Which Riddle Riddle?

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Okay, say ah.

Ah.

Yep, it's what I thought. You have a case of the riddles.

Salsa? Oh. Thank God. What did you say? I said salsa. What is it? Did somebody say salsa?

Sir, sir, sir, I'm trying to do an exam on this patient.

Opens briefcase. Mild or hot?

Um, I could go for some salsa right now if it's not too much of an imposition, doctor. Mild or hot?

I'm not gonna say it again.

How are you the person of authority in this room right now?

Hot. Mild.

I'm trying to tell you you have the case of the riddles and it is

Oh, a quesadilla. Yeah, I guess that could go well with salsa.

Sir, sir, you're very, very sick and there is no cure.

Did somebody say quesadilla? Open this briefcase. Oh, it's my enemy. Quesadilla man.

Why can't we be friends, Dan?

Well, we were once brothers. I, salsa man, and him, quesadilla man. But then our parents fought and killed each other.

I don't need a backstory for these two guys.

But that's our parents. Am I wrong? That's our parents. Like, why would that have anything to do, any bearing on our relationship, Dan?

We're brothers. We have a similar business. Is Claire, at the front desk, asleep right now? Is that why you two were able to get in here?

She is asleep. She is full of salsas and quesadillas and that put her right to sleep.

Yep, okay. Um, I'm trying to focus on my patient, uh, JPC here. He is really sick. JPC!

Yes? What's gonna make it so much worse? Present?

No, I'm not.

Give me a present.

Uh, you know what?

Give me a present.

Just pay? Ho ho ho!

Did someone say they want a present? It's me, Salsa Santa!

Okay, I think I quit being a doctor. Just pay on your way out and good luck. Good luck living with riddles.

Pay who? If your waiter quits in the middle of dinner, you don't pay. Wait, do I have riddles?

Well, you will if you hang out with this guy.

Which guy? Quesadilla man?

No, JPC.

No, I don't have riddles.

This guy. Who? Salsa man? No, not my brother Salsa Man. This guy. Stop looking at me.

Why am I being addressed? Start setting little fires in every corner of this room. Oh, have you read Little Fires Everywhere by Celeste Ng? Unbelievable. Oh, oh, okay. Everyone get on my back. Santa's gonna get us out of this mess. It's all on fire. It's all on fire. Wait, who is the woman at the front desk asleep? Someone grab her.

Okay, so guys, that is an opening that we could do, but we shouldn't, right?

What happened to the woman asleep at the desk?

And actually, Adal, it doesn't get any better after that, if you can believe it.

Maybe it's best we put that opening back in the vault and we check in on it again in a year and see if we want to use it for an episode?

Yeah, but the Disney vault is a really scary place. I mean, we are recording this episode or this opening in November of 2023. So do you feel like in a couple years, if we run out of openings, maybe we pull it out of the vault?

Speaking of the Disney vault, when are we going to crack that bad boy open and get the Disney twins back on the podcast, Adam?

Oh, yeah. Pretty soon. I mean, actually, I'm looking over here and the Disney vault is actually open. Let me. Oh, God. Bambi, but Thumper killed the mom. There's some really effed up stuff in here.

OK, let's just lock up this vault. I think Disney twins ran its course in a way that it's maybe I don't know. Maybe we can go back to it. Let us know in the comments.

That didn't go where I thought it was going to go, Erin. Not at all, Erin. I thought you were going the other direction. That's like a David Blaine-esque level of misdirecting.

Disney Twins has run its course, so I dare say we should definitely see them again.

I guess that that makes sense, though. They've ran their course. They've taken their break. I'm trying to see if the Disney twin is still sort of in my body, if I can access her. I'll tell you what, it's not going to be this month. This month is all Penguin Baseball. We all know this. We all know it's all Penguin Baseball, but you know.

The egg is the ball.

The egg is the ball. Something to keep under consideration. Maybe, maybe, maybe that's... Okay, I'll do it. Disney Twins July. A July chock-a-block full of... Absolutely not. All Disney Twins all July. Erin, is that not long enough? Do you want to do all summer?

Yeah, can we do all summer?

Half of August.

Adal, can you do Disney Twins go to the Lord of the Rings universe? Yes. Okay, thank you.

We can do anything. Okay, Saruman would be like... Don't burn it down. Sorry your mom.

A wizard arrives precisely when he means to, sir.

Guys, guys, guys, guys. That's the paid content. We make people pay for that stuff, the good stuff. And I say, you can't keep kissing everyone. No, Adal, come on. We're going to do all this stuff again. I feel like it's already out of my system. Yeah, well, what are we going to do, huh? It's already gone. We already did it.

Riddles?

I guess if, yeah, I guess if we're kind of just going to jump right into that, we can just do riddles instead. What do you guys think of that?

Amen, sister. Amen, sister. Let's go for it.

Cis men, Amer. Oops. I botched that sentence. You got jumbled.

Cis dyslexic. And that's allowed.

Cis men, Amer. It's actually encouraged.

Amen, sis.

It's actually fine.

No emails about that. It's fine. All right, here we go. You ready for your first riddle?

Sure.

Oh, this is Hey Riddle Riddle. It's a podcast. JPC is Erin's adult podcast. We do riddles and improvising based on a riddle. Hey Riddle Riddle podcast. Okay.

Have we never given JPC that much runway to talk? It seems like you kind of choked and got nervous. I feel like I take the runway.

I feel like he needs an oil change. Yeah. I feel like no one gives me the runway to talk. Away from home. I feel weird. Like I'm useless. Untethered. Today we're That's the fucking thing about it. I feel like they really kind of wrote the big eagles out of the movie because they were like, man, if we introduce the big eagles too early, everyone's just going to be like, yeah, why didn't they just use the big eagles?

They're taking the hobbits to Isengard. And we're going to go too.

Am I crazy or could like Tom Bombadil just like swallow the ring and he'd be fine?

Yeah, right?

And he's barely in the fucking book.

Pure magic.

That guy's pure... So you read my fanfic.

Oh. It's just Tom Bombadil swallowing various things in his little apartment.

I can't believe I thought we were going to start Riddles at seven minutes. Of course we weren't.

I tried. I started reading it and it was weird. It was like a... It was less like a riddle.

Let's hear the rest of it.

Away from home, I feel weird, like I'm useless, untethered. Right? Is that something I'm just reading? No.

Is that the whole riddle?

