Which Riddle Riddle?

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Whoa, Erin, you've disappeared! Camouflage!

Erin? Erin?

Uh, can you see me still?

Whoa, she could be coming from any direction. Wow, okay.

I'm over here now.

I think Erin may be hunting us.

I've covered myself in riddles at the Riddle Podcast so you can't see me.

JPC remember, errands never hunt alone, they hunt in packs. So we should be able to see one and then one will surprise us.

Yeah. Alright, packs of errands. What do we think we're working with? Brockovich, Eckhart, Rogers.

Scarin' Erin, I went to school with them, that's nothing we don't know about.

Yeah, so we did four celebrity errands. We did two men. I guess it's a real person.

A bow or an arrow whizzes by your face, not a bow and arrow.

No, it was a bow, Erin. You threw a bow.

I threw the whole bow. Dang it.

She held onto the arrow and shot the bow. I panicked.

Okay, let's see.

Erin's like a Roadrunner cartoon.

Okay. Okay. Runs as fast as they can with the arrow at Adal.

Ooh, falls down. Impales the arrow. My shins.

My shins.

Erin. What? You want to hear the most interesting song in the world?

Okay.

Press play. How does new slang go?

Ain't like that. It does not go like that.

I feel like you're playing it in reverse. Doesn't that sound like right?

You know who would know how new slang goes? Yes, great segway. Our musical guest. Musical guest. Luke Null. Luke, welcome aboard and please sing New Slang.

Gold teeth and a curse for this town. They're all in my mouth. Only I don't know how they got out here. And that's all of these lyrics I know from the Shins. From the whole band. From the whole band.

I gotta go back and listen to the Garden State soundtrack.

Did anyone ever see them live?

No. The Shins? Yeah. They never performed live.

I wish.

No one ever saw them.

I saw them once at a music festival and they were good. They were good.

Did they play Caring is Creepy?

Yeah.

Probably.

Probably. I assume they were playing the hits.

How are you? Thank you for coming on the show. It's good to be back, you guys. Oh my gosh. Ever since I was last on here, I've been trying to go to sleep each and every night, but just seeing all the riddles I didn't get right running in my eyelids, inside of my eyelids as I try to sleep.

Yep. It's sort of like... Luke, do you know the movie Jaws? You know how Quint gives that monologue about the... Like a doll's eyes.

Yes.

Adults. Browns adults.

Rolled back in their heads like a doll's eyes. That's not enough for you, Luke. That's a note for Quint. He needs to know. He's pronouncing it wrong.

And not Quint from Jaws, but Quint from Ain't It Cool News. Which I don't know if that's still a website.

I can't be. It can't possibly be. Luke, welcome back. We wanted to have you on because SNL 50 is still in everyone's mind. Thoughts? Feelings? I mean, tell us. How was the fucking party, my man?

I'll tell you what, I did go back for the concert. They did not fly me out. I did pay to fly and to stay, but I was invited to Radio City Music Hall for the, I will say, a very awesome concert. The concert was so fun. And I mean, the lineup was wild, but it was very funny to be in a room of like 300 people who were all fired by one guy. And we're all there to celebrate that guy. So we're all like, he fired everyone that's sitting here. Personally fired each and every one of us.

It must be a lot of heads on a swivel looking left looking right and then whisper talk of like, hey, and then something disparaging maybe.

Maybe not, maybe not, maybe not. There was a lot of people that were like, I was worried had 3D printed like Luigi scenarios. Just waiting for their, yeah.

Shinzo Abe, the man at his 50th anniversary. What's funny about that too is like, in the entertainment industry, I feel like people are like, yeah, all those people showed up to that show. The fired people showed up to that show. Whereas like, if you were just working some job and your boss fired you and then like, 10 years later. Retired or whatever, yeah. Hey, come to this party. 10 years later invites you to a party. Like, you would go and throw a brick through the fucking window.

Oh yeah.

What was the best part of the concert?

Uh, Cher. No, Robin. Robin. Or no. Nirvana. Nirvana, uh, reunion with Post Malone singing. No, Lauryn Hill. I mean, it's gotta be Lauryn Hill.

Wasn't the concert also like three hours long?

Yeah, it was really long.

It felt like a concert that nobody said no to. It felt like they were like, hey, book a three hour show and we'll end up with a two hour show. And then they booked a four hour show somehow.

Pretty much. And then there was also like, I had never thought of seat fillers before. So there was like, because they filmed it, like, basically like 40 minutes in they were like any open seats. They would send 20-year-olds in who were just hanging out outside Radio City Music Hall to be seat fillers. And I was sitting directly next to Finesse Mitchell, and he and I had a... We talked about it. We're like, we're not giving this... We had a buffer seat just to be able to have a little bit of groove area. I brought Eli Mandel as my plus one. Awesome. Former Chicago bad boy and SNL writer who was there for a year. I thought he would appreciate it. But he and I, he had seat fillers jammed up against him. And I'm like, nah, dog. Me and Finesse, we are boxing out the open seat in between us. No seat filler will sit here.

There was a freezing cold 20-year-old out in the streets of New York because of that, Luke. I hope you're happy.

Yeah. I'm sorry that they passed, unfortunately.

People don't talk about it, but with those seat fillers, that seat is their home. And if they don't get a home, they go back to the kill shelter where they put them down. But they make it nice for them. They show them like, what's something that someone living in Brooklyn who's 20 years old would like? Oh, they show them a mattress with no sheet, and they say, this is going to be yours. This is all for you. They show them an $11 coffee, and they say, that's something that you're going to be able to enjoy. Luke, I gotta know, did they sell like merch? Like was there an SNL concert shirt with all the bands on the back?

So the whole time, without even joking, everyone that, from all of the SNL eras, we were all like mingling in the lobby before they let us in. And the first thing on everyone, like it felt like a weird high school reunion, a little bit where you're like, I knew my bullies would be there kind of thing.

Like I knew that,

But at the same time I'm meeting, it was all good vibes. It was all fun. But everyone, the first word out of everyone's mouth was, how is it, how is everything not free? Like paying for the drinks. There was merch, there was a $150 SNL 50 commemorative ornament that they were selling at the gift shop. And we kept joking, like, Lauren's not going to give us an ornament. Lauren's not going to give us an ornament. We're going to pay the $150 for the ornament. And it was like $150. Was it made of diamonds?

Lauren's ornament.

Lornament.

Lornament.

Did you see anybody buy one? Did you see anyone buy a $150 ornament? People were doing gags about it, but I did not witness one be bought.

But we did we were saying it was Tina Fey walking around walking out with like four shopping bags. It's a loss leader.

I thought it would be really weird to be the guy buying merch like the one guy who you know, it was weird. It was weird. We had to pay for it.

Well, now if you see one out in the wild, you'll know it was $150. If anyone out there is at a celebrity's home and you see that ornament on their Christmas tree, know they paid $150 for it. That's insane.

