Which Riddle Riddle?

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Oh, JBC, Erin, good morning. Beautiful day to be camping, I think.

Good morning.

I also, I agree, it's a beautiful... Oh, Erin. I know that yawn. Adal, I know that yawn. Somebody wants some camping coffee.

Yeah. How'd everyone sleep last night?

Cowboy coffee is what they call it. I make it just like the cowboys make it.

Huh. You're putting a lot of beans in that coffee. And I don't mean coffee beans. I mean, those are pinto beans? Those are pinto beans.

Pinto beans. Cowboy beans.

Hmm. This is like half chili, half coffee. It's not bad.

Half? All right, let me take that back.

Couple more pintos, couple more pintos.

This is chili. Tilly, a.k.a. Cowboy Coffee. Huh.

T.B.C., where's your tent? I see Adal's tent. I see my tent.

I'm roughing it. Huh. Not bad.

Is that a sexual thing?

Yes. Usually. I thought you guys wanted to do, like, camping. I didn't know you guys wanted to do, like, oh, camping.

We're gonna be camping.

I thought we were camping. You are, like, sunburned to all hell.

Yeah, you're, like, burnt to a crisp.

Well, no, I'm sunkissed. Cowboy kissed. It's not just cowboy kisses.

GBC, it sort of feels like you didn't remember we were camping, and now you're just sort of trying to make do with what you had on you.

Yeah, last night you said, sure I have a sleeping bag, and then you pulled out a box of Ziploc bags.

Yeah, something I carry on me. My sleeping bags. Because I love to stay organized even when I'm asleep. If I didn't know we were camping, would I have brought all of this wax to make candles?

Well, you do always carry those Halloween-style wax lips with the fangs with you.

Yeah.

Did you say you never know when you need them? And now we can make candles. I guess you're like Icarus.

Well, you stayed out too long in the sun, clearly, but also... All right, so what you're saying is I showed up with my comedy wax lips, my Ziploc bags full of chili, And no camping gear.

And you're too stubborn to admit it.

Because I didn't know we were... That's what you're saying.

Yeah, I'm saying you're too stubborn to admit it. And Adal and I came very prepared. We have all this camping stuff. And we'll share with you. You just have to ask. You just have to admit that you forgot we were camping.

Spit the chili back out. You guys don't deserve my cowboy coffee.

Spit it back out. What are you doing? I swallowed it minutes ago.

You don't deserve these pinto beans. These are organic. These are the good pinto beans. Alright, they eat them. Mother's finest. What's that?

Eat the ones that we just spit back out.

Cowboy coffee's not for eating, it's for sippin'. Sippin' on a lonesome range.

Whoa, where'd all these horses come from?

Those are wolves, they're invited.

Uh-oh. Uh-oh.

They want the chili! Protect yourselves! They're wolves and I'm Adal Rifai. I'm JPC.

And I'm Erin Keif.

In the world, the three of us are like wolves.

If our tour poster is to be believed, we are like wolves.

My God, you finally watched Sinners. I finally watched Sinners. It was so flippin' good. I feel like it took a lot of big swings, which I really enjoyed. There's a scene where, if you haven't seen Sinners, I hope this is not any sort of spoiler. It's been a few months. I feel like people who haven't seen Sinners There's a scene where a musician is playing and there's sort of this ethereal shot of like musicians, lineage, ancestry, music. I won't spoil more than that, but it's just really well done. It's really cool where you see like the history of Hey Riddle Riddle Just sort of raised fists pumping in the air. I thought that'd be funny.

My culture is not your costume. Woo! No rhythms. Woo-hoo! Yeah!

I don't think I had heard the term Woo Girls until maybe 2020 or 2021. But as soon as I heard it, I was like, that makes so much sense. That is such a perfect term, Woo Girls.

Oh, yeah.

Like, oh, there's some Woo Girls over at table four or something. Yep, yep. Awoo made me think of that. Awoo girls. Okay, Awoo's girls.

Maybe there's something there. Writing down Awoo's girls. We'll look at this in maybe two months. We'll not know what the fuck it means.

Erin, what is... So in She-Wolf, at some point Shakira... Awoo! Sort of limply goes, ooh.

Mm-hmm. Limply. Right? It's not full-throated.

It's like a, ooh.

She's not putting her whole heart behind it.

Yeah. She's like, this is a placeholder, and I'll get back in the studio and like, really.

Her whole heart behind it, Erin?

Yeah. She goes, is a she wolf and a claw.

I just wanted to make sure heart was, because you took a second before heart. Hips.

Because I was going to say, she didn't put, because I was going to make a joke about she didn't put her whole hips behind it. Because your hips don't lie.

Nobody's hips lie though, right? You know?

They don't tell the truth either. They're hips, in fact.

One of your hips always lies, and one always tells the truth.

Ooh, Erin's old man puzzles today.

No, I'm not.

Lizzie Borden took her hips. No. Hold on.

Hold on. Hold on.

Is there... two things. One, we simply must get Erin, you singing, um, She Wolf Right... or, I'm sorry, whatever that song is. Look at them, I'm so small. Whenever whenever wherever whenever we simply must get your version of that sort of mumbled into a remix of the actual song. And then is there another example of such a vocal powerhouse doing something like that where it's like. Is there a moment where Adele is like, um, what's an Adele song?

Perfect.

Is there a moment where Adele gets up to the mic and she goes, what's an Adele song? Uh oh. Uh oh, what's one of my songs?

Have you seen when she enters an Adele contest?

It's

I understand it, but at this point, we're just doing it to make the video, right? Oh yeah. I think let the people who want to have their contest have their contest. Don't go into it. You don't need to insert yourself into it.

If there's a lookalike contest for someone and you're trying to win, which one would you win? Which lookalike contest would I win?

Oh, like how they did the Timothee Chalamet one in Washington Park or whatever?

They did one with the guy from The Bear, Jeremy Alan White, but they did it for specifically the character from The Bear, whose name I can't remember. I want to say Lip, but that's this other Chicago character. Karmie? Karmie. They did a Karmie one in Grant Park, I think. I don't know if I could ever win a lookalike contest, but multiple times in my life, people have been like, bro, you look just like my friend or like my cousin or something. And then they've showed me a picture of a white man with a beard, sometimes wearing a hat. And I say, yeah, I guess so, yeah.

So you could do a cousin lookalike contest.

I could do like a guy on the train's cousin lookalike contest and I would win if the guy's cousin is the one who's judging the contest, I would win. But actually maybe I wouldn't because once he sees enough other people who are like white guys with beards and hats, he'd be like, oh shit. Do I even know what my cousin looks like? Oh, maybe not.

Do I even have a cousin?

Do I have a cousin?

Everybody's got a cousin.

What's an Adele song?

I think you could win a Captain Hook, like, contest or a Walloween.

Captain Hook's a fictional character. But not Waluigi? But not Waluigi. No, I believe he's based on a real guy.

