Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum Podcast.

Great. You guys are all good. Have fun. Thank you, Casey. Thank you, Casey. We love you. We love you, Casey. We love you, Casey. You have fun, Casey, too. You have fun.

He didn't say it back. It was a heart. That's not the same thing.

He never does.

I really like you guys so much. Sounds like we're more into Casey than Casey's into us. Exactly what it sounds like.

Slams the door in our face, okay we walked him home for nothing.

Not even a nightcap. Unbelievable.

1, 2, 3, 4, Hey Riddle Riddle.

Adal, your lawn is looking fantastic.

Oh, thank you. Thank you. Yeah, I decided to kind of care this year about my curb appeal.

It looks great. JPC's my neighbor on the other side, and he's doing all sorts of stuff that I feel like the HOA is not gonna be too happy about.

Yeah, yeah. I have, you know, obviously I have my 100-foot skeleton up year-round.

Which I love the summer sun hat on him. He looks dashing.

Yeah, Etsy has so many fun ways to dress up your 100-foot. You guys talking about lawns? Oh, hey neighbor.

Hi, JPC.

You like my gasoline lawn?

Yeah, the smell is interesting.

Yeah, you got a good nose on you. That's straight gasoline, my friend.

Yeah, I wonder if the fire pit in the middle of it is wise.

Interesting. I wouldn't know if a fire pit could be wise, you know? Dangerous, yes, but wise? Not really the quality I would imbue with a fire pit.

Can I ask about the sort of American Ninja course for raccoons you have going on? Did you know that the raccoon is the only North American marsupial?

I'm

Sort of an inverse JPC. I got Josh Gondelman on my side though.

Aw, lucky.

God damn it. Hey Josh, Josh Gondelman. Hey guys, how's it going? Good. Oh my gosh, would you? Aw, damn it. Erin, we gotta get him to move on the side of one of our houses. Josh, are you willing to move?

Yeah, I love to move. I like to move it. I love to move it. I'm willing to move it.

JPC's gonna make him run his raccoon course before he gets to the side of the street though.

I was just thinking JPC, that's so many dead raccoons. I can't keep up with that. I can't compete. Yeah, neither could they.

That's kind of the whole problem, lazy bastards.

Oh man.

Welcome to Hey Riddle Riddle, everybody. This is the podcast where we do riddles. As always, our guest is Josh Gondelman. Josh, this is your second? Third? Third?

I think my third Hey Riddle Riddle. Yeah. Wow. First Riddle Crushed.

Josh, it's always such a pleasure to have you here. And it's also such a pleasure to know you and to run out into you in the world. I'm trying not to be hyperbolic here, but you might be the nicest person I've met doing comedy besides Adalind JVC.

That's really kind. I feel the same way. We had such a good time on that boat.

We did. We did a JoCo cruise together. And then Josh, I did want to talk to you about something that we talked about at San Francisco Sketch Fest this year.

Is this a performance review?

Just a little bit. Josh was talking about his day. I think we saw each other on a Saturday night.

Okay.

And in the kind of in the middle of your day, I guess it was early evening, you in between your tasks went to karaoke. I've never heard anything like it. It kind of broke my brain. I didn't realize that you could sort of just drop into karaoke as an in-between thing.

We did. So I was in San Francisco at SketchFest, which I love, running, co-hosting our regular, semi-regular show, SubBro, with my friend Allison Leiby, who her book just came out. She's a genius, great friend, great writer and comedian. So, we had dinner, and dinner ended so fast. We went to this place that's totally fine, but the previous year they'd given us a hummus plate where all the veggies were shaped like a human face on the hummus. And we were like, let's see if they do that again. And they did not.

Oh yeah. That guy has been fired.

When they put it down, the waiter went, we don't usually do this. He was confused by why it happened.

Sending a message.

Yeah, he's like, uh, you should have more, you should look like this. And so we, they gave us normal hummus, and then we ate really fast. And then we're like, we have like one hour where we can't really do anything. So we were like, we hadn't had anything to drink. And there was a karaoke place right across the street from the hotel. So we're like, let's just go for an hour and rip it. And The two of us went to do that. That was the mission. And outside the karaoke spot, we ran into Paul Sabourin of Paul and Storm and of Joko Cruz. And he had never met Allison before. I was delighted to introduce them. And then we're like, well, we're gonna do karaoke for one hour. Would you like to join us? And he was like, sure. And he's a professional musical comedian. So Allison and I were just like, bellowing. And Paul was like doing his like, I was aghast. It's like someone telling me they ran a marathon in the middle of their day to kill time.

I could not believe it.

I've never done a thing like that before. I think I know a few people that have that kind of as an entertainment habit of theirs where they'll go like, Oh, it's we have a dinner reservation at seven. It's 530. We can just crush an hour of karaoke and feel our feelings before dinner.

This was my first time and it was awesome. I gotta start thinking of when I can cram karaoke into my day. That's fun.

Tuesday morning, 10 a.m.

My mom was just over and she, to stay with us for a couple days, and she had never done karaoke and she'd made a big to-do of like, I've never done karaoke, I'd love to do it sometime. And so we have a karaoke machine in our basement, brought it upstairs. She sang the Guardians song, which is her go-to. And now it's crossed off her list. What is the Jardian song?

Yeah, I don't know what that song is.

I have type 2 diabetes, but I handle it well. It's a commercial. It's a commercial for a medicine.

There was not a backing track for that, right? She did it acapella. Please tell me there is not a backing track available for that online.

That's a preset on the machine. No, it's not.

But that's what my mom will sing to us for our birthdays now, because like 10 years ago, exactly. But three years ago, she became obsessed with the song. And so we're like, instead of leaving a voicemail singing happy birthday at midnight every birthday, can you just sing that? And so that's her new thing. And we, as a family, love it.

That's awesome. I guess being a mom can be fun.

Erin, what were your hangups again?

Mostly everything else.

