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This is a HeadGum Podcast. Welcome everybody to Riddle Night at the Comedy Store. We have incredible stand-ups for you. Coming up to the stage first, we have JPC doing some jokes about riddles.
Oh, thank you. I'm going to do impressions. Okay, I'm gonna do impressions of riddles.
Okay, so this is Okay, show of hands in the audience. Does everyone know the riddle where it's like you ride into town on a Wednesday and you- The horse! The horse is- you know the riddle, sir. Okay, my impression of- here's my impression of that riddle Friday Okay, so but that's just an example Hey Hey Riddle Riddle.
Whoa, shouldn't we be eating them? That was wrong.
I knew it as soon as I said it. That was wrong. Matt Rife. Matt Rife. Bring out Rife. Bring out Rife.
All right, we actually decided to burn this whole building down and do our Riddle podcast.
No, wait, I want to do my Matt Rife impression. You know the problem with women? That I love. That I love.
I'm Erin Keif. That's GPC. That's Adal. Hey, guys. We're still in LA. Can you believe it? After all these months?
Wow, after all these months we're still in L.A. Still crazy after all these years.
Different song, but same sentiment.
Still crazy after all these years. Anyways, I'm gonna take a nap. There's someone else here so you guys can sort it out.
No Erin, you can't take a nap. You have to do the show.
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Yeah, Einstein and Bagels are very much alive in Silicon City. Einstein and Bros, right? Well, no. So that's the problem. Now it's just Einstein and Bagels. They're not friends anymore. They're not friends anymore. They were brothers.
They were bros. Let me adjust my list here. He's currently thriving out here in the sunny skies of LA. Please welcome to the show Nnamdi Ngwe.
Chicago Royalty, I would say. Chicago Royalty. Chicago Comedy Royalty.
Oh, that's high praise. I doubt it. No, you're right. Yeah. Wait, wait, wait, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
The kingdom's looking bleak nowadays, so you qualify.
It is, it is, it is. I still wear that crown. Imagine if I told people here, I'm doing a big deal in Chicago. They would not, absolutely. No, because in Chicago, you've got to be, In Chicago, you've got to be more humble. Out here, you can actually brag.
That makes total sense. I've heard a lot of people, friends of mine even, doing the, not like a humble brag, but like a, I'm not embarrassed to talk about my successes type of thing, where it's like, wow, in Chicago? You book one commercial, you shut the fuck up about it. Now Nnamdi, I do have to immediately ask you this. I'm so sorry I have to do this.
Famously, you are a twin.
And I just want to make sure that I don't have fucking Amici sitting next to me. No, this is not... Are we being parent-trapped?
You legally have to tell us if we're being parent-trapped.
You legally have to tell us.
What is something only Nnamdi would know? Something only Nnamdi would know is that I... He's texting someone named Nnamdi. No, hang on. I'm not texting. This is an email. know that, um, what was JPC's first Herald team? How could I know this?
I can't confirm, so go ahead.
You know, I do randomly try to think of Herald team names, and I'm sorry to everybody listening, I'm so sorry. Give us some, give us some.
I know, I would love to play this game. A lot of them do, like I lose them from memory, but the other week I was hanging out with someone and they were like, who was on Duke of the Zoo? And I was like,
Duke of the Zoo! Oh my god, I haven't thought about Duke of the Zoo in a minute!
It's crazy because some of the Herald teams that you can still find playing in Chicago, like the late 90s still does shows, and that was a Herald team that was around when my Herald team was being made, but then some of them last for three months, and every one of them has a name, but you know, some don't stick around.
Yeah, some of them have bad names. We won't drag publicly. There was Big Judy, Dogs, Winter Formal, Whiskey Rebellion, Sears Tower, Small Town Doctor, Mike Helicopter. Mike Helicopter is a real one.
I think that was Lauren Lapkus' Herald team.
Now here's the, from my perspective, here's the funny thing, is I was in charge for several years of naming Herald teams. And you were part of the commission we were on. I was part of it too. But I was in charge of naming them and what I would do, the mindset was, let me give them the worst name possible because you want them to change it immediately and put their own stamp on it. Like you want them, you don't want to give them a name and then they're like, I guess this is their name. They're supposed to come up with it. So we would give them names of like, 10 things I hate about edits. And then there would be a new Herald team and they'd be like, ugh, 10 things I hate about edits? Our team name sucks. And we're like, in the email, I'm like, please change it as soon as possible.
And they're like, I guess we're 10 things I hate about edit.
And then we're like, do you have a new name yet? And they're like, no, we're 10 things I hate about edit. And I'm like, no, please change the name. That's the whole point is we make it so embarrassing, you have to change it. And they're like, Well, we're 10 Things I Hate About Edit. And then they change it, and we're like, we're 10 edits.
And they're like, what do you, please don't. You gave us Thin Crust. And then for Comet, and everyone was like, it's kind of good. And I was like, I will not be on a pizza heralding. There's been too many. Pizza in the evening, pizza in the morning, pizza at suppertime.
But when pizza is a heralding? Yeah, absolutely. I will not watch pizza anytime.
Fucking Illuminatis. No, shut up about your pizza heralding name, everybody. I'm tired of it.
Now this is a lot of Chicago improv inside baseball. So Nnamdi, we're going to pivot to what this podcast is about, which is... Outside baseball.
Twin gossip. Which is way safer.
Outdoor sandlot baseball. Nnamdi, we're going to be doing some riddles, some puzzles, some lateral thinking problems. What is your relationship, what are your thoughts on puzzles, riddles, even something like escape rooms or wordles? Anything like that. Do you do any of those?
Oh, see, yeah, all the other stuff. I was like, yuck, gross, yuck. But then when you said Wyrdle, I said, give me, come on, babes. Yeah, I do Wyrdle, I do Connections. Hold for applause, nobody, it's fine. It's not live, but I feel like Connections is way more fun than Wyrdle. Connections is way more fun, way more challenging, but I always try to do those at the end of the day and I get tired. So Wordle, I can figure out Wordle pretty fast, but the Connections one, if it's bedtime and I'm trying to do Connections, some days I just give up because I'm like, What if we did connections right now?
I'll be the audience surrogate here. What the fuck is Connections?
You're carrying our baby? Everyone knows my affection for the British game show Only Connect, and this is actually based on a game that's been on that show for like a decade. It's the Grid game.
I hope somebody got paid.
I don't think they did, which really pisses me off. So it's 16 words. And you're trying to find four groups.
And sometimes things can fit into more than one group, and it's meant to, like, stump ya. Okay.
Sometimes it will be like, uh... Well, now, I do want to... Like, everyone's got their phones out, everyone has the... I assume connection's loaded. Nnamdi did just say that he gets really sleepy when he does connections, so are we... This is kind of the early afternoon. Are we willing to risk this?
