Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum Podcast.

Hey Riddy, it's JPC here and we are conducting an audience survey at gum.fm slash riddle and we want to hear from you so we can keep making content you love.

Look, if you're listening to this, you know, we know, we all know we do ads on the podcast.

And I actually wanted to make the ads as miserable of an experience for you guys as possible, but it's a democracy. Adal and Erin outvoted me. So our official stance as a podcast is we want to improve that experience. But in order to do this, we need to know a little bit more about you guys. So this survey at gum.fm slash riddle is quick, easy, and it's a free way to support the podcast. It'll take you about two minutes, and you'll be helping us so much by doing it. So all you got to do is go to gum.fm slash riddle. Fill out the audience survey. That's gum.gum.fm slash r-i-d-d-l-e Please fill out the survey to make the ads better. Erin, are you raising your hand?

Uh, yes, I have a question.

Oh, okay. Sorry. Yeah, please.

Uh, do we have to do riddles today?

Yeah, and this is the first of many recordings that we're doing today. We gotta do riddles for all of them for the whole, yeah, for the whole day.

Are we sure?

Let me check. Unravel. Scroll. Here's our little contract with Satan. And it says the three of us are bound to riddles for five years.

Oh, five years. That's good news because we've been doing it for six. Hold on.

If we want to crack the top 1,000 Patreons, we have to do riddles for five years. And then after that, we're good to leave. And we've been doing our Patreon for how long? It's been like about five years. Yeah, so I think this might be the last.

So we're good.

Okay, cool.

Yeah, this might be the last step.

Okay, so this is the last step.

But this is the main feed up.

Okay. I can't get into how this fucking works. But this is the last episode of the show. I'm of course is Hey Riddle Riddle the show. I'm JPC, that's Adal, Erin's over there raising her hand sometimes. And we have some special guests today on the show. We have a returning guest and a, I guess just a regular special guest. So one returning special guest and one regular special guest.

Can we get into how this happened in terms of the returning? Through what mechanism did Hayes do the show without me? I don't think I was ever invited before.

I remember this because when Hayes came to do the show, he did say that Sean can't do the show because Sean, I believe, just had a child.

Hey Riddle Riddle

I hope that's true and I will be checking the database.

For five years too I thought like whatever that's like such a bullshit excuse and then I had a child and I didn't want to do podcasts out all for like a whole month and so I was like oh you know what this does track now but he was probably telling the truth about that.

And we haven't outright said it but our guests today are Jake Johnson and Damon Wayans Jr.

Yeah so please do check out Let's Be Cops and Theaters. I want to say starring Jeff Garlin? Yeah. We're also doing... Q rating for police officers never been higher.

We're doing our own New Girl Recap podcast where they're trying it with every two-person combination of the New Girl cast. So it's two factorial, not two factorial. It's a lot.

I think you guys are the winning combo though, for sure.

I'd be insane not to ask, how was it growing up with your dad being the last Boy Scout? My dad, okay, so that's really interesting. My dad- And now we figured out who's who, which is also very nice.

Yeah, which I had totally- My dad, Damon Wayans. I mean, I just assumed, but fine. Both good. It doesn't matter. You can't lose.

No, so I'm sorry. My dad is Don Johnson. Oh, right.

Yes, yeah. I'm seeing the sleeves on your jacket now, and I feel very stupid. I'm so sorry.

No, it is confusing, but yeah.

Well, we're happy to have you both on the show, and obviously you're the people that you are, and not the people that we said that you are. But we've already asked you this question in, we believe, 2019. Half a decade ago. Yeah, sure.

My relationship with riddles. Well, I'll tell you, you can kind of just go back and listen to that one, because it definitely has not changed since 2019. I think this is the first time since then that I'm really encountering this.

So no escape rooms since then? No. You're off the sauce.

I mean, that was kind of my like, we all had our little COVID vice, you know, and mine was sneaking into abandoned facilities and seeing if I could solve it without any context at all. And no one telling me when I was done.

Well, and you had to solve it. Because otherwise you'd still be in the room. Yes, that's right. There's no employee there to let you out and go, here's what you missed.

