Which Riddle Riddle?

#320: Horton Stands His Ground w/ Brennan Lee Mulligan

00:00:01

???

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00:01:10

Erin

Hi, are these the auditions for being a Hey Riddle Riddle host?

Adal

Yes, they are. Open auditions. Open auditions. Thank you so much, Carl.

Erin

I've been up since 5am. I've been in the line around the block.

Adal

It's not a contest.

Erin

Okay.

Adal

Wow. You don't look like you've been up a minute past seven. Thank you. So hopefully you prepared a riddle. We want to hear one dramatic, one comedic.

Erin

Yes. Okay. Yeah.

JPC

And one classic too, if you have like a Shakespearean riddle as well.

Erin

Oh yeah, like one that probably rhymes or something like that. Of course.

JPC

It doesn't necessarily need to rhyme, but it should be an iambic pentameter.

Erin

Which isn't that rhyming. And I will be counting.

JPC

What's that? Is that?

Erin

Never mind.

JPC

I can't tell you.

Adal

I can't answer that question.

Erin

Great.

Adal

Whenever you're ready. And slate.

Erin

Okay, hi, my name is Erin. I'm 5'8".

Adal

No, I'm starting a riddle. Slate is found in the ground. Chalk or walk, who would be bound? Jennifer Tilly.

Erin

Jennifer Tilly. Okay, great.

Brennan

5'8".

Erin

Yeah, right. 5'8", willing to shave.

Brennan

Soaking wet, 5'8".

00:02:11

Erin

Okay. 5'8 and a little, I think.

Adal

You think more than 5'8".

Erin

What are you talking about?

Adal

We've seen enough. You're hired.

Erin

Yeah, I figured.

Adal

It's Erin in a beard. Was that soaking wet, 5'8"?

???

Yeah. Her height would be different if she was wet.

JPC

I guess if you're wet, sometimes you get cold and you kind of sludge.

Adal

Brennan, her shoes are made of, you know when you go to a nicer restaurant and they pour hot water on a napkin and it- Dehydrated napkin. Thank you.

???

So you, oh wow, those Skechers are made of dehydrated napkin material.

Erin

Same with my skin, too. It sort of expands when I get into water.

Adal

Kind of a human dehydrated napkin.

Erin

Yeah, that's sort of my vibe, too, personality-wise.

Adal

And we're joined today by Brennan Lee Mulligan. Thank you so much for coming on today. A nice hearty salute.

???

Salute? You got a salute?

Adal

We've never had a salute before. Military man.

???

God bless and keep you all.

Adal

Quite a nice turn to it.

???

You start from the elbow and the wrist kind of follows and it gives you a little... Like the Queen's Wave recipes.

00:03:16

Adal

I've heard, I don't know if this is true, I've heard that the salute comes from when knights met on the battlefield, they would like raise their visors.

???

Yeah.

Adal

So they knew, so it's like, hey, I am the knight of bananas. Hey Riddle It doesn't have to be a nice song. What music, what 70s rock band is playing in the background?

JPC

It could be a Queen song. Something like, but not necessarily We Will Rock You, but it's like they invented it.

???

I just heard, God, this anecdote is just barely good enough to share.

Adal

Sure, sure, sure. That's our whole podcast.

???

Yeah, for sure. Do you know that the moment where, the actor's name is, I think, Roland Emmerich? The villain? No, Robert Baratheon.

00:04:21

Erin

Oh, yes, yes, yes.

???

Who's one of the helper guys. There's a moment where Paul Bettany gives his big Geoffrey Chaucer speech and the crowd is completely silent and that character actor goes, And it makes everyone cheer. Yeah. That was improvised.

Adal

That's incredible.

???

Because the crowd was all Estonian and they had no idea what Paul Bettany was saying.

JPC

Oh my God.

???

Not a clue. So he did his whole speech to crickets and then the guy improvised that to get the reaction out of them. And then the director was like, turn a camera on Roland. We're going to use that. We're going to absolutely use that.

Adal

So it turns out Estonians are the most adept people at improv. Incredible. Because I feel like you do that anywhere else and people would be like, okay, but to have a full-throated hurrah, that's incredible. That's incredible. Yes, Andy. Yeah, that is very much worth sharing.

Erin

Yeah, that was a perfect anecdote. And on topic.

???

I really doubted myself right at the right at the start there. I was like, God, I don't know if this one's gonna has the mustard that it needs.

Erin

That's the most coherent thing that has ever been on the show. I'm not even kidding.

00:05:22

JPC

I'd like to imagine Alan Tudyk improvised, it's called Alliance, because that line is just too perfect.

???

Why did they do that? They just had banger after banger. That movie was Paul Bettany, Alan Tudyk, Heath, obviously, and then, God, what's his, Continental Joaquin Phoenix.

JPC

Yes, that's the villain. The villain in that movie is Continental Joaquin Phoenix.

???

Who's also the villain in The Illusionist, the movie I love very, very much.

JPC

Great eyebrows on that.

???

Eyebrows for days.

JPC

I watched a Knight's Tale in high school in history class, I gotta say twice, three times a year. Why? I do not know why. That sucks. Because there's nothing about history in a Knight's Tale.

Adal

I mean that rules for you, yeah. But it was awesome for us. We watched Glory and they just put on Glory, which is fine. It was a Knight's Tale and Troy.

JPC

Those are the two that we watched all the time.

???

That movie feels like it was made in a lab to do what was exactly the business model of its time period, which was to be on TBS. And whenever it was on, you were like, oh, a movie that is absolutely fun enough to justify watching commercials. And I will feel happy joining in no matter where in the movie it is. Are we near the end? We're in the middle. It's just starting. Count me in.

00:06:36

Adal

No matter where you join, you will sit and watch the whole rest of the movie. Why wouldn't you? Do we think legally Shawshank Redemption started that? I feel like Shawshank Redemption was the first movie that I noticed as a teenager, 20 year old, where I was like, this is on TV constantly. Maybe on TBS. And I feel like after that, there started to be movies that were a different genre of movie that started to be pumped into that channel constantly.

JPC

I don't know what started it, but I definitely remember Shawshank as being one of those movies that was just kind of on all the time.

Erin

My favorite one, which I'll stop and watch anytime, is The Day After Tomorrow. That's on TV. You've never seen The Day After Tomorrow? Jake Gyllenhaal? Yes. Dennis Quaid.

JPC

Erin, can I blow your mind? I've only ever seen that movie in a hotel room. On TV? On TV halfway through. I have no idea how that movie starts, and I kind of don't know how that movie ends.

Adal

No one does. Yeah. Because you start to have sex with your wife?

JPC

Yeah, before I take a nap, the two things you do in a hotel room. It's not because I have to go eat Mexican food on the floor.

Adal

Sure. Of the bathroom. Brennan, top movie you would watch on TV if it came on?

00:07:39

???

Top movie I would watch on TV if it came on.

Adal

I'm gonna go with, just to buy you time, I would say probably Airplane or Hot Shots. Something where it's a gag a second, so it's like, I don't care where I pick up, I'm gonna watch the bits.

???

I think for me, the movie that if I'm scanning through and it's on, I'm always amazed when it's on, where it's like, oh my god! It's not like you wouldn't think to watch it from time to time, but if any of the Lord of the Rings movies are on,

Adal

Did you, I assume you have 40X in LA?

???

Oh yeah.

Adal

Did you see it in 40X when it just released a few weeks ago?

???

I have not caught it in 4DX, I really want to, but I caught all the originals every Christmas, around Christmas time, with my dad in the same movie theater in Harlem every year as they came out.

Erin

That's pretty cool.

???

And it was fucking awesome.

Erin

What's your ranking of the three? Have you talked about this publicly? I don't want the internet to sort of come down on you.

???

