Which Riddle Riddle?

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All right, guys, let's do it. I'm long. I'm short. I'm borrowed blue. I lie. I help. I stretch what's true. Some call me sharp. Some call me dense. But either way, I make no sense.

Minions. Erin, how are you doing?

I am good, Adal. I was just doing that classic thing that we do at the beginning of every episode where I read a riddle. And we start every episode off with a riddle. So that's what I was up to.

That's, correct me if I'm wrong, the riddle we didn't get at the end of last episode. Because we always end the episode with like, hey, let's think about this for a week.

We are famously a riddle-focused podcast. Start with riddles, end with riddles. And so we're just doing what we've always done.

So last week when we did that riddle, we all thought, we were like, what a stumper. And then what did Adalom and I do? We watched all of the Despicable Me movies and all the Minions movies. And then, Adalom, what did you say the answer to this riddle was again? I think it's just Minions? Oh, yeah. And I was going to guess Gru.

Neither of those. No.

No. I do want to just get it. I want to know something in the bud. I just want to kind of get ahead of it. A lot of people are saying like, isn't your riddle inspection coming up in the next month? And I just want to say. I have no idea that there's real inspections going on. We've always started immediately. First things on every episode is a riddle. Last thing in every episode is a riddle. We're riddles through and through.

Oh my god, I'm reading the email now. I guess today's episode

If you don't have a riddle podcast, classically, you know how health inspectors can show up to restaurants to make sure there's no rats, no ways that people can get sick, that they can't see any rats. Well, again, with Riddle Podcasts, a riddle inspector can show up truly whenever. They only have to give you a little heads up and they check to see if they can see any rats. It's actually pretty similar to a health inspection. But that's what we're doing today, I guess. I guess. I mean, we'll just keep doing what we always do, my beloved friends who we get along with great.

I guess people would also be like, wait a second, isn't your podcast the one that failed like seven straight years of riddle inspections?

Our podcast.

And I'm like, oh, I mean, I guess, but like they don't shut your podcast down.

Listen, in our logo thumbnail that you might see wherever you're listening to this podcast, and you can find our podcast wherever you're listening to the podcast, let me just say that immediately. Immediately. Immediately. Of course, hidden in our logo is a C-minus from the state. Uh-huh. Now, did we take that C- and sort of put some purple and gold and filigree and sort of let it soak in to the background? Maybe. I don't think that's against the rules. We didn't check.

Do we pay the $30,000 fee every year we get from the Riddle Inspection? Maybe. Maybe we owe a lot of money.

But I guess, and this is kind of crazy, if we started the episode with a riddle, which we kind of do every episode, We might not have to pay that $30,000 this year. Yeah.

What Alice said was stay the course, and I agree. We get along. We do riddles. This is all good, guys. All right, so now that we got that out of the way You know the closet of all of our bullshit that we shoved all of our bullshit in Yeah, when people come over I feel like it's it's about to all come bursting out No, no, we shoved it in good. Yeah, I don't know I can hear it creaking You guys all of our bullshit's about to topple out.

That's just air escaping. Yeah, I put a creak in there So that's probably what you uh, what you hear. Yeah, well it's more like a river of bullshit

We should poke some air holes in there because a lot of the characters that we have from the show are in there.

Little Monkey Bones doesn't breathe. J.P. Riddles doesn't breathe. Coco Chanel doesn't breathe.

Cosmo Kashmir. Dr. Chameleon doesn't breathe. I actually think most of our characters have gills.

Yeah, they're mostly golems or fish. They're sort of like shape of water.

Riddle Podcast, day of the course. The answer to that riddle was, do you want me to read it again or do you have it?

Is the answer to the riddle, Erin, is it one of these things where it's like the answer is like, Hey Riddle Riddle, and then it's like, Welcome to the podcast.

No, but I would say it's probably in some ways on theme for our show.

I'm Adal, I'm GPC, I'm Erin.

I'm long, I'm short, I'm borrowed. Blue. I lie, I help, I stretch what's true. Some call me sharp, some call me dense, but either way I make no sense.

Riddles. This also sounds like what is supposed to be couched within wedding vows, right? Or wedding ceremonies. Something borrowed, something blue. Something sharp, something dull. What was that?

Yeah. I'm sharp and you are dull.

Adal.

Adal.

Oh, sorry.

Adal. The answer is an excuse.

Whoa. Oh, okay. Yeah, okay. I can see that. I can see that.

Well, so Steve Martin, let's see. Steve Martin, I want to see a scene. Steve Martin is a minion. Well, excuse... Oh no, the closet exploded!

And I'll have Casey do a little soundscape of a bunch of our bullshit moments falling out of a closet. Casey, you can figure out how to do that.

Hey Casey, you don't need to do that. Casey, you don't need to do that.

Casey, we'll have fun with it.

We say Casey will have fun with it and then Casey's up until 3 a.m. like putting together a meticulous soundscape and he's like, hey, I did it. I go, Casey, nobody cares about that. You've got to take care of yourself first.

He's such a perfectionist that it's up to his standards that it's 4 in the morning and he's like, why did I do this?

And so Erin, I have a question for you. Is it fun to do that to Casey?

on Sound Editors.

I have ideas cooking for it.

Oh my God, Casey, shut up.

All I ask is one less scene this episode. See, this is the problem.

Let's creatively challenge Casey with a panic attack.

I heard this story the other day. I just thought I'd share it with everyone here. Great. An editor goes to see a doctor. He says, I'm so stressed out from editing a podcast. It's just night and day. It's just, I'm so stressed out. And the doctor says, take a break. Go see the great editor in town, Casey Toney. And the editor says, but doctor, I hate Casey Toney.

And the twist is Donnie Wahlberg actually killed the doctor like three hours ago.

Yeah, so the doctor's dead, but the doctor sees living people. Wait, how did the, shit. Casey, how about this?

For the rest of the episode, normally Casey does like a soundscape for scenes. We will do that for each other's scenes for the rest of the episode. This is a very special episode where Casey, the rest of the episode, no more, okay? You can put all your energy in that one moment at the beginning.

So we passed the Riddle Inspection, but we're going to fail the podcast sound inspection for the rest of the episode. We just can't, we can't win with one of these things.

Here's what I'm going to do. Here's what I'm going to do. I don't need that, but here's what I'm going to do. I'm saying it now because I'm not putting in too much time. I'm going to take a couple door break sounds. I'm going to take a bunch of like items clattering sounds. I'm going to make those pop off right when you say the door bursts. Then I'm going to grab one of the best of edits. I'm just going to cut a few random points where you guys are being chaotic from that and overlay them. They're not going to be the specific moments that people think, but you're going to hear your voices. I'll pan them a couple different directions, maybe add a little effect.

This is good, Casey. Work smarter, not harder. I love this.

I don't know, Casey. I feel like I could do that in 15 minutes.

I don't know if this is permissible. Can you just, instead of the bursting sounds and clanking and all that, can you just put in from like the Goof Troop movie or Goofy movie, like the yahoo-hoo-hoo-ee?

Okay, we are gonna have to demonetize this episode though, is that okay?

Demonize? Then if you die on your gravestone, it has to be Casey Toney, he cut every corner. Oh! Okay, if you're fine with that, then I'm fine with it too.

