Which Riddle Riddle?

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Hey Riddle Riddle. Hey Riddle Riddle. 1, 2, 3, 4.

Hey Riddle Riddle. Okay, Simon says put your hand on your nose.

Wait, there's something about this game that I forget. There's a rule for this game where it's like you don't do it because Simon's like, I don't want to say pedophile, but he's like something bad, so it's like you shouldn't want to do.

You're being awfully chatty in this game of Simon Says. Simon Says, put your hand on your head.

Put your hand on your butt.

Ah, no one fell for it.

That one is okay to do because... No, it's not okay. There's a rule to this game that if you get, you break the whole game apart.

Simon says record a riddle podcast.

Okay, it's alliteration. If it's Simon Says, you do it because it's no S-S.

TPC, are you on the phone while we're playing Simon Says?

Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm ordering a personality.

And where does one order something like that?

T-Boo? I'm getting mine on T-Boo. I don't want to pay big box store prices for my personality.

If you are wondering who to look up to as an improviser, as a yes-ander, just so you know, Adal, and he didn't have to, was actually doing all the things that Simon said, even though there would be no proof of it in the episode. And JPC was... What was JPC doing?

Have you guys ever ordered anything off of Timu?

No, because I've heard they steal your information.

Well, everybody's stealing your information. Why wouldn't they?

They have your credit card information if you type it in.

The number of letters that I've gotten in my life being like, hey, you know this place that you trusted to keep your information private? Oh boy. We had a little bit of a hiccup and now your social security number, the one that you can only have one of- It's been beamed onto the moon.

Everyone can see it. Yeah.

I feel like Ticketmaster just had like a 500 million person data breach or something. Yeah.

What? Not my sweet ethical Ticketmaster. No, not them. They're the last to fall.

Yeah, Erin, so now a $50 ticket is going to have an additional $93 data breach fee, so yeah.

The one that happens to me, and it's happened to me I think twice, is like, hey, remember that doctor's office you went to six years ago? Hell yeah. They took them to the cleaners. They got it all. They got all your info. They got all your medical records. That stuff's gone. And you're like, it's a fucking doctor's office. Shouldn't you? Come on. Okay, speaking of doctor's office that you don't trust with any of your data, you two know I recently just had a knee surgery, a small thing. I wasn't getting my knee replaced or whatever. But the first week, I'm like, I'll be two weeks. I'm almost two weeks now. But the first week was kind of miserable. You just can't move your knee and you're laying around and it kind of sucks. But when... I don't know how... Welcome back.

Box of Life cereal, today's newspaper.

It was an elective surgery. I was getting a poem put into my knee. But you go to the hospital, you do the whole thing. If you're getting anesthesia, you're not supposed to eat until the night before, and you're not supposed to drink anything after whatever time you're supposed to go to the hospital, like four hours before your surgery or whatever.

Anesthesia, the lost Russian princess. Erin, is that right?

I can't remember anything from that movie.

I panicked. When you go, I met with the doctors and everything before the surgery. But then they put you out and then you wake up in a room with the nurses. And then for me, I could put full weight on it and I was fine. So they called my wife and I went home. But you don't get to talk to the doctor after that. You make an appointment for two weeks later for when they take the stitches out in my knee. So I haven't had that appointment yet. But they give you a packet that is like, here's some information, but it's like, And look, if you have questions, I don't know, good luck. Good luck if you have questions. If you have questions, maybe you should have thought of that before you did the surgery, huh? But one of the things that they have on the packet, and like I said, it's my first surgery, is they're like, if you have these things happen to you, call the hospital or call the doctor's office. And one of the things was numbness. If you have tingling or numbness that won't go away with a position change, that might be a cause for concern, call the doctor. And so I was getting tingling and numbness, but it was all in my right hand, which is where the IV was, but not my left knee. And I was like, I don't wanna go to the fucking emergency room. It doesn't feel like it's whatever, but I couldn't... I was like, I don't know what to do. So I called the doctor's office and they were like, well, the doctor's in surgery today, but you can leave a message for his secretary and the secretary will get the message to the doctor and blah, blah, blah. So I spent like a whole day like being like, fuck, do I just go to the emergency room? Because like, I'm obviously waiting for this call. And then finally, it was like three o'clock. And again, my hand was like a little numb, like fingers tingling. And the doctor called me, and they're like, okay, like, what's going on? And I was like, Tingling, like it says on the sheet, like numbness, it won't go away. And he's like, is it in the leg? And I was like, no, not in the leg. It's like my right hand. And he's like, where in the right hand? And I was like, in my fingers, like my fingertips and stuff. And he goes, it sounds kind of like carpal tunnel. Like it might just be some carpal tunnel. And I was like, oh, OK. And he was like, have you been like, do you do a lot of stuff like on the computer? And I was like, not really, not in the last week. Like I've just been laying in bed. And then in my head, I was like, you've been laying in bed. for one calendar week playing Steam Deck. Just playing Steam Deck. And I was like, oh. I was like, yeah, OK, cool. Sounds normal. Thank you. OK, goodbye. And in my head, I'm like, I wonder if you can get Carpal Tunnel from playing 81 hours of Rotato. Yeah, I think you could. I was like, maybe you can get that from that. JPC.

You call your doctor and you're like, hey, I'm addicted to games.

But also it's fun because I have played my Steam Deck more than I've played my Steam Deck since I bought it. And so I'm really getting my money's worth of my carpal tunnel.

Oh, yeah. Well, the other sort of reality is that during your knee operation, They could have put carpal tunnel in your hand so that you could come back and they would make more money off you. That's how they get you. Oh, classic. That's like going to Midas or like a Meineke or something.

What's a ... Midas?

Is that one? The Midas Touch?

Trust the Midas Touch.

Yeah.

What is that? Yeah, Meineke, Midas. Yeah, I think so.

What is Midas?

Is that a car? Is that a car change place? Yeah, a car change.

I know that theme and I know that company. I have no idea what they do.

It's a oil change place and if they touch your car it turns to gold, I think?

Yeah, that's it. The other thing about the surgery is I thought it would be... When I got my wisdom teeth taken out, I got put under for the wisdom teeth, and they give you the gas, and they tell you to count backwards from 10, and then you get to like 7 and you're done, like you're just asleep. These motherfuckers never gave me the count backwards. They were like, hey, here's some oxygen, breathe into this oxygen, and then I was asleep. I was like, at least do the count backwards. Everybody wants the count backwards.

Yeah, I'm sorry that happened. I gave them, I slipped them $20 to do that.

So I'm happy to hear that they- That's the thing, I'm paying a fucking premium for this experience and I don't even get to count backwards. But you know what? I think that the lesson learned there is if you want something, ask for it. Because I'm sure if I had been in there and be like, hey, can you guys do the thing where you told me to count backwards from 10? I'm sure they would have jumped on that and been like, yeah, no one ever asked us to play fucking Freebird. Everybody thinks that yelling Freebird makes you an asshole, but like no one actually asked for it and it's fun to play.

Yeah. It's like when kids go to a semi and they do the honk honk thing.

