Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Whoa, guys, that recording was crazy. We played all sorts of characters, and my brain's like, wee-whoa-wee-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa. I need to find a way to unwind. What to do, what to do, what to do.

Erin, you are not wrong. That last recording that we did for the podcast Hey Riddle Riddle was a doozy.

Oh yeah, I sort of like tweaked my back playing Kung Fu Shrimp. Remember that character, Kung Fu Shrimp? I sort of threw my back out. So I'm looking for like a natural way to like relieve aches and discomfort. You know, I'm not as young as I once was. Yeah, maybe, oh maybe like cornbread hams, CBD gummies? Right! I feel like that's been a huge piece of my wellness plan recently.

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Don't just take it from us.

Take it from, what is it, Kung Fu Shrimp? Hello, I'm Kung Fu Shrimp. Everyone, let's chop these boards.

Adal, you're going to really hurt yourself.

The surfboards, dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee

Okay, on your order, I have one hay and two riddles with ranch and a sprite. You can pull up to the first window.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Maybe you didn't. Did you say cranch?

I said ranch.

Oh, okay. Yeah, no, I probably wasn't enunciating when I ordered. Oh, yeah, we needed a cranch.

Sir, what is cranch?

on the show. Uh, yeah, yeah, but we just really want to make sure we need the cranch on the Hey Riddle Riddle.

Cranch, we need cranch.

Cranch.

Extra cranch.

Not extra cranch, I'm not made of money. Oh, sorry.

What could cranch be? It's probably ranch with something in it.

Is there like another, is there like a second part to the code that I need to know about

The eagle flies at dawn, but that's supposed to be after they respond to Cranch. I'll pepper it in now.

Excuse me, I figured out what's in Cranch.

Uh, sure.

The eagle flies at dawn. Nice, subtle. Yeah.

You wanna add the eagle burger to your order? Ooh, they have eagle burger?

Yeah, I wanna try it. I wanna try the eagle burger.

It's the most American thing on the menu.

Nevermind.

Would you like to supersize that?

Oh, you do supersize at this restaurant too?

Yeah, um, when we supersize the Eagle Burger, it's just we do the full bird between two buns. Sometimes it's still alive.

On the menu it said Supersize. Is that because of like, um, like legal, uh, threats?

Yeah, we are not allowed to after McDonald's.

IP infringement, yeah, yeah. You can spell it however you want, but you can still call it Supersize?

Yeah, well, unless any narcs come through here and try to tell on me. Can you pull up to the window, sir? I think you gotta pay, you're holding up the line.

Wait, I think, I think the mention of narc is part of the code. I think… Fuck. I think they are.

You guys, can I make a wild guess? There's been a bunch of spies that have been pulling up to this window all night. Whoa, what? You are at the wrong, it is, you want Wendy's. This is Hey Riddle Riddle. That is Three Doors Down. You want the Wendy's. That's where all the spies are meeting up tonight.

No, this is Three Doors Down. Hit it, Adal.

Never blame a little blind man.

No, that's Nickelback.

Get out of the line.

Sorry. Yeah, we'll pull forward. Which one is three doors down?

Oh, if I go crazy then will you still call me Superman?

You're brilliant.

My mind wanted to say, this is the story of a girl who cried a river and drowned the whole world. I don't think that's the universe.

And while she looks so good in photographs, I absolutely love it when she smiles.

When she smiles. We still might be in the year of No Google.

How many days in a year? I don't know if we could ever find out who sings that song. But that's okay because we don't need to know. And I'm okay going the rest of my life not knowing who sings that song.

You guys, I'm working on the best of episodes for this year. And at the beginning of this year, we promised that we would do an impression of the person that sings... Might as well be Lynn.

It's Lynn. It's the band Lynn. We're not allowed to do an impression.

Have we made it the whole year?

Wait, what are you saying?

In an early episode we said that we were banned from doing an impression of Lynne. Is that who it is?

Yes, the band Lynne. Oh, I thought you said might as well be walking on the sun. Isn't that... That's Smash Mouth, right? That's Smash Mouth, Erin.

I thought Erin was saying that so she could avoid singing the song that Lynn sings.

What is the song that Lynn sings?

So Erin, I happen to know because I also just listened to this episode because while I'm not doing the best ofs, I am doing the out of context clip bracket again this year.

And I will say- God, you should have done the best of so we both didn't have to- We're doing a lot of duplicate work.

A lot of duplicate work.

What's the song?

Well, I know the song, Erin, but you're not gonna get me on the year that we banned Lynn from the podcast.

What was it?

Hey, nice try, asshole. It's not happening. We also, on that episode, we mentioned how we were, like, not gonna Google. Erin was like, let's just say we're not gonna Google for a month. And I was insistent on it being the whole year. And we've Googled a thousand times this year.

Yeah. We did not make it.

Because we love knowledge. And we love seeking it out. Absolutely.

We are on week two of episodes where I have not slept. For me, it's only been a couple hours. For you guys, it is going to be weeks and weeks and weeks. And weeks and weeks and weeks.

Does Erin think we're recording like six more episodes? Maybe she hasn't slept. Maybe this is a side effect.

Well, should we do some riddles to get Erin a little wakey-wakey? Do you think that that will Do that. Let's do some riddles.

Do they have eggs and bakey in them? Because I'm very hungry.

I do think wakey wakey eggs and bakey is an underused phrase or song. Let's start with, we'll do some trios. We've done some of these before. So I'm gonna give you three things you have to tell me what they have in common. Erin's eyes are closed. She's asleep. I can see her eyes are closed.

No, remember it's my branding. I close my eyes when I listen to riddles. Go back and do your homework for the show's lore.

I guess it's appropriate branding, but on a day when you haven't slept?

I know, my eyelids felt so heavy and I really felt so nice for a second to close my eyes. Alright, Adal, I'm ready.

And we go inside Erin's dream while she's closing her eyes. Hey Erin, here's your riddle. What does a big plate of French toast, and you don't get sick from it, a massage just for you and your dog, and... JPC, what's another thing Erin would want?

You know how there's a thing with Hitmen where they're like, I don't do women, I don't do kids. Do you think there's a thing with masseuses where they're like, I don't do women, I don't do dogs?

Why are there so... Every dream I have is these two guys just chatting with each other.

Aaron, Aaron, wake up. Aaron, wake up, wake up. I said the riddle. Did you want to try and solve it?

Toaster.

Ooh, so close. I'll read it again. It was Cylon, Aaron.

This is three things you have to tell me what they have in common. The Tropicana Corporation, an accordion player, an anaconda. They all squeeze professionally.

Yes, they all squeeze. Thank God you went first. Thank God you went first. I will thank God every day for you going first.

I always think of it because it's that song that my Tropicana don't want none unless you've got buns, hun.

I do want to see a scene. The two of you are employees at Tropicana. Erin, it is your first day on the job and JPC is teaching you how to squeeze the oranges.

