Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum Podcast.

Sir, ma'am, sir, ma'am, a moment of your time, a moment of your time.

Sorry, we're kind of in a rush.

It'll only take a moment and you could end up at a commercial.

Oh honey, you've always wanted to be on TV.

That's true, I said I'd do it at any cost.

Is it a TV commercial or radio?

It is a TV commercial. Oh. Are you familiar with the Pepsi Challenge?

No. Yeah, where you have to guess and see if it's Coke or Pepsi.

You're each entitled to your own, you know, experience in the world. It's fine that you didn't know about it, and you did. It's kind of like that, but in the Pepsi challenge, it wasn't whether you could identify them, it was just which one you liked better. Because you would sip them both and say, I like this one better, and then they would be like, that's actually Pepsi. Whoa, I'm a Coke drinker. I can't believe I like Pepsi better. So yeah, it's not about picking the one, it's just which one you like better.

But they presumably cut out all the times that someone said they liked Coke better. Like, obviously if you're doing that and it's fair and it's not actors.

Yeah. No, it's actually Pepsi, studies have shown that people like the first sip of Pepsi more than the first sip of Coke. It's that when you continue to drink the Pepsi, it actually starts tasting worse and worse and worse. They didn't really have to doctor that very much.

Yeah.

So you're familiar with the Pepsi Challenge? This is an ad for Pepsi. No, no. It's like the Pepsi Challenge. I use that as a way to get people in because if they're familiar with the Pepsi Challenge, they won't be as upset about what I'm offering.

Upset. Can we talk alone for a second?

Yeah, me and you? What are we going to talk about? No, hold up. Sir, back off, please. No, I'm sorry. I just moved to the city and it's been so hard to make friends.

Honey, what do you think?

Um, I mean, let's see if it pays anything.

Yeah, go. Smart, smart. Does it pay anything?

Oh, yeah. If we use you, end up using you in the commercial, you make $500.

But we don't get paid unless you end up using us.

Yeah, I mean, if everybody signs a release, and then if they end up using you in the commercial, they pay you $500.

So you're using our labor for free, though, if you don't pay us.

No, we're just wasting your time. Mmm. Because we're not using it at all. If we don't put it in the commercial, then we're not using it.

Oh, this is like when I didn't get paid for 60 minutes because they blurred my face and altered my voice when I was a whistleblower for Three Mile Island. Yes. Remember that, honey?

Wait a minute. That was you?

Well, also they can't pay whistleblowers because then it invalidates the whistleblower protection, right? What? Why did I blow the whistle? That's corporate espionage is what you're talking about. That's selling secrets. Yeah.

That was my dad's company.

Your dad's company was Three Mile Island?

Yes.

What did your dad do?

You know.

Do you? Do you? Hey, so what, yes, so what this is called is it's the Pulpsy Challenge. I have... Ew. Pepsi with pulp? Okay, you can't say ew, now we can't use this part of the video.

Pulp free, all Pepsi. No Pepsi. Pepsi doesn't have pulp.

It's not about Pepsi at all. Pepsi is just a way in for people because they know they have a schema for what the Pepsi challenge is so that if I explain the Pulpsie challenge, people get it.

Alright, what's Pulpsie?

Pulpsies nothing. It's just I have different kinds of pulp and you have to drink all the pulp and tell me which pulp you like better and then I say that's actually and but that I don't I can't tell you what it actually is until you drink it because that's the whole commercial.

She'll do it.

Hey, I don't want to drink that stuff. It smells like shit. Don't say that.

Now we can't use this whole part. Now we can't use it. And it's got to be couples. It has to be couples. Couples test so well.

And listen, I blew the whistle for us. I thought, you know how your dad is where he's just... So domineering, like he's just always got to have a foot in the door of our life. I just wanted him out of the picture.

You destroyed my family and we'll talk about it later.

Fine.

Okay?

Now we can't use this part either. It's too sad.

No, you can. Just change my face and voice.

Sir, pulpsy looks and smells just like your urine.

How would you know what my urine looks and sounds like?

Honey, run! JPC, what are you doing on the street? Oh my God, are you doing the pulpsie challenge again?

No, no, I'm doing court-ordered apologies.

JPC, give me the pulpsie.

It's not pulpsy, okay? There is no such thing as pulpsy.

Yeah, it's your pee that you put pulp in. Or wait, is your pee coming out like that? Adal, we gotta take him to the doctor. Quick, run!

Doctor, our friend has pulp pee. Hey, welcome to Hey Riddle Riddle, the home of pulpsy. I'm JPC.

I'm Adal Rifai.

And I'm Erin Keif.

Is pulpsy like your Banksy?

Wow, yeah. Pulpsie like your Banksy.

I'm surprised there's not more Banksy types. Right? Like people who are anonymously trying to do art.

There could be, we're just not paying attention.

Whoa.

Well, is Banksy still famous? Oh, yeah. Right? For sure. So there's not a lot of anonymous famous people, right?

Like it's just... I would like to see a scene. Adal, you are a guy who's like trying to be the next Banksy and you're doing some public art. And GBC, you are his friend who immediately recognizes him and ruins this for him.

Okay, all right, we're gonna do another original. Another original Swanzo. Of course, Swanzo goes around to parks and he breaks branches on trees in a really cool, interesting way and then they sell online.

Oh shit! Fuck! Seth! What's... Seth, what's up man?

Hey!

What's... It's Marcus!

Marcus? Oh, what's up man? Just... I'm just breaking branches.

Oh yeah, no, I love what you're doing, man. I've seen these all over parks and stuff.

Oh, that's not me. I'm just being like, wouldn't it be fun? Because I saw what Swanzo was doing and I was like, that guy's awesome. Who? Swanzo. Who? He's like the number one seller in the art world. He's like a Jeff Koons or a Banksy.

He makes this branch art stuff that you used to do in high school? Man, what did they call you, Seth? What did they call you in high school? They had some name for you because you were always doing this branch art stuff in parks. Fuck.

Oh my god, I thought I recognized your guys' voices. How the hell are you? Whoa! Hey, guys.

Nance!

Hey, what's up? Holy shit, how long has it been? A minute. I do copyright law, so I sue people who have their IP and their ideas stolen.

Nance, what did we... What did we used to call Seth in high school when he was making all his little branch art?

Oh, the branch art, like the swan... Swanzo, swan, swan something, swan song, swan... Shithead!

Come on, man.

Right, you did call me shithead. How are you shithead?

It wasn't shithead, it was Swanzo. And yes, I am Swanzo, okay? I wish I had something to take off for like a big reveal, but anyway, look, I'll take off my belt. I'm Swanzo. Oh, he whipped me in the eye with his belt. I am so sorry, I am so sorry. Don't sue me, don't sue me. I will take your case.

I will take your case. That is not the kind of lie I practice.

So take these branches, take these branches. They're basically worth $200 million.

I don't want these branches, shithead. Don't throw them.

Swanzo.

Swanzo? Swanzo and he makes branch art in parks? That could be something.

Write that down.

That could be something. We need more anonymous famous people. Isn't God the original Banksy? Do they know Banksy's identity? Has it been spoiled at this point?

