Which Riddle Riddle?

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1, 2, 3, 4, Hey Riddle Riddle.

Adal? JPC?

Yeah?

You guys get these class action lawsuits?

Yeah.

These class action lawsuits?

What's going on?

It looks like it says that if there's a chance that somewhere between 2018 and 2024, we may have been exposed to riddles and puzzles. It says a lethal amount, which you never want to hear that on a class action lawsuit, but it says we may be entitled.

Yeah but is anyone else when they're reading through this feeling like a little confused because a lot of the wording seems sarcastic so I can't tell if we're being sued or it's like one of those things where like we're entitled to some financial compensation because we've been exposed to those things.

Yeah I guess but it also never says financial compensation it just says that we've been entitled. And then entitled is in quotes.

I've been acting a little entitled.

Yeah, are we in trouble or are we victims?

Because it says class action lawsuit, but is it against us or are we part of the class? Which class do we belong to?

I mean, I guess there was- Kingdom, phylum, class, order, family, genus, species. I think we're iguanas? I'm sorry, this paperwork is so confusing.

That makes sense. I am on a warm rock right now.

I know Adal's a genius. I think I'm a species, technically.

I think I'm a phylum, technically. What? Okay. Okay. Let's get our lawyer Casey on the horn. I'm going to call him. Beep boop bop beep boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop

Erin Keif writes, Dear Casey Toney, could you please get on the phone? This one goes out to Casey Toney. Keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the phone.

Uh, thanks Casey.

Yeah, Erin? Hi! Casey Kasem told me you needed me for something.

Yes, we, um, if you check your email, um, we're recording here at Riddle Riddle right now. We got a class action lawsuit and we can't- Am I being paid for this?

I'm going to need to mark this on my invoice.

You're actually double dipping, because you're doing lawyer fees and editor fees.

All right. Yeah, I can check my email.

And aren't we paying you an experience, huh? Aren't you our intern?

I'm still on the line, and I wanted to let you know I had a great experience as the voice of Shaggy in the Scooby-Doo cartoon.

We're not paying for Casey Kasem still, are we?

No, he's definitely an intern. We don't even pay for Casey Kasem's lunch. Casey, can you take a look at this paperwork to see if we're being sued or we're getting money? I don't know. We don't like to read.

I toss him a couple bucks once in a while, but it's not like a systematized thing.

Good.

Okay, I opened this document and my computer blue screened. It flashed really weird matrix symbols.

Sounds pretty dirty.

I think I got hacked.

Do you mean ones and zeros matrix symbols?

Yeah, like ones and zeroes. Just call them ones and zeroes. Well, they were green, Adal. You want me to say green ones and zeroes? It's more syllables. Well, numbers existed before the Matrix.

I'm going to hang up.

I'm going to hang up.

Casey told me one time that I owed him Matrix symbols money, and I said, you mean $10? And he was like, yeah, man, Matrix symbols money.

I don't know what is so hard for you guys to understand here, OK?

OK, we love you. We'll call you back. OK. Have a good night.

I was once watching The Muppets with Casey, and he goes, hey, that frog is Matrix colored. And I said, green?

I'm still on the line. So is Casey Kasem. You guys are... Hey, how are you?

Hold on. I have the buttons here somewhere. I could end this call. Can't be it. Oh, there we go. Okay.

God, this sucks. Okay, this is a mess. You know, let's just throw this in the trash.

Sure. Yeah, that makes sense.

If it is serious, I'm sure they'll send it again.

Yeah, for sure. If you love something, throw it in the trash. If they send it again, it was meant to be.

Welcome to Hey Riddle Riddle. That is Adal over there. Adal, wave. Hi. And that's JPC over there. Hey. I'm trying to keep them 12 feet apart so they don't mate or fight.

We have double COVID, so we have to stay 12 feet apart.

Um, you guys, how are you? I'll tell you how I am.

Great!

I absolutely ate shit in a Target parking lot this weekend.

Details.

Oh, the shit looks so tasty in Target parking lots, but I know, straight to my, second on the lips, eternity on my hips. I never eat the poop there anymore.

I had a little kid spill. Like, I haven't fallen like that since I was a child.

I went to a pool party. Okay.

And I didn't have like super appropriate clothes because it's a pool party and then I stayed too long at the pool party and I was supposed to go to a play that night. And so I was supposed to drive home and change in between the pool party and the play, but I didn't have time. So I was like, I have to run into Target and buy a $10 dress to throw over what I'm wearing so I can get into the theater and go to this play. Ran into Target, was running out of target. I was wearing sandals. The sandals exploded while I was running over the speed bump. And you guys, I, it was like the most spectacular fall of my life. People shrieked and gasped. And a teen boy came over and helped me. But I don't know if you can see.

Oh my God, Erin, you're white as a ghost. You were at a pool party? Dude's about to fall out of her chair. Oh, I can see that.

Boy, boy, that is fucking brutal. That is a fresh one. That's a fresh one. Erin, are you okay?

Yeah, I'm totally cracked open. I got whiplash in my neck. I had to sit. How fast were you running, Erin? Pretty slow. Oh no! But it was a true... on the show.

You made it to the play!

I made it to the play. I was kind of whimpering in pain on the whole drive there and then during the play. But it's a play called Mark and it is a show about Shakespeare not I'm sorry let me take that again it's a show about Facebook but it's written in prose so it feels like a Shakespeare show. It feels like a Richard III, but it's about Mark Zuckerberg, and I thought it was incredible.

And Erin, I've heard that this is a way for people to get over their trauma, so I do want to see a little scene. Erin, you are going to... You know what? We're going to reverse it. Erin, you're going to be... You and Adal are going to be doing a play, and I am going to be a man whimpering in the audience, and it's going to cause you to have to stop the play.

Ah, but good sir, I am but six foot five, two hundred fifty pounds, and there is but two of me. Um, tis, sorry, tis. You are the one who doth invent thine faith book, correct? Yeah, hold on, hold on, hold on. What is?

Is there an animal? Sorry, sorry. Stop the show. Is there an animal that's dying? No.

Is there an animal giving birth?

No.

Keep doing the show.

Okay. Don't turn the lights off. And you, the Winklevoss. Sorry.

Where were we? The two gentlemen of Silicon. I can't. What is, sorry, lights, can we have the lights up? Can we have the lights up?

Can we have the lights up on the house?

House lights up?

Okay, someone just dove under a chair trying to hide what they're going through. Sir?

What's going on here, buddy?

Sir? You're causing a disturbance. Security's gonna take you out or you need to stop.

No, I'm not. You're not what? I'm not, it's this guy. That guy is dead silent. Did you say it's hentai?

It's hentai. He's watching hentai on his phone. That's what makes the sound.

No, sir, we can see you making the sounds. You're under the chair. Come out from under the chair.