I mean, they're all incredible, even with the crazy multiple endings, Return of the King, I absolutely love. I think what's wild is you have to give it up for The Two Towers.

00:08:40

Erin

I think The Two Towers.

???

The battle of Helm's Deep. So it begins. The speech at the end of the two towers that Sam gives that there's some good in this world, Mr. Frodo, and it's worth fighting for.

Erin

I'll cry right now. I'll cry right now. I'm not scared.

???

I'm not fucking scared of any of you.

Adal

Nor should you be. I'll cry. What's the opposite of athletes? That's what we are.

Erin

Speak for yourself. I can jump and run.

Adal

So speaking of Lord of the Rings, a lot of people- I can jump and run.

Erin

Not in that order though.

???

If I jump, I'm shot for running for the rest of the day.

Erin

There's that chemical in my leg.

Brennan

I can jump and then run and then my knees will explode. Yeah, right.

Adal

What do you want from me? A lot of people we have on the show, their first entree to riddles is The Hobbit or Lord of the Rings. Brennan, what is your relationship with riddles? Do you enjoy escape rooms? Do you enjoy puzzles, riddles, crosswords?

???

My biggest entry point to Riddles was that I worked as a staff member at a live-action role-playing summer camp for many, many years. Wow. Adal's eyes just shot wide open. I didn't know that was a thing.

00:09:46

Adal

Is this back when it was like LARPing? Because I feel like it was LARPing. Did LARPing transform into live-action?

JPC

Well, that's just the acronym.

???

So LARPing, there's many different varieties of it. It's all over and there's shades of it everywhere. Like, you know, like there's a lot of like corporate very like immersive experiences that you see as like theme parks or amusements or things like that. You see there's a lot of And then you have things like escape rooms, which often can be much smaller independent businesses. LARP itself, the actual role playing, there are like, you know, there's like big published ones like The Vampire, Vampire the Masquerade, House of Things. There's also Parlor LARP. There's Nordic LARP. Parlor LARP. Parlor LARP. Parlor LARP. That is a very American accent. That sounds like a BBC actor. Honey, I'm off to my parlor larp.

Adal

Parlor larp. It's the lead guy from The Wire trying to do a Baltimore accent. What is parlor larp?

???

Is that like murder mystery parties? That's similar. I would say my understanding, and I have never done parlor larp, is that it's often a little bit more avant-garde, a little bit artsier, that it's smaller, less to do with combat and roaming over a large land space. It's called parlor because you can do it in a conference room or whatever, right?

00:11:04

JPC

The camp that you did, was it more like dagger here, like combat LARP stuff, or?

???

So it was really focused on that, because obviously it was for kids and teenagers.

Adal

Sure.

???

So there's a big focus on, we're going to do capture the flag with foam swords, and you have shields, and we're running around, and we're doing the medieval fighting. We had like a magic system, so you could be wizards, and we had like foam lightning bolts and things like that. It was very interesting, because it was a little bit less war game-y, if anyone's seen the documentary Darkon. It's a little bit less, or is familiar with HEMA, Historical European Martial Arts, or Society for Creative Anachronism. Our stuff was foam and tunics off a shelf, and it was really about constructing these adventure games that were four hours long, where you would really be in character, and we would do set decoration, and makeup, and costuming, and it would be also, there's no audience. It's like everyone in the camp, so like 100 participants, are all in character, full land.

Adal

Is this like upstate New York, or where is this located?

???

Upstate New York, yeah. It was called The Wayfinder Experience. It's still active. It's a wonderful, wonderful community. They're running the fifth installment in a game series I started when I was 19 years old there. Wow. That's so cool. I passed on the torch for it to the kids that are working there now. It's awesome. It's an incredible community. And also just in a week-long camp, maybe you'll play two or three adventure games. But the rest of it is like making great friends and you're doing activities and we teach improv and theater and we go on fun land walks and do catch the flag and sword games and it's just awesome.

00:12:37

Erin

It's great. I feel like this is the least surprising origin story for you. It's like Spider-Man being bit by a spider. Like that is so down the middle.

???

I am the absolute product of a LARP camp in upstate New York, 100%. So riddles were often a big component of our classic intro fantasy games, which often had what we would call a diamond flow, where like, oh no, the wedding of the prince and princess has been attacked by an evil necromancer. Oh no.

Adal

Like, oh no. Erin's genuinely upset. Oh no.

Erin

What are we gonna do?

???

This is fucking awful. We used to joke about the fact that if there was a wedding, you would often hear, as a story writer, we'd be like, okay, tomorrow when we begin the adventure game, it will begin at the wedding of the Prince of House Lear and the Princess of House Lunach. And you'd be like, as a 13-year-old kid, you're like, ain't no way this wedding's going up.

Adal

We're not getting to dancing.

???

We're not getting into dancing. You know some goddamn necromancer is about to pop up in the middle of this fucking thing.

00:13:40

Adal

I object!

JPC

I remember reading a little bit about this, but they had a bully camp that was across the lake, right? And then they had to move this camp because... The bullies would, they would swim a row over.

Erin

Like 80s bully camp.

???

Here's the funny part is we absolutely shared land with other camps. We were absolutely the problem. Of course. We were on a very Christian land. And we straight up had this guy Bob, who was the land manager, show up in a scene where we had some kid covered in fake blood, absolutely torturing his fellow demons, being like, welcome to the land of pain! We are the demons of shadow! And this guy Bob is like, I don't know what in the heck is going on out here.

Brennan

At the Christian camp, they're using consecrated blood. I mean, at least it's sanctioned blood.

???

We had an 11 year old kid. There was some lifeguard who was like, no purpling, which purpling is when boys and girls touch each other.

00:14:43

Adal

What? Oh, so it's like, I see, the colors.

???

Yeah, it's blue and red touches. It's like, no, purpling! And I think an 11-year-old boy was like, fuck you!

JPC

That sucks because purpling has gotta be one of my favorite things. Purpling? As you get older, purpling rules?

Erin

I can't believe, my life is different now.

JPC

When I was 14, purpling terrified me, the idea of it, but fucking nowadays, I'm like, I'm all about purple.

Adal

How much of any amount of LARPing is like, I got you. No, you didn't. No, I hit you.

???

No higgies. Hey, I got you syndrome. Whoa. So we don't yell, hey, I got you. OK. There's none of that. It's honor system. But I think that the funny thing that you would quickly learn is that the social cost of being, because we were at a camp where there was an entire week spent together, The social cost of being a cheater is so immediate and so high.

00:15:45

Erin

It's like having a rash. Yeah, totally.

JPC

This will be a shock to no one. I used to do in high school, you did dagger here behind the auxiliary band building, which is like a foam weapons and there's like a touch system, right? And the cheaters, the people who were like, you didn't get me, What does it stand for again? It doesn't stand for anything but like your garb is like- Great. Adal Rifai bit me. Garb.

Brennan

This guy missed one acronym and now he's fucking like jotting all this stuff for acronyms. He's like, oh yeah, that's an acronym, of course.

Erin

An acronym, that's short for- It's okay to rest, Adal.

JPC

Ackroyd can't read. Whoa, Dan Ackroyd. All right, well, hey, I think at this point we've been doing the show for like 15 minutes. I think I have to do some riddles.

Adal

Yeah, let's do it. This is the moment in the show, Brennan, where we cease having a good time.

00:16:49

Erin

Yeah.

Adal

Fun over.

JPC

We pivot to stress. Yeah, I hope you did have a good time because that is now over and it is now time to work.

???

Here we go.

JPC

Okay, so we have listeners that submit riddles, and sometimes they provide context for the riddles that they submit. I'll write that down, and today's context is one of my favorites. This is a riddle from Veronica S., who made it when they were seven years old.

Erin

Oh boy. Wow.

