You drop everything and we'll never tell people that you went to an Ani DiFranco concert and Ani DiFranco herself saw you and said, ugh, can you leave? And she's known as being one of the more wildly accepting musicians out there. It was on the Jumbotron.

How old are you? How old are you to know that? How do you think I am? I want to say 17, but... How long has he been 17? What does that mean?

That's from Twilight.

Why would I know that?

That's pop culture, Mrs. Cunningham.

We're vampires, Mrs. Cunningham. Okay? And we have to kill time somehow. My name is Veronica Cuntingberger. I am sick of disrespect. Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. Embarrassment of riches. Oh my god, oh my god, I got better.

Wait, hold on. I'm going to black out from joy. Say your name one more time, nice and slow.

Veronica Kuntingberger. You miscreants have been calling me Kuntingham the entire semester and it pisses me off.

You just called me a miscreant and that really hurt my feelings, Mrs. Cunt. The kids are all right.

They're doing okay, everybody. Don't worry about them kids. But do worry about this commercial break.

Be so fun to talk to teachers like that.

You'd have to go back in time to know, I could have to delete knowing how hard their job is out of my brain, but yeah, to be a little shit bird and talk to your teachers like that without having any, like, empathy.

And they're mostly, I mean, they're mostly just doing their best and some of them are really excelling and changing lives, but every once in a while, one out of ten, you get a real piece of shit.

Yeah, you get a real lunatic.

Yeah, who's just there to push kids around.

I'm Riddle Riddle Riddle Riddle Riddle

Were they nutty in the same way or uniquely nutty? They were uniquely nutty.

Uniquely nutty. Uniquely nutty. Uniquely nutty. The nun was uniquely nutty. That's a lot of fun.

There was one nun who was, I think she was an algebra teacher. You know how nuns, they're married to God. I think she was married to math first and God was like a distant fourth. Well isn't God math?

Isn't math one of the many things that God sent us? God sent us all sorts of beautiful puzzles and riddles, even, to bring back to our show's premise to figure out. And we would be fools to not try to solve all those riddles.

Let's see, Erin, if this is one of God's. Oh wait, shit, we were in the middle of one.

No, we weren't.

Did you guys do Gates and Lines? Oh, yes, we were in the middle of one. Yeah, we didn't get that. Gates and Lines.

You know, I decided what inside-out emotion I want to be, and it is an emotion that is so specific, but it's the feeling I get when I realize that we were in the middle of a riddle, when we had gone off the rails to do some other bullshit. There's no word in the English language that conveys what that feels like. It's like a little bit of dread, it's a little bit of melancholy.

Germans, I was thinking Germans definitely have a word for that. Defeating the nuts knowing you're in the middle of a riddle, but you're in the middle of a riddle.

Und stein get feucht. And GBC, I just realized, you'd be horny.

Yeah.

Of course.

Do they have horny in those movies or is it too dicey because it's like dealing with kids or whatever?

Maybe in the fifth movement, it's implied.

Yeah, maybe if they do an adult Inside Out. What would an adult version of Inside Out be? It'd be Inside Out, Inside Out, Inside Out.

Yeah, it'd be like, there'd be four motions, it'd be numb, numb, numb, and horny.

Numb, drunk, horny.

Numb, drunk, and horny.

Okay, gates, lines, counters.

Not looking to change.

What was the third one? Counters. Gates. Gates. Lines. Counters.

Gates. Lines. Counters. Now counters, these are types of... Counters, I just think of like a diner or something. Counters. Gates. You want one more?

Lines. Oh, are these... Oh, Adal.

Take your guess. I got nothing. Okay, gates, lines, counters, planes.

Now gates, these are all things at an airport.

Adal, you got it. These are things related to airports.

Okay, congratulations. I had a spark, a wet spark, where I was like, you know, you go to the counter, you wait at the gate for your flight and everything, but I was like, things in an airport seemed a little too simplistic based on the previous versions.

Here's your next one. Bottle. Your first one is bottle. Types of rockets.

Things with necks.

Oh, these are such fun answers that you have. Bottle and slide. Whistles? Interesting.

It's not whistles. Erin? Bottle, slide. This could be your chance to steal here, Erin.