Me?

Are you bleeding? Are you hurt?

Uh-uh.

Call 911. I'm fine.

No, please don't. Please, no reason to. I'm fine.

Okay, now you either need to be quiet, leave, or come up here on stage and finish the show.

Okay, last chance.

Are you touching something hot?

Tis I, Mark Zuckerberg. Okay, you're getting louder. No.

Tis but a dream. I shall... I'm slain.

Fetch me my longsword!

Are you doing Shakespeare from the audience?

I stepped on a bird before I came in!

Wait, is this Gary? Gary, you auditioned for the show and you didn't get in.

I didn't get in to the cast, but I did get in to the play.

I got a ticket. Wiggly. Erin, one, are you okay?

Yeah, I'm thriving.

Two, good. Two, what is the noise you made when you fell?

Oh, and I know I use this example a lot.

Yeah.

But it is the rat flip-flop noise from episode, yeah. I went, I like, oh, it was so pathetic. Do you know when you like hear yourself scream or cry and you're like, oh, you're fucking pathetic.

No, I don't. I actually do know that feeling all too well from when I had norovirus like seven years ago. I made sounds that I never thought would ever come out of me. Yes. And they were involuntary, completely involuntary.

I went on a roller coaster at Six Flags in Southern California and I was so scared on the ride and a scream came out of my body and I was like, oh my God, now I know how I would sound if I was dying. But I had that where I was like, oh, oh, oh no, oh.

What did the teen who helped you up offer any sort of... Condolences. Was he covering his face because he was laughing?

No, he just dabbed and skateboarded away.

He said, man, menopause is getting rough.

When I talked to my mom on the phone last night, I told her about it. And after he helped me, he helped me up and picked up my bag and offered to help me to my car. And I told him to tell his parents they did a good job. And then the second I said that, I was like, oh my fucking God, I got so old. I remember when old women used to talk to me like that when I was a teenager. Like, Jesus, I got so old.

Tell your parents you did a good job. And also, what's this behind your ear? It's a Target coupon.

Yeah, I truly was like, oh, I... I really leveled up to old lady.

You went to this pool party. I'm assuming you were wearing some sort of bathing suit to the pool party.

Yes.

But you went just wearing a bathing suit?

With like a pool cover up, which is not, that doesn't actually cover anything.

So you just had the bathing suit and the pool cover up and that's what you went into Target with?

Yeah.

When you bought the dress, did you change into it at Target, or did you come out of Target without wearing that dress?

I came out and put it on over my bathing suit. And I ended up not finding a dress. I could not fucking find any dress. And so I sprinted to the sales section, could not find anything, and found a pair of jeans that I was like, People will know this. I don't know my fucking jean size. No one does. And it changes in every store and it changes throughout the day and it changes throughout the month depending on where I'm at in my cycle. I don't know who I am or how big I am at any given moment. So I grabbed jeans and I was like, well, I hope. And then I grabbed a top that I thought was a full top and it looks insane. It's basically like a tissue. So I looked crazy showing up to the show.

Were you sitting in the audience with your sandals filling up with blood from your scrapes?

Yeah, I did have to, the blood started seeping through my jeans, so I rolled up my jeans over my knees.

I gotta say, I gotta say, jeans on top of skinned knees is probably one of the worst, like, fashion experiences that you can have.

Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

Or right after Labor Day.

We all know what Labor Day is.

This is a Riddle Podcast. So, here's a fun little sweet thing about this episode.

Oh, thank you, Erin. Thank you.

Okay.

Nice to be seen.

During the summer, I did an improv show at the Elysian Theater, and two sweet listeners, Zoe and Coleman, showed up. Shout out to them if they're listening. And they brought me a riddle book And also, shout out to my sister's boyfriend, Jimmy, who texted me their names to make sure I remembered their names. He's the sweetest guy in the world. You guys, tell Jimmy that he has to marry my sister so we can hang out forever.

Sounds like Jimmy's hitting on you. He's texting you? Dump him. Tell your sister to dump him.

I mean, he's texting me on the group message with me and my sister, so... Disgusting.

Right in front of her? Disgusting.

The biggest cheaters do it right in front of your face. Yeah, blatant. That's how they are. This is his nightmare! We see you, Jimmy! He listens to the show!

I'm sorry, Jimmy. We see you, Jimmy, you fucking snake! And goodbye, Jimmy! And goodbye, Jimmy! Jimmy, we're all more like Jimmy Dicks. Jimmy and I are coming for you. Wait, hold on. How big is he? Erin, how big is he? Is he a big guy?

I'd say pretty average. Maybe like Jimmy's height.

Oh shit, he's average? Jimmy, I'm so sorry. Hey Jimmy, we're just joking around.

I hope we're cool. Hey man. What's your Venmo? Because I actually have been meaning to Venmo you $100.

Do you like M&M's? Because I'll buy you all the M&M's. Every flavor. Jimmy, we're just joking, man.

We were joking. We're comedians, Jimmy. We're comedians. Hey, we miss the Mark sometimes. We miss the Mark. Shit. We miss Mark. Molly, get back with Mark.

Get back with Mark. Get back with Mark. We almost got our asses handed to us by an average-sized man.

Mark was fucking huge. Mark was Mitch-height. Mark fucking destroyed us.

This is a fun fact about Jimmy. He was friends with Mitch. And that's how they met. No, is friends with Mitch.

Oh, I was going to say, Jimmy's back in my book because if you are anti-Mitch, then you are on my team.

You are pro-JPC.

What's funny is at this point, right, when this episode comes out, we will have already done the Boston Live show, which hasn't happened yet in real time on our timeline, but you will have met Jimmy and Mitch, and then they will hear this episode.

And we probably did the show, JPC and I probably did the Boston Live show atop of Mitch. We probably climbed Mitch on stage to cheers and jeers and we did the whole show atop of him.

Probably. Yeah. I'm assuming that's what's going to go down. Yeah, why wouldn't it? But you guys, Jimmy is so nice. I'm like, what a relief to like the person that your sibling falls in love with. Because my God, he is, not to be weird, reminds me a lot of my dad. He's super generous. He's so kind. So weird. When he came out and visited, I like cried like three times just because of how nice he is. He's treating my sister so well, and they're so in love, and I'm like, Could not be more relieved. I'm so relieved.

Well, Jimmy, I will just say this. I hope you did what Mitch did, which is, when you are ready, in your own time, to pop the question, you come to Adal and I, and you ask for our... not our permission. This isn't 1924 anymore. No, no, no, no. Our blessing.

Yes.

Okay? You ask for our blessing. And we'll give it to you, Jimmy, because we like you.

Mm-hmm.

But you're going to have to earn it.

