Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum Podcast.

Erin, you kissed a car and turned it into a car. Yeah, kind of a where car situation.

That everyone giggling at an inside joke set me right back in time to childhood.

Not only an inside joke, but a car pun. Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Rid Thank God.

Okay. The Big Bang. I think I went a little too far. Hold on. I was born on a full moon in Boston, Massachusetts. Hold on. I'm nervous now. Closer than the Big Bang.

Yeah. Unless we're talking about Erin's conception, because then it's only nine months away. Not 10, really. You know what takes 10 months? Anyway.

Do you know what takes elephants two years?

To fall in love?

Yes, but also to incubate an elephant baby.

Erin, I did know that and I learned it from you.

Oh, perfect.

Okay.

So I was mouthing off to a witch and I went, I bet you'd be pretty pissed if I changed the consonant, the first consonant of witch to a different consonant.

No. The C word?

Mm-hmm. And then she punched me in the throat.

Erin!

A witch to punches.

I know. Yeah. Highly unusual.

I know, it wasn't even like a curse or a spell or... They're quick to anger.

I feel like a lot of witches... Sea witches. How do I want to phrase this? Do you know like Paul Greengrass? You know like the Bourne trilogy?

Yeah.

A lot of witches have been really into Bourne Identity, Bourne Ultimatum, et cetera, et cetera. So there's a lot more emphasis. Witches are putting a premium on hand-to-hand combat. Right.

No more spells. No more cauldrons. We're jumping off of buildings. It's parkour. We're doing somersaults.

Because they understood that they needed to be more cinematic in what they do and how they do it.

A witch who knows judo is a witch you don't want to cross.

That is a great idea for a movie franchise, is witches that are not using any of their typical powers, they're just trading state secrets, they're on airplanes.

Is a witch Jude- Jude Oatwood across. Recently, I don't know where I saw it, but I saw a series of GIFs of the most improbable ways to move out like move away from things that have been like filmed or or animated and if you if you haven't watched these they're uh they're very it was based off the new superman movie which i know that everyone has seen um there's that the woman in superman who can well i don't know everyone has seen i know you two have seen it But there's a bad guy in Superman who can like morph her body because her body is like microorganisms, you remember, or micro nanotechnology.

The woman who does a backflip into a handstand only to put her head where her legs just were? Yes, she does a backflip into a handstand.

BBC, I have no idea what you're talking about because I was being beat up by my chair while I was watching Superman. Need I remind you? My chair was throwing punches at me.

It's a move that this woman does in Superman, where she does a backflip into a handstand, and then her legs and arms switch, and she like... It could be easily accomplished by turning around and pivoting 90 degrees, like that's... But the whole thing is, if you could do that, if you could do a backflip into a handstand and then turn around and like be walking, you would do that. You would never turn around in your entire life. There's no reason to.

If I saw cameras, I would do that. But if I'm gonna kill someone, I'm not wasting my time doing that.

You're not doing it with a little flare? It's their last few moments of life. Give them a show.

I guess in context of that, especially if you're killing a robot, because it's like, what does the robot care? But if it's a robot, probably camera, right? You got to assume that those guys are recording. So someone's gonna see it.

Yeah, that could go viral.

They all have a black box inside of them.

Yeah. That's awesome.

Well, this robot's dead. Time to crack it open and figure out how it went.

Let's not actually watch the footage. Just in case anyone took this robot on a date, hypothetically. Let's maybe destroy the black box.

Lobster bisque with a robot? Erin, you took one of those little food delivery robots that scoot around L.A. on a date, correct?

Yes, I did. And I paid for a violinist to play his favorite song.

I once kissed a robot at the French Laundry.

Oh man, yeah, I think everybody hates those little robots. I think that if I ordered something for delivery and it came on a little robot, I'd be like, God damn it. Yeah.

No, they make me feel sad. They've delivered a couple of my orders before and I just am like, I'm worried about them. I'm like, this is sad. This is not good.

This is not good. It's like if we made a thousand R2D2s and then we're like, you'll just kind of Like, deliver, like, penny saver newspapers.

Yeah. You're gonna be my taco R2D2. Yeah. No, no, no, you don't get to fly a spaceship. You bring me a taco when I'm hungry.

You're my taco R2D2. R2D2, forget flying spaceships. You're gonna bring me Taco Bell at 2 a.m. when I'm drunk and high.

It's like training an alien monkey to, like, pop your blackheads, where it's like, That's a menial task for such a intelligent creature.

Human beings are silly, silly, silly.

If we found alien monkeys, that's exactly what we would do with them. We would be like, we don't know about their culture, but their hands are really tiny for popping blackheads.

Suddenly you turn on TV and it's just Dr. Alien Monkey Pimple Popper. Number one rated show.

CBS. This fall.

JPC, what were you saying about the new Superman?

Oh, it was that. It was just that I was watching a series of GIFs of people doing improbable or excessive moves that could be easily done by just moving out of the way or pivoting very briefly. And those were a lot of fun to watch. So that's all. I didn't have anything about Superman. Fuck Superman.

I feel like Neo could have jumped over those bullets, right?

Today we're

I started The Way of Kings last night.

Erin!

I know I'm super early to that party.

Erin, the good news is you have, I want to say, 300 Sanderson books to catch up on. Yeah.

And it is just fantasy nature.

You must really have COVID if you're cracking into The Way of Kings.

Zorp is reading them aloud to me because I love to be read to.

They have a professional Welcome back everyone. I think the narrator is good. I'm fascinated by the people who are good narrators for audiobooks. I've heard that recording audiobooks from people who don't do it professionally but have recorded their own audiobook is brutal. Because sometimes we record three episodes in a row and it's a lot of talking into a microphone, but I think that they're there for like 50 hours. Especially those big fantasy books that are like 50 hour books.

And you know that they do like 10 takes on pronouncing a word? Yeah. Where they're like Kaladin, Kaladin, Kaladin, like they have to get notes on all that?

When I did the Joko Cruz with Mark Gagliardi, he does a lot of audiobooks and when he records them he has like a little clicker thing every time he makes a mistake so he can go back through and edit out all of his mistakes.

That's cool.

Should we be doing that?

Uh, no, there are no mistakes.

Click. Uh, Casey, cut this part out. Cut, cut, cut. Erin's hypothetical.

Alright, Erin, I am actually a little concerned that you have a clicky pin that near your desk. That needs to go, that needs to go the way of Kings, if you know what I'm saying.

Okay. Let's do a new segment where we each take turns reading from a book as a celebrity narrator. Okay.

The color purple.

Now who's that and what book are you doing?

Wowza.

What a color. Christopher Walken.

He's so excited about just the title page.

He sees the title page and then he just does like five minutes on how excited he is for the title. You're listening to the audio book like this can't possibly be what the book is.

You're constantly jumping out of your seat.

I can't think of a single celebrity impression to do. Adal, you go.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.

That's good. Jason Momoa.

Jason Momoa. Classic stuff. I can't think of an impression to do.