No! There's much more! Keep going! But I'm scared, Erin, because what if it's more stuff about my life? It's not much to look at, home, I mean. Two narrow slits, one little hole. But it's where I belong. When I'm home, I feel great. Such energy! Please, take me home. This was a marble on like a track No, it's written like a poem and I don't think it's like the line breaks are crazy in this and I think that's just like a fun thing that they added.

Is this the type of Do you think anyone has ever written a poem about this thing before?

I don't know. How do you guys feel about poetry? I mean, look, I think when poetry is good, it's great. But I think, like, most poetry is, like, one of those things where it felt better as, like, a writing exercise, you know? Like, write it, use it, but, like, books of poems, I gotta say, Some of that stuff could have been left on the cutting room floor.

I don't know if this is going to sound condescending, but I truly don't mean it in that way. I am so jealous of people who write and then publish a book of their poetry. To be so sure that other people are going to enjoy poetry that you write is the kind of confidence I wish I had.

It does feel, poetry feels the most like modern, like art, like art galleries kind of thing where it's like there's a painting, somebody tapes a banana to a canvas and half the population is like brilliant and half the population is like, I ain't gonna do that.

Oh, I love banana canvas. I love banana canvas.

Jason banana canvas. He has a name, Erin. It's not, he's not just his art.

Oh, sorry. Sorry.

Can you imagine like turning in a book of poetry to a publisher and then being like, wow, this is really good. And then you thinking like, how the fuck would you know? I do want to see this scene.

Great.

Erin, you are meeting with a publisher. You have a book of poems that you wrote and you're trying to convince this person to publish your book of poems. JPC, you're the publisher.

Okay.

Knock, knock, knock, knock, knock.

Oh, yes, you're my 230.

Sorry, that was beginning of my poem.

Oh, okay. Yeah. Does your poem begin in the hallway? Come into the office and then we can kind of sit down, make yourself comfortable.

Knock, knock, knock, knock, knock. Grows my hand on the door. Knock, knock, knock, knock, knock. Who am I anymore? Sorry, you're looking at your computer.

Yeah, I'm just, I was going on your LinkedIn just to verify that you were the person, because you didn't introduce yourself or anything like that, and we've never spoken. But yes, this is, yeah, you're Kate?

No, technically, I didn't have an appointment with you today. But I did shove Kate into a janitor's closet, so I could speak to you.

Well, you look- Sorry, this is part of the poem.

Okay. I am Kate. I'm Kate.

Okay, is this a part of the conversation or part of the poem? Hey, pause. We'll pause. So, I gotta say, I read your manuscript, your... Knock, knock, knock, knock, knock. Well, hold on, because we're still talking. We're not going into the poems. And in fact, I don't need you to, because I did read it. I'm a publisher, and I did read the book already.

Who is Kate anyway? Is Kate a horse? Is Kate an idea? Or is Kate a woman in an office? Talking to a man? In the middle of a poem!

And I know poetry doesn't have to rhyme, but I kind of believe it should.

It took a long time to figure out that one rhyme.

A long time to figure out that one rhyme. Uh, okay. Yeah.

Um, well. Knock, knock, knock, knock, knock. Hold on. Your 230's here. Yes. Knock, knock, knock, knock, knock.

Yeah. Kate. Yes. It's you. Yes. Yes. You're my 230.

Well, Kate, I've never been interrupted by a man this much before in the middle of a poem. This is insane.

I don't know that you should be doing the poem.

That's part of the poem. This is also part of the poem. That hurt to do.

To say that you're being interrupted by a man when you just are reading a poem to someone unprompted. Would you stop interrupting this poem?

You guys, I have an earache that I think is a near infection from my cruise sickness that will not go away. And so I'm kind of the, is it Carrie Shrug who landed on one foot at the Olympics?

Carrie Strug, yeah.

Strug.

You're thinking of Kathy Shrug.

So everything I'm doing today, I'm doing sort of with a Like, it's amazing that I even made it through that scene. I'm amazing, is what I'm trying to say.

Erin, just like Carrie Strug, I believe that's her name, JPC and I are your Eastern Bloc coaches in jackets. No, wait, she was a Bearcud, was her coach a Bearcud? Yeah, so we're in like American flag jackets and we're cheering you on. We're so proud of you and we carry you off the floor I think because you broke your ankle or something.

Yeah, I have an earache and I broke my ankle in the middle of that scene is what I'm trying to convey to you guys.

1992 was so long ago.

Adal and I are more like Jeff Galuli and what's the other guy's name? The guy who was... Who was the guy? It was Galuli and another guy were the guys.

Yeah.

Is it a train? I'm trying to think of the answer to this riddle.

Oh, no, it's not a train. My home is two slots in a hole. Two slots in a hole, two narrow slits.

Two narrow slits in a hole.

Oh, it's like a plug.

Erin, yes, it is an electrical plug.

Wow.

I'd like to see a scene.

Erin, you are the carry struggle of this episode. You're doing it. Gold medal.

My ankle. Adal, you are like the electrical outlet in JBC. You're the plug. And Adal, you're like, I can't believe he's coming back. It's like coming back and asking for more money. Like he's coming back to sort of steal your resources again.

Woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah. Back up, back up, back up, back up. Baby, baby. What do you want? Just a little juice, baby.

No, no, no more juice. You've had- Hey, hey, hey, hey. You've had your fill, okay? I gave you juice. You left in the middle of the night. You didn't say thank you.

You just yanked out. You gave me juice. You had a good time. I didn't hear anybody complaining when you was having such a good time. Did I say I didn't have a good time? I'm just saying. All I'm saying- You left with no thank you. Why get upset when everybody had a good time? And now I'm back for a little more juice to power up this iPhone 14 Max. Max, yeah. Barely hold it. Do you think I'm stupid?

Baby, are you getting me the juice?

Hold on. I'm working on it. Baby, I don't even know why. I don't even know why iPhone 14 Max is calling me baby. I work as a co-worker of mine. Are you talking to me? Yeah, yeah, I'm telling you. I don't know why she's calling me baby when I just, I work with her.

Baby, I'm at 12%. Come back, baby.

12%, that's gonna, you're gonna, it's gonna take a while to get her there. Well, yeah, if we're still talking. Hey, you know what? Here's an idea. Me. You. Come on. iPhone 14 Max. Not again. Not this again. We all have a good time. Come on.

Baby, I wanna scroll. I wanna watch videos and that drains the battery, baby.

Alright, what's it gonna take? Once I'm in, you want me to jiggle it around a little bit? Yeah, I want you to jiggle it around a little bit. That's what I've been saying the whole time. You want me to go in upside down? You want me to go in upside down? I'll go in upside down for you. Yeah, yes, yes.