Mm-hmm. Also, when the wedding time comes, when you need to get something borrowed, you come to JPC&I. When you need something blue, you come to JPC&I. You need something new? Not our deal. Not our deal. Not our problem.

We'll blue you and we'll borrow you, Jimmy, but we're not gonna give you anything new.

I can't fathom that I'll ever get married, but if I ever... Not you?

No. Not in the cards for a guy like you. Exactly. Adal, let's be serious. What's funny is I can see, Erin, I can't see you married, but I can see you divorced a ton of times. That's what I think. Does that make sense? Yeah.

Oh, I want an Elizabeth Taylor. But do, does my future partner need to ask for your blessing? I don't know how this works.

Meow.

Which one of you is walking me down the aisle?

Any person out here in the world already has my blessing to marry Erin. You've already got it.

Please be discerning. Please.

Ghosts have it. You know, if there are Atlanteans, not necessarily merfolk, but just like people that live underwater, you've got it as well.

What are those little creatures that like live in the ice and they can like live forever? They go into hibernation. They look like little bears.

No, the little bears. Yeah, those little bears that live in the ice.

You know the little bears that like live forever? They go into like a frozen state of frozen animation. Turbulence.

Turbulence. I'll say this as well. There's a pretty sizable dowry for taking Erin off of our play as well. Adal and I have put together. It's nothing huge, but it's nice. It's a plot of land.

It's like a rider. It's like our rider. It's a rider lawnmower. One six pack of local beer. Two deli trays with meats and cheeses. I'm

And that's the truth.

I think we should put a dowry together for Erin. I think that that's the best way to get our Erin off and married.

You know your list that you did of the demographics that you cover, JBC? I would like a list that you two put together of what my dowry is that we can put out into the world.

I will write that down. Erin, what if we... That'll be season three.

Maybe on a Patreon episode, what if we did like a whole month of JPC and I bring on guests to basically go on a date with you on the podcast for 15 minutes?

I'm in. And then if you guys can critique and sort of help and assist.

Yeah, we'll have like sort of director's commentary and we'll help guide it.

I would genuinely be down for that. That's fine.

Erin, I'll just have the normal amount of guidance that I have for you on a date, which is lots.

Yeah, which is too much, I would say.

Too much. Some say too much.

And honestly, if they're even a little bit nice, I will probably fall in love with them. That's kind of where I'm at right now. If you're kind of nice, I'm like, where have you been?

It sounds like you'll fall in love with them if they're kind of nice to your sister as well.

Yeah, truly.

I'd lock down Jimmy before Erin gets her little Jimmys all over it if you know what I'm talking about. Why?

Poor Jimmy. No, he loves it. He's laughing. You're laughing, Jimmy. I know you. I can see you. You're laughing. OK, so these are from Zoe and Coleman. They're a sweet couple. And what's sweet about this is they originally bought this mystery book. to, as a gift for each other, to gift a subscription to the Patreon. You're both looking down, but when you look up, you'll see it says, Hey Riddle Riddle Patreon on the front of the book. Isn't that so sweet?

That's super sweet. I was writing, put a dress shirt on a crow and introduce him to Erin.

I am a little distracted, I will admit, because I just realized, I was like, what the fuck can I hear outside right now? And there's a, I know what it is, there's a team cutting the tree down that is in front of my house that I requested that the city remove two years ago. And they're finally getting to cut it down. And as Mariah and I were going on a little walk this morning, I said, I saw the signs that said that they were coming this week. And I said, the one time that they could come this week is in the next four hours, which would be very bad for my record. That's the one time this week. And I could absolutely hear them out there sawing a tree. So apologies if you hear a tree being sawed through this.

Adal, honestly, a dress shirt on a crow is kind of exactly my type.

Just swimming in a shirt.

His little head peeking out. I'm sorry about the tree situation, JPC. Is there anything I can do? I can call the mayor.

I'm truly, truly thrilled that after two years they're finally taking this tree down because it really just is leaning over my house in a way that's like, hey, the next storm that comes, man, I'm ready, man. I'm ready to fuck your whole shit up. And I don't have insurance because I don't believe in it.

What?

Yeah, it's a I'm kind of a libertarian. We all know this.

No, no, we don't. Um, damn, I'm just so excited for the dowry. Wait, I have a quick question. I just realized I agreed to this. I'm so sorry, everybody. I know that we're so far in without riddles, but I will do so many riddles in the next 30 minutes of this episode.

But when you're inviting... This is fine. We'll just turn this into a Patreon. This will just be a Patreon. Yeah, it's fine.

When you guys do a month of me going on dates that you set up... Who are you bringing on? What's the vibe?

Okay, you caught us. It's going to be us and wigs.

Okay, that's what I thought. Because I was like, are you guys going to bring... I was like, if I show up and it's a sock puppet with googly eyes, I won't say no to that. It's like sort of a sexual relationship, but I'll be disappointed.

Erin, you shouldn't say no to it in terms of a sexual relationship. Why? Because it's a sock puppet and it's going to be one of our hands.

No, you could send me the sock puppet.

Oh, thank God. Maybe I'll ask the tree guys if they could saw my arm off inside of it so I can just send you the arm as well, huh?

Okay, guys, put on your detective hats. We have to solve all these mysteries for Zoe and Coleman. They were so nice, by the way.

Good. I hate that. I hate when someone's too nice. Is this an angle?

I've met a lot of Hey Riddle Riddle listeners recently. And then I was at Disneyland and a couple found me and came up and were so nice. And then I was at a Kishi Bashi concert and a guy came up and introduced himself and he was so nice. And then I was with Anthony Burch and then he was much more interested in Anthony. And I was like, and this is my friend Anthony. And he was like, holy shit. That's way better. And I was like, yeah, I know, right?

Upgrade.

Upgrade. OK.

Erin, we have a small problem. What's up? I put on my detective hat, or so I thought, it's actually a detective wig, and now I am Pietro Damocles, your first date for this episode. Oh God, okay.

Hi, are you Pietro?

Yes, I am Pietro Damocles.

Thank you so much for meeting me. I've never been to this restaurant before. I'm excited to try it.

I'm excited to try as well. Do you like oysters?

I do.

Mmm.

I actually love oysters. They're one of my favorite foods.

Oh, slurp slurp.

Yes. So tell me, what do you do for work? What's your story? I'm 7'4". Okay, that's not a job. Not a job. And I guess you could say I have siblings, so... GBC, what do I say? Cierno de Bergerac me.

Hey everybody, first time axe throwing?

Yes. Yeah, first time axe throwing in a restaurant, certainly.

Hey, no outside food or drink. So these oysters, those have to go. If you want to eat them really fast, you can do that as well, but no outside food or drink.

No one wants to eat oysters fast. That's disgusting.