Erin, right now, because of your sort of head cold or whatever's going on, you sort of sound like Kathleen Turner. Oh, yes. So maybe like a Jessica Rabbit.

Jacob Marley was dead to begin with. I think I told my Kathleen Turner story on here but when I was in college my school was attached to like the Repertory Theater of St. Louis and when you're in a theater conservatory you get assigned stage crews for things and sometimes they would be like the school's productions and sometimes they'd be the Repertory Theater of St. Louis productions and And I was cursed my freshman year with what had to have been the worst cruise ever. It was way more of a commitment than anyone else's. It was way more physical labor. And first semester freshman year, me and this boy named Jimmy Betts were the performance majors assigned to building the three penny opera sets. And this was a huge set made entirely of wood with like a ton of ladders. And it was crazy. And Kathleen Turner was doing a show at the Repertory Theater of St. Louis. And she would walk by us building sets and be like, and what production is this for? Three Penny Opera. Okay, this is taking a long time to build. We're And Jimmy Betts threw a hammer at the wall. And then second semester I was put on Macbeth stage crew, which that show's so fucking long. And then I had to miss a bunch of classes because I was costumes for that. And part of my job was washing blood off of kids' clothes at the end of every show. It was the dead of winter in St. Louis and I had to wash blood off of children's clothes.

All my chicks in one fell swoop. For free. I think after McDuff's kids are killed, I think he says, all my chicks in one fell swoop.

Yeah.

Which is just.

And then I'm the one, and then it was also like the whole production is like 30 sweaty men and I'm spraying vodka in their coats because they smell horrible. Men smell horrible after they're in a big bath. Did everyone know this? I'm pissed.

Elephants? Have a two-year gestation period and men smell horrible after a performance of Macbeth. The two Aaron facts I've learned today.

Yes, sorry guys. I just had to go off. I'm still a little bit hurt about that.

I have to assume that Jimmy Betts now works for some Kansas City Mafia organization.

Uh, probably. No, he's great. I saw him at my college reunion.

They call him the wall hammer.

We were all like, we were telling our war stories and everyone's like drunk stories. And I went, remember when Jimmy threw up on those baby rabbits? And he was like, what? And I was like, no, remember Jimmy? Like we were at a party, we were at a house party and right by the garage, we found a nest of baby rabbits. And then later we were all in the kitchen and we looked outside and you were throwing up on them. And he was like, no. Oh, we kept that from you. Oh my God, I'm so sorry. We kept it 15 years secret because we knew you'd feel bad. Wait, but he didn't know.

He was just throwing up in some bushes or whatever.

Yeah, he thought he was just throwing up on the side of a building. He had no idea he was throwing up on baby rabbits. And we, I think at the time, decided to not tell him. Yeah. But then I spilled the beans while we were grownups.

Sounds like so did Jimmy Betts.

That's the problem with nature is you never know whose property you're sort of doing something on. Like what animal's sort of domain.

Yeah. I'm walking on an ant condo right now.

It's got to be a deer's kitchen that I'm shitting in.

You're shitting outside a lot.

Erin, where do you shit?

I don't know.

Exactly.

I'm trying to find out. I'm really nervous.

The deer's like, use the deer bathroom. It's two feet from the deer kitchen. What are you doing?

It's like a full bathroom with running water.

Okay, here's a riddle. This is another riddle from Elvis. I think we did like a set of riddles from Elvis and this is the last one. We'll ease you into the episode by doing this riddle from Elvis. I have a hundred legs but cannot stand. A long neck but no head. I eat the maid's life. What am I?

A broom? It's a broom. I tried to think of, like, what would make a maid sad. Like, she has to keep doing it. It makes her sad. And I'm, like, sweeping, I guess.

What would make a maid sad? Well, you know what, though? What if the maid loves it? It's like, what if they got into mating because they love sweeping so much that, like, if you do what you love... I don't know if that's anyone's favorite chore.

Do you have a least favorite and favorite chore?

I love vacuuming. Vacuuming is very satisfying. I'd say my least favorite is... Today we're

Hey Mariah, would you clean the stove? And she always does. She's always like, yes, I will clean the stove. Which is how you know. That's so nice. True love. She will do Miley's favorite chore. And I will do all the rest of the chores. That works out. Yeah. It's an even trade.

Erin, what about you?

I like any chore that involves heat. So I like folding laundry and washing dishes. I don't like taking out the trash.

Are you someone who, when you take like towels out of a dryer, you like hold them up to your face and squeeze?

Oh yeah, I will cocoon. Lou and I will sometimes do a towel cocoon and I'll put them all on the bed and her and I will sort of cuddle puddle in them.

Okay, you don't use a towel at Erin's house. Sounds like a dog's going to go over it. Interesting. Erin, that presupposes, is there a way that we could get you into doing the trash if we made the trash hot?

Yeah, you set the trash on fire. Hot garbage. And it felt like that. Honestly, that sounds awesome.

What about a device? You know how people have like their trash cans like in in their cabinets? Yeah, my trash can is like sitting down. It has a lid, but you can have like a trash can like inside of a cabinet. What if we had that, but we built like a trash warmer? That doesn't make it like hot, but it would, you know, heat it up to like, I don't know, 90, 95 degrees or something like that.

I love it. Honestly, if you can make my broom handle hot, I'm in. If you can make my vacuum handle hot, I'm in.

I love making a broom. That's my best sleepover prank is the hot broom handle.

That's my best witch's pickup line. You can make my broom handle hot. I do want to see a scene. Okay. Erin, you're sort of a Mary Poppins type. Love. JPC, you and I are the kids that Erin is nannying for. But Erin, this Mary Poppins type just can't be bothered. Like, you don't really like doing any of your delegated tasks.

For every job that must be done, there is an element of fun. I would like an old-fashioned, please. If you want to Google how to make that.

What's wrong with your voice? Are you okay? Are you sick?

What do you mean what's wrong with my voice? I sang all day yesterday. Oh. We sang all day.

If you're sick, you shouldn't be taking care of children.

Okay, um, thank you for the feedback, but you're sick all the time and I have to be here, so... We're not at work.

You're at work. Yeah, you're at work. We're kids.

Um, yeah, I would like to take a load off, please. Can you make me a drink?

Mrs. Puppers? Yes? Should I use the same glass that I've been using for your old fashion or get a new one?

You've been using the same glass?

Yeah.

Clean it!

Yes, yes, Mrs. Puppers.

But you haven't taught us how to clean.

Okay, let's sing a song about fluffing my pillows. What, what?

What, what about, why are we fluffing your pillows? Shouldn't, shouldn't we be doing chores like making our beds or like cleaning up our room like learning how to make medicine?

Yeah, you could do that when we're done with my stuff. Alright, the first activity today is filling out my tax return.

Okay, here's your old-fashioned. Thank you. Do you have any dependents? No. Okay, do you have, how many 1099 miscellaneous's do you have?

When you don't know what to do, pick up my dry cleaning, do it right now, I forgot I had to get it Why aren't you singing?

