Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum Podcast.

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You guys, just as a heads up, Casey has been putting shit like this before the episode starts. I don't know if people have been checking in. If we say any nonsense before the recording.

And honestly, I support it, Casey. It's funny. It's funny when you do that. But this comes out so far in the future that George Santos is probably, he's already probably like found dead in his jail cell.

And same with us as well, probably.

Excuse me, are you here to see the live taping of the Hey Riddle Riddle podcast?

Yes, I am. I have a ticket here.

Great, thank you so much. Very excited.

And I'm actually in the show.

Oh, uh, Mr. Rifai, it is always a pleasure.

Please, my friends call me Shoki. Oh, um, isn't that your dad's name? Didn't you know that?

What's that? Isn't that your dad's name?

Isn't that my dad's name?

I'm sorry, I shouldn't be asking you questions, because you're the- Is that my dad's name? You're asking the questions today, huh? Is that my dad's name? I think so. What's my middle name? Shoki. Okay. But I think in Arab culture sometimes your dad's name becomes your middle name.

Sometimes in Arab cultures your dad's name becomes your middle name?

I have my ticket pulled up and I'm just sort of waiting for you to scan it.

Ma'am, I'm talking to one of the stars of the show.

I don't want to interrupt you, I just also have to pee.

So I get a middle name and then somehow my dad's name becomes my middle name? Mm-hmm. So my dad chose the name Shoki, and then I was like, oh fuck, I forgot, now I'm called Shoki.

Can I just walk in? No. Can I see my tickets on my phone?

No, because you have to be photographed next to, we actually brought in some penguins and put them in baseball gear, just as like a fun stunt. The penguins are actually biting a lot of people, but we do have to leave a big photo.

Yeah, they look really upset.

They're pissed. Wait a second. In the email, the penguins are supposed to be dead. These are supposed to be stuffed penguins. Ma'am, I see your face. We weren't going to kill penguins. These are existing dead penguins.

Why are you using air quotes when you tell me this?

Oh shit, I forgot that people can see me in real life. Usually I just do that on the podcast that I get away with. Okay, can we give her the dead penguin treatment? Can we?

Make way, make way. Well my name is Erin and I'm here to say, make way.

Oh god, actually I am gonna head home I think. I can't do this. Ma'am.

I can't do this.

No. No.

Co-host Erin Keif is right behind you.

Yeah, I know. See you guys later. Well, that was rude. That was kind of crazy and rude. Hey, JPC's here. JPC, hey. Wow. Boy's name's JPC.

Imagine JPC calling something crazy and rude. It really must have been crazy and rude.

Where do I park my horse? Right here. We'll just close it. The horse is horny.

Puts out fist. Puts out fist. Park your horse right here. Puts out fist.

That is something Adal would say.

Yes, Adal would say fisting a horse, of course. You know what JPC would say? JPC would say, hey, it's JPC. Welcome to Hey Riddle Riddle. That's Adal. And over there is Erin Keif.

Help!

No, no, no. No help for you.

OK.

No help for you.

You know what? Go ahead. For today's episode, call me Shoki.

OK.

I was going to say, I had one of the best nights of my life recently.

Wait Erin, was this the magical 24 hours that we spent together? Oh no. I actually contacted a priest after those 24 hours and I asked him if hell could be on earth. And he said yes.

Hey, if you could call someone, you should have called a locksmith to get those fucking handcuffs off. I don't know why you weren't calling anybody. You think I had a great time? Me handcuffed to Erin, Erin on her phone the whole fucking time.

Yeah, to try to Google how to get out of handcuffs.

Try to Google. Alright then.

Whatever. How's your day? So I went, and Adal, you would have loved this. I went to a community theater production of Cats.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

I took an edible and I went and I had, I beamed up to space is what happened. And now Cats is stuck in my head. It was, it was so fun. The people, I went with like seven people, and everyone just decided to have the time of their lives. And everyone, we were all dancing, we were enthusiastic. We bought cat ears for $3.

Oh, at the place? At the show?

At the show.

Wow, smart.

You guys, it was a jellicle ball. I had the time of my life. I did. A lot of these seven people I had not met before. And two moments happened that made me laugh so hard. At the intermission, I was like, I was the only one who was like really high, right?

Everyone else was sort of high on life.

And they were like, well, you're plugged into something that we probably can't see in this production. And I was like, yeah, I mean, I'm really in it. I really feel like they're cats or cats. But also I was like, I feel like I know what choreography is coming next. I'm experiencing time in sort of a different way. So I felt like if anyone were to have gotten hurt, I would have known what to do. So I was sort of on that level. And at the intermission, this woman... Wait a second. What does that mean?

Well, you lost me on the someone gets hurt. You know, what do you say, like, you know, cat CPR? What's going on?

No, no, like if someone were to get hurt on stage, I could take over for them.

Oh, you could. OK, gotcha.

That makes sense.

That's the big concern. Have you ever seen a live event? If someone gets hurt on stage, the big concern is how do we keep the show going? Yes, of course.

Well, I'm a vet, so I could treat the cats that are on the stage. A woman that I had not met before. I'm in a row of people and everyone's like, who's your favorite cat? And I go, well, right now I think it's Mungo Jerry and Rumple Teeza. And she went, huh?

Wait, this is a breed or what did you mean?

No, like a cat in the show, but I like mumble generally. And then also I said those words and I felt so neck exposed, embarrassed. And I was like, no, you're right. The sounds I'm making are nonsense sounds.

Erin, say those two names again as if you are high out of your mind. What are your, who are your favorite cats?

Right now it's probably Mumble Jerry & Drumple Teazus.

Okay, I hear it.

Yeah.

Mumble Jerry & Drumple Teazus.

It made me laugh. I have not stopped thinking about her going, huh? I was like, yeah, that makes sense because I'm saying nonsense words.

What is a jellicle choice, Erin?

A jellicle ball?

What is a jellicle choice?

I don't know what a jellicle choice is.

Because at the jellicle ball, don't they make a jellicle choice?

Oh, well, they're choosing who gets to go to heaven, and they're deciding which cat. Is that a selfish choice reference? And there's a cat that's like a bajillion years old that's like an acting cat that Ian McKellen played in the movie. Oh, Ian McKellen.

Okay. Acting cat? So what does that mean? Like the cat got sick and they're like, okay, we're going to designate you acting cat. He's like a lone survivor?

No, he did plays and stuff, and his introduction, he's literally begging to die. He's like, I'm so old, I've been around for so long. But then they send the cat that used to be beautiful, but now is ugly and old.

James Judi Dench.

No, James Judi Dench does not die at the end. It's like the Jennifer Hudson cat, who sings memory, gets sent to heaven at the end of the show. It's cats. You guys, it's cats. They all introduce themselves and then one of the cats goes to heaven.

Based on a book of poems.

Cats. Do you forget that because LA is where the professionals go to do acting in the movies and the TV shows, that they also have community theater there as well. It seems like the one place in the world where you wouldn't need that. Because you're like, whatever community you did the theater in, you leave that and then you come to L.A. to do the other thing. But it's so cool because they're not getting paid.

So it's people who have like other jobs.

That is fun.

That's so cool. Erin, that's so cool. Here's what I think. I think L.A.

is fun.

