Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum Podcast.

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Did someone say Dumb Dumbs and Dragons? It's me, Dumb Dave. Dave.

Hi, Dumb Dave!

I can't get into you right now, Dave.

I've got nothing but time for you, Dumb Dave.

Bark, bark, bark, JBC. Me hungry.

Adal, we've talked about this, my man. If you do that, I will feed you, but it will be dog food.

That's fine.

Okay, I mean, I think I know what's going on. You want the dog food because you know that I use Ollie dog food.

Ruff ruff.

Ollie's fresh recipes are developed by real chefs and backed by vet nutritionists. They're obsessed with making the best meals with the highest quality ingredients for dogs. Now, I gotta say, Adal, you can eat it. I don't think you're gonna like it as a human. This is specifically for dogs.

It just looks and sounds so good. Also, with Ollie, you don't just get food through their app, you can actually check in on your dog's health with real vets. Just by uploading a picture of your dog, not of your Adal, their team can check in on your dog's weight, digestion, coat, all because they're obsessed with making sure your pup is as healthy as can be.

I wonder what happens if I upload a picture of Adal. Let me just try it now. They said, oh, they said, this dog is very sick. Take this dog. Take this dog. It says to a people hospital. I switched to Ollie, I tried it out, my dog Spaghetti absolutely went nuts for Ollie. She is a dog, one of these types of dogs, I don't know if you've heard of it, have you heard of these types of dogs? She's the type of dog who you can like put the food in her bowl and then she'll just like see it in there all day and only eat it when she's hungry. Now, when it's time for dinner, at about four o'clock every day, she comes up and starts snapping at me like, hey man, get the Ollie out of the fridge, put it in the bowl, dude, you gotta be getting faster at this. She absolutely loves it, and it's the first food that I've ever given her that she actually seems to be interested in. So get ready for both you and your pup to be obsessed. Head to ollie.com slash riddle, tell them all about your dog, and use code RIDDLE to get 70% off your welcome kit when you subscribe today. Plus, they offer an obsession guarantee. If you're not completely obsessed, you'll get your money back. That's O-L-L-I-E dot com slash Riddle. And enter code RIDDLE to get 70% off your first box. Can't confirm the promo code works because I used it. I used my own promo code for my own podcast. That's how much I like the product.

Oh, shoot. I just remembered I buried some bones in the backyard. And by bones, I mean Erin. Let me go dig her up. Oh boy.

Ollie, feed the obsession.

Hey Riddle Riddle.

Hey Janet, thank you for being here. I thought, coming a little early, I thought we'd do an episode of Hey Janet, Janet today. Oh. JPC and Erin are outside. Should I let them in?

Oh my gosh, this is so awkward. I thought I was recording E Pluribus Mata with John Hodgman today.

Oh. I should be here.

Okay, I can— But you guys have a great Hey Janet, Janet.

Thank you.

That's a great idea. Do you often do those?

Um, this would have been the first.

Oh, okay.

Just to sort of celebrate and show our love for you. But yeah, no, go. What do you mean, would have been? You guys aren't going to still do it?

This doesn't count as us being late. This does not count as us being late.

Okay, let me just pull down the blinds here. Erin's face is pressed up against the window. Erin and I are doing hands and a hard body. We're trying to win this car. We shut the other blinds here. JPC, something is pressed against the window.

I'm so glad JPC established that it was a car that they were touching. Well, have fun with John Hodgman.

Can we get in? Can we get into the car?

You know what, Adal, honestly, like, if I'm this far into making this big of a mistake, I might as well stay. It's not like, like, I haven't got the day and time wrong. Is Janet in there?

No way.

Are we doing, Hey Janet, Janet?

Don't believe it, Erin. He's just trying to get us to take our hands off of this car. And as soon as he does, his neighbor is going to come out and drive away.

Let me just open the door here and let me leave a breadcrumb trail of riddles into the house and see if anybody takes the bait.

Yep, yep, that did it.

And let me touch the car and I win the hardbody!

No! Wow! I wanted a hardbody. Aww. Well... Hi Janet.

Surprise! Oh wait, you guys thought I was coming. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Hey, here I am as planned. I always show up when I'm supposed to.

And today we'll be talking about Nevada.

Oh, thank you.

Perhaps.

I feel right at home.

We're not, I lied, we're not doing a Hey Janet, Janet, but we are doing something that starts with a J. Guys, plop down on the couch. This is Jeopardy. Huh?

Oh, well it starts with a J and plopped out of the couch, so I was putting two and two together. What did you say? Nothing, what did you say? Jeopardy, right? Jeopardy? This is Jeopardy!

From the Adal Rifai Closet Studio in Chicago, Illinois, this is Jeopardy! Welcome back to our returning guests, Erin Keif, JPC, and Janet Varney. And now here is the host of JeopRiddie, Adal Rifai! Thank you so much! Thank you! Thank you! Now, I know what you're thinking. Isn't this typically done on the Patreon? Well, the do we've done, spaced out by several years, were both on the Patreon, but... Is that right? JeopRiddie is sort of a daywalker, if you will, if you love Blade like I do. It can exist on both the main feed and the Patreon.

Wow. And what better ad for the Patreon, which I believe Adal, despite rising costs and inflation, is still $5 a month.

Whoa, that would make Blade happy. If you're a Blade fan like me. That would make Blade very happy.

Do you think this increases our chances of getting sued by JeopRiddie?

Welcome back to

Three contestants here on JeopRiddie a woman who once showed her Nordstrom Rack from Dunkin Donuts, Massachusetts.

This better be me Everybody I'm so honored to be on JeopRiddie I'm in a particularly good mood today because my friend Janet is back on the show the universe seems in balance and I plan to win How are you Adal?

I'm doing well, thank you so much. 100 points for reciprocity. Yeah. For asking me how I am. That's what I thought. A woman I'm upset with because she failed to let me know she did voice work for the movie Urkel Save Santa from Ghost Town, Arizona, Janet Varney. Janet, I'm not even going to ask how you are. How was recording voice work for the movie Urkel Save Santa?

Wait, this is so weird because I'm sure it's going to shock everyone that I don't receive a lot of residuals from that project, but I opened up a fat check. Not that fat. From that, when I, like yesterday, yesterday I opened up a check and it was from Urkel Saves. I, that, so it feels like you're reading my mail?

