Which Riddle Riddle?

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You know how I got chickens? Live chickens and they're in my backyard?

Oh, yes, that's right. You said... For the eggs, right? For friendship and eggs. Yeah.

That was in confidence.

You were going to freeze their eggs or something so you could have chickens when you're in the... Yeah, you guys are sort of getting your wires crossed with a lot of the secrets I've told you.

I know I got an email from you and I'm trying to remember the details of it.

You were told to freeze your eggs, but you said you didn't want your eggs, you wanted chicken eggs.

Okay, you guys, actually, why am I letting you talk so much?

You said you didn't want to be a geriatric hen?

Okay!

This is what's actually happening right now. I went to go collect with my little basket this morning. I went to go collect the eggs, right?

From the chickens. I remember what it was. She's in love with the main guy from Rock-A-Doodle. Yes.

Can I not tell any secrets to anyone anymore? These are secrets? I'm collecting the eggs, right? And I go, and I go to reach in. Guess what? A fox. Chicken laid instead of an egg.

What?

Hi Riddle.

Oh no.

It freaked me out.

How could you tell? Was it like a see-through egg? Or was it golden? Golden.

Golden. You open it and it was like, what opens in the morning? And I was like, oh my God.

It spoke. Little egg mouth or something like that. It was smug.

Like, what is in a cake?

Was the answer an egg? Was it self-involved?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I killed that chicken and that's what we're eating today.

Okay, so this is a goose.

Oh.

Oh, it looks like all these eggs are golden. These seem pretty solid, actually.

And that is good improv. Welcome to Hey Riddle Riddle. We are eating a goose today. She ate. She ate. We are still in LA.

The internet.

I don't know. We're still in LA. We're feeling a little punchy. This is our eighth episode of nine this week, so we're feeling a little wackadoo. And that's good news because we have another fantastic guest who we had the pleasure of doing some improv with in Chicago. Allison Reese, welcome to the show. Thank you so much for having me. A dream.

Are you feeling a little wackadoo? We're feeling a little wackadoo. A little wackadoo? I am. It's been a weird day, so I'm feeling a little like, well, what else is going to happen? You found glass in your mouth. I found glass in my mouth 20 minutes ago, so if this episode comes out and I'm dead, that's why.

Well, we don't know. Well, we don't know. We'll wait for the autopsy. Cause of death, glass in the mouth.

Or a Riddle podcast. Or a Riddle podcast, yeah. That's what they'll say.

Just very quickly, because I... God bless that. One time we came... I used to live with my... Did it sneeze? No, I'm just saying, God bless... God bless the glass of your mouth. Saying, if I died, it was that. Oh, oh. It's so fucking funny, and it reminds me very quickly of... I used to live with my grandma, and one day we came home and she was asleep on the couch and pinned to her chest with a piece of paper, and it says, if I'm dead, I smelled gas. So my grandma was home alone, smelled gas, took a nap, woke up, and was like, if there's a gas leak, you might die during your sleep. So she wrote it down and pinned it to her chest with a brooch.

Didn't go outside, didn't call anyone.

That feels like the age where you're like, I've lived a good life. I don't need to find the source of this gas leak.

I'm just okay with it. It could also be a prank by a kid or something like that.

Allison, I've always wanted to have you on the show because some incredibly cruel timing by the universe happened to us in 2020.

It always happens, yeah.

Yes. So you got added as a full-time World News Tonight cast member. That's true. In maybe like December or January of 2020, like right before lockdown. It was like a couple months before lockdown.

Yeah, yeah. It was, it was, I want to say end of November?

I'm

And not really, like in the scene, right?

Yeah, Erin's not that good at thinking.

But in the scene, you did a spin move like you were in The Sims and suddenly had a baby. It was maybe one of the best moments of my life. The eye contact we made, we immediately died laughing.

Yeah. And you were like, are you a Sim? And I was like, that's exactly what I was thinking.

So now anytime I come across anything Sims related, it's, uh... You send it my way? I send it your way. Wait, so Erin, you weren't really pregnant in that show?

No. Then why did you always tell me to stop pushing you before?

I used to do that in basketball. What? Push people?

Push people.

Put the ball under your shirt?

Put the ball under my shirt and be like, oh right. No, no. It was actually mean. People, if they fouled me, I'd be like, you hurt the baby.

Oh yeah.

That's really funny.

That's not mean. It's all fair in basketball.

If I were a coach I'd be like, you're a comedian. Get the hell out of here. Go to the theater.

Was it mean when, like, Michael Jordan would, like, buy people's dads' houses and have them demolished and then play against them? No, it's fair. It's all fair. It's skill. It's a game of skill.

You know, when you put it that way, you're right. No. That's not mean.

Michael Jordan did do stuff like that, right? He was notoriously, like, a big trash talker. I don't think he would, like, buy people's dads' homes and kick them out of it.

I think the most sort of famous, egregious example of that is he invited his high school basketball coach to his Hall of Fame ceremony. I'm Give it to this dude.

So he's making probably $40,000 a year. Yes. That's crazy.

So if you had Michael Jordan money, who is the person that you would be so fucking petty to? You.

Yeah, of course.

Yeah, probably JPC.

You, are you kidding?

Yeah. But would you waste it on me? Yes.

Knowing that I'd be like, who are you?

Oh God, no you wouldn't. You know me.

Allison, what is your relationship with riddles, puzzles, lateral thinking problems, escape rooms, myrtles?

I actually just did an escape room for the first time and came out with a new group of friends. But I don't know if I am good at that or not. But did you have fun? I had a lot of fun.

Those of you good at making friends, that's the bonus. What was the theme of the room?

We were mice in a lab.

A lab rat.

Lab rat, yeah.

That's one of the best escape rooms in town.

It is, yeah. That's what they said, and I was like, this is my only one. I don't know. You could be telling me anything.

So the concept is you're a lab rat, but you're a human, and there's lab rats who are full size.

Yeah, and so the scientists were rats, and you were humans, but you were the lab rat, and you had to escape.

Did you get out?

Did you escape? We did. Great.

And everything's huge. So it's like, it's scale as if you were a lab rat in a wheel or whatever. But it's scale to everything's huge.

That'd probably give me months worth of nightmares. I think that would fuck with me. I probably should stay away. Do you want to go?

Yeah.

Whenever you want.

It's not like months of compounding nightmares, because you already have nightmares. It's not like you're going to have nightmare debt to pay off.

You know what? I just got put on medicine for nightmares. I didn't know that there's medicine specifically for nightmares.

Vodka.

Vodka?

Vodka! You can drink vodka and not have any more nightmares. I assume. I don't drink.

No, no, that'll give you worse things. Drinking makes your nightmares worse.

Is it night terrors or is it just nightmares?

I would say night terrors.

Do you wake up and you're halfway sitting up or anything like that?

No, I luckily don't have any dream enactment stuff. That's super stressful, but I haven't dreamed since they put me on it. I haven't dreamed at all.

You just go to sleep and then you wake up and you're like, well, now it's this time. I've been a dreamer my whole life.

Today we're

You said you liked the escape room. I liked the escape room. I thought it was fun. I mean, I do Spottle, which is Spotify Wordle.

What the fuck? So like a song title or something?

It gives you like a list of things and you guess the artist and it's like, oh, there's one person in the group, like green, you got that part or it's this genre. Have you played today? I haven't.