They like it.

They like it there.

That's not what I meant.

That's not what I meant. It's fun for them because they don't get any money for it. So it's like play. It's like all play for them. Erin, you. Erin, you sound like Hitler. Casey, beep Hitler. Don't let me be saying Hitler.

Erin, you sound like Hitler. Go to the zoo with Erin and she's like, the monkeys are so happy. This is like their natural habitat. They're thrilled.

No, I'm saying this is not something that like actors who are like, they're not trying. This is not like actors who are working in LA. Wow. You guys get what I'm saying. They're doing it for the love of the game. They love it.

Wow. I'm digging in a deeper, deeper hole.

I get it. I hear it.

I think LA is so saturated with success and celebrity that it's gone back the other way. Because it's like you can walk into any restaurant and see Jon Hamm and Rosie Perez clinking glasses. They love restaurants, those two. They love Little Dums. Big restaurant heads. So when you can see anybody you have ever seen in your life anywhere on the street, it's now fun to go see like bad productions? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

But I will say, if you're in that production, go ahead.

When the hottest guy from your hometown moves to L.A. Clark. Everyone can't be an actor there. So that means it's Clark. So that means now they have to have like the hottest guy you've ever seen digging holes and stuff. Because you're like we gotta have a guy digging holes. And you know you're it doesn't matter that you're like a hot good looking guy. You gotta dig holes. And I got a bunch a whole town full of hot guys digging holes. Shia LaBeouf. Shia LaBeouf. Truly digging his own hole. For a while now. For a while now.

If you were in that production, thank you for a great night of theater. I think it has got to be my top three favorite nights in LA.

Wow.

I had the best time. Okay. And I'll be a patron of this theater moving forward.

I would like to see, you know, let's harken back to classic comedies like Harold and Kumar go to White Castle. I want to see a movie that's Erin Keif high out of her mind and the whole movie is just her trying to make it through the night and at some point she gets wrapped up into a community Theater production of Cats. Summer gets injured, she has to go on. It's a showstopper, standing O. Do you think I could win an Oscar for this?

No. So Seth Rogen grew up and now we don't get to see screwball weed comedies anymore? No. We should still get him. We just need a new Seth Rogen. He can't do it. He's got gray hair. But we need... We need screwball weed companies.

It's me. I'm the new Seth Rogen. I'm obviously the natural successor.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Okay, well... Erin, let's hear your goofy-ass laugh.

Yeah, that'll do.

That'll do. Wow. Damn.

Anyways.

She looked like Dave Franco, but she laughed like Seth Rogen. The full package. Just like Dave Franco, Erin.

What's up guys? Riddles? Puzzles? Lateral thinking problems?

She's reading our description. She's reading the description of the podcast.

Three Chicago comedians who are friends. No.

We got to update that. Hasn't been true in a long time. I had an embarrassing, what I thought would be like a fun moment, but turned out to be kind of an embarrassing moment upstairs just moments ago. Well, we have a nanny that comes in a couple of times a week, mostly because I only work a little bit a week. And so I need someone to cover me when I'm working. But I was getting a coffee and coming downstairs to get a coffee, and I saw that our nanny was drinking out of a coffee mug that said, World's Best Dad. And I said, Oh, interesting. So you're the world's best dad, huh? And she said, well, the only other mug in there said, don't talk to me until I've had my mug full of piss. And I said, OK. Well, you know, I did forget. Back to work. I got to go. I was like, exit stage right.

And I can proudly say, I think I bought you that mug.

And I did say to her, I did say, just to be clear, I have never purchased a mug. All of the mugs in this house are mugs that people gave to me. That's worse.

That means people were thinking about you specifically when they gave you a mug.

That's not necessarily what that means. I can't stress enough, I think our merch store would be wildly successful if we combined those two ideas and made world's piss dad. Because world's number one dad, what is number one? Peeing. World's piss dad.

World's Pissed Dad. What about a cup that says, World's Best Dad, and there's a little asterisk, and then the cup on the other side says, At Drinking Piss.

Alright, look in our merch store today. That should be up, everybody. If you want to report us to TeePublic.

I'm the world's best at drinking piss dad. I honestly could be the best at that. That seems like a low bar. There can't be a lot of those, right?

Oh, you'd be surprised. The world is a horrible, horrible, horrible place.

Hold on. Let me just type in piss drinking daddies and see what I get. Okay. Hold on. Gotta make some hook marks for later. This is exactly at my... Adal, you're being a pervert again.

Erin, that is... That's your brand. Wait, what? What? Wait, what?

When Adal was in the old-timey British Navy, he did get the Perverts brand, which is exactly what you think.

We had a little song, too. Well, we're Perverts and we're British, which is nothing but the same. They're synonymous.

I've been full of nonces. This is your first, Riddle. I've been full of nonces. Here we go. Two arms. I'm all about puzzles. If it wasn't fucking obvious. Here's one of your puzzles. Two arms. No hands. One head, no mouth. One chest, no heart. One back, no spine. One body. Not mine.

This is what a doctor says on trial.

It's not a book. It's not a clock.

Not a book, not a clock. This also sounds like it could be a Bob Marley song, right? Two arms, no head.

No woman, no head.

No woman, no head. What is the message of that? Best not to look too far into it. No woman, no head. Can you read it one more time? Two arms, no hands. Okay, so two arms, no hands. One head, no mouth. One chest, no heart. One back, no spine. One body, not mine.

Wait, what was the heart one? You cut out for the heart part.

One chest, no heart. I didn't do shit, Erin. You cut out.

Sorry.

Erin, apologize. I'm sorry, GPC. Erin, it was probably one chest, no heart.

One chest, no heart.

Is this the first Pirates of the Caribbean movie? Oh God, I wish.

Um, is it, is the kind of chest like a treasure chest type thing?

No, it's not. Is it still okay to watch the first Pirates of the Caribbean movie? Because Johnny Depp sucks. But he's like playing such a larger than life character in that. I feel like it's fine, right?

I feel like there's other good parts of the movie.

What, the Orlando Bloom parts?

No, the Mackenzie Crook parts.

Mackenzie Crook, of course, Gareth in the original Office. Wow. Who has one of the funniest lines in all of sitcom history, which is, do you ever think there will be a boy born who swims faster than a shark?

I think it's probably okay to watch. You just have to tell, if you're watching with a child, you have to be like, that guy actually is a Batman. Yeah. That guy's a bad man. He took a shit on someone's bed. Or it was the opposite. It doesn't actually matter. But whatever happened, it was fucked up. Me just pointing out actors. He was actually in a fucked up situation. James Spader? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You see Ultron? Ultron actually had some trauma. So.

Ultron actually tied up his secretary. So. JBC, can we get a little

Okay, this is an inanimate object. Two arms, no hands. One head, no mouth. One chest, no heart. One back, no spine. One body, not mine.

Um, it's like a chair?

It's not a chair, Erin.

That's a great- Is this like a CPR dummy? No, they have heads.

They do have heads. A car. Otherwise it'd be hard to do the CPR. You could just do a chest compression dummy, they don't need a head. But you gotta do that part where you blow into the mouth. It's not a car, but CPR dummy is not closest, but it's, no. Mannequin. Mannequin. I was gonna say it's on the right track, but it's not closest.

