Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum Podcast.

Aaron JPC, I've done it. I've done it. I've created the perfect character.

Oh, Adal, looks like you haven't slept in a few days.

Yeah, no, I haven't. And I am chock-a-block. Oh, bless you.

Sorry, excuse me. Continue.

No, I'm covered in dust, and that's the thing. I had to roll around in the dirt under the moon. To come up with the perfect character, Erin, I give her unto thee, Jennifer Monster Popcorn. Now, hear me out. Jennifer Monster Popcorn may sound like your typical- Adal, go to bed.

Adal. Not only will I hear you out, I will show you out. This is the door. Okay. You are not welcome here with suggestions like that.

But is Jennifer Monster Popcorn welcome?

Hi, I'm Jennifer Monster Pop- No, it's nothing. That's nothing.

She came to life. Oh. And she didn't. And she's dead.

Hi, I'm Jennifer Monster Popcorn, and I make the news. Yeah, this is nothing at all. I'm really trying.

Does she produce the news or she just gets on the news? How did you make the character without getting to that? I should have thought through everything.

Critical point.

I'm Jennifer Monster Popcorn and I make the news. I produce it and then I also do a lot of stuff around town that gets me in front of the camera.

This just in on Channel 5, Jenister Monster Popcorn. You're fired.

Pack up your desk. You're out of here.

Pack up my desk?

I don't know, I'm trying to.

Yeah, motherfucker. JPC, you try your Jennifer Monster Popcorn.

Oh, wow. I don't know what that was.

I think maybe you just haven't got the character yet this morning. You got to get some of the...

Too much popcorn.

Oh, interesting. Half dozen to one, ten to one of the other.

I'm Jennifer Monster Popcorn from the movie theater Popcorns, yeah. My family is very rich and I go to boarding school in Sweden. No?

So she's basically Rooney Mara?

Let me try again.

Yeah, if you got Rooney Marr from it, it still needs a lot of work. Yeah.

The name is Popcorn. Jennifer Monster Popcorn.

All right, Adal, I came around on it. This is a good idea. I like it.

Thank you. Thank you. Erin, thank you for breathing life into Jennifer Monster Popcorn. JBC, thank you for reluctantly coming around to my idea. I feel like this is going to be a good episode.

Uh, yeah, oh, oh yeah, oh yeah. And Adal, would you mind saying where you got Jennifer Monster Popcorn from? One. Two. Three.

Monster.

Jennifer. Popcorn.

Jennifer Monster Popcorn is my maiden name.

I was eating Jennifer Monster Popcorn in the lab and this sucks.

Pleased to meet you, Jennifer Monster Popcorn.

Would you mind saying where you got Jennifer Monster Popcorn from or is that?

I dug up some graves, and the ground is really hard this time of year, so I guess I should say I tried to dig up some graves, but I couldn't, so I went to a dumpster behind a pet store.

Adal's shuffling his feet and looking down.

And I kissed each brain, and then I sewed them together, and then I found some popcorn from the local AMC that got dumped in there. We got him.

with what we don't know.

But Jennifer's 20 new brains and 10 grams of caramel cord.

He's definitely been got in some form or fashion. He's we've, we've definitely and something's happened. It's something has definitely happened.

We've got someone for something. We got someone for something because they did something bad. We're not sure.

And we're not sure.

We got our best Jennifer Monster Popcorn on it though. Hey guys. Hi Erin. Why does it feel so easy to bullshit and spin our wheels when I'm not Old Man Puzzles? Why does it come so naturally to me to waste time?

Who's gonna tell her this is her episode?

Fine, I guess I'll get into riddles four minutes in.

Hey Erin, you're running the show, girl. You can do whatever you want to do.

Now, Erin, we are in the spooky month. Do you want to kill time talking about what are some good ideas for Halloween costumes this year?

Sure.

It's Erin, are you doing anything? Do you think you're going to be doing anything for Halloween this year? Doing costume parties and shit like that?

I'm going to be out of town for Halloween, so no costume parties for me. I might dress Lou up as Paddington Bear. Ooh, yes, yes, yes. Or Samwise Gamgee for Halloween this year, sometime within that week, but I am going to be out of town.

Damn. And you said you're going to a town that outlaws Halloween a la Footloose, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're not allowed to celebrate.

Yeah.

Or dance. It's really stressful.

Wow, so they're really going hard into the Footloose thing, huh?

And JPC, your kid, are they at the age where they understand what Halloween is? And are they able to pick out a costume? Or are we still doing that for them?

I mean, they can pick out clothes pretty reliably, but we have not gone, like, costume shopping. But I will say that having a kid is a lot like having a little doll when they're young, because you can just pick out a bunch of clothes that you think that they would look good in, and then be like, which one of these clothes do you want to wear? So, you know, the Halloween season's already upon us. We've already dug into the Halloween outfits.

Do they know what they're being for Halloween? Do you know?

Well, I would say probably nothing because they're not going to do anything for Halloween.

Have you ever dressed Spaghetti up for Halloween?

No, Spaghetti does not like wearing costumes. I think we put her in something once that was not even costume related, and she just tried to get it off the entire time. I am in the camp of if you have a dog that enjoys being in a costume, Go for it.

Did I say something about putting a Pennington costume on my dog? I don't really remember that.

I don't know if it's for something but like I think a lot of people do it for like social media and I don't use social media so like what am I gonna do take a picture of my dog in a costume and then like in conversation like show it to someone on my phone be like hey look at this costume that I put on my dog.

That is exactly what I do. I have several costumes of hers that don't make it to social media. About a year ago, before me and my Zorp started dating, we were buddies, and he came over and I went, we got a surprise for you. And he was like, what? And I had put Lou in a chicken costume, because of course. And then he closed his eyes and she ran over and she hit him in the nuts as hard as she could. And he opened his eyes and Lou was dressed like a chicken and he was in a ton of pain. He was like, I can't believe I just lived a 90s beer commercial in real life.

And honestly, we died laughing.

We laughed for like 90 minutes. So that costume kind of brought me and Zorp together, ultimately.

That absolutely ruled. And now I, throughout the year, will buy little costumes for my cats. And two of them, as soon as you put a costume on, will start to, like, clot off. But Teenie, Teenie is so malleable. And we put a cowboy hat on him recently and did a little photo shoot. And I gotta say, Teenie in a little cowboy hat? Welcome back to

Doesn't hurt the animal and you enjoy it, by all means, go ahead and put your dog in a costume, but I won't be putting my anxious dog in a costume ever.

