Which Riddle Riddle?

Hey Riddy, it's JPC here and we are conducting an audience survey at gum.fm slash riddle and we want to hear from you so we can keep making content you love.

Look, if you're listening to this, you know, we know, we all know, we do ads on the podcast.

And I actually wanted to make the ads as miserable of an experience for you guys as possible, but it's a democracy. Adal and Erin outvoted me. So our official stance as a podcast is we want to improve that experience. But in order to do this, we need to know a little bit more about you guys. So this survey at gum.fm slash riddle is quick, easy, and it's a free way to support the podcast. It'll take you about two minutes, and you'll be helping us so much by doing it. So all you got to do is go to gum.fm slash riddle. Fill out the audience survey. That's gum.g-u-m.fm slash r-i-d-d-l-e. Please fill out the survey to make the ads better.

This is a HeadGum Podcast.

Okay, yeah, you handed me keys, I'm the valet. Well, I threw you keys. You threw me keys, sorry, yeah. What are these keys to? What do I park?

Sorry, it's for our podcast, so just pull it around.

Yeah, just pull the podcast around.

Okay, so you just showed up here though, so it's like normally I would- Pull our pod- Erin, will you help me? It's a 2018?

Yeah, it's a 2018 headgum podcast.

That's the make and model. Two-door, well, three-door actually. Three-door podcast. It's a three-door podcast. Yeah.

Smells awful. It's like mildewy. It's like purple.

It's a purple podcast. Yeah, you didn't park your podcast here, right? And I don't know how you would park a podcast, but I can't pull around something.

Hey, keep the change.

Okay, this is a lit cigarette. Yeah, keep the change. I'll smoke it. I'm not above smoking a lit cigarette.

Not a typical cigarette either.

Yeah, I've got a Dimension 20 podcast. Oh hell yeah, pull that around. I've got a Critical Role in the back, what did I do for you? Oh shit. Yeah, like a real podcast. Yeah. Fucking feel the leather on your ass as you fucking fly down those- Feel the- how are you driving? Pantsless? Yeah, pantsless. I take my pants down.

Never mind. You don't want the Mercedes? No. Bring around Hey Riddle Riddle.

It feels good.

Here's our shitty fucking podcast car. Okay.

Clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, cl It's another edition of our Former Roommate Roundup Collection, where we have collected another one of our former roommates for the podcast. We have Mr. Luke Null on the show.

Hey guys, so happy to be here. I know and have known all of you for, I'm going to say over a decade.

Yeah, it's been a decade. It's been a while.

And so I know you and love you from that, and I just listened to your podcast for the very first time. And I did live with JPC in 2013, and for all the Riddle listeners out there, in case you're wondering, fully hairless other than what you can see. Other than what you can see, Ken doll.

And some of the stuff that you can see isn't real. I'll tell you that much.

Yeah, the leg hair is a toupee.

Luke, before you came in, we were saying that we don't often have people from JBC's real life in here because he's very mysterious to our listeners.

He is.

So this is a very vulnerable thing to have someone who knows so much about him.

And I do. And I would say JBC is one of my very best friends. And I know you guys have been doing this podcast a lot. for years, and I'm so proud of it. I'm a frickin' Hey Riddle Riddle stan. I have merch. Today was the first time I listened. It's is on

by design.

They called it out? Yeah, right away they're like I brought in one of a guy who like is really good at breakdancing And it was just more like a check out this cool talent Do you want to plug the pocket? Honestly gun to my head. I don't remember what it was called

I think it would be worse if you did remember what it was called and you would listen to a bunch of episodes. But yeah, you hadn't, so you just showed up blank.

I was going to say one more mysterious JPC. I did live with JPC, and you know what? We lived in a boy house. There was a lot of boys in the house. What do we call it? The hog? Hog heaven.

I think I went to a party at that house. You probably did.

You almost certainly did.

You had like a tiny room that you had to walk through to get outside?

We all had a tiny room. One of the guys did. It was five guys in a house.

Was it Kyle?

Yes, that I was.

I did throw up outside of that party.

Yep. Good times. People threw up in that alley. People had sex in that alley. People we know did both.

Who was at five? You, two, Kyle.

Drew Tonkovich and Caleb Fullen. Yes. Like me and four OU guys. Yeah, we were all college buddies.

This is Kyle Rittenhouse?

Yeah, this is Kyle Rittenhouse. Before he got famous.

And it was my guys. But one little tidbit about Hog Heaven. We did all have a hog name. I think you were Boss Hog. I think I was Hog Wild. I think I was the only one that used hog as the first thing. Everyone else was like something-hog, warthog.

The prefix of hog, I think, is a better fit. Yeah, exactly.

Hog-wild. And I was combing my mind through, like, what horribly embarrassing... That was a rough year of my life. It wasn't a good year.

No.

It was not a good year. Boss hog was ironic.

Oh, yeah. But I wanted to give one bit of flavor text for the listeners, for the lore. There's a lot of bad things this could be. This one, to me, I think it's actually really endearing.

I'm so excited.

And it was, JPC had the best room. Yes. You had the best room. He paid more. Okay, he paid more, okay. He paid more, but he had the best, biggest room.

On suite? No, no, nobody had, we had two bathrooms between five people. No, it was all bad. It was like, the whole house was bad.

The most fragrant turd, you know what I mean? He had the best room, but his room was right adjacent to the living room. And so I remember sitting and like watching a movie with my now wife, and we're just watching a movie and we can hear GPC in his room. We can hear JPC in his room, and he is absolutely blaring music. I'm talking like, it is cranked, you know, this one goes to 11. You know what I mean? Like, this thing, he's maxing the speaker out, and it is playing, the song he is playing is Ed Sheeran's I See Fire, which was the song that Ed Sheeran wrote for the Hobbit movies. It was the end credit to the second Hobbit movie. To A Desolation of Smaug. But the long and short of it was, he's blaring this song, it's a good song, it's a great song. It's a good tune. It ends, it comes on again. We go, you know, two times in a row you go, maybe it's just a long song.

Cut to four times in.

No.

So this is becoming a salt and pepper diner John Mulaney. It is. What's New Pussy? No, Sex Bomb.

What's New Pussycat? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So at this point, me and my wife are going, this is a joke. He's doing a gag. He is playing the same song over at full blast and that's just, Some jokes are just for me.

Some jokes aren't for anybody else. Were you like crying to it in your room? It feels like you were soothing.

Erin, do you think I was crying to it? I was dead eye staring at a wall.

I knocked on his bedroom door and he answered and I was like, all right, we are watching a movie, like can we, and I think, I think what it was is you were playing like League of Legends or something and I think you thought that your headphones were in. Oh no.

And so it wasn't as loud to me because I was wearing headphones which muffle some of the sound I didn't know that the headphones had become unplugged because I was so zoned in on what could have been League of Legends I can't remember what I was playing in 2013.

But you did intentionally play it over and over.

Exactly.

I was like you are, so just to be clear, you are listening to this for pleasure in a non-joke way over and over and he's like absolutely and then I was like honestly I'm gonna bury this memory.