So this press fits 1,000 oranges. Now, it doesn't have to be exact. It just can't be more than 1,000 oranges. And you have to make sure your hands are clear of the machine. And then you just press here and that starts the squeezing process.

So in one day we put the champagne in.

Oh, uh, okay.

Keep this party going.

For sure. You're talking about mimosas. And mimosas are, like the Noble Screwdriver, are a orange juice drink, but it's not a drink that we make at Tropicana. So yeah, no champagne, no vodka. Although we do have a saying here. If you can tropathink it, you can Tropicana do it.

That's not very good, is it? Hey, man.

The saying is not good. No, it's not. It's not very good. It's good.

You can trap a thinky, you can trap a can a do it. You know what I think we can a do? I think we could be innovators here, man. And I think we could squeeze champagne bottles into this as well.

That's something we can Tropicana do. That's even better. Isn't that what you said? No, you said it. I said Tropicana think it. We could Tropicana do it. Hey man, it's okay. Can do is like right there.

I'm just a drunk lady on the first day of the job. Don't take anything I say too serious.

Thank you for applying here. I know that you got let go from Tropicana for undisclosed reasons, but we here at Minute Maid are thrilled to have you on board. We do try and make the orange juice in a minute. We actually spelled maid wrong the first go, but we just left it. So why don't you give it a squeeze?

Here I go. One. And I'm just going to also squeeze a vodka bottle into it as well. I can Tropicana do what I want. I'm an innovator. I'm cutting out the middle man.

And this is Minute Maid, so we do have to fire you.

Alcohol in the... what? You can't... I didn't say I'm cutting out the minute man. I said I'm cutting out the middle man.

No, no, it was the Tropicana pun that was getting... Come on, you guys, can't we all just get along?

Tropicana, Sunny D, Minute Maid, the other ones.

Sunny D? You think Sunny D is orange juice?

Uh, yeah, have you ever put champagne and Sunny D together? That'll make you feel alive, sure.

M-Mimmosa? Mimmosa? I'm gonna fire myself.

See?

Mimmosa? Ugh, a mimosa with Sunny D. Erin, is that- That sounds really horrible. Is that something that you've done?

No, thank God.

Okay, good, Erin! Good, Erin, good.

A way that at my college, the way that they were hazing freshmen my year in the theater program is at the first college party, freshmen could decide to drink mimosas all night or absinthe. And I picked mimosas, which was a horrible hangover, but at least I wasn't throwing up green. Looking at you, all my friends that picked absinthe, that was my first memory of a lot of you was you throwing up green.

I think I'll throw ups green.

No, no, it was like neon green, and they were all thrown up in the same toilet. I won't name names, but I know we were.

Was it the only toilet available? Yeah. Or was it like a bonding experience?

Both.

Is it sad that in 20 years we're going to have grandmas and grandpas who butt chugged? Anyway.

Sad is not the word I'd use.

What would you use? Hopeful. Okay. Hopeful. Sure. Here's three more things you have to tell me what they have in common. Okay. The barrier reef. Alexander of Macedon, Frosted Flakes.

They're great! They're all great!

Alexander the Great, the Great Barrier Reef, and Frosted Flakes, Toy of the Tiger.

I'd like to see a scene. Adal, you're Alexander the Great in your home for Thanksgiving, and GPC, you're his brother, and you have some thoughts on him being the Great, a title that you do not have.

And so then, we took the horses and flanked them, drove them off a cliff, and conquered the land. So that's, I guess that's what I've been up to.

Oh, cool. Well, the VCR repair business is going really well.

Oh, good, good. Yes, Miles. Tell me, what, yeah, how...

Yeah, Miles Tell Me. He's in a bunch of movies. And so, when I'm, you know, when I go in there, the thing is, people have unspooled the hell out of these things.

You know, so it's like, when I go in there... Sorry, speaking of unspooled, I found the commander of the Great Army and I gutted him and unspooled his intestines in front of his men, which caused them to drop to their knees and surrender. So it was kind of a cool... Welcome back!

You'd think it's just like one type of machine, but no, there's Panasonic, there's Sony.

Both of my boys home for Thanksgiving. Mom. So sweet. Alexander, oh my gosh, we missed you so much.

I brought you the severed head of your enemy.

Oh my gosh. Oh my God, I'm gonna cry. You're so good to me. You're so sweet and you've never once asked me for money.

Mm-hmm. Mom, also good to see you.

Hi, yeah, you were here yesterday.

Yeah, well good to see you.

You ate all my bacon. You made all the bacon.

Good to see you upstairs, I mean, because I'm usually downstairs for most of the day. I brought you a little something-something. Ever seen Galaxy Quest?

Yep.

Well, I brought that.

Sort of, I guess, in my periphery. From downstairs, I brought that.

Upstairs, because you said maybe on Thanksgiving we could watch something upstairs.

Well, boys, your father's working on a turkey. Everything is falling into place.

Hey, Alexander could probably do some more work on turkey if he wanted to do some more conquering.

Your brother has a lot on his mind right now. We need to all be supporting Alexander.

He could conquer turkey, is all I'm saying.

I captured Constantinople, but then they changed the name.

They changed the name.

They also changed the name of Edge of Tomorrow to Live, Die, Repeat.

Are you drunk? What year is it?

How dare you, Steve? This is the best way to find out if someone's drunk. I couldn't think of an old movie where they changed the name. How dare you?

You know how they sometimes will say the pyramids were built when they were still like woolly mammoths? I do think they should start saying that Alexander the Great could have watched Spaceballs.

Yeah.

Just to kind of show how wild it is.

Yeah, show how crazy history is.

Yeah, history is so crazy. Uh, garden vegetables, a rude child, rested horses.

Cause like Mel Brooks is so old now. They're like, yeah, like Mel Brooks and Alexander the Great had like three years of crossover.

Isn't that crazy? Went to high school in New York together. Garden vegetables, a rude child, rested horses. Garden vegetables, a rude child, And I keep wanting to say roasted horses, but it is rested horses. Snap peas. Snappies.

Is it a specific root vegetable or is it something about root vegetables?

It's just garden vegetables, I guess. It's not a specific vegetable, but I guess it would be like, out of the garden? Fresh.

Fresh.

Yes, they're all fresh.

They're all fresh.

A rude child, rusted horses, garden vegetables. I do want to see a scene. Fresh horses. That's so funny.

I also do love the word fresh for someone being a brat. That feels very Massachusetts-y.

Yeah.

Don't get fresh with me.

I agree, I love fresh as someone like talking back or something. I hate it when it's used as a food descriptor. Like when someone's like, oh, this tastes so fresh. If that's their only descriptor, it really wears on me.

What about for fish? Because fish is the only thing that I feel like should be fresh.

Yeah, I don't mind fresh fish. It's fun to say. Yeah, fresh fish. Fresh fish. Catch of the day. Is your fish fresh? I do want to see a scene. Let's say that, Erin, do you want to play a rude Bostonian child?

Sure.

Okay. So Erin, you're going to be a little rude Bostonian fresh child. And JPC, you are an operator of a roller coaster telling this Bostonian kids they can't get on. Is there a Six Flags Boston?

