Which Riddle Riddle?

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The doctor was the mother. He stood on a block of ice. Hey! Oh, that Merkel fish. It was the cabin of an airplane. He stabbed him with an icicle. Hey! And the worst thing Friday.

Anybody have anything to start?

Um... You know, I can think of something. You know, this is good. This is good for me. This is a good challenge. Starting an episode of Hey Riddle Riddle. I could do, like, a little, like... Like, I could be, like... Let's get the band back together. No? What if I was, like, stuck in something and you guys were trying to, like, get me out of it? What if we did a thing where like we are severed because that's in the zeitgeist and we don't know who we are as like a reset and this is us at our job and we're doing riddles and maybe we like riddles.

Pass. What else you got?

Oh, JPC, you're here?

So like our innies are doing riddles and our outies are like happy.

Yeah.

OK. I like that. Reverence.

Reverence. Is that something?

Like Severance but with riddles. Reverence.

Reverence.

Reverence. JPC, are you on board for reverence? No, I said pass and then I said what else you got. Oh.

Oh, um. What if we were, what if we were getting the band back together? No, that's nothing. I started with that. I'm getting really nervous. What if it's one of those classic Hey Riddle Riddle openings? It's like jazz, guys. It's like, this is how it usually goes. Someone goes, no one got anything? And then someone goes, I got something. And then they sort of, yeah.

It's the answers we're not giving. Yeah.

GBC's adjusting his light. I said pass.

What else you got?

You only get one pass. So you have to do jazz. What is this? The NFL? Oh, one pass?

You get more than one pass in the NFL. What's something that you get one pass?

You get two passes. You get two passes and one phonodab.

Life. Yeah.

Life. You get one chance at life.

Me passing you, and then you passing the floor. What else? TPC, did you get a haircut?

What else, what else, what else?

Yes, but you have seen me since then. Since I got a haircut. Yeah. A couple weeks ago.

Yeah. Okay, well that speaks volumes to how good the haircut is that it's still making an impression.

It's still fresh as hell.

So that's pretty good. Welcome to Hey Riddle Riddle. We're getting haircuts and doing jazz. Doing jazz? What do you do with jazz? You don't play jazz, right?

You experience jazz.

You experience jazz.

Well, yeah, as a listener, but I think as a person who is making the jazz.

You're experiencing it as well.

I don't play any instruments.

Wait, all your senses are not taking in the music that you're playing, JBC? Is that your argument?

Let's see, how do I do jazz? Suck, fuck, sniff.

Wait, what is this?

Yeah, I guess I use all my senses. Sucking, fucking, sniffing. The five senses, sucking, fucking, farting.

Now, GBC, how does it feel to jump back into Hey Riddle Riddle after being on vacation?

You know, I haven't had a vacation in A year, almost a year, so it feels good. It feels good. I recommend, if you're on the fence about taking a vacation and you haven't had one in quite a while, I say go for it. Huh. I say take a vacation.

Hmm. Wow.

Ultimately, I think it feels pretty great to do, and so that's gonna be, yeah, that's gonna be my big recommendation. Go on vacation if you can.

Yeah. Do you feel refreshed?

Yes, but I also just took a shower like 30 minutes ago, so there might be some... I'm souring my whole data pool, basically. And by the way, when I took my shower, I definitely soured my data pool, if you know what I'm saying. Oh, come on. What?

What could it mean? Hey Riddle Riddle Yeah, that was gonna be one of them.

Not that that's one of my vids. That's just a character that comes up on the show. So actually, anyone can do it. Right.

Anyone can do it, technically. But let's just start... Where did we leave it?

Is he dead?

He might be dead.

Canonically.

I don't think you can kill the unkillable. No.

What should we start with, Adal? Sex with Cousin stuff?

Ooh, yeah. Let's do a real layup. Let's do a horse that's a cousin.

A horse that's a cousin. Okay.

Okay, this is Cousin Horse.

Here you go, JPC.

What am I to do with this now?

Yeah, we're seeing if you still got it after vacation.

We're seeing if you still got it.

But what? Got what? What did I ever- It's a scene.

It's like a scene. I don't know. This is- It's a scene! Yeah, go.

Nailed it. Wow, Erin is back. He's back. Okay, but that was a layup, so let's give him... Let's do J.P.

Riddle's... Yeah, mid-range jumper.

Can I be honest? I don't think solo scenes is ever a thing we've done on this show. We've done a lot. Maybe a bit away for a while, but okay. No, yeah, you're right.

Okay, we're gonna do J.P. Riddle's, but he's stuck at the top of a ferris wheel.

Stuck at the top of a first well. Okay, hold on, give me a second.

Down! Down! Down! Down! What is he doing? Down! Goddamn button, down! Down!

I think he's jerking off and expecting it.

Why put a button down? Goddamn button!

Okay, nailed it. He's two for two, but... Two for two. But, JPC... Yes? Can you get the final and third... The final and third? The third and final one. There you go.

And this is gonna be... In bowling they call this a tricky.

Yes, in bowling they call this a turkey if you get three strikes, but three strikes you're out in baseball, so make sure you bowl and you don't base.

Can I ask, are we doing baseball at rolls or are we doing bowl at rolls? Because that's really going to influence the way that I... Okay, we don't know.

I don't know. I can't know. It's yet to be seen, but this is going to be the hardest one in JPC. This is... Inscrutable. Little Monkey Bones. Okay. Reading a poem on a first date.

Little Monkey Bones, reading a poem on a first date.

Mm-hmm. Do it, vacation. Do it.

You don't think I can?

Yeah, do it.

Okay.

Little Monkey Bones.

He doesn't have it. No, I got it.

Little Monkey Bones.

He's lost it.

He's lost it. He had too many mocktail mojitos, and now he's lost the sauce.

Oh, there! The angel from my nightmare. The shadow in the background of the morgue. The unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valley. We can live like Jack and Sally if we want.

Weird choice, Little Monkey Bones. My God, Casey's typing.

All right, fine. They can't all be winners.

Okay, JPC, we're going to give you one more.

