Which Riddle Riddle?

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One.

Two.

Three. Damn, I don't even remember doing that just now.

What do you mean?

I think I blacked out for that. Did the clap sound good? It sounded good, yeah. I truly looked at time.gov and I was like, okay, let's do the clap. And I'm like, no wait, we just did that. I'm We go through this every day. Dump your coffee into my coffee and now mine's overflowing.

Great. Just great.

He did like a boiler maker of my coffee into his coffee.

I mean, we should add this to the list because the coffee situation here is dire. I feel like one person gets a coffee every morning and the other two spend the entire morning stealing the coffee away from that person. And that's exhausting. But that's actually not why I called this meeting.

It's actually it's not dire, it's dirt. I'm drinking dirt coffee now because I'm trying to watch my sugar intake.

What is happening? Okay. Okay. This is all actually feeding into my greater point. This is actually all feeding into the grander thing that we need to talk about as a group. It has come to my attention that a lot of our beloved listeners have stopped listening to the main feed and only listened to our Patreon feed.

Oh, okay. That's fine.

They have decided that the quality of the main feed is How would we put this? Not so good compared to the quality of our Clue Crew episodes. And have they listened to this month's Clue Crew episodes? No, they have not. And I'm sure the tide will change. But I wanted to try to, I don't know, re-energize the main feed. Try to capture what we once had in the glory days. Sort of figure out why it's not working anymore. A couple things. You've obviously noticed that I've shown up wearing the sweater today to sort of maybe inspire you guys to, I don't know, make fun of me.

Quick check, Adal. Did you clock that? I did not clock that.

I'm seeing it now and I'm mad I didn't catch it at first.

At least I have an excuse. I haven't had my coffee and I got hit by the Edge of Tomorrow alien.

Ooh, I'm wearing a crazy sweatshirt. I hope people don't tease me about it. Okay, so never mind. I've also just like I've thought that maybe we could have like Sandy on this episode because he used to be around for some of our earlier episodes and people still listen to the main feed. Maybe that'll energize the show a little bit. I'm reading from a Riddle book and I thought I went back and I listened to the first couple episodes. Do you remember? Okay, you guys please stop fighting over the coffee. I'm serious. I need you guys focused.

Nobody's fighting. It's a struggle at this point. We're just struggling.

It's just one long, tense tug of war.

You're burning yourselves. Most of the coffee is spilling. Please.

We don't feel it. We don't feel it. We're biting our bottom lip so hard we don't feel it.

The first couple episodes, you might not remember this, but... I might not remember it?

Erin, I got hit by the Edge of Tomorrow alien earlier today.

We don't know that for sure. That's only a hypothesis right now. We haven't proved that that is true yet.

Well, we'll know. If I meet Emily Blunt in about 45 minutes, we'll know if I got hit by the Edge of Tomorrow alien.

Yeah, that will be the indicator.

Please, please, please, please, please, please.

Wait a minute. What's up with Emily Blunt and aliens? Every fucking movie she does is aliens. I can only think of one.

Wait a minute. Oh, I thought you were going to say John Krasinski is an alien because I'm right there with you.

I feel like she's in two movies about aliens.

Oh, okay. Yeah, you're right. Never mind. I thought I had something. Never mind.

What is it with, like, schlubby guys from 2000 sitcoms suddenly being, like, turned into, like, hot, like, movie stars?

Chris Pratt, John Krasinski, Ed Helms. Let's not listen anymore.

In the first couple episodes, Old Man Puzzles, which I don't even know if we called it that at that point, how crazy and kooky is that, used to not know the answer to the riddles as well.

That's right, yeah, I do remember that. That's insane.

That was insane to do. Wasn't that bad to do?

Didn't we decide that was bad to do? Yeah, I think we only did it for like three episodes.

Barreling through. In an attempt to re-pilot the show, sort of bring back our audience, I thought we would reintroduce ourselves for the first time.

Got it.

I will be Old Man Puzzles, and I will also not know the answer to these riddles that I'm going to read today.

Hmm, interesting.

Does anyone care?

In any part of the pilot, do we say who we are or what the show is?

Yes. So, we're going to do that right now.

We're going to do that soon. Okay.

Yeah, we're going to do that soon. Adal did this originally because he's sort of like the heart of the show. He's the show's creator. But Adal, do you want me to do it? Do you want me to do it?

I want you to do it.

Great. Hello. And please stop fighting over the coffee. You guys, I'm so serious. We're going to have to go to the hospital. You're getting burned all over.

Don't feel it.

Don't feel the thing. We don't feel it at all. And I'll just top this off as well.

I'm biting my lip more than Bill Clinton during a speech.

OK. Hello. Welcome to Hey Riddle Riddle, a podcast about riddles, puzzles, and lateral thinking problems. We are three comedians originally from Chicago. Is she reading from something? No, I'm reading from my heart. We met doing comedy together in Chicago, but we also all have an enthusiasm for puzzles and games and escape rooms. So we thought it would be fun to start a podcast where we do those things together. Really trying to capture the energy of how it felt to be in a green room with Chicago comedians. I'm Erin Keif. I'm one of the hosts. I'm originally from Massachusetts, lived in Chicago for my 20s, and now I live in Los Angeles with my dog, Lou. That over there, JPC, put down the coffee. That's JPC. Say hello, JPC. Yes, I got it. Yes, I got it.

God damn it. I had to go. OK, well, as soon as he gets introduced, I'm getting that coffee back. Hi, I'm JPC. I'm from Boston, Massachusetts, originally. Actually, just outside of Boston, from Hingham, Massachusetts. This is not true.

I'm from Indianapolis.

I think this is kind of like the rich area of Massachusetts.

That's not totally fair.

A lot of entitled, spoiled people.

I wouldn't say that. I'm sort of the poorest person in Hingham. That's true. It's a very racist place. Can't argue with that.

Let's see. Was in Chicago for a little bit. Have a dog named Lou.

Nope. Has a dog named Spaghetti.

Moved to Los Angeles.

Lives in Chicago with his wife and child and dog.

A partner with some of the worst internet that has ever existed in the history of the internet.

He has great internet and he lives in a house. He has a dog named Spaghetti and a kid named Spaghetti.

And I change my hair color every, I want to say, six weeks. Don't really know why. Don't really want to investigate why I do that too much, but it's important to me. That's not his thing, it's my thing. And it makes me feel something. I don't know what. Adal, why don't you tell the people a little about yourself?

My name is Bongo Socrates. I'm Armadillo with a top hat. Huh?

We're far afield.

Oh, I thought this was a time to, you know, kind of rebrand, have some fun.