You better not be getting juice from anywhere else. You told me that you create the juice.

Yeah, yeah, I create the juice through my connections and kind of like my general vibe.

I knew it, you dirtbag!

Hey, don't spit. Do not spit near an electrical outlet. You'll kill us all. Oh, you crazy motherfucker! This crazy motherfucker's trying to kill us all.

I'll just plug right into the wall to get juice.

What? Oh my god, it's working. Oh no. Oh no, the iPhone's just plugged into the wall.

What are you gonna do about it?

Me? It's just working. You just rub it together. Is it working? I don't know.

Same. Ay, ay, ay. What is the answer to this riddle? Balloon. Oh no, we already got it. It's the outlet. My brain was still thinking about it during that whole scene.

I was like, what could it be? What is the answer to this riddle? Balloon.

That's never happened to me before.

Balloon. What a guess. Balloon. You didn't even know what you were guessing.

Balloon.

I was a famous captain at another time. Now I wait around all day at the end of someone's line. This is fun. This is a silly one.

Now I wait around all day at the end of someone else's line?

At the end of someone's line.

Is this like a fishing setup?

Yeah, you're close. You're close. I would say it's kind of like a fishing setup.

A worm.

Captain Worm?

Captain Worm!

Captain Worm.

One of the most famous pirates. Alright, I do want to see a scene. Adal, you gotta be- Adal, you're playing Captain Worm. You're playing Captain Worm, and Erin and I are like two of the pirates on your ship. Your famous pirate ship.

Uh, attention! Alright, line up.

Line up, you mucky mucks.

You creepy fucks, you mucky mucks. It is I, Captain Worm. Hold for applause.

That's right. Sorry, Captain. We can't be applauded because most of us have hooks.

Yeah.

That was a test. You passed.

Uh, Captain, I, um... I'm new to the ship, Yar, and, uh... Fresh meat. All I see is sort of a big captain's hat that I assume is maybe a small worm is underneath it. You're sounding a little muffled, sir, is what I'm trying to get at, Yar.

You assume there's a small worm under the hat.

You never thought that it could be medium-sized or medium-large.

Uh, Yar, the biggest worm, sir, I'm sure, but still to fit under the hat.

Yar, that's what part of this ship is about is trust, me laddie.

If you trust that there is a worm under the hat that is magical and who is bringing us all to heaven, then, only then can we accomplish our mission.

Yar, yar, and I trust. I've been on the ship many years and I trust the worm implicitly. Captain, what's on the agenda-ar today?

On the agenda are today, from me, the magical worm that lives under the captain's hat that you should never see, never lift up the hat to see, who's taking us all to heaven. Yeah, we won't get to heaven if we see the worm. Okay, I assume we swapped the decks. Okay, I assume we swapped the decks. Second up on the list today, bring me your wives so I can fuck them. What?

Oh, sir, you're on the deck, Yar, so I thought perhaps you could tell if we had swabbed it or not. What did you say about our wives, sir?

I said, bring me ye wives so I can meet them.

Not really a big wife industry, Yar. I mean, I know I don't have a wife, but new guy, do you have a wife?

Sorry to keep, uh, yeah, no wife, uh, keep digging at this, but I have to ask five pirates To join us, and if they don't join, then I don't get paid, yar?

Yar, that's the way the pirate system works. If you want to get to heaven... Hey, listen! If you don't want to get to heaven, we can turn this boat right around and go back to Lisbon and all go on our merry way.

I want to get to heaven, that's why I brought this pirate aboard the crew. I'm fulfilling my quotar. Hey, real quick.

Sometimes I'm hearing Nars, sometimes I'm hearing Yars. Under this hat, as a magical worm, these sound very similar. Can we switch to like, yes and no? Cause Yar and Nar are just so close.

Y-y-y-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-s. Y-y-y-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a

Yars. Yars it is true and there's a grand prize. A grand prize for whatever team brings the beach to its feet.

Arr, I hope it's getting to go to heaven. That's really the only reason I do all of this.

I want to lift up the hat and I want to see the worm.

No, we must never. If you lift up the hat and you see the worm, you're not going to heaven. That's what the worm told us.

The grand prize is you give me all your earthly possessions and I shall tend to them and you shall live a life of piety before you enter heaven through the gates that only a magical worm under a captain's hat can provide. Never lift up the hat.

Yar, is this a cult?

Well, of course it's a cult, Yar. No dar. No dar, it's the magic worm. With the hat.

A cult leader. I'm dead.

But do you guys have a guess for what the answer could be here?

Oh my god, balloon?

Can you read the riddle one more time?

I can but you are so close. I was a famous captain at another time, now I wait around all day at the end of someone's line.

Uh oh, Casey's in trouble.

Uh oh. I only mentioned it because it's the first time it's happened. Yeah. Or the first time in years.

Casey, can you read what you just sent to our chat on the side, please?

I said, because there was more hesitant, because you said balloon or something. I said, I got this one instantly. Well, but now you're not gonna believe me because Adal got the right answer.

Well, when they said Captain Worm, Casey, they both hit Captain Worm so quickly that I was like, surely they must know it's Captain Hook.

Um, okay.

Erin, do you want to chastise me for... No, I just...

I wanted you to hear it from me directly, that that hurt my feelings.

But as the audience surrogate, aren't I supposed to be pissed in messaging you guys that I got the riddle faster than you? Oh yeah.

Isn't that kind of what... He has a point.

Okay.

You're swaying the jury.

We'll do a whole episode where we task Casey, we give him the job. to think of any joke that we may have missed and live during the episode comment, like, you guys could have also said this or you could have done this.

Casey, are you willing to do that for the next five to ten minutes of this recording?

Um... Casey, it's a bad thing. You shouldn't want to do it. No. Yeah, there you go. There you go.

All right, Casey, you are free to go.

Blank Blank was right there. Okay, I have a quick question. Is it, because I haven't interacted with this IP in a while, and my brain can't make sense of it, is it never never land or is it never ever land?

Never never land.

Never never land. Right? And do we know what that means?

I think this might be like a pair of stained bears. Like, we can't know.

Okay. You never grow up.

You never grow up. Never never.

You never never grow up. I think.

But it's a double negative, right? Never never. So you do grow up. You grow up real fast.

Casey, what would the audience say?

Well, it's never never land. So it's not land. No, it is land.

Never never land.

But Captain Hook is on a boat, which is in the water. So it's not land. It's never land. Never land.

Never never land.

I think it's probably never ever land.

Our audience doesn't know either. So that's good.

Yeah, our audience surrogate has no idea. All right, you ready for your next one? Yeah, you guys got that one really well. Great job.

