This is a HeadGum Podcast.
00:00:01
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This is a HeadGum Podcast.
???
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???
Does anybody else miss the clap?
00:01:15
JPC
Yes, clap if you want.
Erin
You can clap.
JPC
Like when they used to call like STDs the clap.
Erin
Because people used to give you a round of applause when you got it because they were so proud of you for having sex. Don't put this before the episode, Casey. I don't. I hate.
JPC
It's too meta. Yeah.
???
Hey Riddle Riddle.
JPC
Okay, so this is the space. This is pretty much your whole area. You'll be able to kind of do, you know, whatever it is that you need to do on a daily basis here. And then this is the bell. So just it's one ring for one, two rings for two, three, you know, and so on. 12 for 12, obviously, and then it kind of starts over again. We don't do like military time. It's just Yeah, so any questions for me or?
00:02:30
Erin
Okay, dibs on the top bunk.
Adal
Damn it. The bell. Yes. Do we just hear that or does the whole town hear that?
JPC
Yes, you're going to want to hit it real loud. Hit it hard, hit it loud. It's going to be for the whole town because everybody needs to know kind of what time it is.
Erin
And if we miss a time, it's not a big deal, right?
JPC
Huge deal. It's a huge deal. A lot of stuff runs on time. People aren't really able to keep track of time themselves. That's kind of the whole idea of the position is for bell cows.
Erin
And if we're like feeling a little tired and we don't want to pull the bell string because that's like heavy, what if we just went bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong?
JPC
Okay, so it's just a chime for one and two chimes for two. What you just did is nothing.
Erin
We're not going to be using... No, it's... That's eight o'clock.
00:03:32
JPC
Yeah, that's several different tones though. So this is going to be a one-tone bell. Okay, what if I went... Monotone.
Erin
Boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing.
JPC
Little disturbing that you're using your fingers to count. Really was hoping that we would... You know what? That's fine. As long as you do it 8 times for 8 o'clock and you don't ever miss an hour, that's great.
Erin
And you said we're doing military time, so like 24... No, I said we're not doing military time.
JPC
It's just gonna be 12 and it resets on the 12.
Adal
I do have to ask the person who had this job before us, what was their fate? Did they retire?
JPC
Great question. You are looking at them. Whoa. Yeah, I got surgery so it fixed kind of the big hunch. What hunch? Yeah, thank you. What? No. What? Well, you saying that makes me think the surgery didn't work. What?
Adal
Well, you said hunch first, right? Oh, God. Oh, God. I hope you said hunch first.
Erin
I don't know. I don't remember. I can't remember. Does anyone have a mirror?
00:04:36
JPC
Because I paid a surgeon a lot of money. I would love to just get a second. Quick, break all the mirrors. Quick, break all the mirrors.
Erin
Can I just ask another question? Yeah. Say we sort of, because we're in Paris, right? We're in old Paris.
JPC
Yes, this is gay old Paris.
Erin
Yes. And we want to go out. We want to have some drinks.
JPC
Yeah, yeah.
Erin
And we want to like, I don't know, party a little. Come back here. We can sleep like 14 hours and it's not a big deal.
JPC
So no, you can't leave ever here. Yeah. This is where you live and stay.
Erin
So we have to wake up every hour?
JPC
I mean, there's two of you.
Erin
Is that why you look like shit?
JPC
There's two of you. I assume you do like shifts or something.
Adal
I don't think you both have to be up.
JPC
Oh, you're a married couple?
Adal
No, her name is Honey.
Erin
My name is Honey.
Adal
This is Honey Boo Boo?
Erin
Yep. I'm sort of trying to rebuild my life after a spout of internet fame.
JPC
A bout. Not a spout. Felt like both. And you're the Cash Me Outside girl. What's her name? How about that?
00:05:41
Adal
Bahad Baharbi.
JPC
Yes, Bad Barbie. That's you.
Adal
I think. Or Bad Bahad.
Erin
She was on Dr. Phil.
JPC
I assumed that the two of you, she is right here. I assumed that the two of you took this job because you didn't want to exist in society anymore. You kind of wanted an escape from society. Kind of like me and my,
???
Why did you come to Paris? Oh, you're the humpback guy. What humpback? Shit.
JPC
My name's Quasimodo. I mean, certainly. No, you're a full moto. Don't talk about my friend that way.
Erin
You're a full moto. What weird thing did you do on the internet 10 years ago?
JPC
I was the original Chocolate Rain guy. That's way more than 10 years.
Erin
Yeah, that's like 20, by the way.
JPC
That's like 20 years ago. Zinga ties Zadingo. I think that's a brand of chicken.
Erin
Quasimodo, I'm having so much fun. What if we made this entire episode this intro? What if we never really left the intro?
00:06:43
Adal
Episode? Yeah. What if we made this a
???
Musical episode.
JPC
Oh my God. Wait a second. Oh, you're going to kill me. You said, you said intro and I'm like looking around. I'm like, this is Hey Riddle Riddle. This is the podcast Hey Riddle Riddle.
Erin
Yeah, but we just, it's like 8.04. So we missed the bell while we were talking to us.
Adal
Is it too late to make it up? So that's four, so you said eight of what? Boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing
Erin
Seven minutes in.
JPC
It's JVC and there's Erin over there. Yeah, yeah.
00:07:44
Adal
It is wild to think that in medieval times, if you woke up in between hours, you'd be like, shit, I have to wait one to 59 minutes to know what time it is and what's going on.
Erin
I mean, people were probably so late or so early to everything those days.
JPC
Would it be important what time it was? Like, because I'm assuming since it was so hard to keep track of time, it wouldn't be as necessary. People wouldn't be like, let's all meet at 1230, you know?
Adal
Yeah, how do you meet up with people? Either sun up or sun down. Those are the two meet up times. Yeah. Ah, it's awful. Depending on how you sleep, yeah.
Erin
What if you want to go see Thunderbolts with your friend and you're trying to communicate when you want to go?
JPC
And what did they do for Google Maps?
Adal
They didn't even have MapQuest.
Erin
Oh my God.
Adal
How did they get around? They had cock-a-doodle-doodle maps, which is a rooster will scream in the general direction you should head.
JPC
Now we brought up maybe doing a musical episode and I had a musical question for the two of you. I guess it's not really a musical question now that I'm thinking about it. I have a musical question. My question for you is there are certain names that are singular. I don't think that there will ever be another famous Beyonce. I can probably stake my claim on that, right?
00:09:00
Erin
Maybe in 300 years, there's a painter whose first name is Beyonce. I don't think there'll ever be another musical artist.
JPC
Maybe, okay, maybe not another musical artist, but do you think within, like, you said 300 years, do you think within, I don't know, like, the next, like, 20 years we'll have another celebrity named Beyoncé?
Adal
No. Oh, sweetie, you think we're gonna make it 20 years?
JPC
Well, me and you know, but Erin is a little younger than us. Okay, well, so then I was thinking of, like, names that are kind of like, I don't know, less common and singular. And I have a name that I want to throw out to you guys, and I want you to tell me What your... Who your go-to is when I say this name? Okay. Okay. Bruno. Bruno Mars. Bruno Mars.
Erin
Yeah.
JPC
You're gonna say Bruno Mars as well, Erin?
Erin
I was gonna say Bruno Mars as well, but I also was thinking about... We don't talk about Bruno.