I would like an SNL 50 tour shirt, but instead of dates listed on the back, it was just one date. It was just Radio City Music Hall, the one night that it was. That's the only stop on this tour. The Cher concert. Well, Luke, we're actually not here to talk about whatever the hell that was. The thing you brought up? Your incessant need to talk about celebrity. Oh my God, grow up. It's so disgusting.

GPC, you asked about it.

Yeah. Okay.

I lived with you and I've seen you naked. Let's move on. Tell us. Tell us.

How weird is his butt? One out of ten, how weird is his butt?

It sucks that it's cute.

Oh no!

I will say in the last ten years it's gotten weirder though. It's getting weirder every day. It's cause I'm doing something with it. To it. Here's your first riddle. With it or do it?

With it or do it? I didn't ask. Oh I did ask.

Weedwhacker? Ugh, I wish I could afford name brand. Okay, here we go. Here's your first riddle. You know the game, you know the shame. We grow in your garden. Wait, do you think Weed Whacker is a name brand and not just the product? You know what, it probably is. It probably is a name brand. You think it's like, you know.

Oh wait, we're not allowed to Google this here. Luke, we're trying to cut ourselves off from Googling mid-episode.

Oh, then I won't either. Okay, great, thank you. Sorry, I'll stop interrupting.

No, I just, I wish I knew though, but we can't know.

Someone listening to this at work with a polo shirt that says Weed Whacker on it just going crazy right now. They're like, it is a name brand. We're the best in our field. It's like the Aaron Burr commercial. It's not like John Deere. Yeah. It's like the Aaron Burr commercial, yes, that's right. Only old heads will know about the Aaron Burr commercial. Erin, you remember the Aaron Burr commercial?

I don't. I'm very, very young. Very small. One of the best commercials.

Fuck off. Debut during the Super Bowl. A guy, we pan around his house. He has the bullet from the Burr-Hamilton duel. He has books. He has posters. He has busts of their head. He's an expert you might say, Erin. He literally wrote the book, some might say. Then he gets a call from a radio station. They say, you're the fifth caller for $100,000. Who shot Alexander Hamilton? He goes to say Aaron Burr, but he just took a big bite of peanut butter sandwich, and he has no milk to wash it down. So Aaron, he goes, Aaron Burr. And they go, huh? And he goes, Aaron Burr. And they go, are you a child? He goes, no, peanut butter in my mouth. And they go, last chance. He says, Aaron Burr. They go, sorry, we got to call somebody else. He lost $100,000 because of peanut butter.

That's really dark. Is it an ad for peanut butter?

Yes. It's for milk.

It's peanut butter. Worth it. He turns it towards himself. The peanut butter made him unable to pronounce his ahs.

The wild thing is that was an ad for milk, and there was a time in this country where they were trying to be like, hey, you can just drink milk as a drink.

Big milk. Big milk had a lot of money.

They were pushing milk big time.

They'd show a picture of a little kid drinking milk looking in a mirror, and in the mirror was like Shaq. It's like, you're not going to be Shaq. You might grow a little bit. You won't be Shaq.

You might grow a little bit. Says that in the fine print, you're not going to be Shaq for a little bit.

You're not going to set records at LSU, but you'll be slightly taller. Every kid from the 90s who drank milk all became Shaq. You just have millions of Shaqs.

That's why we have so many Shaqs. All restaurant occupancies, what am I trying to say? Occupancies? All those signs had to change. They went from like 150 to like 20.

Or they have a parenthetical where it says 150 and then in parentheses it says 110 Shaqs.

There might be more Shaqs than we think because he has a branding deal for every brand in existence and it would make sense if there were like four Shaqs allowing him to split his time between the General and... Do you think he ever had a deal with Radio Shaq?

Because it feels like that would have been a really easy one for him, and he's like, no, no, no. I'm doing icy hot.

Only products I believe in. That's what he said.

He says that. That's probably the first business he ever said no to. Then they went under, and then Shaq was like, now Shaq realizes the power that I have on the economy, and he's like, I'll never say no again. Yeah, he could have saved Radio Shaq.

This would be a great time to Google, guys.

Is Joe's Crab Shack still in existence? Is that still a chicken restaurant? Oh, yeah. He could do Joe's Crab Shack for sure.

He could do Shake Shack. Shake Shack. It's just him shaking in a commercial, and then under it says Shake Shack.

Now, Erin, you've given me an idea, which I think we have to put on next summer, which is Shakespeare in the Park. Now, this is Shaq doing Shakespeare in the Park.

Wow. It's him playing Hamlet. It's Shakespearean actors doing Kazaam. We grow in your garden. We glow in your room.

Only the name is the same.

Whoa. Bulbs. Yeah, it's bulbs. You got it. You nailed it. Adal, you're fucking hot tonight.

Only the name is the same?

Yeah, because like bulbs grow in the garden and bulbs are also in your room, but they're the same. Aren't they similarly shaped?

Aren't they similarly shaped?

No, only the name is the same. Oh, sorry, sorry. Yeah, yeah, sorry. Of course, duh. Yeah, of course, only the names are the same.

Don't we have the stock market because of tulips or something? Okay. Huh? Uh-huh. Isn't that how we have the stock market?

Well, here's the thing, Adal. That was the Dutch. The Dutch had a tulip war. Yeah. In the 1600s. That's real.

And that's why we have the stock market, and we can't Google it.

See, we wouldn't need Google if Luke was here all the time. I'm trying to pick you to be on the show all the time, Luke.

I'm always here. If there's somebody at work with a shirt that says stock market and they're losing their mind right now. I do want to see a scene. Just a little tulip. Erin and Luke, you are two roses in the garden. Tall and beautiful. And JPC, you are a little bulb of garlic that's grown next to them and they're finally having a conversation with you. Nice day.

Really soaking up the juices.

Yeah, you are looking really well.

And to you as well. You're looking so good. The photosynthesis, it just tastes so yumlicious.

Oh my god, thank you. Hold on, sorry. What? Hi. Oh, hi.

Hank!

Oh.

Oh man, what a gorgeous day. You too are looking good. Oh my god, it smells so bad. Oh my god. Oh man, I bet we all hope they put us on bread.

Is it, is it, is it messed up? Is it racial to call out his scent?

Yeah, I think he might be. I'm so sorry.

I hope they all, I bet we all hope they put us on bread.

We actually, oh, no, we kind of just like, we're actually not great on bread.

Whoa, you guys are tall. Whoa, you guys are tall.

Yeah, well, yeah, it runs in the family a little bit. We're very beautiful too. What's, where are you from?

I'm

You look like you just got marked by a dog.

I do want to see just a quick sort of like taming of the shrew My Fair Lady montage where you two are trying to teach the garlic to be high society.

Repeat after us. Roses are red.