Let's do it. This is a new tradition on the show where we play one of these games. It's just called Spottle.

I think so.

Okay, we'll figure it out and we'll find it. Spottle, the daily...

My last Google was what to do if you have glass in your mouth. How do you spell Spottle?

S-P-O-T-T-L-E Yeah, music wordle game.

Boom.

Okay, so it looks like Spottle. What it says here is it says, guess the artist of the day. Search for an artist to make your first guess. You just, you have to listen to it, right?

No, you don't listen to anything. You just put in a person's name. Or an artist or a group.

Okay. It's almost like Riddle, where there's no starting hints. You start with a word, and then from there, it'll say... Yeah.

I'm gonna put in Ed Sheeran. Wait, are we all putting in the same one?

We should all do different ones, I think. It was right, so... Oh, not today. Not today.

So, today was Ed Sheeran?

No, no, no. I don't know what that means.

We can't play it together. We can't play it together if we're all doing... So, I think we have to agree.

Let's maybe... We'll start with Erin going this way. Got it. Got it. Okay. So, the first one's gonna be Ed Sheeran. I want to help... It's helpful that it pops off the name.

Okay. So, then we have one green and it's male gender.

Okay.

That is correct.

So it's not a debut in 2011. It's not a solo. It's not a popularity of number five. Wait, what is the popularity number five? Is it telling me that Ed Sheeran's the number five most popular? On Spotify.

Most played solo male from UK maybe?

Yeah, and it's not a pop and it's not from the UK. Okay, so Allison, you're up next, correct?

Yeah. My guess is Bon Jovi.

Okay.

Okay. Ooh, we got... Ooh, wow!

What's a yellow mean? Have you played this yet?

I started to, and my guess was Bon Jovi. So I figured... Okay.

Okay, so green means correct, right? Green is correct. So it's a male rock genre from the USA, and it debuted... In the 80s? No, above 1984. Above the 80s. Above 1984. Bruce Springsteen. Okay, so wait, but you don't get to guess, Erin. Don't you dare type in Bruce Springsteen.

I won't!

It's Adal's turn, Adal gets to guess.

Sorry, Adal.

And it says members five, and it says members solo, and those are both... So it's like a certain number of members, but it's not that.

It'll tell you the number if you get the number right.

I'm so sorry, you said the arrow up means it's later, I think. 85 or later. Yeah, yeah. But below 2011. Yeah, of their debut.

And I think that yellow means it's close, right? Because the other one was gray, which I'm assuming- I'm going to assume, yeah. So maybe late 80s. So probably like late 80s.

Mid to late 80s.

Um, rock. It's not a solo act and it's a rock band from the USA. And the gender is male. And the gender is male.

Okay, interesting. Um, I'm going to go with Thompson Twins is more synth than rock. I can't think of like a rock duo. We've talked about this all over the podcast. We're going to go with, um, we're going to go with, um, would you like, Adal, could I go and then maybe

What the heck, you just jumped down my- I haven't gone yet.

Let's go with Genesis. You're gonna go with Gen- Even though they're pa- uh, they're- Wait, isn't that a- No, they're British. They're British. They're British.

I just guessed Genesis.

Well, we all have to now.

No, no, no, no.

I did it too! We all have to, sorry. I'm sorry, everyone.

Maybe you gained something from it.

Sorry, everyone.

Did you gain anything? No, it's Mail and Rock.

I'm doing Tears for Fears. And they're also from the UK.

Are they?

Why did you do that?

I didn't- I assumed that Tears for Fears was an American band.

I know what I'm going to guess next. I'm going to guess Bruce Springsteen.

Oh, and the year is the debut, so don't do Bruce Springsteen because he debuted way before the 80s. I already did it. You already did it, so we're all doing Bruce Springsteen now.

Mine is Twisted Sister. It's not gonna be that, but maybe it'll help us somehow.

Okay, Twisted Sister.

It's not coming up. They hate them. It's not, I guess it's not on there.

What about Journey? Journey? Well, 83 though?

Journey is the 70s, right?

Yeah, I feel like Journey came out before that. We're really bad at this so far. Quiet Riot. Okay, Quiet Riot. Whitesnake. You're doing Whitesnake? Well, I'm just listing some. I don't know any... Late 80s rock bands is... Oh, but it's not a solo.

Yeah, it's not a solo person and it's not five members.

It's not a group of two either.

I would really like it if one of the categories was featured on I Love the 80s. Featured on VH1's I Love series. Or like, your dad loves this.

Yeah, I mean this is some tough shit. I think that this is a fun game though. It is a fun game. I've never heard of this game and I wish that I was better at music to be better at this game.

Um, let's see.

Um, yeah, I don't know. I don't know. Whose turn is it?

I feel like we're going to give Sam a heart attack because he's a music guy and you know... Holy shit.

No, the debut is after 83, so it could be after 84. I love Allison's... Hair metal, it could be hair metal.

I think it's going to rock, yeah. Twisted Sister, that genre I think is great.

I think, yeah, yeah.

When was Guns N' Roses?

That was probably 86 or something?

Let's do Guns N' Roses.

Uh, Guns N' Roses.

Oh, it's on there. Oh, they have five members now.

87!

It was 87!

1987!

Oh, on the nose.

Ooh, wow. Okay, we're getting closer.

Now we know that it's a rock band from 1987. Genre, or gender is male, from the USA. Hmm.

You can say R.E.M., but that's a totally different way of... Are they U.K.? I thought it was American. Yeah, it is American. It is American.

You know, R.E.M., they have a song that men cry to the most, statistically speaking.

Is that, uh, That's Me in the Corner?

It's everybody hurts.

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

Men.

I like that. It's very sweet. It's a very direct, like, hey, it's okay to cry. Why are they going to say shiny happy people? Like, are men okay? Shiny happy people.

Well, Bob Marley sang No Woman, No Cry, and men were like, I guess we don't have feelings.

Yeah, I'm just now finding out that men can be hurt. Uh-oh, makes me think of my dad in a whole new way.

Okay, I guessed REM. Okay. They were 83, so it is 87. And they're listed as alternatives.

So it's not four members either. What the heck? It's not four, it's not five. What's a three-member?

We're almost out of guesses, because we all had to do REM. Did anybody do a two-member? A two-member rock band from 87. We are trying to.

Holonotes is not coming up.

Yeah, Holonotes is not even- Wow, that sucks.

Is ACDC- Spottle doesn't know Holonotes? I think it has to be like- 70s? Late 70s?

But ACDC's what, four people and it can't be four members? They're Australian as well. And they're Australian as well? Are they? Kiss? Will it tell us the right answer? Kiss? Kiss. Will it tell us the right answer? No, Kiss is earlier than that. Oh, Kiss is four. And it's 1974.

1974.

I'm having fun. If we get this wrong, will it tell us the answer, or do we not get to know the answer?

I have no idea. I've never gotten it wrong.

Fuck!

I typed in a few answers. People were shouting out. I have the answer. We are going to be very surprised.

Wait, you have the answer? I have a question.

You got it? My mind is blown that this band debuted in 87. My mind is absolutely blown. I was going to ask a question. Yes.

The band Green Day, were they the 90s?

Yeah, they were 90. Yeah. Dookie came out in 94, 93. Was it Nirvana? It's not Nirvana.

