Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum Podcast.

We got a lot to get into today, but before we get into any of it, right before we started recording, I'm JPC, that's Ed. Oh, there's Erin over there, whatever. Hi. Hey Riddle Riddle, it's the show. Like episode 400 or whatever. You know the show. Maybe they don't. Erin said that she had never seen Guy Ritchie's snatch. Now, now that I'm saying that. It does sound like I'm saying something else.

Oh, I've seen the movie.

Erin said she'd never seen the Guy Ritchie film Snatch and then she said that she thought it was like a miss for him and Adal and I were kind of mystified by that. Incredible movie.

Yeah, I genuinely thought they were messing with me for a second because it has never crossed my desk in a way where someone has told me it's like their favorite movie. And this is why I'm surprised. When you are a person who dates mostly straight men, they usually will not stop talking about movies that they love.

And straight men love Snatch, in case you don't clip that. No, you know what? Clip it. I want that one. Take that one from me.

I find that most straight men typically want to rave about Interstellar.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

That seems to be, in the last 10 years, I feel like that is the movie I've been cornered at a party the most about.

Yeah, cornered, yeah, truly. People will talk at you about that movie. I was lucky that that movie came out when I was in a long-term relationship. Obviously, still got talked out about it, but I didn't have to get talked at about it on a first date.

Yeah.

Which is, I think, huge.

I remember, I think probably around the time that I was in high school, you could not find a straight man who hadn't seen and loved Boondock Saints.

That's what I was going to say. If I had to hear all about Boondock Saints, why am I not hearing about, and I'm not going to say the name of the movie, because Casey is going to clip it.

Snatch is a great film. I also really like Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels. I think that's a great film. I won't stay behind all of Guy Ritchie's catalog. Today we're No, what's that? No. It came out this year.

It's John Krasinski and Natalie Portman.

Oh wait, no, that is Guy Ritchie. Yes, I did see that. It was so bad.

Guy Ritchie and John Krasinski?

And, and, um, oh fuck, Queen Amidala. What the? Black Swan. Natalie Portman.

Yeah, I said it already.

Queen Amidala.

Oh, yikes. Yeah, that movie's a mess. It was one that just kind of like slinked onto streaming as quietly as it could.

Hey, real quick, didn't John Krasinski get paid like $80 million for the Good News show or something? And then that just floated away into space or something? The Good News show?

Adal, there's a red dot on your forehead. Adal, shush, shush, shush, shush.

Take the shot, take the shot. Well, okay, so talking about Snatch and talking about how you could at one point in your life Like you couldn't find someone that wasn't obsessed with that movie Do you have a movie that you really love that you have never found anyone else? Not never I would say but like it's very rare that you find someone else that's like oh, yeah that movie I love that movie or I've even seen that movie.

I mean I One of my top two favorite movies of all time is Who Framed Roger Rabbit and a lot of people have seen it but I feel like nobody, it just never gets brought up and I feel like it changed, I feel like it changed cinema and it definitely changed animation in terms of like they still use the phrase bump the lamp, it's still a phrase they use and it's okay in the movie There's a moment where like, I think Roger Rabbit hits a lamp in a bar or something and it swings back and forth. And it was such a complex shot to get a cartoon to hit a real lamp that now they call it bumping the lamp. And that's a term they still use in like CGI and animation today. So that movie is incredible, but I feel like people have seen it, but they just write it off as like, yeah, it's just a dumb little eighties movie.

I mean, hell, you would not have Cool World if it wasn't for Who Framed Jessica Rabbit.

I think also Jessica Rabbit being a touchstone for, like, sex appeal in a cartoon.

I don't know about touchstone, but...

At this point, you're just clip farming. At this point, you're just saying stuff to get clipped. Be here with us, JPC. You're addicted to your soundboard.

If we ever decide to make clips for social media, I also want to give us something that we could use on that too, right?

We never are going to do that, though. No, we're never going to do that. I think this is not one that is so unusual, but I think it's the one that I get most excited when people love it, too, is Empire Records. I think I had to go through most of high school and college not meeting anyone who loved it, and when I got to Chicago and there were so many people who loved it in the improv community, I was like, yay!

We had a day in the World News Tonight green room before show where for half an hour we just talked about and quoted Empire Records. And then I went home and bought the Blu-ray and said, because I love that movie, and I said, Empire Records watch party at my place and it never happened. I think pretty soon after COVID hit.

Oh yeah, I remember that. It was pretty soon after COVID.

I think it was on Rex Manning Day.

Do you think that we all made COVID happen so we didn't have to go to that party? Is that your social anxiety, thinking that we did that so we avoided Empire Records?

Yeah, I think I pulled a bit of a Lucas, if you will.

I just bought a 4K copy of The Thing because I've never seen it and it's on my watch list and it's one of Adal's favorites. We can't watch Empire Records, but we can do a Thing watch party where we watch that movie. I'm trying to think of mine. I think when I was younger, my favorite movie was Magnolia and I loved Magnolia and I couldn't find anyone else that was interested in it, but it was mostly because I didn't have any film buff friends and I'm not really a film buff but like you kind of have to like movies in more than just like a I'm gonna view a movie you have to kind of be like into the you're not gonna sit through a three and a half hour movie just because you're like I'll watch something today you know so I I feel like that once that bridge got crossed with like meeting people who had similar aesthetics for a film I was like oh okay now everybody loves this movie so you switched over to Con Air Like Con Air, I would never put on that list because I can't find a single person who doesn't like Con Air.

It's a crowd pleaser. It's a crowd pleaser. JPC, I do feel like if you ever wanted to, you could very much pull off for Halloween Tom Cruise's character from Magdalena.

Oh, TJ Mackie, I think. Something like that.

I want to say Tame the... Tame the Snatch?

Guy Ritchie's Snatch? I think Tom Cruise got his only Academy Award nomination for that movie? Or did he win? I can't remember. It doesn't matter. I don't think he's won an Academy Award. Maybe he's just a nomination. He's fantastic in that. Just a deranged lunatic, kind of before the days where he came out as an out and about deranged lunatic. It's very telling for him.

GVC, have you thought more about when you want to come out as a deranged lunatic? I know that you've been sort of waiting for the right moment in culture.

I think I want kind of the right moment in culture. Because here's the thing. It's not Scientology for me. Scientology was great for Tom Cruise. I will not begrudge him for doing that. It made sense for him at the time. It's kind of a dusty religion at this point in its old hat. I'm waiting for the next big new like shining cult religion. I'll get on the ground floor of that one and then I'll start jumping on Oprah's couch. Not on a TV show, mind you. But break into her, I'm assuming, Chicago high rise and jump on her couch.

I think she lives on Lakeshore.

Today we're

That was even Benny Hill. That sounded like the Star Wars thing. I can't get sued.

It's a main feed episode. We can't use the real Benny Hill jingle and I definitely do remember.

But everyone gives their best shot at like sort of like a off beat Benny Hill jingle. Is that close? That's very close. Close without us getting doxxed?

Yeah, doxxed!

Alright, JPC.

That's the punishment.

Adal and I are gonna hold down the fort. You go see Oprah. By the end of the episode, come back. You're back in time for plugs.

I don't think I have anything to say to Oprah. What would you say? Yeah, what would you say to Oprah?

Thank you. Thank you for years of whatever it is you did.

Everything she's done recently has been, you're not gonna believe this, a little out of touch.

For a woman who bought one-fourth of Hawaii, you think she's out of touch?

