Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum Podcast.

Hey Erin, JPZ, just have a seat. It's just a regular episode today. Suspicious.

Yeah, this is very suspicious. Did you mean it to be suspicious?

No, no, no, not at all.

Why are your eyes doing that?

Oh, because I just had Lasik and it was done by, it was done by a bird.

I got lasik done by a bird too. Adal had it go. But I can't see still.

Interesting, okay. We've all had lasik done by a bird. We can't afford regular lasik. Sure, sure, sure, sure.

We're resetting. JBC and I have a great attitude. We're not suspicious of you. We're sitting down. We're ready to record Hey Riddle Riddle.

And this will be our normal length of episode. This will be five hours long.

What is going on? Okay, hold on, Erin. Erin, huddle up. Okay, what's up? Forehead to forehead.

Thanks for watching. Let's stay on topic. Let's stay focused. I don't have time for this.

It's April 2nd. It's April 2nd. He couldn't possibly be doing... He couldn't possibly be doing like a delayed... A prank like an April Fool's. Because it's like, you really only do it on the day, right?

Guys, hurry up. Dax Shepard is coming on the episode.

Okay, so this is confusing, and I can see where his thought process started with this, because he was on that prank show with Ashton Kutcher, Punk'd, right?

Jack Shepard was on Punk'd. That's crazy to think about.

But now we know who he is, right? Yeah. If he were to come and punk us, and also Adal announcing that it's him.

Hey, puts forehead in the mix. Hey, what are we doing?

Oh, Adal, you smell so much like gasoline.

Oh, thank you. It's a new cologne.

Oh, great.

It's called On Fire.

Well, lovely. We were just discussing the probability of you sort of feeling like you missed out on an April 1st prank for us. And if you're trying to do a sneaky little April 2nd prank.

Uh, missed out on? What are you talking about? This episode comes out April 1st.

Oh, okay. So now we know.

Is that, well, so is that, is that the prank? I mean, April 1st, 3048. Thumbs up. Let's, let's get to it. Is he hitching a ride? What's going on?

Hey Adal, your eyes have clearly been pecked at by a bird.

Yeah, I made a mistake. Hey, let me drop the April 1st shit. I put bread in my eyes this morning. I was told that would help with the bags under my eyes. Birds went straight for it when I went out the door. Yeah, that'll happen every time. Don't put bread in your eyes, it's a lie.

Adal, this seems exhausting. You can be honest, is this exhausting?

We don't need to have Dax Shepard to have a good time. No, D'Alexander, I assume that's what Dax is short for. Oh, D'Alexander.

D'Alexander. Yeah.

D'Alexander.

Well, either way, we heard his feelings.

Hi everybody, this is Hey Riddle Riddle.

This is your first episode and your spouse is showing you this one on a road trip. Whoa, sorry. Whoa.

Happy April Fools, you idiots, you absolute goddamn fools, you, what did we call them? Wow, we have so many names for our listeners. Lizards. All of them.

Future lizards. Future lizards. That's right. Kevin's and Suzie's.

Yes, yes, yes. Koozie's and Seven's, I believe.

What else, what else? Oh, this is Armchair Expert. Today we have on the podcast, is that, is that Dax Shepard's podcast is Armchair Expert? Tis. You better believe it. I think I talked to somebody once who worked on that show. I've never, I've never listened to it.

Um, the Anna Kendrick episode of that show is one of the best episodes of a podcast, I think. It kind of changed my life. And I wasn't, I had no kind of opinion about Anna Kendrick or Doc Shepard before I listened to it, and it is incredibly moving and helpful.

Wow, great. I just saw our real-time numbers. Everyone just stopped this to go listen to

Honestly, you should.

Erin, give me one highlight of that Anna Kendrick interview. Is it an interview? Is it an interview show?

Yeah, it's an interview. It is a little heavy, so I wouldn't call any of it a highlight, but I will say I think that it is one of their most listened to episodes because I think a lot of women who are in toxic relationships or have been cheated on have found a lot of solace in that episode.

Damn.

Oh, so it's funny. Fantastic. It's hysterical. Laugh every two seconds.

What if we did an episode of this podcast where we got Anna Kendrick to come on and we just, like, got into it? We just, we just, like, we're like, let's have an episode of Hey Riddle Riddle where we just have a serious discussion.

That would actually be fantastic. I'd be like, what was it like working on Twilight? Literally, totally, everything, everything, everything.

She feels like she, and obviously, it's all Hollywood. Who knows these people? She seems like she has a good head on her shoulders. She seems like she doesn't take herself too seriously. Erin, what's a celebrity, and then JPC, what's a celebrity you think, like right now, even though it might be slightly delusional, you think you could be friends with?

I have to believe that John C. Reilly would like me.

Yeah.

I like to think that Amy Poehler would like me.

Still carrying water for John C. Reilly?

Always.

My gut response to this, Adal, is Rooney Mara because I would treat Rooney Mara like a regular person because I don't know what she looks like. So it would be a situation where I would just be friends with Rooney Mara and then one day she'd be like, I'm Rooney Mara. And I'd be like, the actor? And she'd be like, yeah.

And I'd be like, why did you not guess? My name's Rooney.

I'd be like, I thought that was a nickname, like, you know, like, uh, Shuby, or like, you know, it's like, yeah, it's my, it's, this is my boy Rooney, you know?

I had no idea. Please stop calling me Shuby.

Shuby, Shuby, Shuby-doo.

That's, like, short for Beverly Shubadoo, though, Erin.

Is it?

I guess.

Ah, remember how I blew some kisses to your wife last night? It's Beverly Shubadoo.

A nickname on a nickname. Have you guys seen Rooney Tunes? It's bad. It is so bad. It's Rooney Mara, and she's kind of playing the character from Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, but animated, it's dumb.

Adal, who's your celebrity that you think you could be friends with?

I'm going to say either Lili Sabowski. Is that her name? Lili Sabowski? From Lili and Stitch? Yeah. She was a big name and then she seemingly just kind of fell out of acting so I feel like I could relate to her because I was never an actor.

This is a smart plan to get someone after they retire.

Yes. And maybe I feel like the guy from Reacher but not the one you're thinking of.

The guy who gets his legs folded and stuffs it into a car.

We're in our Reacher era of the podcast and I am not having fun because I don't know the difference between that and Jack Ryan.

Well, Erin, here's the thing. When you go to the hospital and they show you your baby and they say, this is your baby. Congratulations. They shake your hand and they hand you a cigar. They usher you into another room. And in that room is seasons one, two, and three of Reacher. And they say, this is now who you are. You are a dad. Dads watch Reacher. You know, enjoy it. And I'm kind of just embracing it.

Is that why your baby's name is Jack Reacher?