Hayes, you misinterpreted lockdown, is what I'm hearing.

Riddle Riddle Riddle Riddle Riddle Riddle Riddle Riddle Riddle Riddle

Um, jeez, man, they really, those things get my gears turning, I'll tell you what. They're tricky. Obviously, as we mentioned, like I, in 2019, had a child that was my firstborn child and I still have them so I must be good at riddles because as you know, in general, you are forced to answer some sort of riddle to maintain Ownership of your baby.

Why is the sky blue?

Something has to happen. I'm thinking more of like a Rumpelstiltskin scenario.

These are not riddles the child is posing.

This is a certain arrangement that you made. No, my kids, they can't stump me. With the kid, you throw it back. They go, try it. Why is the sky blue? Why do you think it's blue? I enjoy that kind of stuff. I don't know that I'm particularly good at them. I recently did send Hayes a TikTok of a gentleman who does cryptic crossword clues. I did have fun with those for a couple hours. And I was really loving them. And then a couple of them I was like, What? No. Because he walks you through the answer and why, and I pause it and I try to solve it. And then sometimes when I can't, he's like, well, and of course, donut. So the word donut means it's the letter O. And it's just like, I wasn't going to get that. Like, I guess there's so much that you have to learn through the process of doing them that I feel like I just have a lot of growing up to do on the riddle front. Do you also take umbrage with the fact that somebody says, and of course, because I take umbrage with when people and of course, yes, he does do a lot of and of course, where he's like, and of course, you know, you see this, like, obviously, the wordplay part of the puzzle is this and it's like, well, wasn't that obvious? You already have the answer. So it's obvious to you.

You know this. Even in everyday conversation, I get upset if someone's like, obviously I grew up in Baltimore, and I'm like, I didn't know. When they overuse that, and it just becomes something I'm supposed to know.

I overuse famously.

Famously is great. I love famously. Oh, you don't know them?

They're a famous blank.

Yeah.

I always follow famous stuff.

I'm not huge into culture like you are.

What is the Hat Pack?

and everyone's been waiting you know obviously this is this is it and then we'll start over again it heralds the arrival of a new pack each turning does and we've passed through the rat pack the brat pack which we're celebrating now in our culture the documentary on hulu fxx and the frat pack of course and then this this turning arrived and no one

No one stepped up to fill the void So you're saying anyone can be in the hat pack? Well, guess how much the hat costs? I mean, a hat that nice has to be $30. It's less. Wow.

$29.99?

It's $29. The hat is $29 flat. $29 flat! And then, of course, there's shipping. So you guys are selling these hats?

Oh, trying to.

We're offering them for sale.

Today we

And do you know what I think it is? It's the Biograph Theater has like this whole campaign so people forget the whole like Dillinger thing.

Mowed down in the back alley like a dog.

Yeah, they don't want like, you know, it's like the Biograph Theater's PR campaign around this is like suppressing the whole bank robber culture.

But they do advertise that the place is haunted, but they won't say who's ghost, which I think is disgusting.

Crazy. So disrespectful.

I think it probably stems from Dillinger famously had a, um, Erin, cover your eyes, had a 10-inch penis.

Cover my eyes? No thanks. Everyone should want to see that. Yeah, of course.

It's in a jar somewhere. Him and Rasputin, I think, were kings of penis.

We're all having fun with that. We're a week and a half out of it.

We're all still having fun. I'll never stop.

Try to make me stop. And by the way, when I do it, three years from now, that will be the best version.

Yeah, that'll get the biggest laugh.

It's like when I challenge you to the Ice Bucket Challenge now. All this stuff, we keep this stuff.

This is culture.

Yeah, Kony 2012, of course.

We have a guest on our show from a couple weeks ago that recorded an episode and did a Hawk Tua joke, but we haven't released the episode yet. He texted Sean just being like, hey, please hurry. This is not going to last forever.

The fuse is shorter than it is.

I could feel the window closing and now I think we are just going to time release it.

I went on Doughboys the week it came out and we talked about it for like 20 minutes and the episode comes out mid-November. Like post-election. We'll know who the president is if we're talking about it.