Well, it wasn't 20 years ago. But I think we just sort of stopped talking about who it is. We kind of know. I think that's the deal, right? We kind of know.

The two big mysterious celebrities were both British. Banksy and MF Doom. And I think we solved them both.

Yeah. The thing with MF Doom that I think is funny is that didn't he used to like hire people to wear the MF Doom mask as well?

It was almost a Andy Kaufman or like a Gallagher situation where I think Gallagher would send his brother sometimes to go smash watermelons.

That's so funny. That's so funny.

But what happened with Gallagher is at some point he sent his brother on the tour and then his brother was like, fuck you, now I'm Gallagher. Yeah. And he wouldn't give back the mantle.

Yeah. That's awesome.

And I wish somebody did that with MF Doom.

MF Doom 2? Well, I think it would be in slightly more poor taste because MF Doom has passed away. Or has, no he has. He has, I don't want to disrespect his legacy. A very good rapper. A very good rapper.

Is there any other mysterious celebrity, like online presence or anything like that?

No, because I'll be honest, I think a lot of celebrities, they want the attention and the fame. That's kind of why they do it. Yeah, that's fair.

I guess some people are doing like Sia's where they cover their face.

Cover their face, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. A lot of like actors and porns and stuff. I would like it if there was a celebrity who was already a celebrity, but then chose to like, now I'm going anonymous. Like I'm, I'm rescinding from, so like Glenn Powell is like- Yeah, Kevin Bacon, it's too late. We already know who you are. You've been in movies. And also, you can't continue to be in movies and, like, not be credited in the movie.

Kevin, come out of your room. Come on. Let's talk about this.

I would love to see a movie with Kevin Bacon in it, and he's nowhere in the credits at all. And it's not like a cameo. It's like he's a serious mid-part. He's a supporting, a heavily featured supporting in the film. He's just not in it anywhere.

He's like, I'm not doing it for the credit.

I'm just doing it for the paycheck. Is Orville Peck a mystery? That's probably not his real name, right?

I think, you know, the thing about it is that there's like, people are probably out there trying to ruin the secret, you know, and just let the secret be the secret.

Yeah, I also think he did cabaret with his face, but I think Orville Peck, like same with like Chaperone, it's like a performance art piece, which I think is smart, like Lady Gaga. Yeah, if you're gonna be a famous singer, maybe don't use your real name. So there can be some separation.

I do think it would be fun, like we were talking about with Kevin Bacon, where if an actor, and I guess I'm basically describing Gary Oldman's career in the 90s, if there was an actor who just wore heavy prosthetics for every single role and just knocked it out of the park, and everyone's like, who is this? No one knows who this is. But again, that's exactly what Gary Oldman did in the 90s.

I think that that would be, that would be funny. Like if Colin Farrell and the Penguin had like 50% more prosthetics and like no one knew it was Colin Farrell. And then at the very end it's like they show the cast list it's like that was Colin Farrell the whole time.

And they show a little video of him being like, yee! Did you guess? Did you guess it was me? Oh my god, did you guys know? I got him, I got him. Oh my god, oh my god, it was good.

They only reveal at the award show or something. Wouldn't that be fun? We need more whimsy.

Yeah, where's the whimsy? Hey, you know what? Let's bring the whimsy back right now with doing some riddles on our Riddle Podcast. Yeah. No! I kind of sold you a little goods on that one.

You just did the fucking thing where you were like, here comes the train. And it was fucking medicine, man. Fuck you.

It was medicine and we got a shot in the arm.

Yeah, ow.

You got medicine in your mouth which pissed you off, which distracted you from the even more medicine that I put into your arm. Speaking of putting medicine into your arm, I got a flu shot and COVID booster while we still can.

Hold for applause.

Still holding. I get one every year. It fucked me up this year like it never has. I was kind of knocked out for 48 hours after that thing. It was pretty wild.

Was it as funny as 48 hours?

Let's see, I was doing a mean Nick Nolte the entire time, and not a good impression, I was just doing a mean Nick Nolte. We have some riddles here. These are four riddles that someone sent me on a piece of paper, and I have since thrown out the other piece of paper that probably explained who sent it. Ah, whatever. If you ever want to see the stuff that people sent us, you can check out our monthly review crew live streams that we do on Patreon because I open all the mail, every ounce of mail that we get, I open on the Patreon. But this is a riddle. There are four riddles. I'm going to assume it was from a Melissa.

Thanks, Melissa.

Thanks, Melissa. Hey, Melissa.

Thanks.

So these are the type of riddles where it's going to be the first answer is going to be a word, and then a letter is going to be taken off of the word for the second answer, and then a letter is going to be taken off of that word for the third answer. Cool?

And all the other letters remain in the same order?

All the other letters in the same order. It is not always the first, but it's never like the middle. So it's always either the first or the last letter that's being taken off. Okay? So here's this. Start with five. Cut through the air. That's the first part. Remove my head. Eek! I'm in your hair! Remove it again. Fires pear. Ice.

Slice. I'm going back.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. Hold on. What did you say, Adal? I said splice, slice, ice. So close. You've almost got it. You've got two and three.

Yeah, I was going to say ice, lice, slice?

Slice. It's slice. It's slice, lice, and ice.

Oh, that makes sense. Yeah, yeah. That makes sense.

Start with five, cut through the air, yeah.

I'd like to see a scene. Yeah. You two are lice, and you're kind of like annoyed that you're not welcome in your new home.

And Erin, will you be the person's head we're on?

Yeah, I'll come in a little bit and be the person's head.

Unbelievable. The fuck? Where's all our shit? Where's all our shit? Unbelievable. Someone took a fine-tooth comb and all my luggage is gone. My nightstand is gone. We just moved in. My water bottle's gone. My marils are gone. Oh my god. Someone owes me $800.

Who do we call? Do we file something? This is unheard of. This has never happened before.

No, no, no. I don't want to go through the bureaucracy of red tape again. We are going straight to the source. Okay, just start tugging. Just start tugging hair. No, no, no.

I need you two out by the end of the day.

Well, well, well.

You keep throwing parties. You broke the lease agreement. I said, what did I say? Do not bite me. Do not throw a party. No sound complaints. My real life human neighbor made a sound complaint last night about the party you threw on the top of my head. Do you know how humiliating that is? The officer's like, oh, you having a party here? It looks really dead and sad. There's a bunch of like takeout containers. It looks like you live alone and you're so sad. And I went, yeah, sorry, it's the lice on top of my head that are throwing a party.

We'll take ownership for that. Number one, we have a louse agreement, okay? And we didn't break it. We bent the rules. And number two, we'll own up to that one, okay? But you blame us for everything. What? When a guy doesn't want a second date with you, suddenly it's the lice problem.

Yeah, guys don't love dating ladies with lice.

We got on with Jeff great. Not to be that bug, but when we moved in, you were a strawberry blonde.

Uh-huh.

Now you're a brunette, and I gotta say, that wasn't in the Laos agreement, you know?

Well, okay, you're renting, not buying. You can paint it whatever you want if you want to buy it.

Okay, well all I'm saying, honey, is that you can't paint it whatever you want. Obviously. Obviously.

