Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum Podcast.

Human beings have always been attracted to the number 7. 7 has held a power and a mystery. Just ask Snow White. 7 deadly sins, 7 chakras, 7 notes in a scale, 7 seas, 7 colors of the rainbow, 7 wonders of the world, 7 brides for 7 brothers, the magnificent 7, 7 the movie, and God created the world in 7 days. When he spent that week making everything we know, he didn't consider what human beings would have had the impulse to make. It began in a tapas restaurant in Kalamazoo, Michigan. In the before times, Autumn 2018, an adult brought the idea of a podcast to the attention of Erin, a dazzling young comedian at the top of her game. She agreed enthusiastically even though she didn't care for what he said would be the show's center, riddles. Then the Adal brought the podcast to the attention of a horrid little creature, a loose JPC that had been terrorizing the kingdom of Chicago for several years. He answered the call. In the spring of 2018, these three comedians gathered in secret, deep beneath the mountains of headcum. One brought riddles and coffee. One brought untamed chaos and coffee. And one brought sex appeal and incredible rapping skills. And into this fragile alliance, they poured their madness, their tangents, their scene work, and their rage at riddles that had started the journey in the first place. Thus, Hey Riddle Riddle was born and was released in July of 2018. For seven years, it endured through pandemics and soundboard wars, through voicemails and mimicry, through late-night recordings, weddings, babies, and breakups. through episodes where the riddles were forgotten entirely. And now, in the seventh year of its reign, the world stands at the edge of mystery once more. The riddles have grown older, the scenes stranger, and the audience more weary than ever. And so we gather again at the turning of the tide to celebrate seven years of Hey Riddle Riddle. Oh, and Anthony, you're here too. Hi. Yeah. Hi, Anthony. Hi. This is like when you bring your kid to your anniversary dinner.

Who's my dad?

Anyone want to show of hands who wants to be?

Freddie? Yeah, it sounds about him. He's my dad. He didn't bring me. I showed up alone.

He's picking you up at 8. Casey, I think it's maybe worth it to just reach out to Tolkien or Peter Jackson or whatever just to see if we can get the rights to the Lord of the Rings music. Because, you know, and if we don't end up using it in the episode, that's fine. But an email, right? I mean, it's like, how hard could that be?

That was a totally original thing that I came up with. That wasn't a reference to anything. What's the Lord of the Rings?

That's a great question.

Erin, I think if you just drop in some like pro-tourism for New Zealand, I think we're covered. So just super quick, just toss something up.

New Zealand. They say sex instead of six, and that's kind of fun. I think that'll do it. That'll get a plane load of people over there.

A plane load.

Adal, am I remembering that right? Did I get the history of the show right? You're the founder of the show.

I think so. I think I forged the show deep in the mountains.

And the fans thought that there was going to be riddles every episode, but they were all of them betrayed.

Yeah, I guess that is true.

The way that you described me moving to the Chicago improv community, Erin, kind of made me sound like a sex pest.

And were you not a sex pest? Are you going to stand here in front of us and tell us you were not a sex pest? Okay.

Classic sex pest. If anything, I'm a seated sex pest. Don't ask what he's sitting on. I'd stand, but I can't right now.

And also, Adal, you asked me before you asked JPC, right?

I honestly cannot remember. That's something we should go back into the anals of history and figure out. Probe deep in.

My butt is burning. Well, JPC's is busy right now, yeah. And Anthony, you have actually, I think you started listening to the show kind of early on. You've obviously stopped once you met us. I kind of did. Why stop?

I was like, I get enough of this shit for free.

I don't need to fuck it. Do you remember the year you started listening to our show?

The year you guys came out. I was concurrent with you by around episode 4 or 5.

Wow, that's crazy.

Yeah, my friend Uli loved Magic Tavern and Riddles, and he was like, you gotta listen to this. And I did. And I've continued to listen until yeah, until I met all of you. And I was like, fuck this. Yeah, I'm gonna listen to Come Down, the Henry Hill podcast. I just don't I don't even think that podcast still exists.

But it's the only podcast we're allowed to reference. It's my favorite thing, game drop, that we do.

But yeah, you guys doing this podcast inspired me to do the podcast I do now.

Wow, that's wild because one of the big reasons that we're going to have you on this episode today, Anthony, and then we kind of forgot that it was our anniversary, and so that's a happy accident, was you inspired us to do another, a different podcast with you. I guess you asked us.

Yeah, I asked you to. I sort of came up with it. It's not really inspired. Yeah, it makes it seem like you had more to do with the inception of it than you did.

Yeah, we're inspiring each other back and forth and that is what I was trying to hint to you in my narration is that we're coming to sort of a, we're not abandoning Hey Riddle Riddle every time we try to run out of this Hey Riddle Riddle building and run back in. Your mother and I still love you.

This is nobody's fault.

This is nobody's fault.

My impression was that we were abandoning Hey Riddle Riddle. I'm game for whatever, but I was like, I got a bag packed.

We are starting a new thing and I don't know who wants to talk about it, but I think to talk about at the beginning of the episode is wise instead of just waiting till plugs.

Yeah, people tap out at plugs. Well, Anthony came to us with an idea, and I guess it was an idea that if you're a Patreon listener to Hey Riddle Riddle, we've kind of toyed around with a little bit a few years back on Patreon episodes, but we've kind of expanded that idea into a new show called Gumshoes and Dragons.

That's right. Basically, I thought it'd be fun to do a D&D type thing, but with the structure of Columbo, because I listened to their review crew where they talked about Columbo, they being the Hey Riddle Riddle crew. And then we did a test episode of it. I did one with the Daddies crew and one with the Hey Riddle Riddle crew. And for two reasons, both equally valid, I chose the Hey Riddle Riddle crew and I should do this together.