It's so far away, can we use the car? No!

What? You're a child!

Fix me up something that is sweet and then I'm gonna want something that is salty. Why are you both just standing and staring at me? Dessert than savory.

It's just a confusing way to eat. And plus, you said make a casserole like 10 minutes ago and I've barely gotten started on that. And casseroles take hours to make.

Okay. Takes out umbrella. Starts walking towards the door. Takes my bag. You know what? I'm going to go help other kids.

Oh, thank God she's living.

Your parents are definitely dead. They're gonna probably come and try to take the house within the next couple days. Good luck to you. Good luck to you. Opens umbrella. Starts to lift up. Absolutely falls. Tumbles. Goes into the sewer grate.

Oh no. Just kick her down. Just kick her down with your feet. Kick her down there.

Kick her down.

Alright, let's get those taxes done.

And that is the origin for the clownette. You didn't even care, did you? You didn't even care, did you? You guys, you're not gonna believe this.

No, I won't.

But having COVID makes your brain move slow. What? I can't think of shit about shit right now. I can't think of anything. If you were to ask me about anything, I wouldn't know. What?

Erin, name a color. You made that brilliant connection between Mrs. Puppers and It the Clown. I don't remember doing that. And for those of you who email the show and say, the clown's name isn't It the Clown. The clown has a name. We know the clown's name is It the Clown. You're wrong.

Yeah, look it up.

Yeah, look it up, dumbass.

And the boy's name is Zelda. That's the little boy with the sword. That's Zelda. His name is Zelda.

All right, we have another riddle.

This one's from Colin Wilson.

Colin said you can read my full name only if you do it sarcastically. I think I probably nailed it, right? Oh, yeah. Here's the first riddle from Colin Wilson. I don't always have wings, but as I get bigger, I typically sport more and more. My feet are buried in the ground. My head is protected from weather. I don't fear people, but insects are a frequent concern. Today we're

Oh, a little musty and dusty in here. Okay. Let's see. Put the boxes down here and okay. Let's start hanging up some pictures. Just get a little nail in the wall.

Hey, wow, okay, we're ready for the hammer out of the walls, huh?

Uh, are you a ghost? I'm the house.

Yeah, no, I'm not a ghost. I am the house.

Oh, sorry. Is that nail, like, your butthole or something? Like, where I put that nail, is that your butthole? Is that nail? Just the way you screamed sounded like you got your, like you got goosed.

Oh, so if I drove a nail, like, into your arm or whatever, you'd have no reaction. It's butthole only. That's the only place that Hey, this is all due to me, man, okay? I'm just trying to figure out— Oh, you've never lived in a house before? You've always been a renter? Yeah. Yeah, well, this is homeownership. When we—someone, you know, purchases us, it's kind of like a genie thing. Like, we talk to the person who— I feel like people should be talking about this more. Shoes on, huh? You're like a shoes-on-in-the-house type of guy.

Yeah, that's my—I mean, I'm going to replace the carpet. Unless that's, like, your pubes or something. Huh?

Oh, okay. I get the confusion. My whole thing is not like a one-to-one with like a human body thing. I've never been a human. I'm not a human. I am a house. So like the carpet is the carpet.

Okay. So fireplace isn't your penis. Stop guessing.

Stop guessing. Why would the fireplace be the penis? I'm still in shock. Okay. The chimney would be the penis.

This is all new to me. Jesus. Okay. Where is your penis? Just so I know not to touch it. Chimney. Okay.

Ding dong. Ding dong.

Is that you doing that? Is that like your clit?

It's that button. Oh, it's the door.

It's the door. Hello?

Hi, neighbor. Just bringing over a welcome to the neighborhood pie. Sorry to ring your doorbell so many times.

Yeah, it's rude to, I mean, I'd say wait 10 seconds for someone to move around the house.

Sorry, I was just getting so anxious.

Just because people don't stand by the fucking door. I'm Mark.

Hi Mark.

Does your house talk to you?

Oh yeah, big time. That's how I know that my house likes the doorbell ring. Ding-dong, ding-dong, ding-dong, ding-dong, ding-dong, ding-dong, ding-dong.

Oh this is like good for them. Oh wait, do you hear that? Can you hear my house or is it only if you own the house you hear it?

Alright Mark, so nice meeting you. Let me know if you need anything.

Gummy worm pie. Hey Mark, she rang the doorbell a couple times too many. Could you grab a mop and head up to the chimney? Oh, come on man.

Hey, exactly.

Scene.

Never ringing a doorbell again. Yeah, because I know a house likes it. I'll ring the doorbell all the time now. Can I tell you a little trick with my house?

Yeah.

This is a little life hack. Okay.

Can't wait.

I have a doorbell.

Sure.

It does not do anything.

Okay.

When you ring it. Because I tell people, don't ring the doorbell. But people always do. And if I have a doorbell that is not connected to anything, it doesn't matter if people ring the doorbell.

Oh, because it drives spaghetti nuts.

Spaghetti doesn't like it.

Oh, so you'll never. It's like that on purpose.

I'm And Hey Riddle Riddle. I once saw a guy who was, I was like coming into my garage and he was putting this like thing on my garage. And as I was coming, uh, Hey man, I don't want that. And he was like, he just looked at me and shrugged and put it on the garage. Now it's possible we did not speak the same language. That's, that is 100% a possibility. It's also possible that he's like, Hey man, I get paid to stick these on garages. Like I don't give a shit. I don't care who you are or what you want to do. A lot of times when I get solicitors, I'll just kind of look out my window and like kind of wave them off. And by kind of wave them off, I mean, my dog will be going absolutely fucking berserk and I'll say, go away. And there was a guy who came, it was earlier this summer, so it's probably like a month or two ago. And I was like, go away. Like, I'm not not interested. And he was like pointing to my door, like, open the door. And I was like, no, you leave. And he was like, the door. And I was like, I understand what my door is. You gotta understand, it's not opening it up. And also, I'm holding a 55 pound German Shepherd who's just like going fucking berserk right now. Like, you should know that this is not going to end well for anyone involved.

Yeah, what the hell?

Can I ask? I'm very confused by spraying for bugs outside. Yes. What? That seems like a Sisyphean task. That's their house.

That's their kitchen.

But it feels like, I mean, I just, I'm confused. I can see if you have like a hornet's nest in your garage or something, like on the outside, but otherwise bugs, it's just sort of a nonstop until the earth stops revolving, right? Bugs are just going to be around.

I will say, I've only done it one time where I've had to spray for bugs because in my basement I was getting a ton of millipedes. And millipedes are harmless, but I was sick of stepping on them as they crawl around in my basement. And so I sprayed the outside for millipedes to keep them out. But that's the only time I've ever sprayed for bugs. And otherwise, most bugs I'm fine with in my house. Spiders and shit all over the place. I'm like, yeah, go for it. You know, I'll kill a mosquito if I see it inside. But other than that, I'm like, hey man, we're all living here together. Like you're a bug. I'm a guy. We have different parts of the house that we hang out in, you know?