The thing about it is, until Spotify Rapped came out, I was like, I'm a normal guy. And then Spotify Rapped came out one year and I was like, oh no, you've listened to one song for one million hours. And I was like, maybe time for a personality change.

Didn't you listen to the Blink-182 I Miss You 10-Hour Loop at work one time?

I listened to that Blink-182 I Miss You 10-Hour Loop, and it's just Tom's verse, I believe?

No.

Where are you?

Oh no.

And this was the year Luke left Chicago?

I don't want to talk about that year. Curious. I do have the type of brain where I can crave a repetitive thing, so I can listen to the same song for 10 hours, and it doesn't even phase me. And then if you ask me to sing a single lyric of that Ed Sheeran I See Fire song, I'd be like, I know he says I see fire, but I couldn't tell you a single other lyric of that song.

They don't stick to me at all.

Trust me, it's burned in. We'll have Luke, who is a very accomplished guitar comedian, we'll have Luke do a cover of that song that we can play over the end credits.

Get sued hard. I had a year where I listened to, I think it's just Lonely Island's Sax Man, where I found that so funny, and I just listened to it on loop for like a week, and then my year in Spotify came out and I was like, oh no.

They're like, you are in the top .01% of Lonely Island fans. You have a message from, and I'm like, oh no.

You are one of the worst perverts that exist. Did they track that?

And there are best perverts, too. You are one of the best perverts that exist.

I'm trying for that list.

My early JPC lore is very connected to early Luke Null lore. So I moved to Chicago in the summer of 2014. I.O. was shut down, so it was a CIC summer.

That's right.

Only shows at CIC, nothing. I did not miss a single Law Dog show. Wow. I saw you guys two days after I moved to Chicago. I went, I'm their number one fan. And I, for the rest of the year, did not miss it. And then you guys very kindly let me sit in with you several times.

And we love Wet Bus, we loved your group too, we had you guys a bunch of times.

Yeah, you let us come and hang out.

You were one of our favorite groups and it was also one of the only groups that, when we did that show, it was us and a team called Man Baby, and we decided we would host the show but we would always middle, and we would always try to find a group that we really liked and bring them in. I think we had Pudding Thank You,

Yes, yes.

Come in and close for us because we were like, let's get a veteran team to close. And it was always we thought it was a good offer because we always got to offer like a good team a closing spot. But Wet Bus was one of the only teams that started out as an opener and then ended as a closer. Made the transition.

A little peek behind the curtain. We cried. I'm not kidding. I mean, Wet Bus crying is like the... We cried all the time. We were very earnest.

You got the email in 2015 to be like, hey, we want you to close for this shitty Thursday night show. For a place that doesn't exist anymore.

We're like, you guys, this is sort of what all that rehearsal was about.

We did it. We have to move on, not that I could hear him talk. The podcast is over. I'm looking at the clock, we've got 39 minutes in.

I actually listened to an episode today so I do know what's next and I don't have a podcast on my own so I do want to do this. You've been listening to Hey Riddle Riddle, you put in the coupon code POTATOCHIP on www.potatochip.com slash riddle riddle riddle riddle riddle riddle.

Now we have to buy that code. They fucked us. This is just like the video podcast.

And now I got...

I got my relationship to it now, and I think it's because we were just talking desolation of Smaug. I do remember an early memory of Riddles was Riddles in the Dark from The Hobbit. My dad reading me that book as a kid and liking those riddles, I will say since you guys have been doing this now for one million years, you've had to burn all the good riddles. I feel like I listened to one earlier today. I technically listened to two, but I listened to one and I'm like, that's not a riddle. Like, some of these are not riddles at all. They're just like, how can you jam, you know, a round peg in a square hole and we're there? So that's kind of what I'm anticipating you giving a riddle that's in no way a riddle.

Yeah, and we've been there, I want to say, for 280 episodes. We've worked through the riddles real quick. Like, it's a gun, but it's not that big.

And you're like, uh...

I'm skipping a couple of these because the gun, but not that big, I was going to lead off with that. I think, didn't Paul Tompkins say that the Hobbit stuff was his introduction to Riddles as well?

Yeah, we get that a lot from guests. That's a lot of people's first intro to it. We also, like there are really only like a hundred riddle formats with like different wording and so anything that's outside of that is a miracle. We'll get like two or three new vibes of riddles. You go, that's a new one. I felt brand new.

I always love when a listener sends us an email saying, I wrote something that's not riddles but it's kind of like a game. I'm like, hey man.

Those are the most exciting. It's getting on the show. When it's a movie but change the letter or something. Those are the most exciting. And Luke, you're a Escape Room guy. Oh yeah.

Because we've done a few. I love them. Yeah. A friend of mine got me into it the year that I was at SNL. They were really into it and there's a million of them in New York. But it's one of my favorite forms of white nonsense. We have some riddles that were listeners sent into the show and so we're gonna get to some of those today this first one is a riddle from Jeffrey it says

And Jeffrey also provides hints too, which I love. I can be either road or mind. What am I? I can be either road or mind. R-O-W-E-D. But that's a great question because sometimes spelling it R-O-A-D could be the answer.

R-O-D-E or R-O-W-D?

I can be either road or mind.

What am I? And is mind M-I-N-D or M-I-N-E-D? M-I-N-E-D. So we're talking about like road as in a boat.

Or.

Yeah. An or can be mind or an or can be road.

Or. It is or. Wow.

Because the actual hint here says there are three different clues in the quote, which could be, I can be either road or mind. So or is in there.

Not to put you on the spot, Luke. What is that song that's like, I can be road, I can be mind, I can be... I can be... I can be...

The three of you are working in a mine and you're kind of complaining because you thought it would be more fun.

I'm a frumpster.

My name's Matt. Hey Riddle Riddle

You have a kick me sign on your chest, which people usually catch that.

Back, I can see, chest, and kick. Yeah, what else? Let's see, shoes on hands, gloves on feet. What else, what else, what else? We're all wearing these little miner hats with the lights on them. Your light is pointed inward.

You know what? Sometimes we don't see our patterns until they're laid bare in front of us.

Whoa, that's smarter than anything. I thought you were capable. Oh, he's reading off an X card. He's reading off a card. So what does this mean? Well, bear is spelled wrong.

That's a lot of fun. A guy named Dopey who just gets his, like, poor wife to write him a card of smart things that he can take him to work.

Also, I like a lot of good old-fashioned denial. That's not my name.

The dwarves are minors, right?

What were we saying yesterday is the funniest thing to say in an improv thing?

Fuck you, where are we? Yeah, fuck you, where are we? The best initiation for improv is fuck you, where are we? Because that honors your partner. Yes. Sets up we're in a fight, and also you have to provide the information.

I did a law dog show where I initiated a scene with JPC and I said, I love you, and he said, who are you? And I went, fuck you man, I hate it here.

I feel like I've edited a world news scene JPC was in, and as I swept, and improv swept as you run across the stage to indicate editing without making eye contact. After I swept it, I think JPC was like, there's my neighbor out for a run. My neighbor's doing his daily run. And I'm like, ugh. Not allowing you to end his time on stage.

