Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Get that Angel Reese special at McDonald's now. Let's break it down. My favorite barbecue sauce, American cheese, crispy bacon, pickles, onions, and a sesame seed bun, of course. And don't forget the fries and a drink. Sound good?

Ba-da-ba-ba-ba. Hey Riddle Riddle 1, 2, 3, 4 Hey Riddle Riddle Oh shit, Erin, Adal. This is crazy, I just got a letter in the mail that says that we're eligible for a podcast award?

You have been nominated for Best Podcast at the UN War Crimes Tribunal.

Whoa, finally. Who are we up against?

Whoa, it's written in blood. Cool.

Oh, it says we're up against the wall, motherfucker. Does that make sense?

Oh, Pink Floyd? I guess. They must have started a podcast. I know David Gilmour.

A podcast, like a Pink Floyd podcast.

Okay, yeah, that makes sense.

Okay, well, let's just skip to the part about the prize. Okay, now this is fun.

What is that?

A public So I don't know how big that means, but public, that's pretty cool for us. Execution. Are you sure it's not a pubic execution? You know what, I'm reading it now, and no it is not.

Pubic exhibition, I think it is.

Okay, you're jumping ahead Erin, I got it. That's the next piece of mail.

Oh, sorry.

Yeah, that one's done though, that's cool, I'll apply for that. Or it says it's mandatory anyway, so it doesn't matter.

Well this is, all good, all news is good news.

All news is good news. Erin put her head in her hand as soon as she said all news is good news to the notice that we got mail for a, what was it Erin? A pubic inspection?

Something like that. Anyways, welcome to Hey Riddle Riddle. That's Adal over there. Wave hello Adal! Hello. He's on that side of the fence, and JPC's over there on his side of the fence.

Oh, on my side of the fence, and that's Erin, and she's right in the middle. Centrist, baby. No opinions one way or the other.

Yeah, sort of deeply irresponsible. Right in the middle. All sides are the same. Fucking fuck you guys.

And Erin, you were going to say something about lives and how the collection of lives has a certain intrinsic value. How did you put it? It was something about... I don't remember. You just told me about this. It was more about like how... It wasn't anti-matter. It doesn't matter.

It was right after I said that harm reduction's not a thing and both sides are equally as evil.

I told you guys that I was recently on vacation and I did not initiate any conversations with strangers the entire time I was there. Now, did I have conversations with strangers? You betcha.

That's how it goes.

You betcha I did. But I was talking to a guy and he asked me, he's like, what do you do? And I was like, I'm a comedian. And he's like, oh, that's cool. And he was talking to his girlfriend or fiance or something. He's like, yeah, we love comedy. He's like, we watch Kill Tony all the time. And me, being a person who has a vague understanding of what that is, I was like, oh, cool, man. Yeah, that's awesome. And then Mariah, who is a person who's never heard of that before, because why would you, she was like, Oh cool, what is that? And I kind of like turned my head a little bit, and I was like, uh-uh, don't.

You turned into Scooby-Doo?

And then I got, I texted her a very brief and succinct explanation of what that is, and she texted me back, I could look for it, but I have a vivid understanding of the key words of it, but she texted me back, asked this guy where he got the pool towels, and that's it. And I read, that's it. I thought that was so fucking funny.

That's so funny.

She's like, that's it. We're done with this guy. After that, that's all we need from you.

I did something so, speaking of talking to strangers and then liking comedy, I did one of the dumbest things I've ever done this past weekend.

I hosted a little dinner party. The theme was lemons and revenge. And I for the dinner party. I don't want to hear it. I'm not taking any questions at this time. I'm

Hollow out a lemon, fill it with custard, let it freeze, and then you put sugar on top, and then you use the torch so it's like hard on the top. It gets like caramelized. But I didn't have that, and so at my party I can't run out, can't leave my guests, so I got an Instacart delivery of it. And the Instacart guy, because my door was open, from party guests to come in came in to my house and I was like that's okay he was trying to he didn't really know I did the right thing and he handed me this stuff and I was like okay thanks have a good one and I was like do you want like a plate of something or a drink

Erin, no. A drink? He's working.

Well he said, I was like, if you're done, are you about to be done for the night? Because I can give you a drink or a plate of something. So I gave this man a drink, and then... But Erin... And then I had to keep eyes on him because I went, oh my god, I've just put my guests in danger. Not that I'm not that I'm assuming Instacart doesn't vet there. I trust it.

Yeah, no, but they don't. But also, but also, even if he was done for the night, didn't he drive to your house?

Yeah, but yeah.

Yeah. He's gonna have three or four and then be like, hey, can you call me an Uber?

No, no. He had a tasting of one of the drinks. So it was a very innocent amount of alcohol.

Sure, sure. Which is fine.

But he did decide it was time to network.

Let me guess. Aspiring actor?

Uh, no. Um, he makes... Dogs? Skulls? Yeah.

How do you make a dog skull?

Well... He makes, it's actually quite cool, um, these like outdoor ropes courses.

He hangs up ropes.

Yeah. And I went, I don't know if anyone here would be in need of your services. And he was like, how do you guys know each other? And I was like, well, this is a lot of comedians. It was a dinner party that was a lot of Chicago comedians. And I was like, well, and then he was like, I love Second City. And then he wanted to stay longer. So I sort of had to just sort of follow him around the party while he talked at my friends. And then eventually, he was like, can I go to the bathroom? Went to the bathroom. Didn't seem like he stole something. He could have.

About how long do we think he stayed? And just don't say any amount that's a crazy amount.

Twenty... No, Erin, no.

Five minutes.

No, no, no, no, no, no. The correct answer is 30 seconds.

Yeah, and I regretted it. I regretted it, but I did take a photo of him. I took a Polaroid photo of him.

Smart, smart. Oh, yeah, really smart to do that.

With him, just in case.

With him, just in case.

Just in case. If we all got murdered, we knew what his face looked like.

Yeah, if you all got murdered.

He was very nice, but it was a mistake, and I won't be doing that again, so...

Oh, okay. So this brings us to one of my favorite segments on Hey Riddle Riddle. What did we learn?

This segment is usually one of us saying nothing and then we go back to the riddle.

Yeah, usually it's not much, huh?

I learned that it's not cool to put your friends in danger.

Okay, Erin, let's go back. I want to see a quick scene. Here's the way it's going to be. Erin, you're going to be Erin. You're going to be at your house. You're going to be hosting this party. Adal, we'll go ahead and make you one of Erin's Chicago comedy friends that didn't get invited to this particular party. In the scene, you did, but in real life, kind of glaring.

My name is Nigel. I'm from Chicago.

There you go. And Erin, I will be playing your Instacart delivery person, and I'm going to ask You're gonna invite me to stay.

