Which Riddle Riddle?

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The doctor was the mother. He stood on a block of ice. Well, that Merkle Fish.

It was the cabinet of an airplane. He stabbed him with an ice cream. And the horses came riding.

Okay, okay, okay, okay. Guys, come in, come in, come in. I'm excited. Okay. I thought, we've been doing the podcast for so long, and it's been the three of us, and obviously- How long is it?

How is it? How long is it?

It's not one of those.

Okay. Fuck!

Couple years. No, it's totally fine. It's totally fine. You know, we have guests on, and you know- Oh, who do we have? Well, we don't have a person, but here's the thing. I gotta stop it. A Muppet? Close. Erin, you're close. I thought to get us an official Hey Riddle Riddle pet.

Open the box.

Open the box. Open the box.

Open the box. Okay, this box doesn't have air holes.

Open the box.

Open the box.

What's in the box?

What's in the box?

I forgot the combination to this. Let's see here. Let me just try. Let me just try. Okay.

Adal, did you buy a pet and then put it in an airtight box and then forget the code to the box?

Well, I was at this market last night and there's this booth that appeared out of nowhere with a single box with a pet in it. And after I bought it, I turned around and the booth disappeared with the full moon.

Sometimes they do that though if they're done selling for the day. Like if they're selling honey or something and they've sold their last jar, they'll just disappear with the full moon.

I ran into the guy in the parking lot. He said he was just closing up.

I don't trust this. Better safe than sorry. Let's throw the box into the ocean.

Erin, you should be playing Major League Baseball.

Thank you.

Erin got it into the ocean, let's not be crass. She did get it into the ocean, but she's way closer to the ocean than I am. I mean, I gave it my best. Casey edited it out, obviously, because it didn't make it to the ocean, but I gave it my best shot.

Can you put that clip back in right here, Casey and JPC trying to get it into the ocean? Backwards? Yeah, that was way worse than I remember it.

Whoa, the box just came back through the ceiling. That sucks. Oh, and it's open. There's a little card. It says it's a Jupitode. Oh, that sucks. That sucks. That sucks. That sucks. How much did you pay for this?

$250.

$250! Oh, wowie zowie!

Well, I used the Hey Riddle Riddle.

Oh, don't tell me that. Don't tell me that. $250 for a Jupitode. We're ruined. And this thing's dead.

Well, it's moving. I think because it's from space, it doesn't breathe oxygen, maybe? Yeah, it probably breathes... Lithium or... Lithium.

We don't have a ton of lithium in this environment.

I could play some Nirvana.

All my batteries are drained. I don't know if that's normal.

What does it do, Adal?

What does the Chupacabra do?

Yeah, what does it do?

Oh, let me see the back of the card.

Does it know any tricks?

The Jupitode is a loyal pet. It will 1. Speak on command.

2.

Dance on command.

3.

Command on command.

Now I'm curious about that last one.

Oh, and there's also three rules.

Oh, okay.

Hit us with those. Don't tell it riddles. Don't make it solve puzzles. Never get it lateral thinking problems. Wording's a little weird on that one.

Yeah, could have used more... I think the spirit of it we kind of understand. Adal, I gotta say, for our purposes, this is maybe the wrong pet for our podcast.

I should have just got like a duck or something.

Did he have a duck?

Yeah, was there a duck available?

There's just a gaggle of ducks, so I should have just picked one of them.

You know who we should try to buy is the Aflac duck. Then we'd be truly powerful.

Is he up for sale?

I don't know. I'm just saying, like, what if we were his managers?

No, his contract runs out in 2025. So he still has a little longer with Affleck, but then when it's up, he's a free agent.

The Affleck duck is about to become the Hey Riddle Riddle duck. Looks like we got a new mascot, boys.

Erin, it's not a lot because I've also heard that Elmer Fudd is very interested in the Affleck Duck. So when it's open season on Duck, it's both for contract negotiations and for hunters as well. Okay, okay.

But hear me out. If we can't get the Affleck Duck, can we at least try to get the Can You Hear Me Now guy? He went from Verizon to Sprint and then he can come to us. Or maybe, I don't know what he did first or where he's from.

I do know that I haven't seen him in a while, so he probably also is an open agent as well.

Can you hear me now, Hey Riddle Riddle guy?

Can you solve me now? Is there still cameo?

That guy has to have a cameo, right? Are you allowed to have a cameo if you're a guy who does ads for a company? And this is Hey Riddle Riddle. This is a podcast about riddles. Occasionally we do improv. There's a woman on the podcast as well, and I'm man. So that's everything you need to know.

And Jupiter Toad.

And Jupiter is now here. He's not breathing because he drank all the lithium, but he's still alive. He's still alive. We understand that to be true.

Erin, did you want to name him?

I'm going to name him Paul, which is the name of the actor who played the Can You Hear Me Now guy.

Yeah, Paul sounds right. I feel like I've known that before. I feel like I knew that in my bones.

He's been married to his partner, Ryan, for a decade. I'm so happy for them. Everyone go and wish him a happy anniversary.

Well, happy anniversary, Paul and Ryan. In this episode of Hey Riddle Riddle, looking at my notes, 327 is dedicated to you, to the happy couple. And I raise a glass.

Okay, you guys, we're gonna go on Cameo, and we're gonna give our listeners three options of people who can do an ad for Hey Riddle Riddle. And then we will get a cameo from that person. I'm gonna read you some categories so we can narrow it down. There's actors, reality TV stars, athletes, comedians, musicians, and fantasy football. So I think that's just football people, which is athletes. I don't know why they...

That's so funny to get a guy who plays fantasy football really well to read you a cameo.

Hey, it's me, Teddy, from Santa Fe. I'm in my draft. I'm in the second round. Just want to say, keep it up, buddy.

I don't know. I like comedians. I feel like maybe that's going to, because we're a comedy podcast, so I feel like maybe having a comedian do a cameo for us is going to get us more mileage, Erin.

I like that, but also I don't want to nix reality stars just yet.

Okay, I mean, we could get John Lovitz. We could get Joel McHale.

Wait, John Lovitz, like, the critic?

No, the comedian.

Jealous? Well, yeah, the comedian who did the show The Critic.

With Joel McHale, could we get Joel McHale to do a John Lovitz impression?

We could ask. We could certainly ask.

I have a friend who has worked with Joel McHale before, and they say that he is Very much not like the characters that he plays. He's like a very super nice down-to-earth dad.

Well, that's so nice.

Yeah. That's nice to know. So not him. That'll give us nothing. We can't have Joel McHale.

I feel like some of these comedians are more like our... I want them to feel more like peers. So I think we gotta go a little further afield. Although we could get Richard Kind to do it.