JPC
I think that there's a younger generation that's gonna, like, associate Bruno with Encanto. I think there's a slightly older generation than us that's gonna associate Bruno with... God, die hard. Bruce Willis. Why? Because of Bruno. His musical act. He was Bruno. Like the Hudson Hawk era Bruce Willis. Huh? You guys know about Bruce Willis' musical career, right?
00:10:20
Adal
He plays blues and he plays the harmonica. He goes under the stage name Bruno?
JPC
Yeah.
Adal
Oh no.
Erin
I didn't know that.
Adal
Well, I guess it being slightly older, I thought for sure Adal would know this. I've seen clips of him play and he usually wears a weird pork pie hat and plays harmonica a ton, but I thought he was just introduced as Bruce Willis.
JPC
Okay, so you've never seen this album cover from 1987, Bruce Willis is the Return of Bruno? The Return of Bruno is a 1987 comedic film originally aired as a one-hour special on HBO later released on VHS. It's a mockumentary starring Bruce Willis as his fictitious It's like his, what's the country singer that has his alter ego?
Adal
Chris Gaines.
JPC
So I think there's a generation with that. I associate Bruno, if someone were to say Bruno, I guess Bruno Mars is probably around the same time with the Sacha Baron Cohen character Bruno. Which I don't think I ever saw the movie, but I was a big fan of the Ali G show. So I feel like there was that, but I was like really into that in like high school. So I feel like that's my association with Bruno. But I feel like there's, depending on who you ask and at what time, we're going to have like a lot of different like takes on like a famous Bruno. But then like, I don't know any like Brunos personally. Do you guys know any Brunos?
00:11:51
Erin
No.
???
I wish.
Erin
I'm
JPC
But I'm like, I'm trying to think if there's like another person who I would only associate that name with a celebrity.
Erin
You know what's so interesting of a name that is gaining in popularity that I've met like three little boys is Elvis. Like that just now people are naming their kids Elvis. Is this real? Yeah.
JPC
There's a lot of, you know, three, you don't, you just said that you don't know any people, you know, three little boys.
Erin
Well, one, one is a woman on the internet, um, who has a baby boy named Elvis and the other two, I've met two, like a three-year-old and a baby named Elvis.
JPC
Wow. Adal, you said you had one?
00:12:53
Adal
I have one, I think. I didn't kick it around too hard. Sufjan.
Erin
Oh.
Adal
Yeah. S-U-F-J-A-N. Sufjan Stevens. I don't really know a lot of other Sufjans. Never met another Sufjan.
Erin
Yeah. Huh.
JPC
Remember when you met another Adal and he was absolutely nonplussed by it? It was the wildest thing.
Adal
Dunkin' Donuts.
Erin
Where all great things happen.
Adal
Where all great things happen. It was almost like the Bort episode of Simpsons. Yeah.
Erin
You guys, hate to compliment you right before we get into riddles, but I was sort of working out some travel for all of our tour dates later this year, and I got really excited thinking about hanging out with you in all these cities.
JPC
Erin, are you going to ride the train with me? Are you going to ride the train with me?
Erin
Yeah, I'm going to ride the train with you.
JPC
Yay, Erin's going to ride the train with me. Adal, you gonna ride the train with me?
Adal
Sing it. Come on, ride the train? That's a song.
00:13:56
JPC
Honestly, I thought you wanted Crazy Train for a second. I was like, yeah, I guess that is my train song.
Adal
I'm making a note on my phone right now to buy train tickets.
JPC
I'm excited. I love riding the train. I've ridden the train on the East Coast. I've ridden the train in the Midwest.
Erin
He's mostly excited about the train stuff.
JPC
I do like the train. I've never ridden the train in the Pacific Northwest. Welcome back to
Erin
They love to cook and they're going to be so excited to have you in the house. I wonder if it'll backfire, though.
00:14:56
JPC
I'll bring a suit. I think I'll bring a suit so I can wear a suit to dinner at Erin's parents' house. I think I'll bring a soup. You know when you show up to a dinner party and you bring a soup?
Erin
I just can't wait. It's going to be so fun.
Adal
Now Erin, did you say the very first Dunkin' Donuts is in... Yes. Not to get stuck on Dunkin'.
Erin
It's in Quincy. It's pretty close to where I grew up, so we can go.
JPC
I'm It's a Boston Mecca
00:15:58
Adal
Make your pilgrimage. I mean, you can say that, but I don't know if I can say that. Just in that you make a pilgrimage to it.
JPC
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Adal
And once in your life.
JPC
But I will absolutely go twice. And I will say... The coffee was fine. Like, it was standard Dunkin' coffee. I did get a donut there. It was bad. But I think the way that all Dunkin' Donuts are bad, it was bad. Like, it wasn't, like, specifically, like, much worse than another Dunkin' Donuts that I've been to. But the donuts at Dunkin' Donuts, I think we can all admit, are ass. They're kind of ass.
Erin
We should go to the JFK library. That would be fun.
Adal
Wait, hold on. That seems too soon. Wasn't he shot from the book depository? What's the difference between a library and a book depository?
Erin
Why don't you put up your butt?
Adal
That's a book suppository.
Erin
Oh, sorry. I misheard.
JPC
Well, either way, I'm getting an email from the library. You are not welcome back here.
00:16:58
Erin
Oh, man. Okay. Let's do riddles. I'm not Old Man Puzzles. I have no power here. I have no power here again.
Adal
I would love if there's, it's a library and it's like, there's no book return. We just can't. Too insensitive. You check it out, you keep it. And who knows if you could check stuff out of a presidential library.
JPC
You check it out.
Erin
I want to check out Jackie Kennedy's outfits.
Adal
They're like, we have to. I guess we have to.
Erin
The pink suit, if you know what I mean.
JPC
If it's a presidential library, it's still a library, right? Like, I'm assuming that you still, right? No. It's like a museum. What's the fucking point of the library?
Erin
I don't know.
JPC
It should be a functioning library.
Adal
I think it's a lot of personal papers and stuff like that.
Erin
You get to see JFK's report card and it's pretty abysmal.
00:18:00
JPC
F you, that's very funny. Well, okay, so I've never been to a presidential library, so I don't, I don't, it's okay that I don't understand how a presidential library works, but I don't know, what's, is there a pope equivalent of a presidential library? Will we be, will we be getting the Pope Leo, the whatever's president, pope, pope-idential library in Chicago?
Adal
Opened a whole can of worms, JPC. The equivalent is the, The tunnels under the Vatican, which supposedly hold millions of tomes and evil cursed items.
Erin
I want to see a heist movie where someone breaks in there.
Adal
A Vatican Ocean is 11? Yeah. Erin, this is good.
Erin
Get Hollywood on the horn, Adal. Let's go.
Adal
Erin, who are our top three leads?
Erin
Okay, I love this. George Clooney, Matt Damon, Don Cheadle.
Adal
Wow. Skipping over a bit.
00:19:02
Erin
Who?
JPC
Speaking of Vatican Ocean's 11, did you guys see that there's like a John Krasinski like national treasure Indiana Jones movie?
Erin
I don't have time to unpack that though.
JPC
What's the IP?
Erin
I don't know. They're trying something new.
JPC
It's called like Fountain of Youth and it's Natalie Portman and John Krasinski and I've only seen... It looks insane. Anyway, I didn't see it. But what I did see is some riddles right here on my desk.
