Which Riddle Riddle?

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Hey Riddle Riddle.

Hello everybody and welcome to our third ever Kid Friendly episode. It's the day before Thanksgiving. People are in their cars, planes, trains, and automobiles with their children. Or baby goats. Or baby goats. This episode is primarily for baby goats. And we're going to give you an actual Kid Friendly episode. How's everyone feeling about that?

I'm

Young Lebrons, you know, a young Michael Jordan, Pete Sampras.

But at that point, I feel like we're getting far afield from the word kid.

Roger Fenderer.

Because like a baby goat is called a kid. But then when you start thinking about other goats, then we're not even talking about kids anymore.

What about a show, and it's called Goat Babies, and it's all just, it's like, it's again, it's baby LeBron, it's baby Roger Federer, who are some other goats, and it's all them as babies, and they're interacting, you know, and they're, you know, it's like, and what if?

Yeah, and all the kids listening will understand that Muppets Babies reference, something that is really happening in the zeitgeist. You guys, I'm thrilled to be back. I'm thrilled to be back in this space. I think we can do it. I want to, before we get started into our riddles, puzzles, lateral thinking problems, remind you that I geared these riddles, puzzles, lateral thinking problems to maybe a younger audience. So if these seem easy to you too, then maybe we just take it in stride.

Okay, JPC, so it seems like we're being set up for failure.

And if you guys don't get it, it means you're too grown-ups. Adal, I feel like you're ahead of me in this.

Yeah, where if we don't get these right, then we look like dum-dums.

No cap, Adal, but I'm a bit sus of Erin right now. Don't do this.

And no six-seven.

Six-seven?

No, no, I know, no! No, we are not. These kids are smarter than that.

Yes, ma'am.

The kids listening to the show are not doing 6-7, they're not doing all that stuff.

Yeah, that's cringe. That's actually cringe right now. Erin, I trust that you have the res to carry us through this episode, even if my homie Adal be girding right now, you know what I'm saying?

I actually, there was a couple of those I did not know.

Dad's busted.

Oh, no. Oh, no.

This is fire.

I know what it sounds like. I know what this sounds like. We are not qualified to do this. We don't know anything about kids or preteens. We don't know. We can't connect with them. But I would disagree. And I have a way to prove it. We are going to start the show by doing stand up sets that are geared towards children.

And that's on God?

JPC, you're burning through all the stuff you could be using in this stand-up set. Who would like to go first? Is someone feeling inspired to maybe just two minutes sort of like... Just two minutes. Or like a minute and a half.

Hold on. I'm sorry, the movie trailers that you made me do... We're all going to start with improvised stand-up sets and you said you wanted to go first just two minutes?

I'm sorry, can we play a clip of Adal making us do two minute long movie trailers like three weeks ago?

I actually don't think we can in a Kid Friendly episode. Right. I think we can't play clips of other episodes in a Kid Friendly episode.

Just 30 seconds. Who would like to go first?

I'll go first.

Great.

And I know that this is a little dated, but I think it'll still be, you know, seasonally, I think kids will appreciate it.

Welcome to the stage, JPC!

Oh, hey, what's up everybody? I'm JPC. I am a comic from Chicago. Hey, I got a question for you guys. Does everybody miss Halloween? I mean, what's up with- why is Halloween only one day? Uh, you're telling me there's a day where we can knock on people's doors and they'll give us candy and you're only giving us one of those? Here's my pitch for Halloween. Let's call that Thursday. Let's call that Thursday. Let's make Thursdays Halloween. And here's the thing about Halloween. Kit Kats? Okay. Reese's Pieces? Fine. Who's putting Mounds Bars in my Halloween bag? Have you ever had a Mounds Bar? Last time I checked, coconut was a fruit. I'm not trying to eat fruit! I'm trying to eat Halloween candy! Oh man, oh man. And everybody's got that one neighbor. Y'all know who I'm talking about. Not on the golf course.

Tom!

Thank you. Not on the golf course that gives the full-size candies bars. I'm talking about that one neighbor who gives you what? Say it with me. A roll of pennies! Hey!

A toothbrush!

Oh, it's not improv. We're not asking for suggestions. If you knew that it was going to be a roll of pennies, I'm here a lot, and I do the same Halloween bit. A roll of pennies. Hey, next time you give me a roll of pennies, I'm handing it right back to you because that means you have a dollar and you can go buy a clue.

I'll hand you a dollar tip. Here's a tip. Candy next time. We don't really do hard money anymore. Pennies are sort of a thing of the past.

And that's my time, and I've been JPC, and that's Bustin' Bustin'.

Everyone's probably flossing, still.

Still.

There we go, yeah. Welcome to the stage, you know him, you love him, Adal Rifai! Adal!

Hey everybody. What is going on with winter? Snow just falls from the sky and we pretend this is normal? I haven't left my house in a couple weeks and I step outside and I'm like, it's kind of cold out and I'm wearing sweatpants and the wind just rips. This is an improv, we don't need suggestions.

Okay.

I just haven't felt, because I haven't felt like leaving the house, I guess.

Or I was about to crash out.

I guess when you get older, home is like, I guess the best part of vacations as you get older is coming home versus the vacation itself. And we'll all, and raise your hand if you're older.

Facts.

I see a lot of confused faces. I guess I should say like an age range, but who here has an interest? Oh, you sir. What's your interest?

Gucci. Gucci.

I like Minecraft.

Minecraft. Okay, so what if Gucci and Minecraft teamed up? I think it would go a little something. I'm getting the light. I'm getting the light. Thank you all.

It's a green light.

I think they're telling you to keep going.

Green means go more.

Oh, what is this? The Great Gatsby? Anybody here read The Great Gatsby? It kind of ends with a green light in the distance.

I like microtransactions. Spoiler alert.

Okay, getting a lot of participation from the crowd.

All right. Yay.

Hey, great job. Coming up next to the stage, you know where you love her, to know her is to love her, Erin Keif.

Hi everybody. I know a couple months ago we all went back to school. I thought going to school, the central part of it would be, I don't know, learning or making friends. Little did I know, the only thing that it's about is keeping track of my water bottle. Have water bottles become the most important thing about school? Where is your water bottle? Have you left it on the bus? Have you left it in a locker? Let me do my work. My mom's bought me like 15 water bottles. That's the only thing we spend money on. I got one on my desk. It's filled with mold. I got one in my locker. It's disgusting. I keep switching up water bottles with my friend. No one can keep track of my water bottles. My teacher went to school, spent $150,000 to get a master's degree in education, and her whole day is keeping track of my water bottle. Can you believe it? The whole crowd is like cheering and so excited because it's so relatable. Wait, we can say that? Yeah. Casey, insert this in mine.

The whole crowd's going nuts.

Tip your waiter in water bottles. That's our currency now, I guess. I love y'all! Have a great night!

People pouring water bottles on stage. Yeeting, yeeting water bottles at you.

Um, I was the closer and I feel like I felt like I had closer energy, right?