Okay, Bongo. Okay, Bongo, we'll play it your way. Tell us about your life, Bongo Socrates. Are you a devil with a top hat? Is that what you said?

A devil? Yeah, I was looking at you because you grabbed the coffee. My name is Bongo Armadillo. No, my name is Bongo Socrates. I'm a devil armadillo with a top hat. I'm from Boston, Massachusetts, and I like to change my hair color. I have a dog named Spaghetti. I have a dog named Mariah and a wife named Spaghetti. This is kind of fun.

Okay, that went way better than I thought it would.

Yeah, that's good. That's a clean introduction. That's maybe the cleanest we've ever gotten. Casey, what's the time? 10 minutes? Okay, great. So that over there is Casey.

Casey is, how would we describe Casey?

Whatever makes sense. Whatever makes sense.

And that's the Howard Dean scream. Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Interesting. Okay. Kind of embarrassing.

Okay.

Pretty embarrassing. But you know, performance issues. He's not the same guy he was when we started out the show. It was five years ago and he wasn't there.

Six years ago.

Yeah, six years ago and he wasn't there. So it's, yeah, it's fine.

You know what also I just realized? This is a perfect time for a re-pilot because we just did months and months of our LA episodes and then into another guest episode. So peep, we have it. Thank you. That is J.D. Vance in a donut shop.

Casey, move that to where it was supposed to go.

No, no, no, no, no. So we haven't updated anybody about what has happened to us since July. Anybody have anything to share before I read these riddles?

What did I do since July? I spent an evening on a golf course, pretty uneventful. Had to leave in a hurry, kind of left some of my things behind. But yeah, nothing since the last time we recorded. Wow. Wow.

Adal?

I guess my big thing was I was fighting over coffee.

Oh my gosh, you dropped out of the presidential race. I forgot.

That was so... Oh my God, yes. Yeah. How big of you? Yeah, I guess the big thing is me fighting over coffee with JBC, but the big, big thing is I dropped out of the presidential race.

Yeah, unfortunately.

Because Trump kept pronouncing my name wrong.

You're a real patriot.

He said Adelba.

How did he say it?

Adalba Rifai.

The wickedly talented one and only Adele Dazeem.

Okay, that is actual footage. Actual audio footage of Trump calling me Adele Dazeem.

Erin, I do have something new that I have been kind of dying to talk about if you really do give a shit. Do you give a shit?

I don't. Okay. A man called his wife from the office to say that he would be home at around 8 o'clock. Okay, well now I feel bad. JPC, what would you like to talk about?

I bought one of these little mosquito bite zappers. Like one of these, it's like, it's a little circular heat pad thing that you put on a mosquito bite right after you get it and then it burns the mosquito bite to like cauterize it so that it doesn't itch. But it only I think works if you like right after you get the mosquito bite. I actually don't know how good it works, but I've been using it.

How do you know you got a bite?

Well, I mean, there's usually like a little bump after you get a bite, but for me, because mosquitos fucking love my sweet blood, once they bite me, I feel it like immediately. It immediately starts to itch and go crazy. So if I get to it quick enough with that little bug zapper thing, it works really well. Yeah. As a friend told me- Would that be good for you? I don't know. I mean, I don't think getting a bunch of mosquito bites is good for you either, but they fucking love me. I don't understand why, but they go fucking nuts for me.

Now just to check, is there any chance that at some point if you use that mechanism, while the mosquito is still on your skin, will you swap bodies with the mosquito?

I think if I use it while the mosquito is still on my skin, it burns the mosquito's DNA into me. I don't think we swap bodies, but I do think it's power.

And maybe do some self-examination, JPC, because if I'm being honest... Right here on the podcast? Okay.

Starts to feel around.

If I'm being honest, I don't think I would notice for several years if you and a mosquito body swapped.

Yeah.

That's all I'm saying is I think it would take several years for us to notice. And that's all I'm saying. Okay?

Yeah, right. Like a mosquito would come on the podcast and start talking about getting attacked by the alien from Edge of Tomorrow. No way. No way a mosquito would know that movie reference.

A man called his wife from the office to say that he would be home around 8 o'clock. He got in at 2 minutes past 8. His wife was extremely angry at his late arrival. Why?

I hope I meet Emily Blood.

Mosquito.

He got home or to work.

What was the... A man called his wife from the office to say that he would be home at around 8 o'clock. He got in at 2 minutes past 8. His wife was extremely angry at his late arrival. Why?

It was 8 a.m., not 8 p.m.? Yeah, 12 hours late. 12 hours and 2 minutes late, I guess. Yes. Yeah.

He arrived the following morning at 8.

Oh, so he was a full 24. Yes.

Was this Jack Bauer?

No, he said he would be there at home at 8 p.m. He arrived the following morning at 8 a.m.

Oh, at 8 a.m.

I would like to see a scene. Okay. Adal, you and JPC are married. Yes. He is coming home 12 hours later than he said he would. And JPC, you're coming up with any excuse of why you're late.

Well, well, well. Dinner's cold. Oh. It's borscht.

You didn't have to make cold dinner. Is it Tuesday? Oh, I guess it is Tuesday.

Cold dinner day.

It is Tuesday. Yeah. Um, well, oh God. I was supposed to pick up the cold brew and I forgot. Yeah. Well, is it okay if we just eat the dinner without the borscht without the cold brew?

You can eat. I already ate at our designated time. Where were you?

What do you mean? Isn't it? Oh my God. Isn't it eight o'clock right now?

It's 8am. I've been sitting on the steps with this glass of wine with a furrowed brow waiting for you to come in so you could see how mad I was.

Fuck my fanny, of course.

Last night was our anniversary.

I know! Well, I thought today was our anniversary. When you hear my, and I won't say excuse, I will say explanation for why this happened, you're going to be shocked at this point. I'm listening.

I'm listening.

So there's a power outage at work. And it's, I mean, what? It's got to be six o'clock. You know, I'm about to clock out for the evening. Power outage. All the clocks say 12. Blinking red lights. So I start getting hammered drunk because I don't, you know this, I don't deal with stressful situations.

You don't deal with stressful situations.

I don't deal with stressful situations.

Airport bars make a killing off you.

Hey everyone! What better way to know what time it actually physically is than go to the airport? Plus, I'm also, I got to go to the airport bar because none of the bars around here will serve me. And I can get into the airport bar because the turnover rate is so high among the staff because it's not a great job. So I'm getting kind of blitz at the airport bar, but then I got to read the time on the big board. Guess who's too drunk to read?

You.

Me.