Yeah. That trucker's sitting there wishing somebody gives him the honk honk arm.

Please, please, please, please. Please, please, please. I love my corn, please. I remember when I got my tonsils out in the first grade, and they put me under, and they did that countdown thing, and then my vision started to move, and it felt like I was on the conveyor belt, leaving consciousness. And I remember thinking, as a first grader, I bet this is what dying feels like.

Oh, wow.

And it's such a strong, visceral memory for me. Anyways, anyone else an anxious kid?

I was in the hospital once with my wife and she was going in for a surgery and she was asking her doctor, she was like, I know that you, like doctors play like music during surgery. She's like, what music do you like to play during surgery? And I was like, that is an awesome question because of the, for the three minutes that you get to know your doctor before they just start cutting into you, I think it's, that's a good question to like gauge like what, if this doctor is like cool

I know, but at that point it's too late. So what if your doctor's like, black eyed peas? And then you're like, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I think you could say cancel surgery. I think you could say cancel surgery. But her doctor, her doctor was like, she's like, I always play Beyonce. She's like, I love playing Beyonce. And then Mariah was like, okay, I'm in good hands. And I asked my doctor, I was like, do you listen to, will you listen to like music during the surgery? And the doctor was like, you're going to be in there for 30 minutes. I was like, you're right. You couldn't even listen to a full Weezer album.

Here's what I want to know. That's a great question because now I want to know, do we think that doctors add in their own lyrics where it's like, let's get a scalpel, let's get a scalpel in here.

That one would be maybe tricky because the nurse is like, And the pulse go runnin', runnin', and runnin', runnin', and runnin', runnin'! Crash cart! Nurse, crash cart!

I hope so. Yeah, I hope so. I hope so. Frankly, I hope so. I am old man puzzles. I am.

I am. She owns it! Erin, step into your riddle-ness.

Thank you. Thank you for the permission. Thank you for hyping me up. Really quick before we get into riddles, I did go LARPing this weekend and it was insane. It was the most overwhelming and incredible experience. I actually do think the three of us should all go at one point because I think it would be the most fun ever to talk about.

Was this your first time LARPing, Erin?

First time ever LARPing. The stuff at night was really scary to me. But the daytime stuff I had a blast doing.

The stuff at night?

Well, I got there and I was immediately very overwhelmed because people were like fighting with swords and there was vampires out. And I was like, this is terrifying. But I really liked sort of like warding off vampires with candles and making little soup and going to like It's My character lived, but you have to do an NPC shift, and I got killed so much during my NPC shift. I played a townsperson that was mind-controlled by a vampire, and I got murdered, I wanna say eight times. And then I was another townsperson, didn't get murdered, and then I was an orphan that people were trying to assassinate, and I had scary black makeup dripping down my face. Pretty incredible.

I love that it's called like a shift where it's like, clocking in as a villager mind controlled by a vampire. How are you doing Greg? Yeah. How's the wife and kids? Mind controlled by a vampire. How are the wife and kids? Not great. Also mind controlled by a vampire.

It was so funny like during the day on Saturday I went to like a bard singing competition and I was like this is so nice. This I love. I'm just sitting here in my little like Renaissance outfit listening to people sing songs and then a guy went up on stage and killed himself because the vampire made him. And I was like, can we not know peace? Can we not even enjoy music? I was so upset. But it was so fun. And Zach Reno, friend of the show, friend of the pod, was there being a bard and was so charming and funny and welcoming in that. That was awesome.

Not his first rodeo, or?

Oh no, he's been going for years. Okay. Yeah, it was just so fun. It was so cool and so fun, and I think we should all go together. I really do think it would be an important part of this show's history if we experienced something like that together. Okay, I'm old man puzzles. Everybody stop screaming.

Erin, we do what we did for the escape room. We put on laugh mics. Laugh? Laugh? Laugh, yep. And we record ourselves slurping.

I love that idea. Well, that would have been really cool. And the people around me laughed when I mumbled that. But there were so many moments of true humiliation that I experienced that I immediately thought of you guys. I was like, they would have loved this. They would have loved this.

Erin, say you go to the grocery store. Normal thing to do, people have to do it every week. How many moments of true humiliation do you experience doing something like that? Because I want to know, was this above average for true humiliation? Yeah. Okay, got it.

Yeah, definitely. But you know what? I said to a couple people when we were outside the context of the LARPing, I was like, I'm kind of eat, pray, loving this year. I'm trying to make myself feel uncomfortable and put myself in situations. And this is like, It's so funny because I know I'm an improviser and I know I play D&D and all these things, but LARPing is like so deeply outside of my comfort zone. And I'm such an introvert and I get so self-conscious that I'm like, I don't know. So I was expecting to be so humiliated that I felt a little like calloused to it. Like I sort of surrendered to it.

Sure. Erin, I was going to say your Eat Pray Love would be more like Sleep Trip Scream.

Sleep, trip, scream. Okay, hold on. I'm writing that down.

I have a question for the two of you. Yes. Have you guys ever been on Timu's website?

You have been fully checked out for the last seven minutes. Are you on Timu's website?

Are we sponsored by Timu?

Everything on Timu's website is almost sold out. I'm like, look, I understand a marketing gimmick, but when you do it for everything, that can't be right. It's

GPC, I'm actually telling you, if you don't send me the link to that, I will be really, really sad.

I'm about to send these Timu links to everybody I know. I'm about to send Adal, how would you like three multicolored silent basketballs? Yes. Silent basketballs?

What does that mean?

I know my man Adal wants a five-piece camo 3D ghillie suit for only $25.49.

Now that would be cool. Is that the one where it looks like you're in a swamp? Like you're part of the marsh?

Yeah, it looks like you're a swamp figure just covered in moss. Like your cousin Ant but with moss.

I could wear that to the LARPing. Also, Erin, during LARPing, am I able to mow these motherfuckers down with my car or something?

That would be murder.

If I paint my car with horses, if I paint it like it's a horse, is that okay? Oh yeah. Okay.

Yeah, you can kill all those people.

I'm sure you could put together a cardboard car, like Flintstone style, and then run that at the people and be like, it's a LARP. You got hit by a car. It's a LARPing.

You gotta die. It was so funny that a few times I got there and I was like, I feel like I've come here to cosplay being scared to walk alone at night. And I was like, I feel like I can't sort of get enough of this in the real world. There was a moment where literally I had to walk down Murder Alley, because yeah, there's a place called Murder Alley in this game. And I literally walked up to like two six foot something guys who were dressed as knights, and I was like, hey, can you walk me down Murder Alley? I'll draw some spells on your hands to keep you safe. And they're like, yeah, okay.

That rules. A woman like you should have mace on hand. I know, truly. They hand you a medieval mace.

Why am I here? This is just life. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay, everybody.

Okay.

Okay. I do have to, we have to do riddles.

Sure. Hey, sure.

But looking at the Timu website, I'm like, this is, you know in WALL-E where there's just like buildings made out of garbage?

Yeah, yeah.

This is the garbage that buildings will be made out of in 20 years.