One more challenge.

Wait, JPC, did you just Google Oh, oh boy. Wait a second. Wait a second. You don't think I know the website?

You don't think I know the direct link to the Genius website for I Miss You? You thought I'd have to go to Google for that? Are people Googling when they know the website that they're supposed to go to?

Oh yeah.

You Google instead of just going to Wikipedia?

I put in Gmail and Google.

Uh, well you guys are aware of how Google is ruined with AI now, right? Yeah, well I would say don't go to Google. I think your first homepage should be Reddit because you're just going to be ending up getting results from Reddit anyway. That's the only way to not encounter the AI slot. And your second one should just be Wikipedia. Those are the only two things that you need.

I think that's bad advice. I'm never going to tell people to go to Reddit.

My number one thing that I look for is Reddit and like some obscure homeowner-y thing on Reddit because anywhere else you will not... If you go to just like YouTube, you'll find slop. But if you go to Reddit, you'll find like weird people that are like weirdly obsessed about this one thing and like a whole community of them that are like, yes, this is the joist that Unity is. And I'm like, OK, you know, you guys are doing it. You guys are doing the Lord's work, so I don't have to.

That, uh, what are some of the, like, most fun tips you've learned about being a homeowner? What are some fun facts?

Can I tell you? There, there, uh, just recently I was, like, noticing on the wall in my kitchen, like, all these, like, weird kind of, like, cracks that were forming or, like, cracks in the ceiling. And I was like, oh no, like, what the fuck is this? Is this, like, this, this seems like it's gonna be bad and it also looks like it's gonna be expensive. And then I went on Reddit, of course, to say, like, hey, what, what the fuck is this? And people are like, Welcome back to It's been very cold, but I was like, have I not noticed that recently? And maybe I just haven't noticed it, but it turns out it was nothing. That's my favorite type of thing as a homeowner to look up. You're like, oh no, what the fuck is this going to be? And then you look it up and it's, hey, actually that's nothing. You don't have to worry about that at all. Did you just slather lotion on it?

Yeah.

You guys lotion your walls, right? You have to clean them first, though. Oh, yeah. Do a facial wash. You're not doing lotion instead of washing, right?

You think I want to make out with a rough wall? You're out of your mind.

Well, Erin, come on, be honest. What? You don't want to make out with some goody-two-shoes wall. Yeah, Erin wants a bad boy wall. I don't know.

Wall with a leather jacket?

Erin, you're making out with a coat closet. Wall with a leather jacket? You're kissing a coat closet.

She did date a drywall and that was very British, very Schumer.

Oh yeah, which is sort of exhausting after a while. I'm like, be silly. Some physical comedy please.

Yeah, have some fun. Be silly! Like a Mr. Bean situation.

Actually, I was gonna ask you guys a question, and I realized it's too much of a risk.

Uh-oh. Erin, ask it.

Was it ever... You know what, I'll ask it like this. I'm gonna ask it like this. I actually figured out how I'm gonna ask it. Smart. When you were like in middle school, and everyone's at the lunch table, and you're all just trying to figure the world out. That's what lunch is when you're in adolescence. See, everyone's just trying to figure... It's the Reddit. It was Reddit before Reddit, right?

That's what lunch is. I think I'm doing lunch wrong. I thought lunch... Honestly, I thought the key part of lunch was, like, eating.

No, no. That's how you learn about the world. That's how you learn to socialize.

Middle school lunch is akin to... You ever read the book Hatchet? It's like that. You're just dropped in the wilderness and you're like, I gotta survive. And your feet just start paddling.

And the part of that book that has haunted me the most is when he realizes that he's been eating the fish that have been eating the dead body of the pilot.

Yeah.

And that grossed me out so much I don't think I ate fish for a year. So that's for everyone's day.

Did you know that Hatchet has a sequel? Did you ever read the sequel? I'm And this kid, 15 years old, cool as a fucking cucumber, just straps his seatbelt in, takes out his hatchet, and goes, here we go again.

This time he's prepared.

Meryl Streep is wearing overalls, I think.

But he doesn't know who his dad is.

No, there is a sequel. It's like 15 pages. The hatch kills him on impact. Shouldn't be holding a hatchet in an airplane. Very dangerous.

Poor form.

When you were at this middle school table and everyone was talking about kissing and like where and when to practice kissing so everyone was ready, right? You're exchanging tips and tricks. Did anyone at your table, I regret this, suggest making out with your shower wall?

No, Erin. No. Absolutely not. You should feel terrible about that.

I never said I did. I'm just saying someone suggested it. JPC is packing a bindle. Are you going to run away from the podcast?

I'm actually interested to know, Adal, was this your experience? Were people talking? Was this more like something that girls talked about and boys did not talk about?

Because I don't think we ever talked about... We were recapping Home Improvement episodes from last night. We were talking about kissing.

Yeah. I think even when people started kissing, I don't think, for whatever reason, I think no one wanted to talk about it. I think the people who were kissing were kind of ashamed to be doing it.

Yeah, it was bad on both sides of it. I'd like to see a scene.

Hold on, I do have to ask a question, Erin. I think you know what's coming. Sure. I think you're on the tracks and the trade is right on top of you. Did you ever make out with your shower wall?

And I'd like to see a scene. And I'd like to see a scene. Wow.

And for once, I'd like to see the scene.

And every time I go home to my parents, that's so awkward. I'm like, hey, good to see you. How you been? Erin, we're thinking about remodeling the bathroom.

No! I mean, yes. I mean, whatever.

I mean, whatever.

I mean, it's whatever.

It's whatever. I'd like to see a scene. We are a lunch table at a middle school. And Adal, you are recapping a home improvement episode for us.

So, and so then, so, um, so Jonathan Taylor Thomas had a scare. He thought he had, um, like a bump on his neck. And so, and so Tim the Toolman Taylor was like, oh, and took a drill and was like, and then his wife, whatever her name was, was like, we're not going to drill his neck. And then Tim the Toolman Taylor looks at the camera and he goes, and then it went to commercial. What happened after commercial? Well the commercial was for, do you remember bubble tape? Where it was like six feet of bubble gum for you, not them. Your teacher. Do we remember? Well I mean from last night, from the programming last night.