Okay, alright, okay. Everyone's being real funny up there. Guess what? Everyone in my neighborhood thinks I'm a loser because the sound from my house was a lice party and not a human party. And guess what? You're a jerk. You're a jerk. I'm gonna go.

What?

I'm gonna go. I'm gonna give you to some kids. See how you like being on a sticky kid's head.

We'll find our way back. Yeah, also you don't want the optics of... You don't have any kids. You don't want the optics of rubbing kids' heads right now.

I'm not gonna rub their heads. I'm gonna sit next to a kid on a train.

Oh, and you think we're just gonna leave?

Yeah.

We picked you for a reason.

Why, because my blood's so sweet?

Your blood is so sweet.

Wait, do you even drink blood?

Yeah. It's like a first son for us. Yeah, we don't love it, but... Huh? Huh? Maybe if you didn't eat so much takeout, you wouldn't have such delicious blood. Wow. I feel like it's a salt thing.

It's like a salt content thing. Yeah, you gotta learn more than two recipes.

Get off, get off, get off, get off, get off, get off.

Don't shake your head. Don't shake your head.

Off. Out, out, damn spot.

Out. Oh, Lady Macbeth, you think we're- you think we're unlearned? Methinks the lady doth protest too much. I played Banquo in my college's production of Macbeth, okay?

And we cut to that?

Line.

Okay. Scene. Scene.

Clears throat, says line. Didn't say I played it well. I mean, you have to imagine that Lice College is probably... Here's your next one. It's probably what?

It's probably what?

A lot of lice probably can't afford college, let's be honest.

Start with five. Start with five, I'm hard to hold. Start with five, I'm hard to hold. Remove my head, my voice is hoarse, you've been told. Remove it again, I slither along, my blood runs cold. My blood runs cold. Is eel the last one? Eel is not the last one. Snake worm. Snake worm is not correct.

I run along.

Slither.

I slither along. My blood runs cold.

So start with five is how many letters.

Yeah.

Start with five. I'm hard to hold.

So Yeah, I don't have a footing on any of the three clues.

Yeah, me neither.

Hard to hold.

Yeah. What's another... Well, I guess... This is a very musical riddle.

Mazel tov? Did you say mazel tov?

Mazel tov?

Voice is horse. I think that might be the one, the easiest one to just get by like guessing.

And that's four letters.

Four letters. For horse voice. Horse voice. Nay. No. Horse voice.

It's an animal though.

No.

Oh.

It's horse, H-O-A-R-S-E. So, rough. Like, Erin, when you had your COVID voice.

And he's sounding like Kathleen Turner.

It's not sick. Rough. It's like the quality of your voice. Raspy. Rasp. Rasp is correct. Rasp. Now you gotta go up and down.

Asp would be the last one. And then grasp. Grasp, rasp, and asp. Cash, grass, or asp? That's what I pull up on someone in my car and say, can I get a ride? And they go, grasp, rasp, or asp? And they go, please keep moving. And they say, keep going, man.

Sir, you are way too high to be driving.

I'm not going to give you grasp right now, whatever you think that is.

And they go, I'm driving?

No way is getting to Kansas City worth giving this guy asp.

I do want to see a scene. I want to see a scene, Erin, you are

Oh my gosh, thank you.

Finally. JBC, you are the asp, and we're gonna see a scene that eventually is, you're gonna have to bite her. This is what leads up to it.

Do you think they'll ever make a movie about me?

Hey bitch, I'm not clothes. What? I don't know if you know, but I'm not clothes. You need clothes.

Hey bitch yourself, you're whatever I tell you to be, you work for me. I give you dental insurance, I give you health insurance. We paid off your car this year instead of Christmas bonuses, which I thought would be more popular.

Hey motherfucker, I don't care. I'm crazy. I will literally bite you. Put on a dress.

Oh yeah, the most powerful woman in the whole world. And you're gonna bite me?

Hey, the most powerful woman in the whole world is still getting bitten by a snake, okay? Everybody dies when they get bit by a snake. What's that?

Yeah, I said yeah, right? Do you know that I lived closer to the invention of the iPhone than I did the pyramids? Now don't you feel fucking stupid, huh?

I don't know what either one of those are. I am a snake.

I knew you wouldn't because you're stupid.

I'm a snake and I smell like underboob sweat. I am not your clothes.

I'm sorry, is that implying that I, my underboob sweat? Are you telling the most powerful woman in the whole world, not just Egypt, Not just Egypt.

She can use the most powerful deodorant in the whole world, I'll tell you that much, and some fabric.

Wow, wow, wow, wow.

Hey, correct me if I'm wrong, Egyptian cotton. That's a thing, right? That's a thing? You guys could turn that into, I don't know, clothes? Oh, I get it, you're jealous. You cannot wear a snake. You do not have the body type to wear a snake.

You're jealous. You're jealous. Well, guess what, bitch? Maybe Richard Burton will play you in the fucking movie, right?

Listen, bitch, I am saying this as a friend to you. You do not have the frame to have a snake be your clothes.

Wait, you're- you really think that we're friends?

Bitch, I'm your best friend. Look around. It's just cats and me. Wow, um- I'm the only one left, girl. I'm the only one who will tell you the truth.

Um, no one ever said, uh, ah, sorry. No one's ever said they were my friend before.

Okay, you know what we need?

What?

Manicures.

Oh my god! For my teeth.

Urinales in my teeth. What would it be called? I'm really struggling. What would it be called for a snake to get a manicure?

We're the kids in America! They're going to the mall. Where? They're going to the mall. It's a montage of them shopping.

Two iPhones please! Show me that movie.

Every powerful woman from history in every scene ends with them getting a manicure and going to the mall.

We're the kids in Alexandria.

I love it.

Can it be like Encino Man, but it's Cleopatra for some reason? You can do whatever you want. We can do whatever you want.

We have no budget.

And no producers telling us we can't. Just two people with no money having a bad idea.

Just two lunatics in a room saying anything.

Produced by Swanzo.

What's a swanzo? What's a swanzo? Here's your next one. Start with five. Five letters. You're coming in loud and clear. Remove my head. I can see for miles from here. Remove my tail. We'll see how sensitive you sleep, my dear. Radio. Adio. Ade.

Adam, nailed it.

Peek.

Oh, peek, peek. You got the middle one, Erin. Speak, peek, eek. Speak, peek, and pee. Oh, pee, that makes way more sense. We'll see how sensitive you sleep, my dear, the princess and the pea.

Oh, of course.

Of course. I want to see a scene. This is going to be the princess and the pea, but it's the princess and the pea's parents, and they're in their own bed, and they're trying out various things, non-pea things, to see if their daughter will notice what they're sleeping on.

I don't know, honey. I feel like I can tell there's a dog under here.

Well, we don't know that yet. Let's just play along. Now it feels like it's four feet long-ish, three and a half, four feet long. It is writhing and wriggling. There's definitely some barks.

Did JPC play the dog?

How am I going to play a dead dog?

I see.

What a gift.

You know what? We're all finally waking up on the show. We're all finally asking the questions we've been too scared to ask for the last seven or eight years.

Hey dumbass, how am I supposed to play a dead dog?