JPC

This is a riddle from the mind of a seven-year-old. This is going to be adorable.

Erin

If we make fun of this, we're technically making fun of a kid.

JPC

They sent it as an adult, but they did tell me that they made it when they were a child. Okay. Suzy was pregnant with a daughter and already knew what to name her. Her other daughters were named Dorothy, Renee, Minnie, and Faith. What would she name her new child? Dorothy Renee Minnie and Faith.

Adal

Okay. Okay.

JPC

Um, if you need me to, I can spell any of those names, but I think that they're pretty standard spellings of all of those names.

Adal

Now we have to ask, you said the person who sent this in wrote this when they were seven? Seven years old. Does the answer make sense?

00:17:49

JPC

RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE RIDDLE

Adal

Okay, so let's unpack these names. Dorothy, of course, Oz. Renee, Renee Russo, was that someone? That's an actress. That was someone. Thomas Cranafair. Thank you so much. No, thank you. Dorothy, Renee. Minnie. Minnie Mouse.

???

Minnie Mouse, Minnie Driver.

Adal

Minnie Driver Mouse. Thomas Cranafair.

Erin

Yeah, and seven-year-olds love the Thomas Crown Affair, right?

JPC

Yeah, and Gross Point Blanc. They love that as well. Dorothy Gale, I guess, was her name. And Faith. And you are on the wrong track with anything that you're talking about.

Erin

Is it like the letters in them? Erin. Yes.

JPC

The first letters? Yeah, the letters matter. For sure, the letters matter. Dorothy Renee.

00:18:52

Adal

Dr. D.R. Dorothy is D-O. No, Dorothy Rene. Oh, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha.

JPC

There are hints, and the first hint is don't ever think it isn't a trick, which is true. This is not a trick question. Okay. Two, there is a pattern to the children's names, okay? And three, it's a pattern a seven-year-old would know and be able to pick up on, so don't do math on it, like it's not math.

Adal

Can you say just the children's names again?

JPC

Dorothy, Renee, Minnie, and Faith. And you're supposed to come up with what the fifth daughter is going to be named. The mom already knows it.

Adal

And is the list of children's names in order of birth?

JPC

In order, yes. Dorothy, Renee, Minnie, Faith.

???

Last name is Susie. Does the fact that the mom's name is Susie matter?

Adal

No, I would say no. It does not. Brennan, what's your attic meat doing? Attic meat is what we call brains on the show.

???

Well, right now it's sort of spiraling about the term attic meat.

00:19:55

Erin

Falling backwards to that term.

???

Falling backwards, kind of really horrified and put off.

Adal

I'd say upset. Your brain's like Alan Rickman at the end of Die Hard.

JPC

Just grasping, grasping. By the way, that was my movie. The movie that would come on TV and I would watch the whole one through. Die Hard? Die Hard 100%, absolutely.

???

Mr. MacLean.

JPC

Tantor Page. Hans Bubi, or Bubula.

???

It's his first movie. You asked me for miracles, I give you the FBI.

Erin

Is it like the double letters? Is it like the letters inside it?

JPC

Double letters, letters inside it. Renee. Oh, oh, oh, oh, no. That's a good guess. But yeah, Renee and Minnie do have double letters, but it doesn't have to do with the letters in the middle of the words.

Adal

And this is something a seven-year-old would know. A seven-year-old, yeah.

???

Dorothy Renee Minnie Faith.

JPC

It could be a seven-year-old who, this is not a good hint, but I guess like watched a specific movie. So these are characters in a movie, probably. It's not characters in a movie. Okay.

00:20:58

???

But the names are representation... Does it have to do with the way they can be shortened as nicknames?

JPC

Ooh, dot? Dot. No, but shorten it even more and you got it.

Adal

D... R... Do-Re-Fa-So-Mi-Ta-Lo-Ti-Do. Do-Ho-Ho!

Erin

Julie Andrews!

Adal

Do-Re-Fa-So-Mi-Ta-Lo-Ti-Do.

JPC

So, it went bad. Sophie. Sophie. It's Sophie. Sophie is the answer.

Brennan

Yes.

JPC

Adal, I think you correctly got it, kind of. No. You made a lot of strokes midway through. But yes, Do-Re-Mi-Fa-So-Fee. And there are other names that could work, but Sophie is the correct one to fit that pattern.

Erin

Right. I'd like to see a scene. Yes. Let's see. JPC, you are a music teacher for us, and you're clearly incredibly underqualified for this job, and we're starting to ask some questions.

JPC

Okay, so take out your music books and it's going to be 45 minutes of silent music reading today. So start it whenever you please.

Adal

Mr. Bonjoles?

00:21:58

JPC

Yes.

Adal

Is it true you used to be in a band?

JPC

I used to be near a band. I was a roadie.

???

Sorry, groupie.

JPC

I was a groupie for a band. I was on the road with a band as a groupie.

???

Can you describe in detail what a groupie does?

JPC

Hey Riddle Riddle Nobody record anything that you say in this class.

???

I pick up the xylophone every night. I come back to the school and I pick it up over my head.

JPC

Jeff is the strongest kid in class. And I will be posting the rankings every class. Jeff remains the strongest kid in class. It's silent reading from music books today. So just, you know, mouth the sounds from your music books.

Erin

I'd love to learn a little bit about music.

JPC

Okay. Can anyone do falsetto?

Adal

I can name the characters from Sopranos.

00:23:00

???

Okay.

Adal

Polly Walnut.

JPC

We all know the Sopranos song that teaches us all of the names. It starts with Polly Walnut, it ends with Big Pussy. We all know the song. But we're not singing that today. Look, you know, why don't you kids teach me something about music? A little reversal, see what you know. Okay, uh, huddle, huddle, huddle, huddle, huddle, huddle, huddle, huddle, huddle.

Adal

Okay.

Erin

Jeff, why don't you just throw the xylophone or something? Buy us some time.

???

No, Jeff, no, Jeff.

Brennan

God, he's strong. That is a strong, that is a strong eight-year-old. Holy shit. God, he's strong. God, I'm so strong. He's turning, it's not quite green. I just want to learn music. It's the only thing that calms him down.

???

Music soothes.

JPC

Okay, so this next one is going to be, okay, so these are going to be from Sterling, and Sterling did a fun thing, which I enjoy, which sent a few riddles with a ascending level of difficulty. Okay. So this first riddle is a kind of a warm-up level, a riddle. Take me out and scratch my head. I am black but once was red. What am I? Okay, yeah, that makes me think of it.

00:24:22

Adal

Blackhead can turn into a red redhead.

JPC

Yeah. That's the phylum. Yes, it is. Yes, yes, yes. Yeah, that is going to be a match. Correct, Adal. You're just a very good boy.

Adal

Thank you so much, sir.

JPC

Okay, so here's your intermediate level.

Adal

I have a question for Brennan.

JPC

You have a question?

Adal

For some reason, I get the feeling that you can open a bottle of beer by snapping your fingers. True or false? False.

???

And here's what I'll say about that. In terms of opening a beer with the snap of my fingers... Now, I can do the countertop... Okay, that's so impressive. Countertop pop. The countertop pop. I bartended for many, many years, but I've never had a drink. What am I?

Erin

I bartended for many years when I was living in New York and never but I've never had a drink. Wow. Wow.

Brennan

Yeah, that's crazy.

???

Yeah.

Brennan

Is that is it just a personal choice or?

00:25:31

???

Personal choice, family relationships, hedging bets with what I know my biological proclivities to substance abuse are. But it made me very bad at recommending drinks as a bartender. That's tough.

JPC

I went to an Applebee's once and I asked if the waiter would recommend something on the menu and they said, I wouldn't eat here. I think Applebee's microwaves all of their food, so it's not something I love.

???