And every concert bathroom line. You're the person who has mental illness, so what are you doing to Casey right now? You understand what you're doing to him, right?

Hurt people hurt people. And then he'll hurt someone else with mental illness, and that's how the earth works. Are you new here? No, Casey, of course cut corners.

As the only person on this podcast that doesn't suffer from mental health, I do have to say, wait a second, what's going on here?

Also, can I, really quick, Casey, and I actually would like your backup on this, JPC, are you fucking kidding me? Can you play a montage of how mean JPC is to Casey on a constant clip?

Okay, okay. Looks over at the Riddle Inspector, okay, we're just- This is a bit

But what we don't do is we don't exacerbate our people's things that keep them up at night. Like, Erin, I would never be like, Erin, I think you should be 15 minutes later to things. I would never say that to you. That's just mean. I'm laughing. I'm smiling.

I'm laughing, though. Looking dead in the eyes of the Riddle Inspector. And this is sort of like a Metallica thing where, like, we're making a documentary about therapy. There's not a therapist in the room. We're throwing stuff at the wall.

No, that is such a good point, JPC, because I will ask Casey to do a silly thing, but Casey, would you call yourself a perfectionist, Casey? Because I would say that you hold yourself to a really high standard. In certain matters like these, yes.

Okay, so you called yourself a perfuctionist, right?

Adal, he called himself the perfuctionist.

Hello, Hey Riddle Riddle fans. Perfuctionist editor Casey Toney here from the future. After gassing me up like that, you know I had to do the actual sound design. Come on. You know I had to do it to him. Anyway, here it is.

Also, before we get into riddles and now that you're on mic, Casey, the four of us saw Jesus Christ Superstar at the Hollywood Bowl this past weekend.

Oh, that's right. And by that, we mean one month ago. But yes.

Oh, yes.

I'm up here. What's the buzz? Tell me what's happening. What's the buzz? Tell me what's happening.

It was, it was fantastic. We were all very concerned because we were so excited to see Josh Gad as King Herod. But then the Thursday before we went, Josh Gad got COVID. Yeah. Had a dropout. And John Stamos jumped in.

Which, you're in a city of I want to say 99% of the world's celebrities, and your backup to Josh Gad as King Herod is John Stamos?

It sounds like he knew it and was ready. Also, his wig was so funny. I was a little sad we didn't get to see John Stamos, because that would have been a blast.

He looked like Uncle Baby Billy, played by Walter Goggins in Reggie Simpsons.

He did. To a point where he looked like that, and we all thought, oh my God, Goggins would have been the best. Goggins would have been crushed. But Gadd got better and we did see Gadd. And Gadd, I gotta say, Gadd brought it.

He was great.

Gadd needs a day of Stamos to be at his absolute best. He thrived on that. He was riffing like a madman. He was riffing left and right. He was breaking the fourth wall in the best possible way. Threatening to give Jesus COVID, like kicking his feet and yelling Stamos every time. Oh man. What do we all think?

I, well, I sent out the tickets randomly and I wish I had been more careful about it because I ended up next to JPC.

Okay, okay. And again, this is just sort of a fun game we play.

No, here's the issue. This is a compliment. JPC is so fucking funny. And he kept pretending that he thought every celebrity and every old person in the audience was John Ratzenberg. And he kept going, is that John Ratzenberg? And that was making me laugh. But then when we were at the night where there was a mic issue at the top of Act Two, and JPC said full volume, stay in it guys, like a coach. And I was laughing the rest of the show. It was so fucking funny.

Because there is a mic issue. And at one point, look, it's very choreographed. I heard that they had like a pretty grueling schedule to like do this thing. But also, it's like Jesus Christ Superstar is like not the most, you know, character or choreographed heavy show. Yeah. So when the mic thing happened, it kind of just felt like everybody on stage was kind of just hanging out. And I'm like, there's nothing to stay in.

Like, they're like, maybe that's why it was so funny. They were all sitting around the table for the last supper. And you're like, stay in it, guys.

Be here, be in this moment. Very minimal staging, basically just like risers for the set. I thought the show was phenomenal, but yeah, very, very minimal sort of production.

What would you all give it out of 10?

I'd give it a 10 out of 10 good time. I mean, I'd never been to the Hollywood Bowl before.

10 out of 10 good time. Seeing Cynthia Erivo live, I think, is transcendent. I think it's just something everyone should try and do. She's incredible. and I think She's so tiny. Next to Adam Lambert as tall as he is.

Adam Lambert, 6'1", 3-inch platforms. It was crazy their height difference. 3 inches? I'd say 5-inch platforms. 3 yards, dude.

That guy was on stilts. Jesus Christ.

So, we all loved Arevo Lambert, who's incredible. I think we agree that the, I always want to say Caliphate. Who's the guy? Caiaphas. Caiaphas. Caiaphas' little sidekick. I gotta look up the name because I know the name.

What'd you do with that Jesus of Nazareth? That little, that little cunty guy.

And Erin, what did you say when I said, I love that little guy. Who's that, what's that guy's name? What did you say, Erin?

I was like, oh, that little cunty guy that's like, na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na. I fucking love that guy. If you, if anyone knows that actor, I fucking love him.

Oh, he was incredible. He was, he really, Anna's.

Oh, Erin, I believe that's John Ratzenberger.

JBC!

The character's name is A-N-N-A-S. Anus.

Anus. Keifus and Anus were like my two favorite parts of the show. Keifus was great. They gave him a little head tattoo, which when I saw the actor and he didn't have the head tattoo, I thought, honestly man, big guy, bald, big beard. You could rock the head tattoo. The head tattoo was working for you.

Yeah. I would give it a 10. I've seen a lot of productions and I love Judas's parts. Every other time I've seen it, I've been a big fan of it. And the fact that this, like, I don't remember, his voice is crazy, but the Jesus parts in the show were... I will never get over what it felt like watching her live. I've never seen anything like it. And I'm also so glad that we all got to go together. That would have felt like such a frustrating thing if I had sat down and we hadn't organized that. I am so glad we all got to go.

I was on the very end because of the layout. Oh, closest to the ice cream. Shut up.

Closest to the guy who played Jesus in the movie.

Dead neatly. Was he in our section? Yeah. Yeah. And I was next to Janet and Zorp who both had not seen the show at all. And so that was very exciting to like be in the presence of two people who every time like the guitar is wailing or somebody is belting is also just like blown away that this is a musical, you know, and that was very cool. I do agree that Gethsemane, which is like Jesus's big number,

Yeah, huge.

That's a great song. That's always been a great song. And if you think of my favorite things app, I had one riff from Gethsemane and one riff from Heaven on their Mind. So there's like two of my favorite songs. But her version of Gethsemane, I was weeping.

When I looked over at you, Zorp, and Janet during that number, the three of you were like puddles. It was so sweet.

It was insane. And it's like, look, I'm atheist. So it was not like religious. It was just like the emotion. Her acting was so incredible, and her voice was so incredible that it became Like a transcendent religious experience.

I know after that people are like, Jesus actually had some pretty good ideas.

Yeah, Janet said, she said, I get how people felt about Jesus or something, which I thought was a really powerful way of putting it.