What's this big board that you know that that big board is all the departure and arrival times?

Exactly. There's more times on that thing than I've ever seen on a clock. I look at a clock I see maybe one time max at a time. This board has I want to say upwards of a hundred times on it. And it's all accurate because they'll tell you if it's delayed. The lead singer of Fuel. Wait, Fuel or Tool? Which one did you say? Fuel. It's Fuel. It's the guy from Fuel. Yes! I thought you said Tool. I'm sorry. Yes. No, it's the guy from Fuel. So I say, hey, can you help me out? What time is it? I don't think the guy speaks any English. And he may not have been associated with the band Fuel as well. Now that you're saying it, I don't know what that guy looks like or what his name is.

Yeah, it's the bald guy from, I think, The Voice or American Idol, one of those shows.

Is he bald?

Yeah, he's bald.

This wasn't the gentleman. This gentleman was full hair. Fully haired. Harry from toe to taint, honestly. Toe to tail. Tip of nose to point of tail.

Was this a monkey? Were you seated next to a monkey?

No, they don't have monkeys at airports.

You missed your daughter's dance and song recital. Sweetie, why don't you come downstairs and perform for Daddy while he lies to Mom?

No, Sarah, you remember me. I'm your dad.

I don't have a dad.

Oh, just because I spent a night with a monkey at an airport because I was too drunk, and now you don't have a dad? Yes. Yeah, it was a monkey. You got it. Correct.

Scene.

Yay! It was a drug-sticking monkey at an airport.

Picture purchase is the name of this.

Oh, okay. I love that.

An art expert went to a sale and bought a picture he knew would be worthless. Why?

An art expert... Was it an NFT?

Went to a sale and bought a picture he knew would be worthless.

Why?

Oh, okay. Here's the thing. This art expert also doubles as an assassin. He knew that this artist that painted this thing was so unknown that they wouldn't be appreciated while they were still alive. So he bought their work and then later that day...

What? Later that day what?

Well, he jerked off a little bit, but did. Piano wire, grot! And he killed the artist, increasing the value of said- What's that? With what? He piano- He grotted him with a piano wire, Erin.

I thought you were still talking about jerking off. I'm so sorry.

I am grot. No, if you want it now, this is a PSA for all you out there listening. If you want to extinct the pleasure of a masturbation session, depriving yourself of oxygen... Okay, play something over this, Casey.

Anything. Literally anything.

There is a way to do that. Pig orgasms. There is a way to do that. No, not that. Not that.

That works.

Okay.

No, don't rap about it.

Yeah, of course I will.

We're trying to re-pilot!

Now listen, all you kids out there. If you want to jerk off, don't use air. Choke yourself with your hand or a belt. That's how the old folks felt when they jerked off in yesteryear. Nowadays, it's all like beer. Cut off the music. Cut off the music. Cut it off.

Cut it off.

No, but you shouldn't do that. That's really dangerous. If you're going to do that, have a friend there with you.

You guys. Erin, what? Oh, Erin.

What is it? GPC's rapping about choking yourself while you jerk off and it feels like... It's just business as usual. Yeah, it feels like it didn't even fix anything. And I feel like this is why people don't listen to the main feed anymore. It's just because it's cutting. Like it's just all about pig orgasms and you know... Erin?

Hey sweetie, would it help if GPC rapped about masturbating without choking himself?

Yeah, that would help.

Yeah, okay.

I can do that, Erin. I didn't know, you know, to make you feel better. Whoa, slap, slap, slap. Jerk, jerk, jerk. It's time to do the hurt. Grab yourself by your genitals. And don't forget to bring some towels, or some socks, or some sheets. Anything except your feet. Don't use a foot to jerk yourself off. You'll get arches, not soft.

You know, it's sad. I know that this is true, and I know we burned this bridge a long time ago, but none of us can ever run for public office because of this show.

Yeah. That's why I dropped out of running for president.

Yeah, that makes sense.

But why would we want to be, you know, the president when we already have the fucking best job in the world?

An art expert went to a sale- Doing mattress ads. And bought a picture he knew would be worthless. Why?

Is it not the thing about the guy who got garroted? No. Wow okay that was my really big idea and it was smart.

Would you like a hint or just the answer?

Is it something like he's gonna use it to sell to pass it off as an original because people go to him assuming that it's a guaranteed deal that it's the real McCoy?

No I like the way you're thinking but no.

Erin I have some art in my house that an artist named Zach Bartz bought at a like probably like a garage sale or a He was honest and there was no crooked motives involved. He did not intend to take any action to make the picture more valuable. He would not have bought the picture if it had been rolled up. Was he just buying the canvas and he was going to like bleach the canvas and paint something on top of it?

No, but you're thinking in the right way. Oh, did he want the frame? He wanted the frame. The picture was worthless, but it was in a fine frame that he intended to reuse.

Oh, that's a fine frame. I do want to see a scene. Oh my gosh, okay. Erin, you are a painter. JPC is your subject and this is your first session with him at his home.

You know, I just want to capture you as you truly are, so whatever you naturally do, wherever you naturally like to be in your home, I think that's where we should set up.

Okay, well, I will say, if you want to capture me naturally, this is way cleaner than my house has ever been. I apologize, but I can't have someone come over and... It looks nice, I know, but this is cleaner than it usually is.

Let's start the scene over. I decided I want to be French.

Okay, I want to see a scene. Erin, you're a French artist, and JPC is your subject.

Bonjour! Thank you so much for having me in your home. Wherever you want to set up, it works for me. I just want you to feel natural and like yourself, so wherever you please.

I am so sorry I did not understand a word you said.

Oh brother.

I like in this new iteration of our podcast that we can at any time call for the restart of a scene.

Yes, you know, because this is what I'm saying is we've not given a shit for so many years and I wonder what would happen if we started to try and to care, right?

Yeah.

Would the people come back?

Taking scenes again. Yeah. You know, maybe we take a scene again, someone gives us a listen again. You know what I'm saying? Yes. Yeah.

Okay. We give ourselves a second chance. It inspires the listeners to give us a second chance.

No more first ideas. We just we we think about it. We take some time and we go with our second idea. Was that your first idea? JPC here, I changed my mind. It's okay to jerk off with you behind, as long as you're behind a friend. What? Stand with it till the end. Friends can help you jerkin' off. This got worse. And now I know what you're thinkin'. This got worse. Now I know what you're thinkin'. You know what I'm thinkin'. Is jerkin' off, if you use a friend, or is it masturbation in a sensual end? This is not good. What do you mean?