Well, uh, well, let's move on there.

Sounds like maybe Adal rented Urkel Saves Santa and then you got the check from the one guy who rented Urkel Saves Santa.

Let me tell you this, that movie was written by the great Wyatt Cenac, a phenomenal improviser and daily show correspondent and all around great human being. And I am positive that is the only reason that that was something that was put on the table for me. And I was like, uh, my two favorite guys in one thing, Wyatt and Urkel.

Wow.

I know I didn't do that.

I feel like I saw the movie. I feel like I just saw the movie.

I guarantee, I am going to watch it, but I guarantee you Santa says, did I do that at some point? He must.

I hope so.

Or, got any cheese?

I've also, by the way, never seen Family Matters. I only know that that's something that Urkel says.

Well Janet, we're thrilled to have you here. A man who, let's get to our final contestant here, a man who doesn't eat meat but agrees with how we get foie gras. From truck nuts Indiana, JPC.

Hi Adal, glad to be here. First time caller, second time texter, third time show up at her work with flowers and a tattoo with her name on your face.

A tattoo with her name on it? Okay, yeah.

On Adal's face? How'd she do that? What about her face on your name?

Oh yeah, her face, her face on your name. Ooh, bada boom, bada bing. Oh, her face on your name. Yeah? Yep. Bada boom bada bing. What else do you have to say at that point?

I guess I like smutty comedians as long as nothing makes sense. Yeah.

And speaking of bada boom bada bing, thank you to our sound producer, Mr. Casey Tony Soprano. Thank you for all you do. Here's how the game works. If you know an answer, please puzz in by saying the word puzz. Our judges will decide who puzzed in first if the occasion is a close call. And remember, if possible, all answers must be in the format of what is or who is. I don't think I listed if possible. Before we get started, does anyone want to complain about anything?

How much time do you have? The AC is still not working my apartment, Adal. It's been broken since the last weekend of May, and that is the entire summer, Adal. I'm so hot, I've Googled heat madness twice a day.

Erin, for your 100 points that you got before the game started, I will buy you a new air conditioner and send it to you.

I wish, because they keep threatening to come and fix it.

Do you see how artfully she held on tightly to those 100 points?

She doesn't want to give them up?

Dang.

Smart, savvy player. Erin, did you know his name is short for Air Conditioning Slater?

Oh! I love to learn.

I put the categories in the chat for you here. Our categories today are... Hold on, hold on.

You're about to complain that I don't get to complain?

We only get one complaint. If you want to complain about that, save it till the next episode.

We burned it on air conditioning?

Jesus Christ. Our categories today are Triple Rhyme Time, Before and After, Sex With Me Is Like Blank, Limerick Rolled, in which you'll complete a limerick, Screen Tests, Too Dark Can't Watch, and First Impressions. For each of these categories on the board, we have 200, 400, 600, 800, and 1,000.

And who has control of the board? Is it the person who complained last? Jesus Christ. JPC, you go. Because I did complain last. I complained about not getting allowed to complain about something. Fucking Christ. And I will be complaining about it later in the episode.

Don't let the squeaky wheel get the grease here, Adal, because then it's going to set a precedent for the episode.

Oh, squeaky wheel gets the grease. That's a great category.

Danny Zuko stuff. Oh, I got you. What mom and dad say to tell you to cut out all the violent horseplay?

JPC, or do I say Puz? Puz.

Puz, please.

Okay, so we all say Puz. Okay. What is... I'll fucking kill you, you little miscreant.

100 points to JPC, but that is incorrect. This is triple rhyme time. Emphasis on the rhyme.

Puz.

Erin.

What is fun done, son?

100 points for finding another answer. That's not what I have, but that is a great answer. Puz. JPC again?

I'll just throw out what is... knock it off, Hasselhoff. Zero points for that one.

Because all three don't rhyme. Janet, did you want to take a stab? What mom and dad say to tell you to cut out all the violent horseplay? It's a bit of a tough one for 200. Okay.

And it's triple rhyme. Rumble bumble.

100 points to Janet. Yes, it's triple rhyme, which means the answer will be three words that all rhyme with one another. With three another, sorry. Violent horseplay we might call rough stuff. This is enough rough stuff.

Enough rough stuff. Oh, that's good.

Gosh, that one makes sense.

Yeah. Yeah.

It's not fun. Your answer should make sense. Fun? Done, son.

I think the hard part there was that it was rough, which is the sound a dog makes, and Adal did say horse, so I was so fucking confused the whole time.

Yeah.

All of my dog play, I'm sorry. JPC, you maintain control of the board.

I did really well in that last round because I did do two wrong answers when you're really only supposed to be able to do one, so I will go triple rhyme time for 400, please, Adal.

If you notice you're doing something incorrect, you can halt the process yourself versus blaming me.

I'm sorry, what was your choice? Triple Rhyme Time for 400.

Here we go for 400 Triple Rhyme Time. Neatly and elegantly dressed, he applauds the style of a young and liberated 1920s woman. Neatly and elegantly dressed, he applauds the style... Erin Keif.

Dapper. Flapper.

Yep. Applauds.

Clapper.

That's correct for 400, Erin Keif. You have control of the board.

I'm scared. That was a 400 one.

Yeah, which the early ones were tough in triple rhyme time.

I'd also like to point out that Janet, instead of saying puz, just nodded her head vigorously and opened her mouth a couple of times.

I apologize, I have the… I had to, but I somehow couldn't get the third one, and the third one was just clapper. The easiest one.

I have the document with all the questions open, so I unfortunately won't be able to look at the video much, but I'll try to.

Well, hold on now. She didn't say puz, so…

Yeah, you're in the clear.

You couldn't have called on her. That would be breaking a rule. Thank you.

Erin, you have control of the board.

I would like to do Too Dark Can't Watch for $200, please.

This is Too Dark Can't Watch, or Too Weird Can't Watch, depending on how you want to take it. What I'm going to do is I'm going to give you a famous TV show, and Erin, you will pick one other person of the contestants to do a scene from. This will be a deleted scene from this TV show that was too dark or weird that it didn't make the cut.

Cool.

What numerical amount? Okay, Erin, this is too dark or weird. Can't watch. Friends.