You joke, but I did tell Mariah. I was like, Mariah, if we have another kid, can I name the kid Jack Reacher? And she said yes.

No, she didn't.

She did say yes.

Beverly, she needs to swoop in and give her a real partner.

Because think about this, Erin. Jack Reacher Coan would be JRC. That's pretty cool. Whoa. That's actually very good.

Jack Reacher Coan is a great name.

Yeah.

If it doesn't have the context of the pop culture of America

If I name my, if we have another baby and I name that baby Jack Reacher, J-R for short, Junior. Junior, oh.

Jack, Junior, two of the best movies of the 90s. Exactly.

Well, how's your first son, Jack Ryan, gonna feel about having a little brother named Jack Reacher?

But what if Jack Reacher also turns out to be like 6'6", you know, 280 pounds?

Be grown to the name you're given.

Then Junior, as a nickname, is also ironic and funny, right?

Yeah, yep. It's like one of the big guys named Tiny. We love that. Really suck if we have a girl though because it's got to be Jack Reacher.

So I guess it's just like, you know, but whatever. She could be 6'6". Jacqueline Reacher?

Yeah, Jacqueline Reacher, you know, but it's Jack. Like you can tell people it's Jacqueline, but I got the birth certificate.

There's a Chicago comedian whose name is Jacqueline and she goes by Jack.

Exactly. So Jacqueline Reacher.

She's the coolest.

Anyway, so Mariah doesn't want to have another kid, but you know.

Sorry about the divorce. And Erin, congrats on the pregnancy.

Thank you so much. Beverly Shoo-ba-doo's pregnant with Mariah now.

We'll get you a Jack Reacher DVD, Erin. I can't wait for you to start. Hey, speaking of starting.

No.

Should we start a micropark?

GBC, are you feeling a little threatened by Beverly Shoo-ba-doo? Maybe like 0.001%? Is there like a little part of your brain?

I'll be honest, Erin, I'm pretty secure. I'm pretty secure in what I kind of got going on. Because you don't know this, but if you would read some of my emails, you know about how my dick game's on point.

Any email that you send me with the subject line being dick game on point, I immediately move to the trash.

What? I kind of want to make this episode... You know, Erin, what we did for you with the ugly sweater? I kind of want to make this episode the dick game on point episode.

Erin, that's so mean of you to do. Those emails take me so long because it's hard to type up conceptually what I'm doing into words.

Yeah.

It just doesn't translate well.

Why do those emails have so many attachment files?

I think it's my keyboard.

Also, we've never had a sweater episode where we kind of come after one of you guys. And it has to happen organically and we can't force it.

But why do you think that is?

Because you guys were boring shit. I wore a sweater, a sweatshirt, by the way, that was... It wasn't even a sweater. It was a sweatshirt. It was from Farm Rio. And now that brand has exploded and is everywhere.

So I feel like... You have to be part of that, right? Like you're, it's, you're, culturally, you're like a big part of that.

I did, a listener did reach out and said that they have like a Google alert to buy the sweater on like eBay or like ThredUp or any of those like reseller things and they go quick.

That's so smart. That's so smart. How much are we talking resale?

Like a hundred and something.

I mean, it wasn't at a hundred and something like to begin with. It was an expensive sweater.

I think the original price of the sweater was like 150, but I got it on a sale.

You got it on a sale, that's right. I do remember you got it on a sale.

But then everybody sold it out after I... So, I don't know, I feel like I should own 80% of the company.

I had a thought this morning that, you know like an estate sale when someone dies? Yes. That's basically going at a business sale. That person went out of business.

Oh man.

In terms of like their life ended, right?

Yeah.

Oh, Adal. The LLC that was that person shuttered.

You're going on a business sale. I'm going to buy so many books. I'm going to buy so many books.

Books and flannels. Everything must go. Adal is going out of business.

I love my family and Gemma and everyone is hosting the sale and Erin's like, Hey, I'm going to buy some books. And they're like, Erin, we missed you at the funeral. And you're like,

Yeah.

Funeral.

Didn't want to be sad.

Oh yeah. I didn't want to be sad. I didn't want to be sad. I'm trying to design my home that when I die, a bunch of people line up down the block and they fight over my stuff.

Whoa. Whoa. I'm trying to design my home so that when I die, it like shakes for a couple seconds and then kind of collapses in on itself.

Okay.

Like it's a, what would be the word?

Booby trap. Yeah. Yep. Yep. And I'm trying to take all my stuff with me when I die.

Oh, we got to put you in like a tomb and have it sort of surround you with all of your books. Um, if I died suddenly, tragically, and young... Because you got the vaccine? Because I got the vaccine.

Suddenly, tragically, and young? Is this a broken social scene song?

It is.

Hey Erin, I got some news for you. You don't gotta worry about young.

I'm still... Erin. I did have a moment this week where I was like, I feel old for the first time.

Wow.

I feel like I'm old. I've been alive for a long time. But because you're 33, right?

Yeah.

And I think my voice is getting deeper. We'll talk about that later.

No, we can definitely notice it. You have eight years of podcasts under you. That's the Jesus age, Erin. So you've you know, you've made it past you've made it past how old Jesus was.

Well, I got 34 to make it past how

Well, he didn't die on his birthday. I think he did.

He died on Christmas?

I think that's why we celebrate it. Oh no, it must have been so cold on the cross too. Well, it's not always cold in December.

I need to check, but I think at the time it wasn't Christmas.

No, no, it was always Christmas. Oh, okay.

My point is... Wouldn't it be so funny if the crucifix and all, like, all Catholic imagery of the crucifix was, like, winter themed as well? It has, like, a little Santa hat.

Yeah, that's sacrilegious. Somewhere my mom is smashing a glass between her hands.

I guess it's not good but it's funny.

One time I sent a Jesus meme to my family group chat and I got two separate texts outside of the family group chat from my mom and dad being like, that's not funny.

Erin, we don't joke about Jesus.

But okay, if I die tragically and young, who should I leave? I'm looking at the sweatshirt right now. Who should I leave it to?

I think we should do that thing where you cut it up into like a hundred pieces and everybody gets a slice. Yeah.

Okay. But who would want that? Do I review on it?

You know who would love it, Erin? I'm not sure if you know the county dump. Okay, let's put on some riddles. Put on a pot o' riddles.

Put on a pot o' riddles then. Cup o' riddles.

Cup o' riddles.

A couple of comedians manically trying to stop riddles from coming at them.

Comedians in cars solving riddles? Here's sort of a jokey pun answer question I guess, pun riddle. What kind of advice can you get from your right hand? What kind of advice can you get from your right hand?

On how to be correct.

You're on the right track.

How to not do the wrong thing.

OK. Think more along the lines of right hand might have some specific terminology, not just right hand, but maybe both your hands. Hand terminology?