It's time to roll some dice and get this mystery fixed. Got new shoes and dragons.

And we're very grateful. When we did the first episode on Patreon, like that test one, Patreon stretch goal one, I had the best time. And now that we've been doing it with guests, it's just been such a blast to be in something that you're DMing. I feel very lucky.

We've got a new guest every other week that doesn't murder. And then Adal, JBZ, and Erin playing fantasy characters, detectives have to sort of solve the murder. And sometimes they will, and sometimes they won't.

Yeah, so it's really fun. From doing this show to doing that show, it's a big change up because we have guests every week, which in this show we sometimes go months without remembering that we could invite people to do the show. So we have fun guests every week. Each guest is playing a character. They're always playing a murderer. Like the fact that sometimes we don't understand riddles, just wait until we have to solve, like, complicated puzzles that Anthony is designing.

Brilliant, Anthony.

Which we, honestly, in retrospect, of the ones we've recorded, we should have been able to solve. But, uh... I think Anthony was playing it up for you.

You did better than I expected, I'll say that.

It does feel a lot like an escape room, and in the same way, there's one episode that I got so into it and excited that I feel like I just decided to solve as much of it on my own as I could. I was just like, oh, and then this, and then this. It has that energy of an escape room.

Thanks for watching. I think the first episode we recorded, she literally touched her nose when she had an idea. It was very stupid.

Should we mention some of the guests that we've had on the show? Brennan Lee Mulligan, Rekha Shankar, Janine Varney, David Arquette has not yet been on.

He won't return our emails or our calls. I have a Kinect.

I could probably make it happen. Casey, go ahead and CC him on that Peter Jackson email or whatever that you're writing. Maybe we could just kind of loop this whole thing together.

Brennan Lee Mulligan is the first episode. So I feel like that is a great one to check out. It was also so cool to watch you guys meet. I was texting a friend and I was like, it's like, it's like a John Adams and George Washington meeting for the first time.

Damn, it sucks. I'm so sick of people comparing me to John Adams. It sucks. It sucks for whoever is John Adams.

John Adams is my favorite. John Adams loved his wife.

I would describe that maybe as not sucking ass.

I think it's kind of fun to meet people who are creative and nice.

Well, that's cool for you. That's great that you can derive joy from that.

How nice for you.

Classic sex pest.

Well, I do think the sex pest thing we might want to back away from making. I will say that JBZ pretty early on kept thinking that the name of the show was Cum Shoes and Dragons and like that's a pretty good idea for like a CSI like SVU kind of spin-off series.

We haven't announced the Patreon yet so there are no bad ideas in brainstorming. But if you want to follow along the show, it comes out next Monday. So Monday, August 4th, and then every other Monday is when we are going to drop an episode. We'll have a link in the episode description to where you can follow that. We'll probably have a trailer up by the time this episode comes out where you can subscribe to the feed so that you get new episodes. And we would love it if people gave it a try and then let us know what you think. We would love to hear about it. Oh, and when I say let us know what you think, like we are social media everywhere at Gumshoes and Dragons I believe, correct?

Yep, Gumshoes and Dragons on, I believe, everything with the possible exception of X the Everything app. I don't think I set up one for that.

Because nobody wants to be on that app anymore. No.

Even sex pests like me want to be on it.

Only sex pests.

I like that you're like, I can call myself a sex pest. You can't call myself a sex pest. I can use that word, yeah.

I'm taking it back.

Okay, well, Anthony, you're gonna have to endure a little bit of sentimentality of us talking about being a show for seven years. That's fine.

I admire your show, so I'm glad to be witness to it.

That's really sweet. But Anthony, feel free to participate in any of these that you might remember. And then also, you guys, you might not remember them. So I feel like everyone might be on equal footing for this. But I asked our listeners what some of the most memorable episodes, moments, bits, scenes from the show were.

And everyone... Please tell me we're just going to do a clip show.

We can, kind of.

But you have to recreate it now, live, from memory.

Yes, we have to try to remember what it was.

No!

Okay. The first one I'm going to talk about is Pretzel Jesus. Does anyone remember what that is?

Yes. I remember Pretzel Jesus, but I don't remember... It's something that came up in a scene on an episode, and I'll say this, it could have been any time in the last seven years.

Great, perfect.

Was Pretzel Jesus a skateboard? He did.

He did, Adal. Good memory. I'm gonna give Pretzel Jesus a 5 out of 7. Because we can't really remember any of the details.

If that's the barometer that we're going with, it's gonna be a long evening.

Puzbot announcing that Adal was dead and everyone believing Puzbot.

That was an April Fool's episode from 2020?

Yeah, exactly. The episode title was Adal is Dead, and everyone thought that we were announcing Adal's death in the title of an episode.

It really speaks volumes to the tone of the show. They're like, this could be real. And his friends are so flippant about his death, they just record a podcast that week.

It was April of 2020, so it's like not impossible that Adal would have died, but, you know.

But I'm voicing Paz. I guess that's a big giveaway. Adal, how about you rank that one out of seven because... I'm gonna give it seven out of seven because all good Adals go to heaven.

Exactly. Maria CVS, which was JPC's answer to a Sandy Riddle.

I was going to say that's definitely from a sandbox. An early one. Early, early one, right? Yeah. It's like the first 10 episodes of the show or something, right?

Yeah.

Oh, possibly. Do you remember what the question was?

It was like a pharmacy fill-in-the-blank thing and JPC guest Maria CVS. And I think I laughed pretty hard.

I would joke once every three months I search your subreddit to see if somebody can pinpoint the exact episode that is because I keep forgetting the specific joke and no one ever knows. ZBS is a legend spoken of in the hallowed halls of your subreddit but nobody actually can find her.