Erin
Yes, go ahead, Erin. I like Natalie Portman a lot. And I like a lot of our modern actresses. I think they're very, very good. I think we've lost the art of funny actresses in these movies. I feel like there used to be an old generation of like people like Goldie Hawn and like people who could spar comedically with some of these male leads and I just think sometimes we're not, we're casting some hot people in movies and good actors in movies but I think with something like that To make a classic movie, you gotta have some fun banter.
00:20:11
JPC
Yeah.
Erin
And I just think we need to be casting more funny ladies.
JPC
Step up, ladies, because Krasinski's gonna be making me bust my fucking guts open. He's gonna be hilarious. I'm gonna be fucking dying laughing. I'm hanging off every word.
Erin
No, but like, if you were to tell me that like... Anya Taylor-Joy. No.
Adal
Like... No! And Will Ferrell did a buddy cop movie?
Erin
Yeah, just like a female comedian with John Crescenti, I'd be like, oh.
Adal
I adore Sandra Bullock. I think Sandra Bullock is a singular talent, and I don't feel like she gets the opportunities she should.
Erin
Like, if you were telling me that Kristen Wiig and John Krasinski were in a Fountain of Youth movie, I'd be like, okay.
JPC
Okay.
Erin
I would go check that out.
JPC
I still wouldn't be like, okay. I'd say, what is this? What are we doing here?
Erin
No, I'd be like, they're trying to do a fun summer blockbuster. I'm going to go. And this, I'm like, this is going to be kind of self-serious, I just feel like.
00:21:12
JPC
Look, I watched the autoplay a couple of times when I was looking for something else on Apple TV, and my impression of this movie is that there was maybe a script for an Indiana Jones movie that they never made that they were like, we still have the script. Like, we already bought it. Shouldn't we just, like, change the name Indiana Jones and like... Okay, anyway, here we are.
Erin
Also, I do love Natalie Portman. I like Natalie Portman. I think she's great.
JPC
But you think she's Keira Knightley?
Erin
Well, they have the same face.
Adal
Erin.
Erin
What? Even Star Wars thinks they have the same face. Oh, by the way, JPC, I still have a couple episodes left of Andor, but you were right, the season gets better. Just saying that you were right. You were right.
JPC
Andor season two was fantastic. Highly recommend it to people.
Erin
Okay, go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead.
JPC
Something pulls me back across this place I left. Some distant force familiar to me and yet unknown. I will not be here for long.
Adal
Gravity moon, moon gravity.
JPC
Moon, gravity, wider than a mile, I'm crossing you in style. Water that's evaporating. Evaporating water? It is not. No. Moon, gravity, water, we're all close to this. You're close. You're dancing around it.
00:22:23
Erin
Can you read it again?
JPC
Something pulls me back across this place I left. Some distant force, familiar to me and yet unknown. I will not be here for long.
Adal
Is this like bird migration? Is this like the Capistratas or whatever? Is this like bird migration? Magnets? Don't magnets pull on birds? Birds aren't flapping their wings, they just get pulled.
JPC
Oh, you were one of those kids that pulled birds with magnets?
Adal
Yeah.
JPC
You're out in the yard with your magnifying glass and your magnets.
Erin
Magnet a stick, put it in the sky, catch some birds.
Adal
Dude. I cut up Coke cans, I wait for a seagull to eat them, then I use my magnet and I fly a bird like a kite.
JPC
I want to see a scene, okay, Adal and Erin, you two are siblings, it's like summer vacation, you have like so much time on your hands, and Adal, you're the younger brother, and you've just put a magnet on a stick and you're trying to pull birds out of the sky, and Erin, you think that this will never work. Come on.
Erin
I just woke up. Have you heard the ice cream truck go by today? What are you doing?
00:23:26
???
Yeah, it's been going for a while.
Erin
Wait, the ice cream truck's been going for a while?
Adal
Yeah. He pulled into the cul-de-sac and he's just sitting there. Then he started circling around. What? I think we're his only customers. I think unless we come out, he doesn't know what to do. Come on.
???
Come on.
Erin
What are you doing?
Adal
What am I doing? Use your eyes. I'm trying to magnetize birds.
Erin
Well that's insane. We go to the same school. You know better. You're older than me.
Adal
That's fine. We go to the same school is not the argument you think it is.
Erin
I'm just saying the quality of teachers at the same school is such a swing if you think that's going to do anything.
Adal
Would you ever notice how after I have a teacher they suddenly retire? Come on.
Erin
Come on. Yeah that is weird.
Adal
Yeah.
Erin
OK, well, if you want to kill birds, there's an easier way.
???
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I never said kill birds.
Erin
Oh, OK.
Adal
I mean, I'm gonna. Right. Sure. But I didn't say that because you know how mom and dad are always checking my room for, you know, like pissing the bed or obsession with fire.
00:24:32
Erin
Yeah.
Adal
Yeah. Harming animals.
Erin
I'm going to go get some ice cream from the guy. Do you want something? Something with gumballs?
Adal
No, I'm good. Shoves a little knife into your shoulder.
Erin
Ah, yep. Murderer brother. Got it. Got it, got it, got it.
JPC
That's just like Dexter. You guys are just like Dexter and Debra.
Erin
Aww. Debra! Debra!
Adal
Remember Dexter when he's like, Debra? And he has this older brother who's like 6'5"?
JPC
Is her name Debra in that? I think it is, right?
Adal
Yeah, right?
JPC
Debra Morgan? That makes sense.
Adal
Yes, yeah, yeah.
JPC
Do you guys have an answer for this riddle that's not catching birds with magnets? You were so close! Something pulls me back, across this place I left. Some distant force, familiar to me and yet unknown. I will not be here for long.
Adal
High school reunion?
JPC
It's not a high school reunion.
Erin
I don't know.
JPC
What did you say? You said... Magnets.
Erin
Water.
JPC
You said water? You said moon.
Erin
The tide.
00:25:32
JPC
The tide. Thank you. That is water. That's moon water. The tide is water. What are we talking about here? It's a riddle. It's not getting close. It's the exact answer.
Erin
Bitch is really coming back around. I'm loving bitch these days, guys.
JPC
All right. We have time for just another riddle.
Erin
Oh my God. Sorry, guys.
JPC
No, we have plenty of time. Two heads making lots of din. When one comes down, the other goes in.
Adal
Lots of what?
Erin
Din?
JPC
Yeah, it's just two heads making lots of din, and it's D-I-N. When one comes down, the other goes in.
Erin
Salt and pepper shakers.
JPC
Wow, Erin, that's a great guess.
Adal
So is this like a machine?
JPC
No, it's not a machine. No, I would say it's only going to be more confusing to you if I... Is it organic? It's not organic, no.
00:26:36
Erin
Okay, and it's not man-made.
JPC
It is man-made. Yeah, I guess it is man-made. Yeah, it's man-made. But it's not like a machine unless you're like saying, like, I wouldn't qualify this as a machine. Maybe it's like a simple machine. It's not a machine.
Adal
Simple machine, one of my favorite 80s movies.
Erin
Is it something that like goes into the water and then loops back around out of the water and then goes into the water and then loops back around into the water?
JPC
It is not a thing that goes out of the water and loops back around and goes out of the water. And I don't know what that thing would be. Like, what? Like, would that be like a... What are those called? A wheel? Like a mill? Like a... Yeah, a mill. Water mill. No, it's not that. I would say... I would have qualified a watermelon as a machine.
Adal
Is it one of those birds? The perpetual motion birds? They keep going back for more?