Lou, I think the hat stuff can sometimes bother her, but Lou loves being contained in a thing. Like a thundershirt? Like a thundershirt, but even her winter coat in Chicago and her sweatshirt that she would wear, once she is in it, I think she really likes the pressure. of that part of it. I think it's just the anything if I don't cover her ears with the head thing and I put it in front or behind she's okay but it's I think it's mostly an ear thing for her.

I love like a dog showing up to like a Halloween party and they're just wearing a thundershirt and they're like yeah I'm a thundershirt and someone's like yeah a thundershirt's not really like a costume though.

There's a thunderstorm outside currently and are you maybe a little anxious Todd?

My owner said I'm a thundershirt, so that's what I am for Halloween. I don't know what you're talking about. I'm a thundershirt. I'm a thundershirt.

So y'all want to smell butts or what are we doing?

Because butts are our beer, right? We don't want to drink beer because butts are our beer. I'm a dog.

My dog's Temple Grandin. I sent the picture of Teeny and the Cowboy Hat if you want to take a peek. Did the people listen to this?

I didn't even have to be good. Oh my god, Adal. He's a little sheriff. Also, the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen. Holy smokes.

Teeny's got beautiful little eyes. And I do love how it seems like he's like, I'm okay with this hat on me. It doesn't bother me at all.

While at the same time saying, please, father, take it off.

I'll see pictures of people's dogs sometimes and like the dog will have that like side eye thing which is just like you know shorthand for like dog stress and I'm like oh yeah you shouldn't have done this this picture that you took it's not cute it's not cute your dog's in trouble right now

I'm trying to rack my brain to be like, what are the fun things from the news this year to sort of transform into fun Halloween costumes? And all I can think of is just fire and brimstone and hell.

That's a dry well, my man. That is a dry well.

This year has been maybe the worst to date in the history of life.

In the history of mankind.

What are the fun things from the news?

Yeah, kind of tough to pan from the rules. Yeah, there's bound to be some fun things happening in the news.

We got some original riddles here from Andrew Bricez. He knew I wouldn't be able to pronounce his full name. B-R-I-S-C-E-S-E.

Brassie. Brassie.

It's like a Greek name? Brassies? I don't know.

What about this? You wear like a nice suit and then you like covered yourself in like wadded up paper and you go as Trash Patel.

I don't know. I don't know if we're even in the mood to laugh about anything. Do you know what I mean? Like I just feel like it's done.

The guy shows up as Trash Patel and someone's like, hey man, it's just like, no one's really in the mood for Trash Patel. And we understand what you did, but no one really wants to be here with Trash Patel at this party. I get it, I get it, yeah, yeah. I did something really wrong, I get it, yep.

So, Andrew actually wrote us two emails, one in June of last year?

Well, Erin, here's a good way to tell. What does the year say?

Hold on.

If it says 2024, Erin? as last year.

Well, before we get started, I want to read what Andrew said.

Okay.

I love your show and have listened to every episode of Hey Riddle Riddle and Clue Crew twice and I'm working on a third time. This is the one from 2023. Oh man, I hope that the 2024 one is like

Hey guys, did it the third time. Big mistake. Things are bad. Truly shouldn't have done that.

And then Andrew gave us an update in 2024. I just wanted to update you on how many times I've listened to the show. I've now listened to every episode of both Hey Riddle Riddle and Clue Crew five times.

Andrew, no.

And in case you were wondering, I listen at a normal 1x speed and don't listen while sleeping. I just listen all day because I have issues. Anyways, in one episode, Erin said anyone who listened to every episode five times would be thrown a parade. So I'll be expecting that any day now. So before we do Andrew's riddles, I want you guys to do, you know when they have the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade and they have like two people from NBC sort of narrating what's happening? I want you guys to be the two hosts of the Andrew five-time listening to Hey Riddle Riddle parade and sort of commentate on what you see in the parade.

And thanks, everyone, for joining us here. We're back at the five-time listener parade. This is, of course, for listener Andrew Szczeski. Not sure how to say that. Dan, you want to take a stab?

No.

Yeah. Didn't think so. Of course, Dan, our color commentary. He's going to let us know what floats are passing by outside the window as we speak.

Huh. That's what I'm going to do?

Yeah, then my job is just sort of the interstitial gab.

Alright, wait, hold on.

Hey guys, leave the fight at the bar last night, let's just focus on the parade, okay?

The color commentary guy, his job is not... The interstitial gab?

Could you hear me? Could you hear me?

Yeah, Jennifer Monster Popcorn? My character takes their headset off, he throws it.

Oh, I think Dan just quit, right?

No, no, no, I'm still on mic, I'm just not taking producer notes today.

Of course, here comes one of the biggest floats that we have in the five-time listener parade. Dave, you want to tell us what float that is?

That's Snoopy, of course. It wouldn't be a Five Times Listener Parade without a big fucking Snoopy in the air.

Mm-hmm. Of course, floats are hard to make and even harder to sustain with helium and manpower, so... That's the interstitial gab?

Floats are hard to make?

You're the fun one, I'm the dry one. I give kind of the behind-the-scenes workload factoids.

Put your headset on Dan. He threw his headset. Put your headset on Dan. I want to talk to him.

Okay, let me...

And of course 10-12 floats have breezed by as we were off the air.

What did we miss? What did we miss? Okay, Snoopy. Snoopy. What's the guy? The Charlie Brown guy? He's covered in flies. Blinus? Pigpen? No, the dog. Pigpen.

Oh, Snoopy.

Snoopy. What else do we have here? Woodstock? Nope, that's Snoopy. Great pumpkin. Great Halloween pumpkin. Oh, this one's just a dog house. Nope, Snoopy on top.

None of these are Snoopy. Look at what you see and say it with your eyes. Santa has passed by. Uncle Santa has passed by.

Uncle Snoopy just passed by.

The JP Riddles float has come and gone.

I'm just getting this in from the producer. It is a black day here on the five anniversary listen parade. Santa has passed by. We just got it from the North Pole. He is survived by his wife and thousands of little elves.

And he mooned the crowd. Get the details correct.