For all the boys. Things that you do with your emotions. You bottle them up, you let them slide.

Wow. That's awesome. Bottle, slide, park. Bottle Slide Park.

I don't know.

These are things... Bottles? These are things that a metal detector sees daily. Oh, interesting.

We're going to do the thing that Erin hates. We're going to take a break from this riddle to do a scene. Erin, I want to do a scene. It's just a brief scene. Erin, you are recording a commercial for a, it's like a New England style, style, it's just in New England, tourist attraction called Bottle Slide Park.

Hey assholes. Summer's almost over and you forgot to take your kids outside. I totally hear that and I totally get it. You're not a bad parent. You were just busy. Go down Route 1, go past Weymouth, and go to Bottleslide Park. It's not finished. It's not finished, and it's not safe, but we're trying our best. And by 2048, with your help, we can have it be fully, fully finished. My cousin Ronnie has made a roller coaster the likes of which you've never seen.

Don't say my name. Don't say my name.

Ronnie, why?

I mean, I'm supposed to be in prison.

Okay, well Ronnie is not Ronnie He's my cousin Donnie and he made a roller coaster that took out all his front teeth. It's awesome.

It was hilarious Sorry to interrupt your commercial. Have you seen this man goes by the name of Ronnie missing his front teeth created a roller coaster that killed 17 people Hmm.

It's ringing a bell to be honest. Oh

Oh, am I on TV?

Yeah, say something.

Hey, the numbers for today's lottery are 42.

Is that true?

I started too high.

Scene. Scene.

Bottleslide Park Fountain Bottle, slide, park, fountain.

Now a slide and a fountain are things found in a park, but park's one of the components. Oh, these are types of dogs.

Dog park, dog fountain. I don't know.

The exact moment in the episode where Adal's brain slid out his nose. Things you go down. Slide dog. I don't know. Okay, this is your last one. Bottle, slide, park, fountain, fall.

I know that people listening are probably like, this is so easy, I can't believe they're messing up, they're so dumb.

I mean this is the first one that stumped you guys. You've done like six of these and this is the first one that stumped you.

I will say, I think I'm at the point where I'm so zoomed out, I'm so sort of macro view because we've had, with the previous riddles, we've had it where it's like a compound word, we've had where they're all things contained in one unit. So I feel like there's been so many different types of answers that now I'm looking at it from so many angles that I can't get footing. Can you tell us a hint in terms of how to look at this?

These are all words that come after one word. Perfect. Waterrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

I'd like to see a scene. Erin, you are a, we'll say you're a toddler. You're younger. You can, I guess, choose the age. Love it. And JPC, you are the water in a pool, and Erin's character is going swimming in a pool for the very first time, and you're a little trepidatious of how this is going to go. Gotcha.

One, two,

Don't jump in. Be careful, sweetie. Be careful, sweetie. Hey, hey. You're not hearing things. It's me, the water.

Do you believe in reincarnation? You sound like my doormat.

Yeah, oh, we all sound the same. No, I was a doormat for many years, sweetie.

Um, well, I'm gonna jump in. I've been trying to swim all week.

Do you know how to swim? You look young. I just, I always ask young people, do you know how to swim?

I have my swimmies on and I take lessons.

And... You do take lessons?

They did that thing, they did those baby swimming lessons with me when I was a baby where they threw me in the pool and then they snapped above me. Oh, okay. To get me to like learn how to flip around and have my head up.

Great. I just ask because I'm just water. I cannot save you.

So if you do die... Well you could try.

It's truly, I'm just, I'm water in a disembodied voice. If you drown in me, you, I mean, have you ever had a dead person inside of you? Don't answer that. Uh, here, but here's the thing I'll just say, be prepared for what to expect, you know, jumping into the pool.

Well, could you help me a little bit?

I am. This is, I'm, this is what I'm trying to do. I'm trying to, I, it's a preemptive help, you know?

Are you worried about getting sued?

Honestly, if one more... I don't mean to be bleak, but if one more person dies in me, they'll drain me and they'll fill me up with cement.

Sounds like a lot of people are dying in you.

It's less than none!

It's less than none? It's more than none, it's less than some. Here's what I'll say.