JPC
Yeah, because they're magnetized, right?
Adal
I think there's some sort of like liquid movement, right? The liquid shifts from its belly to the cup or something?
JPC
That's the one that Homer uses to hit the enter key at the nuclear plant. Do you guys know two heads making lots of din? Do you know what lots of din means in that context? I have no idea what din means.
00:27:45
Adal
Din din? Like how a baby would say dinner?
JPC
It's not, it does not mean how a baby would say dinner. Din would be like, D-I-N, din is like a noise, like a rattle. What's all this din? Oh, is it like maracas? It's not maracas, but we're getting closer.
Erin
It's an instrument.
JPC
It's not an instrument.
Adal
Okay. Two heads making lots of noise. Is this like...
JPC
When one comes down, the other goes in. One comes down, the other goes in.
Adal
Is this like the Carpenters? Is this like a duo?
JPC
Dude, so you're way off with Carpenters, but you're kind of close with Carpenters. Hammer and nail. It's hammer and nail.
Adal
Oh, okay.
JPC
You were so close with Carpenter!
Adal
I do want to see a scene. Let's see here. You two are disgraced, washed up musical act, hammer and nail. Great. And you're getting up in age and you're talking about maybe making one last hurrah run and tour.
00:28:45
Erin
Great. Uh, what I was saying was we could do, um, we could do church basements. We could do, um, just a sort of a, like when, uh, used carved places open, we could play those and then start to gain momentum.
JPC
Here's a crazy idea. You know how sometimes, like, two actors will be in a play and they'll switch roles every night? What if we switched who was Hammer and who was Nail?
Erin
Because... No, I'm Hammer.
JPC
Yes.
Erin
I play the drums, I'm Hammer. You don't know how I play the drums.
JPC
Yeah but it's true but we're getting older and I think the part of the show where you hit me as hard as you can and I kind of fall down on the floor That's what we're known for, people love it And people do love it, kind of, I mean we're not super popular but They love it It could be the kind of thing where wouldn't it be like enjoyable if it was turned around as fair play? If maybe I hit you, or here's a crazy thought, we just do the music and nobody gets hit really hard during the show and falls down on the ground.
00:30:06
Erin
I'm confused. That's how we start and end every show, is I hit you as hard as I can.
JPC
It feels like you have brain damage and I'm the one getting hit.
Erin
I don't have brain damage. I do drugs, idiot. That's how I can hit you so hard.
Adal
Thompson Nissan is proud to present... Is this right? I'm being told this is correct. We have to cut the ribbon and sing a song. Did I say ribbon? I did. Here are Hammer and Nail. All right.
Erin
Stay still. Stay still. I gotta hit you. Why are you running away?
Adal
I gotta cut the ribbon.
JPC
Stay still. Boy, hammer and nail, they'll get it together one day. Delicately we touch, helpfully we give advice, generously we are left on the table.
Adal
Magic 8 Ball.
JPC
The Magic 8 Ball.
Erin
Can you hit me with it one more time?
JPC
Delicately we touch, helpfully we give advice, generously we are left on the table.
00:31:07
Erin
I'm
Adal
Erin, I like how you asked that almost like in a Shakespearean way of like, no man born of woman shall defeat you.
JPC
It felt like she was giving me a riddle, and I was like, oh, I don't like this.
Adal
Ooh, me a riddle.
JPC
Oh, wow. Mia Riddle.
Erin
Hi, I'm Mia Riddle. That's nothing. That's absolutely nothing, sorry.
JPC
Is that a character? No, it is not.
Erin
No, we tried.
JPC
It is not, and it never was.
Erin
Hi, I'm Mia Riddle.
JPC
No. Just not.
Erin
What's up, I'm Mia Riddle. I took my top off and my sports bra was out during a soccer game.
00:32:13
JPC
Okay, okay. But what's the Riddle component?
Erin
I don't know, GPC, it's morning time.
Adal
The riddle is why did Mia Hamm change her last name?
Erin
You guys, I trained for years doing comedy at night. I'm good at doing comedy at 7, between 7 p.m. and midnight. I can do comedy then. Morning comedy, I did not train for.
Adal
Erin, we're recording at 8.30 p.m.
Erin
This is 8.45 in the morning. Do not gaslight our listeners.
JPC
Did you ever, Erin, did you ever have a class or a rehearsal or anything like that that happened in the morning? Did you ever do something like that in the morning?
Erin
Maybe like random sketch show weekend morning rehearsals, but all my rehearsals were at night. All my classes were at night. I can do comedy at night, y'all.
JPC
Not this. This is such a thing that someone doing comedy in the morning would say. I bet Erin gets off stage after comedy shows and is like, my podcast records in the morning.
Erin
So that's kind of where I'm- You think I'm making up excuses as to why I'm not funny anymore? Wow. I can't believe you figured that out.
00:33:21
JPC
Running back to the audience at the end of every show just being like, hey, thanks for coming to the show. I'm usually funny in the morning. Hey Riddle Riddle's the podcast. Okay, delicately we touch, hopefully we give advice, generously we are left on the table. Each one of these clues is a different way to get you to the same thing.
Adal
Oh, okay.
Erin
Delicately, we touch. Delicately, we touch.
JPC
Helpfully, we give advice. Generously, we are left on the table.
Adal
Okay. And this is literally left on the table?
JPC
Yes. Yeah. It is literally left on the table.
Adal
Would this table be- Like a newspaper? Is this like at the home or this is like a desk at an office?
JPC
It would be neither of those things. It would be very uncommon, I think, for this to be left on either of those things. We're back. Hell yeah. Delicately we touch tips. Helpfully we give advice. That's a tip.
00:34:38
Erin
What tips are gently touching each other? Penises. Penises. Yikes.
Adal
Erin, you've never seen two guys cross swords?
JPC
Erin, tell me you've never gent- Say it, say it with a straight face.
Erin
Say it with a straight face. Say it with a straight face, coward.
JPC
Erin, tell me you've never gently touched another man's penis with your penis without telling me you've never touched another man's penis with your penis gently and delicately. It's called touching tips, Erin. Jesus Christ, grow up. God.
Erin
Sorry, everybody. Yikes.
JPC
Sorry guys, Erin's got me so pissed off with her fucking lack of knowledge that I have to take a quick break. We will be right back after a quick break.
Erin
Oh, hello guys. Thank you so much for coming over. I'm so confused. I keep signing up. for all these things online and for getting to cancel my subscriptions. I'm running out of money and I'm running out fast.
00:35:48
JPC
Well, Erin, what is this?
Erin
I got hit by Adele's Old Ray.
Adal
No way. No way. JPC, I played her Sugar Ray, an album by Sugar Ray, and she started doing this.
Erin
It aged me 600 years.
Adal
That's old. Rude. Yeah, that's pretty rude. Well, Erin, it sounds like what you need is rocket money.
JPC
Yeah, Erin, Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps you lower your bills so you can grow your savings.
Adal
Oh. Erin, when it comes to spending, sometimes it's out of sight, out of mind. That daily coffee habit, those streaming subscriptions, they add up fast without you even noticing. Rocket Money helps you spot those patterns so you can do something about them and keep more money in your pocket. Here's a penny, Erin, a wheat penny.
Erin
Plus, Erin, Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has saved a total of 500 million in cancelled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year when they use all of the app's premium features.
