Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum Podcast.

Hey everybody and welcome to Hey Riddle Riddle. Erin, on your phone.

I was putting it on airplane mode.

Oh, on your phone to put it on airplane mode.

If you don't put it away, I'm going to put it on airplane mode. Throws it across the room.

I can touch Adal's arm right now. I can kick GBC in the shins.

Those are not my shins. It's a very special episode of Hey Riddle Riddle. And of course, you know, it's the podcast about riddles. There's also some improv. But it's live and in person in, let's see, let's timestamp this a bit. Erin, you're in town, you're in Chicago. Yes. We are currently not at war with Iran, but it's coming. Yeah. It is one million degrees outside.

Yes. I decided to come at the hottest time of the year where there's like a heat warning every day. My phone keeps being like, don't go outside, please.

And that's Erin Keif, that's Adal Rifai, and I'm John Patrick Coan, and this is Hey Riddle Riddle, the podcast.

Erin, anywhere you go, it's the hottest time of the year.

Bwam bwam bwam bwam bwam bwam bwam bwam bwam bwam bwam bwam bwam bwam bwam bwam bwam bwam bwam bwam bwam bwam bwam bwam bwam bwam bwam bwam bwam bwam bwam bwam bwam bwam bwam bwam bwam bwam bwam bwam bwam bwam bwam bwam bwam bwam bwam bwam bwam bwam bwam bwam bwam bwam bwam bwam bwam bwam b

Yeah. To sit in your skin, you mean? You mean to be a person?

To exist as a person? I do believe that, though. I think that my natural form is I'm sort of like a pink, glittery mist that decided to be a person for a while, and it hurts. I don't like it. I can't wait to go back to being a mist.

Yeah, I always think of myself as like a gargoyle, where I'm like, I love being still and observing, and I love being on roofs, but I don't want to be moving around.

I think of myself as that puddle that Alex Mack becomes. That's still Alex Mack. Well, let's talk about

Theseus' Alex Mack. Theseus' Alex Mack! At what point? How many boards do you remove? So this is like a prestige situation, right?

Illusionist. You're going to... Illusionist? No, no, I'm joking.

They built a brand new Jessica Biel every day for that movie and Edward Norton never knew the difference. He said, this is the same Jessica Biel. And they said, yes, this is the same Jessica Biel. And everyone's just snickering like a cartoon dog.

They didn't pay Paul Giamatti on that movie because they couldn't because they were using the budget on building new Jessica Biel's.

I don't think Paul Giamatti gets paid.

No, no, no.

I think it's like when they have like a monkey on Friends or something where they're like... You don't think they paid that?

No, they paid that monkey. I went to that monkey's New Year's party this year because they live in the hills obviously off of the residuals of Friends and there was so much cocaine.

I don't mean to do a ship of Theseus Mack on that monkey, Erin, but that monkey is deceased.

This is Yeah, I always see that monkey at Musso and Frank's just with a different girl every time.

Stevie Nicks one night. The monkey from Friends has other credits too. Outbreak. Yeah, Outbreak. It's the monkey from Outbreak as well. Yes.

Which is, in the monkeyverse, is that, can I say that?

Yeah.

In the monkeyverse, Outbreak is like their Citizen Kane. Right. Like that's Godfather 2 for monkeys.

That monkey did like four years on Grey's Anatomy and got killed off. He's been around the block.

Who didn't, though? Honestly, Grey's Anatomy went on way too long. It's still going on. I also did not.

It's still happening. It's 20 years in. So do you ever do Grey's Anatomy?

Yeah. Hell yeah. She was a cadaver, I think. Is that real? She was a maybe a dead body on Chicago Hope. She's been on Chicago Hope twice. Once is maybe like a person who dies and then once is like some sort of like worker of like a city bureaucratic worker or something.

Sure. They say the best two days of any actress life is the day that you die on Chicago Hope and the day that you're a city bureaucratic worker on Chicago Hope.

They say you die three times. Once when you physically pass away. Once when someone says your name for the last time. Once when you get your last residual check for Chicago Hope. It's only gonna be two hits. You hit the screen, I'm just gonna hang out and play with Max the Ching.

Is that the credits for Chicago Hope? Hell yeah!

I didn't know that.

No way it is. And too expensive.

One of the worst panic attacks I had in Chicago, and I had a lot, was... And we're going through your top ten, right? Yeah, here's the top ten!

Holding a Johnny Carson envelope next to my head.

You're confusing multiple things here. Sure! I went to go audition for, I think it was Chicago Fire? It was one of the Chicago.

That's the Chicago professional soccer team.

And it was two hours to get there because it was like southeast by I didn't have a car. I had to take the train. Sure. It was like two hours to get there, maybe a little longer. And then I went in and I had to say one line and it was like, hey, back up. There were no survivors. And I said it and I did it once and they went, OK. Thank you.

Erin, no judgment, did you say it just like you said it now?

I don't want to say.

With a Boston accent, and funny.

Hey, back up, there were no survivors.

Big wink to the camera.

I was doing big swings, I went.

Big wink to the camera.

And I didn't get it, but also I looked and was like, oh my God, it's two and a half hours back. I took the day off from nannying. I don't know, how am I going to make rent? This is such a nightmare. And the whole way back was like,

If I was a casting agent, I would… Win. Win. Thank you. When I'm a casting agent.

Believe in yourself.

When I'm a casting agent, I want people to tell me stuff like that where like when they come in and say the one line, it's like, okay, that's whatever. I don't care. What's the story of today? And you're like, I took the day off work. I traveled two hours each way. And I'm like, you got it. You got the job.

Not only that, but the people I nanny for, they had to stay home. They couldn't find last minute childcare. They affected so many people's day.

But up top, before the episode... It's like a bunch of people with broken arms and black eyes.

The Midwest polite casting director.

I'm like, no, it's fine. But before credits, or maybe every time we go to commercial break, I want to post on the TV those sob stories so people get a sense of like, oh... This is why. I thought I hated that character or that actor, but I didn't realize that this was their story. So I feel like that would be really fun.

I watched Star Wars episode one recently and after the credits hit there's like a big like you know explainer text that comes up it's the Star Wars crawl but it just is like Jake Lloyd's parents were actually a lot and it's not really his fault because most of what you see on screen is like projections from what his parents were kind of making up. There's a reason Macaulay Culkin doesn't act much anymore. Yeah I'm sitting there watching I go yeah I like this movie a little better. And then at the end it goes, Jerjer Binks! Huh. Well, that one got away from us.

If someone's bored at work right now and you know how to make that Star Wars scroll, can you please put what J.P.

Simmons said verbatim? There's gotta be some easy way to make this. I love in the credits, it's like... I would fucking die. The movie's not even released yet, and they say, Jojo Binks, whoo, that one got away from us. It's like, there's still time. If you could put this crawler on.

A galaxy at war. The Imperial Trade Federation is blockading the planet of Naboo. Also on Naboo, Jojo Binks. Now. Hold on, because, now, did I, the actor who plays him is black, not that it matters!

