Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum Podcast.

Guys, I got stung by a riddle.

Ow, ow, ow.

I went into the ocean and I got stung by a riddle.

Okay, so I pee on JPC. Wait, what?

No. That makes no sense.

Do I have to solve out the riddle?

Ow, ow, ow. My leg, my leg, my leg.

You got stung by a riddle and Al can't pee on me because it doesn't make sense?

Yeah, wait a minute. Yeah.

Yeah, why would you pee on me?

This has nothing to do with you, Erin.

You're not even into being peed on. Why would he waste the pee on you?

Because to help me not be in pain anymore. Were you guys, were you just about to pee on JPC and I interrupted?

Boo.

I don't have to answer that. Also, Erin, what do you think that the opposite of pleasure is pain and it like works vice versa? Just because something gives me pleasure, you think it'll take away your pain?

No, it's just famously when you get stung by a riddle, if someone, the pee neutralizes I'm not crazy.

I didn't know that. I didn't know that.

Yeah, I didn't know that either. And you're not crazy, Erin. JPC and I did just get matching knuckle tattoos. On my right hand it says kiss, on the left hand it says piss. Same with JPC, so we have our own thing going on. This has nothing to do with you. I hope you have a wonderful day.

Okay, we're at a very public beach.

I hope you have a wonderful day.

It feels like you're trying to dismiss me, and I'm in pain.

If you are not going to buy ice cream, you have to walk away from us. Kiss piss, lady. We're selling ice cream.

Kiss piss.

Okay, fine. I'll go back to my towel. I thought we were all here at the beach together. We came in the same car. Excuse me.

Pardon me, miss.

This is my towel.

Oh shit, there's sort of a French crab on your towel.

It looks like a crab, a French crab got your towel, Erin.

Yeah, but it has my name embroidered onto it. My name is also Erin. E-R-I-N?

Yes, racist. Oh yeah, a lot of Europeans have... Jeez. Yeah, a lot of French people have women's names.

You guys, what the hell? Okay, you know what? Fine. I don't even want to be in the beach. I'll go get a lobster roll, maybe a crab roll.

Erin! What? Erin!

What?

In front of the crab?

Yeah, he stole my towel. You don't know that. That could be his towel. It's my towel. I brought it to the beach. It has my name on it, first and last.

If you are not going to buy ice cream, walk away from us.

Why are you still talking to me?

Erin, something fell out of your pants. What is this? It's sort of a photo booth strip of photos of you and the crab.

Whatever. Do you know this crab? No, no, I don't. Erin, hold on. I gotta go. You're kissing in this. If you're not going to buy ice cream, you have to leave.

Photos of us from Crab Coon. We were there last year together.

Oh, it's like Cancun for crabs? Yeah, it's just Cancun. So is it? Okay.

Well, it's Crab-Coon.

So what do you call the york?

Crab-York.

Okay, what do you call- New York Crabby. It's Crab-York.

New York crabby.

Sorry.

Instead of calling a cab, what do you do in New York? Uber. Smart. Yeah, smart.

All right. Well, I'm going to head off to the studio and record an episode of Hey Riddle Riddle. And if you guys want to come, then you're welcome to come because I'm nice.

Erin, I'm midstream over here. Kiss, piss, kiss, piss.

Yes, Erin, fine, fine. Let's go to the studio. Let's record an episode. Let's hammer it out. Let's do it quick. Let's get back to the beach. Let's figure out what that crabs deal is. Yeah.

I love the summer, you guys. We're finally in it, huh?

Let's see. Looking at the calendar. Maybe. Close enough. Erin, close enough.

Schools winding down. We're all having barbecues every day. Salt water in our hair. Pee in our hearts. We're having the best time.

Cicadas are terrorizing our neighborhood.

That's true.

Is cicadas summertime? Is summertime cicada time? Yeah.

Summer every 13 years.

You guys give me your best impression of a cicada.

So guys, what did I miss? What's going on? We saw each other yesterday, so I feel like I don't want to answer this question. No, but we haven't recorded.

We took a week off last week.

Let's see. Well, not for the show. For the show, you got your episode last week. It was the Bunka Bunka one. We all remember it, okay? You got your episode. What's going on? Erin, what's new with you? Erin, oh yeah, maybe she's fishing for something. Erin, what's new with you?

Well, I really have nothing. You know what though? I am learning a lot of new skills over here.

Okay. Spanish? What kind of skills?

No, that would be useful. I'm trying to learn how to do all beauty maintenance stuff at home. So I learned how to do my own gel manicure, and I've been practicing on my friends.

Okay, that looks good.

I've learned how to dye my own hair blonde. Sure. I'm learning how to do all this stuff by myself, because it's significantly cheaper. And so that's what I'm up to over here.

Are you cutting your own hair?

I'm Yeah, but like my hairdresser was like just a mom of two and like really loved her life seemed pretty subtle in it. So I wasn't getting like any crazy stuff.

Oh, yeah. You're like what were Coleman and Alibi up to this week?

Yeah. That's great. I love it. Oh, they learned to ride a bike. That's so lovely. Tell me you did cocaine off a table in West Hollywood. Let's talk.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They didn't. Not really doing that. Not really living that hard life. OK, cool. So then you're just saving money at home. So you're doing your own cocaine off your own table.

Exactly.

Smart. That's smart. Farm to table. Farm to table.

That's responsible.

Erin, where do you source your skills? Is this like YouTube? Are you subscribing to some sort of online course class?

That's exactly what it is. It's YouTube. I'm looking on YouTube. I'm reading. I'm watching tutorials. I'm buying the stuff from beauty supply stores that professionals buy from.

Today we're going

Yeah, a lot of blondes actually do pass away from it as well, too. So it's like, it's like really risky. It's like one of the riskiest things that you can do as a brunette.

I could die.

Yeah.

Yeah. So that's sort of the only thing I'm dealing with.

What's next on what's next on your like, not self improvement, but like, self skill, like doing it for yourself? Like, are you going to start like cooking meals?

Ooh, I mean, I feel like I'm always kind of cooking meals. I've been an adult for a long time. How long? I don't know, a couple minutes.