00:36:58
JPC
They'll even try to negotiate and lower your bills for you. They automatically scan your bill to find opportunities to save. Then you can ask them to negotiate on your behalf. They'll deal with customer service so you don't have to, even though there's nothing an old person likes more than talking to a customer service person.
Adal
So Erin, cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Download the Rocket Money app and enter our show name, Hey Riddle Riddle. Hopefully you remember that, Erin, in the survey so they know we sent you. Don't wait.
???
Download the Rocket Money app today and tell them you heard about it from our show. Erin, our show, Hey Riddle Riddle, you remember?
Erin
That's very nice, Adal. Now, JPC, I'll give you to the count of 10 and I'm going to hit you with this old ray. Five. Four, two, one. Kabloogies!
???
Kabloogies?
Erin
Yeah.
JPC
Oh yeah, Kabloogies. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp.
???
Oh, Erin, GPC, thanks for coming over. Sorry I got hit with one of those old rays.
00:38:04
Erin
Oh, you did? I didn't notice. You heard these? You see these? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. That was so mean.
JPC
No, I mean, honestly, I thought she was being kind of like nice about, you know, because Adal, I'm sorry that that happened to you.
???
Oh, it's okay. It's just that I, now that I'm older, I need better help in my life. And I thought you two could help me out.
Erin
Oh, can't but I can recommend BetterHelp to you.
JPC
Yeah, that's exactly right. I actually don't want to hear about the whole thing with the old Ray and how you got in the situation where you got shot with the old Ray and how it affects you and all that stuff. Hold up one of those ear gramophones, eh? You know what would be great is a licensed professional therapist.
Erin
Yeah, and when people hesitate to get help, it doesn't just affect them. It impacts families, workplaces, and entire communities. And BetterHelp has over 10 years of experience matching people with the right therapist in their diverse network of more than 30,000 licensed therapists with a wide range of specialties.
???
Now that I'm old, I can't really walk anywhere, go anywhere. Is this something I can do online?
00:39:10
JPC
Well, BetterHelp is fully online, which is maybe also not great news for someone who's as old as you, but making therapy affordable and convenient, serving over 5 million people worldwide. You can easily switch therapists anytime at no extra cost, and I'll kind of help you with the computer part of it. So you don't have to worry about that. I'll help with that to kind of set you up and make sure that you're... Internet.com. Well, let's not do that. And make sure we're not saving passwords on post-it notes here. Okay, this is bad.
Erin
We're all better with help. Visit BetterHelp.com slash Riddle to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P.com slash Riddle. And Adal, if I can say, you don't look a day over 600. Thank you, I think.
JPC
Adal, Erin.
Erin
Yeah, what?
JPC
Would you be surprised to know that I have a surprise for you?
Erin
Yes.
JPC
Yeah? Oh. What episode is this? I don't know.
???
360.
Erin
Whoa. That's way too many.
00:40:12
Adal
That's a whole revolution. That's a whole turnaround.
JPC
Is that too many to be introducing a new segment on the show?
Adal
No, because we've come full circle, and now we need to start anew. Yeah, pretty much.
JPC
Yeah, so this is actually the perfect episode to introduce a new segment on the show. Lately we've been, um... Paul Ruddells? Okay, making a note to myself that Paul Ruddells was such a big hit that I have to go back and do more Paul Ruddells.
Erin
Wait, have you guys seen Friendship yet?
JPC
No, I haven't.
Erin
Oh, it's so good. Is it fun? It is so good. It looks good. I love, love, loved it. And I don't want to spoil anything, but I do think Conor O'Malley steals the show in that movie.
JPC
I would not be surprised.
Erin
Every single line he says had my whole theater losing it.
Adal
He says or he screams?
Erin
Yeah. Good guess.
Adal
Have you guys seen Fountain of Youth yet?
Erin
No. What is it? You just introduced that to us at the beginning of this episode. Oh, Fountain of Youth.
JPC
Yeah, but then we took a break. People don't know how much time goes down at the break.
Erin
It wasn't like a week. It could have been. What if it was? It was like 13 seconds.
00:41:15
JPC
No, we're not doing Paul Riddles. We're doing a new segment on the show. And that segment, well, I'll let Arnie introduce the segment.
???
What?
JPC
That's right. This is Riddle Rewind. We are going to be doing a classic riddle from the HRR Bat Catalog. Today's riddle comes from episode 87. The riddle is, the sun shining in St. Louis made the lives of Kevin and Susie brighter in New Jersey.
Adal
I love redoing old riddles, but having such a rocking anthem beforehand to be like, this is fun and exciting and new.
Erin
Yeah, it's a segment. And not us running out of riddles.
JPC
No, this is, shut up. This is a segment that we do on the show. Bitch. It's like when my AIDS expired.
Erin
Sorbet and I were dying laughing the other day because I was like trying to get toothpaste out and like was using it when he tried to use it and then he was like, you're being a real bitch about this toothpaste. And we were dying laughing. Oh, I love the word bitch.
00:42:28
JPC
Oh, God. Wow. So you're really at that early stage of the relationship where you could have a little toothpaste fight and think that's fun, huh?
Erin
Yeah. Yeah.
JPC
I implore you, Erin, you gotta have a kid. You gotta know what it's like to be tired at your bones.
Erin
No, I'm having the best time. We're laughing every day. We're laughing every day! Okay.
JPC
The sun is shining in St. Louis. The sun shining in St. Louis made the lives of Kevin and Susie brighter in New Jersey. This is from episode 87 of the show.
Erin
It was on the TV. In St.
JPC
Louis. Not on the TV in St. Louis. That's a great guess, Erin. Could be on other episodes of the show. I know specifically it was on episode 87. If you told me we've done this riddle six times on the show, I would believe it. But you can't get mad that we're redoing a riddle because this is a segment called Riddle Rewind and you know that because I had Arnie. I had Arnie do this.
Erin
No, getting Arnie to make a jaunty tune does not a segment make. I could have Arnie come on here and be like, time to insult JPC. And then I could be like, fuck you. And that's not a segment.
00:43:45
JPC
I say it's a segment. I say it's a segment. That's a segment.
Erin
Adal, Adal, Adal, Adal, Adal, Adal, Adal, Adal, Adal, Adal, Adal, Adal, Adal, Adal, Adal, Adal, Adal, Adal, Adal, Adal, Adal, Adal, Adal, Adal, Adal, Adal, Adal, Adal, Adal, Adal, Adal, Adal, Adal, Adal, Adal, Adal, Adal, Adal, Adal, Adal, Adal, Adal, Adal, Adal, Adal, Adal, Adal, Adal, Adal, Adal, Adal, Adal, Adal, Adal, Adal, Adal, Adal, Adal, Adal, Adal, Adal, Adal, Adal, Adal, Adal, Adal, Adal, Adal, Adal, Adal, Adal, Adal, Adal, Adal, Adal I don't know the answer to this. Is it because they're, like, growing food in St. Louis?
JPC
The sun shining in St. Louis means the lives of Kevin and Susie brighter than New Jersey. That could make sense, but no, it is not that. Erin, would you be surprised to know that you are the one that brought this riddle to us on the show?
Erin
Fuck! Yeah, I am surprised.
JPC
You also said when you read it the first time, you were like, this will be one of your least favorite riddles.
Erin
Oh, good.
JPC
I don't think it's bad, though. I like it.
Erin
Good. This is good. I'm glad we did this. This is good.