I can set up the scene.

Set up a scene, but first please select who you'd like to do the scene with. Either Janet or JPC.

I would like to do a scene with Janet.

Okay.

We are going to be Ross and Rachel and I'm going to be Ross. And Janet, you're going to realize in real time just how like kind of weird Ross is. And you're gonna kind of break the fourth wall and just stop being into him all of a sudden. Okay. Baby, I missed dinner because I was focusing on dinosaur bones.

Yeah, um, let me clarify something. When you're at the museum, do you have the monkey with you or...?

Classic. All of a sudden, I'm responsible for the monkey. Rachel, baby, come on. Let me be despicable.

You're getting so close to me. You're so close to me. Why are your hands so damp? Take them off my shoulders. Because my hair gel. My hair gel's damp, baby. I just don't, okay, okay. My hair gel from the nightmare.

I'm so, I'm so sorry. Uh, James? James, I can't.

Uh, yes?

I, I, I can't. No amount of brilliant directing is gonna save this. This guy is a total weirdo. I can't do this. We should do another take. I think we should not ever do any other takes. I gotta get out of here.

Jennifer, we get along great in real life. Why, all of a sudden, when I'm Ross, you get the... Ross, we don't get along great.

I don't know who you are, Ross.

Oh, damn. We've never spoken. Very dark. 200 points to you, Erin, and 100 points to Janet for the assist.

That was worse than the 9-11 episode that they had to cut because I think Chandler said bomb on an airplane or something like that.

Did they?

Do you remember that?

No.

There were famously so many things that happened around 9-11 that everyone was like, oh no, pull back, pull back.

Yeah, there was that movie that didn't get released until a year later.

Triple Rhyme Time for 600?

And I just want to say a thousand points to all three of you for the restraint to not pounce on sex with me is like blank. Thank you. Erin, you said triple rhyme time for how much?

600?

I'm not 100% sure what's still left.

600?

600 is available.

It's 200 and 400, yeah. Pleasing frozen H2O cost. Pleasing frozen H2O cost.

First impressions for $200.

Great. First impressions for 200. These are going to be impressions of a celebrity doing a famous role in a movie. So this will be, you said for 200? Yeah. Janet, this will be Bjork as Dorothy in the movie Wizard of Oz.

So Björk is Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz.

Hello tiny people! This is the most at home I have ever felt in my life!

Is that dress made out of dead bird?

Who, me? My house dropped on a tiny bird and I made it into a dress. It was wearing really cute shoes.

Um, anyway, the Yellow Brick Road's that way, so... Welp. See? Welp.

Thank you for grounding this and making it about legit directions.

Outstanding job. Janet, 600 points for that wonderful job in the 200 category. You have control of the board.

Let's do before and after, because I forget what that is, for 200.

Okay, before and after for 200. The last four words of the song we've all heard live the most as sung by an animated kitchen appliance. What? And before and after, I'll give an example, which I don't typically do, but Janet, before and after would be something along the lines of Okay, so if we say a sitcom starring John Lithgow meets the killer who ran rampant in New York in 1970s, it might be Third Rock from The Son of Sam. But typically the son wouldn't be spelled differently. But that's along the lines of what we're thinking of. So let me repeat here. The last four words of the song we've all heard live the most as sung by an animated kitchen appliance, and I'll add, that Erin Keif is terrified of.

Mm-hmm. Uh, oh boy.

Can I tell you what my brain is doing? So you know how claustrophobic it is to be me. Oh!

Puz! Puz! Yes. In the home of the brave little toaster. That is correct for 200?

My brain was doing Star Spangled Burner. Oh wow.

Um, I thought, this was where my head was. Happy birthday to you.

Janet, that's a good point. I was trying to think of how to phrase the national anthem to where it wasn't obvious, but the song we've probably all heard live the most is Happy Birthday. I was thinking more of like live events, but you are correct. So Janet, 200 to you as well for me.

Guys, guys, guys, you're on my game show. Please. Also, has anyone, has anyone answered in the form of a question?

No. No, and I didn't want to say anything. I did.

I did a couple times. I did this.

No, Erin, you didn't say it. You specifically did not say, who is Janet Varney, which you should have said to suggest Janet Varney for that scene.

We'll be right back with more JeopRiddie!

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Whoa, who's that new hunk? He's dressed so well. Whoa, look at him. He is dressed so well.

You guys, you're looking in a mirror.

Oh, I thought that was like Vince Quince or something. Yeah, that's us. We look amazing. I thought that was like Quince Diesel or something.

We look like that?

Yes, it's because you are wearing your new Quince high-quality wardrobe staples. Look at you, Adalyn, your 100% Mongolian cashmere sweater. And JPC, you look incredible in this button-down, if I do say so myself.

Wow, our styles are truly timeless, versatile, and designed to become dependable pieces that we will reach for day after day.

Also, everything at Quince is priced 50-80% less than similar brands, and they work directly with ethical factories and cut out the middlemen, so you're paying for high quality, not brand markup. And Erin, you're doing the splits!

Look at me go. And it's not just clothing. Quince brings the same approach to everything they make, from hotel quality bedding and bath to kitchen essentials and thoughtfully designed furniture. They make well-designed pieces for everyday living. I'm about to move and my Quince cart is filled with stuff that's going to make my home stylish without breaking the bank.

Did someone say Vince Quince?

Whoa! Yeah, like five minutes ago.

Yeah, like a long time ago.

Find your next fall favorites at Quince. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers or go to quince.com slash riddle. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK too. That's q-u-i-n-c-e dot com slash riddle. Vince Quince out! Bye Vince Quince! Did somebody say Quince Diesel? No. Come on, man.

Who has control of the board? JPC?

I believe that was JPC.

Okay, let's take Rhyme Time for $800, Adal.

Alright, Rhyme Time $800. Triple Rhyme Time for $800. This is a Washington City Graduation Certificates smell. A Washington City Graduation Certificates smell. Puz. Yes, JPC.

What is Tacoma Diploma Aroma? That is correct. Nice job.

Good job!

Eight hundred points to you.

Okay, let's keep it going. Triple rhyme time for a thousand, Adal.

To close out the category, triple rhyme time for a thousand. The method that we came up with to make the smog weaker. The method that we came up with to make the smog weaker. And smog's spelled... Puzz. Yes, Janet.