Rasputin? You.

Yeah, Rasputin.

Oh, you could win a Rasputin lookalike contest.

I don't know. I don't think so. Look him up.

Look him up.

I think Rasputin looks very different. I think he looks kind of more, I want to say Russian. Longer hair. Maybe if I got a Rasputin wig on.

I'd hire you to play him in a movie.

Now that's a different thing, but playing someone in a movie you don't necessarily have to look just like them, right?

Although, I guess not.

I am a fan of when someone does a biopic and they cast someone and you're like, how's Sebastian Stan playing Trump? And you're like, how's that gonna work? And then you see it and you're like, okay! That's not bad. It's not. I wouldn't be like, is that Trump? But I would be like, OK, yeah. Good job, Hollywood makeup.

Was it the, was it called Dylan? The sort of biopic film?

No, the Sebastian Stan movie where he plays Trump is not called Dylan, that's stupid.

I think it was called Dylan where it's like all these different celebrities played Bob Dylan in different parts of his life.

Yeah, it was like Cate Blanchett. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Where that was one where I was like, what is this? And then I saw it and I was like, that was cool. Like, it's kind of fun to see.

And this is us pitching our movie where all three of us play Rasputin. We all get a crack at it.

I'll play post-penis. That's it.

Post-penis can still get you... No it can't! No it can't!

We found the one.

It's also pre. It's not post, it's pre.

I know, but that's why it's a funny fucking joke. That's why it's a joke!

Post-cum.

Post-cum can still get you pregnant.

Post-cum is a cereal brought to you by...

Hey, you know what? If there's Greek up, if there's Greek up, then she's in God's post. If there's pre-cum, they should have post-cum. That should be on the video.

I love somebody sitting down to eat a bowl of post-cum and then somebody barging in and go, stop, stop. Gary, stop. Put that down.

What?

Grab your go-bag.

Balance breakfast.

Grab the kids. It's time to go.

Balance breakfast.

It actually makes the breakfast unbalanced. It unbalances the previous breakfast you've had.

All right. Well, Adal, are we going to do riddles today? Yeah, this show is unbalanced unless we do some riddles. So let's put on our... Do we have thinking caps or we threw those out years ago?

Yeah, those are gone. My thinking cap was just remembering Adele songs.

What are your guessing pants?

That's contractual. You can't ask me to do.

Okay. Slip on your solve socks?

Yeah, I'll wear solve socks. Erin?

Nah, they're uncomfy on my feet. The itch.

Can we make sure that they're more comfy on Erin's feet?

Yeah, let me cut the toes off here.

Let me ask you guys a question, especially with socks on feet. Now Erin, you live in like sunny, sunny frickin' California. Do you wear socks most of the time? Because if I lived in California, I feel like I wouldn't need to wear socks.

Like with my shoes?

Well, no, because most shoes that require socks. But like, do you wear more sandals because you live in California? Are you a shoe person?

Yeah, probably. I mean, especially like, when it comes to walking loo, I just wear Birkenstocks outside to slip them on. And in Chicago, I had like, knockoff UGG boots that I would slip on to walk loo.

Yeah, I think if I didn't live in a place where there was, like, winter, I don't know that I would ever wear socks again. I think I'm a much preferable... You're not a socks guy. But the thing is, I am a socks guy based on where I live. But I think if I lived in a different place, I'd be done with socks.

Do you sleep in socks?

No, that to me is like, that's a wild thing. Mariah sometimes sleeps in socks, but her feet, she has like really cold feet, her circulation doesn't hit her feet, and I run hot, so I guess if I didn't run hot I would sleep in socks too.

I do like somebody in Chicago coming up on this conversation and being like, Sox fan, how do you think Robear's doing this season? It's like, no, no, no, no, no, no. Bombas. Erin, were your knockoff Ugg boots called oofs?

Yes. I'm sure. I'm sure. I'm sure.

That's the sound that you make when you step on a rat in Chicago when you're not wearing socks.

Let's get to some riddles here. Here's our number one riddle, and they're going to get progressively worse. The police found a murder victim and they noticed a pair of tire tracks leading to and from the body. They followed the tracks to a nearby farmhouse where two men and a woman were sitting on the porch. There was no car at the farmhouse and none of the three could drive. The police immediately arrested the woman. Why?

I don't want to say.

So dead body. They found tire tracks to and from the body. They followed the tracks to nearby farmhouse. On the porch of the farmhouse were two men and a woman. No car at the farmhouse. None of the three could drive. I don't know how they found that out. The police arrested the woman. Why?

Are the two men, are they both dead?

That's a great guess, but that is not the situation.

Is it like a tractor?

No, but Erin, you are headed down the right path, I believe.

So it has to do with what the type of tires are. I was also going to say, are the two men incapacitated anyway? They're not like on the show.

This is the hard part because it just says all three can't drive, but they don't say like how they found that out or what that pertains. So just I think just there's no car and no trace of a car is maybe a better wording of this. But I will say you kind of asked about the two guys and if there's anything you would immediately recognize about them. Not for the two men, but for the woman. Yes.

Oh, she's a transformer. She Optimus Prime.

She Optimist Prime.

She's a jazz. She's a bumblebee. She's a bumblebee.

I'd like to see a scene. Adal and JPC, you guys are best friends and you're at a bar. And JPC, you're trying to just gently let Adal know that he's definitely dating Optimist Prime.

Got it.

And then, um, we, we went down, um, is that Hillcrest? We went down Hillcrest. Yeah, Hillcrest. And people were just kind of like, whoa, like, that's awesome. That's so cool. And then I hopped off of her back. And then we, um, well, we tried to go into tiki ties, but it was... Wait, I'm sorry.

Hold on. I, I guess I had the story confused when you started it. Uh, what do you mean you hopped off her back? Like she was giving you like a piggyback ride or? Yeah, sort of.

Um, like really fast piggyback, like a really fast controlled piggyback ride. So we go, we try and go into the bar. And we see Devin in the back and we're like Devin like kind of like And then and then Stephanie well cuz she's like, you know Sometimes she's like 10 foot 4 and sometimes she's like 5'3. So she's 10 foot 4. She bombs her head on the door I'm sorry. Wait, I'm sorry.

I'm trying to track the story Brett. Who's Stephanie?

The girl I'm dating

I'm Today's episode is

And they start to sort of unfold into like a million little contraptions, electronic contraptions. So now Stephanie's running around, blast, like punching them. Yeah. Crushing them into oblivion. She shoots up into the night sky. Sure. With her rockets, right?

Oh. Yeah, no, with her rockets. Okay. Yeah, no, I guess I'm following.

Did you, do you not like Stephanie? I mean, I've never met her. It feels like you don't like her. I would really appreciate, just give her a chance. I feel like you've been weird towards her since the beginning.

Yeah, no, and she's coming today, right?

Yes.

Okay, yeah, no, I mean, I'd love to meet her.