You were the only one, Erin, who I think prepared ahead of time though, so... I didn't prepare ahead of time. Okay, yeah, right. Sure. Yeah, and every time I do improv, it's all off the dome.

Yeah, it should be. Okay. I do know that because I have a sister who's a teacher and I feel like water bottles are a big source of... Oh, so she did prepare. Well, no, I just listened to my sister when she talked. I could have picked anything that she talks about. Listening is preparing.

Listening is preparing. And my brother talks all the time, and if you think I'm going to listen to a word of it, you're dead wrong. And kids listening, you know what I'm talking about. Listening to your siblings. Listening to your parents, really important. Very important. Do not mess around. When your parents tell you something it's because it's important.

Also your teachers and your doctors. If there's any adult in an outfit, listen to them.

Or don't. We don't care. We're not your parents. We're not your doctors. We're not your substitute teachers. We're not your nannies.

The paradox of an adult telling you something. Maybe. It's wrong. Just go ahead and consider that. And parents, if you're listening, I'm sorry I introduced the concept that adults can maybe be wrong, but guess what? They can. And I'm not backing off of it. I'm doubling down on it.

I want every grown-up to turn to your kid right now and say… Unless you're driving. No, I don't care. Do a full 180 around and I want you to say, I'm sorry, I'm wrong most of the time. Turn to your kid and say that right now. I'll wait.

You can say, when I told you that the car doesn't actually start until the seatbelts are clicked in, that was a lie.

No.

It is important that you wear your seatbelt, but cars don't work like that, and you're going to need to know that in your adult life.

Some parent just turned off this episode so quickly. All right, let's get into some riddles.

Yes, absolutely.

I speak every language, but never learned one. I answer questions, yet I never think, what am I?

I speak every language, but never learned one. And I answer questions, but seldom think?

But I never think. That second half I feel like is not as helpful, but I think the riddle could just be, I speak every language, but never learned one.

Is this like, I want to say, is this like Google Translate or something like that?

No, but I like how your brain is working.

First time she's ever told me that, and it's on the Kid Friendly episode that no one's going to listen to.

Is this like the sun or something?

No.

Both spellings, Erin.

No.

Okay. I speak every language, but I've never learned one. Is this a liar?

And it doesn't answer questions, it sort of, hmm. Oh, is this a Pokedex? Responds. No, but I would say that this is one of the most common riddle answers ever.

Oh, Yak-Bak. The wind.

No, not the wind, not yakback.

A shadow. Um, an egg. Oh yeah, eggs speak every language.

It's something auditory. It's something that is a sound. Doorbell.

Telephone ring. Breakfast is the universal language.

I speak every language but never learned one.

Hmm. Is this like a genius or a savant?

No, I think I'm going to tell you the answer. It is an echo. Because people can... Yeah, I know. It's classic Riddle. I'd like to see a scene.

Classic Riddle.

Adal, you are a guy who is in a cave, and you're trying to hear the echo of your voice. And GBC, this is your first day on the job as an echo, and you're really nervous, and you're not doing a very good job.

Ugh, trog. Trog live in cave. Trog notice weird sound coming from entrance of cave when Trog scream so Trog gonna test something out.

Hello! Oh, I can't do that. I can't do the accent.

Oh, is someone there?

Whoa. That was weird. Are you making fun of Trog?

Now I have to... Tick tock. Ock ock ock.

Yeah. Hello, I'm Trogg the Caveman. Uh, inventor of fire.

Oh, I can't remember all that. Uh, hello, I'm... I'm Dum Dum.

Uh... Hey, come on, man. I'm a doctor.

Hey, can I be honest with you? Sorry, can I be honest with you?

Yeah.

Yeah, um... I'm the spirit of this cave. No! It's my first day. I was the spirit of a stalagmite. Yesterday, but I kind of got a, um, promotion. Jerry got shuffled into HR, and so now I'm in his spot, but I'm... Jerry, dumb name. Okay.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

That's not, not, not very nice, nice, nice.

Jerry, you're in HR now. You're not an Echo anymore.

Ugh! Why, uh?

Anyway, it's my first day. I'm not great with voices. Is there any way that you could, like, Be more like, um, I don't know, like, um, mid-Atlantic with your accent. It would really help me so I don't have to do, like, caveman voice.

Oh, sure, yeah.

Sure, yeah. Okay.

Wish I hadn't committed to this, um, but, yeah, let me see.

Yeah, it's just like, if, like, enunciating or anything like that, that would just, like, help me so much because it's my first day as an Echo. Yeah, sure, love it. Yes, speaking as clearly as possible.

Mid-Atlantic, okay.

Well, listen here, Stephanie. I told you all to stay put, and you didn't stay put.

And what happened?

We got in trouble, didn't we? Oh, I can't do that.

Oh, I don't want to ask for that. Hey, listen here, Stephanie.

I told you to stay put, but you didn't. You didn't get in trouble. No, didn't we?

Oh, someone did it. I have an HR complaint. Is anyone helping me?

Uh, I'll take that complaint.

Well, I thought you were just echoing.

I was.

You can do both?

I don't know. If you've failed to do your job, then I can do your job.

I guess I'm out of a job. Uh-oh. See? You can do both jobs! Oh no, I never considered it! God, working HR in a cave has to be the cushiest job. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, because nothing really happens. It's a cave. It's a cave! You know those, like, cave explorer videos? That seems like my worst nightmare.

Yeah.

It's so claustrophobic.

And this is the point of the Kid Friendly episode where we talk about our worst nightmare.

Yeah.

All right. Anyways.

Clowns in a cave.

I travel straight while standing still. The longer I go, the shorter I get. What am I?

Sorry, I'm just sort of burning the midnight oil here.

You're up late.

Yeah, busy day. A lot of, a lot of ideas. Nice, good, well that's great. Not for me.

Oh.

Yeah, I don't, I don't, I don't really have ideas, but I help.

Do you, you never work in like, you know, one word for you, one word for me, like you never work in your own?

Some of my stuff. Yeah. No, yeah, I try. Yeah. Um, like, The, you know, the guy, the guy who's always around here. He had an idea for like a new light bulb that had like a filament that would like kind of like last forever. Yeah, I know. It's like a really cool idea.

Yeah, I know.

Right. And so he was like writing it down and I was like, I was like, what if also like a change color? And I was kind of doing it in the middle of his like formulas because I think it's like metallurgy involved and like making the new type of Whatever that is the filament or whatever, but I was like what about green like green would be cool to see like you can't do green Let me try okay Is it doing is it is it going no, it's just a lot of wax just you're making a ton of wax Actually, maybe too much wax. You're losing a lot of wax. Maybe stop.

Maybe stop. Maybe take a break. I feel dizzy. I feel so dizzy. Yeah, for sure. I am getting short. I have burned through. Oh boy. I'm burning at both ends now. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Yeah, I've never seen that happen. Tell my wife I love her, but... Ugh.

Okay. Knock, knock, knock. Knocking on the pantry door, obviously.

Hello? What time is it?