Wait, can we see a scene? Yeah, please. I want to see a scene. All right, JPC, you're you at Applebee's. Thanks for walking to Applebee's. What can I get you tonight? Thanks for stopping by.

JPC

Uh, you know, I before I pop open the menu, I always like to ask the waiter, like, what's like, what are your like, three favorite things here? Like, what would you recommend that people try if they've never been to an Applebee's before?

???

I recommend you get your head out of your ass. That's always fresh. We get that every Tuesday right off the truck. A big, overflowing box of getting your head out of your fucking ass.

00:26:41

Adal

I'm so sorry. This is my nightmare. Steve, can I talk to you for a second? Sir, I am so sorry. Steve, can I talk to you for a second?

???

Yeah, yeah, for sure, man.

Adal

What's up? I see that you're swapping with me for Saturday. Is that true? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can do that. All right. Just want to make sure. All right. Thank you. Yeah, you got it.

JPC

I just wanted you to know that I'm not like a one a one top that like doesn't tip like I usually tip like well to compensate for the fact that I'm only one person I'm sorry to like I see that you probably this table could have made you a lot more money tonight and I apologize I the energy you came into this interaction with

???

of like, let's have a fun, let's like bond, let's have a fun time. You're at the LaGuardia Applebee's. So this is the fucking, you know the last curve that water makes as it disappears into the toilet? That's this for people's lives. Every time I leave here, I have a panic attack about how to come back.

Erin

Hey man, can I just talk to you really quick over here? One second. Hey, okay, I thought about it. I'd love to go on a date. Thanks for watching.

00:27:53

JPC

Hey Riddle

???

Why is someone with this much joie de vivre at this fucking Applebee's? If you have this much of a goddamn spring in your step, how did you end up here?

JPC

I just, I'm flying. I'm obviously, I'm obviously taking a flight today. It's a return flight because I went and broke up a wedding. It was my high school girlfriend. I told her not to marry the guy. And we do cut to the wedding.

Adal

Um, Samantha, I just want to say from the day I met you, it's just been fireworks. Yeah. And every meal with you is just the best moment of my life.

JPC

Sorry, someone's walking towards the... Yeah, so on an ideal day, what's like three things that you would love to do with Samantha? And actually, I'd love to do them. Samantha, will you marry me?

00:29:06

Erin

Sorry, who is this?

JPC

Oh, it's Jeff from high school.

Erin

Oh my god, yes! Okay, cool! Oh my god, yeah, of course!

???

Really worried there for a second. Sorry, are we going to hot swap a new groom in here?

Adal

Hot swap? Mother! Same, same.

Erin

Oh, man. Also, that Applebee's thing you said, JPC, reminded me that when I was in high school, after, like, a play, we went to Chili's, because that's what you do, and our waitress quit in the middle of the meal, mid-meal, sat down with us. Hey Riddle. Oh god.

00:30:15

JPC

I don't know why we waited. We were dumb. But we waited for like 40 minutes for someone to come with some authority to let us know that we could pay and then leave the chilies. And the manager came out and they were like, Hey, we're like, so sorry about this. Like, obviously, we're going to take like $5 off of the menu. We're like, we're like, we're like, we're not going to pay for this. And he's like, yeah, that's fair.

Adal

I do love that this guy quit Chili's, but also part of me is like, can't wrap my head around the ego to stop by a table and be like, I just need you to know this isn't your fault, where it's like, that's more courtesy than my dad should have been when he left. But it's insane to be like, you didn't know this isn't your fault, where I'm like, if I quit, I'd just leave.

???

Yeah, the way you described it, it's just enough, but if he had put any more mustard on it, it would have been really, like sitting down like, I want you guys to know that you didn't do anything.

Brennan

Please keep enjoying your meal. You didn't do anything wrong. And I'm still going to see you every summer and we're going to have Wednesday nights. What about Christmas? Do I get two desserts?

00:31:16

Erin

Were we in the middle of the riddle? I hate this feeling.

Adal

We do have to say quickly, someone, if not everyone, should take exactly what Brennan said. Copy paste that into a Yelp review for your local Applebee's. You know the water that starts to... Yeah, let's spam. The last stream of water that circles the toilet? Post that as your... I believe five stars, but put that... Yeah, five stars. It's gotta be five stars.

???

Amazing meal, wonderful time with family, just like that last curb of water before it vanishes down the toilet. Backhanded Yelp.

Brennan

This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hi, come on aboard.

00:32:19

JPC

Hi. I'll catch the next one. I'll wait for the next one.

Adal

No, no need. My name is Corporal Smash.

JPC

Oh, Corporal Smash. Wink, wink. Yeah, we met at Erin's post-wedding wedding party, right?

Adal

Yes, that's right.

JPC

I'm JPC from Hey Riddle Riddle. You're Grimside, correct?

Adal

Yes, that's right. Yeah, for sure. I just wanted to tell you, I'm not sure if you heard about this, BetterHelp.

JPC

Yeah, actually, I have heard of BetterHelp. Yeah, it's online therapy. Yes, yeah.

Adal

I love BetterHelp. I use it all the time because I'm not the captain of a boat. I have a boat. I'm an officer on a boat. I hear noises constantly and they drive me insane. It's almost like misophonia. And so I use BetterHelp to help me deal with my emotions, deal with any of my sort of, you know, struggles being on this high seas all the time.

00:33:21

JPC

No, yeah, sure. I mean, it would be great for that. Sometimes it's just great to talk to a person. I mean, I love online therapy because you can kind of do it at your schedule. It's entirely online. It's designed to be convenient. It's flexible, suited to your schedule. You just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist, and you can switch therapists anytime for no additional charge.

Adal

That's right. That's right. So, yeah, it sounds, I mean, yeah, it sounds like you're a big fan already.

JPC

of the podcast. Do you know, is Erin ever coming back from the boat trip? Hey Adal, did you get Erin's wedding present that she sent to us?

00:34:37

Adal

Yeah, she sent us a Helix Sleep mattress, which is incredible. I already had one. I had the Midnight Luxe, which is my favorite mattress of all time, but now I have a second Midnight Luxe.

JPC

It does kind of feel like, didn't we go in on getting her a Helix mattress for her wedding?

Adal

Does this feel like a re-gift? No, because I remember we embroidered the Helix mattress we got her, and it said, congratulations, Erin. And then the one she sent us said, congratulations, comma, Erin.

JPC

Darren. And Darren was spelled in a way that I've never seen it spelled before.

Adal

D in a different thread and color, E-R-I-N.

JPC

That's very strange, but I guess you're right. I guess it makes sense that that is the way that... I mean, look, I'm not going to look a gift horse in the mouth. I love a Helix mattress. And this is a Midnight Luxe, which is, that's my sleep preference. I love a Midnight Luxe mattress. Now, I already have one, but this is also the mattress that I have. I guess I could

Adal

And since you brought him up, we should introduce our guest host today, Gift Horse. Thank you. You should also use Helix Mattress for any pets that might love it. Adal, I know your three cats love your Helix Mattress. I'm a horse and I love Helix Sleep as well.

00:35:52

JPC

Hey Riddle Riddle.

Adal

But don't take my word for it, don't take it straight from the horse's mouth. Please stop looking at my mouth. Well, just stop saying mouth. Helix has been awarded the number one mattress picked by GQ and Wired Magazine. It is even recommended by multiple sleep-leading chiropractors and doctors of sleep medicine as a go-to solution for improving your sleep. Did you know horses sleep standing up?

JPC

I did know that, yes, and I know that if a horse sleeps standing up on a Helix mattress, they do leave... So pretty bad paw prints. Paw prints? Hoof prints in there. Plus, Helix knows everyone's unique and everyone sleeps differently. That's why Helix has several different mattress models to choose from, each designed to specific sleep positions and feel preferences. Models with memory foam layers to provide optimal relief if you sleep on your side. Models with a more responsive foam to cradle your body for central support in stomach and back sleeping positions. Plus, enhanced cooling features to keep you from overheating at night.

