Which Riddle Riddle?

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Just a quick annual summer check-in. Erin Keif.

Yes.

How's your summer, baby?

Um, pretty good. Got into a car accident. It's not sunny at all outside. And I haven't been to the beach or pool yet. GPC, how was your summer?

Great summer, going really fantastic. Two nights ago, I was getting my kid out of the bath, slipped, railed myself in the ribs with the bathtub, immediately said, this is going to be the next four weeks of my life. So just walking around with a bruised rib, but it only hurts when I laugh and I sneeze.

Adal, how about you? How's your summer?

Haven't been outside almost at all. Trying to raise a baby. And eating food when I can.

We're a little bit of a bummer. Let's try to bring someone else into the mix. John Mackey, how's your summer going?

Hi. Um, okay.

Great, never mind.

That's the best, no wait, that's the best anyone's summer's gone. Yeah, no. That's the best anyone's summer's gone so far. Summer's been fine.

Now John, and I have to stress, I'm not saying this. A lot of people this morning have been saying, your usual sort of jubilant, flowing cadence and tone has been replaced with almost a Dan Lippert-esque Don't forget

Take it easy.

Just for a moment, just one moment, you can tell me I'm sexy. Yeah, my voice sounds crazy. On my microphone, it's even impressing me. Wow.

Yeah. Does your wave, like, does it look different on your recording?

My wave? It's looking, like, shy. It's like the wave doesn't really know how to form right.

When you, I wonder if you, when you throw your voice out, does like, is like Siri affected by that? Like can you not activate your voice assistants and stuff?

Let's see. Hey Siri, she heard me. I think you came on the show for the first time seven years ago. That's stupid. I know.

Seven years. 2019, I think was your first time? JPC's gonna fact check me. JPC, we got you on the fact check board.

Am I right? Not even close to fact check board. Not touching anything. I don't care about this fact. This is a you fact. You can do the fact.

I keep throwing to you guys. None of you are doing anything. Has your opinion about riddles, puzzles, lateral thinking problems changed over the last seven years?

I wouldn't say it's changed. I've consciously avoided exposure because, yeah, I think I'm too stupid for this stuff. Don't talk about Siri's boyfriend like that. Oh, whoa, Siri's freaking out over here. She's like, oh no, she agrees. Siri thinks I'm stupid. Whoa, chill out. I'm just talking to my friends about you. She's just like, she's doing that thing where she just like, vibrates and an aura around my screen freaks out. Women.

Women.

Exactly.

Wow. And John, I have to ask, because this is something, this is new to me, that I did not know this about you. You are sitting in a room with seemingly just a cavalcade, a whole parade of guitars behind you. Yeah. Were you in a band? What's going on?

Yeah, I was in bands all the time in college, all the time.

Can we hear some of the names? Because that's one of my favorite things is high school and college band names.

Well, my college band names, one of them had an okay name, one of them had, and the rest of them had pretty bad names. I was in one band called Sweater Weather. Welcome back everyone! Um, but then I, the one band I was in that had a decent name was called Auxiliary House. And that was a, that was a big band. We had like 16 people in the band and we, it was like a, like a folk orchestra kind of thing. But then my high school band, my high school band probably had the best name and I mean best in the, in as, as like funniest. And we were called Patterns of Age because there was, there was one person from each grade in it. I have no clue. I literally don't know why this website still exists.

It's been up since

John, we are going to get to riddles, but I'd be remiss if I didn't ask you, so let's say Patterns of Age gets hired for a bat mitzvah, what's the song we're all clamoring for?

That's a really tough question, Adal. I would say Behind the Lines was probably a hot one. I would say Where's Your Tomorrow was a hot one. We also did a sort of ska reggae cover of the Battle Hymn of the Republic. Oh my god, I don't know why we did that our music was very like Metallica Influenced and then we just did a ska like a ska song in the middle Maybe this snatch soundtrack came out and you guys were like wait a minute the special sound great Yeah, I don't know. And definitely not, definitely the specials were not on our radar. When we're thinking about Scott, we're thinking about real big fish. Yeah. And, uh, and, um, less than Jake, you know. Um, yeah, it was crazy. We played three shows in our whole life as a band. The first one was three and a half hours long.

What are you talking about?

Who did you do that to?

That's really sweet.

35 cover songs? What was the meeting like to plan the setlist for that? You're like, no, we need to learn more cover songs.

Yeah, there was never a no. It was just, yep, yeah, let's do that one too. Yeah, yeah, we can, yeah. Yeah, let's do that. Yeah, we'll do that. It was literally basically just like, what are all the songs we know? Let's play them. No bad ideas and brainstorming. Did anyone, no I for like ordering or anything, it was just kind of like, play them all, who cares?

In the order we think of them. Was there any moment at all where anyone was brave enough to say, should we be like Metallica, where it's like ska versions of, you know, Unforgiven 2?

I wish. In hindsight, I wish that we had had that level of Outside the box thinking. Yeah.

Enter Sandman with horns. Actually, I think it's Goosebumps. Enter Ska Man.

All right. I want to see a scene. We're going to have a scene. We are all in a high school band. We're using John's premise where each one of us is a different grade level in high school. We have a gig to play a backyard barbecue. It's our first gig this weekend, and we are trying to settle on our set list.