00:44:47
JPC
Adal, St. Louis, New Jersey, Kevin, Susie, the sun shining in St. Louis. May the lives of Kevin and Susie brighter in New Jersey.
Erin
I thought you were going to tell me that I got this one last time and that was going to really hurt.
JPC
Yeah. I don't know. I don't think anyone got this one last time. Maybe somebody did. I honestly didn't listen to much of the episode. I was just really grabbing a random episode, grabbing a random Riddle type of thing, you know?
Adal
Is it simply the fact that the sun is out during the same time in both cities? No, it is not that.
JPC
That's a good guess. That is a good guess, but it has nothing to do with that.
Adal
The sun shining in St. Louis made Kevin and Susie's life in New Jersey brighter.
JPC
Yes.
Adal
Mm-hmm.
JPC
Mm-hmm. Yeah. Doesn't really matter that it's St. Louis and New Jersey. Could be kind of like any cities. The cities are kind of interchangeable here, but it just happens to be, in this instance, St. Louis and New Jersey.
Adal
Is this like solar panels collecting and then running wire underground to New Jersey?
JPC
That's a great guess, but it's not the answer and it's not the area that you want to be in at all, especially even with sun shining.
00:45:53
???
Okay.
Erin
What the hell then? I don't know. Yeah.
Adal
Give us a little hint.
JPC
Okay, so there is the sun up in the sky, and that is not the sun that we are talking about.
Adal
Oh. Mm-hmm. I was just like, Jesus.
JPC
The sun shining in St. Louis made the lives of Kevin and Susie brighter in New Jersey.
Erin
Oh, okay.
JPC
A little bit of a misdirect, I would say.
Erin
Oh, they're watching their sun on TV in St. Louis.
JPC
I think we already said it doesn't have anything to do with TV, but it doesn't.
Erin
Their sun is flying in the air.
Adal
Oh, is this Charles Lindbergh's parents?
JPC
He's not flying in the air, but he is in an airport. He's in an airport in St. Louis. The sun is in an airport in St. Louis.
Adal
Oh, is it like clear they thought a flight was going to be delayed and then the sun came out and that their flight was on time? No, no, no.
JPC
It has nothing to do with the sun in the sky. The sun is shining in St. Louis. Make the lives of Kevin and Susie brighter in New Jersey.
Erin
He's like on stage being... He's not on stage.
Adal
Is he shining an apple and then... He's not shining an apple, but he's shining something. He's shining some sort of metal.
00:46:58
Erin
He's shining someone's shoes.
JPC
He's at the airport shining someone's shoes and his shoe shining business in St. Louis is doing so well, he's sending money home to his parents and making their lives brighter in New Jersey.
Erin
Well, was I fucking right about pissing people off or what, huh? Jesus.
Adal
I do want to see a scene. The two of you are sort of old-timey street urchins, like Shine Your Shoes Govna, and no one these days is stopping for shoe shines, so you're trying to change up your tactics.
Erin
Penny for your shoe shine, shine your little shoes. Give you an ankle rub as well. Rub your ankles.
JPC
Oi. Oi. Oi. No one's doing that. No one's doing shoe shines or ankle rubs anymore. And no one even wants the sex stuff anymore. Or maybe they can just eyeball that we're not good at it. We have to think of something more original that people want. They don't want the sex stuff either.
00:48:02
Erin
End jobs! Two for a penny!
JPC
First of all, no one wants two handjobs.
Erin
Right in a row. Back-to-back handjobs. Two for a penny. Two little handjobs for two pennies. Small little handjobs. Back-to-back. Why?
JPC
You, sir. You, sir. You want to see how far I can throw your phone? Excuse me? Yeah.
Adal
I mean, yeah. I'm a little curious now.
JPC
For a penny. How much?
Adal
For a penny.
JPC
Fuck off. Fuck off. What would have been the price point on me throwing your phone? A penny's the lowest. Can you go lower than a penny? Damn. I felt like we were close on that one. He was interested. Maybe not throw your phone. You, sir. You, sir. How many grapes do you think I could fit in my mouth?
???
Not this again. Are you going to eat one grape every minute or something? No thanks.
00:49:04
Erin
God dang it. You sir, you sir, for just a penny, you want to see me slap my friend Silly and give him two very small handjobs?
???
No, no.
Erin
Back to back.
???
Anything for that, sir. Can I order Ă la carte and just take the slap?
JPC
No. Sir, sir, for a penny, for a penny, I'll switch my shirt and my pants with my pants and my shirt without taking either item of clothes off. For a penny, sir.
???
Oh, don't call me sir, I'm one of you's. I'm also a street urchin and I've been making buku bucks.
Erin
Buku bucks? That's French for money. That's French for handjob. How dare you, that was my market. Swing, swing, swing. I've been doing French handjobs. What's the difference then? Well, I don't want to say.
???
Say!
JPC
Tongue? Say it! That's a blowjob. That's a blowjob then.
Erin
No, no, no. Seed?
JPC
Seed.
Erin
I don't want to say.
00:50:07
JPC
I don't want to say. That's what it is. We all know what French means. French means with tongue.
Adal
Yeah, with tongue.
JPC
Congratulations. You guys did a really great job in that segment that we're calling Riddle Rewind that I'll probably be doing many more times on the show because I think it's funny and I also think it's funny when people are like, you did this on the show before.
Erin
Yeah. So what, man? You made poor Arnie make that theme. Poor Arnie. Poor, poor Arnie.
JPC
You know what? He loves it. He loves the attention. He's just sitting there waiting for us to ask him to do some pointless bullshit.
Erin
Famously.
JPC
Yeah, sitting on his hands waiting for pointless bullshit. Here's your next riddle. When I open my arms and reach to the sky, my thin skin will keep you dry.
Erin
Umbrella.
JPC
Umbrella. You both got it. You both got it. You both got it.
Adal
I like that when the next time someone goes, um, to just be like, umbrella. I think that's a fun little, fun little game to play. Maybe passively, passive aggressively call out that someone says a lot of ums.
00:51:13
JPC
Yeah, give that to Natalie Portman in a movie and just fucking watch the audience's fucking die laughing when she does that shit. Umbrella and then the whole fucking, like, Rotten Tomatoes meter shooting up through the sky. Movies are bad. Okay, here's your next one. I bring you flowers and sunlight. I bring you comfort when you sit on me or lie. And I am there when you leap toward the sky.
Adal
Is the last part right? Oh yeah, is it the ground?
JPC
It's not the ground. That's a great guess.
Adal
Is the last part indicating like dreams? Like is it a pillow or something in the bed?
JPC
Oh, leap toward the sky. No, it's not.
Adal
No.
JPC
It does not indicate dreams. That's not what it's going for.
Adal
Can you read it one more time?
JPC
I bring you flowers and sunlight. I bring you comfort when you sit on me or lie. And I am there when you leap toward the sky.
Adal
Trampoline.
JPC
Not a trampoline, but I would say you're close with trampoline.
00:52:17
Erin
What's something that people jump off of?
Adal
Were you guys around for those moon shoes? Do you remember this?
JPC
I was not, but I feel like I know them from cultural osmosis.
Adal
I can't remember if they're Nickelodeon branded or something, but it was basically shoes with trampolines in them. It was a weird experiment.
JPC
This is another riddle where every line is kind of pointing you towards a different answer that is the same thing.
Adal
Okay.
JPC
So, I bring you flowers in sunlight is one. I bring you comfort when you sit on me or lie.