He will be on the moon. Please do not crowd.

Please do not crowd the moon.

I'm sorry, I am not listening. Guys, these headsets are calibrated to the individual who it's supposed to be made for.

I'm wearing another man's headset. Of course, we owe the Vince Guaraldi state $250,000 for that snippet of Christmas time as sung by the Charlie Brown Choir.

Say here comes Iowa Central High School's marching band with a great rendition of

Here comes Rendition's marching theme with a high school of snoobies.

I'm on ayahuasca. Me too.

Guys, that's exactly how I pictured that going. Thank you.

You're welcome, Erin. Thank you, Erin.

Well, Andrew, there's your parade. And I know I'm going to give the update about what you said this year of how many times you listened. But first, let's do your original riddles that you sent. And I think these riddles are great. Here we go.

Okay, I'll be the judge of that. And I'll probably say that they're great.

Great. My steed's made of plastic or wood or steel, but I'm often soft and pleasant to feel. I protect what ought to be clean and pristine, but in doing so, I ensure it's not to be seen. What am I?

So Erin, my steeds are soft and pristine. Is it steeds are soft and pristine? Like horses?

No, my steed's made of plastic or wood or steel, but I'm often soft and pleasant to feel.

Is this a tongue and the teeth are horses or something? Teeth are horses. Good thinking. Steed. Is steed in this a literal horse?

No, but it's, would it be something that's like, it's steeds, plural, right? Like it was like a, like I was thinking like dog sled or something, but the steeds are plastic, wood, or steel?

Like my steed is made of plastic or wood or steel.

Is this a Santa lawn ornament? Or like a chessboard. Ooh, chessboard's great.

Yeah, like it's something that covers up something else.

Oh.

And the thing that it covers can be made of plastic or wood or steel.

Cash Patel? Trump administration?

Epstein files? It covers it. It's a thing that is famously covering things to keep something clean.

Cash Patel? Covering something to keep something clean. Oh, like those things that old people put on their couches?

Oh, could you go as the Epstein birthday book? Oh my God.

No, because it doesn't exist, JPC. We can't play fictional things during Halloween.

That's right. Yeah, it was faked.

It was all faked.

Um, this keeps something clean. So Erin, is it, is it? Like a sheet or? Yeah, that's really close.

A sheet is close.

A sheet is really close.

A blanket?

I bet you could use a sheet as a replacement for this, and I'm sure a lot of people do.

Oh, prophylactic.

No.

A condom.

No. I'm actually sort of really confused how you use a sheet as a condom.

I'm actually sort of really confused.

I'm actually sort of really confused over here. Like a sheet and this basically look exactly the same. I think that they are typically made of... That's close too, but this is maybe used on like a special occasion. Sometimes it can be for like a holiday. Tablecloth! Yes, a tablecloth!

I would like to see a sheet. You could absolutely use a sheet as a tablecloth in a pinch.

JPC, you are a parent in a family. And your kids are home for the holidays and you've set out this like gorgeous meal on a table that is like so formally set and you just want everyone to get along and have a good time and rise to the occasion of how formal this meal is.

Well guys, I cooked all day.

Wow.

Good job, pops. Yeah. Dad's never really done an all-day cook like this before. It was pretty challenging. Everything kind of came together in the right way.

Did you email mom for any of the recipes or did you wing it?

This is me not using mom's recipes, kind of using some of my own creations. Well, I mean, it wasn't all me. I had an Emeril Lagasse cookbook from 2002.

Oh, that's what you got in the divorce, right?

Uh, no, this is something that dad got for himself, uh, bam. Uh, just to kind of, yeah, it's just like a post-post-divorce thing. It was not something that I got in the divorce or, you know, because the divorce, um, champ would have been our stuff. So it wouldn't be, I wouldn't get new stuff, uh, from it, from the divorce.

Yeah, Troy, we went to Troy's for Easter and it was kind of incredible. Troy is like, is he, he's James Beard.

Yeah.

James Beard award winning, right?

Yeah. And he's like, I think total across all of his restaurants, like 15 Michelin stars, which is crazy for someone so young. And so tall.

He's 6'8", 245. Tall for a chef.

But anyways, Dad, I'm sure this is so great. Like, I'm sure this is going to be so, so good.

Yeah, well, you know, we just don't get to do holidays, you know, every holiday. And I know you two are both on other sides of the country. So I thought, well, this is a special occasion. Oh, we moved back last year.

Yeah, we moved back.

Just been busy, I guess.

Oh, OK. No. Well. Great. I mean, you could have stayed. It doesn't matter. Troy's picking us up at 8. Tonight he's picking up at 8. So we better get moving.

Yeah, we better.

It's 7.15.

I'm going to leave some room for whatever Troy made.

Oh, Troy's crumbled.

Dad, are you wearing your suit from your wedding? This looks like a suit from the 80s.

I am wearing a suit because I thought it would be nice to just to dress up. Pretty crazy that I can still fit into this thing, huh? That's pretty cool. You're old, you're old bad. I can still fit into this.

Yeah, the buttons are all unbuttoned. What's that?

Well, I fit in it. You know?

You're sort of wearing the jacket as a scarf.

I'm sort of wearing it though. I'm wearing it.

Right.

Look, guys, can I level with you? Yeah. This is all Costco shrimp cocktail.

I was gonna say.

They just give you so much, and I can't eat it alone. And I should give up the membership, but it keeps charging me. And then I'm like, I'll cancel it. But I'm like, well, I have it for a year, so I won't cancel it. And then I forget about the year, it slips up, and they keep charging me.

Dad, why are you shopping at a place where you have to buy in bulk?

I don't know, Kate. I just don't know. I don't think I should be. I know that I shouldn't be. I just keep doing it.

So when you were fake cooking all day, what was it?

No, I was really cooking. Oh no. Shrimp cocktail is raw. I cooked it all.

Oh no.

This is cooked shrimp cocktail. Oh, pops.

I think I did scampi. Bam. Smells so bad. Don't say bam. No!

Smells like burnt plastic. Did you put it in the oven in the Costco tray? Well, they don't have trays.

That was too long of a pause. That was too long of a pause. No, it's just the right amount of pause. No, no, no, no. That felt fun-less.

No, I should have been just the right amount. I thought I left just the right amount of pause in there.

You ran a hole in your brain from these fumes, Dad. You can't put plastic in the oven.