Alright, I'd just like to say, as a counterpoint to that, I have kind of the opposite take about Jesus. Because every time I watch Jesus Christ Superstar, first of all, I don't even think Gethsemane is a good song. I think it's a really impressive vocal performance. And to watch Cynthia do... I mean, it's like a hard song. Like, even me, who doesn't sing, knows that that's a hard song. So to watch what she did with it, you couldn't... I mean, she got like a huge standing ovation, you couldn't help but be impressed. But watching Jesus Christ Superstar, every time I watch it, I am taken by how much of a little bitch Jesus is in that musical. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Truly, Judas is right. Judas is like, hey, what are we fucking doing here? And Jesus is like, you guys don't understand what's going on. Your little pea brains are too stupid. And at no point in the musical does he ever say, here's the plan. All he ever says is like, get with the fucking plan. You guys are dumb. You don't get it. And it's like, hey, Jesus, maybe take four minutes to just kind of explain shit to these people. They seem pretty willing to follow you.

Uh, I love that because I love that it's like- That line delivery of Hey Jesus is so funny, I've never heard it before. Uh, Hey Jesus?

Like, Hey Arnold?

But it's a very- I love the musical, but it's like, it's so frustrating to watch Jesus be like, I am literally smarter than you. I know what's going to happen, no one else knows what's going to happen, and that pisses me off. And it's like, just tell people.

That happens to be, this is why it was 10 out of 10 experience. I think it was an 8.5 production for me just because I feel like you, you need a, and I said this at the night, Adam Lambert's voice was incredible. He sounded fantastic. Second only to Carl Anderson in that role that I've heard. And His acting was so bad and so cartoonish that you should come out of Jesus Christ Superstar seeing both the flaws but valid perspective of each of the characters. It's supposed to be a complicated human story. He was kind of playing Judas like the devil. Yes, and he had like a little devilish grin to his face. It was unlike I'd ever seen even, where like, and especially the way they did Superstar, the song, where it was like mocking the whole time. That was really weird.

To sum it up, I think Cynthia was playing Jesus and Adam Lambert was playing Adam Lambert. I don't know him from Adam Lambert. One quick thing, one small thing I just want to mention before we move on.

One of my favorite parts was during this sort of, I don't know, I've never read the Bible, this sort of like den of inequities where it's like people are selling, it's like the marketplace where Jesus flips the tables.

It's like the temple.

Thank you with the money lenders, I guess. But it's like, there's like ammo and drugs and all this stuff. I love that they had all that on stage, but it was also done with the patina of like a horny magic show.

It looked like a pretty cool party.

There's a lot of people partnering up to give illusions, but in a fuck way. There was a guy literally holding a bong in front of his penis. People were holding bongs in front of, like, bong-dongs.

Oh, he wasn't in the show.

They would make themselves bong-dongs, and then they'd suck their own, like, they'd... Yeah. Take a picture of each other's bong-dongs. It was really such a tonal shift. I mean, I thought it was very funny.

I the last thing I'll say is that hypothetically I maybe partook in an edible and it's the best timing of any drug I've ever taken because it literally hit during the overture when it Cynthia came out during the And I was like, yes!

Erin took twice as much or three times as much of an edible as I did and then tried to, the whole show, convince me I was out of my mind high.

I kept sending Adal videos being like, dude, whoa, you're so high.

I'm like, I think you're tripping more than I am.

Oh, I was tripping.

The Riddle Inspector is giving a side eye right now.

No, no, I was fine. Everything's fine. Here's some riddles.

Okay.

Oh, also, this is from Molly's Riddle Book. We still have that theme?

It's time for Molly's Riddle Books.

A new Molly Riddle Book, by the way, that we got at the LA Live show. When Gertrude entered the plane, she caused her own death and the deaths of 200 people. Yet she was never blamed or criticized for her actions. What happened?

Gertrude's a kaiju?

Yeah, kaiju. Godzilla type?

Not this time.

Gertrude is like a Mr. Magoo ass pilot.

Ass pilot? Oh, is this my sandwich?

Uh, is Gertrude like a duck or like a goose or something?

Ooh. Yeah, went to the engines?

Yes! Gertrude, a goose, had been sucked into the jet engine. I would like to say that.

But wait, wait, wait. Before we see a scene, did it not also say that nobody blamed Gertrude for it?

Well... Dead people don't blame?

When a goose gets sucked into a plane, you absolutely say, like, that's what happened, right?

I know, but you don't think, like, the goose did it on purpose.

Okay, okay. I guess, yeah, you don't blame the goose in that way, but you do, like, literally blame it on the fact that a goose got sucked. Okay, gotcha.

I'd like to say the same. I've changed the scene I want to see now.

I understand.

If anything, they murdered a goose in its own home.

That's true. You're in the goose's house. Yeah. I'd like to see a scene. JPC, you're a goose who brought down a whole plane, and you're drinking at a bar. And Adal, you are one of the family members of someone who's on that plane, and you recognize him at the bar, and you go to confront him.

Yeah, so we've been doing okay, but it's...

Can I get another four goose fingers over here?

Oh my God. Don't look, don't look, don't look.

Who is it? That's fucking him, isn't it?

That's one of the geese.

You should say something. He's counting on you not saying something. He's counting on you being too polite.

This is good.

What is this? This is well. This is good.

Carol hated when I was confrontational. Go, go, go. You know what? She's gone now. You're going to regret not doing this. Excuse me, excuse me.

Hi. Oh. Honk. Honk, I guess. Oh, what the fuck? Honk honk. Huh? What the fuck? That's our word. That's our word. Hold on.

I'm not the bad one here. Oh, yeah? You just walked up to a goose and said, honk honk.

Hey, gentlemen, take it outside if you're going to fight, OK? Yeah, let's go outside.

Let's go outside.

I'm actually, that's actually where I live and I'm not ready to go home yet.

Well, that's actually where I fight. That's where I work. So let me take off my jacket here, Canadian down. What the fuck? Canadian goose coat here. Goose feathers in the lining. Everything I buy now is goose feathers.

You're wearing a goose feather jacket around me?

Yeah, that's right.

Thank you. I got paid huge money for that.

What?

We're very well paid to put those feathers... That kills us?

Yeah, feathers are like your skin or something. Come on!

Nah, man. Feathers are not like our skin.

So this is like when I get the sperm sample?

Tell him that he's playing... that you're... Tell him it's his fault.

The plane. Tell him. It's your... Hey. What's your woman saying? No, I have an index card for this exact moment. I knew this day would come.

Your woman?

Webster's Dictionary defines revenge as... Hey, man.

Huh? If your chick has something to say to me, hardhog, she can say it to me.

Oh, um, Carol?

Punch his goose in the face.

Joke's on you man, you hit beak. Your hand's a mess.

Oh, let me try to hit you right in the stomach like Houdini.

Whoa, three eggs came out. I'm a male goose. Yeah, oh those are testicles.

Oh no! Scene. Go to a doctor now. Three testicles pop out of a goose.

Is that a riddle?

Yeah, let's do it.

Oh, the inspector's giving a thumbs up.