I told her to meet us here because last time we went somewhere for dinner, we all got inside Stephanie. Yeah. We went to a very nice Italian place. And then you were like, your eyes were wide the whole time. So I told her to meet us here so there's no weirdness.

Okay, wait, so drives through walls. Yeah. Hello. Hi, baby.

Hey, baby.

Are you ready to go?

Oh, you got some oil on your cheek here.

Hey, Brett, but before we go out, before we go out, could I just talk to you for just like one second about something totally unrelated?

I'll be over here by the jukebox.

Aw.

She's eating it. It is time for you to decide who you are.

Hey Brett. Hey Brett. She's always saying that. I love that about her. Hey man, I know that you're kind of like love struck right now, but like Stephanie, like... I think she's cheating on you.

What? Come on. There's no way. No, I saw her making out with a motorcycle.

Well, I don't, why would you... Snitches get stitches.

Just a quick reminder, remember who you are. Tosses you into space.

Well, threw my friend to the moon. Babe, you're crazy.

Should we go dancing?

Yes!

See, I realized about I don't know, 30 seconds in. I've never really watched Red Transformers, I don't really know what a Megatron is, so I'm like, rockets I hope? Jump into the night sky?

Also, I remember Optimus Prime has like a cool voice, but I kind of forget how it sounds.

It's James Earl Jones. I don't know if that's true. I know Optimus Prime, he's the one that turns into a Mac truck, right? In some properties. And he's good or bad? He's good.

He's good.

Megatron is the place that they're from. Optimus Prime is an Autobot and the bad guys are called Decepticons, which I have to say is the funniest part about the Transformers because they're a toy and so they're like bad guys, Decepticons, but when they have to put it into a movie they're like Yeah, our group is called the Decepticons, and we're fine. We believe we're good guys. If you join a group and your name is the Decepticons, you have to believe that you're a bad guy. You can't think your intentions are pure. You have to be like, I truly am a bad guy. I am a Decepticon.

Yeah.

Who's the main, so Optimus Prime is the good guy. Yeah. Megatron's the planet. I thought Megatron was the main villain.

Who's the main villain? Oh, you know what, fucking Megatron might be the main villain or, uh, yeah, Megatron is the main villain.

Okay.

But wait, also Megatron might also be the planet that they're from or the planet something else. I did just watch that Transformers animated movie, and it's like a prequel, but it is good. It's fun, it's well... I think animated is definitely the medium for that. I don't remember any of the other Transformers movies being good, and I don't know that I saw any of them. I saw the first one maybe, but... I've never seen them. They're very Megan Fox heavy, so do with that what you will.

Erin, are you familiar at all with the Transformers?

Um, I watched that first one and then, I don't know, I don't, I love that video of that woman saying, doing her pregnancy announcement with the Transformer at Universal Studios. That's my favorite video right now because the Transformer whips his head around like it's his. So that makes me happy. So that's sort of how I feel about the Transformers. Does that answer your question?

Yes. There are a lot of funny clips of that improviser. I assume it has to be all improv interacting with Disney or Universal guests.

Yeah.

Japes, what were you going to say?

I think that Mark Wahlberg is in those Transformer movies too, which is just like one of those things where you're like, really? Like, we had nothing to say. We had nothing to say in this movie. So we just put Mark Wahlberg in it.

That's a really good point.

Yeah, whenever I see Mark Wahlberg in a movie, especially like in the last like 10 years, I'm like, okay, so we were out of ideas for this one.

It's when you have nothing to say. Put him in a movie.

Yeah, I don't know. Fuck the Transformers. I'll say it. I don't care.

I don't think we've solved this riddle yet. Oh, jeez. No, I solved it. Okay.

I'm done.

If you think you know the answer, put your hand down. Tiger Tracks leading to and from a dead body. The detectives follow the Tiger Tracks to a nearby farmhouse. Three people on a porch, two men, one woman. They arrest the woman. Why? You were right to think of a different type of tire basically or a different type of vehicle.

Oh, it was a wheelbarrow.

Oh, Erin, you were unbelievably close. Unbelievably close.

A bike. A wagon.

Stick with that first word you said. Wheel. The first part of the word you said. Yes. Yes, yes, yes.

Wheel. Unicycle. Tricycle.

But say the word. Wheel. And then something else.

Wheel. Sonata. Wheel. Chair.

Yes. Cartwheel.

She's in a wheelchair.

She was doing cartwheels. She was in a wheelchair. Cybertron.

We have handprints, then footprints, and handprints, and footprints, and then someone clearly wiped out because they got dizzy, and then handprints and footprints.

Well, it's clearly a regular man in Sebulba, so... Yes.

I remembered it's Cybertron is the world and Megatron is the guy. Truly a bunch of stupid bullshit.

That's confusing.

Yeah, right?

Cybertron and Megatron. Yeah, that's way too confusing.

Yeah.

That's like, Erin, if your name was Ur-Earth. There's Earth and Ur-Earth.

I think that would suit me. Okay. Yeah. Okay, never mind.

Erin, that's yours to do with, if you please, legally. Let's do another riddle here. Okay. William was the least intelligent and laziest boy in a class of 30 students. They all took an examination, yet when the results were announced, William's name was at the top of the list. How come? William was the least intelligent and laziest boy in a class of 30 students who took an examination, yet when the results were announced, William's name was at the top of the list.

Is his name like William Aronson or something like that? Yeah.

Yeah. William's name was William Abbott, and the results were given in alphabetical order. So, pretty quick, Riddle.

I want to see a scene. So, in this scene, I'm going to be a teacher, and I am... We've just gotten the class's intelligence tests back, and I am going to be handing out the intelligence tests to the students.

Cool.

All right, everyone. We have the state-mandated... Aww. I don't know why... Well, relax, Jeff. Relax, everybody. We already took the state-mandated test. We just have the results of the state-mandated intelligence test. It has come back. Of course, they use this for funding because that's kind of where we are as a country right now.

Mr. Jeffries, you said if we didn't embarrass you, you'd give us a pizza party. And I don't smell pizza. Is it coming? Is it close? Is it soon? Is it here?

Is it soon? Pizza. Pizza. Pizza.

P-I-Z-A. P-I-Z-A. P-I-Z-A. P-I-Z-A. P-I-Z-A. P-I-Z-A. P-I-Z-A. P-I-Z-A. P-I-Z-A. P-I-Z-A. P-I-Z-A. P-I-Z-A.

P-I-Z-A. P-I-Z-A. P-I-Z-A. P-I-Z-A.

P-I-Z-A. P-I-Z-A. P-I-Z-A. P-I-Z-A.

P-I-Z-A. P-I-Z-A. P-I-Z-A.

P-I-Z-A

Hold one second. I'm sorry. No, don't try to spell it. Did you mean to type glad you ate?

Jeff, why don't you come up for your intelligence test? Uh, all right, Jeff. Oh no. Yeah, buddy. Uh, you got a seven.

