Which Riddle Riddle?

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1, 2, 3, 4. Hey Riddle Riddle.

I have a friend and his name's Adal. I have a friend and his name's Adal. I have a friend and his name's Adal. I have a friend and how about you?

Uh, yeah, I have a friend named Adal too. I am Adal. Oh my gosh. I'm a Adal. Do you have a friend? Ooh, do you have a friend named Adal? Uh, no. Erin, do you have a friend named Erin? Yes.

No. Oh, well, yes, I do have a friend named Erin. Erin, I wouldn't even say sank, I'd say like submersible exploded. Let's try a different, I'm going to try a different opening to see if it strikes your fancy.

Erin's comedy body was blown to dust in milliseconds. Is that what happened to them?

Casey, do you have any friends named Casey? Yeah. Well, okay, cool. Wow, you know multiple Casies? That's pretty crazy.

All right, here's my new opening. Okay. Guys, there's a new Yankee candle smell. It's called Riddle. Do you want to smell it?

No, there's not.

Can I give you some advice on improv, Erin? Can I give you some advice on improv?

No. You? Adal, sure. No, thank you.

This is also for children. It applies as well. Don't ask, do you want to do something? You know? Because that gives someone an opportunity to say no.

What about Frozen? What about that song in Frozen?

Don't you want to build a snowman? That's rhetorical.

No, it's not. Alright, here's my new opening. Hey Adal, I just killed JPC. Do you want to help me bury the body?

It's a question. Again, it's a question.

Oh, I think I'm misunderstanding. Hey Adal, I can't stand JPC anymore. Do you want to help me beat him up? Am I getting closer?

But it's the same problem, but it's the context that is different.

You know what?

Here's what you do. Instead of saying, open-ended, do you want to do this, yes or no? Give him two different options. Say, do you want to do this or this? Because then you can't say no to it.

Adal, do you want to shoot JPC into the hot, hot sun or have him explode at the bottom of the ocean?

C. Don't say C. Well, C and the ocean, they're the same, right? Well, I'm giving Erin a no. You would say C because Adal's people are from the desert.

JPC, you start an opening. You go. You got it.

This toy store's selling sex toys!

See, can I give you some improv advice?

Please. That was Santa by the way. He was upset.

That wasn't C, that wasn't clear.

Oh shit, that wasn't clear. It sounds like he's besmirching a toy store to try and ruin everything.

Can I give you some improv advice?

I'm such a good improv teacher.

Can I give you some advice?

Advice, yes. And Erin, you would say, do you want me to give you improv advice or do you want me to slap you in the face? Don't give me an option to say yes or no.

I'm going to give you some improv advice.

That's exactly correct. Nice.

When you start a scene, don't do an object-based initiation. Have whatever you are talking about be within the other person. Like, whoa, you look like shit today is a better example.

Whoa, you look like shit today.

That's a great way to start a scene.

That actually is a great way to start a scene, Erin. That's actually a great way to start a scene.

I think I've told this before, but I was once told the worst scene initiation is, fuck you, where are we?

I know, and I love that. I could make that work.

Okay, Erin, whenever you're ready.

Oh, I say fuck you, where are we, or you say it?

Did you want to try and make it work?

Yeah, but I can make it work if you send it to me.

Oh, I see. Yes, yes, yes. Okay. Hey Erin, would you like to fuck you, where are we? Wait, JPC, did I do that wrong? Can we start again?

I mean the whole day.

You have done nothing wrong.

I want to go home.

I don't have done nothing wrong. That can't be right. This is Hey Riddle Riddle. Now, it's a podcast about riddles, but it's also about improv. And today's episode is kind of a behind-the-scenes sneak peek at what it's like to improvise and kind of the way, the nuts and bolts of how we get it done.

None of this is true.

Erin.

I'm about to sweater this episode.

Erin, you have been in Chicago now for a week.

Sure. About a week.

Do you miss it?

Well, I've spent the whole time here in this hot, hot room dealing with your bullshit.

Isn't it crazy how we've recorded twice since we've been here. The first day was one of the hottest days in Chicago this year. Then we took two days where we didn't record. The weather immediately dropped down. It was nice. It was livable. It was great outside. And now we're back recording again, and it's as hot as hot could be.

God hates our podcast? Yeah. I have a friend and her name's Erin. I have a friend and her name's Erin. I have a friend and her name's Erin. Hey, how about you?

Um, I have a friend. See, does that sound not fun at all? Doesn't that feel bad?

Is it a camp song? What is it?

That must be something. I have a friend and his name is Erin. I have a friend and his name is you. I have a friend and his name is Erin. This isn't an improv warm-up, is it? That probably is.

It probably is?

It sounds like something that is.

Erin, how much do you miss Chicago?

Well, I miss it so much. I would say 10 out of 10 miss it. It's also it's been hard because I've been back and I haven't really gotten to have any downtime. My days have been like packed morning till night and it's making me miss Chicago even more and I'm like, oh my gosh, I should have said no to more things so I could have actually gone and sat at some of my favorite places. But it's so beautiful. This is by far the best city in the U.S. It has everything.

Yeah.

It's so beautiful. Everyone is so happy during the summer. It's just the best.

Now the industry, Erin, as we all know in L.A., it's kind of drying up. You know, they're not making TV. They're not making movies anymore. We got to get you back. We got to get you back in Chicago.

What's it going to take? Put a number. on the show.

I'd know that but anyway. I think, Erin, I think people would love to see you back here in Chicago.

Well, a couple things I've been thinking about.

Sure.

I think about moving and buying a little place in Maine a lot and getting some like chickens and hanging out there.

Yeah.

And then spending part of the year somewhere else, either Chicago, LA, or New York, like doing like three months in a place where I can go do improv and be around people. So next, I already decided that next summer I'm going to come back for two and a half months. Whoa! To Chicago.

Wow. Wow.

Okay. Because I, I just, I think this would be a great place to be out of for that time. And it also depends if I want to have kids. Right now I'm leaning no.

Yeah, me too. For you, me too.

But if I have kids, I don't know if I'd want to raise them in LA.

Yeah, because it's like your kids are gonna be drinking like frappiato, frappaciato.

Yeah, taking them on auditions.

They book roles over you.

I don't want them to become my competition. I can't afford that.

They're doing grocery shopping at Erewhon and it's $450,000 a month. Summertime in Chicago, that's the time that you, that's really the time that you, I would say as a person who lives here year-round, summertime in Chicago is the second most miserable time to be in Chicago.

Oh, I, that is, I feel like famously the wrong opinion. Chicago summer is like, like, internationally known as one of the best places to be during the summer.

Really when it's like 98 degrees?

It's not always like that.

No, but more and more it is.

Oh, global warming.

Yeah, yeah. The last few years there have been some, and like two years ago we had a Canadian wildfire smoke, which it was like unlivable to be outside of Chicago. Do you remember that? The Canadian wildfire smoke? No. You should remember it because the skies were literally gray in the summertime for maybe three weeks. Casey, you remember this, I'm not crazy. Are these lyrics? The wildest thing about the Canadian wildfire is we had a little bit of it earlier this summer and I was walking around in my neighborhood being like, yeah, I couldn't go outside yesterday because of the Canadian wildfire smoke. And people in my neighborhood were like, what are you talking about? I was like, did you not have that thing on your phone that said it was unlivable to be outside and you shouldn't be outside?