I'm trying to Mr. Tumnus him. I'm going to bring him to the queen.
Shh, shh, shh. Guys, guys, guys. Nnamdi's taking a nap.
He looks so sweet. Oh, what are you going to do to his tummy now, Erin? He's sleeping like Big Bird. He's sleeping like Big Bird.
I think he's eating in his dreams.
There's a little feather. I think it's just because Nnamdi and Big Bird are both tall. A little feather that blows up and then comes down.
That's just how tall people sleep, Erin. Oh, he's waking up. No, he just pinched a candle to turn it off. Well, he burned his fingers real bad. He's going back to bed. Nnamdi, Nnamdi. Hey. Connections. Time for connections. Oh, great. Okay, great. Let me just play it real quick.
I did this thing. I ruin shit because like I would um I like to read but after having a child when I would I would be like so sleep deprived that when I would open a book it'd be like generally at night when baby's already asleep and I would read like half a page and be like and I think I fucked reading for myself too because for like weeks after that if I try to pick up a book in the middle of the day I would get so sleepy immediately so I am genuinely worried that we're gonna make Nnamdi go to sleep And I don't know that I'm funny enough to keep him awake!
Here's basically what I heard. I heard JPC's fuck reading, which is a new method. It's almost like, you know how you read every 10th word and you're supposed to be able to, like, read a book in 20 minutes? Yeah. What is fuck reading?
JPC's fuck reading is how to read a book in three minutes or less and feel fucking drained. And is that normal?
Is three minutes normal for most guys?
Golden Auditorium, Mother, and Odd are all retrievers.
Are all retrievers? Yeah, I think so. Okay. And I'm out. I'm locked out. Wait, Adal, get back in here. Sorry, I walked out of the room to celebrate and I got locked out.
Erin, what you just said, reading 16 words and being like, find the pattern, because you're all looking at it and I'm not looking at it.
What do I do? Go to newyorktimes.com?
Type in connections on Google.
Right off from the jump, I'm thinking auditorium, gym, lab, and library are like parts of a school.
Before we get too far, I just have to comment because I know some people listening are going to be like, the way you said the words was very rhythmic and had a nice flow to it. You should be a rapper. It really had rhythm.
I wish Casey were here to drop the beat for you, Erin. Now Nnamdi, famously, over the course, we've probably done 320 episodes, we have had Erin freestyle rap, no joke, probably 30 to 40 times. I think it's one of our most popular segments. Here's what I'll say, our fans love it, Erin usually ends up in tears, and she usually rhymes Toronto with pronto.
Nnamdi, I have a disease where I can't rhyme, okay? So they have me rap, and I fall apart and start to gag and cry.
You can get the first couplet. You can get the first couplet.
No, I usually can't. Sometimes I can.
No, you most of the time now can't.
Remember when I started panicking and I started rapping about putting my dog to sleep?
She once said, my name is Erin and I don't know why. Well, my name is Erin and I don't know why. And I want to put my dog to sleep. And then usually her sort of refrain is, help, help.
I can't believe you said I should rap. I was like, who sent you?
I said, I'm from Jive Records.
Okay, I'm going to try auditorium, gym, and oh, since we have different screens, we have more opportunity to fuck up. Library and lab.
Erin, amazing. I got one. These are all school facilities.
I've done my work. No, everyone else has to get another.
Wait, what was your one? What did you say?
Auditorium, gym, lab, and library, school facilities.
And let me read the words again to the left. Odd, black, silly, even mother piece red. Self-pigeon gray, golden chocolate.
Hey Adal, you don't have it. Whatever Erin has, you don't have.
JPC's from a bigger record label? Oh no.
We actually just subsumed the record label that featured Erin and now we're canceling both companies. What about like a little Dickie way? Man they really want me to spend to buy whatever New York Times is selling here and time is running out and it's 50% off for a limited time so I might actually think about making a purchase on this.
What happens if you get something wrong on this? You get three or four mistakes in terms of, like, you got it wrong. But it might tell you, like, I think if you have three out of four, it'll say you're one away.
But otherwise, there's no hints.
I will say, I think Silly Mother Gray and golden are all gooses. Yeah. Or geists. Or geists. Or geists. I would have said geeses, but it doesn't make sense because it's, you don't say mother geese. Yeah. Yeah, cause that's really a mother goose. That was correct. They're all blank goose. Yeah.
So you said silly mother gray and... Mother.
Yeah. Golden, gray, mother silly.
Okay. Now it's, do you want to try to get a rap?
Oh yeah, sure. Black, red, chocolate, piece, pid, gen, even so, bod. Okay, so yeah, so Black, Red, Chocolate, Peace, Pigeon, Even, Soap, and Odd are the ones that we have left.
Yeah. Now, here's the thing. Connection's this tricky mistress. It'll always put like Odd and Even where you're like, oh, those are somehow, you know, they're connected.
or if you start if you have a brand new board it'll be like good night and then the next word will be like moon and you're like oh these are all chocolate piece pigeon and soap are all associated with dove so that's the other one sorry i wasn't listening at all uh chocolate piece no totally pigeon and soap and then black even red and odd okay so that was fucking easy what's the next one The last one is easy because if you get the first three the last one is just there, right?
Yeah, but like it's still like a fun when you have the last one. It's still fun to before you click it just kind of try and guess what the theme is what the connection is there.
Yellow is easy, green is normal, blue is hard, purple is very hard.
Do we know what this last little match is? Pigeon, peace, soap, and chocolate? Like what makes them connect? Dove.
Pigeons are dove, dove is soap, dove is chocolate. Which can get very confusing because I don't know how many times I've taken a shower and washed myself with a bar of chocolate.
I've also seen you bite into a pigeon after a nice meal. Yeah.
For a little something sweet.
I'd bite into a pigeon and go, mm, Unilever.
I'd actually like to see a scene.
Okay, so you three are three guys in Vegas and you're arguing whether or not you should put all your money on red or black.
I have a little thing that I always do when I walk into a casino. We all pool all of our money, all the money we brought to Vegas, all the gambling money, or just any personal income that we have. We put it on either black or red. We either win huge and we have a fantastic weekend, or we lose and then we just go back to the airport.
Do we get to do the spin? Welcome back to the table. Good to see you back in Vegas.
I wasn't going to, I was just explaining to my friend how we don't do that anymore because it's New Vegas basically.
No, it's always been like this.
The Sinatra used to let you touch. No, no, no. He did.
He could do it. No one said, no one said anything to Sinatra.
Here at the Bellagio we take cheating very, very seriously and I won't kick you and your friends out, but you cannot touch anything. Okay, sorry.