Yeah, Six Flags New England. It's in Western Massachusetts.

And that's where you are.

Uh, uh, pardon me, pardon me, there's a height requirement.

Oh, there is? Oh my god, thank you so much for letting me know!

No, yeah, you didn't know about it, but yeah, it's a height requirement. It's right on the side. Yeah, this kid.

Um, I... I think I'm gonna... Am I gonna listen to this teen boy who looks scared shitless

What, me?

Yeah, whose arms are so skinny little. Yeah, am I going to listen to this guy? Huh.

What does arms have to do with it?

Huh.

You're too small.

Am I going to listen to the guy who looks like he goes sailing on a sailboat with his dad? Hey, kid.

What kind of, what insult is that?

Uh, you look like a yuppie new money fucking idiot.

Oh, okay. Yeah, well, real smart mouth on you.

Ah, this guy kicked me so hard!

Hey, who's cooking this kid? It's Boston, nobody cares about that.

Ow, ow!

I wouldn't kick a kid.

Ow!

See, now you got a line. Now you got an alternate line going of adults who want to kick a kid because they thought it was okay.

You look over, I'm gone, I'm wearing sunglasses, I'm at the front of the roller coaster. A diversion, bitch!

You know, I have to pull the lever that starts the roller coaster.

Oh, do you? Oh, God! They used a spell! It's a Boston witch! It's a Boston witch! Oh my God, I'm too little for this ride! Who let me go on here? I'm gonna fall out!

A witch died today in Boston.

Again. And a child. And a child! Child fell off a rollercoaster.

Hey Murray, why don't you read your stories, I'll read my stories. Okay, yeah, sorry.

When's it my turn? The sock's lost and I want to cry about it on TV! Oh, I'm so tired.

A Boston witch is a pastrami sandwich with a layer of racism.

Yes, and a little bit of clam chowder on top.

Clam chowder sandwich.

What do these things have in common? A mountain, a football, droopy, droopy pantyhose.

Tom Brady fucked with all three of these things.

News today, Tom Brady fucks with a mountain. A mountain, droopy dog, no you just said it like droopy dog, droopy pantyhose.

A mountain, a football, and droopy pantyhose going down.

We got like ridges or layers or...

Yes, Ruffles and Droopy Bannethose both have ridges.

They can all be stripped. Wait, that's actually something. You can strip a mountain, you can strip a football, and you can strip off some bannethose.

Okay, I mean, GBC, you're not wrong.

Well, good, then I'm right, and I relinquish my time.

I yield my time, fuck you. Remember how happy we were that week?

I yield my time, fuck you.

Was there suck my dick in there? Yeah, suck my dick, I yield my time, fuck you. Was that the order?

I think it was that order.

God, we were so happy back then.

Well, I got my answer right, and it was correct, and I loved it. So, Erin, what's your correct answer?

Adal, can I have a hint for my answer?

Um, yes. So, a mountain of football droopy pantyhose. I would say, um, so Erin, think of droopy pantyhose like if you're on... Oh!

Oh.

I think I have another guess.

A line of, uh, a summit.

Do they all have white tips? What the fuck? Doesn't a football have some white on it? What?

No.

The laces. They have to be white sometimes. Like the white tips of the mountain.

The Snowcaps You pull them up, absolutely, what's another term for pulling up pantyhose?

Climbing?

Or pants?

Hike! Hiking! Hiking!

They're all hiked!

Of course. Of course. I'd like to see a scene.

Oh, Erin, can I ask you a question?

Yeah, of course.

Do they still sell pantyhose and those eggs? Do you remember the eggs that they sold pantyhose in the 90s?

Oh, I think they do.

So does that mean that pantyhose are reptiles? Yes.

Yes. They hatch.

Yeah.

You guys don't know anything about women. I remember those being in like CVS and stuff when you'd get pantyhose.

But they don't do that anymore, right?

I think they might. Whenever I buy tights, I'm a big tights fan. They don't.

Oh, Tennessee.

Yes. But I haven't seen those. But I think I'm trying to remember. I think they might.

Weren't they called Legs? Like L-E-G-G-S?

I don't know.

I feel like that was the brand name or that was one of the brand names. I'm pretty sure that was the name of them.

I'll look into it. I'd like to see a scene.

Sure.

You are... JPC, you're the guy that does the thing between his legs. Passing it to Adal.

I'm sorry, Erin. Magic mic. Erin, you're gonna have to be so much more specific.

In football.

In football. Thank you. Hut, hut, hut.

That guy. And then Adal, you're the quarterback, which I assume that's who he's passing it to. Okay. And Adal, you're trying to stall because you're really nervous and you don't want him to pass you the ball just yet. But JPC, you're a little annoyed because you're in that crouched position.

OK. Blue 42. Debra, Debra. Fancy Pants, Fancy Pants, Debra Blue. Rome, Rome 29. Hey, what are these? What? What are these? Oh, don't worry about it. Don't worry. It's a new... Don't worry about it. I'm trying to get them off. I'm trying to get them off sides. Um, hey. They're not moving. Nobody's moving. Hey, 48, your mom... Your mom's not your real mom. What? Your mom's not your real mom.

Huh?

Ask, call her. Ask her. And that one's actually true. I, um, actually... I got drunk with 48's... Alright, delay of game. Shit. Yeah, shit.

Wait, what the hell, man? What was the plan? We just, we just... We just lost it down.

Listen, um, you know how in the Bible they cut Samson's hair and he lost his strength? No.

I'm 22. I've never read a book in my fucking life, man. My life is about football. Listen. Don't tell me Bible stories right now. Ugh.

I... Last night something happened to me where I feel like I lost it. I can't throw anymore. What? You know in Rookie of the Year where at the end he like falls and hits his arm and he can't throw?

No! I've never watched a movie. From the moment I was born the only thing I've known was football, football, football, football, football.

To not know Rookie of the Year and the Bible, those are the top two properties. I feel like we should know those inside and out.

Hey, the top two properties are the properties that my money manager, who's fucking me over, is buying with my money.

Hey, are we playing football or are we just chatting? Can we get back to the game?

48, shut up!

Okay!

Also, 48's are our theme. I'm on your theme! Why are you trash-talking our tackles?

Oh, right. Oh, that's how I know that their mom's not their real mom is because they told me that. Yeah, they told you that in confidence.

I told you that in confidence.

I'm sorry. Hey, I'm gonna throw you the ball, okay?

Don't tell!

Don't tell! Don't tell! Defense is like, 48, everyone go 48.

48's about to die.

Stick to 48. Don't tell. I'll never tell. Here's three things, tell me what they have in common. The monkeys, the 56 Yankees, Disney World.

Hey, hey.

Hey, hey, we're the 56 Yankees.

They're all infected with STIs.

They all have tall tails.

The Monkees, the 56 Yankees, Disney Royal. Is it The Monkees spelled like the band The Monkees? It is, yeah.