Well, I'm Bongo Socrates the Armadillo. My favorite actor is Frank Grillo. Oh, what the fuck? I was guest starring. I was featuring.

Can I tell you something?

Yeah.

I really thought that this was going to go okay.

How?

Alone in a boat.

Why?

Why are there two little animals alone in a little boat in the middle of the ocean? This sounds like I'm scolding you two. Is that a real riddle? Why are there two little animals alone in a little boat in the middle of the ocean, boys?

Is this the scorpion and the frog?

Yeah. Are the two animals us and the water around us is the mess that we've made?

Again, I don't know the answer to this.

Uh, were these the, were this, was this like Noah's Ark accidentally brought like three horses and three zebras and this is like a horse and a zebra who are trying their best on a little boat and got kicked off?

This is a Noah's Ark answer. What two animals would you kick off?

Skunk.

Yes. The two animals were skunks that had been ejected from Noah's Ark because the stench they were causing. I would like to see a scene. You are the two skunks in a little boat who have been ejected from Noah's Ark because you're too stinky.

Erin, I'd like to make an adjustment as per the new rules.

Yeah, of course.

JPC and I are the two skunks and you are Noah. And this is the tough conversation of you telling us to leave.

Great.

Okay, I'm going to take this bunk up here.

Hey, hey, hey, hey. Oh, bottom bunk.

Perfect for me. Hey guys.

Hey, Noah.

Hey, Norno. Norno? Noah.

Noah.

Nemo. Yes.

Noah. Um, hey guys.

Thanks for the ride, by the way, chief. Yeah, thank all y'all, lifesaver. That one would have flooded our buttholes.

About that. About that.

Hey, we're sorry about earlier today. We were just mocking our territory, you know how it goes. And you served pinto beans for lunch. Little tomato juice will get that ride out. Throw a little tomato juice on that. Can you apologize to the zebra for me? Because I don't speak zebra, so I can't. I wouldn't be able to. Can you apologize?

Yeah, it's sort of about more than that. He spooked me.

Or she. Oh, what can you say anymore?

It is not... Yeah, this is sort of part of the problem. Um, I'm gonna get on your level here and I'm gonna kneel down. Hey, um... Oh, you scared me, Spray. Oh, God, it's not even... Right in your mouth, right in your open mouth. I'm so sorry, right in your open mouth. Guys, you're out of here. It's not even... Oh, don't make that... Don't make that. I'm gonna spray.

Whenever I hear somebody spray, I always spray.

It's about more about the smell. It's not just the smell, guys. You're out of here, and it's not just the smell. You also have bad personalities, and you are the one, and I know it's you too. You're the one setting up all of the poker games at night. And you're taking everyone's money.

Bad personalities jerk off motion with actual dick in hand.

That's just jerking off. When you say jerk off motion with actual dick in hand, that is on paper and in practice just jerking off. And this is what I mean. I know what this is.

Is it because we're gay? Is it because you have two male skunks? You want to kick us both off?

We have the flamingos on this boat. You think I'm a homophobic Noah? There are flamingos here.

As far as I know, we're the only gay couple on this boat. Because I guess you said that it was like a repopulation boat or something like that.

We have all the gay animals here. I love all the gay animals. I love all the gay animals. Okay, well not the skunks.

Not the gay skunks. But not the skunks.

Wow. I don't dislike you because you're gay. I dislike you because you smell like shit, and you jerk off, and you steal people's money. You two have a gambling problem.

Got it.

You have a drinking problem.

You want us to cut you in, huh?

No.

On the gambling profits?

I want to throw you in the ocean.

We'll cut you in. We'll cut you in. Yeah, 1%? 1%, that's fair, right?

I would rather cuddle with the porcupines, who are also gay, by the way.

Yeah, but they're a male and female. Sure, there's lots of other individual gays on this boat.

Yeah, but they're gay. They're both gay.

This seems like a sweaty fix. Noah, just admit it.

I'm tossing you in the ocean.

Wait, wait, Noah, Noah, Noah, wait, wait. We, okay.

No, I'm tossing.

No, Noah. One. We'll compromise, we'll compromise.

Two. Me and Mark, me and Mark.

Don't count all the animals right now. We will try to breed with other skunk-like creatures.

No.

I'm willing to breed with a muskrat.

No, I am begging you not to.

And I with a millipede.

No, I'm begging you. I'm not playing God here.

I will let a possum watch me do stuff to Mark. Who's Mark? Who is Mark? This is Mark right here. I'm Mark.

Oh God.

You didn't even learn our names.

You're offering to let a possum watch you do stuff to Mark? That's your big sell? Why not?

Don't be a prude. The possum's into it.

Hey Noah, where's your mate, huh? Everyone here is coupled up except for you. Is that what's making you so pissed off?

Oh, is it lonely, Noah? Is it lonely, Noah?

Do you think I'm not sleeping with some of these animals? You're out of your fucking mind.

Oh, that's it. We're not putting out, huh? Oh, okay. We can put out.

No, that's not what I'm saying. We can put out.

I let you watch me do whatever I want to Mark.

Yeah.

Tosses in the ocean, tosses in the ocean. Give us a boat.

See, this is the worst episode we've ever done. We're going to do, I don't know, a couple more riddles, and then we're going to get Sandy in here to fix this.

Perfect. Oh, yeah. Well, why didn't we just do it at the beginning? That's a way better plan.

Oh, God. You know, I'm worried about this one, given the content of the episode so far. A famous dancer was found strangled. The police did not suspect murder. Why?

Don't. Don't. No. A famous dancer was found dead. Whoa, this one is a crazy answer.

Oh, goodness. Is this real? Hold on.

Wait, Erin. So you're just reading the answer live. You're not trying to solve the riddle? You're just going straight to the answer?

Well, I tried to in my head, and then I couldn't think of anything.

You tried for one second? I tried to in my head. This is just the regular show. We're just doing the regular show.

Yeah, but you're just doing the regular show. You're talking about jerking off.

I have talked about jerking off way more in this episode than I would during the regular show. This is Patreon-level content.

Guys, this is just a moment that actually fucking happened in history and I did not know about this. This is awful. This is awful.

It's a strangulation, Erin.

It's a strangulation.

Yeah.

Erin, would it help if the three of us shot a Metallica-style documentary where we bring in a therapist and we all kind of work through riddles together?

Yeah, that would help. Okay. I can't believe I read this one. See, this is the harm of not reading the riddles before.

Should we ask Becca to do this show again? What do you say?

I would love to have Becca do the show again, by the way.

I have like an unreal amount of therapist-improviser friends at this point. There's so many of them. We have like five different people we could call to be therapists and do improv on the show.