Hello, audience. As audience surrogate, I can tell you that the whole time I did know that it was at least within the modern Peter Pan canon, just Neverland, not Never Neverland or Never Everland. But much like the audience, when perceived by the members of the cast, I grew bashful and afraid and decided to be quiet instead.

Oh, I think it is Never Neverland, because now I'm thinking of Metallica, and they have that song where they're like, we're off to Never Neverland.

So I think it is Never Neverland.

Thank you, Metallica.

Thank you, Metallica. Thank you, Metallica.

I feel like once a year we just need a blanket thank you to Metallica.

Riddles feel hard today.

I think I may have done this one. If this one sounds familiar, it looks familiar to me, so that's full disclosure.

Okay.

I'm the high sky rider. I'm the space skimmer. I'm the cloud borer. I'm the earth scanner. The long looker. Monarch of the unseen winds. Monarch of unseen winds, I should say. My song is a scream, silence is my shadow and feared. I fall like a bomb with blood in my breath. Where I land, there is death. Whoa. Thank you, Metallica.

Sky darts.

Just let the sky darts. Sky darts. Erin, it is not sky darts, although, patent pending.

Oh, I love him. All his stand-up. Oh my God, so funny. Ratatouille. Is this like a satellite or a moon?

All the darts are sky darts if you can throw them high enough.

Or drop them from high enough height.

Is that what we think comets are? Is like the gods playing darts?

When you say we, do you mean primitive man or? Yeah.

Yeah.

I know. Adal and I both consider ourselves primitive men.

Australopithecists, if you will. I will.

You know how people were like, there's a 2% chance that a comet hits Earth in like 2032? Oh yeah. They were like, it's definitely going to hit. We can't really get it off course or anything. What do you do in that last week?

What would you do if your son was at home crying all alone because a comet's coming to kill him?

Sir, you have to leave the karaoke bar. Sir? Sir? Give me that mic.

Is the premise behind the comment, Erin, that it's going to hit and it's definitely going to kill everybody? Or is it going to blow up the Earth? Okay, so it is 0% chance of survival Armageddon type of thing?

I think also, Erin, they posted it was like 2% chance and then I think they said it doubled. So now I think it's 4% chance that a comet hits in 2032 or something.

Okay, so with the comet that's coming and it's gonna hit the earth and it's gonna just you know wipe out all life and annihilate everything How long do I do I have do I have 10 years or like do I have until 20? Well 32, I guess that's seven years. I don't remember the exact year. Well, yeah, but when do I know for sure that it's happening? How much lead up time do I get?

Well, let's say that up until like eight months before they think maybe they can like do a missile to get it off course or explode it in space or something. And then I would say maybe you have six months where they know it's gonna hit. But they'd probably lie to us and say, so there wasn't like bedlam for... Yeah, it'd probably be more like six weeks. Yeah, six weeks. Let's do six weeks.

Six weeks, okay. How quickly do I think I can convert to every religion?

That is such a good question. That would be a great movie.

I'm going to do the big three. Well, let's do the big two. Christianity, Islam. Scientology. Scientology. That one's going to be a little harder. It's probably more of a process. Do that one for sure. Probably I want to start that one early.

Is this a Pascal's Wager situation?

But then do I have to get all of the different types of Christianity? Or can I just be like... I think like, Jesus is cool.

Born again.

Born again Christian, got it.

Jesus is cool.

Maybe not the son of God, but cool.

Cool. Do one that's like, Jesus is cool. You gotta do Islam.

Gotta do Allah, you know, probably cool with Muhammad as well. Judaism, I could do that one as well.

That seems a direct conflict of the Christianity, but that's fine.

They're all kind of at conflict with each other. Hinduism, I think you gotta tick that box. Some Jainism. Then I get some animism in there, you know? Wacko Yacko Dot.

Mormonism.

Definitely. Well, but that's a Christian, right? Well, it's kind of not. I guess I want to do Mormonism just to kind of like cover all my bases. Uh, Zoroastrianism? Buddhism? Mixing some old school ones.

Buddhism. I do want to see a seed. Yep. JPC, you have converted successfully to all religions and you've become the most sort of spiritual, spiritually endowed man on earth. Uh, Erin, you have gone on a pilgrimage to seek advice from, uh, JPC's spiritually endowed man and, uh, you have just reached, um, his, his, uh, his sort of altar to talk to him.

Wow, I have been looking forward to this so much. I want to ask you a thousand questions.

I have as well. I am always looking forward to meet a person who I have never met before.

Sir, are you playing on a Nintendo Switch right now?

This is a Steam Deck. It's like a Nintendo Switch. It's bigger and it has a wider catalog of games that you can play.

Uh, sorry, I'll come back for when you're not busy.

I'm always going to be playing on the Steam Deck. Even when it's low on batteries, it's got a very long cord to charge. I'll just plug it in.

Oh, okay, so I get it.

You've probably traveled a long way, a great distance, to be here with me now.

Yeah, I did. And I'm understanding now that you're like trying to teach me that it's okay to indulge in like earthly pleasures.

No, no, no. I do not teach. For teaching is the work of the Lord. I merely ask questions. I ask that you also, if you're going to come visit, pick up Chick-fil-A. I'm seeing a bag.

Yeah, sorry. I got my mail from them.

You did. You did get the Chick-fil-A?

Yeah.

You got the waffle fries?

Yeah.

With the ranch dressing?

Yeah.

And the mayonnaise?

Yes. And I figured it was some sort of test and that you were gonna like not eat it in front of me.

No, I'm gonna eat it in front of you. I'm gonna eat it in front of you and I'd share but I don't want to.

But I got like enough for both of us.

Oh, then you're more than welcome to eat, Teach-A-Minute Fish. Jesus. Colby. Scene.

Oh my God.

I love the most spiritually enlightened being on Earth. Second minute of talking to anyone. Did you bring Chick-fil-A?

Koby.

Koby.

It's saying Jesus like you say Koby. I just didn't know that was Koby.

Next time I throw something in the waste bin, I wad up a piece of paper, I'm gonna go, Jesus.

Oh, okay. Oh, no, we didn't get this one yet. Oh, did you say?

Let's take a break.

All right, Erin, we can take a break. I'll let you take a break. You're gonna come back to do this riddle though. You gotta finish your vegetables.

Okay, I'll just get it then.

No, take a break. Hey, let's take a quick break. Give Erin enough time to forget that she's doing a riddle and be right back with more riddles. Yes, so all you have to do, basically, if you want to use my platform, is you put your money in the dog's mouth and the dog will eat your money and save the money and then a little interest will happen. I can't give you the nuts and bolts behind what goes on inside the dog.