So there's like an Amber Alert about it?

Well, no, it was you had to like check an app.

You had to check the weather.

You had to check the weather and see that air quality was like unsafe for any group. And then my neighbors were like, I spent all day outside doing like lawn work yesterday. And I'm like, oh yeah, you shouldn't have done that. Very bad. Cause that's like really, truly, really bad.

It's so funny that you think Chicago summers are miserable to me when I walk around they feel like you know children's book where they like show children's books where they show cities and it's like the idyllic city and everything looks great like you're walking down the street and you see like firefighters playing cards waiting for a fire yeah and you see people like drinking on patios and like kids playing baseball in the park like it feels like So picturesque and cinematic.

If you're close-ish to the lake, the 95-degree days are not as bad because you get a little bit of that lake effect breeze. But if you are not close to the lake, the 95-degree days... You live far west, up on that hill where there's thunder and lightning and all the kids are spooked out by you. Yeah, it's truly unlivable times. I said second worst time to be in Chicago because the first worst time to be in Chicago is seven months out of the year in between, well no, third. That's probably between like December, or I guess it's not seven months, it's like December to May.

Why are you trying to convince me to move back when you hate most of the year here?

It's just really convenient for recording. I would say fall Chicago number one, spring Chicago number two, winter Chicago number three, summer four.

I feel like spring Chicago doesn't want to do this.

My favorite part about recording in person, Erin, is because I will not get a text message from you saying that your internet is out. And if I do, I'll be like, that's not a problem. Just walk right over here and sit down and record.

Why don't you move to L.A.? We could record at HeadGum Studios.

I guess so. Yeah, I don't know. I think that that's... HeadGum Studios, by the way, they're full. They've got enough podcasts recording there.

We could boot Jake Johnson out.

Yeah, but I guess it would be easier for Adal and I to sell our houses and for me to move my family.

Do it.

Well, yeah, I guess it would be easier. And you did say just, I don't know, 10 minutes ago that you wouldn't want to raise kids in LA, right?

Well then maybe I don't have kids in LA.

I'd have to bring my kid. That's what I'm saying.

I'm more speaking for me. Your kid is going to thrive anywhere. I'm going to have a very sensitive, like your kid is like a plant that could grow. Plant? Yeah, your kid is a plant.

And we've never met. Aaron, would you want to, you don't want to maybe raise kids in LA, would you want to raise JPC's kid in LA? Be like an au pair. Oh, you were an au pair once. I was. Yeah. I would say I would not hire Erin to watch my child if she was the only option left on this.

You know what's so funny is I'm probably going to end up being the future stepmother to your child. Beverly Shubadoo has a 10 year plan.

No. Stepmother I think is different, because stepmothers can be wicked. And so I do think, I do think that that kind of fits in.

I was, that is one of the only things I was actually good at on the planet, was nannies.

The last time we recorded you did tell a story about how you stopped, you told them that you couldn't nanny for a day because you had to like drive two hours to a Chicago fire audition.

That was the only time I ever did that.

And if my nanny said that to me, she would be Chicago fired.

That was a family I had been working for for three years.

Chicago? Fired. I didn't like that joke.

I get feedback online that I give it up too easily on the show. They're like, she's just a girl who laughs at anything. And now I'm going to have higher standards. That family that I'd been working for, oh thank you, had been working for for like two and a half years and they were so patient and nice and were like so enthusiastic about me going to that audition. And we're like, how'd it go? How'd it go? How was it? It was like that feeling, and I was like, so mad. The only other time I, one time I had the flu and I couldn't go into that job, and the only other time that I had to go home early or anything, is when their perfect sweet daughter, I don't know if you guys remember this, put, we were playing makeup, and she was like, close your eyes, and then she was gonna, with like a paintbrush, Oh, putting her ears into it?

And she, Popped her eardrum? She popped my eardrum. Oh my god.

So I had to go home. And I feel like that's a pretty good track record if that's the only two is having the flu one day that I got from their kids.

Kids will shove things in their ears to a way where I'm like, do you not know? Do you not know? They don't. They don't know because they're children. They're small. They're truly small.

Something I want to bring up just very quickly is, Erin, I think it would behoove your interest in moving back here. It would stimulate your interest in moving back to Chicago.

Oh, with JBC moving out of the city?

If JBC could possibly move out of the city. I'm close. But if Chicago had a better nickname. I feel like we are Second City. The Beandy City. The Beandy City. The Big Cookie. We need something more exhilarating. God. Can you workshop some ideas, or JPC, workshop some ideas for a nickname for Chicago that makes it more appealing for Erin to use?

Thanks for watching.

Fire City's cool because we were absolutely decimated by a fire. Yeah.

We're okay now. All the firemen are playing cards.

Does Fire Fest kind of ruin fire as good as branding?

Well, it depends on how we spell it. Remember that guy gave a blowjob for all that water?

What? Excuse me?

Do you remember the Fire Fest documentaries? Does anyone else remember any details from that other than that?

Do you say a guy gave a blowjob for all that water?

Yeah. In exchange for water, he gave a guy a blowjob. The guy running the festival. Don't keep saying that.

How good was this water?

Well, they needed water because you know, it was like a disaster. It was a huge disaster.

Yeah.

And one of the guys organizing it admitted he was like laughing about it. He was like, yeah, I gave this guy a blowjob so he would give us more water.

Did he offer handjob first or he went straight to blowjob?

So he got hydrated twice.

Casey, get on the mic if you want to be on the mic.

I said he got hydrated twice. But wait, but wait. Was it for a bottle of water or was this like a guy?

I'm so pissed off today.

Was this a guy making a shipment of water?

No, it was a truck full. It was a shipment of water.

For one blowjob for a shipment of water?

Let me look up the details.

The conversion rate on that is, pardon the pun, out of whack.

Okay. What do you think, how much do you think a blowjob is worth?

For me?

Yeah, like for currency.

Almost nothing.

No, but like currency, like how much?

I couldn't get a half empty bottle of Dasani for one of my blowjobs. There's no way. There's no way. Because here's the thing. I've never given a blowjob in my life, so I'm not going to be good at it right out the gate. Now, I've watched a lot of game tape, you know, so if we're talking about, like, how much trading— I heard it while I was reading about this, and I— But yeah, I don't know. I don't think my blowjob is going to be worth anything.

Could we put it up for auction?

I'd love it if we didn't.

I'd love it if we didn't. This man gave, do you want to guess the amount of water, like the price it would have been without it?

Okay, okay.

So how much his blowjob was actually worth?

He's still buying the water, he's just getting a discount?

No, no, no. So this is how much money his blowjob was worth, ultimately.

Dude. I don't know. Here's the thing. No, he didn't. Because the guy was going to give him the water anyway. If someone tells me that they gave $175,000 blowjob, I go, no, you got the deal you were going to get, and you also gave somebody a blowjob. That's what I think.

I feel like this is a weird situation. I feel like the guy who took the BJ for water is a villain.

Yeah.

Like a massive villain and should be publicly shamed.

I completely agree.

Okay, Erin, so I think where we've landed is that for $175,000 and the best blowjob you've ever had in your life, you're willing to move back to Chicago? Welcome to the show.

Make it a million dollars. Let's just do some riddles. Let's just do some riddles.