I started talking, I basically talked myself... I look over and there's a dead body just... Ah, fuck.

Who's this? He's doing a dead man's stroke.

This is a grown-up who died.

Yeah, he's doing a dead man's stroke. He's, uh... Don't look over there.

Don't look over there. Uh, he sucks that mud through his little drain thing.

You're not, you're, uh... Don't worry about that.

Do not worry about that.

Did anyone else see? Did an adult see that?

Hey, you're not very good at this, huh?

No, I am not. I used to, I was a doormat two weeks ago.

the show.

Well, anthropomorphizing going on today? Yeah.

Big word for JPC. Good job using a big word, JPC. You're so smart.

I looked over to the left of me and there's like four Sesame Street characters giving me a thumbs up, scratching a word off the calendar for today.

Are you sure they're not like putting their baseball bats in their hands and then doing like the throat cut? Now they are.

They're doing the throat cut with a baseball bat. Is he going to cut my throat with a baseball bat? Holy fuck.

He might try. Cookie Monster's not a fucking tool.

Is Big Bird going to cut my head off with a baseball bat?

You keep that attitude up.

I believe in the... Did anyone ever see the TV show Highlander? The TV show? At all? Yeah.

With Christopher Lambert?

Was Christopher Lambert in the TV show? I don't know. I don't think it went very long. Maybe a couple of seasons. Maybe he was.

He's my Raiden. He'll always be my Raiden. He'll always be my Raiden.

You'll always be my Raiden, and you won't go wrong.

It's crazy that they got Karl Urban playing Raiden. Oh, I think that there was a Highlander. You know how in Highlander they have to chop heads off? That's the way that you kill a Highlander? I think in the TV show it was the same premise, but I think that there was an episode where there was a baseball player who was a Highlander who gets his head chopped off, and God, I think they did it with a baseball bat. I cannot be sure. Maybe he was just a baseball player and they had swords or whatever, but I thought they cut his head off with a baseball bat.

I know what I'm googling when I get done with this.

Yikes.

Therapy. Replacement podcast host.

Therapy.

The quickening, right? Yeah, the quickening. It's the cum that happens to you when you cut someone's head off.

Come on, man. Yuck. I'll say it. Yuck.

It's also like the bottom part of a cat's nail.

If there can be only one, how come there's always a ton of them? It doesn't make any fucking sense to me. Doesn't make any fucking sense.

Did you guys ever see the Jet Li movie, The One?

No.

Is that the one where, is that the Romeo and Juliet one? No, the one, I believe the plot to the one, and Casey, go ahead and check this out for me, is he's like traveling through different timelines and killing different versions of himself in other timelines to get stronger. And I think it's like a Highlander thing. I think that's the one.

Jet Li famously, the ruber famously, is that he's the only martial artist where they had to slow down his footage. That's so funny. Because everybody else, they speed it up to make them look quicker, and Jet Li, they say, the rumor, is that he was so fast they'd be like, we have to slow it down in post.

That's crazy. That's what we have to do for your audio, Adal, on the show, because you're so much funnier and quicker than us. We slow you down.

They did the thing with Jet Li that they used to do with Mr. Ed, where they dipped his hands in peanut butter before every take, just so he would be moving slower.

Dipped his hands in peanut butter.

I appreciate you guys helping me out there, because that was one of the stupidest things I've ever said.

No, no, no. If you dip someone's hands in peanut butter, they know martial arts.

No, it just makes them go slower.

Oh, it doesn't matter. It doesn't fucking matter. What if that was true? Hey, you know what? We don't know.

Someone put that in the IMDb like fun facts quickly, and I know it's going to take it down very, very fast, but just for a moment.

Going to the IMDb facts for the movie The One is that he had to dip his hands in peanut butter to slow him down.

Oh fuck, that's so funny.

Okay, Casey says, oh yeah, fighting with motorcycles. Yes. He hit somebody with a motorcycle in that movie because he got stronger every time he killed another version of himself. Okay, review crew ideas, Jet Li movies from the early 2000s.

I'd do it.