I had to close the TMU website because I felt like if I stayed on it for five more minutes, I would get ADHD. I would finally understand ADHD in a real way where I was like, I got to be off of this thing.

Do you guys, real quick, do you guys hear that? That's me dribbling a silent

These are from Helen, and these are some warm-up riddles.

Hi Adal, Erin, and JPC. I'm a huge fan of the pod and have been an avid listener since 2018. Recently, I found a book of riddles in my parents' attic that I used to read all the time with my siblings as kids. A lot of them are pretty awful and arguably not riddles in the first place, so I thought you'd love them. They'd make pretty good warm-up riddles. Here are a few. And these are all, these are like riddles for kids vibes. Just going into this just to give you a heads up. What did the flag say to Thomas Jefferson?

Hmm. What do the flags say? Now, is this important that it's Thomas Jefferson specifically?

I would say no.

Okay. Okay. Okay, GPC, what do flags do? They have stars and stripes.

But it doesn't matter that it's to Thomas Jefferson, or it could just be to anyone who was president.

I think it could be to anyone, frankly.

Anyone, frankly.

Ooh, Benjamin Franklin.

Benjamin Franklin, yeah. Not a president, but a proud father.

So this is more just, what did the flag say to a man? Or what did the flag say to just any person? The flag said this thing to a person. Yeah.

Come on, guys.

Oh, say can you see, I'm at half-mast, wink wink.

What if this is sort of like a little cheeky joke?

Ooh. Something about a pole? What else about flags? Salute.

Salute the flags. God.

Fold it. Never let it touch the ground.

It's really tripping me up that it doesn't matter that it's Thomas Jefferson. Yeah.

What does the flag do?

Why is it Thomas Jefferson? It waves in the wind. It waves. It waved at him.

Yes. Nothing. It just waved.

Wow.

Got it. It really, truly did not matter that it was Thomas Jefferson. Yeah.

I'd like to see a scene.

Well, Erin, hold on. Now, before we see a scene, because you said something interesting there. I think this is the day before Thanksgiving when this comes out. Sometimes we try to do a kid-friendly episode. If we talked about anything so ... Murder Alley. Never mind. Oh yeah, you called Simon a pedophile. Yeah, maybe within the first one minute I said pedophile.

And where do you think our listeners are right now? Are they sort of prepping?

Greyhound bus.

I guess it's giving food. Greyhound bus.

Which is the same as jail. Jail for the night.

If you're on a greyhound bus, can I hear you say, And if you just heard someone else say whale on your Greyhound bus, go over to them and take their phone away and say, you deserve better than Hey Riddle Riddle.

I recently got a manicure and I found out that the thing that they use to scrub the bottom of your foot is called a pedophile.

No it's not.

No. Okay, well.

That's a pedicure which alleviates people from being pedophiles. It's a pedicure.

Okay, okay. Okay.

Okay, what's the scene, Erin? Oh, I wanna see a scene. Now I know I can be as dirty as I want in this scene.

No, no. Um, Haddle. No, no.

Heavens no.

You are president of the United States of America.

Finally.

And, uh, JPC, you are the flag that's in the Oval Office, and you have sort of some ideas about what the president can be doing better. Gotcha.

What a nice crisp morning. Take a big gulp of my Red Bull here.

Morning, Mr. President.

Good morning, Flag.

Good morning. I'm assuming you were briefed on me.

Yes, I was let in on all the secrets of the White House, that this flag does talk, but only to the president. I know about the tunnels that JFK took to sneak Marilyn Monroe. Because I am the souls of... Oh, you're the souls of all the presidents who have come before. Come before, yes.

Just the ones that have died.

Oh. Yeah. That's... Okay.

Yeah. Oh, trust me. I am ready for Jimmy Carter. Ooh, I am chosen for Jimmy Carter. Ooh, get in my belly! Fat bastard.

And I just want to real quick say that this is being recorded on Monday, November 4th, so I don't know what's... I hope nothing in this scene is... Anyway, anyway, anyway. It is Monday, November 4th at 8.47 a.m. Pacific Standard Time.

We don't know what happens and seen on.

For sure Jimmy Carter lives, though. I mean, come on, let's... scene pause, scene pause. We don't think Jimmy Carter's going in the next 20 days, right?

Well, it depends on who wins.

Do we think Aaron Carter's still dead? Scene! Scene on!

Scene on!

Scene on! Scene on! No, scene on! Scene on! Scene on! Scene on! Scene on! Um, any, um... any advice on how to, like... Yeah! I want to make sure- Big time. Okay. Oh yeah. I want to make sure the staff respects me. Any advice on that?

Oh yeah. No. Fuck that. That does not matter. The staff does not. You're their boss. You can hire them and you can fire them. In fact, I would do a couple rounds of that within the first 90 days. Oh, perfect. Yeah. Hire some people. Fire some people. Really shake things up. Make them fear you. Hell yeah. We got to get down to brass tacks. Okay. I think you probably have recognized, if you're looking at me full on as a flag, I got a few extra stars in there.

Yes.

Yes.

I noticed that. I thought it was a mistake or maybe Betsy Ross went nuts. No, no, no, no, no, no. Okay.

You're in charge of getting this done. Three more states. Yeah.

Okay. Do I get to choose or this is sort of like you all have your eye on something?

Yeah, I mean, you don't know which one of these stars is, like, California, right? You don't know which one is Alaska. It don't matter to the flag, you know, what the states are. It's just three more states, like, immediately. I'll tell you, there's probably some, like, I don't know, some, like, easy ones.

Sure, like Prince Edward Island.

Yeah, number one in the bullet, Prince Edward Island, you could make that a state. You could throw, like, I mean, you could do Puerto Rico. You could grab that one up, like, quick. If you wanted to be kind of, like, basic,

Welcome back.

That would be, I think, awesome, as if you just annexed Belarus. Made a mistake.

And again, it's Monday, November 4th. We don't know what's happened. We don't know if there's still Belarus.

Mr. President, Mr. President.

I was just talking to these birds. You're crazy.

Yeah, yeah. That is what it feels like talking to a man. You're right. Good point about talking to a man. Okay.

If you walk into a room and a man says, I was just talking to these birds, you're crazy. He was masturbating. There's nothing else he could have been doing.

Okay, we're actually gonna get through all of these before we go on break. That's how quick. Perfect. Because everyone always comments, Erin's always so good at puzzles.

Okay, Erin, you got two minutes. Did we get the... Oh, we got the first one, yeah.

Yeah. Who wrote, I love school.

Who wrote, I love school?

This is like an impossible to get.

Is this a pun?

No, it's just like a weird... This is, I think, an impossible riddle to get.

Is it the ruler?

Kind of unfair for Erin to say, we're going to get through these really fast, and the first one she gets is impossible. I'll just tell you what it is.

This one is, I am kidding. Like it's a funny joke. Why is the Easter bunny the luckiest animal in the world?

Is this where we are? Whatever happened in the election, we deserve it because this is where we are.

Why is the Easter Bunny the luckiest animal in the world? This one's kind of morbid ultimately.

Because he gets to find his own eggs.

No.

Because, okay, why is it Easter Bunny?