Well I didn't see it Rick, that's why you're up.

Yeah that's why you're up.

We're all grounded Rick because of what happened at your slumber party. So you are the TV guy this week.

And I do apologize for that. I apologize. I thought a seance would be fun and flirty and cool.

We brought a man back from the dead.

I know, and I'm dealing with it every day. I'm feeding him. I have to take him to the doctor.

I... Okay, Rick. Well, thank you for telling us about half an episode of Home Improvement. Okay, that's awesome. Jennifer, you were on Friends last night. What happened?

Um, well, I had to watch it through the crack of my bedroom door because, again, I'm grounded from bringing a man back from the dead. But it looked like Phoebe was there. And it seemed like she was up to something pretty kooky. She's on every episode.

Claire, she's on every episode.

Is that true?

I have to assume it's like SNL rules. If you don't show up, you don't get paid.

Alright, well you were on SNL, Doody. What did Adam Sandler do this time?

It's Thursday. I keep telling you. SNL is a once-a-week, I'm happy to watch it, but it's a once-a-week show. If you put me on SNL, I could tell you what happened last week again.

Okay, are you just not gonna watch the Best Of DVDs in the middle of the week?

Tell us about Chris O'Donnell's monologue.

That wasn't the deal. That wasn't the deal, okay?

We're all a little on edge.

We never should have brought that man back.

You brought that man back from the dead. Guys, can I just say, he is pissed.

Why?

Yeah, no shit. Is he showing up in everybody's dreams? Yeah, well he said we ripped him out of heaven.

Okay, well... It wasn't heaven.

The look in his eyes, it wasn't heaven.

Well, maybe the look in his eyes was realizing that we ripped him out. And yeah, we didn't know the rule was once you get ripped out of heaven you can't go back.

Yeah, we didn't know that. It's not like we knew that.

I just don't think a man who would instantly go from being dead to being back to life to wanting to hurt children and their dreams... Doesn't make sense. ...was in heaven, okay? I just can't believe that.

Okay, we all decided to bring a dead president back from the dead. And it's all of our responsibility. I don't think we need to be mad at each other, okay?

Well, you know it sounds like nobody watched TV, so I don't know what we talk about.

Children? Mr. President?

Is everyone doing their homework?

Yes, Mr. President.

Now that could have only been one of two presidents with the with the timbre and cadence of his voice.

Yeah. Timbre. We're talking Pierce. Tisha.

Calvin Coolidge.

We're talking Pierce or Taft.

Um, well, I actually, I do believe that was one of my favorite Hey Riddle Riddle scenes of all time. That really had the sauce for me.

Wait, Erin, Hey Riddle Riddle. Oh, riddles. The podcast. We should do riddles. I'm old man puzzles. Let's get into some riddles.

You know it's a bad sign when I truly believed we were in a Patreon episode for a second.

What would you think, what was this Patreon episode about?

Having fun.

I mean.

I'm doing that for my next Patreon episode.

And Erin turns in her term paper, and the theme is having fun.

I could write an awesome term paper. We should write papers. No. No. What? For Review Crew.

Erin, what is going on? The quickest Erin's ever backed off an idea.

Oh, let's write book reports. Erin, I put that shit, I buried that shit behind me 20 some years ago.

We did that science one, and that's just enough homework for us.

Can I be honest? I read four books while I was on vacation, and in that time, I was thinking about it afterwards, and I was like, I kind of remember reading one big book about four different things. So I think like because some people do like Goodreads reviews and they do that as like a way or like what's the movie one? Letterboxd. And it's like a way for people to you know remember how they felt about that thing because obviously your feelings about it are gonna be stronger right afterwards and I was like maybe I do need to do something like that because I can't be reading four books. Like in five years, I could read all four of those books again and be like, huh, pretty cool.

Yeah. JPC, I feel like you have a very funny letterbox or good reads. I feel like if you decided to really indulge in it, you would.

Yeah.

I would follow you.

My letterbox would be me doing, watching only movies in 40X. So my experience would instantly be like shot. And then the other ones would be like twice a year when I watch half of Die Hard on a plane.

It's just, you scroll through, it's all Die Hard reviews and there are different stars every time.

It seems like in this review it's two stars because you only watched the middle 30 minutes of Die Hard.

I like the idea of reviewing movies, only seeing them in 40X, but not saying that in your review. So every review is like, I was on the edge of my seat. I fell out of my chair. It's all descriptions of just being tossed around by a mechanical seat. We're going to do some odd man out riddles, or odd word out. So I'm going to give you a few words, or they could be phrases, and you're going to tell me which one of them does not belong and why. We've done these before, I think. Great.

I just don't think in 2025 it's my place anymore to be saying who doesn't belong and why. I'll just go on the record now. I think everybody belongs.

Aw, buddy. Is that brave? You've really changed. Is that brave of me?

Yeah, I guess we're going to sit these out because these were all ethnicities. Yes, we won't do it.

Adal not really reading the room on his ethnicity, Riddles.

So the first one here is going to be, for example's sake, this is going to be your appetite, your cool, your marbles, and your bedroom.

Your bedroom is the odd one out because that's the one thing you can't lose. Wow. The joke's on you. You've never been drunk and high at the same time.

Where's my bedroom?

I can't find my bedroom when I'm... had one five milligram edible.

Oh, I didn't know the weekend was here. Where do I sleep?

I can't find my bedroom when I've got an edible. Next one is Eleanor Rigby, Mrs. Robinson, Lady Madonna, and Lovely Rita.

Um, uh, Mrs. Robinson.

Why?

She is not a character in a Beatles song.

Erin, that is correct.

I knew, I knew that Beatles were involved in this answer, but I couldn't, I, I guess Mrs. Robinson I would have been able to say is pretty confidently not a Beatles song.

I do want to see a scene. JPC, you are Ringo. Erin, you are someone who's been dating Ringo for a few weeks and you're a little upset because a few albums have come out in the last couple weeks and there's been no song with your name.