Out of seven? Congratulations!

Thank you so much. Woo! Smartest man alive. Smartest man alive. It's not out of seven. It's not out of seven. It's not out of seven.

Speech! Four, sure. And Jersey, then seven.

Jeff actually did the best. Jeff actually did the best out of any one of the class and he got a seven.

Oh, sorry, Jeff.

Man.

That's so embarrassing, buddy. My parents are gonna kill me. No. Courtney, you're up next.

Woo.

Courtney. Get him, Courtney. You are one of the many students in class that got an incomplete.

Thank you.

Oh my gosh, lucky. Not thank you, Courtney. Because on the intelligence test- I'm going to college, y'all. Couldn't possibly. On the intelligence test, you were to fill in A, B, C, or D. D, D.

Well, now we're getting to it.

You did 1D, and then you wrote EAPDISH PIZZA, and then you wrote PIZZA PIZZA PIZZA PIZZA for the rest of your years.

Is it coming?

It's not coming.

PIZZA PIZZA PIZZA PIZZA PIZZA PIZZA PIZZA PIZZA PIZZA PIZZA PIZZA PIZZA PIZZA PIZZA PIZZA PIZZA PIZZA PIZZA PIZZA PIZZA PIZZA PIZZA PIZZA PIZZA PIZZA PIZZA PIZZA PIZZA PIZZA PIZZA PIZZA PIZZA PIZZA PIZZA PIZZA PIZZA PIZZA PIZZA PIZZA PIZZA PIZZA PIZZA PIZZA PIZZA PIZZA PIZZA PIZZA PIZZA PIZZA PIZZA PIZZA PIZZA PIZZA PIZZA PIZZA P

Did you know that pizza comes from Attila the Hun, teacher? So sometimes the teacher can be the student.

Okay, I'll move right along. Uh, Richard, Richard... Oh my god. Um, Richard, you got a 178. Hmm? Out of seven? No.

Out of seven.

Again, it's not out of seven.

He's such an idiot. He got a 178 out of seven. What a loser.

He has blood pressure. Guys, Richard is not a loser. He's not an idiot. Richard is actually doing the right- La la la loser.

La la la.

The glass hamster is a loser.

A loser.

The glass hamster is a loser. Richard, are you here?

Yeah, he's on his wheel.

He's on his wheel.

Okay, Richard was given a special pill by a scientist. And it's actually really sad because most of the other Richards end up dying and getting less smart.

Oh, that's why we had to read Flowers for a Girlman. Yes.

All right, why don't we do this? Why don't we call school off a little early today? I take you all out for pizza.

I thought we were going to read the Krakow Bulls.

No, we're not going to read the crockables. I'm going to put you in my car. No, we're going to drive way out into the country to have country pizza. Cowboy pizza, they call it.

Come on. We all did so good on our test. Come on, let us do it.

Yeah, okay. Everybody in the car, except you, Richard. I'm going to let you out of your wheel and you run free. You're the smartest hamster that ever will be and ever will is.

Oh, I scooched my desk over and I hit Richard. Can I go to Harvard?

Richard's gone. Yeah, Richard's gone. Yeah, you can go to Harvard. Kourtney, Jeff, you both go to Harvard.

Yay! And those two people became Supreme Court justices.

Kourtney became Clarence Thomas. Jeff became Clarence Thomas.

Can we read about the Krukable? Oh, so good.

Oh, man.

So, so good. Well, we solved that riddle. Why don't we, let's do one more here before we take a break.

Why don't we give up?

Why don't we just stop? A ship sank in perfect weather conditions. If the weather had been worse, the ship would probably not have sunk. What happened? A ship sank in perfect weather conditions. If the weather had been worse, the ship probably would not have sunk. What happened? And I will say this is a seemingly a historical factoid tidbit.

A ship sank in perfect weather conditions. Hmm. My mind went to like Titanic.

Yes.

Your mind was right to do so.

Because then they would have been more careful or whatever in the rain.

Erin, hundo pee. The ship was the Titanic, which hit an iceberg on a fine night when the sea was very flat. If the weather had been worse, then the lookouts would have seen waves hitting the iceberg or heard the iceberg. This is in quotes. Icebergs make groaning noises when they move. Unfortunately, the iceberg wasn't seen and the rest is history. I do want to see a quick scene.

Wait, wait, wait. I think that that's... Not to quibble, but I do think that that's actually wrong. I do think that, I don't know when this riddle was written, but I think that they have since said that because of, like, whatever, like, the weather pattern, um, that was happening at the time the Titanic sank, it made the, like, sea reflect off the night sky so that, like, everything was pitch black, basically. It was as, like, black as the sea because of some weird, like, What are we, a bunch of class hamsters?

Listen, we're a bunch of class hamters on smart pills or whatever, eating flubber, but I do want to see a quick scene. Okay. Based on the fact icebergs make groaning noises, the two of you are icebergs and you just saw a movie and you're kind of sort of picking it apart.

Um, that was super fucking offensive.

Uh, yeah? And this is PG-13? They have sex in that car. Insane. What if a little kid saw it? What the fuck?

Also, like, we're the villa- like, we have feelings too. We're the villain in that movie?

Oh, yeah. I mean, that was, what, like two hours in? But absolute fucking bullshit.

Like, icebergs get just like such a bad rap and then obviously like... Like, that guy is the villain. Yeah! I think that guy is the villain. And then... What's his name? The actor. Oh. Uh... He played the Phantom.

Oh, God. Uh... I always want to say that it's Bill Pullman. No, no, no.

No, Paxton. No, no, no.

Wait, are we talking about the same guy? The guy who talks to the old lady?

The treasure hunter? No, the villain. The one who, like, gets on the, um... He's the villain.

What's he doing in the ocean?

Billy Zane.

on the show. I thought personally my villain in that movie were the people that were still playing music as the ship sank.

Kyle, I don't know if I want to do a second date. Sorry, what was that? Here's two waters. Oh, good. Do you guys mind ordering pretty quick? A lot of people are super uncomfortable.

I'm going to take mine to go.

Okay, that's for the best.

Wait, what? Just because we're icebergs?

I never said that.

Wow. That's what you said.

That's what you said. And also, I have a lot of feedback about the salad choices on this menu. That's some bullshit. We use iceberg lettuce. Whoa! Our culture is not your costume. Same.

Our culture is not your salad. Well, let's take a break and recall the salad days of the show and we'll be right back with more Riddles.

Marco!

You guys had to say Polo so I can find you.

Oh, I'm sorry, Erin. I thought you were looking for your friend Marco. Why were you crying before if you were just playing Marco Polo?

Well, I miss my friend Marco, but now I want to play Marco Polo to cheer myself up. Oh, okay. Hello. Found you. I found you.

Oh found. You found Marco just like Found is a business banking platform that lets you effortlessly track expenses, manage invoices, and prepare for taxes. You can even set aside money for different business goals. I'm sure you and Marcus would open up a business. Marco. Control spending with different.