To do a Metallica-style documentary? Yes, to do a Metallica-style documentary.

So the answer to this is just a horrible historical fact.

Do we have all the information we need from?

No.

Okay.

You just need to know that this happened in history.

A famous dancer died. Can you read it again? Is there a last name dancer?

No. A famous dancer was found strangled. Reindeer. The police did not suspect murder. There's no way you're going to be able to guess this because it's just you have to know what this happened.

Can you give us a year? Can you give us a time period that we should be looking out for?

It happened on September 14th, 1927.

27, so Adal, this has got to be your domain.

I would have been 14. I feel like I remember something from a fireside chat. Yeah, 1914. Erin, is this in the U.S. or is this abroad?

It happened abroad. It happened in Nice, France. I'm going to get through this because it's terrible instead of having you guys guess. On September 14, 1927, dancer Isadore Duncan, who I've heard of, of course, but also if you ever took ballet as a little kid, you know Isadore Duncan, was strangled in Nice, France, when the enormous silk scarf she was wearing got tangled in the rear hubcap of her open car.

That's such a big scarf! That's insane. That's too big! Oh no. Wait, she was driving the car?

She was driving a convertible?

And it got caught in the rear hubcap? Oh yeah. That scarf is so big!

Oh my god.

How do you get it in the car? Shouldn't someone be like, oh, oh, oh no, no, please, please don't.

This is horrible. The scarf's too big. That's horrible. Okay, well, that's a horrible historical fact of the day. Sandy?

That's like the guy in Watchmen who died because his cape got stuck in the revolving door and the gangster shot him.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah. That's just like the guy from the movie Watchmen from... Well, I was thinking the movie and I think it's when that Bob Dylan song is playing and they're just kind of like going through some of the heroes. But yeah, revolving door, cape stuck, mobster shot him.

Well, on that horrible note, let's take a little break.

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Adal GPC, I bet you can tell I'm in a pretty good mood today.

Oh, I can tell people? Thank God, because I've been telling people that you're in an awful mood every day. So the permission that you've granted me now to tell people that you're in a good mood, this is a game changer for me. Go to my mass text. Erin in good mood.

Let's talk about my thing, which is my website I've launched. It's all about cute frogs wearing even cuter hats. You guys, this is the best day of my life.

Sorry Erin, I didn't catch what your website was. I was just updating my website, erinsmood.com. We have a ton of people that subscribe to this to like know what your mood is and I as the webmaster. Erin, did I tell you that I use Squarespace for it though? The all-in-one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and succeed online, whether you're just starting out or managing a growing brand like erinsmood.com. Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website, engage with your audience, and sell anything from products to content to time, all in one place, all on your terms.

I know what I'll do.

Erin, I'm going to buy a print off of your frogswithhat.com website.

Cute frogs with even cuter hats.

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Adal, be honest, whose website do you like better? Just be honest.

Um, I think mine.

Wait, Adal's mood is pretty good because he's looking at cutefrogs.com. This feels personal.

Sorry. I've done it. Erin, JPC, come into my lab. I've done it.

Al, you've finally done your accent training.

Yes. I've completed my course at... Wow. MIT Accents Online.

Oh, and the MIT doesn't stand for Massachusetts Institute of Technology, right?

It stands for... Monsters in Training. Now I can cancel this subscription using Rocket Money.

Oh yeah.

Rocket Money.

I love Rocket Money. I've been using it for years.

Yeah, isn't Rocket Money a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings?

Yes, that's right. Most Americans think they spend about $62 per month on subscriptions, but the real number is closer to a monstrous $300.

And you said Americans. You hit Americans really hard. Where is this accent from? Pittsburgh. Pittsburgh.

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Rocket Money will even try to negotiate lower bills for you, sometimes by up to 20%. They automatically scan your bills to find opportunities to save, then you can ask them to negotiate for you. They'll deal with customer service. And they won't use whatever accent Adel is using when they do it. Pittsburgh. Pittsburgh. Warder. Warder.

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You guys, I've done it. How's my accent?

Where's that from? Audited the course.

Pittsburgh.

Hey Riddle Riddle.

Hey, guys, you know how in improv, like the number one rule, I think for normal improv, not the improv we do, but the normal rule is yes and.

Uh, no. But what do you mean?

Yeah, no. Well, what I was thinking is I had this dream that maybe instead of the rule being yes and, it could be yes sand?

Do you know the difference there? What the fuck are you talking about? I'm lost here. What is going on?

Yeah, instead of yes and, it's yes sand. Like, instead of yes and, it's yes sand box with Sandy Weiss.

Oh, it's all coming together now.

Oh my God, I thought you were dead. We kept you in that box for so long, thank God.

Oh, you know, I'm alive. I can I can subsist on on just sand for at least three years. So we're good.

Phew, I was too scared to look.

Yeah, three years. Yeah, three years, three years. And then after that, it's it's also you it's all bets are off. So you got to call me up every three years or so. We'll be good.

Hmm.

JPC, will you write that down?

We could have had way more time. We're like way over time on this. Sorry, I meant three years in turtle years. I don't know what that is in human years. Sorry. Oh, that's like 24 hours. 24 hours.

Actually, my turtle years calculator is still busted, so I won't be able to help out at this specific instance, but maybe soon it'll be back.

My turtle calculator is in Logo. Remember that? Logo with the turtles? Oh yeah. Does anyone remember what the fuck he's talking about? I thought that would land. Adal, you don't know? What is Logo? Logo is a programming language I learned in elementary school, and the icon was a little triangle, and they called that the turtle. I'm not joking. And you made little shapes with it, ran around the screen. Have your audience loves this. Thank you. Sandy, can I be honest and open and vulnerable with you? I don't know. The other night I had a dream about the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and in my dream they were supposed to, because they're all Italian Renaissance artists, they were supposed to love pizza. The Town. The Leaning Tower.

Don't know

Oh man, I just get murdered in my dreams. What the heck?

Erin, you want to swap dreams?

Yeah, I'd love to.

And I just kill horny teens.

Wait.

Wait, Erin, are you a horny teen?

Sometimes.

Well, speaking of horny teens, Sandy, what's our game today? Why'd you invite me here? Why'd you wake me up out of this slumber?

Puzzles, riddles, lateral thinking problems.

Oh, gosh. I should have expected it. Well, good news. I wrote some while I was asleep in my dreams. I hope they're okay. I have not tested them in my waking form.

These should all be pun-based if you did them while he was asleep.

Well, I wouldn't say they're pun-based, but they're definitely Leaning Tower of Pizza-based. All right, so today we are going to do some... That's a red sauce, a red base, right?