Oh, my God.

We could get... Okay, I... That is my... We each get to pitch one person. Richard Kind is my pitch.

Richard Kind is a great cameo choice. I... This is neither here nor there, but I recently watched... Did you hear about the Ben Affleck... No, not Ben Affleck. Jesus Christ, I've got the Affleck duck on the mind. The Brad Pitt, George Clooney movie that just came out. Wolves. Wolves. But it's wolves.

Wolves.

Yeah, it's just wolves. But it was like... I don't know. It was supposed to be like an in-theaters movie. Have you guys seen it yet?

No, I've heard reviews and it's supposedly pretty bad.

It's not bad. I don't think it's bad, but I feel like no offense to either of those men because they do a great job of acting in the one role that they play, which is Brad Pitt and George Clooney, and they've been playing that role for 20 years. But I feel like this was a movie that was for them like 10 years ago. And then no one's just addressing the fact that these are like old men. These are obviously old men doing this thing. No one's talking about that. Brad Pitt calls George Clooney old a couple times in the movie, and you're like, aren't you guys the same age? What's going on here?

I love to see two of the world's most handsome men sharpening their blades of wit against one another.

What a treat. All that to say, there is a Richard Kind cameo in that movie that is pretty inexplicable, and I don't think they really used Richard Kind very well, but I was so happy to see him. I was like, wow, Richard Kind just showing up in this.

Okay, I'm bumping Richard Kine. You two can continue to, like, you can pick Richard Kine. I'm gonna pick the guy who played the dad in Twilight.

Oh, Peter Facinelli. He's from She's All That and Things I Hate About You, one of those movies.

Yeah, I'm picking him.

He's from one of those late 90s Rachel Leigh Cook party movies. Who did he play in them? He played the high school jock who yells and then gets knocked out.

Wow, the high school jock became the dad in Twilight? Wow. Yeah, that's how aging works. That's how growing up works, you know?

How much is a cameo from Peter Fecinelli?

$150, which is steep. Okay, well, we're not doing that.

Instead, we're going to do riddles. No, what? Now we're doing riddles.

You guys have to pick your two people.

Lord Almighty. Okay, here we go. This is your first riddle. Hey, something that some people might not still know, even though it's in the episode description, is you can send us riddles. You can send us riddles via the traditional mail. Go ahead and check the episode description for the exact address, because I don't have it memorized, and I shouldn't have to have it memorized. Is it on this thing that I'm reading? It's not, so I don't.

Richard Karn. We should get Richard Karn.

To do a Richard Kind. When people send us stuff, occasionally we open it on our review crew streams that we do. We do like a monthly stream for the review crew, and occasionally I'll open the mail. And I remembered that someone sent in some riddles, so we're going to do some riddles today from Okay, and it doesn't... I really can't get the... Oh, John. From John. Um... Oh wait, I have permission to use the name. So I can say, John... Cousé. I have permission to use the name. I can use it however I choose. And I choose to say, John... Cousé. Great name, John Cusay. John Cusay says, Dear Old Man Puzzles, you will find an original puzzle that I have titled, um, Rock and Synonym Roll. I have taken various band names and changed them to synonyms. I have also provided a clue in order to help you reach the answer hidden within the clues are song titles to give you an extra hint. So I can give you extra hints. The band name synonym is written out at the end of each clue, and so I have it for what that clue is. Okay, so are you guys ready to try some of these? Yes. Rock and synonym roll riddles from John. Here we go.

This is a great title for like a kind of riddle. So I feel excited and energized.

Yeah, these are fun. Okay, so this is an example for the first one. And the example is if I said the synonym Jewel Wedge.

Pearl Jam.

Pearl Jam, yes. And the clue would be this flannel-clad band from Seattle asked Jeremy to mind your manners when talking to their daughter. And Jeremy, mind your manners, and daughter are all Pearl Jam songs. Love it. So your next one, Rotation Pebbles.

Ooh, Rotation Pebbles would be Rolling Stones.

It'd be the Rolling Stones.

Oh, of course.

Oh, of course. And I actually have a Rotation Pebbles where it's fruity in the summer and then cocoa in the fall and winter.

Yeah, that makes sense. That's the right order for that. I'd actually like to see... No cereal in the spring.

I'd like to see a scene, you two are the rotating pebbles, you're a Rolling Stone cover band, and you're sort of trying to hype yourself up before a show.

Oh, I have an idea for tonight. What if I could be the Mick Jagger one for one evening?

Oh yeah, I was Mick Jagger last night, so I guess it's your turn. What are we having then? White Pepper on the playlist? What are we playing? Some of the hits?

So, yeah, oh, wait, well, oh, Mark, I only actually wanted to play David Bowie songs tonight. Oh, David Bowie, yeah. But I wanted to do them as Mick Jagger, if that's okay.

Yeah, you really got, I mean, um, yeah, just a little pro tip, you just gotta walk like a chicken.

Wait, is that Bowie or is that Jagger? Oh, it is Jagger, isn't it? Yeah, but I'm doing Bowie tonight as Jagger.

Okay, okay.

Also, I don't know if you can see, but I did a little something with my lips to get me ready for tonight.

Oh, looks like you, um, put the vacuum cleaner on it. On your lips.

Yep, first I vacuumed up a lot of bees, then I put the vacuum cleaner on reverse and shot a bunch of bees onto my lips. They didn't sting me because they were all dead from being in the vacuum cleaner. And I got a ticket for destroying pollinators.

Man, rock and roll lifestyle.

Rock and roll! It's just, oh. It's lifestyle. I mean, it's just. Hey guys. Oh, here's Dan. Dan! Hey, hey. Are we ready to go on?

Are we ready to go on? You're getting bumped. No! Cocaine? No. Bumps with cocaine? No, sorry. Um.

I thought it was like a dude you get in a del like, boys, you're getting bumped.

You're getting a bump. You were gonna break out a bunch of cocaine, which... We've still yet to try. White powder.

How come you feel so good? I'm so sorry. I let you know that it was a three-strike system if you guys were to do anything else with our vacuum cleaner. So, you gotta go.

Whoa! You found the bees then?

Yeah, this was, this was like sort of a, um, an epic strike three.

Okay, that's fair. That's fair. That's fair.

And you promised after strike two that you wouldn't touch the vacuum again and we had a note written on the vacuum saying please don't touch it.

Yeah, that's fair. It's honestly okay because we used it way more than three times.

So it sounds like there's going to be a lot of disappointed kids at the Madison, Wisconsin 4-H Club Fair.