Yeah, I don't know. I mean, I would say like, thank you for What was her... Oh, Precious. I'd be like, Oprah, thank you so much for Precious.

Did she have something to do with it?

I think she financed it and she was in it, right? Oh. I don't remember that. Am I wrong? Maybe she just financed it.

And I'm sorry, this is based on the book Push by Sapphire?

Push by Sapphire. Oprah has acted, right? She was in The Color Purple. She was in The Color Purple. She was in something else too.

She played the character Harpo, which Harpo is Oprah's Harpo backwards. Wow.

She was a voice in Princess and the Frog.

Was she really?

Beloved.

She was in Beloved. That's right. Okay. I'm remembering that now. I've only ever seen two Oprah movies, and I think it's Beloved and The Color Purple.

We've seen The Princess and the Frog, though.

Yeah, but I don't count animation. Because with animation, I'll watch a whole movie and then look up who was in it and go, who the fuck were they? I have voice blindness. I don't recognize people just by their voice. I was watching a National Geographic thing the other day and Mariah just like came in the room and she was like, is Josh Gad doing a voice? Like, is he putting on like a character voice? And I was like, this is not Josh Gad. And then I looked it up and I was like, yes, it is.

Is he taking over for Richard Attenborough?

It was like Josh Gad like trying not to sound like Josh Gad. And I was like, if you hired Josh Gad, I assume, I don't think they're like, hey, can you do something different from what you do? It's just a voice, I know. Tricked me, fooled me, but I'm not hard to fool, so. Uh, hey guys, how about some riddles, huh? We gonna do some riddles today? No! No! Great! Get fucked!

Get fucked!

Well, hey, here's what I'll say. I won't get fucked, but I will give you some riddles, and maybe at the end I get fucked. Who knows? We'll see how it ends up, how it shakes out. So these riddles are from Lindsey, and Lindsey submitted these riddles, I gotta say, almost six years ago, which is fun. But I don't... These seem like the type of riddle that we definitely have done on the show before. I just could not find any record that we've done these riddles on the show before. But it seems right up our alley and it's amazing that we let it sit for six years. Not amazing, that's just kind of how... This is like opening a time capsule.

No, I was going to say it's amazing. It's amazing.

Lindsay writes, this is a movie word game based on mashing of two film synopses and the titles. So, the last word slash syllable of the first movie makes the first word slash syllable of the second movie. So, I'm giving you synopsis, you take the titles and mash them together. Gotcha. A doubting young boy takes an extraordinary train ride to the North Pole while a young, overweight, abused, illiterate teen who is pregnant with her second child is invited to enroll in an alternative school in hopes to change her life around.

Wow. Polar Express? We just talked about it.

Precious. I know, but how did- Precious.

Polar Exprecious.

Polar Exprecious. My brain couldn't combine them though.

Polar Exprecious based on the novel.

My brain was like Polar Exprecious Precious.

Based on the novel Mush by Santa.

Okay, so you get how it works. So you're mashing them up with the first and last syllable. Here's your next one. This yellow transformer goes solo to haunt and torment the recently deceased. Bumble Beetle Juice. Bumble Beetle Juice, yes. All right, are you doing another another? No, it gotta be free to use.

I would actually like to do a scene really quick. Yes. I'm gonna be in a focus group talking to you guys about your experience just watching the Transformers and Beetlejuice mashup movie, Bumble Beetlejuice, and you're gonna be giving me the feedback that maybe it wasn't a great call to make this movie. Okay, thank you. Just hand up your questionnaires. And now at this point, I just want to hear from you guys. I want to hear what you loved, what you liked, what you think we could maybe tweak in an edit, turn up the color saturation. What do we think?

Yeah, I didn't like the part or I need it to be tweaked when Beetlejuice turns into a car. I thought that was dumb and bad.

Oh, which time? The third time when he turned into a Maserati?

I thought it was dumb and looked terrible.

So am I to understand that we're not watching the finished movie that you're going to use our suggestions and add feedback to?

Obviously we're not going to do any reshoots, but if there was a scene that maybe you found offensive or a scene you thought went on too long, we could maybe fix it a little bit in the edit.

There was a scene, I don't know, I mean I guess it was not the emotional climax but where Bumblebee is kind of telling Beetlejuice how he like really feels about being a car and then at one point it seems like whoever was operating the camera they saw like an interesting bird in a tree and the focus really shifted to that bird in the tree for maybe I don't know two minutes and then the bird flew away and then they shifted back into the scene. Was that Was that supposed to happen or is that part of... So you noticed that.

Yeah, is that like a Terrence Malick move or is that just an accident?

It was an accident and you're not going to believe this. This movie was quite expensive to shoot. It turns out it's a lot of money to turn Betelgeuse into a Maserati. So we had to just use what we had.

OK, because there was a moment where Shia LaBeouf enters a house and says, can I be in this movie? And then off camera you hear no.

Well you hear a pause and then no.

I heard the pause.

Oh great, you heard the pause. Great, you heard the pause. I love it, I love it, I love it.

I have a question. So I've seen two Beetlejuice films. Right. Great, thank you. In the previous Beetlejuice films that I've seen, Michael Keaton has been playing Beetlejuice.

Yeah, good eye.

Good eye to you. Didn't know you were Australian. Is there a reason why Michael Keaton wasn't in this movie?

Well, if you can believe it, he didn't want to do this movie. But we did find New Jersey's absolute, well not absolute best, because he wasn't available. The third best Michael Keaton impersonator to play Michael Keaton as Beetlejuice in this movie. Turns out the impersonator had never seen Beetlejuice.

It shows. I think I see what happened here. It looks like you maybe hired a Michael Crichton impersonator.

Yeah, Beetlejuice keeps saying, it's showtime, I wrote Jurassic Park. Also, Jennifer Tilley as Bumblebee? It was just her painted yellow.

Yeah, yes, yes. Okay, another good eye. Good eye to you. What is this? Are you re-storyboarding the film? Guys, guys, we can't re-shoot this. It is what it is. We're just trying to make it better. Like, what can we add?

Wait a minute, there's a camera crew here right now. Are we in the film?

Am I in the film?

Hold on, I've always wanted to do this. Is he right behind me? Let's tell your mother that we ate the pie. Can I take that again?

We're not going to be able to use these. These are from other movies.

Yeah, that just happened.

Scene.

Okay, here's your next one. Bunny boy is on the run from a murder charge, but clowning around won't save him when his darkest fears come to life and start trying to kill him and his friends.

Donnie Dark.

Donnie Dark it.

This is so serendipitous. Donnie Dark It. Donnie Dark It. You got the It part, but we just talked about this movie in a different context. Earlier on this episode, we talked about this. The Florida Project It.

Who Framed Roger Rabb It.

It's Who Framed Roger Rabb It. It's embarrassing that Adal didn't get that, but in his defense, we did cut maybe like a 10-minute chunk on the Florida Project out of the episode, so we did talk about that.

I think I just thought Bunny Boy was like a character name.

Oh. Bunny Boy.

Okay.

What do you guys think of The Florida Project? I like that movie. I haven't seen it.

Fantastic. Really? It's really, I mean it's kind of a hard watch, but it's so good.

He's like a hotel owner or hostel owner or whatever. But for a movie that is largely composed of children actors, children actors usually take me right out of most media properties. It's really good. They do a great job.

Recently, the kid that played Hamnet in Hamnet, I was like, if he got nominated for an Oscar I would not complain.

They're not going to have a toolkit as an actor, right? They're going to be themselves. You're going to get what you get from most kids. So it takes a director not forcing them down a path that is something that they can't do.