Dad, I'm looking at the counter. Is cereal for dessert? Is it cookie crisp that's on the counter, the dessert?

No, cereal's for every other of my meals.

You're having cookie crisp for breakfast, lunch, and dinner? Dad.

And I still fit into my old suit. So that's not bad, huh? Dad. Still fit into the old suit.

It's sort of a cookie crisp lasagna. It's a baking pan. It's a base of cookie crisp, frosting. Yep. Layer of cookie crisp, frosting. Layer of cookie crisp, frosting. Dad, you can't eat this.

No, it's not just that. At one point I do say, bam.

Dad, you look malnourished. Thank you. Like your eyes are sunken in. No, no, no. Your eyes are sunken in. You look unwell.

Hey, okay, I see what this is. I see what's happening. I see what's going on. Just go to Troy's. I know you all want to go to Troy's. Just do it.

No doubt you're here. Oh yeah.

I'm going to eat my shrimp in plastic. I'm going to eat my cookie crisp lasagna. You know, I don't need your pity, okay? I'm here. I wanted to have a nice dinner. Nobody else wants to do that. I said dress up nice. Kevin, you're wearing jeans. That's insane. Jeans are nice. Jeans are nice.

These are well-tailored jeans.

How do you know your brother's jean brand?

Well, I got it for him for his birthday. His big birthday party last month, I got him really fancy jeans. Gee, I mean, he never had a birthday.

It wasn't a big birthday. Sort of a modest to-do.

I know he had a birthday. I'm his father. And also, everyone has one.

But I'm sorry I told you that I was in the Canary Islands. I was in town and I threw... Troy let me rent out the west wing of his house.

I don't know why you're trying to make this a competition between Troy and I. Troy and I are cool.

Oh, it's not a competition. I agree.

If it was, he'd win. Troy's way better than me. I understand. Look, your mom got an upgrade, okay? But that doesn't mean that you lost a dad. I'm still here for you guys. I can be here for you emotionally. Does anyone want to tell me about anything? Does anyone maybe have an eating disorder? Maybe they're eating cookie crisp lasagna for every meal. Someone wants to share that with dad.

I accidentally called Troy dad the other day for the first time and it went pretty well.

Me too.

Why is that pause so long? I've got no beef with Troy!

That's his new cookbook. Bam! It's all vegetarian cooking.

Bam!

From 2002 really got me.

Emeril Lagasse said bam, right? Or did he say bang? He said bam.

Oh, that's a great question. It was bam. Bam?

It was bam. I said it, I said it like I knew it. And then as soon as it left my mouth, I thought, I don't know for sure that that's the, I know it was a thing. I just don't know what he said.

Yeah. He was bam all the way.

Here we go. We ready?

Ready.

My first is a sibling, just one of four. If you're allergic, I may make your nose sore. My second's a tool that can be stretched or condensed, but watch out, I can pop. If you make me two-tenths, my third provides what all need to live. Come and find me in nature, I have plenty to give.

Is balloon the second part? No, this is all the same word.

So the first, second, third is all the same word, just a different meaning of that word, I guess, or like a different way of looking at it.

Oh, air.

No.

Fuck.

I thought it was going to be air.

Yeah, what makes your allergies worse?

Pollen. Yeah, when does that sort of start? Summer. Spring. Yes. It's a spring.

A second's a tool that can be stretched or condensed, but watch out, I can pop if you make me too tense. All right, I would like to see a scene.

Okay.

The three of us are going to be different seasons, and we're talking about the fourth season that isn't there behind its back.

And I blew, and blew, and ice and snow did follow with it.

That's such a good impression of Winter Summer. That's crazy. He sounds exactly like that. Such an idiot.

You fucking nailed me.

Oh, Winter! Hi, Winter! I've been here the whole time.

Oh, you kind of blended in with the white walls, I guess.

Winter? Winter, we were- Winter! We were just- We were just thinking about you, Winter. How are you?

Wait, wait, wait. What's going on? We were all just talking shit on Fall. I've been here the whole time. Oh. Oh.

Um, we thought this was sort of a date that we were on. Spring and summer love to hang. We sort of are beloved. Twinsies. Twinsies. Isn't that right, Summer?

We are so similar.

Similar. We're insane. I mean, I'm basically the same as Summer, a cool girl. Her and I are really close. Anyways, winter. What?

Um, we just spent, you're just, we just spent 20 minutes talking about how like fall is such an asshole and it's

You did. You were talking about how Fall's an asshole, I guess. I kind of heard it in the background, but I didn't know who was saying it.

You kind of don't really think about Fall that much. I mean, she's nice, but she's... Man, I really misread this.

Okay, well, are you guys ready to order?

Yes, I'll do the branzino. I can't pass up whole fish, you know that. What else? Truffles, berries.

I'll do a rosé. First warm day, you know how it is.

A rosé and a somber branzino.

Will you make me sound like I am insane?

Yeah, what are you gonna have like a stew and some mead winter?

I'm at work if I get a ship meal I'm probably gonna do a stew it's 95 degrees you want to eat a branzino you want to have a hot piece of fish in the summer hey good good good lord I'll do it I'll put the order I'm just wanting to make sure you didn't panic order that and you might want to take a Another try at a summer... No! A Branzino! Great! One Branzino and then you wanted just Rosé?

If you must know, Spring and I have been talking about branding, because I'm sure you've heard of like Hot Girl Summer and like Cool Boy Spring, so it feels like... I've definitely heard of one of those. We've really tapped into the zeitgeist where it just feels like every year we're trying to like really, obviously we're the two popular months, So we're trying to like really capitalize on, we want to be entrepreneurs.

Yeah.

So we're trying to really capitalize on branding. So we're trying to do Branzino summer or, you know, summer Branzino, the summer of Branzino. So that's kind of like why we're pushing.

And like, I thought, I was like, well, Branzino is like, it's fish and it's fresh, but like, maybe like spring? And then Summer was like, that's fucking stupid. And I was like, I agree. That's so cool and funny. Summer, you're so good.

Oh, and I'm beginning to see maybe an opportunity here to exploit some sort of de-season between the two of you. Deceased is my word for December the 10th.

We would love our drinks.

Great, yeah. Are you the winner? So one of you ordered a Branzino and a Rosé. Oh my god, Winter, when did you get here? Winter, hi.