I don't know if they'll be disappointed. Maybe more like relieved. You both are avoiding my eye contact. How weird did you guys get with the vacuum? Look at me. Look at me.

Pretty weird.

Yeah, yeah, I see.

Okay, your next one. Obsidian Openers. Obsidian Openers.

Openers.

Doors?

Black.

Something doors.

Black. Black knobs.

I do have a... Black keys.

It's the black keys.

Of course it's the black keys.

Okay. Loaf.

Bread. Bread is a band.

Archers of loaf. Loaf. It is not bread. Lump. It's not lump. Loaf. I can give you... Poop. I can give... You want the clue? I can give you a clue. Please. All of these have clues. The members of this Sacramento band aren't known for wearing short skirts and long jackets, but are known for their sarcastic lyrics and deadpan vocals.

Oh, Erin, I just thought of who I want for my cameo. Kathy Najimy.

Oh, I love that.

Kathy Najimy Eat World. Kathy Najimy Eat World.

JPC. How do I ask for this? Adal, actually, can I talk to you over here? I need some advice on how to pitch a scene to JPC.

Oh, this is great. This is fine.

Actually, can we go into my office for this? Oh, sure. Great.

I'm in here. I'm in here.

What? How did you do that? Did you take off running?

You went away.

Are you changing? What happened? That happened so fast.

Yes. You went away. I thought you were talking for longer.

Your office then, okay? What's that? If you're in my office, I'm gonna go into your office and use it for this meeting I need to have with Adal.

Please don't. Please don't go in there. I'm Airbnb-ing my office out right now.

To who?

I don't know. It's just for anonymous sex, and I'm not even getting paid for it, Erin.

I'm not even getting paid for it. I think this is a Never Let Me Go situation where there's a bunch of other JPCs that are being cloned so that JPC can harvest their organs.

So how I make my money on it is I charge a cleaning fee. The room is free, and then I charge a cleaning fee. And then, Erin, where I make my money from it is I just don't clean it.

They can feel love, these clones. That's the point of Never Let Me Go. Have you seen the movie? They can feel love. They're people.

I watched it on mute.

I got the taste of it. You can do whatever you want with these guys. They're not going to get attachments or feelings.

Can we go to your office, please?

You mean my tent? Oh my God. With two bean bags? Yeah.

Let me just... God, it smells so bad in here. Why?

I have a hibachi grill with peanut butter. I've been cooking up some peanut butter for the last couple hours here.

Okay, okay, I'll just deal with the smell. Okay, Adal, sorry, what the fuck was this for? Oh, yes, I was trying to think of, I wanted GPC to sing another cake song, but I didn't quite know how to pitch it. I didn't quite know what to ask for. Do you have any advice?

Yeah, I think we have him sing a cake song, but it has to do with loaves or bread or something, something like that. Oh, also, Jupiter died because we asked it a riddle, I think. Oh, God, okay. It heard the riddle.

All right, well, fill out the paperwork for that. I mean, you know, I just, I can't. It's a Monday. I'm feeling a little worn out already. Just fill out the death paperwork. Put it on Casey's desk. He'll sign. We'll sign.

You got it. All right. Hey, JPC, can we talk to you?

Yeah, Crimson Torrid Spice. Your next one is Crimson Torrid Spice. Red Hot Chili Peppers.

It's Red Hot Chili Peppers. Would you mind singing a cake song?

Regent.

Queen, do you mind singing a cake song?

My enzymatic courtship. Forget it.

My enzymatic, my bloody Valentine.

My bloody Valentine. Marry.

Relationship. My chemical romance.

My chemical romance. Hysteria in the vicinity of the dance hall.

Panic at the Disco. Can I see you sing a K.A.K.E. song, JPC, and it's just about other bands that the guy from K.A.K.E. wishes he was in?

No. Dip Away Youngster.

What happened? Did I lose my scene-calling privileges? What did I do? Did I get three strikes?

You didn't even say scene there. You said, can I hear you sing a cake song.

Can I see a scene where you're the guy from Cake and you're singing a song about how you wish you were in other bands?

No. Dip away, youngster.

What? You guys, I haven't even done anything weird with the vacuum. You didn't even give me two other strikes. I cannot have my scene making abilities taken away like this. You can't clip my wings like this.

Erin, if you get this riddle right, you can do whatever you want for the rest of the podcast. Wow. Dip away, youngster.

Dip away, youngster. Okay, Erin. Something kid. The Get Up Kids, I don't know. Kid Rock, dip away. Dip away? Dip away, youngster. Okay. So dip would be like- How would you dip something away? Salsa. The Salsa Boys. Erin, it's gotta be the Salsa Boys.

Unfortunately Erin, you didn't get it. Adal got it. It's the Salsa Boys.

No!

Hey, you said it first. What did I say? What did I do? You said it first Erin.

Do you want a clue?

Yes. Okay. This Chicago rock band wasn't on The Simpsons, but still say, thanks for the memories.

The Smashing Pumpkins.

If that clue didn't make you want to dance dance, then I guess you two aren't the champion that Uma Thurman thought you were. Really?

The OK Go? Uma Thurman?

Casey, do you know this one? Dip Away Youngster?

This is a Chicago band. Oh, this is Plain White T's.

Are they a Chicago band?

They recorded that song in Chicago.

That's a Chicago band, baby. Dave Matthews Band, Chicago.

JBC, if I get this one right, can I do whatever I want for the rest of the episode?

I'd love to see what that is. Yeah, sure.

Okay, Fall Out Boy?

Yeah, KC, you got it. The rest of the episode is yours, buddy. What do you want to see?

No, KC, no, no, no, no, no. Everybody, let's just be cool for a second. We don't need to... Uh-oh. Okay, okay, okay.

I did this. Whoops.

Okay, I'm pulling the alarm.

Are dip and fall synonyms? Dip and fall?

Yeah, like I took a dip, I took a fall. I think so. Away, I don't know that away and out aren't necessarily synonyms either. I think that synonym is sometimes pretty loose of these.

Okay. Fallout Boy.

Yeah, I can't believe you didn't get Thanks for the Memories or Dance Dance, right? Champion and Uma Thurman I think are easier ones to not know are Fallout Boys.

They have a song called Uma Thurman.

They do indeed have a song called Uma Thurman. What about this one? Surge. Surge. Power. Surge.

Power. Electricity.

This one I think is pretty much a synonym.

Zap.

Erin, what is the band Zap?

You know, it's from the late 80s. It's Zap. It's Zap!

They opened for the Salsa Boys.

Yeah.

It's Zapp. Where's Zapp? We're from the late 80s and we're Zapp.

Yeah.

It was like Wham, but better. Yes, but better. That makes sense.

You know what?

