This is a HeadGum Podcast.
00:00:01
Ryan
This is a HeadGum Podcast.
???
Hey, I'm Jake Johnson, host of the podcast, We're Here to Help, but this episode right now that you are listening to is sponsored by Brooklinen. Brooklinen provides luxury bed sheets, pillows, comforters, and blankets delivered straight to your door. How do I know this? Because Brooklinen delivered me a quilt, sheets, pillowcases, and I love them. Plus, Brooklinen has been tested and awarded by experts, including Good Housekeeping. GQ, Wirecutter, and the hosts of We're Here to Help. So listeners can save a ton by purchasing a hardcore bundle which includes a core sheet set, which is the thing I got, extra pillowcases, and a duvet cover. You can also mix and match. They do this stripe thing that's cool but that's a dealer's choice. So, are you ready to build your dream fall bed? Visit in-store or online at brooklinen.com. That's brooklinen.com. B-R-O-O-K-L-I-N-E-N.com. Get 15% off your first Brooklinen order and save extra when you bundle.
00:01:32
???
Hey Riddle Riddle.
Adal
Okay, now when we ring the doorbell, we'll just ask Ryan if he wants to come on the show. He's been on before, right? He's one of our favorites. He's been on the main feed, he's been on Patreon. This should be so smooth.
JPC
Okay, I'm sorry. Yeah, I just, I feel like we should talk about this before we get here because I shit in a bag and it's already kind of like halfway on fire. So are we not doing that at all? What?
Erin
We just we said let's get on our bikes. We'll meet over at Ryan's house. We'll knock on the door and ask him if he can come out and play.
JPC
And then I stopped listening because what else would we be doing? Ding dong ditch?
Erin
Yeah, I assume. To our friend Ryan? No, of course not. We're gonna ask his mom if he can come out to play.
JPC
Uh, okay.
Erin
Maybe play Flashlight Tag?
JPC
I guess I'll eat what's in the bag.
Erin
No, no, no, no.
JPC
Everybody wants me to eat what's in the bag. Why do you have a fork and knife? It's a Snickers.
Erin
Oh, it was a Snickers.
00:02:33
JPC
It's not a Snickers.
Erin
I don't like this at all. I don't like this. Let's get him out here. Come on. Now I feel nervous.
Adal
I don't see a doorbell. Okay, no doorbell.
Erin
Okay.
Adal
It feels rude to knock, right?
Erin
What if they're eating dinner?
Adal
Let me look in the window.
JPC
Okay, please.
Ryan
Mom, this dinner's great. This is delicious. Thank you, Mom. I see him. His chair's facing someone else. I can't see Mom. Yeah.
Adal
Uh-oh.
Ryan
Wait. My real mother, you have prepared another brilliant meal.
JPC
You are real and you love me. I see in the corner what appears to be the stick that should be connected to a mop, but I don't see the mop head.
Erin
Yeah, I don't see the mop head either.
Ryan
And it is almost Halloween and there's no pumpkin out front. A kiss on the cheek? Well, sure. Why not? I'll take one. You'll take one? From the pumpkin?
Adal
Okay, I do see a pumpkin with mop hair. Seems to be perched on top of smaller pumpkins. And it's moving over to him to give him a kiss. I'm gonna knock.
00:03:33
Ryan
I don't want to watch anymore.
Adal
On the lips.
Ryan
Hello?
Erin
Hi, Mrs. Pumpkin. I mean, mop. I mean, Rosenberg. Can Ryan come out to play? Can Ryan come out and kiss? Play? I mean, pumpkin?
Ryan
I'm real. I'm real. Yes, he can. Yes. Thank you, Mrs. Pumpkins. Hey, what's up guys?
Adal
Oh, Mrs. Pumpkins turned around and it's Ryan. Oh, uh, she's real. She's real.
Ryan
She's real and she loves me.
JPC
Yeah, of course. And that was a real Snickers I ate. We're all... It's all real.
Ryan
You got shit all over your face.
Adal
What's the movie where they put like a baby Ruth in the pool and everybody screams and runs out? Is that like a... What's the golf movie?
JPC
Caddyshack. Is that Caddyshack? It's Caddyshack.
Adal
Is it Caddyshack?
JPC
Yeah.
Adal
Something like that.
JPC
And he takes a bite of it, which you wouldn't do because even if it was a baby Ruth, it's been in a pool with chlorine and like... Piss and poo. Yeah, piss and poo.
Erin
Okay. Anyways, Ryan. It's so nice to have you. I don't think you've been on the main feed of our show since maybe 2021.
00:04:35
Ryan
Yeah, it's been a minute. Yeah.
Erin
But you are famous for coming on to our Patreon episodes and making us laugh so hard that we cry.
Ryan
Oh, it's a pleasure to be here. And it's a pleasure to make you sob.
JPC
And I guess we should go ahead and get the elephant in the room out of the way. We've all turned on Dan. We've soured on him. Too tall. What happened?
Ryan
Too tall. Did he come on? Did he ruin an episode? He did. It's hard to believe. It's really hard to believe. He's a consummate professional. But I get it, I get it. He is tall. It's intimidating.
JPC
Yeah, he is tall. And that's one of the bigger problems.
Erin
You guys are in two of our most famous scenes that people love the most. The Lobster Bisque one from the Valentine's Day episode, a classic. And then the Haunted House one where we go down our YouTube rabbit hole in the middle of a haunted house. Two absolute classics.
Ryan
Man, I love both those things. I could eat Lobster Bisque every day for like two weeks maybe. But for those two weeks, I'd love it.
Erin
Yeah, that's the question we ask all of our guests is how many days do you think you could have lobster bisque in a row?
00:05:35
JPC
Consecutive days, could you eat lobster bisque? Okay, it's 30.
Erin
What about clam chowder?
Ryan
Maybe one. I'm not a big clam chowder guy. I like the chowder. I don't love the clam. But then you're eating just what? Flour and water? What is just the chowder? Like a roux? Yeah, a roux, butter.
JPC
You can get me going on that.
Adal
I don't mind eating just gravy. Yeah, that's true. Where do you stand on a bread bowl? I love them. I do feel I'm so thrilled when I meet a bread bowl in the wild because it's I feel like outside Panera you don't see a lot but every once in a while there'll be a mom-and-pop with like a chili or whatever in a bread bowl and it's heaven. Divine.
Erin
Like in the fall, a bread bowl in the fall.
Ryan
And I feel like you usually get them in like a locale that is enjoyable. You're like, Oh, I'm in near the beach in New England.
JPC
Yes. Yeah.
Ryan
Bread bowl.
JPC
Got it. You said locale and I heard locale and I'm like, I don't know where to get a fucking locale bread bowl in my band, but they're lying to you.
Ryan
You need something light. What about 8,000 calories of cream and bread?
00:06:37
JPC
No, you'd never eat a loaf of bread just on its own, but if you pour a bunch of stew in there, now it's time.
Ryan
That is true. Every time you eat a whole bread bowl, you eat a loaf of bread.
Adal
Yeah.
Ryan
You don't eat another meal that day.
Adal
I do like a low-cal bread bowl.
Ryan
It's like a bread bowl, but with a clear broth where it's like... Just flushes out the bottom completely. Fuck the integrity of this bread bowl.
JPC
A low-cal bread bowl is like a taco salad. This isn't really bread, but it's got the appearance of bread.
Ryan
Miso soup in a bread bowl. A low-cal bread bowl is just a bowl of soup. You just don't eat the bread.
JPC
It's also, a bread bowl's better for the environment, right? Because you're not washing a bowl. No, I wash my bread bowls.
Erin
I use them two, three times a day. Put them on the drying rack.
JPC
Wow, you're so resourceful. I do a plastic liner in my bread bowl so that I can use the bread bowl over everything.
Erin
That makes me feel sick. It's like eating cereal.
Ryan
You have to season the plastic.
Erin
Why did you go to these lengths? Who cares about this?