Don't talk about masturbating. Don't talk about masturbating. That's all I want to say here.

It's sort of a pun. It's sort of a play on a word that would pertain to your hands or a part of your hand.

Fingers. Palm.

Yes, Erin, but elongate fingers. Fingers. Add another word to it, I guess.

That's got to be the title of the episode. Fingers. Fingers. Fingers of speech. Fingers.

Fingers of speech.

How to finger out. Whoa. How to.

Erin. What? Okay. She was just using the fingers of speech.

I'm not the one making it sexual.

What kind of advice can you get from your right hand or Your left hand.

What kind of advice?

Finger is absolutely a part of it, but we just need one other word. Three letters or four letters actually. Finger. Finger play. Finger advice. You might get some nice hints or tricks or. Fingertips.

I'm gonna finger-sand in the back, grease lightning.

Sets podcast on fire, walks away, doesn't look behind me. I'd like to see, Azeed, Adal, you are proposing to JPC and you cannot seem to get the ring on his finger.

Oh my God, this is happening. It's happening.

Look at that. The sun is setting. We're on the beach where we met where your dog tried to pull down my swim shorts and I sort of yelled at it at first and then I calmed down and then you came over and said sorry about my dog. So sort of full circle.

I think I know what this is. Get down on one knee. Oh, it's happening. And

Megan, I've adored you since the first day your dog tried to rip down my shorts and I'm going to let it go.

I'll let it go. Yeah, let it go.

But I love you so much and I want to make you my wife for life. My wife, my life wife. So here's, fuck, fuck. Let me, I have the next card.

No, Nick, it's fine, it's fine, it's fine. I have the next card tonight.

You can't restart this.

Okay. You can't restart this. It's a moment that's happening.

You can't restart. Is this thing I think is happening is happening?

Oh.

You really want to marry a man who underpants I can pull down at the beach? Woof woof.

Is Pierre talking to you? In your secret little language?

Pierre is a dog. Pierre doesn't speak. Pierre just woofs.

You know I speak. Woof woof. Je m'appelle Pierre. Nick, focus.

I'm sorry the dog's going crazy right now, but focus, please.

He's got human eyes. I've always said that. I've always said that. I always will say that. There's something wrong. There's something wrong with your dog that has human eyes. It walks on two legs. Always. Not just for a little bit. Always.

What's he saying? He's saying something. He's gesticulating. Why would a dog gesticulate?

Nick? Me or the dog. Here, put out your finger.

What? Put out my fucking... Why won't this go hard? That's my thumb. Oh, I was gonna say. Yeah.

I was gonna say you got grubby little fingers, but that's just the one. Don't say grubby fingers. It's a joke.

Are your standards so low that you would say yes to such a pathetic man? Woof woof.

What's he saying? It's a dog. He's smoking a cigarette in one of those long holders.

He found a cigarette on the ground. Dogs root around. It's a beach. It's a public beach, OK? There's going to be cigarettes everywhere.

Why does he have a belt? You know what, Nick?

Megan, why does he wear a belt? That's a little kid or something.

I think I really wanted to get married, and I think I put a lot of projection onto what I was looking for. And I actually don't think, now that I'm having a moment of clarity, I don't think it's you, Nick.

Okay, and I'm projecting that in the next year, you're gonna go get that dog looked at, and they're gonna be like, this is a fucking 22-year-old in a suit or something.

I'm a tiny shih tzu, woof woof, wee wee.

Oh, it just flicked its cigarette at me, and now it's peeing on me. Get the fuck... You know what?

Why don't you get the fuck, Nick? You know what? Pierre, let's go. We're going. Heel, Pierre, heel.

Kill my broken heart. Oh, I tripped. Oh, the ring is in slow motion and it's landing on Pierre's paw.

Oh, it doesn't fit. I eat the ring. I'm a 22-year-old man. That's the only way I eat the bones. I eat the ring.

22 year old man in a shih tzu costume.

I've seen it.

Isn't there a documentary? Yeah. I think it's real where it's like some family lost their kid and then like four years later somebody showed up and they're like, I'm your kid. And the family's like, okay. And then the kid went to school and stuff. And then at some point they're like, this is like a little 28 year old guy or something.

That was an adoption thing. And it was a girl.

Oh.

But I love that.

I guess this might be a short story I thought of.

I honestly think you're describing like one of those like early 2000s Wayne's Brothers movies.

Wayne's World.

Yeah. Wayne's Brothers World. Wow.

There was a time when Marlon Wayans was synonymous with comedy. And then he did Working Room for a Dream. And then I feel like he's kind of been a renaissance man. Alright, let's get another riddle going here. I guess that's on me to do. Let's find a good one here. Oh, what is served but never eaten?

Oh, like a dance battle. Do you guys remember Yuseka's Got Served?

No.

Have you ever seen I'm Gonna Get You, Sucka? Speaking of Marlon Wayans. One of the best parody movies, truly.

Um... Can you read it again?

Served but never eaten? What is served but never eaten?

Divorce papers.

I mean, yeah, that works. Tennis ball? Tennis ball works too. Here it says volleyball, but you both had correct answers.

I do want to see a quick scene real quick. Sorry, Erin. Erin, you are going to be a process server serving Adal with divorce papers, but Adal, you are going to be doing anything you can to get rid of the papers so that no one can prove that you were served.

And you've been served. I'm so sorry to do it like this. You thought we were on a date.

Ah, that's quite all right. I'm having a lovely time. Hey, pick a card, any card.

Oh, I really don't want to indulge in this because I'm at work.

Okay, put it back in the deck. Okay, now check your upper left coat pocket.

It's not going to be in there.

Are those the divorce papers?

No, it's the two of diamonds. That's my card. It's impressive that you did that, but the divorce... Check your other coat pocket. Okay, you're getting up to leave and to run away from the divorce papers. No, hey, hey, hey, hey. Oh, oh, oh, oh, I tripped. Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Hey, you've been served. Here are the papers.

That's a joke leg. Ha ha. Hey, hey, hey!

You've been served. You've been served. Hey, I know it stinks. I know it stinks. But you've been served. Wait, what is in my pocket? Are these the divorce papers? Mm-hmm.

Throws a red turtle shell behind me.

Gets hit by a red turtle shell. Yes. No, you do.

Yes. No, you do. Yes. I mean, Erin, you did say gets hit by a red turtle shell. That kind of implies you get hit.

Uh-oh. Hey kids, we have a very special guest today. This is a brand new Muppet that Jim Henson's last will and testament demanded be made. This is Cormore. Cormore, say hi.

They tried to burn me with fire and I came back to life. There's no one controlling me.

Oh, so you're sort of a supernatural Muppet.

Yeah.

Okay. Why does Cormore look like this? Mr. Sanderson's, why does Cormore look like that?

Um, Cormore is sort of, um... Your mom didn't mind it last night!