That sucks because Wham is listeners. They don't want to hear that.

Actually, guys, I'm going to be right back. I just realized that if I can't call for scenes, I don't have to solve riddles, and I don't have to adhere to the dress code, and I don't really have to be here. So I'm going to get a soft pretzel.

Erin, you have to adhere to the dress code.

Oh, I do?

Yeah, the dress code is sacrosanct.

I don't think so.

We can't just all start abandoning the dress code, the one thing holding this podcast together.

Why are we all dressed like cartoon chefs? No one's ever given me a proper explanation, and anytime I try to bring it up in a meeting, I get shut down. That's all I'm saying.

It's gender neutral. We went through this in the meeting like 11 years ago.

I'm- No, you know what? If I can't call for scenes, I don't have to solve riddles. Sits in Adal's beanbag chair. Starts punching it like a dog to make it more comfortable for my butt.

Would you say punching it like a dog?

What the fuck, Erin? You know how dogs punch their beds?

Erin, uh, Casey, since you can do whatever you want with this episode, can we clip Erin saying, punch a dog or whatever she just said?

Stop it! What is happening today? I thought this was gonna be a normal episode. I tried to do a fun cameo thing where we picked, we each picked someone from cameo, and then we had our listeners vote on our Hey Riddle Riddle Instagram about what cameo they wanted to see. That got shut down.

Erin, I gave you Kathy Najimy.

You're doing great, Adal. This is not about you, Adal. I tried to call for a fun cake scene, a very popular running segment on our show that JBC sings cake songs. He's swatting at nothing. JBC is swatting at nothing.

He just ate a fly. He killed and ate a fly.

He killed and ate a fly. Okay, something is weird. And then I go, if I can't call for scenes, then I shouldn't solve riddles. And then I get shut down about that as well.

Erin, this is an aggressively normal episode. I keep trying to get you guys to do riddles, and no one is answering the riddle. It couldn't be more on par.

You got taken over by the Jupiter Toad.

I know it. The Jupiter Toad is dead, Erin. You punched it to death like a dog.

It's in your body. I just know it.

Wait, Erin, do you think Jupiter Toad took over JPC's body?

That's exactly what I think, Adal. What are you going to do about it?

Almost like a never-let-go situation, never-let-me-go situation. What are you going to do about it?

Oh, that's interesting. I'd like to see a scene. Erin, you're going to be a Jupitode who is alive inside JPC's body. Adal, take a break. Take a little breather. Thanks, Coach. It's just Erin as a Jupitode of the body.

Hi, I'm JPC. That's the woman over there. That's the Adal one. And this is a show about riddles, puzzles, lateral thinking problems. First riddle is, these are little band riddles. See, I'm doing exactly what you did earlier. I'm doing exactly what you did earlier.

Wow, this depression's going deep. Now it's getting better.

Yes, it is getting better. I'm gonna go into my office, and you better not be naked in there. Okay, walks into my Hey Riddle Riddle office. Okay, pulls up HR podcast at gmail.com. This is our HR department. To whom it may concern, I would like to put in a formal complaint about GPC, period. I think he might be a toad in a human body, period.

Is she still doing the impression of Mia as the toad? Oh, hello, Erin. It's me, Richard Kind. I got your email.

Oh my God, Richard Kind, are you our HR? No. Okay, scene. Okay, you got away this time, JPG. What was that?

Okay, hey, you did the assignment, so technically we got to see the whole thing.

Scene with a question mark is my new favorite thing.

Scene? Scene? Okay, this is my question for you two. Do you want to finish the riddle that you've already started, or would you like to hear a clue for it?

Surge, I can't think of what surge would be.

This Canadian rock band, Power Trio. Rush. Yeah, it's Rush. Oh, Surge.

I see, I see. Okay, okay.

Exotic Pest Homestead.

A JPC.

Exotic? Exotic Pest Homestead.

Land?

Okay, exotic.

Wild.

It's not wild. Wild bug cabin.

It's not wild bug cabin.

Exotic pest homestead.

You're so close in that you're getting synonyms for these words, they're just not the right ones. Farm. My Morning Jacket.

Wait, what did you say? Farm.

Farm? Yeah, this is correct. Homestead.

Ranch. Oh, it is farm? Yeah, Farmed is correct. Alien Ant Farm.

It's Alien Ant Farm.

That is such a good one. These are really good.

Okay. This one, well, I think you guys are going to get this one quick. The Fracturing Gourds.

The Smashing Pumpkins.

The Smashing Pumpkins, yeah. All right, we have three more left. Here we go. This is one that I'll say, I don't know this. The name sounds familiar, but I don't know this band. Actually, the last three are bands that I'm like, they vaguely sound familiar, but I'm not really sure. So we'll see if maybe you guys know them.

Hey, do you guys remember when Billy Corgan sang, I used to be a little boy?

Remember that? It was true. He did used to be a little boy. They've confirmed that. I wonder what that was like for him.

Oh yeah. It's probably similar to my experience, honestly. You guys aren't going to believe this, but

I used to be a little boy. Erin, comment? Goes into my office, to whom it may concern.

Adal, have you ever? Have you ever? Yeah, I guess at one point... I used to be a little boy.

Erin, I hate to ask, but did you have a similar experience growing up or... I used to be a little boy.

Yay. Three former boys. Three former boys.

I can yes say it. I'm a professional. I'm a professional.

Erin, are you sure you want to say I'm a professional to I used to be a little boy? Because the thing you said right before I'm a professional was I used to be a little boy.

Yeah, this is one of those episodes that also feels like a trap.

All right, speaking of, appendages approximating dwellings. Arms. It's not arms. Legs. Appendages approximating dwellings. It's not legs.

Hands across America.

It's hands. Approximating dwellings.

Hands measuring homes. Hands over Baghdad.

Hands. Close, close. It's not homes.

Alien aunt hands.

Alien aunt hands. Can I give you the, okay.

Clap your hands, say yeah.

I'll give you the clue, because the clue looks like it's for Erin. So it says, Erin might have listened to this Australian rock band when she realized this ain't no place for animals, but she found no parallels to the division symbols that temporarily made her colorblind. What?

ACD hands?

This is an Australian band? I don't know this band. This band is Appendages Approximating Dwellings. Let's see if we can get you to get it without knowing the band. So, Adal Dwellings, you said homes, you were close.

House?

House, yes, houses. Hands blank houses, approximating. Hands?

Hands, yes, houses. It's approximate, it's... About, hands about houses.

Think more Valley Girl.

Hands like?

It's hands like houses. Hands like houses.

Oh, I don't know that at all.