You would have loved this.

Oh, yeah.

She also didn't didn't find him, you know, because he's still he's still missing. But, Erin, you know, what's not missing is all of the great features that Found offers. Oh, and by the way, other small businesses are loving Found, too. This Found user said, Found is going to save me so much headache. It makes everything so much easier. Expenses, income, profits, taxes, invoices even. And Found has 30,000 five star reviews just like this. None of them, it looks like are from Marco. But yeah, he is still missing. He is still missing.

Dang.

We use Found for Hey Riddle Riddle. It is a really great service. It makes my life so much easier. I appreciate that Found has invoicing, which allows me to easily create and send professional invoices, keep all of my financial activities in one place. And the invoicing is the most annoying part of the things that I do. So it is really nice to have Found.

Losing Marco is the most annoying part about what I do. So open a Found account for free at found.com. F-O-U-N-D.com. Found is a financial technology company, not a bank. Banking services are provided by Pyramont Bank, member FDIC. Don't put this one off. Join thousands of small business owners who have streamlined their finances with Found.

Marco!

The sun has gone to bed and so must I. I miss my Helix sleep mattress.

Wait, can we do this? Erin, can we do this?

What?

I mean, this. Can we do this?

Oh, probably not.

Yeah.

Okay, cool. Well, guys, I really wanted an excuse to talk about my Helix mattress. I love it so much. I have the Midnight Luxe. I've had it for years. It's the best mattress I've ever had. And anytime someone comes over and dog sits for Lou, they compliment my mattress and say, what is that glorious, glorious mattress? And I say, it's Helix Sleep, baby!

I have the same Midnight Luxe. It's the most comfortable mattress I've ever owned. I used to have back pain when I woke up in the morning. My back pain is gone. Also, all four, yes four, of my cats sleep on my bed every night, which they didn't used to do when I didn't have a Helix. So thank you, Helix.

I am tired, gonna sleep on Helix. Can we do this?

All right, Erin, we can't go down this road again. We cannot go down this road again. But Helix Sleep can go down this road as many times as it wants because it's the best mattress that I have ever owned. And if you want to get one for yourself, and guess what, dear listener? You freaking can. All you have to do is go to helixsleep.com slash riddle. For the Labor Day sale extended, that is a 25% off site wide. That's HelixSleep.com slash Riddle for 25% off site wide. Make sure you enter our show name after checkout so they know that we sent you HelixSleep.com slash Riddle.

HelixSleep.com slash Riddle. Wait, why are you, we can't do this?

Excuse me, I'm Mr. DMCA and I want to say I approve.

Can we do that?

I don't think so. Wait, run DMCA?

Run!

This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace.

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Yeah, Erin, you can do stuff like video. Squarespace makes it easy to showcase your expertise and engage clients with video content of you on your energy drink, being so you, like you are right now. She's walking up the wall. She's walking up the wall right now.

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And Erin, who would you say are your ideal customers for your energy drink?

People who are tired. People who want to run and jump.

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Oh, and it says here that the slogan is Erin juice gives you wheels.

Uh huh. Do you love it? No. GPC, let me get back in those teeth. Let me get back in those teeth.

She was really back in those teeth. Jealous much? New coat, new shirt, new pants.

Adal, you didn't get those from the emperor, did you? Uh, no, I think that guy was actually not wearing any clothes. Oh.

I knew it, and everyone says he was, and I knew he wasn't. I felt like I knew he wasn't.

Interesting that my experience with the emperor, his clothes are awesome.

Adal, your clothes look fantastic. Thank you. They look, like, very expensive. That must have costed you an arm and a leg.

Uh, no. Actually, we don't pay with limbs, we pay with money. But this was actually very cheap in terms of money. This is from Quince, my good lady.

Oh, I love Quince.

Quince has the kind of fall staples you'll wear non-stop. Like super soft 100% Mongolian cashmere sweaters. Touch, please, touch. Starting at just $60. That's bonkers. $60? Yeah, $60.

Their denim is durable and fits right, and their real leather jackets bring the clean, classic edge without the elevated price tag. I have sheets from Quintz, I got a skirt from Quintz, I love Quintz.

On the walk over here wearing Quintz, a bunch of photographers were like, who is that guy? That's clearly, like, someone's little brother, like Nathan Levi's cousin or something.

Taller, younger brother. And what makes Quince different? Well, they partner directly with Ethical Factories and Skip the Middleman, so you get top-tier fabrics and craftsmanship at half the price of similar brands. And middlemen are flipping out about it. I saw a middleman on the phone in a parking lot tearing the hair out of his head he was so mad at Quince. No, he looks really distressed. Personally, I love my lightweight hoodie. I think it's perfect for the cooler weather. It's kind of the in-between hoodie that you can get between a fall jacket and your summer clothes. It's awesome. It's a must-have staple of my wardrobe.

And I got my eye on some boots at Quint's for the fall. Just a tall boot. I haven't had one of those like riding boots in a minute and I'm excited. I might get them in black or maybe like a chocolate color. Come back to me. Come back to me.

Sounds good, friends. Puts on sunglasses. So keep it classic and cool this fall with long lasting staples from Quint's. Go to quince.com slash riddle for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash riddle. Free shipping and 365-day returns. quince.com slash riddle.

Adal, I have got Erin on a joke website. I'm about to sell her chocolate boots. I think she's going to walk around in them. Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. Okay, I will stay and watch this.

Nom, nom, nom. Eats them like Cookie Monster.

And we are back and it's time for another riddle. Is everybody excited for that?

Yeah!

I didn't know that there was going to be a pause and a need for me to have a reaction. I just thought it was going to be time for another riddle.

I do think it's funny when I've seen clips of like concert footage of some band, you know, let's say the Killers or something where they're like, we're going to do another song and everyone just kind of sits there and then they're like, Is that all right with you guys? And everyone's like, woo! And it's clearly like, they would have wooed, you just have to set them up to succeed. I hope you're gonna do another song.

Yeah. Can you guys give me your best take at like a musician that's trying to get the people going, getting them to woo? Like, how would you set them up?

Oh, gotcha, gotcha. Okay, let's see. Can you, Erin, can you let us know what band we are? That would be helpful.

Yeah, we'll have you be the killers.

Perfect.

Oh, are we each taking our own turn? Yeah. Okay, I'll go first. I'll go first. All right, everybody. We are the killers. Oh, interesting. Um, how about we play a little song some of you might know called Mr. Brightside.

Which one is Oh boy. Is that the somebody talk? No, no, no.

Hey, who out there likes candy?

Silently raise my hand.

One, two people. One person who likes candy. Okay, okay. Hey, what about, what about making love? Anybody out there like making love?

Silently raise my hand. To candy?

Not to candy, and that person likes candy and fucking... Uh... Uh... Ooh, okay, um... Hey, it looks like... I didn't play a Monty's Playgrounds song. Ah, boy. This has never happened to me. My name's Brandon Flowers.

