Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum Podcast.

Lights are going up. Snow is falling down. There's a feeling of goodwill around town. It could only mean one thing. McRib is here. People throwing parties, ugly sweaters everywhere. Stockings hung up by the chimney with care. McRib is here!

I had participated in McDonald's for a limited time.

The doctor was the mother.

He stood on a block of ice. Both of them were goldfish. It was the cabin of an airplane.

He stabbed him with an ice cream. And the horse was being frightened.

Okay, now we're a couple days early, but what did everybody get me?

Oh, for part of the episode? Uh, okay. I guess I got you, um, I guess I got you, Casey, insert an elephant sound here. I guess I got you an elephant. That's kind of fun.

Hey. He didn't even put an elephant sound.

He put the sound of breaking glass.

Did you have an elephant in a glass case? Doesn't matter. Don't want it. I hope it was a gift receipt. I see a gift receipt covered in broken glass, so I can return that. Okay. Not bad. Phew. Better than last year. Erin.

Birthday.

Yeah.

Oh, right. Birthday.

Yeah. What'd you get me?

One year I got you a waffle maker. Remember?

Is that a birthday gift or a Christmas gift? And in the morning, I'm returning a waffle maker. You always be doing that shit, Erin.

I got you an elephant. Insert elephant sound here, Casey.

Okay, just more broken glass. Breaking broken glass. It's just kind of like crunching on glass. Okay, so- So I guess what you both got me for my birthday is more work for Casey. Happy birthday to you.

Happy birthday to you.

Happy birthday to you. Insert elephant sounds here. So you found my cake.

Elephant sounds, glass breaking. You found my cake. You ruined my cake with your naked body.

Well, happy birthday. Adal and I get into the car, we leave.

Get in the car, we drive away. JPC, buddy, we may have skimped on the gifts, but trust me, Erin and I brought you cake. Calling me buddy and trying to fuck me. What is this, Little League?

Calling me buddy and trying to fuck me. Trying to fuck me. What are we, in Little League? In Little League. We'll see you next time.

I didn't do it this year, but I did do it for my child, which I guess is kind of technically, you know, for me. But every year my birthday comes around and I remember that I'm an adult who has the capacity to buy myself a cake.

on the show.

I don't know that I would do it every day, but I would do it- Most days. I would do it most days. Most days I would do it.

Most days are cake days.

Yeah, because I'm not going to order a cake if I have half a cake in the fridge, but if I have a quarter of a cake in the fridge, I'm like, well, probably start- Yeah. Get on the horn with the old cake guy. Start talking options.

And here's a thought I had the other day, which is, if we changed the name of some foods, would that make them less appealing? So cake, just the name cake, you're like, ooh, what's that?

And you were sober when you had this thought? Were you a little bit of an edible? A little bit of an edible? A little bit of an edible? Erin, sweetie, can I talk to you over here?

A little bit of an edible, I think. A little bit of an edible. What's the most delicious sounding food, though? Because cake, to me, is pretty neutral. Cake doesn't necessarily have a fun, flavorful-sounding name. Cake.

I think of all time, just off the top of the dome, off the top of the old attic meet, I think creme brulee is like... You're not going to say... If somebody came up to you on the street and just said the words, creme brulee, you'd be like, yes, I'll follow you. Is it because it's French, I'm assuming, right?

Oh, absolutely.

French are the most delicious people.

Yeah. Like, dulce de leche sounds like... But that's just because it's in a foreign language, right? Milk is not an appetizing word, but leche is like, oh, okay. Talk to me about leche. Put the milk over there, but talk to me about some of this leche.

Do you want some steak? Maybe. Do you want some carne asada? That's French for steak.

Guys, can I talk to you really quick? Yeah. And this is sort of the dynamic of the show is I think people generally leave JPC alone when they have thoughts and they will either tell me or Adal when they have thoughts about the show. And Adal, I wonder if you've gotten sent this video as many times as I have. Our listeners who are great But they're honest, right? And that's scary sometimes. Sent me the video, a video of somebody talking about the Conan O'Brien podcast and why it works so well. And it's because they have the Zoo Crew morning radio formula down. And people keep sending that to us going, Hey, this is you guys. And and I'm gonna use words that are insulting and everyone's feelings are about to get hurt, but I'll explain it after. Okay, but the formula is dick, dork, and deer. You cannot actually do that. That's so fucked up. JVC is so fucked up.

I don't think I think I think you could hear it.

And I guess you know which one is the dick.

And speaking of Dick, Richard Nixon actually had a typewriter in the White House.

So everyone's falling into place and the guy who does the puns and the smart references is over there. And then I'm the sweet one. And then I thought back to the morning radio show I had growing up that I would listen to on the way to school and I went, fuck me. Well, fuck me right up. And also, I've got a little offended on behalf of women everywhere. Because I went, I can't believe I'm not the dick or the dork. So actually, I'm gonna be the dick now. JBC, everyone shuffle. Everyone move one spot to your right.

Hey, I'm the dame.

It's not dame, it's a deer. And I'm the dick. Fuck you.

It is the whole Morning Zoo Crew formula. I mean, I don't know if you guys remember Morning Zoo Crew or if we all want to put like our rose colored glasses on Morning Zoo Crew, but I would say by and large, they were like 80% misogynist drivel.

And we're like 40%.

So it's not necessarily a good formula. Yeah, of course. It's 2024. We're 40% misogynist drivel.

And I want to say, by and large, go to Costco.

Yeah, not Sam's Club. We're Costco people, huh? Yeah, I think so.

Buy in small, go to a mom and pop store. Buy in large, Costco.

Yeah. Buy in local, I guess just like not... Yeah, just make sure... See if it's like Sam's Club. That kind of defeats the formula. But if someone's first name is in the business, we're usually in local. Alright, well anyway, speaking of small businesses. Local. Shop local. What? Shop smart, shop local. Yeah. I have got some locally sourced riddles here for you guys for the show today, the show Hey Riddle Riddle.

Okay, just as a warning though, I'm going to be a dick. I'm trying to break the mold. This is feminism, and I'm going to be a monster.

And here's the thing that's kind of just incongruent with what you're aiming for, Erin, because I fully support you being whatever you want to be. Of course, I love that. But you're wearing the most cozy, delightful, bright red Coca-Cola sweatshirt. It's so hard. You're sitting next to one of those polar bears from the commercial.

Yeah, it's cozy.

It's Christmas. Did you do anything, Erin, to prepare to be a dick?

I thought about you and sort of the stuff you say and do.

I listened to a couple episodes of Hey Riddle Riddle. That sounds kind of close to like empathy. Kind of sounds like you were like thinking about another person, right? You should be thinking about yourself.

This is harder than I thought.

Did you crank one out? At least crank one out.

Erin, crank one out. Did you crank one out? I did crank one out.

Meaning, of course, prank call someone. Yeah. Crank yankers.

Let me try to crank one out again. All right, let's pause. I'm back.

Oh, and did you watch the Augustan cut of Beauty and the Beast?

I did.

Okay, great. That'll help you.