You're sitting there, it's 1999, you're watching the scroll and you're like, oh this is gonna be the worst movie I've ever seen.

This is going on way too long.

Some of these aliens look like a certain race, but we didn't mean for that.

So anyways, enjoy the film.

So anyway, enjoy the film. Oh, and this is Hey Riddle Riddle.

Dot dot dot, please don't do Jar Jar Binks patois.

Please avoid the Jar Jar Patois. Rewatching episode one, which I have recently, and knowing in your heart that the Jar Jar Binks voice is not even the worst of the voices in that movie. Oh boy.

My least favorite Star Wars character of all time is the robot with the cough.

General Grievous. That's my word. Because I'm like, why are we giving a robot a cough?

Horrible.

Yeah. Why wouldn't we if we have the technology? And he has, doesn't he have like four arms or something? Yeah.

Everything about him, he's my least favorite fictional character of all time. Erin, I agree with you.

This is insane! What an insane take!

I agree, but here's the thing is, on the opposite side of the spectrum, on the other side of the coin, I think the best character of all time is Sebulba. Yeah, Sebulba's fun.

Which one is that?

He's the guy who walks on his hands and drives with his feet. He's a podracer. He's the podracer.

He's the messy podracer. Oh, yeah. Okay.

I don't mind saying if this is not true I don't mind spreading it around but there was some it was like Star Wars Force Awakens or some video game that they brought George Lucas on to get to do like a writing credit on and they're like sitting at the table and they're pitching him the idea for the game they're like what we really need for the villain of this game is like his Darth name you know he's gonna be a Sith What do you think his name should be? Seth MacFarlane. He said Seth MacFarlane. And George Lucas thought about it for a while and he was like, I'd either go with Darth Icky or Darth Insanius.

Oh.

I want to die.

Did he ever have it or did he lose it?

I'm

Any movie should be sort of run like a business, I think.

I mean, he truly did, like, because I think that he financed episode one by himself, which is why it was such a mess, because he didn't have a studio being like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. He just did it all himself. And the way that he did it.

I think that studio would have gone, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

20th Century Fox would be like, I'm gonna lose my fucking job.

I'm gonna lose my job.

No, I don't think he ever had it. But you know, nobody ever has it, right? And no movies are made by one person, right? They're made by- Ari Aster. That's right. Damn near killed her. I was also thinking like Eddie Murphy, The Klumps. Pretty damn near sure that was basically one guy.

Yeah, think back to that set. He's holding the boom mic.

What if he was? He's doing like Hercules and making fart sounds as the boom mic guy. They're like, Eddie, only the people on stage are going to be seen in the movie.

We're worried about you. Rest, Eddie. Eddie, please. You're overextending yourself. Eddie, please.

We're here together in person and we're just enjoying it, okay?

One of those lunatics, sorry, that is binging Hey Riddle Riddle and listening to like eight episodes a day. You might remember a time when we were all in person. We would record on Sunday nights. This is just like that. And this is just like that. It's Monday morning. We're more evolved now, but we used to sometimes start recording at like 9 p.m. and go till 1 in the morning on a Sunday night. And now we're back in that kind of madness. And let's see how it goes.

And we have a guest in the studio. Wouldn't that be fucked if we just did this for 15 minutes?

It's like the most famous person we've ever had.

Go ahead and say something.

We got Hillary Clinton here with us today.

Hillary Clinton sitting there on the fourth mic just like doing like the neck cut like, I don't want to be... She's trying to make eye contact with her publicist that's in the next room on her phone.

She's like, Maria, please, please.

We know you're texting each other. Who else could you be texting? Who else would you be texting, get me out of here right now?

We kept talking over her. She wanted to get in on that Star Wars bit. She had so much stuff. All right. Okay. I have, later on in this, some original riddles. Oh, good. That have a new riddle format written by my friend Michael that I also wrote some as well. Whoa. But for now, I want to do warm-up riddles. And I know the theme of this seems like I should have been on the receiving end of these warm-up riddles, but I saw the I'm

You should be only looking at mine from the neck up.

I'm trying.

Okay, that's on you.

Don't dress so slutty if you don't want me to.

Are we going to talk about it? Speaking of dress slutty, we were talking about this because it is 100 million degrees in Chicago and we're like, okay, so it's going to be hot. We're going to be in a studio. We have to dress appropriately. Erin and I, I would say we both have tank tops on. Yeah.

Adal? I'm in my slut summer. My slummer, if you will.

It looks like the dead of winter. Long pants, full crew cut wool socks, two shirts. Insane.

Okay. I'm sorry I said you dressed like a slut. You look fantastic. And sluts are great. I'm digging myself an alcohol.

Can that be the title of this episode?

No. And sluts are great. And sluts are great. That makes sense. Erin, that makes sense. Okay. These are Broadway musical riddles.

Ooh. Yeah, Erin. Erin, you'll answer these.

Yeah, no, I think that these are well known enough that you guys can get them.

I guess we'll fucking see.

What are the Broadway musicals that I know?

You just saw Hadestown.

No, you didn't see Hadestown. I didn't see it. Moana. Yeah. And Kanto. Okay. Are you counting in... Oh, yeah. I'm counting in space, French.

These are from Lauren. And Lauren says, here's to a thousand more years of Hey Riddle Riddle, which is sort of the cruelest

I've signed a sheet to freeze my head and do riddles.

Oh boy.

A thousand more years. I'll commit to it. Yeah. I'll do the podcast for a thousand more years. Erin?

Yep. Um, I could do another 18 minutes. 20 minutes? Yeah. My favorite joke. Okay. Um, okay. I have some change one letter Broadway show riddles. This was a category on Jeopardy! and it was so fun I wrote some more. Nice. And I actually saw this category on Jeopardy! recently and... Did you think it was so fun?

Yeah. Then why didn't you write some more?

Oh, I was too busy writing. It was literally the same night that I wrote the Lou story, so I was a little busy.

Okay.

Trying to figure out what rhymes with what. Here's the example.

Okay.

Skimbleshanks wears a fedora and a magical. Hats. And magical Mr. Mistoffelees dons a beret. You got it.

This is Hats. Hats. This is Hats the musical.

All right, so you get it. Okay, for Easter, these New York bohemians are giving up their apartment payments. Lent. Yes.

526,600 fishes.

And Erin, just a couple more songs from Lent.

Oh yeah, this is easy.

Let's open up a... Open up a restaurant on Ash Wednesday.

In this Cervantes adaptation, Don Quixote loves his green tea while fighting windmills.

The Man of La Macha. The Man of La Macha. That's a good one.

I am I, Don Quixote, the Lord of La Macha.

That's JPC's ringtone. What are the books you've consumed? I feel like you talk about that. Wait, what? Hold on. Don't you talk about Don Quixote a lot? It's like you read it and it's funny.

What the fuck is going on? First of all, I've never read Don Quixote. You always mention who's the sidekick. Sancho Panza? Yeah, you always talk about Sancho Panza. You always talk about Sancho Panza. This is the most gaslit I've ever been in my entire life.