Guys, I don't want to pull seniority like all the time, but also, I am gonna graduate. But Greg, I am gonna like graduate. I'm graduating, right? And so like, I want an opportunity to play all these songs that I love.

Did you almost say graduate?

Well, it's something I'm working on. I'm thinking about. Greg graduating? It's not done yet.

Greg's never gonna graduate.

The Vitamin C song. Oh, also put on the Boz Luhrmann song that's mostly talking. You know what I'm talking about? Sunscreen. That was the sunscreen one.

I'll do that.

I'll sing that one.

Maybe you'll marry. Maybe you won't. Maybe you'll do something. Maybe you won't. Isn't that the one that you're talking about?

That's the one.

I just assumed that whoever's pitching the song is going to sing for that song because I know we all want to be lead singer and so this is probably a great opportunity to figure out which one of us.

The full title of it is Happy Birthday in parentheses Suicidous Pavements.

What's up?

We all promised to be together forever.

Well, you're going to um, a college in Saskatchewan.

You don't remember what it is? University of Saskatchewan. It's so easy to remember.

It's so easy to remember it. Craig Stephanie might be leaving the band, but the band continues on.

Great, now I want Chinese food. Awesome, guys. Oh, great.

Mike, that's not my fault.

Hey, listen. Fighting again. Stop it, you guys. This is our last show before Stephanie leaves. This is why I hated the idea of this band. We were just in a band together for a year, and then one of us leaves, and then we replace you with a younger person. How is that possible, Mike?

I think you're confused about how passwords work. Guys, I don't give a- I literally don't give a fuck about this. I just wanna play all the Chambawamba B-sides that you guys- Classic sophomore thinking. Okay.

Classic thing for a sophomore to say.

Yeah, I'm a sophomore with tapes. Typical second year.

What Chumbawamba B-side do you want us to play?

If you have to ask, honey, you can't afford it. Oh, whatever.

Okay, fine. Greg, you'll sing Happy Birthday. It'll be the only song we do, and then we'll go our separate ways.

Oh, wait, can we end? Never mind.

What, Michael?

Say it. Can we end on I Hope You Dance? And don't forget, don't forget like the fourth time when we sing, I Hope You Dance, everyone else comes in quicker than normal with dance. I hope you dance. You can't leave too much of a pause.

It's such a good song. It's such a good song. It's actually one of the only good songs.

Can we just play that like 10, 12 times?

Yeah, because I do hope you guys still feel tall when you stand beside the ocean. And I do hope that whenever one door- I'm trying to do a thing. Sophomore. Please. What?

When you leave for that university in Sais Tuan that you're going to- Jesus. None of us can remember exactly.

Okay.

I think we should all go.

I think we should not break up the band.

I think we should all go to Saskatchewan.

Oh, I have to talk to the guidance counselor if I can get out early.

Get out of high school early?

I think you'll have to drop out. You can't just go to a university you didn't get into. Right?

Well, that's what you're doing. I said it. I said it. I saw your letter. You didn't get into Saskatchewan.

Wow. Okay, fine. I didn't get in. I was gonna go and try to beg. But you're right. Maybe I'll just stay here and I'll be in this band forever.

See? I like that.

Before we do riddles, I had this thought right when I saw your guitars when you logged on. What is your favorite, I guess, guys, guitar solo of all time?

Oh my goodness.

Whoa. This is easy for me, not even close.

Off the top of my head, and it might just be because I watch it like every two or three weeks, the Clapton solo from While My Guitar Gently Weeps, but as done by Prince? Yep.

During the George Harrison tribute thing?

Yeah. I think it's pretty incredible.

That's a great answer. Wow.

And everyone else, like Tom Petty and everyone's kind of looking at him like, and Danny Harrison, they're looking at him like, he didn't tell us he was going to do this.

This was not on the running order backstage.

He didn't, he didn't, he didn't clear this with us guys. Actually, we're all really upset about it.

This is a spit in the face of George Harrison.

What if I was like, my favorite guitar solo is, um, is, uh, uh, Good King Wenceslas by that Trans-Siberian Orchestra.

If that's your true answer, then you're my hero all of a sudden.

If that's real, John, then that's good. I'm goofing around. It's not real. My favorite guitar solo is pretty hack. I almost even hate to admit it, but it's the guitar solo in One by Metallica. Hmm, it's it's to okay. It's a real good one. It's a really good. It's a real good one It's like it's the one that makes you kind of go like Like invite your jobs kind of cutting us. Yeah.

Yeah, John. I don't know if that's hack cuz I'm looking at Rolling Stones rating and it's not even in the top 20. So I think that is Backhanded

No, no, no, I just think I'm like- That's weird, your favorite solo's not even anywhere close to the top 20 in Rolling Stone.

Yeah, it's kind of like a terrible opinion, I guess. No, I think it just means that it's underrated. You like a bad solo, huh?

No, yeah, I think it's specifically for me, because my brother used to play it. I would hear him playing it in his bedroom without any other music, and it just has emotional stuff.

Mine is from Weezer's buddy Holly after they say that's for all time and he goes But here's the question is that I mean, I guess it is technically by definition a guitar solo Yeah, but it's more like just a little like a little I'm not one of these guys. I'm not a size queen. I'm not a size queen when it comes to solos. I think like a solo can be, you know... Any kind of like featured moment. You got a small solo out there? No shame. Don't be embarrassed. Don't hide your light under a bushel basket. You got a beautiful solo and JPC sees it.