This is Ed, he's one of the best, he's one of the best dealers here.
Sir, Mr. Ed. Hey. Hey, can we, can I spin the wheel? It's my, it's my bachelor party.
Why are you talking like a baby, Ed?
I was trying to, I was trying to like, you know, do a thing to kind of like, win you over like puss in boots.
Yeah, Chris, as you can see, sir, as you can see, Chris, Ed, was it? Chris has his hat in hand. He has, he's wearing nothing except for cowboy boots. Um, and his eyes are real big and watery.
Yeah, this is probably, he doesn't, he's modest, he doesn't want to say anything, but this is probably Chris' last bachelor party as well.
Because he's getting married?
Yeah. He's getting married. He won't ever really, and it's- This one's gonna take- And he thinks this one's really gonna take. Him and Veronica have something special about it, you just can't- Great. Yeah, so it's like- Victoria. I'm sorry? Victoria. What happened to Veronica? I, it wasn't working out.
We've never even heard of this woman! Are you sure? Hey Riddle Riddle
I feel like you guys are absolutely just begging to get kicked out of it. On black. Bellagio. Okay, on black. What are we putting on black? And Tony, I don't want to get a call from your wife again, so no more putting your life savings down.
Trust me, she said it won't happen again, because after this, she said she wouldn't be my wife. It's a Vegas tradition, it has to be my life savings. So I think we're pooling. We're pooling everything, right? We're gonna pool it.
Okay, so it looks like we have... Oh, and I've seen in the movies where also if you place a big bet you get like a steak. They're like, right this way, sir, and they give you like a steak and like a room for two weeks.
We have 14 security guards looking at Tony right now. Carrot, you're not allowed within 500 feet of Carrot Top.
He told you that, right? The entire rest of the casino is leaning over the table stealing chips. You should spread out your... No.
I didn't bring up Carrot Top. He brought up Carrot Top.
You are not allowed within 500 feet of Carrot Top, any of the Cirque du Soleil performers, and the guy with the puppets.
What about Ka? Surely Ka? Can he talk to Ka?
Mr. Ed? Oh my god. Please, can we see Mr. Carrot Top? I'm
No, you broke Dunham's heart. He said you're not allowed up to his room anymore.
Put your money on red or black. How much money do you have?
It's black and it's $600.
Chris, I don't care if this is your last bachelorette party, you're not going anywhere. You're a carrot top. Alright, $600 on black. Don't touch the balls. Everyone, the three of you reached forward.
I was putting my hands in my pockets, okay? And I was just trying to spin the spinny thing. I wasn't trying to touch the ball.
Don't touch anything! Oh, sorry gents. What are we doing here? Placing bets? Roulette? More like rule it. Takes out a crown, puts it on my head. Old blue eyes! Huge arms. Huge arms. It's Frank Sinatra, baby!
Brent, can we have $600? Oh my god. If I was Carrot Top, I would have bet on red. Always bet on red. Wesley Snipes said always bet on black, Carrot Top always says bet on red. That's this whole thing.
Huge arms. Those AT&T arms. Is Carrot Top still jacked? I think so.
The last time we slept together he looked pretty jacked. He looks pretty swole.
Erin Dish, how many props did he pull out during sex?
What didn't he pull out during sex? Most of the props I think.
He's like, I'm gonna cumin, and he pulls out something.
Yeah, I guess the last time we slept together, yeah.
Remember, I feel like TV used to be 90% AT&T commercials with Carrot Top. Yeah, yeah.
Right? Mr. T and Carrot Top. Promoting Collect Calls or something.
And we were all happier. We were, it was just better. Ain't that just the way.
Ain't that just the way. Last time we didn't have our phones out all the time. Like 10-10-2-20, the thought of making a Collect Call now, I don't even know what that could be. I couldn't tell you what a Collect Call is.
Remember when you'd have to say your name?
Bob, we had a baby eats a boy. Best commercial of all time.
I would only use it to like call my mom when I was like in some sort of dire situation. And I remember being like, my mom doing an impression of it being like, you have a collect call from Erin!
Panic, really push on the panic.
I remember the phone at my dad's house had a little sticker on it with the 10-10-2-20 number thing to remind you that's how you made a collect call.
So funny. Nnamdi, if memory serves, you were a professional soccer player in Spain? Spain? No. Where?
Portugal. I wish I was in Spain. I was in Madrid. Madrid. Wait.
That's Spain. No, it's not.
Real Madrid? Real Madrid. It's not Spain. I played in the UK and I played here in the States and I was in college as well.
So when you were overseas, did you... Thank you for your service. My friend serving overseas. Oh my gosh, where's he stationed? Madrid. Really? Why? Is that like an embassy? No, he plays soccer. Football.
He plays soccer and eats tapas. He's having a really great time.
For our country. Would you call back home a lot? I mean, I have family all over the world, brag. So yes, I would call a lot. And international calls, there was a time where you could buy minutes or whatever, like on a card. Buy minutes. Buy minutes. Thank you, buy. That was a theater bit. Yeah, it's like currency conversion but for minutes. So if you call from Vatican City, you're fucked. Which is weird, because that's where you go to get saved.
What can I save at the Vatican? This is turning into a Matt Rife stand-up. We're gonna get into some of our main riddles. We did solve connections. We're gonna get into our main riddles. Erin, do you think you can get Matt Rife on the show?
Honeypot him, Erin! What does that mean? Doesn't matter!
Ew, I don't want to talk to him ever.
Ever again? Did you say ever again?
I mean, I guess the last time we slept together.
Ugh, I'd rather die. I'm not even kidding.
Erin, name one comic you haven't slept with. Didn't you date Microsoft Clippy? Yes, I was actually engaged to Microsoft Clippy.
It looks like you're trying to break off an engagement. Can I help you with that? And you're like, what do you mean? Okay, let's get into a riddle here. These are actually 30-second mysteries. Oh, okay. I feel like we've done some of these on the show once before.
I actually feel like we haven't done any of these.
Good, good, good, good. Here's the case. A young boy arrives by train to his new school. The school is the best of its kind, but it doesn't appear on any map, nor does it appear on any list of best schools. The school is British, but not actually in Britain, just like Madrid in Spain. The school's fame has spread to the United States through a series of literary efforts that describe the activities of the school's unique curriculum and student body. What is the name of the school and perhaps its most famous student?
This is trying to get us to say Harry Potter, but it's obviously not that.
It's trying to obviously get us to say Harry Potter, correct? It's Harry Potter. Is it really? Well, that's not the name of the school. Hogwarts. Yeah, it's Hogwarts and it's Harry Potter. Uh-oh. Did we already do this one?