You're obsessed with Sancho Panza. I'm obsessed with Sancho Panza? This is like the thing when we did the past life reading and you were like, I went to this lady and all she talked about was horses. And cousins.

And we were like, that's all you're fucking talking about.

Control F on the fucking scripts of when I've talked about Sancho Panza.

Jason Robert Brown's exploration of a marriage falling apart is now full of grizzlies.

Five Bears Later. No, what's the... Oh, shit.

You got it. I know you know it.

What's the musical name? I can't help you out. I thought it was Five Years Later, but I'm... The Last Five Bears.

Yes, The Last Five Bears.

I do want to see a scene. Okay, great.

JPC and Erin, you are a married bear couple, and you're baby bear. You like things one way, you like things another certain way. The baby's sort of a mix of the two of you, and you're having a meeting to discuss how your child's a little off.

I just think we have to be on the same page about these things.

Oh yeah? Okay. So when we get a call from the school that our kid is playing dice, playing cards, has a gambling problem,

Okay.

What parent famously has a gambling problem?

I don't know. Well, okay. First of all, it's not a gambling problem if you win almost over half the time.

Yeah.

Okay? Then it's actually a career.

Right.

Would you say that someone who does a World Series of Poker has a gambling problem?

Yeah.

Okay. Well, I didn't know that.

Okay.

So you would say that. Yeah. So I'm going to argue it.

And then also, for your first reaction to be, if they get kicked out of school, that's a win because I gambled away their college funds.

Do you think that part of it could be sending them to school and the only breakfast they've had is one hot pot of honey? Could that be part of it? Because I would like to do balanced breakfast.

Wow.

Salmon, berry from tree. That's not always available to us. Word from Log. Okay. Just honey for breakfast? Maybe that's like a thousand, you know, grams of sugar.

Okay. Maybe husband is too busy in Vegas in the world, what is it called? Lazy River.

Okay. Why is it I only get a bear job on my birthday and Father's Day?

We see the baby bear peeking around the corner, crying tears in his eyes.

You know what? I think that that's just right.

Oh, you think that just right? Yeah. Well, maybe I gotta call up Goldilocks and see what she... I've been faking it every time. What's that?

Yeah, I've been faking it every time. And remember when I told you I was hibernating? I wasn't hibernating, I was just trying to avoid having bear sex with you.

You spent four months avoiding having bear sex with me, pretending to be asleep?

Yeah.

I was hibernating. God, I'm exhausted. Maybe this is why you're such a bared bitch.

What? Okay, justice for that bear.

I put a pinecone in my ass and faked sleep for four months to get out of sex.

We've all done that, okay?

I lost 80 pounds to not have sex with you.

Jason Robert Brown. Oh, we already did that. As Andrew Lloyd Webber wrote, don't online RSVP for me, Argentina.

Evita. And you love it?

That rules. Rachel Zegler is Evita. This Rachel Ziegler playing Evita has reignited my love for the song Rainbow High and now I'm listening to it non-stop. I have to get off of that, my Evita train, and get back on my Jesus Christ Superstar train because we're seeing it.

We are, yes, finally, an in for me. Yes! Yes. We are seeing it. Soon we're seeing it.

And you know that musical.

I know Jesus Christ Superstar very well. Is that going to be one of them?

Yeah, maybe. Or maybe not.

I don't know Avida. And Rachel Ziegler is in an Avida movie or she's on Broadway doing it?

She's on the West End doing it and it's getting a lot of attention because... Because we're talking about it? Because we're talking about it. But she, Don't Cry For Me Argentina, which I'm sure you know that song.

Don't cry for me Argentina. There you go.

Yeah.

This production has her going outside the theater, like on top of the theater, on the balcony, and singing it to the crowd, whatever crowd is out there for free during the show, and they film it.

And some people are pissed because they're like, I paid tickets to see the show and we don't get to see the song.

But everyone I know who saw it said it worked really well. And then she does the reprise inside so they felt like they weren't missing out.

I saw Sunset Boulevard and one of the songs is the guy walking through Times Square. And they film him, every night they film him live and we as an audience watch it on like a screen on stage and it is really cool.

Are they watching it on a screen in the audience? Because it would be fucking awesome if they just had to sit in silence. for three minutes while she sings that song. And they could kind of hear it. They're buying drinks and snacks. If you go out to the lobby, you can hear it better. This is the one good song I know. Everybody rushes the lobby for that song. So they could like hear it a little better. Concessions gets fucked.

That's so funny. I don't know why this reminds me of this. I went to a wedding this past weekend. And I thought I was like, if I still made sketches, I'd make this into a sketch. I was on the dance floor and dancing and I was like, I would love to hear what this sounds like if the music audio came out. And just us like sort of half singing the lyrics at each other. Yeah, I mean, like, I think it would sound so embarrassing. I'd say just be like, I don't care.

I love it. There's a series on YouTube. That's the song, by the way, that you don't know the words to?

I don't know the words to that either. It's just I don't care.

I love it. It's just I don't care. And I drove my bridge over a car today.

Okay, so here's the problem. Oh my god! You're married!

I drove my bridge over a car today.

There's a YouTube series from like 15 years ago, Casey knows it, where it's like, maybe not popular, but they take music videos and stuff and take out the track and add in what they thought it sounded like live on set. So it's like the Beach Boys singing, I Get Around, and they're clapping and all you hear is like the offbeat clapping and then they're like... That's so fun. It's a laugh every time. I never don't laugh. That's basically how Erin sings every song. Wait a minute.

Yeah. You guys, I'm a vibes person. I don't know about nitty gritty. I don't know about these lyrics that you guys keep claiming.

You're like Weird Al but mumbling.

Yeah. And where's my millions of dollars, huh?

This is actually a pastiche mumble. It's not a parody mumble.

I think you should do weddings and you should be like Dan band or something where it's like you do covers but the way your signature is like You just do that for every song.

And Erin, you only do requests. So you just, the band knows the songs, but you just pull a thing out of the thing and go, okay, we're going to do Total Eclipse of the Heart by Pat Benatar, whoever sings that. It's not Pat Benatar, is it?

Yeah, I think so.

I think it is. Okay, it could be.

Give me an request.

I can do it.

I thought it made Gloria Gaynor. I don't know that song at all.

Well, you have to say the name of the song. Don't just do the thing that she's supposed to do.

Aaron Toxic by Britney Spears. Yeah.

That part doesn't even have lyrics! Hold on, she's on to something. I can't stress enough.

If someone can do the Star Wars scroll crawl credits, but with what Erin just did.

I just put this over the music video.

Now I like it better, now I like it better that Erin's singing the melody of the song, not the lyrics. She's like, she gets under pressure and she's like...

The best compliment I get from doing Hey Riddle Riddle, this was like seven years ago, is I did the Pretty Little Liars theme song. I did my best attempt at it and people are like, that is the lyrics I still hear.

Oh, interesting. What were the lyrics again?