Hold on. I may have called it out before I had an answer. I know it's pollution solution.

You have two of the three. If you want to make something weaker, you might do this to it.

Dilution.

Yes, Janet for a thousand.

What is? She got it. She got it at the end. Pollution dilution solution.

Janet, an extra thousand points for catching up and correcting the, what is, thank you so much.

This is the kind of undeserved wealth that causes people to become drug addicts like five minutes into being given money, so this is very bad.

You have control of the board, Janet, where would you like to go?

Sex with me is like... Thank you for being the brave one.

Sex with me! For 200. For 200, sex with me is like the candy aisle. The candy aisle.

Buzz.

And we can have multiple buzzes for this one, which might be the sex with me is like... Erin.

Can I just ask?

What is sex with me is like a candy aisle? It's sticky.

That is correct.

Are we supposed to say what is, it's sticky? No, it's just... Because I feel like for this one specifically, it might undercut the joke a little bit.

I put mine, what is, before the sex with me, and then you heard, yeah.

Janet, did you buzz? I did, puz. Puz, thank you.

What a great impulse buy, but it makes your teeth fall out.

200 to you. Anyone else?

Puz. What is sex with me is like you think you're getting king size, but it's Eminem's midis.

200 to you.

Buzz.

Erin?

Sex with me is like a candy aisle. It's gonna make you snicker.

200 to you. Janet?

Sex with me is like talk about looking for Mr. Goodbar. That's awesome.

Marvelous Mrs. Basil style.

Janet 200 to you.

And Adal, if we think of one later in the show, could we buzz in with it?

100%.

Thank you.

Okay, we'll close that out. Let's say Janet, you still have, was that? Yes, you chose that. We'll have you maintain control of the board.

Okay, first impressions for $400.

Great. For $400, you're going to do Forrest Gump from the movie Forrest Gump. And this is going to be Arnold Schwarzenegger, please.

Okay.

And JPC and Erin, feel free to flesh out any scenes as needed. Gotcha.

Hey random person, please take these chocolates. They're very bad for me. I can't eat them because I'm fit.

I'm sorry. Your accent is so interesting. Where are you from? What's your life story?

It's not a tumor!

I see. $600 to Janet, an additional $100 to JPC for jumping in there. And Janet, you have control of the board.

I guess let's get into some Limerick Rolled for $200.

For $200, this is Limerick Rolled. You're going to finish the limerick. There once was a sweet little duck. And we can have anyone puzzle in for this one. Uh, the ones with the sweet little duck?

Yeah. Okay. Yep.

And I feel like you know what you're doing here, sir.

Yeah, do you do the whole, like, you have to do the whole, like, da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da

There once was a sweet little duck. He decided he's ready to fuck. I did it. I fell into your trap. Are you happy? There once was a sweet little duck. He decided he's ready to fuck. He spread out his wings. He flew by some things. And ultimately decided it's yuck.

Erin, 2,000 points for not only completing the limerick, but jumping and learning how to land on the way down.

I built a parachute after jumping out of the plane, and it didn't work. And I landed in a tree, and I'm in a lot of pain.

I thought it was outstanding. Paz? Yes. It's, there once was a sweet little duck?

Mm-hmm.

Okay. There once was, what is, there once was a sweet little duck whose cock was so long he could suck. It was a corkscrew. If only he knew, because now in his mouth it is stuck. No, because now he can no longer cluck.

JPC? Sorry. Zero points for putting an image in my head that will keep me up at night.

Can you pour bleach on your brain? It says no. Okay, I need a different strategy.

RadFK? Sorry, let's check with RadFK. RadFK, can you pour bleach on your brain?

Aaron, let's have you take control of the board

Incredible. Are we done with the triple rhyme time category? Did we run that out? I think we did.

Triple rhyme time is closed out.

Can we do before and after, please, for 600?

Perfect. For 600 before and after. Musical based on Pygmalion in which a gentlewoman rides through coventry naked.

Pass.

Janet?

I'm

So too dark or too weird, can't watch. And again, this is a TV show and you're going to show us a deleted scene from that show because it was too dark or maybe too weird. For $400, this is going to be SpongeBob SquarePants. And Janet, you can pick your scene partner before you start.

I will pick Adal. I'm just very bad at any voice in Spongebob, but Janet, who would you like me to play?

Yeah. I will be... I've only seen SpongeBob a couple of times, to be honest. I guess I will be... Squidward?

Okay.

That doesn't really matter. What's important is... You'll be SpongeBob. This is the scene where everyone realizes they can neither breathe nor speak underwater. Excellent.

Uh, hey Squidward, are you okay?

Oh, of course, I'm fine. I like when I get nervous.

Something's wrong with the ocean, guys. We gotta swim up. We gotta swim up. Something's wrong with the ocean, guys. We gotta swim up.

We gotta swim up. Hey Dan, can you get in my office? Why would you animate this? See.

Why would you draw this? Outstanding. 400 points to you, Janet, and you have control of the board.

Wait, what about all the assists I just got?

No, no, no. That was for you. You brought it to life.

Take the points away. Here's the trouble in that, Janet, is I was a part of that scene, and I don't think I added much, so I'm going to remove myself, and therefore... I feel like you put your whole ass into that.

You did a death scene, Adal. That was amazing. Give yourself a point.

You choked on water as a sponge.

Yeah. Yeah.

I'll put that on my resume. Janet, you have control of the board.

Adal, can you come into my office? Why would you put this on your resume?

On her special skills, you wrote, Rides Horse Naked?

Let's do... For 400.

Okay, this is Sex With Me is Like the Olympics, and anyone can buzz it in at any time.

Puz. TPC. Sex With Me is Like the Olympics, just tell me where to put my shot. 400 points to you.

Buzz.

Erin.

Sex With Me is Like the Olympics, you're representing your entire country. 400 to you.

Paz.

Janet.

Sex with me is like the Olympics. Steroids aren't allowed.

400 to you.

Buzz. Erin. Sex with me is like the Olympics. We always run out of condoms. 400 to you. True story.

Oh, Paz. JPC. Sex with me is like the Olympics. Regardless, there will be a Swiss person at every event.