Adal, who's the biggest celebrity you think you could conceivably get to sing that song for your mom? I mean, I'm assuming Amy Mann would take a turn at the Giardiniera song. What is it?

When you said the Giardiniera song, I assumed the Cleveland Guardians, the baseball team, had a theme song and you didn't know how they were pronounced. And Josh, I know we talked about this before, but what are some of your go-to karaoke songs?

The list that you gave me, I was like, that also sounds like wild. It's a little chaotic.

I've really settled into a groove lately with songs that nobody wants to hear. I've been doing Zoot Suit Riot by the Cherry Poppin' Daddies, a band name I apologize for saying. Where you can find it, I'll do Dr. Worm by They Might Be Giants, which I love. Great song. It is like a song that if you're not in the right room, people are like, That's Beer by Real Big Fish.

I love that song.

Where we can find it. Yeah, it's fun as hell. So I kind of, it's like a little more ska centric than my normal music listening. But there's also like there's a genre I think of songs that are great karaoke songs and fine songs like Cryin' by Aerosmith. Switching from They Might Be Giants to Aerosmith gave me goosebumps, but I don't know if it's good or bad yet. It's definitely telling a story.

The last time I did karaoke I was kind of surprised that the place just had like YouTube pulled up and you just you just use YouTube to find karaoke songs I was like oh gone are the days of like the little machine that Adal has that like has the karaoke on it's just all it's all on the internet now huh

The YouTube stuff is kind of nice because you can get some real deep cuts, really alienate the crowd. I've done like Ockerville River songs. Yeah, I'm trying to think of other, because it is really fun. Maris really tore up some Ted Leo and the Pharmacists at a recent YouTube karaoke session. Yeah, really cool.

And JBC, you're still doing Gregorian chants every time you do karaoke?

I'm

Hey Riddle Riddle It's such a long song. And it's so dynamic. And you, I think if you're of a certain age, you like remember more of the words than you even think you do. For sure. And because she's such a good singer, you can't Celine Dion, you end up like, I can kind of bring it down into my range in a way that works where I'm not like, Oh, no, I have to do this Celine Dion thing.

I'm just like, the flesh and the flesh. Everyone wants to grab their chest and go, baby, baby, baby.

It feels so good.

And that's brilliant. That truly is the wisest thing I've heard in a long time.

And that's how Celine Dion gets to feel all the time. She could just do that at any time.

She couldn't for years. Oh, yeah. That's right. Her condition. Yeah. It must feel so good to be like, I'm back, and I'm Celine Dion.

I like to do a duet at karaoke because I like to make eye contact with a friend while we panic about who's doing what harmony and if we even remember the harmony.

What is your, do you have a go-to duet?

I Got You Babe is so fun. People are always like, that's another one people are like, oh yeah, this is a good song.

Erin, you and I did Summer Lovin' but you sang both parts. Yeah. I kept going, what the fuck?

I kept putting my hand over your mouth and going.

Just do the Wella Wellas.

That song is like kind of four parts, right?

Yeah. Yeah, that's fair.

And then the two sets of background vocals.

I do some of it at karaoke, but it's with a friend in a different city doing their part in karaoke. I'm just doing my part.

They're on speakerphone and it's delayed. That would be so funny.

I just explained to people the concept of the song is that someone is going to be doing the other part, not here. That's how Summer Lovin' works. I wish it worked differently.

You only hear half of Summer Lovin'.

Are you there?

Oh yeah, I'm dropping every other word. I'm not doing it like they do in the movie. I'm doing it like I'm going through a summer-loving tunnel.

There's like a, I don't think it's a problem to tell this story. We did like a Desus & Mera, when I worked for Desus & Mera, we did like a staff karaoke, which was so fun. Everyone was just going wild. But Ziwei did the entire Grease megamix, like you would play it like a bar mitzvah or like a middle school dance. She did the whole thing herself. And Mera just like grabbed my arm and was like, We're

You don't get a lot of chances in Greece if you're Jan Yeah, they don't let you do the brush and brush and brush them in the play it's a movie thing So they didn't let me do that.

Oh, I don't step on and I want to call out the very good pun Josh Would you please say it again? Oh, not a lot of chances. Oh Take a chance on me.

Not a lot of chances. Oh, yeah, I didn't get a lot of chances. That's true. Well, we're going to end the episode by singing that Celine Dion song.

Have I told you guys, my sister Sadia is good friends with Jim Jacobs who wrote Grease and he put up, they met through, he remounted an original production of Grease because it started in Chicago, went on to fame and acclaim, and then he brought it back to Chicago and the original script is unbelievably dark. Really? Yeah. They have like zip guns, whatever those are, which I think are just like little homemade guns or something. There's like a, how do I say this with any amount of class, there's like a Ookie Cookie situation, I think. There's just a lot of like really dark moments. Wait a second.

It feels like Ookie Cookie is dark? I mean, hey man, you don't love the game, we don't have to play, but dark?

You said that like Danny Zuko. I don't know if any, I bet at least one of the three of you has had this experience as a young person, knowing about the movie Fast Times at Ridgemont High, thinking that it's like a fun teen comedy, and then going, oh no, while watching it. Because there's a lot of darkness in that movie as well.

A tale as old as time. I think that we should do riddles. Oh. So here we go. Okay, so this person has a last name, and they told me to have fun with their last name. And I don't know if that means they know I'm not gonna be able to pronounce it, or if I'm allowed to put my own little pizzazz on it.

Oh, is it pizzazz? Have fun with it sounds like. Erin, try and read it correctly, and then let's do another take and just have fun with it.

Okay, great.

Yeah, maybe throw one away, Erin. We won't use it. We'll use it. It's the only one we'll use. Always.

Wait, what was that?

We should say Judd Apatow is now directing our episodes.

That's awesome. These are from Alex Dimitris.

That didn't sound like fun. Yeah.

