Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum Podcast.

Um, excuse me, I can't record today because I have a bad attitude. May I be excused?

You work with it and you use it, Erin. I don't want to harness my pain. Channel it.

Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Rid

Can I tell you one Christmas, my mom, dad, grandma, grandpa, aunt, uncle, all got me Lexi, Lex, what's the plural of Lexus? Lexuses? Lexus, Lexuses.

Lexuses. Yeah.

So I go out to the freaking driveway, there's six new Lexuses with bows on them. Oh my God.

I called them over here like a full minute ago and they stopped in the driveway and now they're just chatting with each other.

So I bought a seventh and I drove a different one every week. Oh, Lexus for every day of the week.

Did he just say December to remember?

Oh my God. It was a December to remember. It must have been. Well, for six days and then it was January. And I threw them all away.

Well, yeah, you guys could have tried last year's model.

What am I, what am I, Pete Davidson?

What are we, what were we doing?

Were we getting coffee? Whoa, am I in Erin's house?

You guys, hello?

This is not my beautiful wife. This is not my beautiful home. Is that a Pete Davidson?

Et cetera.

What'd you say?

I know it's a Leonardo DiCaprio thing. I know that he does that.

I should have said Leo.

But is Pete Davidson known for that? I know that him and Ariana Grande had a tumultuous relationship.

Pete Davidson's dated like 50 women in the last two years. That's not in the culture anymore. I don't think Leo's in the zeitgeist anymore. What's up, Erin?

I wanted to show, yeah.

Hey, where's my fucking Lexus? I never said!

Erin, would you want to show us? Would you want to show us? Truly, at this point, I'm going to use it for another opening. Because we're so far afield. And I hope we've learned a valuable lesson today. But I'm actually not going to burn through a good concept for an opening I can use down the line.

Yeah, but that's smart. That's smart. Erin, that's smart. Good business.

I'm locking your Lexus and you can never get in. Good luck getting in the Lexus with the bow on it.

Erin, is this something? So it's, picture it's Christmas time. Okay.

It's a December to remember.

A car commercial. It's a bunch of Lexi, Lexuses?

And they're all being fobbed.

And hey, Lexus, you can have that not for free. We insist on being paid. Paid me for it, actually. Thank you. JPC, the Lexus I did get you, the bow is actually structurally a part of what you, the car, like it can't be removed.

Yeah, no, I wouldn't want to remove it anyway. I'm going to drive throughs and shit and smacking my bow. I'm like, ah, it says 10 feet, but how big is the bow?

Did you see that douchebag who rides around town with a car ball on top of his car? What's his deal?

Have you guys ever seen someone do that thing where they hit the top of their car on a thing where they're not, like, they just, for whatever reason, they're like, yeah, I assume that my car is big enough. I've had that happen once with a person and they were just I don't even think it was like an especially big car it was like a well it was a big SUV like a huge a huge car like it was a huge car but it didn't seem especially tall but they were going into a parking garage ahead of me and you know before you go into the parking garage it has that thing that's like hey like It'll say the height and if you hit it, obviously you're not going to fit in the parking garage. They hit that thing and hit the brakes real fast and then they were like trying to back out. It was a whole production and I was like, did you not know? Like, it seems like this is not like a rental. This seems like a car that you are like driving.

I guess I don't know the height of my car off the top of my head, but if you're driving, you should be able to eyeball if your car should fit. I think we should all be having the spatial awareness. If you're driving on a road, maybe you should instinctively know if your car is going to fit somewhere.

It's like when they say if you high five someone, if you look at their hand, you might miss, but if you look at their elbow, you'll never miss.

And if you look at your face, you can hit him right in their face.

You can hit him right in the face.

What?

I was trying to high five you.

I've seen that happen the most, JPC, with people in like U-Hauls.

U-Hauls.

Moving trucks, because they're not used. It's a bunch of panic people moving. They're not used to cars that big.

And also, it's like, if you're like, oh no, this bridge I can't get under, you're like, well, what do I do? How do I cross America if I can't go on the street I know? Google doesn't have an option on the directions for like, I'm driving something way too tall.

That silence means riddles, doesn't it?

Yeah. For you.

Well, Adal, how was your trip?

It was great. I ended up in Hong Kong for a night, which was wild, unexpected, and then I was in Okinawa.

And you'd never been there before, right?

Never been to Hong Kong. Since we fly standby, we had to take a flight that, instead of going direct to Tokyo, it went to Hong Kong. So I was in Hong Kong, then Tokyo, then Okinawa, then back to Tokyo. Erin, Okinawa!

I'm so jealous. What was your favorite part?

Probably the Okinawa. Yeah. Just like the terrain and the shape and the people and the food. Because it's local there. Yeah. Because when you're in Okinawa, I don't know how to say this, you're in Okinawa?

Yeah.

It's kind of a saying. The translation is lost, I guess.

I got Okinawa once, but I was in like San Francisco, so it just like was not, it just like wasn't fresh, you know?

It's different when you're in Okinawa.

Oh yeah, for sure, for sure.

Took a karate class.

How did that go? Did you really?

I did. So, Okinawa is the birthplace of karate, is what they say. I don't know if that's true, but that's what Okinawa says. So we found on this website, we found a class and it said like, all experiences welcome a karate class in Okinawa, like authentic karate class. We go there. We're the only tourists, we're the only people dropping in who have never done karate before. This is a full-on class. So there's all these like black belts and they're doing all this stuff.

Are they children?

There was some children. And they're like just going nuts. And then there's like all these black belts and stuff. And then they kind of see us and they're like, come over here. And they're like, grab my arm. And then they like shove me down. And they're like, see that? And I'm like, I guess. So that part kind of sucked. But Gemma had a lot of fun because she always wanted to do karate.

And Adal, tell us, did you end up as a black belt by the end of the class?

Um, no. I got what they call a clear belt, which is when they want you to never practice again. They say, please don't ever come back. Please don't ever, please don't ever move your fists or feet again.

We're back.

Well, I'm glad that you're home, Adal. Thank you. GBC, any trips that you took that could help stall?

What the fuck are you doing, Erin?

What do you mean? What do you mean? You're in charge of doing riddles.

You're the same old Erin.

Erin, did you recently go to Riddleville?

I did.

And did you bring us back anything?

I did. It's not riddles, though.

Wow.

More bullshit.

What did you do? You went to Riddleville and you didn't get any riddles? What did you do?

I was eat, pray, loving.

Wow. Live, laugh, bean. That's what that one stands for.

We drove by an oil change place the other day and their sign said live, laugh, lube. And Mariah and I have been saying live, laugh, lube to each other for a while now. It's just such a fun... Got sexual real fast. Yeah, it's a fun thing to have on an oil- I just don't think that would exist on an oil change place anywhere but a big city like Chicago. I can see a lot of other- I can see if you're doing that in my hometown, people calling the place and being like, you have to take that sign down. Children see that sign.