I just watched you door dash an Eggo waffle and door dash a toaster.

I'm trying to figure out where the waffle goes. It's like this big kind of cardboard box.

Oh, you have to take it out of the box.

Ah, too complicated. I hate when recipes are so complicated. I think the next thing I might want to learn is to sew. But that is a pretty expensive hobby.

I mean, law school, what, is three years?

To sue. That's funny.

What's funny? I'm so fucking sick of you guys treating me like I'm an asshole.

So I need to maybe figure out something cheaper to do now.

Do you have, like, because you're thinking of like freehand or like getting a sewing machine?

I was thinking I've been wanting to get a sewing machine for a long time. Yeah. But I think it's just I don't know if I it's sewing machines are expensive and then like I just don't want to. I don't know.

Not to dox Adal and I too bad, but within our neighborhood where we live in Chicago, I drive by all the time and I've been so intrigued about going to the Singer store. Yeah, there's a Singer store and it says like it's sewing machine repair store. And I'm like, you know how you go by a mattress firm and you're like, who is possibly buying a mattress? This has to be a drug front operation. A sewing machine repair store in 2025, and it's been there for a while, a long while. I'm like, how could it be in business? How could it still be open?

I love that.

My mom gave Jemma her old singer machine and then got her karaoke machine. It's called a singer machine. You sing it to the mic. And then got her classes at that singer store for like to learn how to sew and everything. Oh, that's pretty cool. So some, I mean, my mom for one is, is I guess feeding money into this.

If you're

We're like, oh good for you. I love that this is this still exists.

I think that way anytime I pass like a store that's like all aquariums where it's like we sell aquarium stuff and also fish and everything and it's like who is who's going in here besides someone with kids who wants to like get air conditioning for 50 minutes.

I always think about that too, and then Mariah and I have like a restaurant we really like in our neighborhood. We had one and we tried to go there the other week. We like had a babysitter and everything, but we were like, we never need a reservation at this place. And then we went and we were like, oh, it's permanently closed. And they were like, thanks for 28 years. And I was like, yeah, maybe the fact that we never needed a reservation maybe could have told us something about how that restaurant was. Was the thanks for 28 years was like passive aggressive this night? No, it seemed like it was like,

Thanks a lot.

Like, we genuinely appreciated the community being here for 28 years, but it was a really good restaurant too, and it closed down. Yeah, it's a bummer.

Bummer, bummer.

Yeah, it was a Fazoli's. Great breadsticks. Horrible breadsticks, but yes, but free and infinite.

Well, I'm gonna head out.

About to get to getting.

About to get to getting. Who would hate to be Old Man Puzzle for this episode.

Who's gonna tell her? Couldn't be my ass. Couldn't be my ass.

Fuck! Alright, here we go.

Yes.

These are from Mitchell.

What are from Mitchell? Oh my god, tell me these aren't riddles.

Yes. These are warm-up riddles. The idea is pretty simple.

Mitchell just emailed us some of his opinions.

These are Mitchell's opinions.

Hey, if you have like a list of like five hot takes, go ahead and email us your hot takes.

Oh my god, I'm so excited for the hot takes episode.

I want it to be brief, but it has to be like five hot takes. Brief.

One sentence.

Here's the thing. They will never ever get on the show if they are not legitimate hot takes. If your hot take is like, water's too spicy or whatever. Water's too spicy? It's not getting on the show. That is a hot take. I want real ass controversial hot takes.

What would be an acceptable hot take? Give the listeners an example. What did Mitchell write in?

He wrote in riddles. I forgot it was riddles, it wasn't hot takes.

Hot takes would be like, Pringles is the best chip. Tim Duncan is the best player of all time.

Pringles is the best chip is wackadoo.

That's what I'm saying.

That's insane.

That's what I'm saying.

I know, that's wild. Okay, hot take. The Ghirardelli dark chocolate brownie mix is better than a homemade brownie from scratch.

I feel like that's not that hot of a take.

Depends on who's making it from scratch, I guess.

Yeah, you're right. Okay. So it's like a dog is doing it. It's like a dog is making it.

That's like saying surgery at a hospital is better than surgery at home. I guess it depends on who.

Mitchell took 90s movie titles and switched them for cinnamon. Cinnamons? Oh my God.

Mitchell put cinnamon in movies and that's worthy of doing on the show? Mitchell, I'd rather hear your fucking hot takes, brother.

Switch them for synonyms. Feel free to use my name. Thank you, Mitchell. Example. Deceased Authors Club.

Dead Poets Society.

Exactly.

Shit. Shit. Okay, wow, Adal's fucking fancy. Marred. As a French crab would say, marred. Still trying to think of hot takes.

I would like to see a scene. Adal, you are a beloved teacher that has really been there for us all year, and this is the last day of school, and it's me and JPC trying to thank you.

Just want to thank you all for a great, um, a great year. And I feel like everyone really brought their A-game. But seriously, let me know if you need a letter of recommendation or anything at all.

Wow, two scarlet letter puns in one sentence. This teacher's awesome.

He's the best there ever was. I can't believe he's not coming back next year because of that huge scandal.

Yeah, I did commit adultery, everyone probably sees.

Well, we didn't know about that. We only knew about you siphoning money from the town. Oh, um, whoops.

Yeah, because you were supposed to like run the music program, but you were kind of just collecting checks from the parents.

Yeah, collecting checks from the parents and then I melted down all the brass instruments and sold it for scrap. So you won't be seeing me much, maybe on TV. Oh, because of your trial? Because of the trial.

Yeah.

It's sort of a Scopes Monkey trial situation where, you know.

He's still teaching us.

It's the last day of school and he's still teaching us. I know how to read poetry because of you.

So of course we've been studying the Scarlet Letter and now we're going to dive headfirst on the last day into the Scope Smoky Trial. Just a quick little in and out, dip our toes in the Scope Smoky Trial.

He's amazing. He's such a good teacher. Go for it. We're listening. We're all ears.

I think he's a music teacher, right?

So the schools... Put down your instruments. Actually bring those up to the front. At the end of the class I do need to melt those down. So schools used to not teach evolution. He probably got caught because of how much he says melt them down.