And Erin, I gotta say, you barely made it through Alex. You said Alex like you were 100% confident.

Was Alex spelled the normal way?

Yeah, it's spelled the normal way.

It's spelled backwards. It's X-E-L-A. And I'm like, uh, Alex? I guess.

Erin, let's just... Okay, yeah, you're right. Shake it off, shake it off. And you're at karaoke? Erin, you're at karaoke? Erin, do some vocal warm-ups.

Yeah. Okay.

I put a pot pie in Pooh Bear's stomach.

These are from Alex Dimitris

These riddles are from Alex, the maternitist.

You're right.

Can I be honest with you? What? I was not confident on Alex. I was like, I think I'm doing this.

You seemed so confident.

No, it's fake. It's all false confidence.

I'm going to copy and paste this last name. And I know if you guys want to take a run at it.

Yeah, I'm going to take a stab. Any opportunity for fun.

Yeah.

Oh, Demetologist.

No. These riddles are from Alex Demetralis.

Demetrails. But doesn't it

It's gonna be so funny that I'm talking and then all of a sudden it's Josh's voice.

They ADR'd in me.

Well, how about I'll do these riddles are from and then Josh, you say the name. Ready? Okay.

These riddles are from Alex Dimitralis.

Musical guest. Yeah, give it a little Dom Pardo. Dom Pardo. I said Dom Pardo, which is the champagne they drink after every episode of Saturday Night Live. Well, it's not official unless it's been inside Dom.

You're in a habit of having fun with names.

Otherwise, it's just sparkling derogatory. Pardo the Interruption? Has anybody made that podcast? The all Don Pardo podcast?

You guys are way more awake than me right now. This is quite intimidating. Okay.

You ever play flag football at recess and you say like, I'm all-time Don Pardo. That's who I'm playing.

I love that. I call these riddles couples. Each answer is a fairly common pairing of things. Unless I'm unclever and really need to stretch the term common. With three clues to figure out what the pair is. These are pretty obvious. I will list them below and begin with one you may or may not use as an example. Thank you so much, Alex. Alex who? We are citrusy, covered in skin, and cannot be compared.

Hey, um, can you help me with this box real quick?

Yeah, sure. What are we doing with it?

We're going to put it down, take some stuff out of it, and put it around the room.

Ooh. I can't. I'd love to help you out, but just some of the stuff that you described is just going to be so hard without hands and legs and eyes and a mouth and ears and And I love that for you, but it's just like, I might just lay her on the floor if it's all the same.

Okay, that's fine. I just, when you said ears, I don't even think ears were especially relevant to the task anymore. It sounds like you're just trying to get out of doing it.

No, I know, but it's like you also have them, you know, and I don't. So it's like kind of always relevant, you know, kind of always relevant.

So you're saying if you were a potato, you would be better equipped to Today we're It is a little uncomfortable that the witch made me completely anthropomorphic and just gave you the ability to communicate psychically with me.

Psychically, yeah. Yes. Yeah. And I don't think that... Did I do something to her? Like, it didn't feel like I did something to her, right?

No. No, no, no. You were so nice to that witch. We cut back to JPC and Josh in the witch's hut. Erin, you are the witch.

Do you mind taking your shoes off before you come in?

I'm sorry, are you talking to me or you're looking at this bowl of fruit?

Oh, sorry. Ooh, that's offensive. That's on me. Um, sorry, do you guys mind taking your shoes off before you come in?

Are you gonna do something to the fruit? I mean, I feel like we went back in time to before the fruit got the ability.

I thought that you were- I'm sorry.

I'm a neutral passerby.

This is a complete misunderstanding, sir. You're thinking that you were born an orange and you got anthropomorphized. I'm thinking that you were a human who wronged me in some way. Okay? Sir, I thought you were a human that wronged me and I was gonna turn you into some fruit. I thought you were gonna not take off your shoes in my apartment. You, you sir, you're gonna be an apple with legs and arms. You're okay.

Okay, still, that's weird considering.

I'm going to start screaming when there's misunderstandings in scenes from now on. I'm turning over a new leaf, and this is my new attitude on the show.

I do like the idea of two cursed people, but they never bring up the fact that they were people. They're so used to being cursed pieces of fruit at this point that they're like, why even talk about it? Why even talk about it? We can't change anything. Stop bringing up the past.

I've always lived in the psychic orange. Big Twilight Zone type cookbook that says how to cook for oranges.

Oh yeah, a classic.

A classic.

We fly, feed our kids vomit, and teach you how to fuck.

Birds and bees?

Yes, Adal, you're killing it. I'd actually like to see another scene. Adal, you are sort of a fun performer that has been brought into a middle school to teach kids about the birds and bees. And Josh and JBC, you'll be the students sort of asking him questions and poking holes in what he's doing.

And Erin, maybe I'm drunk. Did you say middle school?

Yeah, but high school I guess. When do they bring in a sex ed person? We'll do high school, we'll do high school.

What is middle school? It's like 6th, 7th, and 8th grade, right? I feel like that's right for sex ed.

We call that grade school. Okay, middle school. Really?

Wait, you call middle school? Hold on now.

Elementary.

Okay, so when I hear elementary, I think like 1 through 5, right? Maybe kindergarten, tacked on. Can we be in kindergarten? No, you're right. Let's do 7th grade.

You guys are like in 8th grade.

It's funny that they had called that grade school, because I've heard grade school as well. But all the schools, they all have grades. Yeah, that's fair. Wait a minute.

This is the kind of stand-up I want to see you be doing, Josh. This is the kind of observational comedy. 9-year-old stand-up.

We're in a grade and we get grades? What's the... Okay.

Okay. And action.

Hey, everybody. How's everyone doing? Give me a big old yay. Okay, I heard some yays and some woos. We'll work on that. My name is Aspen, and I'm here to teach you... Okay, usually I get some giggles. No giggles from Aspen. Okay.

