Which Riddle Riddle?

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Two guys on the show sound the same. The girl's not funny. I don't like it when they're mean. I don't get any of the jokes. They don't get to the riddles fast enough.

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Hear ye, hear ye. Women's not funny. Two guys sound the same. They're too mean. The riddles aren't very good. They get to them too late. I'm sorry.

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Are your pants off, big boy? Yeah.

Beep. I don't know. Am I supposed to just start or what's the episode? Just start. Just start. Okay, cool.

If you think the guys sound the same, press 2. If you think the woman's not funny, press 3. If you think they're too mean to each other, press 4. If you have any other complaint, hang up now.

Two, three, four, five, six, seven, just go through the whole thing. Hey, welcome to Hey Riddle Riddle, the show where the guys sound the same, they're too mean to the woman, the woman's not funny, they don't do enough riddles, the riddles take too long to get to, they're not very good when they do do them, some of them aren't riddles, and they talk about their personal lives too much.

Thanks Adal, that was great. I'm JPC.

I'm JPC.

And I'd make a joke, but it wouldn't be funny.

And, you know, this is Hey Riddle Riddle. Hey guys, it's episode 369. Nice.

Oh, Erin, it sounded like you weren't really into it.

No, no, no, I got it. I can get enthusiastic. We've just hit a lot of these 69 milestones. It's hard to get excited.

I don't think you're getting as excited about putting someone else's genitals in your mouth as they put their genitals in your mouth.

Is that what 69ing is?

Oh, great. Here comes HR. Hey, HR. Hey, bitches.

Sometimes we do get to those.

Chances in this episode, we may in fact get to those. I don't know if we will, but we could.

You know, JPC, I'm ready to lock in right now. Hit me with the first riddle.

I watched Terminator last night.

And I knew it. And I knew it.

Terminator is What kind of

Maybe we make Arnold nice.

The strong silent type. Apparently I also read that Arnold was originally was applying for the role of Reese, Kyle Reese, like the hero of that movie. But they, Jim Cameron like sat with him and convinced him to take on the Terminator role instead. And apparently it worked and Arnold was like convinced by it. But I don't know how hard it worked because I just saw a thing that was James Cameron. The script said, I will be back. And Cameron was like, stop shortening it. It is, I will be back. That is what the script says. That is what you will say.

I'm

Like what those different takes like, do one for you, and then like being like, wow, if I didn't say do one for you, it would have completely changed the tone of this movie because... Yeah. But I think that's more like a... Judd Apatow's Terminator. A money decision too. Right, Clint Eastwood is the one who always does one take. He's like, yeah, one take, we got it.

Maybe.

Not him performing one take, but as a director. As a director, okay. Is that true?

That's not enough takes. That's why I don't like his movies. I know.

You'd think, like, even just for, like, camera angles and stuff, you'd want to do, you know, multiple takes.

Mr. Eastwood, we got the boom mic in the shot. It's fine.

It's fine. Keep it going. Make him part of it.

Erin, I think... Yes. Can we set goals for each other?

Sure.

I think I would really like to see you with Linda Hamilton arms.

Now what does that mean?

She's got Linda Hamilton loves. He's got a zip it. JoJo, see what song? Linda Hamilton is Oh, super strong.

I see. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Okay, I'll do that.

Yeah, I feel like you already have, like, you're already, like, buff, but I feel like Linda Hamilton is the pinnacle, is like the apex of arms.

I can do this. It will just be a ton of work.

What about Sigourney Weaver in Alien? I feel like she's pretty buff in that, right? Yeah, that's fair. It's just kind of that similar era of, you know, the badass heroines of 80s action films. I guess, wait, Alien was 70s?

I think Alien was 80s.

I know Aliens was 80s.

Yeah, it was 80s, right?

I don't know. This is the part of being a cinephile that I am not capable of doing, is knowing when movies came out.

All right, when did 2001 A Space Odyssey come out?

This is such a trick question. Oh, fuck, it's gotta be 2001. It's gotta be 2001.

Whoa, Alien 1979.

I thought it was 79, yeah.

Yeah, good job. Did I say 79?

When did Inside Llewyn Davis, you did, come out?

Inside Llewyn Davis came out in 2013.

2012.

I don't know the answer to that. We don't know, nobody does.

What year did Iron Giant come out? 2002. I have to believe that's right. Yeah, we can't look it up. I can't look it up.

I have to believe that's right.

Let me send a Venmo. You just lost a thousand bucks on that one.

Thank you, Adal. I really needed this. I'm having a lot of medical stuff.

I really, you know what? I really needed a thousand bucks today. Thank you so much. This is like, I was having like a kind of a crappy morning, but like a thousand bucks truly makes me feel like a million bucks.

Put a little pep in my step. Alright, here are some riddles. I'm gonna ask you.

Let's do it. Wait, are you Old Man Puzzles?

Yep, I am. What is, from 2002... Iron Giant? Yeah, you got it!

Does he get his thousand bucks back?

Fuck, yeah he does.

We actually have a lot of riddles to do on the show today. We have some, this is a riddle that was sent in all the way from Iceland.

Mmm.

Yeah, and Iceland's the one that's green and Greenland's the one that's ice. So just so everyone's clear, this is from a green place.

Capital City, wreck your shit Iceland. I think that's what it's called.

I believe so. This is from Emile. Emile writes, you are standing in the Garden of Eden. Before you are 10 beautiful, naked, and nearly identical men standing side by side in a line.

Is it my birthday? No, I don't mean that. I'm tired.

Great. Here comes HR. Everybody be cool. What would this birthday be, Erin? I don't know.

I'm not all here. I'm not all here.

And on the eighth day, God created thunder from down under?

You want it?

I need it.

Um, no, Erin, it's not your birthday, but that's a really good guess. Uh, they have no facial expressions. They're all facing you and their poses are exactly the same. Although they look so like each other, you are able to spot, in a second, which of them is the real Adam. Without moving, communicating with him in any way, shape, or form, and only using your eyes, how do you spot the real Adam?

Yeah, missing a rib. He's got like a big scar holding his eye.

He's like... He's going... Well, you know, I think, Adal, that is a great guess. And is that... That's in the Bible, that God took the rib out of Adam to make Eve. Today we're

And can I tell you something? Those 10 men, once God took the rib out of that one Adam, the other nine guys stood around and were like, oh, you should flip it. You should put more charcoal under the rib. And he's like, no, I got it. I'm going to make a woman.

Now you see nine people and one of them is sucking themselves off and you're like, okay, so I think we know who lost the rib. Kind of out of angle though, right? Because if you don't take both out.

Also, yeah, famously women come from men and not the other way around. I'm pissed.

I'm getting fired up. Women come from men, Erin? That's my experience?