Why wouldn't we just do some riddles? These are riddles from Milti. Milti submitted these riddles so, so long ago. I got distracted.

2018?

Probably. Probably 2018 or 2019. We've done, I think we've done, there were eight riddles. I think we did five of them on the show already or six of them on the show already. So we have two more left. Here we go. You do this every time you climb. I'm present to judge for every crime. I'll tell you what size to expect. I'm also armor I protect.

You do this every time you climb?

You do this every time you climb. Erin, what do you do every time you climb?

I don't really climb.

That's not true. I mean, you're like a social climber.

Social climber.

Yeah.

Find your footing. It's a climbing gym. Smart.

What do you... Do you tie yourself into something?

Like a little harness.

Have you guys ever climbed before? Like done like free climbing or done... What's that? I guess what's that called? Non-free climbing?

I've gone to a climbing gym before but I don't think I would ever actually want to climb on the set.

That's a workout. Was that very strenuous for you?

It was. It was actually... I liked it way more than I thought I would. It felt a little... because it doesn't really feel like a strength workout if you're not doing like the hard ones. Yeah. It feels like almost like a full body like stretch.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That sounds fun. I would love to do that. I'm not a gym person, but I would love to do the fake rock climbing thing.

We all get a nosebleed.

I went on a first date in Chicago where we went to a climbing gym and how do you guys feel about some sort of exercise thing as a first date?

That sounds embarrassing and exhausting. That just feels like you're setting everyone up for failure.

I think if you're going on a first date and both people are like, I'm athletic and I like hiking or I'm into this as a thing, perfect. That's great because it's a thing that we both enjoy. But especially if it's someone who's like, I like doing this, let's just take a person that I don't know if they have any interest in it on a climbing gym thing. That sounds awful to me.

Yeah.

Was that what it was?

No, yeah, I mean like I was in the mindset of like dating comedy boys is not fun and isn't working. Yeah. So I will go for a completely different vibe. But once I got there, I was like, I'm having a nice time, but we're not really connecting or looking like it. It's hard to actually be doing like the date stuff, which is like asking questions and talking to each other while you're climbing.

Yeah.

We got like a drink after and then I was like, well, now we're on a date. And then I now I'm like just tired.

Thanks for watching.

I was talking to a friend recently who had gone on like a late morning, early afternoon date on a Saturday. And I was like, that is so much better than giving up a weekend night for someone that you don't know, for like a stranger. To just be like, oh, we're going to go like get a coffee or like sit in the park. And like, that just seems so, I'm like, why isn't that more of a thing?

I saw two people a couple months ago on what I assume was a first date, because that's the way it felt. They were asking first date type questions, and it was when me and my family were going to breakfast, which was Saturday morning at like 6.30 in the morning.

Whoa!

And it was truly one of the most, it was, the restaurant was empty. It was one of the most insane things that I've ever seen in my life.

Maybe there are two people who work like service at night.

I had to invent a lot of things to make it make sense for me, because if it was just like, if it was just like, hey, you know, when are you free? I'm never free.

Today we're talking But I also appreciate, like, he felt very shy. So I was like, I feel like this is him trying to put himself in a place where he doesn't feel as shy.

Yeah. So I was trying to be… You're in his world now. I'm in his world. Did he say that?

Yeah.

Did he say, you're in my world now?

And now he's my husband.

If you're trying to invite someone on a date, hypothetically, hypothetical date, where you're showing off a thing that you're, like, so good at or you think that you're so good at, what's the date that you're inviting them on?

We're staying up until 4 a.m.

Flashing your tires.

Erin, I gotta say, you're pretty dog-shut at that because you've never done it.

I fixed them back, idiot. Right away. I feel so guilty I fixed them.

I do want to see a scene. The two of you are on a first date, and Erin, we're at a place that you chose based on where you think you shine most.

When you were like first date at a strip club, I was like, oh, is this like a joke? Because I truly like, hey, this is fun. It's awesome. I'm having a great time. I just don't ever come to places like this.

Yeah, I just. Yeah, it's stupid. We can go. We can go.

Oh, no, we don't have to go. It seems like everybody here like kind of knows you. I didn't know. Coming up next to the stage, Godzilla.

That's not me. I just really like watching strippers.

Oh. Yeah.

I don't work here. I'm just here like every day and I'm really good at watching strippers.

I didn't think that you worked here. I thought maybe you had like an ownership stake or something because people seem to have a difference.

Sorry, sorry. Godzilla's on the stage. Sure.

Punch's fake building.

Take it down. Ruin that city, baby. Interesting. Ruin that city, baby.

Yeah, Bodzilla's awesome. I think Bodzilla has more of a lizard vibe than a stripper vibe.

And coming out to join Bodzilla is Gothra. It's like Bothra but Gothra.

Yeah!

This is an interesting strip club. They're wearing a lot of clothes, more clothes than I thought. I don't really go to these places, so it's more clothes than I would think because it's monster costumes.

Yeah, I mean, but they make money, like they're staying open, so some people are horny into that.

You're certainly giving them a lot of money. Yeah.

Yeah, it doesn't seem like... We can go play pool. I know you're so good at pool, and you love, like we can go to a... Oh, no, I work at a pool. Ooh, I was not listening. It's okay. Wait, wait, my favorite, my favorite's coming out, my favorite's coming out.

Uh-oh. Really short sets. It's time for Claire. Everybody please welcome Claire Sullivan. She's my favorite monster.

Oh, interesting. Oh, okay. I get it. She's piercing ears. She gotcha.

She gotcha.

Yeah, she got me. Really did not expect her to come off the stage and get my ear like that.

She gotcha. It's okay. Holy shit. I turned my ears all pierced.

Oh God.

That'll be $17. Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

No, of course. I yeah here. I have a 20. I didn't know. I didn't know what to.

You hate this. I'm sorry. I do. I just got out of like a really long marriage and I'm not good at this. I'm just sorry.

Oh, no, that's well interesting. I thought yeah, something you could have told me but I'm sorry all my dating profile pictures are me crying over a picture of my ex. That's your ex?

Yeah.

Okay, it's like a big group photo. Yeah, but like I'm holding a picture and I'm like... I just thought it was like a friend that couldn't make it to the trip or something. They're all the same trip.

I'm such a loser. I'm sorry.

Why? Hey, hey, you're not a loser. I work at a pool.

What does that mean?

I'm the towels. What? Scene.

I'd like to see a scene. You're at a pool and you're getting out and you want to dry off and JBC, you're the towels. Got it.

Hey, hey, I'm here to dry you off. It's a nice pool.

Oh, can I just get a towel or?

You got, you're looking at him.

Huh.

I'm the towels at the pool. Okay. I'm super absorbent. Okay. Yeah. Do I pick you up or do I? You don't have to do anything at all. You just stay still. Am I being robbed or? What would I take? I guess I'm.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

Yeah, you don't have to do anything. I do ask that you don't get an erection.

Kind of a big ask.

It is a big ask. I understand that. But it's something that I ask.

Okay, I'm going to turn around and I'm going to... Hold on, let me think about... What should I think about? There's a lot of guys in this pool.

There's a lot of guys in this pool. I got a long day. Grandma playing baseball.

Hey, man, you don't work here. Get the hell out of here, dude.

What do you mean I don't work here? Oh, I'm not employed here.