00:07:37
JPC
That would be a great visual gag for like a loser older brother
Ryan
I'm always fascinated by regional foods.
Adal
You're from Southern California? Southern, Northern, a little bit of both. Like clam fritters or I don't know.
Ryan
I mean, I guess in Northern California, it's almost like the Midwest because I was from like Sacramento area. So it's just sort of like country-ish but like suburbs. So there was just a lot of like casseroles and barbecue. I think California specific sort of is tri-tip. Do you guys have tri-tip?
Adal
We don't, but I've seen it on diners, drive-ins, and dines, and it looks incredible.
Ryan
Tri-Tip is a fantastic cut of beef that for some reason they only do on the West Coast, but it's famous in the Santa Maria region, which is just north of Los Angeles. But up north, Tri-Tip is the only thing that all my friends grill, because it's just one huge steak that then you cut up and share with everybody. So it's like a roast, but you grill it. Man, it's delicious. Why don't we do that? Everybody's got their little recipe, you know.
00:09:00
Adal
Is it similar to burnt ends?
Ryan
No, you kind of just like... It's just like grilling a big roast and then you cut slices. So it's like eating a steak all together or something like that. It's just the cut is a... Yeah, the cut is some... I think in other parts of the country, they just cut things differently so they don't end up with this one triangular piece of meat. And that's why it's called tri-tip because it's got three tips.
JPC
It's so weird how like some things are regional foods that make sense you're like oh yeah I guess it's like it's grown in this region but we were talking about this earlier it's like every time I come to LA I get breakfast tacos for every like what once a day for sure I get breakfast tacos. We're obsessed with breakfast tacos.
Adal
Breakfast tacos. Breakfast tacos. They're nowhere in the world I feel like except for Austin and California. They don't fucking exist in Chicago.
JPC
Yeah they're just out here and it's like why it's it's shit that we have like so it's not impossible.
Ryan
It makes so much sense.
Adal
Yes. And you find breakfast burritos, they're ubiquitous, but I feel like burrito you can't get even sauce across the board, you can't get everything in one bite.
00:10:01
Ryan
That is so weird when someone has knowledge of almost everything and then one thing they're like, I couldn't even fathom it. When my town was a very small little suburb that was growing a lot as I grew up, so we got our first Taco Bell, and it was like a big deal, there was like a long line around the thing and everything, but they didn't know what a quesadilla was. and Just fucking make the quesadilla.
Adal
They need it. It's like a deli being like, we have sandwiches. We don't have open-faced sandwiches. It's like, take the top piece.
Erin
It's just a chef in the back just staring wide-eyed.
Ryan
Are you pranking my mom? What is this? Even me as a kid knows this is stupid.
JPC
It's also funny for Taco Bell because it's like, we've invented a bunch of shit that doesn't exist, but we can't do a quesadilla. That's insane.
00:11:04
Adal
So silly.
JPC
Don't you want an Enchirito?
Adal
Could we pinpoint the year the Taco Bell dog went the way of the dodo? Was extinct? Yeah.
JPC
You think the Taco Bell dog went extinct?
Ryan
I haven't actually seen any chihuahuas lately.
JPC
It's the only way you get tri-tips. They're all gone now.
Erin
You can go to the National History Museum and see a chihuahua skeleton, right? What a
JPC
We were when we were kids, we were a huge on fast food. Fast food was our favorite fucking thing in the world. But also, we were huge on the novelty stuff that you got. And I remember several times in my life, like Pokemon was at McDonald's thing at one point, or maybe it's Burger King, but we would like be at the drive thru line being like, Hey, I know you can't request toys, but if you have like the Voltorb, like that's the one that we don't have. Is that a real Pokemon? Voltorb? Yeah. But I don't know if that was one of the real toys that existed, but we would like plead with people to like give us the toy that we didn't already have.
00:12:21
Ryan
I was pretty addicted to the McDonald's Monopoly for a while. Oh yeah. My mom and I both, we would like, even when we, when I moved away and like lived separately, when it would come back, we'd be like, hey, it's Monopoly time. And it's like, I'm connecting with my mom long distance over fast food.
Erin
Very American.
Ryan
Very American. Very Trumpy.
Adal
I feel like that probably jumpstarted a lot of gambling issues for people because I feel like I, Welcome back.
JPC
And that's why we have FanDuel now.
Erin
Yeah. Yeah.
JPC
And it's better. And it's just better for people. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And let's say when I advertise and then I guess I bet you a million dollars I'm going to get boardwalk.
Ryan
You're betting on the chance of a lottery or something.
Erin
Ryan, we've probably asked you this several times before, but what is your relationship with puzzles, riddles, daily games?
00:13:28
Ryan
I like them. I think I spent a lot of time alone as a kid and puzzle, I like figuring things out. I like knowing how things work. And so a riddle is like a perfect, you know there's an answer, you know it's figureoutable. So I love to sort of, I used to do those brain teasers in the newspaper. Oh, right. Is that what they're called? Brain teasers? No, I don't know.
???
The word search? You did a square.
Ryan
Yeah, it's usually like a square and then it's like a thing that's hard to decipher. It's not a riddle, but it's like a... You know, it'll have like a line and then a over and then you have bits.
Adal
Oh, the rebus? Is that what they're called? What's it called? No, that was the guy who ran the RNC for a while. I think rebus are like, where it's like, the words, there'll be giant letters that spell out middle, and then the word stuck will be super tiny.
JPC
Stuck in the middle. And it will be stuck in the middle. Yeah, that's a rebus. Okay. But is that what you're describing?
Erin
How do you spell rebus?
Adal
R-E-E-B-U-S or maybe R... I think the other... I think with an H is the monkey. R-E-B-A apostrophe S. It's gibus with an R instead of a J. Yes.
00:14:31
Erin
A rebus puzzle is a picture representation of a name, work, or phrase. It portrays a common word or phrase.
???
Interesting.
Erin
Head over heels.
???
Yeah.
Erin
Yes. Okay, Adal. Okay.
Adal
We're learning a word. All right.
Ryan
Okay, Adal. This really is a Riddle Podcast. All right. Leave it.
Adal
Take away a point because I said Rebus monkey, and it's that's not a thing You should have an app that's Aaron Shazam, and it just you can only use it if someone doesn't know the lyrics.
Ryan
It's still Shaquille O'Neal.
JPC
Yeah
Erin
That's really funny. So Ryan, you are our third episode of the day and in the two previous episodes we played Connections and then we played, what was it called? Spottle. Would you like to play one of those daily games with us? Sure.
Ryan
Yes, I love Connections, but I really like it and it really frustrates me. Some days I'm like, this is the best game, it's kind of easy and it's fun, and then sometimes I want to break my phone in half and throw it across the room.
00:15:40
Adal
Yeah, there's times where it's like, these are all gases that were discovered in 1600s, and it's like, nobody knows this. What are we doing?
Erin
I have two suggestions for games we could play. We could do my favorite, which is When Taken. Have you guys played When Taken yet? I don't really miss it. Yes.
JPC
You have to figure out when your daughter went missing.
Erin
No, they give you five photos taken different places and in different times in history, and you can earn up to 100 points for the place and the time.
JPC
If they're photos, they can't be that many different places and times in history.
Erin
Exactly, but like it's still kind of hard. So you'd be like, oh, I bet this is New York in 1920 and you get to zoom in on a map and then the closest you get to the year. So we could do that. Or we could do like movie wordle, where they give you like a screenshot from a movie. Screenshots from movies and you have to guess what movie.
JPC
If we do movie wordle, will it be easier for all of us to play at the same time?
Erin
I think they'll both be equally as easy to play. I'll let Ryan pick because you're our guest.
Ryan
They both sound great. I like the first one.
Erin
Great. Let's do When Taken.
JPC
So what's the web address for When Taken?
00:16:43
Erin
Just type in When Taken into Google and it should be the first... No, it's actually not the first thing to come up.
Adal
Holy shit. We had a chance to do Today's Connections and blow Ryan's mind.