Adal, as tempting as this is, I think I'm going to keep using found.

Yeah, I'm going to use found as well. I don't trust that dog or JPC.

Found is a business banking platform that lets you effortlessly track expenses, manage invoices, and prepare for taxes. And I don't know what this dog does, but it is not that.

First of all, it's not a dog, and it's not JPC. It's obviously the middler. I don't know who this JPC is, although I do know who he is. He's that guy right there. Hey, I'm also, yeah, I'm also here. And this is Hound. And Hound is a better way... No.

Nope.

Nope.

Nope. Nope. Found.

With Found you can even set aside money for different business goals and control spending with different virtual cards.

I personally have saved so much money because Found helps me identify tax write-offs and I've saved so much time that I can now devote to chasing new opportunities and doing the work I enjoy like not putting my money in a dog's mouth.

Yeah, the only thing that you're chasing with Hound, Midler, is that dog to try to get the money out of his guts, I want to say. Yep. Oh, and by the way, Midler, other small businesses are loving Found, too. This Found user said, Found is going to save me so much headache. It makes everything so much easier. Expenses, income, profits, taxes, invoices even. And Found has 30,000 five-star reviews just like this. Open a FOUND account for free at f-o-u-n-d dot com slash riddle. FOUND is a financial technology company, not a bank. Banking services are provided by Pyrmont Bank, member FDIC. Don't put this one off. Join thousands of small business owners who have streamlined their finances with FOUND. Yeah, even I use FOUND. The dog uses FOUND.

Okay dog, there's coins falling out of your mouth.

Oh no! Keep your mouth shut, dog! Open a FOUND account for free at found.com slash riddle.

Ah, Erin, GPC. It is spring and it's time to explore the world.

That's a great attitude.

Wait, you explore the world every spring? Yeah, every spring, every fall, every summer, every winter. I do like a little bit of light gardening sometimes if I feel like it. My dear's vacation season is nearly upon us. This year I'm treating myself to the luxe upgrades I deserve with Quince's high quality travel essentials at fair prices.

I love Quince. I go to them for all of my basics. I recently got a purple skirt from them that I've worn almost every day this week because I love it. Not because I'm too lazy to not do my laundry. I do love this purple skirt.

I got a lightweight hoodie from Quince that is awesome. It's like the perfect mid-season weight thing. It's light enough that it's not going to be hot all summer, but it also gives full arm coverage. I'm a huge fan of a lightweight hoodie.

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Okay.

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Okay, I just looked it up. Venice has a lot of water. I'm sorry, guys.

My lightweight hoodie is going to get all wet. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp.

I say better, you say... Help! I say better, and you say... Erin, help! Oh, sorry.

Erin, hey, sorry. Um, Adal, he fell down a well.

Oh.

Emotionally.

Okay. You gotta be careful how you word things.

I broke my emotional ankles.

Oh, well, Adal, have you tried BetterHelp?

Oh. Oh yeah, Adal, BetterHelp.

Yeah.

It's online therapy. Mm-hmm. With over 30,000 therapists, BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform, having served over 5 million people globally.

Wait, BetterHelp. Yes, it's convenient, too. You can do it from the bottom of a well. You can join a session with a click of a button, helping you fit therapy into your busy life, or if you're a well. Plus, you can switch therapists at any time.

Yeah, and if your emotional well, let's see if I can land this plane, if your emotional well is full, then you might want to use therapy as a way to kind of talk through some of those issues. Sometimes it can be helpful just to talk things out to hear yourself saying them. Therapy is not about solving, you know, specific problems, but it's about giving you tools so that you can, you know, kind of help solve your own issues as you go into the future.

Wow. Life is a well is what you're saying.

And your well-being is worth it. Wow, we landed it.

You're welcome.

Yes. Well, well, well. Okay, we're landing it too much. Does that make sense?

This kind of therapy has worked really well for me in the past. I like being able to message my counselor and have them get back to me with a timely response rather than having to like wait all week to talk to them. I love it. And if you've taken a long break from therapy or if you've never tried it before, why not now?

Your well-being is worth it. Visit betterhelp.com slash riddle today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash riddle.

Can you guys throw down an emotional rope? No.

We're very far away. Okay, bye guys.

Hey Riddle Riddle.

Okay, are you ready for your next riddle?

Um, we didn't solve the last one.

Adal, very good. Very good. Gold star.

I knew that too. I just wasn't bragging about it because I'm not a teacher's pet.

Jesus. Doing this out of the cross. Jesus. You're right. You're not a teacher's pet, Erin. You're just teacher's favorite case. Charity case, really. I feel like I'm getting into heaven working on you, Erin. Jesus. I'm the high sky rider.

I feel like I'm getting into heaven working on you. It's really funny.

Bethlehem Mamba. Oh, what would you do with your six weeks, Erin?

I'd probably hang out with you guys.

Wow. Serious question. Would you continue doing the podcast?

Yeah. Genuinely. I said yeah.

Oh, I thought Adal said no.

No, I said yeah.

Okay, good.

Because like what else am I doing? Looting? Panicking? No. I won't let you guys down.

Okay, serious question though. Sometimes we record like a week in advance just to make our schedules easier. Would you record that extra episode? Like the one that you think- Just in case? Yeah, but come out?

Yeah, but I'd be kind of pissed off if it was good, if we were really cooking. No one is listening to Hey Riddle Riddle in their last week on Earth, though. So we should, yeah.

The last day before the Earth is destroyed and your podcast app is like, okay, Hey Riddle Riddle put on another episode.

And you're like, ooh, but Doughboys are reviewing Zaxby's.

Decisions, decisions.

Taco Bell 14 on the Doughboys.

I only have two hours left to live.

Let's see what Taco Bell 3 is. Hey man, I'm sorry. If you only got two hours left, you don't have enough time to listen to a Doughboys episode. We make it tight for y'all. An hour. In and out. Keep it tight.

I will say, being on that show, it flew by. When you're there, it feels short.

Adal, what are you doing for your last six weeks?

I think I'm going to do a My Name is Earl style, never saw the show, but My Name is Earl style situation where doesn't he like go around and like try and do good things, like correct past wrongs or something?

I think so. It's a karma, karma fucks him over and so he's trying to like get his karma back in balance.

I think I'd like go visit my cousins and be like, sorry, I haven't talked to you guys in like 15 years. Like, I love you guys. Stuff like that.