Oh, but we're close. Here's the thing.

Do you know how many members it is? Um, I don't. Let me see if it shows here.

I thought it was three, okay.

Yeah. I'm shocked it's 87 when they debuted, and I'm maybe even more shocked that REM, they're like, no, they're alternative. This band, they are like, yeah, it's rock. I'm pretty surprised. This is like, if you, do you all want a hint? How did you know? You just, you got it right? You guessed it? No, I was, as people were shouting out stuff, I was putting it in. So I ran out of guesses. What had it told you? This is like top 40 radio, but I correlate this band very much with the 90s. Cemented in the 90s, but they, I guess started in 87. And I would bet $100 everyone in here in this room has heard at least one of their songs. Fuck!

Smashing Pumpkins.

Um, no, but I think that's getting closer. Matchbox 20? That's the closest guess so far.

What?

Matchbox 20 is the closest guess so far? Yes. Bare Naked Ladies? Probably somewhere between Matchbox and Bare Naked. Oh boy. But Bare Naked's Canadian. Canadian, they're Canadian, yeah. Counting Crows. Counting Crows is maybe slightly warmer.

Nine-inch nails and it can't be Imagine Dragons. Is it Imagine Dragons?

What if Imagine Dragons debuted in 87 but they didn't have a hit until like 2012? I would buy that.

I would buy that for sure.

Guys, we do radioactive and then we fucking call it quits because nothing's working.

First things first, I'm a guy and I like to brush my hair and I go Erin, will you do a whole Simlish album?

I would love to hear it.

I would love for you to sing Simlish.

Of course, give me a song, I can do it.

Let's do Toxic by Britney Spears in Simlish.

Toxic by Britney Spears.

And just the words, not the guitar. I didn't hear and I know.

I was talking to my buddy Johnny about this, but I think that as a musician, one of the coolest honors is to get to sing and record, because they do their own. Like Carly Rae Jepsen does her own Simlish, where she sings her song in Simlish, and I think that is a very cool thing to get, like, asked to do. Oh, I mean, I want to be a singer now.

Katy Perry.

Yep, Katy Perry did her own Simlish. Very fun. Very fun stuff.

What a weird day, I bet.

Okay, Counting Crows and Matchbox 20 I think are the closest. Sam, you got a guess here?

Sam's like, I actually like real music. I like bad music too. It's a band. We know that, I guess. The name is Three Words. Fastball sucks. Anyone can see the road that we're on, there's a face... Talking heads! Three doors down!

Third eye blind!

Third eye blind is by far the absolute closest.

What's the band that does closing time?

It's in me, Sonic. It's in me, Sonic. The band is three words and two of the words are the same word. And you might be surprised that it's like separated and not one word. Big bad voodoo daddy.

Yeah, yeah, yes. Goo Goo Dolls. Yes, Goo Goo Dolls. Goo Goo Dolls! Goo Goo Dolls is 87?

Wow. That's mind-blowing.

That's so crazy. Dizzy up the girl. One of their songs was in my head, but I couldn't figure out the name. The one about his mom. 3AM.

It's 3am, I'm a- I would've, honestly if I heard that, I would've thought it was Matchbox 20. Me too. I think that is Matchbox 20. Oh is it?

What's Goo Goo Dolls- What is Goo Goo Dolls sing? What's Goo Goo Dolls- Oh! I wish you would step back from them.

Nope, Third Eye Blind. Third Eye Blind. Goo Goo Dolls sings Iris. How does that go?

But don't ask me that.

Cause I know that Goo Goo Dolls sing it, but I don't know how it goes. Thanks for watching!

Yes.

Yeah. I give up forever. The Nick Cage movie. Yes. Where he's an angel. That's what the song is?

Yeah.

What is it called?

It's City of Angels.

Not Michael. It's City of Angels?

I think. Michael is John Travolta, right? Yes. Wow. Okay, so that is not... So to be clear, we don't do sponsored content of the show.

We did... Missy Elliott's basically sitting in this.

She's the OG Simlish.

If you see us driving around town in a Spottle Yaris... Kill us. We did not all get a Yaris from Spottle for doing this game. This is not sponsored content. We just love the Spottle Yaris.

Allison, what were you gonna say? You bringing up Missy Elliott singing Simlish made me think, is the Simlish version of that song, where she flips it in reverse, is that in forward? In English? In English, in the Sims?

That would be mind-blowing.

That would be incredible. You're flippin' it but playing it, it's put my thing down, flip it and reverse it.

That would be They would win an Emmy for that.

They would win an Emmy. EA Games would win an Emmy. EA Games wins an Emmy.

The first Emmy for a game.

Okay, so Spottle is something relatively new. How about a little bit of something old? We are going to go to... No, more Spottle, please.

Or we can play When Taken, my favorite internet game.

We could wait seven hours for the next Spottle.

We played Connections with Namdi when he was here. I don't know what that is. I will say I've had more fun doing that and Connections than I have doing any Riddle ever.

Well, yeah, Erin, because that's because your job is eating a bunch of vegetables and someone's like, hey, how about a candy bar? It's like, yeah, you're gonna like the candy bar.

Why can't we do candy bars all the time?

We gotta eat vegetables now.

No we don't.

We have vegetables from Scotland. Don't you want some Scottish vegetables? Fine. What's that? Leeks? Yeah, I was gonna say. Ramps? Ramps!

Leeks! Let's get these riddles over with then.

Okay, so these are from Gavin, and Gavin is coming to us from Scotland. And Gavin says that these are from a book from the 1920s. Bush. I should have guessed Bush. Sorry. Yeah. Gavin Ross, too. Yeah. Glycerin. Yeah. Probably 87. Okay. So there are a few of these, and I would say sometimes these are riddles, but they... Well, we'll just get into them. Okay. You'll see how these go. There's four of them. Why are birds in spring like a banking establishment? Birds in spring. From the 1920s, too. Birds in spring? Why are birds in spring... Crashing?

That's fucking funny.

Last Friday, they all dropped out of the sky.

We're all ruined.

So it's not crashing?

No, but you're on the right vein with wordplay. Looking for bread? No, and I will say this. I would give each one of you A spot of yaris, if you could get the exact wording right, which you'll not be able to do. The wording on this, if you can get the gist of what the pun or the wordplay is, I'll give it to you. But like birds in spring, what do birds do in spring? They lay eggs. No, but maybe, I don't know. Fly south? Yeah, but they do that all season. Migrate. Fly north? Fly north? Did you say them? It is not that, it is not fly north, it is not fly south. Molt? What's that? Molt? Oh yeah, molten birds. I think you're thinking of a phoenix. Oh, do birds not molt? No, birds molt.

I hate that word. It's hard to say.

My mouth is like, don't say it. Molt? Yeah, it feels like a 1920s thing. Go down to the phosphate store and get a bird molt. Molt? This is a molt. I want a molt. Okay, no, what else do birds do?

They fly, they lay eggs, they get worms. Sing.

Sing. Okay, they sing. Chirp. So singing is part of this. Why are birds in spring like a banking establishment? Because they sing for the money. Okay, we got singing, so let's move on for a second to banks. Like a banking establishment.

Savings. But in the 20s?