And a secret, and I lock it, and this time I stay. And you put it in your pocket, and this girl's in a grave. Nailed it. Okay. Yeah, you can come see my production of Mumbling Evita in Winnemac Park this week. 1.30 in the morning.

It was a couple weeks ago.

Please bring me boxed wine. Boxed wine! Um, okay. In this Elton John and Tim Rice musical, Simba is into some freaky stuff.

The lion kink.

Yeah, you got it. You can participate in this.

Kingy boots.

I'd like to see a scene. You're both Timon and Pumbaa. You can decide who is who. Okay. And one of you is going to reveal to the other that you have some like maybe unusual kinks that the other didn't know about.

Oh, I feel so dirty. I was wallowing in the mud. I feel so... so... I should... I should probably wash this off, right? I mean wash it off if you want to wash it off. I mean if it's just between you and me. If we're just in the watering hole. Nathan Lane, Nathan Lane. I actually don't.

Other guy, the guy who played Pumbaa.

No, you'll never pull it. You could have pulled Lane, but you'll never pull Pumbaa. It's probably the same guy who played Gimli, right?

Probably?

This scene is a mess.

John Rhys-Davies. But I think, actually I might just leave the mud on because it makes me feel sexy.

Goomba, if you want to leave the mud on because it makes you feel sexy, you should leave the mud on. Okay.

But if you feel like you need to take the mud off and you want to put it in this little cup and then not care what happens to the little cup, even if someone's very thirsty, you don't ask what happens to the little cup, you can do that as well.

Writes on a piece of paper. What the fuck? Writes on a piece of paper. How come on my titties? Shows it to Erin. Waits for her reaction. Puts a question mark. Erin, is that okay if I sing that?

I slide back a piece of paper. It says ten million dollars.

I look at it, I nod, won't do the song, won't sing, ha come on my titties. Grabs the piece of paper, ha come on my titties. What a wonderful phrase. Scene.

No, no. Keep going.

Alright, scene. For real scene. Do Nathan Lyne. Someone do Nathan Lyne.

Oh no, the birdcage.

Oh, it's the birdcage. I'm Nathan Lane. Is this Nathan Lane? I was in the producers. Does he have the werewolf?

Uh, when you see a guy screech for stars in the sky, you can bet that she's doing it for some doll.

Okay, but do Nathan Lane without singing. Ugh. Yeah. Because that's Timon. Timon is Nathan Lane without singing, right?

Why didn't I just draw them a map? That's pretty good.

Wait, can we do the scene over? And we'll do Timon as Seth Rogen. Wait, I'll be Seth Rogen and then who played the Billy Eichner?

Billy Eichner. Hey, actually, no, thank you. You know what that felt like? You know the scene in Community where Troy goes to get the pizza? No. And he comes back and the room's on fire and someone's been shot and he's like, ah!

Yeah.

Yeah, that's how that felt coming. I like felt like I turned around for one second and then you guys had made a mess of that.

Masterpiece. Oh, would you like there would be a good Timon?

Come on my titties.

What a wonderful phrase.

No passing craze.

It means I'm horny. I don't have to change any words.

I think it works just fine.

Don't start a come on my titties and get mad when I start having fun.

Can you come on my titties? Erin, if we write the line, come. Period.

They'll fall in love and here's the bottom line. They're coming on their titties. Huh? I'm gonna come.

Not yet. Sitting down to write the line come and then being like, okay, so they're kids for the first 40 minutes of this.

I'm gonna bust a mighty load. This is bad. This is bad. Well, I've never seen cockerballs with quite so little hair. Erin, is this good?

Hi, hi.

You guys, I keep... Keep a towel by the side of the bed, be prepared. Erin, we just got nominated for a Tony. Erin, we got nominated for a Tony.

A Casey Tony, which is worth nothing. Casey Tony's nominating us for many Casey Tonys.

Arabian Nuts. No. Wait, come on in, come on in. Arabian Nuts. You ain't never gonna come on me. Commercial! Commercial! Commercial! Break!

All right, bon voyage, Erin. Geez, can you believe this? Have fun. A steamship to Antarctica.

Yeah, that is wild. It's weird that she packed a suitcase just full of penguins. You'd think she'd bring clothes, but.

Yeah, it is it. I can never remember. Is it they have those there or that's the place that they don't have those?

Oh, maybe they don't have them and she's trying to bring them there.

Seed them or something. Yeah. I didn't read her email. It's something about finding a medicine for the blah, blah, blah, blah, blah or something for her blah, blah, blah condition or something.

Penguin psychosis. Anyway, I'm getting pretty hungry and I could use some food. Maybe we should have some Tempo.

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I also think that there are rules and restrictions for getting on that boat because it seems sort of like a big science vessel and it'll be okay.

Yeah, or it might turn into like the thing.

The thing is what I was thinking.

Yeah. Oh, GPC, I feel so silly. Erin went to go visit her aunt, Artika. You know how in Boston they all have crazy names?

Oh, yeah, and crazy accents. I can barely understand a word she says.

Yeah.

Okay.

Anyway, her aunt lives in Antarctica and... That makes sense. Seems like Erin is having a bit of the thing situation going on, but I feel very relaxed because I have been dabbling in some Schedule 35. Have you heard?

Oh, Schedule 35. Now, I had heard, Adal, that there's an emerging movement around psilocybin. It's proven to help with mental health, PTSD, anxiety, and depression. And I can see how you'd have a little anxiety and depression about, you know, our co-host going to her aunt's Antarctica or whatever.

Yeah, and she might be like a thing, like one of those. Anyway, Schedule 35 sends you precisely measured micro doses of psilocybin that you can take daily to enhance your day, especially if like your friend's going through a stressful time and keeps kind of leaning on you and you're like, I don't know, man.

Yeah, and scheduled 35 ships all across Canada and the U.S., and is the most notable brand currently in the space. Speaking of ships, the ship that she took to do her, like, whatever the thing thing, and I think it's better that it's becoming a the thing thing, because honestly, she could meet Kurt Russell. Oh, yeah. Right? Kurt Russell, right? I'm not wrong about that, right?

Yeah, and Erin's a bit of a Goldie Hawn type, so we'll see how that plays out. But I feel Better than ever. I feel like anytime I take Schedule 35, I feel relaxed. I feel creative. I feel sort of on top of my game. So it's been a real treat. No offense, Erin.

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Hey boys, it's me, Kurt Russell. Get 15% off with code RIDDLE at schedule35.co.

That's 15% off at schedule35.co and use code RIDDLE and enjoy my son in this summer's movie.

I don't hate your son. I think he's fine.

Yeah, he's actually, he always plays like kind of a, you know, kind of a... Yeah, of all the sons of the famous things, I think there's really, he's, I don't mind him. Yeah, agreed.

Agreed from his dad. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp.

Okay guys, now I can hang out. I just sat in the sun for a little while. Whoa! Drinking water. Yikes! No, I look fantastic. I just normally look very sick and that's why you're confused. Oh. But I'm taking care of myself this summer.

This is you healthy?

Yeah, me healthy.