Neither do I. Can you imagine having a... If you had hands like houses... I know in the Jack Reacher novels they say he has hands the size of Thanksgiving turkeys. Not regular turkeys, Thanksgiving turkeys.

That's the big turkey. That's the turkey that has to feed more.

That's a huge turkey. Imagine Jack Reacher fighting a guy who has hands like houses.

Do you think when they cast that humongous man as Jack Reacher, the author was like, his hands aren't like Thanksgiving turkeys. He's too small. This guy's tiny. My Jack Reacher's 11 feet tall and his fist is a turkey.

He's a real turkey. And of course, Jack Reacher used to be a little boy. It's crazy to think about how Jack Reacher used to be a little boy.

Okay, here we go. Phantom Crate.

Phantom Planet. No, it's Ghost Box. Ghost Jukebox.

It's close to Ghost Box.

Jukebox the Ghost. That would be awesome because I know that band. It's close to Ghost Box. You've got Box Us Crate. Phantom.

Wait, we have crate?

We have box is correct?

Phantom crate and crate is box. You are right with box. Crate, okay. This Canadian heavy metal band didn't fall into the void when they broke the rule of nine after a bad trust fall. However jaded she was, Constance was still able to find the secret garden in the ultraviolet. Slip crate? Phantom, another word for phantom. Ghost. Another word for ghost. Specter. More like Halloween-y, I would say. Ghoul. Witch ghoul. Or something that you would have also like pride in a school.

Spirit box.

It's spirit box. I don't know spirit box. I don't know spirit box either.

That's the Andre 3000 solo album.

Yes, that is the Andre 3000 solo album. All right, let's do one more before a break. A period to commemorate.

A time to celebrate.

It is not a time to celebrate.

A year without dogs. Is it time? A period?

It's not time. A period to commemorate.

It's a shorter period.

Era? No, an era would be long. This is more casual. Day? A moment? A day? Yeah.

To commemorate. A walk to remember, Mandy Moore.

Yeah, it is a day to remember. I don't know this band either. It's just this rock band from the city of Ocala made a name for themselves, Since You've Been Gone, as all signs point to Lauderdale. Even if it means a lot to you, they thought Casablanca sucked anyways. What? They may have done like a cover of Since You've Been Gone and that's how they got famous. I don't know.

I don't know. Yeah, with Alien Ant Farm and then this, there's a lot of one hit cover wonders.

I do think that there was a lot of ones that were pretty one-to-one. Three bands that no one's ever heard of at the end. But I think that's the difficulty.

Yeah, it was fun. A Walk to Remember has that thing in it that inspires me all the time, which is to tell people to not fall in love with me. That's what she says in that. She goes, whatever you do, don't fall in love with me. And he goes, I think I'll be okay. And then guess what happens?

He dies.

He falls in love with her, and she dies.

She has cancer. Spoiler for Walk to Remember, but why don't you remember some of these ads? Huh? Yeah.

I've done it. Erin, JPC, come into my lab. I've done it.

Adal, you've finally done your accent training.

Yes, I've completed my course at... Wow!

MIT Accents Online.

Oh, and the MIT doesn't stand for Massachusetts Institute of Technology, right?

It stands for... Monsters in Training.

Now I can cancel this subscription using Rocket Money.

Oh yeah!

Rocket Money.

I love Rocket Money. I've been using it for years.

Yeah, isn't Rocket Money a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings?

Yes, that's right. Most Americans think they spend about $62 per month on subscriptions, but the real number is closer to a monstrous $300.

And you said Americans. You hit Americans really hard. Where is this accent from? Pittsburgh. Pittsburgh.

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You guys, I've done it! How's my accent?

Where's that from? Audited the course.

Pittsburgh.

This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace.

Hear ye, hear ye! I am shadowing this night, so one day I might be a knight, for I am but a lonely squire. Good evening, travelers. I'm a squire. This is my space. This is my Squirespace.

Oh, actually, we're not looking for a Squire space. We're actually looking for Squarespace, the all-in-one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and succeed online. That's kind of what we're looking for. Is that not what this is?

Challenging me to a duel.

We want to make a website about trying to find a Squire to work for us. Does that make sense?

Yeah. Ooh, I would be willing to be that squire, of course.

No, that's shh, that's not what we're doing. We're not looking for a squire. We're looking for a website to help us find a squire. God, this guy doesn't listen.

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I'll just say Squire Book, get the first one out. Oh, you know what else Squarespace has? Invoicing, an easier way to collect payments so you can focus on growing your business. Invoice clients and get paid for your services, turn leads into clients with proposals, estimates, and contracts, and simplify your workflow, and manage your services business all on one platform. Wow, even here in medieval times that sounds like a good deal. Is this the restaurant medieval times?

No, no, no secession. Great.

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Ah, what wizardry is this little device in your hand? Ooh.

Please, Squire, we're looking for a Squire.

Oh.

We're busy.

Oh, sorry. This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp.

Adal JPC.

She knows our names. Oh, thanks Erin. All right, see you later. See you later. Bye.

No, I want to talk to you guys about something. It is spooky season and I'm not talking about Halloween, zombies, ghosts, and goblins. I'm talking about my mental health.

Ooh, I just got goosebumps, Erin.

Yes, you know what?

Empathy goosebumps. Not like scary goosebumps. Empathy goosebumps. There are different kind of goosebumps. Scientists have studied it.

Just letting you know, I'm on top of it, because therapy is a great tool for facing your fears and finding a way to overcome them, and I am using BetterHelp.

Don't you mean Boo-ter Help? No, it is BetterHelp. It's better.

It is better. It is called BetterHelp. Important to note that she doesn't mean Boo-ter Help. BetterHelp, Erin, isn't BetterHelp entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule?

Mm-hmm. All I had to do was fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and I can switch therapists anytime for no additional charge. This kind of therapy works for me because I like being able to message my therapist whenever I'm actually feeling my feelings and it makes a huge difference.

Yeah, because sometimes the scariest thing is not facing our fears in the first place and holding ourselves back, which is why I don't open my closet or look under my bed.

Online therapy also works great for me because I can do it from my home and suddenly I guess when I'm like when I have a little bit of distance it kind of helps me be frank and stein and I can drink a monster. I can. No one can stop me from drinking a Monster while I'm doing therapy. Yeah, no, that's fair.

I can see you drinking two right now. So overcome your fears with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com slash Riddle today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash Riddle, R-I-D-D-L-E.

They did the help. They did the better help. We can't do that. Oh, okay.

Well, I want to. Y'all, I did it. I made it back to my bed after being gone for two weeks.

Hmm, I don't think she knows our names. She called us y'all. Erin, what are our names?