Erin
That would have been so funny. We do Connections three times a month.
Ryan
Just cheating.
JPC
What is it called again?
Erin
When Taken.
JPC
I'm going to do Win Taken Game and see if that gets me anywhere. I think maybe since the trailer was out.
Erin
Daily game.
JPC
So I see zero out of a thousand at the top. I see a picture of a person rowing a boat with some houses in the background and some water.
Erin
Yes.
JPC
Is this the right? Yeah. Yes.
Erin
Go to the right and go daily game. Okay. Yeah. Perfect. The most I've ever gotten on this game is 934.
00:17:48
JPC
Okay, good to know. So it says explore the image and try to guess when and where it was taken, then navigate to the map and use your slider to place your guesses. Okay. I see. So Erin, what else do you see in this photo?
Erin
It looks to me like Southeast Asia.
Adal
I would say 100% either Thailand or Cambodia, possibly Vietnam, but the ornamental awnings look more Cambodian or Thai.
Ryan
Okay. Yeah, I was going to say Thailand.
Erin
Okay, great. So we're thinking Thailand. What year do we think?
JPC
I was actually thinking Arby's, but Thailand works for me.
Erin
There's a bunch of, what are those called, satellites on top of some of these buildings.
JPC
Yeah, like DirecTV satellite dishes.
Erin
I'm thinking like 2009. Oh, and in the top right corner, is that like a skyscraper?
Ryan
Yeah, it looks modern. So I would say, yeah, in the 2000s.
???
2014.
Erin
Interesting. So I'm going to guess Thailand.
JPC
I'm going Bangkok, 1971.
Erin
No, I'm going Bangkok and I'm going 20... I went Bangkok and I went 2007.
00:18:49
???
2007?
Erin
I went 2007. 2019. Everyone hit there. Um, yes, it was oh my gosh. I was 250 215 kilometers away in two years off. So it was 2017. It's 2017 in Thailand. Wow. It's 2017 in Thailand. Yeah battle. Oh
JPC
I was 208 kilometers away.
Erin
Oh my God.
???
209.
JPC
So close. Wow. I shouldn't have gone right in Bangkok. It's obviously not Bangkok.
Erin
Next round.
Adal
I mean, this doesn't look anything like fucking Bangkok. Okay. I was three years off and 206 kilometers away. Oh my God.
Erin
All right. Adal, you got Thailand, so I feel like that's a point to you. Next photo. Hmm. This looks like some sort of festival where there's children. Pass. Pass. Okay. Is this a church?
JPC
Okay, and this next photo is pass. And this next photo is pass.
Ryan
There's a church with a painting of a cow somewhere. Oh, yeah. That's interesting. It's got a little, almost like a farmer's market vibe.
00:19:50
Erin
Yeah.
JPC
This feels like a Latvian festival or something.
Erin
Like Eastern European?
JPC
Yeah.
Erin
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
JPC
Okay, I've definitely seen, I'm witnessing a murder in mine. Uh-oh. There's a person with a Jamiroquai hat walking backwards down a wall.
Adal
This is a Jamiroquai concert in Latvia.
JPC
Yeah, okay, so this is a Latvian Jamiroquai concert.
Erin
I'm going to do Latvia.
Ryan
Yeah, if you zoom in on one of the posters, there's a word that I definitely don't recognize.
Erin
Oh, okay.
Adal
If you're doing Latvia, I'm going to do Poland, just to mix it up. I'm going to do right outside Warsaw, in Sedils, which I've never heard of this town. And I'm going to do- I'm going to do 2006.
JPC
It looks like I'm going to do Kansas, Lithuania. And this looks like it is going to be from 99, baby.
Adal
I am 16 years off and 355 kilometers away. Don't tell me where.
Erin
Wait, don't. Oh, I'm sorry. Ryan hasn't guessed yet. Ryan hasn't guessed yet. It's okay.
Adal
Sorry, sorry. That's okay.
Erin
Wow, I was- But Adal, you, so far, I feel like immediately have had a great gut for both photos. I feel like this game's about to be your game.
00:20:54
JPC
I was way off. I was fucking way off. 24 years off, 692 kilometers.
Erin
Slovakia in 2022. All right.
Adal
It's the European Folk Craft Festival at the Castle of Kismara.
Erin
Next round. How is anyone supposed to know that?
JPC
How is anyone supposed to know that? Now this one I know. We know this.
Ryan
Taco Bell. We know this one.
JPC
This one is a temple in Taco Bell, Mexico.
Erin
Where in Mexico is this?
Ryan
It's a shame that I know it and then go, hmm. How do I get it though?
Erin
And it looks kind of like the 90s to me. This looks like a... This looks like the 90s?
JPC
Is there anything in here, Erin, that says that screams 90s to you?
Erin
It's the photo quality. It looks like it was done on like a Kodak, like the CVS ones.
JPC
Yeah, that could be right. This was developed for sure.
Erin
Yeah.
JPC
This area doesn't look very developed to me. It looks like there's kind of just like an old triangular building there. It doesn't look developed at all. Oh, there's an oldies across the street. All right, I'm gonna lock in my guess here. Ooh, boy. Seven years off, 725 kilometers.
00:22:03
Erin
I was seven years off as well.
JPC
Yeah. Okay, this makes sense.
Erin
Did you guys guess?
Adal
I was five years off, and I was 1,300 kilometers away.
JPC
But I guessed Mexico, but it's small.
Ryan
You guessed Mexico, but you didn't know the name of the country, which is... I was 30 years off and 812 kilometers away. 30 years?
Erin
What did you guess?
JPC
1973. Ryan does 2036.
Ryan
I kind of stopped paying attention in the middle of doing it, I think.
Erin
Next one.
Ryan
This is easy peasy.
JPC
Oh yeah. Central Park, baby.
Ryan
This is Alaska. Aren't we so funny with our little jokes?
Erin
Yeah, I think we're pretty funny. Funny little jokes. This looks old.
Ryan
Because it's not those places.
Adal
Yeah.
Erin
It looks like New Orleans.
JPC
That's the French Quarter, to be sure.
Erin
And it looks like 80s, maybe?
JPC
I'm looking at the cut of the jeans that people are wearing, and I gotta say, I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing here. I can't play this game at all.
00:23:04
Adal
I think this is like one street off Jackson Square.
JPC
Is New Orleans in Europe, or still they've moved it?
Erin
They moved it.
JPC
Piece by piece. Wow, you can get pretty granular with where you drop your pens.
Erin
That's pretty cool. It's the best feeling when you get the exact spot. That's happened to me, actually, in a place in New Orleans.
Ryan
You know, I think all these pictures are surprisingly modern. I thought they'd be older. Like, it says 1860 as the end. I haven't seen a single one in the... before the 2000s even.
JPC
I was spot on with the location only one kilometer away. But I was 12 years off with my guess on the year.
Erin
I was 874 meters away and I was 26 years off. Whoa. Yeah, it was the 70s. I knew it was the 70s.
Ryan
I was 25 years off. What a loser.
Erin
Damn. Adal, how close did you get?
JPC
Did you say 2000 or did you say 1950?
???
1950.
Adal
No, yeah, I said 2000. I'm still zooming into New Orleans. Is there a way to just type in like a location or you have to zoom? You gotta zoom. You gotta zoom. Sucks.
00:24:06
JPC
It's like the pandemic again. Baby, you gotta zoom.
Ryan
How many meters away were you?
Erin
Um, 874. I was 325 meters.
Ryan
Ooh la la, that's crazy.
Erin
Three football fields, pretty good.
JPC
Or one swimming pool. Did I grow up wealthy?
Erin
Alright, this is our last- Oh, Adal still has to guess.
JPC
No, he's obsessing over the fact that he's, um... Oh, interesting, okay.
Ryan
On this one I got location, 100 out of 100. Year, 35 out of 100. Whoa. That's a big biff.
Erin
I don't know what this next photo looks like some sort of church.