Oh, here comes HR.

Oh, god damn.

We had to fuck this robot like four times on the episode. Women come from men, Erin. That's my experience. Erin, Erin, please, Erin. Is it a mirror? Is it a statue? Is it chess?

No, it's not a rib. Rib is a good guess, but it's not rib. It's not. And again, you can't move. You can't communicate with him in any way. You're just using your eyes.

What if I loved a book so much that I was like, everyone has to follow what this book says. Like what if I loved Angels and Demons so much That I just said, you know what? But you do. But you do.

And that's what you do do.

I'm trying to ask you guys, can Angels and Demons be our religion, please?

Oh, I guess that's already sort of religious. You picked a book that, like, directly grips off the Bible, and you're like, can this book be our religion?

Tell me where in the Bible it mentions angels and demons. I think Dan Brown invented something.

Yeah. He goes to a church in that book, but it doesn't say what kind.

Can you give me a hint?

Is it a belly button? Adal, it's a belly button.

I found a button and it's not from my shirt. I found a button and it's not from my skirt. I found a button, it's a part of me. It's a button in the middle of my tummy. It's my belly button. It's my favorite song.

God, I love Zooey Deschanel. It is the real Adam would have no belly button. That's so weird.

Because he was a C-section, right?

Because he was a C-section, and famously, people with C-sections, who are born from C-sections, don't have belly buttons.

What was the ABC family show where the guy didn't have a belly button?

Kyle XY!

Kyle XY! Elf also works. How many seasons do you think Kyle XY got?

And what year do you think it came out?

2002.

2002, yeah. What the fuck is Kyle XY?

Come on, Kyle XY.

We've talked about it on the show before. I know we've talked about Kyle XY. There's no way. Kyle XY?

Yeah, he's like an alien without a belly button.

What is, this is a live action show?

Yeah.

There's no fucking way.

A live, a live action show. Who is? Modern Family. It's a live action comedy.

Well, Kyle XY sounds like an anime, it sounds like Ben 10 or something. So what, who is, who are the stars in this show?

No one I remember. Kyle XY was like a brooding alien and he didn't have a belly button and that's all I really know about it.

He had dark hair. Does that do anything?

2002.

Does he never wear shirts on the show?

I don't know if it was a big part of the show that he didn't have a belly button or if that was just kind of like... A teenage boy is found wandering naked and dazed in traffic. That sucks.

He's a savant who's missing instinctive human behavior like joy, anger, and love. A perfect protagonist. Someone who can't feel anything.

Yeah, a naked psychopath.

It was in 2006.

Four years after the Iron Giant.

We actually didn't look up when the Iron Giant was, guys.

I know, we can't. We won't. Okay. Oh, you know what? Actually, I do want to see a quick scene. Erin and I will be in the scene and we have just found Adal. Adal, you are kind of Terminator-esque. A confused naked person with no belly button who we found kind of just wandering around outside. Excuse me, sir. Do you need help?

Backflip front door. Holy shit. Sorry? Comatose exaggeration. Butterfinger extradite.

Oh, sir, we think you've probably had a stroke.

Honey, is this one of your friends?

Honey! No, it's not one of my friends. I don't know this man.

Is this one of your friends from the bowling league?

Bowling League, honey. Bowling League, friend. He's a confused man, and I'm just, we, he's wandering naked around outside.

Sorry, just seems a lot like one of your friends from your bowling league.

What about him? Makes it look like one of my bowling buddies. He's naked and he's confused.

Yeah, I mean, that's like sort of the vibe of your bowling. I know, I know you're trying to get out there and make new friends. We moved to a different town. I'm just trying to be interested in your interests.

First of all, I didn't know it was nude bowling. I'm trying to make new friends.

Who are you trying to convince?

It's okay. I didn't know. It made me super uncomfortable the first time I bowled. Have I gotten used to naked bowling? Yeah, I have, but only because I'm kind of putting myself out there, which, by the way, you still are not doing. I mean, how many friends have you made in this town?

Hey, that's a little below the... Sorry, your friend is sort of wandering into the street. Do you want to grab him?

He's not my friend, but guess what, Meredith, he could be. Excuse me, sir, do you want to... Would you like... Do you bowl?

Naked bowling.

Okay, so maybe... What's your name? Tari. So Sari and I are going to actually go to naked bowling right now.

Mmm.

I know we were going out to breakfast, but I think I'm going to do some naked bowling with Sari, because the guys are pretty much always down to naked bowl.

Breakfast bowling, harvest organs. Ha ha, harvest organs.

You're just going to prove to me that it's easy for you to make friends? Well, I'll make friends with this. Excuse me, miss, are you busy?

No, Sari. Yes, I'm very busy. I'm taking my child to the hospital.

Um, well I'll go with you because we're new good friends.

Get the fuck away from me. It's people like you that poisoned my child.

Mommy, I'm scared. Alright, heard and understood. I will find a different friend.

Okay, good luck Meredith.

And it will be easy.

Sorry, are you ready to naked bowl?

Sorry, naked bowling.

It's good that I met this man who's not having a medical problem. And I'm gonna take to a naked bowling alley.

Clean bill of health.

Puppy chow.

If he's so normal, where's his belly button?

Oh my god, how dare you look down there? Harvest organs.

Harvest organs.

You've offended him. Sorry, I apologize. Sorry, I apologize. Sorry. Now, you don't have to apologize. You have nothing to apologize for. My wife is... I hate to say it, baby, but you're a bigot.

What?

Oh, what?

No, I'm not. Show brain.

Show brain of this one. Show this one's brain. Show him your brain, Meredith.

Whatever that means in this culture. Two plus five is seven?

Mmm. Knowledge, not brain. Brain, please. Show brain. That's really kind of you, sorry.

That's really kind of you to say to her.

I'm gonna get on the train and get out of this scene. Train, brain? And you go bull and have the best time.

Okay. All right. Naked bowling. Um, who wants to finger me?

Sorry. Sorry, Des. Okay.

Well, scene. Guys, can we do that scene over? I realized I was just playing Nell the whole time.

All right, we can do it over.

I have to say, I think that if I was going to do any... Yeah, because bowling's not really a contact sport. I think I could bowl naked.

All right, let's actually think about this. If we're going to think about this, we're going to think about this.

I mean, you don't want to get your... You don't want to get anything caught in any sort of machine or pinched or anything. That's one risk, but I think I could be pretty careful about that.

But it would be nice to have the little air blower thing. It would be nice to kind of... Yeah, for sure.

Anywhere on you.

Erin, you know.

I do know, but what I'm thinking is that you know that moment when you bowl and then you turn around and it's so vulnerable, like when you look back at the group? Imagine doing that and then also you're naked.