Well, I would think that bringing oysters to axe throwing is disgusting, but what do I know? I'm just the guy who works at the axe throwing bar. Well, you guys are the only ones that ever have ever been in here. So you kind of have your run of the place. Just go ahead and toss your axes kind of wherever you please.

I'm gonna start slowly backing up and then I'm gonna run away back to the episode. Guys, that was awful. I never want to date again.

How'd it go? Let us smell your fingers.

Erin, how'd it go? My fingies? My fingies? My fingies? My fingies?

My fingies?

My fingies? Okay, you guys, I'm so serious. I'm so serious this is a Riddle Podcast. I don't complain about how bad I am at being old man puzzles. They are so bold on the internet about how bad they think I am at being old man puzzles. And then I'm bringing the show down and my general vibe is bringing the show down lately. So, okay. The rest of the episode, no one joke, no one do anything. Okay. No one do anything. A famous man has plotted the deaths of well over a hundred people, many of whom were royalty. Some survived, but many did not. The man is famous the world over for what he's done, yet he's never been tried by a court of law. Who are the man's two most famous victims, and what is the man's name?

The man's name is George H.W. Bush, and his two most famous victims are the country of Afghanistan and the country of Iraq.

Yes.

The man is William Shakespeare.

Yes.

His two most famous victims are Mark Zuckerberg and one of the Winklevoss twins.

No it's Romeo and Juliet.

I do want to see a scene. Most famous. JPC, you are Juliet. Erin, you are Romeo. And you two have obviously your characters in Shakespeare's story, but you have sort of gained sentience and you realize what's coming and you've sort of come alive. You've come into your own and you're trying to escape the story that's been pre-written for you.

Hey Jules, do you have a minute?

Oh, um, yeah, I guess I have a minute. Just like one.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Um, this has been so fun. Like, so, so, so, so, so, so fun. Like, I really enjoyed this. I just kind of realized that I'm a kid.

Yeah, I mean, kind of. I mean, I'm definitely a kid.

I mean, I'm a kid too. I mean, are you? We're the same age.

No.

We're not?

No, no. That's one thing that I realized as well, because I was like, oh, I think that we're the same age. And then I kind of looked up.

Yikes.

Yeah.

Oh, this is not good. I mean, we're both not 18, but this is... Okay, I apologize.

Yeah. I'm really sorry. I was telling my friend about you, and they're like, Romeo, he's older than you. And I was like, no, we're the same age. I think we go to the same school. And they're like, well, no one goes to school. So yeah, and I don't think you are. And I was like, I was gonna kill myself for him. My friend was like, yep.

I'm finding two separate sources. In one, you're 13 and I'm 17, which is bad. And in one, you're 13 and I'm 16, which is bad.

You were gonna kill yourself for me? Hey, I got a lot going on just kind of like in my life as well. So it's like, yes, I was, but it wasn't like all about you, but it was like, yeah, for sure.

I feel like we kind of got caught up in the passion of like our families fighting.

And let's not talk about even the passion at all. Oh my god, you're right. And that's so true.

And I'm so sorry about the whole balcony thing.

Not cool, kind of weird. Dude, it's fine. And let's never, because like, why don't we just not talk about, you know, and then it's, hey, in 10 years, If we're both still single, you know? Let's kill ourselves. Let's do it, right?

Okay.

I told you guys that when I was in college, I did a Shakespeare in the Park performance of Romeo and Juliet. And the person that they cast as Juliet was like, I think 15 years old. Yes, yes. The director of that show has since died, so everybody wins.

There's a production of, I think it's Romeo and Juliet, that's going on in Los Angeles, Erin, if you're interested.

Oh.

And it's, Romeo is, what's his name? Oh God, Anthony Kiedis? And Juliet, is... Is this real?

You're searching for it in a way that it makes me... Yeah, it feels not real. If it was fake, you'd have... If it was fake, you'd have something. You'd say Anthony Kiedis and Tom Servo from... Mystery Science Theater. Mystery Science Theater.

Anthony Kiedis is dating a... I want to say child?

Yeah. Oh, is this a thing about how Anthony Kiedis is with a much younger person? Yes, yes.

Okay, now I'm seeing and I'm understanding. And now we're all on the same page.

We get it. And it's not a famous child. It's just a normal child.

It's not a famous child. It's a normal child.

Yeah, like Dane Cook. Dane Cook, I think, also kind of comparatively dating a normal child.

Um, you know, this is, this is what we need. We're going to take a quick break and we're coming back and we're being so serious about riddles. We're going to do so many riddles. You guys, it's going to knock your socks off.

All right.

See you in a minute, everybody.

We'll not knock off Anthony Akita's sock because that would expose his penis.

Well, it's going to knock the sock off of your hand and onto my hand. So I don't know. I don't know what I'll do.

Mr. Googly eyes. No.

This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace.

Adal GPC, I bet you can tell I'm in a pretty good mood today.

Oh, I can tell people? Thank God, because I've been telling people that you're in an awful mood every day. So the permission that you've granted me now to tell people that you're in a good mood, this is a game changer for me. Go to my mass text. Erin in good mood.

Let's talk about my thing, which is my website I've launched. It's all about cute frogs wearing even cuter hats. You guys, this is the best day of my life.

Sorry Erin, I didn't catch what your website was. I was just updating my website, erinsmood.com. We have a ton of people that subscribe to this to like know what your mood is and I as the webmaster. Erin, did I tell you that I use Squarespace for it though? The all-in-one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and succeed online, whether you're just starting out or managing a growing brand like erinsmood.com. Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website, engage with your audience, and sell anything from products to content to time, all in one place, all on your terms.

I know what I'll do.

Erin, I'm going to buy a print off of your frogswithhat.com website.

Cute frogs with even cuter hats.

Thank you. Squarespace payments is the easiest way to manage your payments in one place with Squarespace. Onboarding is fast and simple. Get started in just a few clicks and start receiving payments right away.

It's so simple a frog in a hat could do it.

Erin, did you know that on days when your mood is good, our sales go way up on erinsmood.com? Plus, Squarespace has connected social and multimedia accounts. You can connect major social and multimedia accounts to your website in a few clicks as icons, direct links, or embedded feeds. Build visitor trust while updating content only where you need it. Extending your brand's footprint, sellers can also sync their product catalog directly with Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, and Google to reach more customers and reduce the steps for a purchase. Erin, we'll have to talk about that because I need your help kind of setting that part up.

GPC, honestly, I'm here right now and this is a beautiful and very intuitive website. I cannot complain.

Okay, I don't know what the mood is from your voice, but I don't want to do another update today. It's really bad when I have to do two updates in a day.

Ooh, and Erin, I love that one frog. I think his name is Alfredo. He's the one with the piano tie. You're selling so much content of him. Squarespace makes it easy to sell access to content on your websites like online courses, blogs, videos, and laminated photos of Alfredo the frog. Yes. So head to Squarespace.com for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, Squarespace.com slash Riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

Adal, be honest, whose website do you like better? Just be honest.