I'd like to see a scene. Adal, you are a spider that is living in JPC's house and JPC, you've decided that it's time for him to start paying some rent.

Okay. Hey, can you turn up the TV? I can't hear it.

Oh, uh, no, my kids are sleeping in the other room, so we just watch it quiet. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Who the fuck is asking me that?

Oh, down here, buddy. Hey. Oh my god. Get the fuck out of here. Are you a spider? Get the fuck out of here. Am I a spider? What do I fucking look like? I mean, you're so small.

My name's Ulysses.

Thank you. My name's Ulysses. I'm a brown recluse. I've been in your mouth. Did you know that you swallow three to five of my cousins every year?

I don't think people swallow five brown recluses every year. And by the way, I don't know who told you you're a brown recluse, but brother, you are not a brown recluse.

What? Come on.

You're brown. Yeah. Like in color.

Oh, but I don't go outside, so I'm a recluse.

A brown recluse is like the king of spiders, my man. You're minuscule. You're tiny.

I'm really focusing on the tiny part. Listen, you know what? Just put the- Hey, bring the TV into the basement and I'll just watch it in there and we'll be good.

You know what? No. I'm usually pretty cool with spiders being in the house, but you are kind of crossing a line that most spiders don't cross.

Pretty cool spiders in the house says the guy who swallowed three to five of my cousins.

That's- Everybody does that. Here's what I'll say. You were awake. Hey Riddle Riddle

Did you know that spider silk is like a rock?

Are you super strong?

Are you a superhero?

There's no way that spider silk is 10 times stronger than steel.

Relatively.

Oh, well, yeah, I guess everything... Ulysses, that's not the kind of... I don't... That's not useful to me. You spinning webs is actually, like, not useful to me. Oh.

At all.

What if I... How many other bugs have you caught and eaten? Like in the last week, how many other bugs have you caught in the house?

Silverfish, silverfish, silverfish, fly, fly, fly, fly, mosquito, fly, silverfish, fly, mosquito... 28? You've been killing silverfish?

Yeah. No, silverfish kill other bugs.

Yeah, that's why I kill them.

God damn it.

Can you hear yourself? What? You killed a guy trying to break into your house? Those things kill people, the houses they break into. Can you hear yourself?

No, you're, first of all, you're like an arachnid. You're not even like a bug. I want you to kill like gnats and stuff like that. Not like the, like silverfish will kill the other bugs.

Hey, I know a little smooth things over.

Okay.

Let me lay a big egg sack.

No.

Hold on. Can I finish?

Can I finish? What's the finish gonna be that's gonna turn me around?

Let me lay a big egg sack.

Okay.

Then one day, you'll forget it's day, you'll step on it.

Sure, yeah.

A million tiny clear spiders will zoom around the house.

Yeah, tiny clear spiders, uh-huh.

And I'll have a community to talk to.

You have to walk spaghetti once a month and it has to be a 45 minute walk.

Spaghetti eats, I'd say 30 to 50 of my cousins per year.

Did he better keep her happy and engaged and worn out and tired, you know?

Hey, let me tell you something. Come down. Lean down here. Lean down here.

Okay.

Hey, what's the deal with Erin Keif? Is she single?

Is she single? Yeah.

She was over one time and I was like... I think probably one time. Yeah.

I think she's been over exactly one time. She was here with her boyfriend by the way. That guy that was here with her, that was her boyfriend.

Zorp?

That's her boyfriend?

Yeah. Oh. He looks like a human though.

Oh, you're confused as to why would a human date a haunted porcelain doll?

How am I catching strays in this scene? That's about a spider. Picks up shoe, kills that spider. What the fuck? I'm not even in that scene. Awesome.

Erin, as a little update, Erin brought my kid a panda bear? Yeah. Yeah, a panda bear.

Named Beverly Shoo-ba-doo.

Named Beverly Shoo-ba-doo. And so far my kid will call things by the animal that they are, like elephant or bear or whatever, but they won't give their animals names. But Shoo-ba-doo, I introduced from the beginning as Shoo-ba-doo, and I've been reinforcing Shoo-ba-doo, and now my kid will call that bear... Well, they can't quite get Shoo-ba-doo out, because that's a crazy word to say, but it's close. It's close.

Shoo-ba-doo's more in line with like a baby's vocab than most words. So I feel like making names that are like keep-a-pop or soup-a-dop, like that's more beneficial for a baby.

Huge for me. I brought Beverly Shoo-ba-doo so I could have a spy on the ground floor that bears there to slowly convince Mariah to leave you for me. And the fact that your kid is like building a relationship with it is huge news. Huge news.

The other thing that they'll do is they'll just touch the top of Shubhuddu's head and go, so soft.

Oh my goodness.

Precious. We went for ice cream recently with JPC and his kid, and every time you would give them ice cream, they would turn and look at me and make a face of like, I don't know if I like this, which was fascinating.

It was their first time ever having ice cream and they were like, ugh. And I was like, yeah, it's cold. I understand. It's like, but it is good as fucking hell, but it's cold. And that's not always like, temperature might override flavor in a lot of ways. All right. Hey, speaking of temperatures and flavors, why don't we take a little break?

Okay. Just this once though.

Yeah.

GPC, I know how this is going to sound and it's going to sound like I'm reusing an old idea and that I was too lazy to come up with a new one, but that's not what is happening. This is actually a problem. Adal's stuck in the cat costume again.

Okay, is it the same is it the same cat costume as last time or?

Yeah, it's the exact same cat costume.

So it's the exact same thing. Yeah. Is there a new layer on it in terms of or is it literally just the same situation?

It's the same situation. Like we're sort of kind of panicking. It's every day. It's like a sort of big medical issue. I just haven't had a lot of time to cook.

Yeah, no, no, I understand, Erin. You know, life is busy, and sometimes we don't have necessarily maybe even the energy or the time to think up a new idea. Right. Or even prepare a meal.

Right. Yeah. Like, last night, Adal, I was just fighting him, because you know when he gets scared in the costume that it's even harder to get it off of him, right?

Sure, uh-huh, uh-huh.

And so when I got home, I was like, I feel like I can't cook right now. But thank God for Tempo because I could have the white cheddar barbecue chicken ready to go. I don't have to even think about it. I'm not going to the grocery store and it is delicious. And so I was like, this is so comforting after fighting Adal, trying to get him out of the cat costume.

Yeah, because Tempo delivers fresh, chef-crafted, dietitian-approved meals right to your door. I mean, you can eat these things so I've heard, even if you're stuck in a cat costume, as long as it has a mouth hole for you to eat out of, which this one does or does not. I can't remember because it's the same one as last time. Does not. Each meal is perfectly proportioned for lunch or dinner and ready in just two minutes. That means real food, real fast, without the sad desk, lunch, or drive-thru regret. Plus, with 20 new recipes every week made from nutrient-rich ingredients, Tempo keeps things exciting and helps you stay consistent with healthy habits. Unhealthy habit. Getting back in that cat costume, huh?