If I turn around after I get a strike and I'm naked, I will feel invincible. If I turn around and I get like a gutter ball or one pin naked, I feel like it's gonna feel like maybe the worst feeling in the world.

But naked golf, I feel like is good. Naked mini golf, easy.

Thank you for

It's a 50-50 chance when you go to any bowling alley that it's going to be cosmic bowling, which is like black light.

And being naked under black light... What, are you fucking covered in cum? What do you mean? Why are you concerned?

Casey, clip that. Casey, do not clip that. That would be cool.

That would be fun is what I'm saying.

Absolute clip of that. I remember I went to the Rainforest Cafe on like, I think it was like a 7th or 8th grade trip. Hey Riddle Riddle

No, no, no. No, don't. Don't give me the worst news.

The size of the state of this kid's pants. And it was so egregious that no one even would like say anything. No one even made fun of him for it.

That is so much worse. When you're at that precipice, when you've been humiliated, the only thing you hope for is that it's not so bad that people start making fun of you.

Because it was a point where we were like, what do we make fun of him for? Do we make fun of him for... Copious amounts of... Copious amounts? Is it a not washing the pants? Where's the angle on this? And I think everyone just decided like, let's all just shake hands and agree that we don't need to.

If I were him, I'd be begging you to make fun of me.

He'd be like, hey, could someone please kill me? Someone please kill me.

Kill me.

All right, here we go. Here's some new riddles. This is some riddles from Jamie Newton. Was I able to say Jamie's name? Doesn't matter. I already did. Jamie Newton from Toronto. I probably wouldn't have written down the last name in my document if I wasn't able to say it. But thank you, Jamie, for sending this in probably seven years ago. These are sandbox-style puzzles, where each answer is a planet from Star Wars. Doing a quick check-in, how confident do you guys feel in guessing riddle answers that are planets from Star Wars?

I know one planet from Star Wars.

I know one planet from Star Wars.

I can't wait, because there's more than one of these riddles, I believe there are six. Alright, Star Wars, what year?

Which one?

Star Wars, the original Star Wars episode.

Every three years? Four. Seventy-two. Seventy-four.

Here's what I'll say. It was either 78 or 79 and I know that for a fact. I just don't know which one it was. Because I remember the first Star Wars came out in the 70s and the second one came out in the 80s.

Can you imagine if Alien and Star Wars came out the same year? Fucking space. What a space year.

I do think that movies used to be better. Yeah. I think there were maybe like less movies or something back then, but it seems like if you look at like the best movies of like 1979, you'll be like, oh, fuck, like, yeah. What a fucking year for movies. 77 was Star Wars. It was 77, so I was wrong. All right, here we go.

You said you were 100% sure? Can we actually, Casey, can you clip how confident JBC was a second ago?

It was either 78 or 79, and I know that for a fact.

And we're back. Thank you so much.

Yeah. Here we go. Buzz.

10,000%.

10,000% on the cum one too, though, Erin, so.

Eww.

Yeah, we'll have to wait until the end of the year to see who was right. He's probably going to clip that eww, too, because that's a very good eww. Okay. The latest blockbuster left itself left itself open for a sequel when the final credits said, the blank is it. Endure.

Yes. Well, we both burned our one.

I actually think I have one more.

I do have one more.

We have the same one more. Tatooine? Tatooine.

Wait, where do the little Ewoks live?

Don't burn them yet. We have to get to the, let me at least read the prompt.

Oh, JPC, is the Death Star a planet? I guess it's a star.

It's the size of a star. If you try to pick up girls at podcast festivals, you're looking for love in blank places. Alderaan. Okay, you guys know more than you thought.

Looking for love in Alderaan places.

Okay, I want to see this scene. Erin, you're going to try picking someone up at a podcast festival, and this is a podcast festival, a hypothetical one, but you are there with Hey Riddle Riddle, and you're kind of like name-dropping. Great.

Do you want uppies? One, two, three!

Oh, no, no, sorry. I didn't know you were talking to me. No, I don't want uppies.

Sorry, I get nervous meeting new people. How do you do? My name's Erin Keif. I have been on podcasts before. I'm trying to think. Hello from the Magic Tavern. And then Hey Riddle Riddle.

I don't really, I don't really know a ton of podcasts. I'm here with my friend.

Your friend likes podcasts.

Yes, my friend's a huge, yeah, they, I mean, comedy podcast. They like, they love them all.

Are we talking comedy podcast? Hey, brother. We talking comedy podcast?

Now who's this?

I don't know if this is a beer line. I'm not sure who any of these people are. Yeah, yeah, it's a comedy podcast festival. I'll be the judge of that. Yeah, she's on comedy podcasts.

What?

Yeah, I've been on Comedy Bang Bang like a couple times. I've never done a great job.

Jess McKenna? Were you Jess McKenna?

No, I'm... No, no, I'm not Jess McKenna. Jess McKenna's not like a character.

I think she's a character.

Yeah, she's a character. She's a cut-up. Her and Zacharino are cut-ups.

Yeah, they're funny, but she's a real person.

Nobody on there is a real person.

Yeah, that's kind of the format of the show. I don't even listen to podcasts that I know that.

You know what? I can't judge you because I came over here and tried to pick you up. You know?

Well, nobody can judge me except for God and John Hodgman.

Oh, I've met him once. He's nice. Okay.

He's a character.

Hey guys, say we get out of here and we go... What the fuck? Yeah, we go upstairs, we order some room service, we take a nap.

Have you been on WTF?

Oh no, and that ended, so.

Or is ending? Does anyone know?

You know what? Beer's on me, fellas.

Is that the name of your podcast?

No, but that is a good thing.

Oh, I love the beers on me fellas. Oh my god, they're so funny.

Oh, I've never even heard of that. They're funny? Funnier than me?

The theme song is like, beers on me.

Do they go, beers on me?

They do. You've listened.

No, I wish I had. That sounds awesome. God, this is actually the most successful social interaction I've had today.

Oh, that's why you look so sad.

Yeah, I'm I'm really flailing here.

Oh my god. Oh my god. Look, Nick Wagner's walking by. Oh my god.

He's nice too. I've met him too. He's nice.

No.

Okay. You know what? I'm gonna get drunk. And I'll see you guys later.

This is the beer line.

This is what we're all doing here.

The psychotic Kill Bill fan spent weeks watching the actress come and go, figuring out how to blank-ma.

Uma Thurman-a. Is that a name from a Star Wars fan?

Well, you were right with Uma. It is Uma. How to blank Uma.

Cat, uh, something Uma. Um... Tatooine?

Watching someone come and go, figuring out how to blank Uma. Catch Uma. It's not catch, what's another... Oh, 310 to you? No, a synonym for catch.