I'm calling a 20, 30 year shot, the kid from Hamnet is going to win an Oscar. If you're listening to this in 2040, go to my grave and tell me that I'm right.

Have you guys seen the video of, I forget the actor's name, but it's the kid who played Elliot in E.T. It's his audition for Steven Spielberg. And he starts crying, like the little kid is so good, and he starts crying during the scene. And then right after he's done, Spielberg's like, you got the part. Yeah. Which is wild, like in the room to just be like, you got it.

Hey, that's how Hollywood used to work. Now it's all Zoom auditions. Here's your next one. A chess-loving banker is, wrongfully, sentenced to life in prison for murder. But this other losery guy slays zombies left and right trying to get his favorite pub and gets no jail time.

The Shawshank Redemption of the Dead.

Yes, the Shawshank Redemption of the Dead.

My brain was like, Shawshank Red Dead Redemption. I was like, that's not right. That's not quite right, is it? That's a video game.

That's a different game. You're doing a great job playing it.

Thank you.

I give you A plus on you playing that other game.

Thanks.

An old man goes to court to prove he is in fact Santa Claus and immediately gets his ass kicked by Raoul Julia.

Miracle on 40... Miracle on 40... 34th Street Fighter.

It's Miracle on 34th Street Fighter. Honestly, I don't think I would be able to pick what street the miracle happened on.

Yeah, I've never seen that movie, but I know of it. I know it's a popular... I do want to see a scene. Oh, please. Erin, you are a high-powered lawyer.

Thank you.

Pantsuit. Everything. JPC, you are Santa. You're on trial. And Erin, you are cross-examining Santa.

Mr. Claus.

Please, you can call me Santa.

No, Mr. Claus, I'm not going to do that. Did you grow up eating sweets? You have a sweet tooth, Mr. Claus?

Santa Claus looks at his lawyers and his lawyers are both like furiously just scribbling at the desk. As any child does, I liked the taste of a cookie from time to time.

Cookie?

Your honor, leading the witness.

Oh no, I'm not. I'll allow it.

Aw, shit. Anyone could have played the judge, but it was the first decision.

I got there first. I didn't mention cookies, but you did. You just mentioned cookies being your favorite sweet.

Did I say cookies or, uh... It furtively darts to the foreman of the jury who's just shaking his head no.

This is the remnants of what was left of the plate of cookies a sweet family left out to eat on Christmas morning. Next slide.

Oh, it's a gruesome murder! Why would you order the slides like that?

Because we think you did this gruesome murder, sir. On December 24th... No, it was the 25th, right at midnight. You went down the chimney, like the sex pest you are, you ate a cookie, you got seen, and instead of saying, you caught me, you murdered that entire family, didn't you Mr. Claus?

Your Honor, my client is willing to plead guilty to the murder if the opposition drops the 1.8 billion BNE charges.

Your Honor, could I be extradited to the North Pole?

No. And no. You pled not guilty. I'll allow it! Come on. I'm playing the judge!

That's the Supreme Court! They're sitting in on this one. They knew it was gonna get kicked up anyway. They knew it was coming.

I'm dying.

Santa hands Clarence Thomas a big Christmas present.

I feel like it just says bribe on the package. Clarence Thomas takes it with his full chest because he knows nothing's going to happen.

Oh, what I've always wanted, a bribe.

I do think we've probably, and I'm guilty, this is my fault, I think. Send him away.

We got him.

We got him.

I do think we've done more scenes about Santa than anything else in the world. But I think I just- Let's look at our Hey Riddle Riddle pie chart. Okay.

Oh, it's JPC!

Tastes like pie. We'll just tell your JPC that we ate the pie chart.

Now the only thing left on the pie chart is scenes where JPC either has brain damage, is JP Riddles, or is otherwise deranged. I'm

Erin, if we dropped you into any country around the globe, do you think... From how high? She'd die. 20 feet? Maybe you'd break some ankles?

20 feet? No way! Scary, scary!

We drop you to any country around the globe, do you think wherever you land, the people would be like, oh, Erin Keif.

I would like to think they would help me after I've been dropped 20 feet.

They're like, are you okay? And you're like, no autographs, please.

Are you okay, Erin?

If I was dropped into any random country from the height of 20 feet and they said, are you okay, JPC? I would know that I had died.

Why are you in so much pain still, though?

Oh, Erin, it's because of where I went after I died.

I'd like to see a scene, actually. JPC, you are still Santa from the first scene. You've been sent away, and Adal, you're going to be playing his bunkmate in prison. And it's his first day living with you.

Yeah, so, you know, I just... I was at the bar, and two guys came at me, and I just took a stool, and ka-tow! Ka-tow? Yeah. That's the sound a stool made when it cracked open both their skulls. Whoa. Damn. They live, but they turned out to be twins, Senator's sons. Twins of a- Twins of- Kids of a Senator. Ah, tough break. Tough break! 12 years. What are you in for?

Well... I mean, just like everybody else in here, I didn't do it. They got me for murdering a family. Not really how it went down. Are you familiar with the movie The Santa Claus? The Tim Allen movie The Santa Claus?

No.

I'm Well, basically, all of them fuse into one Santa Claus and it leaves behind what looks like the remnants of a pretty messy murdered family.

Guards! Guards!

Hold on now. Hold on now. I haven't gotten to the best part. This is for something else. Guards! You kill me, and then you take the fall. I'm that family! I got turned into Santa!

Did someone say, uh, guards? What's up?

Hey.

Sorry, I was just, um, on the phone with my girlfriend. I mean, ex-girlfriend, I guess. Oh my god, are you okay?

Oh my god, oh my god.

I got dumped.

Oh, Steve, are you okay?

No, boys, I got dumped.

Open the door so I can hug you, please. Honestly, I'll- I'll- I'm not- Hey, I'll- I tried.

I had to try, I had to try. You had to try, you had to try, you had to try.

What's up? We're just gonna go to the common area. I mean, it's not like we can get out of- out of the actual prison.

Oh, you're new, aren't you? You think I'm stupid.

In a way, I'm new. In a way, I'm millions of years old.

Oh, I heard about you. You can get into weird little small spots. You can sneak out of anything.

No, no, no, no. HVAC systems in chimneys are completely different. Just because I can fit in one doesn't mean I can, as soon as I get near a vent, I can mouse bone my body underneath the grates and sneak out of prison.

Why are your eyes darting to the vent, Mr. Mouse Bones?

I'm, no, no, I don't have Alex Mac Powers upsets. We're gonna call you Mr. Mouse Bones. Mouse Bones.

Mouse Bones.

Oh yeah, I like this. Maybe Mouse Bones could run this.

Ugh, never mind. I'm gonna go try to win back Linda.

We have something. I do think Mr. Mouse Bones is something. Yeah. It's a movie called Mr. Mouse Bones.

You're a criminal, you get locked up or whatever, you go to jail or you go to prison.

The first day in prison, you know, you're like scouting out, seeing all of the characters that are in prison, and you see, working out in the yard, the biggest motherfucker that you've ever seen in your life, and it's Santa. And Santa, like, runs the prison. And it's the real Santa, and you don't talk about that ever in the movie, but he just is the real Santa.

I'm just picturing Jonah, what's his name, from Red One. JK Simmons.

I'm picturing JK Simmons. It's JK Simmons as Santa, of course, reprising the role. And like one day out of the year, they let Santa out to go deliver all the presents and then he comes right back into prison.