That's what I said. And that's what I said. But no matter what your goals, there's a tempo meal for you. Protein packed meals with up to 30 grams of protein, calorie conscious, carb conscious, and even fiber rich. And JBC, do you think people are going to be like, why didn't you just come up with a new concept? But this is like not a concept I'm coming up with. The same thing happened again.

I think people hear us read ads like ads for Tempo which is convenient but also flexible enough to fit the way that you want to eat and they assume that we're making this stuff up and not that our friend Adal has a real problem with crawling into these cat costumes and getting totally stuck. Tempo is even the official partner of the 2025 CrossFit Games. Proving their meals are built to support optimal nutrition and performance. So for a limited time, Tempo is offering my listeners 60% off your first box. Just go to TempoMeals.com slash Riddle. That's TempoMeals.com slash Riddle for 60% off your first box. TempoMeals.com slash Riddle. Rules and restrictions may apply.

Thank you, Tempo, for helping me get all the protein I've not been getting. And also, GVC, I just really feel like... Yeah. I don't, like, if he gets in this cat costume a third time, like, what do we do?

I mean, a third time, a fourth time, a fifth time, whenever he can't be here he's in that costume. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp.

Oh, excuse, excuse me, you two. Could you help me? I'm trying to churn some butter.

We're all good here, um, man from the past, or whatever, or Elmo, or whatever.

No, I'm from your year. from our year, okay.

What is this?

I want to tell you about ButterHelp.

Oh, I see what this is. We're trying to talk about BetterHelp. Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

ButterHelp.

No, no, no, no, no. Okay, we're talking about BetterHelp. My friend and I were talking about BetterHelp. It's online therapy that you can use if you don't want to do in-person therapy, but you still want to have a relationship with a therapist. Oh.

BetterHelp therapists work according to strict code of conduct and are fully licensed in the U.S. BetterHelp does an initial matching work for you so you can focus on your therapy goals. A short questionnaire helps identify your needs and preferences. And with their 10 plus years of experience and industry leading match fulfillment rates means they're typically get it right on the first try. And if you aren't happy with it, you can switch your therapist anytime. No problem. I've done it before and it was great. I have a perfect match on BetterHelp and it's the kind of therapy that works great for my brain.

Oh, this sounds pretty great. What are you telling me? There's like over 30,000 therapists? BetterHelp is like the world's largest online therapy platform? Is that what you're saying? Having served over 5, let's say, million people globally?

Eating butter off fingers?

It's convenient too. You can join a session with a therapist at the click of a button, helping you fit therapy into your busy life. So if you're like having a problem, you can literally send a message to your therapist whenever. This butter is so good.

Right? And I have to come clean. I am a puppet from the past. You were right.

As the largest online therapy provider in the world, BetterHelp can provide access to mental health professionals with a diverse variety of expertise. So whether you're a normal guy or some weirdo pervert puppet that walked up to us on the street from the past, you can find the one with BetterHelp. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com slash riddle. That's betterhelp.com slash riddle.

Wait a minute, one of those was about me. But which one?

You gotta try this butter, JPC. You gotta try it. You will love, love, love, love, love, love it.

I will not try this pervert's butter.

I'm off to my time. Goodbye! Bye! Jealous much? New coat, new shirt, new pants. Adal, you didn't get those from the emperor, did you? Uh, no, I think that guy was actually not wearing any clothes. Oh.

I knew it, and everyone says he was, and I knew he wasn't. I felt like I knew he wasn't.

Interesting that my experience with the emperor, his clothes are awesome.

Adal, your clothes look fantastic. Thank you. They look, like, very expensive. That must have costed you an arm and a leg.

Uh, no. Actually, we don't pay with limbs, we pay with money. But this was actually very cheap in terms of money. This is from Quince, my good lady.

I love Quince.

Quince has the kind of fall staples you'll wear non-stop. Like super soft 100% Mongolian cashmere sweaters. Touch, please, touch. Starting at just $60. That's bonkers.

$60?

Yeah, $60.

Their denim is durable and fits right, and their real leather jackets bring the clean, classic edge without the elevated price tag. I have sheets from Quintz, I got a skirt from Quintz, I love Quintz.

On the walk over here wearing Quintz, a bunch of photographers were like, who is that guy? That's clearly like someone's little brother, like Nathan Levi's cousin or something.

Is he okay? No, he looks really distressed. Personally, I love my lightweight hoodie. I think it's perfect for the cooler weather. It's kind of the in-between hoodie that you can get between a fall jacket and your summer clothes. It's awesome. It's a must-have staple of my wardrobe.

And I got my eye on some boots at Quint's for the fall. Just a tall boot. I haven't had one of those like riding boots in a minute and I'm excited. I might get them in black or maybe like a chocolate color. Come back to me. Come back to me.

Sounds good friends. Puts on sunglasses. So keep it classic and cool this fall with long lasting staples from Quint's. Let's go to quince.com slash riddle for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash riddle free shipping and 365 day returns quince.com slash riddle.

Adal, I have got Erin on a joke website. I'm about to sell her chocolate boots. I think she's going to walk around in them. Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. I will stay and watch this.

Nom, nom, nom. Eats them like Cookie Monster.

GPC, you know how not too long ago Erin was a car we don't really need to dwell on it? Sometimes you're asking yourself weird things like, why didn't they teach us this in school? I feel that way almost any time I'm dealing with money. Amen. I'm very bad with money, famously you're very good with money. That's why I'm giving my kids, aka my cats, a head start on their money skills with acorns early.

Now, if I know your cats, they're going to take those acorns, put them outside your door, and then feed them to squirrels so they can watch squirrels going outside of your door. But children, human children, they're very different. They have different learning patterns than cats. We're getting wildly off topic. Erin used to be a car. That's why she's not here. But that's been resolved at this point, so we don't have to worry about that.

Mostly been resolved. Acorns Early is the smart debit card and money app that grows kids' money skills as they grow up. This is something that I am going to be gifting to friends that I myself hopefully one day will be gifting to a child and again to my cats. Start with the in-app chores tracker. Teach your kids or cats the value of a dollar. Then let your kids set up their own savings goals and start building healthy money habits early. And you can maybe be like, hey, let's set a goal that you save up to buy, I don't know, like a car one day.

Yes, because it is legal to buy a car. Yes. Even if it is or was a human at some point. Cause if it's now a car, it's fine. And there's no laws against that. Plus, kids can spend what they've earned with their very own customizable debit card, giving them that extra sense of independence. Plus, with Acorn Early's spending limits and real-time spend notifications, parents always stay in control. I have played around with the Acorn's Early app, so it's still a little early for my child, but I really love the features. I really love how, like, simplified it is. I actually think that it, like, can make learning about money fun. Absolutely. Hey JPZ, do you notice, even though Erin's not a car anymore, that sometimes when she sneezes it sounds like vroom? Yeah. And sometimes when she, not to be indelicate, farts, it sounds like honk, honk, honk. Passes gas. Passes gas. It sounds like honk, honk, honk, honk, honk, honk, honk.