Did you hear it? Oh, my God. Did I not mute?

Oh, that'll make a fun after credits.

Oh, brother.

All right. All right. Riddles, fine. Riddles. Wait, does that mean, hold on, does that mean I'm the one, I'm the dork, right?

No. Oh, well, now, yeah, well, I guess you have a choice here. Oh, yeah, you have, no, you're not.

No, Adal's just the dame. What was it? It was dork, dame, because there was a beep over Riddle, but I didn't hear it. Deer. Okay. Deer. Deer. Okay.

Adal, you be the deer. JBC, you be the dork, and I'll be the dick. Okay. And if things are about to change over here at Hey Riddle Riddle, everybody,

And for the dork, just so I'm understanding of the rules of the dork, do I have a specific thing that I'm a dork about, or is it like I am a dork about anything and everything?

Anything and everything. It's mostly that you intellectually put things into context, so you call things out when they're silly. You're sort of the smart one in the room. Okay. Think about what Adal does usually.

I'm definitely not the smart one in the room. Okay, I'm gonna... You're smarter than us. No.

I'm not saying you're smart, I'm saying you're smarter than us.

I'm gonna pull up Wikipedia and I'm gonna go to the Warhammer 40k article and I should be good to go. I should be able to put anything in context with... Oh yeah, there's a ton on here.

Maybe also just bring up like Woodrow Wilson's Wikipedia page. I don't know if that'll come up.

Okay, and I'm going to Google emotions. We've written stories, poems, letters, complaints, arguments, and instructions. There are many of us, more than can easily be counted.

We know little or nothing of each other, and even though we all have the same name, no one knows who we are.

Ed, Edd, and Eddy.

Interesting, and that's... Shakespeare. Isn't that like a Nick Lourdy cartoon? Ed, Edd, and Eddy? Ed, Edd, and Eddy was a Shakespeare cartoon. Yes.

This is hard.

Oh, okay. I'm sorry. I thought you'd been doing this for six years. Wow, and immediately the roles have switched back. Hold on. Okay, hold on. This is hard. Erin, give me this is hard again. This is hard. Hardtack was commonly eaten by the soldiers in the Civil War. It was boiling flour and insect protein into bars. It wasn't terribly nutritious, but it did settle the hunger pains of the soldiers.

I know you are, but what am I?

Guys, this isn't hard. This is us. I love you guys so much. Just like on the show, this is us.

Honestly, I think we did pretty well with the second take on that one.

Anyone else feel kind of sick having the roles be switched up? I feel sick.

Yeah, I boffed off mic. Yeah, I ate a bunch of hard tack to kind of prep for this so I feel fucking awful. I boffed off mic.

I boffed off mic. Is that Kennedy? I boffed off mic.

I boffed off mic.

I boffed off mic.

Can I say, can I say, I've been listening to a lot of Hey Riddle Riddle recently. And I've been doing a project. I've been doing a little project that has involved me needing to listen to past episodes. And there was occasionally, I listened to a whole episode and there'd be nothing that I needed in it and nothing like usable. I'm like, okay, there's a funny episode, but nothing usable. If I, I'm going back to when I was doing hours and hours and hours of this. If I had a gym, like I boffed off mic, I'd be overjoyed. I'd be overjoyed to have that.

I can't, I mean, just retroactively shoehorn it in.

I can't. I boffed off mic. Trust me.

I'll get it now. As soon as we're done here, I'll get it now. But I can't use it for what I was using it for.

Adal, that's really good.

I do believe he said I had boffed off mic. Stay tuned for a future Patreon episode where some of these things may be-

All my energy just left my body because that was so much fun.

I did all I can do today. I laughed with my friend Adal. Now it's time to rest.

Turned the sign from Riddles to Closed. JPC, you got this, right? I think we've been going for like 10 minutes.

I don't think you closed the shop in 10 minutes.

Changing the sign from I'm Tired to I'm Too Tired. JPC, I feel like you've got this, right?

You didn't even make the sale.

Did I not?

You just had fun with your co-worker.

Yeah, that's sort of what it's all about. And The Riddle's still on the page. If you don't hate your job, you don't work a day in your life.

Do you need to hear it again? Would you like to hear it again? Yeah, okay, I got it.

I'm not gonna get it. I boffed off mic. I boffed off mic.

Oh, hear The Riddle again. No, I don't.

This is for no one. This couldn't possibly be for anyone but us. It's so much fun.

Can you do I boffed off mic as RFK?

My boy, I boffed off mic, I boffed off mic.

He's such a monster.

We're all doing Gollum impressions, right?

Everybody go to your Instagram, go to RFK, and then see which of the people you follow, follow him, and then you're going to go ahead and unfollow all those people. You're welcome.

Oh, can we, before we do the, before we hit the riddle again and try and really solve it, in case you can cut this out, can we just do a quick like warm up tongue twister? Sure. Okay, here we go. Repeat after me. I take health advice from someone who cut the head off a whale.

I take health advice from someone who cut the head off a whale and horrified his children.

I take health advice from someone who cut the head off a whale. It's all of you saying, yeah, don't make fun of him, he had something happen with his throat. Well, yeah. Like, if the Joker gets acid splashed on him and how he has a Joker voice, you're still allowed to make fun of him. He's a bad guy.

You wouldn't know how I got this dead bear in Central Park.

In 40 years when a professor is teaching a class on like media literacy and like why certain art pops up in reaction to certain political movements, this show is going to be used as an example as something that came up during the Trump presidency of going, hey, this is a direct reaction to the madness that was that. You can tell because it's three people going insane.

Erin, we're going to be in history books?

I didn't say that. I said that we're going to kill each other in the water wars.

If I did. If I did absolutely zero research, and there was one person that was like, hey, you should get a vaccine. Vaccines actually help people, and they also help immunocompromised people, because if the whole population gets vaccinated, it helps protect the people who can't get vaccinated. And another guy who was like, actually, vaccines give you arteries. I'd be like, yeah, let's go with, just as a base level, I'll look into you guys later, both of you guys, just to make sure we're all on the level as a base level. That guy. I don't know about that guy.

One sounds like common decency and one sounds like a monster.

Oh, brother. He'll be in charge of a lot of things, health and human services.

I'm in hell, this is hell.

We've written stories, poems, letters, complaints, arguments, and instructions. There are many of us, more than can easily be counted. We know little or nothing of each other, and even though we all have the same name, no one knows who we are.

Is this like a printer? God. Same model printer.

Adal, I think a printer is like really good. I really like that answer. Newspaper. But it's not that, but it's close to that, but it's not that.

Okay. And you said this is locally sourced riddles?

I mean that because someone gave these to me at some point, or sent them in the mail. I used to keep all of the riddles with the letter that they came with, but this one, I don't know who sent these.

Oh no, we're sorry. Erin, no. Try it again. Oh, fuck you. We're not sorry. Fuck off. Yeah, dum-dum. This is not good. It doesn't suit me.

It's a little harsh.

It's a little more of like a... I gotta be funny about it, right?