Adal, I did like that a lot. Trap. Thank you.

Trap. Trap, cat, uh... Catch.

This is more like slang. Thanks for watching. This is Natalie Portman's characters from here. Oh, heaven? Are you an angel? Jar Jar Binks was born here.

The birthplace of Jar Jar Binks!

Naboo-ma.

Naboo-ma. But ma was part of it, so you got to take the ma off. Naboo-ma-foo. Naboo. It's Naboo.

Naboo? Naboo-ma-foo.

Naboo-ma-foo.

It's Naboo.

I will say, the prequels were not well-received Star Wars movies, but Naboo was a pretty big fixture of those first- I'm not a Star Wars gal.

I like Andor, and Rogwan, and that's kind of the end of my list.

You know, Erin, that's a pretty good list, honestly, all things considered. The thing about Star Wars is the first three are good, the prequels are all bad, and the last three, if taken in aggregate, are bad. So, you're not missing much.

I completely agree. What about Solo?

Dude, Solo is another one, like episode 7, 8, and 9, that I have seen one time and will probably never watch again.

I never saw that.

The only thing that I can tell you about Solo is that there is a scene where they're like, what's your name? And he's like, Han. They're like, and you're all alone? We'll call you Han Solo. That's insane.

I do remember that. And I was like, I hope they do that with every single other character.

That's brutal.

What's your name? Darth? Well, you look a little sick. Maybe we'll call you Plagueis. Darth Plagueis. Okay, you won't know this one, and you maybe will... Okay, you won't know this one, but I'll do it. I fucking love bludgeoning papier-mâché animals until candy falls out, so I always spring for the blank yadas.

Pin.

Pin.

pin is part of it but it's like the highest quality uh top um not top what's another way to say highest quality best pin Best. It's Bespin.

Bespin. Oh, like the little bikes that Matthew Broderick rides around on? Don't worry about it.

What planet is that, though?

Well, it's the planet Bespin, Erin.

Yeah, but what, like, context-wise, who's from there? What's the deal with it?

Um, let's see. I haven't seen, what, which one is Bespin? Bespin, I think that that is a 78 and 9 one. Am I wrong? Is it the casino planet? Is Bespin the casino planet? It feels like it's the casino planet.

Can you imagine a casino planet? Well, that's the thing with Star Wars.

You have to sort of imagine.

Yeah, why not just have a casino? That'd be a whole planet.

I mean, but if you got a bunch of extra planets lying around.

Yeah, I guess so. Sort of like a Scientology situation.

Oh, I'm confused. Bespin is the one where Cloud City is. Cloud City is on Bespin.

Which is where Lando Calrissian's from.

The thing that Star Wars does is instead of doing things like Earth, which has a ton of different biomes, every Star Wars planet is just one biome. So there's like Tatooine, desert, you know, Bespin, clouds, Camino, well, water. It's just like all water. Yeah.

So is there a Mando and a Lando?

There's a Mando and a Lando. And I think that that would be honestly a knockout Disney Plus series. Mando and a Lando? Mando and a Lando.

Is it a sitcom? Yeah, it's a sitcom. It's a multi-cam. Mando, Mando. And they're just kind of fun roommates.

He's like, Mando, you left your Vesgar armor all over the place.

Oh yeah, we're in space.

Mando just blows his brains out. What's the band? Where's that at?

Uh, is that, that's on Tatooine, right? Moss S. Buck? Okay.

Moss, yes, yes, yes, yes.

Yeah. Um, you know, uh, okay, here's one that I think that you probably will have heard of. I think if I give this one to you, you'll, you'll have heard of this. The doctor said, if it doesn't feel better by two's blank, kuh, to the pharmacy for more painkillers. Dagobah.

Yoda's a little swamp frog. I knew that one. It's easy.

I do want to see a scene.

Is he from there?

I think he just like hid there, right? I think he lives in the swamp. Yeah, he's a swamp guy. I think he's embarrassed and he's like, just visiting, I am. Not my home, this is.

Clearing mugs. Yoda, I just saw a pillow in it.

No, see, nothing you did.

No throw pillows here.

Brought these postcards on fridge from home, I did. Do this while traveling.

Yoda, I just saw a frog in lingerie hop away. No, no lingerie in frog. I do want to see a scene. Yes. Erin, you are a... What is Yoda?

Whatever that is.

They've never said. A lot of Star Wars aliens have names, but like Yoda is just a Yoda type alien, basically.

Yeah, Erin, you're a Yoda type, and you're on Dagobah, and JPC is just sort of a random traveler whose ship broke down, and you're going to interact with him.

Well, great. I don't think there's anything on this star system, and I just can't fix the ship myself. Oh, hello? Excuse me?

Adal, you can't be laughing at how bad I am at this.

Hello? Did someone say something? Excuse me? My ship broke down. I'm trying to get back to space, which is where I live.

With that attitude, it might be hard for you to get back up in the air.

Oh, hi. My name is... Let's see Star Wars name. Uh, Jorg Babadoo, and I... I'm trying to get back to space. Do you... Do you have anything that could help me fix my ship, or are you from here?

I'm sorry, I don't want to... Jorg, I make you nervous, I do. You nervous talking. You've never seen a yoga with an open robe before. A yoga with an open... Yoda with an open robe before. Uh, yeah, I would say it's... My robe is open, I'm Yoda.

It's

Yoda needs what he needs to get energy to fix ship. Yoda needs what he needs to get energy to fix ship. Yoda needs what he needs to get energy to fix ship.

Yoda needs what he needs to get energy to fix ship. Yoda needs what he needs to get energy to fix ship.

Yoda needs what he needs to get energy to fix ship. Yoda needs what he needs to get energy to fix ship. Yoda needs what he needs to get energy to fix ship.

Yoda needs what he needs to get energy to fix ship. Yoda needs what he needs to get energy to fix ship. Yoda needs what he needs to get energy to fix ship. Yoda needs what he needs to get energy to fix ship. Yoda needs what he needs to get energy to fix ship. Yoda needs what he needs to get energy to fix ship. Yoda needs what he needs to get energy to fix ship. Yoda needs what he needs to get energy to fix ship. Yoda needs what he needs to get energy to fix ship. Yoda needs what he needs to get energy to fix ship.

Yoda needs what he needs to get energy

Oh, I'm married. Yeah, I'm super, I'm super married.

I'm not hitting on you. You're just not hitting on you.

God, I broke your form out there. Kind of made me getting flustered. I'm sorry. Yeah.

Hey, listen, man, I have to be honest with you. You landed and I started talking and I panicked. And I picked a voice that was not sustainable.

I never, obviously I know it's the same actor, but I never noticed how thin a membrane there is between Yoda and Miss Piggy. Truly the thinnest of membranes.