A Leaning Tower of Pizza base. That's a red tomato base.

It's when the pizza delivery guy puts the box on a tilt and all of the ingredients slide over to one side. That's why that little table's in there.

That would be fucking awesome. Yeah, because for a long time growing up, me and my brothers could never... That's why the table's in there, right. We could never decide on what we wanted pizza-wise, so we'd always do split pizzas. So to know that you open up the box and you get all of your brother's toppings, that would be fucking awesome. Right. Sorry, man. You're allergic to something on my side, so you got to eat crust.

If I say left pizza with no beef, is that right? Left pizza with no beef? Does that ring a bell?

Are you talking about the Katy Perry shark? The left pizza? No, I am not talking about Katy Perry.

You would know if I was talking about Katy Perry. It's non-pizza with left beef. You don't know what I'm talking about?

Is this another programming language? I swear to God.

I've understood 0.0% of what we're talking about today.

This is a 2007 level memes. Okay. This guy put an order in dominoes. You could specify exactly what you want on both sides. And he just unchecked everything. Okay. This is going off my memory of how this worked. Except on the left side, he put memes. He put beef, and so the box comes and it's just the crust with some beef thrown on one side. And it's the order is none pizza with left beef. I haven't thought about this in a long time. It's bringing me lots of joy.

There's somebody who learned a programming language in grade school and who loved Nun Pizza with left beef, and they're just going fucking nuts for this episode.

Logo and left beef. If Nun Pizza with left beef and left shark could get together, they'd have something. I don't know what it is, but it'd be something. Okay, let's get back to the puzzles. Yeah, please. Wait, back to them?

It's off the rails.

Yeah, let's go on to the rails. Are we on the rails? Let's go back to the rails, the train with the puzzles. It works like this. These are called movie trios, and I have made up a description of a theoretical movie with one word title, and you have to give me the name of the movie in one word, okay?

Okay.

So these are movies that don't exist. They don't exist. I'm making them up and I'm going to give you a one-line description of them. In addition, I'm going to give you in the description three names associated with the movie, like an actor, a director, it doesn't matter. You'll hear three names. One of the names, well, the initials will be the two letters that start the word. The two letters that start the word will be initials of the name. One will have a name that rhymes with the movie title, and one will have a name that's thematically related. So for example, if I said, Ryan Gosling and Bruce Campbell star in this origin story about a Top Gun character inspired by the works of painter Georgia O'Keeffe. One of those initials, those pairs of initials start the answer word, one of those names rhyme with the answer word, and one of those names is thematically related. So this would be a movie called Goose because Georgia O'Keeffe, G-O, starts out Goose, Bruce rhymes with Goose, a Gosling is a Goose, and of course Goose was a character from Top Gun. So you've got four clues in there to get the top.

Wow. Whoa, okay. This is intense.

I gotta ask. How do you come up with this shit, man? This is fucking blowing my mind.

It would take me six days to write one of these.

I order, I don't know, I order lots of pizza and see how it comes out. I throw pizza against the wall and see what happens. I spent years in a bunker churning away at the puzzle mines. Makes sense.

Yeah, for anybody who thinks that they can just come out the gate writing puzzles, this is proof positive that you are incorrect. This is a skill developed over decades.

Well, and also, I have no idea if this will be any good. This film about letting things happen is based on the writings of Pablo Escobar and features Hugh Grant and Kermit the Frog. So you're looking for one word that rhymes with one of those names, starts with the initials of one of those names, and thematically is related to one of those names.

Hugh Grant can't be the one starting it, because that's H-G. Nothing starts with H-G. Is it permit?

Yeah, I was going to say, Kermit is probably the start of it.

It is permit! Kermit? So work it out. Kermit rhymes with permit. P-E-R-M-I-T starts with P-E.

Oh my God.

And then Hugh Grant. Wait, what's permit with Hugh Grant? Spike Lee directed this movie about the prickly side of flowers, starring Tom Hanks and featuring the music of Korn. I want to say porn, but I know that's not right.

And unlike all my other clues, this is a real movie. I thought that would be funny, the idea that Spike Lee would make a movie with the music of corn. I guess it was too real. Spike Lee joined about the prickly side of flowers, starring Tom Hanks and featuring the music of corn. Thorn.

Thorn. Thorn. Tom Hanks.

Thorn. Tom Hanks is Thorn. Tom Hanks, Corin rhymes with Thorn, and then Spike is another name for a thorn. There you go. Wow. This British period piece is based on a story by Stephen King and stars Rita Ora and Brian Doyle Murray. Do you know who that is, Brian Doyle Murray?

Oh yeah.

Bill's brother, of course. Yeah.

I think Bill's Brian's brother. Who's older? Yeah, certainly Brian. Certainly Brian. Certainly Brian.

Can you give the three... Stephen King, Rita Ora, Brian Doyle Murray.

I find that when I'm listening to Sandy Rethys, I'm listening for the people's names and then I get all the names but I forget everything that he said about the people's names.

Yeah. So is it Rita Ora is the initials?

Mm-hmm.

Okay. R-O...

Today we're This British period piece is based on a story by Stephen King and stars Rita Ora and Brian Doyle Murray. Royal. Royal. Doyle. Doyle.

Royal Doyle! Ugh! Rita Ora.

Royal Doyle. These are so hard Sandy, my brain!

Sandy, you fucked us with Doyle! You fucked us with a 3-day person! You fucked us with a 3-day person!

Go on Adal, what were you going to say? I was going to say, this one really threw me because Brian Doyle Murray. I was like, oh, that's three. And I'm like, oh no, how do we... If it does start the movie, is it going to be all three? But then I was like, nothing's going to start with BDM, I don't think. Well, something started with BDM, but nothing. I couldn't find another rhyme with royal, so I went with Brian Doyle Murray, beloved comic actor.

A Murray that everyone knows, Brian Doyle. Didn't he have a show that was like him golfing, him and Bill Murray were golfing?

Yeah. No, he was also... I think his name's Dorf.

No, it was Doyle Goes Fishing. I need to get one of these for my sanity.

There's plenty more. Brad Pitt and Gary Oldman star in this family drama by Darren Aronofsky. Honestly, I didn't realize this until just now, I could phrase this as Brad Pitt and Gary Oldman star in this sequel to a Darren Aronofsky film.

So Mother is a famous Darren Aronofsky. Black Swan is another one.

Gary Oldman is G.O. Brad Pitt is B.P. It's not going to be B.P.

It's not going to be B.P. It's going to be Dad. Dad?