I have to explain lube to my 12 year old.

Magazines? They're like- They go right this way, sir. It's like a muffler shop. Of course we have Bordeaux here.

Jiffy Lube, Midas Touch.

Oh.

AutoZone, RotterdaZone.

I mean, it's all- It's all- Do more, do more.

It's porn all the way down.

Oh, what are more of the auto parts stores? Meineke? Meineke, yeah.

Yeah, that sounds dirty.

Way over in the Meineke? What else? What else? What else? What are some other... will change... auto parts stores... auto-erotic...

Autoparts. That's something.

You know what? We probably did it.

Oh, what? No!

Nah, we exhausted it.

There's riddles at the end of this rainbow?

Okay. That's fine. Erin! Tis I, the mayor of Riddleville. You forgot your book of riddles that we gifted you. And I also forgot my coat at your place.

Oh, uh, well, I guess that just means I'll see you tonight.

Um...

Whispers in your ear, can I pat your butt?

Yeah, of course.

Pat your butt? O-O'Reillygasm? O-O'Reilly... O'Reilly... Mr. Mayor, it's a good thing my friends are not listening.

On your way, Mr. Mayor. See you later tonight.

Alright.

All right. So, we're actually... Riley.

Sorry.

Pep Boys, Pep Boys.

He's back in the driveway mumbling about car stuff. Auto parts. See, that's what I said. Auto parts earlier.

You could change Pep Boys to Penis Boys if you took just the P-E. It's a stretch. Penis.

Penis. Clip it. Penis, every penis. That's what Pep stands for. Clip it. What else? What else? Penis, every penis.

Um, all right. Well, today, or actually for our warm-up riddles, we are double dipping. Okay. From a listener who has submitted riddles before. In fact, in fact, The, this is what he said. I was really excited to hear you read my riddles. So excited, in fact, that I paused the episode, called my wife, who proceeded to put the podcast on for her entire office. And then when you made fun of my name, it crushed. All caps and in bold. And you instantly nabbed a few extra listeners. I will forever be Connor O'Nephew Old, which his name is Matthew McNeice Young. And I don't remember making fun of his name and calling him Connor O'Nephew Old, but we did.

I think I do remember this because it's like it's hyphenated, right? It's like a dash. Yeah. And it was to me, I was like, it's funny to put an adjective to describe yourself at the end of your last name. Like if my name was John Patrick Coan cool. Yes.

And I wanted to read this again because I sort of got excited at the idea that this episode right now that we're recording here right now could be playing in an office somewhere in front of a big group of people.

What a wild situation to play our podcast.

I know. What if you, everyone just took a second, took the floor, you have a whole office's attention right now.

Wow, okay.

Matthew McNeese Young, his wife.

Do we know where he works? I'm sorry, where his wife works?

We don't. Let's just assume, it sounds like an office. Let's just assume it's a typical office.

Well, it's a wife. I'm going to assume it's the home.

Oh my God.

Whoa.

These jokes were funny in like Biden times. They're getting less funny now.

Uh, actually, I can say that because I am the home spouse, and so I have home spouse privilege. And actually, domestic labor is labor, Erin. How dare you? How dare you? You think wives don't work?

Yes.

Um, I guess I'll take the four first. Yes, Adal, please take the four. I'm a little nervous. Um, picture them all naked.

Hey, that's my wife!

Sorry, sorry. Uh, okay. Um, hey! Hey, uh... How about that weather? Let's circle back today. You're all rock stars. Oh, they love stuff like that quarter It's about to be quarter two. So I are we were in quarter two. So I hope that we all You know kind of go for the gusto to coin a phrase to turn a turn a pancake I love you all More produce more we have to produce more

Alright, awesome. Adal, incredible speech. I have heard you give it before.

Yeah, that's my standard office speech. It's on notecards.

JPC, you have the floor.

Not that what Adal did was not super clear to me, but what are we doing?

You are addressing an entire office right now.

That's right.

Erin, do you mind if JPC dresses down an entire office?

Whatever he feels is best.

Okay, a whole office full of people. Alright, Greg can't drink at office functions anymore. I think we can all agree what Greg does when he drinks is not good for morale, not good for Greg, not good for company culture, not good for Just in general, our image in the world.

There's a Greg right now losing his mind.

Blanket statement. Greg no longer is allowed to drink. And that's anything. Greg can't even have fucking water. Because when Greg drinks, he makes, first of all, a huge mess. There's a lot of computers here. I think you can all agree. Water and computers don't mix. You know what, Greg? You're fired. I came into this thinking I wasn't going to need to do that, but no. Greg, this is your last day. This is your last hour. Greg, this is your last minute. You know what? Lock the doors. Greg can't leave. We're all killing Greg. We're going to do it Julius Caesar style. Everybody grabs some scissors, and we're all going to get Greg once with the scissors. Because he's... I mean, it just can't... We just can't have more Gregs in the world. We just can't have this shit. Because look at what he does, and look at where we are now. And now we all do it together. We're bound to secrecy, you know? If one of us goes down, we all go down. We all kill Greg. Hey Erin. 3, 2, 1, get him!

Right now, Greg is losing his life.

JPZ, just in case there's no Greg at this office, can you run through a bunch of names we can plug in? Just in case there's no Greg there.

Okay, yeah, I mean, we won't need to, but, uh, because there's always a Greg, and if you don't know who the Greg is at your office, you're the Greg, motherfucker. Uh, yeah, but we'll do it, um, Greg, Groog, Grog, Gleeg.

I think they can start with other letters.

No, I think that's all the iterations that it could be. Oh, perfect. For the different cultures.

Erin, as someone who has a PhD in JPC, I think what JPC's brain did was think of an office, thought of the office, thought of the creator Greg Daniels, and launched into using Greg.

And Adal, I'm going to need you to take your doctorate off the wall and burn it. That thing has a dark, dark energy to it. Burn it in the dead of night. Bury the ashes, okay?

My PhD in JPC is actually made from human skin. Yeah, and I figured, and I figured as much.

My PhD in JPC is made from human skin.

I'm gonna just quickly address the office before I read these riddles. On the count of three, everybody point to who you're sleeping to. Or, on the count of three, sleeping to.

That's who you, hold on. Point to who you're sleeping with. No, sleeping to is who you aspire to sleep with. We got him everybody we got him I'm sleeping with Stephanie, but I'm sleeping to Molly like that's Stephanie no offense Stephanie. You're a stepping stone. We all know I'm trying to make Molly crazy jealous Well, Stephanie's a six and Molly's a seven of course The numbers work gang you gotta go. I know there's a Stephanie losing her mind. Oh

And these are celebrity mouthfuls. Hilarious.