I should have said that, but I think the, I assume the would be the band.

Oh wait, I have something for this. Reaches into pocket, reaches further into pocket. Adal, for my birthday one year, you gave me an IOU, which is this is good for solving, not solving one riddle. So I get to skip this riddle.

Oh, can I? Yep, that is the coupon I gave you from my coupon book I panic wrote moments after I remembered it was your birthday.

And Erin, do you want to cash in any of the coupons that I gave you?

Uh, never. I'm scared. I think that will unleash the end times.

People are so obsessed with back rubs, but the second you offer front rubs, they're like, oh, this is actually crossing a big line for me.

Yeah, but you put front in quotes and then rubs in quotes, and not like quotes together. They're two separate quotes. Two separately quoted things. So like, what does that mean?

I get to decide what I think is the front. I get to decide what I think is the rub. What do you think it means? It's pretty obvious. Davey Jones was a monkey. Now, JPC, you are on a good path. Will it involve me knowing any other monkeys' names?

Yes, in fact.

Fuck my life in two pieces. This is my last resort. Erin, help me out. Do we know any other monkeys besides Davey Jones?

I said I didn't. I'm using my IOU.

We're not doing a riddle. I'm just talking to you about the monkeys, the band.

Hey, we're the monkeys, and here's a list of all our names.

What's that song where they're like... What's any other monkey song?

Every time I think of the monkeys, I think of Herman's Hermits. Hermit's Hermits? Hermit's Hermits.

Daydream believer, and the homecoming queen.

Every time I hear that song, I think of Dawson's Creek.

Fuck me. I truly, why would I ever need to know another person from the Monkees? But I feel like with the Monkees, I know Davy Jones, and if I heard someone say the name of another person... So you want to think of last name Dolenz.

Mickey Dolan's? Yes.

Mickey's. All have Mickey's.

They all have Mickey's.

Mickey Mantle.

The Monkees, the 56 Yankees, and Disney World all have Mickey's.

Yeah, Mickey Dolan's. I don't think I ever would have gotten that.

This is going to be maybe back-to-back episodes with Yankees scenes, but I do want to see a seed. Erin, you are the manager of the 56 Yankees, and you are welcoming your new number one draft pick, Mickey Mouse, JPC or Mickey Mouse.

Hey fella, take a seat, take a seat. Everyone, yeah, you can smoke in here. Continue to smoke. Yeah. All right, fellas. We haven't won a game in a couple weeks, so I decided to bring in a new player. Oh, good coach. Yeah, coach. Yeah. Thanks, coach. I'm glad that you have a good attitude about it. This player is going to bring in a new kind of demographic watching it. Children. And this player is going to be a little small, so you have to be careful with them.

Hmm.

He loves to whistle.

Shortstop? Maybe a new shortstop?

Come on in, Mr. Mouse! So good to finally meet everyone here! Draft dodger! Yes, as everyone remembers, Mickey Mouse has recently been in the papers for dodging, I guess, recently been in the papers for dodging the World War II draft, which I guess we got coming out way later, but we recently found out... Rat! Draft dodger! Rat! I was just a little boy! No, you were a full-grown man. You faked an injury and you didn't go fight in World War II. Okay, okay, so I'm like a 30-year-old joining a Facebook team. I mean, Mickey Mouse was invented in the 20s, so I'm just going by... I have a question. Does this count as breaking the color barrier? Because I'm not... Weird that you asked that. Everybody shut it down. Everyone starts taking apart the lockers. Jackie Robinson walks in. I love Mickey Mouse stealing Jackie Robinson's valor. Yelling Draft Dodger at Mickey Mouse is so fucking funny.

Coward! Coward! And you have a bunch of other people who are also playing on the Yankees, too, so it's fun.

What if Only Give Their Own was all Disney characters? That's fun.

That's kind of like how they made that Final Fantasy game that was all Disney characters.

Oh, Kingdom Hearts.

Kingdom Hearts, yeah, yeah, yeah. We could just do whatever properties we want, but just put Disney in them.

Does Goofy have like a big Sephiroth sword or something? Yes.

Goofy has a big Sephiroth.

Gorsh, I need more materia. Gorsh, there's no crying in baseball. Is Goofy peeing into the sink like Tom Hanks does in A League of Their Own?

Let's take a quick break and we'll be right back with more Goofy.

As you can see, I'm on the couch. My feet are up. I'm on my phone. I'm drinking a Mai Tai. Gentlemen, I'm actually done with my Christmas shopping, so I don't need to go with you today.

Well, that's my couch and you spilled a lot of Mai Tai on it.

I know. I got everyone an Aura frame for Christmas. So yeah, I'm actually all done. I did a perfect job.

Yeah, we were actually going to shop for Adal's new couch today because you keep spilling Mai Tais.

We're all saying the same thing.

Well, wait, JPC. Sorry, Erin, did you say an Aura frame?

Mm-hmm.

I am obsessed with Aura Frames. They're the perfect gift for anyone in your life. I have my own. I also gave my mom one, and they have a really cool thing where you can share photos to each other's frames, and we have such a laugh just dropping in fun little photos.

You can honestly also preload photos before it even ships, and you can keep adding them from anywhere, anytime. I love it because I can always send up-to-date photos of my child to my family member's Aura Frames.

And preloaded photos can still make you happy.

For a limited time, visit AuraFrames.com and get $45 off Aura's best-selling Carver matte frames, named No. 1 by Wirecutter by using promo code RIDDLE at checkout. That's AuraFrames, A-U-R-A, frames, dot com, promo code RIDDLE. This exclusive Black Friday, Cyber Monday deal is their best of the year, so order now before it ends. Support our show by mentioning us at checkout. Terms and conditions apply.

Take a photo of me drinking in my tie on Adal's couch and then put it on the AuraFrame. Aww.

It's actually for evidence, Erin.

Oh, good. Cheese!

It's funny, I'm always thinking about it this time of year, but I'm not as young as I once was. But I care a lot about maintaining my physical and mental wellness, which means cornbread hemps, CBD gummies are a huge piece of my wellness plan. It's so funny, I have no idea why it gets to be this time of year, and I'm thinking about how I'm not as young as I once was.

Oh, same girl same, but also, JPC, your birthday's in December.

Okay, that makes sense.

Well, JPC, someone left something under the tree called cornbread hemp CBD gummies. Have you heard of these? You seen these? Uh-huh, yes, I have. They're made to help you feel better, whether it's stress, discomfort, the encroaching clock of aging.

Relaxation.

Relaxation. I use cornbread hemp CBD and GPC. Let me just say, toss one in my mouth, I chew it, I swallow it, and suddenly I'm at peace. And I'm old as hell.

All products are third-party lab tested in USDA organic to ensure safety and purity. So you can relax, relax.

Okay, you guys might be onto something with this cornbread hemp CBD, don't me. John Travolta?

John Travolta. Swim CBD? That's awesome.

And right now, Hey Riddle Riddle listeners can save 30% on their first order. Just head to cornbreadhemp.com slash riddle and use code riddle at checkout. That's cornbreadhemp.com slash riddle and use code riddle.