Darren Aronofsky.

Darren. Darren.

Dad. Dad. That could be it, right? Brad Dad.

Brad Dad. It's Dad. It's Dad. Darren Aronofsky, D.A., and then old man is a dad. Dad's an old man. Wow.

Wow. Fuck me. This is so hard. I feel like I'm doing brain gymnastics right now. My brain is stretching in ways that it can't stretch.

Brain-nastics. To be fair, I can see all these words in front of me. So it's a lot easier.

I know I look calm on the outside, but on the inside there's a fire in my brain and everyone is screaming.

Write them down. I think it'll be easier if you write them down.

Don't tell me what to do, dad, okay?

We should say that Erin took the lotus position while shaking immensely.

Did it help? No. Did I try it anyway? Yes.

Do you know that name Darren Aronofsky has Erin in it twice?

Oh my god.

Darren Aronofsky. You must love that guy.

Yeah, yeah, I love that guy.

Me love him.

Yeah, I love his movies. I love how stressful his movies are.

Give one descriptor about this guy.

He dated Jennifer Lawrence, and he wears glasses, and he directs movies.

Wait, Darryl and Ashley dated Jennifer Lawrence?

Yeah.

Not only that, he was married to Rachel Weisz? Yes. But she left him for Daniel Craig, I want to say? Yes. I have to couch all these because I don't know my gossip too well.

All my wives leave me for Daniel Craig. It's so annoying.

Sounds like a country song.

I'm looking at this motherfucker right now and I would absolutely leave him for Daniel Craig.

I think Weiss and Craig, yeah, they wed. They were wedded. They married. She's the only famous person that spells Weiss the way I do, that I know of. So when she became famous, I thought, oh, this is going to be great. Everyone's going to know how to spell my name now. I'll just say Weiss, as in Rachel Weiss. It did not work out.

Kind of like her marriage with Darren Aronofsky.

Kind of like it. That's what I should say. It's wise. Kind of like, you know. Here's another one. See if you can get this one. Sean Penn plays an author who can only write with one particular implement, and Nick Cage plays the voice of the implement. Bon Iver provides the music. Bick! Oh, there you go.

Yes! I got one! I just had time.

I had fun imagining a movie where Nick Cage was the voice of a pen.

Wow. He would kill it. I feel like Rachel Weisz right now after years of fucking Darren Aronofsky, finally fucking Daniel Craig. That's what I feel like right now. I'm on top of the world.

Here's another one. James Bond. Here's another one I enjoyed writing because, well you'll see, you'll see what happens inside of this fun little puzzle. Milos Forman directs this Bruce Springsteen biopic starring David Cross and Bob Odenkirk. And I'll just tell you, Bruce Springsteen's the topic, he's not one of the names. So it's Milos Forman, David Cross, and Bob Odenkirk. This is gonna be boss. Boss rhymes with Cross.

I cannot believe, how is your brain moving so fast?

A foreman is a boss, B.O. 's Bob Odenkirk, and then cross rhymes with boss. So Erin, JPC, we've all gotten one.

Yeah. Erin looks behind her, looks behind her again. Oh, I didn't.

Erin, don't look behind you. Look to the future. Look in front of you. Sandy's probably got tons more of these.

Okay, I'm going to get the next one.

Sandy probably has at least one more of these. We're going to let you get one, Erin.

I got tons. I got tons. Let's keep going until, and I'll just write them on the fly if we need to.

Oh Jesus Christ.

Hey JPC, for this round, how about we don't guess, we'll let Erin guess so she can get one, but you and I try and shout out things that distract her.

Adal, I love that idea. And I'm doing a big wink and I'm doing a really big wink at you. Let's not do that though. Let's just, let's let, let's honestly try and I'm doing a huge wink.

A huge wink back.

And maybe Erin gets one and it's a huge big wink with my big winking eye.

Erin, let's all try equally hard wink wink.

Yeah, wink wink and we all try hard. Sandy?

I'm falling for it.

I heard none of that. Great. A retelling of Days of Wine and Roses. Do you know that movie? Days of Wine and Roses, Erin? I just saw the play on Broadway. What's it about, Adal? It's about a married couple with a kid and the dad is an alcoholic and he has a dark era and then gets sober and then relapses and loses everything. Okay. A retelling of that with Paul Mescal and Penelope Cruz and produced by Barack Obama. That's going to be booze. Wow. Way to come through on that promise. No, I was yelling out stuff to distract Erin, because Mezcal is booze. Barack Obama is B.O.

I was so close. I truly was thinking it, and then you said it. Oh my God, my heart.

Erin's head went, as long as it took Sandy to read that clue, as long as it took Adam to forget what we had just talked about. Wink, wink, wink. No, I got a big wink over here.

Just one more. Quickly, one more.

A documentary all about people who get tattoos of Qui-Gon Jinn.

The one who got cut in half, right?

Qui-Gon. Yeah, Qui-Gon. This guy never seen the fucking movies. Qui-Gon. Qui-Gon.

Well, obviously it doesn't rhyme with Qui-Gon. It's not Qui-Gon. It's not Saigon. A documentary all about the people who get tattoos of Qui-Gon Jinn, narrated by Jordan Peele, and featuring the music of Solange Nowells.

Okay.

So Qui-Gon Jinn is considered one of the three celebrities? And is Jin with a G or a J, do you know? You mean he spells his name J-I-N-N in common language?

Yeah. Well, he doesn't spell it that way. It's actually basic, it's not... Jesus Christ, does no one know anything about fucking Star Wars? I feel like I'm a fucking... I feel like I'm a Jizz Wailer over here.

What?

Huh?

Didn't they change that retroactively?

Yeah, but I don't buy that. I'm a purist. It's always been jizz to me.

Okay, so Qui-Gon, Qui-Gon, Qua-Gon. Qui-Gon. Miss Qui-Gon. Miss Qui-Gon. Miss Qui-Gon Jin. Narrated by Jordan Peele. Featuring the music of Solange Knowles. Oh, I got it. Erin, I got it. Should I say it or should I not? Don't say it.

Say it.

No, don't say it, Erin. It's about people who get tattoos. Tattoos. People who get tattoos. Erin, I'll give you a hint. This is the human body's largest organ.

Heart.

Maybe, wait, maybe I'm wrong. Skin.

No, it is. You're right. Skin. You're right. Yeah. Wow, Erin.

How'd you get that? What's the three?

Um, well, Solange Knowles is the, is the, um, the, is that what it is?

Yes.

And then, um, the tattoo is the skin thing, right?

Uh huh.

And then what was the middle clue?

Jordan Peele.