I'm going to say no points for that because I don't understand it, so we'll stop there with the Olympics. And Janet, you have control of the board.

This is too much control. Can I cede control of the board to Erin?

Erin, you have control of controlling the board.

Incredible.

Let's do before and after for 800, please.

Before and after for 800, please. Thank you, Janet. 100 points to you for Plagalog. Numeric sci-fi book about a metaverse and a singular evening of passion. Numeric sci-fi book about a metaverse and a singular evening of passion. This sci-fi book was also a movie.

Oh, uh, pause, pause, pause.

I believe I heard Erin first.

Ready, what is ready player one night stand?

800 points to you, Erin. Very good job. And you have control of the board as Erin Keif.

Let's finish out the category, Alex, for 1,000 before and after.

Before and after does have a 400 and a 1,000 left.

Ooh, 400, please.

Before and after for 400. Kermit's colorful theme song about the group that nominated Ralph Nader. Janet Varney?

What is It's Not Easy Being Green Day?

That is incorrect.

Party.

Party.

Party. I didn't let you finish. Green Day Party. Green Day Party. Why didn't I let you finish? Green Day Party. Everyone knows it's called the Green Day Party now. You didn't let me finish.

I apologize. Janet, 400 points and an additional 100 points for me cutting you off before you were finished.

Oh my god, this is not cool.

121 gun for the environment or whatever they care about. Seatbelts? Who knows.

None of our business. Oh no.

And since Janet got that right, Erin, you do have control of the board.

Can I do before and after for 1,000, please?

To close out the category for 1,000 before and after, Stacey's Mom Warblers Put an actor in the band, once a TV sitcom postman. Stacy's mom, Warblers, put an actor in the band, once a TV sitcom postman. Also in Jurassic Park.

Puz. JPC. Who is Fountains of Wayne's Night? Fountain of Wayne's... Fountains of Wayne Night?

That is correct. Wow. I'm glad you corrected yourself because it is singular Wayne and not Fountains... Fountain... Is it Fountains of Wayne?

Fountains of Wayne.

Yeah, I believe you said Fountain of Wayne's Night, but you corrected yourself. That is a thousand points to you, JPC. You have control of the board.

Okay, so we're done with triple rhyme time. We're done with before and after. Can we go, what, Limerick rolled for 400 now?

Limerick rolled for 400, and anyone can puzzle to complete this. Okay. There was a young girl who could fly. There was a young girl who could fly.

Um, buzz.

Erin?

There was a young girl who could fly. So one day she jumped out of the sky. She remembered she dreamt it. Wait. Dreamt it? Let's go with dreamt it.

What's this gonna be?

She- Oh. No. Take the points away. But can I start over?

You did the thing- It was too- Your thing that you were thinking of was too funny, but you forgot about the rhyming part of it. You don't know me.

You can start over if you like. There was a young girl who could fly. So one day she jumped out of the sky. We're gonna take a- As she was falling, her dad started calling. He reminded her We'll be right back with more JeopRiddie! You guys, I'm rebranding. You know how my whole thing is how tired I am all the time?

Mm-hmm, yes.

And that I am constantly trying to find solutions and most of them have me like crash after a couple hours.

Sure, yeah.

That's all over now. I have ultra pouches. Does a cartwheel, puts my hands up. Whoa, whoa.

She said does a cartwheel. Erin, I am so happy for you. I mean, I am kind of sad that this means that we won't get any more like classic energyless Erin antics, which were some of my favorite of your antics. But it's cool that you found something that works for you.

Yes, they're instant focus in a pouch.

I also heard that ultra pouches are ideal for athletes, runners, and health-conscious people because they are 100% nicotine-free?

Yes! Just pop one pouch in 5 minutes before your run, workout, or work day, and you'll feel it sharpen your mind and lift your energy by the time you start.

And it's trusted by top athletes, entrepreneurs, and engineers around the world.

Does another cartwheel, Lynx.

Wow, she said she did another cartwheel. And I'm also hearing that 90% of users saw significant improvements in their overall focus levels, calm, steady flow state focus, enhanced memory, smooth energy, mood balance, all with zero nicotine and zero caffeine. Wow, zero caffeine too?

Yeah, and guess what? It doesn't taste bad. There's all sorts of flavors. Cool Mint, Wintergreen, Tropical Watermelon, and Blue Raz. Third cartwheel into a backflip. Winks again.

Okay, Erin, you said that you did all those things. Ultra is the ultimate guilt-free pouch, delivering instant focus and mental clarity without nicotine or caffeine. New customers can use code RIDDLE to save 15% off at TakeUltra.com. That's TakeUltra.com for 15% off with code RIDDLE. After you purchase, they'll ask you where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them, Hey Riddle Riddle sent ya!

You don't know what you've got until it's gone. You guys?

Yeah?

I legitimately had terrible sleep last night. I'm staying in an Airbnb while the AC gets fixed in my place. And guess what? I miss my bed. I miss my Helix mattress. I have a Midnight Luxe. And guess what? I couldn't bring it to the Airbnb with me. I wish I had appreciated it more. I wish I had told it. I wish I had told my mattress.

Did someone say miss my mattress? It's me, the Helix Sleep mascot, Sympathy Steve!

Oh, hey, Sympathy Steve. Did you win Miss My Mattress, the competition?

Isn't he mattress? I did! Sympathy Steve! And while I can't, and while I can't give you a Helix mattress because, you know, that'd be insane if I was just a guy who gave out Helix mattresses, I can say, it sucks what you're going through.

Yeah, it does suck. Helix is the best. They deliver your mattress right to your door with free shipping in the U.S. You get a 120-night sleep trial and limited lifetime warranty. So what's the risk? And they also have the Happy with Helix guarantee. Rest easy with seamless returns and exchanges.

Whoa, Sympathy Steve, you have a tattoo on your leg. It says, Helix is the most awarded mattress brand, tested and reviewed by experts like Forbes and Wired. And I won't tell you what that's covering up.

It was worse. But what I will tell you to do is go to helixsleep.com slash riddle for the Labor Day best of web sale that's running now until September 13th. It's 27% off sitewide, and that is exclusive for listeners of Hey Riddle Riddle. That's HelixSleep.com slash Riddle for the Labor Day Best of web sale. HelixSleep.com slash Riddle. I can't empathize with you, but I can sympathize with you. Did someone say empathy? It's me, Empathy Ed. Hey man.