Hey, go, get, get. But I'm working. I'm so sorry, sir. Have as many erections as you want. Thank you. It's so painful.

Here's your next one. This is the hardest one by a lot. There are four answers to pass this test. Combine opposite pairs to go back and forth. Each answer is one syllable as it leaves your mouth. The group together is not a priest.

Group together is not a priest. This is the first one?

Can you say that again?

I got really lost. This is the riddle. This is difficult. There are four answers to pass this test. It's the first line. Combine opposite pairs to go back and forth. Each answer is one syllable as it leaves your mouth. The group together is not a priest.

Today we're Congratulations! Congratulations!

Mom, are you drunk? No!

No!

Congratulations!

You're turning a shman in! A shman in is such a perfect term.

Mom got hit really hard in the head by a bird on the way to my birthday party. Congratulations! You're turning a shman in! Oh my god, you're so bad. You're so bad.

Okay, we got clues. The group together is not a priest. Regarding line four, is the group together some other position in the Catholic Church? Yes. Cardinal.

Clergy.

Cardinal. Bishop. You got it. Cardinal. Cardinal. Yes. But that's the group together is not a priest. Birds. Not birds. Cardinal is not the answer. But it is a clue that will get you to the answer.

Casey, Casey, Casey.

There are four answers to pass this test.

Wait, hold on a second. Casey, you famously turn off your video while we're recording remotely. Now you're sitting at a table with us. Are these the faces that you're making when you know a riddle?

Casey's pulling a lot of faces.

Do you know a lot of the riddles? No, I don't know a lot.

Casey's the audience surrogate. We need Casey. He's the voice of reason.

Oh no, I'm not trying to kick Casey. I'm not trying to change anything. I'm just saying, is this how many riddles you usually know?

Maybe. I would say, once again, it is rare for me to get one riddle before you guys, and I do not even know if I got this one, but something just clicked.

Every once in a while, Casey does pop off in the chat and he'll say like, oh, and it's not often, but I do think that the law of averages, sometimes he's going to get one of these.

I want Casey to solve this one.

Well, we all want Casey to solve it because you think he knows the answer. I want to hear what he has to say.

That's not the show. Casey, what clicked in at least, even if you don't know the answer, what clicked in?

There are four cardinal directions, and this talks about four, it says all together it becomes cardinal, and so if there are four direct, I don't know.

Yeah, do we want Casey just to solve all the puzzles for us? Yes, absolutely. Of course we do.

That was an option?

It shouldn't be. Okay, Casey, cut out Casey talking. Is it Cardinal Directions? What are the four cardinal directions? North, East, West, South.

North, East, West, South.

North, West, East, North.

North, North, South, South? Well, here, look, I'll say. The answer says North, East, South, West. I'm not sure. Hey Riddle Riddle.

We have some things that were submitted as warm-up riddles.

Now, I don't think that they're necessarily warm-up riddles. I think that they're very hard because they're all German-based riddles, okay? Uh-oh. And I think it's going to be better if we take a little reset, if we take a break before we get into this. Okay. But before we do that, I do want to ask you guys, what is your grasp on the German language? Nein. Is that German for none? A perfect joke to go into the break.

Thank goodness you guys are finally here. I got to our recording a couple hours early because I was so excited to talk about my favorite app, legitimately my favorite app, Rocket Money.

Yeah, Erin, you sort of blew through the walls on some sort of rocket, which, yeah, reminds me that Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings, which, Erin, I think we can all use.

I mean, Erin, I love Rocket Money too, but two hours early. You're just sitting in here waiting for us for two hours, just like mumbling Rocket Money to yourself?

Yeah, I was also looking at my Rocket Money, and it's so great because it shows all your expenses in one place, including subscriptions you forgot about, which is something I do all the time. It happened to me today that I had forgotten about a subscription, and then Rocket Money reminded me, and they helped me cancel it. And also, it is so If you get spooked by your own money, like we all do because we're all horses, they get spooked by their own money. It's so nice to have like something visual where it feels like really easy to tell where your money is going all in one place. It will not spook you.

Oh, JBC, look, it looks like I just took Erin's phone. It looks like the subscription she canceled was spookedhorses.com.

I don't need to talk to you guys about everything in my life.

Rocket Money's 5 million members have saved a total of $500 million in cancelled subscriptions, with members saving up to $740 a year when they use all of the app's premium features.

So stop spooking your horses and cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney.com slash Riddle today. That's RocketMoney.com slash Riddle. RocketMoney.com slash Riddle.

Oh Erin, it says also you had a subscription to joshuajackson.shirtless.com Can we not have secrets?

This is an ad by BetterHelp.

So what you'll do is take the bread and then add some butter and the butter will help. The butter will help sort of make the bread more delectable.

Oh, this reminds me. Sorry. I love this cooking class.

I thought this was a silent cooking class. I'm not sure why.

Miss Keif, do you have something to share with the class?

Yes, I wanted to talk about my incredible experience with BetterHelp. It is online therapy that has been helping me so much deal with workplace stress and just the general stress of my life.

That sounds mentally delicious.

Mm-hmm. With over 30,000 therapists, BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform, having served over 5 million people globally.

It's convenient too, I might add. You can join a session with a therapist at the click of a button, helping you fit therapy into your busy life. Plus switch therapists at any time, not like with cooking.

And BetterHelp works with an App Store rating of 4.9 out of 5 based on over 1.7 million client reviews. Honestly, baking bread, as like therapeutic as it is, and it's like nice to like do an activity there, you're doing like repetitive over the same, it's just not as good as like, you know, talking to a person about the things that are going. That's why online therapy works really well for me and like baking bread doesn't necessarily do that same thing.

Yeah, it's helpful being able to message your counselor anytime. It's just, it's good for your mental health. I'm covered in flour. I don't know when this happened.

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I am not into chasing trends, but I am all about stuff that fits right, feels good, and actually lasts. That's why I keep coming back to quints. Their lightweight layers and high-quality staples have become my everyday essentials. And I do mean every day. I was actually wearing my Quince lightweight hoodie today because I couldn't find my mosquito spray and my yard is full of mosquitoes and I had to go out there and do yard work. So I had full coverage all over my arms and it zipped up to my neck and I put my hood on and guess what? I still got some mosquito bites, but my thing is, they're not saying that the shirts protect you from mosquitoes, you know what I'm saying?

Let me take it from here, JP.

Okay, thank you.

This past weekend, I ordered new sheets from Quince, and I'm, like, the quality that you're getting from Quince, which has all sorts of stuff. They got home stuff, they got clothing, they got all, everything you might need. And the sheets, I'm like, oh my gosh, these are such high quality sheets for the price. It feels like the old times when things were reasonable.

Yeah, but you know what kind of blows my brains out my nose is that it's comfy, it's high quality, but the best part is that it's half the cost of similar brands. Also, Quince only works with factories that use safe, ethical, and responsible manufacturing practices and premium fabrics and finishes.

So stick to staples that last with elevated essentials from Quince. Go to quince.com slash riddle for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash riddle to get free shipping and 365 day returns. quince.com slash riddle.