A lot of mannequins don't have heads. Wouldn't it be funny if the movie Mannequin was made but it's with one of those mannequins that doesn't have a head? And it's just a body. It's just an hour and a half rom-com of a body running around stumbling into things.

Yeah.

And then they finally kill her.

It's a horror movie.

It's a horror movie.

That is a horror movie.

Does anyone remember... First of all, I haven't seen Weekend at Bernie's in decades. I remember... We just added to the review crew. No, that's right. Pizza places used to do, like, deals where you, like, order a pizza and they also... It came with a movie. Do you guys remember that? Oh, yeah. Yes. So, I think it was, like, I don't know where it was, Papa John's Pizza. I remember as a kid, there was a pizza deal that came with a copy of Weekend at Bernie's 2 or 3. And I think I watched that one, whatever sequel to Weekend at Bernie's, I think I watched that one. I never watched the original Weekend at Bernie's, but I was familiar enough with it. But what I don't remember is Bernie in various states of like decomposition, like the more of those movies that they make, is he just like deader and deader and deader?

No, they can't do that.

That would be unwatchable. But the whole movie is a screwball comedy with a corpse.

I remember my first time going to New York ever and seeing a Broadway show. We went and saw Elaine Stritch at Liberty, which is like Elaine Stritch's one woman show. And she kissed me after the show, which is another story in a picture. Right behind me, my friend and I had like balcony seats right behind us with Jonathan Silverman. I think his name was the guy from Weekend at Bernie's.

Oh, not Bernie. Not Bernie. Got it. One of the two guys.

One of the two guys. But we saw him and we thought it was so funny we had better seats than him. And so we just kept being like, how's your weekend? And we thought it was so funny to just like keep saying weekend and kind of like side glance at him. He seemed pretty miserable. Probably because shitheads like me. Yeah. So funny.

Okay, so yeah, it's not a mannequin. It's not a corpse. Two arms, no hands. No, we're still doing this Riddle.

I do want to see a scene.

One head, no mouth. JBC, you are, you work in a department store. Okay. It's after midnight. Erin, you're a mannequin that JBC has just somehow brought to life through like a magical hat he put on you or something.

Holy shit, it worked.

Whoa.

Oh, hey, uh, well, hey, my name's Jeff.

Don't be alarmed. Hey Jeff, before you say anything, we are conscious all the time. So even when we're not talking, I can sort of see and hear what you do. Okay, so before you say anything else, know that I've seen and heard everything you've done.

Okay. Okay, so a lot of times what I'm doing is I'm listening to podcasts and it's not even me saying that. I'm just like, I'm just kind of absently saying the things that the podcasts are saying. Right. So it's like they're not even my thoughts.

And you stealing from the store is...

Oh, that's it? That's all you? Yeah, no, I steal from the store. Yeah, that's fine. Okay, cool. No, yeah, that's fine. It's just stealing from the store?

And you dance with the mannequins at night.

Okay, what am I gonna do? Not dance with the mannequins at night? Like, I'll never be a better dancer if I don't practice. You know?

And you're sleeping here so your marriage is... Over.

Absolutely over. Yeah, I'm sleeping here most nights. And I know, I work nights. So the fact that I'm sleeping here is kind of like the best job ever. Like, they don't check, you know? Right. I just gotta put my little pin on the... I'm sorry, I feel like I'm interrupting you.

You brought me to life for a reason. Can't wait to find out what it was. What's going on?

Hey, so, in the movie Weekend at Boynie's, does he- Put me back to sleep. What's that?

Put me back to sleep. Scene. You sound like a newsie in that scene, deep.

In Weekend at Boynie's. Bringing a mannequin back to life to ask questions about a movie. They're like, hey man, all I've seen is Inside the Sears. Um, okay, so it's not mannequin, but like a mannequin is kind of close, and, and, you know, it's in the same- A doll. No, but it's in the same, like, room that a mannequin would be in. You'd probably find this. Great deals on tops? Adal, it's not a great deal on a top, but- A top. It's a shirt. It is specifically- T-shirt. This, the answer here is specifically a type of clothing that is a top. I don't know that it- A blouse. No, I don't know that it matters. I think a t-shirt works for this. Yeah, because it doesn't- I don't think it says- Oh, I guess it says one head, no mouth, and that's the only part where I think it would matter that this is something that has- Hoodie? It's a hoodie, yes. It's a hoodie. Otherwise, I think it could be a t-shirt, but I think the fact that there is a hood with the empty head there means- Do you call the top of a t-shirt where it opens up the mouth of the shirt?

No.

No? Call it the neck hole. Just the neck?

I need another riddle. I need to cleanse the palate. I need another riddle quickly. That one made me feel not good.

Okay. Here's your second riddle. End weekend at Bernie's 3?

No.

Oh boy. Okay. There's a third one? There must be a third one. They wouldn't have stopped at two, right?

He's just a skeleton for that one, right?

Too much grape left on the vine. The people he's talking to are like, that's clearly a dead man between the two of you.

And they're like, no, no, no, Hawaiian shirt. It was also like the 80s. And I think that's the man who played Bernie. Like, I think he got like seriously hurt. I think he was like doing a lot of those stunts too.

Yeah, I think it was like... TPC, I'm begging you to give me some good news.

All right, here's your next Riddle. My home is often loud, but I am quiet. My home is always moving, but I move faster. If I am brought from my home into your home, I will not live. If you leave your home and stay too long in my home, you will not live.

Fish.

Shark. Whale. It is a fish in a river. Wow. Okay, I do want to see a scene. Wait, is that true? It's a fish in a river. Yeah, I think it's because my home is often loud, but I'm quiet. My home is often moving, but I move faster. Yeah, fish swim in the river.

So if you bring a freshwater fish into your house, it dies?

Yeah, I'm assuming if you don't put it in water, if you just like bring it into your house, unless you have a water house.

What? I think those are called aquariums. Yeah, but you don't live in an aquarium.

Okay, I want to see a scene.

You've never walked into someone's house and seen a freshwater salmon in an aquarium tank?

I want to see a scene. Erin, Adal has just purchased a new house, and he's having you over. He's very excited you're bringing a housewarming gift, but you quickly realize that he is living in an aquarium store, like a pet store.

Claire, oh my gosh, thank you so much for coming.

Oh my gosh, I brought pie.

Ooh, yum yum yum. What kind?

Sorry, are we going to walk down to your place or?

I'm sorry, what kind?

Yes, I guess you did ask the question first. Apple.

Apple, yum.

Maybe. That's what kind of pie. Are we going to walk down to your place?

No, this is my house. This is my house. Let me give you the grand tour. I guess those words are already French. I didn't need to do that. Huh? Here is these are walls, clear walls.

Sorry. No, no, you're right. You're probably this is probably fine. So saying, here's my wall. No, I'm gonna say it. I know, you know, I have we're all being patient with you post divorce, but I actually do need to what is this?

We're all being patient with you post divorce.

Yeah, the friend group, we're all like just really trying to be happy for you when you're trying to get back on your feet. We're all really worried about you. It's like, seems pretty dire.

Trying to be happy for me?