Why do kids sometimes giggle when you say asspen?

Well, usually before I get to the pen part, they'll giggle at ass, or sometimes people will whisper ass penis to one another and sort of chuckle.

We're really dropping the ball, guys. It sounds like other schools are funnier than us.

No, no, no. This is a good thing because you don't really know what asses and penises do.

No, no, no. We can do it. We can do ass penis. Say your name again.

Don't go home and say that.

We don't even have time to go home for like six hours. Our teacher just told us to be respectful, but if that's not the vibe that you appreciate, we can do differently.

We can do differently. Yeah, we'll be like those other kids at the other schools.

Yeah, say your name again. Say your name again. My name, and I want to make this clear. I'm definitely not Mr. Thompson in a hat and funny shoes. I'm Aspen, the sex clown.

More like... Come on, you got it. Stupid... I just can't. It's just not who I am. I just don't like being this guy.

You're dumb and unlovable.

What the fuck?

No, no. The ass stick.

He told you that as his secret. You can't tell people his deepest, darkest fear that he's dumb and unlovable.

He didn't tell me that as a secret. I overheard him saying it backstage. It's different.

And we need to get rid of our school backstage. If I was unlovable, then why does my wife have Get the chalk out. Sex with me. Underline sex several times. And what is sex?

Hey, it makes me uncomfortable that the board just says sex with me on it.

Yeah.

Yeah, let me get rid of that. Let me get rid of that.

Okay, let's just write sex. It sounds like it's the assignment. You know what I'm talking about. Yeah, let me write sex and then I'm going to write a bubble and it says learning about with an arrow circling back just so there's no… This seems a little complicated. So no janitors call anyone. Okay. What do we know about sex? Parents have it. Sex is why you're here. Not my parents. Mr. Thompson has it. Your teacher, Mr. Thompson, has a ton of sex.

Why did you ask the question and then start giving all the answers?

Well, I just, I have my own little agenda I want to work in. Mr. Thompson absolutely, you know, cracks backs. Mr. Thompson is getting laid constantly.

But I'm asking- You want us to tell people this?

You do what kids do. If information gets disseminated, let's talk about, what do we know- I think he wants us to make fun of the word disseminated because it says semen in the middle.

Anyone want to do that?

I don't want to take the bait, it feels too obvious. Should we be making fun of just the word?

I don't even know. What are some genitals we know? Let's just scream out genitals.

Genitals!

Yeah, I walked into that one. We're fuzzy, fall from the sky, and assist those in physical or emotional need. Acorn therapists.

No, but write that down. That's something.

You mean squirrels, JPC? No.

I don't go to a squirrel for therapy. No. This guy's nuts.

JPC, nothing, and I'm saying this in a neutral way with no judgment, but I would be 0% surprised if I found out your therapist of the last decade was a squirrel. Everything would sort of lock into place for me, that you've been talking to a squirrel that sort of sits outside your window instead of a real therapist. This is crazy, Erin.

I would also not find that funny. Because they have been acting so squirrelly with me recently. To the point where I'm like, something, maybe it's not squirrel, but something is going on here. Was there a scene?

Can someone call for a scene? No. We're fuzzy, fall from the sky, and assist those in a physical and emotional need.

Raining cats and dogs.

Yes, Adal, you're on a roll here. Unbelievable.

I would like to see, do we have time for a scene before break, Erin, or no?

Yes, let me ask the council. The council says yes.

Let's say Josh and Erin, you two are dogs and you're trying to walk home in the rain and JPC, you come in as a cat. Okay.

I- I think that you did really great today. Like, every time he threw the ball, you went- you grabbed it, you got it. I think that your confidence is just a little low.

I don't know. I mean, I got it, but then I brought it back and he threw it again, which probably means I didn't bring it back right.

No, no, I- I think he- if he- if he didn't bring it back right, I don't think he would trust you enough to throw it again. You know what I mean?

This is really helpful to hear because I was thinking that if he liked the way I brought it back, then he would've just kept it.

Yeah, see- Pussies. What? Sorry. Hello?

Excuse me? Hey? Hello?

Oh, it's a cat.

Did you say something to me? I'm sorry, did you say something to me?

Stand behind me. Hey, uh, can we help you with something?

Oh.

Smells your butt.

Okay. Oh, okay. Uh, uh, a little, a little personal, don't you think?

I mean, it's how I say hello.

Okay.

It's not how- Just making sure you're safe.

It's not how I say hello. So, kind of feels like- You're doing, you're doing your way.

You were just saying, can I help you? What's this guy? What's this guy's problem?

Why is his face all flat like that?

He's a pug.

I'm a pug. This is how my face is.

You say that like it means something to me. He's a pug? He's a pug? What could that possibly mean?

Also, I ran really fast into a wall. But that didn't make my face flat. My face was already flat, fortunately.

Hey man, you were the one who talked to us.

Yeah. I'm sorry? Wait, why would you say that?

Because you said, I think you called us pussies.

Excuse me, that's our word.

Which is a sort of takes one to no one situation.

I don't believe what I'm hearing right now. I don't believe what I'm hearing right now.

No, I've met a cat before. You guys are dastardly and manipulative. You're all the same.

You know what you are? A bigot.

No, I'm a bastard hound. Get it right.

Well, you know what? You look more like a bigot hound to me. And I said it. And I said it and I won't take it back.

Oh my god, I can't believe I'm getting into a fight and I'm with my only pug friend.

See, this is what I'm always saying about catcel culture running amok. I'm sorry. Catcel culture running amok. You're that kind of pug. Catcel culture. You're that kind of pug.

I see. What do you mean that kind of pug?

Catcel culture.

Catcel culture.

Wow. And I think we should take a break and I want everyone to really think about that, okay?