I think someone did like a thing that like crawled all of our shows and like transcriptized them and there's a website now called witchriddleriddle.com that you can go to and then I've never used it I've but I've seen people talk about it um but I think you can like and it's only our it's only our main feed stuff but you can like type in Maria CVS into it I think and I think it should spit out Assuming that the whatever crawled the transcripts to like formed it like got Maria CVS out of that, who knows?

Wow, I'm doing it right now.

Yeah, it's episode 14.

Oh, wow. Wow, that is early.

Whoa, Erin, divide 14 by 2.

Six!

Mmm, shit.

We should say, we should say Erin dyed her hair, so she's, well, it's not blonde anymore. So Erin, want to take that joke back?

Seven.

There we go.

I have pink hair right now.

Pink hair so she's smart.

The sweater. Now this one was maybe the most common answer. Now what the sweater was really we had, what's the thing that animals get when they're in captivity? Bored.

Did we both say bored?

Yes. That's crazy. It's like zoo, zoo something.

Lander.

Forget it.

Topia. Topia.

Yeah, you guys. We were kind of going crazy during the pandemic. I wore a sweater that was really cute. We spent the whole episode roasting it. What would you guys give that out of seven? Not the sweater, obviously, but the episode.

That's gonna be 7 out of 7, that's gonna be our best episode. I think that's, I think that's a 10 out of 7. That remains my favorite podcast episode, period.

That's crazy.

I mean it informs the entire way I interact with you specifically in personal interactions. Erin Weezer wrote a song about it.

Which, which by the way, for people listening it's not the way to interact with Erin.

No, no, you get to do it, only I get to do it.

Anthony gets to do it.

Anthony gets to do it.

Anthony gets to do it because he is famous. If you get famous, you're allowed to do it. It's one of the first things they give you, is the card that says you can do it. You think we wouldn't let Joaquin Phoenix talk to Erin like that? We would! If Joaquin Phoenix talked to you like that, I would say something.

You would give him a high five?

I'd say, hey man...

Boss lady business bitch. We'll move through these faster.

That was a song I made up.

It's become a feminist anthem. And I would give it a one out of seven. That's easily 6 out of 7. That one's great.

My wife has a little placard, I think I've talked about this on the show, on her desk that says CEO and then under it it says cunt eating Oreos. I sing the boss lady business bitch song in my head every time I walk past her office and see the placard.

The Zeus goat scene, which I do remember is a goat saying, yeah man, I'm Zeus, keep going.

Yeah, we were gonna turn that into merch for a while, but I think, like every item of merch that we sell, it would be unwearable, like a goat presenting asshole saying, I'm Zeus, keep going.

The conductor, I'm gonna give that a 2 out of 7. The conductor who got struck by lightning is another very common answer that we get, which makes sense to me because you saying, Slimballs, Slimballs, is in my head kind of all the time.

Wasn't I supposed to be J.P. Riddles in that or no?

No, that's just another Chaos character. Dr. Chameleon, which I'm going to give 7 out of 7 to because I like that our running villain is not great at his job. Another good thing for the tone of the show, I think. I mean, is Dr. Chameleon dead? What's he up to?

I think he's retired.

Oh, that's so nice. Where did he retire? Did he move or?

He's in Boca. He's in Boca Raton.

Hell yeah, baby.

Yes, and Erin, we were texting back and forth today when we remembered that tonight we were recording the 7th Anniversary episode, and as we were doing that, I was busy all day with my kids, so I wasn't able to do anything, but we were like, oh, who has something planned? Who has something planned? I almost, I had an idea to make another set of Paul Ruddles, because I knew Anthony would be on the show, and I was like, oh, Anthony will hate this. Anthony will strongly dislike this. But I had the idea for that today, and it's not Paul Rudd, Aaron, if you give that a 1 out of 7, can I pitch you the idea? And then you can tell me if it's gonna get more than a 1 out of 7. Okay, so it's called, uh, The Chronicles of Riddick, um, or Riddlesick, and I show you a picture that's either from a Vin Diesel movie or The Chronicles of Narnia, and you have to tell me which one. Whoa.

Two out of seven.

Okay, good. Fantastic podcast content.

That is nothing. JPC, that is such a melted version of our show. I don't even know where to begin.

It's a 2 out of 7, and if my best shit is a 1 out of 7, then I feel like a 2 out of 7 is 100% approved.

Did you just feed a bunch of Hey Riddle Riddle episodes into chat, GBT, and then say, now make one? We haven't gotten there yet. We haven't gotten there yet. We will.

We will get there.

Oh, I'm definitely going to do that with mine, too.

I feel like I heard a factoid that was Chronicles of, I've never seen Chronicles of Riddick, but they said on the set, I think Judi Dench is in that, or someone of that ilk, and they said Vin Diesel like taught her D&D. That's true.

Vin Diesel's a huge D&D guy, so let's not discount him.

I would fucking love to have him on the show.

Yeah.

I'd love to talk to you like Joaquin Phoenix.

Diesels and Dragons? Dungeons and Diesels?

Shit, that's good. Dungeons and Diesels.

What if it's Dungeons and Diesels and it's cars, but in D&D? It's like Fast and the Furious. Okay, hold on. This is patriarchal.

Write this down. I don't want to blow our chances.

I don't want to blow our chances of having Vin Diesel on the podcast, but have you guys heard Vin Diesel's music? Like the music that he makes?

Absolutely not and I want to I want to quit everything and listen to it right now.

It's oh boy. Well Okay. Well here I want to talk about Vin Diesel. Have you guys heard Will Smith's latest song about how he likes girls or whatever?