I think also, Dinosaur Jr., Not Alone, there's a part where, is it Jay Massis? Jay Massis, yeah. Has like a really nice, fun, flirty, quick guitar solo. A guy I once saw on an airplane and I go, I was walking past him, he was just sitting on an exit row, and I was like, do I say something to him? And I was like, I don't think he cares.

You saw the guy from the band?

Jay Masses, yeah.

You don't think he cares what? You don't think he cares about who he is? Well, I was gonna say something like, I'm a big fan.

This guy doesn't even care about me. I was gonna say something like, hey, I'm a big fan, I love you, etc. And he struck me as someone who would just be like, okay. Okay, okay. Which would be the most demoralizing reaction from like a celebrity. When people behind me probably don't recognize him and are like, can you go to your seat, dude?

He's just like, yeah, sure, man. Thanks. I get my mask back on.

The Prince, while my guitar gently weeps, is at 15, which I feel like is also low.

Does it specifically say the Prince one?

Yeah, and then the Beatles one is in 10, five slots ahead.

You're just kind of calling everybody out on their picks. That's kind of what your whole thing seems to be.

Yeah, I'm kind of roasting people on their picks because I'm more of a horn solo girl myself.

What's your favorite horn solo of all time then, huh? Oh yeah, name 12. Oh, you like horn solos? Name 15.

I probably could. My music taste is bad. I like any Paul McCartney horn solo I love. Like I love the For No One horn solo. But I think my favorite one of all time is in the Beirut song Postcards from Italy.

I'm the unsung hero of horn music. I saw them live and there was like 12 trumpet players I just wanted to just cuz you like horns look up look up this song everybody out there if you're list if you're a music person There's this song by this band called the Westerlies and it's called sorrow s-a-r-o Hey Riddle I don't even want to burn this joke but Big Grande had this idea for a long time of doing a sketch that was this song being played at a funeral and just the people listening to it get too invested in the song because it's a song that just like slowly builds it's like emotional like emotionality for four and a half minutes or three like three minutes and it is so good one it's the best song in the world but just imagine you're at like an old Well, John, legally, we do have to get through some riddles. Yeah, does that piss you off, John? I wouldn't say it pisses me off. It's just kind of like, what the fuck's the point? You know what I mean?

He said it, not us. He said it, not us, and we agree with it.

I'm excited because I think that I'm going to do good today. I've decided. I'm going to try really hard. I'm not going to be embarrassed by how dumb I am or anything like that. I'm just going to try really hard is kind of where I'm at with it. Love that for you.

Love the attitude. Siri's going to be really proud of you.

She's flipping out over here. I was going to say, just very quickly, I was listening to an album and I completely forgot their name. I want to say Dexys Midnight Runners, but that is 100% not true. Who sings Money for Nothing and Sultan's a Swing?

Hey Riddle Riddle

Everybody's listening to the hits, nobody's listening to the full albums with Dire Straits.

Well that's the thing is, I've been trying to go back and I'm like, I love the song Where Wills to London, it has my favorite lyric of all time, so I sat down the other day and I'm like, I want to listen to a full Warren Zevon album. Incredible. Phenomenal stuff. So I've been trying to expand my knowledge of some musicians that I have appreciation for. For just one song. Here's a riddle. I snap without breaking and can capture moments. What am I? Stick.

Camera. It's a camera. See, I told you guys I'm so good at this now. I'm so good at it now.

John just grew three inches.

Yeah. Feels pretty good.

He feels pretty good. Here's another one here. I'm a pear, but I'm not a fruit. Sometimes you can find me on power lines, but usually I'm on the ground. What am I?

I was gonna say a bird, but they're not usually on the ground.

A pear? I'm a pear, but I'm not a fruit. Sometimes you can find me on Powerline, but usually it's shoes.

I told you guys, I'm getting so good at this. I need to let you guys know, ever since I was on, I've looked at every riddle that's ever been wrote. I've been studying like it's like this is like a high school test where I've been cheating by reading all the... somebody gave me a study guide.

We'll find who that person is and we will fire them for sure. Could I see a scene? JPC and John you're gonna be a pair of shoes that were on a power line for a long time and you're running into an old friend Adal at a bar and sort of talking about your time.

Oh man, I've needed this drink. Hey man, chill out. Be normal man. Lawrence? Tony? Oh my.

Uh, close. Greg.

Greg, it's so good to see you. Sorry. Lawrence, Lawrence and I have been out of the public eye for a while. Oh no. And he's got a damaged lip. Damaged lip. Yeah.

He's kind of forgotten how to speak. I heard you guys, um, let me lower my voice. I heard you guys went to Turkey and got your tread redone.

We had to.

We had to. And his is not healing well. He's having some issues.

We cut to a bunch of shoes on a plane, um, with all their treads redone and then we cut back.

How are you, man?

How are you? Good, good. Gloria just got VP. No kidding.

Capitan.

Yeah. Would you say? Capitan?

We don't say that anymore.

Well, she's my wife, so we don't say that.