Sometimes when people send these in they delineate that it is homebrewed and this one is an invention, a homebrewed riddle from Josh. Josh writes, Dip me below a flirtatious wink, then fill me with your favorite drink.

Hey Riddle Riddle

Because when people say rubbers to me, I'm thinking the thing Jimi Hendrix is talking about a little bit earlier.

I've been dirtier today than Smaug.

Erin, I want to see a scene of your Smaug asking if anyone has a rubber. No, no, no.

I saw it in her chest. You don't think my inhale was? I'm so embarrassed. I was like...

Change the world with shades of pink, a dirty couple in the sink. Dit me below a flirtatious wink, then fill me with your favorite drink.

And Adal, it is not one of those metal or rubber tea disposable reusable tins.

I would say just vaguely glass.

Glassware. You are all correct, but it is actually it's champagne glass. Rosé glass, pink. It's not a glass. It's a pair of glasses. A pair of glasses. Because I think partially the answer is glasses. Because that's the change the world with shades of pink.

A dip beneath your wink.

Did me below a flirtatious wink? I think that that is, is that like a John Hughes? That feels like a John, where you like dip the glasses down and like give a wink, right? Oh, like a Ferris Bueller? Yeah. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Yeah, it's a Ferris Bueller.

Do a little physical demonstration of it for an audio platform.

We all look at the cameras with their lens caps on, and we're like, yeah.

Mug to it, mug to it.

Who should I take this to? Yeah, you got it. It was a pair of glasses. Thank you for that one, Josh. Great riddle. Okay, this is a riddle from Erin.

I do want to see a scene. Jinks. Rock, paper, scissors.

One, two, three, boom. Okay, Luke won somehow. Sorry, these are stone scissors. I do like how stone scissors are what's going to beat rock. Stone scissors cut stone. If anything, stone scissors, that's going to tie rock, right? Yes.

Adal, you are a groom and we are at your wedding and JPC and Luke, you are the two co-best men and you are making a speech and you're probably including like a little too much personal details. You're trying to get them to maybe hold back on some of the stuff they're saying.

I mean, what can we say about Dave?

Dave! Dave, a legend! I know, we both had a red pen on the speech card and we got to veto things we shouldn't say in front of Carolyn. Yeah, Kit and Carolyn, we love you. We love you.

Oh my God.

Thanks. You're so right for Dave. You're so right for Dave! And you weren't right for either one of us. And it's like, we had our time and it ended. And we tried.

We tried.

Not for lack of trying.

It's mostly sexual, I totally get it. I get you guys rejecting me, it makes sense. Wait, what?

Is that a joke? We all three had a three thing. Yeah, we're three thing. And I think the thing about Dave is it's never sexual with Dave. It's never sexual with Dave. That's what's funny about Dave. He's so safe. He's safe. He's the safe choice, you know?

He's kind of just like ordering a flavorless fro-yo. Dave's the kind of guy who leaves his seat plain. It's not a flavor. Yeah, vanilla is a flavor. No, no, no. Vanilla is actually a pretty complex flavor, Dave. Yeah, you don't have a palate for vanilla, Dave.

If you had vanilla, you'd shit.

Honey, why are you laughing?

It's funny. They're being funny.

Dave is like an extra seatbelt in a car, you know? He's like the seatbelt in the middle seat, which no one sits in.

Can you get off his lap? What are you doing? He's being funny. He's being soft and funny. It's nice.

And we are co-best men, so maybe if you could get your Hey, I'm over on this one now.

Okay, us in between us and between Carolyn, what does this remind you of?

2008?

To present day? It's late 2008. Yeah, yeah. Dave, that's the great thing about Dave. We call him Calendar Dave. He always knows when Obama was elected.

This year, earlier this year. I think like just snap, late 2008. And it's a farsight calendar, so I do enjoy humor. Hasn't been inaugurated yet. Nope. Nope. That'll be next year. Lame duck sessions.

Do you guys think he'll fix the economy? Huge market crash this year, huh?

Absolutely. Hope and change are on their way.

Hope and change. And Dave, we hope that you never change. We hope you never change. And this was on the card. Yeah. And that's another thing. Dave never changes his underwear. His underwear. Yeah. Old Skidmark Dave. Old Skidmark Dave.

But honestly, you've worn them so long that a lot of the pieces of it are blown out.

I love these guys.

I want to feel the leather on my car.

The ladies that get your attention are lucky. Wasn't me. Wasn't me. I didn't make the cut.

Well, it's not even that. It just wasn't a fit. I begged them to stay with me.

I blew up their phones, I begged them to stay.

What? TCBY? I told you, I've told you so many times, TCBY stands for the country's best yogurt. And you always make that sound when I tell you. It's a fun fact. Guys, it's a fun fact. I honestly am also learning that that stands for that.

Only Dave would know that it stands for that. Wait, what does it stand for? The country's best yogurt. I did not know that. TCBY. They are all gone now, right?

I think they went the way of the Dodo, yes. The country got better yogurt. Which Dodo, of course, stands for don't open, don't open, but people couldn't help themselves, poached them, opened them up.

They had to know what was inside one of the Dodos and now they're all gone. Bro Yo kinda had its moment. Yeah.

And then it passed.

It's gone.

We were talking about that with Donuts and Cupcakes too. Donuts, Cupcakes, yeah.

What do you think is having its moment right now? Matcha. Matcha is having a moment.

Bubble tea, even. I feel like bubble tea is having a big moment. I kind of think that we're headed for a salad crash. Hot honey.

Hot honey. You know what I would love to see make a boom is soft pretzels. Various flavors of soft pretzels. Love that.

For that to be everywhere. Annie Anne's, that's the only game in town. It's only at airports and malls, right?

Something a little higher end, like artisan, like sprinkles for hot pretzels.

Do you remember the old I.O. during the show? They would make people pretzels by spray bottling and then dipping it in a bucket of salt.

Oh God, I didn't know that.

At the old I.O. You could hear the tss tss tss. And then they would put it in the toaster too that was very loud.

Yeah, that's the same toaster that they use for pizzas that had a big ding to it. Like we can't turn off the ding for a fucking improv theater where there's shows happening?

Where there's no microphone? It was almost a litmus test of like, you have to be funny enough to where you don't hear food being prepared. Yeah, yes.

But if you did hear the ding, you could be like, uh, someone's at the door.

Which would get a laugh.

And if that was the case, your show was going really bad.

If you could hear the ding, you could save it, but it was already down the ship.

In 2015, when Wetbus was doing Cage Match, Luke smoked a cigarette on stage. Legendary. An incredible moment. And when it happened, everyone was like, they would've loved that at the old I.O. That would've completely flown at the old I.O.

I've never been screamed at like I was for doing that in my entire adult life. That's insane.

He didn't hurt anybody.

It was. That's why I didn't bring that up.

It was funny.

It was ill-advised though. I guess there was a significant theater fire that had happened literally in Chicago. If you're a young person... Wait, Chicago had a big fire?

If you're a young person, listen to this podcast and you think about getting into improv, don't smoke a real cigarette on stage, even if it's funny. Well, if it fits.