I think this episode comes out in August so feel free to do your best to date as much as we can in this episode as well.

Now this surprises me. You guys have never been on Doughboys.

We have. It just doesn't feel like it though, right?

It certainly doesn't feel like it. You never know it from their fan base.

I think enough time goes by and then it kind of like that episode probably gets like paywalled anyway. So it's like it didn't even really exist. Pie in the sky. Become a virgin.

It's true. It's true. It's actually true. They say what place do you want to review? I forget where you're both from originally. What restaurant?

We're both from New England. Oh, me too. Whereabouts?

South, like, Boston, Massachusetts.

South Boston, Massachusetts.

Yeah, like Hingham. Southie. Hingham on the South Shore. South Shore, yeah.

Oh, yeah. I'm all about it. I know Hingham.

You know Hingham?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah. I was there not so long ago.

What? Where are you guys from? I'm from Wellesley. Oh, nice.

That's in Massachusetts.

That's okay. Yes. And Sean is from Connecticut.

I'm from Connecticut. New Haven County, yeah.

And so look, I mean like, you know, Mitch from Doughboys is kind of like, that's his territory a little bit, his Massachusetts stuff, so not much, not much edge for us there. We did, last time we were on, we did Subway 4, like the fourth episode they've done Subway. And it was the fourth time they'd done Subway, yeah. And so I guess it'd be like Subway 9 by the time we come back again, and hopefully we'll be like the Subway guys, like that'd be amazing.

They just released like a footlong

Hey Riddle Riddle.

They didn't call the subway boys and that kind of hurts, huh?

I can't feel anything anymore. Well, before you say that, before you complete that sentence, let's do some riddles and we'll see if this awakens something deep inside you. Usually it's frustration, but we'll see what happens. All right. Let's do our first riddle here. Sean, did we ask your relationship with riddles? We did. We did. I'm so sorry. We just didn't love the answer that we got. We're in a situation ship. I think mentally I was like, we'll cut that, and then I was going to give you, but we'll... Yeah, we'll hit situations apart, I think, yeah. Okay, here we go. Here's our first riddle. We travel much, yet prisoners are, and close confined to boot. We with the swiftest horse keep pace, yet always go on foot. We travel much, yet prisoners are in close confine to boot. We with the swiftest horse keep pace, yet always go on foot. FOOT

Hey Riddle Riddle.

And I guess like Erin and I don't really have to do anything at this point. As I understand volleyball, it's a set, then you hit it, and then we have a chance to respond.

And it's based on how you're dressed.

It's usually bump sets.

And typically one person will jump as if they're going to do something, as like a decoy, right?

See you next time. Hey Riddle Riddle

We went dog sledding in Alaska. You and I?

No. My wife is in the room.

Metaphorically. And the guy, as we're going to the sled, he was tying up all these dogs, and there's 40 dogs in kennels looking at us, screaming. And we're like, whoa, that's a lot of noise. And he's like, they're screaming because they want to come with. And I'm like, OK. I had to trust him, because I didn't have one of those button machines, the button mats that dogs can press. Hey Riddle Riddle

We're like, he thinks that we want to go. Okay. On a sled dog trip.

It's it's it's so he does and it's easier actually to let him keep thinking that if that makes sense. Sure. Yeah. Like, is it not good to go on the sled dog trip? Not really. You can't. So as a dog, like when I'm going, I kind of want to do my own thing a little bit. Oh, yeah.

No, that makes sense. Yeah. Because if you get like a good smell or something.

This is thank you. Yes. This is exactly what I mean. Okay. A good smell. So like, you would think, oh, well just tell him you don't want to go, which we've tried. But for some reason, when I tell him I don't want to go, he thinks I'm saying I really want to go.

Yeah. Every single time. Yeah. Yeah. So what you just then you would just go more? Yeah.

It's always go like the answer is always going. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, okay. Is there a way to not go? We haven't found it yet. That's actually what we were sort of hoping that you were gonna we were like, Oh, great. Fresh set of eyes.

Yeah, this is ideal. Okay. Yeah, just lay it on me. If you've got a way to not go that would be. Could we make ourselves sick?