Um, I think mine.

Wait, Adal's mood is pretty good because he's looking at cutefrogs.com. This feels personal. Sorry. Y'all, I did it. I made it back to my bed after being gone for two weeks.

Hmm, I don't think she knows our names. She called us y'all. Erin, what are our names?

Uh, Skrimpo and Beepor.

Okay, she does know our names. Yeah, I'm Skrimpo. I'm Beepor. Tag yourself.

I made it back to my Helix mattress. Oh, I love you Helix mattress. Mwah, mwah, mwah. I missed you so much. Oh, maybe we should- It's my midnight lux.

Oh, Erin, I also have a Midnight Luxe. It's the most comfortable bed I've ever owned. This mattress is so supple, so welcoming. My cats will lay on it. They refuse to get off of it. Gemma and I sort of nest in it most mornings for a long time because it is absolute heaven.

Yeah, we just came off the road and I cannot stress to you enough how poorly I slept on the road and how perfectly I slept the first night that I was back on my Helix Sleep mattress. Love that mattress. And like my wife and my child or whatever, they were fun to have them under the same roof as well. But the mattress, baby!

To go from sleeping on a hotel bed to sleeping on a Helix mattress is like going from drinking tree bark to drinking water.

And Casey, go ahead and put tree bark and water in there in place of what Adal said because we can't obviously mention the competitors. And right now, there's an October offer for Helix. They're offering 20% off all mattress orders. Just go to helixsleep.com slash riddle.

Or if you're a mad scientist, maybe you'll have two mattresses, a double helix.

There's actually nothing crazy about having a double helix mattress. You could get four of them and that'd be fine as long as you use our code BUYASBIDDYASYOUWANT. Oh, cool. Yeah, great.

They really are the best mattresses ever. They're the best. They're the best. They're the best. They're the best.

What about a triple mattress?

Come on, man. I'm sorry. This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp.

Adal JPC.

She knows our names. Oh, thanks Erin. All right, see you later. See you later.

No, I want to talk to you guys about something. It is spooky season and I'm not talking about Halloween, zombies, ghosts, and goblins. I'm talking about my mental health.

Ooh, I just got goosebumps, Erin.

Yes, you know what?

Empathy goosebumps. Not like scary goosebumps. Empathy goosebumps. There are different kind of goosebumps. Scientists have studied it.

Just letting you know, I'm on top of it, because therapy is a great tool for facing your fears and finding a way to overcome them, and I am using BetterHelp.

Don't you mean Boo-ter Help? No, it is BetterHelp.

It's important to note that she doesn't mean Boo-ter Help. BetterHelp, Erin, isn't BetterHelp entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule?

Mm-hmm. All I had to do was fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and I can switch therapists anytime for no additional charge. This kind of therapy works for me because I like being able to message my therapist whenever I'm actually feeling my feelings and it makes a huge difference.

Yeah, because sometimes the scariest thing is not facing our fears in the first place and holding ourselves back, which is why I don't open my closet or look under my bed.

All in therapy also works great for me because I can do it from my home and suddenly I guess when I have a little bit of distance it kind of helps me be frank and stein and I can drink a monster. I can. No one can stop me from drinking a Monster while I'm doing therapy. Yeah, no, that's fair.

I can see you drinking two right now. So overcome your fears with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com slash Riddle today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P.com slash Riddle, R-I-D-D-L-E.

They did the help. They did the better help. We can't do that. Oh, okay.

Well, I want to. And we're back, and this is so serious, detective caps on, we are going back into these mysteries. In the early 1970s, a person not known as a professional athlete performs a sporting feat for the first time in recorded history. Thousands of other people would be better at performing the feat than this person, yet the media covers the event and millions of people watch. Who is the person and where was the sport played?

Hmm. Is this when... What was the Battle of the Sexes? That was... Tennis. The two tennis players, but I forget their names. That was Emma Stone and Steve Carell. That's who it was. Was it Emma Stone and Steve Carell?

No, it was not Emma Stone and Steve Carell.

Was it the guys they played?

Um, no.

Gotcha. Did someone golf on the moon?

Yes.

That is what it is.

How did you know that?

I don't know. You said those words, and in my head I said, who golfed on the moon?

Alan B. Shepard Jr. is an astronaut. He was the first person to play golf on the moon. I would like to see a scene.

What'd he shoot?

I don't know.

The moon.

Adal, you are him. You are an astronaut who's golfing on the moon, and JBC, you're his caddy.

All right, let's see here. All right, looks like... Let me just... Uh, wet my finger and put it into the air.

I wouldn't do that.

I wouldn't do that. Uh... I don't know, I'd go with a, uh... I'd go with a wedge here. Okay, he's dead. He died instantly. Okay, think, think, think, think, think, think. Okay, just maybe kind of go... Oh, yeah, that did it. There he goes. He is gone. Huh, you can just fly off the moon. I never would have thought you could just fly off the moon. I just threw him up, and he's just, yeah, he's gone.

This is Houston coming in. We're about to start the broadcast of The Golfing.

Houston, this is Jake. I'm Allen B. Richards, or whatever his name was. It's Caddy.

Hey Jake, we're about to cut to you guys. Can't wait to see The Golfing. Can we do a commercial?

Can we go to a commercial?

Nope, we're already at a commercial. You're naked up there.

One of us is naked up here. Yeah, we- What do you mean?

You're wearing spacesuits.

Yes, exactly. Naked inside of the spacesuits. Huh. Go to a commercial? No. We take you live now to the first person to ever golf on the moon. We see footage and it, oh, looks like he's about to swing and there's his caddy really

Really cradling him from behind to help guide the shot.

Just light touch, guiding the shot with just a light, ever so gentle hand.

Seems like they have some sexual chemistry between the two of them.

Absolutely shanked it. Absolutely shanked it.

I'll never find that ball. Alan's head is really drooped down to his chest. Can't really see his face through his visor there.

He is not in a space suit either because he definitely took that off to lick the wind.

I think we're seeing a love story unfold in front of us.

Okay, well if the media wants to see a love story, I better give them a show. Dip and kiss. Oh, tick my visor off.

Beautiful. Wow. You guys, seriously, back to riddles. Don't joke.

Okay, no jokes.

Despite international recognition, a well-known king never wore a crown or a robe and was not considered royalty in his native land. He was both loved and hated and could not be deterred from trying to rise up against the injustices in his land.

This is Martin Luther King.

Who is the man and what year did he die?

Martin Luther King, he died in... I want to say 69 and then I want to say nice right after.

68?

68! And I want to say Mississippi?