Yeah, but so what is, um... Stocks. No, okay. It's nothing in relation to what a bank does, but it's more to be like what a bank is called. Like... Savings and loans? If I were to walk down to the local Chase, I just went to the local... Branch. Oh, sing on a branch? Yeah. Something about a branch? Yeah. You want to hear the answer? Sure.

1920s.

They offer promissory notes and rejoice when branches are flourishing.

Promissory notes? How do we all feel about this?

It's bad.

I don't love it. Can you say it again?

Why are birds in spring like a banking establishment? They offer promissory notes and rejoice when branches are flourishing.

Yeah. Yeah. Punch in the face. Yeah.

You can see how someone from the 1920s would probably get that really fast, right? They're like, oh yeah, promissory notes, branches are flourishing. Promissory notes.

Branches are flourishing.

How do we feel about Gavin? Go back to Scotland, Gavin? Let me stay there? Yeah, I think get out of our country. Oh no. We assume that you're in the country.

I'd like to see a scene.

Otherwise, how would you send an email?

The three of you are three big bankers in the 1920s, probably a couple hours before the crash, and you're just sort of luxuriating in how great everything is.

A rumpf. A rumpf indeed. Another cigar?

Oh yes please. You know what? One for each hand.

Oh yes. Double fisting. I'll say this. One for every two fingers. So I'll have five cigars. Samesies. Let's all go around it. Yeah, we'll kind of like hook the other one in our thumbs, huh? Yeah, five cigars. This is the life. Life is good. I'm certainly glad that they are figuring out this whole World War 1 nonsense.

Oh yes, yes, yes.

Boy.

So happy. You know, I was thinking. I'm glad that I'm not poor.

Oh wow, banished the thought. I haven't even given a single thought to being a poor.

I was just thinking about it the other day. What would I do? Who would I be?

What does a poor do? How does a poor start their day? I'm assuming they wake up. Or do they go to bed?

Well, somebody has to wake them up, right? Yeah, someone must wake them up. Who's the person that wakes you up when you're poor? God, what's poorer than a poor?

Some sort of, maybe like a mouse or a rat? Yeah, it's gotta be a rat.

Tugging at their hair? Yeah, probably a rat tugs at their hair.

Ah, they've employed the rats, I see.

They probably have a breakfast, but they don't have lavish breakfasts like us, so they probably eat dirt or poo-poo. Poo-poo! Poo-poo! And then they must toil. I mean, just because they're poor doesn't mean they can be lazy. So they have to have some sort of employment, I imagine.

Yes, yes. And they must have interesting names. I mean, for example, my name, of course, is Juniper McKenzie, the fourth. Shudder to think what these people, their names might be like. Yes. Mark.

Ooh, Carl.

Carl. Such normal names. I'll be a poor. Hello, everyone. My name is Ben.

I don't know how you did it, but... I hated that. Good afternoon, gentlemen. I think you should look at the cover of this paper.

A poor! A poor! Finally, we can ask someone. Speak slowly. Speak slowly. He's very poor.

How do you wake in the morn? I wake up with the sun, of course, and then I have to get my children to school. A poor? A poor? How do you make more poor? Uh, the same way you do, of course.

I don't think so. No, no. I masturbate into a handkerchief, mail it to a doctor.

The stock market crashed.

It's what?

Seems.

The stock market crashed. Okay, here's another one from the 1920s.

From the 1920s.

I really wanted to, in character, be like, whoa, whoa, whoa, you what? Into a what? Why is the letter W like a scandalmonger? What do you mean you don't know? I didn't say I don't know, I just hide deeply.

Oh, it's the same thing.

I'm assuming a scandal monger is like someone who is starting rumors, right? Like I'm a scandal monger. Like a fish monger sells fish, so a scandal monger sells scandal.

Perez Hilton.

Oh my God, this has sandal monger. I feel so stupid. No, but yeah, I assume so. I think that that's a safe assumption for the answer. The letter W. Yeah. Why is the letter W like a scandal monger? And again, this is from the 1920s, and I will say it's probably impossible to get this right.

I'm about peaks and valleys.

Ooh, I like that.

Because it's an M upside down.

This is If I were the type of guy who liked to slap a waiter, when they get my order wrong, do you think I would go out of my way to, like, try to make sure they got the order wrong? Like, I would, like, sneeze my order and they'd be like, can you repeat that? And I'd be like, what are you, stupid? And then you slap them. And then I slap them. Oh, but that's not even getting my order wrong. That's just giving me lip.

A slap is a slap, a reason is a reason.

Well, actually Erin, if you knew anything about perverts like me, I actually need to get the order wrong or else I can't get what I need out of a slap. I don't understand your culture. Okay, well thank you for admitting that. Thank you for admitting that finally.

Adal, what do you think?

I will say, this is a spelling, the solution is like a spelling answer.

I'm hung up on what's the big difference between a lowercase w and a capital W. Points?

They're all the- Oh, one looks like a butt, one looks like a graph upside down.

Which is which?

I mean, that's, to me- I guess we're all perverts.

If I was in a locker room and someone said my butt looked like a graph upside down, I would never leave the house again.

I don't know, is that a compliment? I don't know. Because a graph is not a universal.

I'm assuming it's a line graph. My butt looks like a pie chart.

It's a circle? But also, my butt looks like a pie chart, I feel like is a compliment, right? That's almost like a John Mayer song. Yeah. If someone says that your butt looks like a Venn diagram, I'm like, that sucks. That's like cheek cheek hole, I believe.

That's what you have.

Cheek cheek hole? Cheek cheek hole?

Cheek cheek hole. Cheek cheek hole. Yeah, we're not fresh for this episode.

That's how you slap waiters, right? Cheek, cheek, hole.

Round the corner. I imagine all face. Cheek, cheek, mouth. There was a point in time in my improv career where that was my go-to move. Cheek, cheek, hole? No, just a little tap on the mouth.

Wait, so give me an example of how you use it.

Is this thing on?

How is it an improv move? It's just me hitting someone gently. Hey boss, you wanted to talk to me?

Yes, come here. Now get off of my face! And you guys didn't see it, but I slapped Erin on the mouth ever so gently.

It was so soft. It was a little tap. It made a tiny little sound too. I love that. I love a little slap on the mouth.

If I was watching an improv show and giving notes, if I coached a team, I'd go like, you guys, that was perfect. That's one of the opening scenes for a Herald show. It's that long. I'm like, that's great. That's all you need.

Okay, do you want to hear the answer to this riddle? Yes. I don't think anyone is going to get it. Again, this is a tough one. Why is the letter W like a scandal monger? It makes ill will.

What? I don't understand that at all.

So if you put a W in front of ill, it makes will. So it makes ill will. And someone who makes ill will is someone who would like be a scandal monger. Erin just took a picture of Adal.

I took a picture of when a riddle finally broke Adal. Adal, I'm so sorry. Are you okay?

Adal, how's it going? Ill, well. Not great.

Everybody hurts. Gasty, ba-dee-doo. Nice swimming. Gasty, ba-dee-da.

All right. Well, while Adal recovers from his aria meltdown, we will be back after a little break.

1, 2, 3, 4. Hey Riddle Riddle.

Vroom vroom. I bet you guys are wondering how I can afford this new bike.

Erin, how'd you get that bike? Whoa, Erin, how can you afford that new bike? Can she read our thoughts?

Yeah, cuz... I just saved a bunch of money using my favorite app, Rocket Money.