We see the parents lift up the mattress, pull out a dead dog. We're the kids in America. The dog goes to the ball.

You know what? Fuck, you know what I should have done? I should have, instead of saying that, I should have ended the scene by going, ha ha ha, Rhyne! Oh yeah. Rhyne. Rhyne!

You know what? Callbacks are a young man's game. And I've always said that.

Speaking of young men, start with four, I'm cracked down the middle, add a tail, I'm a top who's been whittled, add another, when it's hot, I sizzle. This one's going in reverse.

Egg.

Now here's what sucks, is you said, you said, speaking of young man, start with four and immediately I thought YMCA.

Young man.

Young man. Can you read it one more time?

Start with four. So this time we're adding. Four and adding. Start with four. I'm cracked down the middle. Add a tail. I'm a top who's been whittled. Add another. When it's hot, I sizzle.

Butt. Something in butter.

Oil.

Butt something and butter, so you should be able to get this middle one.

You should be able to get this middle one. Butt beauty and butter? Butt butte and butter? Butte.

Butt butte and butter.

Butte, Montana?

I think a butte is like a eroded mountaintop.

Yes, it is in terms of topography.

A top who's been whittled away, yeah. Yeah, you nailed it. Butt butte and butter.

Okay.

Hey, look at that lady. Erin Keif, you're a butt butte butter.

Thank you.

Grasp rasper ass, lady.

Where you going? Does anyone wanna buy me a block of cheese?

Six guys, like, rushing the bar, like, flipping up, like, comedy of airplanes style. Everyone's just trying to buy this woman a block of cheese.

I'm gonna eat it. I'm gonna eat it like it's an apple.

She did that thing where she tied a cherry stem in her mouth with her mouth closed, except it was a block of cheese.

It was a piece of string cheese.

Right before the pandemic, I had planned, you know, the sketch that I did. It was a video sketch where my friend Haley sneezed up her NuvaRing and then we looked at each other and I told her I'd take her to the hospital. We were going to do a follow-up to that, that we were on a double date, and she did the cherry stem thing. And I went, like, me too, I can do that too. And then I put those, like, Apple headphones in my mouth and just make it so much worse. Like, we just tried to make that look sexy. But then the pandemic happened and I never got to shoot that. Thank God. Thank God. Because then they would be offended of me trying to do that.

They pretty much stopped with the Apple headphones too. They said, we're not doing this anymore. We're not even going to put the port on it anymore. We're, you know, it's all going to be AirPod Pro.

AirPod Pro.

AirPod Pro.

Did you know that the new ones, and this is actually kind of cool, so I don't want to use the voice of, you know, AirPod, because this is actually a really cool feature.

No, no, no, do it. Do it in the voice.

AirPod. Did you know that the new ones that just came out in real time will translate from like other languages to English? And that's actually pretty cool.

That's crazy, but then that also means they're recording literally everything we say, huh?

Yeah, for sure. And they're doing it with quote-unquote AI, which is pretty cool, too. But what's actually really cool is, did you guys know that the new AirPod Pros, I don't know what they're called, but like the new generation of the AirPod Pros are actually closer to the iPhone than Cleopatra?

Well, that makes sense.

What are we even doing anymore?

We're taking a commercial break and we're going to play some ads for the people. Enjoy the ads! This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. Oh, um, hey Adal, sorry, hey, sorry, I'm gonna pop in here. Do you have a second? Yeah, yeah, what's up? Um, so, no really easy way to say this, but no Erin today, or maybe even for the foreseeable future.

Oh jeez, everything okay?

It was a situation where she was ordering a chef's salad on her chef's salad app and her finger slipped and she ordered 1,111 chef's salads. So she's going to be eating chef's salads for a while.

For the foreseeable future. That's wow. Yeah. I'm sorry to hear that.

Yeah, I mean, it's kind of a bummer. Something that's not a bummer is Squarespace. Squarespace is the all-in-one website platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online, whether you're just starting out or scaling your business. Squarespace gives you everything you need to claim your domain, showcase your offerings with a professional website, grow your brand, and get paid all in one place. And, you know, feature-wise, you kind of would wish that her Chef Salad ordering app maybe was using Squarespace, and then this kind of feature bug like this wouldn't really be an issue, you know?

Yeah, I mean something I would love to see is like videos of her trying to eat all those chef salads, which is something that Squarespace offers. Yes! They make it easy to showcase your expertise and engage with clients with video content on your website, upload and organize your videos, create stunning video libraries of you eating chef salads, and even monetize your content by adding a paywall perfect for online courses, inclusive Perfect for online courses, exclusive tutorials, and premium workshops, or eating 1001 or whatever chef salads. Is she going to make a coat out of these salads?

All that she said was that she was determined, and I don't really know what to take from that. But I do know that Squarespace has SEO tools, so you can get discovered fast with integrated Squarespace SEO tools. Every website is optimized to be indexed with meta descriptions, an auto-generated sitemap, and more, so you show up more often on search engines and bring in more of your ideal customers. Now I will say the tools that Erin is using to eat these chef salads, I think are just going to make her job ultimately that much harder, because they're not really You know, fork. Fork or knife.

Yeah, and knife even. Nice straw. You ever drink a nice salad? Ooh, and also don't forget that Squarespace offers analytics. Make smarter business decisions with Squarespace's intuitive, built-in analytic tools. Review website traffic, learn where to focus engagement, and track revenue from bookings, invoices, or product sales.

So head to squarespace.com slash riddle for a free trial. When you're ready to launch, use offer code riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. And if you have time in your busy schedule out there, you want to say a quiet word for Erin. Uh, she is going to be eating these chef salads for, I want to say at least two more ads.

Yeah. If she's eating, you're eating. Bring your local Erin inside. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey, JBC. I have an update. Oh, oh God. I love an update.

Okay.

Erin is halfway through her chef salads. There's been a lot of support. Erin's really dug deep, really found that sort of salad shelf that most humans have.

I think what you were saying earlier is that what really helped set it off for her, she changed her name while eating these salads to her persona, Doug Deep. And Doug Deep is really helping her power through these salads.

Yes. And you know that Erin and Doug Deep both love BetterHelp. Have you heard of this? You've seen this?

Oh yeah, better help is changing the game when it comes to online therapy. And Adal, did you know that October 10th is World Mental Health Day and this year we're saying thank you therapists who maybe kind of indirectly is helping Erin eat all these salads.

And BetterHelp, of course, offers quality therapists that work according to a strict code of conduct and are fully licensed in the US. BetterHelp also helps you match to a therapist that works for you. That initial matching process focuses on your therapy goals. You fill out a short questionnaire that helps identify your needs and preferences, and their 12-plus years of experience in industry leading match fulfillment rate mean they typically get it right the first time when they partner you.