A person has the same job for years. The person enjoys his work but spends most days staring at the ceiling. Despite his behavior, his work turns out to be among the most important ever done in his field. Who is the person and what did the person do?

The person is Algernon and he is a lab rat.

No, you're a lab rat. You lab rat.

Damn. I'm a lab rat doodle, by the way. I breed between two different types of animals.

Okay, you guys, I'm doing an episode of Hey Riddle Riddle where the three of us realize- We're all doing an episode of Hey Riddle Riddle.

Shut up! The three of us realize that we've all been flowers for Algernand.

Yes. The three of us realize that we are three rats in a lab, and Casey's the one studying us. So look out for that episode. I also do have a themed episode planned coming up. Y'all, your girl's trying again.

I think Flowers for Algernon is a story. I think a lot of people are like sad by that story. But think about how awesome it would be to not have to be smart at all anymore. I would kill to have to have nothing going through my brain. That would be so fucking... That's the happiest story in the history of stories.

That's true.

Oh, God, I only wish I hit my head.

No.

So hard.

Don't wish. No, don't jinx it. Knock on wood.

Hoping that I could be to live for just a second.

Well, that explains your personality. You guys, I'm sorry that I disassociated for a full year, but I'm back online, baby. Your girl is back. I was fully out of my body from July of 2023 till about 10 minutes ago. But I I am here, I am trying, I am excited, and I'm Erin Keif again. She's back, baby.

Who were you from July 2023 to 11 months ago? I don't know.

An empty shell. An empty shell of a woman. Wow. I'm queen of this place again. I'm back, motherfuckers.

And I have a one-year-old. The year that Erin disassociated. What?

Congratulations!

Okay. A person has the same job for years. I actually think this one's great. The person enjoys his work but spends most days staring at the ceiling. Despite this behavior, his work turns out to be among the most important ever done in his field.

Is this us? No. Because we're the only ones doing what we do in our field.

That can't be right. You guys, if anyone, anyone on earth decides to start a Riddle podcast... We kill them. We're fucked. We're immediately the worst. There's no way we're gonna measure up. Who is this person and what did this person do? Would you like some clues?

What job would you stare at a ceiling?

Is this a person that like, the person on the... the show. Nobody, the U.S. didn't launch, right? Oh yeah.

I think it was a guy in Russia.

It's not the answer to the question.

Yeah, it was a Russian guy who was given the order.

He was given the order to send a nuclear missile and he hesitated and because of that he like saved humanity.

Yeah, but like look what he saved, you know? Look what we've done with it. The gift. The gift that they gave us. Squandered!

Erin, is this Lionel Richie?

No, but you will laugh knowing what it is and knowing that you guessed that when you find out what it is.

Mmm.

Oh, staring at a wall. Is it Stevie Wonder?

Ceiling at a ceiling.

Fuck.

And it's not Lionel Richie?

No.

Okay. I'm out of guesses.

This is somebody staring at a ceiling?

If I give you a hint, you're gonna get it right away.

Are they fucking, Erin?

No, they... Well, maybe. Maybe they fucked up there.

Is it a chandelier doctor?

No, but what is that?

Nothing, never mind.

Coming to NBC this fall?

Just when we were out of ideas.

Rick Moranis is.

Rick Moranis.

Chandelier Doctor.

He's back. Rick Moranis is Chandelier Doctor. Guys, I'm back online. Or. Or.

Or.

And this could be it. This weekend I started taking vitamin D again.

Wow. Is that your euphemism for having sex, Erin?

No. Oh. I am having a ton of sex. Okay, I think it might be the vitamin D. Turns out I'm not depressed. The man is considered a revolutionary and has followers all... Oh no, wait. Sorry, no, no, no. I skipped the wrong thing. The person was left hanging for much of the job.

Oh, this is that chimpanzee that they hung.

No. The person is Italian. You guys, you know this.

Harambeau? Oh, this is Galileo.

No.

The other one. Galileo Figaro.

The other Italian, Erin.

There's more than two Italians.

I've been trying to tell you.

They have already cut this tree down. I've been waiting for two years for this thing and they did it in fucking 20 minutes. That sucks.

I wish I was a tree so I could get some fucking attention around here.

I wish you were a tree, Erin, so you could fucking leave. Damn. I wish you were a tree, so... Please, fight me on this one. Go for it. Erin, or is your bark worse than your bite? Erin, I'm going to go out on a limb.

You've got nothing. Erin had a real truncated response.

A limb? You guys are kind of burning through these. I should probably sit this one out. I'm going to go to the bench and eat an orange slice.

Okay, okay.

The job has religious overtones and could be described as colorful. The person was born in the 15th century. Oh, it's the Sistine Chapel. Yes, Michelangelo painted the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. I would like to see a scene.

And he got pizza all over it.

JPC, you are Mike Landolo, you're painting the Sistine Chapel, and Adal, you're the guy who commissioned it, and you're sort of just checking in on why it's taken so long.

And knock knock!

Hello! Do not disturb! Do not disturb!

Oh, sorry, it's me, the money.

Phil, how are you? Good, and... Please, if it's another story about golf, I don't have time to hear it. I got a par two. Please. Phil, it's a very important work here. I have to paint the ceiling. It is very hard. It's a very detailed work. Okay, I can't have... My mental energy needs to be... Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

I said... I want a man hugging a god. These two are pointing at each other. Accusations. Accusations. Don't take this the wrong way.

You've never had a good idea for a painting in your entire life.

Are you joking?

I don't, I don't come to you and say, hey Phil Nerci, I got some ideas for some places for you to put your money. I don't come to you with investment advice, you know?

Oh fuck you.

Fuck you. Fuck you. What do you do, huh? Fuck me. Fuck you. You say, oh I point to here, and this guy point, we touch your fingers. Well, this like a- They don't touch.

They almost touch, but they never touch.

When the reckoning comes, about Italian accents being offensive to do,

This, this is what they will use.

Nintendo will be brought down first.

This is what they will use. Erin, you said, Erin, you just said... What did I say? A pause.

No, I did not.

You said, play the tape back. You said, a pause spaghetti. That's what you said, Erin.

Okay, Casey's playing the tape back and it's just audio of the Pope talking. You guys, come on.

Come on.

Fine scene, fine scene.

Fine, fine, fine.

This is how we do it. I'm hungry.

Well, probably all that Italian.

Because somebody said spaghetti? Well, my stomach hurts. I'm really hungry.

It really hit me. Hold on, Erin. Hold on, Erin. The old you is slipping back in. You stay strong. New you for 15 more minutes, Erin.

I'm running out of vitamin D. No. Eat some vitamin D. I'm getting weaker. It hurts.

Someone get this girl some Flintstone vitamin stat.

Oh, those are so good. I'll eat those like candy. I'll ruin my stomach lining for nothing.