Okay.

Okay. Hey, sorry, the door- the door was open, so I just- I didn't- Oh, okay, yeah, yeah.

Oh, thank you so much. Thank you.

You're Erin?

This is- Yes, this is for Erin. Erin, no.

Oh, it's okay.

Oh.

Um.

Uh, oh, cool. Yeah, like a little, like, uh, what do we do? Like a little dinner party?

Yes, the theme is lemons and revenge.

That makes sense, because... This is just a bunch of switchblades and lemons.

Yeah, yeah. I bet you were wondering.

Lemons are a dish best served revenge.

Well, um, you look parched. Can I offer you like water, Gatorade, a taste of one of the mixed drinks I made, maybe a little plate of stuff?

Yeah, I could do a cocktail.

Great.

I like any kind of alcohol, so I could do a cocktail. Great. I'm just ending my shift here, so this is kind of like a perfect... Oh, perfect timing. Yeah, perfect end to my day.

Fantastic. Are you taking off your coat? Are you taking off your coat?

I am taking off my coat. This is a work coat, so when I do end my shift, I have to take my work coat off. Do you mind if I just anywhere or just the... I'll just put it on the bed with all the rest of the coats on it. And I'll kind of mix mine in, so it's going to be harder to get out.

Oh, he shuffled them like a deck of cards.

Kind of shuffled and integrate myself into the... Hey, did anyone not show?

Um, yeah, a couple people. Some people said they got sick and so they couldn't make it.

Maybe, um, if the spot is open, I am a professional... You know in Hollywood where they have those seat fillers for like the Grammys?

Looks like a car's getting towed. Oh, that's my car. Oh, no. Oh, Nigel, I'm sorry.

I parked on the wrong side of the road because I'm from England.

Yeah, it's a one-way parking on that street. Oh, that's perfect. You know what? Nigel, if you wouldn't mind, since your car is getting towed and I double parked, would you mind going out there and moving mine? I would, but I'm just over the line of being too drunk to drive.

Oh, Erin, do you mind if I leave you alone?

Wait, you haven't even had a sip of your drink yet.

No, I had one sip and that put me over the line because I have been driving just under the legal limit for my whole shift.

He's unfurling a sleeping bag.

Do you mind if I sleep here for the night? I'm so sorry. It doesn't have to be sexual unless it's with Nigel.

No need to be sorry.

I'm catching vibes from Nigel big time and it seems like it's on. What's that?

Do you guys need a minute?

Oh, I could use a little longer than a minute, but if a minute is all I got, I think— How about 20 to 25 minutes?

Erin, what did we learn?

I'm dumb!

I learned that instead of saying, do you mind if I steal some of your pills, I can instead phrase it as, do you mind if I use your bathroom?

Yeah, I don't know what he took. Felt like he took something.

He took pills for sure. Erin. What? Did you check for, I hate to be crass, but did you check for an upper decker? I did not. How long ago was this? Several days. Oh, if it's been several days, the Upper Decker has pretty much destroyed your toilet.

Okay, well.

Yeah.

You're going to have to move.

How can you destroy something that's already destroyed, you know? Let's do riddles.

I've got an Upper Decker guy. I've got an Upper Decker guy.

I will give you- You're the guy.

Yeah, well, so it's easy. You already have the number. Just call him. All I'm asking for is a phone call.

I'll never call you back. Oh, you know what?

I gave you the number of a guy that does the upper deckers, not the number of the guy that cleans up the upper deckers. And that I know.

Go for Upper Becker, Ted Danson. Yeah, Upper Becker. Ted Danson is Upper Becker.

Or would it be fun that it's like, what is his name, like Mr. Wolf from Pulp Fiction? Is that his name? Mr. Wolf?

Oh, yeah. Quentin Tarantino? Yeah.

It's like that guy, but he only takes care of upper deckers. Shows up in a suit. I don't need to know the name of the guy that...

says words he doesn't really need to say. Who is that?

Harvey Keitel?

Who is it? Yeah, Keitel is the wolf. And who's Tarantino? I forget his character's name.

Yeah, well, as you should, because, you know, Tarantino's always the best part of his own movies. Oh yeah. He's a good actor! He's a good actor. He goes, you know what? I think I can do this scene a little better. I think I know how to say the N-word a little better than most other people. I think I need to be in here.

Our first riddle is from Jennifer M. What is... Squirrely at night, scary in the morning, and asleep by the afternoon.

J.P. Riddles?

Yes.

Erin, how far into an episode do you think you could get by just bullshitting listener names and just saying riddles?

I mean, how far in are we? Like 14 minutes? I'm not old man puzzles, but I wanted that moment to be over.

I think that you could have sold it. I think you could have sold it.

What's the answer to my riddle? What's squirrelly at night, scary in the morning, and asleep by the afternoon?

Okay, Squirrel's not nocturnal, so it's squirrely at night, scary in the morning, and asleep by the afternoon. Is it Adal? I guess. Huh.

I guess J.P. Riddles, and you said correct, but I guess that was a ruse.

I remember in 2019, remember when we had a little feather in our cap and a song in our heart?

Yeah.

Back then, we thought we'd do full episodes of reverse engineering riddles, where we'd pick an answer and then we would write riddles in real time that would be like passable. So it'd be like, let's do a sunflower. And then we're like, all right, how do we write a riddle? And we thought we'd do full episodes of that. Did we ever do that on an episode? We didn't end up doing it, no. But we talked about it.

Thank God. Sounds awful. It sounds so hard and so boring.

I know. You guys, let's reverse engineer. The answer is Sunflower. So what's the riddle?

My first is of your lineage. Bore from hips I am. My second is a flower.

This is hard.

I reach towards my namesake to stay alive. But we don't have anything in common besides our name and our color. Who am I?

My seeds are chewed by baseball players.

And squirrels. And squirrels. Hmm. My neighbor has sunflowers that they grow every year and there comes a point, and I like sunflowers, they're cool, they grow, you know, very tall, but there comes a point where they have to just chop off.

Your cool sunflowers? What's up

Big flowers. It's very funny to see a squirrel balancing on a fence trying to chew through a sunflower to grab the bit.

It's quite a get for them. Erin, they rip off the head and then they put it on a spike to warn the other sunflowers who try and grow in the area. That's so scary, Adam.

That's basically what a sunflower is.

It's just a big flower on a spike.

Is that what all plants are?

Yeah.

Okay, I'm Old Man Puzzles. I actually have some riddles, unlike that fucking, you know, joke bullshit Erin tried to pull on us some amateur hour. Amateur hour.

Okay, I'm sorry. After six years of you doing joke bullshit, it's suddenly your brand and no one else can do it.