I gots to have.

Yeah, well, it's not just my outer health, it's my inner health as well.

Oh, like your guts and your tummy and everything?

Carrots? Eating carrots? No, no, my brain. My brain. I've been using BetterHelp, which is online therapy. And you know what? It's so nice to be able to message my counselor anytime, even during the summer. I'm prioritizing myself. I'm getting everything in order.

Well, Erin, your grey matter is looking gorge.

Thank you!

And also, I know with BetterHelp, they have over 30,000 therapists. BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform, having served over 5 million people globally.

And there is nothing like talking through your issues with a professional. It can give you like new perspective. I really benefit from therapy and just kind of like having a moment for self-reflection and a time scheduled every week where I can explore that self-reflection with someone who is trained to kind of help guide me through that.

Oh yeah. And Erin, I've heard it's like soups convenient too. You can join a session with a therapist.

That's cool. Cool way to talk.

I actually got younger by using BetterHelp. I'm like 22 now. It's super convenient. You can join a session with a therapist at the click of a button, which for my generation was like... As the largest online therapy provider in the world, BetterHelp can provide access to mental health professionals with a diverse variety of expertise. Unwind from work with BetterHelp.

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Based. Honestly, based.

You slayed with that one, Erin.

Dab. I need to go back to therapy. Hey Riddle Riddle.

And we're back. We wrote the script. We pounded it out.

I think we're opening... And then we put pen to paper.

We pounded it out. Then we wrote it. The Lion Come will open on the West End.

And we changed it from The Lion King to The Lion Come. Sorry, that was draft three or four.

We're opening on the West End, which is what I call L.A. next year, next August.

So if you want to hunt and kill us, you know where to find us. That zapped me. I feel like that aged me a hundred years. When we were in break, I said that I kept swinging between just intense hatred for that bit and loving it so much. I mean, you saying be prepared, really fucking.

You know, it's the opposite of love. It's not hatred, it's indifference. So you were kind of horseshoeing along there, Erin. You were close to them both.

Well said. We have a few more of these from Lauren. Thank you, Lauren, for writing these. I could use a thousand more of these if people are interested.

There can't be a thousand musicals, though.

I think so. There's probably that many. These dancers sing, God, I Hope I Get It, but with the help of vitamin C, they won't get scurvy.

Okay, Vitamin C's in the graduation.

God, I hope I get it.

I hope I get it. I hope I get it. This is a chorus.

Uh-huh.

Wait, well, Vitamin C. A chorus line.

A chorus line.

A chorus line.

Wow. Adal, you get the point.

What? Oh, wait. Hold on now. Hold on now. The only Southern order. You're so mad.

We're in Southern court all of a sudden. The only way I could possibly win this game is if someone tells me the musical.

Where did you get that seersucker suit?

No, I'm off, you suckers!

Wait, is he saying your honor? Because I'm hearing your honor.

Yawn. Yawn. I was watching a movie late last night and I was a bit of a yawner.

You guys.

What?

I got more texts when Karen Reid was found innocent.

Yeah.

Than I did on my birthday.

I'll tell you what, Erin. I got more texts when Karen Reid was found innocent from you than I normally get. I got one text that said Karen Reid was found innocent. Erin, did you cry?

I don't want to say.

She did. Yeah.

I just, I could not believe it. I was so surprised. I did call my mom right away.

It does seem likely that you got a lot of texts because it does seem like... I talked about it too much? You talked about it a lot. I definitely think it was maybe the first... Was it a lot of the first conversations you were having with people? They were like, how's it going? You're like, great. Let me tell you about the Care Read trial.

Yeah. Yeah. I sort of was looking for any opportunity and moment. Like, I just wanted anyone to bring up anything tangential so I could go off.

If you

Erin, famously on the show, I don't know a dick about shit, but his chorus line, is this more like a dance musical? Because it sounds like a dance musical.

It is, but it is based on real interviews with dancers.

I've talked to some dancers, I gotta say. That sounds boring as shit. Hey, if you want to talk about dance, talk to a dancer. You want to talk about literally anything else?

I would avoid conversations when they're turned.

Each of their songs is sort of like, they talk about their origin story, or it's like one of them is like being not confident in their acting, one of them is feeling like not attractive enough, and then they did a song based on all of them.

They load up their headshots. I've seen the YouTube video of the guy, maybe it's from like a documentary, but it's a guy auditioning for CourseLine.

Oh, that CourseLine documentary is so hard to watch.

The casting directors are like crying.

Oh, he's so good in that. Why are they crying?

Wait, what?

Because there's a famous monologue on a chorus line that one of the dancers does, where he didn't feel safe enough being vulnerable around other people. And the musical takes place in the 70s, and it's him talking about being gay and what he had to deal with in that. And the guy who did the monologue, I think it hit a little close to home for him, the guy who ended up getting the part.

Got it.

And when they showed his full audition, but also the part of that documentary that is like so raw and hard to watch is there's a part where a woman has to sing a really high note and they played a montage of all the women trying to hit that note in the auditions. And it is, it's too vulnerable. It's too hard to watch. So skip that.

Can you give us a little impression?

I will blow out your ears.

Erin, I got a question for you. Yeah. Do you go into that audition thinking, I know I can't hit the note, but I can get close? Or do you think that all of the people that went into that audition said, I can hit this note, I've hit this note in practice, I'm able to hit this note, and then couldn't do it under the pressure?

What a Wonderful Phrase.

I just, I can't see a situation where I'm like going into the interview and they're like, okay, so it says here that I have to know C++. Now I don't know programming at all, but I think I'm going to wing it for the interview. Like you, you must, I think it's fair play to play the clips because it's like, hey man, you knew that the song was coming in the interview, right? Like you knew it was coming.

I think there's a certain amount, there's a certain percentage of As the kids say, Doolooloo, from Broadway actors. I feel like there's a confidence they have to use as armor that won't allow them to back down from a challenge.

You gotta hype yourself up and do a persona of your most confident self in order to do that. God bless them.

Do you think Lin-Manuel Miranda would have gotten cast as Hamilton if he hadn't? No.

I don't know.

If he hadn't run that by somebody else?

I know, I know, I know, I know.

How can this sad teen wave through a window with such big ur-sign? Is that how you say it? Pause.

Bear Evan Hansen.

Yep.

Bear Evan Hansen. Is it ur-sign? Ur-sign, yeah. Ur-sign, yeah. Por-sign.

In this Cole Porter nautical musical, feet are delightful, delicious, and de-lovely. This is my favorite one. Sorry, Erin, can you repeat it? I missed the first part. In this Cole Porter nautical musical, feet are delightful, delicious, and de-lovely.

Nautical musical? Anything blows? Parts of potatoes? Anything... Wait, is it really? Anything goes? Yep.

It's the feet part is what you're focusing on.

Anything toes. Anything toes.

Anything toes.

The best opening to any Indiana Jones movie is that song. And then also I saw Anything Goes. What?

Which movie is that? Oh, is that the... It's the one where he... Is that the second one? The second one.