Easter Bunny the luckiest. Oh, because he's the only one that gets to know God's love? No.

Oh, biggest penis out of all the rabbits?

No, hold on, no, no. No, no, no, no.

But we're going in the right direction.

But I'm right, right?

No, no, no. Erin, I'm right, right? You think I know? Erin was screaming no, and both Adal and I's response was, but yes, though, right? But I'm not, right?

You know what, Adal, you're right. I've been sleep trip screaming this year, so I do know the size of the Easter Bunny's penis. You're right. That's the kind of year I'm having. You're right. Actually, when I slept with the Easter Bunny this summer when I was in a manic episode, I did find out the size of his penis.

Wow.

I'm better now. Why is the Easter Bunny the luckiest animal in the world?

I'm better now. Perfect. I'm better now.

I'm better. I'm fine now. Why is the Easter Bunny the luckiest man in the world?

Wait. Does it say the luckiest man? Animal. Luckiest animal. Animal.

Animal. I was thinking about sleeping with him and that's why he's the luckiest man.

Does it have something to do with Sundays? Does it have something to do with eggs?

No. What's something that's lucky? Like famously lucky.

A four-leaf clover.

What else?

A shamrock.

Rabbit's foot. Oh, rabbit's foot.

He's got two rabbit's feet. He's got four rabbit's feet. Really? They don't have hands? I've never seen the Easter Bunny on all fours, to be honest.

I have.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Honestly, any other episode, I would call for a scene where you're pegging these for money, but I know you said you want to get through all these, so I will.

Thank you so much. And you know what? If you're one of my friends who listens to this, Cody, Charlie, my mom, can you just send your condolences over a text to me right now while you're listening to this episode? She's better now.

She's better now.

I'm sorry about what you have to sort of go through. Okay. Next one. Why do chickens enjoy thunderstorms?

Why do chickens enjoy thunderstorms?

I do know that if you leave them out in the rain, they'll open their mouths, look up, and drown themselves. So don't do that with your chicken.

What are you talking about?

Chickens are so dumb that if you leave them outside in a rainstorm, they'll drown themselves by just looking up and gaping at the sky. It's either true or not true. I mean, does it matter anymore in a post-election world?

Like in the Black Hole Sun music video?

It doesn't seem likely that chickens will drown in the rain, but they can get into trouble if they're wet for too long. Same with me this summer. I mean, that's everyone.

Yeah, you get like a yeast infection, right?

Erin, can you read it one more time? Why do chickens love the storms? Thunderstorms?

Why do chickens enjoy thunderstorms? And it's sort of a play on words.

Does that have something to do with lightning?

No.

Does it have something to do with the sound that chickens make and the sound that thunder... No, a thunderstorm is not good weather, right?

Bad weather?

Yeah. Oh, because they like it when the weather's foul.

Yes.

Yes. Nice.

I feel like we're blowing past things that have great scene options, but I made a promise.

That's on you. That's on you, Erin.

Well, then let's go on a break, and then I don't have to be blowing this as much. And then I'll do a ton of riddles on me. I throw up Dunkin' Donuts coffee down my chest. I haven't had it in months. No, I'm drinking it right now. I'm actually, I am, something is happening in my brain and we do need to go on a break. This is the first time I've ever really needed a second to compose myself. We're not on the break yet? We're still... I do need a second to compose myself. All right, we will be right back.

1, 2, 3, 4. Hey Riddle Riddle.

Hi Erin. Ho, ho, ho. This is Boston Santa.

Hi Boston Theatre!

I brought JPC here with me and I thought to give you a gift or a... What is it?

What is it?

What is it? Or a gift.

I got you a gift or a... It's an Aura frame. I love Aura frames.

He didn't bring me here and I was sleeping. I was sleeping in my bed at Boston Santa came and he took me.

I'm not the most tech savvy, but this is actually great because the Aura digital frame is actually perfect. That's because yes, it's tech, but it's also so easy to use.

It's so easy to use. I got AuraFrames for my grandparents, my parents, my in-laws. They love AuraFrames, and I can upload pictures of my family directly to them so that even when we're apart, they can still be connected to us.

That's right. It's sort of the perfect gift, and I know your third host, Adal Rifai, got it for his mom, and his mom said it's the best gift she ever got.

Yeah, that's right, Boston Stanton. I'm sure if Adal was here, he'd want everybody to know that for a limited time, you can visit AuraFrames.com and get $45 off of Aura's best-selling Carver matte frames by using promo code RIDDLE at checkout. That's A-U-R-A frames dot com, promo code Riddle, R-I-D-D-L-E. This exclusive Black Friday, Cyber Monday deal is their best of the year. So don't miss out. Terms and conditions apply.

And, uh, Erin, check your stocking and I think you'll find seven to eight lobster rolls.

Oh, thank you, Boston Santa.

Are you— That's like $800 of lobster roll.

Are you single?

I, uh, I'm single tonight. Tries to get ring off finger.

I love it. I'm in.

This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp.

Adal, JPC, I just want to tell you that I am very grateful for the two of you. And the reason why I'm able to sort of hold space for that is because I am feeling also really grateful for myself. I've been working really hard and my therapist is really building up my confidence. And if I am taking care of me, then I can take care of other people. And I just want to tell you guys that I love you.

Wait a second. Therapist? Therapist? Erin! Have you been thinking of starting therapy and giving better help a try?

Well, you caught me.

What's up? It's like she's already using it. Erin and I love you too. BetterHelp is entirely online. It's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. All you have to do, JPC, is fill out a brief questionnaire, get matched with a licensed therapist, and switch therapists at any time for no additional charge.

I love that I don't have to wait in traffic and wait in a waiting room to see my therapist. It's online. I can message my therapist anytime whenever I'm actually facing a problem and they get back to me in such a timely way with the most thoughtful response and it works so well for my brain. And you know what?

Most people can benefit from therapy because therapy is really just talking about your feelings with another person. And I think that that is honestly something that everyone could use a little bit more of. And if that sounds like something that you would like in your life, let the gratitude flow with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com slash Riddle today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P.com slash Riddle.

Aaron, so now that you have self-love, you probably don't need us anymore?

Uh, no, that's not true. Give you guys a hug. Realizes I've never hugged you guys before.

Hot, hot, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, Hey Riddle Riddle.

All right, we are back from break. These riddles are still from Helen. Thank you, Helen. I would actually like to see a scene from the riddle we did before the break. You guys are two chickens in the rain.

Man, we're like coming down. Torrential.

Yeah, coming down. That's what I said last summer when I hooked up with a goose. Todd, you don't... You don't My awesome, it's my once-in-a-lifetime-for-a-chicken experience last summer. Yeah. And it's just like back to being like regular Todd. Like, you have smarts. Thank you. Steve, everyone knows you're the smartest chicken.

Thank you. Ah, ah, ah. Is my body gone? Be honest. Is my body gone? Ah. Am I just a head? Ah. I'm

But I have my body.

Give me another six minutes before he's dead. You've got your body seen. Who was that when it's your own body running by you? Who's that? What was that thing?

I should have been turned on. Who is that?

Who can jump higher than a house?