00:37:05

Adal

And we should say, actually Gift Horse, you can go ahead and get out of here. Helix is offering 25% off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners. Go to helixsleep.com slash riddle. That's helixsleep.com slash riddle. This is their best offer yet, and it won't last long. With Helix, better sleep starts now. Speaking of best offer yet, did you know my uncle was in the Godfather?

JPC

This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. Attention farm animals, it's I, Charlotte.

Brennan

You've all seen that I've written some pig or something on my web. Well now I'm looking to make a website.

JPC

Does anyone have suggestions?

Erin

Uh, yeah, you could use Squarespace, Charlotte.

Adal

Okay, the rat has the floor.

Brennan

Yeah, I mean, if you would permit a horse to speak, Squarespace is the all-in-one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and succeed online. Whether you're just starting out or managing a growing brand, Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website, sell anything from products to content to time, all in one place, all on your terms.

00:38:27

Adal

Thanks, Zach the horse. I don't know why people say you're annoying.

Erin

And Charlotte, you can upload video content, organize your video library, and showcase your content on beautiful video pages. You can even sell access to your video library by adding a paywall to your content.

Adal

Oh, thanks Stephanie. Your fur doesn't look dumb at all. Huh? Sorry, it's going to be like a gossip website.

Brennan

Oh no, a gossip website plus Charlotte. You can make checkout seamless for your customers with sample but powerful payment tools. Except credit cards, PayPal, Apple Pay, and ineligible countries offer customers the option to buy now and pay later with Afterpay and Clearpay. Never pay with a duck spill ever again. Sorry, that was forced.

Adal

Thanks, Farmer Tom.

Brennan

I'm a farmer.

Erin

Well, Charlotte, you can easily manage your clients and invoices from vetting leads to receiving payment via invoices in one streamlined, customizable workflow.

00:39:29

Adal

Let me, I'm inspired. Let me go back up to my web and start to spin. Check out squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

Brennan

Hey Charlotte, I read the website and what it said about horses and uh... I'm gonna eat you.

???

Hey, I'm Jake Johnson, host of the podcast We're Here to Help, but this episode right now that you are listening to is sponsored by Brooklinen. Brooklinen provides luxury bed sheets, pillows, comforters, and blankets delivered straight to your door. How do I know this? Because Brooklinen delivered me a quilt, sheets, pillowcases, and I love them. Plus, Brooklinen has been tested and awarded by experts, including Good Housekeeping. Hey Riddle Riddle. That's brooklinen.com. B-R-O-O-K-L-I-N-E-N.com. Get 15% off your first Brooklinen order and save extra when you bundle.

00:41:05

JPC

Okay, we're back from break. Nothing happened. Erin's not different. Nothing happened during break. Just ads. Just ads. Everyone loves ads. Erin, you asked me before break, I think, if we're in the middle of a riddle because you hate that sensation.

Erin

I do. I hate that sensation.

JPC

We were not in the middle of a riddle.

Erin

Oh, thank God. I hate when that happens.

JPC

And the DNA test said we were not in the middle of a riddle.

Erin

Okay, doing a big celebration dance.

JPC

Picks up the iPhone and throws it out the window. Okay, but this is the intermediate level riddle from Sterling. It goes as follows. I may be of the eye, in order I am pi. In my center there is a star. I keep medics where they are. Like a paramedic. I don't know why I used a word that had the word in it to define the word. It doesn't matter.

???

In my center, there is a star. I keep medics where they are. What's the beginning of the riddle, sorry?

JPC

I may be of the eye. In order, I am pie. Eye, E-Y-E? E-Y-E, E-Y-E.

Adal

Beholder.

JPC

Eye of the beholder. Cyclops. In order, I am pie. In my center, there is a star. I keep medics where they are. Center or centaur? It's Each line of this riddle, I would say, is getting you to the answer in a different way. So the lines are connected.

00:42:30

Erin

So it's a different meaning. It's a word maybe that has multiple meanings. The lines are connected to each other.

JPC

I do want to see a scene. Okay. Now you're going to get into the situation where Erin really dislikes, where we're in the middle of a riddle and she forgets about it.

Erin

I literally just said I hated that, but I'm ready.

Adal

Brennan, you are a surgeon, and Brennan is operating on Erin. Erin, you are, this is sort of, they call it the preamble, I believe, the preamble to your surgery where the doctor's gonna walk you through everything. But Brennan is being a little coy about what's gonna happen, almost like he's giving you a little riddle.

Erin

Okay, great. Feeling sleepy already.

???

Well, that's perfectly normal, you know, that those first compliments of just the oral medication are going to get you nice and drowsy. And then we're going to finish with the gas, which will be, you know, get you sort of, you'll basically wake up feeling like you had just gone to sleep, but like no time had passed. And whatever is going to happen is going to happen.

Erin

And then we'll basically be... Sorry, no, keep going, I guess.

???

Well, you know, there's basically the procedure that we have planned is totally routine. I've done it hundreds of times. Usually takes about 45 minutes, which is totally within the realm of the anesthesia. Best laid plans of mice and men. But ultimately, we're, you know, my hope and knock on wood is that we are able to use this normal procedure. But the plan B, I'm very excited about.

00:43:48

Erin

Okay, so it's like a tonsillectomy, like just getting my tonsils out. I get strapped like three, four times a year. Your nose, throat, doctor.

Adal

You notice Brennan is wearing one of those, those like hats that are like, almost like the Dr. Seuss hat. You used to win them at carnivals by throwing, popping a balloon. Yeah, I'm familiar.

???

Is this the Jamiroquai hat? Thank you.

Adal

Yeah, I was thinking Jamiroquai hat.

Erin

You're in your nose, throat, doctor. Mm hmm. For starters, yeah.

JPC

Doctor, sorry to interrupt. I just wanted to let you know that the device is fueled.

Erin

Why did that nurse do doctors in air quotes? That nurse just went doctor.

???

Oh, we don't tell her who the doctors are here. So she is assuming I'm a doctor, which I am, you rest assured.

Erin

Okay, they wheeled me through the back.

???

Yes.

Erin

This is starting to feel like a Five Guys Burgers and Fries back room. No, no, no, no, no, no. Do you want peanuts? Yeah, there's like tons of sacks of peanuts around. Yeah, have some peanuts. You know, I just, I'm sort of in a very claustrophobic situation where the anesthesia or whatever this is, right, is taking hold of my body.

00:44:52

???

Oh God, if you're uncomfortable, I also took some. Okay. I'm also falling asleep.

Adal

Switching to black lights, Doctor.

Erin

Black lights. In the white room. I'll just let this happen. Honestly, it's such a bad idea. What, a doctor can't sing cream?

???

A doctor can't sing cream and fall asleep in a Jamiroquai hat? Sorry. Sorry? Have some peanuts, maybe you'll calm down.

Brennan

Oh, I guess you wanted the American medical experience.

???

Wow, like it's so great. Sing cream? Western medicine won't prepare you for what this Jamiroquai hat can do.

Adal

I also picture every time you go to grab a scalpel, you do the Jamiroquai footwork as a couch moves past you.

???

I used to have my favorite Batman. Just crazy that the power that Jamiroquai had to take that hat away from the cat in the hat.

Adal

Yeah. Yeah. Bold. Bold. Powerful. Because that was laminated in culture and they were like, us too.

???

Yeah. Jamiroquai came along with that one album and everyone went, that's a Jamiroquai hat. Yeah.

00:45:52

Erin

Can I say something about cat in the hat? I'm

???