I don't know, I have no concept of time. This is Jerry... Oh hi Pencil, how are you? Well, it's Jerry. Jerry the Pencil. I'm sorry to wake you, but... Gosh. I'm sorry, are you... do you have company?

Yeah, I'm kind of hosting a party with the other birthday candles. It's one of our birthdays, ironically, if you can believe it.

That is serendipitous. How fortuitous.

Yeah, and so we light our own heads and then the person whose birthday it is blows out us. Oh good. It's really fun.

Blowing, yeah, blowing out.

I don't know why I was yawning when I answered the door.

Is it a boring party?

Yeah, it's really boring this time.

Your husband, Dave.

Oh yeah, my husband's working the night shift tonight.

He was actually working too hard.

He's the best at ambiance.

He's the best.

No one's better at it beyond my husband, Dave.

Dave has... You know how sometimes a candle just becomes a pile of wax?

I'm sorry, I'm being so rude. Do you want to come in for a piece of cake?

I would love... Do you have anything stronger than cake? Like pie?

Like, I got a pie.

Yeah, that would be perfect. A scene.

Do you have anything stronger than cake? A pie. I would say cake is stronger than pie.

I'd say pie is stronger. It's denser.

Oh, I just mean like... Flavor-wise? Flavor-wise.

I'd still go with pie.

Oh, okay. If I have to be the tiebreaker, and even though I introduced it, I do think that cake is stronger than pie.

Really? I'd say, sweet-wise, cake is stronger. It's a cloying taste, but I feel like pie is way more potent of an actual flavor.

I think amount-wise as well, cake is gonna get taller and I just feel like there's like a way that you got like a five layer cake and I'm like, that's stronger, that's gonna be stronger than pie.

This might be a moot point for the Kid Friendly episode because are kids eating pie ever? I don't think I've ever seen a kid eat a piece of pie.

Oh, okay Erin, I guess I'd like to introduce you to my friend Lil Jack Horner who might have something to say about that.

Who sat in the corner.

Eating his curds and whey.

That's someone else.

Who put their thumb in the pie? Maybe we tell your mother we put our thumb in the pie. Who put their thumb in the pie? Is that not Lil' Jack Horner?

Yeah, he put his thumb in the pie. But Kurds and Whites is Little Miss Muffet.

Who's the king who cut open a pie and a bunch of birds flew out? Remember that king?

Yeah, yeah. Remember he cut open the pie and a bunch of birds flew out?

That feels like a magician. You're thinking of David Copp pie field.

Pie and birds flew out.

You're thinking of David Copperpie Field.

Sing a song of sixpence. Sing a song of sixpence. A pocket full of rye. Four and twenty blackbirds baked in a pie. When the pie was opened, the birds began to sing. Wasn't that a dainty dish to set before the king? The king was in his counting house, counting out his money. The queen was in the parlor, eating bread and honey. The maid was in the garden, hanging out the clothes. When down came a blackbird and pecked off her nose. This is scary. Never mind.

I can cross a river without getting wet and climb a wall without touching it. What am I? Thanks for

Disney's Surf Frog.

Starring Will Arnett as Frog.

I don't want to keep being in this little bog anymore. I want to go to the ocean and win competitions.

This is Will Arnett and Minnie Driver as Lily Pad.

Yay! I'm never going to surf in the ocean.

Finally she's letting her true accent soar. It's what we've always wanted for Minnie Driver.

Someone kids know all about.

It's not a frog on a lily pad.

No.

Yeah, let's take that again for kids. Starring Mr. Beast.

I'm here with a bunch of people who need a lot of money and I'm gonna humiliate them in front of all of the world.

And introducing Zendaya's younger sister. What are we doing here?

What is the answer to the riddle?

Is the water frozen? Is that why it never gets wet? Is it something where the water's frozen? Is it like a hockey puck or something?

No, the water's not frozen.

And the hockey puck would still get wet because it's sweating. Because hockey's very strenuous.

Oh, so strenuous. Yeah. You really bundle up for hockey. I cross a river without getting wet. I climb a wall without touching the wall?

Yep.

Is this a wave?

No.

No, because a wave would get wet. A rope?

Can I give you the answer?

Yeah, for sure.

A shadow. And I would like to see a seed.

Whoa. Huh.

Huh!

Uh, Adal, you are a guy, and you have just crossed a river, and you realize that your shadow that's still on the other side was too scared to cross, so you're trying to convince him to not be scared.

All right, so... Crush the boat here, and we'll just go... Oh! Hey! Yoo-hoo! Thank you for Mother, I see you. I'm not sure. Are you doing poetry?

Sir, sir, you cannot walk around without your shadow, or I'm gonna have to fine you.

Oh, yeah, no, well, it's across, it's just, it's right over there.

I'm giving out tickets for people who are disconnected from their shadow. It's called the Peter Pan Law, you get it. What? The city will completely go into chaos if people are disconnected from their shadow. I'm just doing my job. Okay, dogs can't be off leashes and shadows can't be disconnected, sir. It's not a dog. I know, I'm just saying, this is... There should be some order to the chaos of the world, sir. Sir? Sir?

How much is the ticket?

$8,250.

I'll just pay it, I'm rich. Come on, man. Get your shadow. You're not above the law. Come on.

Okay, I do... I think I'm...

You left your shadow over there?

Look how scared he looks. I didn't realize it was scared of water. Maybe I'll get a new shadow. I'm melting.

Melting.

Oh no, my shadow's melting.

Looks like he's sort of milking and he's trying to get you to feel sorry for him.

Oh.

Um, you obviously have to go down to City Hall if you want to register with a new shadow.

Well, if that's obvious. I've never heard of this law.

It's obvious. I mean, obviously, like, you have to go down to City Hall. It takes, like, two, three weeks to get paired with a new shadow.

I thought you melted. I thought you melted.

I'm gonna be a tree shadow.

The tree's shaking his head no.

Knock, knock, knock. Can I join the tree?

No, no, no. I'mma do it. No. It is not an integrating shadow. Right now, sir, you have no shadow and that is a $10,000 fee. You gotta go down to City Hall first.

$10,000?

I thought earlier you said $8,000.

That's if you have no shadow at all. It's an additional $10,000 fee. You gotta go down. The universe has some rules, man. We can't be walking around without a shadow.

Welcome to City Hall. How can I... I'm the mayor. Front desk. The horse? Today I'm a horse with a shadow. How can I help you today?

I'm looking to get a new shadow.

Lost your shadow? Shadow melted?

Yeah, oddly enough.

Disconnected from the shadow, it melted. Yeah, if it's a sunny day, a shadow's going to melt pretty quick if it's not connected to your reality.

Yeah, you need to join a tree shadow in order to kind of stay on this plane, I guess. Yeah, stay young kind of forever.

Okay, do you know what kind of shadow you're in the market for?

I guess like a newer one that has like GPS and knows to stay with me. Interesting. Or like lane correction so that, you know, if I'm walking on the sidewalk, it doesn't sort of project into the street.