Uh, Skrimpo and Beepor.

Okay, she does know our names. Yeah, I'm Skrimpo. I'm Beepor. Tag yourself.

I made it back to my Helix mattress. Oh, I love you, Helix mattress. Mwah, mwah, mwah. I missed you so much. Oh, maybe we should- It's my midnight lux.

Oh, Erin, I also have a Midnight Luxe. It's the most comfortable bed I've ever owned. This mattress is so supple, so welcoming. My cats will lay on it. They refuse to get off of it. Gemma and I sort of nest in it most mornings for a long time because it is absolute heaven.

Yeah, we just came off the road and I cannot stress to you enough how poorly I slept on the road and how perfectly I slept the first night that I was back in my Helix Sleep mattress. Love that mattress. And like my wife and my child or whatever, they were fun to have them under the same roof as well. But the mattress, baby!

To go from sleeping on a hotel bed to sleeping on a Helix mattress is like going from drinking tree bark to drinking water.

And Casey, go ahead and put tree bark and water in there in place of what Adal said because we can't obviously mention competitors. And right now, there's an October offer for Helix. They're offering 20% off all mattress orders. Just go to helixsleep.com slash riddle.

Or if you're a mad scientist, maybe you'll have two mattresses. A double helix.

There's actually nothing crazy about having a double helix mattress. You could get four of them and that'd be fine as long as you use our code BUYASBIDDYASYOUWANT.

Oh, cool.

Yeah, great.

They really are the best mattresses ever. They're the best. They're the best. They're the best. They're the best.

What about a triple mattress?

Come on, man. I'm sorry.

Adal JPC, thank you so much for coming to the emergency meeting. Obviously, there's been a lot going on today at Hey Riddle Riddle headquarters.

Erin, let's cut to the chase. What's in the box? What kind of pet do you have for us? What kind of pet is in the box?

How do you know it's a pet?

It's shaking. It's moving. Yeah, it's a shaking box. It's pet size. There's holes in the top.

Okay. So they know it's a pet.

Yeah, I mean I guess it's shaking and moving in those holes that could be like it could be not to be crass It could be like a sex toy of some sort that you're just trying to air out a little bit Or it could be Little Richard in there.

Or I could be regifting an editor that we already have. Come on out Casey!

Oh, oh God Oh, it looks like Casey ate all the sex toys in the box. Did you leave Casey in the box with some sex toys?

Yeah, of course.

To simulate his natural habitat?

He's sick. Okay, that's okay.

All right, it's okay. Take the afternoon off, Casey. No, it's not the first time we've had to go to the hospital and get our Casey's Stomach Pump for 80 Doobity Sex Toys.

Sit, shake, edit.

Well, Casey, hey, look, before we take you to the hospital, you're in charge for the rest of the episode. Is there anything else that you'd like to see us do, or do you have a preference for how we continue on with the episode?

Well, I don't know if this is a little early, but I sure do miss hearing you guys do voicemails and voicemail themes.

Oh, that sucks. I thought when Casey said, I, I thought he was going to tell us about maybe a time in his life where he was, you know, kind of a smaller Casey, not as grown, not as adult.

Oh, I'm sorry. You mean when I used to be a little boy. Wow, that's so good.

That was the best one yet.

That was so good. You know what, GBC? I know you're old man puzzles, but why don't we do a voicemail and a theme a little early today?

Yeah, why not? In case he's in charge, I can't stop him. 1-805-RIDDLE-1 What the fuck?

How do you make a song a shirt?

Wow, they also got in the 1-805-RIDDLE-1, which is like, you don't have to do it for the voicemail thing, but I'm always appreciative when you work that in.

I'm

I used to eat a whole for lunch. That's a lot of fun.

Okay, shout out Birdie for sending that in. If you want to send a voicemail theme into the show, just go ahead and send a WAV file 30 seconds or less to hrrpodcast at gmail.com. Casey, let's listen to a voicemail.

Hey guys, my name is Jeff. I'm in Minneapolis. I'm super behind on the podcast. I think I'm like a year behind. Uh, but figured that I'd give you guys a call. I just bought a house and was doing yard work for the first time and a squirrel ran up my leg and, uh, just decided to go to sleep on my shoulder for, uh, an hour while I did yard work. And that was awesome. I was wondering if anything like that has ever happened to you. If any random animals have ever befriended you, like your snow wife. All right. Keep it up. Thanks. Bye.

Oh my gosh. I was going to say you're like a Disney princess. You're incredible. Obviously that's never happened to us. We have terrible energies.

Yeah.

Animals and children do not trust us.

A rat killed itself by running under Adal's foot.

Its final words were, Hey.

Uh, no. I wish this girl would fall asleep on my shoulder. Are you kidding?

Yeah. Okay, so that makes me think of a couple things. First of all, guys, no fake stories. Don't be calling in with fake stories on the podcast. That didn't happen.

No, that definitely was real.

I felt it. And up your pants and fell asleep on your shoulder? Complete the journey, my man. Joseph Campbell's rule of the struggle and journey and- The hero's world, man. Heeding the call. Where did it go after it went up your pants? Did it go... Up the back of your shirt.

Fall asleep. Okay, so I don't know anything about Jeff. Maybe this guy's fucking tall as a fucking tree. Maybe he's built like a redwood. And this squirrel was like, this is a fucking tree. Arms and branches. I'm just going to climb up into this thing.

Hairs, leaves. Yeah, I see.

JPC, I have a question for you. You are sort of one in the same with some of your characters. And I know that J.P. Riddles has a very special relationship with animals. Do you have similar things happening to you where like raccoons will ask you to bum a cigarette or whatever?

Yeah, I guess, but yeah, mine would, they'd invariably have to be like much more violent. This sounds like a very, this sounds like a very like low-key cute thing. My other suggestion, and I think this is what we can land on, Jeff, I think it was Jeff, sounded pretty normal in that voicemail, right?

Yeah.

What if Jeff actually sped that up like five times speed and Jeff is an int?

You're so right.

I just bought a house and I am a year behind on the podcast.

I audited... I was sitting in for some auditions and they were casting ents. The monologues, can I just tell you? Two months. Oh my gosh. Each monologue, two months.

That's crazy.

It was disgusting.

Or JPC, he was slowing down

I'm Well hey everybody, thank you again for inviting me to your open mic. I am J.P. Riddles, and this is a little song by a band called Cake. Raccoon, go ahead and leave it on the bass line. I wake up in the morning, drink a pot of raccoon coffee, which as we all know is squirrel piss.

Then I call my nephew at his work and I say, get your scissor, come outside, get in the car, and Uncle Riddles will drive to the racetrack, the squirrel racetrack, which is of course the parking lot to a key bank.