Shut up! I want to hear about the Scopes Monkey Trial.

It's a musical term, meltdown. And thank you all for playing Freeze Frame at the top of class. I feel like that's always a great song to hear in brass. Just a beautiful song. So, back in the olden days, evolution was not taught in schools. Creationism was, you know, a little taboo. For some people, for others, they embraced it.

But you taught us both!

I walk the middle line, right? I don't drive on either side of the road. England, America.

I want to see his depth of knowledge on this trial. Please give him space.

Intelligent design.

So a teacher named Mr. Scopes one day walks into school, and I want to say, Tennessee, and there's a monkey in class. And he says, hello, who's this?

This is not it. No.

And the monkey says, God is dead. And Mr. Scopes says, what did you say? And the monkeys say, God is dead. And so Mr. Scopes and the monkeys, they start to kiss.

The bell rang.

Oh no, different bell. That's a different bell.

No, that's the bell.

No, no, no. I have my own bell.

Scene then.

I have my own something. Whatever that could have been.

Okay.

Jesus. You sound like a muffin. Sorry.

Hmm.

Erin, you know what? I don't say this enough. I don't know if I've ever said it. I really like when Muppets... I don't know if it's just Kermit or Fall Muppets do it. When whoever's operating the Muppets... They scrunch their mouth. They scrunch their mouth. That brings me so much joy.

It's the best. It's so funny.

I wish my face could do that.

I can do that with my butt.

What?

Okay, he's getting up. He's turning around.

Okay, his butt is Kermit the Frog.

Kermit the butt.

Kermit the Butt. Yeah, it's Kermit the Butt. Okay, Plaything Tale. You should be able to get these quickly. They're warm-up riddles.

Plaything Tale?

Plaything Tale.

T-A-L-E. Story.

Never-ending story. Fun. Plaything. Toy Story.

Doll Story? Toy Story. Doll Story. Classic. Falsifier, Falsifier.

Liar, Liar.

Suppressed Vocalizations of Young Ovine.

Uh, shut up little piggies. What is it?

Suppressed? Shut up. Once you get the title of this, shut up little piggies, it's going to be so fucking funny.

Clive Owen is shut up little piggies.

Suppressed vocalizations.

Suppressed Vocal Inhibitions.

What was the first word? Suppressed?

Vocalizations.

Quiet.

Hum. It's another word for quiet.

Shush. Shushpig. Silence. Silence of the Lambs.

Yeah, Silence of the Lambs.

I'd like to see a scene.

Wait, what was the thing? Ovine is a lamb.

That sucks so much. That's like the person like bovine and ovine. They were like, yeah, I don't know, man.

I'd like to see a scene from Shut Up Little Piggy, which is sort of a knockoff of Silence of the Lambs. And Adal, you're the therapist interviewing JPC.

I thought to come to your cell and just get some information about what you did. Could you tell me about what happened to put you in this place?

Shut up, little piggy. Rude. Okay. Alright, I'll see you later.

I had some- What?

I had some food and stuff, but never mind. I'll go talk to someone else.

Wait, what do you mean talk to someone else?

She gone. Crap. Well?

Hello, I'm a therapist and I've come to talk to you about what you've done. Please, tell me.

Shut up, little piggy. Yikes, how rude. Good day, sir.

No wine or cheese for you.

It's just kind of... I'm trying to display my... I'm a serial killer, you know? Don't just leave. Why come?

Hi, um, Daphne, Daphne, go talk to the man.

Go up to the glass and talk to the man, Daphne.

My child has some questions for a book report.

Um, how many people have you killed?

Don't tug at your dress, Daphne.

Try a different tack. My, aren't you a nice young woman.

How rude. I was told that you say shut up pig as a calling card. Daphne, let's go.

Warden, warden, warden.

Yes. I think I'm ready for my lethal injection. You're not, you're not scheduled to be injected. Schedule it then! Oh my god.

Okay, let's see, let's see, let's see. This place sucks. Let's see, let's see. What are you doing? Let's see. What are you doing Friday the 28th? 3 p.m.

Okay, let me see. Daily schedule, 23 hours of solitary confinement or one hour they splash some water on me and then they give, feed me some Food through my mouth hole. I think I'm free that day.

Shut up, little piggy. A petulant serial killer is something we need. Passive-aggressive serial killer.

Expire forcefully.

Expire. Die hard. Ooh, nice one. Yes.

Yes. Marriage vocalist.

The wedding dress. The wedding singer. Yep. Never had one lesson.

Reptile period reserve. The Jurassic Park. Yes.

Reptile period reserve.

I do want to see this thing.

Oh my god.

Let me float it by, Erin.

Hey, what's up? Hey, Adal.

I called for a scene without really thinking about it. I was going to have two dinosaurs that just got their period, but... Oh, that's not good, is it? I feel like you're going to be in the scene and you're going to be like, I don't really want to play this. And then JPC is going to be like, I got my period and it's protozoic.

Right. So we started burning through all the jokes right now. So maybe we can pivot.

I'd like to see a scene.

You two are two dinosaurs and you just got your period for the first time. Fuck.

Whoa. Whoa what. Whoa. What is. What the hell. Did I sit in something.

What.

What the hell?

Oh my god. Veronica. I can't. I can't. I'm a T-Rex. I can't. I can't. Help.

Here. I can't. Girl. Girl. I got you.

Here.

Here's a tampon.

Thank you.

You know what to do with those little arms.

Thank you. I can't. I can't.

Girl.

I can't.

No way. I'm not doing it.

I can't.

Girl.

I didn't ask you. I'm just saying I can't.

You're saying I can't but you want me to.

I just have to figure, I mean, if I don't use a tampon, I'll simply go extinct.

That's not, that can't, that couldn't be. That's not how we... That couldn't be how we all... And how would that even work?

I don't know. I don't know. Oh, this is getting bad. Oh, I'm leaving a trail. I can hear... I can hear velociraptors. You're a T-Rex. I'm chumming the ground. Is that a phrase? Can you chum on land?

You're an apex predator. Excuse me? Velociraptors are chickens.

Mmm, well they always hunt packs.