If it fits the vibe of what you're going for, then go for it. Well, here's what's funny is I feel like I've heard stories of like, Chris Farley once picked up a Christmas tree during December at I.O. and like brought it on stage and was like whipping it around and stuff. And then there was a Christmas tree in like 2015 or something and somebody took a gift and did it on stage and they got yelled at. So I think it's a thing of like or like John Lutz famously crashed an SNL audition but then he got hired as a writer and it's like that's scamp. And then in 2014 somebody snuck into an audition and they got like banned from the- So I think it's like a whole- They got assassinated. I think it depends on where they go. Beg for forgiveness. Yes, where it's like, if it works out, amazing. Michael Hitchens used to garrot on Virginia. Killed them at the audition.

You know what, then someone should have been shooting Sharna's dogs because they were walking up on those SNL auditions all the time.

Our friend Alex had a face cake, he had a bit where he had to like reveal a face cake at the end of his bit for his SNL audition and one of Sharna's dogs got on stage and like ate the top of the, like licked

And that was the punchline of the thing was that there was his face on the cake and he opened it up and the dog ate it. There was no face. The joke didn't work because the dog ate the face.

Which is way funnier in a sad, terrible way. In a sad, terrible way, it's funnier. I assure you, whatever that bit was, wasn't that good.

That is sort of the perfect IO story.

And I believe that was the year, Luke, that you got on SNL, right? I had the honor of, for every round of SNL auditions that year, I went directly after you and I always joked that every time I would hear you getting the show.

Like the sound of the crowd after you would sing that song. I was like, this is the worst possible placement. This guy's definitely getting it. He's killing it.

Hey, at least you got to not have, have your, uh, nevermind. Love you, Lauren. Thank you for the opportunity, Lauren.

Wow, we just cut out six minutes of the podcast. That's crazy. We never cut out that much.

It's an edit point. We'll use that as an edit point.

All right. Actually, we'll be back after this brief ad for Potato Chips or whatever it is. Potatochips.com.

Backslash potato chips.

JPC, I know you and I are so excited, not just because we have amazing Helix mattresses, which we both use and love, but because our third host and dear, dear friend is on her honeymoon. Erin Keif got married this past weekend. JPC and I weren't invited, but a very big name, a very big celebrity.

Yeah, I understand why we couldn't be invited because of kind of the celebrity status of her new, and I won't even say, I'll just say new life partner.

Yes, think of the biggest serial mascot. That's who she married. But we're not here to talk about, enjoy your honeymoon, Erin. We're here to talk about helix mattresses, which is part of the honeymoon.

We don't want to be crass here, but everybody sleeps, right? I don't think it's crass to say she'll be using her helix mattress on her honeymoon because everybody sleeps.

So comfortable. So comfortable. The Helix lineup offers 20 unique mattresses, including the award-winning Luxe and Ultra Premium Elite collection, the Helix Plus, a mattress designed for big and tall sleepers, which this, sorry, Erin's new partner is very big and tall.

Yeah, we don't want to give too much information about her new partner because they're a very private person, but yes, they're a big time, yeah.

And the collection also includes Helix Kids mattresses designed for growing bodies and endorsed by child sleep experts.

And Helix mattresses are personalized and shipped straight to your door free of charge. Plus, Helix knows there's no better way to test out a new mattress than by sleeping on it in your own home. That's why they offer a 100-night trial and a 10- to 15-year warranty to try out your new Helix mattress. And Adal, I gotta say, that warranty sounds great. And that's not a clue or anything. I'm just saying that it's a great warranty.

It's a great warranty. And keep in mind, everybody is unique. Some people are not people at all. They're toucans. And that's not a hint. And that's not a hint. But everyone sleeps differently. Some people sleep in trees like a bird. That's why Helix has several different mattress models to choose from, each designed for specific sleep positions and feel preferences. And when it comes to feel preferences, follow your nose.

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Wow, Dr. Sleepo.

Yeah, I know.

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I love my Helix, and I swing through the trees because everyone loves it, and I'm not going to say it. Hey Adal, can I ask you a question? It's kind of, I guess it's kind of a personal question.

Yeah, of course, anything.

So you know how our friend Erin just got married this last weekend and we weren't invited to the wedding and it's- Yeah. That's why obviously she's not here because she's on her honeymoon. And she said no gifts, but I- Welcome to the show.

Have you heard of this? You've seen this? Yeah, RocketMoney.

That's the personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps you lower your bills so that you can grow your savings. RocketMoney!

TPC, I subscribed to RocketMoney, because it doesn't take a rocket scientist to understand that you should use RocketMoney, and I found out that I'm paying for a subscription three times over. So I canceled two of them and just kept the one.

Oh yeah. I'm subscribed to a lot of things that I didn't even know about. I'm subscribed to erinsweddinggiftsideas.com. That's an $800 a month subscription. GetErinAPresent.biz. ErinPresentFinder.gov, which I'm like, that can't be. I think those .govs are pretty regulated, right?

Well, JPC, those all sound like pretty good subscriptions. Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has saved a total of $500 million in cancelled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year when using all of the app's features. Now, $740 a year would be helpful for Erin and her new spouse.

I mean, yeah, and I guess we're not allowed to know who they are, because every picture of them is just a black outline. It's been completely cut out of the picture.

Yeah. It's a serial mascot, and let's just say they're on their honeymoon, or should I say honey nut?

And we won't say, and we won't say, but what we will say is stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to RocketMoney.com slash Riddle. That's RocketMoney.com slash Riddle. RocketMoney.com slash Riddle. I'm hungry for cereal now. Me too. Just canceled my cereal subscription. This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace.

Attention farm animals, it's I, Charlotte. You've all seen that I've written some pig or something on my web. Well, now I'm looking to make a website. Does anyone have suggestions?

Uh, yeah, you could use Squarespace, Charlotte.

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Oh, thanks Stephanie. Your fur doesn't look dumb at all. Huh? Sorry, it's going to be like a gossip website.

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Hey Charlotte, I read the website and what it said about horses and uh... I'm gonna eat you. Hey Erin, Adal. Hey. Thanks for joining me. Unfortunately, I have to give you guys back your $250. I just don't think, I thought I would be able to teach you JPC, but it's just like language-wise, it's just like too difficult to learn how to speak it.

Well, that makes sense. Yeah. I did actually keep the $250 because I've been learning through Babbel. Have you heard of Babbel?

Oh, wait, Babbel, isn't that the science-backed language learning app that gets you talking? But they don't even teach you GPC on that app. That's not even one of the official languages you could learn.

Well, it's just I've been holding back on travel plans because I'm afraid of the language gap. But with Babbel, there's no need to mind the gap because they teach you whatever language you want to learn.

And I don't have to waste hundreds of dollars on private tutors like yourself. That's the old school way of learning a new language. All I have to do is go to Babbel's 10-minute lessons that are so quick and handcrafted by over 200 language experts, ready to get you talking your new language in three weeks. Because talking is the key to really knowing any language.

Yeah, but Babbel is designed by real people for having real conversations. Babbel, you know, gets you talking. But, you know, JPC is designed by one crazy man to talk in a language that only one person in the world understands. Isn't that better?