He's getting there.

See? Great montage.

The one-scene montage that makes you bail on the whole montage. It's the start of the montage, she's obviously not gonna get it, and you're like, fuck it.

Yeah, I've been in an improv show before. I know what to do. I know what this game is.

Pull the ripcord right away. One strike.

Alright, here we go. Here's your next one. I am a man without bones, my flesh is white. I am a man without blood, my flesh is cold. I am a man without life, my flesh is shrinking. I am the man you made and lost.

Wow.

Yes, Erin. Do we remember the empty chair that was Obama?

I did forget about that.

That was awesome.

Mayor of Carmel. Mayor of Carmel-by-the-Sea in California. Wow.

Must be nice. Was that the RNC where he talked to an empty chair and then he ... 2016 or ... no, 2008.

Yeah, this was Obama years.

2012?

2012, could have been there. God, good times, huh? Thanks, Obama. I'll take that now.

I'm a man without bones, my flesh is white. I'm a man without blood, my flesh is cold. I'm a man without life, my flesh is shrinking. I am the man you made and lost. I think it would have been closer to Ice Cube if there was also another little clue that said, my son played me in the movie.

I'd like to see a scene. Yes. JPC, you're a kid. Luke, you are a snowman that he made and brought to life. And you're like sort of a couple weeks into this.

G'day! Oh, hey, you're back. G'day. Are you smoking weed in my shed?

Well, I'm just passing the time because I know I only got, you know, it's March. So, yeah, I kind of know, you know, it's kind of... I got my make a wish. I'm sorry? I'm terminal. And I was allowed to have a wish and you're my wish is to meet a loving little boy. Oh.

I thought I made you out of snow. You did. And now I'm dying. Oh, okay. It's like a, like a figurative make a wish now. Like you, you didn't go through the company.

I went through the company. They, yeah, they, they know that I'm on a transplant list and it's not looking good. What, what would you need to transplant? Um, well I, Here's the thing, I need a large ball of snow, I need a slightly smaller ball of snow, and I need an even yet smaller ball of snow. All three of them. And that's kind of a whole thing.

Hey, um, so my mom, my mom got the electric bill and it was like $600. Cool! Well, no, but like it shouldn't be in the winter and then I realized that there's the air conditioning unit in the shed and I feel like maybe you're just out in the shed running the air conditioning like 20, 24-7?

I'm running the air conditioning. It's kind of a life support scenario for me. Yeah, where if you were to put this would be pulling the plug if you turn that off.

Yeah, it's just it's 56 degrees outside. So it feels just like maybe like this wish is not going how I wanted.

I when they did knock knock a champ.

Oh, hey dad.

Hey buddy. Has a hairdryer on his side. Hey buddy. Your mom showed me the electric bill. I just want to let you know I'm about to take your friend to a farm up in Antarctica. Down in Antarctica. So if you want to say goodbye or anything.

Today we're

I thought it worked for the creme brulee last night, would you agree?

I'm sorry, Snowman here. I've been listening and I know what you're ready to do to me. But I was more concerned with if you're using a full blast hairdryer on a creme brulee that it didn't kind of squirt all of the junk out of the thing. Like it, like just the force of the hairdryer didn't blow any of the

I'm sorry, you don't know what's best for my family. Actually, that's where we part. Excuse me? I do. Excuse me?

We see a montage of the snowman slowly falling in love with the mom, taking over the life, playing baseball with the kid.

I guess this is okay. I mean, neither one of them was great at baseball. Great work everyone, great work with our one scene montage.

I love the idea of an organ transplant person being like, oh shit, I don't know what happened, but I lost it. And they're like, what? I opened the cooler and it was just all ice and snow. And they're like, no, that was the thing. Oh my God, that was for a snowman. I thought maybe a dog got at it.

There was a terrible accident and we got a snowman middle and it was shipped priority over here. Oh God.

When wild once I was, silently the world I roamed. I sniffed and listened to the wind.

My green-gold gaze surveyed the dark and hunger held my hunter's heart. Now tame and safe I am, but sometimes when I watch the breeze shuffling the shadowed leaves, I hear the owl cry in the dark and hunger haunts my hunter's heart.

Is this like a dog that used to be a wolf?

Adal, it is not like a dog that used to be a wolf, but it's shockingly close. Shockingly close for what I assume and I just want to verify. Was the joke answer Adal? Or was it a real attempt?

That's the only thing I can think of of like I used to be like this wild thing and now I'm tame and I know that wolves became dogs and there's no more wolves anymore. Yeah. RIP to the wolves.

We can't Google that.

We got rid of wolves. Somebody who works at wolves has a wolf hoodie on.

Wolves would definitely be a startup. It would have a ping pong table for sure.

There are probably a lot of people listening to this that have that Three Wolves, How They Got the Mood shirt on, but they don't work at Wolves.

Yeah, their logo is the whole movie, The Grey.

That's like the reason why he breaks the wolf with the bottle at the end of that movie. Get in a bar fight with a wolf.

Can you read it again? And I hate to ask that.

Yeah, especially since this one has, this one I feel like has some tongue twisters in it. When wild once I was, silently the world I roamed, I sniffed and listened to the wind. My green-gold gaze surveyed the dark, and hunger held my hunter's heart. Now tame and safe I am, but sometimes when I watch the breeze shuffling the shadowed leaves, I hear the owl cry, and the dark and hunger haunts my hunter's heart.

Howl!

It makes me want to howl.

How literal is gold green? Yeah.

Green-gold gaze? I think it's pretty literal. Yeah.

So it's something that has green and gold eyes.

Yeah, I would say so.

Who's the animal?

Not a kitty cat. Luke, it is a kitty cat.

Oh Adal, you were very close.

You were so close with Wolf. You were just in the wrong domesticated animal.

I would argue though that everyone knows that house cats will kill things for sport more than anything. They aren't done hunting.

No.

They're lions of the living room, is what they say. That's right.

I feel like we did a really good job as a society domesticating dogs, and we're like, damn, we could make these dogs do so many specialized tasks, and then we all turned to cats and we're like, good enough. They'll eat my face if I die. We did a halfway fine job on cats, but it's just more trouble than it's worth. Do you think that in another, like, thousand years, like, dogs will be people, like, dogs will be wearing, like, sport coats and be like, huh, huh, huh, can I make you a martini? And cats will be where dogs are now? Whoa. Like, cats are just not there yet with domestication, but we're, like, still really trying.

JPC's edible just kicked in, everybody.

JPC's three hours of sleep last night has just now kicked in.

JPC, honest answer? Dogs and cats will never be humans, but I feel like in a thousand years, dogs will be where horses are, where people will ride dogs with a foot on two different dogs. Does that make sense? Like skiing?

Like Mad Max.

Thank you. Yes. Like Mad Max. They'll be riding dogs.