Yeah, you can't say that his wife is banging. He says, I'm only saying that because she is really, really beautiful. I'm not mean or gross, is what he says.

Is my tongue burning? Are you guys talking about me?

Sweetie, hey, you remember these two goofs?

Tony Lawrence, I heard a rumor that you guys were dead. Oh my god, hi, how are you? Oh God, what happened to you?

Do you want me to tell him the whole story? He said, yeah you have to tell him, I can't tell him.

Oh wait guys, right behind you, is that Adam Sandler? Come on guys, I don't, I'm just here to, I don't.

Am I crazy?

Erin, did you say that those shoes were on a power line?

Yeah.

Okay, great.

Yeah, you played an electrocuted shoe. You did it.

I just want to make sure. When I was playing an electrocuted shoe, I wasn't missing something.

I did the classic thing where it's like, because I just woke up right before this episode, it's like trying to think of a character name and I'm like, oh, Greg's at the front of my head for some reason. And then I'm like, yeah, it was John's character from 10 minutes ago.

I think that happens so often. Like on my podcast, Dave, my co-host, every time he makes up a name for a woman, her name is either Tina or Trina. And I'm like, have you ever met anybody? I've never met in real life a Tina. I've never met anyone named Tina or Trina.

I've met a Tina. I've never met a Trina. I'll tell you that. I've never met a Trina. It's such an interesting thing.

He uses Tina and Trina, and I gotta say, I have never met a Tina. I was not expecting that.

But I haven't. It's just like, that's never the name that would come to my mind. Well, John, have you met a Christina? Okay, Adal? You're

Tina is short for Katrina.

What did we do?

I'm

Here's a, here's a question I have. When is it appropriate to transition to no longer using your like shortened nickname? Because I feel like for people like shortened nicknames are like, um, like my brother, his name's Robbie, but his like real name is Robert, but some people call him Rob. And he still, he's 44, still goes professionally by Robbie. Which to me, a 44-year-old Robbie feels wrong. I call him Rob.

To me, this is just my take on it, if someone has come before you, if someone famous or of note has set precedent, so to me, lead singer of the band, Canadian group Robbie Robertson, to me it's like, that's fair game. He'll be Robbie until he's dead, which he might be. But if there's no sort of like in the cultural zeitgeist, if there's no one-to-one, you can't do it. Although I have a- You can't do it. You can't do it. I have a stepfather-in-law whose name is Willie and that is his name. And before I'm like, should I call him like Will or William? And my wife is like, no, his birth certificate is Willie. Willie, yeah. That's not a shortening. So sometimes it's confusing because you're like, oh, that's surely short for William. But no, that is his Christian name.

The way I think about it is like names, because names are popular at the same time, that like they grow with the people. Like for a hundred years ago, Edith, people were like, well, that's a little girl's name. No one. And now it's like, that's such an old lady name. And when I was younger, I had so much anxiety because I had never met a grown up Erin before. I was like, that's a kid's name. Am I going to have to change my name? And then my mom, we were at a bakery and the woman's name was Erin. She was like, see? Grown-ups can have the name Erin and I was like, oh, thank God. I did not want to have to change my name But I think Robbie now kids will associate Robbie with like a grown man It just changes

That's interesting. I mean, I think the short answer is a name can be anything you want it to be, you know, anybody can have any name. You can do it. Thank you for saying that, JPC. But I do think that if you have like a Y or an I at the end of your name, you're like a little bitch. So that is personally what I think. That's not the opinion of anyone on the podcast.

No, that is kind of what how I feel like it does. Not, I wouldn't go as far as to say little bitch. I would say you're, there's just a young energy to any name that kind of has like a E sound at the end or like where you sound like you're like making that person into a little baby.

There's no, there's no Google meeting that's kicking off with Bobby, your presentation. Right. Yeah. No, that's not happening. It's Bob or Robert.

Does this translate to female names for you? Today we're

That's a horrible thing to say.

John's sweating so much.

I hate that I said that.

That sounds terrible. Technically that's right, because you did say women, and all women are adults.

It just sounded crazy when you really started to pull it apart.

Let's all take five minutes and say the most problematic thing that is actually correct that we can think of. I would save my white guitar in a fire. Something real John said before we began recording. Hold on.

No time, we do have to take a break. We'll be right back.

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Hey guys, can't talk long. A very crazy week. I've got about 60 seconds to hang out with you guys. I'm really on the go this time of the year.

Okay, we don't have to talk. I just want to kind of spend our minute hanging out cuddling, if everyone's cool with that.

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Don't say a word. It's really nice to see you.

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Goodness, that is better myself.

Hey Riddle Riddle.

John, do you ever go, do you ever tinker with like going by Nathan?

Uh, I, wait. Are you a Jonathan? I am. Is Nathan a shortening of Jonathan? Sometimes.

Not always, but yes, it can be. It can be.

I actually didn't know that.

I've never thought about it.

This is blowing my mind. Here's like eight years ago, I discovered that Topher Grace, his first name is Christopher, and instead of Chris, he went by Topher. And it blew my mind to where I did like a research on like, not research, I just Googled, but like name shortenings. And there are so many where I was like, I never pieced that together.

And so now it's like a fun little, yeah. That's the first I've ever thought about Topher.