You want like a 2025 shadow. Yeah, if you have one. The only thing is, all the 2025 bottles are really small right now. They'll get bigger in, I want to say like 14 years. But, for a big guy like you, that's, yeah, I mean it's just gonna, it'll be a tiny shadow. It'll kind of be like a baby shadow.

That would be fun though, have a baby shadow.

It would be fun, but will it be legal? No. You're gonna want to get something at least commiserate with your size. I could get you a baby elephant shadow.

Yikes, this is turning into a bullying session. Yeah, it's more like a two-year gestation period now.

Uh, what else? What else? Oh! I can get you a little tree shadow!

Um, yeah, tree shadow. Do you have any used shadows? Is a tree shadow used?

Yeah, I'll get a used tree shadow about your size. Let me fill out the paperwork. Uh, stamp, stamp. That'll be another $10,000.

What the heck?

And here's your tree shadow.

Could we just pay the fine?

It's you. It's me. It's me. It's your shadow.

Oh, yeah, I have a tree shadow now. Hi. Hi, buddy.

I'm your old shadow.

I was in a tree! Oh my gosh, it's you! You left me! ClixPen, I'm gonna have to find you. You can't have a tree shadow of your man. You're gonna freak people out.

Scene. The man with a tree shadow. That does sound like a DC superhero, tree shadow. Tree shadow, yeah.

I think it would be awesome one day to be walking around, look at my shadow, and it's a horse shadow instead of a person shadow. That would be cool.

That would be terrifying.

Sentries spiraling into madness.

That would be terrifying? Yeah. I would be like, okay, I guess I'm a Moon Knight now. And people would be like, what's Moon Knight's power? And I'd be like, this has to be close to it. A bathroom, and you can carry a little piece of bath water in your pocket. So kids, let that be a lesson to you. After your bath at night, put a little piece of that bath water in your pocket and take it with you to school tomorrow.

No, don't. JPC, are you having a hard time getting into your bathroom?

I thought we weren't going to talk about stuff that we agreed not to talk about on the show. Mariah has locked me out of the bathroom because I keep trying to put bath water in my pockets.

Okay, we will cut that out unless I forget, in which case I need it to keep me safe. Um, any guesses? It's the only room you can't enter.

Mushroom. Yes.

Yeah, mushroom, mushroom, mushroom.

That's so good.

Of course. I go up but I never come down.

Merry-go-round.

Nope, they come down, that's their whole thing. I go up, but I never come down.

Uh, housing prices.

No.

Well, no, Erin, that's pretty true.

I mean, that's true.

Um... Oh, uh, balloon.

No.

Uh, helium.

No.

It just escapes the atmosphere. There's a finite amount of helium.

You're saying these things that are technically true, but they're not what I'm looking for.

It goes up but never comes down. Ooh, a positive attitude.

No.

A shark being fired from a cannon?

That never lands? That stays in the sky? Is that something I should be afraid of?

I think what he meant to say was a shark being fired by a cannon as in a cannon's like, hey, this is your last day. I want your shark badge and your shark gun.

No, please! I love being a shark. I'm a loose cannon.

I'm a loose cannon and you're a shark.

Hey, my dad was a shark. My dad's dad was a shark. I got no bones. It's all cartilage. Please, sir, don't fire me.

Bones, teeth on my desk. You're gone.

If you're a shark, why do you have a horse shadow?

Goes up and never comes down. Condensation. Wow. What goes up and never comes down?

Infinite balloon. No. Your age.

Oh, that's not true.

Alright. I'd like to say a thing.

Okay, great.

Erin, it is your birthday, and you make a wish when you blow out your candles to age backwards, and your wish comes true.

Before I blow out my candles, thank you so much to all my grandkids that have come to my hundredth birthday party. I love all of you very, very much. I love most of you very, very, very, very, very much.

So, Clark, I think I'll take the dishes and then... Yeah, for sure. I don't know if the couch, we just kind of... What was that, Colton? Grandma, I love you so much.

And I love you, Colton.

Happy birthday.

Happy birthday. What were you guys talking about? I was about to blow out these candles.

Oh, we were talking about how we were going to clean up after the party because we don't want you to clean up because we want to do that for you. So, yeah, Colton was going to take the dishes and I was going to clean the couch.

My sweet grandkids think I was born yesterday.

Oh, no, Grandma, you were born like a hundred years ago.

Like, for real. For real, for real.

Just a silly old lady. You think I can't hear like a hawk? I can hear like a hawk and I can't see like one. My vision's very bad, but I can hear everything you say.

And I know that you're divvying up all of my cool stuff. Grandma's got a bunch of cool comic books. Grandma's got all the new video games that everybody wants their little grubby paws on.

You're not getting anywhere near my PS5. Cause watch this. Watch.

This. Oh ho! Whoa! You've awoken the Genie of the Cake!

Hello, Genie of the Cake. You know me, I've done this several times. Age me backwards!

Ugh, you're going back down again?

I'm going back down again. Run it back!

Ugh, you've done this so many times, you've lived like 50 lives!

And I want you to use the youth from my grandkids and make them 100 years old and see how they feel.

I'm not gonna do that.

Come on.

I'll do the reverse one, but you're, I mean, you're really pushing it.

Slips you a hundred dollar bill.

Okay, well I'll do anything for a tip. Okay, so which one? Colton? Colton gets to be zero? Or what happens? Or he's a hundred?

I want him to be a hundred and I want the other one. The one I don't like.

I'm gonna have to write this down. I'm gonna have to write this down. This is too much. Okay, Colton, hundred.

Make these boys a hundred years old and I want to be twenty-six.

Okay, well how old are you, Colton? I'm 26. Oh, perfect. Okay, that's an even swap. I thought I was gonna have to do some math. I thought I was gonna have to age up Colton. You're 26?

Do it. I'm about to kick the bucket. Do it.

This fall, Timothee Chalamet is Cake Genie. See?

He would be such a good Cake Genie.

He would be such a- He would be so good. He's basically the new Robin Williams. Mm-hmm. All the voices he does.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Okay, you know what? I think we should go on a quick break and if you don't come back from that break, it's okay.

What a horrible thing to say.

Like if you- I'm just saying like if you're- If you're a hundred. Yeah, if your kid gave you a shot.

If you're a hundred and you're going into the break and you're like- and you've lived a long life.

No, I just mean like if you listen to this show and you showed this to your kid thinking that maybe it's a way for you guys to bond and your kid, it's not for them. That's okay. They gave it till the break. That's okay.

Talk about them like they're not in the room. I hate it when a kid like me has adults talk about me like I'm not in the room. I'm just saying. Listen kids, you keep listening. It's your day.

Pandering, okay. See you after break.

Ah, nuts! I missed out on getting the worm this morning.

Wait, but you talked all about wanting to be the early bird.

I know. Well, what I say and what I do is two different things. There's quite a discrepancy.

You've been practicing the worm all year. You said you were gonna get out of bed, flop down on the floor, and start writhing around.