Yeah I think I've I think I've been managing to escape pop culture for the last like three or four weeks. It's very peaceful. I

It's so funny when Will Smith does a thing that he obviously wants to do instead of, like, going through the proper channels of people being like, and of course don't do this. Because it's like, when he does things that he wants to do, it's like After Earth slapping Chris Rock and putting out a song as like a 55-year-old man about how you like girls.

Ugh, God. Alright, I'm gonna get through some of these quickly. So everyone just yell out a number when I do them. Pee out the poison.

A seven. A fan made of signs and I have one hanging in my bathroom that says pee out the poison.

The Lord of Beeps. Uh, we forgot to beep something and then we said the Lord of Beeps was dead and then I wrote a whole episode about it. Um, it's nothing. It's, it's Anthony and I. It sounds like it's something. It sounds like your fans liked it. Yeah. Um, uh, Blown Man Group, which I remember very vividly, where it's just the Blumen, but they're like smoking cigarettes being like, can you believe that? Unbelievable.

Was that, that was early too, right?

That was early too.

Okay. That was an in-studio episode, I believe.

Yeah. For sure. Cause I remember laughing hard at that.

Maybe the same episode as Thank You, Snake?

Wow.

Based on the Ariana Grande?

Adal's in his mind palace. Holy shit. What's going on in there?

Oh, hold on. Door's locked. Where did I put the key? Shit shit shit shit shit.

He's stuck in there, guys.

Checking my mind pants. No. Checking under the mind rocks. No. Fuck.

Oh, dude. Adal, I totally know what you're talking about with mind rocks. I got mind rocks so bad. Just jangling around in there. Sounds like a Def Leppard song.

Um, uh, Halloween trailer game is another one we got a lot of. Yeah, classic.

That's, uh, the one where you sang the lullaby because you didn't listen?

Yeah, I wasn't listening. Uh, Howard Dean scream. Huge.

Oh yeah, 7 out of 7. That's, that's, you know, that's just an amazing piece of, uh, iconic Americana lore that we've revived on this show single-handedly, I would say. Now everyone's talking about Howard Dean. Apple pie baseball.

A lot of people were mentioning Patreon things, which I'm not bringing up, but I will mention that we got a bajillion Adal in the Ball Pit things, which is the maddest I've ever been in Adal when he got stuck in a ball pit, a horror movie ball pit, and I had to get him out. That's the angriest I've ever been at a friend. I was so scared.

It's depressing how many of these things that are our best things are like season one Hey Riddle Riddle things.

Yeah, although this, yeah go ahead Adal.

I can tell you my favorite thing and it's definitely not season one and I don't think anyone remembers it. It's specifically, somebody asked a question and it wasn't even in the scene but JPC decided he was going to say that he was like having sex with this guy's ex And he said, oh, it's going to burn you when you see me driving around town in my Dodge Durango with your girl in my passenger seat. And something about the way he enunciated Dodge Durango will paralyze me if I think about it too long.

That's perfect. This is Sharna Halpern teaching you to pass the Heinz, not pass the ketchup. You know what I'm saying?

Specificity kills ambiguity.

Fucking A. I wish I could take a hammer to the side of my brain that knows shit like that.

Um, you guys are going to absolutely love this one. I love listening to the three of you becoming closer and closer friends over the years. Now what would you give that out of seven?

Are they listening backwards? What are they doing? Are they listening from most recent and going?

Yeah, we're the opposite of Pangaea. Which is the current day world.

I think so.

The continents have drifted apart. There's an ocean between us.

I'm gonna just do a couple more. Smacks the frog. Please don't fuck my mom.

Please don't fuck my mom.

Please don't fuck my mom.

Unfortunately, Uncle Santa. And I really appreciate the person putting unfortunately in front of this.

We don't need the editorializing, guys. Okay? Just say the nice thing and then back the fuck off.

Puzzbot, Lil Monkey Bones, Coco Cashmere.

Ooh, the three of them should team up for something.

Oh, that would be fun. A heist? Oh, let's do a heist episode. Fuckbutler, which I don't really remember. Oh, I do. What is that?

Yeah, I remember Fuckbutler. What is Fuckbutler? How best to describe it? Kind of indescribable?

Great.

On your knees, Fuckbutler.

Oh, there it is. Okay. Fee, bee, pee, pee, biddy, bee, bee. Classic.

Oh, yeah.

How far up the egg did the pants go? Sure. Singing cake songs. Hey, welcome to Jamba Juice. How can I help you? Classic. Walk online. And then, Adal, I got to tell you, I think the number one answer by a lot is Nintendo Cafe and the end of it when you gave me a Nintendo. And I want to say something about that. That is crazy that that's everyone's favorite moment, because that's the most earnest thing that's probably ever happened on our show. And it's the only time I cried. Well, Joy cried on this show.

That's beautiful, Erin.

So that's kind of nice. Isn't that nice?

Yeah. It's like karmically the opposite of the sweater episode.

Yes, exactly. And if we missed your favorite moment, you can let us know and then I'll maybe put together seven moments and post them on our Instagram on the day of our actual anniversary.

So that was like seven moments and half.

Yeah, exactly.

Amazed that I'm insane and you're all my puppets didn't make it.

Wow.

Disgusting that that didn't make it.

I mean, I have a lot of favorite moments, Erin, too, that didn't make it.

My name is Pronto and I'm from Toronto.

Suck the devil's butt in hell, Erin.

JPC Aaron, I found it. Oh, what did you find? I found banking. Found banking. You know how Hey Riddle Riddle itself is a small business?

Yes of course.

There are no small businesses, just little small minds.

Aw.

Ignorant people.

As a small business owner, the three of us, I really relate to the struggle of managing our finances while trying to grow our business. After all, who has time to like plant the riddle seeds then water those or however that works. That's why we started using Found. Found is a business banking platform that has made everything about managing our business finances easy from automatically tracking expenses to helping manage invoices to find write-offs.