Okay, so Cormore did fuck your mom, but Cormore's sort of an ancient evil. What? Cormore's sort of an ancient evil who, I believe Jim, so we all know Jim Henson was into sort of mysticism and this sort of Aleister Crowley type... I'm as old as time, bitch! Who's a bitch?

Oh yeah.

I kind of like a Muppet that says it, that kind of says it how it is, right? Am I crazy? It's kind of refreshing. What do you think of Miss Piggy? Hey, what do you think of Miss Piggy, Cormore?

Fuck Miss Piggy.

I like that.

She's a bitch. Is this Muppet appropriate for a fourth grade classroom?

Um, you're not going to tell your parents, are you? It's Parent Teacher Day. We're here.

Let's go to Jamba Juice.

Oh, okay. Cora Moore's going to take all the parents to Jamba Juice.

Okay, no complaints for me. I love Jamba Juice.

I want to yell at the people behind the counter at Jamba Juice for making my smoothie loud. What if they make it right? They won't. They never do.

We also have another of, I guess this is one of Jim Henson's Last Will and Testament demon puppets. This is Little Monkey Bones. Little Monkey Bones, say hi to the class.

Hey everybody, it's me, Little Monkey Bones. I'm a perfect clone of Kormor.

Oh yeah, now that you say Kormor and Little Monkey Bones do look alike, are you two both ancient demons? Yeah.

Yeah? Oh, you just assume that we're both ancient demons because we look the same? Wow.

But wait, you said you are related, right?

You know what? You're paying for jamba jeans.

Why don't you want to ask us any more questions?

Yeah. Are you afraid that we might know the answers, Mr. Sanderson?

Kids, parents, I can't stress enough. I'm trying to put my arms down, my arms with these puppets on it, down, and my arms will not go down. Please, everyone back out of the classroom, get help. The puppets have somehow taken over my arms.

We're puppeting your arms now. No, no, no.

Oh, bitch. See? What flies through the air on stolen feathers? Arrow. That's a great riddle. I want to see a scene. JBC, you're Robin Hood. Erin, you're sort of like a poor person of the woods, and Robin Hood's trying to recruit you, but he hasn't really found his footing yet in terms of his image.

Do not fear! Do not fear! Look above you! In the tree. Do not fear. I have no quarrel with you, poor villager. What are you out here doing? Collecting sticks for your meager kind of survival?

I was going for a walk to clear my head, Mr. Condescending.

Oh, you're holding a few sticks. I didn't know if it was like a collecting sticks for your meager survival.

I thought these were nice sticks. I'm going to bring them to my dog.

They are. They are. Nice sticks.

You're just like all the other rich people. Just so condescending.

Rich people? Wait, wait, no. Rich? No. I'm not rich. I'm like you. I'm just in a tree. Oh, the clothes? Yes. No. So, good point. Glad you brought this up. So, I'm a Robin Hood. My whole thing or what I think my thing is going to be or what my thing kind of is kind of shaping into right now is I, Rob from The Rich, number one with a bullet, take some stuff for me, invest a sliver. Take a sliver and invest. I don't touch it.

That's my nesting. Hey man, don't workshop your brand out on me. I'm so tired of men doing that. You're just sort of like using me in the audience. You're a man. Remember? Yeah, I know. You can't see. And I'm not doing that to other people, so I can hold you accountable.

But hey, here's the thing. I'm looking for like-minded individuals who want to kind of join my whole thing, steal from the rich.

I'm not doing a crypto thing with you. No, I'm not doing a crypto thing with you.

Oh, what ho!

Good day, fellow travelers. Tis I, Robert Hode. Okay.

Hey, we're sort of in the middle of something.

Oh. Yeah. No. Well, I was trying to recruit folks to my happy band of Folks, see I sort of- Pyramid scheme, pyramid scheme. No, well hold on. My thing is I steal from the middle class and I give to the lower middle class.

Robert Hodes' thing doesn't work. I've thought about it too. It's just like, it's a wealth transfer thing, but it's not like, it's not solving inequality. Fuck you. Fuck you, Robert Hodes.

Hello everybody, I'm Ruby Hu. I steal from the poor and give to the rich. What the fuck?

Ruby who? How is everyone flocking? What? All these people from the woods are flocking. Oh my God.

Ruby. This is the rich part of the woods. Everybody in the rich part of the woods loves Ruby who.

See. Robin Hood got primaried. Why don't we take a quick break?

Steal from the poor and give to the rich is just rich. That's just how you get rich. That's just regular rich. Just regular rich.

Amazing song.

Reaganhood, of course, had trickled down. Yes. Robbing.

Reaganhood!

We take a quick break and we'll be right back with more April 1st. Gotcha.

Hey Adal, Erin, I'm not accusing either one of you of doing this. I mean, but if it's a joke, it's funny. Like, I don't want to be like, oh, this is not a funny thing to do. Someone sent me a box by Shrimpo, and it appears to be a bunch of, I don't know, shrimp-forward meals that are really mostly just... It looks like cooked shrimp that someone sent me a box of in the mail.

Yeah, that's the Midler's new meal service, Shrimpo. It's pretty bad, but I don't know if you've tried Tempo. Tempo's actually very, very good.

It's fantastic. It's sort of the opposite.

Oh, Tempo is the weekly delivery service that delivers chef-crafted meals from a dietician-approved menu fresh to your door, and Shrimpo is the one that sends spoiled cooked shrimp, and it comes whenever the Midler kind of decides to send it?

Yep. But Tempo offers a variety of meals for different dietary and taste preferences, including protein-packed, calorie-conscious, carb-conscious, and fiber-rich.

I tried their barbecue chicken, which was absolutely, impeccably delicious, and their not-your-nonna's beef lasagna. Now, my nonna, I never called her nonna, I called her grandma, she never made beef lasagna, and thank God she didn't, because this would have blown hers out of the water.

Yeah, the Midler sent me some shrimp lasagna, and there was like several, it looks like, attempts to like make a play on that name, like Shrimp-sagna and La Shrimpsia, but it's like all crossed off and like just written in.

With new recipes every week that are made with real ingredients, not old shrimp, and nutrient-rich, they make it easy to keep up a healthy lifestyle. So JPC, for a limited time, Tempo is offering our listeners 60% off your first box. Go to Tempomeals.com slash Riddle. That's Tempomeals.com slash Riddle for 60% off your first box. Tempomeals.com slash Riddle. Rules and restrictions may apply.

And do not try Sleepo, the other food service by Casey Toney.

Oh no! Lost another one to Tempo!

This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace.

Oh, hey guys. I was just going to sit down and build a website real quick, and I wanted to know, does anyone have, before I start, like a preference on a platform that I can use?

Oh, I think Squarespace would be great.