Stephanie covered in Greg's blood. Like, huh?

I can't believe we made a whole office stab one of their office mates. We're so sorry. If you need a reminder, each setup will be a celebrity's name followed by two things that rhyme with it and it will work into a complete sentence. And once we are in these, you're going to remember how they go. This actor from Severance brings his own Chinese meal consisting of boiling broth and raw meats meant for dipping.

Zach Cherry won ton! No.

He sounded like Wyclef Jean in the Fugees.

Adam Scott hot pot.

Yeah. Adam Scott brought his own hot pot.

Oh, we have to have that interstitial language.

Yeah, if you could. I'm not going to, you know what, Adal, it's a Monday probably. I'm not going to come down on you hard here.

Wednesday. Erin, that reminds me, very quickly, do we have time for a new impression I created while in Okinawa?

Oh, please.

This is a combination of Mark Simpson and Garfield.

I love Homer, but I hate Mondays. Very nice. Adam, I'm going to need you to take that impression off the wall. It's Marchfield. Burn it? Garf-March? Garf-March. It's Garf-March.

It sounds like you're throwing up. Oh wait, not Darth Marge. Lasagna. Darth Marge as lasagna?

American actors, guys, I can't stress to you enough, this is nothing.

Okay. Yeah, that makes sense.

I thought it was good. Darth Marge is nothing.

Well no, Darth Marge is nothing for sure, but Garth Marge I think is good.

Garth Marge is great.

Yeah.

I sent Normal to Timbuktu. American culture is melting. That's what that sounds like. This American actress who played both Catwoman and Bond Girl is clipping the foliage around a bush in order to make it appear like an animal outside of a building that houses books.

Halle Berry's library. Bear.

A topiary?

Topiary.

Halle Berry's library topiary?

But what if she, if she's the one doing it? Let's try to put it, just put it into a sentence.

Halle Berry is shearing.

Ed Sheeran.

A library topiary?

Halle Berry shapes a topiary outside of a library.

Erin, I was told this would be a celebrity followed by two rhyming words.

Yes, but then you got to put it inside the sentence.

Okay. Okay.

Okay.

If you can, just try.

Okay. I was confused because I thought when we put it in a sentence, we were looking for like four more rhyming words, but it's only ever going to be two rhyming words and then we can invent the rest of them.

Halle Berry Topiary Library.

Erin, you've never in all the episodes, hundreds of episodes, you've never asked me to try and I never have. I will honor this one wish.

Oh my God, I had to ask you guys to try. Oh my God, it's all starting to make sense. What have you been doing? Oh God, oh God, oh God, I'm so sorry everybody. This actress who played Padme.

You don't have to say actor. Yeah, you don't have to say actress. She's an actor, you know.

Padme Amidala in Star Wars lays on a top of... lays on top of a four-door passenger car with the intent to expose her skin to ultraviolet light.

Natalie Portman's Ford Pinto Escortin' Natalie Portman's Ford Escortin'

JPC saved me, no way. Well, you know, there's actually two exorcists that played Padme because Keira Knightley played Padme's clone, so isn't that something?

Oh, Keira Knightley.

I remember that. No, isn't that something? So it could be Keira Knightley.

Not her clone, it was like her stand-in, right?

Her, um, like, assassination double or whatever.

Yeah, clone is the wrong word, especially for a movie that famously had a ton of clones in it.

Yeah, yeah.

If I was Keira Knightley and I was like her assassination double and like Natalie Portman is disguised as like my footmaid or whatever, I just publicly am like, kill this footmaid. They kill Natalie Portman. And then I'm like, well, now I'm queen.

Yeah, but once they take the makeup off, they're going to realize it's a different guy, right? I don't know.

No, because I've been the double the whole time.

Because you've been the double the whole time. Actually, that's a pretty smart play.

Scarf marge logic, so don't think about it too hard.

I think Saddam Hussein's double did that, but then they killed the double, so it's like, is that a good outcome?

With the extent to expose her skin to ultraviolet light, when are you doing that?

Oh, the Hulk.

No.

Ultraviolet light.

Gamma radiation.

Oh, and like a red room, like a photo?

No, it's like... Like a suntan? Yeah, there you go.

Portman, Natalie... Natalie Portman. Tanning, tanning... This one's kind of... Tanning Bedman. Tanning Bedman. Suntan.

Portman and suntan. And then four-door passenger car.

Today on Riddle

You don't have to explain why it needs to be a scene.

Garf Marge. What was it?

Garf Marge.

Adal, you're going to be playing Channing Tatum. You are at a—and Erin, you're going to be working at a bank. And Adal, you're going to forget that your name is Channing Tatum, and you're really going to be trying to search for it and hit what your name is when Erin's checking you in here to make a deposit or withdrawal or whatever.

Sure.

Hi, welcome to Chase Bank. How can I help you today?

Wow, you're pretty.

Oh my gosh. Oh, thank you.

Oh, sorry. I'm looking in the reflection of the sort of plastic sort of guard here.

Oh my god, I did it again.

Sorry. I'm just a, I'm a very, I'm a very pretty man. Nice to meet you. My name is Chuting Tootum. Am I right?

Sorry. Sorry. I'm feeling it's just a little muffled through the glass.

Chutting Tateman? Chutting Tateman?

Sorry sir, I'm having a little bit of a hard time. You just need to lean a little bit closer to the glass and I'll be able to hear you and type your name in. Oh, sorry. Or you could give me, if you want to hand me your card.

My name is Cuddles Cuddling? No, that can't be right. Everybody on the floor. The dance floor, the dance floor, magic. Magic. Pick a card, any card.

You cannot, I don't care if you're a celebrity, you cannot be yelling everybody on the floor inside of a bank. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I mean, I know, I think I might recognize you.

Oh, hey, is that who I think it is? Hey, it's me, Joe Mingley Jello. Joe Mingley Jello. That can't be right.

Jenna Hill?

Oh, no, the tall one. No, for Magic Mike, I'm, uh... God, what is my... Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. John... Maclamelo?

You were married to... Sargia Sarvarva?

Don't say we're married, because obviously I'm not any... Yeah, yeah, you got divorced.

Oh, I feel like I have that.

Oh my God, fellas, is this a movie reunion or what? It's me, Moot... Moot Boomy? From White... White Suits? That's not right. The White Suits. On TNT.

No. Chorning Tillman. Chorning Tillman?

Oh, oh, oh. I know who you are.

You are... Oh my god. I got it. You know what? I got it. Stalker Channing. I'm Stalker Channing. I was Rizzo in Grease. You know what? I'm John Mantegna.

What do you want?

I am a football player. I am not. I am not.

What do you guys want me to type into the computer?