Yeah, and you can even set aside money for different business goals and control spending with virtual cards. Found consolidates your financial ecosystem for you and frees up your time so you can focus on growing your business. Does anyone have any good riddle ideas to grow the business?

Oh, and by the way, other small businesses are loving Found, too. This Found user said, Found is going to save me so much headache. It makes everything so much easier. Expenses, incomes, profits, taxes, in all caps, invoices even. And Found has 30,000 five-star reviews just like this.

So open a found account for free at foundfoundfoundfoundfoundfoundfoundfoundfoundfoundfoundfoundfoundfoundfoundfoundfoundfoundfoundfoundfoundfoundfoundfoundfoundfoundfoundfoundfoundfoundfoundfoundfoundfoundfoundfoundfoundfoundfoundfoundfoundfoundfoundfoundfound

Guys, I put all our riddles in a savings account. I'm just waiting to see what happens, to see if it accrues.

Oh, I put a lot of them in the ground, too. Oh. We'll see what grows faster.

Open a found account for free at found.com slash riddle.

You guys have said Dodge Durango many times on your show. There's like seven different uses of it.

That's so upsetting. That's so upsetting. Anthony, that's the worst news I've ever heard.

How many times have they said Toyota Tercel?

Let me check. Everybody's just going on Which Riddle Riddle right now and typing in Toyota Tercel. Come on. Come on.

We should see like what 10 words we've said the most that aren't like the or it.

It's got to be piss, right?

Piss, cum, shit.

Casey clip that. Any Toyota Tercel?

Oh man, Casey, it's a lot. It's a lot.

It's a lot.

I'm going to start saying Toyota Tercel at the end of episodes.

Good, good, good. I got to include it in this episode now.

All right. I'm ready to come back. All right, everybody. Sentimentalness over. I'm done with that stuff. Except this next kind of thing.

Oh, well, okay.

These are some, this is a riddle from Sophia, and I wanted to read this one because of, I think this email is a good indication of how long our show has been going. So Sophia says, huge fan of your work, been listening since like freshman year of high school, and now I'm going into my senior year of college. Isn't that crazy? Thank you for being such a weirdly integral part of my adulthood. The sound that you guys both made together, that was really funny. That being said, I'm sending this riddle in hesitancy because I'm not entirely sure if you've ever covered it. I've been listening for so long, I feel like I should know, but I don't. And I'm terribly ashamed of that, but I don't want to relisten to the entire podcast again to find out. Anyways, this riddle was written by an English bishop named Samuel Wilberforce in the 19th century and is considered unsolvable due to the fact that he died before he ever gave the answer to it. What's funny, Adal? A man dying?

Well, a bishop dying, to be clear. Any man of the cloth dying is funny.

I gotta fucking wait. What did it say? What year this was? 19th century. So it's the 19th century and he died before he ever gave the answer to it. Erin, did they check his pockets?

Yeah, but also like who is this guy giving- Yeah, they took the loose change that was in his pocket.

How long was- Did he just have this riddle? He said the riddle and then how long did he sit on the answer part of it?

What it makes it sound like is he was writing the riddle and then he went- Got it.

Okay.

Erin, can I posit an alternative take? Of course. He put forward the riddle and was immediately stabbed to death.

Yeah. That makes the most sense.

I was thinking like he was at like a dinner party on like, you know, like maybe it's like he's at he's at a castle. He's on like a parapet or something. And he's like, Oh, I've got a real riddle for a real stumper. And he's a little drunk. He says the riddle. And then he just kind of like backs up, falls right over the side, you know, completely obliterates himself and people are like, fuck. That's an unsolvable riddle. And also, I wouldn't call it unsolvable. I would just call it incomplete.

Well, let me read this to you because it might change your mind.

We might get it.

In my mind, this is like the riddle of all time. So I feel like you have to address it at some point if you have not already. The worst thing about it is not that there is no given answer, but that we have no way of knowing if he actually had an answer in mind to begin with. Samuel Wilberforce was apparently kind of a silly, goofy guy, and people speculate that this was just a big prank and one of those nonsense riddles with no real answer. It's also entirely possible that it was written with the correct answer in mind, though. I believe that it was. And it is solvable. We just can't confirm what the solution is. Here is the actual riddle. And then there's also a Reddit thread of people guessing what the riddle is. I'll read you some of those.

Okay. I feel like also when someone's like, it's a 19th century clergyman and someone's like, he was silly and goofy. I'm like, he was gay. He just couldn't be that.

And I'm actually glad that we have Anthony here because I feel like we really need some more brain power than we usually run on, which is a lot. I'm the sweetest of sounds an orchestra heard, yet an orchestra never was seen. I'm a bird of gay plumage, yet less like a bird. Nothing ever in nature was seen. Touch the earth I expire, in water I die, in air I lose breath, yet can swim and can fly. Darkness destroys me, and light in my death, and I only keep going by holding my breath. If my name can't be guessed by a boy or a man, by a woman or a girl, it certainly can.

What an asshole. Yeah. Yeah. I could do that. I could like say a crazy bullshit thing and then fucking off myself like surprise bitches. That's what you remember of me. I'm now in the history books for good because I did a bullshit thing.

This sounds like, remember when Luke Knoll came on the show, and he just read us a riddle, and we tried to guess at it for a little while, and he was like, I just made that one up, it's just nonsense.

That was the best, that might be my favorite moment in the show's history. Because that's the first time a guest has gotten blood on their hands too, in the same way we do. That is the first time someone was like, you know what, I fucking know exactly what this show is.

It does feel like this is, Like this man got mold in his brain and he wrote this and everyone's like, what a genius. This this uncrackable riddle, but it truly does feel like the rantings of a dying man.