JPC
It looks like either a church or like some sort of government building.
Erin
Yeah.
JPC
Okay, Sam is trying to get direction somewhere.
Erin
To get out of here. I'm feeling maybe London?
Ryan
Well, and it's got some signs in the background that are more modern. Yeah, Philips TV.
Adal
Oh, Prince Philips. This is London. I would guess, yeah, England or Philadelphia. Maybe like Quebec City or Montreal.
00:25:14
JPC
This is either England, definitely England or Philadelphia is what I would guess. This looks like Birmingham.
Erin
What year?
Ryan
70... Yeah, the photo has some nice grainy quality.
Erin
I'm gonna do 78.
JPC
Oh my god, I was 1,000... I was 1,314 kilometers off. Yeah, me too.
???
Ooh, I could not have guessed that. 14 years.
JPC
I couldn't guess that. I was only 8 years off. Okay, I'm gonna view my total results. My total results were 796. Erin, that game is pretty fucking hard.
Erin
Yeah.
JPC
This is very hard. Yeah.
Erin
My total results were 787.
JPC
It's 787? Okay, well, I beat you, so I guess the game isn't that hard.
Ryan
When you guys said you were far off, I tried to make a guess on that, but I guessed in the wrong direction. So I'm 3,000 kilometers away, but I'm only three years off. Oh, wow. Okay, there you go.
Erin
Adal, what was your final score?
JPC
I don't want to talk about it. You want something from Taco Bell? Well, they don't have fucking quesadillas, so I guess get in line, buddy. They don't have Choco Tacos anymore? Erin, do you think that you have a particular, like, do you think that game works well to your skill set? Do you think that that's the kind of, like, deductive mind that you have?
00:26:28
Erin
No, honestly, when I first started it... Sorry, I thought I was teeing you up for something. No, no, no, but I do think, and this is funny because it's not like I'm getting any more information about the world, but I've gotten so much better. I've been playing it for maybe four months.
Ryan
Okay.
Erin
And I would say that I've made an incredible improvement. The way that you, yeah, you just get better at guessing.
Ryan
Have you guys seen that guy that guesses the location in the world? I'm obsessed.
Adal
It's remarkable.
Ryan
I guess if you just play that a bunch, you just recognize the patterns or something.
Adal
Yeah, that's fair.
Erin
He just knows like types of grass.
Adal
It'll be like a country road and be like, that's a perennial. This only grows in the southern hemisphere. Oh, that's Russian dirt. I've heard him say that's Russian dirt.
Ryan
What's that mean?
JPC
And there's no way that guy's cheating. I'm Yeah, I don't know. It's one of those skills that I'm like, oh, very cool. Like that's a great skill to have. But then I'm like, but is it?
00:27:42
Ryan
Is that like a game you can win money?
JPC
It feels like one of those skills that actually is kind of a curse, because it's like, It doesn't really translate to anything except that.
Adal
Today we're
Ryan
This is clearly Norwegian wind. You see the flag moving there? That's an east to west pattern. That's probably Norwegian wind. So he's probably somewhere far north.
JPC
It looks like maybe that's a painting of a flag. Sorry about that. Yeah, no, no worries. Yeah, but no, but that's, but wow, that's so impressive.
00:28:49
Adal
He's painting Norwegian wind, sorry. And in the background we hear, I once had a girl.
Erin
What should I say? Sorry, I'm just a little on edge, obviously, like my kid is gone. Our kid. Don't.
Ryan
Oh, you're from Philadelphia. I can see that in you.
Erin
I'm from Canada.
JPC
I'm from Philadelphia. And I'm not a stepdad. Alberta. That's her name. But we did say that a little before. I'm not a stepdad. I'm the dad who stepped up.
Erin
You're technically a stepdad.
JPC
Well, I wouldn't have bought the t-shirt if I wasn't also the dad that stepped up. And I'm just as invested in finding our child.
Erin
So forget, I apologize, but what is your background? Why, they say you're the best, but like, why are we coming to you? Why are we coming to him?
Ryan
Because I'm the Google locator. I can Google anything and locate it with my mind.
00:29:50
Erin
Yeah, it says that on your door and on the sheet of paper and it's written in crayon.
JPC
He's the Google locator. He can Google anything and locate it with his mind. I'm like a human Google. He's the human Google. With images. With images. He's the human Google images.
Ryan
Thank you so much for having my back. Obviously, you've read the website.
JPC
Well, I actually, you know, game recognized game. I can tell you're a stepdad. Wow. Yeah. Wow. Everyone's deep. Everyone's deep.
Ryan
I mean, technically I'm not a stepdad, I'm the dad who stepped up, but I hear what you're saying.
Erin
I can see it on your t-shirt.
Ryan
Thank you so much. This is actually, I didn't mean to wear this shirt today. I meant to wear a blazer. Apologize.
Erin
Well I don't know it just this whole thing seems a little bit like your website actually looked like it was shut down. It looked like you couldn't quite afford it anymore when we tried to look at it.
Ryan
You couldn't quite afford it. Well I had to post that I had to post that I can't afford to run the website and it will be taken down. Yeah. When the month is up. When the month is up. But I'm hoping that this gig pays well and we might be able to fix that. So you guys have tried everything? Everything. You've tried everything and now you're back here to the Google locator.
JPC
We tried the police. We went to the Mounties. Never. Yeah, those are the two countries that were... Canada. So you're talking about Canada and America. Exactly.
00:30:58
Erin
Both governments.
JPC
Neither government could help.
Erin
So here we are in your stepkids treehouse at the end of our rope begging for help.
JPC
Well, can I see a picture? Can I see another? Yeah, I'm sorry. So this is the picture. It's cute. It's really cute.
Ryan
It's a cute photo.
JPC
Thank you. Thanks, yeah. Yeah, this is the kidnapper sent us this photo. Of my kid.
Ryan
Of our kid. Sorry, the kid is... I can tell the kid is cute, but the photo's not cute. Thank you for saying that.
JPC
Sorry.
Ryan
Yeah, because it's a kidnapping photo. But adorable child in a horrible situation.
JPC
Yeah, and they're frightened, obviously, because it's a kidnapping situation.
Erin
She looks a lot like her dad, her bio dad. So that's why she doesn't look that much like me.
JPC
And that's why she looks like nothing like me. I fully get it. You understand the struggle.
Ryan
Now listen, I know this is an interior picture, but I do see a little light coming in from the west.
JPC
I didn't notice that. Alberta, did you clock that?
Erin
This picture of her in the canoe is an indoor picture, and there's a light coming in from the west.
00:31:59
JPC
From the west, though, because that's not something that I have seen.
Ryan
Okay, so it is outdoor, you're right, that's a good observation, but the light is coming in from the west, which I can tell. I'm still thinking, well, no, Norwegian was from the old thing. I'm thinking American South. How long has this been? How far do you think they've been able to go? This photo was taken yesterday. Wow. Yeah. And when did they go missing? Oof.
Erin
Three days ago?
JPC
Three days ago, yeah. It could have been two. It could have been four. Between two and four days ago.
Erin
It was three.
Ryan
I'm thinking American South. I'm thinking Florida Panhandle or Louisiana Toe.
Erin
Did he put you up to this? Because he's been wanting to do a road trip there.
JPC
No, I haven't. To the Redneck Riviera? The Redneck Riviera. I want to go to Destin, Florida. And that's not really Panhandle. It's Panhandle adjacent.
Ryan
I went to Destin when I was in 8th grade and it scared the shit out of me. I was from Southern California, so it was the first time I'd ever seen the rebel flag flown everywhere. And I was like, Dad, these people are just being racist. What are we doing? And he's like, yeah, I guess welcome to the rest of the country. And it was truly scary. I didn't know it existed.