Yeah, plus if you aren't happy with your match, you can switch to a different therapist at any time from their tailored recs. I mean, I bet Erin is wishing right now that she could switch to something that's not a chef's salad to eat, but she just can't. Plus, with over 30,000 therapists, BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform, having served over 5 million people globally, and it works with an average rating of 4.9 out of 5 for a live session based on over 1.7 million client reviews. Man, I gotta say, October 10th might be World Mental Health Day, but whenever you're listening to this, it's Erin's mental health day because she's gonna need probably some extra mental health, that might not be the right term, after eating all of these salads. But this World Mental Health Day, we're celebrating the therapists who've helped millions of people take a step forward. If you're ready to find the right therapist for you, BetterHelp can help you start that journey. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at BetterHelp.com slash Riddle. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P.com slash Riddle.

And JPC, you mentioned earlier tailored Rex, which is one of my, like Doug Deeb, one of my personas, sort of a T-Rex in a bespoke customized tuxedo.

Yeah, sort of exactly that. Mr. Monopoly here! Monopoly is back at McDonald's! Register in the McDonald's app so you're ready to... GET YOUR BAG! Two ways to peel for a chance to... GET YOUR BAG! Physical peels with select items and digital peels with others to... GET YOUR BAG! Play Monopoly at McDonald's!

Hey Al, hey Erin, I got a question for the guys of you two, guys. Are you feeling, are you feeling spoopy?

What is happening?

Because we're going into the spoopy season, Erin. Now isn't that what we're in right now? In the middle of October, kind of feeling spoopy.

Erin, I think spoopy is like, you know, like when people who don't watch any amount of like NFL, MMB, NBA, or like sports ball.

Oh, let's watch sports ball. Yeah, I recognize those letters. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What are you guys doing to celebrate Spoopy Season this year?

Um, I guess the big thing I'm doing is my friend JPC's coming over and we're gonna put up a hundred foot skeleton.

Now that should be fun.

Yeah.

Um, yeah, getting, getting out your hundred foot skeleton, putting that up in the yard. That's always a lot of fun. Um, can I tell you my favorite way to celebrate kind of the spookier side of the season? Yeah.

I'm scared about whatever this is though.

Doing Halloween riddles that someone sent us five years ago.

Huh?

This is not the Halloween episode.

No, it's not, but it's spoopy season, Erin. So we're going to do some Halloween-themed riddles that someone sent us five years ago. I have a document that I use to track which riddles I'm doing. These have been on my document since Halloween of last year.

So, oh, they've been sitting in a document for five years, so they're probably dead.

They're probably haunted. Haunted riddles.

Yeah, no, I've been watering these guys. I've been, you know, I've been feeding them wishes, which may be a callback to last week.

Oh, like, like, um, like what are they called?

Um, like, um, vampires?

I know, you guys talk about them all the time. There's a bunch of movies. Mummies. No, you water them.

Oh, um, werewolves?

Gremlins.

Gremlins.

Like gremlins. Like gremlins.

We talk about the gremlins all the time?

Yes.

We actually do.

Do not deny it.

We do the rules. We do the three rules quite often.

Can I tell you something? I have never seen a Gremlins movie. Are you serious? For sure. Start with Gremlins 2 and then work yourself backwards. The last batch or the something batch? What's Gremlins 2? Does it have a subtitle?

That's like if you were to tell me that you've never gone on a date with a police horse's cousin. Like you can't. You have talked about Gremlins constantly.

I know, there are so many things I know only through cultural osmosis, like gremlins are also called mogwai, you can't get them wet, you can't feed them after midnight.

So I think they're a mogwai until they get wet or they're fed or they get in sunlight and then they turn into a gremlin. So a mogwai is like a pre-gremlin.

Is gremlins too when they bring in the lady gremlin? Two or three.

There's a lady gremlin.

Erin, JPC, it is the sexiest thing you've ever seen. It's a gremlin with green, like dyed green hair. We got him. She's wearing a sexy little, oh no. Wait, wait, please, wait. My computer.

There's a restaurant that we go to around here that has a lady gremlin by the host stand, like a full-size puppet of the lady gremlin, and they're always dressing it up in different outfits, and my kid loves that gremlin. Yeah.

Oh my god.

Whenever my kid sees the gremlin, they're like, gremlin, gremlin, gremlin. All they want to do is hang out by the host stand, like, looking at the gremlin and, like, touching. They're like, it's like a little Barbie, but it's a gremlin. Okay, be honest with me.

This picture is more flattering.

Actually, it's going to hurt my feelings. They're going to say the gremlin's hotter. Forget it. Forget it. I don't want to ask.

No, Erin, hotter than who?

Nothing.

Alright, well anyway, proving once again, we can talk about gremlins all day, but we have to do these- Oh yes, there's one made of electricity.

There's one with a gun. Here's the funniest thing. What? In one of the gremlins, there's just a gremlin with a gun. That's not good. And he shoots other gremlins and he goes, would you call this uncivilized? Cause he talks, he talks like he's British. Like he's very erudite and like he like over enunciates.

He shoots other gremlins like he murders them?

He's not a monster. He doesn't tear with his claws and teeth. He shoots people with a gun, which makes him more civilized. Does that kill the gremlin?

Oh yeah. Oh no. I didn't know the gremlins die. Guns kill most things. Well, yeah, unfortunately. I thought the gremlins were like little fun creatures. Those are the Mogwai.

I'm not sure I know what those movies are about.

Oh, so are the gremlins bad? Gremlins are the bad guys?

When you think of Gizmo, who's the main Mogwai, he's like real cute and he's like, Like he sounds like that. Again. But then you get them fed and wet and suddenly they turn into gremlins. And the gremlins are nasty little things.

But they're killers too. Is it like a Jason? Is it like a horror movie, the gremlins? It's a horror movie, but it's also goofy.

It's like silly goofy.

It's like a goofy, like, is it like Chucky or is it gory?

There's some gross like things like hatching and stuff. There's some gross little wet scenes.

You know what, one of these days I gotta just watch Gremlins. You know what, I'm happy. I'm going to be over here continuing to mind my business and not asking a single follow-up question about this.

And Erin, you are hotter than the female Gremlin.

No, you, that, Adal, that took, the hat took some fucking effort. I saw, everyone heard it. That took, you burned calories doing that. You had to think, you had to make sure you were saying that.

I had to crunch the numbers.

That was one of the worst moments of my life and I'm not being hyperbolic.

I think she's hotter. I think the gremlin's hotter. Because here's the thing, I know less about her. She's a mystery. You know, it's like she's got mystery. She has mystery. That's so much worse. The mystery's making her hotter, you know?

I feel like for an upcoming review crew, we might be watching Gremlins.

Dear Diary, if you ever become sentient, please kill me immediately. Any way you choose. With a pillow? Out of the bag?

If I ever become sentient, lady, I've been talking to you every night.

Oh, Diary, you're never going to believe what Adal said to me today.

Who you calling sentient? Here's the riddles from Marcus. These are Halloween-themed riddles. They're from Marcus. Here we go. The clue sentence would be, please welcome the wickedly talented, one and only, other half of Dr. Jekyll.

And the answer would be... Mr. Hyde the Zim.

Yeah, Mr. Hydeena Minzel. So, Mr. Hyde plus Adina Minzel. I got it. So these are gonna be mashups of a spooky character and like, I think, a famous person.

So would it be, is the answer Mr. Hydena Menzel?

Yes.

Or Mr. Hyde and Dina Menzel?