You'll be okay. That's okay though, you're huge. I think you'll be fine. I think you'll be fine. I'm a pacifist.

What's that? Peggy, I'm a pacifist.

You know, that's the other thing. You've been calling me Peggy. It's just Eggy. The P is silent. Every P that I have is silent, okay?

Well, not every P, because I've heard it sounds like a racehorse sometimes at the watering hole.

First of all, that's not a P. That's me on my ear again, okay? Virtuous Desire Tracking

Hmm.

Good, horny spreadsheet. Good Will Hunting.

Good Will Hunting. Otherwise known as Good Horny Spreadsheet. All spreadsheets are pretty horny if you like to be organized.

That's right. Do you like Excel? How do you like them Excel?

Them Excel.

Them Excel. How do you like them Excel?

Chronological Enforcement Officer.

Chronological enforcement officer. Zodiac.

No.

Chronological enforcement officer.

Kindergarten cop. Something cop.

Ooh. Time cop. Time cop.

Time cop.

Jean-Claude Van Damme.

A typical innate drive.

Atypical. Odd. Different. Different. Drive. Different.

Innate. Odd. Internal. Go. What was that again, Erin? Atypical. Innate. Drive. Atypical is like strange, strange, stranger, different, odd.

Unusual. Unusual suspects. Unusual suspects. Okay.

I think I feel like I'm trying to think of any. Oh, actually, I would say not instead of atypical to do typical. Typical is better.

Typical. Innate drive.

Typical. Regular. Normal.

Yeah, now we're on the right track.

Ordinary people. Ordinary.

Typical. Average. Everyday. Average.

You're getting close. We're circling the word.

Standard.

Base package. L.E. trim. Goddamn. Synonyms.

Erin, can you give us maybe an actor that was in this movie?

Um, I don't know.

You don't know a single actor from this movie? How would we ever get it?

Again, this has a famous shot in this movie.

Oh.

And if I give up, if I say any actors in this, you're going to get it right away.

Star Wars. Joker. Star Wars. The stair scene.

It involves a white dress and someone sitting in a chair.

Oh, oh, Basic Instinct.

Yes.

Wow, nice one.

I'd like to see a scene.

I've never seen Basic Instinct, but I know the cultural touchstone of the dress and the chair.

Yeah, I'd like to see a scene. You guys are in a scene, and JPC, you are accidentally flashing Adal when you open your legs a little bit, and Adal, you're trying to be politely pointed out to him, to make him.

And what's the context?

You guys, I don't know what the context is in the movie, so just you can make up a context.

Okay.

Well, well, well. I see what's going on here.

You, my roommate, are stealing my stuff in the middle of the night.

You thought I was on vacation, Roger, didn't you?

In fact, I knew that you weren't on vacation. I wanted you to be home because, because, no, I'm about to, this is the climax, I'm about to let you know my whole, my whole thing.

Ooh, why don't you stand, why don't you stand behind this towel here.

I'll stand where I please, if it pleases you. You thought that I thought that you were on vacation. Why are you swiveling back and forth and slapping against- But I wanted there to be a hole in your alibi. Come on, you know what you're doing. You thought that I was just some boner who you could blow over. Come on. But I had an evil plan to show you my penis and my butthole. Scene. Scene.

Come on. Come on.

Have you ever accidentally, Erin I know that you have, exposed yourself to someone?

I don't think so.

I have never, I have never, well I guess I almost accidentally intentionally exposed myself to someone, but I have had someone open a bathroom door on me.

Oh I've had that, yeah yeah, that's fair.

That's fair, that's what I said to the person, I said hey man that's fair, you got me. Good game, hey good game. It's always, though, the thing about a bathroom door that you'll, like, go into a public bathroom and you'll, like, shut the door and you'll be like, wow, this doesn't really lock, but I guess it, like, shuts good enough.

Yeah.

Terrible. Terrible thought process because that is, nine times out of ten, gonna end with someone opening that door for you.

First turning it like 10 times to be like, you know what a locked door is, why do you keep checking it? Oh, this is the one you gotta kick in.

This is one of those bathroom stalls that auto shuts that you just have to push in.

Where they have shoes at the bottom just to confuse you.

It's shoes on the ground so you know where to put your shoes. It's like blocking tape.

Erin, do we have any more movie?

No, I think those are it for now. So we're going to take a quick little break, just a small break. If that's okay?

Yeah, of course. Try to think of some more hot takes. Hey French Crab, do you have any hot takes?

Chicken Cordon Bleu is better than filet mignon.

Come on, man.

This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace.

Oh yeah, you need to do Squarespace.

You don't even need a website guy, it's so easy you can do it yourself.

Yeah, I probably don't need a website guy. Yeah, Squarespace gives you everything you need to offer services and get paid all in one place. From consultations to events and experiences, showcase your offerings JPC with a customizable website designed to attract clients and grow your bidness.

Yeah. And you know what? I should have gone with Squarespace because I know they have SEO tools. So you can get discovered fast with integrated Squarespace SEO tools. Every website is optimized to be indexed with meta descriptions and auto-generated site map and more. So you show up more often on search engines and bring in more of your ideal customers. I guess the guy who put my website on rhombus space said it wasn't even on the internet. It's on like a better second internet.

Oh, brother. I think, I think you got con.

Yeah. The twinternet.

You should tell your website guy to do Squarespace because it makes it easy to showcase your expertise and engage clients with video content. Upload and organize your videos, create stunning video libraries, and even monetize your content by adding a paywall perfect for online courses, exclusive tutorials, and premium workshops like how to con JPC by creating a fake email and being a website guy and sort of taking him for everything he's got and pretending that there's a second internet.

Twitter-net.

Twitter-net.

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I actually have to take this.

Hello, The Middler. Oh, uh, I mean, uh, website, website guy.

Oh my God, it wasn't me.

It was The Middler.

He got conned by some multiple people at one point.

Yeah, I guess it was just The Middler and probably with Steve was, probably Steve was there too. Well, JPC and The Middler, go to squarespace.com slash riddle for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code RIDDLE to save 10% off your first purchase of website or domain.

on the show.