Jeez, my world is being exploded today. But I think with, and I'm sure you know this, but I think with like SAG, there's a lot of like, oh, there's already Chris Grace, so it's like, I'll go, and there's already Christopher Grace, I'll go Topher Grace or whatever that is. Like Emma Stone is Emily, and then there's already an Emily Stone, so she goes, I'm just going to change it to Emma Stone.

Folks, you have control over everything in your life. You don't have to accept anything. That's the moral of this story. You can change everything about everything and that's okay.

You can do a 20 minute guitar solo that no one asked you to do and then have it be in the top 15 of all time.

Have either of you or any of you ever done something like that? Like, I know people that did that when they like went to high school did like a personality reset where they were like, Oh, I'm gonna like chain. I'm gonna just be this different person now. Like I'm going to change this aspect of myself because I'm in a new situation. Any of you ever done that?

No, I've never done a rebrand. I do change my hair color every 15 minutes.

I'll clip that whole thing. I've never done a rebrand. I do change my hair color every 15 minutes.

But I'm still the same. I would say aggressively, violently so, my personality and everything else has changed exactly the same.

Describing yourself as violently so. I don't change anything about myself.

Just the hair.

Yeah. I was many things at the same time in high school. Where I was like, I was like kind of a chameleon in like moment to moment. Where like, actually in my real life I was into like punk and ska.

Why'd you swallow the word ska?

Yeah, what was that? What was that last part?

I don't think we got that one clean.

Can you pick it up, pick it up, pick it up?

You want me to pick it up? Should I pick it up? But no, like I was like really into like, like, like that kind of music. But then like, everyone I went to school with was like, Super into like country music and like if I wanted to have friends I had to like kind of like like things I didn't really care about so there was not like It wasn't like I was completely changing everything about myself, but I was definitely performing a version of myself that was not authentic. Sometimes. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. But no, after high school I never did that shit again. I found myself and I've been that guy ever since. And this is who that guy is.

We'll be right back. For a while in Chicago when I was doing improv, I decided that I was going to like buy a bunch of bandanas and color coordinate bandanas to shirts that I was wearing. So I would have like green shirt, green bandana, black shirt, black bandana.

We were just talking about, Harrison and I were talking about the other day that in my head you were wearing bandanas for way more years than you ended up actually wearing them because I just so associated them with you.

It was probably a few years, and I still do wear bandanas every once in a while. Like, because I have them all, and I still have like a drawer full of color-coordinated bandanas. It's not like I got rid of them, but I just don't wear them as much. I used to have really long hair, and it was like one of those things where I didn't want to do ponytails for shows, but I didn't want to have my hair in my face, and the bandana became like a very good way to keep hair out of my face for when I was doing improv shows.

Do you do coverage, or do you just do like a wraparound? Banned.

How did you tie?

I was going, in my phone, I have like a hundred thousand photos, just cause I never, I'm kind of a big deal. I just never get rid of anything. And I never like sort through my, I'm always like, I'll get to it later. But I was going through photos the other day to try and like organize them. And I started from the beginning and I saw so many pictures, Japes, of you in your bandanas. And I'm like, totally forgot that period. And then I also saw a bunch of photos that you sent of a What's up YouTube?

I did that on Facebook every day for two years. I would post the exact same photo of spaghetti. For two years? For two years. And the caption was, it was always like, I changed the captions a little bit. It was always like, having a great Wednesday, and it was the same, and having a great Thursday, something like that. I can't remember the exact caption was, but it was fun.

I will say, GPC, it worked. There was several thousand people in Chicago doing improv and comedy, and you were very memorable. I was like, you mean the guy who wears bandanas, drinks Shirley Temple's aftershows, and posts spaghetti every day? Yeah, I remember him.

Spaghetti every day, that's my whole thing, baby. We gotta take her for a walk.

I, uh, for two weeks on Facebook, back when I was active on Facebook when I was younger, I changed, I changed my birthday to every day for two weeks and one person said happy birthday twice. on the show.

If I were a therapist, I'd be like, so every day is your birthday, huh? Let's talk about that. Why are we doing that? Is it just a bit? Or do you kind of want people to care about you every day?

I just kind of want attention. I kind of want people to care about me. I want people to have an easy excuse to reach out. That's it.

That's interesting. We are coming to the end of our session, though, so we will have to pick this up. It's only been three minutes. Yeah, but I'm a little bit bored and I'm hungry.

You asked me one question. I'm always coming at the end of every session that I do, baby. I'm where you go to curl up and die, but when you leave, you feel more alive.

I'm where you go to curl up and die. I'm where you go to curl up and die, but when you leave... A hair salon. Hair salon. It is hair salon. Hair salon. I do want to see a scene. Yep. Mackey, you are a stylist at a hair salon. Erin Keif has just walked in and plopped down and she would like to get her hair color changed.

Yes, what are you looking for today? You've obviously done some What's up? Hey, you've been warned about this. Yeah, you treat the customers with respect and dignity, okay? Uh huh. And I think respect and dignity means full, transparent honesty. You know, we can't lie to these people. What was the little laugh about?

We cut to a stand-up show where John's front row

And so I was telling my wife, you fix the car. Okay, we got a tough guy in the front row, huh? Won't laugh? No, that was funny. You won't fucking laugh at me?