Well, it's Mr. Hyde plus Idina Menzel would be Mr. Hydena Menzel.

Can we make sure this episode doesn't get struck by lightning so that whatever that is doesn't come to life?

It's a mashup. That's not an example one. You're going to love the second one. Don't get him wet. Keep him out of the spotlight. Shut up. And never feed him after the story of tonight. Shut up.

Keep him out of the spotlight. Gremlin Manuel Miranda.

Yes, it was Gremlin Manuel Miranda. Gremlin plus Lin Manuel Miranda. Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water, there are sharks with freaking laser beams attached to their heads. Dr. Evil Jaws.

Dr. Jaws Evil. Dr. Austin Jawsers. You're so close.

What the fuck is this? You have it. You have it. You have the two. You have the two, Adal. You just got the two. You have them in the wrong order.

Jaws.

Justin Powers.

Justin Powers.

There is a misdirection about the frickin' laser beams. The line is from Dr. Evil. Because that's a line from Dr. Evil, but... It's in the movie. Not only is the character named Austin Powers, the movie is named Austin Powers. And the lasers are pointed at him. And he's there as well. Okay.

I do think, just very quickly, I do think Jaws fucked up a lot of people. My mom said she saw it in high school and was like, I never, like, went in a body of water again.

Really?

Yeah, I think it messed up a lot of people.

I think it really screwed with people.

But we didn't make that movie, so... We don't have to carry that weight, you know?

It fucked with my family quite significantly because I just went back to Indianapolis this last weekend and saw some family and my cousin was talking about how They were born the summer that Jaws came out, and they said that they were born in 74. And I said, they just did the 50th anniversary of Jaws, and it's 2025. So Jaws must have come out in 75. And they were like, no, it was 74 because it came out the year that I was born, I remember. And I said, well, You wouldn't remember because you would be a baby. Like you're remembering a thing that is not like a real thing that you're remembering. And I was like, I'm pretty sure the people who put up the twelfth and fiftieth anniversary of Jaws didn't get the date right.

This is not sort of the same thing that Adal is saying.

Got a huge argument. Erin? I think it is. Then they looked it up on their phone. And then they wouldn't say what they saw on their phone.

I'm sorry, I said after Jaws my mom would never go to Indiana again.

I was just on Like Minds, our friend Joey's podcast, who was on our show, and you guys did Like Minds as well. I was on with Stevie Shale, and there was a Jaws-themed piece of trivia that I had no idea what the answer was.

Do you remember what the question was?

Yeah, I do remember it, but I didn't want to spoil it in case people wanted to listen to that episode.

I won't listen to the episode.

Now that I know that piece of Jaws-themed trivia, I would love to tell everybody that I know about it.

Can I take a stab at it? Sure, please. Is it that the mechanical shark's name is Bruce?

No, it is not that the mechanical shark's name is Bruce. The mechanical shark aspect of that movie is crazy because they built these mechanical sharks and they were like, these things look great. They look awesome. They had, I think, three of them. And then as soon as they put it in the water, it was destroyed. And they were like, oh no. The salt got into it and just destroyed it. And so that's why you never really see the shark in Jaws because they did not

They said in interviews that they're like, they're supposed to be so much more shark.

It would have looked like the, you know, T2 going in the fucking melt at the end thing. It was just like all like broken down and nasty looking. So they couldn't use it. Okay, you guys ready for another riddle? Let's see. In Haystown, no one can hear you scream.

So this has got to be Alien, but then Hadestown, I mean there's a lot of characters in Hadestown. Oh boy.

If you get the character from Alien, then you'll get the- Oh, it's a character from Alien. Oh, Ripley. No, it's not Ripley. Eurydice Ripley. I honestly don't want to even say character, because that kind of makes you think like Ripley or- Sigourney Weaver. No, it's not Sigourney.

Paul Reiser.

Who is someone who is in Alien, but you are like, you don't know the actor's name?

I don't know.

Why wouldn't know their name?

Well, maybe they were in a suit the whole time.

The alien?

Yeah.

What's that alien called?

I have no idea.

It's not just called an alien.

Chestbreaker? What's the... Oh, fuck. What's the name of it?

That's called a facehugger.

Facehugger. Thank you.

Facehugger, chestbreaker. Now, it sounds like you're writing like a... You're a facehugger. Chestbreaker. Yeah. It's a H.R. Geiger, Geiger, H.R. Geiger creature. Because if I said the word xenomorph, would that sound familiar to you? Yeah. Okay. It's a xenomorph. That's what that alien is called. Xenomorphius. Xenomorphius.

That was a long walk.

That was a long walk.

Can I rest?

Wait.

Wait. When you say a long walk... Well, you helped us. Yeah, I mean, you guys walked a long time, but it was not a long walk.

I think that's a pretty... I walked a long time. Yeah, I didn't know the path and someone was holding my hand the whole time, but I still had to walk. Just like in New East Town.

That's like somebody getting lost on a 10-minute drive, taking 40 minutes and being like, what the fuck was that drive? It's like, yeah, you did that.

Yeah, I did that though. But that doesn't make it so I wasn't in the car for 40 minutes, right?

That's how empathy works. That's a long walk. There's a way around back. Is Orpheus the one who has the super low voice? No, that's Hades.

Orpheus is the super high voice.

Super high voice, depending on who you see in the show. But the original guy had a very high voice.

I'm taking this neck by the veins, making villagers redder with bloodstains. Dracula. This one I think I get, but I feel like this one's kind of a stretch.

Dracula.

Dracula is correct.

Dracula.

I'm taking this neck by the veins, making villagers redder with blood stains.

Lafayette.

It's Dracula Lafayette.

Wow. Yes. I'm trying to do it with a vampire accent.

Lafayette.

Lafayette, I'm taking this neck by the veins, making villagers redder with blood stains.

Call me blood one more time. Is that the most famous Lafayette line?

No.

No, I'd say Guns and Ships would be his number one line. I don't know. He had more to do as Hamilton, I think. I mean, as Jefferson. Yeah. Lafayette was in there. What did I miss?

That's probably Jefferson.

Either way, Erin, you got it. Dracula Lafayette. Good job. Are you sure it was just three dolls?

Three dolls, is this Annabelle?

Annabelle, yes. It is? Annabelle, yeah.

Are you sure this is three dolls?

Annabelle... There's a hint here, and I think the hint is the part that gets you the other part. Because I don't know, I don't know what, are you sure it was just three dolls? Maybe that's a reference to something I don't know, but the hint here is, you ate my bird.

You ate my bird. Annabelle, who's the woman who owns Tweety?

It's not the woman who owns Tweety. I think you ate my bird, and this is another thing I'm just absolutely not confident on. I think that is a reference from the movie Deep Blue Sea.

Okay, I've only seen that once in theaters.

Wow, okay, so that was a while ago.

It's probably like 98 or something.

Yeah, Annabelle. Do we remember who was in Deep Blue Sea?

Samuel L. Jackson, LL Cool J, Annabelle L. Cool J. Annabelle L. Cool J. That was a very long walk.

Does LL Cool J have a bird in that? I don't remember. He's like a cook. He's like the cook who has a bird. It doesn't matter.