You know, Emily is really sweet and we all really get along with Emily. You know what I mean? We all like really love Emily. But no, please. So, we were saying?

Um, we were, I was saying, these are my glass walls. Yeah, okay. Obviously the water behind it.

Yeah, I'm gonna go.

Can I just say something? Sure. I've always loved you. Oh yeah. I want you to live in my aquarium.

Yeah, you're wearing snorkel goggles and your hair is wet and matted to your forehead.

I took a box cutter and tried to open up some gills on me and that went pretty bad.

Yeah, I'm gonna pick Emily. Hold on, hold on. I'm picking Emily. Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.

Watch me swim. Watch me swim. Okay, let me get up this ladder into my walls.

I'm down the block.

Man found dead swimming in fish steak. Contortionist cramming your body into a big fish steak. Did you guys ever have fish growing up?

I went fishing two or three times. I've only caught bluegill, which if you're familiar with Midwest fish, not a prize.

What about owning a fish tank? Did you have a fish tank in the house?

Oh yeah, big time. We had some beta fish. I guess I had one.

Would you ever now as an adult consider having a fish tank?

Never in nine years.

That's so crazy. We had a fish tank growing up as well, but like I can't think of a thing that I would rather do less than have like fish in my house.

The smell is weird. It's high maintenance. You got to take them out and put them like the right temperature in a bag and then clean the tank. It's so much work.

Cleaning an aquarium is the most laborious process I've ever been a part of.

Yeah.

And it's like you don't really get much out of it unless people are like super into fish or whatever. And maybe it's one of those things where it's like seeing them brightens your day and you know, God love you and whatever. That's fine. It's just so crazy that like, I know a lot of people that had fish as kids and they're like, why did we do that? Why was that something that happened in our house?

Yeah, can fish love you back? I don't know.

No, they forget. Every three seconds they forget who you are. I don't think I've walked into a house and seen a fishbowl, an aquarium, fish tank in 25 years. Truly, I have not seen a home aquarium or fishbowl in 25 years.

I don't

Riddle Crazy, absolutely crazy. I don't think I would ever want to own an aquarium. I just don't see what to get out of it.

If you're listening to this and you have an aquarium, tell us what you like about it. I want to know. I'm trying to learn.

Because the other thing that I think, and this is like a little bit morbid, but we had an aquarium growing up and I remember the fish would die all the time.

Yeah.

And I guess if you're like trying to get accustomed to like pet death, you know, that's some, there's like some benefit to like understanding that some things have longer lifespans and whatever. But man, it was miserable every time we found a dead fish because they're just like floating at the top of the thing and you're like, oh no.

What I hated was growing up we had a fish tank with a few, we had like neons, this is separate from the betta fish because I think betta fish kill anything else, but we had like little neons which are kind of fun little fish.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, I know those.

Yeah, have like a little stripe on them that glows with some other fish and then what always upset me was we had one of those like sucker guys.

Yeah.

It just gloms onto the side of the tank and apparently like cleans algae or something. But I feel like I would always look at the tank as like an eight year old and be like, oh, this is so cool and beautiful. And we have the ocean in our living room. And then I'd make eyes with this little suckerfish. I'm like, this is the grossest fucking 10 pound leech I've ever seen in my fucking life.

10 pound. That's big for a suckerfish. Back to your little bubble castle, you fucking bastard.

GPC, if your kid, when they are a little bit older, develops a true passion for fish, and it's their hyperfixation, would you get them a fish tank if they begged for it?

Oh, absolutely. I think it's such a good idea if a kid really wants a pet, get the pet. Because that will never... First of all, Their attention spans are so long that they'll be so interested in that pet for as long as that pet lives and they'll want to help clean up and stuff. No! The only thing that my kid is getting is a one-way ticket into beauty college because they will never work a day in their life.

Now JPC on the other side of the coin, what if your kid develops, a little bit older, a deep interest in fish? They love the album Hoist.

Yes.

Jumping on trampolines while playing guitar is the epitome of musicianship.

You know what that I am fine with because I feel like at that point I will be in the right era of my life to like a jam band. Now I'm assuming that all the original members of Phish are dead at this point it's just John Mayer and like the John Mayer crew by the way.

It's John Mayer plus Mars Volta.

I was hanging out with Janet Varney not too long ago and we were having brunch and she said, I can't remember if it was her or Brandon, her partner, but she said John Legend instead of John Mayer, like John Legend played with Phish. And I was like, that to me would be a stellar concert.

Yeah, that would be interesting. Some piano going on.

It's just Phish doing their like jam band thing and like John Legend just doing his like sexual crooning. Like an 18 minute sexual crooning song.

It's like Sinatra sitting with the stones and it's like, I guess.

That's a little weird. So yeah, I think I'd be into that. I think that I would be at the right age to like have jam bands be like a thing. And also, I've never been to a Phish concert. I have friends that are into Phish. I'm kind of fascinated by it in a way, but never to the point where I'm like, I would go to this, but I would absolutely get dragged to a Phish concert with my kid being like, I want to see Phish. I'm like, yeah, let's do it.

I'll say I went to Bonnaroo in 2003 and I was on a lot of edibles and I went and saw Trey Anastasio solo and it was with an, oh sorry, it was him, he was the only member of Phish, but then he had a full orchestra. Okay. And I'll say it was pretty incredible, but if I'm not on drugs, I hate like Mo, Umfrey McGee, like I hate all that jam music. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Unless I'm on an edible. I don't know, there's like an artistry to it. I don't necessarily mind it, but like, I don't think I'm ever putting on a Phish album to be like, this is something I'll listen to. Yeah.

Yeah, I get it. And I get the appeal. My brain always is like, there are other things if I have money to spend, that I would rather see or do.

Yeah. Erin's like, I could go watch bum fights. Yeah.

I never said that. I do that, but I don't talk about it.

We should say Erin's wearing a big Kimbo Slice sweater. Erin, you're obsessed with Kimbo Slice. Erin, you love Kimbo Slice, right?

I do, I do love Kimbo Slice.

We got her. We got her. We got her. We got her.

Casey clip it. No. Erin loves Kimbo Slice. Erin loves Kimbo Slice. I think that Erin, just checking in, you understand completely, correct?

Yep.

Great. Let's take a break.

We have not earned a break this episode, by the way.

No, we haven't.