They're brothers!

No we're not. Hey Steve. We're simply not.

Oh.

We're exes.

We don't have time for the lore of this, unfortunately.

Hi, I'm Beck Bennett. I thought I was Beck Bennett. No, no, no, no. I'm Kyle Mooney. Yes, exactly. No, all good, all good. Thanks, buddy. Yeah, and we host the show What's Our Podcast here on HeadGum.

This podcast is brought to you by SquareSpace. SquareSpace is the all-in-one website platform designed to help you stand out and make you look like a kick-ass person online. Like you're skateboarding through the internet, or like you're surfing through the web. Squarespace gives you everything you need to claim your domain, showcase your offerings with a professional website, grow your brand, and get paid all in one place.

I like that it's all in one place. I know. I like that I don't have to go around, you know, to like different stores or something. It's just all on my website.

Well, it's like, oh, do I need to go to like a- do I need another type of website to like find the right pictures, or to like another type of website to upload the- Yeah, no, it's all in one place. The video, or the audio, or like- Thanks for watching.

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We're back! She couldn't fly and she's gonna die. That's dark. So how was a better way of saying that? We're back from break and they gave me 40 minutes. Can I do Limerick?

Can you? Wait. She's slowing down like the computer in 2001. At least I tried. You buzzed in! You buzzed in!

JPC, is that true? Did you puzzle in for Erin? I did. I was throwing my voice.

Like a ventriloquist. He did my voice. I didn't puzzle in and I didn't even do that limerick. That was JPC setting me up to look bad.

I did. I'm sorry, Adal. I cannot tell a lie.

You think I would make something up so stupid? No, not that you say that.

Alright, Erin. Do the real one. Sorry that I fucked with your fake one. Do the real one.

Well, before we get to that... There was a young girl who could fly. One day she jumped out of the sky.

Oh no, Erin, that's the one I did.

No, hold on, I've got it.

You're just repeating the one I did. Don't steal mine, Erin. Do a real one that's an original.

That's the rules that you agreed to, Erin. She sat down to have some good pie. Uh-huh. Fly. She didn't. Hold on. She sat down to have some nice pie. Hold on. You guys, I know this is a disaster. Who sat down to have some nice pie.

The JPC baked it. He'd only just faked it. It tasted so bad, she did cry.

Wow. Thank you. 20,000 points to Janet.

Are you trying to make me look insane? I can't even believe it. Erin, you threw your voice. That wasn't me.

Oh, 20,000 points to Erin. Oh my god.

No, Janet, that was so good. Janet, that was so good. God.

Also, 1,000 points to Erin for recognizing this was a disaster.

I would like to do the next Limerick one, please. For 600 or 800.

Erin, absolutely, but first we do have to dole out some punishments. Here on Jeopardy!, we take things pretty seriously, as you can tell from the show so far. So since JPC threw his voice to try and make you look bad, Erin, we are going to have Rat FK come back out. And JPC, you are going to receive one of Rat FK's medical treatments. Which of his medical treatments would you like to receive?

Oh, I will take a lobotomy, please. Okay. Uh, what is a lobotomy? Uh, for 600.

Alright, RadfK, do you want to go ahead and start some procedure?

I would be my pleasure to get a lobotomy.

Erin threw my voice! Erin threw my voice! She should get a lobotomy!

Okay, we're gonna pour it.

You think I'm gonna complain? Would love. Would love a lobotomy. Where's the line?

That's a lobotomy cue. Erin, let's get back to your limerick. You said you want to do another one. Yes, I did. 600, 800, or 1,000 is still available.

600, please.

For 600, limerick rolled. There was an old man from Sedona.

Puz.

JPC. We assume.

Yes, this is the real JPC. What is, there was an old man from Sedona. Who found he could suck his own bone up.

He puckered his lips, wrapped on to the tips, and sucked until the cows came hover.

JBC Sedona was a city I used to love visiting.

I'm getting in the lobotomy line. Does anyone want me to pick anything up for them? I'm getting in the lobotomy line.

Am I wrong? These are dirty limericks, right?

These are dirty limericks versus we're doing filthy limericks? The category is limerick rolled. Okay. I'll give you $1,000 for doing a stellar job. It's just a disgusting image I don't want associated with Sedona. Okay. But you did a great job.

I think I've learned my lesson. I'll take a limb lick... limb lick-rolled for... what are we up to?

You made the category sound dirty. A limb lick-rolled. We have $800 and $1,000 still available.

Let's do $800, please.

For 800 Lim Rickrolled, there once was a frog in a lake.

Uh, pause.

I want to pause in, but I'm scared. Go ahead. No, if you want it, you can take it. No, no, I need you to take it.

Okay. Uh, frog in a lake.

No, you go!

What is, what is, uh, there once was a frog in a lake who could give just as good as he could take.

Oh boy.

He fucked other frogs, he fucked other hogs, and his thirst could not be saked.

I don't think that's the word you're looking for.

No, I don't think so. I think that's the word I was looking for.

JPC, we're going to give you 800 points for trying to keep it moderately clean. You have control of the board.

I'll get them back. I wasn't doing that.

He decided to attend his own wake. He faked his own death. He faked his last breath. Come on. Give me a second. Me. But then none of his friends showed up.

Erin, no points for completing a limerick, but a hundred points for telling the saddest story ever told. That's a very sad tale.

But it's meta because it's like an unfinished business because you're expecting a rhyme and then it's just like this gut punch of no rhyme. It's an artistic gut punch.

Hey Eric, can I tell you for sure? I was not expecting a rhyme.

I just was not. This is a limerick in vibes only. JPC, you maintain control of the board.

Okay, let's do Lime Rick Rolled for 1,000.

For 1,000, and this is a hidden Daily Double. So this is actually for, or wait, for Daily Double they choose so. So JPC, how much, how many total points do you have?

I have 4,800 right now.

So you can wager up to 4,800 points. I will wager 4,800 points. To make it a true Daily Double, in Lime Rick Rolled for a thousand, there once was a horse covered in piss. A limerick made for JPZ.

There what is? There once was a horse covered in piss. His rider, a man who was Swiss. Those filthy pervs, oh what a nerve, to ride on a horse such as this.