If you read The Sneetches, there's the story What Was I Scared Of? It's a beautiful story about someone who's scared of a pair of pants walking around, and they become friends. I've never heard of The Sneetches. Oh, God! You gotta read The Sneetches book. And then you read Cat in the Hat, and you're like, who is this motherfucker? But I also have a long, since childhood, And this maybe is why I got so bullied and then eventually went to LARP camp. I was always like, we need to listen to this fish. This fish is responsible. Why are we glorifying Baloo the bear? Bagheera is the only person taking the threat of Shere Khan seriously. I would like Bagheera energy in my life and I would not like to sing about- The origin of anxiety. Yes.

00:47:00

Adal

Baloo is baucus. He's like, let's drink and have a good time and dance.

???

I was a four-year-old being like, Baloo, this is hateful. This degree of negligence is hateful. We should not celebrate this bear. Mowgli, who I identify with, was almost killed by monkeys. And Bagheera has been talking sense from day one. How do you feel about tailspin? Tailspin, love tailspin. I'd like to see a scene actually.

Erin

Brennan, you are the cat in the hat and you're sort of washed up and you're trying to like get back into the industry and reestablish yourself as like a household name.

???

So, you got anything? What are we looking at, booking-wise? I have a friend who's gotten more involved in voiceover. And so he's telling me that there's a lot of video games. Is there anybody at Activision or Blizzard that wants a tall cat?

00:48:01

Adal

I can bring a whimsical... Yeah, no, Sith. And also, I... You asked me to call you Sith, cat in the hat. It's taken on a different meaning nowadays in the zeitgeist. It's sort of an evil Jedi thing.

???

Right! Do you think you could get me on the Acolyte? One of the main characters just died, so they're probably recasting for season two.

Adal

I think they shot every- Listen, I reached out to Capcom, you know, they're doing a Street Fighter Versus, and I I posited you as like, what if Dr. Seuss's cat in a hat had like big ball rock punching gloves or something?

???

You're not saying Dr. Seuss's cat in a hat, are you? It should just be 5th.

Adal

Am I to drop Dr. Seuss? We don't need him. I've outgrown the brand. Listen, here's the thing. TikTok.

JPC

I'm sorry, did you say the thing?

Adal

Oh, uh, I'm so sorry, Ben.

JPC

Oh. Can I call you Ben? Yeah, you can call me Ben, you can call me 2, Toosie, Thingy 2, whatever's comfortable with you. I'm sorry, what?

00:49:02

Brennan

You're not in the Fantastic Four, are you? I could be. I mean, God, I want to work. I've been telling you I want to work. So we wanted to pitch this to you. Okay.

???

Between you and I, Thing 1 is strung out. The last I saw him, he was in Vegas.

Adal

Doing a residency.

???

Which hotel?

Adal

This'll tell me how he's doing. Which hotel? Which hotel? Yeah, this'll tell me how he's doing. The Golden Nugget.

Erin

Knock, knock.

Adal

Fremont Street.

Erin

Horton, here's his name.

Adal

Not even here's a who.

Erin

Let me cut to the cheese.

Adal

Here's what you were offered. The three of you were offered a podcast on Barstool Sports.

???

Gotta turn it down on principle. I am desperate for work but not that desperate.

Brennan

I'd guest. If it's just a guest spot, I'd do that.

Erin

I'd do it. Okay.

Brennan

All right. The scene.

Erin

I will say. I will say. Horton needs it more. Cat in the Hat would do one of those.

00:50:07

???

Would do Barstool? Yeah, for sure. Yeah.

Erin

We always say that.

???

The thing about alpha males, I consider myself an alpha male. The L.A.

Adal

Rams and Matt Stafford have an agreement. I can't listen to this.

???

They don't want men in their feminine energy. I'm in my masculine energy all day, every day. Just hucksters and grifters wall to wall.

Adal

45 more minutes. If I may, that's almost an Alan Tudyk-ish. Tudyk-ish? Yeah, Tudyk-ish. Thank you.

???

It's a very Tudyk-flavored Ed Wynn, right? It's a very... Who's Ed Wynn? Ed Wynn is the original Matt Hatter. Ed Wynn is... Oh, yes, yes, yes. And I'm Mary Poppins. I love to laugh.

Erin

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

Adal

Oh, yeah.

???

That's the same guy? Same guy. Matt Hatter is, I could be wrong, but I believe... That makes so much sense. I could be wrong.

Adal

I cried myself to sleep, in a good way. I should... The other night I was on TikTok and I found a TikTok compilation of, I don't know this guy's name, they said his name, but there's some guy who is famous in movies from like the 40s through the 70s or something, but his whole shtick was to turn around and go, yes. And they parody him on The Simpsons. And I just thought it was like a, I was like, oh, they're just being weird. For sure. It was making fun of an actual actor and it was just a Cut compilation of all his moments, and it was the funniest fucking thing. God, I gotta find it. That same voice that you're, uh, Ed Wynn, is that what you said? Ed Wynn, yeah. That same type of voice, and I was shaking crying.

00:51:42

JPC

To get pigeonholed for something like that, it's gotta feel both very bad and very good. Yeah. Cause like, once you've been doing, you said like 40, once you've been doing it for 20 years, you're like,

Adal

This is me, you know, I just this is what I do and there's a tail end It's like him on the love boat and someone's like, excuse me bartender and he turns around and says it and it's so it's like a big pop Yeah, for sure.

Erin

My favorite tab in show business.

???

What a mess The talking about that that voice to you specifically the like There's so many things like that, like Looney Tunes or The Simpsons, where you're like, oh no, that's a real dude. When you're like, oh, Peter Lorre isn't the guy from Looney Tunes?

Adal

When I watched Animaniacs, I was like, oh, what a weird dude to be like, yes, let me get the steak au poivre. And I'm like, oh, that's a silly character.

JPC

And then you grow up and you're like, oh, that's a real dude. Because what you don't understand is you think that the cartoons that you're watching as a child are also being written by children, but they're being written by 50 year old men I'll say Horton Hears a Who absolutely also slaps and I'll tell you when I read to my kid and I say when Horton goes a person's a person no matter how small

00:52:52

???

Makes you wanna cry. My only problem that I wanna communicate to my child at some point in the future with Horton is, at the end, we forgive the kangaroo and the monkeys really fast. I don't know if you remember, I'm deep in this world. So Horton hears the who's on this speck of dust on a clover. He hears it and he's like, I think this is a tiny civilization of people. And he confirms that. And the villains of the story, it's really this one Busybody kangaroo who's like, there's nothing on there. And he's like, no, there is. And at a certain point, she conscripts this family of monkeys called the Wickershams into capturing, mauling, and beating Horton. They use the word maul, mauling.

Adal

What do they ram it with?

???

I don't know. I don't even know that it's at the end of a stanza. I think he throws it in there fully just as like, by the way, they did fucking injure him. He's not okay. But the point being that there's a moment, like me and my wife when we're reading bedtime stories, we'll have these moments where we're reading a story and have to leap out and like opine on the story. So you're sitting there, and there's one moment this kangaroo's like, well, there's nothing on that speck, and we're gonna take it and throw it in basil nut oil and boil it. And I stopped, and in reading it was like, so you're telling me you don't think anyone's on the speck, and that's why you're gonna go all the way out of your way to boil it?

00:54:21

Adal

Yes.

???

It's crazy. And at the end, they hear it finally and are like, oh, there are people on it. And then it's like, that's it. And there's no page where Horton's like, hey, you fucking attacked me. And all of you almost destroyed a city full of people. There's no contrition. There's no examination. I honestly want to confirm to my child that Horton would have been well within his rights. He's a fucking elephant, OK? And we're talking about kangaroos and monkeys out here. Horton could have been, like, actually the defense of Whoville.