Age is nothing but a number. The number of years I've been on earth.

Years are also nothing but physical manifestations of time passing.

I feel okay.

I feel okay. This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. Adal, Erin, I have made you guys kind of one of my holiday traditions, a website pot pie.

Ooh.

Interesting. Okay. Got a nice crust. Good bake on this. Yes. Very good bake.

I think that you'll also be able to tell that I have some special seasoning. Let's just say that there's some hyperlikes in there.

I'm

I'm getting a taste. It's so delicious. I feel like maybe, is there like videos in here? Because I know Squarespace makes it easy to showcase your expertise and engage clients with video content on your website. So am I getting a hint of videos?

Yes and no. I definitely watched videos as I was making it on how to make website pie, and all the videos were like, don't do this, you can't do this, it shouldn't be done, it's against God.

Well, if you use Squarespace, you can make smarter business decisions with Squarespace's intuitive built-in analytics tools. Review website traffic, learn where to focus engagement, and track revenue from bookings, invoices, and product sales, all from one place.

It's interesting that you mentioned that, Erin, because I actually did use SEO tools to make this website pie. With Squarespace, you can get discovered fast with integrated Squarespace SEO tools, and every website is optimized to be indexed with meta descriptions and auto-generated sitemap and more, so you show up more often on search engines and bring in more of your ideal customers. But the SEO tools that I used on this website pie were, and then, okay, SEO, I got this, I got this, I got this, I got this.

Cinnamon... And we're already out.

I messed up big time on this website pie. It's delicious though. I'm gonna grab another slice. Hey, and if you want another slice, why don't you head to squarespace.com slash riddle for a free trial and when you're ready to launch use offer code riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

I will say, the smell waft thing really did pull me into this room. So my compliments to the JPC chef.

And now for the best part, who wants to get their stomach pumped?

Me! Me! Okay, JPC, open it. Open it. Just as a heads up, it is a gift for me that I just want you to open for me.

And it's in this lion's mouth?

Um, yes, and. Adal, huh? Pretty good?

Opening the jaws of the lion... My sweater!

It's my new quint sweater.

It's covered in lion... inside.

Yeah, but it's $50 and it's cashmere.

Oh, well, you actually got a pretty good price on the sweater.

I know. I love quints. I recently got some curtains and a rug from there. And I point to two other animals that have eaten my curtain and rugs that you need to fight to get them back for me. I love quints.

Oh, and I love quints as well, because they partner directly with ethical factories and top artisans. They cut out the middleman to deliver Welcome back!

I love their holiday stuff, but I really love their home stuff. Incredible sheets, linens, like the most incredible basics for a price that's not spooky at all. Give and get timeless holiday staples that last this season with Quince. Go to quince.com slash riddle for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. Oh, congratulations, Canada. That's quince.com slash riddle. Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash riddle. Free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince dot com slash riddle. R-I-D-D-L-E.

Now I will tame this lion. Oh, he's got my leg. At least my cashmere jacket looks nice from Quince.

Give us a spin.

Oh, can you get that leg on, Quince? And we're back and we do have more trios. I'm going to keep going with these trios. Okay, let's do it. Let's trio it up. Please tell me what these three things have in common. Ice cream, a poorly run newspaper, a low throw to first base. Man, a lot of baseball going around. Cold. Ice cream, a poorly run newspaper, a low throw to first base. Cold is not a terrible guess.

No spoon. Isn't that like an old newspaper term that I just made up?

I don't know the baseball term low throw. Does that mean that the person's out? Or that means it missed?

Strike?

Well, it wouldn't be a strike because they're throwing a first.

It's more what the person catching it does to kind of grab it. So say it's a low throw and it maybe bounces along a baseline or something, the person who's receiving the ball has to do this to get it. Scoop. Scoop! Yes, they're all scooped. We're gonna have the news scooped out from underneath them.

I'd like to see a scene. Oh, that's what that means. Adal, you run an old-timey newspaper, and JPC is usually your best reporter, but JPC, you're really spinning your wheels trying to come up with a good story.

Got it. And Erin, will you play my top reporter?

Yeah.

Alright, all hands on deck, all hands on deck, and of course... Yes, thank you, thank you. Please, please mumble, please mumble a vegetable repeatedly.

What's this meeting? What's this meeting?

Rubob, rubob, rubob, rubob. What's this meeting?

Now we all know I run an old-timey newspaper. Of course, the year is 2025, but we report on news as if it's yesteryear. That's why we're Yessier News.

Roo-bop, roo-bop, roo-bop, roo-bop. Gloria! Yes? What scoop do you have for me today?

I got the scoop of the century, you see.

Ooh, lights a big cigar.

Two people in this office knocked boots together last night after they drank too late at the bar.

Ooh, not boots.

I got my best guy on it. Me. Gloria. I'm gonna crack the story wide open just like they cracked wide open last night.

Ooh, 23 skidoo, and of course we'll pay you 23 cents on the dollar for being a woman.

I love it!

Okay, who else? Uh, Maguire, do you have a scoop for me? Yeah, Maguire. No, yeah.

Yeah, Maguire, what's your scoop? Yeah, come on, Ruba. Ruba. Ruba. Ruba. Ruba. Ruba. Ruba. Ruba. Ruba. Ruba. Ruba. Ruba. Ruba. Ruba. Ruba. Ruba. Ruba. Ruba. Ruba. Ruba. Ruba. Ruba. Ruba.

Ruba. Ruba. Ruba. Ruba. Ruba. Ruba. Ruba. Ruba. Ruba. Ruba. Ruba. Ruba. Ruba. Ruba. Ruba. Ruba. Ruba. Ruba. Ruba. Ruba. Ruba. Ruba. Ruba. Ruba. Ruba. Ruba. Ruba. Ruba. Rub

Yes, we do news every day of the week. It's every day of the week. Twice on Sundays.

We're the only paper that releases two issues on Sunday. Twice on Sundays. Maquire, open your little notebook and read all the news. Yeah, no, yeah, okay.

And minifires. Potatoes, potatoes, potatoes. Minifires burning right now. Oh, here's a popular item.

Sorry, Maquire, what is that? Are you trying to review a... Reese Witherspoon show?

Reese Witherspoon, corn, corn, corn, corn, corn, corn, corn.

Is that a morning show reference?

No, like, doesn't she Little Fires? Lots of Little Fires everywhere? Isn't that a show?

Little Fires Everywhere, the book by, what'd it say, Celeste Ng?

I'm sorry, McGuire, I interrupted you.

I bet you have all sorts of great scoops. So there is on the wall a clock Shortage happening. There's a clock shortage happening on the Great Wall of China. So that's pretty interesting. No, I did. I did. I did. That's just one of the many scoops that I have kicking around in my notebook. That's why he wasn't ready. Tomatoes?

Tomatoes? Tomatoes? Tomatoes? Tomatoes? Tomatoes? Stop saying stuff like that.