I organized all the squirrels and the mnemonic tubes in the big parking lot and I sent them into the bank and I said, get me checks. People don't realize checks is expensive. And if you want to write bad checks, you need clean checks. All right, they're giving me the light. Oh, actually, you know what? That might be just a white light in my vision. No deal. I can see there ain't no thing up there for old J.P. Riddles in heaven. No hot dog, water. Erin, let's start from scratch. Let's go back to some riddles. So here we go. Here's a riddle from Sarah. And this is a riddle from the perspective of Riddikitty. Isn't that fun?

Ooh.

Which is pretty much going back to the beginning because we haven't done Riddikitty in like 200 episodes.

We should have just had Riddikitty as our pet. Oh.

Well, we got the dead toad. That's just as good. Next time.

Oh, it looks like there's two newts 69ing on Erin's shoulder, so that's fun.

I'm the luckiest girl in the world.

Okay, a riddle from the perspective of Riddikitty. This guy's got me scared to death. He's worse than The Ring. I can't catch my breath. This place is no Nintendo Café. I think I'll try to run away. He fires shots, but not on tour, though his name suggests he's been to war. He keeps me waiting with my crew. Canoe dog and some shit birds too. But then again, it's not his fault. He does know how kidneys recycle salt. Who is this?

Boy, there's a lot of information to parse through. JPC?

Is it you?

I don't know anything about kidneys. Recycle salt? That would be new to me. That would be new to me. I could have been a salt recycler this whole time.

I thought you were doing back alley kidney surgeries for $40. Am I wrong?

Yeah, but when you want to do them for cheap, you don't have to know how they work. You don't even have to know which one's the kidney. I've been taking stuff that I think is the kidney, because the kidney looks like a bean, right? Yeah, it looks like a little bean. Oh, yeah. I've been taking little beans out of people for 40 bucks.

I'm this close to canceling my surgery with you. I won't, but I'm close. Yeah.

Hey, you know what, Erin? Cancel it. And then in two weeks, when you're so full of little beans, you can't poop or walk, don't come calling to me, because the price will be double. It'll be $60.

Adal, how many surgeries has JPC given you?

Two. One to remove my buckle fat, and then a second to put it back in because he took out my throat instead.

Huh. So, all in all, pretty successful it sounds like.

Yeah, I would say I'm about back to 65% of what I was before I had the initial surgery.

And Adal got 65% off, so his was only $22. That's a deal for friends and family, don't use the code. If you try to use code Adal at checkout, fuck. Ah, god damn it.

Okay, well what does code Erin at checkout get you?

Erin, you get 10% off.

That's not the... thing.

Well, you're getting different surgeries. He wanted his, um, buckles taken out or whatever, and you have to get all your little beans removed.

I don't love when a surgeon says, or whatever. That doesn't totally inspire confidence.

Then go to a real surgeon. I'm sick of negotiating. My prices are not a negotiation. I do a discount service.

All right, fair enough, fair enough. Could you read the riddle again, because this one is a lot to parse through.

This guy's got me scared to death. He's worse than the ring I can't catch my breath. This place is no Nintendo Cafe. I think I'll try to run away. He fires shots, but not on tour, though his name suggests he's been to war. He keeps me waiting with my crew, canoe dog and some shit birds, too. But then again, it's not his fault. He does know how kidneys recycle salt. This is a person, but there's also reference to a place in here as well.

Yeah, I don't know where to start.

Each way will get you somewhere. We're looking for like a person who exists in a place.

Sure.

Captain? It is not a captain. Colonel? Major? His name suggests he's been to war, but he has not been to war.

Okay. Well, that's why I'm guessing ranks. Private?

Yeah, but those would have gone to war, right?

Wait, what?

Look, a captain has gone to war, right? I guess you could be a captain who serves in peacetime.

Well, if it's like Captain and Tennille or like, you know, it's private parts, the Howard Stern novel.

I always forget that Captain was a coward and didn't serve and Tennille was a four-star general.

So, this guy's got me scared to death is from Mulan. So, I know that had to do with like,

What's the most helpful section? Mickey Mouse. Goofy. Goofy's a guy. I think he's a cow. No. I think so. Goofy's what happens when a dog has sex with a cow, like a mule.

This is hard. I feel like I'm totally on the wrong track.

My cow flipped my dog and it's baby's all goofy. This place is no Nintendo Cafe. I think I'll try to run away. So Riddy Kitty is in this place. She's seeing this guy. She's scared to death.

Harbucks.

He fires shots but not on tour. His name suggests he's been to war. That one I think is the most helpful. His name suggests he's been to war.

His name suggests he's been to war. He fires shots but not on tour?

He keeps me waiting with my crew, Canoe Dog, and some shitbirds too. So Canoe Dog is there. Also some shitbirds are there.

Is it J.P. Riddles?

He does know how kidneys recycle salt. That would show a knowledge that J.P. Riddles does not possess.

Dr. Chameleon.

Dr. Aaron is very close, but it's not chameleon. And I think also, the introduction of Dr. Chameleon was like a hundred episodes past all of these references.

Doctor... Doctor is close. Nurse.

Nurse. It's not nurse. I'll give you a hint. This is also Sarah's profession. Name suggests he's been to war. What do we call someone who's been to war? A veteran?

Veterinair- Oh, veterinarian. I overcomplicated this.

Well, no. Erin, in your defense, this was deeply complicated.

I'd like to see a scene. JPC, you are J.P. Riddles, and you are taking your raccoon to the veterinarian played by me. And Adal, you are the raccoon. Hey, what can I help you with today? Oh, no.

I guess it's between you and the guy. I mean, obviously, if he wants the fork out, you can- I'm not paying. Let's be clear, I'm not paying.

Sir, sorry, you walked into my office an hour before we opened.

This raccoon clearly has a bit of a- I time walked into your office. That's when you walk backwards, and it increases the time. So I'm actually here on time. Huh? Nothing to say to that? What, do you want a kiss? Get out of here. Are you going to fix my raccoon or not?

This is my office.

I'll trade you for it. I'll trade you for the office.

No, you have nothing that I need, sir.

Oh, I have nothing you need? I know that you think that I'm just wearing a normal shirt, but this is actually a spoon-proof vest.

Okay, you are wearing a trench coat over what looks like nothing. He's got a spoon! Try to stab me with the spoon.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, God! Oh, he got me. Oh, that guy got me. At least it's not totally spoon-proof in the back.

I'm not so interested in helping you, but this raccoon is adorable and clearly has a little head injury and a little cute little white bandage wrapped around its head.