00:33:07
JPC
I went to Destin, Florida when I was I think I was 14 or 15. And it was in high school. I was I was a vegetarian. I was like rail thin. I had like, some blood issues were with nutrients. And I wasn't doing well. And I went to Destin, Florida and my friend with my friend's family and that someone took a picture of us as the dad or something took a picture of us on the beach. And later we had that picture, and one of our other friends said that I looked like I had escaped from a refugee camp. And I said, oh yeah. That's one of those burns that has stuck with me for the rest of my life.
Erin
Well, this has never happened before, but we're going to go on to a quick break without having done a single riddle.
JPC
Well, no, we did five riddles, but it was just like a game that we played on our phones. Yeah, that's so true.
Erin
Okay, see you after the break.
JPC
Forgive us.
Erin
We'll see you after the break. We'll apologize then. Sorry.
Ryan
Let's screenshot them or something.
JPC
Screenshot them or something. Who gives a shit?
???
1, 2, 3, 4. Hey Riddle Riddle.
00:34:16
JPC
This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace.
Adal
Hi, Erin, GPC. I would like to formally invite the two of you to be my dates for the local square dance. Oh, wow. You printed up an invitation and everything. This looks very professional, Adal. And I'm wearing a little cowboy outfit. We like that.
Erin
Oh, and I see that you made a website using Squarespace. AdalRifaiSquaredancingPartyVeryReal.com.
Adal
Tried to keep it succinct.
JPC
Wow, so you used Squarespace, the all-in-one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and succeed online, whether you're just starting out or managing a growing brand. Squarespace, they make it easy to create a beautiful website, engage with your audience, and sell anything from products to content to time all in one place, all on your terms. That's what you did for your website? Adal Rifai, Square Dan, Erin, Harold, help me out at any time with this?
Erin
Adal Rifai, Square Dan, VeryRealSquareDanParty.com. Yes.
Adal
And with Squarespace, I can also sell content. I can sell exclusive content on my site by adding a paywall to sell memberships, of course, or sell files to customers that they can download, or PDFs, music, e-books. On this site, I have little cowboy hats that say Cowaddle.
00:35:34
Erin
Uh-huh. And it also looks like you can upload video content, organize your video library, and showcase your content on beautiful video pages. You can even sell access to your video library by adding a paywall to your content. Look, I'm going to play this video. Oh, it's you teaching us how to square dance. All right, everyone.
Adal
Addle up and ride. You're crying pretty hard.
JPC
Also, it looks like you can make checkout kind of seamless for your customers with simple but powerful payment tools. You can accept credit cards, PayPal, Apple Pay, and in eligible countries offer customers the option to buy now and pay later with Afterpay and ClearPay.
Adal
Hmm. It looks like I'm crying in the video because not enough people know about Squarespace.
???
Hmm.
JPC
Yeah. It actually kind of looks like you got square dance in your eye. That's why you're crying. I don't know how you get square dance in your eye.
Adal
Yeah, that's it. Yeah, it looks like that's what it was.
JPC
Well, here's what I'll say. If you get squared ends in your eye, head to squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, go to www.squarespace.com slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.
00:36:38
Adal
Erin, do-si-do.
Erin
Okay, I will be there, Adal. I will be your date. GPC, you coming?
JPC
No.
Erin
Great.
???
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JPC
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00:38:04
Erin
Back from the break. What? Back from the break. Why? I'm drinking. All right. Sorry. I've spooked everyone by coming back to the break. You went back from the break so fast you didn't even ask me my feelings.
Adal
Erin, do you mind coming back by yourself for a minute?
Erin
Yeah. Okay. Back from the break. No one's making eye contact with me. They're still checked out mentally. I'm ready. Oh, Ryan. That's so nice.
JPC
Yeah. It's hard to put my cut down when I can't see my coaster.
Erin
And Adal, you?
Adal
I'm dead inside.
Erin
Yeah, got it.
Ryan
I'll always undercut two of my friends to be nice to someone. That's so lovely. You know what I mean? I think that is an issue that I have. I think I would be nice to my friend's siblings instead of hanging out with my friend. You know what I mean? Yeah. And they're like, why are you being nice to him? I'm your friend. It's like, yeah, but your little brother's cool.
JPC
Yeah, I'm trying to fuck your brother, man. Yeah, dude. What can I say?
Ryan
I flirt with everybody. What's up with your mom over there? I made these for my D&D group. I am hoping they are baby level riddles.
Erin
My friends got them pretty quickly but don't worry I won't time you guys. I hope 2038 is treating you well. A little commentary on how long it takes for us to read these riddles. Love the podcast and can't wait for the 20 year anniversary concert.
00:39:30
JPC
Wow.
Erin
Answers are all one word.
JPC
I hope I'm dead. What does that give me? 14 more years?
Erin
Inside and out.
JPC
My child will be 14, that's cool.
Erin
To see me out of place is dreadsome. Hurt me, not by a shout, but sticks and stones I stay far from.
JPC
Erin, you are not going to believe this.
Erin
You weren't listening.
JPC
I was talking, in fact, and it's really hard to listen to me talking. I found in my life.
Erin
Inside and out. To see me out of place is dreadsome. Hurt me, not by a shout, but sticks and stones I stay far from.
JPC
This is cool too, but again, I was listening this time, but I was listening a little too well, because I heard a word that I hadn't heard in a long time and I really liked. What? Dreadsome. Dreadsome is an excellent word. Does it mean like dreadful?
Ryan
Yeah.
JPC
Like feared?
Ryan
Yeah. This one is not only a riddle, but just maybe hard to understand the words. It's just written in a very musical or magical way.
00:40:35
Erin
Well, they say that these are like Dungeons and Dragons riddles, right? Yeah. Yeah. You would want to stay away from sticks and stones if you were this.
Adal
The wording feels like gaseous where you can't grasp it, where it feels like it's just the phrasing of it is just out of reach of comprehension because they're not using like solid verbs.
Erin
That is true. And also, I'm terrible at reading. Inside and out, to see me out of place is dreadsome. Hurt me, not by a shout, but sticks and stones I stay far from.
JPC
I gotta give a compliment to my friend.
???
That is the weirdest word to pick.
Adal
Erin, a man gave you a compliment.
Erin
Oh, I love it. Sexy is the weirdest. I just know from the deep parts of my soul how unsexy that was.
JPC
Oh God, okay. But you don't get to pick what other people find sexy.
00:41:37
Adal
Mrs. Keif, I just want to say this riddle is delicious.
???
I'd like to see a scene.
Adal
You guys are like three preteens in the woods and you're stumbling across some bones.
Ryan
Dude, what are we even out here for? This is so stupid. Let's just go back to the diner. Hold on. When we get there, you guys will see what I'm talking about.
Adal
It's gonna be worth it, okay? Is it a stash of magazines? No, man. It's not.
Ryan
Why did we order, though, before we left?
JPC
Like, let's go either... It's only gonna take 10 minutes, and then the food's gonna be hot when we get back.
Adal
Justin, your Frisco melt will be eaten, okay? It better be by me. By you, Justin. By you. Justin, by you.
Ryan
And it better taste like San Francisco, too. I'm fucking serious. What is this?
00:42:49
JPC
Okay, you guys are not gonna believe this. What the fuck? What the heck? Okay, that's what I'm saying. I think we're gonna be famous, okay? Because I feel like I've discovered like a fucking new species or like a really old species.
Adal
Yes, say it. It's a d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-
JPC
me and my cousin came out here yesterday and we promised not to tell anyone and my cousin like he's trustworthy okay he played it so cool at the diner dude you know you are an awesome actor you if you get famous it'll work no no i fucked up my order I fucked up my order. I'm sure you guys thought, because I ordered a dead body. And the guy said, what? Oh, I thought that was like, I thought that was hilarious. Like a slice of pie and coke or something. Yeah. Yeah, no, I said dead body. And he said, what? And I said, big gravy. And he said, what? And then I said, I want some big gravy.
00:44:00
Ryan
Dude, I just thought you were being hilarious. I didn't know you were having a meltdown. You're so fucking funny. You're hilarious. What are you boys doing? An old lady!