Can we not have secrets anymore? Hey Riddle Riddle

Okay, these are German warm-up riddles that were submitted by Neil, okay? So, the crux of this is I'm going to give you... Basically, it's like German translations. German is a very literal language, so I'm going to give you... I'm going to try my best. Neil knew when they submitted these that I was going to have to say some German words, so fuck you, Neil. But I'm going to try. I'm going to say a German word. So these are Wormup, Wormup Riddles. Wormup Riddles. Sounds more like Dracula, I guess. Ah yeah, who knows. You knocked it out of the park with nine and now you're slipping.

Where are your riddles?

I'm going to give you the German word. Then I'm going to give you the, like, the rough translation. And what you're trying to get is the word that is in English. OK? OK. So as an example, here's the first one. It's Schlafinnenzug. Schlafinnenzug. Which roughly translates to sleep suit.

Sleep suit. Coffin.

Coffin. Coffin.

Suit.

Sleep suit.

Sleeping bag.

Sleep suit.

Pajamas.

Pajamas.

Pajamas. I don't know how you were supposed to get pajamas from Schlafeninsug? Schlafeninsug? I don't know. Okay, here's the next one. Some of these I think are a little easier to get. Kurskrank.

Kurskrank.

Kurskrank.

Ratchet and clank.

It's not ratchet and clank. It's not ratchet and clank. It's not ratchet and clank. It's not ratchet and clank. It's not ratchet and clank.

It's not ratchet and clank. It's not ratchet and clank.

It's not ratchet and clank. It's not ratchet and clank. It's not ratchet and clank. It's not ratchet and clank. It's not ratchet and clank. It's not ratchet and clank. It's not ratchet and clank. It's not ratchet and clank. It's not ratchet and clank. It's not ratchet and clank. It's not ratchet and clank. It's not ratchet and clank. It's not ratchet and clank. It's not ratchet and clank. It's not ratchet and clank. It's not ratchet and clank. It's not ratchet and clank. It's not ratchet and clank. It's not ratchet and clank. It's not ratchet and clank. It's not ratchet and clank.

Refrigerator.

It's a refrigerator. Nice one, Erin. A fridge is called a kosher crack. Okay. Winkle-messer. Ooh, that's a pervert. Yes.

Is that a Winklemesser? That's a pervert, but also he's kind of like an old so-and-so.

Yeah, you Winklemesser! Get out of here, you Winklemesser! Get that Winklemesser away from my uncle.

Yeah, and is the W to V thing, is that real? I think so. So it would be Winklemesser?

I think sometimes, yeah. Sometimes it's a thing. Regional? I don't know if it's regional.

I don't know. It's like the one thing I know about German, I don't know if it's true.

I've only been there one time, so I'm not an authority on it.

And that was you said to liberate them?

Yeah, in the 80s. You knocked down a wall with a motorcycle?

Yeah, I actually, guys, I actually knocked it down by accident and everyone started cheering and I was like, yeah, yay, I'll do this.

And then David Hasselhoff kissed you.

Yeah.

You were the first ever, and I want to get this right, sleepy agent, right?

You can't be mad when the joke is so good. You were a Soviet sleepy agent? You can't be mad when the joke is good. You cannot be angry when the joke is that good.

You can't be mad. Okay, Winkle Messer. Winkle Messer.

Vinkle Messer. Is that like Sandman or something?

Oh boy. Tooth Fairy? Okay, so Vinkle Messer is short for, and this one's going to be even harder to get when I tell you what it's like, roughly translated to, Angel Knife. Vinkle Messer translates to Angel Knife. Put something that's sharp.

Is that on the right track?

Angel knife. Okay, I am so stupid. This makes way more sense. It is angle knife, not angel.

It is angle knife. Okay. Angle knife. Angle knife. Angle knife. What is an angle knife? Angle knife. A hook. No. Think like school. I don't think you- Oh, protractor. It's a protractor.

Wow. Everyone take out your angel knives. Ankle, ankle, ankle, vincle messer. Is messer like- Yeah, knife will mess you up, man.

Oh, maybe.

I don't know. It makes a real mess of things.

Is Messer the angle part?

Dude, that's the other thing I don't know. Messer could be angle.

Bend it like Beckham, angle it like Messer.

Let's see, here's your next one. Ooh, I like this. Gloober... Glooberman. Glooberman. Glooberman. Louis Vuitton? It's Louis Vuitton. Glooberman. Glue. What does glue sound like? Glue? Like... Glue. Glue is close. Glue. No. Glooberman. Glue. Body Hold. Glooberman.

Glooberman. Glue. Something... Glow. Glow. Glowworms.

Glow... is Lightbulb. The lightbulb, yes. I love that lightbulb is glow pear. So pear like, shaped like a pear.

Yeah, like a pear shape, right? Oh, I see. I thought you meant like a pear.

Like a pear. Oh. Like a P-A-I-R. I don't even have mastery of the English language, so switching it to German for me is very difficult. Okay, I want to see a scene. Erin, you are taking your car to a mechanic, but you are, and Adal, you're gonna be the mechanic, but you're pretty sure that the mechanic does not know anything about cars based on the way he's talking about the components of your car.

Oh, man. Yeah, I pushed it the last like 15 feet, but it really just died out there. There's no warning signs or anything this morning. It sounded great, and it just... Yeah.

Yeah, I do think it is dead. If you listen to its lungs, it sounds like one's punctured. I put a rope down the esophagus and it feels like there is some shrapnel tinkering around in the juice.

Sorry, I don't know some of these, like, folksy words for car parts.

These are clinical. These are clinical.

Has your backflip been given, huh? You haven't even touched the car yet. I feel like maybe you examined someone's body.

X-ray vision.

Huh. I'm one of the new mutants. Well, um, is there another mechanic? We sort of seem to be in the middle of nowhere that I could bring my car to.

Sure, my twin brother's here. Let me just turn around and put on a hat. How can I help you, bub? You want us to fix up your car, bub? You just turned around and now there's... Okay, um... Now there's my four-foot-eight brother with a nice yellow and black onesie smoking a cigar around gasoline.

You know, I think I'm just going to Uber back to the hotel.

I wouldn't do that. I wouldn't do that.

Nah, I wouldn't do that.

Why?

Ubers tend to use a Toyota Tortel, which is an unreliable car.

You know, a lot of their prissiness comes... I wouldn't even get in an Uber because it's all metal. And that kind of just leaves you open to attacks by you-know-who.

Okay. Bub. Snick. Your jumpsuits. Is that blood or oil?

Oops, sorry. Um, sure. Yeah.

Sure.

Yeah. When you cut into a sentinel, is it blood or oil that comes out? Boy, oh shit.

You know, I have an uncle who's a mechanic. I'm just gonna call him and then he'll walk me through what I have to do. So, thank you.

Yeah, if you want to do that. Oh, do you need a phone?

I got a phone.

Oh, but we don't, you know, reception is bad out here. You could use Cerebro, bub.

You want to use Cerebro to locate all the phones? To call your uncle?

Cerebro will locate all the phones in the world. We have a setting on Cerebro that only does uncles, bub. Can I ask you a question?

Am I the first person you've ever met?

The first non-mutant? Yeah, the first human. Can you imagine using Cerebro to locate all the phones?

Dude, if I had Cerebro, I'd be using it for all kinds of shit. Cerebro would be my Google.

Can you use Cerebro to like, you can't use that to like, wash someone's shower or something, right? Yeah, of course you can. Really? Why wouldn't you?

So Professor X is, he's probably done it at least once, in one of the universes.

He can't control it.