Okay, let's do one more of these. Let's do one more of these. Yes. Okay, and thank you again Matt for sending these in we might do some more of Matt's riddles later date And I believe Matt said that he got some of these from LinkedIn and some of them made up himself so good for him Queen Bands It's not bands. Singular versions of 70s bands.

Fuck, that would work, right? Queen. These are... Things that Erin would respond to. Yas, Queen. These are things you find in a deck of cards.

Okay. Queen Italian.

Queen Italian. I want to ride on my bicycle. This one's hard, I'd say.

Is that it?

Is that it? Hey, do we have any more? Who wants to do more? I got a fat bottom girl.

Things on money.

Queen Italian. This one's hard. I'm going to move to the next one because I think Italian might be might be difficult. I was not. OK. Queen Italian Carpenter.

These are all things Jesus was.

Jinx! Jinx!

Jesus was a queen. Jesus was Italian.

Jesus was a queen. Jesus was Italian. Jesus was a carpenter.

How does a queen, who's Italian, a carpenter?

Uh, uh, uh, this is the last of supper. Mangi, Mangi. Oh, Matthew, you're so skinny. Eat, eat. Eat, come on. Oh, no, come on.

I turned the water into wine for you. I'm a Jesus. Sit, everybody sit. I made all these chairs. I made all of these chairs.

Judas, no, no. You know, if you leave early, you betray me. Before dessert, that's a betrayal.

Judas, I know what you're gonna do tomorrow. Hey Judas, sit close to me. I know what you're gonna do tomorrow.

I know what you're gonna do.

Before anyone asks, my half-brother's Italian, so we can do this.

Oh, I got it, I got it. I'm 80% Italian.

For sure we can do this.

And I'm Catholic, so I can make fun of Jesus. It's my birthday. It's on Christmas. It's very sad. It's not a gift for Jesus. It's not to spread out.

It's almost Trump, Erin.

It's almost Trump.

You're like, my birthday's on Christmas.

It's very sad.

Obama.

Alright, Queen, Italian, carpenter.

Bumble. Bumble. These are all dating apps.

Today's episode is

Italian bees, we don't make honey, we make olive oil. It's the most delicate olive oil you've ever tasted.

I'm always imagining that when people start getting cancelled for doing Italian accents, and someone makes a montage of all the time we did it, what we're going to have to sit through and listen.

These bees are riding little mopeds.

Uh, yes.

Yeah, Italian bees.

Yes, we build hives so our vespas go all the way around the little hive. We don't have stingers, but we catcall. People hate us because we catcall. Oh, signora! Oh, bellissima, bella bella!

These bees have little brown bags with bread sticking out the top of them.

Alright everybody, vote below. What's more fun, Italian Jesus or Italian bees? Comment which one you want us to do over and over and over again.

We don't get the pollen from the flowers. We go around to the shops and we get little bits of espresso and we bring it back into the hive. A single espresso bean will fill a full hive.

Bring us over the Queen by bringing a gelato. A fresh gelato.

You don't scoop, you scrape. You scoop an ice cream, you scrape a gelato.

You don't scoop, you scrape a gelato.

What are Italian bees? But seriously, we can't end this episode before I know what are Italian bees.

Oh, Adal, you don't want to do more of this bullshit instead of learning something? Come on.

Oh, I guess it's a misprint. Guys, it is Italian beef.

Oh, Queen Beef, Italian Beef, Carpenter Beef. These are all types of beef.

Uh, Italian Beef is just a bee that originated in Northern Italy, okay? Come on, man. It's an Italian bee, I don't know, man. We just don't have a bee in Northern Italy, I guess. Uh, yeah, okay, well.

Good night. So that's Italian Bees.

Good night?

Good night.

Oh, hold on, wait, wait, wait, wait. Can we do, Casey, can we play one little voicemail? Can we do one little voicemail, please?

The Tuna 15 The Tuna 15 is surely a top-rated clue-crucine A gift from Erin Keif, our improv queen The Tuna, the Tuna 15 Just call 805-RIDDLE-1 with voicemails But keep them under 30 seconds, please Or soon you'll realize that J.P. Riddle's eyes are watching you from underneath a rock

Oh my god. Wow. And she called me a queen, which is what earlier you said I would answer to.