We agree.

I mean, I'm going to Japan soon, and I've been using Babbel to learn some Japanese.

Yeah, but with JPC you can learn to say thank you like a thousand different ways. You can go, and those are both thank you in JPC.

Oh boy. Yeah, a lot of JPC is just going, hey, get out of here.

Oh, okay. Thank you. I have lost a little weight.

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Here's a special limited time deal for our listeners. Right now, get up to 60% off your Babbel subscription, but only for our listeners at babbel.com slash riddle. Get up to 60% off at babbel.com slash riddle, spelled B-A-B-B-E-L dot com slash riddle. Rules and restrictions may apply. Do you want to say that in JPC? Oh, absolutely.

And if you want me to translate that for you, Venmo me. Don't don't don't don't don't. Okay and we're back and remember that code is riddlesriddlesriddles at potatochips.hot.com.

And use the code WOWDANG to get 100 free potato chips.

Alright, as I was saying... WOWDANG that's 100 free potato chips, okay?

To get someone to enter the code WOWDANG that's 100 free potato chips. So many people would misspell it and shit.

And they don't do that thing that Amazon Prime does where they will bundle all the chips together, you'll get them one at a time piecemeal.

Yeah, piecemeal from the mail. From those flat rate shipping boxes from USPS.

So much bubble wrap around one potato chip.

One single destroyed chip. Sorry we only do domestic shipping, we don't do international shipping on this.

Unless you're in Canada.

Well dang. Then our dogs go nuts.

Niffanies.

Okay, as I was saying before, I was so rudely interrupted by, like, jokes or whatever. This is a riddle from Arum.

Pescuse? You're being fun and nice over here.

Spaghetti? Pescuse me?

Yes.

This is a riddle from Arum, and this riddle says, This mother comes from a family of eight. This is the mom from the Brady Bunch and do you remember her name from 103 Potato Chips? My mom, the maid's friend. Did people have a crush on her?

Was she like someone that people had a crush on? Lawrence... Yeah, what's her name?

Lawrence Nightingale? Lawrence Henderson?

Lawrence Henderson is definitely correct.

That sounds correct. Did people have a crush on her? We'd have to ask someone who's 100 years old. Adal, do you know if anyone from the 1940s... Adal, who do you have a crush on?

When I was watching it, I was already 35, so I was a little... She was a contemporary. Adam had an age-appropriate crush on the dad, Greg, who was a fox, I think.

No, it wasn't Greg the older boy.

Well, Marsha, once she was like, because the show ran for a long time, I'm sure there was a point where Marsha was like, ain't she cute? But then there was a point where it's like, oh no, like the grossness that comes with people who love the Harry Potter movies, where it's like, when, when... How much do you love Hermione? At what age would you like to Rupert his Grit? Yeah, just without any other of the puns, just referring to it as your Grinch is not good.

Yeah, that's healthy.

Do you think he does? He refers to it as his Grinch, right?

Yeah, of course he does.

He's named it for sure.

So this is not a real mother. This is some sort of- This is something like- How dare you?

This is a contraption that holds eight something.

Yeah.

Oh, a Russian nesting doll? Wow, a Russian nesting doll. Family of many, it's a portrait film, in spite of their weight. on the show. This mother comes from a family of eight, supports her children in spite of their weight, turns around without being called, has held you since the time you crawled. Who is she? I like this one.

I know that this isn't necessarily about the riddle directly in terms of finding a solution, but can you imagine if your mother didn't support you because of your weight? I mean, in spite of your weight, I support you.

I mean, I was a girl born in the 90s, so I guess I can kind of relate to that. What are there eight of? That's usually how I approach riddles like this. Like when there's seven you're like, this could be days of the week, this could be, you know what I mean? So what are there eight of?

They sell pancakes in stacks of four sometimes. So this could be two stacks of pancakes.

This is bullshit and unhelpful.

Why am I looking at you like you're trying to sell pancakes in stacks of four? What grocery store are you going to? Grocery store? To buy pancakes? I support you in spite of your weight. Well, they do sell Eggo waffles. Maybe that's 10. Maybe they do 10 in a box now.

That's way too many waffles in a box.

But if they're Eggo waffles, you could have three without even knowing what you're doing. That's kind of true. Mother of eight. Mother of eight. Yeah, a family of eight. This mother comes from a family of eight. That's a good clue right in there.

So yeah, Erin, like you said, whatever they're eight of.

And also, turns around without being called, I think, is also a pretty good part. But yeah, if you can figure out a thing that there are eight of... Spider legs. Spider legs. Spider legs, yes.

Beetle's days a week.

Maids of milking.

Eight maids of milking. No, it's not maids of milking. Eight is enough. Eight. Smile. Eight simple rules. Eight simple rules. For dating my daughter.

So Adal, you are here to pick up Luke's daughter for like a date and Luke has eight simple rules for going on a date with his daughter that he's going to be explaining to you.

You must be Jason.

Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.

I hear you come from a military family.

That's right, sir. That is why I am not at ease until you tell me so. At ease. Thank you so much. I'm a cadet at Frumpster Academy. And I'm a Frumpster Man myself. That's an honor to meet you, sir. Your picture hangs in the locker room.

Well, I had to do a lot of stuff during that.

.2 touchdowns in one game, sir?

In one single game. If, pardon my French, I'm fucking believable. You can say it in front of me if it's about my record. You can say anything about, you can say the f-word in my home if it's about my record. Fuck yeah, fuck yeah, sir. And then I think I'm gonna cap it there, alright? Now I'm excited, I'm excited to have you in here. Yes, sir. Dating my daughter, because I'll tell you what, I've had a cavalcade, a schlemiels, I didn't know you're Jewish, sir. I'm not, it's just a colloquium. Oh, Shemazel, Shamil, Shemazel?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's just, we say it. Yeah. You know, we're kind of a taking in that. Schmaltz? We say Schmaltz, yeah. It's chicken fat, right? Chicken fat, clarified butter. Dad, what's taking so long? Honey, I'm getting to it. Okay. Oh, is she at the top of the stairs? I see her feet. So you are going to be able to see her feet first. Yes, sir. By the way, stairs work.

That's how I like to go into dates, is her feet first. Meaning I plunge. I want to take the full risk.

Well I have 8 simple rules if you're gonna marry my daughter tonight. Number 1, you need to be really really smart. So who was the 8th president of the United States?

Well famously the first president was John Henson, but most people don't talk about him, they say Washington instead.

We're gonna start at Washington and we're gonna zoom forward to number 8. And I'm counting down in my head. Okay. And I'm giving you ten seconds. Zachary. Incorrect. Incorrect. You overshot. Oh, you're buying more time. Can I phone a friend, sir? Absolutely.

I was about to say, I feel like we're friends. Oh, um, can I get your number, sir? I'll just hand it to you and you can put it in. It's Martin Van Buren.

Martin Van Buren. Of course, of course. You know what? That one's going to be a bit of a mulligan. Now, a couple other rules I have is you got to have her home by eight. Okay. Right? It's 730 now.