Okay, let me ask specifically with the cousins though. Do you think, are they upset at you that you haven't talked to them in 15 years? Or do you think, or is it just fine, but you're just like, I'm just gonna see some family I haven't seen?

Here's the thing my man, the keyboard works both ways. Right? They could reach out to me at any time.

They could write me a song, whatever.

I got a cousin in Chicago that I don't talk to enough. Sweating like meatloaf, just like hammering out like a rock band on the piano.

But the whole point of it is to feel good about myself and to make them feel bad because they're like, whoa, Adal was the bigger man. He reached out and then I'm smug and I'm like, take me now.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I think it'd probably be kind of chaos outside, I think it'd be bedlam, but I do think that there are some crimes that I've been meaning to get to.

Like what, bud?

What's that?

What crimes?

Piss on the pot bellies? Yeah, I see a couple of arsons. Oh God, what kind of crimes? Man, I mean, that's such a good question. I don't know. Do you have a crime? You know what I wouldn't hate doing? I wouldn't mind taking a s*** at the President of the United States of America, that's for sure. No, no, no. I wouldn't... the show. I think it's fine. I think people are saying way worse stuff in Canada, specifically, too. Yeah, I don't know. I'd do some shoplifting, I'd say. Probably do some looting. General looting, you know?

General looting? There's people here to see you.

General looting's office is a mess. Clean it up, general looting. Do you want me to read the riddle again, or do you just want to guess balloon a couple of times?

I have no idea what the riddle was.

I'm the high sky rider. I'm the space skimmer. I'm the cloud borer. I'm the earth scanner, the long looker, monarch of unseen winds. My song is a scream, silent is my shadow and feared. I fall like a bomb, with blood in my breath. Where I land, there is death.

Eagle. Is this just Steve Miller band lyrics?

It really does sound like it. It's not an eagle, Erin, but it's basically an eagle. It's a different, I would say, bird of prey. Hawk. It is a hawk. Whatever happened to that hawk to a girl? I'm sorry, what were you going to say Erin?

We talked about her so much.

Whatever happened to that hawk to a girl?

I'd like to see a scene. Adal, you're an eagle. JPC, you're a hawk and you guys are sort of at a bar and you're trying to like outdo the other one. How cool you are and powerful.

Yeah, so that's a picture of my baby. My babies. Two eggs in a nest. Two. Yeah. Yeah, cute. Cute. Two.

Two feels... Two feels low.

What?

Two feels low. Two feels what? Two feels low for a number of eggs.

Well, a snake grabbed two of them, so... Shit. But that's fine. Oh, and this is my beautiful wife. This is Deborah.

Yeah.

She's a hawk buzzard mix, hmm? She's a what? She's a huzzard. She's a hawk buzzard mix.

First of all, we all know what a huzzard is. It's a hawk buzzard mix. Okay. But A, like a mule, they're infertile, you know? Infertile? Infertile? What do you mean you married a half-hawk? I married a half-hawk. What is your problem? You don't see me going around dating eagles. What? Is that what you want? You want me to go date eagles? What's that?

But you're an eagle. What are you talking about?

No, you switch them.

You're an eagle. I'm an eagle?

Yeah.

Wait a minute. Give me another drink.

Hold on, Sam. No, I'm cutting you off.

Sam, give us a mirror as well and a dictionary.

Alright. We're getting to the bottom of this. Alright. I want to know what he is, what I am, What his, and I gotta say 10 out of 10, smoke show wife is.

Wait a minute, I'm looking in the mirror and why are you holding up a picture of my eggs? And you're holding up a picture of my wife. And why are you moving your arms, wings, when I'm moving my arms, wings?

Wait, everyone else at this bar is like, hey, don't talk to the crazy eagle who's looking at a mirror having a conversation with himself.

Wait, nobody could move that fast with my movements. That must be me. Give me that dictionary.

Wait, you mean that eagle with a broom with a... It's a broom with the head of a mop. That he's calling his wife? That eagle over there?

Closing time. Dr. Dunst's Eagle.

Webster's Dictionary defines... Why does Webster's Dictionary say Webster's Dictionary defines? See?

Hey guys, gotta go home!

All right, you got it. It was a hawk. Strange it is that I have no tail or head. Strange it is that I have no legs. That I pull on my hot yellow robe, dive between two soft pillows, and disappear into the dark red cave.

Okay.

Erin, how do we feel? Getting horny yet?

Never been less horny.

Dive beneath those yellow pillows.

Um, never been, that can't be possible. You've probably been less horny. You've been... No head, no tail. I got like a funeral or something.

Don't speak for me.

No head, no tail.

Can you read it again?

Strange it is that I have no tail or head. Strange it is that I have no legs. That I pull on my hot yellow robe, dive between two soft pillows, and disappear into the dark red cave.

Oh, it's a hot dog. It's a hot dog. When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie.

That's a hot dog. Let me ask you a question though. It says that I pull on my hot yellow robe. Is that mustard?

Isn't it like the bun?

Well it says dive between two soft pillows is next. I'm assuming that's the bun. But hot yellow, that, the only yellow thing.

Is that like the encasing, like the, um, the encasing that Sasha goes into? But it's not yellow, it's... Yeah, it's like translucent, right? Yeah.

I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I still got it, though.

Erin, you still got it, even though you don't know what the hot yellow robe is. So, judges? Ooh, we can't give you the point, Erin, because you don't know what the hot... I know what it is, I'm just not saying. Erin, say it. If you know what the hot yellow robe is, say it.

Wait.

Wait. Casey, audience surrogate, do you want to take a stab at the hot yellow robe? Do we know?

Wait, was it mustard? Did somebody say mustard?

This is about how engaged our audience actually is. They're like, you should have said mustard. And we're like, we said mustard seven times. What do you mean we should have said mustard? Casey keeps his video off when we're on these recordings. You don't know if he's actually fucking listening. He could be doing God.

I don't think he should or has to.

He's playing Steam Deck for sure. It's gotta be Steam Deck. It's gotta be Steam Deck.

It's not sustainable to work for the show for so long and have to listen to it. No way. No way. Don't listen, Casey. Don't listen. Listen for your name.

I feel like it does kind of make his job easier because he has context when he goes and sound designs these episodes. But now I'm wondering if he didn't even hear us say mustard. What the fuck is he actually doing? Should we make him turn his video on? Should we make him do this with his video on? Yeah, I think so. See his disinterested gaze?

It would be so funny if you were fully on a roller coaster when you turn your video back on.

That would be incredible, yeah.

It's good to see you, Casey. Sorry we're picking on you so much.