Oh, Rocket Money, the personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings and buy a bike?

That Rocket Money? Uh, the very same. Ding ding!

You mean, ka-ching, ka-ching, because all the money you're saving. Nice. Because Rocket Money has over 5 million users and a safety total of 500 million, ka-ching, ka-ching, Erin. Mm-hmm. 500 million, and canceled subscription saving members up to $740, or one bike, worth a year when using all the app's features.

Rocket Money's dashboard gives you a clear view of your expenses across all your accounts. So you can easily create a personalized budget with custom categories to help keep your spending on track. I love it also when I'm doing my taxes because everything automates and I know exactly how to track all my expenses.

Erin, I'm looking at some of your custom categories. You have bike, which makes sense, and you have some money in that. But then you have B-K-I-E, and then you put money in that one. I think you maybe just like misspelled bike at one point, and you're also funding that. We can... Okay. Two bikes. So stop wasting money on... Erin, so stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocketmoney.com slash riddle. That's rocket... Erin, that's rocketmoney.com slash riddle. rocketmoney.com slash riddle.

RocketMoney.com slash Riddle! Woo! Woo!

Woo woo woo! Oh, Erin just won the Tour de France.

Woo! I won the Tour de France!

Yeah, because she's riding on two bikes.

Woo!

This show is sponsored by BetterHelp.

Hey Erin, JPC. Yes. I've been taking mime classes, sort of like, you know, bracing against the wind and like walking upstairs, walking downstairs. Is there a way to stop taking classes? I don't know how to get out of this.

Adal, I think that there is a way to stop taking mime classes, but I wouldn't be super concerned with that. I would be concerned with what made you want to take mime classes to begin with.

That's what I was gonna say.

I think you need therapy.

Yes.

Oh, yeah, interesting. I agree.

And if you're thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist, who can definitely dig into that mime stuff with you, and switch therapists anytime for no additional charge. I use this therapy and it works great for me because I love being able to message my counselor when I'm actually feeling my feelings because then it ends up being way more truthful than when I have to like drive to an office a week later and tell them all about it.

And as Adal, I also think that, you know, there's a famous phrase and it's a mime for help. And basically what it is, is you doing mime when what you really want is like help with a problem in your life. So I think BetterHelp could be pretty perfect for you.

Oh, that makes sense. Yeah, and it just feels like, you know, when your schedule is packed with kids activities, big work projects, miming, being in a hot air balloon, it's easy to let your priorities slip and I should be making time for myself.

Yes, that's what we're saying.

Don't want to dig into why your schedule's packed with kids activities, but Adal, never skip therapy day with BetterHelp. Just visit BetterHelp.com slash Riddle today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P.com slash Riddle.

Well, I get hired for a lot of birthday parties. Hey, Adal. Oh, yeah. How'd I do? Oh, well, you can't talk, Erin. Yes, you're saying how'd I do. I mean, you're in a box. I believe you're in a box. I believe it.

I did it.

No, no talking.

Ruined it. This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace.

Well, we've done that the last few weeks, but today we're going to learn about squares. What do we know about squares?

They're boring. They have four sides.

I don't know if this is off topic, but I know that Squarespace is the all-in-one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and succeed online, whether they're just starting out or managing a growing brand. Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website, engage with your audience, and sell anything from products to content to time all in one place, all on your terms. Is that squares? I mean, yeah, you nailed it.

I mean, you can sell exclusive content on your site by adding a paywall to sell memberships or courses, or sell files your customers can download, like PDFs, music, or ebooks.

I mean, yeah, obviously. You all have been studying.

Wow. But doesn't Squarespace make checkout seamless for your customers with simple but powerful payment tools? They accept credit cards, PayPal, and Apple Pay in eligible countries, offer customers the option to buy now and pay later with Afterpay and Clearpay. That's Squarespace, right?

You can also upload video content, organize your video library, and showcase your content on beautiful video pages. You can even sell access to your video library by adding a paywall to your content.

Wow, A plus to both of you. I didn't think we'd get into this until like week four. I guess we can just watch Troy.

Yeah, I guess we'll be watching Troy then. Like I said at the start of class.

It's a win, JPC.

Well, before I press play, don't forget, head to squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

Squarespace. Never let your geometry teacher disrespect you by not letting you watch a DVD of Troy.

And play.

I'm Brad Pitt and I'm Ajax or something.

And I'm Brad Pitt too.

Sorry, I couldn't afford Troy so I just made a home video. This is better.

This is better. Let it play.

Explaining football to the friend who's just there for the nachos? Hard. Tailgating from home like a pro with snacks and drinks everyone will love? An easy win. And with Instacart helping deliver the Snack Time MVPs to your door, you're ready for the game in as fast as 30 minutes. So you never miss a play, or lose your seat on the couch, or have to go head-to-head for the last chicken wing. Shop Game Day faves on Instacart and enjoy $0 delivery fees on your first three grocery orders. Offer valid for a limited time. Other fees and terms apply. Hey Riddle Riddle

Okay, you guys ready for more of Gavin's... I almost said Scottish Riddles, but they're not. I just think that Gavin's from Scotland. These are just... These are normal riddles.

I feel like Scottish people are inherently... Riddle-ish? Riddle-ish, yeah. Yeah.

Riddled?

The Riddled Scots, as they would say.

Yeah, they're like... Mysterious.

Like Tricky.

Yeah.

Yeah. Tricky? Yeah.

Takes a minute to parse the... Yes, to parse their tongue.

And they're all Shreks. And they're all Shreks.

I thought we were riding. I thought we were biding.

It's like whiskey and bourbon. Not all whiskey is bourbon. Not all Scots are Shreks.

Not all Scots are Shreks.

If they're not from the Shrek region of Scotland. It's actually sparkling yogurt.

So I wanted to get Adal to agree to wear whatever I wanted him to wear for the Boston live show that we're doing this fall. Fun. And in exchange, I've agreed to wear whatever he wants me to wear for the Washington DC live show. But then he said Shrek. That he's gonna buy me a Shrek costume. And now I feel real fear.

Make you a Shrek costume.

Make it! That's so much worse! That's awesome!

That's so cursed! I bought the Fruit Roll-Ups necessary.

No, Adal, what if I get struck by lightning and I get stuck in it?

That's your first concern.

Yeah, what if I get electrocuted and then I'm Shrek forever? What would Princess Fiona do?

He lived. Yeah, whatever. She lived. Whatever.

The ultimate goal. She's energy.

To live.

I do love that you're Shreked By Lightning and you're on a gurney and you're shaking and there's an exit wound from your foot that's all charred and you grab a medic and you're like, am I stuck in this outfit? And they're like, ma'am, you have minutes to live.

I don't care. Am I stuck in this outfit?

Take it off. Take it off. Erin, I hope you never Shreked By Lightning, but let's listen to some riddles. Why should not the number 288 be mentioned?

288.

Yes. Why should not the number 288 be mentioned?

Because it's two less, because it's 12 less than 300.

Erin you're so, well no you're not close, but why should not the number 288 be mentioned? Now Remember, this is from the 1920s, and it has to do, I would say, with archaic forms of measurement. I don't know if that is going to help anybody. Okay, so yeah, we're on the right track.

These are gross riddles. These are yuck.

Erin, that's it.

Gross?