Superman. Superman, easy. Who can jump higher?

I'm so tired of you guys putting Superman on a pedestal.

Erin, my dear, the answer is everyone because houses can't jump.

Nice.

You got it.

I thought it was Wilson because house's leg is kind of fucked up, and that's why he does Vicodin and he's so good at solving the medical- Oh, you're talking about the show house. No.

What are you talking about? The neighbor on Home Improvement?

Yeah. No. When does a man act like a dog?

Every goddamn day, Erin.

When he's easted by the 80s on all fours over the subway.

Erin, I don't wanna say this, but is it when there's pussy around?

Ooh. You are a father. You are a homeowner. Okay. Okay. You are a functioning member of society. And yeah, it's when pussies are out. Real quick. High five, motherfucker. You idiot.

We did not high five. I do want to check real quick. I know in the past we've talked about doing a kids episode. Is there anything in this episode- Oh, God.

... that would- This could be a kids episode, right? Why don't we just call this one a kids-friendly episode and have parents be like, uh-oh, well, Gotta learn sometime. Yeah, you shouldn't have trusted us, dumbass.

This is actually something I will pledge. Since I normally make this episode a kid-friendly episode and it's not happening this time around, this is something we will do next year. Next year, I will pick a month, maybe like April or something, and we will do four friendly kid episodes in a row.

Impossible.

Yes, we will. I'm pledging it now. I'm making that promise.

Erin, I'm happy to try. We will have to record an extra half hour to cut out.

I know, and I know that about you. And I know that we're gonna have to give you a cushioning on the sides of each episode for you to be like, fuck, tits, fuck, bitch, eat your buddy. Erin's pegging the eat your buddy.

I wonder if a parent sees a kid-friendly episode in their feed, they gotta listen to that first before showing it to their kids, right? No, no way.

No, I think that we have enough- I think- No, I'm sorry. Let me rephrase that. I think I have built up enough goodwill with our listeners that if I promise, they trust me. If you- If JPC was like kid-friendly episodes, they would assume that they were X-rated.

Yeah. If it's titled Erin's Kid-Friendly Episode, Parents are like, press play, hand it over, done. Walk into the other room, do whatever they want. If this is JPC's family-friendly episode or Adal's family-friendly episode, they're breaking their phone in half.

I guess it would be like how I treat my family, because I don't give a fuck what I say in front of them. To me, it would be family-friendly because they could listen to anything. I don't give a shit.

Yeah. Sometimes I remember my mom listens to this and it makes me feel insecure.

Anyways, the other day I had a dance party with JPC's child.

No.

I did, and it was to the music of Blink-182.

Stop. Do I have to move back to Chicago? I really don't want to, guys. That would be exhausting.

We had a play date the other day, and I was talking to another dad, and he was like, He was like, do you play like kids music? And I was like, no. And he was like, oh, yeah, we found like this like kids music channel that's like, they really enjoy. And I was like, my kid likes Dua Lipa. So funny. My kid's into like Sabrina Carpenter. Is that like, that feels kind of like kids music.

When does a man act like a dog?

Ooh, Joan Baez.

Think of kinds of dogs that will be helpful to you.

Oh, when he's retrieving, when he's... Terrier.

When he's Pitbull. No, well that's worldwide.

Mr. Worldwide.

Yeah, see that? I'll take that answer because the answer is so similar to that, but come up with a dog. It's a profession.

Saint Bernard. A profession. A laborer.

A profession that's often in cinema.

Boxer.

Yes.

Boxer.

I'd like to see a scene. Adal, you're a boxer, an actual boxer, and JPC, you're his coach, and you're trying to pump him up, and he's about to fight a boxer dog in the ring.

Got it.

All right, stick a move, stick a move. I think I got this. I think I got this, boss.

Okay, now when you get out there, when you get out there, you're not going to want Today we're going to be talking about This is your last chance, Chip. This is your last chance. I got it.

I got it. I got it.

If you don't win this fight, okay, it could be bad things for you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're down a lot of money.

We made promises to the wrong people.

Jake Paul beat the shit out of me, yeah. Yeah. Pretty much every Paul brother has beat the shit out of you, Chip.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, I'm 62, and famously, he fights people in their prime, so I was, of course, his last match.

Yeah, his last match.

Yeah, what a cool guy. Okay, boss, I gotta ask. Yeah? Where do I punch a dog at? Like, where is a dog?

Anywhere.

Anywhere?

Anywhere. Truly anywhere.

Okay.

Yeah.

Okay.

I don't want to get too much into the specifics of it, but this is kind of like a can't lose fight as long as you have the willpower to continue the fight.

Yeah. I just got it. He's so low to the ground. It's going to be really hard. And I don't know. I didn't hear anything about whether or not he's allowed to bite me.

Sure he is. He doesn't really intend to. This is not a mean dog as well. Yeah. He's not really going to understand what's happening either. Oh, the round's starting.

Here we go.

Round one.

This is a trolley problem. No, stop booing. This is a trolley problem. A man's life for a dog's life. It's not even a thing. No, it's an even trade. Jake Paul would never. He would.

I've seen him do it.

I saw him do this to a chihuahua.

Yeah, probably at a party or something behind closed doors like a real man.

You think Jake Paul would invite me to a party? Boo.

Make the coach fight. Make the coach fight. Oh my god, the dog's getting up. Holy shit, the dog's getting up. Oh, he's got that look in his eye.

I'm having fun. I really love it here. It is so crazy. You know what is so crazy? Just another riddle? What is so crazy?

Carrie Elway's performance in The Princess Bride?

Yes.

Yes. That's what I was going to say. Underrated. Underrated.

Wait a second. What? The Princess Bride is underrated? I think so. No, his performance in it. His performance? Well, I don't know. It feels like one of the most beloved movies of its generation.

But I feel like most people are like, oh, Mandy Patinkin is, oh, you killed my father. Or like Andre the Giant or Wallace Shawn, Inconceivable. But Cary Elwes, what a fucking dreamboat.

He has my favorite moment in that movie when he can't move his arm and he does the one try and then the second try. That's like my favorite bit of physical comedy in a movie.

Yeah, the physical comedy in that movie is, it does go pretty hard.

I like the, when he goes, I'm gonna call the Brute Squad. And Andre the Giant goes, I am the Brute Squad. And he goes, you are the Brute Squad. Because what my thought is, is that at first in the script there was no repetition of, you are the Brute Squad. Yeah. But I think Rob Reiner was like, can you just repeat what he said? Yeah.

Anything Andre the Giant says, let's just go ahead and say it back to him one more time.

Can we just repeat it back?

Yeah. Okay. Why did the math teacher cry on his last day of school?

Kids hated him?

Bullied? Yes.

Yes. Was he bullied because the kids hated him?

Oh, because he incited division.

Yeah, you got it. He hates being divided from his class.

Wow.

I would like to see a scene.

That sucks too because it's like, math teachers are also people, guys. They're not people who are in love with math. That's not why they do it.

I'd like to see a scene. GPC, you are a math teacher on the last day of school, and Adal and I are in your class, and we've just been bullying the shit out of you all year, and you've sort of had enough.