Wow. We're going to give it to you. That is 4,800. Oh wow. So that brings you up to 9,600 points. Wonderful job.

Thank you. I could not have done that math. That would have been impossible for me.

JPC, you maintain control of the board.

And I would like to apologize to the Swiss, I feel like I've been singling them out today.

I know, you really pulled them into this.

They are not the French. They are close, but they are not the French and they do not deserve that. Woah, woah, woah, woah, woah. Okay, so we've got triple rhyme time is done. Before and after is done. Ooh, can we still do sex with me? What do we have in sex with me is like?

We have 600, 800, 1000, and... Cuz I thought it would be the topic that everybody pounced on. I added a 1,200, 1,400, 1,600, 1,800, 2,000, and 2,200. Hell yeah! Wow. Let's do 600. Let's do 600, please. Sex with me for 600. Would you believe this is the other Daily Double? Oh my God. This is very impressive to find them. This was predetermined, so this is very impressive to find them back-to-back. Okay. It is the Daily Double for $600, but also maybe the toughest one of the category. Find them back-to-back is also pretty good for $600. For $600, Sex With Me is like the movie Urkel Save Santa.

Wow. A movie I've never seen. I'm glad I knew the category before I decided to double. I will not double anything for this.

Can I buzz in? Oh no, it's a daily double, so you can't buzz in.

Yeah, I guess. Oh, please. I didn't wager anything, so feel free to buzz in.

Buzz.

Erin.

It's a delight when Janet Varney is there.

There it is.

600 to you. So we'll say since it was JPC's Daily Double, but you answered, we'll give you the 600 and not worry about the double. The movie's called Urkel, what is it called? Saves Santa. Urkel Saves Santa. Janet?

Did I do that?

Absolutely, 600.

Oh, Puz?

JPZ?

Sex with me is like Urkel saves Santa. It's best with a black nerd and a ho-ho-ho, both of which are my wife.

And how much did you want to put on that?

His whole reputation.

Yeah, I'll put my reputation on the line. I'll put my reputation on the line. You got it, so double your reputation.

Okay. Nothing plus nothing makes nothing.

JPC, you have control of the board.

Let's do Sex With Me for $800.

Sex With Me for $800. Sex With Me is like Los Angeles or L.A. Okay.

Pause.

Erin?

Sex With Me is like L.A. It always surprises you how long it takes to get to the other side. Oh!

Boom! $800 a year. Boom! JPC, you have control of the board? Yeah, I don't have a 6th for LA.

6th for me is like LA. Everyone there is so desperate to be famous.

800 to you, Erin. You have control of the board. What would you like to do?

I would like to do... The before and afters are done.

Before and After and Triple Rhyme Time are both closed out.

So let's do Limerick World.

I'm so sorry, Limerick World is also closed out.

Oh great, let's do... We have Too Dark Can't Watch and First Impressions. Can we do Sex With Me for a thousand?

Sex With Me for a thousand? Sex With Me is like The Odyssey.

Puz.

Puz. Erin?

Sex With Me is like The Odyssey, way too loud.

Puz. A thousand to you, that was also Gemma's biggest complaint. JPC?

Sex With Me is like The Odyssey, it features a one-eyed cyclops.

Oh my god, double that, double that.

JBC, since you had the last one, we'll give you control of the board.

Let's keep it going.

Sex With Me 1200, please. Yep. Sex With Me is like summer. Puzz. I heard Janet, I believe.

Sex with me is like summer, every year it gets a little sweatier.

Absolutely, 1200 to you Janet. Puz. JBC. Sex with me is like summer, over way too soon.

Absolutely, 1200 to you JBC.

Puz.

Erin.

Sex with me is like summer. You always have like big plans to try something new, but you sort of just end up laying there.

Oh, so good. $1200 to you.

Puz.

Janet.

Sex with me is like summer. What are all these kids doing out of school? $1200 to you.

Uh, oh, uh, Puz. JPZ. Sex with me is like summer. Hope you like a dry rub. 1200 to you.

Let's get out of here.

Let's get out of here. JPC, you have control of the board.

All right, let's take a break from sex with me. Let's go to... Do we have first impressions for 800?

Yes, first impressions for 800. JPC, this is...

Oh no, I forgot what this was! Fuck! Okay, well, yeah, I did it to myself.

For $800, this is the movie Lord of the Rings, the role Gandalf. Okay. As portrayed by Jimmy Stewart.

Jealous.

Frodo, you don't want to go to the Mines of Moria, Frodo. It's nothing but goblin corpses down there, Frodo. You'd be much happier going with me and the eagles. The eagles, Frodo. Come with me. See? Wonderful job.

800 to you, JPC, and 100 to Janet for assisting there.

Erin, you said you were jealous. Did you want to take a stab at it?

I'm not trying to hurt you. I'm trying to help you. I had so much fun. I had so much fun!

I'd like to thank the Academy.

I'd like to thank everybody.

I'd like to thank all the buddies. Erin had fun.

I had a really good time.

My Jimmy Stewart was more like, what if Jimmy Stewart was a horse and also Gandalf?

Oh yeah, there was a lot of winning.

I've never heard the horse take.

And it almost started like Jennifer Coolidge, because at first, the first couple sounds you made, I was like, this is Jennifer Coolidge to a T. I get into my Coolidge to get into my Stewart to get into a horse to get into my Gandalf. My other Coolidge is a horse. I believe JPC has control of the board and and I believe we're just gonna have one or two more left before we get into Final Jeopardy.

Okay, and we have two more in First Impressions, right?

We have two more.

Yep. Fuck it. Okay, let's keep it rolling in First Impressions.

800.

This is going to be... We're going to do Indiana Jones is the movie, the character is Indiana Jones, and it's going to be Elvis Presley as Indiana Jones.

Oh boy. Does anyone else want it?

No, you do it. Come on, you got it.

Great.

You got it.

Alright, Elvis Presley as Indiana Jones. What is... Spit it out, old man! Yay!

800 points to JPC, 100 points to Janet. Wonderful job. Actually, reverse that. 800 points to Janet, 100 points to JPC, because Janet had the callback.