Two men went out for a drink together in a bar. One of them looked up, saw a tall, dark stranger looking like death and drinking soda water, and pointed him out to his companion. Startled and uneasy, the two men left and went to another bar some miles away. After a few minutes, they looked up and saw the same sad, pale stranger drinking soda water. Deciding to leave, they went to a third bar, which was empty except for a young couple. However, within a few minutes, the cadaverous man appeared, and in a slow, sad voice, ordered a soda water. Almost out of his mind, one of the men went over to him and said, Who are you and what do you want? What did the man answer? And this is an insane one, is your hint.

Did the guy answer? And Erin, stay with me. Okay. Did the guy answer? I'm following you because you called me cadaverous in the parking lot, and that's the rudest thing I've ever heard in my life, so I just wanted to see how you live.

No, that would be reasonable, but that's not the answer this time.

Did he just say, like, who are you and what do you want? Did he just say, like, I'm Bob and I want a soda water?

No.

Okay. Erin, is it triplets or something, or is it just the same man?

No, it's not the same man. It's not one of those.

It's not the same man. Sorry, you're saying it's not the same man each time.

It is the same man.

It is the same. Okay.

Is this like a person who has that like face blindness thing where he just assumes that everyone that's not him or not a young couple is a like cadaverous man?

No, not this one.

Is he a historical figure? Is this Abraham Lincoln? No. Is the person moving?

Okay, my feelings would be so hurt if I was Abraham Lincoln right now.

And he's waiting for someone to buy him a shot. He's like, someone will recognize me.

Someone's gonna say something.

Brain's out the front of my head.

No one's gonna buy Lincoln a shot. You would buy him a beer, but to buy him a shot is like... Oh, you don't want to have fun with Lincoln? No, it's totally inappropriate. It's like buying John Lennon a shot. Like, you don't want to... Giving Jesus a cross.

I'm buying Lincoln a shot. I know, and then I go, you don't know the irony of this yet because you're still alive.

In my mind, this is zombie Lincoln because he's cadaverous. If he's not dead yet, then buying him a shot is totally fine. If he's already been shot in the head, it's a little on the nose.

I want him to get loose.

I do want to see a scene. Let's say that, JPC, you are Abraham Lincoln. Erin, you are a time traveler who has gone back in time to try and save Lincoln's life. You've been trying to blend in to not great effect. And this is the day where you finally approach Lincoln to warn him about his fate.

Oh, where are my spectacles?

I know I put my spectacles... Ah, right here, Mr. Lincoln.

Oh, thank you. Oh, you're new here. I've seen you around. I'm sorry, I don't know your name.

Betsy America. You know, Lincoln, I've been thinking.

Didn't mean to rhyme, that's sort of fun. It's Mr. President.

Mr. President, four score and seven years ago, you became president of these great United States. No, wrong. I'm nervous.

You seem nervous. Yes. You're one of my new aides, correct?

Yes. I'm sort of doing a calculation in my brain right now. If I grab your hat and go back to the future, I'd probably be worth a good amount of money, huh? And then I could live off that. What? Or I could keep you alive. I don't know.

Why would you think that? How would you prove it?

And we flash forward in time to a classroom.

And so kids, that's why we celebrate our greatest American witch, Betsy America. Now, of course, Betsy America did kill all of Lincoln's cabinet. What else did Betsy America do throughout the years? Someone else?

She went back in time to try to kiss JFK.

That's right. She spent three years and $2.8 trillion of the government's budget to kiss JFK. Now at first people were upset, but given that Betsy America was the only person with time travel permissions, we all just had to cope with it. Who else has something they know that Betsy America did?

Oh, I know that Betsy America went back in time to the time of Thomas Jefferson and the Louisiana Purchase, and she negotiated herself a 10% finders fee. That's right.

So she was like Rockefellers, like the Rockefellers and the rest of the Carnegies combined.

Even though the deal would have gone through, she made like $4 million.

That's right, so she profited off being first witch. Of course, she also went back in time to try and kiss a stegosaurus. She went back in time to try and kiss... Anyone and everything imaginable.

Didn't she go back in time to kill baby Hitler in the cradle, but then she changed her mind and just had kind of a lovely day with him that didn't affect the... No, I don't think she did that. She helped raise him.

No, I don't think she did that, Zane. What is the answer to this riddle?

Oh yeah, this is the man of the bars. Who is the cadaverous man? Cadaverous. Okay, Erin, is this man dead?

No. So he just- I think that this is- You're gonna die the way that- This man is not dead.

I'm gonna die, you're gonna die, motherfucker. Everything's fine, this is just how we talk.

There's absolutely no reason why this man needed to be as sickly as he was. Like, there's absolutely nothing in this riddle connected to him looking so tall.

Is this a process server? Is he like one of these people who's like following them to like search their papers?

No.

Is he a private eye who's investigating someone who's cheating on their wife?

No, but this is like... Is this like a bud-like cardboard cutout that's in all of the bars?

No, but you know, that is... The way that you should be thinking is keep in mind that these guys are really drunk and maybe a little out of it.

Oh, okay. Okay, I didn't know that they were drunk. I thought they just kept moving bars.

Is it Halloween and these are all like decorations of Dracula or something?

No, it's not Halloween.

Is this man following these two people?

In a way. He's connected to them in some way. I wouldn't call it following.

Oh, he's... Is he an employee of theirs?

That's the closest. He's getting paid by them.

He's getting paid by them. So, yeah, my guess was that he was like a bodyguard or something or like a driver.

Oh, he's the driver.

He said, I'm the taxi driver who's been driving you from bar to bar.

Nice one, Japes.

Wow. Taxi driver shouldn't go in the bar, right? First day of the taxi. Yeah, if I see my taxi driver drink it, okay, that's fair. Yeah, he is drinking soda water, but also, I guess, yeah, I guess, this is, Erin, can you give me a publication date on this book?

Oh yeah, by the way, this book is called Infuriating Lateral Thinking Problems.

Yeah, that's infuriating. Because here's the thing, with that riddle... 1997. 97. In 97, were you telling the taxi driver to like leave the meter running so you could go into a bar and drink? That's definitely something we're not doing nowadays. No one's telling the Uber driver to not take another fucking like... Uber ride. That's crazy.

Wasn't 97 the year where Clinton went on Arsenio Hall to play the saxophone and then Betsy America showed up and smacked it out of his mouth?

Yeah, she definitely did that.

We should take a quick break and reflect on all of the things that Betsy America has done for this great country.

GPC, you know how not too long ago Aaron was a car we don't really need to dwell on it? Sometimes you're asking yourself weird things like, why didn't they teach us this in school? I feel that way almost any time I'm dealing with money. Famously, I'm very bad with money. Famously, you're very good with money. That's why I'm giving my kids, aka my cats, a head start on their money skills with acorns early.

Now, if I know your cats, they're going to take those acorns, put them outside your door, and then feed them to squirrels so they can watch squirrels going outside of your door. But children, human children, they're very different. They have different learning patterns than cats. We're getting wildly off topic. Erin used to be a car. That's why she's not here. But that's been resolved at this point, so we don't have to worry about that.

Mostly been resolved. Acorns Early is the smart debit card and money app that grows kids' money skills as they grow up. This is something that I am going to be gifting to friends, that I myself hopefully one day will be gifting to a child, and again to my cats. Start with the in-app chores tracker. Teach your kids or cats the value of a dollar. Then let your kids set up their own savings goals and start building healthy money habits early. And you can maybe be like, hey, let's set a goal that you save up to buy, I don't know, like a car one day.