Seniors, take your seats. Seniors, take your seats. Come on, guys.

Oh, we are allowed to take our seats home with us? Awesome. Thanks.

Sweet. Sweet. No, it's the last day of class. Let's just try to get through it. You're all graduating. And everyone in the class is graduating. Congratulations, guys. You all got D pluses.

Oh, nice. Hey, everybody, raise your hand if your Toyota Corolla was not keyed. Not so fast, Mr. Johnson.

I wasn't going to raise my hand. I know it's obviously been keyed. I know that you guys know that I drive a Toyota Corolla.

Raise your hand if you're going to spend the summer going through a messy, drawn-out divorce. Why isn't your hand raised? I'm not married.

Teach. Oh, yeah. Because of the divorce. Because of the divorce. No, I've never been married, okay?

Yeah, we know that. Just wanted to hear you say it out loud.

You know, life is actually pretty messy. Okay, Forrest Gump. What?

Eat chocolate, loser.

I wasn't going to say chocolate.

Life is actually pretty messy.

Life is actually... You may not believe it here. I can run a lot of the way in blouse. That's not the way I sound.

Your tie is so dumb. It's so clean, loser.

It's just a tie. It's just a clean tie. Oh, it's just a clean tie.

It's just a clean tie. The real world. I meal prep at the beginning of the week and I bring my lunch into school.

That's just smart and it saves money. I don't understand why I'm getting keys for that.

There's vegetables, protein, and a grain. There's vegetables, protein, and grain.

Sometimes I add a little something sweet.

So I can fly far, far, far away from here.

Have I talked about it? Is this just something that you kids have picked up on?

Shut the fuck up, throws chair at the chalkboard.

Hey, Brett. Brett. Language. You guys are 18. No, this is math.

I'm a math teacher. I'm a math teacher. I bring my coffee from home four days out of the week, but then I bring a takeout coffee in on Fridays as a little treat to sort of make life seem easier.

If I have a 10-inch penis and then I subtract 9 inches, that's the actual size of my penis. Yes, Brett.

Yes, Brett.

Yes, Brett.

That fucking rocks, Brett. I love that. You know what?

You guys are going to find out that the world is actually a lot scarier and a lot different than- No, it's not. Oh, really?

Is that why tomorrow I leave for tour with Shane Gillis? I leave to tour the nation with Shane Gillis?

He's touring. He's a groupie. He's not invited. He's going anyway. Brett fucking rocks. Prom king forever.

Throw his chair at the chalkboard. Stop throwing chairs, okay? Look, there's five or six kids in class that don't have chairs now. At least throw your own chairs. You guys are just lounging.

Leave? You know what? This class sucks. Math sucks. Math is not important. My phone can do math.

Uh, you suck, you're ugly, uh ... Yeah, my phone can do math too. Okay, calculator app, 8,000 plus ... Stop. Stop trying to do math. Beats? Wait, what are beabs? Hold on, what are beabs? Beabs?

He said boobs. Teacher said boobs.

Teacher said boobs. We got you on camera. You're fucking ruined.

You're ruined, teacher.

Whoa, 10,000 retweets.

10,000?

You're fucked. Sorry, re-Xs.

Come on. Hey, you know what? Look, we've only been in class for two minutes today. I'm going to call it here. I'm going to call it here. This is the last class. This is the last class before graduation. It's eighth period. Threw two chairs at the chalkboard.

We broke him. Brett, stop it.

We broke him. Everybody enjoy your summer. Enjoy the rest of your lives. Everyone can go home. Brett, Chris, I want to see you guys both after class. Why?

Because you want to try and kiss us?

No. Pervert. It's not because I want to try to kiss you.

Yo mama sure does care about your schooling, boy. Remember that? Remember when the teacher in Forrest Gump?

How do you know my name, teacher? You've seen Forrest Gump? How do you know my name, teacher? Call me Chris. You know my name.

Chris. What? You've been in this class for four years. This was a freshman level math class.

Hell yeah.

That you keep failing, you finally graduate, and you're limited to one math credit to do it. Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, We're going to Toledo! This is Go to the park after night. You'll never find out. Go to the park after night and, like, throw fucking bottles.

Whoa, so go into the park during the day and throw bottles?

That's what we do every day. Yeah, like, in the morning. It'd be like the morning, throwing bottles in the morning.

Hell yeah, wait. You're not so bad after all.

Yeah, Mr. Johnson, you're actually pretty fucking dope.

Yeah, I know. I mean, if I was kind of like some lame pushover teacher, you guys would have crushed me, okay? You guys would have absolutely... Day one, you would have crushed me, but I'm here, man. I'm chill. I'm cool. Yeah. Put your numbers in my phone, okay? Okay. Yeah, cool. I'm not going to use it to track you guys to Toledo so that I can find you and kill you at a Shane Gillis concert.

Here's mine. 69, 420, 666, Biebs. Yeah, that's not a number. It's not a phone number.

Oh, great. My number's in your phone. Cool. I didn't listen to what you were mumbling, so everything feels chill.

Whoa, I just looked through your contacts. Casey Toney? Do you know him from Toledo? Yeah, I go to Toledo pretty frequently.

All right, let's get through the rest of these hellin' riddles. Why can't a baseball player be afraid of the dark?

I'm John Patrick Coan.

This one doesn't make much sense. This is actually, and Helen, absolutely no disrespect to you. These have been amazing. But this is, I think, my least favorite riddle in a really long time.

Is it because they can go home? They can always go home?

No, this is nothing. This makes no sense to me. I get it, but I also, I'm like, what is this?

Is it a baseball pun? Well, I get it with baseball.

Yeah, but you won't because I don't think this is, it's also just not how it works.

Outfield. Pitcher. Catcher.

If someone didn't know anything about baseball, they were like, this is how it works. You would have to get promoted from a certain league into another league.

Minor leagues?

Yep.

Why are they not afraid of the dark?

Why can't they be afraid of the dark?

Because they always have triple A's?

No.

Double A's?

That's good.

You guys are way too smart for this.

But you said it's about being promoted from the minors to the majors?

Kind of.

I'm just gonna tell you. Okay. Kind of?

He will always have to start with the minors.

Wait, what? People don't love saying that. I know, I know. Is that Simon? Is that a joke about Simon? Wait, so what is the... I still don't understand it. Like a minors helmet?

Like a minors... No, they're saying that you have to start in the minor leagues, but that's just not true because some people go directly to the majors.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

But what does that have to do with being in the dark?

Like mining, people who mine underground. Yeah.

Okay.

I know, I told you, I'm the one. Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

You're also presupposing that miners aren't afraid of the dark, isn't that right?

Yes. You guys, I said this is my least favorite riddle in a really long time.

I want to see a scene.

No, you don't.

Okay, go ahead. Yeah, I want to see a scene. Let's do, okay, we're all gonna be in this one. Adal, Erin and I are going to be minors who have come out of the mine, and we're at a bar, and you're gonna be another guy at a bar who has a fucked up idea of what a minor is, and you're very much in awe of the two of us. Okay. I'm gonna grab another beer if you... A dirty martini, I'll take a dirty martini.