You see my goose?

Were you hiding?

How are you?

Okay, all right. I'm going to put snow in these drinks. There's no way I'm not putting snow in these drinks.

Is that Winter's pee is snow? Don't tell me. I want to be surprised.

Spring's pea is rain. Winter's pea is snow.

Fall's pea is leaves. What is summer's pea? Ice cream?

Dew?

Wine? Summer's pea is wine.

Thunder and lightning?

Snot from your nose from allergies?

Thunder and lightning. Yeah.

I'm hung on a cross and stretched paper thin.

Jesus.

But I'm played with by children and have committed no sin. Bring me along. I'll always be your friend. But don't let me go. You may not see me again.

Whoa.

Is this like a treasure map? Like a X marks the spot?

I do want to see a scene. Sure. What was the last part you said is don't lose me or you'll never find me again?

Don't let me go or you may never see me again.

I do want to see a scene. Erin, you're going to be Jesus. Great. JPC, you're going to be Judas. And this is like 20 years after everything happened and you see Jesus again. After everything happened. And Jesus, you're like one strike and we're done kind of situation. Yeah. So you're pretending to kind of not know what's going on.

All right, just buckling myself into this plane seat. Put my headphones on. What do I want to watch? What do I want to watch? Ooh, I could do Chopped.

Oh, hey, I'm sorry. Excuse me. I'm 23C.

I think you're... Sorry, no, I'm 23C.

Okay, I mean, my ticket says 23C. Oh, um...

Yeah, I'm 23C. I upgraded to this seat. I want a little bit more leg room.

You upgraded to 23C?

Yeah, man. I'm not- Okay. Okay, all of a sudden we're judging how much money I have? I give all my money away.

I've never heard of an upgrade to general boarding before.

I'm glad this is funny. God, I forgot how funny you were. I really fucking forgot how funny you were. That's so crazy.

Sorry, are you willing and able to assist in case of an emergency?

No.

I need a verbal yes.

No. I think I've done enough.

No, this guy's not getting an emergency.

Oh, really? Do you need somebody to be preachy?

Do you need somebody to be preachy and judgy? Actually, I'm glad you're here. This person's in my seat. You're mad at me. My ticket says $20,000.

You're mad at me? Aren't you rich now? Didn't you take all that money? Why don't you go sit 1A. Go sit in 1A.

This is how rich people stay rich. Motherfucker.

Okay. We actually need everyone in their seats assigned to them at least until we take off. Okay, do you know who I am? Can we check this guy's ticket? You look familiar, but I can't keep on top of all TV.

I'm not on TV. Well, sometimes. Okay, here's what's going to happen. You're going to leave me alone. You're going to go away. And I'm going to sit here and I'm going to watch between four to six hours of Chopped. I'm going to dissociate and watch Chopped, okay?

What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be in heaven? I have business here. Why aren't you back?

Oh, um, do you see what's going on? You have business? There's a lot of Judases sort of scattered about. Sort of like the world is being run by... Feels antisemitic.

Did you hear that? A lot of Judases sort of scattered about. Okay, I'm Jewish, so... Yeah, and isn't it our people that hurt us the most?

Okay.

You can't say your religion out loud, and we can't say, um, we can't say scattered around.

Could I have a gin and tonic, please?

Absolutely. We also can't say should we be in heaven. Excuse me, flight attendant.

Excuse me, flight attendant. Yeah? Yeah, sorry, I'm in the row above. Is that Jesus Christ back there?

Oh, maybe. Did they just say that they're still Jewish?

I gotta make a phone call.

I was raised Jewish.

No, put your phone on your way home.

Christine, throw the Bible away. We chose wrong. Christine, no. I am on a flight right now with the guy. He says the one that we're doing is wrong.

He's still doing Judas. Judas was my best friend. We used to have a sleepover like every weekend. We would make up a dance and we would laugh and laugh and laugh together.

Christine, I just accidentally yelled at him.

And then all of a sudden, Judas makes his new friends, and he gets money from them. And you know what, who's that other fucking of my fucking friends who betrayed me and denied knowing me? I would take that any day. Oh my god.

I actually can't serve water in this flight. One of the passengers in 23C has been flagged as turning our water into alcohol.

I did it by accident, and I'm sorry. I told you it was an accident.

I think I gotta wash this guy's feet. I think it's the only thing I can do to make him safe.

Sir, leave my feet alone. Sir?

You know what? My feet can use a wash. Nobody talks about how dirty Judas' feet...

No, Judas has a foot thing. Do not do it. He told me in confidence he has a foot thing. He told me.

He told me he has a foot thing. Foot thing guy says what? Jesus was masturbating in the garden of Gethsemane. No, I wasn't. He was masturbating when they took him. He was.

I wasn't. I was scratching myself.

It was not a scratch. It was.

A scratch is three. I need you both to get off the plane.

No. Are you kidding me? Are you even kidding with me?

You two need to get off the plate. Everyone takes out their phones.

You'll be sorry. And that guy isn't real.

Who is she pointing at?

Oh my god.

You guys, that wasn't sacrilegious.

It was a joke.

Was that this year? That person isn't real?

I don't know when that was. Let's take a break. I think that if you posted a video, an AI video of Jesus getting kicked off a plane, there would be like a bunch of people on Facebook being like, so sad. So sad this is what's happening now.

Yeah, what has the world come to? Let's take a break and sort of atone for our sins.

Sort of atone.

And then we'll go, then we'll come back. And then we'll be ready for more of Andrew's Riddles.

Hi Erin. Hi JPC. It's me, Saving Squirrel.

Erin, I'll stomp on it. You just give me the yes, the go ahead, the thumbs up, and this thing is gone.

No, no, JPC. I think there's something he's trying to say.

Squirrel, I was just thinking about how, like, why don't they teach us more about money in school?

Like, I feel like there should be a whole class for it. Because you go to college and you're dealing with money really for the first time. Right? And you don't know how to do it. Yeah.

Erin, don't say go to high school and go to college around the squirrel. It's obvious that this is a guy that didn't go to high school and college because he's a squirrel.

Yeah, he did. Look, he's wearing a little graduation cap. Yeah.

Oh.

I went to MIT.

I am so sorry, Squirrel, but not as sorry as I am about not learning about money when I was younger. Squirrel, let me ask you, do you have a piggy bank?