We have not earned it. Hey, everybody. It's me, Erin. I'm alone because the guys went to go see a 40X movie without me, and I didn't want to throw up down my chest, so here I am. But I'm going to talk to you instead about my favorite app on my phone, Rocket Money. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Rocket Money will even try to negotiate lower bills for you. They automatically scan your bills to find opportunities to save, then you can ask them to negotiate for you. They'll deal with customer service so you don't have to. It's like having a little assistant in your pocket. Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has saved a total of $500 million in cancelled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year when they use all the app's premium features. You can see all your subscriptions in one place and know exactly where your money is going. For ones you don't want anymore, Rocket Money can help cancel them. I always sign up for free trials and then, like many great people before me, I forget I've done it. But Rocket Money has that covered for me. Oh, Adal just texted me. They're all very sick from watching a movie and being thrown around while watching it. That's too bad. Okay. Well, cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Download the Rocket Money app and enter Hey Riddle Riddle in the survey so they know we sent you. Don't wait. Download the Rocket Money app today and tell them you heard about it from Hey Riddle Riddle. Zorp, anything to add? He has headphones in. This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. Whew, Adal and JPC are not here, so it's time to make my website that is dedicated to roasting them. And I'm going to use Squarespace. Squarespace is the all-in-one website platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online. Whether you're just starting out or scaling your business, Squarespace gives you everything you need to claim your domain, showcase your offerings with a professional website, grow your brand, and get paid all in one place. They make it so easy to be slick and professional. From consultations to events and experiences, showcase your offerings with a customizable website designed to attract clients and grow your business. Get paid on time with professional, on-brand invoices and online payments. Plus, streamline your workflow with built-in appointment scheduling and email marketing tools. And this is going to be great for people who want to sort of fund me roasting Adel and JPC into oblivion, because I can fundraise directly on my website and grow my impact with built-in donation tools. Create a professional on-brand website that makes it easy to accept one-time or recurring contributions and engage supporters. With built-in email campaigns and marketing tools, you can connect with your community and inspire more people to support your cause. Okay, I'm going to upload these videos of Adal and JPC doing super embarrassing things, slipping on ice, doing other stuff. It's the only one I could think of. But this is good because Squarespace makes it easy to showcase your expertise and engage clients with video content on your website. Upload and organize your videos, create stunning video libraries, and even monetize your content by adding a paywall. Perfect for online courses, exclusive tutorials, and premium workshops. But I'll get into that on the website. Head to squarespace.com slash Hey Riddle Riddle for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code RIDDLE to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. That's offer code RIDDLE, R-I-D-D-L-E, for 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Zorp? Anything to add about Squarespace?

I can't hear you. I'm in a well.

That's fun. That's a good audio joke because he's further away. That's Zorp, everybody. If you listen to the ad, you got to hear his voice. That's fun. All right. Bye.

This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey, everybody, it's JPC and Adal. Go ahead and say hello, Adal.

Gibbity, gibbity, gibbity.

Classic. Classic you. And I'm also here, as always, with Erin. Erin, what's up? We're all here together All three friends plus JPC to talk about better help. You know, mental health awareness is growing, but there's still progress to be made. 26% of Americans who participated in a recent survey say that they have avoided seeking mental health support due to fear of judgment. Well, BetterHelp has over 10 years of experience matching people with the right therapists from their diverse network of more than 30,000 licensed therapists with a wide range of specialties. BetterHelp is fully online, making therapy affordable and convenient, serving over 5 million people worldwide. You can easily switch therapists anytime at no extra cost. Erin, that sounds pretty good, right?

I've peed on a waiter before.

Okay, Erin, that doesn't Riddle Better help out myself if you guys aren't gonna... Oh, Erin, bless you. Okay, having a little strong reaction to that. Well, you know, I've benefited from therapy, obviously. My friends can tell, who are here with me right now, that I am, you know, kind of like the poster child for what you can do with your life once you've kind of talked it through.

I'm the butt fairy and I'm here to collect all the farts you got in your butt.

Erin, we can't talk about that on a BetterHelp ad. Anyway, this is Mental Health Awareness Month. So let's encourage everyone to take care of their well-being and break the stigma that the world is better when people are healthy and happy and we're all better with help. So visit BetterHelp.com slash Riddle to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P.com slash Riddle. Okay, the first thing was better. Hey Riddle Riddle. Alright, yeah, we really have to get into the riddles. We've only done two so far, so we have to get at least two more.

I have a reputation for never doing riddles, but look, look at JPC as old man puzzles.

You guys aren't answering them!

Because we don't know the answers!

I don't think they get that last one lightning quick. Okay, four long groundstanders, four short downhangers, two crookers, two lookabouts, one whiskabout, and a bellow box.

This is the cast of Newsies, Erin.

Three lookabouts, two downhangers, a roustabout.

This is like, I feel like, A, I feel like we may have done this one, my cards may have been shuffled incorrectly, but B, this is just like, what if you describe a normal thing with nonsense words? That's what the, I think that that's what this riddle is.

Well, that's what Dr. Seuss made a living out of. Can you read it one more time?

Isn't it funny that making a living and making a killing are the same thing? Wow. Hmm.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Can you read it again?

We're back. Two lookabouts, what do we think lookabouts are? Eyes. Eyes, right, yeah. One whiskabout in a bellow box. Throat and whiskers?

A lion.

It's a lion. It's not a lion.

Is it an animal?

It is an animal. And I think, honestly- Dog. It's not a dog. I think four short downhangers is gonna be the thing that actually really helps. A cow. It's a cow. Oh, it's an udders. Those are the udders. Two crookers? What are the two crookers? I don't know. Ears? Ears, maybe? Two croakers. I do want to see a scene. Adal, you are... Wow, you know what? Fuck it. Adal, you also are working at a pet store. We're doing two pet store scenes back to back. Oh my god. Adal, you're working in a pet store. Erin, you're coming into the pet store because you're interested in purchasing a new pet. And Adal, you are using a lot of like fanciful terms for the things that are just like ostensibly normal pets.

Hey, Claire, good to see you again. Hi!

Sorry, back in here again. Last one died.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Last one died. Looking for a new pet to fill the hole in my heart.

Sorry to hear. Well, we have some new options. We have some sort of exotic creatures who found their way into the store. Hush, hush.

Okay, can't wait to see.

Can't wait to see. Okay, so over here we have a scroungy rug. This is sort of a scroungy rug.

Looks like a cat.

That's what I said. Scroungy rug.

Oh, is that its name? No.

That's how we're selling it. If you look at the sign there, it says scroungy rugs. $99.

Huh. Okay. I mean, you are an exotic pet store owner. Yeah. I bought a panther last time I came in here and now the panther's dead.

Panther. I'm not sure what that is.

Do you just not have any exotic animals in today? Because this is just like a typical house cat.

Oh, a jump. You bought a jump sack.

Okay, is that like the scientific term? Am I missing something? Show me something else.

Well, it's a big jump sack. Okay, sure. Over here we have a bite rope. We have some bite ropes. Okay, that is a snake. No, they're bite ropes.

Is it just a really typical, like the kind of snake a 12-year-old would get? This is not an exotic snake. This is not a poisonous snake.

Twelve-year-olds might get nerds ropes, but these are bite ropes.

Hey man, it's OK if you don't have any exotic animals and today I can come back later in the week or next month or something.

Wait, wait, wait. I got something for you. How about Tank Pinch?

OK, this is your son. Here's a little Tank Pinch.

Well, that's his name. His name is Tank Pinch.

I think there's not enough air in there. He's sort of banging on the glass.

Are you OK? No, he does that when there's new people. Helps is the only word he knows.

My dad had an accident. He lost all his words. He crossed a witch.

He crossed a witch. Okay. Okay. I thought he just ran out of exotic animals and was trying to pull a fast one on me.

The witch is his supplier. Okay. I stepped on the foot of a mage. I wouldn't say I crossed the witch.

It was the witch's husband.

Can you imagine a witch and a mage married?

Do witches have husbands?

Do witches have husbands?

I wish there was still a Yahoo Answers, because do witches have husbands would be the only place that you could go to get an answer to that.