I love when Yoda fights with his lightsaber. It's so funny. He's like leaping so high.

Yeah, doing 20 flips.

Yeah, they really ruined Yoda as a character in those prequel movies. Okay, let's do one more and then we'll take a break. Well, late for a break, but we'll still take one.

Oh wait, what are the things that go, Jawa. Jawas. Those are the best things.

Sorry, just had to say that. Jawas are great.

I like the stressed out animals from the new ones. They're like, oh, the porgs. I love the porgs.

I think I heard from a guy who works at ILM is that they shot somewhere and there's like puffins everywhere, and they're like, we can't like, we can't like, eliminate the puffins, so we just have to like, animate on top of them or something?

Yeah. That's awesome.

That's how they bore the borgs.

Yeah, I think what Star Wars really shines is making little weirdo creature things. But they should be puppets. They should be practical effects. Yeah. Okay, here we go. Here's the last one. I think you're gonna get this one. Brian, the famous music producer, couldn't remember the name of Russia's greatest pop duo until someone said... Blank, oh... Tatooine.

Tatooine!

All the things you said, all the things you said.

Runnin' through my head, runnin' through my head, runnin' through my head.

And why don't you run some ads through your head? Right? That's something. Hey Adal, Erin, did you know that a lot of people aren't aware of how much they spend each month? Let me ask you a question. Do you guys know how much subscriptions you pay for? What about how much you spend on takeout or delivery? It's probably more than you think. I'd rather not look. Well, you don't have to look. Well, I guess you do have to look. You just don't have to look in your mind. You have to look at an app because there's an app designed to help you manage your money better. And that app is Rocket Money.

Yes. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings.

Rocket Money's 5 million members have saved a total of $500 million in cancelled subscriptions, with members saving up to $740 a year when they use all of the app's premium features. I just found out that I've been paying one of the Backstreet Boys $100 a week.

Oh, me too. That's so crazy.

Okay. Which one? You say on three. On three, say the Backstreet Boy you've been paying a million or a hundred dollars a week. One, two, three. Tall one. Nick Lachey.

It's like having a little assistant in your pocket.

My Rocket Money's like, it looks like you need a new category for giving money directly to Chris Kirkpatrick.

So cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney.com slash Riddle today. That's RocketMoney.com slash Riddle. RocketMoney.com slash Riddle.

Howie, Howie gonna stop paying for all these subscriptions. Is that one of the Backstreet Boys? Howie could have been from NSYNC. Lache away. This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace.

Adal JPC, I got a new website and it's dedicated to one of your favorite Hey Riddle Riddle characters.

Oh, Coco, is it Erin Keif, the character that you play sometimes on the show?

Yeah!

Wait, you're talking about Squarespace, the all-in-one website platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online, whether you're just starting out or scaling your business. Squarespace gives you everything you need to claim your domain, showcase your offerings with a professional website, grow your brand, and get paid all in one place?

Uh-huh, and I'm from the 1920s or something, so building a website gotta be intuitive for me to like it, and I love Squarespace.

Oh yeah, Coco, I know that you've been obsessed with videos, or I mean just a lot of technology in general, but especially videos.

I screamed when I saw it at first.

You were like a scared horse. Squarespace makes it easy to showcase your expertise and engage clients with video content on your website, upload and organize your videos, create stunning video libraries, and even monetize your content by adding a paywall. Perfect for online courses, exclusive tutorials, or Coco's singing classes, which I think have been doing surprisingly well.

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Ducks.

Oh boy.

Ducks with iPads.

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You won't be sorry.

And Coco, you said Betty Boop is suing you?

Yeah, for everything. I get it.

This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey, you guys, you said you'd help me move. Erin, GPC.

Oh, I have a flu that day.

You better help.

You know what? I thought, Adal, when you said move, I thought you meant like move on from past traumas, and I was just going to recommend that you use BetterHelp.

Oh, I love BetterHelp.

Yeah, it's BetterHelp. It's the largest online therapy provider in the world. BetterHelp can provide access to mental health professionals with a diverse variety of expertise, and then they could help you, you know, not necessarily maybe move on, but process kind of the things that are happening in your life or whatever it is you said.

Absolutely. And honestly, moving is very stressful and that's a time in my life when I could use BetterHelp.

And with over 30,000 therapists, BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform, having served over 5 million people globally. And it works with an App Store rating of 4.9 out of 5 based on over 1.7 million client reviews.

Yeah, and it's convenient too. You can join a session with a therapist at the click of a button, helping you fit therapy into your busy life, plus switch therapists at any time. Honestly, Adal, it sounds like perfect for moving because it's like you got a lot going on. You know, there's like the stress of moving. It can kind of bring up some underlying issues that might come out in your relationship. It sounds like, why don't you use BetterHelp and Erin and I will go back to sleeping in the sun.

That sounds good to me, Erin.

Uh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Talk it out with BetterHelp. Our listeners get 10% off the first month at BetterHelp.com slash Riddle. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash Riddle.

Oh, my back is hurting so much bad.

Oh, JPC, did you lift with your legs?

Always or never. It's one of them.

JPC, are you carrying the podcast on your back or something like that?

Okay. I feel seen. This is so nice for someone else to bring it up.

I was trying to roast him and now what do I do?

You know, the thing is, do you guys ever feel like managing your business finances is a full-time job on top of your actual full-time job? Now imagine In this instance, we have an actual full-time job. Let's see. Maybe I should place this copy up. Do you ever feel like managing your business finance is a full-time job on top of recording a podcast every couple hours once a week? Yeah. Yeah, I guess so.

I mean, but that is why I started using Found, JVC.

Oh, yeah. Found is a business banking platform that lets you effortlessly track expenses, manage invoices, and prepare your taxes. You can even set aside money for different business goals and control spending with different virtual cards.

One Found user said, Oh, and by the way, other small businesses are loving Found, too. It's not just us. It's not just us!

It's other small businesses like Hello From the Magic Tavern or Bill Buds, Gump Shoes and Dragons. And these are just ones that I know off the top of my head.

Just Peanut Crittle. Hey Riddle Riddle.

Hey Riddle Riddle and Just Peanut Crittle. And we use Found, and we think that you should too. If you have a small business, this is a great tool. So open a Found account for free at found.com. That's F-O-U-N-D dot com. Found is a financial technology company, not a bank. Banking services are provided by Piedmont Bank, member FDIC. Don't put this one off. Join thousands of small business owners who have streamlined their finances with Found.

GBC, do you need help carrying that podcast? Do you need a little help?

It's actually not heavy at all.

JPC, what happened?

I cut myself again on some of my closet staples.

Oh, JPC.