Ah, look! Erin Keif and JPC soundly sleeping. Let me just rub a little glass in their eyes to help them fall deeper... Ow!

What the hell? Sorry, sorry. Ow! Sorry! You look so comfortable on your helix sleep. You're rubbing a dinner glass on my eye. What were you doing?

Don't tell anyone we sleep in the same bed.

Uh, sorry. I'm the glass man. Erin, it's fine. I've told you, it's fine.

This is weird. You're the who? I'm the glass man. I used to be the sand man, but then I fell asleep on the beach. Oh. Turned to glass. I'm the glass man.

Your powers are no good here because we have a Helix mattress. It's a midnight Lux. It's the best night's sleep we've ever gotten.

Yeah, and Erin and I talked about it. We realized that we have the same bed, so we thought, like, why do we have to, like, sleep in our own beds when it's the same bed so we should be able to sleep in the same bed? Yeah, why did we say that? But we both agreed to it, Erin. Interesting, interesting.

But it is such a good night's sleep. And the quiz took like two seconds. It was so easy.

I mean, it looks so comfortable. I'm laying down and I'm already... Yeah, help yourself. Help yourself, Glass Man. Oh, I should say also my car has license plates. Vanity says Glass Man. Everyone honks at me. It's so funny.

For sure, for sure. Well Glassman, you gotta get yourself into a Helix Sleep mattress. This is, bar none, the best mattress that I have ever owned and it will not be the last Helix Sleep mattress that I own. I love them so much. I love them so much I bought one for my grandma for her birthday a couple years ago. They're an excellent, excellent, excellent mattress.

There were three in the bed and the little one said, Helix Sleep, Helix Sleep. We're all kind of in the bed.

We talked about no singing in the bed. That was the one rule that we had.

Okay. And I said my one rule is I had to sing in the bed. Keep going.

My other rule is go to helixsleep.com slash riddle for the 4th of July sale best of the web offer. That's helixsleep.com slash riddle for the 4th of July sale. That sale is running from June 13th to July 31st. You get 27% off site wide exclusive for listeners of Hey Riddle Riddle. And there's no singing in the bed, but pee is fine.

Pee is fine.

Hey, I got no complaints. P is my name. I'm JPC. Why would I say no to P? P's my middle name, kinda.

It will cut that. It will cut this.

And Casey, go ahead and end that a while ago.

With new McValue at McDonald's, you get more than you expect. So after a long day, buy a double cheeseburger and add a McChicken for a dollar. Because saving with deals is always on the menu. With new McValue. Prices and participation may vary. Valid for item of equal or lesser value.

And we're back, and during the break, JPC and I decided to learn a skill. And I'm proud to say, JPC, you might want to say it with me, I'm proud to say that JPC and I learned Morse Code!

Hit us with it!

Dot, let's, we'll each do one, we'll go back and forth. Dot, mm-hmm, dot, so dot, mm-hmm, dot, okay.

Oh, I thought you were hitting me with a code and I was hitting you with a code. We're gonna do it, we're doing it. Okay, I'm sorry, go ahead.

You guys are being really offensive.

Yeah, please. Oh shit, okay, okay. Dot. Dash. Dot. Dash. Dash. Dot. Dot. Dash. Niche. Dot. Do it. Dot. Die. Deet. Niche. Erin, do you want to translate?

I'll marry you! I will do it! They just proposed to me. Yes, yes, a thousand times yes!

Erin, someone proposed to you with like one of those, um, the smoke riding airplanes or whatever that's called? Sky riding?

I'm Well, I don't know if I'll ever get married. I don't know if it's 100% necessary.

You won't!

Hey, thanks! But if I did, I would want it to be specific to whoever's proposing to me. Like a special spot. Definitely nothing with a crowd or public or on a screen. I don't like to be perceived.

So not like a Panera and you go to eat your bread bowl and there's a little crunch and it's a ring or something?

Oh God, that sounds horrible.

Do you think that you would like, are you the kind of person who would be savvy enough to pick up on it? You're like, wait, why are they inviting me back to the prison where we met? You're like, hold on.

Hold on.

I think I know what's going on here.

I used to wear a big hat to that prison and come and cook razor blades into cakes for you at this very prison.

I like instead of being like, let me get you out of here, let me spring you, it's like, let me make sure you can cut some flesh off. Yeah, let me get you a weapon.

I think, yeah, I can pick up on a break in pattern pretty easily. Like when Zorp said, I love you for the first time, I was like, are you about to- To you or- To me. And I was like, are you about to break up with me? Like he was like very nervous and kind of sweaty. And I was like, something's happening. So I think I would probably be able to- He said I love you.

And you said, are you about to break up with me?

Before, well, no, I didn't say it out loud. I just was like, are you? Are you okay? You seem like sick. Yeah. I was like, oh, you seem like really going through something. I got on the floor next to him and I was like, are you okay?

I'm

I mean, I've said it a thousand times, I'll say it a thousand times again, as long as she's rich. As long as I'm rich, I will whatever.

The only thing I care about.

The John Kerry method.

Yes. Exactly.

The Heinz heiress.

Oh, you know what I would care about, though, is a ring.

But he fucked a hunts in college.

I don't want a ring that's too expensive.

I said fucked a hunts. Marry a Heinz, fuck a hunts. That's everyone in New England says. Yes. Why eat the mustard if you can get the ketchup for free?

If you're not fucking an Everyday Value 365 when you're young, I don't know what you're doing.

Talk about stone ground.

Oh guys, send this clip to Joshua Jackson when he proposes to me. I don't want a real diamond. I want moissanite and I don't want an expensive ring. I want like lab-grown moissanite, not a real diamond.

The stuff they froze her soul in?

Yes. And I want sapphires and I want the band to be gold. Gold ring, some sort of sapphire, some sort of diamond replacement. And if I lose the ring, it's not a big deal because it wasn't expensive. It's something vintage inspired. And that's it.

What about a tattoo ring?

No, horrible.

Whoa. So you do care. Okay.

No, it would hurt. That would hurt so bad. I care about the ring part of it. But I also, I don't want it to be too sticky up. So when I get put on a sweater, it doesn't get stuck.