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Alright guys, it's JPC and I want to tell you about BetterHelp's 2026 State of Stigma Report. How we're really doing, and why stigma still gets in the way of getting support. We all know that everybody has mental health to some degree. I certainly do. I've got actually a lot of it. And we're all talking about mental health more openly now. But asking for help can still be hard, and BetterHelp's latest research confirms it. BetterHelp's State of the Sigma report surveyed 2,000 Americans and revealed that 85% of Americans believe getting support is wise, yet 74% say society discourages people from doing so. I want to encourage you to get help and I love BetterHelp for that. With over 30,000 therapists, BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform having served over 6 million people globally and it works with an average rating of 4.9 out of 5 stars for a live session based on over 1.7 million client reviews. Plus, BetterHelp therapists work according to a strict code of conduct and are fully licensed in the United States. And they have a therapist match commitment, which means they do the initial matching work for you so that you can focus on your therapy goals. And if you aren't happy with your match, you can switch to a different therapist at any time from their list of tailored recs. We simply have to eliminate the stigma that goes along with talking about mental health and doing something about it. Don't let stigma stand in the way of support. Start therapy with BetterHelp. Sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com slash riddle. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash riddle.

Hey everybody, Adal here. Don't panic, I'm trying not to. The three of us were at the Cook County Pie Factory, I'm still here, on a self-guided tour of course, and JPC and Erin leaned over a bit too far and fell into the pie vat, so they've been baked into pies. I'm trying to run around eating through the pies to find them. No such luck so far, but I do want to let you know, this is stressful of course, but one of the most stressful things we have to deal with after a busy day of recording Riddles is what are we going to have for dinner? JPC of course always suggests, I've got a bone to pick with you, and Erin's all, why don't you have a bollocomtada? Forty-five minutes later, two-thirds of us are baked into pies. This all could have been avoided with Tempo. The meals are already prepared, ready in two minutes, and make it a whole lot easier to eat fresh, balanced meals during the week. With over 20 recipes every week made from nutrient-rich ingredients, Tempo keeps things exciting and helps you stay consistent with healthy habits. And no matter your goals, there's a Tempo meal for you. Protein packed meals with over 30 grams of protein, fiber rich, calorie conscious, gut support, and even GLP-1 smart meals. Glp-1, I guess is maybe how you pronounce it. Personally, I've recently had some favorites from Tempo, including the BBQ Pulled Pork Sweet Potato Skillet, the Fiesta Grilled Chicken and Rice, and The most fun to say, the lean and clean rotini bolognese with garlicky broccoli. Yum, yum, yum. For a limited time, Tempo is offering our listeners 60% off your first box. Go to tempomeals.com slash riddle. That's tempomeals.com slash riddle for 60% off your first box. Tempomeals.com slash riddle. Rules and restrictions may apply. Oh, oh, I bit into a pie. It's Erin. Oh, no, that's a blackbird. Hey everybody, JPC here.

You know one thing I love about summer?

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Hey everybody, we're back from a break. That's Josh over there, that's Adal, that's JPC, and we're really excited to be here with Riddles from Alex Dimitri... Dr. Dimitri... Dr. Dimitri... Here are more of those couple riddles, which I'm loving. These are fun. I feel like they're not, uh, it's early in the morning. I guess it's not early in the morning for me. It's 9 45 AM, but this is the first thing I've done today. And so I'm glad that we're doing something that's kind of easy breezy on the brain. Here we go. We're Russian litigious and are unjust when separated.

Crime and punishment.

Adal. Oh, you're so good at these.

And these are all words that are married to each other. I guess I just love my married friends.

Crime and punishment are married, but they're in sort of like an open thing.

Yes, with War and Peace.

Yes, exactly. They swing.

War and Peace is a billionaire.

We're clumsy, thirsty, and crowned. We're clumsy, thirsty, and crowned.

Snap, crackle, and pop the three dwarves.

No. Uh, are you okay?

What kind of question is that, Erin? Isn't there a show, I've never seen it but I've heard of it, it's a show on Apple TV where it's like Lee Pace is both king, he's like himself current age king, but then his younger self is there and his older self is there?

The Foundation show?

The Foundation, yeah. We are clumsy, thirsty, and crowned.

Clumsy, thirsty and crowned? What is Jack and Jill? Hey man, she was in a coma for 11 years, but no, you tell your story!

My sweet Wesley. Yes.

Jack's bleeding out down there and she's just doing like a double backflip down the hill.

Watch me do a round off. Medics hold up scores.

How are Jack and Jill related?

Dating, I thought.

No, they're a pair of siblings. How about that? What?

Ew. I do want to see a scene. Yep. Erin and Josh, you are Jack and Jill. And Erin, you are visiting Jack in the hospital after the whole situation.

Hey, buddy. How you holding up?

Jill, is that you?

Yeah. I brought flowers and balloons and I'm just here to apologize.

Uh, for what? The whole thing was so hazy to me. Right. I just don't... I just remember we were going up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Sure. Which they kept at the top of the hill.

Uh-huh.

And then yada, yada, yada, bottom of the hill, broken crown. Hostile.

And that's exactly what happened. And that's exactly what happened. You were very thirsty and you insisted we climb up there. And I said, that seems pretty unsafe. And then when we got up to the top, we weren't in a fight and I wasn't irritated and I didn't push you down the hill. So you remember it exactly right.

Okay. Quick follow up question, Jill, my best friend and closest sibling.

Right.

And only confidant.

Of course.

Why did you bring apology flowers if, if that didn't happen?

That's a great question, Jack.

I gave them- The doctors are saying I'm asking great questions.

Oh, good. That's good, buddy.

It was the first thing that came back.

Good. Um, I brought them for you to give to yourself. Because I thought you would want to exercise some self forgiveness after this entire incident.

Now, again, my memory is very hazy. Is that something anyone's ever done before?

Yes, it's a very common normal thing that people do.

Okay, then this sounds good. I just want to get back to normal. And the doctor said I might never do that again. Get back to normal.