No, I don't think we did this one. I just thought, I thought that maybe that was, like Erin was saying, that was going to be like the red herring misdirect, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I do want to see a scene. Nnamdi, you are Harry Potter. JPC and Erin, you are longtime Hogwarts students. Harry is, Harry, we're rewriting history. You are Harry Potter. You have done what you've done in terms of defeated Voldemort, but you're brand new to the school. You just transferred to Hogwarts, and it's not going how you thought it was going to go.
Okay, wait. So this is an alternate reality where he's like an 11-year-old who's- He's older.
He's already defeated Voldemort, and he's coming to the school, and he's just- Okay.
He's like a 40-year-old man.
After the movie. After the movie.
Oh hi, can I just sit right here? Wouldn't you like to sit at the teacher's desk? Yeah. At the front of class. Oh, I get this all the time. I'm actually one of you lot. No. No, I'm actually one of you lot. We're two 11 year old boys.
Yeah, well I'm a little bit older. I missed a lot of school because I was out busy beating Baltimore. What's his name? Well, um, technically not because I wasn't going to class so I missed it.
You're like one of them child stars who, did you have to do like school on set? Like you had a tutor while you were killing Voldemort?
This was real, this was like real stuff.
Okay, yeah, I mean it happened before we were born.
There he is. You must be our new divination teacher.
Yeah, no, I'm actually, I'm a student.
I'm here to learn. It's one of those never-been-kissed situations.
Oh yeah, you're an undercover journalist trying to get a scoop then.
Yeah, I'm just I'm just I'm actually Listen, the school's standing because of me. You know, I mean like I I beat Voldemort.
I mean, do you have your license? Could you buy us beer?
Oh, could you buy us butter beer?
Could you buy us butter beer please? Oh, please.
Just keep in mind butter beer is available for anyone of any age.
All right, then real beer then.
Is that? Ooh, Michelob Ultra. We've always wanted to try Michelob Ultra. The same great taste, only 64 calories, innit? You know, I could do like cool stuff, you know what I mean? Like, I finish my magic classes. Ooh, Kill Kevin. You want me to kill Kevin? Kill our friend Kevin. We hate him. We hate him. Oh, he just knifed him. That's not Kevin! That's not Kevin! Who's that? Who's that one? We never met that man. I don't know who that boy is. Oh, there's a teacher here. Oh, no, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, sir. I thought you would do magic to kill him, not just stab him with your little knife.
That's better than Harry Potter.
That was better than Harry Potter.
I didn't watch any of the Harry Potters. I know it's hard to tell, but I didn't watch any of them.
You nailed it though, because it's all about the accent and the confidence.
I love coming into the school and being like, this school's standing because of me. I saved this school. I would say that if I was Harry Potter and I And I also love the- he would do a victory lap, right? If he beat Voldemort, he'd be like, I'm not graduating, I'm gonna do a victory lap. No, I'm staying here, I'm king. I'm king shit. I'm king shit. In Hogwarts. History class, I'm learning about him.
I am of the age that when the first three Harry Potter books came out I was like excited to read like these like young adult books and then I think the maybe the last one came out when I was in high school I believe but I remember with my friend Laura like waiting at night for like a midnight book release at like a Borders Books or something we were like waiting in line with a bunch of people in costume and there were people who were ahead of us in line who would like come out of the store and be like Oh, and go to the last page and be like, guess who dies? Doing bits like that, and everyone would boo them out. Yeah, that's wild. Yeah, the world used to be so fucked up. I know, it's so much better now. Yeah, it's so much better now. It's so much better now that all the bookstores are closed.
Yeah. Well, let's take a break to really soak in this modern time and how good we have it, and we'll be right back with more riddles. Yeah, modern time riddles. It's like mint riddles.
This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Oh, Corporal Smash. We met at Erin's post-wedding wedding party. I'm JPC from Hey Riddle Riddle. You're Groomside, correct?
I just wanted to tell you, I'm not sure if you heard about this, BetterHelp.
Yeah, actually, I have heard of BetterHelp. It's online therapy.
I love BetterHelp. I use it all the time because I'm not the captain of a boat. I'm an officer on a boat and I hear noises constantly and they drive me insane. It's almost like misophonia. And so I use BetterHelp to help me deal with my emotions, deal with any of my struggles being on the high seas all the time.
No, yeah, sure. I mean, it would be great for that. Sometimes it's just great to talk to a person. I mean, I love online therapy because you can kind of do it at your schedule. It's entirely online. It's designed to be convenient. It's flexible, suited to your schedule. You just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist, and you can switch therapists anytime for no additional charge.
That's right. That's right. So, yeah, it sounds, I mean, yeah, it sounds like you're a big fan already.
Of better help, not necessarily of what your thing is and I'm not getting on your boat because it looks like, and this is not an indictment of your boat, it looks like it was drawn... What's up?
You're shoving me. You're shoving me into the water.
Adal JPC, very cool. Come look at how I have been managing my money. I have this piggy bank and I sort of put my money in here.
This thing has a huge crack on the bottom. You've been putting money in here?
Yeah, it's because I... Doesn't matter.
Erin, if you're anything like me, and it sounds like you're not, you didn't start your business to spend the bulk of your time managing your finances. But between budgeting, tracking expenses, and staying organized for tax time, there goes a good chunk of your day. Get back to doing what you love, Erin, and let found do the rest.
Oh, thank God, because this is not safe to have my money sort of in a loose piggy bank that I keep outside.
Also, Erin, it says property of Lucy Goosey on the bottom. Did you steal a fairytale girl's piggy bank?
I mean, yeah, and now I'm using it for the Hey Riddle Riddle business account.
Oh, Erin. No, no, no, no, no. You want to use Found. Now, Found is business banking designed for small business owners just like you, Erin. It's designed for small business owners, solo entrepreneurs, and it is, in my opinion, the only financial tool you need. So say goodbye to switching between multiple finance apps and tools.
Yeah, Erin, Found is an all-in-one easy-to-use app, not a pig. Found lets you manage your financial tasks effortlessly, manage your money, track your spending, invoice your clients, me and JPC, and even handle your taxes, so you can focus on running your business, or whatever, Erin, whatever you do in your spare time, I don't really know.
Yeah, Erin, what are some of your new business ideas?
What's your new business idea?
Um, piggy banks. Keep them loose outside. Keep them loose. What else? I mean, I have, I've reviewed this piggy bank and I gave it one negative review. Do you think Found has any positive reviews?
Erin, Found has some 30,000 positive customer reviews, and you can see why over 500,000 small business owners like you chose Found. Kind of blew up in your face, huh, Erin? Yeah, you can automatically set money aside for different business goals and control spending with multiple virtual cards. You can save time by automatically tracking and categorizing expenses to maximize tax write-offs, all without leaving the found app, and you can instantly send professional invoices and pay your contractors for free.