I know. I love breakdancing, but I guess I didn't get it. I gotta get up more early. Oh, you know what else I need to do early? Acorns early.

Oh wait, you mean Acorns Early, the smart debit card and money app that grows kids' money skills as they grow up.

That Acorns Early? Yeah, when my kids get out of their eggs, out of the nest, I want them to be prepared and set up for success in the world.

That would have changed my life because I was growing up being like, why aren't they teaching us how to handle our finances in school? They're kind of just throwing us to the wolves when we turn 20 and I don't know anything about money. And if I had had acorns early, this would have been way easier.

Yeah, with acorns early, you start with the in-app chores tracker and teach your kids the value of a dollar. Then you can let your kids set their own saving goals and start building healthy money habits early. Kids can spend what they've earned with their very own customizable debit card, giving them that extra sense of independence. Plus, with acorns' early spinning limits and real-time spin notifications, parents always stay in control.

What do squirrels do with acorns? Are those like their pillows? Is that their money?

These are really good questions.

They treat them like pillows.

If your kid, I don't know, is starting a winter lemonade stand and you need to help them stretch that dollar, really start their business, Acorns Early might be the answer.

When my kids are old enough, because they're not quite old enough yet, I'm definitely going to be using Acorns Early to help teach them financial literacy. I played around with this tool. It's really awesome and it teaches a lot of great lessons for younger children to start with good money habits early on.

Ready to teach your kids the smart way to earn, save, and spend? Get your first month on us when you head to acornsearly.com slash heyriddle, or download the Acorns Early app. That's one month free when you sign up at acornsearly.com slash heyriddle, R-I-D-D-L-E.

Let's all say what kind of bird we are on three. One, two, three.

A pretty bird.

Acorns are their religion. For squirrels. Oh! Acorns Early is issued by Community Federal Savings Bank. Member FDIC. Pursuant to license by MasterCard International. Free trial for new subscribers only. Subscription fee starting from $5 per month. Unless canceled. Terms apply at acorns.com slash early terms.

Erin, GPC, whoa, what are you doing? I feel like I just saw you at home. Were you in my home?

Were you thinking you saw a photo of us on your Aura frames? I mean, we wear these clothes every day like cartoons, so probably seems familiar.

Yeah, we're- Cartoons do this too?

They simply must! I mean, that's how high the quality is on my Aura frame that I thought you were actually... I've been talking to you guys for days!

Oh yeah, you've just been talking to pictures of us, but Aura Frames fit so seamlessly into your home that you probably thought that we were right there along with you.

That must be it. And I don't know if you know this, but Aura Frames has unlimited free photos and videos. You can just download the Aura app and connect to Wi-Fi. One of my favorite features is also that you can add photos to other people's frames if you've gifted to them and they've given you access, which I think is just delightful.

And you can do little reactions on your Aura Frames being like, congratulations, or that's a funny photo.

Plus, Aura Frames, if you buy one, the gift box is included, which is a big plus for me who hates wrapping things. Every frame comes packaged in a premium gift box with no price tag. You can't wrap togetherness, but you can frame it. But I will warn you, they don't tell you this. Aura Frames does not tell you this. But do not buy Aura Frames unless you want to be the number one grandson. I'm telling you, you're going to be the number one grandson and it's going to be really hard if your grandparents have other grandsons because they're not going to feel like they did their job.

And I will say I've given Oura Frames as gifts to several family members and it has gone over so well. Everyone I've given it to has been over the moon.

Yeah, and do you really want to make your loved ones happy? What am I saying?

For a limited time, visit AuraFrames.com and get $45 off Aura's best-selling Carver matte frames, named number one by Wirecutter by using promo code RIDDLE at checkout. That's A-U-R-A-FRAMES.COM, promo code RIDDLE. This exclusive Black Friday, Cyber Monday deal is their best of the year, so order now before it ends. Support the show by mentioning us at checkout. Terms and conditions apply.

Erin, I just added a photo to your aura frame. It's sort of a belt buckle. I think it's Ryan Rennock.

Oh, I fell for it again. How did I fall for it again?

Happy Christmas to us all. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp.

Ooh, guys, I am, I'll be honest with you, having a rough time with it getting dark at like 3 p.m. now.

Oh yeah, it does feel weird.

It is short days.

You know, I heard that the reason why the days are actually getting shorter is because we've been bad and we're being punished.

I would say maybe read a book or, you know what, just remind yourself that you're not alone in this. You can talk to someone if you are having a hard time with the seasonal depression. I talked to my better help therapist.

Oh, Erin, BetterHelp, a beautiful gift to everyone. BetterHelp therapists work according to a strict code of conduct and are fully licensed in the U.S. And BetterHelp does the initial matching work for you so you can focus on your therapy goals. They help match you with a therapist that best suits your needs.

Yeah, and with over 30,000 therapists, BetterHelp is one of the world's largest online therapy platforms, having served over 5 million people globally, and it works with an average rating of 4.9 out of 5 for a live session based on over 1.7 million client reviews. You know what, Erin? You're right. I am going to talk to a book.

Yeah, and you don't even have to get into a car to talk to your BetterHelp therapist. You can just message them anytime while you're actually going through it. This month, don't wait to reach out. Whether you're checking in on a friend or reaching out to a therapist yourself, BetterHelp makes it easier to take the first step. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com slash riddle. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P, dot com slash riddle, R-I-D-D-L-E. Erin, you were right.

I talked to a book and it made me feel better. Although Huck Finn uses some language that I don't think is really appropriate. It's funny, I'm always thinking about it this time of year, but I'm not as young as I once was. But I care a lot about maintaining my physical and mental wellness, which means cornbread hemps, CBD gummies are a huge piece of my wellness plan. It's so funny, I have no idea why it gets to be this time of year, and I'm thinking about how I'm not as young as I once was.

Oh, same girl same, but also JPC, your birthday's in December.

Okay, that makes sense.

Well, JPC, someone left something under the tree called cornbread hemp CBD gummies. Have you heard of these? You seen these? Uh-huh, yes, I have. They're made to help you feel better, whether it's stress, discomfort, the encroaching clock of aging.

Relaxation.

Relaxation. I use cornbread hemp CBD and GPC. Let me just say, toss one in my mouth, I chew it, I swallow it, and suddenly I'm at peace. And I'm old as hell.

All products are third-party lab tested in USDA organic to ensure safety and purity. So you can relax, relax.

Okay, you guys might be onto something with this cornbread hemp CBD, don't me. John Travolta?

John Travolta.

It's twin CBD?

That's awesome.

And right now, Hey Riddle Riddle listeners can save 30% on their first order. Just head to cornbreadhemp.com slash riddle and use code riddle at checkout. That's cornbreadhemp.com slash riddle and use code riddle.

Ah, age is nothing but a number. The number of years I've been on earth.

Years are also nothing but physical manifestations of time passing.

Hmm. Hmm. I feel okay.

I feel okay.