Money. Money, please. Money, please.

Let's see.

The perfect scene. Erin, the perfect scene happened on your watch.

Oh, God. Wait, are the things that happen on your watch?

Look at me, I'm Sandra Doe.

Just Adal saying his name at first and going, that can't be right.

As a kid, I thought her name was Stockyard Channing.

That makes sense. Is it not?

My mom had to step in and correct me.

Thank you, Mom. Is Stockard... That's her legal birth name, Stockard? I've never... There's no other Stockards, right? I don't think anybody changes their name to Stockard. I don't think. Well, could it be like a Martin Sheen thing where there's like... It's like a stage name, but you wanted to pick something that was unique. Martin Sheen, probably not the right example because that doesn't seem super unique.

He's a Martin Estevez. Estevez?

No, his name's like Alonzo Estevez or something like that. I don't even think, maybe Martin is one of his middle names or something like that. You know, it doesn't matter, we can't Google it. We can't Google it! We'll never know if Stockard was her real name. Maybe Stockard's short for something.

Any relation to Carol?

Erin, do you know? No, I doubt it. Carol Channing? Oh, I thought you meant Carol King. I love Carol Channing. I feel the earth move. That's Carole King.

Erin, what did you say that the guy from White Suits, which is so funny, what did you say his name was? That guy's name I truly don't know.

Matt Bowmer is his name.

Oh, he's like a Broadway guy.

He's like, I'll say it, he's proper handsome.

Yeah. He reminds me of, oh, the guy who played Superman. Henry Cavill. Henry Cavill. Is Matt Bomer American? Because he could just be like American Henry Cavill.

He's also gay.

Erin, you sound so sad. He's like Bizarro Henry Cavill. Can you call gay people Bizarro?

Again, you could under Biden. And now it feels less fun.

No, you definitely can't under Trump. That's definitely something that people are proud of being able to do.

Bizarro Superman is gay? Okay.

I know everything is so scary right now and things are very rarely funny. And especially with Trump, it's just not funny because it's so scary and dangerous. But yesterday I wanted to wind down for the night by watching like a nature thing on Netflix. And I watched like our world's oceans. And the narrator of that is Barack Obama. And I was sitting and I was watching him talking about whales. And then I started like, dying laughing because I went, can you fathom Trump ever doing something like this? Agreeing to narrate a nature documentary about like whales in the Pacific Ocean, he would get so sidetracked so fast. Oh, I was dying laughing.

They call them Kill Her Whales. Beautiful whales.

Never seen them killed, but I've heard that they can. They can be very killer.

They call them Orcums. They call them Orcums.

They call them Orcums. He's got a seal. Seals are very nasty. It's okay to kill them. They're very nasty creatures.

A lot of the whales, they're dying from the windmills. The windmills are killing the whales.

Actually, Erin, yes. Yes, I can see Joe Biden doing this. I can see, honestly, like Trump leaves office in three years and he gets the exact same Netflix deal that Obama got because Netflix cares about one thing. They're like, hey, you know what? We have a, we just have, I can see Joe Biden doing it too, where he's just like, here's a whale. Oh no, we don't understand. Where'd it go? Okay. I'm just looking at the water.

I'm just looking at the water.

I'm crying again!

Okay, hold on, hold on. We're so fucking cooked. And what if Teddy Roosevelt, and I think it would go a little something. Yeah, yeah. Bully! Bully! Free Willy! Bully!

Free Bully! Free... Four whales and score of orca. No one knows what Lincoln sounded like. Daniel Day-Lewis was like, what if he sounds like this? And we were like, I guess we have to. We have to go with it. We don't have any recordings. He's the actor. We're kind of fucked.

What a huge swing he made.

I've been Abraham Lincoln talked like this. But it's Abraham Lincoln and I only talk in song. This might be your last movie, Daniel.

And he's like, I'm trying to get fired. I'm in hell. Every time I take a roll, I'm in hell.

This is James K. Polk, probably. I am my body.

And Erin, there's three rules about James K. Polk. Don't feed him after midnight. Don't get him wet. Keep him out of the sunlight.

These whales are swimming in the ocean!

People thought what they did with Hamilton was like, oh actually we're like race like flipping it, but like that's what George Washington talked like.

Yeah.

George Washington was like super inappropriate like, hey George, I actually don't think you can do that. And no, that's just, that's his voice.

He was always like, we are outgunned! Outmanned! I couldn't think of another thing Washington said. Can I be real a second, for just a millisecond? I know, I know! This is how George Washington is like, I know, I know!

I was aiming at the sky!

I know, I know!

I think that Hamilton, I don't think Hamilton It had like a couple of years where I think it was like fine, but then I think the longer it went on, the more it's like politics aged pretty poorly. I think Moana is Lin-Manuel Miranda's masterpiece. I think that that movie, and have I been watching a bunch of Moana? Who fucking knows? Who even knows that we could say this? I think that that one is going to go down as like, because I think the best part about Moana is he only did like one little song. He did the music or whatever, but he only put himself in it a little bit.

There's another version of the You're Welcome song and he does the rap in that version I think.

I'm obsessed with Moana. I love Moana.

Have you seen Moana 2, Erin?

I have.

I have not seen it because I don't want to spoil the magic of Moana for myself. I'm a little upset that there needs to be Lion King 2, Moana 2, Little Mermaid 2.

Live action Moana. Live action.

It seemed like Moana 2 was supposed to be a TV show and when I watched it I tried to go in with the compassion that the writers They wanted to make it like an sort of an ensemble deep bench TV show. And then I think they reworked it into a movie. And I was like, Oh, I can see what you're doing. And I can see how this would have been a good like eight episode whatever Disney Plus thing. So I don't think it's like the people who made its fault. I think the studio sort of reworked something into a movie that wasn't supposed to be a movie.

I just always assume when something goes really poorly, not that it went poorly, I have no idea how Moana 2 did, but I always assume when something goes really poorly that it's not one guy's fault. I'm like, this seems like a bunch of emails happened and it just came out absolute dog shit.

Lack of art by committee.

Well, we're going to do one more of these and then we're going to take a break if that's okay with everybody.

Hey, sounds good to me.

This actor who played the Grinch is watching a tiny mythical creature with wings that's especially astute.

Jim Carrey watching a hairy fairy. Jim Carrey watching a hairy fairy.

You guys got it.

Can we do a quick scene? And this scene is going to transition directly into break.

Before we do the scene, I just want to thank Connor O'Nephew Old again. Thank you for your time.

Thank you Connor O'Nephew Old.

Thank you everyone at the office.

This is just going to be a quick solo scene. Adal, you're going to be playing Harry Ferry. You've got to stop doing impressions while people are doing things or else you're just going to get called out. It's going to go right into break. Adal, you're going to be Harry Ferry and you're calling a baseball game.