Like if we eat like grass or something to one of because I've done that a bunch to eat grass to like want to throw up It's mostly snow here.

That's why That's why they do it when it's snowy outside Yeah, can't eat the grass cuz I can eat snow forever and feel fine.

It's snow and grass are sort of natural enemies Yeah, eating snow. Yeah, it's really just drinking water Which is good like a big dog thing.

Yeah boy Hey Riddle Riddle Riddle Riddle

Oh, hey, actually today, it would be amazing if we could just not go just today.

I love it. Let's go.

Okay.

Is it like a train? Is it wheels? Is it a train? Is it the foot thing that is messing me up?

What about this? It's

I'm not overly familiar with the answer here, but I feel like there's a real component to it. Like, I feel like it spins, I think.

You have not heard of what the answer is. I just feel like we might struggle coming up with this. Not just from a real perspective, but not having heard of it.

I don't know what this means.

Because you've heard of a decent number of things. You're a smart guy. I've read the dictionary. Here I am, never done a riddle before.

You're supposed to have heard of it? By nature of living, you've experienced much.

I've heard of the word, and I know in concept what it is. I've never touched this item. I've never worn this item. I've never interacted with this item. Now this is a riddle.

Now this I can rock with. Rollerblade. It sounds like skis. It's kind of similar to skis.

You said it sounds like it, or like the word is structured?

The word is very similar to skis. In that it's like consonant, consonant, vowel? Adal's never touched it. You two, and don't say it. A woman. Don't say a woman. I think this will help you too.

Avery Johnson.

Spurs and skis, they're kissing cousins. If you shut a dictionary, they're kissing. Spurs are little, they're on a boot and they spin maybe? And you kick your horse with them? Don't they dig into a horse? They dig into a horse? I think so.

No, but they like it, Erin, like the snow dog. Ah, yes, of course. They really like being stuck with the little spur thing.

Most horses are like S&M freaks. Skis is a decent guess.

That's probably all I want.

We should say, Sean, you win the bonus points. Closest guess. Has anybody worn spurs before?

No. Never worn spurs. Not on my feet.

I've never ridden a horse.

I'd like to see a scene. Sean and Adal, you are two cowboys and you're about to have, what are those fucking called? Hey Riddle Riddle.

Alright, you asked for this. Because I want it. Alright. Which is why I asked. Good, I want it too. I was gonna ask if you didn't ask. I'm the main wanter of it. Because I'm not scared at all. Alright, whatever you say.

A clean duel, no spittin', no cussin'. Ten paces, turn and shoot.

Only ten? Make it twenty, double it.

Make it thirty!

Triple it.

Make it triple 30, oh boy, 90 paces each? You'd be clear in different parts of the town.

They're just trying to get far apart so they can't get hurt.

Shut up, we're vying for your love.

Shut up. Come on now.

Hey Crocodile Doug.

I'm just such a dang good shot. Crocodile Doug, boy I haven't been called that in a while. I damn near forgot that was my nickname. Go ahead. Go ahead, Kangaroo Jack.

I get called that every second of every day. People can't wait to say that. I want to do this, for sure. I want to do this. And as established, I'm one of the main wanters. Good.

Top two.

How far do our guns go? Because I've shot bottles off of fences, I've shot people who cheated cards at the table. 30 paces I've never shot.

You're better on me. I haven't actually been able to hit any of them.

Excuse me! Excuse me!

I'm working on y'all's two coffins and I just have an issue with some of the specifications that y'all ordered. You each asked for bigger rims than the other one's coffin. And not only am I having trouble figuring out exactly where to put the rims, I don't understand how each of you's can be bigger than the other one's.

Well one, you're throwing away money because one of us will probably live. Two, I asked for white walls, he asked for rims. Now white walls, I think you know what to do with. Specifically spinners. Okay, he wants spinners, I want whitewallets.

Now you know I have to. Now you cussed, and you spit, and you know I gotta disqualify you both.

No, come on!

Blame, blame, blame, blame, blame, blame, blame.

Oh, God!

Did I hit you? Did I hit you? Yeah, and I was cheating at cards. I deserved it.

Oh, man.

Talk to her.