I have an idea for a scene. I'll call it up for y'all. Okay. Erin and JBC, you guys are in an office break room and Adal is a dog. He's a dog. Uh, accountant. This is all he wants. This is all he wants in the world. He's coming and he's just, you know, getting on his coffee break. Okay.

I mean, we had that HR meeting about, like, who peed on the floor, and I feel like we all kind of, like, know who peed on the floor, right?

Move. Move. Sorry, I'm trying to get to the cabinet for my... Move.

Cabinet?

For your... For my coffee bowl.

Oh, yeah. You know what? Actually, Greg, I think it's still on the floor. I don't think you cleaned it up from last time.

Sorry. Well, I don't know if you talked to HR yet, but you two are actually responsible for cleaning my coffee bowl and my lunch bowl.

Right, because they're on the floor and you can't reach the sink. How was your kid's birthday party this weekend, Greg?

Good, yeah. Fourteen kids from one litter, eight from another, so it was 26 birthday presents and I'm financially ruined. It was fine, it was fine.

You know about that HR meeting later we're having about who peed on the floor?

I don't know if I can make that. Oh, Linda, I smell like two days ago you had Thai food.

Don't do this.

Seems like you've pooped three times.

When you smelled my divorce, it was a really, really, really bad day for me, so can you just cool it?

Hey, hey, hey, Linda. I smelled another woman on Mark, okay? I don't smell a divorce.

Well, that's sort of the same thing. It's sort of the means to the same end, huh?

You smelled it 12 hours before Linda found out about it. Okay, I can smell divorce, okay.

I think we should probably make that meeting, right? Tyler, you should be at that meeting, right?

Yeah, I think you should definitely be at that meeting. I have to get some shots, so... Oh, okay, that's convenient. Actually, I just got your... we don't get shots every year. Well, I guess we do, but we just get different shots every year. We get like COVID boosters and stuff. Oh, yeah, yeah.

I think you should really make that meeting, Greg. I think you should probably show up.

Welcome to the meeting. It's really nice to have you guys in here. I think, you know, we're going to cut to the chase. Someone has repeatedly been peeing. No, we're not playing chase. Oh, no, we're not playing chase. Sorry.

Sorry, Greg.

Oh, it's all right, Greg. Pisses on the floor a little bit. Okay, and I think the meeting's over now. Tom!

Thank God everyone's gonna think it's Greg and not me, Linda, who peed on the floor.

Phew! Thank God Greg's taking the heat. I've been so sick for the past couple weeks.

Oh, it's the humans peeing on the floor, everybody.

Oh, great. It's the humans peeing.

That one was a twist.

If I worked in an office with a dog who also worked in that office, and I was supposed to clean up that dog's bowl, I think I'd start peeing on the floor. I think I would start peeing on the floor just to get the dog in trouble.

Well, that's a good peek behind the curtain of your personality, GPC.

Yeah, that sucks. All right, fine. Let's take a quick break. We'll be back with more peeing on the floor and blaming a dog.

He's gonna pee on the floor during the break.

Yeah. Can't prove that.

I'm still in my... I'm talking in my sleep. I'm sleeping on my Helix mattress. I can't wake up from recording. I'm so comfy.

Erin, Erin, Erin, Erin, Erin. You fell asleep in the middle of recording. We're trying to record a Helix mattress ad for the podcast. What are you doing?

Sorry, I didn't get to sleep in my Helix bed last night. I'm just craving it. I'm just dreaming about it. We'll see you then.

Well, Erin, your Helix sleep mattress sounds awesome. I, frankly, am having a really terrible time sleeping on my mattress. It was supposed to be like a new mattress that I got from like a... I don't want to say it was like a shady company, but it seems like it's just kind of like a flat piece of board. I got it from... Oh, man. It's Midler's mattress.

Oh, no.

It's not even hidden this time.

Oh, no.

And you know what? Now that I'm thinking of it, it was definitely Steve that delivered it.

Oh, I forgot about Steve and his Steve-mobile, I think.

Yeah, he did it in his Steve-mobile. He had the big piece of flat board strapped to the top of his Steve-mobile. Ah! I wish I'd gotten a Helix Sleep mattress because, man, Helix Sleep mattresses are the best. The most comfortable sleep that I've ever had in my entire life. I don't know why I chose to get a Midler mattress. That was such a big mistake.

That was an insane choice. If you have sleep issues and you need something specific, Helix has the mattress for you. Just take a quick sleep quiz and they set you up perfectly with a mattress.

A quiz you don't even have to study for. It's that simple.

And right now, Helix has a March Madness sale going off where you can get 20% off site-wide. Just go to helixsleep.com slash riddle for the March Madness sale. That is helixsleep.com slash riddle for their March Madness sale. helixsleep.com slash riddle. R-I-D-D-L-E. You know what else has two D's in it? Midler?

Uh, Midler not now.

Midler also has two D's, like an I and the L-E. It's like Riddle and Middle.

Middler, do you sleep on a Middler mattress or a Helix?

Oh God, I sleep on a Helix mattress. I would never sleep on a Middler mattress. Makes sense. This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace.

Get a 90 degree angle and another 90 degree angle. Okay, we have a Squarespace here. We can all just kind of, this is kind of like a sandbox for us Hey Riddle hosts to hang out in.

Oh, perfect.

Yeah. Awesome.

My corner's messy. Can I switch corners with someone else?

Aaron, it sounds like you could actually use Squarespace, not to be confused with our Squarespace.

Oh yeah.

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Wait, wait, wait, wait. Your guys' Squarespace has all that? Why does mine... I mean, the one that I'm looking at doesn't have any features on it. Oh, I see what's happening. My Squarespace has been invaded by the Middler. The Middler who makes everything Mid. That's right, you caught me. The Middler is here. But never fear. The Middler knows what he's been bested, so I'll give you this. The real Squarespace has SEO tools. Now Middler, I heard a rumor that you're called that because you're the middle child. Wow, this is the most attention I've ever got.

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Wow, I had almost forgotten about the Midler. Did you guys forget about the Midler as well?

Yeah, didn't he have a sidekick that was like Greg or something?

Oh, he had a normal name.

We'll never know.

We'll know. We will never know.

Steve. Steve. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp.

Adal, JPC, I got some good news. Oh, great. What is it? I'm not mad at you anymore.

Oh, that's actually great news. Yes, it's fine news. I didn't know that you were mad at me at all.

Yeah, but I talked to my BetterHelp therapist about it and she really helped me. I'm feeling a lot better now. And it didn't cost me like an arm and a leg.

Yeah, Erin, traditional in-person therapy can cost anywhere from $100 to $250 per session, which adds up fast. But with BetterHelp Online Therapy, like you used, you can save on average up to 50% per session.

With BetterHelp, you pay a flat fee for weekly sessions, saving you big on cost and time. And you know what? I barely paid anything to be able to talk about how mad I was at you guys. Oh my gosh, I was so mad.