He was calling for the barber for sure.

I mean, the answer could be God in terms of in God, all things are possible, which is probably what he believed.

The three answers that people have been giving are whale, a painting, comet. But what do you guys think it is?

What was the thing about a man or a boy can't guess it but a woman or a girl can?

If my name can't be guessed by a boy or a man, by a woman or a girl, it certainly can. I feel like there isn't an answer to this.

Yeah, this is bullshit.

Okay, well, I would like to see a scene. JPC, you are Samuel, you're the guy who wrote this riddle.

Okay.

And Anthony and Adal, you are the other bishops and he's about to like walk up to you and you're kind of tired of his bullshit.

Oh shit, here he comes. Quick, quick, quick, quick. Come on, let's go, let's go, let's go.

Down the hall, down the hall. Hey! Oh, I'm just out for one of my early morning silly walks.

Yes, moving diagonally as always. Yes. What, what's... Good morrow, brothers. Good morrow, brother. What's the word? Your accent.

What's the word? Hmm, interesting. What's the word? Are you trying to guess the word that I'm thinking of? What lives in a puddle, but never gets wet. What's baked in a loaf, but never gets wet. What's moist in the middle and hard on the side, and covered in gravy. But beware, there's a...

Brother Withersforce, last week when that gargoyle fell off the church down to your head, we all thought you were dead. Yeah, I didn't mean to.

I guess I'm rubbing off on you.

Rub, rub, rub, rub, rub, rub, rub. Come on. Hey, come on. We're all wearing mole hair. That's wildly uncomfortable to do that. Yes.

You're also still bleeding from your head. We told you to stay with the barber. I don't know why you're out of bed. Oh shit, you rhyme too. Shit, I rhyme too. Fuck! Shit, fuck.

I guess I'm rubbing off on all of the brothers of this order. Hey, do you think he might be gay?

Hey, we're all gay. Hey man, we're all gay.

I don't know why you're being weird about it.

I also am amazed that we haven't had anyone send that in before or done that one before.

Yeah, if it's such a famous... I think they respected you too much. Yeah. Did you say where he was from?

Um, let me look. I don't think I did.

I assume England, but... Uh, by my accent, I would say he was from... English, yes.

Written by an English bishop.

I thought you said Indianapolis circa 1988. I was like, okay, got this. Perfect. I could definitely do this.

Um, all right.

Fuck!

Also, while you guys were doing that scene, I got another message about a favorite moment of all time, and it's when Adal and JPC were chickens, and Adal did a chicken voice and JPC did a regular voice. If you guys remember that, that's my favorite.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Don't say chicken voice and regular voice, okay? Fucking how normative are you?

Okay, he was like, I got a big cock, a cock, a cock, a cock. You're right, that is normal.

Oh, you know what? Somebody animated that. Somebody animated that scene too.

Really?

Yeah, that was a very fun one. I was ghost and horse. Ghost and horse. Thank you.

All right. These are from Eli and they are movie mashup riddles. And so I'm just going to basically read a description and it's going to be two movies that movie titles that fit together because they share a word or a syllable or whatever.

Very quickly, speaking of, I feel like of all the riddles we've done, some of my favorite were when Anthony came on. I don't know if Anthony was hosting or he just brought some riddles.

I think we just read some of his riddles that

We've had a lot of people send those in since, like you've inspired people to write their own.

They haven't been as good as yours. Oh, that's what matters.

And we'll forge you the emails if you want to press through.

Oh yeah, so I can have something to masturbate to, yeah. Wait, what?

Sex pests, sex pests, sex pests. Casey, don't clip that. I'm so paranoid all the time now. I used to be free on this show, and now I'm looking over my shoulder. How paranoid are you, Erin?

Because you still do it. You still chant sex pests.

I am having a ton of sex though. I gave that one up for free. That one wasn't the soundboard. I'm taking the power back.

Don't give me soundboard clips that I've already got.

Surf's up my guy, 100%. What the fuck am I supposed to do with that?

You have no power here, Casey.

And Casey, go ahead and see if the Tolkien Estate will give us access to that one. I would love it if we could use it.

Alright, here we go. Let's fly away to a fantastic place where we'll never have to grow up or face the traumatic reality of growing up during the Spanish Civil War. Either way, we're going to need some pixie dust or a fairy.

Peter Pan's Labyrinth?

Yes, Adal!

I forgot that there was a movie called Peter Pan and I was like, okay, so this is Hook, but I'm like, I don't think so.

Um, I would like to see a scene. Um, hmm, what do I want to see? Adal, you are Peter Pan, but he's got eyes on his hands. Yeah. Adal, you're Peter Pan.

Yeah.

GPC, you're Captain Hook. And Anthony, if you want to come in as me, you can. And you guys are just trying to sit down and find some common ground.

Look, I'll level with you. You can't kill me, I can't kill you. We've tried a thousand times before. It's just not happening.

That's fair, but... As long as you stand in the way of children... Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I intend to keep doing so. You know, maybe we're... This relationship between the two of us... We should do a different tact. We should try a different angle on it.

I'm listening. Also, mind you... Reaches into my pocket. Tinkerbell is here. Tinkerbell, announce yourself.

He's coughing up a lot of pocket lint.

Oh god. Ugh. My wings are crushed to shit. Can't fly. Fucking Peter, fuck.

Oh, cause we don't believe. Everyone, clap your hands.

You shoved me in your pocket three weeks ago and forgot I was there.

Oh, were you in the dryer? Yes. Did I put you through the- oh. I am so sorry.

We have this like antagonistic relationship and I'm wondering maybe we could, you know, pivot, transition it into more like a romantic relationship?