Yes. And then I immediately want to get, anyway, ready to teach your kids the smart way to earn, save and spend. Get your first month on us when you head to acornsearly.com slash heyriddle or download the Acorns Early app. That's one month free when you sign up at acornsearly.com slash heyriddle. Acorns Early is issued by Community Federal Savings Bank, member FDIC, pursuant to license by MasterCard International. Free trial for new subscribers only. Subscription fee starting for $5 per month unless canceled. Terms apply at acorns.com slash earlyterms.

Erin's not a car. Take control of your money.

Ah, Erin. Uh, uh, Barbare Erin. Uh, also JPC. Just Paladin, uh, Coan. Great.

Love.

Love it.

Love. What is this vibe?

Yes, we all love D&D style adventures, right? Full of humor and heart. Guys. Uh-huh. I know I do. You need to check out Tales from the Stinky Dragon.

Oh, I know Tales from the Stinky Dragon. It's an award-winning D&D comedy podcast hosted by an all-star team of writers, comedians, and voice actors. You can join along for an auditory adventure with immersive sound design, an original score, and gripping stories set in a fantasy world. Plus, it's suitable for all ages, yet full of complex characters that make you laugh and cry. This podcast needs to be experienced by everyone, whether you're a seasoned D&D player,

or completely new to the game. Oh, this sounds up our alley. It's comedy with heart. Oh, wait, we don't have heart. So you're probably jonesing for some heart. Join a cast of five quick-witted friends as they overcome disastrous dice rolls, bewildering roleplay, and heartfelt moments of camaraderie. Your gut will both split from laughter and fill with butterflies as these goofballs weave a hilarious, heartwarming story together. Again, would love to know what it feels like to have a podcast that has a little bit of heart on it. Can't wait.

Okay, how would you know if you like this show? Well here, let me tell you some other shows that it's comparable to. Critical Role, ever heard of it? The Adventure Zone, ever heard of it? Dungeons and Daddies, ever heard of it? Gumshoes and Dragons, you might not have heard of that one, but it's good. Hello from the Magic Tavern, you probably heard of that one. You and all your friends will love Tales from the Stinky Dragon.

And I gotta say, the episode The Quick and the Undead, where the party helps out a ghost mummy, is outstanding.

Discover why Tales from the Stinky Dragon continuously stands out among so many D&D shows. The hype is real. Check out Tales from the Stinky Dragon anywhere you listen to podcasts or on YouTube.com slash StinkyDragonPod. That's Tales from the Stinky Dragon.

Tales from the Stinky Dragon. It's a natural 10, which we're going on a scale of 1 to 10. Yeah, it's good. It's a natural 20.

But the scale's 1 to 10, so... It's a great show. That's it. And we're back. Okay, guys, favorite temperature slash favorite flavor.

Go. Hot, hot, hot, and clear.

Hell yeah. Is that your Scientology audition?

Yes. How'd I do?

You passed.

Good, good, good, good, good, good.

Favorite temperature, I'm going to say 65 degrees. And my favorite flavor, oh boy. I like pumpkin, but I don't like this sort of yearly scramble to make everything pumpkin to where it's disgusting. Maple's pretty good, although it doesn't look savory.

You only have 15 more minutes to decide.

Oh no, shit. Watermelon. JBC, same question.

Same answer, 65 Watermelon. There's a person, I've seen them driving around my neighborhood a couple times, and they have a license plate. And the license plate just says 69 space FMS.

Fuck my shit.

69.

We think it stands for 69 fuck me sideways. Because that would be how you 69 her.

Fuck me silly. Yeah.

But 69 FMS, that's got to be a custom plate because it's only five. That's got to be a sexual thing, right?

69 Full Monty Slaps? That's a very good movie.

I want everybody to comment below what you think the FMS is.

Yeah, comment below wherever you're listening to this. It could just be you opening a notes app on your phone and just commenting into that. But we want to know what you think the FMS is on 69.

Yeah, I'm not... I'll only look at Urban Dictionary.

Erin, didn't you sing a song called the FMS Pinafore?

Yeah. Hold on. Hold on.

We're making Erin sing a lot on this episode. Okay, instead of making Erin sing more, why don't we do another riddle? This one is again from Colin Wilson. It's Fuck Me Sideways. It is Fuck Me Sideways.

Yeah, it's Fuck Me Sideways.

Okay. That person, he's a freak. Or it's flying monkey syndrome. It's also a minivan, and I think it's so funny to have Fuck Me Sideways on a minivan.

A twist!

A twist!

I really also just doxxed this person like crazy. Their full license plate. But here's the thing, if you get like a license plate that says 69 Fuck Me Sideways, You've given up any right to privacy. You've just put your business out there in the world.

Anyone who puts the time, energy, and money into a vanity plate, you want the attention. Yeah, you want the attention.

Okay, here's your second riddle from Colin. It says, I know everyone's secrets and everyone's announcements. Some people like to tell jokes with me. Some people like to talk politics with me. Some people like to ask me advice. A lot of people want to leave me alone, but few can actually avoid me. Who is this?

The internet?

The girl I went to high school with, Amber Tanzillo. Oh, it's Amber. Everyone kind of told her gossip and secrets. She was a cheerleader, very popular. Dated Scott Mallory, of course the quarterback.

Yeah, Amber Tanzillo.

I have a question about Amber Tanzillo. Did everyone tell her gossip or was she actively seeking it out? Or was this some sort of curse where it's like she just absorbs this gossip that she doesn't even want?

JPC, the best in high school, the way the best do it is they make you think that they want you to tell them. Today we're

Damn, every time I've tried to employ this method, I've just like paused and the other person has just like nodded their head and walked away.

You know what's come to my attention recently? I don't know shit about shit gossip wise. Like I went out to a dinner recently and someone let me know about a thing and it like solved a two year long mystery for me. Where I was like, oh, that's why it's weird to hang out with that group of people. Like I, it completely misses my desk. All gossip, all social context for why things are happening.

Erin, I feel like from hanging out with you, you have clued us into a lot of gossip.

What do you think?

Yeah but it's also like you know like LA-centric stuff where you'll hear a thing about like a person who is in LA and me being in Chicago who doesn't like regularly interact with like those LA people I feel like I get a lot of like LA-specific gossip from you

Yeah, I mean I guess I get a couple like celebrity gossip things I wouldn't ordinarily get, but I think in terms of like social interaction stuff, I'm not getting anything.

Are you seeking it out?

No.

You're the one who told us Demetri Martin has a small penis, right?

Yeah, but he called me to tell me that. That doesn't feel like gossip. He just had to. It was like a court-ordered thing.

He told everyone. He like drew it on a big pad of paper and like flipped it over. It was like a small penis. Me.

And then he turned it sideways, which made it even worse. And then the whole audience laughed.