Well, the detectives are going to be in here soon. And just make sure you tell them how hazy it is, how you did this to yourself. If they throw around words like attempted or murder or anything like that. I just need you to just take a deep breath.

And forgive myself for attempting to murder me.

Understood. Knock, knock, knock. Hello, I'm Detective Farts McNamara. Well, usually that gets a bit of a giggle. And this is my partner.

I'm sorry, I just have this grievous head injury. What part of Farts McNamara, or detective, could be detective, what part of Detective Farts McNamara do people usually giggle at? Oh, great question. Thank you. The doctors are saying I'm asking great questions. It's the first thing that came back.

Uh, usually McNamara because people think of Mac the Knife and then they go into... Is that Sinatra?

I think it's from Three Penny Opera. Bobby Darin?

That's right. Bobby Darin, thank you so much. I think I blocked it out because of who played him in the movie. Speaking of, this is my partner, Detective Spacey Kevin. He's a bit loopy.

Ha ha ha ha ha. Nice to meet you. Oh, and I know what you're gonna say. I got a fucked up face.

Well, you're a pug.

Oh, I thought it was because I look like Kevin Spacey.

Scene.

Scene.

Let's keep going. Cared for by farmers, we spend the day in fields. Squeeze some fuzzy flesh and you get juice. Now don't be weird. Cared for by farmers, we spend the day in fields. Squeeze some fuzzy flesh and you get juice.

I mean, my first thought is peaches and cream. That was mine too. Okay, okay. But I was like, I can't picture a... When I picture farmers, I think of like tractors and corn, but peaches would be on a tree. But I don't think of farmers at a tree.

I also don't picture cream in a field. You've never driven by a field of cream, field of creams? I loved, I loved that movie. Stumbled upon. If you stumbled upon cream, they will come.

They will come, they will come, actually just works.

It does work. Honey, you are spending so much time outside. What's going on? Baseball. I love baseball.

He's the only guy that thinks about baseball and comes faster.

Well, and also, you know, all the women that Derek Jeter dates.

Josh, you'll appreciate this. Please. You grew up a Red Sox fan, I assume. I did. I loved the Red Sox growing up and fell off a little bit in my 20s just because I was trying to get on the Cubs train a little to be in Chicago. I was trying to be festive.

Erin, that's called the red line.

Oh, yes, the red line that got off at Addison. Thank you, JPC, for keeping me honest.

Just fun, local Chicago. Yeah, if you say Cubs train, they're like, what are you, a tourist?

Erin's like, wow, the Cubs train is so crowded today.

But we had a night off on the comedy Bang Bang Tour, and we were in Boston. And Will Hines, great improviser, was reading what the Boston Globe had been saying about the Red Sox this year. And it was, they were just ripping them apart, because the Red Sox were in last place. And I was like, oh man, that's really bad. And he was like, I'm gonna go to the game tonight. Anyone who wants to go with me can go. And I was like, you know what, it could be funny. Like it might be funny to watch the Red Sox be bad. Like I love Fenway Park. I'll go and have a hot dog. And I went, and it was by far the most exciting Red Sox game I've ever seen in person. It was like electric. And they were playing the Yankees. And they did six innings of the Yankees not even getting a hit. And I went, shame on me to doubt Boston. I feel like I learned a valuable lesson. I cannot believe I doubted the Red Sox. And now they're on like kind of a winning streak. Yeah, they've been playing really well.

It kind of started with them sweeping the Yankees. And while they were still in last place and the Yankees, it took the Yankees from first place to second place. And as someone who's lived in New York for a long time, it still brought me great joy to see.

Yes, and I was at that first game, their first Yankees game, and I went, wow, this is, like, good old Boston taught me a lesson.

Oh, so Erin, you did this. I would credit Erin as well. I think Will Hines did this. Sounds like you're a lucky talisman.

Well, I mean, yes, Will Hines did it in the way that he invited you to the game, but the actual, I mean, have you seen another, have you watched another of their games since then?

No, but I did buy tickets for when they're playing in LA.

Oh, Erin, no. Oh, it's gonna break their streak.

Or they're still winning.

Double it. Yeah. They could win harder. Yeah, I guess we'll have to follow through on that, Erin, when they come to L.A. and see if it happens that you going to another game alters it in some way. Because all that we know right now, the empirical data, has said that you have changed their trajectory for the better.

I'm gonna send you guys a text of a funny thing I saw at the game.

I'm excited.

Whenever I think of Fenway Park, I feel like the accent explodes out from there.

Yeah.

You're just bound to see the most Boston-y things ever. And there was a Yankees fan there, and these guys in front of him every time. Yankees suck!

Yankees suck!

Wow. You love to see people being that aggro to a stranger. I love it. Just the middle fingers in the face of a guy who appears to just be sitting there. Now, Erin, was he antagonizing them in any way or was he in fact just sitting there?

He was antagonizing them.

Oh, okay, okay.

He came in hot being like, this is about to be just a humiliation ritual for the Red Sox. And then he left like an inning early and we all went,

Now, to be fair, it is an Allen Houston, former Knicks player, Knicks jersey.

Oh, it's a Knicks jersey.

And the Knicks won the championship most recently.

We all forget about that. That's ancient history.

I do feel like he's in the right.

New York are losers. Go Boston.

It's

Today we're

And wearing a player's name, one of the only players whose last name is a city. A different city entirely.

Yeah, third city entirely. Real quick, if this is okay. I was walking down the street the day of Game 5 of the NBA Finals, and like all of New York City to this point had just been in a great mood for like a week, and since they turned it around after Trump made them lose that one game. I was feeling great, I was like walking to meet my friend for lunch, and I saw an old lady with two little dogs, and I was crossing the street towards her and the dogs, and I just went, good mornin', and she goes, who the fuck are you?

And you're like, New York's so back, alright.