Woo!

Thank you. Thank God.

Your last name's a plant.

Like Robert Plant. That guy cares about the rogues. Raises my hand silently. That woman, I don't know if she knows where she is.

All right, Adal, your turn.

Okay. Hey everybody, I'm local Mormon Brandon Flowers, lead singer of The Killers. What do we think? Are we human or are we excited? Human. Okay, I'm hearing a lot of human. A lot of human. Okay. What's that sound that people make when they're excited?

Raise his hand.

No. No, it's not the sound of one hand being raised, although that sounds like some sort of proverb. Zen Coen. Hmm? A Zen Coen. You're thinking of a Zen Coen. Oh, is there someone famous? Is there a Zen Coen in the audience? Are you like Ethan's daughter? Hello?

Everyone's looking to the left and right.

I mean, I love when celebrities are here because you can just put them on the demo trying to people go nuts. Let's look for cheaters in the crowd. Is anyone cheating on someone? That woman raises her hand. She's alone. Camera, focus on that woman raising her hand and she's in the Titanic pose.

Can I go to the bathroom?

Oh, thank you for asking. I would prefer you wait till I... Because this next song is going to be like a big... This is going to be... It's... Oh, what's the song that they use... Hold on, hold on, hold on. What was the movie about... Who's the guy that got shot in the face by... No, who's the guy who shot somebody in the face when he's hunting? Raise my hand.

Dick Cheney.

Dick Cheney. What was the movie where Christian Bale plays Dick Cheney? I just went in my pants.

Newsies.

Newsies. And in the trailer it was like, Who's the man? Who's the man?

I'm the man.

We sing that song. I think.

Can I go to the bathroom?

I went in my pants.

I'm Clarence Thomas. Okay, Erin, you ready?

$100 to whoever can make the loudest woo sound on the count of three. One, two, three. Fuck you guys, you would woo.

Fuck you guys, you would woo. Fuck you guys.

I loved it.

Oh, fuck you guys.

Just like a super fun, like let's, a hundred bucks to the, fuck you guys.

Fuck you guys, you would woo. You'd fucking woo, I know you.

You know what I want to see that I don't think I've ever seen is every once in a while, I can't think of like a specific person, maybe like Springsteen or a few people have done it, U2's done it, where they will like bring up a kid from the audience.

Yes.

And give them a guitar. Sacrifice. And then they're like. Hold on. There you go. Of course, Harvest the Soul for Raw. They'll bring up a kid from the audience. And then they'll give them like a guitar or put them behind the drum set and then they'll like know a song perfectly and everyone loses their mind. You've never seen this, Erin?

I've seen this.

I want to see, I've never seen where they bring up a kid, give them drumsticks, give them drumsticks or guitar and they just eat shit. And they're like, I lied. I can't. I held up a poster board that said... That would be so funny. They're like, I don't, I didn't think I'd get chosen. I just wanted this moment with you. I don't want to play guitar.

You know, we got to be doing that at Hey Riddle Riddle live shows to go like, any kids know how to act like JPC? And there's a kid that comes up and it's like there's a perfect J.P. Riddle's impression and everyone's like, oh, fuck. That kid's a genius.

I do think that we've never done it before, but I think that people need to start making signs for Hey Riddle Riddle live shows that say like, you know, Let me do Dr. Chameleon. I have the best Dr. Chameleon. Let me do Dr. Chameleon. The closest thing I've seen... Oh, sorry, go ahead. No, we would encourage that. We won't necessarily bring you up on stage to do it, but if you make the sign, there's a chance.

We need more poster boards in our live shows, but that also means we can't have them seated because then people can't see over the poster boards.

Yeah, I mean, be respectful, obviously. You put it up at the right time, but you know. I think there are times in our live shows where we say, hey, we need the house lights on for something. That's the time where you throw up that poster board and then we see, you know, we see Let Me Sing as Coco Kashmir and we say, okay, let's give this person the biggest shot they've ever had in their life. And then you hear that episode later when we release that and you hear that that person has been edited out of the episode and you know that person did not do a good job. It was too awkward and we had to take it out.

That moment kind of scares me though when we do like the light go up at a live show because then I realize how then I'm being perceived.

You see a bunch of ghosts.

Yeah. And then I realize how many people listen to the show and I'm like, oh God. So.

You say, oh God. So pros and cons. Here's another riddle. She was responsible for the deaths of many people, yet she was never charged. How come? She was a goose that got sucked into a plane. We just did this Riddle. Wow, that's not the answer, but that was a answer. She was responsible for the deaths of many people, yet she was never charged. How come?

She was a rat that carried disease.

Ooh, Erin, you are thinking along the right lines.

She was a Clinton. No, she was a Bush.

She was a Trump. She had rabies and she bit.

So rats with disease, that would be, you know, the plague, which is, you know, historically a way a lot of people died. This is also a historical way a lot of people died, but maybe more man-made, and maybe like, this literally is what, well, yeah, of course it's literally what killed them, but it's... Is this like mad cow tainted beef England?

Tainted beef, oh, oh, oh, ooh, tainted beef.

Was that tainted love, but instead of love it's beef?

Who can know? So it's like a disease?

Not a disease, but this is something man-made, and it was used to... It was the cause of a lot of death, but after a trial or after a... Maybe not a trial.

Miss O'Leary's cowl that kicked over the lantern or something like that?

Which has also been kind of debunked, right?

They said that that was just a racist way to attack Irish people or something. I do want to see a scene. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Not that there's anything wrong. I'm all for racists attacking the Irish. I don't want to go on yet.

I do want to see a scene. Yeah. GBC, you are Mrs. O'Leary. Erin, you are Mrs. O'Leary's cow. And of course, the Great Chicago Fire has happened. I don't know why we're calling it great. And Mrs. O'Leary, you're sort of confronting your cow with what happened.

Hey, what's up, Mrs. O'Leary? What's up? What's going on?

Keep your cow voice down. We have to get you to Canada tonight.

What's going on?

We're going to Detroit, and from Detroit, we're going to go to Toronto.

No, no, no, no.

It's the only place you'll be safe.

I love Chicago.

I know you do, cow.

White socks, cubs, sheep dish, baby. I love you.

They're going to turn you into wet beef.

What are you talking about?

I've heard them talking, Cal. They blame you. I wish they would blame the Irish. The people who deserve it. We all know. We all know.

But they blame you, Cal. We have to get you to Canada today.

Blame me for what? I don't know what's going on. I'm on a birthday bender. I think I heard a cow over here.

No, no. I heard a cow over here. I'm just really horny in here. Oooh. Nice. Good, that'll distract them for a few minutes.

Is it true you're horny? No, I'm not horny. Why don't you just say so, Miss O'Leary?

I'm trying to help you. The Chicago Fire happened. All of Chicago was burnt to a crisp and they blame you, Cal.