I'm sorry, Erin. I thought you liked amateur. I thought that was a compliment for you. Okay, never mind.

I don't mediate.

Learning something about my friend.

I'm riding the fence. I'm good, no bad. All news is good news.

I travel over land and sea, upon my face a picture. However long my path may be, you'll find me in the corner. Sometimes we are together in a close embrace. Sometimes we are parted and thrust into dark caves. Sometimes we dance with the members of other tribes. The hot, wet dance. The hot, dry dance.

Eww. That's one of the grossest riddles we've ever had. I think this is... At first I thought batteries, but that's not it.

Batteries doing their hot, wet dance. At first I thought it was like teddy bears because remember that song that's like, behind the trees where nobody sees and that's where the teddy bears have their picnic. You know that song?

It's all because today's the day the teddy bears have their picnic.

Yeah, it sounds familiar to me, but what is this? Is this from something or is this just like one of these children's songs?

It's from teddy bear lore.

It's a teddy bear picnic. You learn it in kindergarten or something.

Teddy bears are part of Greek mythology.

Wait, JPC. Your eyes are sort of darting around. Do you get nervous because you were never a child?

I will tell you that I don't think I ever went to kindergarten like officially because there was a period in my life and it was before first grade where I only did Montessori school and I don't think Montessori school has like I'm Whatever you do is correct. There was a board in my Montessori school. It was a little wooden board, and it had two shoelaces on it and the holes for shoes. So it was supposed to teach you how to lace and tie your shoes on this board. But since it was reversed, like it was not you tying your own shoes, I could never fucking get it. I could never get the tying your shoes. And then one day, I tied my own shoes, and I was like, oh, fuck that board. That board only ever distracted me. It never did shit for me. Also, I don't know where I got this, but one time I told my Montessori school teacher that my dad was dating a new woman. My parents were divorced, you know, at this point. But that my dad was dating a new woman, and she was a go-go dancer is the term that I used, and her name was Piranha. And she had red hair.

And this was completely made up.

What's

Okay, I'm really emotionally attached to Piranha. I like picturing her whole life and how beautiful and cool her apartment is. She loves to thrift. Piranha the go-go dancer.

No way she would have been with my dad. Although, there was a time where my dad could have pulled a go-go dancer named Piranha. And all her friends call her Rana.

They're like, Rana, those boots. Oh my god.

Rana, when are you going to settle down? And she says, never. Never.

And my dad's in the other room and he's just like, his head hangs low because he's like, I thought this was something.

I'm so in love.

Then Rana opens her mouth to eat brunch with her ladies and she's got these tiny sharp little teeth. Oh my God, she just devours her mimosa with them.

I would like to announce the movie that I will be starring in in 2026. It's called Rana the Go-Go Dancer.

It's basically a Nora, but with piranha.

And it's way worse. Way, way, way worse.

Well, Erin's smaller budget doesn't mean way worse.

Oh no, not a smaller budget. Never said that.

I got VC funding for this thing. This thing's going apeshit.

Well, it's technically propaganda from the government, so they're giving me a lot of money.

Don't worry, it's not the U.S. government. Erin's doing foreign states.

That doesn't exist anymore.

Dude, I would, by the way, if anyone needs foreign state propaganda, it could be, it doesn't matter what the state is, any foreign state, I will do it.

How sure are you listeners that we aren't already doing that?

That's right.

Guess which country we've been secretly working for since 2019?

So we're on some foreign power's payroll and they're in a meeting and they're like, we can cut the funding on this one, right? Did this one do anything? Did it move the needle for us at all?

It made the world worse. Is that what we were going for?

We're still getting a check from Spain every month and we're like, I think they forgot about us.

They don't know, they don't know, they don't know.

All the other funding dried up. It's just Spain financing this podcast. Okay, do you guys want to move on or do you want to hear it again or switch the play?

Oh my God, we're doing a riddle.

Wait, you said a riddle?

I would like to hear it again.

Sometimes we are together in a close embrace. Sometimes we are parted and thrust into dark caves. Sometimes we dance with the members of other tribes. The hot, wet dance. The hot, dry dance. So the caves are mouths.

Magnets.

And these are like grapes or something?

The caves are not mouths, but the caves are not caves. So you're onto something with that. Buttholes.

Buttholes.

The caves are not buttholes. Oven? No, it's not oven, but I guess that's closer than butthole. And mouth. It's definitely closer than mouth and butthole. Refrigerator?

Is it something food related?

It's nothing. This is nothing food related, Erin. It has nothing to do with food.

Closet?

Will the closet be a cave? Erin, did you say sonic?

No, I said is it?

I'm The dance that Jim Carrey does with himself is one of the best moments in cinematic history.

I was trying to say it quiet so people don't quote him on this.

I don't want to be judged, but it's amazing. Jim Carrey was going pretty hard in that movie. It was really fun to see Jim Carrey, but honestly, I can't tell you the last time I saw a Jim Carrey movie. that I enjoyed. I think the last Jim Carrey movie I saw was the number 23. Do you guys remember that?

Yikes, yeah.

Oh, yikes.

Forgot that existed.

Yeah, and that was like high school or shortly after.

But in Sonic 3, they let him off the leash and he... Truth, Aaron. Go to YouTube, look up Jim Carrey Sonic 3 dance scene. I saw a clip of it. I've watched it like 20 times. It seemed amazing. Yeah, it's incredible. He still got it. He still got it.

And when you saw it in 40X, did the scenes make you dance?

Yeah, the seats grab your arms and legs, and they prop you up, and they make you do the dance with him, and it hurts so bad, Erin.

When you see, like, Weekend at Bernie's at 40X, the seats sort of just, like, puppet you around.

But it has to be 40X and 3D because you actually do need the glasses or else Weekend at Bernie's does not work.

40X is like, how do we make Weekend at Bernie's 40X? Let's just randomly throw in some jarring moments.

What are caves? Can we have a hint about what caves are at least, JPC?

Closets. Shelves. The caves are not closets or shelves, but this thing would is The whole thing is dark caves. Sometimes we dance with the members of other tribes, the hot, wet dance, the hot, dry dance. Let's think about what the hot, wet dance and the hot, dry dance could be.

Is it Jim Carrey in Sonic 3 when he dances with himself?

Dude, there wasn't a dry... There wasn't a dry seat in the house?

Seat in the house? Could it be seat in the house?

Hot, wet dance, hot, dry dance. So something that's hot and wet and something that's hot and dry.

Deserts. No. Rainforests and deserts.

This would be something that you would find not really in nature.

Not in nature. Bass.

Hot, wet dance, hot, dry dance. These things are kind of like a pair, I would say. You usually, if typically you have one with the other.