Wow. I believe Casey, correct me if I'm wrong, I believe that is from Lauren Bannon. Lauren says that much like Adal and Santa Baby, they often put words for the same melody space on whatever they're doing and they were singing the Student of 15 song and they made it into a voicemail theme.

I love it.

Yeah. Okay Casey, hit us with a voicemail.

Hey Riddle Crew, this is Callum. I'm from Switzerland, and I was just doing a back catalog listen-through of your whole public series, and I noticed that in your Best Of episodes, you guys never feature any solutions. The only answer you gave during a Best Of was from Casey, and I'm wondering, do you not consider answering riddles part of the best thing that you do? Thanks. Bye.

Interesting.

Kal, let me put it this way. When we get to the best ofs at the end of this year, do you think it's going to be us saying, like, boat, or do you think it's us going to be doing the Italian bees thing, my man?

I mean... You know what will make the best of this year? Is that voicemail. With JBC's response. And even this, right now, is going to be in a best of. Can you believe it? I put together the best of with Casey doing literally all the heavy lifting, obviously, but I fall on the sword of having to listen to all the episodes. I become my least favorite comedian. I always appreciate Adal and JPC more when I re-listen and I catch things that I didn't catch the first time that they said and I end up hating the sound of my own voice. But I, sometimes I do think that jokes will slow once answers are said. Like they're not often incorporated into times that are also making me laugh.

Sure.

But I do, I have in a few best ofs tried to include answers just because I go, if someone's listening to this, I don't want them to have to go back and try to find it. But I can include more answers if that is, but I just don't, I don't often find that those times are times where we're laughing.

Well, that's a good real answer. Anyone else?

You want to give a fake answer?

No, but I already did with the Italian bees thing. What do we have to plug? Adal, anything going on? Anything that you'd like to point people towards?

I guess our inevitable Patreon where we do Italian bees. It'll probably be called something like Leading Tower of Bisa or something, where we just play Italian bees all over Italy, I assume. Also, check out Hello from the Magic Tavern, Gumshoes and Dragons, and The Word Association if you're looking for some more podcasts to pick up. Erin, do you have anything to plug or promote?

Check out Quality Time, my show in Los Angeles. It's a real variety show. I have a lot of fun doing it. Yeah, you can follow us on Instagram to find out when and where our shows are. GBC, any review to read or anything to plug or promote?

Yeah, I'd love to read a review. I'd also love to just kind of apologize to everyone out there on behalf of the entire podcast when we were doing the Italian Bees things. You know, we're improvisers. Sometimes we say things that are off the top of our heads and we get things wrong. The honey would be Alfredo. I don't know why, whatever we said, but the honey would definitely be Alfredo.

We said the honey would be olive oil, but are you, you think it would be Alfredo?

It would be Alfredo. Not marinara? Fuck. Well, you know, the marinara... Alfredo, is that mostly a U.S.

thing?

Well, the tomato's not even native to Italy.

Tomato's from the new world, as they would say. So, you know what, guys? We don't know. Here's what we promise. We will go to Italy. We'll take the show to Italy. We'll do two weeks. Maybe Tuscan Villa somewhere.

We'll learn.

This will be our punishment. And this is our apology.

This is our apology. We're going to go to Italy for two weeks.

Patreon.com slash HeyRiddleRiddle. Send us over there guys to apologize. Let's also read a review. Stretch goals. Let's read a review. Perfectly safe podcast from horse kiss cousin piss.

Yes.

You got me guys. Okay. I've been listening to the podcast for over a year and recently confided in my girlfriend that while I love the podcast, I only understand maybe 20% of the things JPC said, she told me it's not safe to understand anything more than 2%. Cut sick there again at the end. I think that if you understand JPC more than 60%, run to the doctor. Like don't even wait for a car to start.

Alright, hot dogs.

What do Italian bees like to eat at the ballpark?

Hot dogs. A mama's hot dogs. This is offensive. I'm hearing it.

Hey there, Drivers and Keys. If you like that, you're going to love this week's Patreon. We take you to the retirement home, Encore Estates, with our friend Janet Varney. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com. Hey Riddle Riddle by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or start a seven day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month. Plus you get those ad free episodes. See you there.

That was a hate gum podcast.