Of course, Squarespace.

Yeah, Squarespace is, you know, the all-in-one. Oh yeah, the one that's been sponsoring us for years. Yeah, Squarespace. Squarespace is the all-in-one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and succeed online. Whether you're just starting out or managing a growing brand, Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website, engage with your audience, and sell anything from products to content to time all in one place, all on your terms.

Yeah, that's great. I mean, of course I use Squarespace. What I'm actually doing right now is building a website for my new podcast.

Don't be the meddler.

It's me, the Middler!

Oh gosh, I was just gonna say you have my full support unless it's the Middler.

It was the Middler! I was wearing a GPC coat!

Well, uh, Middler, if you use Squarespace, you get discovered fast with integrated Squarespace SEO tools. Every website is optimized to be indexed with meta descriptions, an auto-generated sitemap, and more. So you show up more often on search engines and bring in more of your ideal customers, which I assume is... Super villain?

No, it's people who want another Riddle podcast that's like way worse. It's not really a good business model, but I am the middler, so...

Squarespace makes it easy to showcase your expertise and engage clients with video content on your website. Upload and organize your videos, create stunning video libraries, and even monetize your content by adding a paywall perfect for online courses, exclusive tutorials, and premium workshops, which I'm sure are about teaching people how to be

It's pretty clear to me that the Midler doesn't have his thing figured out completely, but if you want to figure things out completely, use Squarespace Analytics. You can make smarter business decisions with Squarespace's intuitive, built-in analytics tools. Review website traffic, learn where to focus engagement, and track revenue from bookings, invoices, or product sales all from one place. Midler, I'm just going to go ahead and take my jacket back. You do not have permission.

Oh no, you took all my skin off and it wasn't me the middler, it was me, Dr. Chameleon! What? Do we have time for this? The hell? Head to squarespace.com for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, squarespace.com slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Dr. Chameleon, are you also here with Steve? Did Steve drive you? Well, Steve is actually the middler wearing a suit, so it gets pretty complex.

Somebody write this down on a whiteboard, I gotta keep track of this.

It's me the middler, I can't drive. Oh gosh. Did I do a good job? We're first cousins! The Robin Hood property that I am most familiar with has to be Robin Hood Bennett Tights. I think I watched that movie 100 times when I was a kid. We had that and Spaceballs on VHS and I would just like rotate between those two watching them over and over again.

That makes sense for your sense of humor that you were forged in those fires.

I feel like Spaceballs and maybe like Airplane are the movies I've quoted the most in my life.

It's all coming together for me. I'm sort of getting a clear picture of why you guys are the way you are.

And Erin, I'm going to say Legally Blonde and Empire Record for you.

The Bible.

Whoa, the movie?

Yeah. Okay.

No, it's obviously Newsies and Pirates of Penzance.

Yeah, for sure. I'm ready to do some riddles. I think I'm going to kick their asses.

Yeah, I think so. I think Erin's gonna kick their asses today.

Um, just like that song.

Come around, we'll kick your asses. Don't give up. You got the dreamers disease.

Age 15. Uh, here's a riddle for you. If you can hear the sound of my house, I am no longer there. What am I?

Oh, it's an episode of House.

A crab shell, seashell. You can hear the shell up to your ear.

Erin, it is a seashell. You did kick the Riddle's ass.

JPC, what did you say for an answer? It was going to be an episode of House because if you hear the ending theme, now House is over and you're not watching House anymore.

You had a better answer.

And what does the theme from House sound like? It's just like ambient noise, right? No, it's a song.

I have no idea.

Whatever happened to predicting?

Is that House?

Yep.

Watch out for Wilson and Cuddy too, and Pesky 13, and a couple of other characters.

Oh yeah, what's the woman, Olivia Wilde, she was on the show, what was her name is something wild.

It was 13 or 15 or something like that. Yeah, it's something like House. Didn't really learn her name. I used to watch House quite a bit. Back in the days of it like being out on TV weekly. I enjoyed Hugh Laurie and I enjoyed his House accent that was just a British person obviously doing an American accent.

Classic. Oh, I want to see a scene. Adal, you are at the beach, just having a lovely, peaceful time, and you put a shell up to your ear to listen to the ocean, but there is a crab still in there, played by JVC.

Oh, look what washed ashore here. I'm adding that to my collection. Let's go ahead and hear the ocean. Excuse me. Hey, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. Hello?

Have you seen a princess? Like a mermaid? A mermaid princess?

Um, did someone put, like, an AirPod in here and they're doing, like, a... No, no, no, it's me.

I'm in, uh, Pops Out. I'm a crab. Oh, oh, oh, oh, fuck, fuck, okay. I'm a crab who, yeah, I'm a hermit crab. I live in this shell. Okay. Yeah, sorry. Hey, I never do this. Oh, oh. Have you seen a mermaid princess? Or, she would be, do people say mute anymore? I don't know, I don't know.

I don't think so.

She would, she would be not able to speak. Okay. Um, Knock Out Gorgeous, like, 10 out of 10 smoke show.

Vocally Challenged, I think we'd say.

vocal yeah but no no words have you seen her she would be not stupid but like she doesn't this okay good but the whole this whole thing would be unfamiliar I'm looking for her I was supposed to sing her two or three songs um there is a

There's a woman who is sort of buried up to her waist in sand.

It was the tide, basically. I fucking forgot about the tide and I've been kind of a son of a bitch. I've been kind of getting sucked out into the ocean and spat back in and I think it's like a riptide in this kind of area.

Oh yeah. In the sand?

Buried in the sand?

There's a woman who's buried up to her waist in the sand. I don't know. She doesn't look like a princess, but it could be. Do you want me to go check?

No, no, no, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Does she look like hot, but like in an evil way? Like she might be like, not like, mmm.

Like Angelica Houston in Adam's Family? The first Adam's Family?

Dude. Yeah. That's pretty much exactly that. Right? Because if it's that, if that's what that in the sand looks like, I gotta stay away from her. Because she kind of knows my whole shit. Yeah. Yeah. And she will... I mean, she'll fucking eat me, man.

Oh. Well, I think anyone will... Well, you're a hermit crab, sorry. I'm a hermit crab! Yeah, never mind. Sorry. Sorry.

Yeah, I mean, people eat crabs, but people who eat hermit... I'm basically a bug.

Yeah, well it's not our lobsters, but they're delicious. Sorry.

Sorry. Sorry. Yeah. When you hear me sing, it's game over, because that's where I kind of shine. Oh, sing!

Sing!

Sing!

Do you do like a patois when you sing? No, no, no. Like a Jamaican patois?

What? Do I sound Jamaican to you? No, I sing in my normal thing, but I sing good. Well, you're wearing the hat. What's that?

You're wearing that sort of knitted beret.