Okay, GPC, open it, open it. Just as a heads up, it is a gift for me that I just want you to open for me.

And it's in this lion's mouth?

Um, yes, and.

Okay.

Adal, huh? Pretty good.

Opening the jaws of the lion. My sweater!

It's my new quint sweater.

It's covered in lion inside.

Yeah, but it's $50 and it's cashmere. Oh and I love Quince as well, because they partner directly with ethical factories and top artisans, they cut out the middleman to deliver

Today, we're

I love their holiday stuff, but I really love their home stuff. Incredible sheets, linens, like the most incredible basics for a price that's not spooky at all. Give and get timeless holiday staples that last this season with Quince. Go to quince.com slash riddle for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. Oh, congratulations, Canada. That's quince.com slash riddle. Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash riddle. Free shipping and 365 day returns. Quints dot com slash riddle. R-I-D-D-L-E.

Now I will tame this lion. Oh! Ow! He's got my leg. At least my cashmere jacket looks nice from Quints.

Give us a spin.

Ooh, can you get that leg on Quints?

Hey Riddle Riddle.

And JBZ hit us with that classic song you sing to get us back from break. We do it every episode.

It's the only day that you can't take the bath water out of the tub. Just kidding! Run into the tub and get the bath water even if your dad's trying to take a quiet bath.

Hey, I'm trying to take a quiet bath. I had a hard day at work.

Go into the recycling, grab the can from beans from dinner, then run into the bathroom and scoop the bathwater in the bean can. Bathwater in a bean can. Bean can. Bean can. Bathwater in a bean can. Bathwater in a bean can.

Bathwater in a bean can. Bathwater in a bean can. Bathwater in a bean can.

Bathwater in a bean can. Bathwater in a bean can. Bathwater in a bean can.

Bathwater in a bean can. Bathwater in a bean can. Bathwater in a bean can. Bathwater in a bean can.

Bathwater in a bean can. Bathwater in a bean can. Bathwater in a bean can. Bathwater in a bean can. Bathwater in a bean can. Bathwater in a bean can. Bathwater in a bean can.

Bathwater in a bean can. Bathwater in a bean can. Bathwater in a bean can. Bathwater in a bean can.

Bathwater in

All right, I want to do some listener-submitted kid riddles. Thank you to everyone who submitted one. This is from Jane. Jane says, this is from my three-year-old Leo. Oh my gosh, so it's actually from Leo.

Whoa.

What's the bear minimum?

Hmm. Is this like a hibernation joke? That's a really good guess. What's the bear minimum?

Uh-huh. You're close.

Today we're

This just in, local 3-year-old gets podcast hosts good with bare minimum Riddle.

We're going to go to Adal on the scene. Adal, what's going on out there?

Well, thanks, Erin. We are here with JPC, who was absolutely stumped by Leo's Riddle. JPC, thoughts on not getting it correct? Okay, Boomer, I gotta say Leo's Riddle 8.

Back to you, Erin.

Thanks, Adal. Back to you, JPC.

Why? My part's done. I don't work for the network. I was the person being interviewed.

We have to go until break. Say something, JPC.

I don't work for the network. I mean, I was being interviewed.

Thanks. Let's go back to Adal with sports. Adal?

We all won. Back to you, Leo.

Leo, say something. Leo, say something. Leo's the boy that submitted the riddle. Leo, say something. Leo, now. Speak now. Now's your time.

It seems like we're having some technical difficulties with Leo. We're gonna go to JPC with the weather. JPC?

I'm actually with Leo. We're playing... It's a game that he invented. It's called Crayon Checkers. It's on the wall, and there's no checkers. It's just crayon. And so what we... You know what, Leo? I think you're just drawing on the wall with crayon. Oh, your mom's gonna be mad at me, because I'm watching you. And I did big air quotes there. You know what? It's fine. I don't know the rules. In your house, maybe you could do crayon on the wall.

That's all we have for News at 6.30. We'll see you in a couple minutes for News at 7.

I'm getting a FaceTime. I'm just gonna go ahead and ignore. Thank God for ignore.

That's from Leo's mom now. She's checking in to make sure you guys aren't drawing on the wall.

Hmm, okay. I'm gonna do a... Yeah, I should get it. I should answer it. Hello, this is Spain.

This works every time. This always works, Adal. If I know anything about anything, this always works. Answering a FaceTime with your real face and then saying, Hello, this is Spain.

Throwing up one hand, doing a little mustache. This is Spain.

Leo is asleep in bed. We're not playing the crown checkers on the wall. See, it's working.

Oh, I'm sorry. I think I called the wrong number. It's okay.

Have a buena sera. Buenas noches.

JPC, she already hung up. You can stop doing this.

Here's JPC. My name is Spanish JPC.

She hung up. These are from Marcus. Okay. Are we ready?

Yeah, I'm ready.

Why did the cowboy get a dachshund?

Why did the cowboy get a dachshund? Oh, because he wanted to get along, little doggie.

Yes, I'd like to see a scene.

Wow. Whoa.

Adal, you are a dog cowboy, and you are rolling into town. And JPC, you are sort of the bad guy in town, and you are not happy to see that he's here.

Get off this chihuahua, tie it up to the fence post here. Mornin' partner!

Mornin'. You wouldn't happen to be that dog cowboy that everyone's talking about?

Well, they call me Dog Boy, sir. How about yourself? I don't see any badge on your chest. Are you the sheriff around here?

Oh, I don't have a badge. My name's Mayor McCat.

Kitten McCat, if you must know. And this is a cat town, Dog Cowboy.

A hairball goes across the screen instead of a... Tumbleweed? Yes.

Huh. Sorry, I know that's disgusting, but it's in the road, so what can be done?

Well, I just stopped to water my Chihuahua and I'm bringing in a pack of Labradors, taking them to Kansas City.

No, I'm sorry man, those guys are going everywhere. Yeah, those are some of the least behaved dogs on the planet. They're just running all around.

Yeah, I don't really, I mean, people usually use dogs to herd sheeps and cows, but since I'm wrestling dogs, you can see my problem.

Oh yes, yes, wow. I can see many of your problems. And the first being, you stepped into the wrong town. Because while I'm a mild-mannered, unassuming, gentle little pussycat, my friends here, not so much. Any motions, and there's four, uh, big lions. But they're all just, like, fast asleep because, like, lions are just sleeping, like, 90% of the time. Guys, come on, wake up and roar.

They go to sleep even harder.

Ah, man, they're just sleeping. They're just sleeping. They're supposed to intimidate you, obviously. Oh. Well, I'm just going to grab a drink and I'll be on my way. Let me lock my chihuahua here.

Just make sure... You locked your chihuahua with a little chicken?

Yes, so the chicken watches the chihuahua.

Chicken? Is that gonna wake anybody up? Chicken? Chicken and water?

They're entering REM sleep. They're in a deep, deep sleep.

They're really out. They're really out.

I'm dreaming.