I don't know if that's doing anything for you. What about your boyfriend, Smee?

Yeah, I thought you and Smee were married.

You slut. I have been waiting behind that barrel for you to reveal the true self. I thought I'd seen your true self when you took off the hook and I licked the stump, but now I know what's really underneath that. Oh!

It's me! Hey, buddy! No, no, no! Tinkerbell starts to float again.

Where did you get back from? The store. No, yeah. I didn't even go to the store.

What the fuck? We need peanut butter!

I actually should go to the store. I'm sorry.

Can I recommend a brand? Kiss, kiss.

Okay, here we go. This one might be kind of hard, but maybe not. All my fairytale dreams are coming true in real life. This superhero suit has prominent nipples.

It's Batman or Robin.

It's gotta be Batman or Robin. Yeah.

The George Clooney suit. Yeah, but there's a Batman. It's one of the Batman.

Batman Forever?

Yep.

It's Batman Forever. Batman Forever.

That one didn't have nipples.

This is an inaccurate riddle.

That one didn't have nipples?

No.

Oh, well, um, okay. You got it right though, Adal.

Oh yeah, you email that person and tell them they're a fucking idiot?

Cause it was Batman- Anthony, see, I'm saying the quality of these went way down when you stopped saying them. Cause I had that poster, it was Batman and Robin had the nipples, right? Yep. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Batman and Robin was the one- I'll say it again, sex pests.

With- I was a child, Erin. And he was George Clooney. Batman and Robin was the one with... Chris O'Donoghue? With Chris O'Donoghue, yes. But was that with Arnold Schwarzenegger and Emma Thurman? Poison Ivy and Mr. Freeze.

And then it was Val Kilmer had Tommy Lee Jones and Jim Carrey?

Yep. Earlier today I said Ice to Meet You. Not that that movie lives large in my mind, but I do love Mr. Freeze's ice puns in that movie.

Adal, you did get it right. It is Batman Forever After.

Forever After. Forever After.

I want to suck your blood and dance with Emma Stone.

Dracula La La Land.

Yes. Whoa.

Very nice.

I do think that movie would be improved if Ryan Gosling was a vampire in that movie.

Dracula Invented Jazz?

Yes.

Wow. I was thinking of Crazy Stupid Love, so I was thinking of a different Ryan Gosling Emma Stone movie.

A band of merry men find some drug money in the desert, then prance and dance and thing themselves away from a disturbing coin-flipping man. Uh, Jesus.

We gotta get this guy on blank check. Anthony, have you ever done blank check? No, it's blank check, other than the movie where that kid tries to fuck a grown woman.

Yeah, can we talk about that for a second? I watched that movie during the pandemic. Now who's the sex pest, Erin? Me! I'm the sex pest. I watched that movie in the pandemic and was in complete and total disbelief. What in the actual fuck? In fairness, in the first draft he was trying to fuck Tone Loke, but they had to pivot. Here we go. I'm never traveling again. First, I got accosted on my flight by these motherfucking slithering serpents. Then I had to endure a road trip with an insufferable curtain ring salesman. I see dead people and probably Kirsten Dunst. I just assume she's in all these period pieces. Nope, it's Kate Winslet. It's Kate Winslet, yes.

I do want to see a scene.

Sure.

Yeah. Anthony, I'd like you to be like a little kid, a la Sixth Sense, a Haley Joel Osment type. And Erin, I want you to be like a Victorian ghost who is just looking for someone to kind of hang out with.

Today we're

Could you put your head, like, back onto your neck? Or are you just gonna keep holding it out while you talk to me? I can't. I can't. I have to hold it. Excuse me, sir. Excuse me, sir. Yes, dad. You don't have to call me sir.

How much longer are you going to be in the bathroom? It's been 40 minutes and the shower's on.

Be perfect. What a good way to celebrate seven years.

Yeah.

What a good way. That is exactly right.

You're inviting me to ruin all your fucking improv scenes because I don't know how to fucking do improv?

That is exactly how we've been doing improv this whole time.

Anthony learned how to do improv by listening to four seasons of this show. Yeah.

Self-taught. Yesterday I had a my I the show quality time I host in Los Angeles. I had that and a sweet listener of the show. He is on a college improv team. And he started listening to us when he was a freshman in high school. And I was like, I wanted to ask I was like, have we ruined I us being people's introduction into improv makes me feel nervous.

I'm in love with a fish man and all these poor rabbits are dying.

The Shape of Watership Down?

Wow. A relatively small number of shirtless, oiled-up Greek men go to slow-motion war to save a relatively large number of precious pups from being turned into fabulous furs.

301 Dalmatians? Yeah, 301 Dalmatians.

This is Cruella.

301 Dalmatians is just like, how many sequels have we done that were at 301?

Kick a dog down the well.

I'm just having Adal, you said that as sort of an aside, but now that's sort of the image in my brain. Hark! Willem Dafoe unleashes the perfect monologue while Paris Hilton tries to run away from Madame Tussauds.

House of Wax

The second movie she was in?

Holy shit, I haven't thought about that since at least this week.

Lighthouse Bunnies?

That was shot in Night Vision, right?

That makes sense. Yeah. She did some good slurs in that one. It was a real treasure if you got it off Kazaa.

Kazaa!

Erin, you remember her selling sex tape, right?

No. That didn't cross my desk if you could believe it.

You were banging on that thing asking for pictures of Spider-Man and someone was like, I have this, and you were like, Spider-Man!

Can I see a scene? JBC and Anthony, you are two old men who have been living in a lighthouse together for quite some time.

So I'm getting the feeling that you might be gay.

Uh, well, I've never really even considered it before. Maybe I'm just expressing wishful thinking. No, I kind of always thought of myself as more of an asexual type seeing as we've lived in this lighthouse for six decades and we've kind of never

We're the worst lighthouse in this whole coastline. We've killed so many sailors. We're kind of like the sirens.