No conjugal visits? I guess that would not be being let out. That would just be going through.

And it's never known why he's in there.

No, no, no, no.

But he's like, he's definitely a, he's definitely a bad guy. Like everybody, everybody knows not to get, and they call it Mr. Mouse Bones because we have to. Okay.

on

When they make a bad movie like Red One, which I also didn't see, I wish that they made it like good bad, like a bad movie that's so bad that it's enjoyable watching. But everyone I've heard that saw that movie was just like, no, it's just regular bad. It's just like a bad movie. Missed opportunity.

Yeah. If you're in the middle of filming something, because so many actors talk about, while I was filming this, I knew it was a stinker. If you recognize that, which they all have to, Just fucking go nuts. Like, just put some mustard on the ball. Like, have some fun. Do your lines in a weird way. If you've ever seen Bad Lieutenant Port of Call with Nicolas Cage, he basically changes his character like three times. He just changes his acting choices throughout the movie. And it's incredible. That's one of the best movies I've ever seen, and it's dog shit. But he's having so much fun just being like, what if I did it this way? And then 20 minutes later, completely changing the character.

I think when people see a bad movie or they see a performance in a movie where they're like, Stanley Tucci was in like a different movie. I want to see a movie where everybody's in a different movie. No one's making coherent choices because everyone's just like, I'm going as big and bombastic as I possibly can.

What do we think is the most over-the-top performance in cinematic history?

I was just thinking about this because we just talked about- Meryl Streep is Sophie's choice. I'm joking, I'm joking, I'm joking, I'm joking, I'm joking.

We talked about the new Knives Out movie on Review Crew this month, and I was thinking about how funny of a choice it was for Daniel Craig to show up to Knives Out with that accent choice that no one asked him to do. It's that. I think that is such a big swing of a thing, but it's tough because you think that a lot of times someone shows up with a big swing of a choice and the director goes, stop it. What are you doing? Stop it. So they have to be a big enough star that the director can't tell them not to do it.

I think that was a big thing with Pirates of the Caribbean, or Caribbean, however you want to say it, where it's like the first day of filming, the producers, or I guess Disney's, whoever that was, was like, no, shut it down. This is not what we wanted. And then eventually it obviously worked out.

I think that for that movie, they thought it was going to be a bomb up until it released. They were like, this is not what we wanted. This is crazy. No one will want to see this.

I think Chris Tucker in Fifth Element is pretty great. I think Gary Oldman in The Professional?

Gary Oldman in True Romance is another one.

Gary Oldman is just like... We just mentioned three Gary Oldman movies. He's in Fifth Element as well.

He's willing to go there. That guy will go there for sure.

Chew the scenery.

Alright, here's your next one. After a rough landing, crew members leave the spaceship to go off exploring uncharted territory, but return with something terrifying. A teenager from the past. There is another line here that will give it away, but I will see if you guys can get it without that.

I don't think I'd get either of the movies.

After a rough landing, crew members leave the spaceship to go off exploring uncharted territory, but return with something terrifying. This is the first in a series of movies.

Back to the Future?

No, this is a horror film. Not all of them in the series are horror films. In fact, the second one is an action. Alien? Erin?

Alien... Okay.

Alien Gonzales. Alien... But they return with something terrifying, colon, a teenager from the past. Alien Sinoman. Alien Cenoman. Wow.

Oh, of course.

I didn't want to say it, but the next line that they wrote there was a teenager from the past. Buddy.

Buddy. I do want to say something. Yeah. JPC, you and I are high schoolers, and we just discovered in our backyard a big chunk of ice that we thawed out. And Erin, you have emerged from that chunk of ice as a cave woman. Oh my god. Hi. Are you... Should I... Are you hungry? Jeff, I don't know. I don't know what to... Are you hungry? Food?

Um, am I hungry? Um... Ah... Um, I'm cold.

Um... Oh, uh, we could get you some of my mom's clothes.

It's... Your mom... I'm your age.

Oh, yeah, I... No, you're like a million.

Oh, I was more saying that, like, I guess you could wear some of my clothes. I was more saying I could get you, like, like, gendered clothes. I- Yeah, I don't- Yeah, you can wear my- What's that?

I don't really care.

Yeah.

Is that skateboard?

Um, yeah, so it's a board- Wait, you said skateboard.

How do you- I've been in ice, but I've been paying attention.

Oh yeah, I guess people were skateboarding on that glacier.

Yeah, and snowboarding.

Whoa, she just did a 180 ollie.

Watch this.

Holy shit, she picked up an electric guitar, played it while rimming the pool.

Boys, what do you say I go to high school with you, pretend I'm an exchange student, and make you guys popular? Um, that's crazy enough to work.

Cut to two weeks later. That didn't fucking work.

I heard there was a gas leak. I heard she's not real and there's a gas leak.

A cute kitten is the star of this movie, but after a heartless thief steals the cat, a rebellious newsboy who dreams of a life as an artist away from the big city has to find a way to save it. Do you remember this movie? This was a movie that was a take on John Wick.

Is this like Argyle or something?

No, it was where someone steals a cat. It was all about the cat and the cat's name.

Oh, it's Key and Peele.

Yes.

What was the name of this though?

Well, the cat's name is also kind of a play on John Wick, but like not on John Wick, but the actor that played John Wick.

Keanu.

Keanu. I think maybe if we had done this in 2019, we would have gotten Keanu a little faster.

Yeah.

And what was the second movie? Well, Erin, do you know the second movie?

Read it again. I was focused so much on the first half.

A cute kitten is the star of this movie, but after a heartless thief steals the cat, a rebellious newsboy who dreams of a life as an artist awaits him. Keanuzies. Keanuzies, of course, of course. Keanuzies. Keanuzies, Keanuzies. All right, I want to do, we have a few more, so I want to finish these out. A group of oddball characters enlist to join the force. Insert pranks and helicopter sounds. But school can be rough, especially when the popular clique turn on you. A group of oddball characters should enlist to join the force, but they're talking about a different force here, Adal.

Star Wars.

Empire Strikes Back to the Future. The Star Force. School can be rough, especially when the popular clique turns on you. What do we think that is?

Could be any high school movie. Never made.

That's true.

Mean Girls.

Erin, it's Mean Girls. Stand by Mean Girls.

Awesome. When the night is young.

A group of oddball characters enlists to join the force. Insert pranks and helicopter sounds. Sound effects come to play in a big way in this. This was a series of movies, I believe from the 80s. They made a lot of them.

Oh, Police Academy and Girls. Police Academy and Girls. on Love the actors. I love Tackleberry and his idiocy. Michael Winslow should have been a much bigger star. Carved out some nice moments in Spaceballs. Got the bleeps, the blops, and the blurps or whatever.

The bleeps, the blops, and the blurps.

Blurps, thank you.

Okay, here's your next one. Paintings, Robin Williams, and suicide. A trip to limbo may save his marriage. A foreign prince also travels, but to hide from his bride-to-be.

What dreams may come... Yep. I don't know what the second one is. Can you read the second part of it?

A foreign prince also travels, but to hide from his bride-to-be. It's a comedy movie.

Coming to America.

What dreams may coming to America. Yes.

Nice. This is a really fun game.

Yeah, this is a fun game. I was like, again, I was like, this seems so reminiscent of a game that we've played, but I don't think that we've played this exact one.

You know how I'm nothing but excuses?

Uh, yeah.

I just want to say that we record for me usually starting at 8 a.m. Today it was 8.30. 8.45 because my internet went out. I, like you, at 7 p.m.