Gross measurement? Erin, why should the number 288 not be mentioned?

It's too gross.

This is like Erin being a janitor at Harvard and being like, let me just, I'm doing a doodle, and someone's like, mathematicians have been trying to solve this for years. Speechless.

That's never happened before. That was awesome. I can't breathe.

Erin, so what you, can I ask you a question? In your body, you felt that this riddle was gross. Gross was the answer, so what part of you in your body knew the answer? My arms. She doesn't have it.

She doesn't have it.

She's not the Dalai Lama.

This child is not the king. Sorry, I thought this kid was the Dalai Lama. It's not him.

It's like remembering someone that you slept with when you were 24, and you're like, ugh. Yeah, see, right? It's that visceral, like, ew, what did I do? What did I do? Okay.

Someone you slept with when you were 24 or when you were telling people you were 24?

Yeah.

Okay, cool.

What?

Wait, what?

What? Huh? What are you talking about weirdos? What was that adjective? I don't understand your culture.

Telling people you're 24? Yeah, I could be 24. Anybody could be 24. Hey, if Kiefer Sutherland could be 24, anybody could be 24. How do we feel about that?

I can't believe that happened. A miracle like that has never happened on a show like this.

That was like lightning striking in a Shrek costume.

That's like being Shreked by lightning.

Shreked by lightning. Have you been saying Shreked by lightning this whole time? Yeah, I'm saying what everybody's saying.

Shreked by lightning. What are we talking about?

I have a question about gross in 144. Why did we have to measure things in 144?

That's a great question. Does anyone know? I don't know where the measurement gross came from. Old-timey Costco. Old-timey bulk.

Old-timey Costco! I'd like to see a scene. Alt! Adal, you work at old-timey Costco, and Allison, you're in there shopping.

Ah, welcome in through the saloon doors, of course. Take a gander. Hey is for horses of course. Hey is for horses and horse and of course rhyme. I'm going to be telling people that. Please!

I'm going to be telling people that I came in here.

Please and tell them that Mark of my trade here at the Costco created it. I will. It's a mark, it's a mark, a trademark.

A trademark! Oh my! What is happening?

Are you God? God. Zip. You found me.

It's me. Old-timey Gab. Oh my. You.

You get three wishes. Excuse me, do you have this in cubits? No.

Fuck off. Fuck off. I'm trying to fuck off. I'm with God. Yeah, honestly, fuck off. Snap. To hell with you. Snap. To hell with you. I like that. Keep that in mind. To hell? To hell with you.

Wait, so you're... Oh my... Oh my you. I'm... I can't... Three wishes.

Okay?

Hmm. My first wish.

Excuse me, there's no one at the checkout. I'm not sure if... To hell with you!

What is with today and these people? They keep coming. I would like a membership to here.

I never thought about a membership because people come in, they buy stuff, and they sometimes leave without buying. But if I could charge just for the chance to possibly buy something... You're brilliant. What's your name?

My name?

Yes, I should know this. Let me search my... No, it's not coming.

Gentrude.

Gentrude. And was that a... I hate to ask this. Was that like a misspelling on the certificate?

Yes, my mother was very ill the moments after I was born. Very ill.

R became an N. Gertrude becomes a Gentrude.

Exactly. Well, yes, it was Jennifer and then Gertrude. Anyways.

Gentrude.

Gentrude.

Gentrude.

I just want the exclusivity.

Yes, well, let me snap my fingers and here's the very first- Ah! What the fuck? Oh, I forgot that to snap means to send someone to hell. Sorry! Hey God, can I ask you something?

Oh, Lucifer here. You gotta stop sending me these Costco shoppers. I don't need any more of these down here in hell, okay?

Well, why don't you- The love of Sam, why don't you start your own club? A club for people like me? Yeah. What in the Sam hell are you doing up here? You should have your own club downstairs. Yes, and I'll call it Hell Club.

Whatever, man.

Whatever, man.

So, a gross is a dozen dozen, and it's from the French word large dozen. What's the French word? Grosse. Grosse. Grosse.

Yeah, French. Wait, a gross is $1.44.

Which is a dozen dozen.

Which is a dozen dozen.

Which is a great number. That's why, because they were doing things in dozens. And 288-144, this is like angel numbers, I like it.

Yeah. Cheaper by the Gross. Has anybody seen that movie, Cheaper by the Gross? Cheaper by the Gross. That movie was so long.

It's a nightmare. It's a baker's gross.

It was Steve Martin and 145 kids.

One more riddle from Gavin in Scotland. Why is a lazy dog like a hill?

This is a pun. Why is a lazy dog like a hill?

Something about bark?

No. If you get the dog pun, I'll tell you that you're right on, and then you have to get the hill pun. Canine fleas. This is giving me paws. Wait, no. Allison's hands are turning into paws. You don't have to give your answer in the form of a pun.

This is a very interesting start to a tale. Oh, yay! We're the four people from Punterage. I'm Turtle, you're Turtle, you're Turtle, and you're Turtle.

Oops, all Turtles.

Entourage, four Turtles. It's all making puns.

There's no sex happening at all.

Can you guys just tell I did a line of cocaine ten seconds ago?

I haven't heard any of the keywords that you're going to need for this pun yet. I hope you enjoyed it. Now what's another word for lazy, maybe? Tired. Leapy. Exhausted.

Lethargic. Apathetic.

It's not necessarily like a synonym, but if someone is lazy you could also say that they're unmotivated. No. Reloader. It's a simple word. It's an adjective. Yeah. Beautiful. I would say like a sloth isn't maybe necessarily lazy, but they're... Slow. Slow. Slow pup.

Slope up. It's a slope up.

Why is a lazy dog like a hill? Because he is a slope up.

Thank you. Adal and JPC, you're having a picnic and you're bringing your family dog, Allison, who's like 18 years old, who really wants to still be involved. And Allison, you're just trying to prove that you're like, you're going to be alive a couple more years. You're not going anywhere. Hey folks.

Allison getting into the character. Precede getting into the character. Okay, just make sure when we're taking all the picnic stuff out that Cheddar doesn't get anything. Cheddar.

Cheddar.

Good boy. Yeah, Cheddar. Good boy. You know your name.

Yeah, I know. I know I'm Cheddar.

Good. Good. Yeah. And today you're doing well and today you know you're Cheddar. But just make sure Cheddar doesn't get any of the people food because it could be very bad for his digestion.

Well, no people food, but you know Cheddar, since, you know, they're older, likes their beer. Should I give him four more beers? Four more beers.

Give me, you know, look folks.

Folks, folks, folks, folks.

I got another eight to ten years in me.

You'd be the oldest dog in the world, Cheddar.

I can be the oldest dog in the world. Hold on, look, look, look.

There's tape on the end of this tail. Cheddar, have you been taping your tail on?

Look, folks, I can beat that other dog. I can chase that dog down.

Cheddar, there's no other dog. There's another dog!

Have you seen the other dog?

Cheddar, we would never replace you with another dog. It's you, Cheddar. You're our dog, and we love that.

That's right. I've been a dog. I've been in this family for 54 years.

Not the math on that. That's a good folksy spin on it, but I don't know if that's true.

Folks. Folks, just give me human food.

Okay. Give me people food. Cheddar. It would do so, it would wreak havoc on your digestion.