And I should say MIT stands for Munch Into Trees.

That's what I thought. I do have a piggy bank. Well, piggy banks are cute and they're great for loose quarters, but these days there's so much more that kids and squirrels need to know about money. Acorns Early makes it easy to teach kids lifelong money skills they can actually use in the real world or whatever world you live in, Squirrel. Hmm. Thank you.

I'm not sure. I thought it was the normal world, but I could be wrong.

Well, let me ask you this. If it's the normal world, in your world, does Acorns Early have a smart debit card and a money app that grows kids' money skills as they grow up? You betcha. Okay, and can you start with In-App Chores Tracker and teach your kids the value of a dollar? Absolutely. Okay.

And then you let your kids set their own saving goals and start building healthy money habits early?

You better believe it.

Hmm.

Okay, so it sounds like we're in the same world. I feel like when I said MIT stands for Munching the Trees, we all just kind of glazed over that.

No, I know. It's in Massachusetts. It's a really great school. Kids can spend what they've earned with their very own customizable debit card, giving them that extra sense of independence. Plus, with Acorn Early's spending limits and real-time spend notifications, parents always stay in control.

I've looked through Acorns early. I am thrilled for when my kid gets old enough that I can use Acorns early and kind of help them manage money. But I've gone through the system. I've gone through the information that exists there. Although I haven't used it, it's all stuff that I would really recommend. And I think that like teaching young kids financial literacy stuff is super, super important. It really just gives them such a leg up for The world that they will have to live in. You better believe it.

So take it from Saving Squirrel. Ready to teach your kids the smart way to earn, save, and spend? Get your first month on us when you head to acornsearly.com slash heyriddle or download the Acorns Early app. That's one month free when you sign up at acornsearly.com slash heyriddle. Acorns Early Card is issued by Community Federal Savings Bank, member FDIC, pursuant to license by MasterCard International. Free trial for new subscribers only. Subscription fee starting for $5 per month and list canceled. Terms apply at acorns.com slash early terms.

All right, JPC, let's go find you a little animal to step on. Water, food, water, food!

Smash!

Ow!

My leg! It was a cartoon! Riddle Riddle.

All right, and we are back. And during the break, we went from 2024 or 2023 when Andrew first sent those riddles. And now we're finally at 2025, where Andrew has sent us even more riddles and now has listened to the main feed nine times.

Oh, Andrew. Nine listens. So wait, wait, wait, wait. What was it? What was it in 2024?

2020?

Five?

No. So 2023, it was twice. 2024 was five times. And in 2025, nine times. But he clarifies, this doesn't mean I've listened to every episode nine times, but rather I've started from episode one and listened through to current day nine times. So more recent episodes, I've only listened to a few times.

Oh, I get it, I get it. So, okay, that makes sense. But still, that's a big jump from 24 to 25. But we threw him a prank.

We have to assume, we have to assume, Andrew's our biggest fan.

Yeah. Look, I don't want to get into this because Anecdotally, I know that there are people that have listened more than that, and look, I don't want this to be a contest. Well, anecdotally, I've been told that, and I don't want this to be a contest. I don't want someone else to feel like that is a challenge to them. I think that there are a lot of podcasts. I think listen to ours one time through, that's great. You know, Gumshoes and Dragons? That's another podcast to listen to. Maybe give that a try.

Also, most listened... Good plug. That was really elegant. Not too horned in at all. I think most listened to doesn't necessarily mean biggest fan. It's probably diminishing returns. Andrew probably just thinks we're okay at this point. But if you've maybe listened to the show through once or twice, maybe then someone is our biggest fan who's only listened to like 15 episodes. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah.

Anyways.

Does the language in the email start to get overly familiar where like at first he's like, gee willikers to my favorite three hosts. And then by 2025 he's like, hey fuckface, like what's like, does it become more disrespectful?

Yeah, I can.

A la Stan.

Yeah, that is a good guess. And yes.

Oh shit, how am I supposed to get this shit out?

Alright, here we go.

I heard about this fan on Reddit the other day and he drove his bike into a tree. Oh shit! It was me? It was me. I hit my head really hard on the tree. It was really, really hard. It was really embarrassing for me.

Erin, can you imagine being Eminem and the cops arrive at your door and Eminem's like, you're like, is everything okay? And the cops are like, we dug this cassette tape out of the trunk of a car. Don't get confused, it's not on the sea. It's a part of us all, even you and me.

Sometimes out, but more often in, a permanent reminder of your closest kin.

What is it?

Also, I just realized that I didn't read the answer to his final riddle. You guys never got that other one.

Oh, don't say his final riddle.

It was a kite. The answer to the one before was a kite.

Sorry. I hang on a cross, but I'm spread paper thin. Okay. Don't get confused.

It's not on the sea. It's part of us all, even you and me. Sometimes out, but often in. A permanent reminder of your closest kin. What am I?

The tides?

A permanent reminder of your closest kin, which would be like mom and dad, parents, mom and dad, your parents, like genes or DNA.

What's on this? What's on the water? DNA.

Do not necessitate.

Do not necessitate. Erin, is this something nautical? Okay, so we have waves, we have buoys, buoys and goyles. What's Ken? Ken?

Oh, Erin, can we have a hint?

Yeah, hold on. I'm trying to figure out.

I already said buoys and curls. I'm kind of running out of good ideas.

So is this something on the water or this is something contains like organically in the ocean? Or is this like man-made on the water?

No, so this is confusing.

You're telling me.

So I know there's a double meaning to this word, but the part of it being on the sea will probably help you get it. So don't get confused. It's not on the sea. It's a word that you've heard associated with the ocean. It's a part of all of us, even you and me. So it's a body part, sometimes out, but more often in, a permanent reminder of your closest kin.

Tongue, teeth. A body part that's sometimes out?

Yes.

Belly button?

Yes, but what's the word at the center of your belly button is called a?

Navel.

A navel. A navel.

Navel gazing.

See, that one's hard to give a hint to without. Wow.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Any hint I would have for that would like just truly give it away.

Yeah. So let's do another one.

Do you guys see either one of you have an outie belly button?

No.

No.

I got an innie. No, I'm actually like KyleXY. I got no belly button.

We talk about Kyle XY too much on this podcast.