Yeah, it's a little 180 reaction, yeah. Okay, I gotta... All right, let me give you the lead in, Erin.

I'm trying to find... Okay, go ahead.

No, yeah, Erin, that was good. I'm trying to find my kid. Have you seen my kid?

You should be... Okay, give me the lead in, JP.

Yeah, so I don't know who Cynthia's in.

Oh, cool. I also misplaced something too, and it's me caring about that story. That's too much. I don't like that. That's so mean.

And my hometown is my whole personality.

It's not that it's too much, Erin. It's just that it seems... How would you do it?

Let me give you the lead in.

You tell me. Sure, sure, sure.

And I used to keep the letter that the riddles come with, but I don't know what happened to it.

Yeah, I used to do the same thing with love letters from my exes, but now I just did the back to torture them.

See? Damn it. How do I get good at that?

It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. The riddle matters. Focus on the riddle. It doesn't though.

Hey. Holds face in hand. Spits at your face. Hey, it doesn't matter.

Spits at? You were holding it right there.

How'd you miss? I don't know. Hey, I don't know. This riddle doesn't matter. I don't like this riddle.

Imagine trying to spit in someone's face.

I know, that's pretty bad.

This is actually a really good riddle, and Adal, you were close with printer, but think less about... Yeah, think less about the actual physical thing that it is, because it's not a physical thing. Okay. We've written stories, poems, letters, complaints, arguments, and instructions. Who would write all of those things?

Authors.

Humankind. Yes, authors. Humankind. Both of those are correct, but we're not looking for a specific author.

Brains. Brains in general. General Brains.

If you were reading some instructions- General Brains, we have some bad news. Bubble, bubble, bubble. Say you were building a Lego or something, and that comes with instructions. Who wrote those instructions?

I don't know.

A Danish person?

Erin, you don't know, right?

Yeah, I don't know.

You don't know. They were written by? Anonymous.

Anonymous. I'd like to see a scene. JPC, you're anonymous, and you're doing your book tour, and me and Adal are at your book signing book tour to hear you do a reading from your book.

Hello. Hello, everyone. Oh, boo. Get to anonymous. Okay, well, I'm RFK. I did the foreword for the book.

You what? Oh, we already paid for it. Oh no! Everyone shuffles into lines.

Wait, wait, hold on. He's here. You don't want to hear from the author? No. Alright, I guess everybody's leaving.

You're holding a hat and a fake mustache. We see where this is going.

No, no. I didn't write the book.

Put your shirt back on.

I didn't actually bring a shirt. I didn't actually bring a shirt. So I don't have one to put back on.

We're all just standing silently in line waiting to return our books.

Wait, you gotta return to the store. I'm not giving individual money.

No, we want you to hand us cash.

Trust me, you don't want to touch anything that I have.

Everyone shuffles over back into the line at Barnes & Noble.

Shuffle, shuffle, shuffle.

Okay, hold on, let me clock in. Welcome to Barnes & Noble. Okay, great scene. Snip snap on the left. Snip snap on the right. Guy with the keys got you locked up tight.

Was that the Lewis Carroll poem?

Yes. It was... Hold on. Now, you shouldn't... You're the deer. You shouldn't know about Lewis Carroll. I'm sorry? Try it again?

Was that the poem Wumplefrump? Wumplefrump.

Wumplefrump.

No, no, that's not... We can't be doing that right now. Wumplefrump. Wumplefrump. And that's Smash Mouth's first album, I want to say? No, that's Chumbawumba.

I got tired all of a sudden. Smash Mouth's first album was called Chumbawamba.

It was Astro Lounge? Erin, dicks don't get tired. Astro Lounge was Smash Mouth's second album. I think it was something I would know as the bookworm or something. What was Smash Mouth's first album?

Is it A Real Key?

I don't know what it was called. A piano.

A piano.

It's not a piano. Snip snap on the left, snip snap on the right. Guy with the keys got you locked up tight. Vasectomy.

Haircut.

There's been a mistake with your vasectomy. We only got the left nut. The right nut is still viable.

California dreams.

Left nut.

Something that snip-snaps on the left and then snip-snaps on the right and then the guy with the keys got you locked up tight.

It's not real keys.

It is real keys.

It's real keys. Is this like old timey dungeon shackles?

Adal, you're so close, but it doesn't need to be old-timey. Handcuffs. It's handcuffs, Erin. It is handcuffs. I do want to see a scene.

Of course you do. Erin, what?

No, I wanted to see a scene, but... You do a scene. No, I don't want to be the dick anymore. You go.

Thank you, Erin. So we're going to do a scene... Hey Erin, that's something the dick would never say. The two of you are handcuffed together just due to some, you know, it's like a Gerald's Game situation, if you're familiar. Sure. And you just can't find the keys, you can't get out of cuffs, so this is you just kind of living your life with cuffs on.

Oh, okay. When you said coffee, I thought we would go to the Starbucks. You're pulling me towards...

Here me out, and I know it's not popular, but Panera Coffee is so watery, it's so good, you have to try it.

Yeah, you know, we've got to make the best of it. I guess we could do watery, which is not the way to sell it. Panera coffee, I guess, for today. Thank you. Yes. Okay. Hey, and then, since we're kind of making compromises.

Sure.

How about today, even though it's awkward, we're like this for a couple weeks. How about today we just try to take a shower? Yeah, you're right. You know what? Think about it. Maybe just let's get the coffee in us and then we think about it.

Okay.

We will have two watery coffees and then two broccoli cheddar soups in the bread bowl.

No. No. Scene.

Oh, I can't imagine. I can't imagine something less appetizing than reaching for a watery coffee while I'm like four bites into a broccoli chipper soup.

That sounds... I once had coffee and sushi and it was not great. On purpose? At the airport?

Why would you do this? Did you get this? Did you order this from, was it DoorDash? And they were like, do you want to add a coffee to this order? And you were like, okay, why not?

Erin, of course it was at the airport. Where else would it be? I knew it. I knew it. No, it was for lunch or something, but I had just woken up. You two would believe that. I had woken up at like 11.40 and was eating sushi at noon. And I was like, I gotta have a coffee, even though this is gross.

See, that doesn't sound so insane to me. I'll let pretty much anything happen to me.

Erin. Casey Clipper. Erin. Coffee and fish.

They had a way bigger reaction to that.

Coffee and fish.

My God. Have some respect. Erin, if a person tells you they're eating coffee and sushi, say, bad, bad, bad.

No, but I've been there. I've definitely done that before.

Who cares? I can be the sickest pervert in the world. Someone still says, I like to jerk off to videos of squirrels. Me, I love doing that. Still, someone says it, I go, oh, you should be ashamed of yourself. You should be in jail.

If I'm being totally honest, in the last calendar week, I had a Red Bull and beef stew for breakfast.

All right, I'm logging off. Casey just looped the first half of my audio and it'll make sense.

It was at 7am.

Now, stop. We gotta do a new year. Let's end this one. This is the last thing we do in 2024. 2024 is over. We have to start fresh.

This actually says more about you guys because you're my friend and someone should be checking in on me. This actually says more about you two.