Yes, because it is legal to buy a car.

Yes.

Even if it is or was a human at some point, because if it's now a car, it's fine, and there's no laws against that. Plus, kids can spend what they've earned with their very own customizable debit card, giving them that extra sense of independence. Plus, with Acorn Early's spending limits and real-time spend notifications, parents always stay in control. I have played around with the Acorn's Early app, so it's still a little early for my child, but I really love the features. I really love how like simplified it is. I actually think that it like can make learning about money fun and engaging. And I think that those are very important things. It's also really important to like demystify, you know, the money, you know, money isn't something that's like, you know, dirty or dangerous or something. It's just like a tool like anything else that we use to exist in society. And I think that Acorns Early is a great way to introduce children to that.

Absolutely. Hey JPZ. Do you notice, even though Erin's not a car anymore, that sometimes when she sneezes it sounds like vroom?

Yeah. And sometimes when she, not to be indelicate, farts, it sounds like honk, honk, honk. Passes gas.

It sounds like honk, honk, honk, honk, honk, honk, honk. Yes. And then I immediately want to get, anyway, ready to teach your kids the smart way to earn, save and spend. Get your first month on us when you head to acornsearly.com slash HeyRiddle or download the Acorns Early app. That's one month free when you sign up at acornsearly.com slash HeyRiddle. Akron's Early is issued by Community Federal Savings Bank, member FDIC, pursuant to license by MasterCard International. Free trial for new subscribers only. Subscription fee starting for $5 per month unless canceled. Terms apply at akrons.com slash earlyterms.

Erin's not a car. Take control of your money.

Ah, Erin Keif, JPC, have a seat. Welcome to dinner. Fun. Fun!

And this is gratis, right? Potatoes are gratis.

Yes, the potatoes are free, but the meal is exquisite and the finest. Hey Erin, can I tell you a secret?

Yeah.

This is Tempo. It's all Tempo.

Oh, it smells so good. That's why it smells so good. Adal, can I tell you how grateful I am for this? Yes. This season, this like back to school season always has a wave of busyness, leaving very little room for me to like cook for myself and make nutritious meals. So like this means so much.

Oh, Erin, I agree. Tempo serves up fast, feel-good, single-serving meals that are crafted to cook in just three minutes. A minute for each of us, so you can eat, well, without sacrificing taste or convenience.

Wait, should the chef be sharing? Because I can hear that. That sounds like the chef is serving me.

With new recipes each week that are made with real ingredients and nutrients rich, they make it easy to keep up a healthy lifestyle.

Look, I know about Tempo's perfectly portioned lunches and dinners that take the guesswork out of eating well. They're fully prepared and they can be heated in the microwave in just three minutes. I just thought this was like a fancy French dinner and potatoes au gratin and all that stuff. Am I out of line here?

You can make it customized to you, monsieur. Protein-packed, calorie-conscious, carb-conscious, and fiber-rich. Bonjour, bonjour.

Bonjour, bonjour. Some of my favorite meals. Bistro-style garlic Dijon chicken with green beans and roasted tomatoes.

Oh la la.

That sounds good, yeah. Chef Kiss. Well, I just call it Kiss, I guess, not Chef Kiss. Also, ooh, beef barbacoa rice bowl with poblano cream sauce and corn.

My favorite woman, barbacoa.

It's weird to say corn in a French accent.

Also, don't say my favorite woman, Erin.

My favorite woman!

Look, all I know is that for a limited time, Tempo is offering my listeners 60% off your first box. So go to Tempomeals.com slash Riddle. That's Tempomeals.com slash Riddle for 60% off your first box. Tempomeals.com slash Riddle. R-I-D-D-L-E. Rules and restrictions may apply.

Bonjour! Bonjour!

Bonjour.

Bonjour. Adal, you say. C'est tout maintenant. Goodbye. Bonjour.

Bonjour. And my favorite woman is... No. In the ad. Jealous. Much. New coat. New shirt. New pants. Adal, you didn't get those from the emperor, did you? Uh, no, I think that guy was actually not wearing any clothes. Oh.

I knew it, and everyone says he was, and I knew he wasn't. I felt like I knew he wasn't.

Interesting that my experience with the emperor, his clothes are awesome.

Adal, your clothes look fantastic. Thank you. They look, like, very expensive. That must have costed you an arm and a leg.

Uh, no. Actually, we don't pay with limbs, we pay with money. But this was actually very cheap in terms of money. This is from Quince, my good lady.

I love Quince.

Quince has the kind of fall staples you'll wear non-stop. Like super soft 100% Mongolian cashmere sweaters. Touch, please, touch. Starting at just $60. That's bonkers.

$60?

Yeah, $60.

Their denim is durable and fits right, and their real leather jackets bring the clean, classic edge without the elevated price tag. I have sheets from Quince. I got a skirt from Quince. I love Quince.

On the walk over here wearing Quince, a bunch of photographers were like, who is that guy? That's clearly like someone's little brother, like Nathan Levi's cousin or something.

Is he okay? No, he looks really distressed. Personally, I love my lightweight hoodie. I think it's perfect for the cooler weather. It's kind of the in-between hoodie that you can get between a fall jacket and your summer clothes. It's awesome. It's a must-have staple of my wardrobe.

And I got my eye on some boots at Quint's for the fall. Just a tall boot. I haven't had one of those like riding boots in a minute and I'm excited. I might get them in black or maybe like a chocolate color. Come back to me. Come back to me.

Sounds good friends. Puts on sunglasses. So keep it classic and cool this fall with long lasting staples from Quint's. Go to quince.com slash riddle for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash riddle. Free shipping and 365 day returns. quince.com slash riddle.

Adal, I have got Erin on a joke website. I'm about to sell her chocolate boots. I think she's going to walk around.

Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.

I will stay and watch this.

Nom, nom, nom. Eats them like Cookie Monster.

This show is sponsored by BetterHelp.

Guys, I need to find a better solution than what I've been using. I've been going up to this character that's sitting at a booth that it's like free advice for five cents. She's being like really mean to me. And then I tried to like kick a football and she moved it and went, are you joking? That's so embarrassing. And I feel like that's not good therapy moving forward. I need to find a better solution.

Erin, you can't be doing that. You got to do what I do. You have to whisper your secrets into a rock and throw the rock into the ocean.

We're back.

Talk to an online therapist at BetterHelp.

Yeah, Erin, BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform, having served over 5 million people globally. It's convenient as well. You can join a session with a therapist at the click of a button, helping you fit therapy into your busy life, I assume, plus switch therapists at any time.

And BetterHelp's quality therapists work according to a strict code of conduct and are fully licensed in the U.S.

They're not going to move a football on you, Erin.

Erin, they won't move the football or they won't throw the rock back. In fact, they've been told specifically not to throw any rocks.

Hmm. BetterHelp does the initial matching work for you so you can focus on your therapy goals. A short questionnaire helps identify your needs and preferences. In their 10-plus years of experience, an industry-leading match fulfillment rate means they typically get it right the first time. And if you aren't happy with your match, you can switch to a different therapist any time to your tailored needs whenever. Whenever.