There's no bartender, so I guess I'll serve you. What'll it be? Um, ooh, do you have any bath water? We've just got milk in a very shallow dish. Ooh, that is a Cat Town drink for sure. And honestly, we're not supposed to drink it. It's like from a cartoon or something.

Oh yeah, it's like Carrots and Rabbits, where it's like, rabbits don't really eat carrots. That was, uh, just because Bugs Bunny was mimicking Clark Gable, we all assumed. From the movie, I think it happened one night?

Remember, this is a Kid Friendly episode, so we don't really need to spend a lot of time talking about Clark Gable.

It's not Bugs Bunny, it's Michaelangelo Ninja Turtles mimicking Logan Paul. We got it, we got it, and we got there.

Anyway, have a good day.

I almost suggested we go on break, but that's not quite right, is it? Okay, this is another riddle from Marcus.

Is Marcus an adult or a kid?

I assume Marcus is an adult because he has an email, but what age do you get an email?

Don't know. Do kids get emails anymore?

They must, right? Or maybe they're on like a thing with their teachers, like a portal. I don't know what's going on. Portal? To other dimensions?

Like in this Frizzle situation?

Erin, I want to see a scene. You're going to be a teacher, and we're going to be at your class, and you're going to be introducing us to this portal that you've opened up, and you're talking about it like it's a very normal thing that all kids get introduced to.

Hi everybody, welcome back from the weekend. You're all pretty smart, right?

I don't know, you have all the grades, you tell us.

I'm looking, oh gosh, lots of mid B, high C range. Okay, that's not great. But you guys are like math and science, STEM good. Like, kids understand math and science from an earlier age, right? Because of, like, we introduced that earlier now, we know how to introduce them to, like, coding camps and stuff like that. Like, you guys get how math and science works, and you could probably solve, like, a math-science emergency, huh? That was six or seven questions. Six, I have it. Not right now.

We're in the second grade.

Right. Of course. But you guys, second graders, are smart. They're so smart.

For eight? I feel like I'm smart for eight.

Children are the future, right? And if you want there to be a future here on Earth, I need everyone to learn quantum physics, like, right now. What was the last thing I taught you in math?

That if Cindy has six apples, and we take away five apples, Cindy has one apple?

This problem has no apples in it. Okay. Okay. Alright. Cards on the table. Cards on the table.

Okay.

These are the multiplication cards. I just am gonna shove them off the table.

I've never seen these. These are so advanced.

Oh gosh. Okay. Well, um, I may have accidentally- What is four times three? You're in second grade. You should know that. RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE Ugh, gosh, he's gonna- They can't swim here!

Nope, they're gonna go in there- Swimming pools are full of high sea!

Okay, they're gonna be in there for 10,000 years.

I'm so sticky.

We're swimming the high seas!

Okay, um... Swimming pools should be water.

This is ridiculous. I'm so sticky, I'm covered in syrup.

I didn't get your parent's signature for a field trip. This is not good.

Um, alright, what if we just- Who dares swim in my pool?

We flash forward a week to the parent-teacher conference. My son said he went into a portal and swam with King Salmon to a funky beat.

Yeah, your kid has just the most incredible imagination.

That doesn't sound like my Jeremiah.

Well, maybe that's something you need to foster more at home because when he gets to school he creates these cuckoo bananas crazy stories.

Jeremiah just watches CSI. He doesn't enjoy fantasy.

He should not be watching CSI.

My daughter said that she met King Salmon's unruly child Flounder and they made hip-hop beats together.

Yeah, so it's a game of pretend that we all play. Jeremiah introduced us to this world and we all sort of play pretend and we use it to learn.

Mrs. Amy? Yeah? None of us are mad? All of us parents just want to know? When can we get in that portal?

It's all upstream from here Uh, okay.

We have moments before the collapse!

Uh, let's see.

The inequality of our society has finally come to a head!

Everybody dance now! The bears are eating all our eggs!

Everybody dance now! Why did the doctor remove his doorbell?

Today we're

Oh, because it was an Apple doorbell, and an apple a day keeps the doctor away, and so he couldn't go to his own home because technology had locked him out. Let him cook.

Not this time.

Tim Cook, CEO of Apple Computer, a type of metal, meddling kids, Scooby-Doo, they go to the door, knock knock, boo, it's a ghost, Scooby in the armor, Shaggy with the sandwich, Scrappy-Doo. There too.

To a dog, a little dog. Shaggy, a man who is so tall. He's tall.

Not this time.

Oh, that's exactly what a Scooby-Doo villain would say. Not this time.

Not this time, kids.

Why does a doctor remove his doorbell? Is it something to do with ding dong? Is it something to do with ring?

He had a ring in his ears.

No.

Funk.

Why did the doctor remove his doorbell?

Trying to win a... He was trying to win a... Door prize. He was trying to win a Nobel Prize.

A Nobel Prize! Yes.

Whoa. You got there. Do doctors win...

I think Nobel is like a peace prize, but maybe if you're like a scientist, like a doctor who's like, I don't know.

I don't know. Erin, you're going to the doctor just to get a checkup. JBC, you are a doctor who's obsessed with winning awards, and you think, for some reason, you have it in your mind that today you are up for an Academy Award, so you're really trying to win one.

An Academy Award specifically? Like an Oscar.

Okay, got it.

So I was just feeling like, um, I was talking to the nurse and I was just saying, like, I think I might have strep throat. I'm, like, really closed up in my throat.

You do. You do have strep throat.

Oh good, okay.

But I don't want you to worry about a thing.

I'm not too worried.

Because there is no mountain I won't climb, no sea I won't swim. What are you looking at?

No sky I won't dive.

To find the cure for your strep throat, you will be healed.

Right. I feel like you just give me like a round of antibiotics and some medicine. Actually, I'm relieved that it's strep because when it's not that, you're like, what do I do, right?

Antibiotics and medicine. Do you mind if I try another one?

What do you mean?

Dearest... And what was your name?

You're not... Have you even read my chart?

I'll just do Angela. It works better for what I'm doing.

It's not my name.

Dearest Angela, I am writing you this prescription from the future, knowing that you and I, separated by such great distance, will never meet. But I want you to know, you are my one true love. The one I have pined for all my life.

Right. Okay, I know. I know what this is.

How was that?

I'm an Oscar winning director. You're trying to get me to hire you. I'm not. I'm not gonna do that, man. I'm sick right now. I'm just ready to go to the doctor and get something.

We cut to the Academy Awards of 2026. And the nominees for Best Actor are Timothy Chalamet as Cake Genie. I want to say Logan Paul as Surf Frog. And Dr. Boldman as Doctor in Yearly Checkup. And the winner is... Please, please, please, please, please, please. Oh my gosh. Dr. Boldman for Yearly Checkup.

Thank you so much, Shallow Man. Oh my God.

This is Dr. Bowman's first win and first nomination. Dr. Bowman is not an actor.

I love you, Shallow Man. I love you, KG. Logan. Ooh, gotcha! Right in the front, and he's down. He's down. It was a sucker punch, I know. I, first of all, I want to thank Ang Lee.