I just wrote down tomatoes question mark. You're getting in my head. So McGuire, what you're leading me to believe is that I'm supposed to run a front page that says both two employees knock boots and also clock shortage on the Great Wall of China? We'll be laughed out of town. Not necessarily that. I've got a lot of news.

There's also the water Cooler.

You're looking around the room.

Well, yes, I'm talking to- I'm addressing the entire room.

You didn't let me finish my- You're backing up slowly, McGuire.

Where are you going? Well, I'm a reporter.

It's not happy hour.

I gotta go put boots to the pavement and make sure I'm chasing down no thieves.

Ah, your boots are hitting the pavement after hitting the bed last night.

Oh, you fucked Stephen Milkmas. Alright, hold on now, hold on now. The water cooler shortage on the Great Wall of China is going into effect.

McGuire and I slept together last night, and I've got the scoop!

Oh, gee louise! Oh, just please don't tell my wife. Either of them. In different cities, you see. I know it's 2025, but I figured I'd do a little callback to having two families.

Well, I'm making 23 cents to the dollar, so...

Hey, that's fucked.

Hey, that's fucked.

Hey, that's fucked. Hey, that's fucked. Did they say that's fucked in the old times? Do you think that they said that in the 20s?

In their own way.

Probably in their own way.

Yeah. I'd be curious to know when curse words, like what curse words were commonplace during what eras?

That's why it's so trippy seeing the old-timey bloopers, because it's like these black-and-white movies and they're like, I'll tell you something about this mister. Ah, fuck, shoot! We'll have to take that take again! And you're like, whoa!

We're pissing my ass! I know that they were saying fuck because I've seen Deadwood, and Deadwood is in the 18th century or 17th century. Deadwood takes a special care to use the vernacular of the time, which is why you can't understand a word that's being said in that fucking show.

Um, I'm gonna read you a list of old-fashioned swears. I love it. Consarn. Sard. Bedswerver.

Also, sorry if any of these are crazy offensive.

Bejabbers. This is my favorite one. Bejabbers. B-E-J-A-B-B-E-R-S. The Jabbers. Fopdoodle.

Do you... Alright, I know you still can't call somebody a fop. Do you call someone a bejabbers or do you say what the bejabbers is?

Another way of saying bejesus. I say bejesus and you say bejabbers.

A substitute for byjesus that is similar to bejesus. This feels like a zwoons or something like that where you're like zines. You can't say God's wounds. Thunderation. Arf arf an arf? Arf arf an arf. A-R-F, A-R-F, A-N-apostrophe, A-R-F. Arf, arf, and arf.

Every dog listening to this podcast was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, you can't say that shit.

Every dog Siri just went off.

Every dog begins with arf. This may sound like a strange approximation of a dog barking, but it's a real word. It's actually a Victorian slang term to call someone who's drunk. Arf, arf, and arf. Corn nuts, gadzooks, snails, muck spout. Gadzooks is a blast. Bloody Nora, dagnamit gosh.

I love the idea of a child getting sent home from his one-room schoolhouse for saying, like, snarf or whatever. You can't say mudspout in class.

Oh, it's British. Bloody Nora is British.

We're

She's from a bygone era. I saw a thing last night that- Uma Thurman. Who's the most efficient person to ever be called? Any Hollywood actress over 50 from a bygone era.

Please, over 40, please.

I always want to say Agatha Christie. Who's the woman who was the teapot in Beauty and the Beast?

Angela Lansbury.

Angela Lansbury. Fuck, I always want to call her Agatha Christie. I didn't know Angela Lansbury, and I saw this last night, that she had two kids.

Oh, you did your gossip voice. I can't fucking wait. You went a little low.

And she had two kids, and they were running with a bad crew, and she was like, my kids are in with this bad crew, and I can't have them being around these people. And so she quit Hollywood for like a year to move to Cork, Ireland to help get her kids removed from this bad crew of people. And it turned out that they were in the Manson family.

Oh, that actually would make for a great movie.

So she saved her kids from being like a part of the Manson family.

That's incredible. Good for her.

Who would they get to play Angela Lansbury though?

Erin. The teapot?

Do you think that when the Manson family shit went down, do you think Angela Lansbury was like,

Well, well, well.

Smacked her kids clean across the mouth. She's like, you're fucking welcome, by the way, that you're not in jail. You're stabbing some squares in the Hollywood Hills. You're welcome.

You goofy Arf Arf-an-Arfs. I think I just realized where my wires cross is Angela Lansbury was in Murder, She Wrote. Yes. And when I see the words murder and then she wrote, I think of Agatha Christie because she wrote murders.

Yes, Adal, this is a great self-diagnosis of you sort of going into your own brain and figuring out why everything is where it is. What else is going on up there?

I traced the wires. Should I cut it?

Uh, don't cut the red wire.

Pliers up the nose.

I told Snap, I told Adal this, that whenever Tony Shalhoub gets mentioned, Adal, what do you always say when Tony Shalhoub gets mentioned?

It's not what I say, it's what I must say. It's what you must say. It's a compulsion.

Erin, will you solve the puzzle?

He's the something Al Pacino. No, he's the Lebanese De Niro.

De Niro. Adal always says, when he gets mentioned, that he's the Lebanese De Niro, but I always forget the nationality and the actor, so whenever someone mentions Tony Shalhoub, in my mind I'm always like, oh, he's the Armenian Pacino.

He's the Serbian Hackman?

I honestly, I think I was talking to someone the other day and I think I did see a Serbian GDAP.

I also, anytime someone mentions Neil Diamond, I simply must say Jewish Elvis. Because that's what he was known as, was Jewish Elvis.

Is he no longer with us?

I do sometimes think we cause celebrity deaths on the show, so let's tread lightly.

Whoa, yeah we did with Nick Carter.

Erin Carter.

Erin Carter, we said Jimmy Carter.

Well now with Nick Carter, now we just killed another Carter.

We've killed Jimmy Carter, we've killed Nick Carter.

Oh no.

I hope we don't kill Shaloub. No, no, no, no, no. That would be a shame. Although he's in that new Shane Black movie and it's none too good. Oh really?

He deserves our praise. He's Tony Shaloub.

He's the Shoub. Did Shane Black write it or just direct it?

He wrote it and directed it.

Because I love a Shane Black script.

on the show.

Someone committing perjury, the boy who cried wolf.

Angels.

These are all people who are kind of plucky. Ooh, okay. I like that a lot. An ancient harp, someone committing perjury, the boy who cried wolf. Strung up? Is it strung up? Not strung up. An ancient harp is the one that's going to trip you up a little bit because it's spelled differently than the other two. The other two are spelled the same, but ancient harp is spelled a different way and that might cause like a bit of a, oh. An ancient harp. Okay.

So the boy who cried wolf is a liar. It's a liar.

They're all liars.

They're all liars. That's a good one.

Wow, I do want to see a scene. Erin, you and I are, sorry, JPC, you and I are townsfolk. And Erin, you are running in to tell us, it's sort of a boy who cried wolf situation, but it's your own spin on it. And so I said to Margaret, I said, well, why don't you set down the grain and we can sit and have a go.