Erin, I tried. I sent you all the paperwork to put you in hospice.

I tried. I lost the paperwork.

You said a 33-year-old woman does not need to be in hospice. I said, I disagree. I have been on good authority.

She had beef stew and Red Bull. I would thrive there. Oh my God, I'd clean up so good.

I'm

I would be. Actually, that suits me. That kind of lifestyle I think would do really well. Well, Erin, then sign the fucking papers that I keep sending to your house. I keep losing it. I can't find my readers and I can't read them.

Just got a notification from Ireland. This looks like a very official envelope. It says, due to the recent revelations of Erin Keif consuming beef stew and Red Bull, she was permanently banned from Ireland.

All right.

Erin, I'm sorry. It was going to happen one way or the other.

Another one. I went through sort of a horny tear through their country earlier this year. I was expecting that letter for quite some time.

Horny tears. Fantastic. Also, I love that we had sort of like a lazy DJ Khaled moment from JPC. I think he just went, another one.

You guys, I'm actually doing really well.

DJ Khaled depressed. Another one. Huh. That's like Drake going, he keeps going on Twitch or whatever and being like, I'm fine. I'm unbothered. I'm unbothered. It's like, Drake, if you have to keep saying you're unbothered, you're clearly bothered.

No, this time around, I'm actually doing very, very well. I'm thriving even.

Okay, Erin, if you're so thriving, nail this riddle to the wall. My name is also what I do. Mostly, I'm too quick for you. Roadrunner.

Speed.

You are so close with speed and so close with Roadrunner.

Actually, Adal, I... Runner.

Isn't his name Roadrunner? In the Looney Tunes universe, his name is Roadrunner and it's also what he does. He runs the road and what he is. It's mostly also what he does. Yeah. Mostly I'm too quick for you.

Yeah.

I'll give you Roadrunner.

Does it say in your little paper though?

It does not say Roadrunner, but I think Roadrunner is the closest guess so far. My name is also what I do. Mostly I'm too quick for you.

Runner. Track star.

JPC. She took my answer and just flopped off. She definitely took your answer. Is there any sort of... Is there a penalty? Yeah. No, unfortunately. My hands are tied.

I'm the deer.

Deer?

You have to protect me. I'm the heart.

Deer's not correct. Erin, two minutes ago, did you say you have a crush?

I did. I have a crush. My apartment is decorated for Christmas really beautifully. Okay, pause, pause, pause. I'm really passionate about my work. My dog is cuter than she's ever been.

Before we get too far away. Wait a second. You're passionate about your work?

No, no, not this work.

No way. Yeah, exactly.

Not this work. Oh my God. You guys.

Exactly.

No way in hell. I'm never talking about Hey Riddle Riddle. I'm never talking about Hey Riddle Riddle. No, of course I'm talking about Hey Riddle Riddle.

Who's this crush?

I'm not... I'll tell you off air.

Joshua Jackson.

Joshua Jackson, duh. No one knows.

Erin, you can say it.

I'll hit you with the... Joshua Jackson.

I missed it. I missed it. Whatever.

Let the meat cake, you know?

Think of another animal. You're close with animals. My name is also what I do. Mostly, I'm too quick for you. What's an animal that's named after what they do? Uh... Hmm... It's Erin Frog, let's talk about it. Let's talk about Frog.

No, Dead Stop was retired in 2021, I think.

I didn't say shit. I just said, let's talk about Frog.

I'm not a cheetah, okay? Melissa meant nothing to me.

What is an animal that their name sounds like going quickly?

This doesn't necessarily, their name doesn't necessarily sound like going quickly. They are, they do move quickly, but their name is what they do. Moose. Moose.

Moose. Their name is what they do?

Fish.

Bunch of fish fishing for other fish.

That's pretty cute. Describing Farside cartoons now? What's going on here?

Fucking love Farside. Describing the opening of Over the Garden Wall?

We should do... We're going to do a Patreon episode that we do improv based on Farside panels.

Ooh.

I've decided.

I like that.

Erin, you're going to have a lot of beehives. The answer here, my name is also what I do, this is an animal that I would say would probably annoy you.

A bee.

Badger. Erin, it's not a bee because a bee... Oh, a badger. Bee, bee is nothing. Fly. Like, Erin, you're three for three.

I told you, I'm thriving right now.

It's fly! You got it!

Erin's back. You had to listen to a whole year of her being completely depressed and underwater.

Erin, I want to see a scene. You are a woman at the end of your rope, and Adal, you're a fly. There's a fly in your house that you cannot kill, you cannot smack, so you're now just pleading with the fly to leave. Bays, bays, bays.

Hey, hey, hey.

Hey's for horses, I'm a fly bitch.

No, seriously, seriously. He he he he. Pours you a glass of whiskey. Oh, thank you. Pours me a glass of whiskey.

Dies inside whiskey. Oh.

Flies away, kidding, just kidding. Oh. See, this is, this is what I mean. Let's just have a drink, let's just talk as people, okay?

No. Nah, I'd rather just annoy you.

Hey.

Yeah.

Hey.

Hey, can you open the window slightly so I can get stuck in between the screen and the frame for a year?

No, because that will make the most insane loud noise. No, I promise I'll be quiet. Hey, you've watched me lose custody of my kids. I caused it. You've watched me lose my job.

I caused that too.

I know. I've tried all the methods. I've tried vinegar out on the counter.

Flypaper. A sexy flytrap dressed up like a sexy long fly.

Oh, that was not for you.

I'm good at what I have to do. The dress, the lipstick.

What do I gotta do to get you to fly outside?

You know what? I'll make a deal with you. Just for today. Just because I'm feeling generous. If you eat the way I eat, I'll leave. Don't do this. Buff on your food and then go for down. And I'll go.

This seems pointed because that's what you saw me do this morning. I guess you saw, huh?

That's right. That's right. You're just like me. Come here, motherfucker.

I'm gonna fucking kill you!

No! No!

No!

No! No! Jesus!

Hey! Jesus! Hey! Hey! Hey! Calm down! Hey! Hey! I'm just... Fuck! Jesus! No! I'll just... Fuck! I'll just... Hey! Hey! I'm gonna go! I'm gonna go! Okay?

Signs over D to house to fly. I'm the fly now. I'm the pest in your house. You can try to kill me. This is your house now.

Oh, um... Boy, I didn't mean for it to get to this. It was just a fun joke. It's only... What has it been? A couple days?

It's been two days. Yeah.

Listen, I'll just... I'll just go unless... Yeah. Unless since you're a fly now you want to date or something. That's stupid. That's stupid. That's stupid.

A montage of them falling in love, getting married, honeymooning in Northern Italy.

They do the cake thing at the wedding, but they interlace their hands, barf on each other's piece of cake and then eat it. We see a bunch of flies with human heads and a bunch of human bodies with fly heads.

We see them go off to college. People scream on the top of their lungs because they're so scared because they're monsters. We see them start to get old.

We see them on a porch in two rocking chairs the day of their death.

Wow. What a great run. And it's only been two days. Two more days.