Adal

I smell an additional chapter written by Brennan Lee Mulligan.

???

Horton stands his ground. Horton by any means necessary.

Adal

A sequel called The Haversham's Walk It Back. Hey listen when we're talking about Brennan and I'll just wanna say I didn't know these people.

Brennan

The don't tread on me flag but it's Horton's trunk instead of the snake.

???

The Jungle of Newell has a congressional hearing and a monkey in a suit is like I was swept up in a moment that I didn't.

00:55:25

JPC

Brennan, my wife and I have this experience often. I think the thing is that like I think children's book writers or whatever, they don't necessarily think that children can handle like all of these heady concepts, which I don't necessarily agree with because how will we ever know if we don't try? But a lot of the children's books that we have or that have been recommended or we have like hand-me-downs are like weirdly sanitized versions of things that just kind of like end and you're like, What the fuck? There's not even a narrative arc to this goddamn story. It's like, the boy just found a pair of shoes and that's the... I had to read that? What the fuck is this?

???

Dude, I just had this because my favorite story from childhood was this book called Big Al, which is about a big, ugly fish in the ocean. And he's really scary, and he's really ugly, and he doesn't have any friends, and it's really sad. Here's what's next! But he's big and scary, so he comes and he bites the net and he saves all the fish. And then he gets swept up in the net and brought up, and my wife is like, oh, the little fish are gonna see that he's good and save him. The little fish do not do that. The little fish go, oh my gosh, that big scary fish saved us. And they're like, so sad that he's gone. Let's build a statue to him. And then he comes back down, and it's because he's so ugly that the fishermen throw him back in the water. And then after that, he's now friends with all the fish as a big scary ugly fish. And I was like, and because he saved them, they did all this. And I closed it and I was like, the end. And my wife went like, huh, seems like that fish never had any real friends. He just only- Got lucky kind of, yeah. They tolerated him after he risked his life to save them, which they repaid in no way. And she like patted me on the shoulder and was like, huh, seems like you really have to prove a lot of your value to people. It was a book called like the grouchy ladybug or something like that we read we read that book and the whole book is this there's a

00:57:43

JPC

Two ladybugs, one of the ladybugs offers to share some aphids, and a grouchy ladybug is like, no, I don't want aphids, I want to fight, and the other ladybug's like, okay, let's fight, and they're like, I'm not gonna fight you, you're too small, I'm gonna go fight someone bigger, and then the whole book is them meeting bigger people until finally a whale slaps the ladybug, and the ladybug flies all the way back to the beginning of the book, and then the other ladybug's like, Hey, you look like you've been to the ringer. You want some aphids? Yeah, I'd love some. And I remember, whatever, there's no real lesson to the end of that book. It's just like, sometimes you'll get the shit kicked out of you and maybe that'll make you a nicer person. I closed the book. That's a lesson. I closed the book and in my storybook voice I said, and we'll never read that book again.

Erin

So you guys are both new dads. What are your like top three favorite children's books, like picture books?

JPC

It's the Lorax. Speak for the trees. A friend, as a joke, gave us the book that was like very popular like, I don't know, like 10 years ago, Go the Fuck to Sleep. Russian Erin gave us Go the Fuck to Sleep. And I really enjoy reading that book. It's just like, it's fun because it's like a meme or whatever. But it does have like, there is a part of you that is an exasperated dad that you just be like, yeah, man, I do get this part. Like, it doesn't feel fair, though, because my child is a very good sleeper. So I'm like, this doesn't really apply to you. But it's more just kind of like a fun thing for dad to read.

00:59:04

???

I love reading the Lorax to my daughter. I read it to my nephew, who is four and fully capable of understanding the book.

Brennan

And he's like, whoa, what the fuck is a truffalo tree?

???

What are we doing here? And it was so funny because I'm a performer, and I really sell the hell out of the Lorax. So the parts where he's like, they love Riddle And I'm reading this story that I love so much, and my wife is taking pictures of my nephew, who, this is hard to do over a podcast, but he is doing the scream. My four-year-old nephew's like, oh, Christ almighty. And he gets to the end, and I realize how fucking sad, because the Lorax does not come back at the end of the book. The book is a list of instructions given to a child that if the child follows, the Lorax and his friends may come back. And I get to the end, and I just went, And that's the Lorax. And my nephew went, oh, pretty bleak.

01:00:19

Erin

That's his origin of anxiety.

???

And I swear to God, my nephew looked and went, I think there's another page. Oh. And I was like, dog, no, there is not, man. You're the other page. Hey, buddy.

Erin

Good night. You're the other page.

???

That also is a big part where I read it as a kid. I read it as a kid and loved it because you read it and it's like, oh, we are being entrusted as the hope of the future, which is very inspiring if you're little. If you're an adult and reading it, there is another vantage point of defeat and failure of like, well,

JPC

You close the Lorax and you think, hey buddy, still think it's a good idea for Joe Biden not to run? Huh?

Brennan

Think that'll destroy the Democrats? He's like, I'm a kid, I can't, I shouldn't be. Should there be another page please, Uncle Brennan?

???

This is what everyone reading the New York Times is doing. Is there another page?

JPC

Erin, are you ready to get your mind blown? We're in the middle of a riddle. No, we're not.

01:01:20

Erin

You shut up about that. We're not.

JPC

It's been about 20 minutes, but we are in the middle of a riddle. No. There's a riddle going on right now.

Erin

Oh, it's the star one.

JPC

I may be of the eye, in order I am pi. In my center there is a star. I keep medics where they are.

???

I may be of the eye?

JPC

So what keeps medics where they are? Residency?

???

Across.

JPC

A lot of these are sayings or colloquialisms that are related to this thing.

???

I may be of the eye, in order I am pi.

JPC

Aaron, it is Apple.

Adal

Apple a day keeps the doctor away.

JPC

Apple of the eye. I keep medics where they are. An apple a day keeps the doctor away. In my center there is a star. I guess if you cut an apple in half, there's like a star pattern sometimes in the, yeah.

???

Sure, sure, sure, sure.

JPC

And in order, I am pie. And that's more just like, I order a pie, an apple pie. Yes. Oh, in order, I am pie. It's not the 3.14, which is what I thought when I read that riddle. Yeah. Okay, well here, Sterling has one more riddle, and so the first one they said was a warm-up, the second one they said was an intermediate level, that's what you just did, and then they have a who-knows level, because this is a personal creation, which I always encourage and endorse when people write their own riddles. Here we go. My floors are crumbling, my walls are encrusted, yet inside a treasure lies. My courts are round, my ceiling has holes, yet I stay very warm inside.

01:02:57

Adal

This is Kiwani High School, this is the high school I went to. This is Adal's high school.

JPC

And then they post a picture of you, Adal, from high school, and I gotta say, my man, the shoulders. I mean, fully stacked. Thank you. The guy, the guy's got it!

Adal

Built like a brick shithouse, this guy!

Erin

Can you read the riddle again?

Adal

Every football practice, my coach would be like, I said no pads today, and then I'd wink and he'd be like, what? Whoa!

Brennan

Hey man, you're too good looking to play football. Has anyone ever told you that? Acting school, that's where you wanna go. He doesn't teach here anymore.

JPC

Okay, my floors are crumbling, my walls are encrusted, yet inside a treasure lies. My courts are round, my ceiling has holes. And sorry, are you saying courts like basketball court, or are you saying quarts? Okay, you've asked this so many times over the course of the last few recordings that I'm starting to feel a little self-conscious about the way I'm saying things. Courts, C-O-U-R-T-S, yes. And the courts are what? My courts are round, my ceiling has holes, yet I stay very warm inside. What has quartz? Is this like... My quartz around is the one that I would like, don't even fuck with that one. Don't even think about it. Yeah, that one's the hardest one to get, so I'm like, stay away. Floor is crumbling. Floor is crumbling and ceiling has holes.