Whoa, sir. Whoa, sir. Wait a minute. Home by when? Eight. And you're a Frumpster Academy guy? That's correct. Wait a minute. Eight? You mean, 20 hundred?

Shit.

He's stolen valor. He's stolen valor. Lock the door.

This is my little brother. My dad.

Hey, sorry Jason. A stool under here. A stool with shoes on. Yeah, I'm standing on a stool.

What's going on down there? Nothing dad!

Shut the fuck up! Shut the fuck up dad!

Fuck off! Okay, what turns on its own?

What turns without being called?

A clock? A timer? A barometer? I would say spins. Spins is better than turns.

Earth. The sun? It is Earth. Earth. It is Earth. Because there's no- One of eight. Pluto's not like a star or something.

Well that threw me because I'm- Yeah, no.

I count Pluto, dog. Me too. Yeah, Luke's a Pluto, like a flat earther for Pluto. A Pluto planeter.

I'd like to see a scene. We are all the planets and we're like home for Thanksgiving and everyone's sort of like back to their teenage selves, being maybe the worst version of themselves.

Ooh, a little too much turkey for me. I guess that's why they call me a gas giant.

I'm

It's a mood of something! Could be Ganymede! So, um, Mercury, what are you... How's school? How's school?

Really good. I don't really want to talk about myself.

You're sweating profusely.

Yeah, I don't really have much to say.

Mercury, I don't want to overstep, but did you book the dermatologist appointment to talk about your big red spot, or do they know what's going on with that?

I'm definitely Mercury and not a planet that used to be part of the family and that I'm just trying to sneak back in.

I feel called out. What do you mean? I'm part of the family. Just because I got a divorce? Just because I got a divorce?

She took everything I had.

I'm just saying, like, I just feel like we're not planning anymore. Like, why are you at Thanksgiving?

Mercury? Mercury? Yeah, fine.

That's fine. I'm just saying, like, you're not really one of us anymore. Okay. Kind of on a different orbit.

First of all, why would I get so hardcore blasted when all we asked you was about how school wasn't about your spot, and then you're just like, you're not in the family anymore. I'm sorry.

I thought I loved you guys. Let's change the topic, okay? Venus, your legs have never been smoother. What is going on? What is your secret?

Thank you. Well, It's a new topical cream I'm using. It occurs in the minerals on my surface.

Yeah, you're still showering in waterfalls, right?

In slow motion? Yeah, why do you say it like that?

Why is everyone being so mean to me today?

I'm your fire, okay? You're one desire. We remember. And Mercury, I know since we started this dinner, I know for you, it probably feels like two weeks have passed. But for the rest of us, it's been like 30 minutes or something. One minute. Yeah, yeah, totally. Come on.

Guys, wait. Shut up, shut up. Mars is here. Shut up, shut up. Play it cool.

So weird.

Hey guys, we shifted the location this year. I was in the Milky Way. I was like, where are these guys? We're all in the Milky Way.

You booked the Tesla gig.

Oh yeah, I got a spot on the old red planet for one of the most red faced men in existence. How's your rover? Um, he's good. He's six now. He's got hip dysplasia.

Okay.

Did you find water yet? Um, no, but I've got a couple wet spots if anyone would like to check. Just a little Mars joke.

I'm out of the family, and I'm out of the family.

But Mars, we actually, and I know you love to come in here and talk about how like, you're the thing, astronauts are going to come to you next, you're the top of their list, you're sort of the next great frontier.

Next big thing.

Yeah, that's great. That's great. Sorry, we're just trying to keep it low key this time.

Why are you being so weird specifically, Mercury?

What the heck? Why is everyone being so mean to me?

I feel like everyone's vibing with Mars, one of the weirdest planets in the solar system.

I'm gonna go talk to the sun. I'm gonna go tattle. I'm gonna go talk to the sun. Don't.

Don't. Don't come back. Don't. If you get close to the sun, you'll end up burnt to it.

Whatever, that's a myth. That's a myth.

Okay. Okay, I hope she doesn't go supernova on you.

Sun?

Yes.

Um, the other planet?

Loser child.

It's a lot. Other planets are really coming down on me and making me feel like I'm weird and I'm like the least weird.

Oh, who's weirder? Close a child.

Mars, for one thing. Uranus has the craziest name. We haven't made fun of him not even once today.

I named him. Oh, I mean... And it's meant to be Uranus, but certain people took a hold of it and ran.

Okay.

Is Mars doing his Bob Duca impression?

Let's look. Oh, come on! We all do a voice that sounds like that sometimes.

Hi, I'm Mars. Here's my list of 20 ailments.

Quick check in, Luke, how are you feeling about riddles right now?

Oh yeah, great question.

I feel pretty good about riddles. I feel like these riddles have been riddles. Yes. There are some other ones that we haven't hit one that I'm like, that's not a riddle. Oh.

Luke. Uh oh. So a lot of times some people include when they send a riddle in, hey this is a homebreed riddle, I got this out of an old book, this was the only non-racist riddle in a book from the 1910s. So the text that I received from this person, from Sean, was that this is a riddle that they wrote because they Thought of it in a dream. Okay. So this is a riddle that comes from a dream. Divinely inspired. AKA, not a riddle. So here we go.

Okay, can't wait. Love this.

Why did Newspaper Company have to shut down? Why did Newspaper Company have to shut down? Why did Newspaper Company have to shut down?

They ran out of ink. The news stopped.

Erin, the voice that you're using is the correct voice to solve the riddle?

Yeah, I'll do an old-timey, like, this girl's writing.

The tone is correct, but the answers haven't been right. Mugsy, see? Why did newspaper company have to shut down? Because it was about times. Literally. I was thinking of a times pun. Because it was about times. And, you know, it's been an in-studio thing that I am doing recently, but I will now excuse Luke and Adal from having to answer anything else because I think because it's about times is a good enough answer that you don't have to solve this riddle. But I will say the phrasing that I use is very important here. Why did newspaper company have to shut down?

Today we

But it's also fun to say, why did a newspaper company shut down? This isn't exactly a riddle because none of them are, but I did- That's Riddle Adjacent. That's Riddle Adjacent. That's close. That'll do. It kind of has the feel of more like a Laffy Taffy joke, right?

Or a Popsicle stick.

A Popsicle stick joke, yeah. I'd like to see a scene.

Being cookettish. That's my kind of riddle right there. Did you say Dane Cook etiquette? Being Dane Cook-ish. Being Dane Cook-ish.

Dane Cook etiquette. KBC, you were the head of a newspaper and you're letting your two biggest reporters know that the newspaper's shutting down.

Okay, it's never easy to have these conversations.

Am I allowed to be in here? Because I know there's the top two in here.

I'm just, I'm also in here. Doug, it's not important that you're here, but I wasn't even paying attention, and since you're here, just stay. Because this kind of applies to you as well, but I swear to God, Doug, shut the fuck up. I don't want to hear from you.

If this meeting's important, then why is Doug here, I guess, is what I'm trying to say.