Seen.

Halfway through, I realized I was doing an impression of Steve from Sex and the City. Oh.

Hey, Miranda.

Mr. Big.

Hey, Miranda. Mr. Big.

With Steve dead on the pillow.

Wow. And speaking of flying, really, no one knows how Ork warp engines actually work. Some are rebuilt from the ruins of salvaged Imperial warp drives, while others have bizarre contraptions built around disembodied brains of ork weird boys. Well, whatever the manner of their construction, ork warp engines carry ships into and out of the warp.

I feel passionate about my nerdy coworker. I think that's fantastic. I love you both.

Whatever dork shoves his locker.

Ah, she shoved a dork in a locker. That would actually be a whale's penis.

Why don't we take a break?

You guys, this is really upsetting my stomach. I like how things were.

Well, let's take a break and when we come back, things can be back to you-ge.

Whew, and done. At LGPC, I used all the money I saved using Rocket Money, where they canceled all the subscriptions that I wasn't using, to build a rocket that I'm going to take to space.

Okay, let me get this straight. You used all the money you saved by using Rocket Money, which is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unrunned subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings to build an actual rocket so you can take that rocket to space.

That's exactly what I say.

Now, Rocket Money has over 5 million users, correct me if I'm wrong, Erin, and has saved a total of $500 million in cancelled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year when using all the app's features. But unlike those happy customers, you're going to go to space.

Yes, I saved $740 this year and that's why I'm going to go to space.

Okay, you're wearing a lampshade and sweatpants.

Yes, I am.

So Rocket Money, which has a dashboard that gives you a clear view of your expenses across all of your accounts, lets you easily create a personalized budget with custom categories to help keep your spending on track, see your monthly spending trends in each category to know exactly where your money is going, and get alerts if bills increase in price, there's unusual spending activity, or if you're close to going up for budget. You use that. Exactly. To save $720. And that $720.

$740.

$740 has gone into a rocket.

Yes.

That you could take to space.

And the lampshade's gonna help me breathe up there.

Okay, JPC and I are ready. Blast off, Queen. We want to watch. Blast off, Queen. Blast off, Queen.

Stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to RocketMoney.com slash Riddle. That's RocketMoney.com slash Riddle. RocketMoney.com slash Riddle. R-I-D-D-L-E.

Whoa, JPC, look. She's doing it.

10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.

This show is sponsored by BetterHelp.

Ba-ba-da-ba! It's Super Baby! If you see Erin, I'm here to help you!

Oh, Super Baby, I forget your exact thing.

Full grown man, head of a baby, voice of a baby, big cape. Full grown man, head of a baby, big cape, voice of a baby. Yep, got it! And I'm here for better help! Because most superheroes only deliver regular help.

I give better help!

Oh, are you talking about BetterHelp? Online therapy that you can do from anywhere?

Yeah, the therapy that's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. All you have to do is fill out a brief questionnaire, get matched with a licensed therapist, and switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. That's what you're talking about, SuperBaby?

Oh, you know what? I use BetterHelp, and so I was thinking of that. I need a BetterHelp. That's BetterHelp's thing. I need my own catchphrase. Yeah, and superpowers too. You could use, right? Well, I got these shoes.

This can sometimes be a lonely time of the year for me, and I've been so grateful to have a counselor that has been responding to me in a timely way with great advice to make me feel like I'm more connected to myself and the world around me. I can't recommend it enough.

I found my superpower!

Yeah? Spreading the word about BetterHelp. Can't be. Find comfort this December with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com slash Riddle today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash Riddle.

If you want a superpower, it needs to be something like actually, like Erin and I both have laser eyes. What? Laser eyes. Like you can't have that one.

Ah, wow. My cats are going nuts.

Okay, TPC, open it, open it, open it. Ah, I'm too excited. It's an aura frame.

Okay, Erin, just so I am clear, it's kind of hard to open things when you have me and Adal strapped back to back to these chairs.

I caught you fair and square. It's for the city at large. Everyone has to make everything safe. It's an aura frame. And guess what? I made it even though it's already such a personal gift because it's a digital frame where you can upload pictures of your friends and family and loved ones and play in your home. You can also upload a video message to play on the frame as soon as you plug it in. So the first thing you'll hear is my voice and me telling you how much I love you and appreciate you and how easy you were to capture. But I got I got it for you. Do you like it? Do you like it?

Erin, I love it. I don't necessarily love the circumstances with which it has been presented, but I love an aura frame. I mean, I gave one to my grandma, I get to upload pictures of my family directly to her frame, and she loves being able to see these new pictures because we're separated by a considerable amount of distance. That's always very fun. I would say my wrists are starting to kind of chafe from the rope.

Huh. Okay, that sort of sounds like a you problem.

And I just remembered that Aura was named the number one digital photo frame by Wirecutter. Aura frames are incredibly smart. Smarter than us, JPC, I guess, because we got caught. And easy to use, allowing you to upload unlimited photos and videos directly from your phone to the frame. Gemma and I use ours at home to upload funny pictures of our cats to surprise each other when we're in the kitchen and see it pop up. It's just one of the best things you can own.

Adal, that's so wonderful. I'm going to let you go. And you know what? Save on the perfect gift by visiting AuraFrames.com to get $35 off Aura's best-selling Carver mat frames by using promo code RIDDLE at checkout. That's A-U-R-A, frames.com, promo code RIDDLE, R-I-D-D-L-E. This deal is exclusive to listeners, so get yours now in time for the holidays. Terms and conditions apply.

Okay, and seeing how Erin just let Adal go, I don't actually think I want that. I think I want to stick around, Erin. So if you could please just for my family.

No.

This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. Oh yes, yes, my plan is coming to fruition.

He's begging us to ask.

Oh hey, are you gonna cross the street or?

No, no, I'm actually here on the street telling people about how evil a certain podcast host JPC is. I feel like telling people face to face is the best way to kind of get information out about a specific person. Nah, you should use Squarespace.

Make a sweet little website on Squarespace. You've never heard of Squarespace?

What is Squarespace?

Squarespace is the all-in-one website platform for entrepreneurs or little guys like you who are evil or whatever to stand out and succeed online. Whether you're just starting out or managing a growing brand, Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website, engage with your audience more so than face-to-face, and sell anything from products to content to time all in one place all on your terms.

Yes, Adal, it's so easy to sell stuff on your website. You can sell access to your content like online courses, blogs, videos, and memberships. You can earn recurring revenue by gating your content behind a paywall. Simply set a price and choose whether to charge a one-time fee or a subscription for access.

I think there's also been a miscommunication. JPC is the bad one. I'm not a little weird evil guy. You said evil.

I mean... Huzzy wuzzy whoozy what a huh?

I feel like I'm being made fun of. No. I mean it sounds like Squarespace has SEO tools so you can get discovered fast with integrated SEO tools and every Squarespace website is optimized to be indexed with meta descriptions and auto-generated site map and more so you show up more often to more people in global search engine results, which I guess sounds like it's faster than just telling individuals on the street.