You have no teeth left. Sweetie, think of this as like a final meal. What do you want for your final meal?

I want that other dog on a plate. I want that other dog to still be kind of having... he knows what's going on.

A little bit of life behind the eyes, but he knows it.

And look, I'm not taking a test.

We have that dog in the wings in the waiting. Should we focus on our Weissdog? It's not the Weissdog's time yet. It's not the Weissdog's time yet.

Look, I love the Weissdog. I wouldn't have picked the Weissdog if I didn't believe in the Weissdog. Folks.

Folks.

Cheddar, do you even know the Weissdog's name?

Donald Trump.

Just the comedian struggle, I'm like, am I gonna be a Trump dog right now?

What kind of dog do you think a Trump dog would be?

A little Shih Tzu with a toupee.

It's huge. It's huge. My dog body is huge. My dog body is the best dog body anybody's ever seen.

Can you be your Kamala Harris dog? My Kamala? Yeah, you're famous for your Kamala Harris impressions.

I'm Doug. I want us to be unburdened.

It's so good.

You are maybe the best in the world at that impression. Thank you so much. I actually did that impression first at IO. You did? For an SNL showcase in 2019.

Wow. It's so good. Thanks so much. Your TikTok of parodying her on the Drew Barrymore show, I watched it like 6,000 times. It's so funny.

A total narcissist, but I have also watched it so many times. My friend Chrissy is, as Drew Barrymore, kills me every time.

And that went viral viral, didn't it? Yeah. How many views?

Five million?

Bingo! Bingo! Ha-ta-ta! Ha-ta-ta!

You know what I'd love to have? What? Five million dollars.

Nice. Yeah, that would be nice if that translated. Are you in the creator fund? It didn't make me five million dollars.

Anybody else would like to have five million dollars? That to me would be pretty sweet.

Yeah, you could get one little house here. Not even a tiny home, yeah.

It'd be a very tiny home here. All right, we got to move on. We have to move on because... Come on. Oh, yeah, I guess we don't.

No, I want to move on. Oh, okay, good. Is that an iPad?

This is my wife's iPad and she deserves it.

We went to a thrift store before this recording and we were just kind of browsing around and I was like off walking

And some person asked my wife the question that I think she despises hearing, which is, is that your baby? Which is just like, shut the fuck up. Don't be asking people, is that your baby? Is that your baby? And my wife was like, yeah.

No, I kidnapped her. What?

Yeah, I don't know. And my wife was like, yeah, this is my baby. And they're like, well, the baby's very adorable. And my wife was like, well, thank you. It's nice of you. And they were like, are you buying anything here? And she was like, no, we're just kind of browsing. And she's like, well, I have store credit if you'd like to trade me for cash. What an interesting, what an interesting route into this conversation.

I do love that the mentality is like, I gotta unload these credits. Let me find a polite entree into a conversation. Is that your baby? What's an easy way to just ease myself into this conversation?

Is this thing yours? Is that one for you?

This baby doesn't look like the same race as you. Is that something we're gonna discuss?

I was gonna say, I've never seen your baby, but I knew exactly what was happening. That is so funny.

Okay. Here we go. This is a riddle from Jeff. Everyone loves a nice little riddle from Jeff.

My tattoo's name is Jeff.

Oh, okay. Excuse me, what? Did I hear that correctly?

Yeah. Okay.

Well, how do you know?

What?

I heard, I'm taking a train to Macbeth. Did you say my tattoo's name is Jeff? Yeah. Okay, cool. But I could be taking a train to Macbeth. Is that a cat tattoo?

Yeah.

Is it based on a real cat?

No, it was a flash tattoo and I said, give me that. Put it there.

Wow, so you just named it Jeff.

Yeah, that's my dad's name. Or did it tell you its name was Jeff? It told me its name is Jeff. I'm hallucinating.

That's my dad's name and he's half cat. I'm half cat on my dad's side. My dad's a big cat.

Is this one yours?

That looks like a human baby. I'm half cat, so my cat, my baby would be a quarter cat.

Hi, do you like to buy stuff at the store? I'm really feeling the eight episodes into nine episodes. I'm glad I came in at this point. Oh, yeah, this is where you're meant. This is the sweet spot.

Episode one, snooze.

Two, snooze.

The only post-glass activity I would want to do.

Yeah, this is all just a hallucination. You're like the O.R. right now. Allison, you were in a deep coma. A glass coma. Okay, two trains both enter a one-way tunnel.

Joe Biden will love this.

Joe Biden will love this.

Two Trains is my favorite rapper. I love that Two Trains. Two Trains is one of my favorite rappers. He's great. I like Chameleon Air.

Two Trains both enter a one-way tunnel at different ends, exactly at nine o'clock. Oh, Joe Biden would hate that. Yeah. Having to draw a clock. Oh yeah. Oh boy. But they both come out the other end unharmed five minutes later. How is this possible?

There's two different days.

Two different tunnels.

Different day.

Same day. It's the same tunnel. Two trains both enter a one-way tunnel at different ends at exactly nine o'clock. But they both come out the other end unharmed five minutes later. How is this possible?

One is a toy train.

Oh that's so, I love that answer.

Because one train is on Earth-222 and the other train is on Earth-899.

They're stacked on top of each other, there's a high one and a low one.

A double-decker train, like in Britain.

Yeah, but like two different levels. You know the L in Chicago, it's elevated?

Chicago doesn't have an L in it, sweetie.

We've been resisting converting this to a video podcast, but if you keep doing stuff like that It was like a Power Ranger move it was like It was effective

You're like one of the three ninjas.

I can see Erin taking her Taekwondo class for like eight weeks, and then doing like the student showcase.

She's just like, Hi-yah! Okay, okay, okay.

I love that that was involuntary. That just came from your body.

Yeah, that came from my arms.

Everything's coming from my arms today.

What chakra is that?

It is not an elevated train and they're not like stacked on top of tracks or anything like that. It's the same track. Ghost train. Okay, so one train is a ghost. God damn, you're good at these. Fuck! No, it's not a ghost train. Two trains both enter a one-way tunnel at different ends exactly at nine o'clock, but they both come out the other end unharmed five minutes later. Wait a minute. How is this possible?

I was going to say one way mucks this up, but isn't there a system where it's like one train can pause while the tracks switch?

Yeah, yeah, but this is all one track. There's no track switching. Oh, I got it. Yes, Erin.

One comes this way, one comes this way. They hook them together, and then they go out that way. Because you know how you can hook trains together? We're back

But Erin, they both come out the other end. They both come out the opposite end as the one that they entered.

Okay, then they fucking... Yeah, and they fucking... and that's the riddle. Your iPad has the worst stuff on it.

This is Mariah's iPad.

Yeah, whatever.

It's got really good stuff on it.

Yeah, whatever. That phone is crazy.

Go back to bed, Joe.

How'd you get up?

Paramount Plus, iMovie. HBO Max? That can't be the app anymore. I feel like that's maybe out of date a little bit. This thing's got YouTube TV! And you're telling my wife you got a bad iPad. Come on!

What do you think, Allison? You're smart. Uh, not that smart. You're really smart. Okay. I think you're pretty exceptional.

Uh-oh. Thank you. I just deleted my iPad. Uh-oh. Deleted my iPad.

And funny, too. Thank you so much.

Well, goodbye, pad.