Hey Ringo, do you have a minute?

Oh yeah, I was just staring at my drumsticks trying to see if I could get some inspiration. Yeah, I, um... What about like, dum-ba-da-dum-ba-bum-dum-ba-bum? Hey, it'll come to me. I should have written it down. Uh, Ringo, I... How would you write down a drum sound? What would that even look like?

I feel like famously people can write down drum parts. Can they?

Yeah. Wait, there's sheet music for drums.

Yeah, there is. Oh boy.

I guess I've got a lot to learn. I'm going to pull up the chair next to you.

Hey, so I would consider our... That's a chair!

Oh God. I thought that was a drum.

Ringo, honey, focus. I've been playing it like a hi-hat. Look at me. Look at me. Hey, you're here. Yay, look at me. Yes.

How long have you been here? What's that?

Several minutes. I consider our love story sort of like a sweeping, beautiful love story. We're really in love. You'd agree, yeah?

I'd agree, yes. I'd say we're in love.

Um, I noticed your new album came out. And the song... The Beatles! Yeah, the Beatles, buddy. Yeah, you're a Beatle, buddy. I'm one of the members. Yeah, you're in the fourth one, bud. Yeah, it's really cool, huh?

They said it's not about who's one, two, three, or four.

You're four. You're for sure four. I'm Hey Riddle

I love Ringo's date talking to him like a teacher who's like, oh, what do we have here? What are you drawing? That's the sky?

Can I just say, if I was in the Beatles, and I was the drummer,

And Paul is asked, is Ringo the best drummer in the world? And he says he's not even the best drummer in the Beatles. I'm fucking walking.

Yeah.

I'm walking.

He's not wrong.

Brutal.

When you watch Get Back on Disney+, you go, Paul was doing a lot of the heavy lifting on this. And everyone kind of knew that, but I'm like, he really was the one. He's first on the call sheet, I think. Even though George is my favorite Beatle.

Same.

If you're Ringo, though, you're not walking. I mean, because you know it's true, right? You don't have delusions of grandeur here. Erin's not walking off a Hey Riddle Riddle. You know what I'm saying?

What does that mean? You guys think you could be a better Erin? It's a one-to-one.

What does it mean? Oh, shit. Erin's walking. Oh, shit. Okay. This has never happened before.

Erin's not even the best Erin on Hey Riddle Riddle. What are we talking about?

What are you saying?

We have a guest today. We've kind of been lagging here. Erin Brockovich, do you want to say hello?

Hello. No.

Hi, I'm Erin Brockovich.

Erin's creeps, no. No, no. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm gonna just sort of elbow you in the larynx. Ow, ow.

I feel like Erin Brockovich can't be that soft spoken, right? Isn't she kind of brassy and like bold?

Yes, she's kind of, yes. Okay, sorry. You think I am the Rango of Hey Riddle Riddle?

We think you're the Rango. No, I think you are the Rango.

Well, I will actually.

Wow, JVC, wow. We've melded into one brain.

Oh, God.

One brain cell. We got two-handed one brain cells.

You guys are a two-headed monster, and I'm the one that balances it out. Yeah, I'm irritating. Yeah, I'm annoying. Yeah, I sing on mic. Or get my period on mic. Yeah, I do all these things, but without me... Erin, you're none of those things.

Lucky Mike. But you make out with your wall.

What does that mean?

Who knows? Oh, I have one here. I miss wall. I miss wall. How about postage stamps, toilet paper, film, and bacon?

They all belong. You lick all of them. Hmm? Huh?

You lick toilet paper?

What?

Erin. They all have a skin.

Can you read it again?

They're all a type of skin.

What?

Postage stamps, toilet paper, film, and bacon. Hmm.

Bacon doesn't belong in it?

Erin, you're right, but do you know why bacon doesn't belong? Yeah, because... Do you put the rest... the rest of them you... like, you get wet, right? Yeah.

Or you put them in water?

I guess film you would in a dark room.

Yeah, like in a dark room? You lick a stamp and you put the toilet... I don't want to be disgusting, but I put the toilet paper in the toilet and it gets wet. Ew. I didn't know a better way to say it to not be disgusting. That's how I treat it.

Fucking gross. That's how I use it.

I would argue the bacon gets wet to some degree.

Well, yeah, but how? And what?

The oils and fats that come out while you're cooking it. The sizzles and the pops and the grease. Can we have a hint? Bacon is correct. The other three posted stamps, toilet paper, and film. They all typically come in a roll. Bacon comes.

Casey, hit the sound effect. I can't imagine doing a bad improv show.

Put a balloon in my ass. It's a clown off.

Erin, say the answer again.

They all come in a roll.

They all come in a roll except for bacon. Bacon should come in a roll. Wow, bacon roll? Take me to your sushi. How about Tabasco, Chihuahua, Burrito, Durango? Tabasco, Chihuahua.

These are all fun words to say.

These are all very fun words to say. Burrito and Durango. I'll say Durango.

From Mexico?

Durango is incorrect. Oh boy. Because Durango is the only one I don't know what a Durango is.

Dodge Durango. I don't know what a Durango is.

That's right, they're all Dodges. So there's a Dodge Tabasco, Dodge Chihuahua, Dodge Burrito, and a Dodge Durango.

It's not Durango. Okay, Tabasco sauce, Chihuahua cheese. You said Chihuahua, right? Burrito.

Burrito is the odd man out.

Burrito is the odd one out. Do you know why?

I'm going through a tunnel. I'm cutting out.

Erin. Oh, I guess Erin, she's... I will assume she said the right answer.

Yeah, I mean... Ooh, coming out the other side of the tunnel. Wow, that's exactly the answer I need. Go back into the tunnel.

Very tunnel-y part of California, I guess. I don't really think there was many tunnels there. Maybe she's going through one of those old gold mines.

What's the next riddle?

When she goes through a tunnel, should I just hop on the mic again?

And I'm gonna just shove Erin Brockovich this way. And Brockovich- Scooch! Scooch, Erin Brockovich! Scooch!