Good morning, good morning. Watch your fucking step. It made me laugh so much. And I when I told my wife about it when I got up, she's like, how are you like, how are you laughing with this? That would have ruined my day. If an old lady just screamed that in my face.

That's so funny.

It was awesome.

It's like you were living in a musical for a week, like everybody's so sunshiny and then she brought you right back to earth.

Oh, it was great. It was like such a perfect experience. Lesson learned.

I was gonna ask what it was like to be in New York when they won, but I feel like you just told us.

That was it. I guess I'm happy for you, but I just live here. You know what I mean? I would feel like a betrayal. Like my sister was telling me, she was like, my friends are asking if Josh is like cheering for the Knicks because he's lived there for so long. And she's like, I know, right? That's like a betrayal. And I'm like, yeah, of course it's a betrayal. Disease. It's a disease to think that way, but I do have that disease.

Josh, I looked it up and I'm sorry to say you ran into San Antonio Spurs owner Samantha Texas. And so the one person who's gonna be miserable.

Josh, is there any way that this old woman just couldn't maybe like modulate her voice and what she said was like, who the fuck are you? Cause she's like, I know I've seen this guy on YouTube. I know I've been to one of his shows before, but it's like, I want to say Don Jondelman. And then she's like, no, don't say, who the fuck are you? And then she just walked past and she's like, Don Gondelman is one of the rudest comics working.

Wait, so I walked past her and I turned around to like, to be like, is that what? And then she turned, like we were past each other, we both turned around to look at each other again and she went, who the fuck are you?

Oh, that's almost the Meet Joe Black stuff, you know? I did get hit by a bus after that.

And now do your Jamaican patois.

The thing that people don't talk about enough is that he's killing it. He's doing the Jamaican Patois. He's doing it exactly right.

Bread pit?

I don't know.

I think that's where my knowledge of Meet Joe Black ends.

I don't want to commit. It goes around every once in a while on the internet, but there is a scene in Meet Joe Black where, because he's like an angel in someone else's body. He's like death, right? Yeah, he's- Maybe? Is death an angel? Who knows? He's deaf. But he does... Is it like Jamaican? I can't remember. But it's some accent that is culturally of the modern parlance you probably wouldn't want to put yourself on screen doing.

Sure. That's so... But that wasn't Brad Pitt?

It was Brad Pitt.

Oh, it was Brad Pitt doing a Jamaican patois. Yes. Yeah. It's also like, it's the context too, where you're like, I could see a context in which someone could do that in a movie and you'd be like, oh, that's like, alright, whatever, but like in this case of like, no, no, no, this is drama, it's actually worse.

This is actually important. Hey guys, can we have quiet on set? Brad Pitt's about to do his big scene.

He's like, and this man's Bumbaclot? Uh, you know, we'll do some rewrites.

Let's just make another movie, I think. All right, here's another one. This one I had a hard time with when I was playing along with myself to it earlier. So we'll see if you can do it.

Casey, go ahead and clip that for me.

No, come on. And I knew and I was trying to go under the radar. I can't say anything on the show without getting clipped. No, I know.

Yeah.

It's not fair.

Builders of rainbows, oath of the post, when contrasted, we are inevitable.

What was the first line?

Builders of rainbows.

Leprechaun. Is this like the Lucky Charms of marshmallows? Like hearts and moons and clovers?

No.

Sunshine and rain?

Yes. Rain and shine. Good one, Josh. Rain and shine. Amazing. The motion of boats found in garages. Together we are rebels.

Comparable to gold, both grains of sand, we tend to push it.

Oh, salt and pepper.

Yeah.

That's really good. God, the first one that I got, and not only the first one that I got, but the first one that I understood.

Now say it like Patrick Stewart.

Excelsior. Ladies and gentlemen, salt and pepper. Thank you.

So good.

A classic. A classic.

Aged French and pungent.

Wine and cheese?

Yes.

It could also be Gerard Depardieu.

Gerard Depardieu. If we're feeling particularly mean, it could be Gerard Depardieu.

French, an insult to children, we both have been around the world.

French, an insult to children, we both have been around the world. Jules Verne? Jules Verne? Jules Verne? Zeppelin? Around the World is a reference to a song.

Oh, Daft Punk. Yes, Daft and Punk.

Very good.

Favored in the morning, though often secretly craved for the evening, for a price we will let you stay the night.

Bed and Breakfast?

Yes.

Oh, okay, Bed and Breakfast. I'll fuck with that.

Fried British Bits.

I'm

Can you repeat that? I'm envisioning you talking to a French robot person and he's just like, apples, granola, milk, and juice.

Wait, can you do that a little bit faster?

That's so funny. The wolf's weapon, we are but wind, splattered impotently against brick.

Welcome back to

Oh hey man, what's up? Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. Can I get you a glass of water? I can't have you dying on this program. It's going to raise a lot of questions. I'm so sorry. Do you have a chair? Do you have a chair? Do I have a chair? Do you have a chair? Yes, I have a chair. Do you want to sit in it? Huff it up. Huff.

And I'll blow your house down.

Can you sit in the chair for a minute?

Welcome back.

For privacy, dickhead! Oh, if I was a teen wolf, I'd... what do you call me?

What, you'd play basketball with me?

Yeah, go for a lamp and then you'd see me dunking on your ass. What? Let's cut to the chase. What are you doing here, old man? I came here, bud. I came here. I bought the land that your home is on. We're gonna demolish it. You have 30 days to vacate the premise. Back in the day, of course, I would... Off and puff and blow your shit away. But now I'm older and I have saved and I have a 401k. So now I just buy the property and then sort of undercut the owner and knock down the place and build condos. So you have 30 days to vacate the premise. You have been served.

How about I knock you down this whole hill and break your crown? How about that, huh? I live here. This is someone's life that you're talking about. This is a pig's life.

Yeah, do you have that water?

Do I have water for the guy that bought my house and is gonna knock it down with a construction crew?