Erin, you dumb-dumb, get your business banking working for you. Try Found for free at found.com slash riddle. Get Found for free at found.com slash riddle. Sign up for Found for free today at f-o-u-n-d dot com slash riddle. Erin, I'm sorry for calling you a dumb-dumb.
You called me a dumb-dumb?
Found is a financial technology company, not a bank. Banking services are provided by Pyrmont Bank, member FDIC. Found's core features are free. They also offer an optional paid product, Found+. Well, I went to a fugue state. What did I say?
Adal called me a dum-dum.
I'm so sorry. This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace.
All right, students. Today we're going to learn about geometry, shapes, and such.
Can't we just watch Troy? Can't we just watch a DVD of Troy? Well, we've done that the last few weeks, but today we're going to learn about squares. What do we know about squares?
They're boring. They have four sides.
I don't know if this is off topic, but I know that Squarespace is the all-in-one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and succeed online, whether they're just starting out or managing a growing brand. Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website, engage with your audience, and sell anything from products to content to time all in one place, all on your terms. Is that squares? I mean, yeah, you nailed it.
I mean, you can sell exclusive content on your site by adding a paywall to sell memberships or courses, or sell files your customers can download, like PDFs, music, or ebooks.
I mean, yeah, obviously. You all have been studying. Wow.
But doesn't Squarespace make checkout seamless for your customers with simple but powerful payment tools? They accept credit cards, PayPal, and Apple Pay in eligible countries, offer customers the option to buy now and pay later with Afterpay and Clearpay. That's Squarespace, right? Yeah, definitely.
I mean, 100 points to you. Oh, Erin, yes? You can also upload video content, organize your video library, and showcase your content on beautiful video pages. You can even sell access to your video library by adding a paywall to your content.
Wow, A plus to both of you. I didn't think we'd get into this until like week four. I guess we can just watch Troy.
Yeah, I guess we'll be watching Troy then. Like I said at the start of class.
It's a win, JPC. Well, before I press play, don't forget, head to squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.
Squarespace. Never let your geometry teacher disrespect you by not letting you watch a DVD of Troy.
I'm Brad Pitt and I'm Ajax or something.
Sorry, I couldn't afford Troy so I just made a home video. This is better.
This is better. Let it play. We're dumb, I think. Yeah, it's pretty dumb. I'm so sorry. It's hitting me now.
Not smart. Not smart, guys.
Hey, I'm Jake Johnson, host of the podcast We're Here to Help, but this episode right now that you are listening to is sponsored by Brooklinen. Brooklinen provides luxury bedsheets, pillows, Comforters and blankets delivered straight to your door. How do I know this? Because Brooklinen delivered me a quilt, sheets, pillowcases, and I love them. Plus, Brooklinen has been tested and awarded by experts, including good housekeeping. Hey Riddle Riddle. That's brooklinen.com. B-R-O-O-K-L-I-N-E-N.com. Get 15% off your first Brooklinen order and save extra when you bundle.
Hey Riddle Riddle. And we're back and we did some fun on the break, which is we ran out to Wizarding World and we got Erin a pack of the brand new Bernie Botts's Every Flavor Beer Beans. Now some of these are Michelob, some of these are Michelob Ultra, some of these are Natty Ice, there's a Coors, what else do we have?
There's about 50 IPA beans and they all taste fucking identical. You'd have to be a real psycho if you could delineate.
You know what was really fun? A guy with a beard over-explained the flavors of each of them to me one by one. And then said, and what do you do after a while?
Touch his face, have his beard. Uh oh. Let's do some more of these 30 second mysteries here. Please. Megan is locked in a windowless room with several dozen other people. She faces a battery of tests for nearly three hours. Megan is under intense pressure and every answer will be closely scrutinized. Her future depends on her ability to answer correctly. What is Megan doing and where is she?
Megan is taking the men in black test from the first Men in Black movie. Okay. Yeah, and she's like scooting the table across the floor. Sure. And he's saying to the guy next to him, you want to get in on this? Yeah. And the guy's like, no.
She shoots a school child carrying a backpack and says, this guy's just working out. Yeah, this guy's just sniffling.
That's a tissue. This is a little girl with quantum physics books. He's not scary, he's sniffling.
And then, yeah. I just want to comment on the wording of that. That entire thing was very sketch. Locked in a room, battery, yes.
Battery? Yuck. She faces a battery of tests for three hours. You could word it differently. Yeah, this sounds like Stranger Things season 4.
Is Erin right? Is it LSATS?
Megan is taking a college entrance exam at her high school. Have we done these before or are they just easy?
I'd like to do, I'd like to see a scene. The three of you are three high school juniors taking the SATs and you're sitting next to each other and you're trying to find some ways to cheat or ask each other questions.
Hey dude, put your readings in my pocket. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not you Mark, Richard. Oh, sorry. There's nothing in my left pocket. Richard. I'm in, I'm in, I'm in. Okay, do you, can you find my phone? Oh yeah, it was the first thing in the bucket. I haven't had it there way too long. Yeah, I got your phone. What's up? Okay, take it out. Got it. Okay. Now, uh, do you know my password? Yeah. Okay.
Well, hold on. I think I do.
Four, two, six, nine. Yeah, got it.
Okay, great, cool. Can you call my mom to have her come get me? What? This is hard. I know it's fucking hard. I thought we were gonna cheat. Didn't we all talk about cheating? Yeah, yeah, I thought, there's plenty of things we can cheat at. Does it have to be this test? I thought specifically we were talking about cheating at this. I didn't know like... Do you want me to take my hand out of your pocket? Hurry! Get it out before they turn around. Okay, okay. Hands out of everybody's pockets. I'm not gonna call your mom, okay? We're gonna do this. We have to get into college. I have an idea.
Otherwise we're gonna die virgins.
Everybody be cool, be cool, be cool.
Okay, okay. Kitten is the cat, puppy is the what?
Okay, please keep your eyes on your paper and go back to your test.
Okay, that was good. That was good. That was good. You just coughed the same thing we're all looking at.
We don't know the answer. Oh, yeah. I thought maybe somebody would chat it out like a counter response.
Hold on, that was the example one. That dog.
Oh, it's circled up here.
Make sure you're not chatting amongst yourselves. You have seven more minutes left on the SAT.
Yes, is this an emergency?
Um, well, it has to do with what you just said.
Okay, there's seven minutes left on the test. Now more like six.
Could you but could you phrase that in like, in the form of an essay about like what freedom means to you? Like a short essay? Could you phrase that? Could you phrase what you just said again, but in a short essay about what freedom means to you and slow?