Wow, thank you.

You know, Erin, the one that you should be complimenting is me because I got the answer and Allison don't.

Interesting. Adal, what do you think happened with the train?

I'm staying out of this.

Sorry, I knocked Adal down with that high middle finger. One of the trains is the band.

Now she's back in the atmosphere.

Kind of sounds like Joe Biden. Now she's back in the atmosphere.

They get hit by a train.

Stumble on the other side. Joe Biden. And now, Allison Reese presents Joe Biden singing Drops of Jupiter.

Now she's back in the atmosphere.

The key to doing a good Joe Biden right now is just doing a Jennifer Coolidge who's tired and old.

There is a train lyric that sounds like a Joe Biden speech which is

Folks, smoke a pack a day.

Wait, wait, that's me. But anyway. Bend and snap.

Here's your hint. It's just all Legally Blonde for you. I like that. Okay, so this happens on the same day. Okay. It's exactly 9 o'clock. Is that from your arms? The trains don't collide.

The good news is if we get this, we probably don't have to do anything.

I will say, I could make you do another one. No! And the next one is a math riddle.

No!

I would like to do the math riddle. Wow! Allison wants to do the math riddle.

Skip this one. Let's go to the math one. We'll come back to this. We got time. I think I had OCD as a kid and I think that helps me.

With math?

Yeah. Let's do it.

Alright, fuck it. We'll skip this. We'll come back to it if we have time. We're going to do a math riddle because Allison actually wants to which is insane. I truly have never met anyone in my life who was like,

More math, like more servings of math, please. One math riddle, please. I like patterns.

So here's your math riddle. This is from James from Little Rock. James from Little Rock sent this math riddle. If 2 to the 1st power is 3, and 2 to the 2nd power is 4, and 2 to the 3rd power is 5, and 2 to the 4th power is 7, what is 2 to the 5th power?

Say it again?

Two to the first power is three. Two to the second power is four. Two to the third power is five. Okay, I know this. Two to the fourth is seven.

Two to the fifth is... Oof, two to the fourth is seven is... Because I was like, you're going to just add whatever the power is to the two. But two to the four is seven is adding another.

Yes, it's not that. It's not just adding that. Okay, two to the fourth power... So, first power three, second power four, third power five, fourth power seven.

Two to the first power is three, two to the second power is four, two to the third power is five.

And 2 to the 4th power... 7.

It's gonna help you to know what these numbers are. So 2 to the 1st power is 3.

Prime number.

But 2 to the 1st power is... the answer to that is 2, right? 2 to the 1st power is 2. 2 to the 2nd power is 4. 2 to the 2nd power also is 4 in the riddle, but 2 to the 2nd power is 4.

I feel like I'm reading a comic book with how often 2 to the 2nd power...

2 to the 3rd power is 8. The answer to that one is 5.

2 to the 4th power is 16. But the answer to that one is 7. What is 2 to the 5th power?

Did you like minus a certain amount every time?

Yeah. You don't minus anything.

You add?

You don't need to minus anything. Do you add? That's a good question. Do you need to add? Technically you need to add, but I don't think you need to add what you think you need to add. And sorry, are these electric trains? Oh God, I wish trains had electric, but when they do acoustic, it's even fucking better. It's even fucking better.

What's the answer I'm trying to figure out?

Two to the fifth power. Today we're So it's not me that's doing it. The mic is doing it. We can all agree. It's these cans. Do you want to hear the answer to this one? Wait, I thought Erin got the answer.

It's nine.

But she doesn't know why she got the answer. Oh, show the work, I see. Yeah. Okay. Because two to the first power is two, which is three letters. Two to the fourth power is four, which is four letters. 2 to the 3rd power is 8, which is 5 letters, and then we get to 2 to the 5th power is 32, which has 9.

I'm gonna call myself out on something real quick. Uh-huh. As you were doing that, I went, mmm, as if that made sense. It doesn't make sense. I still don't understand it.

And then the train, answer to the train riddle is...

I'll say, exactly 9 o'clock is the pivotal thing in this riddle.

So, do you have anything to plug? Anything you want us to check out?

I do! I actually have a podcast called N'K. It's like okay, but with an N. And it's like a late night comedy podcast hosted by Kamala Harris. Yes, please. And yeah, that's the first Tuesday of every month we release a new podcast leading up to the election. Incredible.

And to search it, would it be n'ok?

And we will link your social media in our bio, but do you want to show that?

Oh yeah, my handle is at Alien Reese. Which some people think I just misspelled Eileen and will call me Eileen, which is bad.

You are responsible for making me laugh the hardest I did in quarantine with a video that you posted on your Instagram which started with, what up Muppet sluts. Oh my god. It was maybe the hardest I've ever laughed in my entire life.

That is an incredible combination of two words.

I was out of my mind screaming laughing.

I was also drenched in sweat in that video. It was so funny. I went through a phase of being like, did I just do a HIIT workout? I should record something. What up, Muppet Sluts? What up, Muppet Sluts? Y'all want a new COVID vaccine? I just got it. Let me spit in your mouth.

I think that was the video, right? Yeah, I mean, I was like, I have the will to live a little longer. Check out our Patreon, patreon.com slash hey riddle riddle for some bonus content. Go and enjoy a week free for with us. It's a blast.

Yeah, enjoy a week free at any hotel in the Pacific Northwest. Just leave. Just run out when you're done staying there. Just do not pay.

And then go to heyriddleriddle.com slash live next, a couple months from now, very soon, we have our East Coast tour. Hopefully there's some tickets left. Sorry if there's not. But check that out if you want to come hang out with us in person.

Adal, do you have anything?

Yes, I'm trying to very quickly fire this. Okay. Here's what I want to promote is I want to promote the 1987 album. Hmm. Oh boy. Dizzy Up the Girl? What is it called? Dizzy Up the Girl? It can't be Dizzy Up the Girl. All right, Goo Goo Dolls? 1986 it says. 1986, Goo Goo Dolls, self-titled. 1988, Jed. J-E-D. Now I'm going to assume for our review crew soon we will list some Goo Goo Dolls as an option. So look forward to that. Maybe get an early listen in. GPC, anything to plug or promote?

Yeah, I'd like to promote giving your wife her iPad back fully charged. Just go ahead and charge it after you use it and that way there won't be a problem when you give it back because then she can use it and it's not 0% battery because you left it on your backpack.

When you give it to her, will you be like, is this yours?

Oh and there's some riddles on there if you actually want to have like a fun afternoon if you care about like having a 1920s riddle.

Hey hun.

I'm actually going to wheel out President Biden here and we'll just President Biden at the end of Looney Tunes usually quirky pig bust through some sort of facade and says do you want to give us a little

Uh, ba-da-dee, ba-da-dee. That's all, folks. Jupiter, goodbye.

Ba-da-dee, ba-da-dee.

Slowing it down to ba-da-dee, ba-da-dee, ba-da-dee. Which sounds like him trying to be like what it is.

It almost went into an Obama, I'll be real. Ba-da-dee, ba-da-dee, that's all, folks.

Hey there Coffees and Shreks, if you liked that, you're going to love this week's Patreon. We have two brand new brackets for you. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com slash heyriddleriddle by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or start your 7 day free trial with the review crew for $8 a month. Plus you get those ad free episodes. See you there.

That was a hate gum podcast.