Yeah, why is Doug in here? What were you doing in here, Doug? I was gonna ask you something. Okay, just ask it, because this is important and I don't want to have this whole thing hanging over, so whatever you were gonna ask- Where do cars come from? No. Oh, we gotta have the talk.

No. We gotta have the talk. No, Doug. I can't just- I'm looking out my window, I'm doing my stuff, and I'm like-

What the frick is that? I can't get into this with you. You are in charge of writing the article about cars. No one is going to do your work for you, Doug.

And boss, he's making the obituaries way too funny. Someone needs to talk to him about that.

Did someone get hit by a car? There was a dog that passed away and he was in a car wreck. But he was driving.

It's not!

Okay, well, I mean, this is a big part of it because mostly the paper has been joke obituaries, joke wedding announcements and the like, and the funnies, which we don't even do a funnies page. I don't know what you found funny about the paper before.

I'm

Detroit? Detroit's suing us?

Yeah, the whole city of Detroit is suing us. It's a class action with all the people of Detroit. I'd say that's no class. Detroit has no class for suing us. That's really part of why we're being sued. We slandered Detroit so many times. It's liable because it's in print, of course. What do you guys want for lunch? Doug, whatever you make is fine, okay? Alright, because I got stuff cooking.

Yeah, don't say that to him.

Set it and forget it.

No, it's not good.

I do a crock pot. Oh, that means it's going to be nine hours till we eat.

That's like a lot of seafood in and it's mostly trash he finds on the beach. Yeah, I'm on a seafood diet.

I see a bitch and I eat.

I'm done.

The paper's closing down. The Wall Street Journal is closing down. We just don't, we don't have the funds anymore to keep everyone, the reporting's not up to snuff anymore. Did you say the Wall Skeet Journal? I may have misspoke. I meant to say the Wall Street Journal, which is the paper that we're on.

Where are we?

We all work for the Wall Street Journal. That's obvious. Alright, so thank you for Sean for that. Let's do another one. This is one that's going to come from Little Warrior Prince, LWP. LWP says... Is this like a Red Wall situation? Yeah, it could be a Redwall situation.

Or like Xena, right? Or Xena, or Warrior Prince.

Okay, it could be a Redwall and a Xena. This could be a little mouse that, you know, fights Hercules or whatever.

Or a little spear.

Yeah. It says, I found these puzzles in the Etymologicon by Mark Forsythe. Each puzzle is the etymological origin of a name. The answer to each is the name of a famous person. For example, if the clue was God of War, Man of Peace. Ares, Ares. Spears. Spears. The answer would be Mark Forsyth, because Mark is derived from Mars, the Roman god of war, and Forsyth is Gaelic for man of peace. Now, I know what you're thinking. How the fuck would I have ever known that? And, yes, there's going to be some riddles here, which I don't think people are going to do well with, but I really enjoyed them, and so that's why we're doing them.

How many of the answers are 90s mad TV cast members?

All?

Okay, so it's a surprising number. Okay, so here we go. So basically, yes, I'm going to give you a word or a phrase of words, and then I do have hints, so the hints could make this a little easier. But your first one is going to be Victorious Goatherd. Victorious Goatherd.

Goatherd. Okay, this is even harder than the first example. Yeah, I know. A Goatherd is a what? A flock? Victorious Winn-Butler? Fan of music?

So, Goatherd, I think you could get easier because what we're looking for is an actress. The Little Warrior Prince cancelled! And here's another here's another hint the goats are babies. Oh, so Billy a Billy no, but does it really go?

Nicole Kidman, it's Nicole Kidman

Erin, you are Nicole. Nicole means victorious. Nicole is the feminine form of Nicholas, which is derived from the Greek Nike Leos, meaning victorious people. Nike is the Greek god of victory.

Saint Nicholas is the god of Nike.

According to my Christmas list, yeah he is. New SB Dunks please. By the way, Adal, are those Nikes?

These are Nikes, yeah.

Those are slick. And you have to subscribe to get the video feed.

Yeah, again, all the caps on the cameras in here are... There are three cameras in all of which are caps. But we are arranged in a way that you would think the cameras are on. We could easily be- We're cheating out. Yes, we are cheating out four cameras that are not on. We're doing improv where it's better to be looking at each other.

Well, Gemma and Sam are cameras of that. Organic cameras. And audio. With my new band.

I could have just done this and the episode would have been over.

Erin's always saying that she's willing to shave.

Here's your next one. Loud war in the vegetable garden.

I'll let you guys ruminate for a minute, but then I'll start giving you these hints because I don't know that you'll ever get it Okay, cool. So it's not snap, crackle, or pop one of the... Those are all loud noises. Those are all loud noises.

Like a garden bed?

It's not a garden. No, that's not part of it.

Is this a word we could derive from the clues or we'd have to know the history of?

Vegetable Garden, you could probably get a little bit here.

The last names are always going to feel like we have a better shot at this.

I will say Loud War, it looks like. There's no way. I don't think that you'd get that one, but Vegetable Garden, you have a solid chance of getting that. Usher. Okay, it's not Usher.

Lady Gaga.

It's not Usher, but this is, I would say, a musician, but it's not Usher.

A non-Usher musician. That narrows it down. Do they make non-Usher? Natasha Beddingfield?

Yeah, Natasha Beddingfield.

It's gotta be Natasha Beddingfield. Is a field involved? It's not a field.

A field is not involved.

Is it a specific kind of vegetable?

It's a specific kind of vegetable.

Oh, carrot, turnip, lettuce.

If you get a specific type of vegetable, you'll get this. Vine. Grapes. No, it's not vine, it's not grapes. It's not grapes, no. Fruits, I guess. Hasn't been said yet. Grapes are vegetables.

Turnip. John Cougar Melon Camp.

Patch.

Patch? John Cougar Melon Patch. Patch Adams. Patch Adams, no. What is more vegetables? What has more vegetables?

Cauliflower.

Broccoli. Lettuce. I don't know if this helps you. This is one of my favorite vegetables, but it's not... I would say it's probably pretty low on everyone's vegetable list. Okay, what do you eat? It's pretty uncommon, too.

We had a conversation, but I forget what you eat. You should ask Asparagus. Tiffany Radish. Tiffany Radish? You mean Tiffany Haddish?

Tiffany Radish!

What if the answer was Tiffany Radish? That's not a musician. I'm thinking of a vegetable you like that isn't that otherwise popular.

And this is a musician? This is a musician is like a big encompassing term for what this person is.

Beets. Beets by Dre.

I love beets. I love beets and it is beet. Beets are the vegetables.

So something beets.

Loud war in a vegetable garden and this is a musician. I'll say this is an old, long-dead musician.

Something, beat, something.

Uh-huh. Beatman, beat. Beatman. Beater. No, okay, beat. What's some other words that we could add to the end of beat to come up with a famous last name of a long-dead... Beethoven. It's Ludwig von Beethoven. Wow, good job. Lud is German for loud and wig is German for war. It's a composer.

Yeah.

Yeah, but if I said composer, I think you wouldn't you have gotten it pretty easy.

Well, I would have said Pachelbel.

My favorite composer is Pachelbel.