Thank you, I like you too.

Would be able to do these a little faster. Our brains are, we have morning brain right now. I don't think people realize we have morning brain.

I think people realize that I just don't think they care.

You don't think they care?

I don't think they care. I don't think they don't need us to be fastest lightning on these riddles.

I think the fact that in this episode, if nothing else, we've gifted to the world, we've set free into this realm, Mr. Mouse Bones. And I think Mr. Mouse Bones is going, I think we're going to see that scrawled on the show.

In the Children of Men world that will be our world in five years, there's going to be Mr. Mouse Bones. Mr. Mouse Bones question mark graffiti everywhere too. People are going to be waiting for Mr. Mouse Bones to come and save them.

Yeah, you have to leave little mouse bones by the fireplace for him to eat. Who mouse bones the mouse bones?

I'll have what she's having, a plate of connery with a side of evil fighting literary characters like Captain Nemo and the Invisible Man. When Harry met Sally, League of Gentlemen.

League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. All right, and your last one before we take a break. The first vampire and his sassiest drag queen friends crossed the country to compete in Miss Drag Queen America pageant.

Interview with a Wong Fu Thanks for Everything Julie Newmar.

It's not Interview with a Vampire, but it's the first vampire, so think... Is this the Aaliyah movie?

Queen of the Damned? No. That's Queen of the Damned. Oh, Nosferatu, Wong Fu, thanks for everything, Julie Newmar.

Yes, it is that.

I was joking about, I didn't realize that was the real, actually.

The Aaliyah movie, Queen of the Damned, I think is also one of the, it's like a prequel to Interview with a Vampire.

Really?

I think it's an Anne Rice thing. I think it was, I think so.

I just remember, I never saw it, but I feel like from the trailer it was like the original vampire, and I was like, oh, that's cool. But yes, Nosferatu would classically be

Classically. Well, anyway, thank you, Lindsay, for sending those in. And now, thank you, listeners, for allowing us this brief commercial break. Hey Erin, Adal, lovely. Good to see you guys. I actually really do not even have time right now. I got a jet. I have to, I have to go. I don't have time to kind of small talk or any of that. I'm going to live underwater for a week. What? Huh.

Yeah. We all assumed this was coming, I guess.

I'm just kind of nonstop back to back this entire week. So I'm going to live underwater. It's just going to save me a lot of time because I'll be underwater instead of on land. So I'll be breathing the water instead of the air.

Okay, well there's better ways to sort of save time. I feel like you're like eating a ton, like cooking so much for dinner and going grocery shopping and doing this whole rigamarole. Like we could cut that out for you. You could use Tempo.

Yeah, you gotta use Tempo. Tempo delivers fresh, chef-crafted, dietician-approved meals right to your door, JPC.

Okay, but let me guess, these meals are going to be stopping wet because I am living in the water, or that's probably more of a me living in the water issue than the meals issue, right?

No, they're dry and each meal is perfectly proportioned for lunch, dinner, and ready in just two minutes. That means real food, real fast. It's not like a sad desk lunch or drive-thru or stuff that you're throwing together from your sad refrigerator.

Okay, well can it beat the variety that I'm gonna get under the sea because I'll be eating sand, barnacles, mostly just sand and barnacles. Does Tempo have those kinds of options?

Yeah, they got 20 new recipes each week made from nutrient-rich ingredients. Tempo keeps things exciting and helps you stay consistent with healthy habits so you don't have to eat sand.

And JPC, if I may, some of my recent favorites from Tempo? Italian sausage bolognese cavatappi with peas and zucchini. Your mouth is watering and I've also very much enjoyed their spicy buffalo chicken pasta with roasted cauliflower and sweet potatoes.

That sounds pretty good, but the other day I almost ate a crab. He actually ate more of me than I ate of him. Anyway, for a limited time, Tempo is offering our listeners 60% off your first box. Just go to TempoMeals.com slash Riddle. That's TempoMeals.com slash Riddle for 60% off your first box. TempoMeals.com slash Riddle. Rules and restrictions may apply.

But don't take it from us. Take it from Nyfie, the knife who's a chef.

Bonjour. It's too late to introduce Nyfie. That's too late. Maybe next time.

Maybe next time for Nyfie. Ugh, Adal, Erin, I am in the dumps.

Oh, why?

Are you sad?

What's going on?

No, I was trying to buy a lemon, but it turns out I was haggling with this guy trying to buy this lemon. I wanted to, you know, make my water a little more refreshing, and eventually I got home with the thing, and the guy sold me a bad car.

Oh yeah, lemons can be bad cars. Well, I didn't know that.

Have you heard, have you used CarGurus? Oh, CarGurus. I know CarGurus. It's car shopping made for you.

With CarGurus Discover, you can skip the filters and describe what you're looking for in your own words. Simply type what you want and CarGurus Discover instantly services real listings and match you with your exact needs so you don't end up with a lemon.

With more than 4 million listings, CarGurus has the biggest selection of cars so it's easier than ever to find the right car and the right deal.

Okay, let me just use it real quick. I'm going to type into yellow exterior, citrusy, lots of seeds inside. Oh, okay. Well, this is great because with CarGurus, you can compare cars side by side, check pricing, and estimate your final cost so you can navigate the dealership with confidence.

It's no wonder CarGurus is the number one most visited car shopping site according to similar web's estimated traffic data.

Put the brakes on, sweetie.

Sorry.

Buy or sell your next car today with CarGurus at CarGurus.com. Go to CarGurus.com to make sure your big deal is the best deal. That's C-A-R-G-U-R-U-S.com. CarGurus.com, honk, honk. Get in, everyone. Honk, honk. We're going to the moon.

Hey, smells like lemon. Adal, I mean, you know this. Managing a small business is difficult, right?

Yeah, I have cat pies, which is my food truck where my cats make pies that I sell, and it can be a real headache to have a small business.

Yeah, and I seem to recall that the health inspector refused to issue it a rating because he refused to acknowledge that it was a food restaurant.

Yeah, we've had some, uh, there's been some red tape with, with, uh, the animals serving the food, but we're working on it. We're working on it.

Well, again, managing a small business can be hard. You got to juggle multiple disconnected apps to manage your business finances. You have to be anxious about taxes. You might be behind on your books. You're always chasing receipts and keeping up with client invoices. And sometimes you accidentally hire a construction company to bury one of your hosts into a big pile of sand. Completely unintentional. You meant to do something else. And that could be about any podcast co-host. And yeah, I'm trying not to make this about me. It's not like a cry for, you know, attention here. But it's just, it's just the reality of owning a small business. But, Found has eliminated the clutter by giving you one platform that handles it all. Banking, bookkeeping, invoices, and taxes. No more paying for multiple subscriptions and dealing with clunky, outdated apps. I gotta tell you, this bulldozer company, their app is trash.

Well, I know that found makes it easy to regain control of your business finances so you can get back to doing what you love, which is solving riddles and found helps you find your buried co-hosts.

Yeah, I don't know if it'll exactly do that, but it does identify the tasks that create the most hassle for small businesses. Things like categorizing expenses, preparing for taxes, managing invoices, budgeting, and they build an app that does it all directly from your business checking account. So you have time to vet potential bulldozer companies before you even hire them to bury one of your co-hosts in a big pile of sand. One thing that I love about Found is that it automatically tracks expenses, which means that I don't have to carve out time every week for importing expenses, you know, to go through my purchases, to make sure everything is accounted for. And again, I got purchase orders from all kinds of construction companies with all kinds of bulldozers. Found makes it easy to see which one buried my friend Erin alive in the sand.