A moose boosh.

Something that makes things hot and wet. And hot is not necessary. It doesn't actually need to be necessary. The wet and the dry are the more important parts. Oh, washer dryer.

These are socks in a washer and dryer. These are socks in a washer and dryer. Wow. I do want to see this scene. Oh, please. Please finish what you were going to say.

I was going to say, sometimes we are together in a close embrace like the socks. I don't do that. I think it ruins the elastic of the socks to like fold them over, but some people do. It does? Sometimes we are parted and thrust into dark caves, which I believe are the washer and dryer. Sometimes we dance with the members of other tribes, the other clothes, the hot, wet dance, the hot, dry dance sucks.

It's cute that they call that a dance, but it's got to be terrifying for clothes.

Oh, yeah.

They're screaming the whole time.

Can we actually see a scene? And then Adal will see your scene. We're going to be three pieces.

Interesting.

Okay, we'll do your scene first. Go ahead, Erin. This was just going to be short. We're going to be three pieces of clothes and a dryer. Okay.

Hey again.

Hey again. Hey!

Hey again.

Hey!

Hey again.

Hey!

Hey!

Hey!

Sorry.

Hey!

I'm sorry. Ooh, is that what lint is?

Oh God. Oh no.

Pants has wrapped around itself. Pants! Hold on. Hold on. Pants. Pants. Hold on. I'm going to do whatever clothes CPR is. Stay with us, pants. Stay with us, pants. Oh, God.

I was really twisted. Are you okay? More lit? Stay with us. Stay with us. The idea of clothes just vomiting lit in there. Pretty good.

Pretty fucking good. Pretty cute.

Adal, do you still want to see your scene or did we cover it?

My scene was going to be very similar.

Oh, I thought, you know, I thought you were going to do a scene that we were two socks. I would like to see a scene. Go ahead.

My scene was going to be a sock coming back from the dryer to warn the other clothes that it lost its partner and to tell them about the horrors of the washer and dryer. Wow.

Let's do that one instead and cut the other scene.

Wait a second. Hold on. Hold on. We're not going to cut that scene. Cut the other scene?

Yeah, we'll put it at the end of the episode.

Erin, all news is good news.

All scenes are good scenes.

I'm sorry? Yeah. No, we're not going to cut a good scene. We'll see. Are you insane?

We're going to put it at the end of the episode.

Hey, it's gonna stay right where it is. You know what you can do at the end of the episode, Erin?

Fuck myself?

You can apologize. You can apologize. Yeah, you can fuck yourself. Alright, I wanna see a scene. Erin, let's see a scene we're gonna put at the end of the episode. This is gonna be a scene where you go fuck yourself, okay?

Okay, great.

Great.

I'm having a great time.

Instacart.

Oh.

Scene.

Casey, keep that one right where it is. Keep that one right. We're not moving that at all.

I would like to see a scene. No, Adal's gonna see a scene.

No.

It's sort of funny you just keep saying I want to see a scene.

No, Adal, pick up your fork and take two more big bites of your scene or you don't get to leave the table.

All right. I'm not a bad guy.

I feel like my scene's being filibustered.

No, no, no. Here we go, here we go. Whoa, Sok, you're back. Are you okay?

Don't, don't, don't get dirty. Everyone, everyone please. Don't get dirty.

You're spreading rumors again, Sock. Ugh, come on. It's okay to get dirty. No, I'm telling you.

The minute you get dirty, they put you in a torture device and I can't find- I can't find Left. Where's Denise? What?

Where's Denise? I'm sorry, as you call her Left, my daughter. Where's Denise, Sock?

Yeah, we call you Sock and your wife's name is Denise. What? That's fucked.

I call you Sock because I am your father-in-law. We don't have a good relationship. You call my daughter Denise Left.

Sock, you smell awfully good. Where's Denise?

It's called detergent. Wait a second. It's permeated every fiber of my being.

Denise is gone. You didn't get into Sockontology, did you? Where's Denise, Sock? Are you a Sockontologist? Where's Denise? How come no one's seen Denise in 15 years?

I will have my own planet.

I, a sock, will have my own planet. Yeah, that's a one-to-one.

I was trying to think of Mormons and Scientologists. I can't remember who has their own planet.

They all get their own planet. Isn't that crazy? Well, why aren't we getting ... We should get our own planet.

That's what I'm saying.

Yeah. That's fucked.

I don't know if I want my own planet. That sounds so lonely. I'll take Erin's.

I'll take Erin's. Two planets.

You can't play called dibs on my planet.

You gave it away, Erin. You gave it away so fast, I'm not even trying. Two planets.

Well, I don't want my planet bed. Well, can I hang out on one of your planets?

God's up there with a little golf pencil, crossing out Erin's planet and adding Adal to Adal's second planet.

The Instacart guy is up there dancing, shitting all over the place.

Well, Adal, can I come to your planet? Adal, what are you going to do with your second planet? Is it going to be like a spillover planet? Are you going to put the coats on the second planet? What's the vibe?

I think I'm going to put one on top of the other, like bunk beds. What? So one planet on... Oh, that sounds so fun. Erin, you can visit, I guess.

Oh God, where am I going to live? I don't have a planet.

She won't have a planet. So she can visit because now she's going to be staying there.

I'm untethered.

I would offer you to stay on my planets, but I kind of like having the bunk planets, but leaving the top bunk open.

I'm sure Erin, they have like hostile planets, not hostile, but like hostile planets.

Oh my God. Everyone's going to be snoring so loud.

Yeah. Yeah, and it'll be a bunch of smug atheists being like, we all refused our planets because there is no such thing as you get a planet.

GBC, can I come to your planet?

No, I'm going to be staying at that atheist hostel. It'll be me and Ricky Gervais in that atheist hostel.

Oh God, get me out of here.

Oh, I do want to see a scene. No.

Okay, fine, we'll take a break.

We'll take a break.

We'll take a break and we'll come back with more Ricky Gervais and an alien hostel. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp.

Ding dong.

Hello.

Thank you two for coming to the door. I'm a child, and I'm here to- Why didn't you just call me? Did you just call me a ding dong? Yeah, you look like a little bit of a ding dong. I'll talk to the lady of the house. I'm here to talk to you about BetterHelp.

Are you talking about BetterHelp? It's therapy that's fully online, making it affordable and convenient, serving over 5 million people worldwide? Because I use BetterHelp, and I love it. It helps so much.

Yes, I am here to talk about that.

Whether you're dating, married, building a friendship, or just working on yourself like me a precocious child at your door, it's time to form relationships that love you back, including with yourself.

If I'm a ding dong, then you're a zebra cake. I should have said ho-ho.