Well, I like that, Erin, because I think therapy, you know, it should feel accessible, not like a luxury. And with online therapy, you get a quality care at a price that makes sense and can help you with anything from anxiety to everyday stress to maybe just being like, I'm going to use the word unreasonably, but that's not a judgment word. Mad at a friend who I'm going to use the word did absolutely nothing wrong. And that is not a judgment word. But your mental health is worth it, Erin. And now it's within reach.

Yeah, Erin, if you want to talk to someone at BetterHelp, I think that's fantastic. If you want to tell them like, hey, my friends JPC and Adal, they're like so cool and supportive, like almost too cool and supportive.

Right. And with over 30,000 therapists, BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform, having served over 5 million people globally. It's convenient, too. You can join a session with a click of a button, helping you fit therapy into your busy life. Plus, switch therapist anytime. I love this kind of therapy because it suits my brain to be able to just send a message to my counselor whenever I need about how my friends go see 40X movies without me, and they start rubbing my face.

You know what, Erin? This is a breakthrough for me. I think I'm going to reach out to a therapist right now. Would you indulge me for just a moment? Sure, of course. Hello, therapy office! Oh, thank God. Yeah, I would like to do some therapy right now.

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You guys, I have a riddle. I told some folks that I was coming on the show and I said, can anyone give me a true stumper? These, these folks have heard them all, you know, what is the hardest riddle that you know? And I got a riddle that I, I'll tell you what, it's a fricking stumper. Do you guys want to hear this riddle? I'm very excited.

Yeah, I mean, we have to. I also have supreme confidence in us. I think that you, Luke, I mean, you're obviously a real neophyte, you don't know riddles like we do. No, no, no. You think this is a true stumper, we're three professionals, like, we're at the height of our game.

Hey, JPC, he's seen your weird butt, okay? You're sort of ass-exposed right now. Erin, I have more.

Erin, don't interrupt, I have a lot more. We're kind of like the three Shaqs of Riddles. It's nothing but net. It's all... Shaq was good at like three pointers.

If there's one thing Shaq was known for, it was nothing but net.

And if there's one thing JPC is known for, it's knowing anything about athletics.

I'm just now finding out his name is not spelled like Steak Shaq.

S-H-A-Q. Genuine question, JPC. Can you name a team that Shaquille O'Neal played for?

Oh, I can name three. First of all, have I ever told you guys that I met Shaq? Is that real?

Is that how I meet Shaq?

I didn't meet Shaq, but I grew up in Indianapolis and there was a while where the Pacers were good, right? Yeah. But I remember the Lakers were in town and they played the Lakers and there was a thing on the radio Hey everyone. and we were going to her work to like get some like papers or some shit like um and i remember being a little kid sitting in the back seat of my car at a stoplight and i looked up outside of my car and there in the biggest truck i'd ever seen was the hugest man i'd ever seen It was, I mean, I was a little kid and Shaq was Shaq's size. It was like looking at, like, a titan. Like what, like, the depiction of Kronos as he's like, the gods, you know, just dropping their little god bodies down his gullet. He was the biggest person I've ever seen. It was truly, I didn't actually talk to him or anything. I just kind of like gaped up at him. And then my mom was like, that's Shaq. And I was like, yeah, it is. Have you seen- I will say that Shaq played for the 76ers. Whoa, no.

Wow, so much confidence.

Yikes, yikes.

As he said, the Lakers kind of- Have you seen the painting of Shaq eating his son? It's horrifying, but beautiful.

Does he really have a son? There was an old picture of Shaq, this was a long time ago, where he was dating the girl who won Flavor of Love Season 2, so Flavor Slave, to Shaq, so she's now dating Shaq.

The show is Her head is like belt level with him. You know, you're like, oh no, the physics of some of that.

The physics of some of that. And Erin, you're 100% right that sex with Shaq is like the grapestump lady.

I also like Sex with Shaq as like the new short form game. Sex with Shaq is like... Sex with Shaq is like... Very good. Okay, do you guys want to hear this riddle? I would love to. Yes. Please. It's been instructed to me to read it quickly because I'm not allowed to give it a timbre and a musicality of its own. It's meant to be read quickly. Okay, got it. So let me rip this. What has a voice but never speaks, what runs but never moves, what ends before it begins, bridges nowhere to nothing, while a handless clock chimes thirteen times at midnight, and is the color of a soundless song.

This does sound hard. JPC, your big speech earlier is looking pretty foolish.

Well, I don't know, Erin. Adal didn't just say Terabithia, so I think we got it. I heard bridge in there somewhere.

Luke, I'd like to answer. Okay, let's hear it. Drafted by the Airline of Magic, traded to the Lakers, stint in Miami, where he won another championship, then the Boston Celtics, then I want to say, was he on the Raptors for a hot minute? No, that was maybe Elijah Wan. I'll stop at Boston Celtics. Cavs.

He was on the Cavs.

Yes. Damn it. So close. Retired as a Cav. That's right.

Is that real?

That's correct. That's a lot.

Shaq was on all those basketball teams?

Shaq was on a lot of teams. He played for a very long time.

Forgive my ignorance, but what is the average amount of teams that someone will play for in a career?

Nowadays, they used to have a term for people who got traded, which was like journeyman. And nowadays, everyone gets traded. Luke just got traded, which is the most insane shit of all time.

Yeah, I was trying to understand that and I couldn't quite grasp the stakes. I've never seen people panic about a trade like that.

Because it was the dumbest trade of all time. It's like trading Michael Jordan as prime and being like, this is good.

For what, though?

For an old guy who never plays. Ten hot meals and a thumbs up? Yeah. They were in the finals last year with Luka and they were like, let's get rid of our best player.

Did anyone understand why? Did he cost too much money?

The rumor is that the owner- That he was too fat or he drank too much.

There's a million rumors. Why? The big rumor that I believe is that the owner, it's like a newer owner, is that the owners wanted to open up a casino in Dallas and they wouldn't let them because they're like, well, the team is so popular that we don't, the revenue, da, da, da, da. So they're like, okay, well, I'll just slowly make this team unpopular so I can open up my casino.

They now have a record setting amount of people injured. So now their entire team, they have seven people who can play basketball right now, which on a team of what, 16? So nine of them are injured and can't play. So they're like, the coach is basically like, I don't even know what to do. Like, I don't know.

Here's what you do. Um, you know, in an homage to the great We Gene Hackman, we Replacements This, R.I.P., and we have Keanu Reeves come in. We have that guy who looks like he could be in Oasis. Hold on, hold on.

We have the guy who's in like the 10-10-2-20. JP's saying, here's what sucks. I know exactly who you're talking about. Is it Rife's Iveson or what's his name?

Yeah, yeah, it's like Rife Iveson. Oh, are you talking about Little Nikki's brother?