Yeah, I'll eat that shit just raw.

You guys, I know I talked about doing a ton of riddles, but I'm getting... I'm hungry.

Well, Erin, that's okay because it's actually time for a break. No, it's not. Because we have your next date.

Oh, okay. It's Fred.

Fred Flintstone. You're having a date with Fred Flintstone, Erin, the person whose vitamins you love so much.

And if he says, yabba dabba screw, just know that that's charming and not disgusting. It'd be charming for him.

I'm so glad a man just explained to me that that is charming and not disgusting.

For his times, Erin. For his times. What times is that? It's Adal, I'm not a man.

The Dark Ages? What is it? What's he from? The beginning of time? The Stone Age. I couldn't remember the word. I meant to say Stone Ages. You guys, I'm getting weaker.

Fred, come on in. Hello Erin, it's nice to meet you. Wow, no sleeves and a tie.

I'm actually seeing someone. It's so polite for you to come down here, but I'm actually- I'm married. I'm married too.

Okay, so are we doing this thing or are we going to yabba dabba fuck?

We see Fred pulls out a bird who's in the shape of a condom and he says, it's living.

I'm not going to actually use the burners to cut it, that would be insane.

What's the website to find a new job? Is it monster.com? Craigslist? I don't know. Monsterjobs, findjobs.com.

What the hell is this?

Ooh, work from home.

What's going on here? Erin, you work from home already. Why'd you say ooh?

Ooh, work from home. Ooh, tax professional CPA, work from home.

Hey Erin, I just got off the Bird with Fred Flintstone. He told me that you totally just like sidelined him on your date.

He's married. He's gross. He's fine.

He's married. He's gross. He's fine.

Neuropsychologist remote days possible. Oh my gosh. $2,000 per hour. Actively hiring. Oh my gosh. Cardiovascular disease. Neuropsychology.

Is this for someone who has a disease that they're trying to study?

No, that's you.

Because Erin, that could be you.

$2,000 per hour?

Hi, come on in. You're Erin Keif?

Yeah. Hey. Sorry, that was so casual. I'm acting weird.

Hi. That's fine. My name is Daphne Williams. I'm doing the interview for The Neuropsychologist.

Oh, incredible. Thank you for seeing it.

Yeah, of course. I'm looking over your resume. I'm seeing a lot of podcasts. Sure.

You like what you see?

Not really. I don't see anything in the medical field.

I play a mouse on Hello From the Magic Tavern. I just wanna make sure you see that. Oh. Well, you know what? When it comes to medical stuff, I always say it takes one to know one. And who better to talk about medical stuff than a girl who is chronically ill?

Huh. Do you know the Doughboys?

I have met them a couple times. They're great, they're great. I actually went on their show recently and I had a great time.

What would you review?

I forget the name of it. It was like a smoothie shop. Sure.

Wink wink.

I heard from Mike Mitchell that he was tired of eating. They had like a long string of junk food and I thought I'd give them sort of a little bit of a break from all the junk food and I picked a healthy spot. I had a great time on the show. They're really funny.

Here's a map of the brain. Can you point out the four main parts?

That's the brain.

Did you say the brame?

So, that's obviously the brame.

So, yeah, we heard Erin, and it is Erin, right? Erin Keif? It is. That you were looking to build your resume in the medical field.

I am.

A lot of people start here because this is kind of an easy transition into kind of getting your feet wet in the medical field.

Yeah, I want to use my brame.

Oh, well, yeah, this job doesn't really require too much using the brain. Mostly what you're going to be doing is euthanizing dogs, which is a polite way of saying to a pooch. But the good news is a lot of these dogs are really sick or really evil.

Hmm. Um, is it still $2,000 an hour? No.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's way more.

Do I get to keep the dogs?

Yeah.

We have a deal.

You don't technically get to keep the dogs, but we look the other way. Oh, okay. Let's just say we look the other way.

Let's shake hands.

Oh, no. We have to keep it all contactless, basically, in this industry.

Ew, okay.

Yeah. So you start- Can I start now? You start now. Raw, raw, raw.

Killed six people. Raw, raw, raw.

Killed six people. He has cancer. Killed six people.

I'm having a lot of fun. I really am having so much fun. I just typed in podcast and it looks like I could be a podcast producer for Team Coco, digital video producer for ESPN, Oh my gosh, there's so many jobs in podcasting.

You could be a Sona Obsessium type. I would love to. She's great.

Oh my God, if my job is just hanging out with Conan, I'd be the happiest gal on earth.

I think what you should do, Erin, is you should start out as a, you know, behind the lines producer, and then maybe you do that for a few years, you can work your way up to, you know, on mic talent, and you grind at that for a few years, and then maybe you could have one day, and I'm just saying one day, a successful podcast.

Maybe.

That could be your five-year plan.

Maybe.

Yeah, we'll see.

I believe in you. I'm hungry.

A man spends much of his year... What are you... Close your eyes. What are you hungriest for? Donut. What are you... So fast!

Donut. I want a donut.

Now Erin, open your eyes. So fast! You say you're not a quick improviser, but that was some of the fastest improv. If I'm in an improv scene, I'm reaching for my gun and I realize I've already got three holes through my chest. I'm like, I'm done.

Oh, I have a question for you. I was having this conversation last night with George Owens, improviser. Have you ever done improv with Alan Lennox?

I think I must have, but maybe not. We came before at the same time, but maybe we never performed together.

We were saying that he kills people on stage so much in shows that when he did ETC, they had a kill count backstage of how many times he killed people in an improv scene. And I just remember people saying like, you're not a Chicago improviser until Alan Lennox has killed you on stage. Casey's typing.

A right of passage. Yeah, that makes sense.

A man spends much of his day indoors peering through windows. The man is not considered a recluse. Casey said, I played Among Us on stream with him once and he tried to kill me. Well?

Well, Casey, that is the game. That's the whole premise.

A man spends much of his day indoors peering through windows. The man is not considered a recluse. Rather, he has built an impressive organization, attracted a huge number of followers, and amassed great wealth. Although his organization has been under investigation by the U.S. government, many of his followers believe the man has changed their lives. Who is the man and what is the name of his organization?

Evan Hansen.

No. Yeah, this is Dear Evan Hansen.

No.

He's waving through a window.

This is noted douchebag Billiam Gates.

I didn't know Bill Gates was into Irvin Hansen.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Okay. He was, I think, original cast, right? Yeah. Bill Gates was original cast.

Original cast, because dear Evan Hansen wears a cast.

I don't know that about the show. Don't get mad. I've never seen it. I've never seen it.

This is why, this is what's wrong with the world. People lash out when they're made to feel inferior or stupid. And you know what? I think it's okay to not know things.

No, I don't.