In the X-Men movie when he's like, locating the mutants, eventually you turn that on and the mutant's gonna be taking a shower. Professor X, Charles... I mean, look, does he look away quickly when he realizes that it's a shower? No. No.

Erin, who's your favorite X-Men?

Um, I like... Hmm.

I feel like you're... Storm? Yeah. Storm. Storm's cool.

If we're talking about like, I don't know, like character development or powers?

Either. Storm's one of the best.

Yeah, I like Storm's powers.

Of the classic X-Men, I think the worst power has to be Cyclops.

Yeah.

You'd think so, but he actually is pretty incredible. I think you're reading the wrong versions of Cyclops.

It could be. That's the thing is that the lore is too deep for me to be able to like, you know,

Who are your favorites?

Nightcrawler. If we're talking movies, the Nightcrawler sequence when he's assassinating the president is a really fucking badass sequence.

And in the new X-Men 97 cartoon that came out, Storm has an amazing arc, but Nightcrawler has maybe the best scene where he sword fights with his tail and everything.

Is there an X-Men that you think could carry like its own movie that hasn't before?

Beast. I think if Kelsey Grammer did a one-man Broadway show called Beast.

Kelsey Grammer now, but in a Beast movie.

Kelsey Grammer presents an X-Men special.

I truly just became that gif of that kid throwing money out the window.

It's Kelsey Grammer. It's a one-man show. We're gonna say two and a half hours to justify the ticket price. And I want to say every five minutes he walks off stage and takes 20 minutes to change into blue makeup, comes out, does a little bit more, goes off stage. So I think that would be... It's like Sarah Snook doing Importance of Being Earnest or whatever. Yes.

What is that that she's doing? Drood? Mystery Avenger? No, that's not it. What is she doing? I thought it was Importance of Being Earnest.

Like the True West. Picture of Dorian Gray. True West where it's like two actors switch roles and you get Kelsey Grammer and you get the guy who played Beast.

Kelsey Grammer.

No, the guy who played Beast in the new movies. Oh, from... Oh, Nicholas Holt. Yeah, Nicholas Holt.

What's that movie called? About a Boy. About a Boy. Thank you.

We couldn't think of anything today. Holt and Grammer. True West. They did that with Waiting for Godot with Ian McKellen and Patrick Stewart.

I saw that. Has Gal Gadot ever done Waiting for Godot? Come on. Right there.

She's not my favorite actress.

Oh no?

She's so good.

Erin, she's so good. My favorite actress? My favorite singer? Same person. Gal Gadot. Gal Gadot. I love how she disappears into any role she plays. You never know it's her.

I'm ready. I want more riddles.

Imagine all the X-Men. I feel nothing about Trashy Con Gal Gadot.

Yeah.

I saw a thing that was the poster for Snow White because she plays the, I forget the evil. The witch. Yeah. It's a poster for Snow White and somebody made a comment that said even the poster, even from the poster I can tell she's bad at acting herself. I'm like, that's incredible.

That's wicked funny. Yeah, the Snow White movie was an absolute mess. I put it on for my child because I was morbidly fascinated in what it would be. And the CGI dwarves have like a musical number in it. And I'm like, the whole time I'm like, this is fucking, it's like bad. Like the story is confusing. I actually think Rachel Ziegler is the best part of that.

Yeah, she's great.

She's doing an admirable job with like, it's just a mess. But after the CGI dwarves do a song, I was watching with my child, my child started clapping and I was like, we're watching Moana. Look away. What they did is not actually good to clap for.

Are all the dwarves like Hugh Grant or something?

That's the thing. All the dwarves are Hugh Grant from Notting Hill.

You're thinking of Oompa Loompas.

Yes, it's this. Did anybody see that? Was that the Willy Wonka musical? Yeah, I saw that on the airplane.

I have a lot of friends that are apologists for it. It's the same person who did Paddington, but I don't think it captures the same magic, frankly. Um, I, the wedding I was at this past weekend, I was at a table with all LA people and everyone just started getting up and giving speeches, which was so funny. Just tip for the table. And then Claire McFadden, who's a great comedian if you want to look her up, she's fantastic, stood up and started giving a speech about the new Snow White movie. And she was like, and I watched the first 20 minutes and we were like, yay! And then everyone started making speeches about Snow White and Rachel Siegler.

Okay, so we're gonna finish off with these German ones. These are gonna be all animals, so they're fun, okay? Oh boy. Nacht... Nachtschnecht. I fucked that up. Owls. Nachtschnecke. Schneck? Schneck? Nachtschneck. Something's... Cows. Nacht... What does Nacht sound like? Night. Maybe I'm saying it wrong. Nacht... Nacht...

Hey everyone. Naked snake. Naked. Naked snake is close. Naked eel. Naked. It is a naked snail. What do we think of naked snail? Slug. Slug. Slug.

Oh, I'd like to see a scene. I guess they must have had snails before slugs then, right?

You guys are roommates. One is a snail and one is a slug. And for a moment you think that you're walking in on him naked.

Oh my god, I'm so sorry. Let me just slowly turn around.

I wasn't doing anything. Oh, I'm just watching Frasier.

Did you forget to put your shell on?

My what?

Your shell. I caught you with your shell down.

Oh, bro. No, no, no, no, no. We're different guys. We're different types of guys.

We both look like snails.

For sure, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. And your name is Mike Snailman.

Today we're

We're not like unicorns. Oh, I mean, I've heard of, you know, my dad and mom always warned me, like, if you weren't careful, well, they're always like, be careful with your shell because you only get one. And then they say you don't want to end up like a slug. So you were more like a night. You were like a thing to scare me when I was a kid. I didn't know you were real. I'm sorry.

No. Yeah.

Oh, my God. You didn't just like lose your shell. You are. You were born without a shell, dude.

I'm not trying to save face with you because I lost my shell.

Do you want one? Or is that rude to offer?

Do I want one? Do you have extra?

I have, um, a few extra. They're like fancy. Fancy. I put them out for guests, but... Knock, knock, knock. Is anyone in there?

Hi, um, you left your shell at my place last night.

Oh, I've never met this crow before in my life.

What does she have in her mouth? We've been sleeping together.

Whoa, you're a nest fucker?

That's what we call it. Whoa! You can't say that to me.

Oh, I thought creatures who slept with birds were called nest fuckers. We fuck on the ground. I couldn't get up to that nest. It would take me like a year.

Oh my god. You know what? Ah! Oh shit! Help me! How am I gonna look for a rat? Scene.

We were roommates in that scene. That's like the end of Snail M&M. Oh shit. How am I gonna get this shit out? Snail stand. Thank you. Snail stand. I knew what you were going for. Alright, here's the next one. My shell's gone by. Wash bar. Wash bar. Warthog. Wash bar. Bear. Something bear. Yes. Something bear.

Wash bar.

Wash bar.

Wash is... Grizzly. Oh, wash. Panda. It's wash bear. This is wash. Polar. White bear. Polar bear. I think that makes more sense. Yeah. Polar bear for wash bear. Wash bear. This thing is not a bear. At all. Oh. Oh. And I don't know what wash is about really.

Oh is it like a beaver or an otter or something? Again. No.

This is not a water creature.

Animals that clean themselves. It's not a water creature.

Quite a bit.

Cow.

Cat. This is a creature that does clean itself I would say.

Cat.