Oh, like you don't want a big rock that you can take to the gals and have everyone go, oh my god!

No, I don't want that. But also, I don't even know if I want to get married. I don't know anything.

Because, you know, again, someone said, I love you, and you said, like, where are the cameras or whatever?

Yeah, I was like, what? Are you going to puke?

Do not even worry about it, okay? You have plenty of time. Nah, not plenty of time. What do you mean?

You have moments.

You have moments.

JPC wants me to have a baby, and he stressed that I'm running out of time. Is that it? JPC, they're banning vibrators in Texas. I don't know. I don't know about... Yeehaw!

Ride a cowboy!

JPC, should we? Erin, it looks like someone has joined the livestream. Should we have them turn on their video and say what they want to say?

Oh my god, is it Joshua Jackson? Oh my god, is he proposing?

Casey?

Oh my god.

Shoot your shot.

Casey, do your Joshua Jackson impression.

Casey sounds like Pacey. That would be shocking.

Yeah, Casey Pacey. Pacey. And Pacey was Joshua Jackson's character.

Yes. Was it Pace Picante?

Was it Pace Picante that was like the salsa where it's like, if you didn't eat it, they'd kill you or something? Was that Pace Picante?

Pace Picante was the salsa where they did the commercial where the cowboy said, New York City, let's go there and get a vibrator.

Or cowboys, but can't get them in Texas.

Yeah, it's all fine. Everything's fine. How are you guys?

Yeah, I think it's great. Yeah, it's great. I think it's good.

Why were you guys thinking about proposing to me?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

out there. All right, well, that doesn't matter. I'm listening through the back catalog.

I guess that doesn't matter.

I'm listening through the back catalog and was inspired by Anthony Burch's pop chain riddles from episode 198. You have to link pop culture works, they're all movies, TV shows, video games, and books, by using a shared word slash syllable or a form of that word. For example, Blade to Cool Runnings is Blade, Blade Runner, Cool Runnings.

Got it. Okay, so the word doesn't have to match up. It has to be like a version. A version of that word. It could be a different tense of it.

Yeah. Sometimes it will match up, sometimes it won't. All right. Children of Men to Black Widow.

Okay. Children of Men, Men in Black, Black Widow.

Nice.

You want me to put my hands on my head like this?

Yes. And also, this isn't always just one thing in between. It can be multiple things in between, just as a heads up.

Jesus Christ!

Will you tell us how many or no? I think you can probably do it without me telling, and if you're stuck, I'll tell you how many. The fly to the ring.

So are we doing fly to the or fly to ring?

The fly to the ring.

The Fly to the Ring.

But does that answer my question?

Are we doing... The Fly, Fly Me to the Moon, The Fly... Fly Me to the Moon?

It just has to be a similar word, so I guess it could be the, but I doubt it's not in this instance.

Only a handful of movies fit that.

The Fly... There's a movie called The Ringer, but that wouldn't be The Ring. Fly...

You can also remember it can be a different version of the word fly.

Could it be like flight? What's the George Clooney? Oh, that's up in the air. Flight. Flight. No, I don't want to say that movie.

Fly.

Flight of the Bumblebees? Is that a song?

Fly.

How many? Are we looking for one? Erin, are we looking for multiple?

You're looking for two. There's two things in between. The fly and the ring.

Is the word flight, Erin?

It's not flight, but it's a different version of the word fly.

Flew. One flew over the cuckoo's nest.

Multiple. It's multiple of them.

Flying.

Nope. Multiple flights. Flies.

Flies. Lord of the flies.

Yep.

Lord of the rings. The ring.

Yes. You got it. Hey everyone!

I don't know that the spirit of the game is just like, this feels like too much free association. This doesn't feel like a puzzle. It feels like a, it has to either start with fly and just be like, the fly.

Complain, complain. All you do is complain. The Last of Us to Seven Samurai.

The Last of Us to Seven Samurai. The Last of Us, The Last Samurai, Seven Samurai.

Yeah.

Okay.

Adal's having an easy time.

I wouldn't say that. I'd say he got the easy ones.

Girl Interrupted to Dragon Ball Z. Girl Interrupted.

Girl Balls. Girl Balls.

I love that movie.

Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.

Dragon Ball Z. Wait. You got it.

Oh, Monsters Ball.

No. Okay. You got it. It's just three. Girl Interrupted. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.

Dragon Ball Z. Sea Chicken Dragon. I see. I see.

Dragon.

Oh.

Yeah, yeah. Okay.

Crazy Rich Asians to Love Actually.

I don't necessarily know that this game actually works. It does.

Crazy Rich Asians. I don't think so. I think you just don't like it. Crazy Rich Asians. There's a difference.

Crazy and Love, Love Actually.

That works, but they're thinking of a different movie.

Oh, beautiful. It's one movie?

Yeah, it's one movie.

What's the sleeper L, Ryan Gosling one?

Yeah, it's that one.

Crazy. Crazy stupid love.

Yeah.

Crazy stupid love. Thank you.

Night at the Museum to the Hunt for Red October. And this one's for. And remember it can be anything from media.

Night at the Museum to Hunt for Red October?

Yep.

Night at the Museum. This is going to be very good.

Night at the Museum. Night of the Living Dead. Yes.

Dead.

Red Dead Redemption.

Yes.

Really? Yeah. Oh, we're switching to video games?

Yeah, I said that to any media. I read that at the beginning.

Okay, Red Dead Redemption.

The mark of a good game is that we could just go from movies to video games. There's four things in between.

I like this game.

So did we get it?

Yeah, the hunt for Red October at the end. King Kong to the Witcher.

King Kong to the Witcher. King Kong.

And this has two connective things.

Donkey Kong. Kole Island.

No.

King Kong. King Richard. Nope. King...

The King and I. King Kong.

King Kong.

I love this one. This is my favorite one so far.

King of the Hill.

Nope.

What was the end one? The Witcher.

The Witcher. So it's something with witch in it. No. It's the one right before it.

The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. Can I work backwards?

Yep.

You can work backwards. Is it The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe?

The Second to Last, yeah. That's the one that connects to The Witcher.