That's not even who directed you!

That wasn't Ang Lee!

Ang, short for Angela?

Oh boy. I owe whoever directed me a big apology. I was calling you Ang Lee. This makes sense. Because I was like, I talked to you for like 45 minutes about Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon.

I mean, I love that movie.

We all did.

I still have strep, by the way.

Brokeback Mountain. What else? Life of Pi! Life of Pi! Hulk. Why doesn't Ang Lee make movies anymore?

Ang is short for Angola.

I like when they play music at the Oscars, you know, to play people offstage. I think just once it would be so great if instead of like playing off music, they played like Stone Cold Steve Austin's music and then he just ran out on stage on the Oscars and did his like Stone Cold Steve Austin thing. Like in the middle of Jennifer Lawrence accepting an award.

De Niro throws him a beer and he catches it, slams him together, chugs it.

Because it starts with glass breaking, right? Oh yeah. Kids know this.

Kids love Stone Cold Steve Austin. They love his podcast where he talks about his cats.

This is from Mallory. Mallory says a lot of nice things that I will read to you later, but this is her riddle. What is orange and sounds like a parrot?

Parrot. the show. Erin, you are Hugs Honey, which is sort of a Bugs Bunny for the newer generation. Great. And you don't eat carrots, you have something else. And JPC, you are Helmer Hud, which is sort of an Elmer Fudd for the new kids.

Now where is that West Schooly Wabbit? I'm gonna find him and then give him a crypto coin.

Hey, uh, what's up?

Oh, hugs, honey. I wanted to give you .003 Ethereum.

Uh, sorry, I'm kind of in the middle of something. I'm eating a Costco hot dog.

Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah Almost like Groucho Marx with a cigar like Bugs Bunny with a Costco hot dog snapping off a bite being like classic. What's up?

I would also like to see a scene. Okay. Adal, you are a guy who is like showing up to a nice dinner party and you're bringing your parrot with you and you're just you're hoping that your parrot doesn't embarrass you by repeating things that you've said. Oh, come in, come in. Let me get your coat.

Oh, thank you so much. Oh, careful, careful, careful.

Sorry. Oh my gosh, you brought your bird. I love it.

That's not a scarf. Yep, that is Tabasco, my saucy little bird.

I've heard all about Tabasco. I love your posts about him online. His TikTok is so funny.

He's a real, he's a real scamp. It does, I mean, it does stink that he has over 500,000 followers and I have, you know, 200, but... Right, but you make the money from that because... You think, you think. He keeps the money? Yes, he has his own bank account. He's learned to sort of mimic what I do and say. So he's been able to sort of... Hey, you're here.

Oh, Tabasco, come with me. Let me show you around.

See, he's sort of parroting what you said earlier.

That's so weird. He sounded just like me. It was uncanny.

Tabasco, I have to introduce you to Lorne Michaels. Lorne, you'd love Tabasco. He's gonna be, he's gonna be the next big star.

That's so scary. I haven't even said anything like that yet. I was going to, but I haven't even said that yet.

He thinks he's gonna be on SNL.

I guess we could get on your plane tonight. Uh, Tabasco, do you have to check in with anybody or...?

Wait, Tabasco, are you trying to influence what I say? Are you doing pre-parroting?

Hey guys, Tabasco left with Lorne. I'm so, I'm so sorry.

Why is this parrot talking to me like this? Hey!

It's also smarter than me because I say LOR-en, Michaels. Eddie pronounces it correctly, which is Lorne.

It's the Canadian pronunciation, Lorne.

I actually don't really feel so comfortable introducing you to my famous friends anymore. Me? No, no, you're great. Pre-parodying is, I think, really strange. You can repeat stuff I've said, but don't tell me what to say. You know what I mean? Tabasco? Don't, like, tell me what to say, Tabasco. So, get your coat, head out.

Hey Megan, a lot of people at the party saw you yelling at Tabasco and they want you to leave. What? Yeah, a lot of people saw you yelling at Tabasco.

Wait, no, I'm falling for that. Tabasco, I'm not going to keep falling for this.

Hey Megan, it's your husband Nick, okay? I think something's seriously wrong.

Tabasco, why?

You were yelling at Tabasco the bird at the party and then everyone got uncomfortable and a lot of people wanted you to leave. Maybe just go on a drive? You know, maybe just like cool down a little bit?

I'm sorry, why are you so good at doing all these voices? Tabasco, can you control your bird please? Me? Yes! No!

So Megan, tell me, who do you think Tabasco the bird is to you?

Everybody, everything, everyone. I don't know. I don't know where my loved ones start and he stops.

Megan, incredible impression of Sigmund Freud. Do we even have recording of his voice?

Can I posit to you a world where there is no Tabasco or maybe a world where you are Tabasco?

Tabasco, I want to hear an impression of my friend JPC answering a FaceTime call when he's guilty of something.

Well, you think it would be therapeutic and something that would help you ultimately? Yeah, I want to see if you can do it. I guess I can get out my phone and do FaceTime.

I bought Tabasco a phone.

JPC, here we go. Spain?

Okie dokie. I would like to thank everyone for listening. I hope you have a great holiday weekend. It's super relaxing. Is there anything you guys want to plug? Any kids media you want to throw your endorsement behind? Anything?

I have a couple things that I would love to plug. What else? What else? What else? Oh! Putting little rocks in shoes. It's so fun to pick up little rocks and it's so fun to hide them in shoes. Because if we're, you know, if we're having secrets and we're hiding things, why not hide little rocks? You can get them later. Sneaking into the fridge. That's fun, huh? Maybe while someone else is like at work or taking a nap or something.

Maybe we should do a slow fade on this. Adal, anything to plug?

Pop right into the fridge.

I want to plug Leo for stumping us with the bare minimum, which was pretty fantastic. I also want to plug salmon's not just a king, it's a delicious food, and I know. Listen, I didn't try sushi until I was maybe like 19 or something. Start with scallops, maybe. Start with scallops. You like the way you taste. You like the way it tastes. Erin, anything to plug? Have as much jelly as you want.

That's always good. I would like to thank, if I remember their names correctly, Oliver and Liam, for asking for another one of these episodes. They asked their parents to ask me at our Portland Live show, and I'm glad that you did because I love doing these and we will try to do them every November. And also, we love you.

Playing in the sink. Get a towel if you feel like you're gonna make a mess.

Don't be like GPC. Adal and I are not gonna give up on building you a better world. We love you.

Bet on yourself. Don't necessarily grab a towel if you think you can play in the sink without the towel.

Don't be like him.

Get the towel later if you make a mess, but play in the sink and have fun. Have fun out there. Play in the sink. Stay off the ladders, but play in the sink. Jupiter.

Are there any parrots in the music?

Hey there, satellites and rovers. If you liked that, you are going to love this week's Patreon. We go on a mission to Mars with a Mars draft. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com. Hey Riddle Riddle by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or start your seven-day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month. Plus you get those ad-free episodes. See you there.

That was a hate gum podcast.