You've had a horrible misunderstanding. Yeah, I got a closet full of staples because I've heard that it's good to like... You stapled all your clothes you're gonna need.

Oh boy.

I think that you're thinking of closet staples, like clothes that you can wear a lot that look good with other things. I get mine from quints.

Have you heard of Quince? They have closet staples you'll want to reach for over and over carefully, like cozy cashmere and cotton sweaters from just $50, breathable flow-knit polos, and comfortable lightweight pants that somehow work for both weekend hangs and dressed-up dinners. I'm wearing some right now.

Oh, okay. I think I have... Guys, I think this is another one of my classic mix-em-ups where I've fundamentally misunderstood the assignment.

100%.

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That's why you're always wearing sheets?

These are real clothes.

Those are real clothes. Okay.

Oh my God.

Okay. Great. Nope. And I'm getting it. I actually know Quince and I love Quince because I have a lightweight hoodie from Quince that I wore to our Portland show, our Seattle show, and here in LA. It is wonderful. It's my favorite item of clothing that I own.

And Quince only works with factories that use safe, ethical, and responsible manufacturing practices and premium fabrics and finishes. So you don't even have to feel bad when you're wearing your hoodie.

So stop covering your wet, naked body with staples from the staples store.

What the heck?

Use a towel. Yeah, maybe somebody else did the call to action. Mine's all messed up.

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And let me grab that stapler from you.

No, no, no. I need this for my clothes.

Nope.

Quince, it's quite comfortable.

Hell yeah. Yes, Adal.

Yeah. Hey Riddle Riddle.

Hey, Babu Freak. Babu Freak here. Hey Riddle Riddle, new host Babu Freak.

He panicked and chose that voice.

Do you think Babu Freak is ever going to get his own spinoff? I hope so. Babu Freak on. I love me some Babu Freak.

Babu Freak on. He was the best part of that whole thing.

Yeah, easily the best part of a bad series of movies. It's hard because I think that I liked eight and there are parts of seven that I think are good. But nine was such a disaster that I kind of like take that whole trilogy and throw it in the garbage, you know?

Who's handling the next one?

I don't think... Is there going to be next ones? I thought that they were done with them. Are they done?

I thought... They're done with Star Wars? Can you hear yourself?

Well, for now. But they keep... There was a while where they would keep announcing movies and then shelving them and then like announcing movies and then shelving them. So I don't know.

Can I say Wes Anderson?

I would love Andorson.

That's fun. Give Wes Anderson the reigns to a new Star Wars.

I'd fuck with that.

I think what you should do is give someone some actual reigns because I do think that a lot of times you see these like Disney properties or Marvel properties or whatever big studio properties and they are just like fucking demolished with there's no auteurs anymore. It's all like studio heads that are like dropping their little you know feedback inside of them and then

Too many cooks is what you're saying.

Yeah, it's like an amalgamation of like, it's nothing.

I'd like to see a scene, actually. Oh, please. JPC, you're like a really great artist who grew up loving Star Wars and you've been tasked with directing the new one. And me and Adal are going to be studio execs giving terrible opinions.

So I think the biggest problem with 7, 8, and 9 is that I think people really wanted for Rey to not really have any connection to the other... Let me stop you right there. Great.

Data shows that we should make a tank made out of lightsabers.

That shoots lightsabers. Does that make sense? That shoots lightsabers.

Yeah, no, that's super doable, especially because that's kind of like ancillary to the story that I'm telling. So we're definitely going to have battles, like star battles.

Ancillary. Ancillary. Deborah, write that down as a name. Ancillary.

Ancillary. He's like a mechanic and he's on the planet and his hands are covered in sand. Ladies love it when a man has hands covered in sand.

Yeah, and his legs are lightsabers.

Fleshing out aliens. They should be eating the other aliens. Ladies love cannibals. Maybe like a walking Sarlacc pit. Interesting. A walking Sarlacc pit. Yeah. Yes!

So maybe a Margarita? Can you guys, I feel like I could go for a Margarita right now.

Sure, yeah. Is that for the rumor or is that something you want to see in Star Wars? Deborah, write this down as a name.

Sure. Margo Rita.

Margo Rita. Margo Robbie plays a robot. BB-8 has a love interest and her name is Margo Robbie.

I think casting decisions are like something that I definitely want like as much input as possible in because I think that's really important to like kind of see as many people as possible.

Yeah, we'll tell you who we cast.

Yeah, we'll tell you who we cast. And even if you cast, I mean, Jeff Goldblum's been at the top of our list for a while. Just keep in mind that whoever you cast, even if it's someone as charismatic as Jeff Goldblum, we do need them to be as stoic as possible.

Great, yeah. I wasn't actually even intending on putting Rey in this movie. I thought maybe we could kind of start fresh. Start fresh? Yeah, I loved him in some of the Thor movies. I think that there's definitely some, you know, the kind of appeal of Jeff Goldblum could work in a variety of different roles. Can I just kind of give you my like overarching pitch for what I think these three movies should be about? Maybe we could like start there?

Ah, let me stop you right there. These are going to be TikToks.

Okay, TikToks as a format and those are going to be kind of shorter. The Jedi dog.

Jedi dog!

We got it.

His bone's a lightsaber. And that's lunch, everybody.

Go fetch, they say. Go force. I'm still getting 30 million, right? No, you're getting 45 million. Everything you've said is in. It's in with all the movie is.

Seed.

And points. There's nothing that I love so much that I wouldn't ruin for everyone else for 45 million dollars.

No, maybe something.

What could it be? No intellectual property that I care about. I would make the worst, the goddamn worst Transformers movie on the planet.

You guys, I have a new internet video that made me cry laughing. It is so hard to cry laughing when you're alone. It's so rare. There is a video. My face hurts just thinking about it. There is a video. Wait, there's so many layers to it. Adal, did I send you this? I meant to.

It is a... Dog pukes bees on roller coasters? So you've seen it? Oh, I love it.

I love the internet!

I can't stop watching it.

Dog pukes bees on roller coasters. You guys, no. It is a birth announcement. And it is a woman, I think, telling her friend or her sister that she's pregnant. But she decides to tell her at Universal Studios while they're meeting a Transformer.

Is this one of the Transformers who is able to like improvise and like say sassy things?

Yes, it can like move and they're like posing and she goes, I'm pregnant! And her sister whips her head around or whatever and the Transformer whips his head down. And it looks like he's scared that it's his. And I Oh you guys, I'm just like, tears are streaming down my face. I watched it like 40 times.

You probably don't have great peripheral in those costumes, so maybe the first thought would be like, oh shit, is it mine? Who is this person?