Top of the ninth, two out, two strikes, two balls. Hey, if you believe in this game, clap. I would never want to clap. Clap if you believe in the game. Wow, what a great game.

It's melting into Christopher Walken. Break, break, break, break. I don't know, homie. Odie.

This is a good day. It's a good day.

Erin, you seem in a good mood.

Yes.

Spring has sprung.

Spring has sprung and I get to talk about Rocket Money. It's my favorite app on my phone. It's a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. I've had this app for many a year and it has helped me so much organize my finances. It is the best.

Erin, that's great because previously when you were trying to grow your money you like planted dollar bills and like poured water on them and it was kind of funny at first and then it got really sad.

Yeah, because a bunch of $20 bills were soaking wet and in the ground.

It's crazy because Erin, I've known you for so long. I knew you when your savings consisted of a little piece of string, a thimble, and a button and now it's almost double that.

It's called investment, sweetie. Look it up.

See all of your subscriptions in one place to know exactly where your money is going. For the ones you don't want anymore, Rocket Money can help you cancel them. Rocket Money's dashboard gives you a clear view of your expenses across all of your accounts.

And did you know that Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has saved a total of 500 million? Hey everyone.

Okay, okay.

I mean, come on, cheap shot.

I know, I know, I know. But I love it. I've had it for forever. And it helps so much if like I accidentally got charged for something or I overspent on something. It will send me alerts. It makes me, it gives me so much peace of mind knowing that I have Rocket Money.

Hey, so cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to rocketmoney.com slash riddle today. That's rocketmoney.com slash riddle, R-I-D-D-L-E, rocketmoney.com slash riddle.

Um, Erin, what are you pouring water on right now? What's that? My string.

Erin.

What?

This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace.

Erin JPC, I have a problem. I woke up this morning and I pronounced square as squar. Or wait, I just said square. Nevermind.

Oh, you're cured. Thank goodness, because I really want to talk about Squarespace. Squaw-spaws. Squaw-spaws.

Well, someone has to say it right. And okay, I'll say it. Squarespace. Nope. Can't be me.

SquaSpice or Squarespace is the all-in-one website platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online. Whether you're just starting out or scaling your business, SquaSpice or Squarespace gives you everything you need to claim your domain, showcase your offerings with a professional website, grow your brand, and get paid all in one place. Erin, can you believe that?

I can't. Squarespace makes it easy to showcase your expertise and engage clients with video content on your website. Upload and organize your videos, create stunning video libraries, and even monetize your content by adding a paywall. Perfect for online courses, exclusive tutorials, and premium workshops.

You know what the problem is? It's kind of like the ring. Like once Adal set it, it's like, now it's like with us. And the other thing is they're spelled the same. So it's like Squarespace and Squarespace are spelled the same, but only Squarespace has SEO tools to get discovered fast with integrated Squarespace SEO tools. Every website is optimized to be indexed with meta descriptions and auto-generated sitemap and more. So you show up more often on search engines and bring in more of your ideal customers.

And Squawspaws. Squarespace? Squaspas.

Squarespies.

You can make smarter business decisions with Squawspas. Squarespace is intuitive built-in analytics tools. Keep that in. Review website traffic, learn where to focus engagement, and track revenue from bookings, invoices, or product sales, all from one place.

So check out squarespace.com. Ooh, I did it. Yay! We're cured. Check out squarespace.com slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code RIDDLE or RIDLE. RIDLE?

Riddle-bills. Riddle-bills.

Erin, you have something different than what we have.

Rubbles.

Squarespace.com slash riddle.

Helix sleep, I am sleeping in a bed, midnight logs. Helix sleep, I must sleep.

Now Erin, typically that song would make me very tired, but here's the thing. I had the best night's sleep of my life, which I have every night because I have a helix sleep mattress. Have you heard of this? You seen this? You heard of this? Yeah, I was just dreaming about it.

I was just dreaming about my Helix Sleep because it's the best mattress in the world. I have a Midnight Lux. It's the best night's sleep I've ever had. When people sleep in my bed, when they're watching Lou, they always text me and say, what kind of mattress do you have? Because that's the best night's sleep I've ever had.

Yeah, I slept on a piece of cardboard last night because, and I'm not ashamed to admit this, the middler got me. He absolutely got me. Oh, JPC. You know what?

It's so rare that I- Like, understood you?

No, I mean, he tricked me. I got to give him his wins when he can get them. The middler tricked me into sleeping on a big piece of cardboard. Normally, I love sleeping on my Helix Sleep mattress. It's very comfortable, but... Can I ask what the trick was? Yeah, you definitely know the difference when the middler gets you because you don't get the same level of sleep.

Okay. All right. Well, I mean, if you want to just take the sleep quiz and get paired with a perfect mattress for you, it takes like no time at all. So you can probably Like, you can get back up on your feet.

Yeah, I'm fully planning to not get tricked by the middler into sleeping on a piece of cardboard again tonight. I think I'm just gonna go back to my old mattress, my Helix Sleep mattress. I loved it. It's reliable. I am worried that the middler's gonna try something on me again. He's getting better.

Do you want to talk about the Spring Savings Event, maybe that'll help?

Yeah, it could help to talk about the Spring Savings Event going on at Helix Sleep right now where you can get 20% off site-wide. All you got to do is go to helixsleep.com slash riddle for 20% off site-wide with the Spring Savings Event. That's helixsleep.com slash riddle for the Spring Savings Event. 20% off site-wide. Helixsleep.com slash riddle. Site-wide, sort of like peripheral, right? Sight wide. Okay. I'm increasing my sight to be wide. Now I can see the middler. He was in my periphery.

Oh, oh God, he's gonna make me sleep on cardboard again.

Steve, you're not off the hook either. Hey Riddle Riddle.

I've been swimming at the edge of the water long as I came of water. Never water knowing water. I wish I could be the perfect water. No matter how hard I try.

No, how hard I try.

Every turn I take, every path I make, every water break. What is water? Oh my god, when her grandma turns into the stingray. I'll cry about it whenever.

I do think that it's very funny, Erin, to sing a song where the first eight beats are about water, and then you get into, what is water? It's like, oh no, this person singing this water song doesn't know what water is.

Took an insane clown posse turn. Yeah.

You guys, I have been crying over like nothing recently. I've been tipped over so easily. I'm crying over commercials. I was at a bar the other night, and my friends were just describing a moment from the most recent season of Survivor that I have not watched and had no context for. And I burst into tears at a bar with them just describing it. I was like, that's beautiful. And they were like, are you okay?

It was probably a really sad story, and it probably has nothing to do with what's going on with you. It's probably something really sad that happened on Survivor that is universal, so anyone who was hearing it described would have cried.