No, but that was funny. I'll kill you if you better fucking laugh. No, I'm telling you, it was funny. And I know it sounds sarcastic, but it's just the way that I talk. I thought it was very funny. You've obviously put a lot of work into these jokes, and I do want to let you know, you should stop dying your hair.

What?

Wait, what? You should stop dying your hair. It's the only thing I can pay attention to. And I'm pretty far away, so the fact that I can notice I never thought we would be standing here today. I thought we would be in the emergency room with our hamster.

Classic couple inside joke. Why aren't you laughing?

The hell's wrong with that boy? He's not laughing at all at the classic inside joke. Why won't he laugh? That's a good joke.

These are my vows. I know. I know. Hey, I hear you. It's a classic inside joke because we have to go to the emergency room with our hamster like all the time.

The hamster thing is... I love that we say that to each other.

Then laugh.

We cut to the curtain bow of a Book of Mormon reunion, and Josh Gad is stepping forward to address John.

James, you got it? Yeah, let's see. Gad, Gad, Gad.

Yeah, I got it, I got it.

Oh, my God. Oh, thank you so much for coming to the show. I'm so honored.

I'm honored. And let me tell you something, Mr. Gad. Your hair is disgusting. He left.

He finally left.

He finally left. We got him, boys.

He's fixed. We got him. We got him. Move in. We got him.

I have multiple stitches, but I've never been to a hospital. I've been hit thousands of times, but it doesn't hurt.

Things have changed in my world, guys. I'm an asshole now.

You have three riddles, right, and you have the total ability to just turn into an asshole. Did you, you're 6'8"? No, I'm 6'4". 6'4". You feel like it's 6'8", after those riddles. Did you ever play baseball and basketball?

I played baseball as a first baseman. I'm terrified of hitting, though. For my whole, my whole career, really scared of being at bat. The ball terrified me. Because, folks, baseball's hard. I don't know if people realize this, but baseball, it's hard. It's hard. It hurts. Hard sport. If it hits you, it hurts. And when people are throwing it at you, it's scary. It's really scary. I almost had to broke my elbow by getting hit by a baseball.

Whoa. But it sounds like he got hit really hard by a baseball in the elbow.

No, that's not what it sounds like. It sounds like nothing, so far all I know is nothing happened. I know. I'll save my gasp for when he tells me he got hit with a baseball, which he has not said yet. No, it did hit me.

It hit me.

Okay, and then I'll go, oh!

And I lost feeling in my forearm and hand for like 10 minutes.

You only have two arms, so now I know he's lying. Hey John, I got a bridge to sell, and I'll buy it. Jon, I gotta tell you, this thing's an absolute fucking stinker. You don't have to do it, but you'd be doing me a huge favor.

No, I'll buy your bridge. How much?

Oh my god. A hundred? Thousand? Is that too little?

If you have it. It's yours. I mean, it's mine. It's mine? Uh, what? He's taking my bridge? Yeah, I've always wanted a bridge, actually.

Okay, so you got hit was it was this in like a little league game?

It was in a high school baseball practice, actually. But it's related to, there was like very bad hazing on my baseball team. And I got beat to hell one year, one time, and I didn't tell anybody, but my brother went and reported it to like the administrators. And every person who participated got suspended and therefore had to like sit out like three games. And then the first practice that they were back, this one kid, Chase Spruill, who was like... Chase Spruill? Yeah, Chase Spruill. He, uh, we were doing batting practice and he was pitching for batting practice. That can't be real. It's real. Let me tell you. It's real.

He looked like... My heckles, my heckles, like, the minute you said that name, I was like, fucking Chase Spruill. He sucked.

Yeah, that's insane. That name is so villainous.

He sucked. He was mean. He's mean. He's terrible. He, uh, but he was pitching for batting practice, which It's not normally how we did things normally a coach would do it and they would do it real like sort of like easy and he was throwing to me and he threw absolutely as hard as he could directly at me and it hit me right on the point of my left elbow and like the sound people my friend Matt was like Just outside, not even near the field, he wasn't on the team, he was just outside, and he heard the sound that the ball made when it hit my elbow, and then I lost feeling in my hand and forearm for a long time, and it was like, I thought it was, like, fucked. And my elbow swelled to, like, the size of, like, a grapefruit, and, like, there's still— The JBC, this wasn't a story?

This isn't a story? Is that still your final reaction to this?

Are you the kind of guy who wants to... I have the information. Do you want to hear the information? I have googled Chase Spruill obituary. Now would you like to know or would you not like to know?

It might not be the same Chase Spruill, JPC.

It's a session wrap on Chase Spruill. That's what's coming out of the JVC camp.

Keep in mind, he could have died and just nobody wrote an obituary for him. Yeah, that's right. Because he's such a piece of shit.

They could have said, dust to dust, dirt to dirt. Chase Spruill, you're down.

No, do we want to do this to John, that he's someone who said, this is a terrible person who did terrible things, and he's talking ill of the dead. Are we going to do that to our friend John Mackey?

I'll say this, and this is going to sound terrible. I wouldn't care if he was dead.

Never mind then.

Now, Robby, I assume it was your brother Robby, aforementioned?

Yes. Wait, good memory.