I almost sent you a TikTok last night, Erin, which is because I was very high and I was like, I think Erin would like this. It's like a college production of Beauty and the Beast and someone is in a full Lumiere costume and they eat shit like they fall, eat shit. and they're obviously hurt but they try and continue to dance so it's them on their back with their legs moving to the dance routine and then like several stay tans come out to try and pick them up but they can't quite pick them up no no no no no it's incredible you gotta send it to me you gotta not you gotta not there's no show must go on after something like that like if you can't get yourself up

Don't, don't try to dance on the floor. That's so sad.

Yeah, I think I just played, I feel like I would just act dead to be like, the only way to get through this is to be like, this is incredibly severe. Yep. Versus like, I'm hurt, but I'll be fine.

All of those shows have a main curtain that can be pulled. I think if that happens to me, I just turn my head to the side and yell, pull the curtain, pull the curtain, pull the curtain, pull the curtain. And I don't stop yelling that until the curtain has been pulled. Because for me now, the show is over. Yeah.

I'm trying to find the original. The original might have gotten taken down, so I have to search for it. But, oh man.

Susie receives an expensive thoughtful gift bought by her husband for Valentine's Day. After opening it, she immediately files for divorce. Why?

Susie receives an incredibly thoughtful and expensive gift? It's expensive and thoughtful, yeah.

It's a necklace that's engraved with another woman's name.

Erin, you have basically landed on the answer, except I will say that's not correct, but it's in the right spirit. The card is... But there's nothing with anyone else's name on it. So I can't give it to you because I feel like name is the operative part of that guess, but it's like you're in the right ballpark.

It's a locket. It's a diamond locket with somebody else's picture in it.

Yeah. No, there's no image and there's no name associated with it or anything like that. Another woman's finger? None of those things.

Okay.

It's a trip.

It's a trip, okay. I like this. I like where you're going with this. It's not correct, but let's let him cook a little bit. No, just saying like, whoa, what a trip.

It's like the size of something that is sized for a different person.

Erin, that's correct. You have landed on it correctly. You have a cheater's instinct.

Oh, thank you. Compliment. Wait, what?

Upon opening the gift, Suzy found a tailored lingerie set in sizes significantly different than herself. The gift was intended for the mistress of the husband. Her husband had mistakenly given her the wrong gift. Whoa. Classic. Yeah, I know. What a fucking asshole.

I do want to see a scene. Yes. JPC, you've gotten Erin a gift, and upon opening it, she realizes that you're cheating on her. Okay.

Yeah, I know that you're not like a big birthday person. I'm so excited.

I'm going to tear this open. This is beautiful wrapping paper too. Amazing. Oh my God.

I can't take credit for that. They gift drafted at the store. I have all thumbs when it comes to wrapping presents.

Sorry, this is a flannel shirt.

Yes.

This is sort of the type of thing that Adal would. Love.

Oh, you know Adal.

Yeah, we co-host a podcast together. Oh, you're actually on that too. It's the three of us.

Oh my God, I forgot. Hey, well, you know what? No worries. No need to go through the pocket on the flannel shirt or anything like that. I will take that back because obviously the guy at the store... Don't go through the pocket. Don't go through the pocket.

I'm going through the pockets. Okay. Wow. Joints. Cat treats. Full ice cream cones.

Wow. And there's our Thin Mint in there.

Yeah, there's a Thin Mint with foie gras on it. Okay, yeah, something I famously love.

The guy at the store was eating a Thin Mint with foie gras on it when I bought this, which is not the thing that I even bought. So, I'm going to go fucking beat the shit out of that guy, obviously. He fucked me.

You're going to commit so hard to that that he made a mistake that you're going to beat the shit out of him. Go ahead, I'll watch. I'm coming with you.

He was huge. Okay, let's do it.

Here we go. Excuse me.

Yes, can I help you?

JPC's about to beat the shit out of you. Hold on.

I think there was actually a smaller guy working here. I was here earlier. Was there a smaller guy? Please.

Well, I'm 6'11". There is little Tony who's 6'10". 6'10", 4'25"?

No, you're fine. It was you. It was this guy. You gave me the wrong gift when I was here earlier. And so now, because you've made my friend so mad by having the wrong gift on her birthday, which she doesn't really care about, right? I do now. She does now. Good girl. So I'm gonna have to beat your ass.

Stop talking about it, just do it.

Well, we can't do it in here, obviously, because this is your work, so we'll have to take this outside?

No, it says fighting allowed. The sign says fighting allowed.

Okay, picks up guy by the back of his shirt, folds him in half like Reacher, puts him in trunk.

Oh, he just did that to a guy who had nothing to do with this. What's he gonna do to me? Actually, you know what? I'm gonna call the authorities and maybe get you arrested for that murder. Then maybe this whole thing kind of resolves itself.

TPC, just admit it. You were thinking about Adal the whole time you were buying me a birthday gift.

Erin.

Call him.

I'm so offended by the accusation, okay? I merely forgot which one of you was which. Is that a crime?

That's so much worse.

Both of the guys on the podcast sound the same to me. You're one of the guys, though. Now who's being the one? Who is in trouble? Yeah, well, sorry Erin, I got you the wrong fucking gift. What are you gonna do about it?

I don't mean it was in a scene, so I can't be too mad.

Yeah, you don't care about birthdays.

I'm gonna start getting mad at you guys for stuff that you do in scenes in the same way that people get mad at their significant other when they do bad things in dreams. I'm going to be like, I'm really pissed at Adal. He threw me into the sky the other day.

Based on that, are we now going to say that if you die in a scene, you die in real life? I hope so. Freddy Krueger rules?

Stakes just got a little higher, boys.

This is your last riddle of the day. This is a riddle from Simon. Simon says... Do it, do it. Well, I didn't say Simon says. You did say Simon says. I saw some kids in the park playing Simon Says the other day and it looked like a real hoot. They were having a fucking blast doing it. Oh, can I also say, look, it's summertime in Chicago. I generally don't spend a lot of time like in midday in the park, or I haven't as an adult, but now that I have a kid and we go to the park all the time, I'm spending more time in the park in midday. It is inexcusable for all of these old men to be walking around in the park so close to children without their shirts on. I think that a lot more men need to be ashamed to put their fucking shirts on.

Men have no shame, though.

I know. It's such a gross double standard because it's like, oh, it's hot outside. It's like, everyone outside is hot, you know? You gotta put a fucking... If the rules have to be the same for everyone or no one. You can't be like, women have to wear shirts at all times, but men, they can just do whatever the fuck they want.

Yeah, it's the equivalent of standing up on an airplane right when you land. And people are like, oh no, it's just that my legs hurt. And I'm like, everyone's legs hurt.