Michael. How do you spell that?
Okay. You know what? Just do your best on the essay. I'm sure it'll be great.
Okay. Okay. Oh, S-A-T-E-S. Now I get it. Oh. That's why they're called that.
Uh, it's okay I'm calling you by your first name, right?
Uh, I mean, yeah, it's fine for today. It's a Saturday, I guess.
Okay, well I guess it's a Saturday. Oh, I wrote that wrong.
Gentlemen, it's Saturday. It's Saturday.
Oh, okay. How'd you get extra points knowing what day it is?
Yeah. Changes my name to Michael on the test.
Okay. Hey Proctor, my pen doesn't work. Can I borrow your pen? Can you write the answer? Can you write the answer with your pen?
Okay, first of all, famously, you're supposed to be using pencil. These are Scantrons. They can only read pencil, and so if you make a mistake you can erase. Boys, I'll bring back pencils to you, but I'm not going to fill out your tests. There's about three minutes left on the SATs. It looks like none of you have started. Okay, that's fine. Not my problem.
Mrs. Proctor, we're all so fascinated with you. We all have like a ton of crushes on you. When you took the SATs, what did you get? Let's hear more about your background. What did you get for the SATs?
Well, it was a different scoring system back then. I got like a 1600, which is a perfect score.
Yeah but then I discovered weed in college and then I sort of blew up my life and now I'm here and I do this.
You blew up your life in college so did you not also get to not be a virgin anymore?
No, I'm still a virgin. That's why these tests are important, boys.
No, you got a perfect score on the test and you're still a virgin. So if we get bad scores on the test, maybe that's how we lose- And time!
I did it! I think I lost mine!
How does it feel? A steady stream of people enter Butch's place of business and remove its treasured belongings. The people do not pay for what they take, which allows them to take as much as they can carry, so long as they keep it quiet.
This is like a national park.
They say don't take anything, but people just grab leaves and shit all the time.
A steady stream of people enter Butch's place of business and remove his treasured belongings. The people do not pay for what they take. Butch allows them to take as much as they can carry, as long as they keep it quiet.
Oh, is this like sand from a beach? What'd you just say to me?
Yeah, I think the last line really, Erin is correct, Butch works for a library, people are taking books. Butch's place of whatever they call it?
I'd like to see a scene. Nnamdi, you're a librarian, JPC you're a kid asking for book recommendations and you're giving him really bad book recommendations.
Yeah, so I kind of, I've, you know, I've read everything really that interests me at the school library. And so, you know, I'm just kind of like, it doesn't necessarily have to be like young adult stuff, because I do feel like I can read like more mature stuff, you know, for my age.
But yeah, just like any, any record, I'm like, I have a variety of interests, you know, fiction, nonfiction.
Oh great, kiddo. Have you ever read The Big Red Dog? Clifford, The Big Red Dog, have you ever read that? Looks like that'll be good for someone like you.
No, no. Yeah, I have, but that feels more like a book for young, young children. I like shapes. I guess I'm really looking for something like a lot older for like a big because this one on it says for ages when it says months if it says months on it I'm like well past months so like this is from ages like six months to twelve months like I want I want something that's more for like
Excuse me young man, can I cut you in line?
We're very old. Great. Great. I said great. It's really great.
I said it's really great. It's great that you enjoyed it.
Why are you yelling at me, Mr. Riddles? I'm telling you. Okay, great. Excuse me. What?
You read One Fish, Blue Fish. I'm sorry. May I ask, sir, how old are you?
Well, I'm 91, 2, 3. I'm 104. And I like to come to the library. What's your problem?
Well, I guess my problem is... You wanna fight? I guess my problem is I've never met an old bitch-ass man that ran his mouth in the library that I didn't want to fucking knock the fuck out.
I guess that's my problem. Oh, library fight! Wah! Quonk, quonk, quonk, quonk, quonk, quonk, quonk.
Quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack Stan walks into a large room wearing his robe. When people see him, they stop talking and look up. After a while, Sam walks away and doesn't appear again for around a week. What's going on? Sam is a priest. Yeah, Sam's a priest.
Wasn't there a rock band or person called Judas Priest? Yeah, Judas Priest. Which I think is a band? Yeah, it's a band.
But it makes a better name. Sam, did you nod your head? Yeah. Is Judas Priest a band? Yeah. Do you know the lead singer?
Is it someone we would know? Yeah, is it like a person?
Oh yeah, I hang out with him all the time.
I'd like to see a scene. Nnamdi, you are a priest, but you slept through your alarm, and so you're wearing your bathrobe into the church, and you're trying to spin your wheels because you're underprepared and you literally just woke up. And you two are people in the congregation.
All right. Give it up for the organ. Give it up for the organ over there. Whoa, close your robe. What? Close your robe. Oh, gosh. I'll give it up for that organ. Wow. Talk about a pipe organ. Let me stand behind this little ding dong. Stop it. You rang my bell. Happy Sunday folks. Happy Sunday. Where are my Bible? Oh boy. What a morning. Anybody having a morning out there? He's switching to stand up. Do we clap? Do we clap at church? I can't remember. I can't see you.
He's asking for the house lights to be turned on. There's a timer in the back that says 4 minutes 53 seconds. Is it counting down? He's getting the light. Oh, that's good though. For a priest to get the light, that means he's going to go to heaven.
Alright, gosh, good. Good, how's everybody's weekend so far? We're doing great. Crowd work, please. You, you sir. Me? Yeah, you with the hat.
Yes, I haven't been able to bend at the knees for 20 years. Should I walk forward and we'll do like a miracle?
Oh, this guy hasn't been at the knees for 20 years. I guess he's not married. What?
Holy crap. What else, what else? Holy shit, he nailed me! Whoa, can I say that in a church?
What is happening today? This is such a weird day!
You, ma'am. Yeah, yes, me. What about me? Yeah, I noticed that t-shirt you're wearing. I noticed that t-shirt you're wearing. Yeah, it says, Cowboy's butts drive me nuts. It's laundry day. Oh, laundry day. Well, I guess it's not hair day.
I have alopecia. That's why I like this. Do her, do her! Uh, let me move on quickly. Uh, you, you, you ma'am. The one in the full body cast? What are you gonna do to her?
Yeah, yeah, you. Um, you know, uh, who you here with?
Okay, I'm just gonna move on from that.
No, it's worse if you don't roast me. That means I'm pathetic. Come back, Father, please!
Let me check my notes. Where are my... Let me check my notes. Oh, my little Bible. I didn't bring my Bible with me. Whoa, he's holding up Cheez Whiz for communion? Um, yeah, you guys wanna just do the communion part, the body of Christ?