We kind of brought you because we thought you'd be a little feistier, honestly.

Scooch, Erin Brockovich! She's not scooching!

I've got moves you've never seen.

There we go. That's the Erin Brockovich I know and love.

I'm fucked!

Erin, you're right. The answer is burrito because the other three are states in Mexico.

Didn't I say that?

No, I think you're going through a tunnel.

Oh, yeah.

Okay.

Chihuahua is a state in Mexico? Oh, yeah. Is that where the cheese comes from?

Where the cheese and the dog come from.

Where the cheese and the dog come from. That sounds like a cheese shirt.

Where the cheese and the dog play. And the cheese comes from the dog.

Oh, don't tell me that. That's basically going to ruin the whole dog for me. I'm not going to stop eating it.

We'll do one more before break here. So this one is Barak, Shaquille, Beyonce, Aristotle. Barak, Shaquille, Beyonce, Aristotle. Okay, Beyonce, because the other ones are dudes. You got Beyonce right, but not the reason why. A reason why?

Oh, they're all Durangos.

They're all variants of the Durango.

Aristotle, Shaquille O'Neal, and Barack Obama walking to a bar.

Barak, Shaquille, and Aristotle. Just the first names, right?

Yeah, I know, but I'm saying I assume that those are who we're talking about.

Erin, you are on the right track.

They walk into a bar. The bartender says... No, not with that.

Oh.

Oh, okay.

Does Aristotle have an O apostrophe last name? Not the Aristotle you might be thinking of, but a different Aristotle. Oh, there's a different Aristotle.

Damn it. I don't know any other Aristotles.

You guys, someone's got to name their kid Aristotle now. Can you imagine a fucking kindergartner with like chocolate on his face named Aristotle? Let's do it, gang.

Is this a modern celebrity whose name is Aristotle?

A celebrity might be a strong term, but it's someone who was very well known married this Aristotle. And this Aristotle was well known, but maybe not as well known as their spouse.

I've stopped listening to the riddle. I'm writing down that the name of my son is Socrates.

Wait, wait. Is it Aristotle Onassis? You got it. Wow. I truly did not remember that that man's name was Aristotle.

Wasn't there an Aristotle on SNL recently? If there was an Aristotle on SNL recently, I haven't watched SNL in 25 years.

I didn't watch when Luke was on because Luke was never on so it would have been a huge waste of my time. You didn't watch when Erin auditioned? I watched the show when Erin was auditioning.

My biggest fear is that footage still existing. I think about that every day. If we ever do a heist, I think it should be the three of us breaking into 30 Rock and destroying that tape.

They showed it on, I guess Bill Hader has it, and he shows it to all his friends and they all point and laugh.

And that is an honor.

And I guess Topher Grace got a hold of it, and I guess he does private recut screenings where he re-edits it in a way that he thinks it should have been done.

Ooh, cool.

We know about this, right? We know about this? It doesn't matter.

Christopher Grace, please. Oh, please. So Aristotle, what was the last name?

Onassis.

Onassis. Yeah. Shaquille.

O'Neal. Barack Obama.

Yep. And then Beyonce.

Knowles.

So the reason Beyonce's the odd person out.

She won a Grammy last night. Maybe a couple Grammys last night.

Well, maybe not last night. She's not Irish. Shaquille O'Neal. I think people know about this because I think Conan O'Brien went and visited it, but there's like a Barack Obama gas station somewhere in Ireland that my friend visited and he brought me back a refrigerator magnet that says Obama Plaza or whatever the thing is called and it's got a big picture of Ronald Reagan on it because apparently they sell memorabilia of any U.S. president that has any connection to Ireland. That's hilarious.

And that's your favorite president of all time, Ronald Reagan.

He's up there. He's gotta be up there. I don't agree with anything he did economically or socially. But you loved his movies. Politically. God, I love the power he wielded. I do have a refrigerator back there for Ronald Reagan that every once in a while someone will see and say, hey, why do you have this? Because I love it.

Well, let's go ahead and try and resurrect Ronald Reagan. No.

No.

And we'll be right back after we bring him back. Would he resurrect with dementia?

That would be awful.

Nancy? Nancy? No, we're not fucking Nancy.

Yeah, Hollywood was, you know what I'm saying. Oh, brother. She's a throat goat, Erin. This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace.

Hey there, kids. My name is Dr. Shapes.

Love the vibe of whatever this is.

Um, and okay, I was actually kind of feeling a little old today, so... Oh, feeling a little old?

Then I better prescribe you a square. And for you, young lady, a triangle. But let's go back to the square. Squarespace.

Wow, I'm the patient now.

And Doctor, that is crazy timing because they just introduced Design Intelligence from Squarespace, combining two decades of industry-leading design expertise with cutting-edge AI technology to unlock your strongest creative potential. Design Intelligence empowers anyone to build a beautiful, more personalized website tailored to their unique needs and craft a bespoke digital identity to use across one's entire online presence.

Wow. I'm going to prescribe you a square as well. This is working out well.

Doctor, what exactly is your expertise? Because it seems like we're just kind of like, we're listing off some stuff that we know about Squarespace, but you're a doctor.

Shapes for kids to eat. It's a very clear premise. Keep going.

I got my PhD in shapes. Then you better shape up and get yourself a Squarespace website. See?

Okay, I guess so. Squarespace Payments is the easiest way to manage your payments all in one place with Squarespace. Onboarding is fast and simple. You can get started in just a few clicks and start receiving payments right away. Plus, you can give your customers more ways to pay with popular payment methods like Klarna, ACH Direct Debit, Apple Pay, Afterpay, and Clearpay.

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Total sense, and a little hammer on the knee.

Ah.

And let me, oh, I wrote you a prescription, but I see you can't read my handwriting. Here's what it says.

It's all shapes.

You got it. But let me translate it for you. Head to squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, squarespace.com slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

Dr. Shape, can I have like a hundred circles?

What do you need them for? Are you going to stack them and make a cylinder?