You're like writing notes really fast, you peseta sort of.

I haven't had a snack cake in so long. How am I supposed to remember what they're all called?

Well, I remember something, which is that with BetterHelp you can access a diverse network of more than 30,000 credentialed therapists with a wide range of specialties. Easily switch therapists anytime at no extra cost.

And if you have tried therapy before and it hasn't worked for you, this might be the solution because you can message them any time when you're actually experiencing a thing and they get back to you with a timely response. I wasn't great at the whole build up all your feelings and then talk to a therapist once a week thing. It's been helpful to just be able to message them.

Yeah. Did you hear that my nutty buddy? Ah, Nutty Bunny, that'd be good. Can I call him a Twinkie? Can I call him a snowball? Some of these things I feel like are snack cakes, but they're not insults, if that makes sense.

I know we always focus on red flags in our family relationships, our friendships, and especially our dating relationships, but we don't really focus on the green flags. We don't really, like, make a list of things we are looking for, and your new therapist can help you with that.

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. You can discover your relationship green flags with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com slash Riddle today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash Riddle.

Wow, you've truly learned everything I wanted you to learn. Now just sign these adoption papers and you'll be all set.

Can't wait to see if we're adopting a good kid. Wait a second, it's you!

Ha ha! Bad. Tricked.

This keeps happening. Hi, I'm Kat.

And I'm Pat.

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What? Tell me. Do not not tell me.

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All right, you guys ready for the next riddle?

As ready as I'll ever be.

This one is a short one, Erin, so I think it's probably going to be very easy to deduce because of how short it is in terms of the word count.

Great.

You can write one of me without using all of me.

Whoa. What? You can write one of me without using all of me. You can write one of me without using all of me.

Alphabet.

Alphabet.

Numbers. Write one of me without... So I'm writing something that's being used to write.

You can write one of me without using all of me.

Is this like a pen letter to a pen?

Uh, it is not a pen pal letter to a pin. Um, we're talking about like a, uh, pin... What's the guy? What's a famous person named Pin? Isn't there a famous pen teller? Pen... Pen Gillette. Yeah, Pen Gillette writing a letter to Pin Badgley. Badgley. Badgley. There we go.

That's what I wanted to say.

Sean Penn. In case you put that in clean.

No. Casey, you leave that right where it is.

And pin Bagley. Badgley? Pin Badgley. First name Penn?

I think so. Is that short for something?

Who is Penn Badgley?

He was on Gossip Girl. He was on the show You. He was in John Tucker Must Die.

He was on the show Me?

Ugh.

Who's on first?

Missouri, the show me state? Yeah. Okay.

Adal, you did say- Yeah, what's up Adal? Sorry, sorry, JPC. Give us, JPC, one second. Adal and I should have a- Go ahead.

What's up Adal?

What's going on? Are you hungry?

No, I'm actually, couldn't be more full. Um, this sucks to have to tell you.

What's up?

I was trying to just rearrange stuff on my planet, my monk planet.

Okay.

And on your planet, oh, it's my planet, but it was yours. We found, um... What? Just a fucking mother load of platinum and... What? I'm worth $28 trillion now, so like, it's just, things are just... There's natural resources? Things are just happening so fast.

Well, this is such good news then, so I can get a cut of...

No. Now that I have all this money, I actually want more. And also, we found out Joshua Jackson was buried in the planet, so... What are you talking about? So he's like my little fuck toy now.

What are you saying to me? What is happening?

I just wanted you to... I felt wrong to not let you... Even though we're not really friends anymore because I have all this money now.

We're what? Not really... I gave you a whole planet. What do you mean we're not really friends anymore?

Now that I have money, I don't need friends. Does that make sense? Jesus. Oh my God. Joshua said you'd act like this.

He did?

Yeah, he hates you.

He does?

Yes. But Erin, Erin, for the sake of JPC, let's try and solve this riddle, huh? Okay.

Okay. Alright, I love you. Don't say I know. Don't say I know.

I know. Ah!

GPC, we're back.

We're back.

Whoa, what happened when we left? You're covered in blood.

You guys left me alone with Richie Gervais. I could only last like 30 seconds.

What did he do to you? What did I do to him?

Pithy and insulting at the same time? You can write one of me without using all of me. Adal said the answer as part of a sentence that he said that wasn't the answer.

Is it a pen? Yeah.

It's not a pen. Erin?

Is it? A letter.

It is a letter.

Wow.

You can write one of me without using all of me. So it's letters, technically.

Oh, letters. I said alphabet. I was on the right track.

You were on the right track, correct. I never said you weren't. I always believed in you.

I'd like to see a scene. You guys can pick whichever two letters of the alphabet you are. R. Okay, great. And you're meeting for the first time because you're not normally next to each other.

Are you? Don't. Are you? Don't do it. You, you? Dude.

Don't do it dude. I are. You, you, I are.

Oh you, you're meeting R finally.

Do I look like you? Don't say it. Deny what you're thinking. R? Does everyone understand the game I'm playing?

I'm trying to figure it out. You're saying like you like... Do?

I didn't give you any more examples. Don't look at me like you don't understand what letter I am.

He's trying to get us to say he's D, but I don't... It's undoing the gift that you gave him by calling him you.

He's you.

I'm D. He's you.

That I know. I know for sure I'm D. Hey, speaking of you, up the sky... Up the high sky pointer, up the rustling soil shader, up and up the strong ring maker, the deep earth sucker, straight up I climb, tapping out my message for the world to hear, and the message says, hunger.

All this talk about up, but we want to go down, down, down the road, down the witch's road.

Down, down, down the road. Adal and I are in the fall of 2024. We actually got into a time machine. It was way more fun when that TV show was coming out. 2025 was a little too stressful for us, so we went back.

What is the thing that you're referencing?

Ugh, God, he doesn't watch TV anymore, you guys, because he's a dad. Allegedly. No evidence of a baby.

Never seen. Hide nor hair. See me in court.

He says he has a son named Business, but I've never seen him.

He says he has a daughter named Barracuda, but I've never seen it. Ooh, Business Cuda!

Um, is it a tree, JPC? No!

And we were singing a song from Agatha all along. A song that they sing, I want to say, 45 times in the film? 50 times? It's not a film, it's a TV show. Earth Sucker.

Up the high sky pointer, up the rustling soil shader, up and up the strong ring maker, the deep earth sucker, straight up I climb, tapping out my message for the world to hear, and the message says hunger.

Is this like something from Dune?

The Worm from Dune.

Is this the Worm from Dune?

You guys, this is such a Hollywood thing and I hate to name drop, but I went on a date with the Worm from Dune last summer.

Shai Halud? I do want to see a scene. I didn't even know the Worm from Dune's name.