Thank you so much. Greg and Robby are at the forefront of my brain. He's the one who told the school about you being hazed. After that thing, did Robby visit the school again? Did Robby give a little visit to Jay Spruill?

No.

Just dropped it?

He didn't care. Robby was done fighting your battles at that point.

Yeah, it seemed at that point he was over it. He had done his job and he had walked away. I'm staying in college. Is Robbie as tall as you?

Let's do another riddle here. I can be open or closed, but I'm not a door. I can be empty, and I can be full. I can be twisted, and I can be dirty. Everyone has one, but not everyone uses it. What am I? Trash bag? I'm a trash bag. The part about being twisted. I can be twisted, and I can be dirty.

Oh, tea.

Welcome back.

Not necessarily true, but it's something we might say in terms of our affiliations or whatever that might be. Is it a cock? It's a cock. Yeah, you ever heard of a twisted cock or dirty cock?

Yeah, I'd love to give Chase Spruill a twisted cock if you know what I'm saying.

What does that mean?

Climb up on top and twist, you know what I'm saying? Really, really fuck him up. Climb up on top? You're riding him?

Hey Riddle Riddle is so good at making me the opposite of horny. Every time I come here, it just completely... Erin, Chase rules a bad guy.

I pretend like I'm gonna fuck him. I lull him into a sense of security. He thinks he's getting the ride of his life.

It's like a Bugs Bunny.

You know when Bugs Bunny puts on a dress, lures Elmer Fudd to him, and then cuts his head off?

Fine, I will seduce Chase Spruill, but I can't promise that he won't fall in love with me and I won't ruin his life. Which I guess is why I'm doing it in the first place.

I would love that also. Erin's been fucking Chase Bruhl for four days, and she's like, why am I doing this again? I totally have lost the plot.

This is kind of boring. What is this? Oh, right. I'm supposed to destroy him. Got it, got it, got it.

I got to cut his head off. Oh, yeah. Four years later, Erin's holding two babies, and she's like, what am I doing again? Oh, yeah, at some point I have to leave Chase Bruhl. I can be open or closed, but I'm not a door. I can be empty, I can be full. I can be twisted and I can be dirty. Erin, you're thinking along the right lines. A little higher.

Teeth. A little higher.

Nose. A little higher. Eyes. A little higher. Hair. A little further back, a little lower. Between nose and eyes? Bridge of nose. Higher or behind eyes?

Lower than hair.

Brain?

The way that we do riddles now is that we do like hot and cold. Yeah. We play hot and cold.

That was the most confusing moment of my life. What's there? I don't think I have whatever body part you're describing.

Erin, it's a mind.

Oh, it's a mind.

A mind can be open or closed, but it's not a door. It can be empty or full. It can be twisted. It can be dirty. Everyone has one, but not everyone uses it. Got it, got it, got it.

Not everyone uses their mind? Is this just like social commentary? That's what I'm saying.

It's like, yeah, they're talking about you.

I do want to see a scene. Erin, you are the host of a brand new British game show or quiz show called Twisted Minds. JPC and John, you are the first two contestants on Twisted Minds. And Erin, clearly, this was rushed through BBC Two, and they didn't really have a full sort of plan in place.

Hello and welcome back to Twisted Minds. I'm Patricia Crumpet, your host. I'm here with two new contestants today. Please introduce yourselves and tell us one fun fact.

I'm Jamie. I like bread.

Thank you, Jamie. I'm thrilled to have you here. And who's this?

Hi, I am Chase Spruill. I'm on vacation from America. I was found on the street, and they asked me if I wanted to be on a British game show.

Wonderful. As always, the first round of Twisted Minds is a question that I'm going to ask. Let's see. First question is, would you kill a kid? Would you stomach? Oh yes, Jamie.

My answer is generally no. Did that kid steal my sourdough? And if so, yes.

Ah, yes. The ambiguous sort of playing both sides answer. You could still have a twisted mind. What is this show? I'm reading these cards and yes. Chase?

Yes, I would. And, I don't know if it's too much to say, I have many times before. I am a goat butcher. I'm a goat butcher from America, so I have killed many a kid.

And you've killed also human children.

Uh, no.

Ah, you may not be a twisted mind. Round 2. How many times have you thought about boobs today?

Yes, Jamie. At least 400. As long as those boobs are bun-shaped, I love bread.

Nothing from Chase. Oh, yes, Chase.

Yeah, 400 sounds about right for me as well.

Okay, I'm looking at my cameraman. I'm looking at my producer. What is the show? They're all shrugging. I'm not sure.

What is the show?

I'm asking.

Cameramen are making a sign across their neck. We're canceled.

Why?

The show's keep going, but we didn't get picked up.

Okay. What's... Yes, Jace.

Are you okay?

No, no. It's hard to think of questions this twisted. Ah, what's the most twisted question you could ask someone? That's round three. Yes, Jamie.

I would say pretzels.

Alright, that's all the time we have. It looks like nobody won anything and nothing has happened.

Come back never to watch- We had so much fun today. I did anyway. Me, Jamie. And if anyone would like, they can come to my bread store.

Oh my god, someone just cut that guy's head off!

Morrissey comes out to sing the closing song. Twisted minds, these twisted minds. I snap his neck.

Finally, someone snapped Morrissey's neck.