A baseball glove. You got to work it in. You gotta put butter on the glove. What's the leather like a freak? You push on the glove and the glove becomes a mold. A mold to your hand.

Dude, either Erin or I get the reference.

What's the reference?

What are you talking about? Are you hurt?

Are you sick? In Dear Evan Hansen, there's a song about like a baseball glove.

But I haven't seen it.

It's the worst song in musical theater history.

Oh, I kind of remember what you're talking about.

But I can't remember any of the words. It can't be worse than all of the songs in Seussical.

Don't talk about Seussical like that. I haven't seen it. Erin.

What? Which Dr. Seuss character would you like to go on a date with?

Donut. The Lorax. He speaks for the trees.

I am the Donut. I speak for the yeast.

A masked man calmly and quietly approaches a young woman. The woman kneels and begs the masked man to leave her alone. Her husband does nothing to intervene even though he could easily stop her from being harmed. Although the masked man's identity is known, he is not arrested even after he kills the woman. Who is the woman and what was her husband's name?

The man is Jim Carrey. The mask made him do it so he can't be held accountable for anyone the mask kills.

The man is Batman, the woman is a criminal, her husband is Commissioner Gordon.

A masked man calmly and quietly approaches a young woman. The woman kneels and begs the masked man to leave her alone.

He does kill. I thought he never killed. Is it the guillotine?

You're close, yeah.

It's probably one of the queens, Marie Antoinette.

You're close.

Which queen? It's not Marie Antoinette?

Divorced, beheaded, died.

Divorced, beheaded, survived. Well, shit. I mean, there were six of them, but one of them lived.

Which ones were beheaded?

Oh, Erin, is it Heart of Stone?

Jane Seymour.

No, Jane Seymour is Heart of Stone. She died of illness.

Oh, yeah.

It's not Catherine of Aragon.

For the House of Holbein. She was divorced. Is it the House of Holbein?

No, and it's not Anna of Cleves. He played me from A to G. She was divorced, and it's not

Oh, is it the one who is Ariana Grande? Katherine Hepburn. Kind of the Ariana Grande, Britney Spears one?

No, not that one. They both have a baby voice. That one also was beheaded, but it's the other one that was beheaded. Famously beheaded, green sleeves.

Green sleeves, mine too, big like my father's.

Oh God, I suck at it.

Well, matrix sleeves. Yeah, according to Sleepo, they're matrix sleeves.

Erin, give me the first letter. This is An-mo-lin. Anne Boleyn.

I'm that Boleyn girl and I'm up next. I stole England from the church. Yeah, I'm that sexy.

I want to see a scene.

Sure.

Erin, you're Anne Boleyn. You're about to be beheaded at the guillotine, but you're trying to like make amends with everyone. All your friends and family and lovers are in the crowd watching you're beheading and you're trying to sort of very quickly pie up all the loose ends.

Listen, listen, listen, listen, listen, listen, listen, listen, listen. I am so happy to be doing this. This is great. Of course, this is going to happen. I just, if I could have a trusted friend go into my apartment and sort of delete my search history.

Search history, search history, search history.

If you could just sort of, and there's nothing weird, obviously. Obviously. Raise the blade. Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. Jimmy, one second. Hold on, hold on.

I'm raising it.

I know. It's so heavy. I've got little spaghetti arms. You've got, you're strong. I believe in you. I know you lift in the gym. Look at those strong, strong arms. I'm shaking. Hey, Henry. If you, whatever you find in there, someone planted it.

Me?

um and you know it's okay hold on you guys everyone has their you guys you guys everyone has their sexual stuff you know and everyone is into what they're into hold on hold on I know I have my sexual stuff I fuck the bread I fuck the bread in town no that's weird that's bad oh people eat that bread Hey, hold it, hold on, hold on, hold on, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys. A couple things. One.

A couple?

Don't think too much about what I was looking into. Don't go into my room. You know what? Maybe just don't go into my room. Let's just burn it down. What if the bread fucked me? The bread? That's worse. The bread fucked you? Sir, the bread fucked you. No, I said what if? Don't talk to him. Don't talk to him. He's up next. Okay, I'm gonna die with so many questions.

We're doing him right after.

Um, okay.

But we're doing him butt first.

Oh, is this sexist? It's sexist that you're killing me.

No, we're doing the bread guy.

Patriarchy.

No, he's next.

Ugh, okay. What if I told you I didn't fuck Brad?

We're listening. Shut up. You stop talking. The Brad guy. The Brad pervert who's getting executed next is like, okay, go on. He's the only one in the audience.

I'm listening.

Erin, that has to be it, right? Did we get that one? You got it, of course.

Oh! Oh!

I'm sorry. Erin just punched her mic and then grabbed it and the whole thing came off.

You guys shut up, shut up. I have nothing to plug, Adal do you have anything to plug? I feel like I'm on a ship that's like...

We can't help you there, Erin.

Erin, it's a shame that this is a podcast because you are a master of physical comedy.

No, I'm not.

It's true.

I would like to plug our Patreon. Go to patreon.com slash heyriddleriddle and you're going to find all sorts of fun things over there. You can subscribe for, I want to say, a dollar, five dollars, or eight dollars. Each tier gets its own special unique menu of episodes and bonuses and all kinds of fun things. I highly, highly recommend it even if you just want to check it out for a month and then go from there. Erin, do you have anything to plug or promote?

Nope.

I'll also say that if you come over to the Patreon this month and it's not for you, there's nothing we can do about it. We already recorded this one.

Oh yeah, you actually, guys, wait a month. Wait for November. Wait for November.

No, I think you're gonna like October.

October's fun. No, do not listen to JBC. Save your money.

Hey, I got a five-star review to read. If you want to get a five-star review featured on the show, go ahead and submit one anywhere you write reviews. This one is from Lucky Striker. Lucky Striker writes, No later than 9pm. Hey, welcome, thanks for coming. Please put on this blindfold. You know what this is, right? You're a first-timer to the sleepover, so I just wanted to make sure you understand the rules.

1.

We absolutely love riddles.

2.

Uncle Santa is not real. I don't care what you've heard on social media.

3.

If you hear a forlorn jingling bell that seems just out of earshot, followed by a whispered, ho ho ho, you run. Do you understand? I don't know really what that was about.

Well, ho, ho, ho. Jupiter. Jupiter, Jupiter, Jupiter, Jupiter. Hold on Erin, I set you up on a date with Uncle Santa. No, no, no.

We've already been on a date.

Jupiter.

We've done that on the show. Jupiter. Okay.

Jupiter. Jesus.

There are no new ideas. Hey there Uncles and Mumbles, if you liked that, you are going to love this week's Patreon. We actually really get to the haunted house this time. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com slash hey riddle riddle by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or start your 7 day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month. Plus you get those ad free episodes. See you there. That was a hate gum podcast.