Mariah is always getting gossip. She's always getting gossip. And a lot of times it's like gossip about people that I don't necessarily know very well, so it's like not super relevant to me. But when I like hang out with a friend, Mariah will be like, how are they doing? And I'm like, oh, you know what? I didn't ask. She'll be like, you were with them for two hours. And I'm like, yeah, I guess it never came up.

We're drafting types of bread.

I bet Mariah knows more than me.

Oh yeah, she knows more than me for sure. Oh, about gossip? Yeah, that too. Yeah, for sure.

Oh yeah, generally and then also gossip.

I do want to see a scene.

Please. The two of you— Oh, just real quick. You have not gotten the answer to this riddle. I just want that to be clear before we go into this scene. Thank you.

Can we just leave it behind completely? Can we decide to just never know?

Yes, you can decide that. At any time, Erin, you can choose to decide that.

Great. The two of you are doing sort of like old-timey war correspondence by letters. And Erin, your character is sort of just constantly obsessed with giving gossip and trying to receive gossip.

My dearest Jeffrey. So, what's going on? Have people turned to kissing yet? I bet they have. Please include a list of everybody who has started to kiss out of loneliness, boredom, or desperation. I suppose some people are kissing because they realize that life is finite out there in the war.

Sorry, I had to scratch a little part out. Anyways, did you know the neighbors are dead?

Okay, love you lots. Hope to hear from you soon. Elizabeth.

Hey Elizabeth, sorry this is going to be short. Just a ton of Nazi activity today and yesterday, pretty much for like a big portion of it. Confused by your last letter, don't know exactly what you're referring to. Really hard fighting these guys. They really Thanks for watching.

Dear Derek, sorry I addressed your last letter as Jeffrey. I was a little trigger happy on the letter. And okay, you're gonna play coy. I see how it is.

Did you hear that the Nazis have gained power and are trying to gain control over Eastern Europe? Isn't that cuckoo crazy? Someone should do something about that.

Anyways, please let me know of all the cool stuff going on. Love you always, Elizabeth.

We're gonna take it. Don't get much Eastern Europe than this, you know, baby.

Hey Charles. Hey Charles. Yeah. Hey, I'm about to storm a bunker kiss. Yeah.

Oh, hey, um, just FYI, since you caught me doing this, don't tell Jeffrey or Derek's family that I'm writing the letters now to Elizabeth.

You get so much mail.

Well, it's not me. I mean, just when people die, I feel like it's on me to keep it going in a way. And I won't tell anybody, obviously, that we've been kissing. Sure.

Dear Jeffrey, please bring back French butter cheese and a baguette at your earliest convenience. Jealous, jealous, jealous that you get to be in France. Love, always, Elizabeth.

Dearest Elizabeth, it is me, your love. I will be bringing French butter to you in the way of kind of taking control of global shipping lines and kind of, you know, eventually you'll get French butter, but it will be the German butter because, oh, how to say this? Oh, Hans, how to say this? Your love is dead. Charles or Jeffrey or Derek or whoever it was. But, you know, I'm a nice guy. I'm five foot two. I am a Nazi. J.K. J.K., we beat them and then somehow they still won.

No, I love that. Men for the last 70 years have been masturbating to World War II, watching all the movies, making Quentin Tarantino movies where we kill the Nazis, being obsessed with how we beat the Nazis. I love how we did all that and then decided, actually, they're not so bad. I like that we did that.

I think it's very funny because the Nazis are such a good bad guy because like you know universally hated but then you just get a little ways away from it and you're like yeah but We really hated the uniforms. Now that they're not wearing the uniforms anymore, do we care about their political projects? I don't know.

I didn't like it that they were in Europe.

I wanted them here. And they're still in Europe. Do you guys like World War II movies? I feel like every World War II movie that I've pretty much ever seen has been one time. I've seen it one time and been like, ah, a good film. Never shall I return to it.

You're

Welcome back everyone.

I never need to see it again. There may be one, and this isn't World War II, it's World War I, but 1917? I feel like I saw that in theaters and I was like, this movie's incredible. So that's one I might go back and watch. But I do enjoy watching them in terms of like, especially if there's, like with Banner Brothers, there's operations and stuff that I had never heard about where it's like, This is entertaining and I'm learning something, like I'm learning about all these things I had no sort of head for, so I enjoy it in that manner, but yeah, it doesn't require repeat viewing.

Do you guys do the thing when you read, when you watch a historical thing and then you get on Wikipedia and you're like, did they do any of this accurately? And Wikipedia's like, no, unfortunately it's a movie and movies have to be entertaining, sorry.

I remember being really impacted by Saving Private Ryan when I watched it, but that's another one that I don't know if I ever need to revisit.

I will never watch that again. And the scene... Is it the... Adam Goldberg? Is that the guy's name? Oh, the knife scene? The knife scene? Boy, oh boy. What an impactful piece of cinema. But that scene, after watching that, I'd be like, I could never watch that again. I could easily never watch that again.

A lot of people were really impacted by Zone of Interest that came out a couple years ago.

But not enough people, and maybe not in the right way, if we catch my drift.

Maybe we need to bring back putting Fortunate Son over every single war movie. That's a classic World War II song, right? That'll fix it. Hey, we haven't gotten any more Vietnam Wars, so it works for Vietnam. Dude, you know what?

Actually, Adal, I'm taking it back. I want only World War II movies, and all of the soundtrack has to be Vietnam-era soundtrack. Landing on the beaches of Normandy. It ain't me, I ain't no son of the sun. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Revolutionary War fight to that song is awesome, though.

I mean, someone's done that before, I'm sure. Recutting the Patriot? Yeah. Put that over 300. This is Sparta. It ain't me. It ain't me. Oh, I ain't no senator's son.

All right, you guys want to take another stab at this? I know everyone's secrets.

I want to take another break. And we're going to take another break.

I can't believe we talked about that in the Goldberg scene and then said take another stab at this.

I know. I felt that as soon as I said it. What a terrible choice of words. I know everyone's secrets and everyone's announcements. Some people like to tell jokes with me. Some people like to talk politics with me. Some people like to ask me advice. Twitter.

The internet. Newspaper. Reddit.

Erin, you said the internet. That's close. Adal, you said Twitter. That's close.

Facebook. Reddit.

It's Facebook.

Whoa.

I do think that this is funny because they say a lot of people want to leave me alone, but few can actually avoid me. I feel like maybe this was written in like 2018 because I think a lot of people have successfully avoided Facebook at this point. I know I have.

Something I find to be maybe the worst experience in the world is selling or buying something on Facebook Marketplace.

Yeah, it's scary.

What have you, have you done a lot of it? Um, I just got something two nights ago. Um, and just the whole, like, it's just a really awkward experience of like trying to hear back from someone and then them just, uh, it's just, I feel like it's just so weird. I got a, like a library cart, like a book cart, um, that I thought was pretty neat, but just feel like it's always a nightmare.

Most of my apartment is Facebook Marketplace, and every time I go, is this coffee table worth a murder? And sometimes yes, and sometimes no.