Is it the same guy that plays the lizard in the bad Spider-Man movie? Yeah, it's that guy.

And he's also in the Game of Thrones spinoff. He's like the Hand of the King or something. That guy's good. I like that guy.

He is good. Yeah. I'd like to see a scene. It's Mavericks, right? We're talking about them. Yeah, kind of. Yeah, I guess. Luke, you are the coach of the Dallas Mavericks, and it's halftime, and you're trying to give a speech that's going to motivate the pathetic team in front of you, played by GPC and Adal.

And Erin. And Erin. And Erin, you can beat that too. We'll see.

We'll see. I might hop in with a little something.

You guys, I'm not gonna sugarcoat it, that was a tough half. You know, I appreciate that we hustled. I know we're playing 3v5, alright? We're playing 3v5, so... Wait, wait, wait, that was only half? That was only one half. We still have one more half to do? Well, if it makes you feel any better, we have two more quarters.

Can we use all our timeouts in a row to end the game?

I already used my timeouts and the other team started calling timeouts as like a, we're sorry. We want, and then I'm like, actually, if you can stop calling them, we want the clock to run out.

Could you make a rule or could you talk to the ref if I need to rest on the little table that they have where they're calling the game? Could you just, I know I can't sit in the chairs, but could you just see if I could rest like leaning on the table like I'm still standing, I'm just leaning on the table?

Daphne, unfortunately I can't rest any of you guys. Uh, we actually, yeah. Can I wear roller skates in the second half? Honestly? Whatever gets you through it, I don't think there's a rule against it, but I am worried that you'll be injured. Just with your momentum.

Mr. Coach, sir? Pulling on your jacket, Mr. Coach, sir?

Yes, you Dickensian street orphan who plays center.

It seems like a lot of these fans sort of keep saying and they keep screaming that they could do better. What if we let them try, Mr. Coachster?

I'm one step ahead of you. We actually, the game is going on right now. Oh, good.

Oh, it's behind us. They're running up and down.

So it is happening right now. And there are fans playing. And this is kind of a good moment for a lot of these kinds of guys who say they can play better and they're just getting windmill dunked on. But they told me to kind of jingle keys and keep you guys kind of busy so that

If some of these fans can shoot basketballs the same way that they whip batteries, I think that we're gonna actually make some baskets today.

Yeah, Philadelphia is a brutal place to play. Erin, I have to imagine your catchphrase was, please sir, may I have a dunk?

Yeah, probably something like that. I'll think of another one.

Okay, so this riddle has like a 13th hour in it. That's what threw me.

At first I thought it could be like a sentence.

What has a voice but never speaks, what runs but never moves, what ends before it begins, bridges nowhere to nothing while a handless clock chimes thirteen times at midnight, and is the color of a soundless song. It's not like a refrigerator, is it?

The color of a soundless song. I feel like so much of this is intentionally misleading. Bridges nowhere to nothing? Bridges nowhere to nothing?

That's what I thought too, but no.

Okay, but sort of validating that someone else thought that.

I did think that.

Because 13 chime, I was like, that might be silence. Because there is no 13.

The 13th chime, yeah, there is no 13th chime. Or like, I think the 13th chime is like national emergency.

I asked the person that sent this to me, I said, is there a hint?

Telephone?

And this person said, there is no hint because this is a nonsense, there is no answer, this is nonsense that I'm jamming up. And they just wanted to see what you would guess with a bunch of made up garbage. Who did this? This is like the Jabberwocky.

Who did this?

This was, let me see, let me see. Sorry, the Jabberwocky's featuring Jekyll and Hyde. The Jabberwocky's. This was from me. Okay.

Wow. Wow. This was from me.

Whoa, Luke.

Here's a thing, Luke. KBT, are you calling 911?

On myself. Yeah. They gotta stop me before I do what I'm going to do. No, don't do it to me.

Luke gets swatted for a riddle. Luke, I have to say, that was truly phenomenal writing because that hit every single point of what a riddle. I would have guessed that was a riddle from the 1800s. That was incredible.

Hey, I did my very best for it to make absolutely no sense but sound like it might make some- I think I went one thing too much.

There definitely sounded like there was an answer. We got caught.

And you know, no one's done that before and I- it kind of felt good. It kind of felt good to have someone come in and absolutely-

Oh God. I've talked to JPC a lot about the just the amount of riddles you guys have done over the years and just like how you've you've gone through the bottom of the barrel and you're now you've dug through the center to the core of the earth kind of thing. I'm like, what would you do if I just gave you just this is where you've reached like hollow earth.

Honestly, Luke, it felt kind of good for it to have no answer. Because sometimes the answer pisses me off so much that that genuinely sort of felt like sweet death.

There's attention relief.

I know what you mean when the answer makes less sense.

This tracks for you, Erin. Because, Erin, weren't you saying this weekend that you like a little bit of pleasure with your pain and vice versa?

You were saying that to me while I was on the phone. I am having a ton of sex. I hate this soundboard. I said that once as a joke and now JPC plays it all the time. And they clip that? Yeah, they clip that. Well, JPC, play one of your clips. Fuck you. Fuck, fuck this. Fuck you, Casey. Fuck you, too.

Wow, Erin.

Never mind. Luke, I have a question for you, though. Is it possible if our listeners submitted some answers to this riddle? If we could send them along to you and you could deem which one is the answer.

100%.

Do you guys think I should have let you sweat it out longer?

I think that was the perfect amount of sweating it out. Because anything else would be pissed. Like Erin said, this was like a release of an eight-year holding of our breath.

Yeah, I almost cried. Like a relief kind of cry, like when you cry in yoga.

You're crying out a bad spirit? I think if you wanted to be an absolute bastard, what you could have done, Luke, is you could have done another 10 minutes of it and kept giving us hints. Like, hints that equally made no fucking sense. But like, we were, we, because I felt lost the whole time, but if you had made me feel like I was very close, but I wasn't getting it, then I would have been like, oh, fuck you.

Yeah, if I had used the color of a soundless song as a hint,

Yeah. You would have watched me get a nosebleed.

I think last, not this year, but last year at Sketchfest, someone, I believe it was at San Francisco Sketchfest, somebody gave me, thus us, a copy of a game called, I want to say it's called Wise Owls. And it's a bunch of cards that you flip over and there's like 5,000 combinations of how the cards could like play out in three or four word order. And it presents a answer and then you have to make up a riddle for it. So you're basically, it's a game where you have to improvise riddles based on an answer, I believe.

Reverse engineering riddles.

At some point, Luke, we should have you on a Patreon and play some Wise Owls.

You're the one that has that, Adal?

Yes.

Okay, I was gonna say, I was like, I don't think I have that, but that makes more sense. I have it. All right, well, hey, okay, fuck you, Luke. We're gonna make you do a real one now because of what you just did to us.