He's taken. Not by me. He's got a raccoon family at home, so don't try to get any dirty little nasty doctor ideas about him.

Also have a family at home, sir. I'm not trying to... Are you sure?

Have you been to your home today, Dr. Anderson?

What did you do to my family?

Nothing. That was a guess. Anderson? I was gonna go down the alphabet.

It's my office door. It says it on my office door.

Honey, I can't read. Oh, how cute. How cute, to assume. Uh, no.

Wait, do you have a head injury too, or is this just what you're like?

No, no, no, no, no. This big lump on my head, I'm growing spiders. Because I'm making spider stew. So this is- Seed?

Seed what? Oh, we didn't even get to meet Spider Stew, one of my favorite off-microphone JPC characters.

Okay, let's hear it. Let's finally hear Spider Stew. JPC's been doing Spider Stew just for us for several years, but I want you guys to hear it.

Oh, I think it's hatching. I think it's hatching. Hey, what's up everybody? It's me, Spider Stew. Yay!

Yay, spider stew! You made it! Fan favorite, spider stew. It's kind of a slacker, kind of like a college twerp. What?

Fuck you! Spider stew's not a slacker, he worked hard for what he has.

Okay, guys, please, let's not fight.

But you heard what he said about spider stew, Erin. What, am I supposed to take that lying down?

Yeah, I don't know. Adal, that was pretty fucked up what you said about spiders.

Yeah, I know. I'm sorry.

Hey, it's all gravy, everybody. I'll take it lying down, because I like to fuck spider style.

I forgot his whole thing. It's almost like Psy, but instead of Psy's thing, it's Spider-Style.

Yeah, yeah, because spiders lie down when they fuck or something or fuck the webs or something. I can't remember. I can't remember all of Spider-Stew's stuff. Everybody gets one or something like that. Honestly, he's bad vibes, Spider-Stew. Maybe Adal was right when he said about Spider-Stew.

Yeah, maybe.

Should we lock the doors to Hey Riddle Riddle headquarters to make sure all these perverted characters can't get in?

Okay, Marc Maron. Yeah, Erin, we locked the doors so they can't get out, though. Lock the gates!

Okay, I do want to do another riddle. This is a riddle from Milti. Milti has submitted multiple riddles, but we're only going to use this first one from Milti for now. We'll use more later. I'm hard to run on, soft to stand. Hold tight and I'll pass through your hand. Sometimes I'll hide a long-lost ring. Sometimes I'll shelter a tiny king. Sand.

It is Sandy. Sandy. Wow, we got that so much faster than the last one.

Fuck, you know what I should have done is I should have saved this riddle for a time when I was using it to introduce Sandy. Well, you know what? Do you think he's here?

Yeah, let's sift through the sand here. Shit.

Sand all over our hands and he wasn't even in there.

For nothing. No, it's just spider stews down there. You can get up, buddy.

Oh, actually, leave me down here for a couple of minutes.

Oh, you fucking spiders?

Yeah, he's probably fucking spiders down there. Just cover it with sand. Just cover it with sand. I hate spiders, dude. Maybe he shouldn't be back on the show.

Forget it. I like Spider Stew. I think he's a pretty solid character.

Erin, you've been single too long. If Spider Stew sounded like a good guy to you... He's nice. He's not.

He has a job.

He doesn't.

He's not. He doesn't.

All right. Well, hey, we'll get to more of Miltie's riddles later. So thank you for sending them in, Miltie.

Those were great and hard.

Yeah. Those were great. There was one riddle and it was sand.

They were great.

They were great. They were great. Yeah, I think we can all agree that riddle was they were great.

That riddle was they were great.

All right, Erin, do you have anything that you would like to plug for the people?

I would like to plug, you know what? Actually, I do. I would like to plug people not asking me to send them nudes on my Instagram anymore. You're ruining the internet for me and everyone else who's being nice to me on the internet. I'm not interested. Even if you're willing to pay me, I appreciate the offer. No more, please. No thank you.

I would just like to say, I am willing to send nudes of myself, and it has to be pay, and it has to be cash up front. And I'm gonna charge a reasonable fee. It's gonna be $100. That's pretty good for a nude.

And you get to pick which part of your naked body you show, so it's gonna be like your ear.

You can request kind of whatever you want from the nude, but it's got to be $100 up front. I can't stress this enough. It's got to be up front. I'm not falling for these scams where I wait. I'm going to wait seven days for it to clear, okay? It's not like, oh, I wrote a bad check. I didn't deposit. Seven days, $100. Pretty good deal. And you can request those through Adal's Instagram.

Yes, I would like to plug and promote that Oasis is back, baby.

They're back.

And they're coming to Chicago.

So I hope to see you at Soldier Field in August of next year.

Adal, how many of these Oasis shows do you think are getting canceled last minute?

I want to say all of them.

I can't wait to play this in August of next year when you're right.

To have a frame ticket from the tour that never was, I'm very excited.

It's very exciting that Oasis is back. Two people that couldn't like each other any less, but they've just decided that like, I guess financially they have to be back. It's very much like your parents getting divorced when you were a kid and then like 40 years later being like, We're giving it another go. It's like, why?

Do I want to go watch two wet sticks of dynamite next to each other in a tumbler? Sure. Let's go nuts.

Okay, what do I have to plug? Oh, you can come see World News Tonight every Saturday night at 8 p.m. in Chicago at the Ayo Chicago Theatre. You can get tickets at Ayo's website for that show. I'll probably be at some of them. So if you come to Chicago, you can see some of those. And also, if you want to get a five-star review featured on the podcast, all you gotta do is write one and leave one, and then I might read it. Today I'm gonna read one from Loon Chai. Loon Chai says, Patreon! Hey there! This is Kevles, but I, well, let's just say it. Hey there, Kevles and Soosbees. If you think that you're going to love this week's Patreon, it's another edition of Little Monkey Bones and Uncle Santa eating way too much smoked Gouda. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com. Hey Riddle Riddle by joining our J crew for $1.69 or start your seven day free trial on the review crew for $4.20 a month. And you get those ad free episodes. See you there. That's a great one. That information was all out of, all bad information.

Well, I'm gonna get the Jupiter Toad back out here. Oh, I ended the episode.

Oops. Peed the live.

Starring Erin Keif, and John Patrick Coan, Casey Tomey did the editing, and Marty Parent did the music.

Logo created by Emmeline Cardenas and Emmeline Morris.

Hey there, cousins and ghosts. If you like that, you are going to love this week's Patreon. This week, we really actually get to the haunted house. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com slash hey riddle riddle by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or start your seven day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month. Plus you get those ad free episodes. See you there.

That was a hate gum podcast.