Yeah, why did you act like you didn't know what Squarespace was?

Also, you can connect major social and multimedia accounts to your website in a few clicks. As icons, direct links, or embedded feeds, build visitor trust while updating content only where you need it, extending your brand's footprint. Sellers can also sync their product catalog directly with Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, and Google to reach more customers and reduce the steps for purchase. Hosey, wosey, whosey, huh? It's so fun, Adal, you gotta try it.

Lifts a little guy on my shoulders. So head to Squarespace.com for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, Squarespace.com slash Riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Huzzah, whoozah, wuzzah, wuzzah?

Hizzy, whoozy, huzzy, what?

Well, thank you. Finally, I'll be able to get the truth out about JPC.

Huzzy, whoozy, whatty, who?

You're not JPC, shoves down a sewer.

I'm having so much fun. Oh my gosh, guys. Sorry, sorry. Out of the way. Move, move, move. Sorry.

Yeah, what do you need?

I was... Sorry, I was just at my house and I was just doing some chores and I just remembered that I locked Sandy up in this chest a while ago and I forgot to put air holes in. So, everyone... Oh boy. Grab your fingers. Hope he's still breathing in there. Let's see.

Nah, he won't be, but I'll get the plastic bags.

Thank you. We have those left over from last time, right?

Yeah, I think so. Okay, open it up. Open it up.

All right.

Hello? Hey, buddy. I'm still old. Hey, Sandy.

How are you? Wow, that one breath of air and all the color rushed back into his face. That was crazy. He was like black and white in there. Well, there's that a lot.

I love that you're keeping me in your closet now, Erin. That's a new treat. I've been in the sandbox for so long.

Yeah, we gotta rotate so the smell doesn't get too bad. You understand.

I love being in LA. Yeah, duh. It's so nice here.

We have to let the sandbox lay fallow and so the nutrients return to the soil so that we can bury you back at the end of the episode.

All right. Well, anything I can do for a podcast.

What have you brought for us today? Is it fun? Is it hard? Is it both?

It is neither fun nor hard or both. It is. It is a bunch. OK, so what I have for you today is a game called The Last of Us. And what I've done is found... Easy.

I shoot Adal in the head. I shoot Erin in the head. And I take my daughter to safety.

I've never seen or played the game or show, so.

Sorry. What? You've never played the show?

No, I've not played the show or seen the game. No, this is about people. People who have an interesting fact about them, which is to say they are the last person to have done something significant. So this is all trivia. You're not going to know any of these names off the bat. Maybe one, but most likely you're not going to know any of them. However, I will give you more and more facts about them until you figure out what it is they are known for being the last person to do. What they are known to have done for the last time. Wow. Does that make sense? So for example, if I said his name and I'll give you, I'll give you lots of facts. So to start Gene Cernan in 1972 became the last person to do a Fisco dance. Fun fact about that. I just did one. So yeah. So anyway, he was one of 12. He was actually the 11th and the last person to do this. And in 1972 is when he did it. And I said, he said, we leave a month.

He was the last person to eat a month. He ate December and he ended the whole thing.

Wow. Ruined it for everybody. You're close. He said, we leave as we come, and God willing, as we shall return with peace and hope for all mankind. And I will say, like most of these, they'll be the last forever. There's a chance he won't be the last. In fact, it's likely he won't be the last. He was the last person to preside over John Lennon's funeral?

Space?

It's Space Related. Gene... Gene Cernan? So I guess we're just forgetting Michael Jackson. Interesting. Well yeah, I mean we are. I think we should. No, that makes sense actually. Yeah, so he was the 11th, he was the captain, so he got off the capsule first, and then the other guy whose name I think was Harrison got off last, so he was the 12th man on the moon, but then Gene was the last person to leave the moon, so we credit him with being the last person to walk on the moon, you know, until we go back. Okay, let's keep going. So none of these are going to be very familiar names. Again, you're going to get there through some cluing.

What if Erin got all of these from just the names?

Then you'd respect me, huh? Would that do it? What will do it?

Well, I fed her all the answers, so was that bad? Should I not have done that?

No, that actually makes for really great radio.

Skip, skip, skip. Clip, skip. All right, this person's name was Hamida Jandubi, D-J-A-N-D-O-U-B-I. This happened in 1977, and it has to do with a conviction.

This is the last Jedi.

Oh, yeah.

Can you give it a year again?

1977, it happened in France. Is this the last person to be killed by guillotine? Yeah, got it. I knew the last time they used a guillotine was in France, and I knew it was in the 70s. France abolished capital punishment in 81, but they stopped using guillotine a few years before that. The Olympics recently ended. There is someone named Alfred Thompson who in 1948 won a particular gold medal at the Olympics. He was the last person to do it and probably will ever be the last person to do it.

1948.

Erin, what do you think?

48.

He was the last former Nazi to win a gold medal.

What event has been discontinued?

I'm not sure it's well known that this was an event. I'll say he was the official artist for the RAF during WWII.

So in 1948, they stopped giving out. This is the last time they gave out gold medals for- Painting? It is painting. Whoa, Erin.

Why? That's weird.

I don't know. Why breaking? I don't know.

Weird.

What about painting? Do you know anything about what the challenge was here? Was it that thing where they give you a picture of a turtle and they say, if you draw this, you could go to art school?

Last person to win a gold medal for painting. So I'll read these five paragraphs of Wikipedia and get back to you in a few minutes.

I think that also being the official painter for the RAF sounds very much like when an American politician is like, I served in the military. And you're like, it looks like you were an army accountant. It's like one of those make good jobs that they give a politician's son.

I think that they were paintings of, I'm just speculating here, but I think they were paintings of the athletes doing their thing. It was like paintings of the games. It must have been, right? What's weird is the Wikipedia page for this shows you the pictures of the artists, but not the actual art. They also had music, mixed music, orchestra, chorus competitions, chamber events, watercolors, etchings, engravings. Anyway, Alfred Thompson. All right, next one. Martha Lillard, 2024, so this year, she became the last person, she's still alive, but once someone else died, which happened in March, she became the last person to hold a certain distinction.

Oh, she is the last person to be the sister of someone who played Shaggy.

So, fun fact, her Wikipedia page at the top says, should not be confused with Matthew Lillard. Fun fact. That's true. Should not be?

Don't tell me what should and should not be, Wikipedia.

Must not be.

Must not be.

Whatever you do. Not to be confused with Matthew Lillard. Like he would, yeah.

She won the distinction in 2024.

It's something she won. She just earned the distinction this year when someone else died. She's the last person to do something. And who will ever do this? It's been true since the 50s.

Titanic survived the Titanic.

No, she's been in a certain condition since the 50s, since she was five. Polio? It is polio. Les wasn't born with polio? No, she wasn't born with it, she contracted it. Maybelline? But because of that, she currently, her current life- Maybe it's polio.

Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, what can I, sorry, I can't apologize, I can't apologize, just cut out the episode.

We're getting messages about that, we are getting an avalanche of messages about that. And by we I mean me, that you said that, I'm getting messages all day. Well, Martha Miller does.