I feel I feel weird like being in the middle of a summer camp full of kids because that's like there's always summer camps going on in the park and I have a kid who's there like interacting with the playground but just to be like some old weirdo who's like not wearing any clothes and it's just like walking so close to these kids I'm like hey man get the fuck out of here.

TPC have you ever looked up and it's you from the future?

Can I tell you about my favorite guy that's at the park? There's a guy, I see him all the time, he wears a big, and this is in Chicago, but he wears a big Make America Great Again hat and he wears a t-shirt, it's always the same t-shirt, it is a t-shirt of Biden smiling wearing a hat that says Trump. So he's wearing a Make America Great Again hat and he has a t-shirt of Biden wearing a hat that says Trump. It's literally a hat on a hat and he he's an old guy he walks around an old dog and I've only ever walked past him but I've he it seems like he is engaging or like trying to talk to people in the park and I walked by him the other day and it was right after like all of Trump was getting so much heat from the Jeffrey Epstein stuff about like being like are we still talking about Jeffrey Epstein the pedophile that I know uh where And I was walking past this guy and he was talking to two other old people and he's like, yeah right now I really think he's just focused on getting the ship righted. He's really trying to right the ship. And I just walked past him and I was like, you sir are living in La La Land.

Oh man, must be peaceful in there though. That kind of one track mind. I don't know man.

I think it can't be peaceful because literally it's like him being like, yeah, he's not really doing anything right. Oh boy, I really have to rethink this hat and shirt combo thing that I've made my whole thing.

That's so funny.

Alright, from Simon. Kevin took the bus downtown. While he was there, he went to a fishing store and bought a six and a half foot long fishing pole. When he tried to get back on the bus to go home, the bus driver stopped him and said that no objects over six feet long were allowed on the bus for safety reasons. Kevin then went to a nearby store, bought one item, and was able to get on the bus with his fishing pole. What item did he buy and how did that enable him to take his fishing pole on the bus? Gun. Shorter shoes. Gun. It was a gun. He pointed it at the guy and he said, you'll take me wherever I want to go. And the guy said, yes, this is America, this is how it works. Okay.

Don't make me look at my own actions.

Erin, you are correct. No, I'm not. But yes, it's not a long suitcase. Is there a thing from a store that you could buy that would make maybe more sense than a really long suitcase? Maybe think a little cheaper.

Guitar case.

A bag.

I don't know if a bag would do it. They're very form-fitting. Maybe something like a little more expensive than a bag, a little less expensive than a guitar case. Buy it at like a Home Depot maybe.

A ladder. And then he throws the ladder in front of the bus and he goes, that's like a distraction.

Erin, you got the answer. I'm not trying to be mean. I was just trying to maybe help you find the answer.

It's something that makes it wider?

Yeah, it's something that you could hide the dimensions of this thing by turning it sideways, right? Like, by making a long thing wide. You got it.

I don't know how to make a long thing wide.

Oh, like a funhouse mirror?

Okay. I'll just say, again, I was trying, this was more of a layup. I was trying to be like pedantic. He just bought a box, a six foot long box.

Didn't I kind of say that?

Well, you said, yeah, you said it, but you said like a suitcase. And then you said a bag, which are not a box. Like a box would be like the simple answer.

Adal, I would like to take GPC to Riddle Court for making me feel small.

Yep. Again! I was trying... It was a layup. It was a layup.

All rise for Judge Adal Rifai. Please, please. And I'm typing it all down over here. I'm over here typing it all down.

Everyone have a seat. We are gathered here today to witness the union.

Union? No. Check the papers.

I think I might be here for a different reason. Check the papers. Okay, let's see. Ziggy's doing something fun. Garfield's up to no good. Dilbert, don't really care. What else? What else?

Give him a second.

Oh, it looks like Erin Keif is taking JPC to court for coffee stain. Okay. You got this. That'll just swing it. So you want ownership of the baby? No.

Well. If that can be a part, if that can be negotiated in, I'm willing to do it.

I'd like to retain that.

JPC, I'll be representing myself in court today. JPC did not accept my answer to a riddle and instead dragged me across the floor. I felt six foot tall and it felt like he put me in a long box and put me in the ground. That's what it felt like.

A coffin?

Your honor.

Your honor, a long box is a coffin.

He's doing it again right now!

I'm not trying to! A coffin is a long box! Are we not using words anymore?

Your honor! Your honor!

Sustained, sustained.

Oh my god, your honor.

You will address me as my honor, because to you, I'm your honor, which would be said as my honor. Does that make sense?

Oh my God. I just feel like I'm going to win this case.

I just, I got a feeling in my bones I'm going to win this case. Where's my little, where's my little wooden hammer thing? Where's that wooden hammer?

A gavel?

Uh, no. Oh, here it is. A gavel. Okay.

Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing.

Okay. Uh, JPC, what do you have to say for yourself?

I resent the fact that Erin is trying to put me in a box and, you know- That's what I said. Make me- Wait, he said long box in the ground. I mean, that's a coffin. Jury, am I right? Jury of my peers, 12 deranged perverts. I'm going- I love the court system. I love the court system. Okay. Scene.

You can't call scene in your own riddle court, by the way. All of us.

Moving forward. That's a new rule that we can establish starting now. Thank you, Simon, for submitting that riddle to us on the show.

Simon didn't say the theme could end.

That's fucking right.

Simon didn't say.

Well, Simon does say the episode can end, though, so he takes us to our favorite portion of the episode, a portion called Plugs, Erin. What do you have to plug?

Come see us on tour, heyriddleriddle.com slash live. We're hanging out. We're going to different cities. I'm having a blast so far and it's only going to get more fun, so come hang out. Adal, anything to plug?

I want to plug Star Wars. JPC, do you have anything to plug?

Yes, come see us on tour, do our Patreon, all that good stuff, and also read a review. If you want to get a five-star review featured on the show, just send us a five-star review anywhere you write reviews. Today's is coming from Matt Tastic. It says, came to laugh, stayed to cry. A show that'll sometimes make you laugh, but for the most part induces fits of uncontrollable screams and night terrors. Most of your family and friends will cut you off, but you won't be alone in your madness because Adal, Erin, and GPC will be right there with you. Especially since I, GPC, am a local feral cat named Scratches that everyone is scared of but no one is willing to stand up to. I sneak into local businesses and steal all the flushers on their toilets. Anyway, Erin is a goddess and Adal is gods, aka my favorite. This has been Hey Riddle Riddle, created by Adal Rifai, starring Erin Keif, and John Patrick Coan.

Created by Emily Cardamon.

Hey there Mayflowers and book printers, if you liked that, you're going to love this week's Patreon. It's another This Day in Improv History. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com. Hey Riddle Riddle by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or start your seven day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month. Plus you get those ad free episodes. See you there.

That was a hate gum podcast.