Erin
A bed, a bed, a bed. Flower bed.
JPC
Erin, this is really good, but it is not a flower bed. Uh, but flower bed works, I think, for the first two, but it does not work for the last one. And I am there when you leap toward the sky.
Adal
I'm there when you leap towards the sky. But you jump on a bed. You leap towards the sky.
JPC
Uh, I guess you do jump on a bed, Erin, um, but most people don't because that ruins the bed.
00:53:21
Erin
I'd like to see a scene. Um, I'm gonna be your mom and you guys are, I'm, I'm catching you jumping on your bed when you're supposed to be asleep. Look, look, look, look. I'm Neil Armstrong. It is 9.30. You are standing up. Your eyes are open. Do not honk shoe. Do not honk shoe. You are standing up.
JPC
It's not what you think. It's not what you think. There was a leopard in here. Yeah. A leopard got in through the window because this is South Carolina.
Adal
Yeah, the Jumanji situation.
JPC
Yeah. It was a leopard from a board game.
Erin
Do not make me regret teaching you how to lie this week.
JPC
I thought- Mom, I promise we weren't jumping on the bed. Ricky was trying to stomp a ghost.
Erin
Yeah, yeah. Oh, a leopard ghost.
JPC
You're telling me that Ricky- I think the leopard was trying to eat the ghost. I think it was like preying on the ghost.
Adal
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was trying to break it up, so I had to- Mom, I actually did a good deed.
00:54:25
Erin
Oh yeah?
Adal
Yeah.
Erin
Oh yeah?
Adal
Money?
Erin
Money?
Adal
Allowance? Do we have money?
Erin
What? You're asking for me to give you allowance with no chore because you stepped on a leopard ghost?
Adal
If you want a ghost of a leopard visiting you at night, I guess I'll stop promptly.
Erin
You know I have an early meeting. What did I tell you when I tucked you in? I have an early meeting and I need you guys to go to bed. And what are you doing?
Adal
Well, you said go to bed, not go to sleep, Mom. You didn't say go to sleep, Mom.
JPC
And also, we're okay. Thanks for asking. A ghost and a leopard almost ate us. We're okay.
Erin
I knew when I let my 24-year-old sons move back in that it was going to be difficult. But I did not expect this.
Adal
Don't blame our parents for that. Also, we're out of Mountain Dew.
Erin
Oh my God.
JPC
We're calling you mom, not grandma. You should be fucking grateful.
Erin
I am your mom.
JPC
Oh, you're our parent's mom, but you're our grandma.
Erin
No, I'm your mom. I'm six. No, you are 24. Nice try pivoting away from this. Nice try.
00:55:33
JPC
Pivot, pivot, pivot, pivot. You're going to talk about Jeremy Pivot again. If you love Jeremy Pivot so much.
Erin
Piven. Piven.
???
Piven.
Erin
Scene, scene. Let me gift you a terrible gift. Accept terrible gifts. That's what the improv is all about.
JPC
All you said was that you let your sons move back in. You didn't say that we were your sons.
Erin
Semantics. Semantics.
JPC
Hey, speaking of semantics, did you get the fucking answer to this goddamn riddle?
Erin
I don't even remember what the riddle was. How?
Adal
I comfort you when you lay down. Something about leap for the sky.
JPC
I bring you flowers in sunlight, I bring you comfort when you sit on me or lie, and I am there when you leap toward the sky.
Adal
Is this a pad, P-A-D, like a launch pad, a padded seat?
JPC
Yeah, no, it's not that. Man, this is a word that has multiple meanings to it. This is both like a A concept, a physical object, and a verb, like an action, I would say.
00:56:45
Adal
Okay.
JPC
Leap, jump. Synonyms, synonyms. Leap. Leap, jump.
Adal
Leap, year, jump, year.
JPC
Another thing to say. No, no, no. Don't say leap or jump. You're close with leap or jump, but you need synonyms.
Adal
Boingy Boingy Boingy Boingy Boingy Boingy Boingy Boingy Boingy Boingy Boingy Boingy Boingy Boingy Boingy Boingy Boingy Boingy Boingy Boingy Boingy Boingy Boingy Boingy Boingy Boingy Boingy Boingy Boingy Boingy Boingy Boingy Boingy Boingy Boingy Boingy Boingy Boingy Boingy Boingy Boingy Boingy Boingy Boingy Boingy Boingy Boingy Boingy Boingy Boingy Boingy Boingy Boingy Boingy Boingy Boingy Boingy Boingy Boingy Boingy Boingy Boingy Boingy Boingy Boingy Boingy Boingy Boingy Boingy Boingy Boingy Boingy Boingy Boingy Boing Erin, you are renowned superhero Boingy Boingy. And JPC, you're someone in trouble and Erin has shown up.
Erin
Boingy Boingy Boingy. Oh boy, this is a bloodbath. Hey Riddle Riddle
00:58:05
JPC
If the ambulance is close or like if there's maybe like a better route you could direct the ambulance to.
Erin
Oh, there's not a lot of glory in that for Boingy Boingy. And the bad guy seems to have taken off. So I'm gonna hit the trampoline park.
JPC
Bad guy? It was a car crash.
Erin
Oh, well.
JPC
I mean, bad guy is a little, it's overstating it a little bit.
Erin
This is so much blood. This has to be multiple people's blood, right?
JPC
Yeah, I don't know. I was in a car crash.
Erin
Boingy, boingy, boingy. All right. Well, I'm gonna head out. It was so good seeing you.
JPC
What do you mean? We don't know each other.
Erin
Boingy, boingy, boingy. Just leave. Why stop? Boingy. His head on a traffic light passes out.
Adal
Traffic light turns to green. Tons of cars crash. Scene.
JPC
I saw Boingy Boingy as like a pogo stick with eyes.
Erin
Oh, yeah, I did too.
Adal
Like a second cousin of Clippy or something.
00:59:06
Erin
Yeah, where the handles are, I saw two eyes.
JPC
Yeah, big, big, big eyes. Yeah. Freaking out at seeing so much blood from a car crash.
Erin
Yeah. Going to the strip club after. You get it. Boingy Boingy.
Adal
I would love if he calls like, or they call like a Boingy Mobile, and it's just... It's basically just like a car in springs and it kind of does what you do.
JPC
You can't give that guy a lap dance. He always gets a boingy boingy, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, exactly.
Adal
He can't be at the strip club. Was it the Italian Prime Minister? Oh, Boingy Boingy Party. The Boingy, the Bunga Bunga Party.
JPC
Bunga Bunga Party.
???
What is that?
JPC
Not Berlusconi.
Adal
Oh man, what was the man's name? It was Berlusconi, yeah. So the Italian Prime Minister, 20 years ago or something, it came out in the news he had what they call Bunga Bunga Parties, which is basically like Everyone in the press is eating!
01:00:12
JPC
We are Boingy Boingy. Boingy Boingy yum yum. We are all full up here at The Prez. All right, well, hey, look, we're not going to talk Boingy Boingy Bunga Bunga, which is, by the way, the title of the episode. Cowabunga?
Erin
Cowabunga.