What did I do wrong? I'm just drunk.

Well, first of all, you shouldn't be drunk. That's a big issue.

Why?

If PETA found out, they could take you from me. PETA?

I don't give a shit about what PETA thinks of me.

Nobody does. They're saying you kicked over the lantern when you got drunk and started the fire. I was with you last night.

You kicked over that lantern, Mr. O'Leary. I know I did. I'm Irish.

History's bad guy. But we have to protect you, cow. They, of course, they're not going to blame some, you know, harmless old woman. They're going to blame the indolent cow.

No, they're probably gonna blame you.

Look, I told them it was you, okay?

And I feel bad.

Are we the only city that has a sports team named after a tragedy? Because the soccer team in Chicago is the Chicago Fire.

No, there's the Boston Molasses Floods.

I would buy merch of that. The Dodgers are named after the trolley Dodgers, which is the term for people getting hit by trolley cars in the street. So I feel like that's a kind of a team.

You guys just taught me that, right?

No, someone else just taught us that. I was talking about it. But yeah, is there another tragedy? There's probably some minor league tragedies. I was wearing my Shrimp Shredders shirt while we were in LA and I walked into a place and the guy goes, oh man, that shirt's awesome. And another guy was like, is that a minor league team? And I was like, no, it's a fake team.

You should have said yes.

Well, you know, I could have said yes. Because it didn't say Tampa Bay on it. So I'm like, yeah, it's Tampa Bay, baby. Go Shrimp Shredders.

I hope that we should leave some sort of time capsule, because I hope in 200 years somebody digs up a Shrimp Shredder shirt and they're like, they used to make penguins play baseball? There's no context. They're like, this must have been underground rooster fights or something.

I leave time capsules in pretty much everywhere I go. You spit out your gum. Yeah. Into the upper deck of a toilet tank.

A time capsule.

A time capsule.

She was responsible for the deaths of many people, yet she was never charged. How come?

Now, I don't know why... Does charged mean charged with a crime?

Sorry, what was that?

Does charged mean charged with a crime or is it like a battery? Okay. Yes.

And this is almost like, this is such a dumb riddle. This is like when people call their boat like, oh, she's a butte. So this is a man-made thing.

An inanimate object? Yes. Okay.

So she wouldn't be charged with a crime. Think historically responsible for a lot of deaths.

Can you read it again?

Is this the fucking Titanic again? No.

She was responsible for the deaths of many people, yet she was never charged. So this is something where when you see it, you're like, yeah, of course it's responsible for death. Like, no fucking duh. Not like when you see a rat and you're like, oh, what a weird little creature.

This could be anything.

Erin, she was Madame Guillotine, the deadly invention of Joseph Guillotine that was used in France to execute people.

This riddle is so dumb. We gendered a guillotine and decided it's a woman? Absolutely not.

I guess they called it Madame Guillotine.

Oh, interesting. Was the guy single? This is my wife, Madam Guillotine.

I hope that that's the cruel nickname my exes have given me.

Madam Guillotine. Erin, you are going to be- I want to see a scene. Erin, you're going to be playing a woman. Again? Alright, yeah, let's mix it up. Okay, Erin, you're going to be playing a Kaiju. You've just found out from your friend Adal who kind of let it slip that your exes have been calling you Madame Guillotine.

Boy, I need a drink. Thank you for meeting me for happy hour. I've had such a crazy week.

Oh, same. Yeah, work's been a real just sort of like pain in the ass. I feel like my boss is like being a real Madame Guillotine.

Huh?

Nothing. Madame Guillotine, which is, no offense, just no offense there. Wait, what do you mean? So I'm gonna have a Mai Tai, huh?

Why would I be offended by that? That's a term I'm unfamiliar with.

Oh, sweetie, you haven't heard? You don't know? Oh no, what's going on? Oh, John, David, Dylan.

My John? My David? My Dylan?

Your exes have found each other on a Reddit thread and they're all calling you Madam Guillotine. And it has spread like wildfire. There are shirts, there's merch. You're being, you know how shit my dad said was turned into a sitcom with William Shatner? They're turning Madame Guillotine into a primetime sitcom. Ruben McIntyre's playing you, well, Madame Guillotine, I guess.

What? I'm so sorry. Okay, seems a little unfair. You cut off the heads of a bunch of animals and all of a sudden you're Madame Guillotine? That's super sexist.

They found, yeah, they shouldn't have been looking under your bed, I think. You deserve your privacy.

All of my exes found each other on Reddit. Hold on.

It was under a Am I the Asshole thread. And they're like, Am I the asshole? Because I found a separate animal.

Oh, sorry. Someone from the bar sent you a Mai Tai, ma'am. And then someone else actually a lot of other people from the bar sent you a glass of champagne. So I have 30 glasses of champagne. I'm not sure if you want all I'm just gonna put them on the table. And then I guess you can kind of Well, yeah, a bunch of people have been sending these to you. This is the only French drink that people know about, so there you go.

Oh, so people are into Madame Guillotine. Maybe I'll embrace my new nickname.

Oh yeah, this is like when people write into a prisoner because they're like, this is hot or whatever.

I shouldn't say this because I could lose my job, but I did watch a lot of people spitting these, just so you know. So I wouldn't drink it.

Oh, so they're horny too. Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.

Yeah, a lot of floaters in this champagne. I love it. Cheers to embracing... nope.

Wait, I'm stuck on my exes finding each other on Reddit. See?

I'm trying to remember, I'm trying to think of what the Reddit thread that those guys would find each other on.

Am I the asshole?

I dumped a girl.

Am I the asshole?

Just a bunch of like, is this AI and people make fake, fake, fake, fake ex-girlfriend. Madame Guillotine? Madame Guillotine?

Here's one that's I guess historical, but also I think a little bit more fun than the last one. Also, I feel like, did I read something where it's like the guillotine was used up until like 97 or something? I would believe that.

The last one was like the 70s or something.

Okay.

Yeah.

Okay. Which is kind of terrifying.

Yeah. Can you imagine being in the 70s and being like, guys, guys, guys, you can kill me, but the guillotine, guys, seriously. Well, come on.

They still use it, but just for hints. Oh, that's fine. It's better. It's better. Can you say it's not better?

I don't know. I can't. So this is another historical riddle.

I can't believe it's not better.

In England, why did rich people pour their tea first and then add milk, while poor people poured milk first and then added tea? Prices is the answer. Interesting. Show your work on the board please.

I don't know.

Explain. In England, why did rich people pour their tea first and then add milk while poor people poured milk first and then added tea? Poor people poured is sort of a tongue twister that's not meant to be any sort of hint.

Is it because they want to be able to measure the exact amount of milk they're putting in to ration it?

Ooh, that's honestly a phenomenal guess, but that is not what I have here.

Yeah, this is during the Blitz, and there's tea and milk rations.

Why did rich people pour their tea first and then add milk while poor people poured the milk first and then added tea?