Yep. And don't take it from us. Take it from the electromagnetic recording that we took eight feet underground of Erin saying this. Take back control of your business today. Open a Found account for free at found.com. That's F-O-U-N-D dot com. Found is a financial technology company, not a bank. Banking services are provided by LeadBank. Member FDIC. Join the hundreds of thousands who have already streamlined their finances with Found.

Thanks, Erin.

That was her. That was definitely her.

Yeah, she said that.

Yeah, the electromagnet. That's how you get voices from the ground, is electromagnets. Look it up. We're not lying. Oh, oh, oh, JPC, hello, it's me, Father New Year.

Oh, Father New Year, what big white beard you have, and looks like, looks like maybe was like a white-rimmed red hat that has been hastily painted like a different color?

Oh, does it? That's weird. I've always worn this. Oh, oh, oh. Hey, listen, just so you know, Erin Keif is off in Bermuda with Joshua Jackson. They got married.

Oh, that's good. Good for him. Good for him bouncing back. I know he's kind of had a tumultuous time.

Uh-huh.

Not to say anything of what Erin's had. But let me... Hey, Santa. Hey. Oh, I'm sorry. Not Santa. Father New Year or whatever? Father New Year! Lean in here. Look. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're obviously Santa with painted clothes, but... Oh, yeah.

If you want to get new clothes, why don't you just shop at Clint's? Oh, JPC brings down my big blue New Year's bag of gifts. I love quints. I give it to all the boys and girls. You know, as a fashionista, my outerwear needs to be especially impressive. So I buy down jackets, wool coats, Italian leather outerwear to keep me warm when it's actually cold. You know, that's the kind of stuff I buy for myself and gift to people around the world.

Yeah, see, I mean, I love quints because each piece is made from premium materials by trusted factories that meet rigorous standards for craftsmanship and ethical production. Plus, by cutting out middlemen and traditional markups, quints delivers the same quality as luxury brands at a fraction of the price. But Santa, it seems like you're giving all this quints away, but no one's, no one's kind of giving quints to you. And maybe this getup that you're wearing, that's you like asking for someone to maybe You know what, Santa? I mean, not Santa. Whatever your name is, it doesn't matter. Here's what I'm going to do for you. I'm going to take off this cashmere sweater that I got at Quince. I absolutely love this thing. It is so warm. It is so comfortable. And Santa, or whatever, I'm going to give this to you as a New Year's gift.

Oh, now the curse is lifted and now you are Father New Year, aka Santa. Thank you. Oh, this is comfortable as heck.

Thank you. Oh, good. Honestly, I wanted this. I thought I was going to have to Tim Allen you.

Oh, and oh, my normal voice is coming back. Oh, man. Hey, my name is Roger. I'm from Oklahoma. In 1972, I fell down a chimney. I don't want to. Quince is amazing. Thank you, Quince, for turning me back into my normal self.

Wait, is my voice going to change? Oh man, I'm getting Tim Allen. Anyway, refresh your winter wardrobe with Quince. Go to quince.com slash riddle for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada too, that's quince, Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash riddle. Free shipping and 365-day returns, quince.com slash riddle.

Oh, and I lied. Erin is buried alive.

Mm-hmm, Adal, JPC, you may have noticed my new diamond and emerald necklace. I bought it with the money I saved using rocket money.

Whoa Mm-hmm.

I realized I was spending like $800 a year on unwanted apps and subscriptions and then turns out I don't need to do that. Rocket Money canceled them for me.

Okay, Erin, but this, I mean, this necklace looks really expensive.

Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings.

Okay, I'm seeing a receipt addled in the trash can here. I don't think Erin wants to see this. Grab your hand. She spent a lot, she spent a lot on this necklace.

The app consolidates checking, savings, loans, and investments into a single dashboard to give a user a clear view of their financial picture. I've been using Rocket Money for years, way before they were ever a sponsor of Hey Riddle Riddle, and I love how clear their communication is. If there's a big spend on my card, it will let me know right away, and it will also let me know what upcoming bills I have to pay. And I'll even negotiate lower bills for you. What a dream.

And for someone like me who hemorrhages money, Rocket Money can help set budgets and goals. I get personalized insights and regular reports, and I can receive real-time alerts for large transactions, upcoming bills, refunds, and low balances.

Yeah, so I'm looking at Erin's Rocket Money right now, and she has a goal for a new diamond necklace. Erin, this is too many zeros. Erin, this is too many zeros.

It's like 18 zeros. What's wrong?

Well, let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join RocketMoney.com slash Riddle. That's RocketMoney.com slash Riddle. RocketMoney.com slash Riddle.

I have to be honest with you guys. This is not a real diamond necklace. It's a bunch of bugs I convinced to be in a diamond formation. Still costs $100,000. Pretty good.

Hey, Erin, JPC. I got us these leather jackets. Um, Paul Giamatti.

Um, uh, let's see. Um, uh, Al Pacino.

Al Pacino, ah-ha, ah-ha, don't make me laugh. No, it's me, Danny Zuko. It's Dracula Zuko. And I want to suck you, Sandy.

Disgusting. Anyways, hi Sandy.

Sandy, I got you a pink jacket. Put on the pink jacket. I'm already covered head-to-toe in this full-body condom, so I'm not going to need a jacket. Thank you very much. Can you breathe? Uh, no. I've got about 20 minutes.

Okay, let's keep going. Alright, let's get into it.

There's a microphone in here, thank God. Thank goodness.

Michael Phelps over here, 20-minute breath control, okay. How you doing, guys?

So happy to have you here.

What's new?

After all this time, what's your state of appreciation or tolerance for riddles? More than you started, less?

Still crazy after all these years.

Yeah, I feel like it's gotta be more. I feel like I'm so desensitized to it now, like nothing, no riddle can hurt me in a way that like maybe at one point in my life it could.

It feels like that. It feels like when I come, when I used to come on here, you guys were just bleeding from your eyes and ears when, uh, from all the riddles that you've had to endure. And now I think you've, you've come out the other side stronger.

Yeah. I also, I think I have a greater appreciation for good riddles now than I did before.

So you'd recommend this for everyone?

Yes.

Spend five years on a riddle podcast.

Yeah. And then, yeah. Yeah. If you want to feel anything anymore.

And Sandy, that's why we bring you in is to up the quality of our Riddle input.

Yes.

Huge mistake, but happy to be here. Well, let's get into them and we'll see if it's a mistake, but I feel like you usually put some pretty good offerings on the table. Yeah, well, today's is a little different. Today's is less puzzly and more, well, we'll see what it is. I have a list of idioms from other languages that have been translated literally into English. I'm going to tell you the language, I'm going to tell you the idiom, and you tell me what you think it means. That's it. Great. That's the whole thing. I might occasionally try to speak them in the original language, but for the most part, no one wants to hear that, I think. Sure, for sure. So just to get started, here is something from Dutch. Translated it is, this is like an angel pissing on my tongue.

And we have to tell you... What do you think it means?

It's an idiom. It's not literally about an angel pissing on my tongue. What does it mean? Why would you say that? What context would you say that in?

Angel good. Pissing bad. Like water from heaven. Like wine. This drink is amazing.

That's it. It's very delicious. Oh, whoa. Okay, all soft.

Why pissing?

Why? Because that's what angels do, JPC. Why would an angel piss? You know how somebody came up with the brilliant idea to just put water in a can and call it liquid death? Can we do that, but call it angel piss?