Yep. And we'll give Janet control of the board for the last selection here on the board. We have Sex With Me Is Like. We have a few of those left. We have One Last First Impression. That's going to be for $1,000. And we have Three, Too Dark, Can't Watch.

Too dark, can't pick. Let's do first impressions for a thousand.

Okay, good for you, Janet. To close out first impressions, this is going to be the movie Dark Knight, the role is Joker, and famed actor Elizabeth Holmes will be playing the role of Joker. Janet, do you remember Elizabeth Holmes?

Yeah, she wanted to fix blood in Tal.

She did. She did. As an added bonus, JPC, I would like you to join as Batman done by RFK. Jesus Christ, okay.

Wait, what happens in the Dark Knight? Or is it just any joke? I don't really remember that. It's like you want to see that pencil disappear.

Yeah, there's a famous scene where Batman is interviewing the Joker. It's the one with the Joker in it. Do you remember the Batman one?

I just feel like I've seen more than one.

Janet, what's your favorite movie?

What's my favorite movie? I don't know.

Okay, we're at a bit of an impasse.

No, I'm gonna do Joker and Dark Knight. Dark Knight Rises? Dark Knight?

Yeah. Pins will disappear. There's the one where he breaks the pool stick and he throws it on the floor and he tells people, you know, is there only enough jobs for one of you? Uh, what else?

Janet, you're going to be doing Forrest Gump from the movie Forrest Gump as portrayed by Elizabeth Holmes. JBC, you'll make an appearance as Batman as played by Arthur. This is Forrest Gump and Batman.

Um... I think I figured out a way to cure my girlfriend's AIDS.

Why do you want to kill me? Why do you want to kill me, Joker?

I love you, Jenny. You're gonna get through this.

Scene. 10,000 points for all three of you. By far the happiest I've been this entire episode. And that brings us to final JeopRiddie. Of course, I've asked you all to keep track of your own tally. Yes. This is the honor system. GPC, how many points do you have?

I think I've been doing this right. I think I have 24,500 points. Okay.

Janet, do you know how many points you have?

I don't think it matters because I'm positive I don't have 24,000 points. Love that.

Janet, you did just get 10,000 points.

Well, I don't think I had that many before that.

Love that. Erin Keif.

I think I have like 5,000 something. I'm trying to do the math quick, but I'm somewhere in that range.

But you just got 10,000 points.

I know, plus the bonus.

Okay, okay.

Whatever. I'm just saying before that moment.

If everyone can put the amount of points they'd like to wager on Final Jeopardy in the chat. Sorry, put it in the chat box, but don't hit enter. Got it. And then once I say you will all hit enter at the same time, just so we keep that honest. Okay, I'm ready. I'm locked in. Here is the final JeopRiddie question. When is Casey Toney's birthday? Your time starts now.

And do we have to put that in the chat as well? Uh, nope. Wait, okay.

Wait, were we supposed to put our wager number in there already? Oh, sorry.

Uh, no.

Oh, sorry. I did not mean to send that.

It's okay, it's okay. Uh, I meant to send it.

But you have to lock in your wager before you... It's not a big mistake.

I didn't explain this terribly well. Let me know when everybody's ready to answer.

I'm ready.

I am ready to answer.

Oh, wait. Oh, should we be typing something in? Wait.

Nope, nope. Verbal answer, verbal answer.

Oh, I see.

Okay.

I'm confused.

Can I go? Pause. Sorry, we're just going to go out of the light here.

Oh. Wait, should I go first? Because I feel like when I say it, everyone else is, it's June 13th.

I was going to guess June 12th, so I wouldn't have gotten it.

Janet, what did you have?

Oh, I have a side bet with Casey where I give him half if I win. So I was going to guess June 13th.

Okay. Casey, would you please come on the mic and tell us when your birthday is? My birthday is June 13th. Okay.

I legit had it wrong. I thought it was the 12th. I'm an idiot. I'm embarrassed and I'm sorry.

That's incredibly close though, Erin.

Well, you have the same birthday month as Adal, so that is an easy- That's true. That's true.

Adal's birthday is June 1st. Thank you. Can I get some points for that?

Extra 10,000 points to JPC. Let's see what everybody registered here. Erin, November 8th? 10th? Yep.

Okay. I always- I do get that one wrong. Janet? Okay, here we go. I have no idea. This is gonna be a blind guess. I do not know your birthday. I'm gonna guess you, Janet, are a- Really think about my astrological side.

That won't help me. May 9th.

Whoa.

February 16th.

Fuck me! So close.

God damn it! So close.

Janet?

Yeah?

Happy early birthday, of course. Thank you. Is there anything you'd like to plug or promote?

Oh, I'd like to plug and promote Casey Toney's birthday. I don't think enough people stay home from work to observe it, so I'd like to, if you need a cause to take to your local legislators, please take that. It should be a federal holiday.

Absolutely love it. Erin Keif, anything to plug or promote?

Um, I've got nothing. Check out Magic Tavern. Check out Gumshoes and Dragons. Check out our Patreon. We're having a lot of fun over there.

Casey Cutout, either I have nothing or the three things Erin said. Yeah, let's read a review.

I haven't read one of these in a while. This one was sent to us by from Stobbert87. Stobbert says, the review is titled, Fart, five stars. Nevermind. I, JPC, decided not to read a five star review. Instead, I wanted to say something that's been on my mind recently. Fart, fart, fart, fart, fart, fart, fart, fart, fart, fart, fart, fart, fart, fart, fart, and of course, fart.

They got you good. That had the complexity of a Christopher Nolan film.

It's been a minute since someone has gotten beat like that in the five-star reviews. People just aren't doing that anymore. Good for you, Staubert.

Erin, please take us out with a limerick, starting with the line, There once was a Hey Riddle Review.

There once was a Hey Riddle Review. It might have been written by you. It complained about... Okay, hold on guys. It complained about...

And just the slowest fade here, Kasey, the slowest fade out.

It complained about something... hot dogs. I was going to put hot dogs and then... when did I start review? You should slow fade on this.

We'll pick it up next episode.

We'll pick it up next episode. I'll have a whole thing right now.

Hey there Jeremy's and Ballads, if you liked that, you are going to love this week's Patreon. I have two new brackets for Adal and Erin plus a little bonus game. You can listen to that plus our entire Patreon back catalog at patreon.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com