You guys.

Oh, it's the Shepard's Boy. Well, Shepard's Boy, welcome.

Um, you guys are not gonna freaking believe this.

Freaking? Well, you must tell your father about this. Mud spicket language. Ten stones on your head.

No, no, no. Gadzooks, gadzooks.

Oh.

I just got robbed on the edge of town. Oh no, I have no- A robber on the edge of town?

A robber on- oh, bandits!

Yes, there are bandits. And I got robbed and I have no more money. And then the robbers told everyone from the casino to come after me for no reason. Oh my gosh, what are we going to do as a town to fix this? We're all in this together, guys!

Let me, let me, let me break down the situation. You were robbed.

Yes.

And then the robbers went to the casino.

Yeah.

And what did they tell them?

Uh-huh. They went to the casino and they said, hey, take care of this asshole for us. Pretend he owes you a ton of money.

And this is why I voted no on the village casino. We have a baker, a tailor, a shepherd. And you were outvoted.

And now we're living in this reality. So what are we going to do as a town?

Hey everyone! How does that have anything to do with the robbing you aspect?

Because they really want people to come after me so I can't stop them. They think I'm too strong and I can bring down all the bandits that robbed me. And you guys, I know I talk in the cadence of a liar, but this is all really fucking true. This is really true what I'm saying. Okay. I haven't had a gambling problem in like four years.

So, and so it's the town's problem because you're the only one who can stop the bandits?

I'm the only one that can stop the bandits. So we can't let these casino guys trick all of us into thinking I owe money.

Can I just say my piece that I used to be a butcher until the casino came to the village and started offering Wednesday $1 steaks?

You got outvoted! You got outvoted! Just saying.

Just saying.

The steaks at the casino taste just like yours, if not better, Rick, okay? $1 steaks? That's insane. I couldn't compete with that.

You guys, it's the perfect plan.

You could open a casino. Hold on. Rick, you could open a casino. At your butcher shop. I did!

And you guys said no gambling.

You guys, they're going to be here any second and I think we need to focus. It's the perfect plan because they know everyone thinks I have a gambling problem. And they know that I've used this exact excuse before. Right? Oh, that's right. Wasn't this what happened last week? Yes, but I lied last week. And then they were like, but this time, this time they won't be blamed.

So now... Last week they broke your legs, right?

Uh-huh. But last week, but this time it's real. Don't you see? It's the perfect crime. Don't you see?

For who is it the perfect crime?

They, they, the bandits are going to be unstoppable. I'm the only ones I can, you know, I went over this. I'm the only one that can stop the bandits. They're working with the guys from the casino. They work together. We're all cooked.

And Rick, we all came to your casino. It just, it was so poorly run that you lost. I don't understand how you kept losing.

We can't be talking about Rick's thing right now because my thing is dangerous.

Oh, Rick's thing is dangerous. He's got a wife and kids.

Yeah, but it's like- They're starving. It's like slow drip dangerous.

Hold on. How is- The one thing you should have is food. You have a butcher shop. No, we're all spoiled and I refuse to let them eat the $1 steaks on Wednesdays at the casino.

Well, I mean- You said this last week. Rick and I had this same conversation last week. My wife and kid are dead. Here's what we do.

What?

My wife and kid are dead. Oh, they're all liars. The LA Freeway, the NBA Slam Dunk Contest, and a door. The LA Freeway, the NBA Slam Dunk Contest, and a door.

They're all hard to get off of. From.

Hmm. Not with that attitude.

Oh, constant slams.

Ooh, you're very close.

They all have jams, jams, jams.

They all have jams. You call a dunk a jam, right?

Call a dunk a jam.

NBA jams. Yeah. The Nail in the Coffin. You ever play that game, Erin? No. From downtown, he's on fire. He's on fire. He's heating up.

I'm not familiar with this. You've never played NBA Jam? No. By Midway Games?

No.

Erin, NBA Jams was a early basketball game with, I want to say, almost impossible levels of physics. Like I remember you could like dribble three times and be across the court and you're like, I think that might be wrong. You could dunk from the free throw line of the other side of the court.

Yeah. Like 93?

Oh, like early. Okay.

There was also a game for, I think it was for N64, there may have been earlier versions called NFL Blitz. And in NFL Blitz, it was NBA jams basically, but for football. But you would tackle someone and then they would go like 15 yards. And you're like, okay, so I guess that's the first down line. That man is dead. How did they get tackled for 15 yards?

Erin, in NBA Jam, if you made three shots in a row, you would catch on fire. They'd say, he's on fire, and you would literally have flames around you. That's a lot of fire. You could do a lot more things.

You were supercharged, and then if you dunked it in shit, the rim would catch on fire, too. The net would catch on fire. It was a real problem.

And this is a dumb question, but that doesn't happen in real life, right?

Well, let me answer a dumb question with a dumb response, Erin. You could also be an alien in this game as well.

Oh.

Yeah, like one of those like long greys. You could like make your character that.

Has this game made a comeback in any way?

Is it like back in the zeitgeist or is it just... They released a version for iOS that I downloaded at some point. So I feel like it's still in the zeitgeist.

I think it was supplanted by the more, like the EA Sports basketball games, the ones that come out every year basically.

Is there a video game that you guys are the most nostalgic for? Like you'd give anything to play it for the first time or have it back in a new iteration?

Maybe like Bubble Bobble. There's something, have you ever played that?

No.

There's something so gentle and satisfying about, so you're basically two little cutesy dinosaurs. So you play with a partner. You don't have to play two player, but you should play two player. And there's like 99 levels and every level you're like a little dinosaur dragon and you open your mouth and a bubble comes out and you can catch bad guys or catch prizes, whatever you want. It's so cute. It was like my first love in video games.

What was that on the Nintendo or Super Nintendo?

I don't want to say. I don't want to date myself.

It was on Nintendo. Let's take the duck hunt out and then let's blow in it and hit it a bunch of times with a baseball bat so we can play the next video game.

Adal, did you ever play the video game, I think it was called Lemmings? It was like a PC video game.

I played the computer game. Yeah, yeah.

That was a blast. Yeah, like the whole point was that like, Lemmings will... Is this even true of lemmings? But like, lemmings will like, follow each other off cliffs and stuff? Yeah.

That was a rumor. I don't even know what a lemming is.

Like a mink? I remember that game was tons of fun. And then there was also the game, was it where you would be like earthworms and you would like shoot like rockets at each other?

What the fuck was that game?

This doesn't even sound familiar to me. Worms. Worms, yeah. Worms, that was a great game.

Yeah.

Also, Earthworm Jim was a great game.

These are all games that I would like have nostalgia for, but if I ever played them today, I'd be like, this is a huge piece of shit. This thing does not work at all.

So frustrating how slow it is. Erin, do you have a game like that?