I remember the big thing is Samuel L. Jackson giving a speech and mid-speech a shark jumps up and eats him.

Yeah, his death in that is very fun. That's a fun movie. Deep Blue Sea is a fun movie. Don't sleep on Deep Blue Sea. Okay, here's your next one. Infiltrate the sewer. Find the supplier.

Well, that makes me think of either Chuds or Ninja Turtles. Ninja Turtles isn't spooky.

It's not Chuds and it's not Ninja Turtles. Can you say it again? Infiltrate the sewer. Find the supplier.

Does Phantom of the Opera live in the sewer?

Yes, but it's not Phantom of the Opera. Keep thinking, okay, think along the lines of, like, scary and sewer.

Yeah, that's why it's called Phantom of the Sewer.

What else is, what else is, like, spooky... I thought I could get away with you not hearing that. Spooky, scary sewer.

Sorry, spooky, scary sewer?

Yeah, I would say this is maybe one of the more famous scary sewer scenes, Erin. But what's it's name? Pennywise. I'd love to do an impression here, but I just don't think I should. So the line here is, infiltrate the sewer, find the supplier. This is a line that's being delivered, I believe.

Sean Pennywise.

Pennywise is the first one, but that's great. This is a line, I think, I believe that's being delivered.

Pennywise guys, Pennywise ass.

To Channing Tatum. I believe someone is delivering this line to Channing Tatum.

Pennywise, Magic Mike, Magic Mike Pennywise. Can you imagine Pennywise and Magic Mike?

Don't say that three times. Oh, so hot. He's so tall. I mean, being tall is half of being hot.

Well, his song would probably be like 99 Red Luff Balloons.

That's so fun for him. And people see him and they're like, if you got what his whole thing was, you'd get why this is such a good choice for him.

No.

Infiltrate the sewer, find the supplier.

Is this like... Channing Tatum is hearing this. Channing Tatum. Oh, Channing Tatum.

Channing Tatum is hearing this and Channing Tatum is playing a cop.

22 Jump Street.

21 Jump Street. 21 Jump Street. Now, who is saying the line to Channing Tatum in 21 Jump Street? Jonah Hill. Johnny Depp. Jonah Hill is kind of his partner. Do you guys remember the movie 22 Jump Street? By the way, that's a fun movie. Both the Jump Street movies are great.

Oh, is it the guy from The Daily Show who used to be a Marine?

It's not the guy. It's not Rob Riggle. That's a great guess. This is another celebrity who is just recently in a much panned Amazon movie.

Whoa, Idris Elba.

About aliens.

Aliens?

Where he was just sitting in a chair the whole time.

Whoa. What?

It's a remake of a Tom Cruise movie.

Sir. Sir. Pennywise Cube. Sir, I don't know. Oh, woof.

Woof.

Sir.

Why don't you see a scene? Erin, you and Adal are seeing a movie together. You're about 30 minutes into the movie, and Erin, you have no idea what's going on in the movie, and you want to try to leave.

Whoa, yeah, yeah, no, no, no Um, but they're not numb. Hold on, let me reach into your pocket. I'm grabbing your keys.

Why are you leaving? Whoa, whoa, whoa, Erin, Erin, Erin! Yeah, what's up? Where are you going? Hey, we should probably be quiet. There's a movie playing. No, it's fine. Um, I'm gonna take off.

Erin, post-2020, movie theaters have become a raucous place for people to just do whatever the fuck they want.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm gonna try to catch the last 40 minutes of Dancing with the Stars. But I'll see you- Is that playing here? No, no, no. It's on TV.

Hey, excuse me. Hey, excuse me. Could you guys have a conversation at full volume? It's actually way worse to do whispers.

That's what I was trying to tell her.

Hey, man.

Hey, man, mind your business. I'm trying to talk to my friend.

What's that?

I'm trying to talk to my friend.

I know, and if it was just a full-volume conversation, it'd be less distracting.

Hey, sir, sir, do you whisper when you yell at those people? Because it's actually worse when you talk full volume. I agree with what you're saying, but it's worse when you do it.

Oh, so you agree that they should talk full volume. And I should whisper. Is that what you agree with?

Yes. Got it.

Hey, so you guys should talk full volume. I should whisper.

No!

Wait, wait, wait. We're about to get a huge chunk of exposition. So I just came to the beach cause I wanna surf, but no one will let me on this beach. Still doesn't make ton of sense.

I think Robert Irwin might win this season. I'm gonna run home, he's doing the end.

Robert Irwin? Is that an author?

No, the guy, he's um, he's, he's a son.

He's the son of an author?

He's the son of the guy who got stabbed by the stingray and died. Steve Irwin's son.

Steve Irwin? Oh! That crocodile hunter. His older sister, Bindi Irwin, won Dancing with the Stars like a decade ago.

Bindi and Robert? What happened there?

I don't know.

So, but Robert I think might be... What do you mean the beach is closed? Closed to people like me?

I think that was the doctor from earlier?

Okay, they're not talking at full volume, so I'm not gonna whisper. Okay. Alright, well I guess we can do whatever the fuck we want in society these days, huh?

Yeah, I'd love to take you out for dinner.

Oh, yeah, you're very handsome. That sounds very interesting.

You look like a hotter version of the Lady Gremlin from Gremlins 2.

Oh, wow.

I keep telling her that and she keeps hating it. Her? Yes.

Her? Wait. Riddle, what are you doing with that? How do you know that girl?

Holy shit, they're the same lady.

Did that work?

Yeah, that's how it works.

My eyes are closed and I'm wincing. Did it work?

It worked as well as Pennywise Cube.

Pennywise Cube! In order to get me out, you've got to say 2008 Olympic gold medal three times.

Michael Phelps.

Who won a gold medal in 2008?

Well, here, in order to get me out, you've got to say 2008 Olympic gold medal three times.

Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice.

Okay, so we got Beetlejuice.

Beetlejuice.

2008 Olympic gold medal.

Who's the tumbler?

Beetlejuice Ryan Lochte.

It's not swimming and it's not tumbling. I would say it's running.

Running. Beetlejuice Usain Bolt.

Beetlejuiceainbolt. Beetlejuiceainbolt. You got it. All right, we have one more. One more of these from Marcus. Was it 2008? Who could say? Who could say? I'm assuming Marcus checked it. To fight monsters, we created monsters of our own. The Goodbye Program was born... Huh.

What is happening?

Erin. What? This is the last one that we're going to do on the episode, okay?

Okay.

Okay? To fight monsters, we created monsters of our own. The Goodbye Program was born. Jupiter. What's that?

Jupiter.

Erin, that's the last part of it.

Jupiter.

Beetlejuice. To fight monsters, we created monsters of our own. What is that from? No idea.

Sounds familiar.

Worn identity? This is not really a spooky movie, I would say, but this is a monster. But it's more like an action movie, I would say, but it's... Pacific Rim. Yeah. Yes. What do the monsters call the Pacific Rim? Kaiju. Kai Jupiter. Kai Jupiter.

Wow.