This was in the shell. Okay man, I'm just saying it's on your head. Okay. Okay. Okay. The thing about my songs is it's like fucking very specific to like situationally and they're really without like her involved like the context just doesn't make sense.

Oh, that's fine. I'm gonna set you down. I am a producer for Sony, but that's fine. Yeah, if you don't want to sing, that's totally fine. So let me just set you back down.

For Sony?

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, I'm good.

I've seen.

Sony. A shot at Sony. Finally.

A shot at Sony.

Finally. We got it right. Let's see here.

Give me one second. I guess there still are music studios. It just feels like those things all should be gone, but I guess they still do exist. Because when you say Sony, my first thought is like movies, but I guess they probably still do like music production as well.

They must, right? I'm mostly going off of the old magazine inserts that were like 12 CDs for one penny, Columbia House and all that.

Those things that are like 30 years old at this point.

They had like a Sony section and a BMC, BMG, whatever.

Let's see here. UMG. UMG. Yeah, BMB, that doesn't matter. It doesn't matter, all those companies surely must be gone by now. What isn't alive but can still be dead? The truth. Deadass.

Yeah. Ain't that the truth? Mm-hmm. What isn't alive but can still be dead?

Let's think about it. What could be dead wrong? A battery.

Whoa, Erin, it's a battery.

Yep.

Wow.

Yep.

Very nice, Erin. Very smart.

Thank you so much, everybody.

And I do want to see a scene. Erin, you're sort of like a Teddy Ruxpin. Do you know what that is?

Mm-hmm.

Okay.

My great-grandfather had one.

Dude clowned him. He carried it with him in the Revolutionary War. You're going to be a Teddy Ruxpin type toy and your batteries are dying. JPC, you're another toy who's sad to see this happen.

Hey, I was thinking we'd have a tea party today.

Hey, I was thinking we'd have a tea party today. Sorry. I'm a yak back.

Sorry, I didn't... No, I know, I know. I know that you're a yak back.

It's just because I was pressing the button when you said anything. What's going... Teddy, what's going on?

Oh, I'm not too much.

Are you drunk?

I'm having a pretty normal day.

I'm not drunk. Oh my God. I know what's happening. I know what's happening. Teddy, you're... Your batteries are running out.

Did Raggedy Ann tell you about our separation? We're on a trial separation right now.

What do you mean it's gonna be more than just a trial?

What do you mean I'm gone forever?

Actually, I don't know what's happening because it seems like you're fine until like mid-sentence. Maybe just try to speak in shorter sentences. Maybe that's like, maybe that'll conserve the battery.

Okay.

Okay, well, that didn't do it. It's basically just halfway no matter what. We cut to a month later.

Hey, where's Teddy?

Dead. He died like a month ago.

You saw it. No, he was doing like a bit where he's like, I'm gonna go to the store. Like he was doing a bit where he's like,

Raggedy Ann, we were all at the funeral.

What?

We were all at the funeral. You weren't there. What are you talking about? Teddy died. No, it was a joke. No, like a month ago.

Teddy died.

What the fuck?

Shut your fucking lie mouth. What the fuck?

Shut your fucking lie mouth.

Sorry.

Finger on the button.

Finger on the button.

Oh, man.

Here's a nifty little riddle. I am buried up to my neck in work. You can pat me on the top of the head when I hold it all together. What am I? Giraffe. Ostrich.

Stapler.

Stapler's much closer than giraffe.

Oh, man.

Can you read it again? Because I was only thinking about a stapler.

Patting on the top of the head, though, that holds it all together.

That makes sense. I am buried up to my neck in work. You can pat me on the top of the head when I hold it all together. What am I?

It's like, it's an inanimate object.

Yes? Is it, is it a, um... Oh no, why can't I think of the word for this thing? A paperclip?

Um, no, I think stapler, stapler is a little bit closer. Staples is much closer.

Stapes alert.

Stapes alert. Stapes alert.

Stapes alert.

Oh, like a nail, a nail, a nail. Erin, Erin, Erin.

A nail, hitting a nail on the head.

Yes.

Wow.

Yes, my dear lass.

It is a nail.

Hitting a nail on the head. These are fun.

I'd like to see a scene. Adal, you're a nail. JPC, you're a hammer. And you guys, like, get along really well, but now you're at work, and JPC, you're about to have to, like, hit him really hard in the head, and it makes it really awkward.

Oh, and then, yeah, so I got the full package and they ripped me off. It was wild. Oh my God, why do you keep going there? I know, I know. Well, this is me. It sits out of my cubicle. This is me.

Stop. Oh, man. Okay, yeah, we should get back to it.

Yeah, yeah. I'll see you at lunch.

Oh, no, I'm actually here. Yeah, I'm here today.

You're in my cubicle today?

Yeah.

Oh, shit. Let me check my... Maybe I missed an email. Are we working on a project?

Yeah. Did you not... Did no one... No one tell you... What is this, Mad Libs? Did no one tell you... Adjective. Horny. Did no one tell you horny? No, we're doing construction in this area today.

Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, yeah, do what you need to do. So I'll be on my computer and then I'll just put in some headphones or something.

No, yeah. Okay. Oh. You are looming over me. Yeah. You have to, you have to get, you know, you have to get onto the board here. Did no one tell you?

I'm a nail. Get on the board. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. That's, but that's, um, all right. I feel like we're past those tropes. We've, we've progressed as a toolkit. Right. So let's, let's knock it off.

Huh? Hey um this sucks but I have to nail you into the board today.

I am a I am a data analyst okay.

Yeah but you're also a nail you know and I'm a hammer.

Okay well we both work at Nestle so if you want to talk to if you want to run it up the flagpole I think we'll find that you'll be leaving today. Do it, takes out camera phone. Do it. A Brad is a type of nail. I don't know what you're talking about. You're live on TikTok right now. Say what you said to me just a moment ago.

Hey man, I don't want to do this, but I'm a hammer, you're a nail, this is wood, we have to get going here. Whoa. Whoa. Wood, could you back me up?

Hey man, I'm just trying to get a paycheck. What do you do around here? It's a little rude. I'm wood.

What is wood?

You're a nail. I'm Brad the Hammer.

Hey, it sounds like you two are pretty frustrated with each other, and I don't think it needs to turn on me. You were supposed to have this done by 11 a.m., man. It is 1.30. You don't want me to go tell the boss that you're just not doing your job. You're a hammer. He's a nail. Let's just do it.

We took a long lunch. You know what? I can't do this if I'm angry. If I'm angry, I'm gonna miss. Just hop up on the board. Let's just do this. Let's just all do this. Let's be adults.

Yes.

This is hard. Yes.

Let's be adults. Hey everyone. Hey, attention, attention, attention office. Everyone gather round.

Gather round. Don't do this. Don't do this.