Erin, sorry, it's the mayor of Riddle Riddle. You forgot your toothbrush. Also, I looked in my bathroom trash and it seems like there's a pregnancy test that says positive?

Guys, can I have a quick second?

Yeah, are you talking to me? Yeah, sure, for sure.

Yeah, thanks.

Do I have to hang out with the mayor of Riddle's? Is that where you go?

No.

I hate making small talk with guys. Erin's fucking. It's truly... I'm just going to be right back.

I'm just going to be right back.

Just talk to him for a second.

Yeah, so how is it, man? Hittin' the G-U-T-S? My man! Hittin' the guts?

Oh, yes! Oh, yes, stabbing guts. That was a term that was bandied about maybe 10 years ago in Riddleville, but I don't think I would say that. I believe Erin is a respectable woman and I care for her deeply and we've had several... For sure, we're just a sex-positive podcast, so we don't mind talking about it.

Guys, me and the mayor have never had sex. What are you guys talking about? What was implying that we've had sex?

Toothbrush. Pregnancy test. You left your coat at my place? Both of your smells.

What does that mean? Let's just say I changed Erin's oil. Smells like somebody's been hitting the skins and I'm not talking about playing football.

Alright guys, if you guys can't talk to the guys that I'm having sex with, then what is even the point of having podcast co-hosts?

Key to the titties? What does a mayor have? Key to the titties?

Key to the titties.

Can I get the key to the titty?

Titty tape parade. That's nothing. I know it's nothing.

It's about less than nothing. Yeah, it's almost nothing. Erin, do we have any riddles?

Can we skip to plugs?

No.

TPC, please, I never ask.

You, Erin. You, I hate to be the one to say this, you always ask.

Do I?

Yeah. It's, it's never, it's not often verbal, but it's, it's behind the eyes and it's a pleading. It's a pleading to be like, can we just do plugs?

One time you sang it, you sang pink pony plugs I think.

Erin, I'll give you options. I'll give you options. We could do riddles. We could have you do more riddles. Or we could keep kind of like mining the content of like what if you're pregnant and like what other kind of guys have you slept with that we could like bring. Do it. Do it. Uh oh.

When Adal said he had a dream about being pregnant, I literally had a moment where I was like, oh my god. How could that happen? Because I'm a virgin. No. I was like, oh my God, if he's intuitively knowing this. No, I don't. You know what? If I do ever find out I'm pregnant, I hope one of you tells me. I hope one of you somehow finds out before me.

If I had the ability to carry a child, I think that I would have taken like a million pregnancy tests in my life. Not a million.

Oh yeah.

I'm not out there fucking that much, but I think that, well, let's see. The amount of pregnancy tests that I've taken as a man has been zero. I think it would be way more than that.

You haven't even tried it for fun? I've peed on some used ones.

You love peeing on sticks. I've peed on some used ones. When Mariah took a pregnancy test that said that she was pregnant, I tried to pee on it to see if I could pee the baby out.

Hmm, sort of a pee-out-the-poison situation.

Yeah, sort of a pee-out-the-poison, but I kind of tried to see if I could reverse it.

That makes sense, I think.

So, you think the baby's inside the pregnancy test?

I peed on Mariah's positive pregnancy test when she was pregnant, and then the pregnancy test changed to, whatever this says, can't support life. And whatever it's growing needs to be killed. They actually listed a phone number, and I called the phone number, and it was... A priest, right? I think I've told this story on the show before, so stop me if I have, but when I was a freshman in college, we did an exercise in acting class.

where you had to find something with like a sense of urgency in the scene. And you got to pick what your object was. Like some people picked like a watch or like whatever, like a receipt. And I was like, Oh, I'll pick like a pregnancy test because someone would be urgently trying to find one that they like maybe hid somewhere in a room. And I thought and it went well, I got a good grade on the scene. And I threw because pregnancy tests a lot of time come in packs of two.

Yeah.

And I had bought it from like the dollar store or whatever. And I threw it in my box of props. So just like wigs, props, various other nonsense, and then forgot about it for the rest of the year. My mom came to pick me up for my freshman year of college. to move me out and saw it. And then my mom started acting so weird for like three days. And I was like, you seem kind of mad at me, like this Irish Catholic, like, and I was like, what is going on? Like, why are you acting so weird? And she finally was like, Erin, I found a pregnancy test in your room. And I was like, this is the worst moment of my life.

Imagine an Irish Catholic mom being mad about pregnancy. I know.

I was like, mom, that was for an acting exercise. And thank you for rubbing it in that I did not have sex at all this year. It is a different level of humiliation to have your mom think that you were having sex all year and being like, no, no one wanted to. Thanks though. Thank you.

I would have done it. I would have ron-dogged it. I said, I'll just take the test.

This reminds me, and stop me if I've told this one before, but I'll say very quickly. My sister Sadiya, who's a tremendous actor, was taking a class. I won't say the name of the theater, but it's a very popular theater. And there's like a sub for the acting class. So this sub was going around the room and was like, I'm going to ask you a question, I just want you to respond honestly. And the sub goes to the first student, the acting student, and they go, your house is on fire, you have to save one thing that's not a pet or electronic, what is it? And the person's like, A photo of my grandma because she passed when I was 10 and I never really got to know her and everyone's getting emotional and the sub's like, amazing, amazing answer. Goes to the next student in order, the second student in line kind of standing and is like, you have the power to heal one issue with the world, what do you heal? And the person's like, I think hunger, I think I would be able to feed everyone, and everyone's getting emotional, and the sub's like, amazing question. Then the sub gets to Sadia, who's like, I guess third, and goes, clearly ran out of questions, and goes, what, if you were a donut, what kind of donut would you be? And Sadia's like, ah, jelly? And the sub's like, why? And Sadia's like, I'm delicious? And the sub goes see me after class? That is fucking awesome.

That is classic stuff right there.

The sub clearly didn't prepare and then took it out on Sadia of like, if you're not going to take this seriously, and it's like, you ask me what kind of fucking donut I am?

I think, you know, to be in the interest of transparency, if Erin has told that story in the podcast before and if Adal has told that story in the podcast before, we should also tell a new story. So I'll tell you a new story. It's a very brief story. The other day, Ryan and I were sitting in the kitchen and she went to microwave something and she looked at whatever, I don't remember what it was that she was microwaved, but she said three and a half minutes and then she went to the microwave and she put in three And then she put in five, zero, and she hit start. And I go, wait a second.

Oh no.

I stopped the microwave. And I was like, wait a second. You think 50 is half a minute? And she's like, I panicked and I just said whatever.

That's going to be my new mantra.

I panicked and I said whatever.

I panicked. I couldn't remember what half a minute was. And I said, whatever. It's fine. Whatever. It's just a little microwaving. Who gives a shit? That's so funny.