Now, I love what you were trying to do there, Marcus, by getting Erin to say Jupiter to end the episode. And we are at the end of the episode, so that was a very good play to you. But we have enough time that we can hear a voicemail theme. Casey, hit it! Let's say who we are on three. Okay.

One, two, three.

I'm Adal Rifai. I'm Adal Rifai. He's bored, and that's JPC.

I'm what? I'm sorry? All right, Erin. Smart guy. Your last name is Winky.

Shut off, JPC. I am so mad at you. Sometimes I'll just cut them up, and then I'll cut them up, and then I'll put a tiny bit of pink sea salt on them, and that'll be that. And that's normal. Am I dead?

No, you're on drugs.

What the hell?

That was so trippy.

That was a theme by Finna Cry. Finna Cry, thank you for sending that in. If you want to get a theme featured on the show, make sure you submit that as a WAV file to hrpodcast.gmail.com. 30 seconds or less, people. All right, Casey, hit us with a voicemail.

Hey Riddle Riddle, this is Ashley, long time listener, first time caller. I went to a baseball game today and they played take me out to the ball game and I didn't realize until the end that I sung the lyrics to Penguin Baseball instead. Now I'm afraid my brain is broken. Anyway, my team lost 18-1. So do you guys have any good ideas for heckles I can yell at players when they play this badly? Thanks. I love the show.

Bye.

Oh man. 18-1. 18-1 at baseball.

You're not a baseball team anymore. You're technically.

The commissioner of baseball should walk out on the field and rip up their baseball certificate. Their license to play baseball.

That's a heckle. Yell, you're technically not a baseball team anymore. That's fucking awful. Also, sorry for breaking your brain. And that goes for everyone who's listening.

Do you think, do you think that their baseball team that they were rooting for, and I'm not saying anything about this person's intelligence or anything like that, but do you think it's like the Harlem Globetrotters but for baseball? Where like they're... Savannah Bananas? Well, no, but they're like, they're rooting accidentally for like the Washington Wizards or is it the Wizards?

The Generals.

No, the Generals. They're rooting for the Generals and they don't know that it's fixed.

That would be so funny to be a Generals season ticket holder and be like, what is wrong with our team?

There's a guy batting right now and his bat must be three times bigger than a normal bat.

He's taking a ladder out to catch the ball. A ladder.

That's so funny.

Is there nothing we can do? 18-1 is rough for baseball. Isn't there a mercy rule? I feel like there is, but I don't know if that's before a certain inning or something. What if it was 18-1 and they only played three innings?

A good heckle would be just to start sobbing. Just openly wailing from disappointment.

You can do the old, we want a pitcher, and a first baseman, and a second baseman, and a shortstop, and some fielders, it's just like... Go through the whole roster? The whole roster. That's so funny. Oh, that's rough, that's rough.

We're sorry that happened, yikes.

Yeah, that won't happen if you only watch Penguin Baseball. We promise competitive matches in Penguin Baseball.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Or we cook the birds.

And that's a Hey Riddle Riddle guarantee.

Hey Riddle Riddle, we cook the birds. Alright, so thank you for that. If you want to send us a voicemail, you can always reach out at 805-RIDDLE-1, something like that. It's in the episode description, you can find it. You look it up, motherfucker.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

You're right, mutually aggressive. Adal, anything that you would like to plug?

Oh, yes, there's something I can think of which is a podcast that we do called Gumshoes and Dragons. Check it out. There's some episodes. If you've been waiting to binge it, now's the time. Take a road trip just to drive around and listen to it. It's a great time. It's the three of us as well as Anthony Burch and a special guest every episode, so please check that out. Gumshoes and Dragons, wherever you find podcasts. Erin, anything to plug or promote?

I host a show called Quality Time every month in Los Angeles, and it's a true variety show. On our last show, we had someone do a presentation about ants, California ants. That was so fascinating and fun. And every month there's a different theme, and I'm truly so proud of the show. I'm proud of my part in it, but I'm even prouder of the people that we book. In November, I made my co-host promise that the theme is going to be sluts. So check out Quality Time on Instagram and come to our sluts-themed show. I think it's actually going to be pretty moving and informative.

Will the female gremlin be there?

Adal? Yes. And I was hoping you wouldn't ask, but she's actually doing a really moving presentation, and I don't want you to jump to conclusions about it.

Fair enough, fair enough.

She is the biggest slut I know, so she's gotta be there.

If you don't want to run into any sluts, you can see us on tour. We're going to be in Philly on November 18th, we're going to be in D.C. on November 19th, and we're going to be in New York City on November 23rd. There are still tickets available to those shows, heyriddleriddle.com slash live for those tickets. Erin, okay, I lied before. You did not get this riddle, unfortunately. We have to do it one more time. So it's, to fight monsters, we created monsters of our own. The Goodbye Program was born.

Kaiju. Kaiju.

Kaijupiter.

Erin, you got it!

First try! Created by Al.

Wait, is your pee coming out like that? Adal, we gotta take him to the doctor. Quick, run!

Doctor, our friend has pulp pee.

Alright, pause right there. I gotta go get spaghetti. She's going crazy upstairs.

This is a wake-up call for us. This is a wake-up call. You know, being sort of broken out of the spell. And you can put this post-episode.

Yeah, I was planning on it.

This felt bad. This felt really bad.

Nothing like being in the middle of a scene and then someone goes, hold on, I gotta walk away for two minutes while you two just sit here. Just sit in it.

Yeah, sit in. Just stew. Stew in the bathwater of your failures. Fucking losers.

Fucking losers.

That's exactly what he just said to us, basically.

He's probably upstairs laughing it up.

I just put them in their place.

Yeah, he's bragging to Mariah, bragging to Spaghetti.

Yeah. I'm gonna take a couple more seconds just to make sure they feel real stupid.

They're probably talking about it right now.

Yeah, that's him. God, I hate him so much. Yeah, I know.

I keep trying to slowly put poison in his food, but he doesn't seem to be affected by it. He's back.

I think it's making him stronger.

He's grown eight inches.

Hey, normal friend.

Sorry, there was fucking people at my door, and Spaghetti was just going crazy, so I had to bring her downstairs.

Glad to have you back.

Hey there, Climbs and Devils. If you liked that, you're going to love this week's Patreon. We finally get to Uncle Mumble's castle. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com. Hey Riddle Riddle by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or start your seven day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month. Plus you get those ad free episodes. See you there.

That was a hate gum podcast.

What's up, everybody? I'm Kyle Mooney. And what's up, everybody? I'm Beck Bynum. And man, ooh, we got something to tell you.

Yeah, we definitely do.

Yes, it's a brand new podcast on HeadGum.

That's right. And it's called What's Our Podcast?

Yep. And that's because we don't have a single idea what our podcast should be about.

Yeah, we don't. So we actually have guests come on and they tell us what they think our podcast should be about, and then we try it.

Yep, guests like Mark Maron, Jack Black, Bruni Broski, Caper Lan, Bobby Moynihan, Meg Stalter, and Tim Balls.

Landon Axler, Cory McGreez, and Dender. And Dender. New episodes release every Wednesday.

So subscribe to What's Our Podcast on YouTube or any of your favorite podcast platforms.

Yeah. I'm going to go do it right now.