And as the largest online therapy provider in the world, BetterHelp can provide access to mental health professionals with a diverse variety of expertise. Find the one with BetterHelp. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com slash riddle. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash riddle. Hey Adal, can I tell you a secret? Yeah. It's me. I'm in the booth. I'm in the booth.

Nice one. Well, I'm going to go back to the booth and try the football one more time.

I'm going to let her have it this time. I'm going to let her have it.

Hey we're back with more of Molly's Riddle Book.

It's time for Molly's Riddle Books.

A man and his wife went on vacation. Two months later, the man called the police to report the location of a body near the place where he had been on holiday. The police thanked the man, then asked why it had taken him two months to report the body. What was the reason?

Is this like a Santa Claus situation where it was like early November, the guy saw dead Santa, the guy put on the Santa suit, said, I can't let the kids down, fulfilled all the orders, kind of turned into Santa, and then went to the- You're reading this verbatim.

Do you have the same book in front of you?

You know what the worst part about this riddle is? I know we've done this riddle or something so similar on the podcast before and I just don't remember the answer. But it's like, I have it very clearly in my mind that I should know this because I've had to guess it before.

I think we've had something similar within the first 50 episodes of our podcast. I vaguely remember something similar to this.

That sounds right because it sounds so far away that I'm like, oh boy.

Is the is it something to do with like the dead body always looked like like it was in a sleeping position like it Somebody died like on a beach chair or something and it just looked like they're getting it's on or something He's he's on a honeymoon, right?

That's On vacation he's on vacation later the man called the police to report the location of a body near the place where he'd been on holiday is he on holiday with his wife or on the show.

Is it something to do with this man had to wait like a two-month period for something else to happen in his life before?

Kind of.

Like he was on like parole or whatever and he couldn't... Keep in mind this book was written in 1997.

That is helpful.

Okay, so the man was blind. He went to Australia with a seeing eye dog, but in Australia they have to quarantine your pets for like two months.

Oh, Erin, I know what it is. We have had it before. He had to get the photos developed. He didn't know that he saw the body until he got the photos developed. Very good. Very good.

I want to see a scene.

Oh, okay. Adal, you are going to be developing photos. Maybe people don't know, when you were developing photos, the person who developed the photos got to look at all the photos before they were developed. And Erin, you are picking up your photos. And Adal, it's very obvious to Erin that you have looked at these photos.

Hi, how can, oh.

Hi.

Picking up?

I have a photo pickup for Maureen Enbridge, please. What was the name again? Maureen E-M-B-E-R-S.

Yes, yes, yes, yes. Okay. Here you go.

Sorry, were you guys, were you laughing back there at something?

Oh, yeah, we were just thinking of just like what Dilbert gets up to. There's no one else there. So typically we have doubles, you know, like we're just laughing about what Dilbert gets up to.

Yeah, because there's an employee in the back that you're laughing about that with.

Yes, they're just off screen, in movie terms. So, usually we have duplicates of all the photos, but you might notice that some... Hey Jeff, I'm going to close out and go home.

Are you cool closing alone? Because you're the last one here.

Uh, yeah. Last one here, wink wink. Uh, sorry my boss has been a real goof.

Are you the only two people who are here right now?

Yeah.

So you were the one laughing with him about Dilbert and what he's been up to?

I came from behind you. Come on, man. Just like Dalbert, classic Dalbert, always walking up behind somebody at the water cooler.

You're the manager. Yeah, you're the manager. And we've spoken before. And I told you guys it was two strikes with my photos. And if any of your employees look through my photos again, I'm bringing my business somewhere else.

You're Embers, correct?

Yeah, Maureen Embers.

Yeah, Maureen. Well, we have to look through the photos just to develop them, but I can assure you Jeff is our best photo guy and he didn't do anything. He took my duplicates.

No, our duplicate machine is broken. So we have one machine that makes the photos and then one that makes the duplicates, if that makes sense. It's real technical, but I've never seen you kissing your own hands to practice. Never.

That's exactly what's in the photo, sir. Lucky guess. And doctor-patient confidentiality or whatever. HIPAA!

HIPAA! HIPAA!

HIPAA! She's lying.

You went to go see a guy named doctor-patient confidentiality? What is he, Greek?

Oh my gosh. See, this is what I'm saying. This is an invasion of my privacy. Yes, I have a big kiss coming up and I wanted to practice.

You also have a butthole in your neck. She has a butthole in the middle of her neck. She took a photo of it. That's why she that's why she stands with her neck to her chest.

How dare you?

Ma'am, you, please raise your neck. Sir. Ma'am, please raise your neck.

No.

Oh my god, oh my god, it's happening.

If what Jeff says is true, I have to, I have to kick you out of this building.

How do I not have a camera for this moment?

I'm getting out of here.

And I have to give you a lifetime ban if what Jeff says is true.

I'm, you know what, I'm taking, I'm leaving. I'm leaving.

Lift up your chin. No, show your neck. Show your neck or everything you've said up to this point makes you a liar.

I'm leaving. Okay, I'm leaving. You're free to go.

But ma'am, I just have to say, the police are waiting outside. Wow. You're under arrest for having a butthole on your neck. This man's name is Jeff Hansen. He is to catch a predator on you. Mmm, cop. Mmm, mmm, mmm, cop. Well, he's not a cop. Oh, whoops. Jeff, he's not a cop.

You guys, I'm going to zoom out from the scene and look at it on a table. Where did we go wrong? I want to bring in a scene quality control person and you tell me exactly where we went wrong.

Studying the scene being like, it looks like it was perfectly executed.

It follows every formula.

Oh boy.

I love Erin, your character, being so indignant. And then as soon as they brought up your neck, you're like, I'm just going to go. I need to go. This isn't worth it.

I do think that when Erin was so insistent on going, I was like, well, now we can't let her go. We have to make her stay.

We simply must.

Next riddle. In what place would you find Julius Caesar, the biblical Rachel, King David, Pallas Athena, the goddess of war, King Charlemagne, Alexander the Great, Queen Elizabeth I of England, and Sir Lancelot all together?

Hell, the library. Pornhub.com slash history.

Oh my God.

Okay, Erin's going to Pornhub.com slash history. Okay.

I'm going to need 40 minutes. There's a lot of family.

Brian?

I heard you like to dance a lot. Adel's Head Library, I think that's a pretty good call.

I like that guess. That's not what the answer is though.

I mean, this is tough because this could be a lot of places.

I was thinking encyclopedia?

No. This is almost like a fact that, this is not almost, this is a fact that I did not know and I'm finding very interesting.

Can you give us the rundown of these people one more time?

Julius Caesar, Biblical Rachel, King David, Pallas Athena, King Charlemagne, Alexander the Great, Queen Elizabeth I of England, and Sir Lancelot.

They're all in... I want to say like a family tree, like a genealogy.

Mm-mm.

Is it they're all like entombed in the same area or given?

No.

Celebrated at some sort of, okay.

This is actually a fascinating fact. Like I'm 100% sure this has never crossed my desk and I haven't heard it before.

They're all in hospitals in terms of like Dave-inspired terminology. Caesarean. No. Julius Caesar.