Well, technically, mine was a real one. No! I mean, I would argue that my nonsense riddle with purposefully no answer What was better than like one or two of the riddles that were submitted last time I was on the show? There were two of them where I'm like, fuck that one. I'm like, that's not a fence or whatever. I don't know.

Also, Luke, I think my favorite part of your performance was you going, I have to read it a certain way. Because that's what was making me spiral. I was like, oh, if this was written in a cadence, I would be able to get it. Like if you read it a different way.

Yes.

That rocked. That really broke my brain.

Erin, there's only one thing to do because JPC and Luke are fighting. We have to take this riddle to Riddle Court.

Hello and welcome back to Riddle Court. Please welcome Judge JPC. Wait, he's the judge? Yeah, sorry. This is a bad system. Yeah, sorry. This is really bad. I'm the one who types it all down.

This is gonna be a quick case. I am both the judge and the plaintiff in this case.

He's also the jury. You're gonna hate this.

What is this, America?

Alright, Mr. Foreman. Mr. Foreman, do you have a verdict? Yes, yes, yes. Not you. You're the stenographer.

I'm both. I announced you. Doesn't the foreman announce the judge?

That's the Bailiff. And I'm the character Eric Foreman from That 70s Show.

The character, not the guy. Or is the guy good? No, that's Tover Grace. He's fine. Most of them aren't anymore.

Luke is the defendant and the defense. Luke, you have to defend your riddle to Judge JPC and Jury JPC or you get murdered.

Okay, that makes sense. The purpose of any good riddle, Judge, Your Honor, in my estimation and in the eyes of the law is to have fun.

Gibbity gibbity gibbity huh?

I have to agree with the foreman of the jury here.

Which is that you agree so hard that you gibbity gibbity huh at me?

This is unprecedented, but he makes a compelling point. A riddle is to have fun. And did you have fun with the way I read it? But you are on thin ice. You are on thin ice. Yes, we had fun. Objection, your honor.

The prosecution would like to say that a riddle is nothing without an answer.

You're the bailiff, the stenographer, and the prosecution.

You're eight things, too. There's only three of us.

I feel like, what am I? I'm judge and defendant.

You're judge and jury.

I'm jury, too? I'm somehow on the jury, too. We hear an electric chair go next door. Yeah that might have been a really big bug hitting a zapper.

How do you know the quality of a riddle if it doesn't even have an answer?

Yeah, I'm going to read my notes. It's sort of all I had.

And we slowly pan back and realize that this is the second season of 2B's Jury Duty. And they tried to cram way too much into it.

Yeah, the next season of 2B's Jury Duty is that all of them are actors and they think someone isn't an actor, but they're all actors. There's no one who's not in on it, but they are unaware. That would actually kind of be great.

Casey said, holy shit, ha ha ha ha ha.

That would be amazing. Insane. Alright, Casey. It wasn't 2B, it was... Free V. Free V, thank you, thank you. Free V.

Toobie, freebie, threebie.

Quibbie. That was for the pamphlet Common Sense. Patrick, what's his name? Thomas Paine. Thomas Paine, thank you so much. In the pamphlet Common Sense, he wrote, give me liberty, give me death, and then he said, toobie freebie is everythingie.

Everythingie.

They didn't know I said Thomas Paine, though, because I was eating too much peanut butter.

Yeah, you were thinking Patrick Henry, give me liberty or give me quibbie.

Small Bites. This is why it's good to have new blood on the show every once in a while because we haven't come up with something that awesome in a minute.

I do like, you know how like Sesame Street, they do like Sesame Street in like different countries. It's like, you know, Peruvian Sesame Street. I would love it if it was every show and they just had Icelandic.

Casey says there's Mubi too, which I think, Mubi. Casey, I think Mubi is like a porn thing.

That can be, that can be six.

I think that's from, which one we call it? Jane's Hot Bob. Yeah, Jane's Hot Bob. Mubi, Mubi is the, they're like McDonald's thing.

Wait, wait, Casey, do you mean the thing that Maria Menounos does before the movies? Oh, the mooby time. Mooby time? It's mooby time.

That's what a kid says to a babysitter. It's mooby time. And we're watching Antichrist.

I don't know, this is just, I've seen YouTubers advertise it.

You've seen YouTubers advertise Mubi?

I think so. Is it Mubi? Maybe it's Moo-Vee.

Yeah, Moo-Vee is something, Casey. Mubi is like TV shows, but they're long. It's like three episodes of a TV show. I do want to see a scene.

That's Mubi. I have to see a scene where Luke Null is a babysitter, and JPC and Erin, you're the kids, and this is a babysitter showing... What's that director's name? Milos... No. Who did Antichrist? The same guy who did Dogtooth and everything, right? Oh, Lars von Trier. Yes, yes, which there's that movie where breaking the sound, breaking the waves. This is going to go well. There's a movie Lars von Trier did where it's like a woman.

Adal wants to see a scene, he can't remember the director or the movie.

A woman believes that God is telling her to cheat on her husband or something. Anyway, this is a babysitter showing the kids he's babysitting in an inappropriate movie.

Hey, what's up, you guys? It's me, your babysitter, Luke Null. I'm doing my best, you guys. Hopefully you liked dinner. Did you guys' kids like dinner?

It was french fries you found in your car.

Yeah, but they're not all from the same place. No, they didn't taste like it. No, one of them was an Arby. There was one Arby in there.

Arby! That's another one. Um, uh, yeah, normally, like, our parents, like, try to give us, like, vegetables and, like, protein and stuff for dinner, too.

Well, I, we're, technically French fries are protein, and one of those was, was a meat fry, was a chicken fry.

I knew it. I felt crazy.

Now, you kids are... I mean, what time's bedtime? You guys got, like, what, two hours before you gotta conk out? No, bedtime's nine, and it's... It's 10.30. We're up way too late.

Oh, yeah. It's 10.30. We're up way too late.

This sucks. I have to show you a movie. Legally.

Okay, we're really liking Moana right now, if you want to watch Moana with us. We don't got it.

Oh, no, it's streaming.

We don't have physical copies. Oh, I'm not signed in on this smart TV. I only have the one hard-copy disc I brought. And my own Blu-ray player. He's got one of those 2,000 CD booklets in it.

With one DVD in it. There's one DVD.

Yeah, there's other stuff in here, but that's just for me.

Okay, so all of these look like they're, all of these look like they're like burned DVDs. These don't look, are these like bootlegs?

These are, I have a guy who all you have to do is you mail, he has a P.O. box, you mail him a request of what you want and he'll put, he'll mail you his number. And you call his number and he'll come to your house when he's not on house arrest.

Sounds pretty seedy, Luke. I don't know if you should be hanging out with a character like this. All I'm saying is you guys are gonna love this.

I actually never met him.