Specifically their hands. I think they really like to clean their hands. Oh. Rats? No.

Raccoons. Raccoons. Raccoons are constantly putting on a disinfectant. What is it called?

Hand sanitizer. The two of you are raccoons and you are going through your sort of daily routine of like everything that you need to get done. Almost like an OCD routine. Everything you need to get done before you leave.

OK.

Did you shower?

Ah yes. OK. Yes I did. Did you?

I'm trying to remember if I showered last night or if I... You showered this morning.

Your hair is wet. Okay. Keys. Wallet.

I showered last night as well. Okay. Great. Double shower. Fine.

Keys.

Wallet.

Keys. Wallet. Water bottle. Water bottle.

Doug. Diane. Trash is getting picked up in three minutes.

Oh my god. We didn't do the trash. Okay. Hold on. Before we go outside to do the trash, do we have all of our trinkets? Um, a little, the inside part of a bell. Um, one prong of a fork. Um, uh, uh, just the frame of a mirror.

A hair clip, a bobby pin.

A hair clip, a bobby pin.

Um, the tooth of a child. Did I take a shower? You took a shower.

I did take a shower. Okay.

Wait. Smell my pits.

Fuck! If we touch trash, we're gonna have to take another shower. Shit.

Well, we're gonna eat the trash.

Oh my god, we're gonna eat the trash.

We have to do it in our shower. We have to drink water. We have to remember to drink water.

Okay.

Are you going to J.P. Riddle's party later?

Oh, of course.

Okay. Of course.

Well, then we need to bring... His parties are the best. You gotta find some drugs today. Someone always dies. Yeah. Um, okay. Oh my god. Okay, so we're gonna go eat the trash. You know what we should do? No, let's write this down. We should get like a big Stanley. Okay. Yeah. To shower in? Oh, I was thinking, like, the guy from The Office. Like someone we could ride around on. Oh, okay. Oh! Or like a big water cup. We need, girl... We need to drink water.

We need to drink water. We need to be drinking water. Actually, you know what?

I feel like a fucking pig. I've been eating nothing but trash. I've been drinking no water for days.

Oh my god, I just realized I haven't been sharing the calendar with you. Okay, hold on. Hold on. Let me just send this to you. Texting it over.

Texting it over? Okay.

Trash pick up in one minute. Oh my god. We're gonna miss the trash.

Okay.

And then we're gonna be hungry all day.

We paid that bird to spot the trash for us. Okay.

We haven't paid him this week.

Oh my god.

Hold on, let me... I'm wringing my hands. I have no Venmo.

I have no PayPal.

I'm wringing my hands.

I have no apps. Oh my god, this isn't my phone. This isn't my phone. This is a trash can lid. This is the lid of a trash can. Where did I put my phone? Oh my god, it's in the shower. It's all wet. It's ruined. You know what? Here's what we do. We hit the Apple store. It's trash cans. They have the best trash because all they sell is apples. I'm looking at all these words and I'm thinking, I don't know German.

There was, um, I left the trash bag out on the porch not too long ago and there was a raccoon that kept coming up to the porch because all my cats were like sitting by the window and I'm like, what's going on out here?

He thought you left him a gift.

Truly. I drew the light and there was a raccoon sticking out of the trash bag and I was like, shit, I should have thrown that out. Yeah. So I was like, I'll throw it out in the morning. Came into the kitchen half an hour later. All the cats were still sitting there watching, and I'm like, turn on the porch light, Raccoon's still there. I'm like, whoa, that's crazy. Turn off the porch light. Came back an hour later, cats are back at the window. I was like, let me check on this. Turn on the light. A possum has taken the Raccoon's place. It was terrifying because I expected to see the little raccoon tail and it was like a skinny naked tail. And I was like and then it turned and like looked at me and possums are terrible.

Maybe it got so mad it turned into a possum. Maybe that's just what possums are. It's betrayed raccoons.

You saw a raccoon digging through a trash bag on your porch and you thought let me just take care of this tomorrow. Well, I didn't want to go out and try and take a kid from a baby.

Take trash from a raccoon.

Yeah, and the raccoon had made eye contact with him and put his little hand on his heart and went, thank you. Dibs, dibs. Thank you so much.

It rubbed his heart like in the bear when Karm is like... Because like, my... Hey Riddle Riddle. Thank you for watching.

Thanks for watching. Yeah, I think I was just, I was like- Let him go. Let him cook.

I honestly don't- I'm the same thing with you. I can't get too mad at a raccoon. I think a raccoon is cute as fuck. Now, opossum? Terrifying. Terrifying. They look like demons. They look like huge rats. Yeah, they're terrifying. That's just pretty privileged at work. It is, it is. And truly though, with animals, it's pretty privileged. Because I love a squirrel and I hate a rat, you know?

You stomp on a cockroach, you're a hero. You smack a butterfly, everyone hates you.

Yeah Adal, we were at a bar once and Adal slapped a butterfly so hard and the whole bar went silent. He grabbed your ass.

Erin, he grabbed your ass. I was protecting you. Well, when we say he slapped a butterfly, it was a tattoo on someone's lower back.

That guy with the tramp stamp. That big guy with the tramp stamp grabbed your ass and Adal slapped him right back. And turnabout's fair play.

I think I like the way I told the story. I feel like everyone got the right information.

Shieldcrow. Shieldcrow. Shieldcrow. Shieldcrow. Shedcrow.

These are not riddles, by the way. Well, Erin, 100% correct. As someone, you, who complains all the time about when things are not riddles, I feel like we're just learning a new language.

And a shield toad is a turtle.

Shield toad is a way cooler name than a turtle.

Shield toad.

Um, okay. Maybe I should be giving you, let's try one of these. I'm gonna give you first the English word. Prick pig. Prick pig. Porcupine. It's a porcupine. I was afraid that if I gave you that, you wouldn't ever get to hear the German part of it.

No you don't, Adal. Adal, there's still time. Adal, look at me. Hey, hey. There's still time to not do this.

JBC, you're in your car. You just got cut off in traffic. Got it. And you pulled into the gas station where the car who cut you off was. Erin, you are the driver of that car, and you're a pig who's an absolute prick. Cool.

Hey man, what the fu- Oh! Learn how to drive, asshole! I can't even lift my head up to look at the sky and I'm still a better driver than you fucking fuck. Yeah, memorizing your license plate, googling it online, finding your home address. Hey, what the fuck is your problem? You shouldn't be driving because you're a fucking pig. We cut to the ex-mansion.

I've brought you here, prick pig, because I used Cerebris. Fuck off.

Oh my god, this place sucks. Um, I used Cerebris... I didn't want to be a part of the nerd brigade. We're not nerds, we're... Oh, you watched me shower, then you called me to the mansion. No, no, no. Yikes. Well, you were bathing in mud, but that's hardly... I have a date with an asshole's wife, dude. Tick-tock on the clock.

Please. Prick Pig, be more nice and gentle to this man. He's only trying to help.

Mystique, I don't want to hear from you. I'm gonna go into my little piggy convertible and I'll see y'all later.

I had a big accident. I fell down a tower. See?

I could have thought of a funnier accent for that voice to be, because she can turn into others.

Weeping Colossus. Colossus, who is Mystique playing as Colossus, but I think it is also funny that it's immediately recognizable that it is Mystique.

So you don't have to change her body, she just changes her voice.