Where he's in the club or whatever. Where Kate Capshaw, formerly Mrs. Spielberg, sings Anything Goes. Oh no. Yeah, they broke up 25 years ago. No wait, he married... Was he with Kate Capshaw? Wait, wait, wait.

No, no, no. He's still with her.

Okay. But he was with the woman from the first Indiana Jones? Third.

What? No, no, no. He left the first wife to be with Kate Capshaw. But it wasn't on the set. It was like seven years after.

Well, I mean, who knows? E.T. bone down. But I saw anything goes with Sutton Foster and Joel Grey. E.T. Bone Down. I don't understand what that is. E.T. Bone Down. Steven Spielberg directed E.T. E.T. Phone Home turns into E.T. Bone Down. I can't walk you through everything.

I think you're burning more calories in your brain than I am.

But Home to Down? My only problem is Home to Down. Not every song scans JVC. But I saw Anything Goes with Sutton Foster and Joel Grey and I was like, oh my gosh, Joel Grey, legend. And he had to wear an earpiece and he was being fed his lines. So anytime someone talked to him, there'd be three seconds of silence and then him saying a line. It was kind of sad.

Hey, it sounds like you're complaining, but the name of the fucking show is Anything Goes. So anything he did was within the parameters of the show.

Huh, I never thought about that.

I was in Anything Goes. Anything Goes.

I'm not gonna learn my lines. I'm not gonna sing any songs.

Anything Goes.

You paid for the ticket, dumbass.

Erin, who'd you play?

No one. I was just in the ensemble. That was the first time in many years, though, I think I got to play a woman in my summer theater program. I was in all the boy ensembles for a long time.

Yeah, they did reverse Shakespeare roles.

Yep. I had to... No, I guess that would just be... I was a pirate in Pirates of Penzance, and then I was a sailor in South Pacific. And my line as a 12-year-old girl in Nothing Like a Dame was, We've got every kind of feeling but the feeling of relief. We've got every kind of feeling but the feeling of relief We've got every kind of feeling The chorus of the song is, there is nothing like a dame, nothing in the world, there is nothing you can name that is anything like a dame, and then we're like, we really miss the girls, the girls are really cute.

I do like the idea of a guy who can feel everything but horny.

Well, he feels horny, but he doesn't feel the relief from horniness. He wishes he was in The Lion King. He wants to come, but he can't. I was a 12-year-old girl talking about being a World War II sailor. It's fine. I turned out okay.

The thing we do for children to make their art.

So these are written by my friend Michael. Thank you, Michael. These riddles were originally, he thought of these because, hypothetically, I might be planning an episode that is meant to drive JPC crazy.

These riddles were originally, hypothetically, he thought of these.

Okay. I couldn't track the sentence. Good. Trying to drive JPC crazy is like, Getting in your car, if we went outside, got in my car, and said, let's go to Chicago.

You're right. So it's like a hat on a hat. It's a little redundant is what you're saying. Yes. Like if I add more crazy to his plate, he gets normal?

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Getting in your car and saying, let's drive to Chicago.

It's like saying, let's make Jesus Christ-like.

Yeah.

Yeah. Don't agree with us.

No. Yeah. I'm tracking with this. This definitely tracks me. Yeah.

That's like the Always Sunny joke, where Charlie's like, he doesn't even get us, man. And they're like, we're talking about you. Okay, all right.

It's like driving to a drive-thru and then asking them for their order. It's like rain. But they make it about come.

It's like being a natural blonde and going to the hair salon and asking for blonde hair.

Yeah, well, that's actually a blonde joke. And that's very funny.

He's already too crazy. I can't add any more. But these are, they were meant, you were going to be sort of a sacrificial lamb in this saddle, and I'm so sorry.

No, I'm hungry.

I only like lamb when it's been sacrificed. But these were, I wanted to sort of drive you insane and kind of gaslight you. So all of these riddles technically have two answers.

Oh, okay. I like that.

And one of them is a little bit more literal and one of them is a little bit more metaphorical. Now these are hard. So I'd say between me and Michael's, maybe only two of these I think work well.

Is this the Michael I know? Yes. Cool. Gonna fire off a quick text real quick.

Yeah, do it.

Just gonna say, fuck you.

Erin, do we need a piece of paper or anything?

No, I think just turn your listening ears on, keep your heart open. What do you think, do you have a chakra that you think is blocked? What chakra of yours do you think is?

What are chakras again?

They're like energy, like where energy emits from your body. This is like top of the head. Yeah, blocked. Third eye. And Adal, you were telling me earlier that you chakra to the monkey, right?

All holes filled is what I said.

Oh, God.

Airtight. My chakras are airtight.

So you were at that New Year's party.

One billion served, all holes filled. I'm clipping that.

No, don't. No. Casey.

Casey live clipping. Casey live clipping of this episode.

Yeah, so I don't know. I think my goals are better than mine, at least. So let's get these started.

Well, actually, let me hear them first.

I hold things together without any glue. I come in all shapes, sizes, and hues. Soon tie the knot or let me extend. Pull me too tight and I might just end. Pull me too tight and I might just end. Is this a knot?

That's close. Yeah. What's a knot made out of?

Rope. Yarm.

Yeah, that works.

Okay, great.

But that's one of the answers.

Okay.

Rope. So if I had been driving you crazy, I'd been like, nope, and then would have waited for the other answer.

Oh, okay, okay.

But I'm nice.

So give me the riddle again. I want to get both answers because I'm a completionist and I want to platinum this thing.

I hold things together without any glue. First of all, I got dinner with Michael last night and then he was like giving the table these example, like these riddles to show them and someone asked him to read it again and he was like, ugh. And I went, so now you know. And now you know how it feels. I hold things together without any glue. I come in all shapes, sizes, and hues. Soon tie the knot and let me extend. Pull me too tight and I might just end.

And so I said rope and that was, that worked?

Yeah, so that one is, remember has two answers. So string, string and rope is the same. And the other one is more of like a metaphorical, like this is like a flowery way to explain this thing.

And Erin, do the two words like rhyme or connect? No. Okay.

They're totally different.

Hmm. Is it like patience?

No.

Pull me too hard and I might, what was it?

Pull me too tight and I might just end.

Pull me too.

Maybe someone with anxious attachment style would pull something too tight. Oh, their hair? No.

Their leg hair?

No.

Erin, don't make me guess the other hair. Pull me too tight.

Do it. Say it.

What's butt pubic hair called?

Oh my god, PC.

Bluebic hair?

It's your home, kick him out!

Is it bluebic hair? No. Michael bluebic hair?

Don't. There's something there, but we don't have the time. Is it a concept?

No, it's like, kind of. It's like a thing. If you have anxious attachment style, where does that show up? In your fingernails.

No, it's not literal. I'd like to see a scene. Adal, you were breaking up with JPC because JPC has gotten like a little too attached and a little too clingy. Oh my god, we totally fit in this sweater. We totally both fit in this sweater. Yeah, I'm gonna take my hat off.