Erin, you are Erin Keif. JBC, you are the Worm from Dune. Shai Halud. Well, normally you're just hallooed, but when you're out in public on a first date, you're shy hallooed. And the two of you are on a first date.

So you forgot your wallet, huh? He would. The worm from Dune would.

Erin gets a ride home, jumps on its back.

Yeah, I mean, why even carry the wallet, honestly? What, are you getting carded? You're the worm from Dune.

You're the worm from Dune. Oh, I also, I don't know why this made me think of this, but Zorp likes his nickname, by the way.

Oh, I totally forgot. I love that. The plot thickens. The Zorp thickens. Oh, Erin, real quick, before we go back to the Riddle, can you give us that Dune, the soundtrack scream or whatever? Oh here's something, now give us the survivor scream. Wow, Survivor and Dune.

Oops, Zorp just broke up with me.

I think that they're going to do at least one season of Survivor set in the Dune universe. Oh, okay.

I think I can win that.

They're going to do it on that water planet though.

I love drinking my sweat.

Good luck trying to find a hidden immunity idol.

Is this an organic material, this thing?

Yes. Can you give us a hint?

It's a plant of some kind.

Erin, you said tree earlier. Yeah. And tree is not the answer.

Flower.

But tree is being described in part of the riddle. Forest.

Leaf.

Up the high sky pointer, up the rustling soil shader, up and up the strong ring maker. That's the tree. The deep earth sucker straight up I climb, tapping out my message for the world to hear. Woodpecker. You both got it. It is woodpecker.

I would like to see a scene, Adal you are a woodpecker, JPC you're a tree, and JPC you're like, what the hell are you doing?

Excuse me? Excuse me?

Who's there? Who's there? What the fuck? Who's there?

It's the tree.

Who the fuck is talking?

It's the tree. It's the whole tree. The thing you're standing on. Mark, is that you? I mean, I don't know Mark. I don't know who Mark is. I'm the tree.

Mark would never say he doesn't know Mark.

Hey, you're tapping on me.

What are you doing? Oh, um, sorry, I'm just, uh, jamming. Just practicing. Band.

Okay, go practice the band somewhere else, man. Hey, that's my skin, guy.

What?

That's my skin. You're jabbing into my skin. Every time you do that, you're jabbing into my skin.

Okay, so if bark is your skin, what's your eyes? Man. Leaves, I guess. What's your butt?

What's your butt? It's not a one-to-one. What's your butt? Roots. Roots or something. Roots have to be kind of like my butt as well. Roots or legs.

Roots aren't legs. Or shit. If anything, it's legs or shit. How would shit even make any sense? Stop it. Legs are shit. Legs are shit. Is that a good lyric? No, it's not a good lyric. Can I use some of your skin to write this down? Thank you.

Hey man, I'm gonna hit you with the acorn. What? And what are acorns? Are you nuts? Yeah man, I'm gonna hit you with my nuts.

Don't threaten to throw me. Hi, I'm Acorn. It's nice to meet you. I really did not want to get in the middle of this.

Oh my god. No, I'm sorry. You are... You look beautiful. He's fucking banging on me.

I can't... Dad, I don't know what to tell you. Be patient, okay? Be patient?

It hurts!

I'm so young and you're... You're way bigger than him, okay? You're fine. Sir, I'd like to ask... You have a whole family living inside you.

I know. I know. I know I'm bigger than him, but I didn't get big by letting people walk all over me.

You let squirrels and birds walk all over you all day every day.

Squirrels and birds are guests. This guy's poking me. Hey, you know what? I'm poison. I'm a poison oak. You ever heard of it?

I've heard of poison. Every rose has its thorn.

No way. You're not a hard rock woodpecker. That's not what you could be.

You think poison is hard rock. You think poison is hard rock. I don't know.

I mean it's at least adjacent.

See you guys have, you like talking to each other. This is okay. This could be symbiotic.

I don't like talking to him.

I don't know. You seemed interested just then. Finding a little debate.

You guys got in my head, you're my fucking best friend. I guess. Okay, we can make this work. I'd like to ask, sir, I'd like to ask for your acorn's hand in your stem in marriage or whatever.

Dude, I am not an old-fashioned tree. You want to fuck around with acorn? It's between the two of you. It's just not in my branches. That's the only thing I ask. Do it in the dirt on the floor.

Acorn, what do you think?

Let's do it.

Do not nut on me.

We see them get married. Little woodpecker-acorn hybrids. They're horrible. They take over the world.

We see them build a nest in that tree where they first met. And eventually they both pass on and there's a single egg on the tree left.

I know I should just, uh... Toss this egg off onto the ground. It's an unholy abomination. I should just kill it, but it's the only thing I have left in my little acorn.

So hear me God!

Crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack,

We're all going to be floating through space together. You guys.

We never said we were giving our planets away.

We're not going to be floating through space like Jim Carrey in Sonic 3. Okay, big spoiler for Sonic 3.

I'm going to miss you guys when you're on your planet. I'm going to miss you guys.

I wish I could say the same, but it's going to be nice to have some stretching room.

Yeah, I at least sold my planet. Oh, what'd you get for it? Lucky nickel.

In the desert, I will bring you shade. Cup me, and I will bring you water.

Not so smart now, are you guys?

We never said we were smart.

It's a palm tree. Yeah, you got it. No, we just did tree things. We have to move on. We can't see two tree things back to back.

God, I must see a scene.

Okay, man, I'm telling you.

We're gonna put it at the end of the episode, but we are gonna see it.

What? Do you think that we do this? Do you think that we start putting things like this at the end of the episode?

Um, GPC, I'm realizing now that you aren't listening to the episodes I'm doing content edits on. I'm chopping that up like I'm some sort of 23-year-old director who loves to sort of mess with storytelling.

You're doing it like it's a Just Salads.

Yeah.

You're shaking up the whole episode.

I'm shaking it all up. I put plugs ten minutes in. I'm nuts, man. I'm fucking crazy.

Ten minutes in, halfway through our conversation.

Yeah.

Our pre-show conversation.

Oh, this is cool. I do want to see a scene. I'm going to be someone who's lost in the desert wandering. And I'm so out of it. I'm so dehydrated and starved that in the distance I think I see Oasis and the two of you will be Liam and Noel.

Stop hittin' yourself. Stop hittin' yourself.

You're obviously hittin' me.

Stop hittin' yourself.

Why would I... Why would I hit myself? You're obviously hittin' me.

What the fuck, Oasis?

Is this real?

Oh, he can see us.

Oh boy, he can see us.

Are... Are you Oasis?

Well, luckily we're not mature enough to drop what we were doing in front of a potential fan.