In any improv scene, no matter what, if you're saying like, hey bub, or bamf, or whatever, to just be like, hey Mystique, just make everyone Mystique is very funny.

Mystique also... Oops all Mystiques. Got to be one of the worst roles that you can play. Any role that you have to spend like three hours in a makeup chair every day, that's got to be awful, right?

But you're doing a fourth of the filming because other actors are playing you playing themselves.

That's true. That's true. You don't have to film as much, but three hours in a makeup chair? Yeah.

Yeah.

That sounds horrible. It sounds horrible.

We should give Jennifer Lawrence and Rebecca Roman Stamos? Posthumous Oscars. Posthumous Oscars.

Possum Oscars. Possum Oscars.

Here's an Oscar. It's mostly dug-through raccoon trash.

It's a half-dead possum.

Alright, here's your last one. Oh, these aren't riddles. You're right.

Here's your last one. Half-dead possum is just a possum, Erin. Have you seen them?

That's so mean.

Yeah, they're on the way out.

There's a possum just sort of ripping out its head from its ears on the train somewhere in a U.S. city. One star!

Oh, don't A, by the way.

Back to my bim bam.

Don't go, don't go one star review babas if you're a fucking possum, okay?

No, well now we're gonna get a bunch of one star reviews from possums.

We should do a Patreon that's like... Super pro possum. Look, just the curve.

People who follow us on Instagram will be like, did you guys see Hey Riddle Riddle posted a sorry we went after possums but we're afraid of getting cancelled apology video on their social media?

I'm not, you know what, whatever. Hey, ten years from now when the climate changes, I'll take this episode down. You know?

We just wanted to have fun and we've really been reflecting on what we did. I want to speak for all of us when I say we are really deeply sorry to the possum community.

Some of my favorite animals are possums.

If we started out an Instagram apology video, There are so many groups that we have offended who would be like, OK, here we go. Here's my apology. And then when it's possums, they'd be like, fuck you guys.

Motherfuckers. Canadian perverts.

Australia.

Piss deers.

Australia.

You should do it. Remember when you did the demographics you brought in list? Yes. You should do that for people we should be apologizing to.

We should apologize to. Blanket apologies.

White people. Piss deers. White people. Canadian perverts.

And then in brackets, the people that we consider to be white people. We list them out.

Hairdressers.

Welcome back to Riddle

Seahund is a sea dog, which is seal.

Seals are so cute. Every time I see a video of a seal, it reminds me of Lou. I'm like, it moves, its eyes look like Lou, and like moves. I feel like seals and dogs must have similar brains. They're so cute.

Plus, Lou has some lab?

No.

Yeah. And labs are water dogs. So, I think seals are probably closer to labs.

Not Lou, though. Lou hates the water. Yeah. Like if you take her in the pool the rest of the day, she'll just be going like this and paddling. You know what you need to get Lou? What?

Like a big Stanley.

So she can swim in that. Yeah.

Yeah. Just to get kind of more used to water.

Yeah. Poor Lou.

Poor Lou. Seals are cute. Sea lions are cute. But there's... Are sea lions cute?

Yeah.

There's one of those... Sea lions are kind of intimidating. ...pinnipeds that are like disgusting. Seals and dogs both bark.

Manatees? Are you thinking manatees?

Manatees are pretty funky.

Every time I see a manatee I think about how... They used to think they were mermaids? Yeah, and they would do stuff with them.

Dude, last night I fucked a mermaid.

Hey man, I think you have scurvy.

Do stuff. Do stuff.

She was gorgeous. I fucked her on a rock. Okay. Okay. I think we should maybe all go home or back to our hammocks, I think.

Let's all go back to our hammocks, please. And let's not tell tall tales about fucking mermaids on rocks. I think, honestly, I'd rather be back in my hammock than listen to another minute of this. Okay, well, hey, thank you for submitting those riddles. And I do think that those riddles are probably from like 2019 or something like that. But you know what? If you have more things that aren't riddles that I might just read on the podcast as riddles, great, submit them.

Oh, I have a question for you.

Yes, please.

We asked for people to send in their five hottest takes. Yes. Has anyone sent in hot takes?

Yes. Some people, we said five, some people sent in one or three or something. I mean, come on. The quickest way for me to not consider those hot takes is to just like move past them. But we have enough hot takes that people submitted that we could do an episode where we just kind of review people's hot takes.

I want to do that.

OK, well, we will do that then.

OK.

Great.

I wish I was doing that right now.

Well, let's end this episode and do that.

OK, great. We should come in with our own hot takes.

I don't have any. All my opinions are really popular and cool because they're good opinions. Erin's got good opinions.

Yeah, they're really good opinions. Erin, do you have any other, speaking of your good opinions, anything else that you would like to point people to in kind of the form of plugs?

Other than getting tickets to our live shows that are this week, HeyRiddleRiddle.com slash live, Portland, Seattle, Los Angeles coming down the pipeline.

That's in like, yeah, two weeks. And that's live stream. So you can get that and stream it from anywhere, the Los Angeles show.

But if you live in LA, come see Quality Time, which is my variety show that I host. Adal, anything to plug or promote or talk about?

Yes, everyone should check out and subscribe to a new podcast by our friends Greg Hess and Joey Bland called Like Minds. Like Minds, it's a delightful and hilarious sort of like game show podcast. Again, hosted by Joey Bland, produced by Greg Hess. And check that out. Erin and I did an episode recently.

I've done the live version as well, and they are so good at writing funny, interesting questions. If you like our show, genuinely, it will be— You will love it. It makes so much sense. You would listen and love it.

Two of the best improvisers. So check that out. Like Mines. Check it out. JPC, anything to plug or promote?

Here's the thing, I just realized, we record these sometimes, we're doing this especially since Erin's in town, so we're recording a little bit in advance so we can take advantage of being live in the studio, but sometimes our plugs don't catch up and I have to like go back and re-record plugs that are like, these are plugs specific for this, and I'm always like, well how do I intro it? How do I make it seem flawless? Here's what I'm gonna do, I'm gonna say, hey GBC in the future, do you have anything in the plug? Thanks JPC. JPC from the future here with a live show update. This weekend, Portland and Seattle, both of those shows were sold out but we just released some of our comps so we have a few more Tickets left, so if you have waited this long, but you still want to go to the show, you might still be able to get a ticket to Portland in Seattle. And then the next weekend, the first weekend of August, will be in LA. And again, that live stream for the LA show, you can still buy tickets up to two weeks after the show ends. So if you don't get them immediately, but you still want to see the live stream, you can catch that up to two weeks after the show ends. You can just go to heyriddleriddle.com slash live for all of those tickets. OK, back to you guys. And now I'm back!

Alright, JPC in the future, anything to plug? Fart sound. Thanks JPC!

Is that my butt that I'm plugging? Yes! Okay!

That's funny!

Wow, honestly? Jupiter.

What?

I scared him.

Created by Adal Rifai. Starring Erin Keif, and John Patrick Coan. Casey Toney did the editing, and Marnie Perrins in the music.

Hey there, Oreos and Mints. If you liked that, you are going to love this week's Patreon. We're discussing your hot takes. You can listen to that, plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com. Hey Riddle Riddle, by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or start your seven day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month. Plus you get those ad free episodes. See you there.

That was a hate gum podcast.