Hey, I'm not a bad guy, okay? I'm not a bad guy. I'm a businessman. I'm smart, okay? Oh, the big business wolf? No, idiot. I don't buy it. Yeah. BBW, when you get older... What's your name? Pigleton, when you get to be 45, 50, you're going to realize that business is actually good. Don't condescend to me!

Oh, this is actually good. You're gonna get more conservative as you get older.

Wolf. You live in your little pig bubble and everyone says oink oink and you say all the way home and you all just, it's just an echo chamber. You're gonna realize one day you have nothing, okay? And then you're gonna realize you should have invested, you should have been a little more conservative.

Hey guys, sorry to bother you. Yeah, what's up? Did you just see a really annoying brother fall down the hill just now or?

I don't know if you're supposed to say that.

Do we know if canonically, if this is like a Brothers Grimm crossover, do we know canonically if the wolf from the Three Little Pigs is the same wolf from Little Red Riding Hood? I picture it as the same wolf. Yeah. Is it written by the same? No. Jack and Jill would be like a mother goose, right?

Was that a real person?

I'm just thinking like, I didn't know if there was like a carryover, if it's like the wolf pops up again. I didn't know if the Brothers Grimm had like, you know, yeah, it's like CSI or something. Sure. Who wrote Brothers Grimm Hill? Dick Wolf.

Who wrote the Three Little Pigs? English fairy tale.

English?

Interesting. In 1846 it first appeared.

It appeared? They were still doing that in 1846? They were still making up like, and the pigs lived in a house.

Yeah.

Entertainment sucked back then.

Oh, it's the worst. Oh, and then Little Red Riding Hood is way earlier. Okay.

Okay, that makes sense.

Charles Perrault. It is French.

Whoa.

Oui, oui, oui.

Erin, can we see one more very quick scene?

Okay, yes, but only because you've been good today.

JPC is a French big bad wolf. Erin, you're French le petit rouge.

Rouge.

Thank you. Le petit rouge hood.

Yes, I love it.

Pardon me, ma'am, but are you lost in the woods?

Do you have a light for a smoke?

Josh, do you have anything to plug or promote or anything you want to talk about?

Oh my gosh, I have a comedy special that's out now on YouTube. It's called Positive Reinforcement. I put it out with Blind Medicine Records. I have a newsletter called That's Marvelous. It's free, or you can pay me money for it every Monday. That'smarvelousnewsletter.com. And then I'm on the road a ton this fall. I'm going It's like ramping up now, but I'm doing Cambridge, Massachusetts, and gosh, I'm blanking right away. Oh, Dallas and Houston and San Diego and Phoenix and Cleveland and Pittsburgh already and some more to come. Raleigh around New Year's. Yeah, I'm really excited. Sorry, that's too many plugs. No, no. Thank you for having me. Thank you. It's always so much fun.

You're one of our favorites.

Anything to plug or promote? Anything you want to talk about?

Check out Hello from the Magic Tavern. We're going to start our new season soon. We recently had Josh Gondelman on at the end of our last season, I believe. No, you were on Offices and Bosses?

I was on Offices and Bosses, and I think I might have done the last season of Magic Tavern too.

Yes, yes, yes. So check out Magic Tavern and also our Patreon where you can find Offices and Bosses with Josh Gondelman. Erin, do you have anything to plug or promote?

Check out Quality Time if you're in Los Angeles or going to be in Los Angeles. It's a monthly variety show that I do. We're about to do July and the theme is rats and we have an environmentalist doing a presentation on that and I'm really excited. But we have a lot of really fun themes in the fall. So come check us out if you haven't yet. JBC, a review to read or anything to plug?

I'll just say if you liked Josh Gondelman on this show, Josh Gondelman is also going to be guesting on an upcoming episode of our other show, Gumshoes and Dragons, so you can check him out there next month, or maybe in a couple of weeks, I think. We haven't recorded it yet, so if something goes terribly wrong, then you'll never see Josh Gondelman on that show.

You're like the Big Bad Wolf of the podcast universe.

Popping up everywhere. Just popping up everywhere. Um, hot dogs!

Oh no. Baby, baby, baby, when you touch me like this, and then hold me like that. Yes, I'm in love, and it's all coming back to me.

Granola, milk, and juice, and salad.

Salad?

Salad. Breakfast salad.

And I think we should take a break and I want everyone to really think about that, okay?

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I'm gonna reset my recording. I apologize. Okay, no worries. Yep, I'm back up. Perfect. Thank you very much. I love you guys. I love you guys so much.

He said it. He said it back. Oh, happy day.

Oh, happy day. I'm going to tell the rest of the gals and they are going to be so excited for me.

When you go to lunch with them in the middle of the day. What are their names? Miranda.

Samantha.

Samantha.

Charlotte.

Sorry. I do listen when you talk about your friends, Josh. I just want you to know I am listening.

No, that's okay.

You're also one of my friends. Do you think you're not one of my friends? Josh, I do listen to you. You have sex in the city or you have sex and the city?

I think it's on the city.

Oh my god, I'm so sorry. I actually do saxon the city. Saxon. Right on Fifth Avenue?

Hey there, counts and quotes. If you like that, you're going to love this week's Patreon. It's another edition of our New Games Workshop. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com. Hey Riddle Riddle by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or start your seven day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month. Plus you get those ad free episodes. See you there. That was a hate gum podcast.

Hi, I am Mandy Moore.

Sterling K. Brown. And I'm Chris Sullivan, and we host the podcast That Was Us, now on HeadGum.

Each episode, we're going to go into a deep dive from our show, This Is Us.

That's right.

We're going to go episode by episode. We're also going to pepper in episodes with different guest stars and writers and casting directors.

Are we going to cry? Yes. A little bit. Often.

A lot. A whole lot. That's what I'm hoping, man. Listen to That Was Us on your favorite podcast app or watch full video episodes on YouTube or Spotify. New episodes every Tuesday.