So there's one person who could possibly cancel us. What is true about some people who have polio? They live a certain way. Like a brace or something? She is the last person to live inside a bubble. A iron lung. She's the last person in an iron lung. John William Gott, 1921, was the last person to go to prison for something in Britain. He led the anti-Christian Free Thought Socialist League of the early 20th century. And he went to prison, last person to go to prison for something that they don't send people to prison for anymore because it's kind of silly.

It's Britain, so it's being a pedophile because now I believe that they give them a position in the House of Lords or is it the House of Commons? Wow. Or no, I'm sorry, they let them become a well-known children's entertainer. That's what they do in Britain now.

The fun fact about this guy is that a judge upheld his conviction saying he was, quote, outraged by a description of Jesus Christ entering Jerusalem like circus clown on the back of two donkeys. Last man who went to jail for painting Jesus? What do you call it when you insult the Lord? Sacrilege.

Saying the Lord's name vain.

Close. Close.

Sacrilege? Blasphemy? Blasphemy.

That's it. Last person to go to prison for blasphemy.

1921.

Wow. Should we bring that one back?

JPC, you're first to go if we bring that one back.

This is why I can't go overseas. This is why I can't go to England, because I definitely break some of the libel laws that they have over there, but the blasphemy laws are the ones where they really stick you. That's how they got Capone.

Yeah.

Taxes and blasphemy.

Here's a sports one. Do we like sports?

No. No.

Jose Molina. He played for the Yankees from 1999 to 2014, but in 2008 he was the last person to do what? And this will never be repeated.

Lots of people did it.

To casually use growth hormones.

To have a little bit of growth hormones. Just a little, just a taste.

Lots of people did it. You said 2004 was the last time he did it?

2008.

It cannot be done again.

And it'll never be done again?

That's right. Is it like hit a home run in a stadium that's no longer in existence? That is more than like, Adal, it is precisely that.

Oh, cool.

So what is it? What is it? I'm trying to think of what stadiums... Where the Mets played? Chase Stadium?

No, he's a Yankee, but it's not necessarily a Yankee Stadium, right? Or is the Yankee Stadium?

Well, it is. It's not necessarily, but it is. Yes. Go on.

Please, please. I have no idea what any Yankee Stadium has ever been called, unless they call it Yankee Stadium, because that's my guess.

Yeah, they call it Yankee Stadium. So in 2008, they demolished, or they closed the old Yankee Stadium and they moved to the new one. And he had hit lots of home runs, including that one. What's fun is, in 1923, the first person to hit a home run in Yankee Stadium was a little boy named Joe DiMaggio. Babe Ruth. Baby Ruth. Babe Ruth. And he said, I was glad to have hit the first home run in this park. God only knows who will hit the last. And now we're God, because we know.

Wow. And it's only God will know. And Babe Ruth makes God, right? He's in charge of doing that? Yep.

This is what the Beach Boys were singing about?

Uh-huh. It's a weird thing to say, I hit the first home run in this stadium, and then add the second part about, and God knows who will hit the last. It's like, why do you care? Why do you care?

Well, I think he drank like a 12-pack before every game, so I think we can let that go.

JP, can you, in your best old-timey babe voice, say that again, and I'll be the reporter that says, why do you care? Go ahead.

Well, I've hit the first home run in this stadium, but God only knows who will hit the last.

Uh, Babe Ruth, Babe Ruth, over here, over here. You okay?

Yes, you.

Why do you care?

Hmm, great point, toots. Let me tell you some of the slurs I know. Uh-oh. Pull the plug, pull the plug, pull the plug. Blasphemy, blasphemy. Blasphemy.

Very good. You sounded much more like an old-timey... I think Babe Ruth is a bit of a... I don't know. I don't know, but he sounds to me like he'd be more of a sot, more of a drunkard. Yeah.

He'd probably be like slashing around, it's me, Babe Ruth, and I'm gonna hit a big baseball in the Mexican football.

There you go. There he is.

We found him. But the film would be sped up a little, like 25%, so if you do it like 25% faster. Got it.

Miss me Big Bruth and I'm gonna hit the McMace Ball in the McMace Ball Stadium. There he goes, Big Bruth rounding the bases. He's just rolling on the floor. Just rolling between them.

He's lifting up third base. He has a full rotisserie chicken hidden under there. You should be able to get this one. Her name is Milvina Dean, 2009. She didn't accomplish something in 2009, but again, she became the last person to have a particular accomplishment. Surviving the Titanic. It is surviving the Titanic. I guessed that earlier. I wanted to try it again. Let it slide, because it was going to come up later. She was nine weeks old with a titanic psych, and her dad died, but her mom and siblings survived, and they did not stay in America. They went back to England. She, fun fact, refused to watch The James Cameron movie, Titanic. That makes sense.

Be too emotional, I'm sure. But she saw the Avatar films, right? What did she die 2009? What'd she think of those? What'd she think of that?

She didn't like the Abyss, is what I'm trying to say.

She watched Titanic. She refused to watch the Abyss. She's like, I'll watch Terminator 2, Judgment Day, but I will not watch the Abyss.

What was the... The first name was Milvina?

Yeah.

Hmm. You know Milvina? Country of origin? No, it's just an old-timey name. England. Yes, she was very old-timey, being from the old times. Barbara Dainton was the second last person to die. That was in 2007. So, Milvina died in 2009.

Go ahead and bleep that name. We don't need to know second place. Yeah, we shouldn't have to remember that.

Oh, brother.

All right, next person is Yvonne Petra, back to sports. Yvonne Petra is the last Frenchman to win Wimbledon. That's just true. It's not the fact I'm asking you about. 1946, last Frenchman to win Wimbledon was Yvonne Petra. And in those finals, Yvonne Petra was the last person to also do what?

Be made of gasoline.

No, that's still true. They still invite one person every year to be made of gasoline.

I don't know.

It has to do with something sartorial. Okay.

What is sartorial, Moon?

I mean, I'm sorry. That's like where the pharaohs were buried.

Oh, okay. Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.

Sartorifugus.

Clothing.

Last person to win Wimbledon without wearing a headband? Because they're all the rage now. Clothing.

Last person to play tennis without being in a polycule. It is pants.

Pants, no way!

He was the last person to wear long trousers at the Wimbledon final. And he won. They should bring it back.

I would love to see someone who's so confident in tennis that they put on a pair of jeans.

Put on jeans, in fact. Put on denim. Put on corduroys. Let's see. I'm gonna beat you so bad. Yeah, I wonder how many clothes a professional tennis player would have to wear before I'm able to at least win one point off of them.

Yeah, for all those men that are like, I could beat Serena Williams in tennis. Right, Serena Williams in a parka.

If Serena Williams was in a different state, I could maybe score one point against her. But I doubt it.

I doubt it.

She's wearing a bulletproof vest and a parka.

And she's in China.

And the Lenny Kravitz scarf. And the Jumeirah Fly hat. I get to pick everything she's wearing. She doesn't get a racket.

She doesn't get a ball.