That's not what that is. That cannot be what that is. Is it?

Yeah.

Julius Caesar was ripped from his mother's womb, but was not given birth vaginally, and so it's called a caesarean.

Are these popularizations of the dish salad? I believe you said Julius Caesar, Joseph Wedge.

Can I get the Athena Cobb?

No.

Rachel from the Bible. We were on a break.

A picture of what these people kind of look like.

They all have those those little thin golden Olympic things. Oh, yeah, those little Olympic tiaras.

Yeah, but they're like a They're like a backwards quarter crown or like three quarter crown, right? Is it that?

No.

Okay.

I think I'm just gonna tell you.

They all have statues.

Jewish?

Oh, okay. Athena, I'm very Jewish.

Oh, there is hints in this. Their images are found together in one common place.

Coins?

Nope, they are found on something which is in common use and has been for many years.

Common use.

They are used in a form of a game.

They've all been outlines for the NBA logo? That's so funny. No.

That's so funny. I'll tell you where they are. Rachel from the Bible doing the Michael Jordan, like, outstretched dog thing.

On a pack of playing cards. The original designs for Kings, Queens, and Jacks are based on these characters. I would like to see a scene.

That's amazing. Whoa, I have an idea.

Adal, you're a Vegas dealer, and JPC, you are playing Blackjack, and you are dealt one of the cards, and you think it looks so much like you that you start accusing the dealer of stealing your likeness.

Okay, that's a six.

Hmm. Six. Showing a six. Hit.

Yeah, that's a 16 with the jack clubs.

Where's Denny? Where is he?

Where's Denny? 16's tough when the dealer's showing 18, so I know.

Where's my friend Denny? Where's my buddy?

I'm not sure, sir.

This is our standard Caesars Palace deck. We can get you a free drink if you just calm down and stop being weird. First of all, I'm not being cum. Agreed. Second of all, where's Denny? I know he put you up to this. I know it's a trick deck. Look at my profile. Look at my- look at me in profile.

Okay, single, loves chocolate.

Oh, I'm sorry, did I leave that out on the table? Hold on, hold on. Look at the profile of my face and look at this jack of clubs. This is me. This is a picture of me.

Sir, there's a passing likeness, but I would never say... So you admit it. Okay. Sir, I'm going to bring in my pit boss.

Great. Mr. Worldwide. I'd love to see him. I'd love to meet him.

I know you want me. I know I want you. I know you want me. I know you want me.

I had tickets to your show later.

Sure.

It's nice to see you now. I took a sure sure later.

Sure later. Welcome to Burn Relief.

All right, all right, all right. If this isn't me on Jack of Clubs, if that's not me on Jack of Clubs, hit me, hit me, hit me, hit me, hit me, hit me, hit me.

Punch, punch, punch, punch.

I'm getting beat up by, oh no, I dropped my goose eggs.

He's going down.

The bigger they are, the harder they fall.

He's bigger than they are. Same. It was your friend Denny. I was going to be your friend Denny at the end, pretending to be Pitbull.

But you were Pitbull, and you punched the goose eggs out of me.

Exactly.

JBC, Casey, pull out your bingo cards. Who had Erin knowing the Pitbull rap during Kesha's Timber? That's my center square, actually.

Bigger they are, the harder they fall.

That one? Yeah. Twerking in their bra and thong, timber. Face down, booty up, timber. That's the way we like to, what? Timber. Thicker than an oil spill. I bet you won't, but you said you will. Swing your partner round and round. End of the night, it's going down. One more shot, another round. End of the night, it's going down.

Here's the thing. If I'm at home and this song comes on like my Spotify free playlist or something, I'm like, okay, skip. If I'm at a wedding... You're skipping Timber? If I'm at a wedding, holy sh... I'm like, yes!

Adal's eyes go completely black. He's in the middle of the dance floor and he's just swinging.

If you try to skip Timber, if you're like, hey Siri, skip song, Siri pops off with like... Nice try. I'm sorry. Are you trying to skip Timber? What's wrong? Do you need me to call someone for you? Are you trying to skip Timber and the emergency contact thing pops up and it's like, do you want to... Sir, did you fall down? You're skipping Timber. Do you not want to party?

Did you fall down and the corner of a stair hit your Spotify fast forward or your skip? No. Okay. He's crazy.

This guy's crazy.

Clear.

Also, I don't know the lyrics to anything, but I know the lyrics to that. So.

Brain is uniquely broken. Tamba.

John was colorblind. Because of his affliction, he landed an important job. What was it?

Because of his affliction, he landed an important job?

Traffic light operator. Nope.

Christmas denier? Christmas denier. That's very funny. Can't see greener.

Happy holidays. That's really funny. He went to war on Christmas. Okay, so he can't, colorblind traditionally is red and green, right? I believe so.

Those are the two that you can't. And they can't be, they can't be pilots. They can't, right? You can't be colorblind and be a pilot.

You know a lot of jobs that are unavailable to you because you're colorblind, but this is a job that he gets specifically because he is colorblind. I don't see color. Oh, does he work for the Obama administration? Did he cure racism? Yes. In America. Legally, I can't see color. Okay, so it's some career.

Yeah. Erin, can you read it one more time just so I can hear the phrasing? I would love to, Adal. Thank you.

John was colorblind. Because of this affliction, he landed an important job. What was it? And this is one of those weird historical facts.

Okay, so this is like a real thing. What would someone who's colorblind be especially equipped for?

Okay, so is this like a thing where he got like battlefield command because he couldn't see the blood or something on the uniform or some shit like that where he's like a general? This is John Adams.

John Adams? I know him.

Okay, is this a famous John, Erin?

No. Okay, so we wouldn't... I feel like you guys have kind of been circling this.

Is this? Oh, sorry.

Oh, go ahead.

Is this the same thing to do with, what is it called, CAPTCHA? Like the... Oh yeah. Because sometimes those have like... Yeah, I would say that.

I'll accept that. That's so close. John was employed by the Air Force during wartime to detect camouflage enemy positions from aerial photographs. Oh, so smart. Designed to fool people with normal vision. People who are colorblind are much better at spotting the differences in texture and shading in a landscape.

Erin, pretty gross you say normal vision.

Also, Paul Bettany is rolling in his bed.

Paul Bettany's rolling in his bed? Damn jealous. Who's he in there with? I would love to be in that bed.

Well, he's normal vision, but then there's also, I want to say Hulkbuster vision.

Hulkbuster vision!

We're going to do one more riddle and then we're going to do a voicemail and then we're going to apologize to each other. Oh, okay.

And Paul Bettany. Yeah.

A woman was sitting in her hotel room where there was a knock at the door. She opened the door to see a man whom she had never seen before. He said, Oh, I'm sorry. I have made a mistake. I thought this was my room. He then went off down the corridor to the elevator. The woman went back to her room and phoned reception and asked them to apprehend the man who she was sure was a thief. What made her so sure? Erin.

My dear, you don't knock on a door. It's your own room.

I'd like to see a scene. Adal, you're staying in a hotel room and GPC is going to knock on the door and pretend that that is his room.

Knock, knock, knock. Babe, did you order room service?

I did not. And I still need a couple more minutes of space, okay?

Lisa, you can just say no.