I do want to see a seed, just very quickly. JPC, you're a witch, you're speed dating. Erin, you're going to be the people opposite the witch on the speed dating.

By the way, one of my top 10 favorite things is when we call for a seat that requires multiple people and we're just like, Erin, you get to be on it.

I love it.

So funny.

OK. How are you doing?

I'm great. My name is Agatha. Yes, I've heard it before. Obviously the show kind of... Anyway, what do you do for work?

I feel like I'm having the same conversation over and over again. It's crazy. Well, it wasn't me.

I didn't put a perpetual Groundhog Day spell on you. I'm a witch. What?

Yeah.

What? No, I'm sorry. I was making a joke, but I didn't put a... Did you though?

I'm gonna try killing myself to see if that gets me out of the loop.

Don't. Hey, don't. Hey, don't.

I'm gonna try to see if that gets me out of the loop.

Hi! The energy that guy's going to the next date with is awful. Hi, I'm Agatha. I am a witch. Well, it's a TV show. Yeah, just because it's a show, yeah. I'm actually new in town, and I'm just, I'm really enjoying meeting people.

I feel like I have deja vu right now. I feel like I'm having the same thing over and over again.

It's speed dating, standing up at the table. It's fucking speed dating!

She's a witch! Hi, how are you?

Hey, I'm good. Does it matter what my name is? What's like a fun thing?

Agatha, I can see your name tag like the show, like a witch. I feel like I've lived this moment before. Don't you feel that way?

Oh, okay. This is Greg. Did you put a curse on me? I did curse Greg. He's a pervert. Okay. That's time. He's going to try to take pictures of your feet. Everyone put your clipboards down, down, down the road.

You can't make me a foot pervert without me calling scene before you can do that to me, idiot.

You can't make me a foot pervert because I already am one.

You can't make me something I was born as. Okay, here we go. Did we do the... Yeah, we did do the last one. We did do the last one. It was cow. We all got it. We're really proud of ourselves.

A whole lot of... I was just going to say, you know, somewhat recently we were talking about like perfect bits in movies. I just want to say in Monty Python and the Holy Grail, She's a witch. She turned me into a newt. And then the guy goes, a newt? And he goes, I got better. I mean, that's one of the all-time greats. Yeah, fun joke.

I also love in Princess Bride when she goes, I'm not a witch, I'm your wife. I'm not a witch, I'm your wife.

A whole lot of holes. A whole lot of nuts. Toss me in, pull me out, see what you got.

A net.

Garlic bread.

A net, a net, a net, a net. You got it, you got it.

It was garlic bread.

You guys are fish, you were clearly caught in a net, and you're sort of like trying to make a plan.

Don't panic. We still have some time, so let's just think of it like we have time to work on a plan. Panic is the mind killer. Let's just, let's focus in on this. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Let's, let's all go around and let's say what type of fish we are and maybe what skills we have.

Yes. If anyone has a specialty. Okay. Okay. For instance, I'm Sean. I'm a puffer fish, so I can puff my whole body out. That could help maybe shift some locations.

Hi Sean.

Hello.

Okay. My name is Tommy. I am a fatty tuna. I'm delicious.

Okay. Let's try to stay focused on what the thing is. But there are no bad ideas in brainstorming. No bad ideas. Any other fish?

My name is Kelly. I am a rat. And I am very scared. I'm

Fucking swordfish.

Uh, my name is Todd, I'm a narwhal, and I'm gonna spear Pierre. Oh, a narwhal just killed Pierre.

Yeah, okay, we're just murdering each other? Um, again, I'm Kelly, I'm a rat, um... A ratfish?

No, just a rat, um... Oh, like you aren't good with secrets?

That is true, but that's not relevant to what I'm trying to communicate. Tell us one, tell us one! Tell us one. Did you know?

I am Bruce. I am a sharding. I'm sharding. Sorry everybody. Bruce is a shark. Come on. Hey that guy's a rat.

I'm a sharding. The Italian, the only way to end an Italian meal.

I haven't locked into any of the scenes very well today. I feel like I'm sort of like skipping over the scenes and I'm not in the scenes. Does that make sense? You guys teach improv. Give me something, like give me a scene, set up a new scene for me and then also like give me an intention of like how to how to really be in it.

Okay, I want to see a scene. Erin, you're an improv teacher, and you're talking to JPC as if he's you.

Great.

Is this what you wanted?

Yeah. Hey, can I talk to you for a second?

Yeah, sorry. Yeah, I feel like I'm in my head, and I'm not present in them. Is that what you were going to say? Sorry, I'm not giving you the notes for me.

You can't be wearing leggings to every show. And your mascara is like running down your face, like I just feel like it looks like you're sort of forced to be, it looks, you show up to shows looking like someone woke you up from a deep, deep nap. Okay.

Which is fine. Yeah, it just feels like, because like, none of the guys on the team are getting like, notes like this, but like, all my notes are like,

Well, yeah, I mean, they're really funny. I know, I think, I feel like we're all kind of really funny, but I feel like all my notes are like kind of about how like I cry too much in scenes and like... Right. Yeah.

Hey, hey, sorry. Sorry, teacher. Sorry, teacher. Hey, babe, I'm gonna wait downstairs for you. Here's a water. Just let me know when you're done. I'm Kimbo Slice, by the way. Hi.

It's still fun that Kimbo Slice comes to your shows, Erin.

I guess so.

Yeah. I'd say it's more of a distraction. People really sort of only care about that.

Sure. Hey, there's a ghost here.

It's always really complicated when two people are dating who do the same thing, because what if someone gets more successful than the other? But we're making it work.

Erin's trying to get a hint as to who Kimbo Slice is, and we're not going to help you, Erin.

Yes, you will.

Erin, would you do a movie called Ghost Slice that's you dating Kimbo Slice's ghost?

Yeah, and the plot would go a little something like... Erin, we're not going to help you... Why can't you help me?

We can! It's not that we can't!

Okay, well then you guys will be the jerks that... the joke is that the woman on the show doesn't know something.

It's not that we can't, it's that we've shared it.

I know that name, and that sounds familiar. He's a musician.

Yes. Erin. Got it in one. Erin, do you know any of us, can you name a single Kimbo Slice song?

Can you name a single song? What are you guys I went on dates with in 2016? Fuckin' what?

Oh, you're wearing a Metallica shirt? Name 10 albums.

That's actually hard for Erin because she can't name a single song anyway, because every song that she likes is like, she doesn't know.

Wow. Okay. We're all sort of roasting Erin today.

Okay.

Okay. That means she's doing well and you're trying to bring her down. Yeah.

A hundred percent.

Hey Erin, kind of like, not unlike what they kind of did to Kimbo Slice.

Wow, one-to-one.

One-to-one.

Okay, Kimbo Slice is actually not a musician.

That's why I said what Adal's doing is meaner, because I would never say, yeah, he's a musician, what's one of his songs?

Okay, he's not a musician. How do you know that?

I don't know. How do you know that?

Uh-oh. Erin used Google.

You gotta rap about Kimbo Slice.

Kimbo Slice seems really nice.

No.

He's a bare knuckle boxer.

Wrong.

No?

He's not nice.