JPC
No, it's my cousin. This is Gloria.
Ryan
Oh God, Gloria, you look like an old lady. She is. Lantern when it's still light out. Yes! I can barely see.
JPC
Gloria, these are my friends. This is what I was telling you about. They can help with the body. Yeah, right.
Ryan
Do you know this guy? This guy? That's my cousin. No, the body. That guy? No.
Adal
Cousin in like a, this is, you know, like your dad's friend. No. You guys are family? Like related family?
JPC
Yeah, my dad is her uncle.
Erin
Yeah, my mom's older brother is his dad.
JPC
Cousins can have big age gaps. That's yeah, that's how cousins work.
Adal
I guess scars don't run the family, but you're covered in them.
00:45:01
Ryan
You can see those because of the lantern?
Adal
They're visible.
Ryan
So who do you think killed this body? This is freaking me out. I was never here. Do not tell anybody that I saw the body. I don't want to be involved.
Erin
Don't go back to the diner. Solve the mystery. Have the summer of your lives.
Ryan
I was about to. I was gonna kick it off with a Frisco melt. This is even better than a Frisco melt.
JPC
This is a mystery, okay? Forget it, boys.
Adal
This is sandwich summer. What?
JPC
I had my cool cousin Gloria set this whole thing up. This is just two dogs. Two dead dogs? No! Go boys, go! Whoa! We were going to have an awesome summer trying to figure out the mystery.
Erin
So you didn't need a real dead body?
JPC
No.
Ryan
If my burger is cold, dude, I should have a dog.
???
So you do admit it's a burger!
Erin
Old is a scene and new is a horror. What? A screw, a slice, also a slice of pie and a coke being called a dead body at a diner is so good. I'll take a dead body. Old is a scene and new is a horror. A screw, a slice, a stab to uncork. Thicker than water is the juice of long pork. Pretty sexy, right? Long pork is human.
00:46:19
Adal
We know that.
Erin
Pretty sexy.
Adal
So the juice of long pork.
JPC
I'm not good at these. Juice of long pork. Let's talk about what juices come out of humans. Blood. Blood. You got it, Ryan. It's blood. Thicker than water?
Ryan
These are easier than I think. I just got the first dumb word that hits my head, I guess.
JPC
These are easy as a dead body, which is pie.
Erin
A stab to uncork, I think, is pretty fun.
JPC
A stab to uncork. Oh.
Ryan
Ooh. What? I think I need to see these written down or something. I'm almost getting none of this.
JPC
I just don't love the idea of being uncorked. Like me a man, me a person. Like someone stabbing me to uncork me. To celebrate? Are they paying the uncorking fee?
Adal
Yeah, they're gonna take a little taster. Let it decant. I've never in my life had... Never been stabbed? No, I've been stabbed. We'll have to get you stabbed. I do not have the palate for wine, but anytime friends order wine or there's wine at the table, whenever they pour a little sniff of it and then hand it to me, I'm always like, oh. Like, I don't know what to do, and I panic, and I'm always like, very good. And they'll stand there for a minute, and I'm like, do I say something else? Do I? It's so stressful.
00:47:29
Erin
The etiquette is you throw it over your shoulder to keep witches away.
JPC
Okay, Adal, if you had to, And I know you have no idea what you're doing, you don't have the palette for it. Do you think, if you were in a group of strangers who didn't know this about you, do you think that you could fake that you know something about how to, like, test wine?
Adal
No.
JPC
I wanna see a scene. Ryan, you own a wine bar. Adal, you're getting into wine, but you're too embarrassed to say that you don't know anything about it. So you're pouring wine and you're trying to do all the fancy things that you think is appropriate with wine. Sorry, he's pouring me wine? He's pouring you the wine, yeah.
Ryan
Well, welcome in. I'm excited to give you this experience.
Adal
Thank you so much. Yeah, it was a gift, so maybe not my field of expertise, but I'm excited to learn.
Ryan
Well, this one is a nice sweet wine. It's a Chateauneuf-du-Pape. It'll have a floral all the way from the bottom straight to the top. It's not meant to rhyme. That was an accident.
00:48:29
Adal
And sorry, Siri, can you search this? Can you say that name again?
Ryan
Chateauneuf-du-Pape. It's floral all the way from the bottom to the top.
JPC
Search the word Timothee Chalamet.
Ryan
I don't care. That's kind of rude. Your phone's not going to help you there, but I'm not going to stop. But yes, this is a good wine and I know all about it and I think you'll enjoy it as much as the last person did.
Adal
Good. And what notes will I be hitting with this?
Ryan
There'll be an A in there. There's a G. Because you know, everything is everything. You know, the certain vibrations of the chord of a note is the same as the vibration that goes through your body when something hits your tongue. All that from these two ounces. Absolutely. Oh, that is a bit of a heavy taster there. Sorry about that. Oh yeah. It's two shots of wine there. Want me to pour some back in the bottle?
Adal
No, no, no, no, no. Absolutely not.
Ryan
Absolutely not. I know this much. That's not allowed. I know a lot actually. I'm not, I'm not thinking.
00:49:32
Adal
Okay. And so it's like, there's this, there's acidity. Good. And there are, it feels like, um, there's like a granular chocolate.
Ryan
And you said you didn't know about wine, this is perfect, a granular chocolate.
Adal
I'm lying, it tastes, it tastes, it tastes like booze.
Ryan
Well let's try another one. Okay, alright. Let's try another one. So the Chateauneuf, sounds like you liked it. Did you say Timothy Chalamet? Um, I don't care about that. I don't, I'm not, I'm just gonna ignore that, it pisses me off, but I'm gonna ignore it.
Adal
Maybe something more exotic or do you have like natural wines I've heard? I do, yeah. Action Bronson talk a lot about orange natural wines. Okay, I see exactly what type of... Fuck, that's delicious. You watch? I don't. So good. I specifically don't.
Ryan
I specifically choose not to. It is advertised to me often. But yes, here we have one of our skin contact wines. This is an orange wine. It's not made of oranges, even though a lot of people think that. Because it's got the contact from the skin of the grape, it gives it a little bit of an orange hue. I, for one, think this one tastes like shit. What do you think?
00:50:35
Adal
Now I don't want to drink it. Well, that's what I would do. Because I feel like your opinion feels like you're going into a movie and somebody walking out is being like, this blows, like fucking waste of money.
Ryan
Well, you might like it.
Adal
It's got a bit of a funk.
Ryan
You know, our people, yeah, you may like it.
Adal
But for a Somali to be like, I think it's shit, you might like it. That feels loaded. Searching for Timothy Somali.
Erin
Hi, do you have a minute? You may recognize me. I'm Timothee Chalamet. I'm here to pick up a bottle of wine for my date.
Ryan
Oh, alright, wonderful. Uh, do we already, let's see, I'm not seeing any pre-orders here.
Erin
Let's see what a pro does.
Ryan
A rich pro. Oh, you don't have an order, you just announced.
Erin
Yeah, I just would like to pick up a bottle of wine. What, are you mad at me?
Ryan
No, just, if you don't have an order placed, you don't have to give me your name and the whole thing. You just say, hi, I'd like a bottle of wine.
Erin
I kinda wanted you to know this.
Ryan
I don't know.
Erin
From Willy Wonka, Timothee Chalamet. Do you know who this is? Gene Wilder?
Adal
Are you meaning to say Gene Wilder?
Erin
I'm Timothee Chalamet. I'm here. Noodle Noodle, the new Willy Wonka. Noodle Noodle. Noodle Noodle is not Willy Wonka. Dude.
00:51:40
Ryan
Lady, the pasta restaurant is down the street. And I was calling Timothy Lady, not you.
Adal
And what will the lady have?
Ryan
Noodle.
Erin
Did you guys see the new Wonka on an airplane?
Ryan
I watched a little piece of it. Is it good? Not only is it not good, it's just weird. It's like, why did they make this and who is supposed to like it? Because it's not really for kids.