Um, I mean, I would love, I mean, you know how I feel about Banjo Tooie, not Kazooie, Tooie specifically. And them returning to that IP, I think would be exciting, but I don't... Hawk Tooie, maybe? Oh, my God, take all my money.

If we're talking about IP that I'd love to be rebooted, I When I was a kid, I loved Mavis Beacon teaches typing, and I would love for Mavis Beacon to teach other things too. Not necessarily sexual, but I wouldn't... You're not ruling it out? I'm not ruling it out. If Mavis Beacon wants to be a little freak... Mavis Beacon teaches aftercare. But I would like to see a series of Mavis Beacon teaches. Mavis Beacon teaches... Jump rope.

Jump rope. Yeah. Mavis Beacon teaches freaking on the weekend. Yeah, Mavis Beacon teaches souffle.

Yeah, okay.

She can teach everything.

I'm in.

I'm in.

It's the first time we've ever agreed on something and it felt so strange.

That was so weird. My body was like, I don't know where to go from here. Whoa. Let's do one more of these. I'm going to say multi-level marketing, King Tut, the back of a $1 bill.

A pyramid.

They all have pyramids. Pyramids, yes. I do want to say something. Okay. JPC, you are a multi-level marketing schemester, and you're trying to sell Erin, you're trying to initiate her into your MLM.

Yeah, so this is the entire suite of products.

Sorry, I was just trying to order a tequila soda at the bar.

Oh, I thought you were checking out my side display here of my suite of products.

Um, no, sorry. Oh, we went to high school together. I remember you. You and I? Yeah.

Oh, yeah. I'm sorry I didn't recognize you because I look so young.

You look like you're wearing a lot of makeup and that your skin is sort of taped up behind your ears.

Yes, yes, yes. And isn't that, and isn't that kind of what the display kind of is all about?

Hey man, can I, um, can I buy you a drink? Are you okay? Maybe a meal?

I'm working right now at the bar, but I'm also kind of working on kind of this array of products in this display. You know what? You look so familiar to me.

Yeah, we went to high school together. You don't have to do this part of it.

You would be so good, because you have one of those faces, I think you would be so good at direct in-person sales.

We carpooled together, Jeffrey, to school. Today? No, most days to school. Because I was going to say, the company actually gave me a car.

It's a purple Cadillac.

No one wants that. My family actually pulled me out of an MLM like three years ago and I- Oh, so your time is free.

You're open. No, I- You're open to new opportunities.

I'm going to school to be an actuary.

I'm hearing that you love entrepreneurship and you're open to new opportunities.

Hey, um, are they here? I'm

Oh, so you would like to talk to kind of my up channel and the company to see about exploring more opportunities?

Yeah, but man, can you do me a favor? I'm really susceptible to this stuff.

So if I start to- Obviously fucking not, because I've been giving you my A game and I'm getting nothing.

What are you talking about? Your fly's down, your shirt's unbuttoned.

Yeah, I have my shirt tucked through the fly.

Yeah. Because it catches the pit. A cloaked man walks by, sets down a briefcase, opens it up, walks away. Briefcase has an intercom system in it.

You wanted to talk?

Is this him?

This is him. I've never seen this briefcase in my life.

Hey.

Hey.

Is this a purple Cadillac?

What?

Are you a purple Cadillac that can talk?

I lied about that. I lied about that.

Oh. Now I look fucking stupid, man.

You look familiar.

Oh my god, we went to high school together!

We went to high school together! Yeah! Yeah! Oh my gosh!

Oh my god, it's good to see you! Oh my gosh!

Briefcase! How are you? Good. It's Side hustle economy, it's just people and MLMs.

It's also so devastating because it's so predatory to women and like young women and stay-at-home moms, and it's just so cruel.

I know you're trying to make me feel better about it, Erin, but it's so bad. Like even with that, I still can't get behind it.

God, you can't be mad at a perfect joke.

Erin, anything you would like to plug or promote?

Um, I would say check out Hello from the Magic Tavern. I've been dipping my toes back in listening to it again. I've been on the Patreon a couple times recently. I love that show. It's, it's as great as it ever was. And it's always been great. So check that out.

And JPC was just recently on as one of my new favorite characters.

Chunt. You went on as Chunt.

I went on as one of Adal's new favorite characters, Chunt the Badger.

Adal, do you have anything to plug?

Yes, I would like to plug and promote Gum Shoes and Dragons. It's the three of us and Anthony Birch. Gum Shoes and Dragons. It's the three of us and Anthony Birch. It's a rollicking good time. If you enjoy us or you enjoy Anthony Birch and or Dungeons and Daddies or D&D in general, please check out Gum Shoes and Dragons. JPC, anything to plug or promote?

Yeah, I mean, always check us out on the Patreon. We have some fun stuff coming up for the end of the year as well. So patreon.com slash HeyRiddleRiddle. Five bucks a month, you get the bonus show. Eight bucks a month, you get the review crew. And I would like to also do a shout-out to a five-star review. If you want to get a five-star review featured on the show, just leave a five-star review anywhere you leave reviews. I might find it. Hey, I found one today from Barely Sushi. Barely Sushi writes, a podcast for trying times. Hey Riddle Riddle is a podcast that is perfect for cheering yourself up during trying times. Through pandemics, death of parents, even divorces, listening to Erin, Adal, and GPC really helps make me smile and put things in perspective. Sure, bad things are happening in life, but at least you're not on a Riddle and Prof podcast. Things could always be worse if you could be stuck forever with these three. At least you could turn off an episode and walk away. These poor SOBs have to go through every single second of every single episode. Five stars! Highly recommend. You know what? It is important to keep perspective. It's important to keep perspective. Yeah.

I feel... Wait a minute. I'm one of those idiots. Jupiter! Aw! Aw!

Hey Riddle Riddle.

Created by Adal Rifai. Starring Erin Keif, and John Patrick Coan. Casey Toney did the editing, and Marty Parris did the music.

Hey there Beaks and Bones, if you liked that, you're going to love this week's Patreon. Adal, Erin, and JPC joined the Beak and Bones Society. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com. Hey Riddle Riddle by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or start your seven day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month. Plus you get those ad free episodes. See you there.

That was a hate gum podcast.

What's going on? It's Lamar Morris and Hannah Simone, and we host The Mess Around, a New Girl Rewatch podcast now on HeadGum. Now, here's the thing. Every single week we chat about an episode of New Girl, and we really get into it. Like, we get up in there. We get up in there. You know, we reminisce about our times on set. We share behind-the-scenes tea. We react to rewatching episodes that we haven't seen in years. We talk about how Jake Johnson is dog ****.

That's not true. We talk about so many memories we have of working with the biggest stars on the planet. I'm talking Prince, Taylor Swift, Olivia Rodrigo.

We're just two BFFs having a good old time, okay? Sometimes we even talk to other co-stars like Zooey Deschanel, Jake Johnson, Max Greenfield, and Damon Wayans Jr., and your dad. We talked to your dad on this show as well.

Make sure you subscribe to The Mess Around wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes drop every single Tuesday.