I can't wait to hear you make that joke in 2028. It's gonna kill.

I know Toby Keith, and then I've been on stage with Kenny Chesney, and I'll never forget that.

And you didn't touch Spurs while you were on stage? How did you avoid them?

It was Kenny Chesney and Kid Rock, and I think they're both pretending to be what they are.

Was it Kid Rock who hit his head at the Tonys? Who hit his head?

Kid Rock would not be at the Tonys.

Is it Bret Michaels? Remember? There's no way Kid Rock was at the Tonys.

Which one is which? What if they hit their head on?

Was Kid Rock presenting? A set came down and hit... Might have been Bret Michaels.

If it's the Tonys, I think it was probably Kid Rock.

Let's look it up.

Kid Rock would make a little more sense at the Tonys, I think?

No.

It was like eight years ago. I'll find it.

We'll have to figure this out. All that's going to come up is him saying, Hey Authority.

I guess Sweet Chin Music would be nominated. But Kid Rock's music could not be turned into anything. Um, let's do another riddle here. Yeah, please. Bond went to Broadway?

Yeah. Brett Michaels injured during Tony's opening. A set came down and knocked him out.

Wow.

It's great. It's a great YouTube video. It was Goodron? No, it was Brett Michaels. I've done this before. I've made that mistake. Out of love.

Okay. Alright, let's find the one I was looking at here. Behind the barn at early morning... What was the name of the show? It was The Shot at Love. Behind the barn at early morn, I heard a herald blow his horn.

His beard was flesh, his mouth was horn.

The like of him was never born.

Yeah, it's a rooster.

Oh, okay.

A rooster has a beard of flesh? Oh, yeah.

Yeah, the little... Yeah, the waddle.

That's awful. Ugh, God. Those things are... I don't like to look at that. The like of him was what?

It says the like of him was never born, and then in the answer, it says in parentheses, roosters are hatched, not born. Yeah. Which I guess is a... It's a stretch.

That's a semantic argument there.

I do want to see a scene. Erin, you are a barnyard rooster.

Great.

It is that time of the morning.

Great.

Morning, I said. Don't give me those eyes. And we'll say, Hayes, you are a farmer who's just kind of, it's not, this isn't working out.

Hey, good morning.

Hey, good morning.

Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up.

So I want to just have the conversation again about being in the barn, about staying in the barn when we're doing our little morning routine.

But you sleep in here and I got to come wake you up.

I do sleep in here, that's true. Traditionally the way it works is you stay in the barn, you do the little rooster crow, I get up, like the way things are in here, you might notice I sleep flat on my back in the nude. And so just having you in here observing my activities. Yeah, well I have to sort of place them under my buttocks area to just like get my... I have... Hey Riddle Riddle

Oh my god, guys, it's gotten way weirder.

More pillows or... Spill. Yeah.

Okay, so weird. First of all, I think he's covering himself with oil or lotion before he goes to bed. It's disgusting.

Wow, I mean... He does glisten. Yeah. Also, look who you're talking to. I mean, that don't sound half bad.

Right.

Yeah.

Five pillows stacked up. What do you mean it doesn't sound half bad?

Well, I'm a pig. I can say it.

Don't tell me about five pillows stacked up under his butt sobs himself to sleep every night saying his wife's ex-wife's name over and over and over again.

And we cut to a few days later the farmers addressing all of the livestock and farm because the rumors have gotten back to him.

Hey guys, so glad that we could get everyone here together on such short notice. Really, thank you for making time in your schedules. So, thank you for raising this issue again. So, the way it works is my digestive juices flow down too quickly instead of up. So, that's what I've been calling out at night trying to figure out. So, you and I are pretty much on the same page. And the hope is, if I can get the juices to like level out in a way by reversing their gravitational flow, then... Is Linda coming back? So, once again, that's... I'm asking those questions. You can either have answers to the questions when I yell them at night and come into my room for that reason and that reason only. We can come in to answer that question. If you, if you have an answer to either my specific gastrointestinal issue or whether my ex-wife Linda, if she is coming back and if I, I feel like if I say, if I could just say it loud enough, if I could just say it loud enough, someone will hear me and answer that question.