That's amazing.

Um, okay guys, guess what?

What?

I'm actually not giving up on this science riddle book that's maybe from Molly. I'm actually not going to give up on it. I'm going to complete it, okay? Okay, alright.

Is this, is there a resolution to this? Did we think you were giving up on it?

Yeah, I mean, I just assume you guys always assume that I'm giving up.

I think you think I think about you more than I do.

Does that make sense? That's really sweet. Wait, what did you say?

Erin, if you can see the audience, the audience can see you. Yeah, that's right.

What does that mean?

Objects and audience may appear closer than they appear.

Erin, remember Closer with Clive Owen and Natalie, aforementioned Natalie Portman?

Oh yeah, do I remember a hot sexy movie with Clive Owen? Clive Owen. I might have already done this one, sorry, but we'll quickly get through to once we have done. What snacks should you serve robots at a party?

Microchips.

Yeah, that's a great answer.

Great answers. They are. But it's not that. Yeah. It's not that. Megabytes. Oh, mixed nuts and bolts?

Yeah, mixed nuts.

Oh.

You got it. I'd like to see a scene.

Wait, what? Mixed nuts? Why mixed nuts?

Because robots are made of nuts and bolts. Mixed nuts.

Robots are made of nuts and bolts. Can I say something?

Get over it. Oh, here we go. Hi, PuzzBot. Hi, PuzzBot.

Hi, Erin. You left your coat and toothbrush at my place.

Um, you know what, guys? Can you talk to Puzbot for a second?

I'm just gonna be over here. I don't like to make small talk with JPZ.

God damn it.

So, how is Cousin Piss?

Uh, great. Yeah, it's great, Puzbot. Puzbot, may I say that you, uh, you sound like, you know, you're, I'm sorry, you... Well, I better be going. I bailed on saying it so fast I did not want to say it. Alright, see ya, BuzzBot. Enough, enough.

Alright guys, I'm back and I would like to see a scene. You are two robots at a party and one of you is trying to like do a graceful exit and the other one is noticing.

Well, this has been a killer party. Yes, I agree. This party has been killer.

Man, the music that was chosen was so groovy. Such groovy tunes.

Groovy tunes, and the drinks were reasonably mixed.

I'm sorry I spilled my Manhattan on your motherboard.

My man, it is all good. It is literally water under the cooling system.

Phew, that is a gig off my memory card.

All right, brother.

Good to run into you. Good to run- Oh! I'm actually going the same way.

Oh, okay. We were both doing the thing where we say goodbye to one person at the party.

I can say goodbye to one person or zero people.

Yes, me too. It's binary choice. I feel like if we leave together, people are going to assume that we are going to fuck.

Well, should we give them something to talk about?

Huh. This is not the way I saw this night going. Contemplating probabilities. Okay. Yes. I could be a do this.

Oh man, I was joking. This is awkward now. I am so sorry. I was joking.

Yes, me too. Me too. Me too. Me too. Recalculating.

Recalculating. Recalculating.

Hey guys, I'm so sorry to interrupt you. We're going to have to take your keys because you guys are talking like you're robots and you're clearly really drunk. We do not want you driving home.

Calculating probability of threesome. Wow. Sorry. Looking unlikely.

That's such a fuck you.

I made you guys be robots, and I was like... Honestly, Erin, you gave me an idea for the next party I attend, which is to get so drunk that I think I'm a robot.

I wouldn't be drunk, though. I feel like you could be on mushrooms enough that you think that you're a robot. I hit my head so hard. Drunk that you think you're a robot.

What did the mad scientist write on the robot's tombstone?

All right, Burn CD. Erin, is it something to do with R.I.P.?

But it's like rest in... You get... It is a play on rest in peace.

Rest in pieces. Rest in... Rust in peace.

Yes, rust in peace.

They're brilliant. Erin, I would do one season. Okay. Erin, you are a famed outlaw, rust in peace. JPZ, you are a bartender at a bar that Rust in Peace has just walked into looking for trouble.

Nah, nah, Rustin, Rustin, your money's no good here. And I mean that literally. All your money is rusted to the core. It just, it ruins the other money that it touches.

Please don't- Currency is currency, is it not? Correct, it is not. Pour me another whiskey.

Look, we don't want trouble, Rustin. We'll just give you the whiskey gratis on the house. Just keep your filthy money in your pockets if you could.

Can I ask you a question?

Yeah, sure.

Your piano player used to stop playing when I walked through those saloon doors and everyone used to fall silent. And now people keep going about their day business as usual when I walk in. Am I losing my touch?

I would say don't touch anything. Why do people keep saying that? Because you're filthy, Rustin.

It's the Old West. We're all filthy.

Well, yeah. So imagine how it must be me calling you out. You know what I'm saying?

Because we're all filthy and you're... I have half a mind to show you the business end of my gun, sir.

Rustin, I am not scared of that gun because there is no way that rusted piece of metal can fire bullets.

I left it in a lake for four months by accident.

Your whole shit is left in a lake. That's your whole vibe.

Well, my house is by a lake.

A lot of people live by lakes. I've never seen a human being rust. I've never seen that until I met you, Rustin.

You know what? I have half a mind to show you the business end of my gun. I already said that.

I wouldn't put it past you if you did have half a mind. Because it seems like maybe half your brain has been corroded by some sort of exposure to oxygen and water.

Piano stops playing.

Well, this has been the most hurtful interaction I've had in quite some time. You've hurt my feelings. I'm going to go outside to my horse. I'm going to lick my wounds.

Don't lick it. If it licks, it's going to rust. Have you been licking your wounds?

Oh, brother. Well, maybe one more quick riddle and then... Yes, please.

Yeah! Yeah!

What did the little electric robot say to its mother?

Um, I'm hum-hungry.

M-mommy and dada? Mama, are you mine?

Little electric robot. Can you charge my diaper?

Ew. What is wrong with you? You asked. You asked. Ugh. What is wrong with you? Are you my motherboard? No.

Are you my motherboard is good. But electric is key here, right?

I assume there's going to be some- You just say it's a robot thing. I don't think you would be able to get this, but- Wait, give us a clue.

You don't think I'm going to be able to get it?

I don't think anyone's going to be able to get this. Oh. It's the robot saying, I love you to its mom. But it's the quantity of how much it loves its mom.

Whoa.

That is the joke.

I love you. Tons and tons. Yeah, but what's it?

Yeah, there you go. Combine the two things you just did.

I love you a gigaton?

No, you said a different word.

Megaton. Meg-what?

Yeah, there you go.

Megatron.

There you go.

I love you a what?

Yeah, I love you watts and watts.

Watts and watts.

I love you watts and watts.