Yes. Hello. I am a president from the past. My name is William H. Hold on now. Macy. Okay. No, that's an actor.

Oh, Reagan was an actor. No, Mr. President. You're standing like kind of behind a big armoire so we can't quite make out which president you are. Is that on purpose or?

I've never heard somebody say armoire like that.

I'm Amy, I'm one of your beloved co-hosts that sort of had to piece together a president costume at the last second, so I'm sort of like a bunch of presidents melted together. I'm here to celebrate the Helix President Day sale, sale, sale, sale. Oh, okay.

For a second I thought we were going to have to learn about American history, but all you're going to tell us is about the history that we as Americans have with our favorite mattress brand, Helix.

Mm-hmm.

Oh yeah, Helix gives you the most presidential sleep. I mean, I could sleep for four years, I could sleep for eight years on my Helix. But no more. But no more.

Lesser FDR, which I have part of his wig on my head as well.

Part of his wig?

I sleep on a midnight lux because it suits my sleep needs. All I had to do was take a little quiz and tell them what I was all about and they matched me with the perfect mattress. I've had it for years and I'm obsessed with it. Every time a guest stays at my house, one recently said that I have the best mattress they've ever slept in and that is true.

And I personally, I know that bed burglars aren't a thing. And that would be like a burglar who specifically comes in your home to just take your bed. But if bed burglars were a thing, I don't even think I'd be that mad because I would love to get another Helix mattress. I'm just like begging for a chance to get me another Helix mattress in my house. That's how much I love my Helix mattress.

Yeah, I'm pretty obsessed. Gemma and I have the best sleep we've ever had on our Helix sleep, and also our four cats love it too. They sleep with us now, which they used to not do.

And just so we're clear, Adal did not order a mattress full of cats. He had the cats. The mattresses are not stuffed with cats.

I cut down an apple tree. In 1893.

Oh boy. We got to get you a book, Mr. President. Hey, speaking of presidents, there's a big president sale happening right now at Helix Mattress. That includes 27% off-site wide, plus two free dream pillows with mattress purchase, plus free bedding bundle, which is two dream pillows, the sheet set, and the mattress protector with any luxe or elite mattress order. Just go to HelixSleep.com slash Riddle for their President's Day sale. That's HelixSleep.com slash Riddle for their big President's Day sale. HelixSleep.com slash Riddle.

I'm Abraham William Henry.

And we're back and we, oh boy, we did manage to resurrect Reagan. He's just kind of sitting here. Hey, buddy. Hey, buddy. Hey, buddy. Well? Yeah, well. Well, well, well.

Well, well, well.

Okay, well, we're going to go back to doing riddles. We'll talk to you in a minute.

Can I have some tea? No.

We'll check in on Ronald Reagan a little later in the episode. We'll check in on him a little later, but for now... And check in on me as well. Check in on me as well.

Erin Brockovich, yes, we will check in. You guys should all sit over there. We're here.

Erin, why don't you sit with Reagan?

I don't wanna.

No, Erin, I mean Erin Brockovich. Oh, yes, okay. You did the show. Erin Brockovich, you sit with Ronald Reagan and we'll just... Okay. Yeah. Okay. And try to talk quietly.

Mm-hmm.

And Casey, can you just have them be mumbling, talking to each other, sort of the background the rest of the episode? So stupid.

However you want to do that, Casey. We're not going to really help with that, but however you want to have them just mumbling throughout the rest of the episode.

Finally, a Hey Riddle Riddle episode with 30 minutes of Erin Brockovich and Ronald Reagan mumbling in the background.

Wait, guys, I actually think we did an episode like this in 2020.

We truly have to have already done this episode. Don't come, don't come be like, 156, they did the Ronald Reagan, Erd Barakovich, Bumblee thing. Yeah, we know. We get it. We're fine.

I just laughed so hard my contact came out.

I love when this happens. Oh, I love that. Do you need a minute?

This does happen with Adal. Erin, how many times do you think that this has happened since we've known Adal? That he laughed so hard his contact came out?

I think this is the second time.

I was going to say under five. So yeah, I think we're both, we're in the ballpark here. I wonder if it's hard for him to put his contact back in while we're screaming.

It's not easy.

You get it back?

If I laugh too hard, either my contact falls out or my condom falls off.

Well, better safe than sorry.

And I will take questions.

I think I'm good.

My ass at the Walgreens. You got the magnum contacts? Yeah, I got pretty big eyes. I got pretty big eyes.

I got a Tim Burton... What was that movie with the big... Anyway. What's the... This is going to be a bit of a tougher one. Are we ready for a tough one? Yeah, yeah. Which is the odd one out? And there's going to be more than three. I think there's going to be five here.

Ooh.

But still only one is odd out. Yep, only one is the odd one out. Catwoman, Deus Ex Machina, Parishioner, Catwoman, Pyromania, and SCUBA. Catwoman, Deus Ex Machina, Parishioner, Pyromania, and SCUBA.

SCUBA is an acronym, right? Self-Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus? Is that an acronym or an initialism? I never remember.

It's an acronym.

Catwoman is also an acronym.

For what?

Go ahead and give us that full acronym.

Yeah, great, Catwoman. This is a kinky-ass tall woman on... Minnie the Nipple.

Wow, so close.

So close. Wait, did I not get it? Well, kinky. I was out on one.

Can you read it one more time, Adal? I'm so sorry.

Catwoman, deus ex machina, parishioner, Pyromania and Scuba. And I'll give you a hint because this is pretty tough. There's something contained in all the words. I'm going to say deus ex machina is just a word, all the options here. There's something contained within them, but one of the things contained within is different from the other four. Catwoman, Deus Ex Machina, and Deus Ex Machina is a tricky one because what you're looking for within that is not pronounced the way it normally would be. Parishioner, Pyromania, Scuba. Scuba is probably the easiest one to try and locate what's going on inside these options.

Okay, Scuba.

Cuba. Yep.

That's going to be a nation.

Yeah, there's countries inside of these.

Yes. Catwoman. Catwa.

But is Catwoman the odd one out?