Mixed martial artist, professional boxer, and actor. He was born in 1974. Oh, and he died when he was only 42 years old? He weighed 234 pounds. Wait a minute. This isn't rapping. He's got three kids. What? Sorry. Don't talk about how somebody's 42 and they have three kids.

That's so funny. I love that rapping is, he was born in 1984 in St. Paul, Minnesota. He weighs 215.

He has four kids. What would you do if you bought the new Kendrick Lamar album and it was just him reading Wikipedia? Every song was just like a Wikipedia entry.

Well then he would win another Grammy.

Yeah, if it's K-Dot, I'm buying it.

I bring you music, if music you can read. I bring you a number, if toes and fingers you can count. I bring you the result of the match.

Whoa. I'll bring you music if you can read. Erin, it's a score.

Erin, you got it. You scored. She's a genius.

Erin, you scored.

She's a genius.

So I know it seems like the lady one is the dumb one on this show, but that's not always true. Sometimes it's true, not always.

We actually take turns being the dumb one, moment to moment. Moment to moment. And sometimes, here's a little peek behind the curtain, sometimes we all get

Yeah, we all carry the ring. Most of the times.

I'm dumb Samwise.

It would have been her!

That's why Samwise can't be.

Erin, your Samwise is good. I'm coming with you!

What? Your Samwise is good. You have a good Samwise.

Oh, thanks! It would have been her! The vocal tick in my house right now is Cassian Ander from Andor.

Oh, yeah. Do you think that you could get maybe the gas leak, like, checked? Like, is there a professional that could come in here?

I kind of like it.

Address the vocal tick.

All of my new imaginary friends are from the gas leak, so why would I? Why would I stop it? This is Jeff. He's from the Gas Leak. This is Jeff. Oh, how do you know Erin? Oh, I'm a Gas Leak hallucination of hers. How do you know Erin?

I'm a flying elephant.

I know Erin from a dream she had.

Erin, can you say the line that you said is popular in your house right now?

Cassian ander. So you sound like- Cassian Ander.

I haven't watched Ander season 2 yet. I'm very excited. You sound exactly like the guy who I want to say is Australian and he's in a lot of movies and stuff. He plays, he's in Captain Marvel as like the head gremlin scree guy or whatever.

Oh, oh, oh, um, oh God, what is that man's name?

You know I'm talking about? Yeah, Ben Mendelsohn. Thank you, Casey. Erin, that was a dead-on Ben Mendelsohn impression.

That's not what I meant to do.

You were doing Mr. Skarsgård, right? Yeah, I was. Yeah. Papa Skarsgård? Stellan? Stellan, yeah.

But Ben Mendelsohn is also in that show, right? Yeah, he just showed me

Because he's in Rogue One.

Yes. Oh, yes, yes, yes.

Yeah.

Auntie Donna did impressions of him that were really funny. There's a clip of them that I watched yesterday. That's so funny that you bring up Ben Mendelsohn. I guess you brought it up because we're talking about Andor, but they do a really great impression of him.

Hey Riddle Riddle

I don't have that many career goals left, other than maybe meeting a Muppet, but I do... She's been crushing it.

Well, Erin, you said you wanted to be on the cover of Highlights Magazine. I don't think they do cover shoots.

At all.

I'm sorry, I'm just trying to be realistic.

Oh my God, what? I want to wear lingerie on the cover of Highlights Magazine. My only dream.

With how often you change your hair, you could fucking be Highlights Magazine. Wow.

You guys had to learn how to do my own hair. I spent hours and hours researching how to dye your own hair blonde, and I did it last week.

Oh, because so many places have refused you service?

Yes, because I go too often. No, because I can't, you can't, in this economy, you can't afford to be blonde anymore.

Wow, look at what they took from us. The blonde inflation rate is so high.

But you guys, I love Auntie Donna. And they have a show on YouTube where it's basically party quirks but impossible. And they give each other the most impossible prompts to do. And I don't know who listens, who might know them. I will fly to Australia on my own dime. I want to go and be on that show so bad.

We could probably get them on our show, they do podcasts.

I would love that. And then I can go, I'm literally, that is, it would be a dream of mine to go on that.

Erin, would you mind if I circle back to something?

Of course.

Erin's so blonde that she heard inflation rates were high and she let all the air out of her tires.

Erin, is that true?

Erin, is that true? This is something I heard, so I just want to verify. Is it true?

Yes.

Yes, good. Okay, Erin, I just sent a text. Sure. Again, Auntie Donna's been on Magic Tavern. I have booked for us next week Uncle Donna. Now.

That's not what I wanted. I want Auntie Donna. Uncle Donna.

Well, Erin, would you do now? Erin, figures can't be choosers. Uncle Donna.

Uncle Donna, Erin. Has three hamsters in tuxedos. Erin, the best part though.

Are we three hamsters in tuxedos? Isn't that a little redundant?

Aunty Dun- Say it again, Adal? Uncle Dunna? Uncle Dunna? Sounds awesome, just like Fat Bastard, now isn't that fun? Uncle Dunna, get in my bar.

I'm gonna ask you guys a question, and you be honest with me. Have we done a single riddle this episode? No. Okay, great. Do you want to do a single one? I'm putting it out into the- yes. I'm putting it out to the universe that I want to go on that show. And I know I'm not qualified in any sort of way, and I live in a different continent, but please.

Erin's so blonde, she heard that there was a single riddle, and she asked what its sign was.

Wow, Erin, is this true? That's funny. You're trying to date a riddle?

But Erin, this is something I heard, and I'm truly not doing this to be mean. This is something I heard, I just want to verify if it's true.

It is true. The Riddle is an Aries. We're compatible.

Alright, here we go. Silver are my teeth, and sharp, straight, my jaw, and long. Use me carefully, my friend. My double bite is strong.

TONGS. BEAR TRAP. It's not tongs, it's not a bear trap. That's really great.

Bear trap is the closest. Tongs and bear trap are both pretty close.

Mousetrap. Mousetrap is close as well, but... Is it a trap of some kind? It's not a trap.

It's a trap. Admiral Ackbar on the podcast. Admiral Snackbar. Admiral Snackbar. Because he's cute. Because he's cute.

Because he's a snack.

It's a snack. Thanks, Admiral Snackbar. Why did they not have that as a tie-in for the episode 3 re-release?

Well, we'll have to see if Admiral Snackbar makes an appearance in the upcoming Disney Twins pictures.

Furiously writing down Admiral Snackbar and like setting a whole 50-minute episode on that. Silver are my teeth and sharp, straight my jaw and long. Use me carefully my friend, my double bite is strong.

Can opener.

No, double bite also crucial here. And like a can opener, this is probably something that you would find in your house. Stapler. Stapler. It's a stapler. It's a stapler.

Can I just say, when I was in grade school, everyone being like, I'm stapler, I'm gonna fuck your mom. Ah, I hated that. I hated it. I hated American Pie and stapler.

I know my brain is poisoned from all the blonde dye, but I did understand that reference.

Well, Erin, it's also poisoned from the gas leak.

Right. And me electrocuting myself by accident when I was in the third or fourth grade.