Hey, our co-worker Brad, the hammer, said he wants to pound me into this fucking board because I'm a nail. And yes, that's exactly the terms he used.

Everyone looks on awkwardly because they're all on the same side with the hammer.

A lot of screwdrivers, a lot of wrenches.

A lot of other nails already hammered into the board.

Just kind of shrugging. Okay, no one? All right. Okay, I guess I'm leaving. Who's coming with me? Wood? Wood, we going?

Just don't do this. You're humiliating yourself.

Wood can't go with you. Wood is here and you're going to go with Wood, basically.

I'm not going to be embarrassed by wood not joining me. Come on, you're a block of fucking wood. I'm a nail.

Ask some other nails to join you. They will gladly go. These nails suck.

Oh man. Oh man.

Don't.

Don't do this.

What? Don't do this. What? Don't do this. Fuck Nestle. Fuck you guys. Whoa. Fuck Nestle. Honestly, fuck Nestle.

What are you going to do? You're going to walk away? Where are you going to go? Who's going to want a nail?

I don't know. Someone.

Hey, welcome to Amazon. We have kind of a pretty open concept office here. We're glad to have you on the team. Heard a lot of great things.

Really?

Good. Coffee over here. We have sleep pods over here. Pretty much it's like any- Hi coffee. Hi sleep pods. Any unclean desk is yours. Any, you know, set up wherever you like, kind of do your do your thing.

Hell yeah. Thank you so much.

Yeah, let's uh, any questions for me or? Where do I pee? When do I pee and poop? Hey, let's get you on this board, huh?

Oh, yeah. Oh, I'm being placed on a board like, um, we're onboarding you. Oh, this is amazing.

Let me, just right here? Yeah, just right here.

That's awesome. This is Hammer.

Hi Hammer, nice to meet you. Yeah, Hammer's been working for us for a minute. Hammer, this is Nail. Can you finish onboarding Nail?

Yep, I just jump on the board and I'm going to hit you really hard in the head.

Yeah, okay. Wait, wait a minute. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

And that's lunch. Let's go everybody.

That's lunch. And that's lunch.

Can you imagine a hammer and nail working together?

I don't have to.

It would go a little something like this. Wait, wait, wait, Erin, no, no, no, we already did this. Guys, we've done a lot of scenes today. Let's call the episode early. Everybody get ten minutes back into your day.

Welcome to our Daylight Savings. It's April Fools.

Erin, that's very like tech startup.

Terrible health insurance, but I like to leave six minutes early on a Friday.

We leave this meeting six minutes early so you could go to your other meeting or just wait for six minutes before that starts.

Here we go. Several times a day, people from all over the world visit me. Some may think I'm dirty, even on my best day, but no one wants to live without me. A bathroom. I mean, you pretty much got it. Toilet. It's a toilet.

Whoa.

I could live without a toilet. I would say seeing Erin, you're a toilet. Adal.

Adal. Adal. I was in your wedding. Okay, you're a hammer. Adal, I was in your wedding, man. Come on, man. I stood next to you while you got married.

Erin, you're a toilet. You're pooping in her mouth. Hey, I still love you both, but listen... What is this scene?

It's just... It's just a guy pooping in a toilet? You both take turns turning into toilets and pooping in each other's own ass. Hold on. You teach improv.

Adal, you teach improv.

The scene that you called for, is your toilet and I'm pooping in her mouth?

Adal, the last time I had a panic attack, I texted you.

Yes, yes, but, but, listen, hey.

But just in general, a premise for a scene is like, you two are at a party and the lay on is like, and you both like figure out that you dated the same ex. But your whole scene is just she's in the toilet and I'm pooping in her.

This is more like fetish content than a seed. Heard, chef. Okay, so, you two were friends, you find out you dated the same guy.

That's the thing I just said!

Hold on! That you were asking for, right? I'm giving you what you're asking for. Okay. So you're friends, you both find out you're dating the same guy. Now, quick little caveat. There's a layout. Every full moon, one of you turns into a toilet and the other one shits in his mouth. What am I saying that's so taboo? This is a scene. And don't forget, and then a few seconds later the other person turns to the toilet and the person who was in the toilet turns to the human and shits in their mouth. But you both find out you dated the same guy. And that's sort of the entree into the scene. Crazy that full moon's over, huh? No, it's back. Full moon. We see a full moon.

What do you mean it's back?

It's back? A full moon doesn't go away. You're talking about sunrise. You're saying you guys are up at 6 a.m.?

Yeah! No.

Adal, you bought everyone a Ninja Creamy because I wanted one.

Yeah, I'm bad with money and that doesn't mean that my premise should be shot down.

Okay, you're both toilets, you found out you dated- Adal, you once said that you'll take me everywhere you go. That I'm one of your favorite people and that anywhere you go, I go too.

I just want to see my seat. Okay?

I love you both so much. I would do anything. I would die for both of you. I don't know. Okay? Sometimes it doesn't feel like it.

You understand why it doesn't feel like it when he said, okay, Erin, you're a toilet and GPC's gonna shit in your mouth.

I understand that it doesn't feel like it, but you have to understand how it's coming across to us.

There's a way to do it that's like fun for everyone. You do it. You're judging it. You do it. Show us how to do it. You want me to do it? Yeah, you do it alone and show us how to do it.

Here you go improv teacher, go ahead.

Because I'm going to knock it out of the park, right? Those who can't teach. And they're going to be like, oh. Those who can't teach, I am teaching.

You're a toilet who shits in its own mouth, and it's a full moon.

That's the dumbest fucking premise I've ever heard. You two are toilet best friends.

Hey guys, we're starting at the comedy point where we know we can't end the episode unless someone does this scene, right?

Okay, compromise. Compromise. Compromise. That's so smart. It's healthy. You're both toilets, and you find out that the same guy shit in both your mouths. Got it. Compromise. Compromise. No, no, Erin, that is a compromise.

That's a scene.

Okay, but can I add one little add-on to it?

I'm sure, yeah, please.

Adal, you are also there. You are also a toilet. Solidarity. We go in together.

But brand new, but brand new Saran Wrap. Nobody's touched me.

No, no.

Brand new, brand new. It has to be. Spotless. Never been, virginal, virginal. Never been touched.

This is an awesome party. This is crazy. Did you guys have the Clorox?

It's not a party. Hold on. It's not a party.

You said it was a party.

What would toilets be celebrating?

Oh, they're Friends of Virgin.

Biggest shit? What?

She's a virgin toilet who can't drive.

Yeah, it's Megan's coming out party. Someone's going to shit in her mouth, you know, later today and kind of christen her. Did you guys try the Clorox? It's so good.

It's so good.

It's blue. It's like, okay.

I'm trying to stay hydrated though, so I've been drinking a lot of pee today. Adal, we're doing the thing you wanted.