You were so wrong.

Okay, yeah, you really just kind of swooped in there. You were so wrong. We both fit in this sweater.

No, you should wear it. It looks better on you.

Our necks are pressed together so tight. Josh, I thought we, just like a sweater, you know how sweaters come undone?

We're gonna go see Weezer? You got Weezer tickets?

No, that's my least favorite band, I told you. Maledroid's the only good album, and I hate everything else. Okay, on SeatGeek, they have one ticket.

Do you think we could split one ticket if we both sat on in with?

I would say you should snag it, and then I'm gonna keep talking. Josh, I feel like, much like Weezer, I feel like... Okay, someone didn't like Weezer, now they much like Weezer?

The only way I could get through to you... Change your minds on a dime!

Okay, Josh, you have to take off that guitar here controller. It's not attached to anything. You can't. It's attached to me. It's attached to us.

This is so us.

This is like when a five-year-old puts on their first Halloween costume and then they wear it for three months. A five-year-old? I guess I'd have a baby with you. I'm not... You have three kids from a previous...

Yeah, oh my God. What I love about kids is they tie you to someone forever. Forever.

How do I say this in a way that you'll understand? You can't.

You will. This bottle of Seagram's? And you chant. This bottle of Seagram's? My icebox?

Wait.

Awakens ancient feelings?

Yes, but ancient in terms of, you know how people used to die when they were like 27?

Oh my God, how romantic. I think our relationship should- For us to die together? I want to be thinking about you as I die.

I hope that's not what you think. I hope you're at a Weezer concert when you die. Not this one. I'm not saying that. I'm just saying I hope they play forever as well.

Oh my god, I love your sweater.

Thank you.

What a cute couple.

Would you believe this is a sweater for one? But two fit. But two fit.

You guys are so cute together. Have a good one.

Two fit in so many sweaters. Oh my God, I miss her. She was so nice.

Perfect. We might actually only get through the ones that Michael wrote. Thank God, because mine are significantly worse.

Now I want to hear one of yours. Yeah, why don't we do one-on-one? Why don't we go switch on one-on-one?

I literally realize this is for the best.

I'll do one of mine. Erin, sometimes you say, like, oh, I did this thing and it's not very good. And most of the time you're right. I mean, it is 100%. You called it. You know yourself better than I know you. But sometimes, Erin, you surprise yourself.

You say I phoned in this riddle, didn't spend all night writing a good one, didn't keep it tight.

Why don't you bet on yourself for once, Erin? I always do. Draft Queens.

I live in locks and treasure chests. I keep things safe and cause unrest. Without the right match, I won't give way. But once I do, you might betray.

Sierra, this is what we're talking about. Yeah, I've been wrong before.

Yeah, so I'll go back to Michael's.

I live in locks.

I see. I don't even care about this one. Capers. No. What goes with a lock?

Key. Capers.

Yeah, a key.

Messy.

And then what do you betray?

I mark the start, I note the end. I pass around, but rarely bend. I'm a part of life, like stars and rain, but when I'm gone, none can remain.

Mmm. The sun.

Light. But when I'm gone, none can remain. Well, the sun would be great there, right?

The way Michael said that he wrote these... Water? No. He looked up existing riddles and saw some of the words and then went, what is something else that could describe it? He took some of those words.

Work smart, not hard.

Yes.

I think I owe Michael an apology.

I think you already said fuck you.

Do you think if I text someone fuck you, I owe them an apology?

No.

I don't think so. You're right. Quick check.

I mark the start, I note the end. I pass around, but rarely bend. I'm a part of life, like stars and rain. And when I'm gone, none can remain.

This is like a part of everyday life, like breathing, oxygen. Breath.

You guys got it.

Okay.

And so that's one. And then the other one is a little bit more like, I mark the start, I note the end, I pass around but rarely bend. What's something that passes?

I'm

Do you remember the character from Inception? Does anyone remember the woman's name?

The, um, the top.

Well, yes, Erin, the top. That's Inception, correct.

Yes!

Just like a woman should talk about the character's top. Her blouse, Erin?

You mean her blouse? It's Marion Cotillard. Marion Cotillard.

Marion Cotillard.

Her name is like Maub or something. She's got some horrible name that's not a real name.

Oh yeah, Maub.

It's like Maub. Maub. Maub? Maub. The character from Inception's name is Mar. Mar sounds right.

I'm going to look it up.

Okay, we have to look it up because we need to know the character from Inception's name.

Michael, I'm going to do more of your riddles later. Maybe in the actual episode that's meant to destroy JBC.

Yeah, I do want to see a quick scene while Erin looks this up. She's going to be in the scene, so I don't know. It's not really... I can do both. It would be a while I look it up. You guys are in that thing where it's Erin and Adal, you got trapped in each other's eyes for that moment. That moment lasted 40 years, and you guys are like 38 years into the 40-year moment with no indication of when it will end.

I spy with my little eye... Me, it's probably me again.

It's been me the last 1,400 times.

A bottomless void.

Yeah, I see it too.

You see it too?

I see it too.

Would you rather... The first one.

Whatever the first one is. Because you always say the first one and then it's always 30 weeks. And then you say the second one. And I can't wait 30 weeks. I mean, I have to wait 30 weeks. I have to wait.

Why are you so upset? Did I forget your birthday again?

Time is nothing. Birthdays are nothing.

Can I tell you what kind of hurts my feelings? This is something new I haven't said yet.

What?

We've been in here 38 some odd years. Yeah. Something like that. You haven't even fallen in love with me not even once. Like how do you not? 38 years is so long. You have to be endeared to a person. You should at least be trauma bonded to me by now. You know what I mean?

Yeah.

You didn't even fall in love not even once.

You're... Don't.

Here's the thing.

You're 5'11 and I can't date tall women.

I'm 5'8.

You're like 6'1. You give 5'11.

You're like 6 inches taller than me. You're famously taller than me.

I can't date tall women. Listen, are you stunning? Yes. Are you everything I want in a partner? Yes. Are you matching to be wit for wit, tit for tat, thought for thought? Yes.

I spy with my little eye a liar.

If you were just three inches shorter, we would be soulmates.

Liar says what?

What?

I never fucking fuck you. Fucking hate you. I'm grateful you're not JPC, and I think about that every day. I'm grateful you're not JPC. That's what sort of links me back to gratitude and reality.

Could have been here with JPC. If I was here with JPC, I feel like his mind would have absorbed me 36 years ago.

This would have turned into like a Mad Max situation somehow.

It would have turned into an FX's Legion.

Yes.

It would have been an FX Legion situation.

Yeah. Wait, who? Is that JPC?

Is that JP? Wait. You guys can see me? Oh no.

How long have you been here?

Just got here.

No, you have not been here the 38 years.

You have cobwebs on you. Oh! These? Yes, cobwebs from spiders. Don't get too close and don't smell. These are cobwebs from spiders. It's cum. A cum on my titties!

See?

That's Nathan Lane. Cobwebs from spiders.

Um, her name is Maul.