Adal
I saw one of the funniest reviews, which was when the trailer first came out. I don't know if it was different from what was actually in the movie, but everyone was saying it was giving table read energy. Oh wow.
Erin
That's so funny and true.
Ryan
I thought that was perfect. It is so funny to me that Willy Wonka to me is one of the all-time crazy characters. Yeah. And he plays it so straight. Yeah. Just like very regular. He goes, hello, I'm Willy Wonka. Yeah.
JPC
The question of who is this made for is so funny because it's also like it's definitely not made for me nothing about it speaks to me and I the person that exists that it is made for is outside of my like personal area of knowledge so it's like who is this made for And I feel like sometimes the answer might just be no one. It just got made by committee. Makes $200 million. Yeah, for a person that doesn't exist for a foreign market.
00:52:59
Adal
Do they still do... Oh, please.
JPC
No, that's the end of that thought.
Adal
Do they still do... Ryan, you might best know this. Do they still do, like, MGM just bought Keegan-Michael Key for five movies? I know this, I know this. Do they still do that, where it's like, we don't know what we're going to put you in, but we're paying you for five... Yeah.
Erin
Humphrey Bogart for the big ship in the sea and then we got him to do a lady dances around and the bonus movie.
JPC
I feel like what's more common nowadays is like the Marvel thing like you'll be doing Captain America for 11 movies and six theme park openings so like they they pencil that in but that's a character that you're playing so
Ryan
I know a couple people that got it for a TV deal where it's like CBS paid them some sort of holding deal, like a talent holding deal, so that you're gonna be on CBS in some way, but then they usually just get paid to not work. They just didn't need you cast anywhere and you made $200,000 to not... I want that, but I guess you have to be anything first.
00:54:13
Erin
I know that Emily Blunt, when she was doing the press for Jungle Cruise, she was like, well, this is part of my Mary Poppins deal with Disney. Like, she just made it very clear that she would have never, like, agreed to do Jungle Cruise if it wasn't as part of this, like, package.
Adal
That's the thing, is it feels like we have Timothee Chalamet for five pictures, we already paid him, the contract is up in six months, and so they're like, quick, everyone, and someone's like, young Willy Wonka, and they're like, perfect.
Ryan
Noodle, noodle, yeah.
Adal
So it feels like a scramble.
Ryan
Stars floating around and then we have these movies floating around the only things left on the board are these so we either don't make this movie and all the rights go away or Being a Hollywood executive is just kind of like doing a word search and crayon every day.
Adal
We're like, I found Timothy Chalamet! And Raiden!
Ryan
We're doing young Raiden We're doing Mighty Mouse with the buffest guy on earth Shoot, we didn't organize this well
Erin
I play to a crowd, but only one holds my fate. I hope they laugh at my jokes or my head's on a plate.
00:55:26
JPC
It's on a plate? I hope they laugh at my joke or my head's on a plate. This one doesn't feel as complicated.
Erin
It's not like a metaphor. I play to a crowd but only one holds my fate. I hope they laugh at my joke. A jester?
Adal
A court jester? I almost said Fozzie Bear for some reason.
Erin
Yeah, he's a court jester. They took off his head.
Adal
You can't eat a bear.
Erin
Ryan, do you have a favorite Muppet?
Ryan
I'm not a big Muppet person. I mean, maybe Miss Piggy. She's funny. Great. Great answer.
JPC
I heard Ryan say, I'm not a big Muppet person, but in my head, he was like, I'm not a big Muppet person. I would love to hear it. Totally lying. He's like, I don't really like the Muppets.
Ryan
I know nothing about the Muppets.
Adal
I do want to see a scene. Perfect. Ryan, you signed a five-picture deal with whoever owns the fucking Muppets. Disney, I guess?
???
Disney!
Adal
Probably Disney. And you are placed in this movie with JPC and Erin and myself, and we are in the Muppet world, and you are trying to keep your head above water, not knowing much or caring much about the Muppet universe. He's not a Muppet, but we are Muppets? Yeah, it's like a Michael Caine... Oh, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. Yeah, Tim Curry. Um, Ryan, thanks so much for coming down here to Oklahoma City. We're so thrilled to have you. Thanks for having me in beautiful OKC, tall dog.
00:56:45
Ryan
Kermit. Oh, sorry, Kermit. Yeah, of course. Are you making fun of him? I feel like you're kind of talking in a condescending tone. No, I didn't mean anything by that. I know tall dog rhymes with short frog, and it was just a little joke. I was figuring I might rib the Sesame Street gang. Oh, well, I guess we're not really Sesame Street. Sesame Street are Muppets. Hey, Miss Piggy does it, right? Shut up. Does what? Makes fun of you and... Okay, my apologies. It's great to see you guys.
???
Well gang, we only have a couple more days before they demolish the community center.
Ryan
Oh no! Ryan, what should we do? Do we build another community center that's even bigger and even better? Talk to us like we're people, man. Oh, okay. Don't look down here.
Adal
Our mouths and eyes are up here. Right, right, right. And I don't mean that in like a sexual way. I mean like... Does that make sense? Yeah, yeah. Talk to the... The real guy.
00:57:45
???
But also how would we build a community center when we're so little and our hands can't hold tools? You're right, you're right. But also talk to us like we're real and we can do stuff.
Ryan
Maybe what we need to do is protest, we chain ourselves to the building, and then the bad guys can't knock it down. Oh, uh, we don't really get political. I also see you pulled out a gun. Can we... I guess I'm just sort of trying to match your energy. And if I'm being honest, I have no idea how.
Adal
Well, yeah, we do have a pretty soft energy.
Ryan
Well, gang, what do you think? Yeah, I'd like to try something new.
???
Yeah? Yeah! I mean, I could be convinced. Maybe if there's a song about it?
Ryan
Oh, Ryan, is there a song? Yoda! Yoda, when did you start speaking forward? I love it!
Adal
He's been taking classes. Aww! And we're all so proud of him. Yoda, do you want to sing your song to remember how to speak forward?
???
Oh, yeah! I'll sing my song to remember how to speak forward.
00:58:46
Adal
Okay.
JPC
I use the fours to force the words throat from my- Oh damn it!
???
Oh no, dude!
JPC
You got me in my fuckin' head!
Erin
He got in my fuckin' head. The end of infinity when eyes see themselves. The wings on a swine when an immortal rings death's bells.
Adal
Very quickly, I do want to say, if they took Jason Statham and put him with the Muppets, that feels like fun.
Erin
What's the plot of that then? What classic story are they retelling?
Adal
That is tough because Muppets don't really do action. They could. It has to be something serious because Jason Statham is going to kill someone or beat someone up. So that feels tough.
JPC
Does Dumbo beat somebody up?
Adal
We could do Dumbo.
Ryan
What if like, you know, someone captures Miss Piggy and Kermit wants to save her, but he gets hurt. And so Jason Statham has to do it the whole time with Kermit on his back, like a backpack.
00:59:49
Erin
Okay.
Adal
Like a Yoda back then. Like a John Wick but with Jason Statham holding Kermit.
Erin
Ryan, here's $80 million I want it on my desk by Monday morning.
Ryan
It sucks that that's actually amazing. I would write that in a weekend for sure. Yeah.
???
100%.
Ryan
Get a little high? A little.
JPC
Yeah, man. The end of infinity when eyes see themselves, the wings on a swine, when an immortal rings death's bells.
Adal
The end of infinity is the letter Y. It's not that.
Erin
Classically in a riddle, it would be something like that. This is sort of annoying.
JPC
When pigs fly, that's like a saying. This will never happen. Happen. Never.
01:00:52
Adal
If you are at work right now, and you're bored, make a poster for that. I do feel like there's a scene where Jason.
Ryan
I don't think so. What's his name?
Adal
Right? No. Wait. They did a Dirty Muppet cop movie.
Ryan
No they didn't.
Adal
Yeah they did. What? Yeah they did. It wasn't actually Muppets. Jason Segel did a Muppet movie.