Oh, that's okay. I made myself a target by saying I got this one instantly earlier with the hook.

Since you never did this sort of pre-show ritual of saying numbers and syncing your audio, how much of a pain in the ass is you coming on the mic for you?

Great question.

Adal, that is a great question. Since I'm not recording myself locally, I would just be using my individual Zencastr track, which is automatically synced with the like Zencastr mix that I use. So I don't have to worry about the syncing stuff.

Technical answer. I was hoping for like a dumb funny answer.

Were you hoping that Casey went, Oh fuck! Let me try again. Let me try again. Let me try again. I was being audience surrogate by not being as funny as you guys.

Oh fuck! Could you also do me a favor and could you, when this episode comes out, could you have all your audio on a three second delay?

It's so crazy.

I don't know if you've ever done this before. I want to try something. If everyone is on board with it. I'm ready. Casey, earlier in the episode, you put in the chat, I got this one instantly. Seemingly braggadociosly trying to be like, ha ha ha ha. I want, right now, I'd like JBC to read a riddle. Erin and I are just going to smugly sit by. And Casey, you're going to solve this one.

I said it was notable because I never get the riddles and stuff. You guys are way better at riddles than I am.

Casey did say immediately that he never gets them. Okay Casey, I'm game with it. Gives Adal and Erin a chance to do whatever they want to do. Picks up my Steam Deck. Erin's already on her phone. Erin, what are we looking at?

I got a notification from my landlord.

Yeah, because she's on her phone. I'm ready. No, you don't need to be ready. Casey's doing this one.

I know.

When I am an adjective, I say how you move. When I am a verb, I say that you starve. When I am an adjective, I say how you move. When I am a verb, I say that you starve.

Whoa, Casey. Whoa. I can see your eyes sort of glossing over like a shark. Oh, he's panicking.

Oh, no. I don't think he's got it. I'm trying to think of words that are

Hey, trying to think of words. That's the right direction.

Erin, you and I got this instantly, right?

Oh, I got, I got this instantly.

I got this instantly.

And it's not mustard, right?

Casey, it is mustard again. No, it's not mustard. Okay, Casey, we'll rely on the people who are Actually being paid to solve these riddles. Uh oh, Erin, run. Run, run. I fell! Come back to get me! You just huck-finned Casey into painting your podcast. What do you guys think the answer is? When I'm an adjective, I say how you move. When I'm a verb, I say that you starve.

Hungrily.

Waste. Fast. Fast.

Casey got it!

Casey got it.

Brutal. Interesting he got it once he turned off his video. It's almost like he Googled the answer.

How did I fucking Google the answer? You guys, we hit our limit. I'm sorry, I had to turn my camera back on for that one.

I heard the beep go off. We bullied Casey too much. We hit our limit.

Yay. Casey turning off his camera for one second to furiously Google that entire fast.

That's a good riddle.

Yeah, that is a good riddle. I like that one. Adal and Erin, I wanted to see a quick scene between the two of you. You're both students, and I will be the teacher in this scene, and you are both going on a hunger strike until I, the teacher, abolish homework. Okay guys, so it's chapters 3, 4, and 5 tonight, and remember, there's a quiz on Friday. So quiz on Friday, chapters 3, 4, and 5 tonight.

Well, we're definitely not reading Chapter 8 because we're not eating.

Uh, okay. Yeah, it's not Chapter 8, Mark. I'm not sure with that. It's 3, 4, and 5 tonight, guys.

Mr. Peterson, we shouldn't have had Mark speak first. Mr. Peterson.

Anyone can speak. Yeah, just raise your hand. Claire.

Mr. Peterson, we know our threats have been empty in the past. But not this time. This time, we are serious. On behalf of the whole class... Sorry, Mark, you're looking a little disappointed that you're not reading all the jokes that you wrote for this.

Do you mind if I pepper in some of my jokes?

Yeah, of course. Go ahead, Mark.

Go ahead and I'll pepper some in.

Okay, great. You assign way too much homework. It's as if you think you're the only teacher at the school assigning homework.

Sorry, homework. Drop the R. Home walk. Not even using my home walk because we're not eating.

Thank you, Mark.

Keep going.

Two hours of homework a night for one class is unreasonable.

Set it and, sorry, two hours. Set it and forget it. Forget eating.

And these jokes will make sense once I tell you what our protest is.

Wait, jokes? And just real quickly, I see a lot of other students in the class kind of nodding along with this. Chapters 3, 4, and 5, this shouldn't take you more than like 20 minutes to do.

Well, we get distracted. So it takes two hours. I would say... What if every teacher was like you and assumed we had two hours every night?

Two hours or two hours dervs. But I won't have them. You can have mine because I'm not eating. What is going on?

You're not going hungry. Mark is not eating? No, not that. We understand that this could be misleading. None of us are eating.

Some of you are eating right now.

Guys!

Sorry, sorry, sorry.

Okay, starting after this class, none of us are eating.

Mark and Claire, it might be taking you two hours to do the reading because you're so hungry that you're not eating. When I get hungry, I can't really focus on the... and Mark, you're falling asleep a little bit, huh?

Sorry, I passed out. I'm so hungry.

What came first, the chicken or the egg? Both sound so good right now.

Here's what I would say, just in general.

Can you imagine an egg with a chicken on top of it?

For class. Why doesn't everybody eat tonight, and today, and have lunch, go to lunch now, and eat, and then try to do the homework tonight after you have eaten?

Nice try. We're not going to cave that easily.

Yeah, that's right. Eat E equals AT squared meals a day. I am so fucking hungry. I'm sorry, it's just there's an Applebee's across the street and the windows are open. The waft is hitting me in the face.

The waft, Mr. Peterson. Please shut the window.

Guys, I can't shut the window. We don't have central AC. We have to keep the window open. It's a safety thing. I'm sorry about the Applebee's. In general, you must be really hungry to think that that apple piece smells good too because they cook all their food in the microwave. Guys, let's be honest, okay? You're two of the worst students in my class. You never do the homework anyway.

Can you just say that out loud in front of everybody?

Yeah, I can't. I can't say it because you do this a lot. You take up a lot of class time with your little protests and stuff. Maybe if we just ate food and then focused on just kind of like doing the reading. And really the whole point of this class is not to like make you do homework. It's to like encourage you to learn.

I don't know about all that.

Well, I know you don't. Claire, I know you don't know about all that. So I'm the teacher. I know about it.

We planted cocaine in your desk. We planted cocaine in your desk. You're out of here.

Yeah.

You planted cocaine in my... Who do you think comes by to check my desk?