It sounds like bad old Netflix. How old are you kids? I'm 16 and my sister's 14.

I'm 14. Why the fuck am I watching a 16 year old? Why am I babysitting a 16-year-old?

What's wrong? What's your deal? I don't think anyone called you. Like, our parents are asleep upstairs. What?

Yeah, they're asleep upstairs. We look next door and there's two kids sort of sitting at their dining room table panicking.

What house is this? They're starving.

We opened the door because we were very big fans of one specific season of Saturday Night Live. Which one? We love Finesse Mitchell. Oh, he's a great guy. Whatever his season was.

We'd love to see this movie, though.

Yeah, I guess we could see the movie if it's not too loud. So in order to watch this movie, it is technically the third in a trilogy, but I'm going to catch you guys up on it by just letting you know that at this point in the story, We know God is dead. So number two ends with God, played by Willem Dafoe, passing away. Okay. And so what you're about to see is one continuous shot. So this is one long tracking shot, which is, and you're going to love this.

When you say it's a good long tracking shot, do you mean the movie or do you mean the guy who's like recording the cam of the movie in the theater? It seems like he's running around trying to like avoid maybe being like tackled by movie theater security.

Yeah, he's actively dodging two Paul Blart mall cop kind of guys as he videotapes a bootleg.

I have motion sickness. This is really hard to watch.

It is hard to watch, but in an emotional way.

Is the guy who's filming it also humming Yackety Sax? Because it seems like he's- No, that's playing it. That's part of the movie. That's part of the movie. Scene, scene.

And if you watch any Laura Spontrier, it always opens with Benny Hill. That's so funny. I love the idea of the two kids next door panicking at the dining room table.

Oh no. Casey says, Mubi is a streaming service, but they also produce The Substance.

I like that Casey's still on Mubi. We've gone off Mubi, but Casey's like, let me unpack Mubi for you. In my defense, I typed that but you guys started the scene and I didn't want to interrupt. No, I'm just playing. That's very courteous. The substance did rock. Did you guys see the substance? Oh yeah. I was too scared. Too scared. Yeah, my wife did not want to see it. She said, not for me.

Bonkers, bonkers. I had to look away for maybe 20 minutes of the movie because there's so much needle stuff in it. There is a lot of needle stuff. I heard the performances were really good.

I heard similar, but body horror is just not my cup of movie.

The sound effects are like Tim and Eric. The same person that did the sound effects for Tim and Eric. Anytime they're eating shrimp or anything, it's all very like a cartoon, like 10 out of 10 level.

It's like Red and Stimpy when they would do an extreme close-up and be like... I hated that. I hated that. And show the boogers on the nostril hairs and stuff. A gross-up, they call that. A gross-up.

Holy shit.

That's a good time to go. Mr. Hollywood, I'm ready for my gross-up. I'm ready for my gross-up, Lorne. And they go, you were fired years ago.

Well Luke, it's that time of the episode where we have to fire one person and we always fire the guest, but before we let you go, what do you have to plug, what do you have to promote, what do you got going on?

Oh my goodness gracious, depending on when this comes out, I am actually releasing a stand-up special that came out today, the day of recording, which means, but right now is that sweet spot of right now it's only available for the real ones, the people that want to, it's like 10 bucks or whatever, who want to pay for it. It will be out on YouTube with 800lb Gorilla on the 25th of March.

That's like next week. Next week it comes out for real for real. But where can people go if they want to like buy it?

Oh boy, oh boy. You could check me out on any of the social media apps that are putting a wormhole in your brain. I'm on there, and I'm going to be hawking this special big time. It's also available on 800lb Gorilla's website. But if you follow, I'm Luke Null and all the different thangs, and I'm going to have the link in there. Oh my goodness gracious. I got Wayne Brady improvising a tune with me at the end. Damn. Whoa. That's amazing.

So sick.

It was so nice of him to do that.

You filmed this in LA, right?

I filmed it in LA. I have a Tupac hologram. I go all out. I go all out. I really do. I even have a hologram of myself. Say again? What venue did you film it at? I filmed it at the venue Dynasty Typewriter, which I believe you guys have done a live show there. It's our favorite. It's the best. Dynasty Typewriter, 10 out of 10 popcorn. Love the Dynapop. Oh yeah.

Best green room in the world, I would say.

Honestly, best green room in the world. Perfect, Luke. Without spoiling too much of it, do you think that we get you playing the guitar in this comedy special?

There is a non-zero percent chance that I play guitar almost pretty much the whole time.

And Luke, you're on Spotify as well?

It'll be on Spotify as well. It's everywhere. It's out there. It's everywhere.

Speaking of out there, Erin, you're fucking nuts. What do you think?

That was awesome. I would say check out the Hey Riddle Riddle Patreon, patreon.com slash heyriddleriddle. JPC, your guided meditations are still on there. Those are very funny. You can still purchase those too.

Yeah. JOI? Are you still doing JOI? Oh, jerk off incessantly? No, we were told to stop by the police.

Instructions.

Oh, oh, oh.

Where you explain step by step how to do it, because some people don't, you know.

What's funny is I didn't know what J-O-Y stood for, but instinctively I knew it had to be jerk off. Like it had to have that in it.

You guys are friends. There's a Venn diagram of how your brains work for sure.

Yeah, that's true. That's true. We talk often.

Yeah.

Adal, do you have anything to plug?

Yes, coming up this, I want to say it's going to be like the end of November leading into December for the holidays. I am releasing my JOI to the world Jerkoff Instructions. These are going to be holiday themed Jerkoff Instructions. No matter what you celebrate, whatever holiday you celebrate on December 25th, exactly. We stan an inclusive king.

I have no idea how to do it around the holidays.

Normal style, I do know how to do it.

Yeah, you use peppermint, I guess? I don't know.

J-O-I to the world. J-O-I to the world. Joy, jerk off instructions. Also, $10 for Luke Null's new album. That is one, if you think about it, that is 1 15th of a lornament. So. Yes. Unbelievably good price.

Way more value.

Everything by Luke Null, a delightful human and a hilarious human as well. JPC, do you have anything to plug or promote?

Oh, yeah, one thing that I would definitely like to plug or promote, Erin and Adal and I, we just got back a week or so ago from the JoCo cruise. We had a wonderful time and we recorded a review crew for our $8 tier on our Patreon, reviewing a specific thing that we all did together on the JoCo cruise. But if you are looking for our thoughts and feelings about that, head over to patreon.com, so say riddle riddle during the review crew for $8 a month and listen to that episode that will come out probably later this month. Yeah, later this month.

Joke-o, Jack off-cruise out.

Hey there Ragdolls and Hummingbirds. If you liked that, you're going to love this week's Patreon. It's a superhero audition. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com slash heyriddleriddle by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or start your seven-day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month. Plus you get those ad-free episodes. See you there.

That was a HeadGum podcast.