Stop hitting yourself.

Why don't you stop hitting yourself?

Stop hitting yourself.

You're not even the talented one. Which one am I? I don't remember. Which ones? One of them is though. We all know one of them is.

Yeah, which one? Well, one of you is a talented songwriter. Nobody asked you. But the other one is a talented person.

Nobody asked you, fucker. Woah, it is Oasis. Do you? You know what? We're cancelling it. We're cancelling our tour.

Yep.

For attention. For attention.

For attention.

I have tickets.

So?

This has never stopped us before. Could you play a song for me now?

Oh yeah, why don't we just play one of our songs.

That's mine. He's doing it.

I did the song. That's mine.

Stop singing. Stop singing yourself. Stop singing yourself. Champagne, Supernova, Wonderwall.

Champagne, Supernova, Wonderwall. They saved that guy. They helicoptered down. He's got his arms around two cactuses and he's just swinging around. You're gonna be the one that saves me.

Alright, when the hot beast... You're right, those are the only two songs I could think of by the way. Just so you know, you're right, that's all I had. Good night everybody.

Don't look back in anger? Come on. How does that one go? Don't look back in anger. No, that's one... And don't look back in anger.

No, how does don't look back in anger?

Don't look back in anger, I heard you say. I heard you say.

Oh yeah, okay. Okay, thank you. Thank you. Thank you everybody. It's okay.

Live forever, fucking in the bushes. Oh yeah, live forever.

Live forever, gonna live forever.

One day you will find me living forever.

Um, Erin's a big Oasis head.

Champagne supernova! Champagne supernova!

Alright! Class, class, I'm wrapping my ruler on the desk. When the hot beast- Wrapping ruler.

Go. I want to see you sing. You're a wrapping ruler. Go.

12 centimeters, 10 millimeters, 4 inches. No, don't drop a beat.

There you go, there you go. JPC. Whenever you're ready.

Wrapping ruler. Whenever I'm ready? Mm, mm. Well, I'm the rapping ruler, and I'm slick. Check out my dick, it's like a yardstick. It's... Wow. Wow.

A real Erin Keif, a real panic move, if I ever saw one.

No, I got too caught up on the fact that the rapping ruler would compare his dick to a yardstick. Yeah. That's all I could think about. Um, when the hot beast attacks the land, this red beast roars in to destroy it with its long snakes.

Is this a Rudyard Kipling poem?

They're all poems. These are some like poetry ass riddles. When the hot beast attacks the land, this red beast roars in to destroy it with its long snakes.

Red Beast, Long Snakes.

It sounds like we're talking about the Rapping Ruler's dick.

I like a girl with a red beast and the long snakes. What could a... Red Beast, Long Snakes.

I like a girl with a Wonderwall. I like a girl with the Champagne Supernova.

A waistcake.

Cloacas. Cloacas.

Jason, cloacas. When the hot beast attacks the land, the red beast roars in to destroy it with its long snakes.

So are these like solar flares? The hot beast is the sun?

Wow, it's not solar flares. The hot beast is not the sun.

Can you give us a hint?

Oh, hot beast would be Kelsey Grammer, who played Beast. And he's fucking smoke show.

What was the guy that played Beast in the Young X-Men movies?

Oh, the guy from About a Boy, Nicholas Holt.

Nicholas Holt, yeah.

What do we think?

Who do we think is hotter than Kelsey Grammer? I hate to compare two very similar men.

We all know that. We consider Kelsey Grammer the gold standard of hotness on this show.

I mean, intelligence is beauty.

And is he smart in real life?

He's pretty conservative.

So... So, yes. No, it's not. It's not Kelsey Grammer. It's not Nicholas Holt. When the hot beast attacks the land, this red beast roars in to destroy it with its long snakes. Let's see. Erin, I think you'd certainly be a little more familiar with this one. Period.

Wow.

Were you ending a sentence?

Helping you out, helping you out, helping you out. Tampons, big tampons. Hey, don't say big tampons. Hot tampons. We can't say big hot tampons. Erin, do tampons ever get hot?

Fun fact, fun tip, boil your tampons before you put them in.

Why?

Okay, if you have to ask why, then you don't know how the human body works, okay?

I'm making tampon soup, my good sir.

I would love it if they sold tampons in small letters on the back of the box just like, boil before use.

Adal, don't joke. That's what they had to do in the Great Depression. We're going into another recession. Families had to live off tampons.

Tampon soup seems like a Roald Dahl story or something.

Tampon soup for the teenage soul! Nobody take it, it's mine, it's mine, it's mine, it's mine, it's mine. Give it back.

And what is yours? I want it! And you're not fighting for anyone. No one's trying to grab this. I want it!

Erin, you don't have a planet to sell this on.

I want tampon soup for the teenage soul.

And Erin, just give us one little nugget of wisdom from tampon soup for the teenage soul.

And Casey, drop the rap beat.

No. Casey, please. Casey.

What goes around comes around.

I got it. I got it. Well, my dick is as long as a yardstick. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Let's sit in silence for one minute. I'm not even kidding. I want everyone to skip ahead. I'm going to set a minute. I'm going to do a timer of a minute.

Where are we putting this in, in the episode? Into the episode?

We're putting it right here. It's not going to move.

No, for sure, for sure. This is good at the end.

I'm going to set a timer. Everybody, the audience, the audience deserves one minute of silence. And Casey, don't add a little fart sound in there. Don't add a little Howard Dean scream. Don't add anything silly. We're going to give them one minute of pure silence. We've never done this on the show before. We're going to see if we can do it. And it starts now. Ooh, when were you horny?

Erin, Erin, let's stop the timer. Erin. Erin. Erin. Come on. You're not going to abide by the minute of, it's your minute of silence. Was there caffeine in that dance?

Erin, don't sneeze over Aaron.

That is my favorite one. That is my favorite one. What was happening? I peed on a waiter before. We're sort of running through my worst of. We called this the Erin worst of.

Erin, we have to finish this. When the hot beast attacks the land, the red beast roars in to destroy it with its long snakes. Erin, because of recent events, I think that you were more familiar. Okay. Okay.

Too soon.

Red Beast. So, oh, fire hose? Not a fire hose. Fire truck. It is a fire truck! Wow. He roars in to destroy it with its long snakes. And the long snakes! Those are the hose.

I'd like to see a scene. Adal, you and I are like different means of transportation we can pick, and JPC, you're a fire truck, and you're really, like, smug, because, like, you do a lot of good work.

Ding ding, bicycle.

Oh, hey, bike. It's so good to see you.

Good to see you. How are you doing?

Oh my god, I'm doing great. I'm thriving, feeling really good. Oh my god, here it comes.