And then probably Lion, Richard the Lion-Hearted King, King Lion, Lion... Lion King!

Yes! King Kong, the Lion King, the Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, and the Witcher.

Wow. King Richard was the Lion King, right?

Huh?

No, the Lion King was Mufasa. Wasn't King Richard the Lion-Hearted or something?

Richard the Lion-Hearted?

Yeah.

I think you can definitely get this one. George of the Jungle to the Book Thief.

George of the Jungle, Jungle Cruise.

No.

Tom Cruise.

It's only one connective thing.

George of the Jungle to what?

The Book Thief.

A very sad, very sad book. The Book Thief. Book of Eli. George Eli. The Book Thief. So I either want book or thief.

No.

Well, yeah, you want book.

You want book. But also, but then there's something from George of the Jungle that's in connecting with book. There's a word in the title. George of the Jungle Book? Yeah, so it's George of the Jungle, The Jungle Book, The Book Thief.

The Book Thief.

Yeah.

Okay.

The Santa Claus to Superman.

This one's great too. Santa Claus.

And this has two connectives.

The Santa Diaries, Santa Claus,

Red One, which is a movie about Santa.

This might be helpful to work backwards. It might always be helpful to work backwards.

What was the end one?

Superman.

Superman to Super Mario Brothers.

Super something.

Man of Steel.

Super something? Super bad.

Super bad.

Super bad.

We're trying to get back to the Santa Claus.

Bad Santa. Billy Bad Thornton.

Billy Bad Thornton.

Billy Bad Thornton.

Billy Bass Thornton.

Um, I'd like to see a scene.

I do want to see a scene. Take me to the river.

Alright, so it's a thing where, um, you know how in the Santa Claus, Tim Allen's slowly turning into Santa?

Yes.

GPC, that's happening to you, and your neighbor's going through the same thing, but he's slowly turning into Superman, and you're thinking he's getting the better deal.

So I'm turning into Santa, but my neighbor's turning into Superman?

Superman, yeah, slowly.

Oh, same with me. Like, I feel like my body is changing? Right? Aren't you feeling like you're getting more muscles and, like, better posture? No. What?

Look at me. Look at me. I feel awful. Like, my back fucking hurts. I'm like... Oh, weird. My hair's going white. Like, your hair seems to be getting, like, darker and... Slicked back, kind of. Slicked back with a little, like, curl to it.

Yeah. And you can fly too, right?

Hey everyone.

Woah, woah, woah, woah, woah! There's like a- What is this growing out of the back of my neck? It's like a- Is this like cloth? It's like a red, long piece of cloth? What is this? Woah! Woah! Something's growing out of my- Woah! It's also red cloth, but it's like, not- It's a big- It's like a big bag. God, this is so scratchy.

Ooh, that might be a goiter. That might be a goiter. Hey, can I ask you a question? Like, just between you and me. How'd you kill him? Cuz I know how I killed my guy. Total accident. Anybody can do it.

How'd you kill yours? Puts on glasses. Oh, hi. I don't know if we've met. Dude. Takes off glasses. It's me.

Yeah, yeah. We're in mid-conversation with each other. I'm wondering, I want to know, did he get kryptonite?

Okay, here's what happened. I was in my car, right, and I accidentally drove into a, I was mudding, you know, like how kids go mudding, you know, driving through a cornfield. My car flipped. I was trapped. I screamed for help. Guy pulls me out of my car, right as he pulls me out, and I'm safe. Meteor straight through his chest out of nowhere.

So I didn't kill him. God damn it. I didn't kill him. That's how mine happened. I'm mudding. I get out of the car and stuck. I'm screaming for help. I look up to the sky. Meteor smashes through this dude as he's flying across the sky. Motherfucker.

Did you put your hand through the hole?

Yeah, I put my hand. I'm assuming you put your hand through the hole as well.

That's when it started.

Motherfucker. God damn it. What night did you go mudding?

Um, this was last Tuesday?

I went on a Thursday. Fuck my life! I was gonna go on Tuesday, but I had diarrhea. Now I've got diarrhea all the time. I've seen. That's a little more about Santa Claus. Santa Claus has diarrhea all the time.

If DC put out a comic, you know how they have like Batman and Elmer Fudd? If they did a comic that was Superman and Santa teaming up, I'd buy it. Yeah, that's a fun team up.

And Santa's like jaded. Yeah. And like smoking a cigar the whole time and eating like milk and cookies.

Yeah.

Are you guys gonna see the Superman movie? No. Is that something you would go see in theaters?

I'm fucking tired. I don't care who directed it. I have so much superhero fatigue. I can't do another one. I'm sorry.

I'll see it in 40X with UJPC if it comes to 40X, but otherwise I'll probably wait till the video.

Superman is gotta be the one hero that, like I would see it if it was a Batman movie. I like Batman, I think people have enough takes on Batman, but Superman is just like so uninteresting to me as a character.

I do think this one is maybe, it's either based on a James Robinson run or a Grant Morrison run I believe. Grant Morrison is great. Anything Grant Morrison touches is pretty great. There was, what was the one? Mark Millar maybe did one that was called Red Sun, which was what if instead of falling in Kansas, Superman fell in Russia? And I thought that was interesting.

Yeah, I guess so, but I think that even just the idea of the character of Superman to me is just like, eh. Snooze. Yeah, he's a real snooze for me.

Alright, a couple more of these. Goodfellas to Coyote Ugly, which would be a very funny double feature if anyone is looking for something to do.

Yeah, that is. Goodfellas to Coyote Ugly.

The good, the bad, and the ugly.

Yeah, see?

Nice, very nice.

See?

What does see mean in that context?

Yeah, I'm saying that you get it, you like the game. I know what these are. She's getting all brave. That's not what it means. Yes, you do. The thing to you.

The thing, that thing you do.

That works too, but that's not the one that they're doing.

Do you the right thing do? No.

Do you the right thing do?

The thing to you.

The thing.

It's a rom-com.

Do the right thing. Do the thing.

That thing.

10 Things I Hate About You.

Yes.

Ooh, nice one.

Fallout to Wedding Crashers. And this has three in between.