Oh, sweet, okay. Are you sure with your tummy stuff? That's fine.

They're on special, so it's more about like, do I want to pay four bucks for a beer, or do I want to pay four bucks for a dirty martini?

I get it, I get it. I'm just saying. I know you got- No, you know what?

No, Chase, a beer. You gotta ride home with me, I forgot.

No, I'll get you a dirty martini.

I forgot we live two blocks from each other. We're both Ubering in the same car, so yeah. I know you don't want to smell dirty martini farts.

And if you just say that. I'm getting you a dirty martini. I'm getting you a dirty martini.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Holy shit, are you two miners?

No, we're allowed to be here at a bar. Just kidding. Yeah, obviously we're coal miners.

Oh man, that is awesome. Can I meet your little birds? Are they here?

You're talking about the canaries?

No, the little birds.

Are you asking us to give you the finger? I feel like that's the one-to-one. You mean the birds that we take down in the mine with us.

You have those little birds that are supposed to... They're like your... What's that in the Golden Compass? You know how they all have like daemons or whatever? Like a familiar? Yeah, aren't they like your little familiars? And like if a spell's cast in the mines, they like take the spell for you so they die?

No, they give us a couple canaries and those usually die 15-20 minutes into every shift.

And we just keep working. We forgot what they were for.

Can I see your wands? Do you have your wands?

What?

Can I see your wands?

Stop grabbing my coat.

Stop grabbing our coats, okay? You're gonna get coal smudges all over you. No, we don't have wands, we have like shovels, and it's honestly, it's mostly heavy equipment.

Oh, sure. Oh. Yeah, so you're, I see. I see what you do in the mines. I was thinking of a different type of miner. So you guys are the ones where it's like, you press down on that, you press that handle down into the box, and then the dynamite explodes, and then when the dust settles, your hair's blown backwards, and then close up on your teeth, and they all, they look like piano keys, and then they all fall out.

First of all, I spent a lot of money on Invisalign. So for you to tell me my teeth look like piano keys, they all fall out.

More like line. I can see every inch of that.

What the? We're being bullied in a bar.

Wait a second. Now, wait a damn minute. What do you do, Mr. Holier-than-thou-you-think-you-know-everything-about-us? What is it that you do?

I play for the New York Mets. Scene. All right, we got two more riddles, and then I want to do a voicemail, so we just got to go quick. What game do fish like playing the most?

Go fish.

No, that would make sense. It's like a road trip game.

I Spy.

I Spy? No. Trout. What's the license plate game? The ABC license plate game? Get a trout. No.

Or like, yeah, you play this.

20 questions?

No, it's a music game.

A music game on a road trip? Playlist Roulette.

Where you say, like, I go, what's this song?

Name That Tuna.

Yeah, Name That Tuna.

Name That Tuna.

What happens when you take your father's pie? I don't get this one.

We'll just tell your mother that we ate all the pie.

Yeah, you guys suck. You suck. You both suck so bad, and I like you both so much.

We'll just tell your mother that we ate all the pie. What happens when you take your father's pie?

You get a mad dad. That's the answer.

Thank you, Helen. What?

Why did Adal say oh like that?

Can we get a voicemail theme, Casey?

JPC, what does that mean?

I don't know!

Man, Dad.

What's that thing called when you leave your voice behind? A box must've built itself so your friend can listen to it when they're able. That's right, it's a voice mail.

Ladies and gentlemen, James Taylor.

That was so lovely.

That's beautiful.

That's a voicemail theme by Davy Paul. Davy Paul, thank you so much for sending that in. If you want to send in a theme, hrrpodcast at gmail.com. Make it a WAV file. Keep it to under 30 seconds and you might get it featured on the show. That was awesome. I love that.

Can we get a… Straight out of the Newport Festival.

Can we get a voicemail, Casey?

Hello, lovely people. I work in nuclear medicine, which means I inject people with radioactive stuff all day. And the most common question I get is, am I going to glow? Which, obviously no. You only get superpowers. So, do you four encounter any pervasive misconceptions in your domains? And how do you disabuse people of them? Thanks for everything. Back to Kidz Bop for me. Benjamin out.

Thank you, Benjamin.

What a charming person.

What a wild job. Nuclear medicine? Did Benjamin say nuclear medicine?

Yeah. Is he like making superheroes for a living? That's what it seems like. Did we just like uncover something?

That's Bruce Banner. We just got a voicemail from Bruce Banner.

I have had that. I was in a car crash like 10 years ago, and they give you a CAT scan or a CT scan, but they put this dye in you that is like a radioactive dye so that the machine can read it, and it does feel warm as it's going through your body, and it is such a weird sensation to be able to feel a liquid going through your whole body. Cause it's like, yeah, like your, your blood is like, you know, pumping around there all the time, but you don't really like feel it. But when you feel that dye go through, you can kind of like feel it like hitting every nook and cranny of your insides. It's fun. It's, it's a fun sensation.

Now JPC, what type of dye was that again? And remember, you're the lead singer of Imagine Dragons.

That die would be, and just JPC, and just pull one other Imagine Dragons song. Not the one he wants you to do, but just one other. And even if you look at the names of Imagine Dragons songs.

Thunder, feel the thunder, thunder, thunder. You guys, I went to an Imagine Dragons concert recently.

We know, and we're jealous.

I know, and I'm just saying, I'm kind of the luckiest girl in the world.

Erin, you, me, JPC, chaperone.

Oh my God, that sounds incredible.

Sorry, Chapel Hill, North Carolina.

Chapel Hill.

To see Imagine Dragons. To see Imagine Dragons. I'm so sorry.

No. I think, yeah, no. I think no.

You're going to get caught up in the discourse of being a straight guy that took a ticket to a Chapel Rowne concert when a queer person could have had it, and then you're going to get fucking canceled.

Wait, you guys, I forget what the voicemail question was.

The question was, so people assume if they get injected by any amount of radiation that they'll glow. So he's saying what sort of misconceptions do people have with Hey Riddle. And I think they expect us to remember. I feel like I can speak for all three of us when I say, we don't remember. I don't remember what happened at the beginning of this episode, so I feel like everyone just assumes that we remember.

Oh, at the beginning of this episode was the Simon Says Pedophile thing that we usually don't talk about, and Erin said, don't bring up anymore.

So that would be my thing, is that people wrongly assume that we remember anything we've said or done.

I think. For me, it's wrongly assuming I remember any riddles. If someone asked me to tell them a riddle, I'm like, I don't know. I really don't know.

That's really on us, though, because we do a riddle podcast and someone's like, oh, great, what's a good riddle? And you're like, OK, fuck off. Oh, yeah, definitely me. That's not. I think one thing that people would probably assume about me from the character that I play on the show is that I am an extrovert, but I am not. I'm very much an introvert. And I think that that's a fun dichotomy because it's like you get an hour of someone's voice and you're like, oh, this is the way this person is. But it's like, also, this is an hour of my 24-hour day. Yeah.

That's when you get it all out. Ring up the cloth.