I did not.

I did not. You're not. This isn't a deposition. I'm sorry.

We're in a fight.

Knock, knock, knock. You always talk like legalese. Did you? I did not. Just say no.

Well, I'm sorry. I don't really want to be warm and casual with you right now. We're in a huge fight.

Knock, knock, knock. Just a minute. Probably the guy at the reception. I feel like he recognized me.

Hello? Oh, uh, hi.

Hi. Can I help you? Are you?

Oh, this is my room. Are you cleaning the room or why?

No. No, I'm in my boxers and a Zeppelin t-shirt. Yeah, I can tell.

What's going on? This, I'm 378. This is 378?

This is 378, but I, I think this is sort of like, do you ever see a person at work? Lisey, are you in there? Who are you asking for?

Hi.

Okay, what the fuck is my wife doing in that room with you, man?

Wait, why'd you say hi instead of, like, yes, speaking, this is her?

Well, we're not in a fight.

Lisey, what the hell is going on? Who is this guy?

He is my friend from work.

What? Oh. Oh my god, I thought the worst for a second. Oh, shit.

Okay. No, no, I'm not living a double life.

Okay, hey. Sorry, man. Well, you must have spilled something on your clothes or something and had to take them off. I got the takeout.

Well, I spilled... I don't want to say that.

Thanks, honey. I'll grab the takeout.

Okay. Sorry, man. I didn't catch your name. Are you joining us for dinner?

Oh, we have work stuff to do, honey. So if you want to come back later. Who are you calling honey?

Me? I hope.

What's... Why would she be calling you honey, man? You're from work.

Why are you wearing a wedding ring that matches my wedding ring? This is a yellow gold wedding ring. She's gonna shut the door.

Yellow gold. Shutting the door. Oh, you're going to the bathroom to eat? Quick! Interesting. Okay, well, she's going to the bathroom to eat. She does that sometimes. You must know from work.

On the count of three, let's say how we both know Lisa. Hey, real quick. Yeah? It was kind of contentious in here when I came in. Did you guys have like a work fight or something? We had a big fight about Led Zeppelin. What was it about? About Led Zeppelin. Oh no. You got into a fight with Lisa about Led Zeppelin? She says Houses of the Holy. You should apologize. Well, no.

Well, Lisa knows Led Zeppelin pretty well so it seems to be a problem. No.

She doesn't. Physical Graffiti is their third best album and she says it's Houses of Holy. Thank you for

Alright, we're going to do a quick voicemail theme and then voicemail.

Oh yeah, Casey, hit us with that voicemail theme. Gabriel sent that in and said it's a loose cover of a song called Death's Dynamic Shroud Which I've never heard.

Shroud's sort of a loose cover.

Shroud is a loose cover. Thank you. Hey, if you want to submit a voicemail theme, go ahead and make it 30 seconds or less, WAV files preferable, and send it to hrrpodcast.com. Nope, hrpodcast at gmail.com. That's the email address, not like a fake website or whatever. But thank you for that. Gabriel, Casey, can you play us a voicemail?

Hey, my name is Jamie Stanton, and I'm looking for a new middle name. Currently it's Elliot, and before that I tried out Gray. I'm non-binary, so I'm trying to find something that's gender neutral. So let me know what you think. I will be legally obligated to have this BAME, so it's a big responsibility. Thank you so much. Bye.

Ooh, okay. Anytime I hear Elliot, I just think, Elliot.

Well look, I'll say this right off the bat since we were talking about it earlier. Your name is Jamie Stanton, you're looking for a middle name. You go with Christ, suddenly you're JCS.

You know what I'm saying?

Jamie Stanton, superstar. One for one. It's a one for one. It's a one for one.

I think since it's a middle name, you can do something hilarious.

Yeah. Okay, Erin, now go ahead and say what that is.

Say one hilarious thing. Did they say their name, their middle name used to be Gray? Gray and Elliot. What about help me?

What about Einstein? What about, um, what about Monster?

Betsy America. What was her name?

Betsy America. I think Ribbit is a cool middle name because it's the sound a frog makes. Bonk.

What about Moo? Bonk.

Zoink.

Zoink.

Zip zap zap.

What else? Pebbles. What I try to do is I would try to tailor a middle name to the name that you have. So you have Jamie Stanton and you want something that kind of flows in. What about Willow? Willow. I like that a lot.

Jamie Willow Stanton sounds like a profound author.

Or like a famous assassin.

Yeah.

So you have options of what your career is. And you could go by J-dub.

Of course the dub for W. I think also they said they're non-binary. I think Willow is a perfectly acceptable non-binary name as well. I think we nailed it. It's Willow. It's Willow.

It's also a tree.

Oh, that's better. Name yourself Tree.

Tree.

Cut all the names. Cut Jamie, cut Stanton. Just go by Tree. My name's Tree.

Prince, Madonna, Tree.

Tree. But not spelled how you think. If you want to send us a voicemail, it's 805-RIDDLE-1. Make it 30 seconds or less, guys. We've gotten a lot of like 45 second, one minute long voicemails. They're never getting on the show. 30 seconds or less. Use a timer.

Adal, anything to plug?

I want to plug a couple things. I want to plug our new podcast with Anthony Burch from Dungeons and Daddies. It is called Gumshoes and Dragons. It's been an absolute blast to work on. Our first episode with Brennan Lee Mulligan is out.

No, all three episodes.

All our first three episodes are out now. Check those out. I'm very, very excited for that show. Also, Hello from the Magic Tavern is on tour, so you can see what dates are coming up and buy tickets for that. And Hey Riddle Riddle will soon be on the third leg of our tour, so please buy tickets and see where we're coming as well. Erin, anything to plug or promote?

If you want to follow Quality Time on Instagram, it's my monthly variety show I host here in Los Angeles, and we'd love to see you if you can make it. GPC, any review to read or anything to plug?

Again, I just want to plug the Hey Riddle Riddle tour. We're coming back. The next leg of it is going to be Atlanta, Nashville, and Denver. And the first Nashville show is sold out, but we still have tickets to the second Nashville show. And Atlanta and Denver are also getting kind of close. The last of it is getting hairy. And then in the fall, we already sold out Boston. So apologies if you didn't get your Boston tickets. Maybe there will be some people who can't go or whatever releasing tickets to check. Riddle Riddle Riddle

A hundred percent. I already wear that most nights.

And Erin, I apologize that I say that you wear chicken lingerie just because you wouldn't tell me who your big crush was while you were wearing lingerie.

And Erin, you say that your chicken lingerie, and these are your words, Erin. I'm not saying they're my words. You say your chicken lingerie is finger fucking good, right?

That's exactly what I said. I'll take full credit for that.

Those are not my words.

All right, Jupiter, everybody. Have fun with that. See you next week.

I'm Conor Sandals and I say it's finger-fuckin'-good. That lingerie is finger-fuckin'-good. That lingerie is... Come on down to KFC Lingerie.

Our lingerie is finger-fuckin'-good.

Hey there sasses and squatches. If you like that, you are going to love this week's Patreon. We go on a cryptid hunt. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com slash heyriddleriddle by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or start your seven day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month. Plus you get those ad free episodes. See you there.

That was a hate gum podcast.