When you brought a pie to the scene with the aquarium, I wanted to come in and say, maybe we tell your mother we ate the pie, and I did it because I'm a good partner. Maybe we just tell your mom we ate the pie. Is that true? No, can't be true. Hey, here's something that's true. Casey, can you play us a voicemail theme?

I don't want to be answering lateral thinking, pussies and pretty. I'll just answer a listener question, I've peace of mind. I love it. I love it. And that was actually Gavin DeGraw?

That was Gavin DeGraw. That was Tom Lum, host of the Let's Learn Everything podcast on Maximum Fun. Thank you so much, Tom. Thank you, Tom. That was awesome.

That fucking rule.

Tom also sent the lyrics, and the lyric for that line is, I'm tired of looking around. Who's a was a? Loses the lyrics because no one remembers this line. That was very Aaron-coded. Yeah, very Aaron-coded to lose it in that cover of Gavin DeGraw's I Don't Want to Be.

There's a gas leak in my house. What's your excuse?

Is this your PSA, Erin?

Do you have a gas leak in my house? Do you know where your children are? Do I have children?

A drag queen would say at the end of like a runway walk of something like, I have a gas leak in my house. What's your excuse? And then turn and walk back.

That's my Real Housewives intro. I have a gas leak in my house. What's your excuse?

If you want to get a voicemail themed feature on the show, make it 30 seconds or less. Send it as a WAV file to hrpodcast at gmail.com. Casey, play us a voicemail.

Hey Clue Crew. I was wondering if you have a song that you always hear the lyrics to incorrectly in your head. My example for this is the Les Mis song, At the End of the Day. For some reason in my head, the lyrics are always, when the hair on your back doesn't keep out the chill, even though I know it's when the shirt on your back doesn't keep out the chill.

Yeah.

Just curious.

Hope you're all doing well. Okay, have a good one. Bye. Oh my god, I've been saying when the hair on your back doesn't keep out the chill.

No!

I am not kidding.

Really? Yeah. Wow, you have the same one. Was that you, Erin?

Okay, yeah. Well, first of all, we already established that that is my entire life, is I can get the vibe of a song but I do not know the lyrics.

Yeah, yeah. There's a lot. And this is also really fun because it was that voicemail theme with this voicemail, which was totally accidental, but it was one where you lose the lyrics, which is cool. But I have that too. I don't know the lyrics very well at all.

I would say my biggest one is from the album TAKK, T-A-K-K, by Sigur Rós. I always think that he's saying, and he's really going, Just a classic Sigur Rós joke.

Since I watched Cats, I've been on an Andrew Lloyd Webber kick, and so I was listening to Evita yesterday, and I realized for the first time in a new Argentina that the lyrics are, this is crazy to fetus talk, and I thought it was Mambo Jumbo. I was like, oh, this is crazy to fetus talk makes more sense than this is crazy to be this talk. Like, I had no idea.

This is insane. The first place my mind went to, there's a live song called I Alone. Do you guys know this live song?

I alone love you.

Yeah, he goes, I alone love you. In my mind, he's always just going, I la la la, I la la la. I'm like, I completely lose every lyric in that part. But here's the other thing, is I also have the Aaron disease where I don't remember the lyrics to songs. Aaron disease. Yeah, sorry. Slow gas leak in my brain. But I don't know maybe this is the fact that I've been doing improv for so long But it's like I don't even attempt to get the lyrics anymore I just make my own up like I do a lot of singing with my child and I'm like you're fucked because I Don't know the words to the songs from Moana even though we've listened to him a hundred times, but I do But I'm not doing the thing where I'm like I'm not doing like Simlish for it. I'm just like making up words.

Give me an example. Sing something for Moana.

I'm alone with my thoughts and it turns, it disturbs me. But I can't post till I'm a ghost. And I'll just do, it'll be like nonsense and Mariah will be like, what are you doing? I'm like, I'm not going to learn the fucking lyrics. Moana knows the lyrics. I shouldn't have to know them. That's awesome.

I'll do that with Black Crows with that I'll start to sing it and then I'll realize I don't know the words so I'm like

Hey little thing, lemme let you count cause the mama-nama-nama-nama-ba-da.

Mess around. Come around, mess it down. Immediately deflate because I'm like, oh no, I'm in the thick of it. I'm on the slide and I forgot where the bottom is.

I'm on the slide and I forgot where the bottom is. That's so funny.

Hey little thing, lemme let you count cause the mama-nama-nama-nama-ba-da.

Mess around.

Signs up for karaoke and is like, oh no wait, there's a rap verse in this song? I forgot there's a rap verse in this song. Just try your best. Yeah, thank you so much for that question. Do we have anything, Erin, to plug? Anything you got to plug?

Just go and come see us on tour. We would love to see you.

Come see us on tour. And I know what you're thinking. There's a bunch of shows in a bunch of different cities. Is it going to be the same show in each city? Yes.

We're going to try.

We change keywords so it's worth it to follow us and see all of the shows that you can just to get the keyword change.

Brilliant.

Hell yeah.

So brilliant. Adal, plug?

Check out Hullo from the Magic Tavern, now in our 10th season. JPC, anything to plug or promote or a review to read?

I want to read a review. This one's coming in from Blue Wings 23. Blue Wings 23 says, Life isn't real. On my way to work on Wednesday morning, I was trying to think of what cars my friends had in high school. Dodge Durango? Or Dodge Dugaru? Dungaree? No, whatever. I'll look it up later. I get to work, turn on the podcast, and 10 to 15 minutes in, Adal mumbles Dodge Durango. What? How? Life isn't real! But this podcast is good. Wow.

Yeah, we are a glitch in the matrix.

This is the dream inside the brain of a dying child. Saint Elsewhere?

This is a death rattle.

This is the last gasp of a velociraptor who's being eaten by a pack of wolves?

Now someone's listening to this podcast and they're like, 10 minutes ago I was thinking about a death rattle, Saint Elsewhere, and a velociraptor, and now they said it?

We live outside the laws of space and time.

We are activating you to do your mission. You know what your mission is?

Jupiter. I can get us out of here.

Created by Adal Rifai. Starring Erin Keif and John Patrick Coan. Casey Toney did the editing. Maverick Harris in the music.

You said we sound choppy?

Oh yeah, I just, you guys were coming in and out of me internet-wise.

Oh, chopping.

God damn it. God damn it, Erin. Casey, clip it. Casey, clip that.

Wait, what? I missed it.

Okay, you'll, hey, don't worry Erin, you'll hear it on the soundboard very soon. I'm actually going to pull that one. Erin, it's not worth worrying about at all. In case you heard it, right?

Yeah, she said of instead of for. Yeah. So you guys are coming in and out of me.

Erin, you said you guys are coming in and out of me. Oh no. I let it go. I let it go.

I mumbled because I did not say it.

Erin, I'm so sorry.

Either way, I'm pregnant and you're the father. I say pointing at all of you. We'll both raise it.

Hey there continentals and 48s, if you liked that, you are going to love this week's Patreon. We return to the state series, and you'll have to listen to find out which state we pick. You can listen to that at patreon.com slash hey riddle riddle by joining the clue crew for $5 a month, or start your 7 day free trial, or the review crew for $8 a month, plus you get those ad free episodes. See you there!

That was a hate gum podcast.

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