Okay, great, great. Uh, I'm gonna, uh, so open up. I've got this little, uh, got this little t-shirt cannon that I've converted into, uh, into a body cannon. That... Body of Christ? The t-shirts are the Body of Christ.
Father, why are you sweating so much? Are you hungover?
A little bit. A little bit. Last night, um... After service. We cut to last night. Okay guys, who wants to get fucked up on Blood of Christ?
20 tabs! I'm glad we stopped, but if we didn't stop I was going to take us to a Kings of Leon concert. I almost said Bruce Dickerson, but he's the lead singer of Iron Maiden. Not a name. I can understand why you changed it to Cheetos. Are you ready to rock with Rob Palford?
I do like that when like a celebrity doesn't have a celebrity name or like a rock star doesn't really have a rock star name.
Yeah, but they're still out there doing it.
It's like Genuine, the R&B singer, his real name is like Elgin Buntkin or something like that. Hey, my name's Eldon Bunkin. Wanna ride my pony?
Mace, mace, mace. Albert Brooks' real name is Albert Einstein. Yeah.
Which I think is pretty funny.
And my real name is Tonya Harding.
Tonya. Tonya. Tonya. Tonya. Tonya.
It's spelled the same. But it's pronounced Tonya.
We were talking about this, and at this point this will have been months ago, but I was not familiar with this. The Hak Tua, like... We're still bringing her up? We're still bringing her up. Until she's on this show. I didn't know about this, but apparently the Hak Tua person, I was reading an article, I was like, who is this? What is this about? I had never seen the video, I watched the video. But then I saw that person, she had gotten representation. Um, but then I read this whole article about her, it was like a Variety article, and at the bottom of the Variety article, they were like, we have to issue a correction to the article, because her name is Haley, but we originally spelled it H-A-I-L-E-Y, but it's actually H-A-L-I-E-Y, and I was like, that's the wildest, that was the wildest part of the article, I was like, this person's name is Haley, but they have like, got the I's. Weird.
Especially retracting that for someone who's having an article written because she was on camera for two seconds on a TikTok. Just like the newsroom being like, you guys really fucked up this day. We're going to have to issue a correction.
You know that, right? You know that we are journalists here.
This is a stain on your reputation.
I do want to see this. You wait for a variety, not a variety of the truth. There's one truth. I want to see a scene. Nnamdi, you are a TikToker. You hit the street and ask people questions. Erin, you are someone who's just out, possibly drunk, just having fun with her friends. You are trying to replicate Haktua's girl's success. So you're really trying to go viral and you're not going to leave Nnamdi until maybe something really clicks.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, um, hey, uh, ma'am, can I ask you a couple questions?
Oh my god, I follow you on TikTok. This is so exciting.
Oh, yeah, I appreciate the follow.
That's crazy, it's amazing.
Yeah, yeah, well, in that case, you already know what I do. Yeah. Okay, so your favorite color is green or blue?
Okay, I just, um, I'm a political science major at Fordham University. I hope to be president of the United States one day.
We cut to a meeting with a Hollywood agent.
Well, we love it. The Blow Your Dad Girl is... I'm sorry, this meeting's at 8am, are you... Yeah, you can't get Blame Mary drunk before a meeting. The good news is that you're popular, okay? Thank you. The bad news is you're universally reviled. People don't want someone to mourn their dead.
Then I guess I can be president one day.
It doesn't matter for me, I'm just here to get you work, and we have several job offers.
Okay, I want to host Jeopardy.
We do cut to Erin as the same character, Nnamdi as a new character, and I'm the moderator, and these are the presidential debates.
And I think that's what we should we should get our troops back home. Very good.
Blow your dad, girl. Blow your dad, girl. Yeah. I guess first things first, I blow your dad. Secondly, I actually would love probably right from the jump of the gate, I would love to just forgive some student loans and sort of figure out some common sense gun laws.
And these debates are at 8am. Are you okay?
Um, yes. Is it a crime to drink vodka out of an IV you put into your arm at 8am?
We got to blow your dad girl in the Oval Office and she's on the phone call with the President of the Russian Federation.
No, you hang up. No, you hang up. No, you hang up.
God, I wish I hadn't dead. Wait, I mean, I wish I wasn't dead. Hold on.
We cut to, believe it or not, Girl's Funeral, and it is televised, and there's literally millions of dads in Washington, D.C., weeping.
Hey, whoa, hey, oh, gosh, sorry, I'm late. I'm the priest.
I'm supposed to... Close your room! Oh, wait, what?
Wait, wait father! Shut up, I'm up! Blow Your Dad Girl 2028, vote for me.
I'm better than everyone else we got up there right now. Blow Your Dad Girl. Change, change, change. Positive change.
I pledge allegiance to the Blow Your Dad Girl and for what she stands, Erin, a new classic.
I'm like, do I want my face on a t-shirt that says Blow Your Dad Girl 2028?
Well, it wouldn't be your face, it would be a character that looks like you. So just know that there is some distance that you can do.
I would buy it. I would wear it.
I'd have a jacket ready, but I'd wear it.
Two weeks after a heavy rain, Nnamdi walks into the forest with her trusty pooch. Together they investigate numerous pine and fir trees.
In a small pit dug by a rodent, Nnamdi finally finds the hidden treasure she's after.
What's going on? She's with her pooch? Her trusty pooch. Is she searching for truffles? I think she's looking for truffles.
I don't think it was a pig for truffles.
What was that Nicholas Cage movie? Oh, pig. Right?
Is that what it was called?
I think it was just called pig.
My brain's no good. My attic meat is broken.
I don't know anything about truffles. That was an absolute guess. You do it two weeks after a rain? Is that right? I know mushrooms after rain, earthworms and mushrooms. We're talking about truffles, not mushrooms.
Truffles can be a little overpowering in a dish for me, but I did have a truffle risotto once that I thought was spectacular.
Really, because a truffle risotto, to me, is gonna be like, that's gonna be way too much. It's gonna be way too much truffle, I feel like.
Well, it was like a side dish, so I had like a protein, and then that was like a scoop of, and so it was nice.
I will say when you have actual truffle, like shaved truffle on a dish, it's usually pretty outstanding. When you have truffle oil, that's when you're like, ooh, this is very earthy and very overpowering. Pick and choose, everyone, pick and choose.
Nnamdi, thoughts on Truffles? No, I don't. No, I won't eat it. You won't eat it?
I'm picky, yes. I am picky, babes. I will never.
Or what don't you eat? I'm a very simple, simple eater and proud of it. I won't eat, I don't eat cheese, but that's not like from picky. I just don't like the appearance of it. Anything that's cheese or could be cheese. Anything that could show up at a cheese family reunion. I think Netflix has a new show. Cheese family reunion? No. Anything that could be cheese. Yeah, cottage cheese.