I just talked about drinking pee. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Quick time out. It sounds like you're both being sarcastic. The way you guys are talking is like, you're like, have you tried the Clorox? Oh my god. Like, you're talking as if you don't enjoy it. We're at a party! We're being social!

We'll skip to it. We'll skip to it.

We'll skip to it. We'll skip to it.

Skip to what? Oh my god, Jerry's here.

Oh my god.

This is crazy. You're never gonna believe this. Okay, here we go.

I dated Jerry.

A couple weeks ago. What? Okay, here we go. Here we go.

Did you date Jerry too? No, you were about to say something else.

No, I never dated Jerry. We had like a thing, but it was never like, it was not like a serious, we didn't like label it as, um, I got wasted and Jerry... Yeah, say what he did. Well, he, you know, he did what he, he did what you do. To a toilet? Say it, say it, say the full thing. Pause, say the full thing. Yeah, Jerry, you know, he shit in my mouth.

Yes, yes, yes! Oh my God. He said that he would never do that with anyone else besides me.

What? Yeah. He said that your double water flush button was just for him? Just for him. Oh my God. He said the same fucking thing. Unbelievable.

That same line. Hey Jerry, can you come here for a second? Adal, you're Jerry.

Uh, yeah, what's up? Can you come down here, come a little closer, a little closer to the ground?

Yeah, what's up?

Dunks your head, gives you a swirly, swirly, swirly, swirly. Scene, scene, scene, scene, scene.

No, no, no, Jerry. Swirly, swirly, no.

Scene. Other toilet, swirly, swirly, swirly. Come on.

Swirly, swirly, swirly. Feet and head.

Now it's fucking death proof and Jerry is getting... Feet and head. Yeah, feet and head, Jerry.

Jerry.

Piece of shit.

Piece of shit, Jerry.

Scene, scene. I can't imagine doing a bad improv show.

Thank you, Casey.

Casey, cut out this episode.

Thank you, Casey. You guys, just a quick peek behind the curtain. Right after that scene ended, we sort of sat in silence, like a sort of awkward, heavy, sad silence that you have after you have a fight with someone. But we did cut that out because it was really awkward. But how's everyone feeling? Is everyone okay? I absolutely ate shit.

You cannot use that soundbite. Thank you. You just said it. Also, I do want to say, I am feeling a certain type of way, but the awkward silence that we sat in, that we cut out, will be on our Patreon. Everything's content.

Everything's content. We'll put awkward silence on our Patreon. It's uninterrupted awkward silence. Awkward science. It's awkward science. It's awkward silence and aqua science.

It's two and a half hours, it's $8. Some people might say there's nothing on there.

Farts. Okay. Well, you guys, I am really grateful that such a travesty and friendship betrayal happened at the end of an episode because I think a lot of people got interrupted by work, kids, significant other, they had to get in the car, whatever. So I don't know if a lot of people got to this point of the episode.

No, I think a lot of people did. This is the 350th episode of Hey Riddle Riddle. Congratulations, guys.

350?

We should do something special.

Wait a minute, we did. What a milestone for the group. Erin, thoughts?

Your head is in your hands right now, just trying to see if... No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

Okay, I want to see a scene. The grapestomp lady has to go to the bathroom. Go.

Do you have a restroom here?

We do, but the manager has told me that we can't serve you.

Alright, well, hey Adal, do you have anything to plug? Hey, we should say also...

Since this episode is coming out on April 2nd, and this is not an April Fool's joke at all, it is officially April of the Penguins on the Hey Riddle Riddle Patreon. If you missed Penguin Baseball, the craze that's sweeping the nation last year, you can catch up and then go check out all four new Penguin Baseball episodes dropping this month, and go to our TeePublic store, if you want the link, it's in the description of the episode, and check out our five new teams and all of their associated merch.

It's some good stuff. We outdid ourselves.

We outdid ourselves. We thought Penguin Baseball was big last year. It's only getting bigger this year. Okay, Adal, anything else to plug?

No, just big ups to Ariel for knocking the egg out of the park, of course.

The egg is still the ball, everybody. Do not worry.

Eggman and also with you.

Last night I was trying to explain to the guy that I'm seeing what penguin baseball is and I was like, well, the field is ice and the egg's the ball. And then I read him the players I have this year and he was like, um, what, what is this? In the gentlest way being like, what is this?

So nice.

Yeah. And, and what is this?

Besides that, check out Hello from the Magic Tavern now in our 10th season, 10th anniversary. Check that out. And Erin, do you have anything to plug or promote?

Honestly, the end of this episode has rendered me so speechless that I have nothing.

Hey Riddle Riddle, we are going to be doing some live shows this year and if you would like Hey Riddle Riddle to come to your city, we have a live show requester on our website. The website is heyriddleriddle.com request. If you want to request us to come see a city that you live in and you've never requested it before, please no duplicates, fill out that form on our website. We might come to a city near you. I will say, We haven't settled on all of our dates yet, but we are coming to some cities that we've never been to before. So that is very exciting. But yes, check out future updates on that and request a live show at HeyRiddleRiddle.com slash request. Specifically, if you know like a good like mid-sized venue in your town, that would be good for us. That's also information that we would love to have.

Well, how many seats do you think we can ask for?

I think like anywhere in like the 200 to 500 range is like that's our sweet spot. That's like mid-size. And yeah, please do let us know because we would love to come see you and love to have you see us in a city where you live in. I do have a review to read. Yes, please. This one was a five-star review submitted wherever you leave reviews. If you leave them, I might find them today. I found one from Jackie King. It says, Announcement! I, JPC, think that the way Adal eats Kit Kats is completely fine. In fact, it is the superior method. I don't like that. I don't like when people make me say stuff like that.

I got my toilet scene and compliments on how I eat Kit Kats, which is to bite into them when they're still connected and never break them apart.

Hell yeah. I hate hearing about that.

I do have, oops, looks like Cormore, the ancient demonic puppet, is still in my hand here. Cormore, how you doing?

I have something to plug.

Oh, Cormore, what do you have to plug?

You can check me out in hell every Tuesday and Thursday.

Wow, Tuesday and Thursday.

Stupid Earth, goodbye.

Created by Adal Rifai. Starring Erin Keif, and John Patrick Coan, Casey Toney did the editing, and Marty Perrins did the music. Logo created by Emily Cardemus and Emilina Morris. Well,

That is an episode to toss right into the trash.

Oh, wonderful. Any notes?

I got some notes. No, I got nothing.

Hey there Corvids and Raptors. If you like that, you're going to love this week's Patreon. It is April of the Penguins. So that means it's time for our Penguin Baseball League Draft. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com. Hey Riddle Riddle by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or start your seven day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month. Plus you get those ad free episodes. See you there.

That was a hate gun podcast.