I don't know about you guys, but I also tell people that I'm a comedian, and I do think that sometimes when you tell someone that you're a comedian, there is an expectation that you'll be funny for them, but it's like, oh, but also... I don't know. Interesting. But also, I think I hate the term content creator. If someone's like, what do you do? It's like, oh, I'm a content creator. That's like someone being like, what's your favorite food? And you're like, oh, I love chewy. And I love, oh, firm can be nice sometimes.

There's a stigma to it, yeah, yeah.

Well, no, it's just too little. Too broad. Too little info. Everybody is a content creator to a certain extent nowadays.

Yeah, I'm with you. Adal, do you have anything to plug?

I want to plug next year we're going to be doing four episodes in a row that are all kid-friendly, we assume. And I also want to plug Belarus. Check it out, read up on it.

Yeah, read up on it, baby, before we check it out.

Yeah, Erin Keif, is there anything you would like to plug or promote?

I'd say check out our Patreon, patreon.com slash hey riddle riddle. Lots of fun stuff going on over there. And if you haven't checked it out before, give it a shot. And if you don't like it, that's fine. GPC, any review to read or something to plug.

Very important thing to plug, if you know him and you love him like we do, our editor Casey Toney, formerly of the Neoscum Podcast, has a brand new podcast that has just released.

It's already out, right Casey? That's right. The first episode is already out. I'm going to play the theme here underneath.

Yeah.

It's a horror comedy narrative podcast, a super high production value show called Gutter is set in a post-disaster Pacific Northwest littered with paranormal mysteries. It's crass and chaotically funny and full of the brim with thrills, chills, and kills. And Casey, fade out Casey's audio. Good idea, Adal. How about I let the show speak for itself?

Here we go!

Oh my God. He threw the chair.

He threw the chair. And now he's getting it back because we're going to have to sit. We are in Casey's home. That was Casey's actual chair. Bodhi has a pocket full of random things. Some twine, a small abacus, one oversized precious moment angel that has a real strange face.

Oh, I thought that was your dick.

It was. It was his dick. There's a hole in his pocket and his penis, which does resemble a Precious Moment angel with a strange face.

Oh, it's a strange face, but it actually looks like a pretty normal penis head. That's what we call facts.

Cannon. You look out of the window and you see a Toyota Previa upside down on fire. Oh my god. But it's not nearby any trees or anything, so it's fine.

On fire. It's fine. It's not fine to me, GM. Jesus Christ, that's my fucking car. Dynamite headbutt.

He screams as he headbutts this man. This is one of Bodhi's three moves that he has. Dynamite headbutt. You're going to see the other two later.

You smash your head into this guy's cue ball. Honestly, his left jaundiced eyeball pops out of his head.

Boom!

He's quivering hard. And if you were to take a picture the second their two heads were touching, it might have been an intimate tender scene between friends or lovers. But if you were to take a picture at any other second, it is just absolutely horrifying.

For some men, violence is a form of intimacy, which is so sad.

That is so sad.

Maybe for this man. But anyway. Boom! Smashed in the head! Passed out!

Oh my god, I love hot dogs. They're like my favorite food. Back in the day, doctor told me I could only eat two hot dogs a day. Doctors are way cooler out here. That's all I'm saying.

Oh, really? Oh, okay.

Do you eat multiple hot dogs a day? God, I wish. Where the fuck are you getting hot dogs?

Trip.

My body starts vibrating and shaking.

You see my big massive bones. Oh my god. What the hell?

These things are tricky.

He walks through the French doors and he looks back and he says one last threatening phrase pointing to the bar.

I'm gonna... And Violet shoots him in the head.

You see this guy's ear get fucking blown off. Just like flying off his head.

Bye-bye.

And then at this point, Scratch pops up like a mummy.

Mummy! Dynamite headbutt!

Within the pit, something is rising, piecing itself together from the bodies and viscera around it. Its black wings spread, and it looks back at you with red, wet eyes. Got her.

Casey, look, I'm a longtime fan of your projects. I was a big fan of Neoscum, specifically a three episode arc that I really remember pretty vividly. That you happen to be on? Casey, everybody who's listening, we have all got the same question. Is there going to be a character whose name is Com or something like that on the show? Is Com Wizard coming back? Casey, is Com Wizard coming back?

Well, JPC, no spoilers, but I guess you just have to listen, bitch.

Casey, this sounds amazing. I'm so excited to listen.

Yeah, same.

I'm a big fan of your work.

Casey, I'm so excited to listen, and I'm where I get my podcasts, and two more times with that name of the show.

Oh, Adal, that show is called G-U-T-T-E-R, Gutter. Gutter. You can listen, like you said, wherever you get your podcasts, or you can find us on any of the social media platforms as That Gutter Show, and our website is gutter.show. Check it out. I think you'll dig it.

And Casey, I love that theme. Do my ears deceive? Was that an Arnie Parrot original? It wasn't actually. I know, I know. We'll get you his number. We'll get you his number though, just for next time. If you're thinking about doing a podcast and you kind of like, if you want like a theme, like don't worry, it doesn't have to be for this time. For this time it's fine, but like I have his number, just ask me for it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.

Casey, congratulations. Thank you.

I also wanted to plug, while I'm plugging things, I'd like to plug World News Tonight. You can watch World News Tonight at IOW. It's every Saturday night at 8 p.m. You can get tickets on the IOW website. But come out sometime in December maybe. I should be there at a lot of shows in December now that my leg is healed up. Hopefully I'm back on the stage. But yeah, come to see a World News Tonight show if you are in Chicago. What else? What else? Oh, we can also read a review, a five-star review, if you want to get one featured on the show. Just leave us a five-star review anywhere that you leave reviews. This one's coming from Keikola4, and it says, sleepover. So Casey Toney came to a sleepover at my ex-stepdad's house. He brought an armful of fireworks, but nothing to sleep in or on. He started yelling, Ronald Reagan was right, and jammed five Roman candles in the ground, then lit them before running through them like those agility courses for dogs. He proceeded to chug a gallon of Baja Blast, eat a bowl of Kakyoin Pepe, and creep into bed with my ex-stepfather. Casey didn't even go under the blankets. He just curled into a ball at the foot of the bed. He didn't wake up for two days, and we started to become awfully concerned about his health. At hour 42, he popped up and said, see you guys at Walmart and left. Weirdest sleepover ever. I hope he's okay. Casey, what the fuck is going on?

That sounds like Casey. That sounds like Casey.

Casey. Casey. Do you have anything to say for yourself?

I'm not okay.

Yeah, we knew. We knew.

We're sorry. Erin, we should banish him somewhere.

Jupiter, probably.

An RIP to Alexander Lukashenko, the leader of Belarus. What a run. But yeah, passed away, bright age of however old he was.

Well, in good news, I've already secured Prince Edward Island. I conquered it by myself. I'm here. So send the choppers.

Hey there, circuits and cities, if you liked that, you are going to love this week's Patreon. We take you back to the first Black Friday. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com slash heyriddleriddle by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or start your seven-day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month. Plus, we got those ad-free episodes. See you there.

That was a HeadGum podcast.