We don't know. Let's move on to Pyromania.

Romania. Romania.

You got it. So you got Cuba, you got Romania. What's the next one? Parishioner, Deus Ex Machina, and Catwoman. Peru? No.

Parishioner. How do you spell Parishioner?

P-A-R-I-S.

Paris.

Wait, Paris is not a country.

It's not a country. So that one's the outlaw.

So it's gotta be that one. Wow. You got it. You didn't even have to do the last two. Good.

Lucky us. Deus ex machina, what's that one?

That's a tough one because it's China at the end of Machina. And then Catwoman is Oman. Oman. Oman. Isn't that a fun one?

That is a fun one, and it was hard to do because I think if I was looking at the words it would have been one million percent easier.

Yeah, amen.

Hold on. Oh, nice.

Hold on.

I do want to see a scene. Oh, okay. Erin, you are Catwoman, but the Catwoman, the Paris version of Catwoman, the Parisian Catwoman. Um, and JPC, you're a tourist who has just been, um... Boy, I don't want to say saved, because does Catwoman save people?

She saves cats, probably.

Yeah, I feel like... I feel like, JPC, you're just someone who happened to see her out on her nightly sort of routine. Yeah. And then she sees that you saw her.

Gotcha. Hey, I don't want to blow up your spot, but I'm a big fan, and you have a good night, and thank you for what you do.

Ah, shit. Inglés? Inglés? Oh, again. Bonjour.

Ah, no parle, no parle français. Inglés.

Oh, yes.

Big fan. Big fan. What's big fan in French?

Oh, you know, for Catwoman? You like my work?

Oui, oui, oui, oui. Catwoman... Sit, sit, sit! Oh, um...

Have a drink. Yeah.

Okay, yeah. I was just kind of walking by. I didn't want to disturb you.

No, no. I'm not working. I never work. I work two days a year. I do a backflip out a window, and then I call it a year. And I sort of eat, drink, and get a conversation like this. Yeah, sure.

Okay. I'm actually on my way to a date right now, but I think I can't cancel it.

Ooh, la la. With you. With you.

Oh, it's no one. It's my fiancée. It's stupid.

Oh, no. It's beautiful. Oh. Did you meet her?

Um, well, uh, she's, uh, she's from here, and I am a, um, uh, I'm a member of the U.S. military.

Eww.

Eww. Well, I'm an interpreter.

Ah, voila. Oh, it is Batman.

Yeah, you settled me. Hey, I'm down here buddy. I was invited to sit, so... Is we meet again, Batman? Um, you get women? Yeah, I'm interrupting. I'm interrupting.

No, no, no, no. We're just going to drink and to do.

Oh boy. Not the way I always thought about it happening, but kind of too. Yeah, and in your experience, if I got a French fiancée, she'd probably be fine with this, right?

It's offensive to say such things as that. What? Wait, what's offensive?

Sing it.

Oh boy, that one was right on the line, guys. Right on the line.

Right on ze line. It's funny because I don't speak any French, but I took way more French when I was in school than I did Spanish. But I also just got back from a week in Mexico, so my brain is very accustomed to speaking rudimentary tourist Spanish. And I was like, I really know zero words in French right now. I know some words in Spanish that I could be using. El gato woman? El gato woman, yeah. Gato means fat. You're looking for el gordo woman.

Oh, muy feo.

Yeah, me fucking this guy's whole life up whenever he tries to trot that out.

El baño man would be Batman, I believe. Let's go with... All right, we have... Es muy caliente. Which is the odd one out? Cubit? Es frío. Qubit, angstrom, rod, and bushel. Angstrom.

Angstrom's gotta be the odd one out.

Okay, and why so?

Well, a qubit is... And a bushel and a rod are all measurements, right?

Yeah. Is that the answer?

No. I don't know what an angstrom is. Is angstrom also a measurement?

I mean, you're definitely on the right track, but I don't wanna...

Okay, so a cubit is a measure of distance, and I think a rod is a measure of distance. A bushel, I think, is a measure of weight.

Yeah, so a bushel can't... I think a bushel is the odd one out.

Yeah.

And why so?

Because it's a measure of weight and not.

Or not. It's at least not distance.

Yeah. So the other three are units of length and bushel is a capacity equal to eight gallons. Not length.

I only hear that in the context of hay. And so do you measure hay in gallons? That's ridiculous.

I think so. I think horses drink hay, right? That's way too much hay for me. Can you drink a gallon of hay?

Gallon of hay challenge!

You are a horse and you had a particularly hard week and you're pulling up to the bar to order a glass of hay.

What did it be? What'll it be?

What'll it be?

GPC, you're the horse ordering the hay.

I'm the bartender.

Let's reset. Everyone safely back to one. Vacation got a little confused back there.

We call you Vacation. What a social experiment to go to a bartender and say, what'll it be?

And action.

What'll it be? What'll it be? What the fuck? What the fuck? Erin?

We only have this one film. We can't, we can't cut, we can't cut, we can't cut.

Well, I'll play a horse.

No, no, no, no, no, no. Back, go back to the seat. Go back to your seat.

If anyone's playing a horse, it'll be me.

Erin, sit down. Erin Brockovich, you sit. You sit down, Erin Brockovich.

I was speaking to myself. I was saying, what'll it be as an inner monologue?

Oh, okay. So I stepped on his line. I stepped on his line. Okay, here we go from the top. What do you mean from the top?

We can't go back to the top. We ran out of film.

Oh.

I could put a roll of toilet paper in there.

Do I? Does a horse also kind of sound like Ronald Reagan?

Okay, Erin's shoving a roll of bacon into the camera. That's gonna ruin that camera. Can't get the deposit. That's a $2,400 deposit I lost. Okay.

And keep going.

Why the long face? To everyone in the bar, why the long face? Batman?

Are you Horse Batman?

Scene. Wow. Wow, guys. I'm going to spend a whole Patreon episode where we sort of dissect that scene in terms of what went wrong, what do we learn.

What went wrong, what went happened. I can't imagine doing a bad improv show.