Jordan Peele.

So if you peel an animal, if you kill a deer and then peel the skin off.

The best example.

Yeah, I mean apples, of course, oranges, but to me it's a deer. They have peels. Yeah. And then Kwai John Gin. Gin rhymes with skin. Got it.

He's doing it to make me mad at this point, people. That's not his name. When Darth Maul comes to visit you, Sandy, he's going to have words.

I'm going to tell you about something amazing that I saw, Star Wars related. Obviously, it's not a visual medium. It's not going to be as enjoyable to hear me talk about it as it was for me to see it, but you're going to have to find it yourself. Someone took a picture of a painting someone had done. with eight minor Star Wars characters, and then next to them, what they thought that character's penis looked like. And it was phenomenal.

$10,000.

And it was correct. I will buy this for $10,000.

Wait, the painting was also a painting of the penis? Every character was next to their penis. It wasn't a full body portrait, it was like the face that you recognize, like Salacious Crumb or Jabba the Hutt. Can we all agree Sebulba's got a fucking hog? Also included in this was a What's the guy with the four lightsabers? Not a guy, he's like a cyborg-y thing. What's his name?

General Grievous. General Grievous was in there.

The only robot with a head cold, yeah. Well, he also has a dick, and I know what it looks like. All right, a few more.

You know what somebody thinks it looks like. Let's do one more.

One more?

Yeah, one more.

All right. This is a good one. A retelling of the movie Private Parts. Written by Suzanne Collins, directed by Wong Kar-Wai, and starring Dick Van Dyke. It's not Dong because we don't have anyone, we don't have D-O. Oh yeah, you're right. Schlong? Schlong? It is Schlong! Wow! I set myself up for that one totally unintentionally. Yeah, it is Schlong. Suzanne Collins, S-C, Wong rhymes with Schlong, and Dick Van Dyke, I've heard, is a synonym for Schlong. Have you seen the In the Mood for Love remake with Dick Van Dyke? It is just beautiful. Sumptuous.

Sandy, thank you so much for joining us.

Where can people find you? Did we have fun or are we in pain?

I'm in pain, but I also had fun.

Adal had a good time, I had a fine time, and Erin... Well, two out of three ain't bad.

We'll get them next time?

Yeah, Erin will get them next time, champ. We'll get them next time. Where can people find you, Sandy?

Oh yeah, you can find me on Instagram at Mystery League, and threads at Mystery League. Also, I have a newsletter called Signals, which is found at the website Signals.fun, S-I-G-N-A-L-S.fun. Where else can you find me? I wander around Chicago on my bike spewing puzzles at random passers-by. Yeah, I don't know. You're like Billy on the Street, but pleasant. I'm like Billy on the Street. Billy on the Street, I think, went to college with me. I think we were at Northwestern at the same time. Okay. If I ever see him, I'm waiting to get accosted on the street by him so I can tell him that.

And you go up and you say, ma'am, a puzzle for a dollar, and you throw a puzzle in someone's face, correct?

No, but I will do that now, man.

All right, Sandy, back in your coffin. All right, we'll see you in three years. Three turtle years.

Three turtle years.

Bye. God, I'm going to miss that guy. But you know what? I think we'll see him again in like six episodes-ish.

Oh, nice.

Four, five, six episodes. Yeah, so it'll be fun.

Adal, anything to plug?

Erin, I'm so glad you asked. I want to plug a little thing called Joe Co Cruz. Next year, 2025, from March 2nd to March 9th, the three of us will be on the JoCo Cruise, a Jonathan Colton cruise ship that sets sail along the Caribbean, I believe. Janet Vardy will be there, our fourth host. All kinds of amazing other folks. I know, I'm pretty sure Amy Mann will be there, which I'm freaking out about. Come see us on the boat. Come take a cruise. Buy your tickets. Get a cabin. We want to play games. We want to sing shanty songs that Erin talked about. We want to... What else happens on a cruise ship?

It's the best time ever. It was the best week of my life. I've never been more excited to do anything as I am to go back on this cruise.

So come on, JoCo, and make this week the best week of Erin's life. Whatever happens on the cruise stays on the cruise.

Yeah. Oh, and if you are interested in cheating, that's also, Erin, you said that there was lots of cheating going on on the cruise? What? Because there's no rules, right? Because you said international waters. I did not. The only reason I'm going on this thing is because of international waters.

I would like to plug... Oh, real quick.

Sorry. Yes. Go to JoCoCruise.com. That's J-O-C-O-Cruise.com.

Also, I'm bringing my wife and she is really looking forward to cheating. So, that better not have been wrong. I sold her on the cheating.

With a skunk, right? Yeah. Sorry, Erin, do you have anything to plug or promote?

Is this true, JPC? In the bio of our episode, you can submit to where you would like us to do live shows.

Yeah, HeyRiddleRiddle.com slash live something.

It's in the link. And if you want us to come to your city, go and fill out that form. We would love to set it up and maybe come see you next year. So go check that out.

It's HeyRiddleRiddle.com slash request. That's the link. What do I have to plug? Oh yeah, I mentioned it last week as well, but I am taking over as the producer for the show World News in Chicago. That's W-H-I-R-L-E-D, News in Chicago. We're every Saturday night at the Iowa Theatre, and come and see our show. It's a lot of fun. And a lot of Hey Riddle Riddle people show up to the show. And if you are a Hey Riddle Riddle person that shows up to the show, it's okay to say hello afterwards. You don't have to not say hello. You can say hello. It's fine.

And the Aaron guarantee is anytime I'm back in Chicago on a Saturday, I will drop in and I will insist to be a part of the show.

We have some casting decisions to make, so we'll let... What the hell are you talking about? We'll let everyone know.

Are you phasing me out?

It's not really a phase out. You don't live in the city anymore. It's like a gentle... It's a gentle goodbye.

Armadillo Devil, fix this.

Erin, I'm starting a new show that's called World News Tomorrow, and it's sort of like precogs. We're trying to figure out, like, trying to take a guess.

Precogs can still get you pregnant, Jupiter.

Thank you. That's what I was going for.

Precogs. Tom Cruise. Oh, I got hit by the fucking Edge of Tomorrow alien again. Here we go. You gotta start the episode over. Erin, whenever you're ready.

Start the episode again.

Casey Toney did the editing.

Marty Parrish did the music.

Hey there manatees and milks, if you liked that, you are going to love this week's Patreon. The crew goes to a haunted house, but really this time. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com. Hey Riddle Riddle by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or start your seven day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month. Plus you get those ad free episodes. See you there.

That was a hate gum podcast.