Anything that could be cheese. Yeah. Mayonnaise.
Mayonnaise could be cheese in your hot take.
I think they still probably have sriracha mayo, but my wife was seeing I think a World News show one time and she was sitting behind some people who had ordered the fries and they were pretty drunk and the waiter came by and was like, can I get you anything else? And they're like, oh yeah, more fries. And the guy's like, oh yeah, and more of that cheese sauce. And the waiter goes, we don't have cheese sauce. And he's like, yeah, you do. We ate every ounce of it. We want that cheese sauce. And my wife is sitting there and she's like, they mean sriracha mayo, but they think it's cheese sauce. So I'm with Nnamdi.
I did think that was cheese for the first time. I also craved those french fries every day.
Those french fries were delish. They had no right to be that good.
I think that that was what my body like ran on for my 20s. Like that was the fuel. That was the gasoline in my body. Dunkin Donuts and I.O. French Fries. No wonder why I was such a bad person.
They were epic. We're going to do one final scene here, and I think I want this to be a real slice of life with our friends here. Nnamdi, you're going to be playing Nnamdi. This should be very comfortable. Typecast. Except you're going to be ordering food, and Erin, JPC, and I will be popping in as different waiters, presenting you with either specials or menu items. And just true to life, you give us your honest reaction with no fear of offending a waiter. Okay. Cool. All right.
So yeah, this is your table, sir. And this is this is our festival of food. So basically, the way that it works is you pay for the ticket, you have the entire evening, and we're going to try to entice you with dishes from across the world. And it's all, like I said, it's all included in the ticket price.
Right. And you can get rid of the other table or the chair. It's just me.
Okay, um, okay, I would so the champagne with the ring in it. We're not doing that either.
Honestly, I don't even drink. So like, great.
I just want to make sure because you know, we you called ahead and we had that whole thing planned. But we're not gonna do that won't be no.
Yeah, it's just it's just me. But I pay for the food. So
Perfect. So yeah, feel free to eat double.
Okay, sir. And I'll be your food waiter. Uh huh. That was your seating waiter. Today for some specials, you tell me Yernay, we do have some bacon wrapped dates.
Can I just have the bacon? Interesting. Because dates are like, dates are like grapes, right? Dates are like grapes. It's like, yeah, they're like thick grapes. They're, yes, they're viscous grapes. I don't want thick grapes.
Do you want the wine from a, do you want some date wine?
I told the seating guy I don't drink. Oh, okay. Say no more.
I have bread for the table. That's a pita.
The woman from across the restaurant has sent over some dishes for you to enjoy. She brought some oysters. Can you ask her why?
I think she's trying to hit on you, sir. It's sort of a classic move. She wants to impress you with these.
I've been out of the game so long. Oysters? No, she can have them back.
This is the same plate? Yeah.
Scallops? I don't like the name scallops.
They're like shrimp though.
What's your favorite seafood? Okay, I'll tell her you said that.
Okay, sir, and it seems like we have some steak tartare ready for you. You had me at steak, lost me at tartare.
Can we just do one? Should I reverse those? Can we just do one? Can it just be steak?
So, um, okay, you want bacon-wrapped dates.
Steak tartare. Cook the tartare. No, what's tartare? What is tartar? Tartar for now.
Okay, we have a little appetizer sampler platter. We have some mini corndogs. Mini corndogs?
Are you crazy? Are you crazy?
The chefs are sobbing back there.
We have some we have some broccolini. Welcome back everyone! Rab. Rob. What's the rab part? Just long.
The lady from across the restaurant is shooting her shot again. We have a cooked brie with an apricot jam on top for you to dip your what? What?
What's so busy? That's so much going on.
Okay. Okay. There's walnuts on it too.
We went to the restaurants across the street to expand your options, sir. Okay, just because it's been a while and people are waiting for this table. We do have a chicken tiki masala.
Can I just have- Okay, chicken's fine. Is that rice? Do you have like regular rice? So chicken on rice.
Jasmine is busy. It's a rice that hates her dad. Will not listen to her dad. We have a risotto. It's a truffle risotto. Oh, risotto. We should have started with risotto. Truffle risotto. Risotto is cheese. And truffle is like gross.
Sir, you tell us what you want.
Do you have, like, uh, do you have spaghetti? Like, just like with spaghetti and meat sauce, but like no cheese in there. Just a burger's fine. Just give me a burger and fries.
But no cheese. No cheese!
As they turn the restaurant sign from open to closed for good. Permanently closed.
That is so funny. Ask her what she wants.
Yeah, especially when he's got a wedding ring and a bottle of champagne. Ask her why.
Please come back a million more times Yeah, I'll come back to LA
Nnamdi, do you have anything you'd like to plug or promote or make people aware of?
Gosh, I should always be ready for this. See, in Chicago, I'd be like, no, please don't. I'm so humble. Please don't look for me. Please, I'm so humble. But I have to say stuff at this point. But you'll put it in the writing. Yeah. Use my Instagram and stuff like that. But for those who can't read, learn. Wow, what a powerful message. Powerful. I wasn't going to learn, but now I might. I post things on there. I do shows. I do live shows. I write before I travel.
You have a great internet presence.
Really funny content on the internet. I do have an internet presence. And it's great. But in Chicago, it's fine. Whatever.
Out here, it's great. In Chicago, it's dumb. It's whatever.
You don't have to. You watch it or not. And you have a new restaurant opening called Keep It Simple.
It is just buttered noodles and nothing else.
I do. Please, no ladies buying food for other people there. Big side. Ladies cannot buy food for others. They cannot. Please don't do it.
You can check out our Patreon at patreon.com slash heyriddleriddle. Also, heyriddleriddle.com slash live.
If you want to check out our East Coast tour this fall. Anything else to plug, Adal or JPC?
Sam, do you have anything to plug?
The movie Pig is starring Nicolas Cage. I thought about that. The movie Pig is starring Nicolas Cage. It has truffles in it.
Which is almost like a... It's upsetting, actually. It's not quite a John Wick, but it's got some similar... John Wick and Jason.
If you like animals, don't watch it.
Yes. There's a whole Chef Underground Fight Club. That is weird.
Wait, do you, if you just like all animals? Like, what if you only like horses? Can you watch pigs?
Bye! Created by Adal Rifai. Starring Erin Keif and John Patrick Coan. Casey Toney does the editing. Marnie Perrins in the music. Hey there broccolis and cauliflowers, if you liked that, you are going to love this week's Patreon. It's another edition of Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Chatterbox. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com slash hey riddle riddle by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or start your 7 day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month and get those ad free episodes. See you there!
That was a hate gum podcast.