Angel piss! But it's really angel piss. Adal, I love where your head's at.

But it really is angel piss. And it's a cure-all.

Oh, you can sell anything to the Dutch as long as it's in blackface. They will buy it. Fair.

I taught this to Ezra, my son, and he spent the whole weekend telling everyone this, without context. So he'd be like, oh, this mom, this dinner's like an angel pissing on my tongue.

I think it's funny if Ezra says that to your wife and she immediately just looks at you and is like, you did this. I know this is not from him.

I can't prove it yet.

She knows who she married.

It is from you.

Well, not only is she knows who she married and yes, it's usually for me. He is half my genetics. So whatever compels me to act also is in there.

Yeah.

Inside him as well.

Nature versus nurture man. We all understand.

Yeah, yeah. Here's another one. Angel piss.

Angel piss. Gorgeous.

The drink that makes you horny.

Someone write that down, quickly.

The FDA says we can't legally say it'll make you horny. Oh, dang.

Here's another one. This is from Lithuanian. Translated, it's Born in a Trolleybus.

Born in a trolley bus.

If you hurl this insult at someone, oh, they were born in a trolley bus. First of all, you were left away in the air. Raised in a barn? Okay. No, it's not. It seems like that. It is actually closely related, but it is very specific. That, Adal, sounds right.

Born in a barn.

Raised in a barn.

You're always on the move. You can't stay still.

No, it's about someone who's got bad behavior or is rude or discourteous, but about a very specific thing.

Are they always pulling hair or something?

Like pulling people? Oh, like a cable on a trolley bus? That's fun.

Taking up too much space?

Nope.

Is it bad behavior that would be exhibited on a Lithuanian trolley bus?

Yeah, it's a bad behavior that is... Pushing? I guess... Jostling? Is it jostling? Now, You pull hair on a Lithuanian trolley bus, like an insult hurled from the French or something. I'm hoping this segment goes as the derivation of a bunch of new idioms we can all throw into our daily conversations. They don't close doors behind. I don't know if they do or don't, but they certainly like to Welcome to

You have wet ears. You're wet behind the ears. Wet behind the ears as yet. We're just filling this in with idioms that we know. Hanging wet noodles on your ears. So, you're so hard-headed that you could boil noodles. You're so hot-headed that you could boil noodles.

You're so Italian your earrings are pasta? Is that an idiom?

The Lithuanians hate the Italians. Famously.

Can we get a little hint, Sandy? Are we close? Are we anywhere near Sandy? No, it is more about something you do... I don't even know how to hint this, because it has nothing to do with noodles at all. But I guess it has to do with the things you say?

Wait, the Lithuanian word translated into noodles? So it's like... Yeah, possibly, yeah.

Hmm. What would you think? I'll give it to you.

Yeah, please. I don't think I'm going to give it.

It is to bewitch someone because they will never lie to you. So if they hang noodles, that means they are lying to you. What the fuck?

Lithuania, baby. Lithuania, you know, either that is So far outside of my cultural understanding that I just have no idea what it is, or Cindy incorrectly translated two to three of those words.

Oh, that's 100% possible. I should say that up front that it's totally possible that this is all made up or bullshit.

Oh, love it. Whatever.

As long as you don't speak these languages, who are you to know? Yeah, exactly. All right. In Farsi, what does it mean if they say, I rubbed soap on my stomach? Well, based on the precedent, Sandy, it could be literally anything. So I'm not sure how to approach the game now.

I rub soap on my stomach. Farsi.

I guess what I'm asking is, if you were to make up an idiom, if you were to make up this idiom, which someone did at one point, what would you... Why would you say, I rub soap on my stomach?

Like trying to solve hunger in a way that isn't... Oh, that's so good, Erin.

Oh.

Trying to satiate yourself in a way that is not gonna work.

Oh, yeah. I don't even have much anymore. Like if you're in a situation where like- I just rubbed soap on my stomach.

Yes. It's an idiom that means I'm fasting today.

Yes.

Is what you're saying. Nope. I like that angle. It is like it's meant to be a way to describe- I guess in a situation where you are not sure if things are gonna go your way. Hmm. Okay.

Is it better safe than sorry? Like, I rubbed soap on my stomach? Like the people that covered their hands in goo and set it on fire? Like the professional stuntmen? You know what I'm saying?

It's like if you went to someone's house and you really hoped that they made your favorite dish, but it wasn't. Later you'd say, well, I rubbed soap on my stomach. I cleaned out my tummy. Oh, that's nice. Yeah, I saved room. No, it means I got my hopes up and then was ultimately let down. I rubbed soap on my stomach, but it was chicken, not beef.

I'm about to completely change the way I talk from now on. I'm going to be talking in this nonsense, guys. I hope you're ready.

Thanks for watching. Booger. Maybe I should just make you guess what language it is, but I don't know how you would even start. Throw boogers in beans. This is Romanian. Throw boogers in beans. Throw baby out with the bathwater.

Ruin something.

Ruin something is right. Screwed up.

Screwed up.

Nice one, Erin. You are speaking this language. Yeah, you are Romanian.

Although, I gotta say, you throw us a couple boogers and some beans, no one's gonna be able to tell, you know?

Not eating dinner at your house. What?

Well, you weren't invited. You weren't invited to have my booger beans.

Oh, too bad I rubbed soap on my stomach.

Honestly, for dinners that happen at my house, you know, I have a two-year-old cooking, so you're gonna get some booger beads.

Two-year-old cooking your meals for you?

Well, they help. They help. And by they help, I mean, there's gonna be some boogers in your meats.

That's right. They do the amount of help that they can. They're on bean duty. What does it mean in Tagalog if you say, itchy palms? You have itchy palms. Someone's talking about you. Compulsive masturbator. Idle hands are the devil's tools.

Anxious.

Itchy palms. Guilty conscious, like you're lying about something or you've done something wrong?

Time to scratch the coconuts. Time to scratch the coconuts.

Time to scratch the coconuts. It's time to scratch the coconuts! That's a terrible word.

It is not even a negative idiom. It means you hope financial blessings will come. If you have itchy palms, you are hoping for... Tracked money. Yeah, to get some money land your way. What does it mean if something popped your liver in Arabic? Pop your liver. Is this like a Bob's your uncle situation? Is it that you died? No, it's not that you died.

I feel like if your liver pops, you're dead, right?

Yeah, I think that's what caught you in a lie.

Ooh, it means no, it doesn't mean that it's sepsis. It's when you are annoyed with someone. It's, uh, they really popped my liver. Was it Prometheus who got their liver constantly eaten out by a vulture and then grown back?

I would stop saying eaten out. We can't say eaten out by a vulture.

Oh, we can't say something gross on our show? Starting now? Starting now, I guess. Sandy should've.

Sandy should've. Sandy certainly should've. One time we said something about popping. What does it mean if you say, go comb the monkeys in Portuguese? Go fuck yourself. Go-go-go-go-go-go How do you feel about adding that one to your vernacular? Go comb the monkeys.

I'll do it. I'll say it to JPC.

I think in English, though, it's going to make people a little bit confused because we still have cultural memory of the monkeys that band and they had that, you know, that long 60s hair. And so people are going to just kind of assume it's a reference to combing old Davy Jones. Jones. Almost said Crockett. Jones still seems wrong, but Davy Jones from the monkeys, you mean? Yeah. But can you guys name any other monkeys?

Peter... Peter Tork, Mike Nesbitt, and the other guy.