Maul. Like shopping Maul. Dark Maul.

Well, here is a voicemail theme and then a voicemail. Hit it Casey!

Leave a voicemail at the beat. Hey Riddle Riddle.

That was fun. That was like city pop.

That was amazing.

Yeah, that one I think is from Davey Paul and Davey says they're releasing an album, a future album this year. So, you know, check out Davey wherever you might check. They didn't include where to check it out or what the album was called, but I like a challenge. Good luck.

I'll find you.

Casey, we've got a voicemail.

Hi Erin, Adal, and JPC. My name is Taylor and I'm at a point, I'm in my mid-twenties, where I'm working in school and just have a lot on my plate. And I love, love what I'm doing, but I'm just exhausted all of the time. I feel like as creatives, you can probably relate. So how do you keep at it instead of burning out? I love all the content that you guys make. Bye.

Taylor. Okay, first of all, feeling for you.

Taylor, I want to scoop you up. I want to buy you some ice cream. Taylor, you're so sweet.

Um, I don't know if I have good advice. I'm burnt out all the time and I'm scared all the time.

Yeah, same.

I think that's like it. I think doing it scared is a lot of it.

Oh god, I love doing it scared. I think realizing everyone's going through something.

Yeah. I think that, well, I've said this before, but the mantra I do before I have to do anything creative or like a podcast or improv show or anything like that is I just go, all I have to do is breathe and enjoy the people that I'm around. And that usually is enough to get me to at least go.

Yeah.

But yeah, I think also, yeah, knowing that it's part of it and folding it in is, I think, half the battle.

Absolutely. Something I've tried that works sometimes is like taking a break from stressing or from doing whatever is stressing me out and consuming something maybe I normally wouldn't consume. Hemlock. Hemlock.

Meth.

Meth.

Black licorice.

Just taking a break from the hectic everyday hustle and bustle of life, smoking meth. Try it out.

Who knows what you'll end up next.

Yeah, I would say, I don't know if you said in the voicemail if you do have a child, but I would say definitely have a child. Because then, nothing's insurmountable. Everything is kind of like easy mode compared to that. You stop thinking about your problem.

Exactly.

You got a new problem. It's a constant riddle. You'll approach anything, things that you didn't like doing before, you'll approach it with a new vim and vicar being like, okay, let's do it.

Also, something I would do in my 20s that I think I regret doing now is I would like, but I would sort of like hover above rock bottom. Like I would just be like, just I would make like white knuckle keeping it together.

You Tom Cruise, Mission Impossible, right over the floor.

And I wish I had just gotten, like, when you get to that point where you're doing, like, 18-hour days and you're tired and you have a cold and you have homework and stuff like that, maybe just, like, let yourself cry for an hour. Trip the laser. Yeah, just go, you know what? I'm at a rock-bottom point. Because if you stay at, like, you just need that kind of, like, release or, like, ask for help or whatever. Because I would just be like, nope, I got this. If you need to... Throw up down my shirt.

Ask for help getting a release. Definitely do it. You know what I'm saying? Because you can release yourself, but it's always a little better if you can get a friend to help you out.

The circle jerk of life.

Anything you'd like to plug or promote or talk about?

Mostly the line coming next August, but also check out our tour going on this year. We're very excited. We're playing a lot of cities. You can go to HeyRiddleRiddle.com slash tour?

Yeah, it's slash live. And I think, so coming up at the end of this month, we have Portland, which is almost sold out. And it might be sold out by the time this comes out. So a jump on those Portland tickets. Seattle, which is also very close to selling out.

There's a possibility we had a second show in Seattle. We don't know.

We don't know. We don't know. And this is Portland, Oregon.

This is Portland, Oregon. Yeah. We go to Portland, Maine and we're flying our asses to Seattle for the next night.

I've heard they're making moves.

I'm so excited for the Portland and Seattle shows. I've never been to either place and I'm genuinely thrilled.

And then LA on August 1st. And the LA show is live streamed. So I think we still have some tickets available for in-person, but you can definitely, if you're anywhere else in the world, you can get live stream tickets to that show. And that's the only live stream one that we're doing this whole tour.

And we should say for Portland and Seattle, we will have our fourth host, Jana Varney.

And in LA, unfortunately, we don't know anyone. So it's going to be we're not going to be able to get a guest because we just don't know who it is going to be. And we'll have a guest.

Zorp is going to be at that Portland live show. I think it's going to be his first ever live show.

Zorp coming to LA?

Yeah, Zorp lives in LA.

Are they gonna go to the show? If you want to talk to me, we can talk in LA after the show.

He wants to go so bad and he's getting roasted for this.

Does Zorp improvise?

Yes.

Maybe we do a Harold with him to end the show?

First of all, he got comedy trained in New York, so who knows how good of a Harold he is. A mod, I'm sorry, a mod. He's very funny. Maybe he can sell riddles on a live show with us one day. He'd be very good at it.

Yeah, we'll see if he's good at it. Erin, anything to plug or promote?

I would say check out our Patreon, patreon.com. Patreon.com slash dot gov. Hey Riddle Riddle. We have a lot of great fun improv stuff happening over there. And I love it. I love our Patreon episodes. JBC, anything, a review to read or something to plug?

Hey, this is JPC cutting in from the future, which is actually my present, but the past for when you're hearing this. Future from when we recorded the episode that you heard. It doesn't matter. I have a tour update for everybody. Our first three shows were awesome. We went to Chicago and the Twin Cities. Those shows, we did get audio recordings from them, but I know some people don't like live shows, so you don't have to worry. They're not going to be coming on the main feed. We will probably be putting them up on the Patreon later this year. Secondly, we sold out our Nashville show, so we have added a second show. It's just gonna be a late night show that same night. So that's Tuesday, October 7th. That's gonna be a 9 p.m. show, still at Third Coast Comedy. You can get tickets to that at heyriddleriddle.com slash live. Also, we are doing tour limited time specific merch for every show that we do this tour. So if you want to get the tour merch for Chicago or the Twin Cities shows, these are Well, they're inside jokes. You'll get them when the episodes come out or if you were actually there. So very limited use case for these. I don't know why I'm not selling you on the merch, but you can find them in our merch store, heyriddleriddle.dashery.com or by clicking the link in the episode description. We also have our tour poster that we've been selling at live shows. We have turned that into a shirt. So it's like a tour style shirt. It's got the poster on the front and then all the cities that we're seeing on the backside. So that's awesome. And that's out there now. So I hope you pick that up. Okay, back to you, JPC and Adal and Erin from the past.

JPC, anything, a review to read or something to plug?

No. Okay. Jupiter. Bye, everybody.

Created by Adal Rifai. Starring Erin Keif and John Patrick Coan.

Casey Toney did the editing and Marty Parrott did the music. Hey there bounce houses and hot dogs. If you like that, you're going to love this week's Patreon. It's improv from a block party. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com slash hey riddle riddle by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or start your seven day free trial with a review crew for $8 a month. Plus get those ad free episodes. See you there.

That was a hate gum podcast.