Well, we were hoping the principal would come in. And when does cocaine start to sprout?

Alright, I implore you guys. You two have to just open the books and do some reading. I think it's going to teach you some critical thinking skills.

Implore?

Don't make up words. You know what? Here's what I'll say. Mark, Claire, how about this? How about you guys get a C in the class and you stop talking. You never say another word in my class and you get a C. You have a deal.

And you can't sing.

Singing counts as speaking.

Then no deal. I'll still take it. I'll still take it.

I'll still take it. I'll still take it. Oh yeah, you did get that one. Are you guys going to do one more? Let's do one more.

One more.

Walk with me. Walk with my partner. I am small. I am big. I am always the same length. This is interesting.

Is that it? A stride. A step.

Erin? Erin? Erin? You're so close.

A run.

Foot. Erin, it's a foot.

I don't know how I got that. You are the Keri Strug of this episode.

A foot is always the same length. Erin, you're the Keri Strug of this episode. Oh, hey, Casey. Not to harp on you for this whole episode, but do we have a voicemail theme? Wait for the beat, Hey Riddle.

This pre-drop can still get you pregnant.

Can you hit us with that new Boyz II Men theme?

Holy shit, I think I just took EDM. Wow. That was fucking awesome.

All right, that one comes from Jesse aka Bash Explode. Says, I produce electronic music and metal and I sampled a few things from the podcast into a dubstep song. I hope you like it.

That was so fun.

I loved it. You want to submit a voicemail theme, just send it to WAV file 30 seconds or less to hrrpodcast at gmail.com. Casey plays a voicemail.

Hi Al, hi Erin, hi JBC. I'm Ilana, and I have a question for the three of you and also Casey. Would it be fun to take an edible and go to a 4DX movie, or would that be just a sensory hell nightmare? For the context, assume I am by myself in the theater. Thanks. What a sweet sweetie.

Thank you for the question. I'm going to go ahead and say, I think it would be very fun if it's, if I took one, maybe I'll try it next time. If I took one of those with Casey and JPC and minimal to no other audience, I think it would be fun. If there's other audience there, then I think I might be freaking out.

I'm a little surprised at all that you've never tried that. I mean, it's a big, like it's a big swing of an experience. Yeah.

I think it's too risky. Having not been to a 40X movie myself, but having regretted taking an edible before watching a regular movie before, I would say too risky.

I feel like you gotta go to regular 40X first so that you have a baseline, because here's the worst thing that could come out of this experience. You go to a 40X while on an edible, you have a terrible time, and you never go to 40X again because you think it sucks, when in reality it's just because you're on that edible.

That's a tragedy. That's a good point. You don't want it souring your first experience. But if you've been to a bunch, I'd say it's a safer bet.

Yeah, yeah, I am definitely planning on their releasing Pink Floyd live at Pompeii Like an old live concert footage that is supposedly like one of the best live shows of all time They're gonna release that in IMAX. So I'm definitely going to that and taking an edible.

Wow.

Okay, that'd be fun Yeah, did you guys see Nick Mested's video?

No.

Of him at a 40x movie on Instagram. It made me laugh so hard

Well, that is my targeted content. I did take an edible once seeing a movie like a decade and a half ago. I can't remember what the movie was, but I remember it was the first time I'd ever taken an edible to watch a movie in a movie theater. It was back when they were selling edibles, but the dosage was all over the fucking place. They were like, this is what we think it might be. And I remember when it hit me, for a while I was like, I don't think this movie is real. And then I was like, ah, this is too much. And I remember spending most of that movie in the bathroom of an Alamo draft house being like, I'm just going to sit here and kind of chill out.

I think I sort of, I got business in here.

I think I'll just pretend like I really have to shit for 40 minutes to kind of calm down a little bit. All right, well that probably answers that question. My vote is no. Yeah, I'm pretty sure no as well. But you know, do you. And that voicemail is probably from seven months ago, so you probably already did it. Erin, anything that you have to plug?

Come check out my show Quality Time. You can follow us on Instagram. And I'm so proud of this. It's like one of the shows I've been most proud of producing live. It's a true variety show. It happens in Los Angeles once a month. We have like a bee expert coming this month. It's not just like improv stuff. It's a good variety. So check us out. Adal, anything to plug?

Disney Twins Summer DTS. It's gonna run for four months? It's going to be exhausting for us and for you all, but we said we'd do it, so here we go. TPC, anything to plug or promote?

I mean, hey, speaking of things that we, you know, plug and we have to end up following through on, it's Penguin Baseball League month all April long. Patreon.com slash HeyRiddleRiddle. Join the Penguin Baseball League fever. By the way, if you get vaccinated, you won't get Penguin Baseball League fever, and there's nothing we can do about that. You shouldn't have taken the jab. But you can check that out there. We're in the thick of it. It's fun, some other stuff. It's honestly just a great-ass time. Hey, speaking of great times, sometimes people have great times listening to this show and they leave us a five-star review and sometimes I take those five-star reviews and I read them on the show. Today's five-star review comes from Fizzy Fizzy is. Fizzy is. Almost had a word. The Y-I-Z-Z kinda looks like something else. Glad I didn't accidentally say a word.

Jizz.

Jizz would be the word. I almost said it. Okay, Fizzyiz says, nearly peed someone else's pants. Many are funny, but few podcasts make me actually laugh out loud as often as this one does. Yesterday I was aliquoting, aliquoting, aliquoting some urine at work and nearly spilled it all over thanks to my shoulders shaking with laughter. Thank you for being hazardous to both myself and the people around me. It's been an absolute delight. Much love. What is that job? Nurse? What do we think? Job.

Uh, Jupiter, I think.

Jopiter.

Erin, real quick, just because you weren't here when we were discussing it. Would you be agreeable to a 40x live show, HRR live show, where, you know, like you spit out your water and then all the audience could spit in the face and stuff like that?

Okay, do I get to spit in everyone's face individually? I meant to say have to, not get to. What did I say? What did I say?

That sounds like a yes to me.

Oh yeah, I'll throw our audience around like a rag doll. They can actually smell J.P. Riddles.

Everyone leaves. Yeah, that's got to be the end of the show because you can't go on after that.

Just a burst of J.P. Riddles in your face. Hey there, Finches and Rins. If you like that, you're going to love this week's Patreon. Penguin Baseball League is in full swing. And this week, we bring you three vignettes from inside the PBL. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com. Hey Riddle Riddle by joining the clue crew for five dollars a month or start your seven day free trial or the review crew for eight dollars a month. Plus, you get those ad free episodes. See you there.

That was a hate gun podcast.