Sorry, we were looking for Spider.

Curious George?

Spider monkey.

Is Curious George a monkey or an ape?

So here's a fun thing. He's a monkey, but he doesn't have a tail. What? Which monkeys do. So he can't be a monkey. Huh?

Well, he could be an injured monkey, right? Like he could be like a mistreated monkey. Oh, sure.

Yes, but who would mistreat Curious George?

Did you guys know that monkeys from South America have prehensile tails and monkeys from Africa do not?

Oh.

Because of the Continental Drift.

Are you lying?

Weird. No, they were all one monkey at one point. You mean they have tails, but they're not prehensile. They're not prehensile. They can't grasp onto things.

GBC, you've never taught me anything real ever in my life, so I'm gonna just go ahead and... I gotta go three for three for Zufax, so... Yeah, you said because of the Continental Drift, but I'm not sure that the Continental Drift has made all their tails not work. Okay, hold on, hold on. Hey, something happened. It was millions of years, Sandy. Something happened. Why have we not done Fast and the Furious Continental Drift? They go back in time, hear me out. They go back in time to Pangea. Pangea's about family.

All the continents together, family.

They try and keep the compangia together by driving in opposite directions.

The studio head is just pushing you out of the door while you're trying to push him and saying this. Hear me out, hear me out.

And then he walks the door and goes, we're stealing that. I got some more, I got some more, I got a few more. What does it mean in German if, now this is obvious, I don't even have to tell you this is German. What does it mean in German to say, I want to use the salami tactic?

Um, pass.

Pass.

It's like, at the end of a date, when you pass. I didn't know there was an option on this show! Approaching, going through, no, you're going through the information very slowly, because it's taking a long time to get through the whole salami, and that is because you are wary to admit the truth. Sugarcoat the truth or reveal the truth in small bits. Okay. And that's German? That's German.

I have it here in German. How are we on time? We can lose anything that I said, right? No. We actually need all of it.

All right, what does it mean to say, also in German, I only understand train station? I only understand train station.

I know enough language to get through like basic communication in that place. That's so smart.

It's all great to me is what we would say in English, but yes, I know how to say train station and that's it. I don't understand the language at all. What does it mean in Norwegian to say, to think suitcase? To have wanderlust. To want to travel.

Think suitcase? It could also be like the slogan for Norwegian cruise lines or something. Think suitcase. What does it mean to think suitcase? Oh, it means to live very economical, like everything you have could be packed into a suitcase.

It does not mean that. Fuck! Okay. To always have a go back.

Yeah, to be like wanderlust. To be thinking... You're close.

Get rid of the wander part.

Lust.

I said wanderlust like two minutes ago. But it's not wander.

It's lust.

Just the lust part. To be lustful. Yes. To have your mind in the gutter. Oh. It's like to say you're always thinking about sex. You're always thinking about suitcase.

Huh. What the fuck does that mean? Ask the Norwegians. I don't know.

He got real defensive.

I can't understand it. The Norwegians are worse than the Lithuanians, Casey, don't put that.

Are you trying to say, JPC, that you can only understand train station? Because if that's what you're trying to say, just say it.

It's all only understand train station to me.

Are you telling me you've never fucked a suitcase? You're not living, brother. You're not living, brother.

What does it mean to swallow the toad in Italian? To get something done early.

To just ignore your feelings.

I like that, like get it over with, like get something, just be done with it.

No, not really, no. To bury the hatchet. Red swallow the frog. What does Swallow the Frog mean? Swallow the Frog, it's almost like, it's like Who Moved by Cheese or any of these like self-help books, but it's basically like to get things done, to stop procrastinating on the bigger, less appealing items of your like to-do list.

Is it like Swallow the Frog? Is this like something like anti-French because the Italians and the French, they don't necessarily love each other. What was that? Huh? Can we cut that way? Can we cut?

To swallow the toad. It means to eat your words.

Oh, like eat crow.

Okay, okay. Yes, to be embarrassed by what you said. You swallowed the toad, you ate crow. Yeah, exactly.

Interesting. All right, Sandy, I think we have time for one more. So can we get your standout, absolute best of these translations?

Yes, that's what I'll do. God gives nuts to those who don't have teeth. That's Portuguese. I've seen this bumper sticker before. Yeah, that's a good question. Which of these would you put on a bumper sticker? You can only choose one of these.

Fuckin' a suitcase. What was it?

Fuckin' a suitcase. Is this something about like... God gives nuts to those who don't have teeth. Is this something akin to, like, God gives the hardest road ahead to those who are unprepared, kind of, like, or to those who can handle it? No, there is sort of a phrase in English, but it's more literal.

It's like the, you can't always get what you want, type of thing, where it's like... I do try sometimes.

Portuguese.

Portuguese. Yeah, is it that concept of, like, Uh, I don't know. It's like you can ask for something, but you'll... Or like, God gives you what you need, not what you want. Something like that. I don't know.

Sort of. It's close. It's more like, you ever heard the phrase, youth is wasted on the young? Yes. Fuck! So it's like, you're wasting an opportunity. You've been given new nuts, and you don't even have teeth to crack open those nuts.

Which is a thing we all do.

Crack open nuts with our teeth.

Yeah, I think that's a line from an Alanis Morissette song.

It's like cracking nuts when you don't have teeth.

It's like fucking a suitcase on a Norwegian cruise.

It's pulling hair on a Lithuanian train. And who would have thought, these are idiots. Don't eat the beans, they're boogers.

Well, we got there. Sandy, we got there. Sandy, where can people get to you? That sounds bad.

You can't. You can't get to me. Don't even try. Please don't try. Please stop trying.

Going down on an eagle.

If you've got the teeth for some nuts, you could go to my daily word game called Rattle, which is at rattle.quest, R-A-T-T-L-E dot Q-U-E-S-T. It's a daily word game where you're transforming words into other words using the clues I give you. It's really fun. And then my company is called The Mystery League, which you can find at mysteryleague.com. It's for corporate team building or any kind of puzzle content. I make a lot of puzzles and try to get paid for it. That's my life. Cool. Best in the biz. The coolest. Thank you very much. Thank you, Sandy. Good to see you all.

Good to see you too, Sandy. And we send you off the same way every time by having you go down on an eagle. Casey, cut that.

Cut everything.

Adal. Is there anything that you would like to plug?

Yes, I would like to plug Gumshoes and Dragons, a delightful podcast that the three of us do with our friend Anthony, and Hello from the Magic Tavern as well. Erin, do you have anything to plug or promote?

Check out Quality Time if you're in Los Angeles. It's a monthly variety show that I host that I'm really proud of. You can follow us on Instagram for the dates, GPC, anything to plug, promote, or review to read.

Let's read a review. If you want to get a review feature, just leave a five-star review anywhere that you leave reviews. Today is a review called It's a Livin' from deusxbrockina. Says, I don't know if I'd say they're funny per se, but I've been listening to them for six years. Started with episode one, my first year of grad school. And at this point, I just don't know what else I do with my Wednesday and Fridays. Sounds like you're insane and wear your puppets.

Mr. Mouse Bones, take us out. Boom, boom, boom, boom.

I'm scared of Mr. Mouse Bones coming down my chimney. He can fit under grates.

Hey there, improvs and books. If you like that, you're going to love this week's Patreon. We do improv starters from a book from 1992. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com. Hey Riddle Riddle by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or start yourself a free trial or the review crew for $8 a month. Plus you get those ad free episodes. See you there.

That was a hate gum podcast.