JPC
But did he do the Dirty one? Because there was a Dirty Puppet movie, right?
Adal
But it wasn't Muppets though.
JPC
It wasn't Muppets.
Adal
But it was a parody. It was cops. You thinking of Crank Yankers?
01:01:55
JPC
Oh my god, I'm thinking of Crank Yankers. Once again, I do this once a week. I'm always thinking of goddamn cranky anchors! Oversold, under-delivered, cranky anchors. I remember the Dirty Puppet movie didn't go over well, I don't think, but I think an action puppet movie, even if it was, it doesn't have to be R-rated, you could do a PG-13.
Adal
The Happytime Murders is a 2018 adult puppet buddy comedy, black comedy film. It says buddy comedy, black comedy. Directed by Brian Henson, starring Melissa McCarthy.
Ryan
Yeah, I mean if you shoot this movie like a Jason Statham movie, but then every five minutes you remind them that it's Kermit, you're a genius.
Erin
Also to have just like a little too few of Muppets in the background and in the universe. Like you don't see a Muppet for a while and then there's a Muppet driving a bus.
Ryan
It's like not a Muppet movie, but it's just in the world where Muppets also exist. And then it's like, oh wait, it is totally a Muppet movie.
JPC
And I also think that to avoid the higher rating, you can do a bunch of violence to Muppets. It's like how you can shoot aliens in movies, but you can't shoot people.
01:02:59
Erin
I think they would rather you stab a person than a Muppet.
JPC
The ranking is like, actually, if you kill something that a child holds dear, that's worse than killing a pig. If you double tap pigs in space, there will be letters.
Ryan
Double tap. Do you think you could... Get like make a movie as graphic as John Wick but with Muppet like there's just blood flying everywhere and also like Kermit is spinning through in slow motion. Yeah. That's so funny.
JPC
Half real, half puppety. The blood has to be like right like blue or brown.
Ryan
And I think they could invent some really evil looking Muppets that are like oh these aren't really the Muppets we love.
Erin
Grab the Labyrinth Muppets from David Bowie.
Ryan
Hey guys, wait for me! Shut up.
Adal
And he's famously been asking you out, right?
Erin
Yeah, oh my god, he won't. Stop! Every dating I'm on, he's like, hey, wanna grab a drink?
JPC
How did Sweetums get on Raya? Because it's an invite-only thing. You don't think Sweetums is on Raya? Well, it's invite. I just want to know who invited them. He would be on Raya! Of course he's on Raya.
01:04:07
Erin
I'm just trying to be a down-to-earth girl.
JPC
Hey, I got an invite from The Noid. But I only date famous women. I only date famous women. Also, surprisingly, on JDate. I saw Sweetums out with Zendaya. Oh my god.
Erin
I would love to get a... I've been saying this. I would love to get a Raya invite. Maybe end up with a famous chef.
JPC
I'm telling you, Erin, if you do get a Raya invite, I do definitely want to see your phone so I can see who's on. I would love to see who's on.
Ryan
Are you on Raya? No.
Adal
Surely you know. You've seen a Raya account, I'm sure.
Ryan
I have no people who have been on it, but they will not show it to me. They're like, you're not licensed to look at this. You can get blacklisted, right?
Adal
If you screenshot or if you... I think if you share photos or if you screenshot, I think there's something in the app that notifies them if you screenshot or something.
JPC
Don't you just have to have like a million followers? Isn't it like a social media thing? Because they do like a little, you get like an invite, but... You have to be famous or hot. Yeah, but like how famous?
Erin
Really famous.
Ryan
I heard that the complaint in LA is from people who are actually famous are like, it's a bunch of fucking directors of photography now. It's a bunch of well-off grips. They're rich because they've been working for IOTSI for 40 years or something like that. Is this a fucking Best Boy on here? Jesus Christ.
01:05:25
JPC
When I search for DP on Riot, that's actually not what I'm looking for.
Ryan
I want Sweetums and the Muppet with the firecracker. Out of a room, the cuffs off the wrists untangle the rope, all familiar as the lead artist.
Adal
Out of a room, the cuffs off the wrists, untangle the rope, all familiar as the lead artist.
01:06:26
JPC
Well Ryan, it means a lot that you came on to our Riddle Podcast again.
Ryan
It means a lot that you had me here, and it doesn't mean anything that I didn't get any of the riddles.
Erin
Doesn't mean anything.
Ryan
It's fine. Doesn't matter to me at all.
Adal
You solved the greatest riddle of all, which is how do we shoehorn Jason Statham into the world?
Ryan
I can't believe it hasn't been done yet. It seems like the easiest thing in the world.
Adal
Even if it never gets made by Disney, it feels like you should write it just to do a table read, because it feels like the funniest fucking thing in the world.
JPC
I think the issue with Jason Statham is he's pretty discerning about what projects he selects, and he doesn't like just doing movies for money. You got to call it Crank 3.
Ryan
But then it's Muppets. Yeah.
JPC
Yeah, it's like Crank 3 working title project. Kermit has to inject himself with some sort of endorphin every 20 hours.
Ryan
He's got to put clamps on his nipples and then we're off to the races.
JPC
That's how they got what? That's how they got Bill Murray for Garfield, right? Yeah. It's because they said that it was being directed by Cole Coen. They called it Crank 3. Yeah. Even if it was Switch Coen. It's not that Coen.
Adal
Even if it was just pretty much John Wick where they killed Rolf or something, it's like... Not Rolf. is
01:07:54
Ryan
Rick and Ralph.
JPC
We can't kill Grimace because no one would care. And he can't be killed by conventional means.
Ryan
No weapons we have now or can think of can kill him. Did you guys see that meme about the Grimace Shake and everybody exploding? Great meme. Happened a while ago. The Grimace Shake was out. It was a purple milkshake. Disgusting. I think it was blueberry-ish. But people were doing TikToks and memes of being like, hey, about to try the Grimace Shake. They would take a sip of it and then it would just be them lying on the ground dead. Speaking of social media sometimes being great Ryan Recently, I don't know maybe the last six months or so.
Adal
You've had some of the funniest fucking videos. I've seen with your drone Thank you.
JPC
Where can people check this out?
01:09:01
Ryan
They can check those out on my Instagram, Chosenberg. That's where those live. And I guess YouTube, but not really. I don't really do that that much. Or you can check out my podcast on ManDogPod on Instagram and all that stuff. And I just started a new podcast called The Greatest Conversation Ever.
Erin
Amazing.
Ryan
It's just stupid conversations with friends.
Erin
It's
Ryan
Origin story with improv comedy and stuff kind of like if WTF was for improvisers instead of stand-ups. Oh, yeah Yeah, yeah, that's on everything. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. None of it makes money yet.
Erin
So We've been a big fan of yours since 2018 it was an immediate connection as we all met it was so much fun. Thank you guys We're big teachers lounge people. So this was it's been a fun long journey to get to enjoy you. Oh
01:10:03
Ryan
You guys are the best. Thank you.
Erin
You can check out HeyRiddleRiddle.com slash HeyRiddleRiddle.com slash live if you want to come see our East Coast tour coming up in a couple of weeks.
Adal
Translucent.
Ryan
Yeah, I'm sorry. Yeah.
Adal
There's this picture. There's a picture. It's fading away.
Ryan
Portugal, maybe.
???
1974.
Adal
It's definitely Portugal.
Ryan
Check that out. Adal, JP, is there anything to plug? I don't think so.
JPC
Is that Russian dirt?
Ryan
Well, then, Jupiter. Check out later. Bye, everybody.
JPC
Are there any parrots in the music? Hey there jerkies and boys, if you liked that you are going to love this week's Patreon. We improvised some scenes using some improv forms from our heyday as professional improvisers. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com. Hey Riddle Riddle by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or start your 7 day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month. Plus you get those ad free episodes. See you there.
01:11:31
Ryan
That was a hate gum podcast.