Now, Horse Batman, a cape doesn't make sense, right? Because that would just cover his body.

So much of what Batman has going on is not going to be a one-to-one in a horse context. We're going to have to change a lot to make horse Batman work.

Yeah. So horse Batman, okay, this is interesting. This is interesting.

Horse Joker's a clear one-to-one. It just works, but horse Batman. Horse Joker, easy.

Yeah, that's easy.

You slot that right in. If we get horse Batman nailed down, horse Joker's just going to fall into the page. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah, he can't have a grappling belt around his waist because that's just going to shoot straight down. So in sort of an upright ambulatory Batman, the grappling hook shoots outward because his waist is facing out towards an opponent, but with a horse the waist faces down. Yeah. So this is going to be okay.

Okay. So it's, it's, it's Batman.

Yeah.

Oh, but a horse.

Yes. And his butler's Alfalfa because I think horses eat Alfalfa. So Alfalfa is his butler for sure.

It's absolutely beautiful to see you two work. It's absolutely beautiful to see you two.

I know you've been asking me to write a song for you, and I finally done it. I finally cracked the code.

Ringo, it's nap time now. No, but I've got your song. I finally had an idea and I've got your song. This happens every day before nap time.

I don't think it'd go of course, like you'd think it would. Oh, forgot to put your name in there. Could it rhyme with wood?

What if her name was horse?

Could you change your name to horse?

Instead of Norwegian wood, Norwegian horse.

I think the song would work if my girlfriend's name was a horse. Oh, brother.

Okay, Erin, for the rest of the episode, we don't have a lot of time. For the rest of the episode, we must take Beatles songs and put horse in the title somewhere. Okay, give me a second. Hey Horse, for example. Yes, Erin.

I want to horse your horse. I've just seen a horse. I want to hold your horse. I've just seen a horse. I love you, horse, horse, horse. Horse today. She came in through the bathroom.

Horse. I want to hold your horse. Why don't we horse it in the road. Revolution number horse. Oh my god. For no horse.

Give me like 20 minutes.

Adal took the only one I could do. He took Hey Horse.

That was going to be my big finale.

Fun to think about. Fun to think about.

Hey, if nothing else, fun to think about.

And we're done. And we're done. And we're done.

Uh, yellow horse.

Erin?

I get by with a little horse from my horse.

Okay, that was worth it actually. That we'd circled back. Erin, is there anything you would like to plugger per horse?

Oh my god, it's the end of the episode? I think so. What the fuck?

Kinda.

I didn't even take off my coat.

Close enough. I mean, yeah, it's close enough.

Yeah, check out our Patreon, patreon.com slash heyriddleriddle. Lots of fun stuff over there. Lots of fun stuff being planned by me that's coming out over there. Do a one week free trial. Listen to some Epps. Hang out. Adal, anything to plug?

Yeah, I want to plug the fact that I think we all know. I'm going to go ahead and say it. I know before the episode we said not to say it. I'm going to go ahead and say that Horse Batman is Bruce Wayne horse.

No, don't say.

I know one is a billionaire play horse.

Play horse.

And the other one is a vigilant horse, but they never seem to be in the same room, do they? And how would horse Batman afford all his wonderful little toys?

Yeah, horse car, horse copter.

Do you also notice every time horse Batman breaks his leg and somebody has to shoot him?

I'm losing steam.

George, George horses.

No, that doesn't work.

JPC.

Two whores. I want to promote, this year is the 10th anniversary of Hello from the Magic Tavern. Please check out Hello from the Magic Tavern. Wow. Insane. Whoa. Both our regular show and our Patreon. And also check out The Word Association, a podcast I do with my best friend and my worst enemy. And I'll let you decide.

Sort of the same thing over here.

Yeah.

That's your dynamic across all your podcasts, right?

Yeah, I guess so.

Wow, damn.

Huh.

I'm thinking about it.

I guess it is. JPC, what would you like to plug or promote?

Hey, I'd like to plug a couple things. First thing is, and people have sent them to us, I just got back from vacation and I haven't put them in yet, but send us voicemail themes. If you have 30 seconds or less voicemail themes, we have plenty of voicemails. You can always send us more. And if you're wondering, hey, where do I find any of this stuff? It's always in the episode description. Go look at the episode description, you can find our mailing address, you can find the phone number. And you can send us voicemails, again, 30 seconds or less at hrrpodcast at gmail.com. And another little fun thing I like to do at the end of the episode is I like to read a little review that you have left for us. You can leave us a review anywhere. You leave five-star reviews, just make sure you throw five stars on it. And then you can say whatever you want in there and I'll read some of them. And today I'm reading one from Flimprist. Flimprist writes, Science podcast is a tough sell. Don't get me wrong, the passion that hosts have for making their craft entertaining is wonderful. Their chemistry makes the show work, and without them no amount of scientific rigor could redeem it. But I can't in good conscience tell people this is a science show when they have chosen to softly sunset their primary fact-seeking segment, Animal Parade, sometimes only doing the theme song and not the segment. Even its most recent appearance was about the best way to prepare minions instead of the trivia the show has become known for, like Plants Can Scream, a podcast which I love. But science show is just a tough sell. Wow. Scathing. Scathing critique.

While my guitar gently horse, I do want to see a scene. This is very rare. Here comes my horse. I do want to see a scene. Erin, I want you, Ronald Reagan, and Aaron Brockovich to do a quick scene. And you're all in space. I invented Star Wars. George Lucas invented Star Wars. Yeah, but I made it cool.

And they all explode.

Well, it's Ronald Reagan and I'm here to say I exploded space in a wrapping way.

Jupiter.

I was working in the lab, well, late one night, well, well.

Starving, Erin Keif, and John Patrick Coan. Casey Tomey did the editing, and Marty Parents did the music.

Hey there cats and bones, if you liked that, you are going to love this week's Patreon. It's another edition of Phrase the Roof, something we haven't done in a very long time. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com. Hey Riddle Riddle by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or start your seven day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month. Plus you get those ad free episodes. See you there.

That was a hate gun podcast.