JPC
So we will move right along to, oh, you know what, Casey? Do we have a voicemail theme? They say the starving artist is a trope, so passe. No one converts art into currency these days. But I put Hey Riddle Riddle as a reference on my resume. Now I've got a shift down in Uncle Mumble's cafe. Lined my way into a spot at Ready Kitty's Body Shop. And this weekend I'm in Cleveland cleaning gutters with Puzzbot. No canoe dog and I have started shoveling snow. I'm on security tonight for a little lucky bonus. I did an intern position with Dr. Chameleon and invested in Wizzy's fizzy drinks. It's a sure thing we're gonna make a million. And if you have any leads or actually anything else to say, call 1-805-RA-DDLE-1. Wow. Okay, that was incredible.
Erin
That was fucking awesome.
JPC
Got the number there at the very end. That theme is, of course, from our friend Jesse Bloodgood. Of course. That one is titled, Ready Yet? Resume.
01:01:21
Erin
Loved that.
JPC
Thank you so much. If you want to submit a theme, 30 seconds or less, wavefilehrpodcast at gmail.com. Casey, why don't you play us voicemail?
???
Hey Clue Crew. Um, my name is Charlotte and I work at a dog daycare. Um, and we have a lot of dogs who have the same name. We have a bunch of Sadies and a bunch of like Charlies. So I was wondering if you guys had any suggestions on like unique dog names. Thanks.
Adal
Ooh, I think Boingy Boingy is immediately top.
Erin
Yeah, Boingy Boingy.
JPC
Bruno, Zendaya, Beyonce. Full circle.
Erin
When I have been giving my dog Lou fun nicknames, I like calling her the name of what would be sort of maybe your nemesis in the office, like a Maureen or a Linda. And I think that those sort of names that were maybe popular in the 60s or 70s are funny to give a pet.
01:02:27
JPC
I'm I love ma'am.
Erin
I cosigned ma'am.
JPC
I suggest going to the internet and searching like the top popular names in like 1742 or like 1829
Adal
And get like a Cyrus or an Orville or a Betsy or, you know, something along those lines.
01:03:32
Erin
Wait, what year did you give? What did I say?
???
1741?
Adal
1827, something like that?
JPC
I think go pop culture. I think name your dog something like Grogu or Mando or pop culture from five years ago.
Adal
Also maybe like a senior superlatives thing where it's like, if you name a dog like Max or something, maybe it's like Messy Max. So give them an adjective, give them a senior superlative. And that makes it more fun of like, does someone want to play with Max or does someone want to play with Messy Max?
JPC
Erin, I like ethyl, but what about ethanol?
Adal
I love that. My great-grandma's name was Fern, so I've got to recommend that.
Erin
I also like different animal names, like name your dog Goose, or you know what I mean.
JPC
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
01:04:46
Erin
Yeah, something like Goose. You heard me.
JPC
Thank you so much for the voicemail. Erin, do you have anything that you would like to plug?
Erin
Oh God, no. Check out Quality Time on Instagram. It's a monthly, I don't know, variety show? That's the word. Goose. I'm really losing it. It's a monthly variety show, and it's really fun. It's in LA, so if you're in LA for a time, check it out. Adal, anything to plug?
Adal
Erin, favorite character from Top Gun? Okay, I'm going to plug Hello from the Magic Tavern is going on tour. I don't know if the dates are up yet, so I'm not going to say what cities, but you can go to hellofromthemagictavern.com, and I believe at this point the dates have been announced and the tick links are going to be on that website, so check those out, come see us. Also, obviously, Hey Riddle Riddle is taking a train to go on tour.
JPC
And we have a big announcement. Hey Riddle Riddle and our Across the Riddleverse Tour are adding three more stops. One of them is just the second show, the St. Paul show sold out or is so, so, so close to selling out. But if you can't get a ticket on June 29th, we are adding an extra show the next day. So Monday night, June 30th, same time, completely different show. So it's still at 7 p.m., still in St. Paul, still at Amsterdam. Totally different vibe.
01:06:10
Erin
We're going to wear different clothes. We're going to feel differently about each other. Bigger wigs on those two, smaller wig on me.
Adal
Can we just show video of the first show and we like comment on it, like director's commentary kind of thing?
JPC
There's also a big chance that we will spend a lot of time talking about our experience at Mall of America on that because we are all planning on going to Mall of America that day. But yeah, that is the next night in St. Paul. That is June 30th. And then we, by popular demand, we heard a lot of people saying, Hey, you're not coming to the South. You're not coming to the South. Well, guess what? We are coming to the South, kinda. We are going to Atlanta, Georgia on October 5th. We're going to be at Dad's Garage. That's Sunday, October 5th at Atlanta, Georgia. And then we are going to be, Tuesday, October 7th, we are going to Nashville to our buddy's comedy club, Third Coast Comedy Club. Now, I will say, The Nashville show is in a smaller venue. So if you are thinking about getting tickets to Nashville, get those tickets fast, because I got an email as soon as we announced it on our Patreon last week that we were already 25% sold out. So you definitely get tickets fast if you're considering Nashville, because my guess is that those tickets will sell out very quickly.
01:07:16
Adal
Erin, no lie, last time I was in Nashville with JPC, he ran across a pool. No joke.
Erin
Okay, well.
Adal
This is true.
Erin
Hopefully he'll do it again. And hopefully he'll fall in and he'll never be able to get out.
JPC
Yeah, so those are our additions to our tour shows. We still have a couple more in the works, so if you're thinking, oh man, they didn't come to my city, we probably won't, but we are still thinking about coming to a couple more cities if we can get them going before the end of the year. But a second show in St. Paul, Atlanta and Nashville are definitely on our website. You can get tickets at heyriddleriddle.com slash live.
Erin
We're so excited to see everybody and also a link in bio if you want to suggest your city for a future tour date. Because JPC set up that whole thing where you can sort of fill out a form.
Adal
Yeah. JPC anything to promote or review to read?
JPC
Oh boy, I don't think that I have anything to promote besides the tour. And if tickets are sold out, hey, they're sold out, man. You shouldn't have waited. OK, let's read a review. If you want to get a five star review featured on the show, just leave a five star review anywhere that you leave reviews. This first review is from, oh boy, first review. The only review I'm reading today is from PP Poo Poo. Pee Pee Poo Poo writes, God damn it. I'm 25 and listening to this podcast for the past five years has made me realize that people are never too old to make pee pee and poo poo jokes or jokes a 12 year old boy would make in a locker room. Thank you for being real and being real silly. I've listened to every episode multiple times and I laugh out loud at least once every time I listen. Okay, well that was, you know what? It was titled Pee Pee Poo Poo, but I don't want to say that this person's name was Pee Pee Poo Poo. This person's name is Ginger Snappy. Oh. But Ginger Snappy just wrote the review Pee Pee Poo Poo.
01:09:05
Adal
Pee Pee Poo Poo. Pee Pee Pee Pee.
Erin
Oh, brother.
Adal
That's a good name for a dog. Should we have shirts that say, like, Live Laugh Riddle or something?
JPC
Oh, yeah. Erin, if you had to pick a planet to name a dog, what would it be? With a senior superlative.
Erin
Probably... Uh, Juicy Jupiter. I hate that. I picked Juicy. I wish I had said anything else, but I couldn't think of another J word.
JPC
But she didn't.
Erin
I didn't say anything else. Oh God, I fucked up.
JPC
Hey there, donuts and puns. If you like that, you are going to love this week's Patreon. We present the funeral of Adal, Erin, and JPC. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com slash hey riddle riddle by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or start your seven day free trial with a review crew for $8 a month. Plus you get those ad free episodes. See you there.
01:10:16
???
That was a hate gum podcast.