We talk about a lot of things too much on this podcast. Who's Kyle XY? Oh, we don't.

We can't do this again. Adal, you ask that every time. Really?

You do every time.

Is that a cartoon?

I'm actually so happy for you that we have to explain Kyle XY to you once every 18 months. And I'm so glad you forget it. Don't forget. Just forget it.

I will say Andrew probably does, but it had to be less than six months ago the last time we talked about Kyle XY. Kyle XY? He's looking for it. Al, just don't.

Just leave it. A teenage boy is found wandering, naked and dazed in traffic.

We literally just went over this.

This kid is Kyle. This has to sound familiar to you.

We just did a bunch of Kyle XY scenes I think too.

Yeah, it feels like less than two months ago.

So he doesn't have a belly button and he's autistic?

Oh my god.

That's the show? That's the show!

Alright, we're gonna add KyleXYPilot to the review crew. Despite my name, it's not even a draw. But I'm the best killer of them all. I'm not even a mother, but I'm offended.

It's a really funny noise, Erin. You always do that. Bodies are magical. It's a really funny noise. Sometimes it happens. It doesn't always happen, but it always makes that noise.

Can I read this riddle, please?

Yes, please.

Yes, please. You boys, every time I turn around, you guys are up to no good, and I know I'm just a substitute. Old man puzzles, okay? I'm not the real old man puzzles, but you need to respect me.

Yes ma'am. They do exist.

Don't. Do not say what Santa says in the Eminem commercials. Do not quote the Eminem commercials.

He does exist. Don't.

He does exist. Don't. Okay. Shut up. That is the number one rule in this classroom. You do not quote old commercials.

Points to a frame poster that says, do not quote M&M commercials.

Do not quote old commercials. And it's like a little cat hanging on for dear life. Do not quote old commercials.

We won't. We won't, man. I'll call now.

I'll call now. Despite my name.

You'll call now.

I'll call now. What was that? Was that a reference to an old commercial?

No. No. That's what I know of.

Ho, ho, ho, I'm ha, ha, hungry.

See, if it's not... That's even worse.

Bud.

These need to be folded in naturally.

Wise.

Don't.

Hurt.

You guys, you're just doing it for the sake of doing it.

Okay.

Fold it into conversation naturally.

Can we get some out of our system then, Erin, if we're just gonna start this rule now? You get one. Okay. What's up? What's up?

Despite my name, it's not even a draw, but I'm the best killer of them all. But since what I counter anyone would mind, and I'm not over the top, I'm easy to find. Despite my name, it's not even a draw. I'm the best killer of them all. But since what I counter anyone would mind, and I'm not over the top, I'm easy to find. And counter is underlined, and over the is underlined. And that's your hit.

Prescription medicine.

Yeah, but prescription medicine is... Under the counter.

Yeah, you gotta... Oh, is this Tylenol and how it gives you autism now?

Yes. Not with autism.

Mm-hmm.

It's crazy that they just started putting autism in Tylenol.

Yeah, that's so crazy. It's also so crazy that they, like, invested a bunch in Tylenol's competitor right before they announced it.

No, I'm just kidding. I think it's good that Tylenol has autism.

Yeah, you know what I was thinking? I was like, we've been a little too lax on pregnant ladies. And the one painkiller they're allowed to take, you know what? That's over now.

They've had it too good for too long, I think.

What can I do about, it's a Halloween costume. It's like Tylenol and autism. How do I put that?

It's a couple's costume and you just go as Tylenol in your costume. Tylenol and autism. And your significant other gets to go as themselves.

Yeah, it's a couple's costume if you want to break up as a couple at a Halloween party.

Here we go.

So, despite my name, I'm not a big draw. Is that like headliner? Is that like something to do with pencils and pens?

You already got, you already got, this is Tylenol. Didn't we get it?

It was Tylenol. Yeah, it was. I'm not even joking.

Oh, I thought you were joking. No, no.

Wow.

I know anytime it's a topical thing. We're going to do one more of these and then we're going to do a voicemail. That happens so often on this show and it's so, it makes so much sense because we bullshit constantly and lie to each other constantly that of course that happens all the time. How many syllables? It depends where you are. But you can always find me in a kitchen or bar. Things can be in me or I can be on top. I'm really quite flexible. Just ask my pop.

Aluminum?

Yes!

Wow! I like that.

Aluminum or aluminium. Isn't that a great riddle?

That's a great one. That's from Andrew still?

Yes. Thank you so much, Andrew. I'm sorry it took us a couple years to read your riddles, and I'm sorry I don't know how to pronounce your last name. But Andrew, if you could update us about once a year around this time about how many listens through you're at. Let's say your next parade is at 15 listens through.

No, that's way too soon.

20?

No, he's hitting exponential at this point.

No, but it takes longer to listen to all of it all the way through. So 15 is years away.

Then why does he keep adding more? Year 2 it was 4, year 3 it was 9!

Alright, sounds like you just don't want to throw him another parade.

I mean, we got to do it within reason. I see 20.

20.

20. Okay.

20 is a good... Here's what I also want. Every time he does a listen-through, I want him to draw a clock. You know, like how in True Detective Season 1, he would draw that clock. And slowly, the numbers sort of like slanted down the face of the clock. I'd like to see a drawing of a clock every time he does a listen-through.

That's the only way to prove it. Yes.

I think that's a great idea. Alright, let's listen to a voicemail theme, Casey, if you got one.

Leave a voicemail for Avalair in a JPC. Leave a voicemail for Avalair in a JPC. Call 805-RIDDLE-1. We would voicemail for Adal, Erin, and JPC.

Wow.

My only note is I would have included the Howard Dean scream in that theme. That is from Matthew. Matthew, thank you so much. That was perfect.

I loved it.

And let's hear a voicemail.

Hi, Erin, Adal, and JPC. I'm calling because I'm thinking about either becoming a radiology tech or a dental hygienist. I want to know what you guys think I should do based on not knowing me, who I am, where I live, or anything about me. Thank you so much. Bye.

If they said dental hygienist, you shouldn't be that one.

That's teeth and gender studies combined.

Casey said he heard it too. I say radiology tech. I say radiology tech simply because I heard dental hygienist.

I don't know if I want to make fun of somebody misspeaking on... Oh, then you definitely shouldn't.

Okay. If you don't feel comfortable with that.