Wasn't the issue? I've got the answer. Oh, Frank, go ahead. Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank.

Okay, yeah, I'm sorry I named a pig Frank. You're not supposed to name them, and so I was like, no, it's okay, I'll name them, but I went too far in the other direction. Wait, you're not supposed to name the pigs that you eat. And again, this is part of how I got this reverse GERD as eating.

Frank's the only one with a name!

He's eating the only one with a name!

Anyway, you had an answer.

I've got the answer. Linda's coming back. To be with me.

Okay, I mean, honestly, it really was just about, like, trying to get a handle on her location.

Why don't we take a quick break?

Okay.

Are we in the middle of a riddle right now?

No, it was a rooster.

It was a rooster.

It was so easy. Yeah, we all got that one pretty easily. Spurs, a rooster, I feel like these... We all knew the answer. These are all basketball teams. Where do you think the Roosters play? You know. Three seconds. One, two... The minor leagues? We'll go to break.

This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace.

Attention farm animals. It's I, Charlotte. You've all seen that I've written some pig or something on my web. Well, now I'm looking to make a website. Does anyone have suggestions?

Uh, yeah, you could use Squarespace, Charlotte.

Okay, the rat has the floor.

Yeah, I mean, if you would permit a horse to speak, Squarespace is the all-in-one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and succeed online. Whether you're just starting out or managing a growing brand, Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website, sell anything from products to content to time, all in one place, all on your terms.

Thanks, Zach the horse. I don't know why people say you're annoying.

And Charlotte, you can upload video content, organize your video library, and showcase your content on beautiful video pages. You can even sell access to your video library by adding a paywall to your content.

Oh, thanks Stephanie. Your fur doesn't look dumb at all. Huh? Sorry, it's gonna be like a gossip website.

Oh no, a gossip website plus, Charlotte! You can make checkout seamless for your customers with sample but powerful payment tools. Except credit cards, PayPal, Apple Pay, and ineligible countries offer customers the option to buy now and pay later with Afterpay and Clearpay. Never pay with a duck spill ever again. Sorry, that was forced.

Thanks, Farmer Tom.

I'm a farmer!

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Let me, I'm inspired. Let me go back up to my web and start to spin. Check out squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

Hey Charlotte, I read the website and what it said about horses and, uh, I'm gonna eat you.

Um, Adal GPC, this is my first time listening to Hey Riddle Riddle and it is exciting. This is fun. I'm having fun.

Oh, it feels like you should have listened to it for the edits and whatnot. But Erin, if you're listening to this show, there's a pretty decent chance you like riddles, escape rooms, crosswords, word puzzles. Hmm?

Yeah. For Erin, I don't think necessarily, but yeah, but for other people, sure.

Yeah. Well, if that even describes you just a little bit, you should check out this podcast. We love The Puzzler with AJ Jacobs. And actually I do love AJ Jacobs. Know It All is one of my favorite books of the last 30 years. Check it out. The Puzzler is hosted by best-selling author A.J. Jacobs. He gives fun, audio-friendly puzzles to celebrity guests, and the listeners get to play along. Sort of like Wordle for your ears. Wordle's already for my ears, the way that I play it. Yikes. Use my ears! This might interest you. Guests on The Puzzler have included Dax Shepard, Jeopardy! host Ken Jennings, and Neil Patrick Harris. And Neil Patrick Harris calls The Puzzler delightful. The show combines comedy and puzzles, so it's sort of a cousin to our show, and they've got dozens of original types of puzzles. They've got this one type of puzzle called Ear Busses that is like an audio rebus, rebus being one of my favorite types of puzzles and monkeys, and one of my favorite Macintyres. So the host, AJ, will say a word in a certain style or accent, and it's a clue to a two-word phrase. So if he said, for example, Erin, are you listening? I am. If he said, taaaaaa. The answer is Rising Tide.

I don't know that it's... I don't know that that is also him being a minion, but it does look like... Hold on, no. You know what I googled? I googled... I googled minions. So maybe I'm just... Well, AJ is a minion to one.