Today we're going I do this as well. There's also like, I have a fake account to use Facebook for Marketplace. And there's also a Facebook free group in my neighborhood. And if I want to get rid of something and give it away, basically, I will post it in the free group and say like, does anyone want this? But also, another big city privilege, I got rid of a coffee table this week. I just left it in the alley and it was gone an hour later. Like people just come by and take it, you know?

I'm doing a lot more of that now.

Yeah.

But most of what you can see behind me is Facebook Marketplace, so...

Okay, you got glue on Facebook Marketplace. Yep. This is your next riddle. This is the third riddle from Colin Wilson. I'm loud, but welcome. Never the same twice, but instantly recognizable. Impossible to write down, but found in every language. I make you cry, lose your breath, and embarrass yourself, but you'd never wish to live without me. What am I?

Laughter.

Laughter.

It's the best medicine.

Time to make the giggles. That's what Erin always says. She always says it's time to make the giggles.

That's what I say when we log on every time. I'm sick today and I logged on today and JBC said, no makeup?

Which is funny. That was a joke that you can do when it's your friend, okay? But you can't, there's a lot. You know what I probably shouldn't have done in there? You shouldn't have told it. You can't throw it on my business all of a sudden. I do want to see a scene.

It was funny!

It was funny.

I do want to see a scene. Adal, you are going to be working in a giggle factory. It's Erin's first day and you're kind of like showing her the ropes of like how the giggle factory works.

Tahiti Hoo, over here is the conveyor belt. That's where we assemble the giggles.

Hey, is it true that there was like a huge accident and like 20 employees died? That's why there is this like big hiring spree that they went on?

Um, yeah. Have you seen I Love Lucy?

Uh, the TV show?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Isn't it so funny?

Yeah.

Yeah, they were on the assembly line and they're doing that sort of like eating the chocolates thing, but they were like eating the giggles. Like if you put a giggle in your mouth, it's like very fun. Um, their leg got caught in the gears and they were, um, their skin came off like a glove.

20 people. 20 people.

Well, because they're all holding hands. They're all trying to like pull each other. They form like a daisy chain. One by one, they got big.

It's not funny.

There was a lot of laughing. I don't know if it was like mass psychosis. But we had to fire everyone who saw it because they wouldn't stop laughing about it.

Great. So you didn't see it.

I saw it. But I was looking in the mirror. So I was safe. Medusa rules.

Right.

Cool. Yeah, Medusa rules! Hey Mark. That's Mark from Greek Mythology.

Hey Mark.

Whoa, who's the new guy?

Oh, go ahead. Go ahead. No, you please.

Oh no, see, my name's Mike. Excited to work here. I was just about to ask, you probably have like a bunch of safety protocols in place now that that happened, huh?

Oh yeah, don't eat the giggles.

What are you eating right now?

Giggles, yeah. I'm eating the giggles. Classic Mark.

Classic Mark. So this will be your desk.

It's like telling Narcissus not to look in the water, man.

Yeah, he likes Greek mythology. You know, I'm a little nervous. This seemed on the outside like a perfect job. I mean, I love to laugh, love to giggle, right? There was clearly a bloodbath here recently, and I don't know if this is going to be a great fit for me in the long term.

Wow, I wish you hadn't accepted the job because now that you've seen our secrets, we can't just let you walk out the factory doors. I can go out the back.

I can go out the back.

Well, everyone goes out the back.

So nice meeting you. Thank you for the opportunity.

Scene!

Everyone goes out the back. Was the perfect opportunity to just nod and walk away? Everyone goes out the back.

Everyone goes out the back.

That's excellent. Thank you so much for sending those riddles in. Guys, I'm sorry to say that that's all the time that we have for the podcast today. Before we get into plugs, I do want to give a plea to people. If you have a voicemail that you would like to submit, you can always leave us a voicemail. The number is 1-805-RIDDLE-1, I believe. It's also in the episode description. We have, we have a few left that I haven't played yet, but we need more voicemails and we could always use more voicemail theme submissions. So those you can send over as a WAV file to hrrpodcast at gmail.com. And, and we'd love to play that on the show. I think that we, we're not going to do one today because we, we have to be so precious with the few that we have left. But please, please do send those in. And now we can kind of get into like the formal plugs now that that like little request plug is out of the way. Who wants to do it? I see you both looking at phones. Adal, Adal, who do you want to plug? I'm looking at the screen.

Well, okay, it's a screen. Who I would like to plug or what I'd like to plug is I was recently a guest on Dan Lippert's new show, King Cockroach. It's a very good, very funny Twitch stream he does as a character King Cockroach and guests come on and play video games with him or watch him play video games. It's very, very fun. So check out King Cockroach streaming on Wednesday nights on Twitch. Erin, anything to plug or promote?

Um, I would like to plug HeyRiddleRiddle.com slash live if you want to come see us for some of our fall dates. Some of them are sold out, but some of them are not. So go check it out if you want to come hang out and see us and buy a tour poster and laugh. You need some giggles. GPC review to read or anything to plug?

Yeah, so I believe, Erin, in two weeks is when all of our next leg of our tour is. So you can still get tickets to our late show in Nashville. I think that we might be sold out in Atlanta, so sorry if we're sold out in Atlanta. And you can still get tickets in Denver. I believe we still have a few left in Denver. So definitely come to some of those. I think those are going to be like the second week of October. Also, coming up on the Patreon for Hey Riddle Riddle, we have a pretty fun October planned. I can't really say much more than that, but that's going to be kicking off in a week, so definitely check out our Patreon previews for that. Maybe we won't be giving so much away in our Patreon previews, but definitely check out our October on the Patreon because I think that's going to be very fun. Also, if you haven't listened to Gumshoes and Dragons, we have four episodes coming out now. The fifth episode is going to drop on Monday. It's been very fun. We have gotten a lot of really cool positive feedback from that show, but you can find that anywhere you find podcasts. Just look up Gumshoes and Dragons. There's also the Gumshoes and Dragons Patreon if you want those bonus episodes, which is very cool. And I think that's the last thing that I have to plug.

Doesn't our nasty little guy Casey Sleepo Tony have a podcast called Gutter?

Oh yeah, if you are a fan of Casey Tony's editing, you really have to listen to Gutter. If you're a fan of his Neoscum podcast, this is the same crew from Neoscum, you can listen to Gutter, G-U-T-T-E-R, wherever you get podcasts as well. It's like a... Actual play, horror, comedy. Casey, I'm probably getting most of that right, huh?

Yeah, yep, and we recently had Brendan Lee Mulligan on an ep, so check that one out if you're looking for an easy starter point.

Yeah, I mean, who cares? He'll go on any show. He wouldn't come shoot some dragons. I mean, that shit's fucking bullshit, so. Alright, Erin, I have one final riddle for you.

Of course.

What wakes up horse, goes to bed horse, and has big horse teeth. Hey there, Chats and Boxes. If you liked that, you're going to love this week's Patreon. It's another Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Chatterbox. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com slash hey riddle riddle by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or start your seven day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month. Plus you get those ad free episodes. See you there.

That was a hate gum podcast.