John Mackey, thank you so much for being on the show. Thank you so much for rocking these riddles. Thank you so much for having me. You guys are such a delight. One of the best efforts, I guess, is put forward. I think you got the first three or four. It was incredible. I think, yeah, I mean, I think, yeah, man.

Yeah. I started to think about how I didn't get a couple and it made me sad. You got most of them.

No, you got to let it slide off your back. Because, you know, it's just a riddle and they're meant to be annoying. But you got a lot.

Yeah, thank you, Erin.

Jon Mackey, anything you'd like to plug or promote upcoming?

I would like to promote a couple things. One, you can go to Big Ronde website and get a bunch of podcast stuff. We released a new thing a couple weeks ago. It's called Main Street Sounds. It's a bunch of fun little improv scenes set in and around the world of Hamilton, which is where our podcast The Teacher's Lounge is set. And also for anybody who's in the UK, Big news, big grande is coming to the UK. We're doing shows in Dublin, in Edinburgh, in London, potentially Glasgow. It's not fully locked yet, but we're going to be there in July. We'll be in Dublin on the 3rd, Edinburgh on the 10th, London on the 17th and 18th, and then Glasgow somewhere in between there. But you can go to biggrindedwebster.com slash tour dates and you can see those dates and get tickets to those shows. We're very, very excited. I've never been to Europe before. How fun. Yeah, so please come if you live there. Or if you don't and you want to just like go on vacation, come by. It'd be very, very fun.

And then you can also... on vacation in Europe I mean this is this is a great you can do like all the things that Americans do in Europe like you can like try to eat American fast food and be like it's different here you can go to McDonald's get a big a Big Mac and they call it a big grande there which is confusing but that's what they call it now that's interesting

But yeah, no, please come to the shows and also you can listen to my other podcast, The Brett DeMott Show with Buddy, wherever you get podcasts. It's very fun.

The most fun.

Yeah. We love it. And I love this. I love you guys. You guys are so fun. Thank you for letting me come in and goof around.

Please, anytime. Okay, see you tomorrow.

Erin, anything you'd like to plug or promote? Wait, what? Erin, anything you'd like to plug or promote?

No, just check out Teacher's Lounge if you haven't listened to it. One of the best comedy podcasts of all time. So that's my plug. Adal, anything to plug?

Same, Big Rende, one of my favorite improv groups of all time, and I will say to our folks across the pond, having loved their podcasts and then seeing them live when they came to Chicago a few years ago, so high energy, so playful, you can't help but like smile and laugh the whole way through. So just to see their onstage physicality and dynamic is really impressive.

Guaranteed laughs.

I could not recommend it more highly if you have a chance to go see them when they're on their tour. JPC, anything to plug or promote or review to read?

I'll say it. If you know where Chase Spruill is, or if you know him in his personal life, we're not looking for violence. All we are looking for is an apology. He knows he did wrong. He's an adult now. He should own up to his mistakes. He should apologize to John Mackey. Let's get hashtag Chase Spruill, apologize to John Mackey trending on all the social media apps. I like that. Again, all we want is a fucking apology, Chase.

Facebook especially, because I just feel like Chase is over there. I just know he's over there.

Uh, yeah, that's it for me. Hey there Names and That Tunes, if you liked that, you are going to love this week's Patreon. It's another edition of the game that's not quite named That Tune. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com

Hello, I'm Johnny Knoxville. And I'm Jeff Tremaine. Welcome to Jackass the Podcast, a new show coming to f***. Coming to f***. That's what it is. Hello, I'm Johnny Knoxville. And I'm Jeff Tremaine. Welcome to Jackass the Podcast, a new show now on HeadGum.

I've learned a Jackass movie has to be really 90 minutes. Every minute over is a minute too long.

Apparently there's only so much butthole you can take. We're going to take you behind the scenes of our entire history. All the best bits, bad behavior, and even worse decisions. All of it. Sometimes we don't make the right decisions, Jeff. I've noticed that. Every so often. With guests like Spike Jones.

I think let's commit to Jackass the podcast.

What was it going to be called?

The Jackass Podcast. The Jackass Podcast. Without you, the IQ drops significantly. Steve-o.

There's a strong chance that were it not for Jackass that I would be in clown makeup right this fucking minute.

That shot of your butt just cruising up.

I'm like, yeah, I got that on TV. God bless us. Dave Englund, Wee Man, and some of the crew that's been with us from the beginning.

Subscribe to Jackass the Podcast on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Pocket Casts, or wherever the hell you get podcasts.

Our new episodes drop on June 18th. Woo! Look out for new episodes in your feed every Thursday.

Watch video episodes on YouTube and follow along with us on Instagram and TikTok at Jackass the Podcast. What were we just talking about? Probably buttholes?

Hi, I am Mandy Moore.

Sterling K. Brown. And I'm Chris Sullivan, and we host the podcast That Was Us, now on HeadGum.

Each episode, we're going to go into a deep dive from our show, This Is Us. That's right. We're going to go episode by episode. We're also going to pepper in episodes with different guest stars and writers and casting directors. Are we going to cry?

Yes. A little bit. Often. A lot. A whole lot. That's what I'm hoping, man. Listen to That Was Us on your favorite podcast app or watch full video episodes on YouTube or Spotify. New episodes every Tuesday.

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