Is it, is there, is the crux of this riddle that one of these things is like very differently priced? Like one's much more expensive?

It definitely has something to do with price in terms of quality. Rich people go tea first, then milk. Yes. But poor people do milk first and then tea. And it absolutely has something to do with saving money and difference in quality of something that they both are using.

Is the milk both from the same animal?

Yeah, talking cow, talking Irish cow.

Oh boy, and this is in England, and does the time period matter? Like, is this gonna be, okay, so this is like, is this like during Mad Cow, or is this during the Blitz, or is this during... Um, I don't know what era this took place in.

I would guess probably, probably even up to early 1900s I would guess, but I really have no context because I'm learning something from this Riddle.

Is it, well no, because I was like,

Did England have to import, like, milk? Like, was there no cows or sheep on England for, like, a long time? But that can't be right.

So I don't think the milk matters, but you are right to kick the tires on the liquid. But think of the other liquid and maybe that might lead you down the road.

Oh. They only didn't, they didn't have water?

Uh, no. Is it because they didn't, they don't grow tea in England? They had to, like, import all their tea? They don't grow tea in England. It feels like England, if you just look at it, you're like, oh yeah, nothing could grow there. That's a barren rock.

So think about, for tea you need... Boston. Sorry, when you pour your tea, it's been steeping in a kettle, presumably, or boiled in a pot, so it's very hot. So, ostensibly, the rich people are pouring in Very, very boiling hot water and tea first and then adding milk while the poor people put the milk in first and then the very, very hot boiling.

Oh, because these poor idiots are drinking it out of their hands. And so they don't want to burn their hands on the hot tea. Where the rich people have cups. Hands. Nature's cups.

Yeah. So think about the boiling hot water with the tea and then also think of like the vessel that they're drinking out.

What's

We'll be right back.

That's 100% wild. I had no idea. Cheap Crockery is also just like such a great term.

That's your ex's cruel nickname for you.

Cheap Crockery. Crock of shit. Yeah. Crock of shit.

Huh.

I do want to see a scene. JBC, you are a very wealthy person in England having a cup of tea. Erin, you have won a contest. You're a very poor person who's having tea with a very wealthy person in England. And this is that moment.

Well I'm honoured to be, I'm honoured to be here I is.

Not so loud.

So good for you to have me. Is the seat taken? Not so loud. This is nice.

Yes it's, please you're actually here to have tea with me. I'm the governor of this province and you are here to have tea with me. You've

Well, well, well, I've never smelled anyone who smells as good as you. And I live in a chimney, I tis.

Yes, yes. I've heard about your plight and your predicaments and it's all very worrying and there's certainly... We sound like we grew up on the same block, you me. Um, only if you grew up in some sort of basement on my block and I... But yes, you do. I can understand the words that you are saying. How's that?

Oh, yes. Can I like some tea, please?

Yes, this is a... Oh, is that... Is that Owen?

Owen! Oh, old chap, how are you? I simply must meet... Who is this?

This is the, um... This is the make-a-wish.

Oh, yes. Is this some sort of taming-of-a-shoe situation?

It's literally a make-a-wish.

It's sort of ten things I hate about you, or she's-all-that situation?

It's more of a my-fair-lady situation.

We've all seen Shakespeare's She's All That, okay?

Trying to make me a part of our society. Pours milk in cup, pours tea in cup.

They'll do that for you. I'm sorry, she doesn't know. She's brand new here, as it were. Please, let the people with the gloves pour the tea. If you don't have gloves, you shouldn't be handling...

I don't mind doing it meself. I'm starving. All I had this week was two rats.

Two? So you ate one rat, said, that was a good idea, and then ate another rat?

They were kebabs, they was.

We have to eat them one after the other. I mean, that's all right. Well, that's isn't that nice for you? Well, look at the time. Our contractual tea time is almost at its end. And, you know, we thank you so much for doing this. Thank you for your service. You will be, of course, sacrificed to one of the Wait, we don't say pedophile. What do we say?

I actually won't.

Oh, Erin, I want to hear what you're going to say.

I was going to flip it and have it be that I was the rich person, but... I am curious of like... Nunce!

Nunce, yes. We said nunce. From the Netflix series Adolescence. I am curious of like, if in olden days in like England or something, if like poor people would go up to a rich person and be like, Can we grab tea sometime so I can pick your brain? You know how, like, if someone goes to L.A. and they know, like, a screenwriter who sold something, they'll be like, can I pick your brain? I'm just curious if the poor did that.

If they're trying to network.

Yeah, poor people were trying to network. The difference is back then everyone had canes, and you would just cane a poor person in the street if they tried to network with you. You gotta bring back walking sticks. I do like a walking stick.

Yeah, those are fun.

You know what's also fun? Is the end of the show where we plug or promote whatever we like. Erin Keif, my dear, do you have anything to plug or promote?

Check out our Patreon, patreon.com slash heyriddleriddle. Lots of fun stuff going on over there. We got a fun October coming up. So that's interesting. And then also come see us live, heyriddleriddle.com slash live. Coming to a city near you this fall, perhaps.

So check it out.

Adal, anything to plug?

Yes, I want to plug our tour. I'm very excited for the remaining cities we're going to, especially Denver, because I feel like I've never done a live show in Denver, so I think that's going to be really fun. Also, you can check out Gum, Shoes, and Dragons, our D&D adjacent podcast with Anthony Burch. Our fourth episode is out now. Yeah, it just came out. Listen to the back catalog.

Yeah, the back catalog, all four episodes. Although if you have been waiting to kind of like binge it a little bit, four episodes I think is a good place to kind of jump in because you get a lot in that four episodes.

You got a little road trip coming up or something? Also, Hello from the Magic Tavern is on tour so please check out our cities and dates and hope to see you there. JPC, anything to plug or promote?

We got a review to read. This one is a review and this is gonna fucking kill you guys. This is from, it says from MWJ8 and it's titled, Long Time. Listened to the 6th anniversary episode and just wanted to say, I'm 20 and I've been listening since 2018. You guys have been part of one third of my life. That's crazy, right? Holy shit. Oh god. And I would like to say to that person, congratulations on 2021. Happy birthday. That one's a little old. But hey, I'm getting to him. I'm getting to him, guys.

We're getting around to him.

We're getting around to him.

Erin, of course, Megatron. Was that this episode? Sure.

Sure.

Not from whatever planet JPC said, but it's from a different planet.

I think from Jupiter, if I'm not mistaken.

That's right. That is from Cybertron. How do you guys not know that she's from Cybertron? Megatron's from Cybertron when the AllSpark was born.

What? What's the AllSpark? It doesn't matter.

Hey there, tees and crumpets, if you liked that, you are going to love this week's Patreon. We go back to Erin's morning show, Erin on the Side of Tea. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com. Hey Riddle Riddle by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or start your seven day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month. Plus you get those ad free episodes. See you there.

That was a hate gum podcast.