Hey. No big deal. Please clear the road, obviously. Wow, school bus, you didn't tell me you knew fire truck.

Yeah, yeah, we went to college together. Whoa.

Hey, so sorry. Sorry to break this up. Clear the road, please.

Yeah, you don't have your sirens on. So we figured it was

I don't mean to show off. I don't want to show off, but clear the road.

I'm on the sidewalk.

Well, you shouldn't be. You should be in the bike lane. Sidewalks aren't for bikes. Okay, I'll get in the bike lane. I can actually get up on the sidewalk if I need to.

Whoa, whoa.

It's actually legal for me to get up on the sidewalk if I need to.

Yeah, yeah.

If people aren't moving and clearing the lane.

Firetruck, I saw you on the front page of the paper the other day.

Oh, did you? You get the paper?

Good, good for you.

Oh, school busted you two, date?

Yeah, we did. Well, date, it was mostly like just so much sex. It's really sexual. Yeah. And if everyone wants to picture that really quick.

And I wasn't necessarily telling people that I was... Yeah, me neither.

I was embarrassed.

Yeah, we were both single.

Okay, I'm gonna set a timer for one minute. I want us all to just sit and think about a school bus fucking a fire truck.

Great, great.

Why would you think it was that way?

Couldn't it be a fire truck fucking a school bus? Okay, let's all think of a fire truck fucking a school bus.

Let's just be honest, we were 69ing.

Ding ding. My engine was on her stop sign. Okay.

I've never called my mom on an episode before, but can I?

Excuse me? I need help. School bus? School bus?

I want to ask her if... I need like a pep talk from my mom.

She wanted to say I need to talk to an adult, but she didn't want to be rude.

Yeah, can I talk to an adult? Erin, would you like us to put the pep talk with your mom just at the end of the episode? Yes, please. Would that be a good end of the episode thing?

Sure. Hey, JPC? Yeah? Ten bucks, her mom lets it go to voicemail.

Let's see.

Hey, Adal, it's not going to matter because me and you are going to do that scene, okay? I'll be Erin, you be her mom, okay? Ready? Hey, mom?

Hey, what's going on?

Hey, um, it's Erin and I just needed to hear your voice. I kind of don't know what I'm doing and I just want to... What, sorry? Erin... Oh, Keif, uh, your daughter. Yeah. Oh. Yeah.

What other... Well, I better let you go. Why? What do you mean? Oh, did you need something? Did you need money or... Money?

Mom, I hardly ever call for money.

I mean, yeah, so... I can send you a cashier's check and you can take it to, uh... Western Union.

That would be great. I really needed one. Ooh. Someone owes me $10. Ooh, I'd have taken that bet. All right, that's the episode, everybody.

My mom didn't answer my call.

Yeah, Erin who? Your mom's screening the calls. Erin, do you have anything that you would like to plug?

No, I don't have anything I'd like to plug.

I was going to say I want to plug Erin's mom, but that does not sound correct. Yep. Yep. Can't be saying that. But I mean to say I'm a big fan of Erin's mom.

And she is you as well. And she has you, and you, and you, and yes. She has you and we are all together.

I want to plug Oasis. Go back and listen to, what's the story, Morning Glory. Phenomenal album. Go see them on tour this summer as they hit a city near you. Two brothers who absolutely fucking hate each other's guts. Hate each other's guts. Could not despise each other more. Noel has all the songwriting abilities. Liam is the modern-day rock star. He might be the last rock star of our days, of our time. There's no other person on earth right now that embodies and personifies rock stardom more than Liam Gallagher. GBC, anything to plug or promote?

Sure, I would like to plug Erin's sister's boyfriend. Erin, quick check, they still together?

Yeah. Jimmy?

Jimmy?

Let's see if he made it to the end of this episode.

Yeah, pass the phone call to the mom, just to the plugging Jimmy section.

Jimmy in the family group chat, which we've affectionately called Jimmy and Friends now, said that we are on fire lately, that we're doing some good episodes, he thought.

Alright Jimmy, then this whole episode's dedicated to you. Also, you can set, if you want to get a review right on the show, you can submit a 5-star review anywhere. Today I picked one from, it says, maybe Rosie is maybe the name? I can't really see the full name, so I'll just say Rosie. Cheaper than Adderall and more readily available, or reliably available. May have some side effects, but production doesn't get shut down whenever the DEA feels the need to prove that it's a big kid agency that everyone needs to take seriously or else. So that's a plus. Seems like that was ripped during the Adderall shortage.

Um, you guys, I just want to quickly read what happened in the group chat after Jimmy said something so nice. I said, let it be known that Jimmy's the only one here that listens to Hey Riddle Riddle. Jimmy, thank you. You're carrying the whole team. And then everybody responded with all the podcasts that they listen to. And how much they love it and they start recommending podcasts to each other and that goes on for like 40 texts And I go this has turned into a conversation about everyone bragging about the podcast they listen to that aren't my podcast And then I said farts and leaves the group chat So I don't think I've said anything since And that was a week ago. True to your word.

Can JPC and I have Jimmy on the podcast? We just won't talk to him.

Yeah. Oh, he would love that. And I think he would hate that. He's very soft-spoken.

We'll call it Jimmy and Friends. We just want to talk to him about what his intentions are with our daughter.

No, he needs to do the right thing. We fucking joke around about it a lot, but Jimmy needs to put up or shut up and needs to put his money where his mouth is.

I think we need to stop telling Zorp, Jimmy, people in the world to propose to people.

Erin, you couldn't be more right. We will reserve an episode for you to propose. You can have a whole episode of Hey Riddle Riddle to propose. We'll make up riddles that lead to a proposal by the end of the episode. If you don't do this by September 1st of this year, you're a fucking coward.

I'm not even kidding.

I think we can say this on air. We'll kill you.

We'll kill you. We'll kill you, Jimmy. Jimmy, we'll kill you.

Allegedly.

Molly will never hear her own proposal. Molly has listened to one episode of the show, and I think it was Nintendo Cafe because it was kind of about her.

Sure. Jimmy, do the right thing. Marry Erin's sister, or we will kill you. Parody, parody, parody.

Parody, parody, parody. We'll kill you.

Parody, parody, parody. Parody, parody, parody.

Parody, parody, parody.

Jupiter, parody, parody. Parody, parody, parody. Jupiter, allegedly, allegedly. Bye. Are there any parrots in the music?

Hey there daddies and clones, if you liked that, you are going to love this week's Patreon. We bring you into the literary world of Danielle Steele. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com slash heyriddleriddle by joining the clue crew for $5 a month, or start your 7 day free trial, or the review crew for $8 a month, plus you get those ad free episodes. See you there!

That was a hate gum podcast.