Luke, you're Beethoven at a party and you're sort of like begging for people to like ask you to play something.

What's up? Nice, guys, yeah. Oh my gosh, 1am. Yeah, it's early.

I'm toasted.

Freaking losing my hearing. We've all had a nice time. Yeah, it's been nice.

Don't put your dick in the hummus. It's a gag! Don't put your dick in the hummus. It's a gag! You have syphilis, right? I do.

It's early stage, though. I don't have the Shanker sores yet.

Well, now the hummus has syphilis. Guys, the hummus has syphilis. I'm wearing a condom. Hey Riddle Riddle

All my songs are only like, I don't know, 17 minutes long.

Which is mostly timpanis.

I'm doing a lot of timpani stuff. I'm kind of in my timpani era.

And this is for free, right?

Well, it's funny you should ask. Like I said, I'm losing my hearing, but I heard that.

That's not for free. A lot of the timpani guys going to town on that hummus. I mean, should we say something? No.

And just so you guys know, just so you guys know, parties in this era, to have music at, is a baller fucking party. You know that, right?

I mean, parties in this era, this is all that exists. This is parties.

But I'm saying, you've been to a lot of quiet parties where there's not a full symphony orchestra.

Yeah.

Yeah, they're nice. Salons, people discuss things. We've all been to Laudanum parties.

What did Chuck say? Laudanum parties? Laudanum parties. Yeah, you haven't been to a Laudanum party? No, am I the only one that's not getting invited to these Laudanum parties? Oh, sweetie. Sweetie. Sweetie.

You have to ask. What the fuck? What is it about me? Oh, write a requiem for Jack. We already have- Timpanis? Cause his social life just died.

Come on! Where did you hear that? Where did you hear that? Where did you hear that? Where did you hear that? I went to a Laudanum party. Get the fuck out of my house. I went to a Laudanum party. This isn't your house. Wait, let's all workshop. Let's all workshop.

Where are we?

Fuck you, where are we? What do we mean to each other? Laudanum, good pull. Good value, thank you. Alright, we have two more of these and I want to get to them, so let's get to this. Blessed One from Mosul.

Blessed One from what?

M-O-S-U-L, Mosul? Mosul. Mosul?

Welcome to the show.

I don't think so. I don't think that this is a biblical name. Well, it's a Latin name, but I don't know. I mean, maybe it appears in the Bible, but it's not like an Ibrahim. It's not like one of the big Bible ones.

You know what I just learned the other day, and I'm freaking embarrassed about? That Jesus is God? Yeah. I thought he was three different guys.

He's also the freaking Holy Spirit too? How is he three?

I've never read the Bible. Bible, never studied the Bible. I don't want to know the Bible. I never read the Bible. I felt the Bible. Anybody ask me if I've ever read the Bible, I've never touched it. I've never read the Bible. I didn't know Rachel was a Bible name. It seems like such a modern name.

It doesn't really sound like the other Bible names. Same with Leland.

When I go and say, give me the Rachel as a haircut, they give me some freaking bible name, some old woman trying to have a baby. Yeah, from Dune.

From Dune, yeah. But Jessica's like a Shakespeare name, which sounds like an 80s babysitter.

Erin, do the sound.

I'm saying Ave Maria.

All right.

Blessed One from Mosul. I don't think you'll get Blessed One. Mosul is like, I think it's a place. It is. Yeah. And so this name is... De Mosul. I'm just thinking like from... Like Damascus.

Yeah.

This place, if you take the person that it is and make that word longer, you'll get Mosul. Mosul, but it's a longer version of that. Whatever that hint was not helpful. If you take the person that it is and elongate it. Okay, so this is a World War II Two figures. Mussolini.

Benito, meaning blessed one.

Benito means blessed in Latin.

I thought Bonita was beautiful.

And I thought teeny meant little, like little Mussel.

If it's about teeny Mussolini, I think we should stray away from that. God loved the ugly face.

JPC. JPC, JPC, JPC, JPC. Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. Where are we?

This is not JPC, but I think that this is another three-initialed person, which is crazy. Is it a lyric from Paranoid Android?

JFK.

Erin, it's JFK. It's John F. Kennedy.

How could I forget?

So look, it says John is from the Latin Johannes, which is derived from the Hebrew y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y- So why do you think military wear helmet? Well, I'm a, I'm a, what's it, what's the man I improv? I'm, the military academy? Frumpster? I'm a frumpster man. I love frumpster, like that's a prestigious military academy.

I was like, think of a school, and my brain went dumpster, and I'm like, thanks a lot dick, I'll do it myself.

Thanks. Frumpster Academy of Performance Arts.

So often, Adal, we just see him punching his own head in the middle of recordings where he says, thanks a lot, asshole. I'll figure it out. No need for you to help me out. Luke, thank you so much for being on the podcast. Thank you for having me. One of us. I think I'll listen to this thing. I think this comes out in August, but do you have anything upcoming that you would like to plug or anywhere that people can find you or the comedy that you do?

You know, my name is Luke Null, and if you do whatever of the social medias that I'll probably, who knows if I'll have a stand-up special out by then. I doubt it, but there will be one. You have filmed one. You have filmed one. It is true. I'm trying to sell it. So worst case, it'll just be on YouTube by the time this comes out. Can I give you a little, um, some notes?

No, never notes. Little tip. Call it Null Frontal Nudity.

The director of the special, he loves a good pun. And he hates the name I did pick.

And you're on Spotify as well if people want to hear your music.

That's true. I'm doing stand-up all over. That's what I do. I'm on the road. I'm pounding the pavement.

Or if you're a listener who's looking to buy a produced stand-up special for a streaming platform, you could buy it. You could purchase it from Luke. Hit him up on social medias. I want to buy your whole stand-up special.

If you want to buy it, but I'm hoping not to be selling it by August.

That would be very funny if you did sell it and then some listener was like, I'm actually a talent buyer for Netflix They said you would offer like after it's already come out for like four million dollars Okay, what about you Adal anything to plug I don't think so. He just hit himself in the brain.

Erin, do you have anything to plug or promote?

Patreon.com slash Hey Riddle Riddle to hang out over there where you have live streams. We have review crew. We have an extra bonus episode every week. Come over and hang out with us for free for a week. Yeah, absolutely. Why not?

Why don't you start? We have live shows in the Northeast this fall. I've been plugging them at every in-studio show that we've done. I hope they're not sold out, but if they are, you missed your chance. I hope they're sold out. Yeah, I hope they're sold out. But, why am I still doing these pitches? Boston, New York, and Washington D.C. this October. It's like around October 6th. Somewhere around there.

It's the first weekend in October.

It's the first weekend in October. I think that's it for us. Erin, I do have another riddle, okay? Family, I have eight planets deep. One of these planets is yours to keep.

And John Patrick Coan, Casey Toney did the editing, and Marty Parents did the music.

Hey there Moorings and Trevors, if you liked that, you are going to love this week's Patreon. We do improv from a completely normal office. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com slash heyriddleriddle by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or start your 7 day free trial with the review crew for $8 a month. Plus you get those ad free episodes.

See you there.

That was a hate gum podcast.