Holy shit.

A little harder.

Wedding Singer? Is that before Wedding Crasher? Wedding Crashers?

No.

Oh, Crash?

Yeah, you can work backwards. It's gonna be Wedding. Wedding. Fuck.

What's the first one, Erin?

Um, Fallout. Fallout.

Ten weddings and a funeral? What's that movie? Three weddings and a funeral?

Not that one. There's another one that's a rom-com. It's a great rom-com. Julia Roberts. That has the word wedding in it.

My Best Friend's Wedding.

Nope. My… That one's terrifying.

My… That's terrifying.

It's my something.

My… My Wedding with Andre. No.

My… My Wedding with Andre.

My Wedding with Andre rules. My... and not My Best Friend's Wedding?

Nope.

But it's a My Movie with Wedding? Mm-hmm.

Muriel's... My Muriel's Wedding.

No, then there's descriptions of what kind of wedding it is.

My Wedding... My Wedding... This was sort of a... Very funny wedding.

Like an indie darling that really... My Big Fat Greek Wedding. Yes.

And then... A Zorb of the Greek.

Something Greek.

Get him to the Greek.

Yep.

get out

on the show.

Goldfinger to Shutter Island

Goldfinger to Shutter Island. I'm going to say island is going to be the word. Unless it's shut.

Eyes wide shut. Eyes wide shut.

Put your finger in my eyes. Eyes wide shut. Golden eye.

Yeah, nice guys.

Last one. Miss Congeniality to Eternals. Now, are you saying Miss Congeniality 2?

No. Miss Congeniality 2, Eternals.

Okay, now are you saying Miss Congeniality 2?

Oh my God.

Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind. Spotless Mind.

That comes before Eternals, and then there's one more between Miss Congeniality and Eternal Sunshine. Eternal Sunshine.

Little Miss Sunshine.

Yes, you got it. Thank you, Casey, for those. I loved them. And other Casey, can we have a voicemail theme and a voicemail, please?

Why isn't that Casey, other Casey, and our Casey's?

Adal and Erin and JPC are waiting for voicemails to listen to after they've finished riddles and fuzzies before they do plugs at the end so if you've got a question you want to ask ask ask ask ask ask ask for 185-RIDDLE-1

Oh, hell yeah. Oh, I love it. Oh, and he just crashed into my house.

That was from Coleman. Coleman, thank you so much for submitting that. As always, you can submit a voicemail theme, 30 seconds or less, as a WAV file, hrpodcast at gmail.com. I guess let's hear a fucking voicemail, right?

Hey, Clue Crew. I am wondering what y'all's opinions are on olives. My best friend hates them. Partner loves them. I think they're disgusting. It seems to be a pretty divisive topic. Thanks.

I will say Kalamata olives? Meh. Green olives? Fuck yes. Green olives on pizza? Fuck hell fucking yes. Yes.

I do not like olives on pizza, but I hated olives growing up. And then I'd say in the last two years I've grown to love olives. And now my drink of choice is like a very dirty martini.

Olive juice? Oh.

Olive juice with a splash of vodka.

Hey Riddle Riddle

Yeah, man, and what I love, and this is something I don't own, but I kind of, I don't need, but I would like to own. I could very easily own it. I don't want to make it seem like it's a big purchase. But you know those, like, long, skinny, tiny forks that you just use for olives? Oh, yeah.

Or, like, cornichons or something?

Yeah, I'd love to have one of those. Basically a fork that gets through a very narrow, long jar. I don't have one of those forks. I just use regular forks, but man, I love a little tiny olive fork. That's a good fork.

I just pulled up my online purchase history. There's a type of olive called Castelavantrano, C-A-S-T-E-L-V-E-T-R-A-N-O, Castelavantrano. But those, to me, those are the king of olives. They're green, they're big, they're buttery, very, very buttery.

We buy those a lot. Mariah loves those olives. Those are very good olives.

How do you say it?

I always just pick a different Italian-sounding word, or I call them Castlevania olives. I call them Castlevania olives, I think that's easier. When I put them on the grocery list, I put Castlevania olives. I know which olives those are. When I get to the grocery store, there is no confusion. I'm not going to accidentally pick up the, uh, what is Castlevania, like the, uh... Simon Labon. Yeah, I'm not going to pick up the wrong olives. It's a word that I don't know.

Well, that's how we feel about olives. So that's sort of where we stand. Sounds like, don't bring us black olives, bring us sort of briny olives. We all want to have some, JPC, so.

Yeah, but if you're bringing us food, I'm going to throw it away. Do not, do not.

Yeah, don't bring us food.

Don't bring us olives.

I'm just saying. I'm just saying. All right. Well, anything to plug, guys.

Yeah, I got something to plug. I want to read a five-star review. If you want to get a five-star review featured on the show, go and write one anywhere you write reviews. This one's called, uh, Helped Me Pass a Test by Dallin Farrer. I hate to admit this, but the frequent lateral thinking examples presented by the host of Hey Riddle Riddle broke my brain in just the right way. I had to take a certification test at work, and I was able to successfully answer a trick question that helped me pass, and I got a raise. I can't recommend this as a study solution for everyone, but it helped me, so who knows? Give it a try. Wow, that's awesome. And if you want to use that raise, you can go to patreon.com slash heyriddleriddle. Give us five or eight bucks a month and get some extra episodes in your feed. Adal, anything to plug.

Yes, I want to plug my upcoming DC release. It's a new comic book called Superclaws. Santa somehow gets the powers of Superman for one day. It's all the stuff he gets up to. It's all the sort of revenge he exacts. I think it's pretty good. It's pretty fun. So check that out on your shelves this winter. Erin, anything to plug or promote?

Starring Erin Keif, and John Patrick Coan, Casey Tomey gonna be editing, and Marty Parents in the music.

Hey there Chats and Cats, if you like that, you are going to love this week's Patreon. It's another ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-chatterbox where we're answering your questions from the Discord. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog by going to patreon.com slash heyriddleriddle and joining the clue crew for $5 a month or start your 7-day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month plus you get those ad-free episodes. See you there!

That was a headgum podcast.