I I'm gonna go with just my instincts. That's all I have is Radiology tech because anytime I've gotten like an x-ray and the person Administering it has been really kind and nice to me. I'm always very very grateful that they're in that job So you sound like a chill cool person? Although I dental hygienist.

I'm glad when they're nice to Who has to? The thing about being a radiology tech If you have a conversation with a person, they can usually converse back with you. Dental hygienist, it's tough because it's a one-sided conversation because you got your hands in someone's mouth. A hundred percent. You're doing, I think, more conversation work. I don't know. I don't know. I feel like depending on how much you like to talk, that's why you should choose one of these two professions.

That is a really good point. Adal, what do you think?

I think radiology. I think radiology to me is still kind of fun and mysterious. It's like modern day magic. So I would say if you're in radiology, you can kind of bend the rules and say you're a magician.

Am I right in that? I love my radiology tech wheeling me into the room and it's like, I kind of do things a little differently. Pick a card, any card. And I'm like, oh, I picked the wrong hospital. I picked the worst hospital. Dog, this is my lawyer. I'm going to jail.

Yeah, I think that is my firm vote. And I think we're unanimous on that. I think we all have the same answer.

Radiology tech. Oh, wait, which one makes more money? Do that one.

Yeah, maybe do that one. Actually, look up which one makes more money and do that one. But I don't know. I don't know, man.

I don't know. I mean, look, I didn't do this research. I definitely think you should look up who makes more money.

I do think when they released the annual list of like, I can't remember how it's phrased, but it's something along the lines of like occupations with the highest amount of like depression or whatever that is. I feel like dentists and veterinarians are both usually in the top three, so I would say radiology might be.

Oh no, dental hygienists generally make more money.

Oh wow, okay.

Yeah.

Probably because you have to talk more. They're like, we know radiology techs don't have to talk as much, and so they shouldn't be getting paid as much.

Follow your heart, but both professions will be very lucky to have you, so.

That's true.

Whatever you choose. Incredible.

And thank you for trusting us with this decision.

Yeah, maybe... I don't know.

Maybe don't.

Yeah, going forward, guys, maybe sort of talk to a trusted friend, a loved one about this type of stuff. I mean, I'm happy to making choices.

We're more of a Pepsi Coke panel versus...

Yeah, it's not really a big life decision panel. We do get a lot of, I'm naming a child or what job should I do? And maybe that's not our area.

I like naming children.

We haven't heard any good feedback from any of the choices we've made so far. Adal, two questions. Coke or Pepsi and anything to plug.

God, I go with Coke. I think it just has a cleaner taste to it. And then in terms of things to plug, I'm going to go ahead and promote the aforementioned podcast, Gumshoes and Dragons, starring us three plucky hosts and the brilliant Anthony Burch, There's several episodes out now, please go ahead and listen to them. Such guests as Janet Varney, Brennan Lee Mulligan, et cetera, et cetera. Rekha Shankar. Et cetera, et cetera. Et cetera, et cetera. I wish I had the list in front of me now, but go ahead and check out Gum, Shoes, and Dragons wherever you find podcasts. Erin, anything to plug or promote?

I would say go to heyriddleriddle.com slash live to go to our November shows. I think there's still some available tickets to all of those. And come see us and bring a riddle and let's have fun. And then also I, it took like a day to do this. I finally released all of my links of various stuff that I have on from my notes app and on to like a place where you can find all of them and find links to them. Because I will get a lot of very sweet messages of people asking like where I got a coat or whatever. And then my friends being like, where did you get this table and or curtains or whatever in your place? And I'll have to dig through my notes app or my email to try to figure out where I got it. Quick disclaimer about this. I put it in the newsletter and it should be in the link of my Instagram. You do not need to buy from these links. In fact, I would encourage you not to. Just use the prompt words of something you might like and put it into like Depop or Facebook Marketplace, eBay, or look at your local vintage stores for it. But Hey Riddle Riddle. But I would say don't do it. This was just so I don't have to be digging through my email. But I found an equivalent to everything that I have in my house basically online. So just use the keywords and then put it into eBay or your Facebook marketplace and that's an easier way to find it. And now I deleted all the notes off my phone, and I feel like a free woman. So I don't have to be like, this is where I got this chair. So if you want to check that out, that's in the link of my Instagram. It's also on our newsletter.

Very nice. And what is your Instagram, Erin? They can always just click your name in the show description.

Yes, it's my first and last name, Erin, E-R-I-N-K-E-I-F, as in Frank, 10, at Instagram. So check that out.

At Instagram.

At Instagram.

Speaking of some podcasts to listen to, Casey, our sound editor, has a podcast called Gutter. It is an actual play podcast with a new epdropping soon, so please do check that out. I think I'm going to be on, if not already on, then on shortly, an episode of Hello from the Magic Tavern, which is Adal's other podcast, playing a character that I very much enjoyed. It was a very fun time to go back on that podcast.

Might be my favorite character you've played on Magic Tavern. I know. And you've played some great characters.

I know. I always, I like to play new characters on Magic Tavern. I always want to play a new character because I invariably ruin whatever's going on with one of my characters at the hour that we record that. That I don't want to go back to it. This one is no exception. So yeah, check that out. And I think that is, yeah, that's it for me. That's it for old JPC. Oh, Erin, you were saying that you found like a link to like, it was like a planetary body that people didn't know existed before or something?

I discovered it and it's called Jupiter. You guys, it's so scary. It's gigantic.

Starring Erin Keif and John Patrick Coan, Casey Tomey did the editing, and Artie Perrin did the music.

I checked Which Riddle Riddle, and it was exactly 10 episodes ago that you had the Kyle XY conversation, and it went almost exactly the same, where you guys were like, Adal, we've talked about Kyle XY before. Don't remember.

No, but Adal, this is an indication that your brain is protecting you.

It's so funny. I think it's such an innocuous, like, KyleXY, it's like, Sarah12, it's like, I don't fucking know.

Your brain does not, it's protecting you, it's like, it's got like a default switch that's like turning the KyleXY knowledge off.

I love it.

Hey there, Roberts and Robbies, if you liked that, you are going to love this week's Patreon. We finally meet King Mumbles Kinda. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com. Hey Riddle Riddle by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or start your seven day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month. Plus you get those ad free episodes. See you there.

That was a hate gun podcast.