Oh my god, looking down at my body. Uh, perfect breasts, fishtail. I think we might be sirens.

Are sirens mermaids? I don't think so. I think we're just hot and we hang out on rocks. Okay. Oh hey, look, a boat's coming.

Yoo-hoo! Hello! Oh my god!

We're here to be fucked raw! It's a siren cruise!

Sex, pests, sex, pests, sex, pests.

Horatio Sanz is piloting the boat. Horatio Sanz's cruise.

One of the sirens says the Mariah Carey. The six octave string.

Sirens are just ladies, right? Hold on.

Hold on.

I thought that they were kind of fish as well. They hang out in the water for suresies.

They're creatures who lure men to their deaths.

But they're on the rocks, right? Women with bird-like creatures. Fuck, you're right, they're birds! Lower body of a bird? That's hilarious! Or sometimes a fishtail, you're right. But they're like women birds. They're ladybirds.

It's like a mermaid harpy. Ladybirds, they all look like Saoirse Ronan or Laurie Metcalf.

And then I think that their appearances change when you get closer. So maybe they look more like ladies when you're far away.

That's true of like most people.

Yeah.

No, no, no. I look the same from space as I do.

I mean, that's what happened with manatees, where they're like, a mermaid, a beautiful woman, and then they got closer and you're like... Yep, I fucked a beautiful woman.

And say that you're being judgy about people wanting to have sex with manatees.

Yeah. My big thing is there must have been a time in history before corrective lenses. So I think a lot of people were just like, I think that's, I think that's a topless woman in the water waving to me. Yeah.

And then the manatees smoking a cigarette go, yeah, topless woman. That's a callback to the Zeus joke.

When you're on a boat and you're fucking a manatee, at that point, why don't you just be like, I'm just gonna fuck Jeff here on the boat.

Yeah, that's a bunch of men afraid of their sexuality. Can you imagine how much that would hurt your feelings? If you're on a boat with people for years and years, and then they see a manatee?

Hey man, you know I'm just as horny as you, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you fucked a fish in the water?

No, I just, I felt like you and I didn't really have much chemistry or... Chemistry?

What's that? You fucked a fish!

Anyways, anybody that needs a plug that isn't our new podcast, Gumshoes and Dragons?

I think we should be exclusively, we shouldn't waste our plugs this week on anything else but Come Shoes and Dragons. Because that, it's, hey, look, it's a lot of fun. The podcast is awesome. We've recorded like seven episodes.

Janet's on one. You got some Dungeons and Daddies crew on them. It's a blast, guys.

It's fun. All the guests are fun. Anthony does a great job. He kills it as the GM. We kill it as clueless idiots, which is what we play best.

We do an episode called Motes and Mommies, I want to say.

Have you guys done Motes and Mommies yet, Anthony?

We talked about something along those lines. It was mazes and mothers. I think we recorded a test episode for a long time ago, but women aren't funny, so we didn't do it.

That is such a good point. I forgot. I always forget. Why am I here? But please give it a shot if you're a fan of any of this.

Erin, it's because you're not a woman. Look down. It's all bird and fish down there.

I knew it. That explains so much.

Anthony and I are the same guy, so we just don't, we can't, we shouldn't be on the podcast together.

It's kind of redundant having you guys both here.

If we ever touch, it'll be like Time Cop and the fucking... Casey, just combine their audio.

If you're a fan of Anthony, or you like our stuff, or even Casey Toney's sweet, sweet editing skills, please give it a shot. I'm proud of it. I think it's great. And we'd be really happy and grateful if you, if you looked into it.

And like and subscribe, do those things as well with the likes and the subscribes, because that's also important to do. And tell your friends, that's probably the biggest thing.

Tell your friends, gumshoes and dragons.

And I want to say I'm really, really grateful for seven years of this podcast with you guys. Also, Anthony, again, someone who doesn't love compliments.

Anthony, you listened to our show and then you brought us on as guests on Dungeons and Daddies and I think truly a third of our episodes, or episodes, a third of our listeners have come from that episode. Thanks for asking me to do the show.

JPC, Adal, Anthony, thanks for everything.

Hey Riddle Riddle has a show in Los Angeles this Friday on Friday the 1st. Also, we're doing a live stream of that show. So if you want to get a ticket to the live stream, do it before the show starts and you can watch it for up to a week after I think that that live stream or the show ends. But it's the only live stream that we're doing as part of this tour. So if you're not on any of our other tour stops, go to heyriddleriddle.com slash live, click the link for the live stream for the LA show and you can get a ticket to the live stream.

As someone who's not on this show and doesn't know any of these people really, I would highly recommend doing it. I think maybe the hardest I've ever laughed in a public venue was at the last Hey Riddle Riddle live show I went to with Hard Quiz. Yeah, Hard Quiz.

That was fun.

Yeah, that's a highlight for me for sure.

And more people would have listed that if it hadn't been a live show that only a few people saw and I think we never released the patreon or the Clips of that and heartbreak high which was also extremely fucking funny. I think there you go. There you go Hey, that's the best promo for our live show that I've ever heard.

Yeah. Well, thanks guys Jupiter

Hey, why do you say Jupiter at the end of episodes? Like, why do you say a planet? I don't know. Cut it, Casey. Cut it. Cut that out.

Toyota Tercel.

And John Patrick Coan, Casey Toney did the editing, and Marty Parent did the music. Logo created by Emily Cardenas and Emilina Morris. Genuinely though, I do want to know. You can search Jupiter on Which Riddle Riddle, but you'd get every single episode. Sort by oldest.

That was a HeadGum podcast.