01:04:11

Adal

That could help us. This sounds like a baked good or something. Adal. Yeah. Adal. Floors are crumbling. Donut? Ceiling has holes.

JPC

Is it a doughnut? That would be one Horton, I would say. But it's not a doughnut. So what do you- Cronut. This is a cronut.

Erin

What is multiple holes? A pretzel.

JPC

Okay, yeah, and it's warm inside. Coffee cake. Yet inside a treasure lies and yet I stay very warm inside are kind of the same. They're pointing you to the same place.

???

Inside a treasure. So my floor is crumbling.

JPC

Walls are encrusted. And you got baked good. Yeah, these are all baking treats.

Erin

Pie?

JPC

Crumbly, crusty. Erin, it is a pie.

Erin

There was pie in the last thing. You double-pied us.

JPC

You double-pied us. I know, and I thought that double-pie thing, you were gonna get it quick.

???

I can't believe you went out here and you double-pied us.

Erin

Me and Sterling are not in cahoots.

JPC

Look at this double-pie motherfucker.

???

No, no, no.

JPC

I don't even know Sterling. They're not getting a fucking Venmo for me.

Erin

We're gonna do what we did to Horton to you.

???

Call you 6.28, you're double-pied.

Brennan

What's the is it Old King Cole who pulls the blackbirds out of a pie or something?

01:05:24

???

Using a jolly nursery rhyme, King, and being like, this guy is a freak. Old King Cole was a merry old soul, and a merry old soul was he. He called for his pipe, and he called for his bowl, and he called for his fiddlers three.

Adal

Sounds like Brennan doesn't remember it.

???

This guy's calling for three fiddlers. Absolute fucking freak. Absolute pervert.

Adal

Have you ever heard one fiddler and been like, you know what, we could really use two more of these guys?

Brennan

No, no way.

Adal

I want to see a quick scene. Brennan and Erin are king and queen. JPC, you are a baker and you've made a nasty little pie that you're presenting to the king and queen and we'll see how they receive it.

Brennan

I'm but a humble town baker and I wanted to thank both of you for making the village such a wonderful place to live and I thought I'd show my thanks and appreciation by making you a sweet delicious pie.

01:06:33

???

Well, this villager is quite breathy. I'm already sort of on edge. They say my pies are the best pies in the kingdom.

Erin

Well, darling, remember we don't eat these pies. Wink.

???

No, no, no. No, these pies are celebratory. They're for the people. We are forgiving monarchs. Kindly, slice us off a piece of your pie that we might judge if it is fair.

Brennan

My pies cannot go to the people. They don't have refined and delicate palates. Only royal palates like yourselves would be able to taste the intricacies of my pies.

Erin

There's a hole in this pie, I'll say it. There's lots of holes, it's a pie.

???

My queen, she calls them like she sees them. Yes. Every time. You're gonna have to wake up pretty early in the morning, town baker, to slide a fucking holed pie in front of us.

Brennan

Yes, yes, queen. What a delicate eye you have. Many holes of pies have I, for the latticework that I employ is second to none in the kingdom. One bite. Just one bite. Let me watch you eat a bite. What was that last one? Let me watch you eat a bite. Alright, no flat requests from Townsfolk. Okay, I'll put some zazz on it. Let me watch you eat a bite.

01:07:59

???

How about before we let you watch us do anything, I just jam a thumb in there real quick and we kind of figure out what the lay of the land is.

Brennan

Could you use anything bigger than a thumb even?

Erin

Well, hmm, there's just been sort of some issues with some of the pies brought in here.

Brennan

Oh yes, inferior pies. I have many competitors in this town.

Adal

My liege, my lady, forgive my state of undress for I am the town baker and someone knocked me on the back of my head.

Brennan

If he's the town baker, ask him what goes in a pie. What goes in a pie?

Adal

My penis.

Brennan

Okay, this guy's cool.

Adal

We'll just tell your mom that we ate all the pie.

JPC

I think we've referenced American Pie like on three episodes that we've recorded.

Adal

Brennan, thank you so much for being on this episode referencing American Pie.

???

For a second I thought that was the end of the episode. It is. Yeah, it is. It mostly is.

Adal

Tell us, obviously, a lot going on in your life. Tell us what people should check out.

01:09:05

???

That's a great question. In general, you can check me out on dropout.tv. And also you can see us all over and follow us on socials for Dimension 20, Game Changer, Make Some Noise, a bunch of amazing shows on Dropout. You can check out my podcast, Worlds Beyond Number.

Erin

One of my favorite podcasts of all time. Are you for real? I love it so much. Oh my god, Erin, I had no idea. Very meaningful to me. I love it so much.

JPC

Oh my god! Our editor, Casey Toney, I believe also did some work for the Patreon.

???

Was Casey Toney just outside a moment ago? No, that's different Casey. Okay, that's incredible. Casey is phenomenal.

JPC

Yeah, he's a great audio engineer.

???

Casey cut that out. Casey, they can't hide my love for you. Casey, I love you.

Adal

Cut it out.

???

I love you, Casey.

Adal

Even if only your ears hear this, Casey. I love you.

???

If you get this point in the podcast, you're fired, Casey.

Adal

You're fired. I love Casey editing, crying, being like, they'll never know. They'll never know.

Erin

We're terrible, didn't we?

JPC

We're really, really bad to him, but he's a really great guy. He's incredible.

Adal

Worlds Beyond Number, Dropout 20.

???

Dropout, you can check out.

Adal

Dimension 20 and Dropout.

01:10:05

???

Dimension 20, which is the show that I GM for. We're doing live shows. We have a show coming up at Madison Square Garden.

Adal

Which is un-fucking-believable. Congratulations. Thank you. The coolest thing that could be happening right now.

???

It is on, I have no degree or ability to process it. I went to Times Square with my dad. I'm a New Yorker and we looked at the billboard in Times Square and I just dissociated for an hour.

Adal

Is your face on the billboard? Yes.

???

Me and my dad were just there and I was like, this is fucking silly, man.

Adal

That's incredible.

???

This is really silly. That's crazy. And it's deeply meaningful. The show's gonna be such a fucking blast. We're so excited. And then also, depending on when this comes out, you can see me, this July I'm doing a miniseries for Critical Role, and their campaign three called Downfall, and there's just so many exciting things coming to Dropout. Oh, and I was in and helped produce a movie that my wife, Isabella Rowland, wrote and starred in called Dead, and it is a supernatural dark comedy about her father who passed away a couple years ago, and it's about a ghost that comes back to haunt everybody in a family except his daughter.

01:11:16

Erin

That is so funny.

???

It's so funny and she's killer in it. So I can't wait for people to see that.

Adal

Congratulations on everything. Thank you. And I look forward to the day when we have to pull this episode because you're... Yeah, because I've boiled the town in basil nut oil. You've blown up to such a degree, more so than you have already, to where you're like, can you please take the...

Erin

I can't be associated.

???

I can't run for office because of this episode. My fellow Americans, please don't check out Hey Riddle Riddle.

Erin

We're getting to that point.

Adal

Thank you so much for coming on. Thank you.

Erin

I got nothing else to plug.

JPC

Yeah, do we have anything else? Patreon.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com HeyRiddleRiddle.com slash live for tickets.

Erin

Great. Um, Jupiter. Sometimes I can end it on my own without a problem. Thanks guys. Wow, Erin. Yeah, I did it.

01:12:43

JPC

Well, hey there XAs and poobleeks, if you liked that, you're going to love this week's Patreon. It's more public access. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com slash heyriddleriddle by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or start your seven-day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month and you get those ad-free episodes. See you there.

Erin

That was a hate gum podcast.