She just uses her hands, and if any piece of clothing falls off, Erin gets a point, and she still loses by 15 points.

I do want to quickly mention, there's a wrestler, if you're not aware, I think he's AEW.

Triple H?

That's it. I think it's AEW, but his name is Orange Cassidy, and his whole bit is he wears jeans with no shirt, and he has his hands in his pockets the whole fight. Until he gets mad, and then when he gets mad enough, he takes his hands out of his pockets to fight. It's very funny.

I love wrestler gimmicks, because now in 2024, you're like, well, what's left? Maybe I'll be the wrestler who wears jeans and keeps his hands in his pockets.

I'm looking this guy up. This is very funny. Orange Cassidy. Very good. Orange Cassidy. Good bit. Okay. That's awesome. Next one. This is someone famous, Hailey Bills. Do you know who Hailey Mills is, Erin? Yeah, she was... Oh, sorry. Got it, Adal. Yeah, she was the original actress in the, I almost said sister act, in Parent Trap.

Oh, right.

And then she was also the teacher in the original Saved by the Bell, right? She was also in sister act, too. No, she wasn't. Parent Trap. Yes, that's right. You're right. That's who Hayley Mills is. But for this, she was the last person to win something. In a group that includes Shirley Temple, Mickey Rooney, Judy Garland, and Bobby Driscoll. That is right. It is called the Academy Juvenile Award. And she won it for the movie Polly Anna.

I'm trying to win that still. That's my career path right now. Trying to get them to bring it back.

Did they discontinue that award?

1960.

I didn't say what year it was.

1960.

Yes, they discontinued it. Yeah. They also had an Academy Award for painting.

And then for walking on the moon.

Both went to Nicky Rooney. All right, this person is the opposite of famous, definitely not famous. His name is Larry DeSantis, no relation to Ron. He is, in fact, a baker at Herman's Bakery in Dundalk, Maryland. And this happened in 2024. This year, he is the last person to do something that we know of. The last known person to do something.

Is he the last person to take all the bread dough, put it all over his naked body, say, I'm the bread man, get baked into the bread and have like a big family eat the bread?

I can tell by everything you're wearing and everything you're surrounded by, JPC, that you did that today. So he couldn't be the last, right? If you did it?

Hold on. I'm not claiming to be the bread man, but if everybody wants to eat the bread.

Oh, my God.

He's a baker. So is this one of those things where it's like you bake the world's largest blank? No, it's not that.

He's not well known. He's not famous. He won't be famous. Here's another fact about him that might help. He was a baker. He worked a second job at another bakery in Maryland on the other side of the Patapsco River. Is he the first guy who was a butcher, a baker, and a candlestick maker at some point in his life? That's awesome. It's not about the first. It's about the last. The last. Oh, the last. I see.

He was the last guy to get fired from two bakeries on the same day.

Still happens every day. That sucks. His commute, his late night commute, got extremely disrupted because he had to go across the river to go to his other job. What's No, it's Baltimore. It is Baltimore. It was the Francis Scott Key Bridge that got rammed into by that cargo ship and he was the last person to cross it.

Oh my god, that's so stressful.

All right, how about Paul Goresh, a person who in 1980 took a photograph. He's a photographer and he took, he was the last person to, with a photograph, capture

In 1980, John Lennon took the famous photograph of John Lennon signing a record given to him by Mark David Chapman.

who was a security guard, 25-year-old security guard, and Mark David Chapman later that night came to his house outside the Dakota and shot him dead. And Paul Goresh took that photo. And he also took lots of photos for John Lennon, like he did the cover of his last album, Watching the Wheels.

Oh, so it's not that impressive. The guy was around John Lennon taking photos.

Well, I want to see you do it, JPC.

Alright, just in case something happens to you guys tonight, I'm just gonna go ahead and snap a photo and now I'm gonna be famous. Alright.

Uh-oh.

A couple more? Worst friend, JPC. Alright, Sandy, let's do one more.

Alright, one more. Winning colors. And I'll give you a hint, 1988, not a human. Last horse to win off the Triple Crown or whatever? No. That would have been a good one. What did you say?

Winning colors?

Winning colors. It is a horse. Probably not the last one to ever do it, but it's very rare. Three times out of 150, this has happened. It has to do with... Kentucky Derby? With horse. Kentucky Derby.

The horse rode the jockey?

That's going to happen.

Oh, is this the last time a horse won the race but was executed because they hurt their toe or whatever?

No, this is the last filly to win the Kentucky Derby. Female horse. They're always male.

Three of them have won.

Three fillies have won. Last one was Winnie Collins. Wow, what year was that? 1988.

It's 2024. It's time for another female horse winning the Kentucky Derby. That's what I say.

Time for a more women horse.

More women horse. What is happening? Sandy, where can people find you? Thank you so much for putting these together for us.

Well, I hope this is not the last one of these. You'll find me back on Hey Riddle Riddle sometime soon, I hope. That's true. Yes. Yes. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge, Hong Kong. In the new year. But you can find me at Mystery League on Instagram and threads, and I have a newsletter called Signals, S-I-G-N-A-L-S dot fun, where you can subscribe to all my weird and fun shit. And Sandy Weiss is the last person to be buried alive on the beach.

I want to plug our Patreon, patreon.com slash Hey Riddle Riddle. We're having fun over there. I'm having fun. Also, check out our new merch at TeePublic with Hey Riddle Riddle. I just, I love this show. I am passionate about my work on this show. I love it very much.

I'm the deer. If you want new content throughout the rest of the year, because we're going to do best ofs in our little winter break here, you can always find that new content at patreon.com. Every Friday, we have new episodes throughout the rest of the year.

Content. Adal, do you have anything to plug? And be honest.

I don't Take a little time for yourself as the year widens down. Huh? Doesn't that sound nice? Here's a prescription from Dr. Adal. Illegible writing. JPC, do you have anything to plug or promote?

Yeah, well, actually, we do have something that we wanted to announce for Hey Riddle Riddle. So starting next year, so in January, you can now subscribe to the Hey Riddle Riddle Patreon for an entire year. So we have our annual memberships now. So if you were on the fence about subscribing or you wanted to subscribe for a whole year at a little bit of a discount, it's at patreon.com slash heyriddleriddle. You can check the annual subscription or if you are a current like month to month and you want to go annual, I know that sometimes I think it's useful for people who are in like foreign countries who pay foreign transaction fees every month or something like that. So yeah, please do sign up for an annual membership for our Patreon. All right, that's it. That's all I got. Erin, I know that you said that you had written a... What you said would be a new Christmas classic, and you wanted to kind of debut it at the end of the show?

Yes.

Okay. Whenever you're ready.

Okay, you got to get that all out.

Good grief, that was scary. I almost had to sing back there.

Hey there, Mall Santas and LEGO Store employees! If you liked that, you are going to love this week's Patreon. It's improv from a mall around Christmas time. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog by joining the Clue Crew for $5 a month, or start your 7-day free trial, or the Review Crew for $8 a month. Plus you get those ad-free episodes. See you there!

That was a hate gum podcast.