Oh, I guess electric watts. Yeah, okay. I mean this... Have a good attitude. Okay.

Casey, can we have a voicemail theme?

Have a good attitude?

Have a good attitude. What the fuck?

Hey Riddle Riddle has a voicemail you can call And if you're nice and leave a message Then they just might play it all on the show Unless you're a child then please go

A play on our favorite song, Hey There Delilah.

Wow, by the way, white tees. And I do also appreciate working in the fact that don't call that number if you're a child. Yes. I'm sick of getting voicemails from children.

Isn't it wild that plain white tees are now associated with the bear?

Oh, because of how much they wear plain white tees on that show?

Yeah, Jeremy Allen white tees. That's funny.

Jeremy Allen white tees. And he's a tease. He's such a tease. He's such a tease. Shameless tease.

And can we hear that voicemail, Casey?

Hey Adal, Erin, and JPC. My name's Rodolfo. I'm a long-time listener and short-time fan. I called you guys about a year ago to tell you I got a new job, and I feel like I'm legally obligated to inform you I did quit that one, and I do have a new one. Just like last time, you're the first people I told, but this time I got a question. I'm interested to know what your favorite and least favorite class or multiclass in D&D is. Mine's a delicate, balanceable warlock, sorcerer, and a paladin, and my least favorite's rogue. I'll be sure to inform you when a future job changes. Until then, bye-bye.

Yeah, thank you so much. We do want everyone to be updating us on your employment status. That's just like a legal thing for us. We need to know where you're working and why. And why.

And why is a good part. Riddle kind of left out the why part, so... And we don't always assume it's for money. Okay, so it's most favorite and least favorite D&D classes.

Welcome to

I think I'm going to hit you with the opposite direction because I think my least favorite would be like, kind of maybe just like fighter, like something that's like vanilla and like big sword hit heavy, you know, that thing when I'm role playing, it's not my most favorite. And I think that my most favorite probably is wizard. I like the idea of looking through the spell book and like picking things for like, oh, this could be useful in this instance.

Now JPC and the D&D game that we played in for like six years together, your wizard name was Vodon?

Vodon Shavaris. Vodon Shavaris.

And is he here with us now?

Uh, Erin, he might be, if I could remember. I think I just sounded like me. I think it was just my voice. But yeah, I also, my favorite way to play is the... There's one thing where you're like, okay, you're a wizard, you have to cast fireball because it's like the best damage spell. But I do like when you play a character. I think my character that I played in that campaign was an illusionist. And I like picking spells that don't like deal damage because you can like think of more fun ways to use them. But I guess it's just, you know, different strokes for different folks. And then when I played Baldur's Gate 3, my character was a monk. My main character was a monk. And I really had a good time playing a monk. Beating people up with my fists.

Erin, I'm gonna guess that you like Bard best?

I do! That's what I was gonna say. Bard is my favorite. Not necessarily to play, but to have in a party. I feel like you gotta have a Bard. And then I would say I've never felt the the podcast.

Yeah, you're more of a flighter, right? Gotta go! Well, that was a great question. Also, if you want to send us anything in the mail, our mailing address is in the show description every week. You can send us something in the mail. And if you want to hear us open something that you send us in the mail, check out our live streams that we do every month on our review crew tier of our Patreon. That is where, I guess I never really say, but that's where I open up all of the packages. And quick reminder I'm campaigning for us to do a live show in someone's living room

in the next year or so. So send us your wedding invitation. We want to do it for a couple who they both are they like the show and they're both interested in the show because we're going to be doing a live show from your living room. So send that in if you want us to do a live show in your living room.

Oh, and before we get to plugs, I'm going to do one like pre-plug announcement that I guess I should be mentioning, but it's, it's, it's, yeah, it's probably partially plugs. But if you are joining our Patreon and you want to give us money to listen to our bonus content, do not do it through the Patreon app on the iOS app store. If you try to sign up via the Patreon app on the app store, it charges you, Apple charges you 30% more. We don't see that money. It just goes to Apple and it's every month. So do not do that. Go to Patreon's website and sign up via their website. So just open a browser on your phone or do it on your computer, but definitely sign up for our Patreon on a website, not the iOS app, or you will be charged extra money. And that boils my blood that Apple does that, so just do not give Apple more of your money if you can avoid it.

That was very Yosemite Sam of you. Boils my blood, burns my biscuits.

Adal, anything to plug?

Yes, I want to plug. Hey, everyone at the office, text or call the Erin in your life. For some of you that might be Erin Keif. For a lot of you it's not. But everyone has an Erin in their life and maybe just, you know, reach out to them, send them a text, say hi, maybe give them a call, catch up with them, see how they're doing.

Erin, anything to plug or promote? Ignore your texts and phone calls from your loved ones.

No, no, no, no, no. Follow Quality Time on Instagram if you live in LA or you're going to be there soon. I host a monthly variety show and it is really a true variety show in Los Angeles that I'm really proud of and I think is always consistently very, very good. So come check that out if you want. JPC, anything to plug or review?

Real quick, next time I'm in L.A., could I pop on Quality Time and teach karate?

Adal, I actually insist that you do that. Actually, you're not leaving the city unless you've done that.

Hell yeah, take that, I quit that one. JPC, anything to plug or review?

Before I read a review, which I'm going to do, and if you want to submit a review, you can leave a five-star review anywhere that you leave reviews, and I might read it on the show, but before I do that, I just have to remind everybody, it is still Penguin Baseball Month, April of the Penguins, on the Patreon. Check out our show description for links to our merch store with all new Penguin Baseball teams. It's a lot of fun over there, and it's continuing all frickin' month long. Adal, did you say something? I said the ball's the egg. The ball is the egg, of course the ball is the egg. Still. Let's read a 5 star review. This review is titled 5 stars. It's from Slippy McTripp. 5 stars, 5 stars, 5 stars, 5 stars, 5 stars, 5 stars, 5 stars, 5 stars, 5 stars, 5 stars. Pig orgasm for 90 minutes. 5 stars, 5 stars, 5 stars, 5 stars, 5 stars, 5 stars. Thank you, Slippy McTripp.

Disgusting. Jupiter.

I'll never eat 5 guys again.

Are we doing the 7-8? Yeah, yeah, the miniature count.

Hey, I'm down here.

I'm the miniature count. I'm so small, I can't remember the numbers. Flick!

I want to lick your pinky!

Hey there, burgers and dogs, if you liked that, you are going to love this week's episode. It's another week of Penguin Baseball, and this time, we're giving you the fan experience. You can listen to that plus the entire back catalog at patreon.com slash hey riddle riddle by joining the clue crew for five dollars a month or start your seven day free trial or the review crew for eight dollars a month. Plus, you get those ad free episodes. See you there.

That was a hate gun podcast.