It's a ton of fun. That's great. Thank you. The podcast is a ton of fun. It'll tickle your brain. So check out the Webby-nominated podcast from iHeart, The Puzzler, with AJ Jacobs. Can't recommend this enough.

Yeah, and also while you're at it, just image search minions. Look at these guys. They're so freaking cute.

This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp.

Hey guys, thanks for meeting me down at the lake to skip some rocks. I've just been not feeling myself, not really feeling happy, not really making time for myself, and I just wanted to get some advice.

Yeah, you're just taking really big rocks, walking out into the lake and dropping them in.

Yeah, I call it plopping them in. I hate that.

What? I just hate plopping them in. I hate that.

Any advice?

Yeah, Erin, I mean, if you really are having a tough time, why don't you use better help?

Oh right, BetterHelp.

Yeah, BetterHelp is entirely online designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. And if you're thinking of starting therapy, maybe give BetterHelp a try.

Yeah, Erin, all you have to do is fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapists at any time for no additional charging and no skipping of rocks.

Yeah, I love this kind of therapy because you don't have to let stuff build up over time and then drive all the way to therapy once a week. You can just message your counselor anytime and they'll get back to you with a thoughtful response.

And Erin, you're going way too far out with way too heavy of rocks. Uh, I feel like you're not really, you're going to plop one that's going to be a plop too far. Okay. So maybe just come back to the shore. Let's try skipping some. That could be fun.

Yeah. Okay.

But something you should never skip is Therapy Day with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash riddle today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash riddle.

Wait, someone's calling my name.

Oh boy.

Oh, plomp. I get it.

Gotta love me. Hey Erin, Adal. Hey. Thanks for joining me. Unfortunately, I have to give you guys back your $250. I just don't think, I thought I would be able to teach you JPC, but it's just like language-wise, it's just like too difficult to learn how to speak it.

Well, that makes sense. Actually, keep the $2.50 because I've been learning through Babbel. Have you heard of Babbel?

Oh, wait. Babbel? Isn't that the science-backed language learning app that gets you talking? But they don't even teach you GPC on that app. That's not even one of the official languages you could learn.

Well, it's just I've been holding back on travel plans because I'm afraid of the language gap. But with Babbel, there's no need to mind the gap because they teach you whatever language you want to learn.

And I don't have to waste hundreds of dollars on private tutors like yourself. That's the old school way of learning a new language. All I have to do is go to Babbel's 10-minute lessons that are so quick and handcrafted by over 200 language experts, ready to get you talking your new language in three weeks. Because talking is the key to really knowing any language.

Yeah, but Babbel is designed by real people for having real conversations. Babbel, you know, gets you talking. But, you know, JPC is designed by one crazy man to talk in a language that only one person in the world understands. Isn't that better?

We agree. I mean, I'm going to Japan soon, and I've been using Babbel to learn some Japanese.

Yeah, but with JPC you can learn to say thank you like a thousand different ways. You can go, and those are both thank you in JPC.

Oh boy. Yeah, a lot of JPC is just going, Hey, get out of here.

Oh, okay. Thank you. I have lost a little weight.

Don't just take my word for it. Studies from Yale, Michigan State University, and beyond continue to prove Babbel works. One study found that using Babbel for 15 hours is equivalent to a full semester at college. That's amazing. With over 16 million subscribers sold, Babbel's 14 award-winning language courses are backed by a 20-day money-back guarantee, so no pressure at all.

Here's a special limited time deal for our listeners. Right now, get up to 60% off your Babbel subscription, but only for our listeners at babbel.com slash riddle. Get up to 60% off at babbel.com slash riddle, spelled B-A-B-B-E-L dot com slash riddle. Rules and restrictions may apply. Do you want to say that in JPC? Oh, absolutely.

And if you want me to translate that for you, Venmo me. Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't.

We were just congratulating Sean and Hayes on the Boston Celtics winning. Congratulations. Congratulations also on Jalen Brown being left off Team USA.

That's huge for us, yeah. Big hop tour on Jalen Brown?

Yes.

That's interesting. He did do a monocle guy emoji.

Oh, like the inquisitive sort of, yeah, I saw that.

Yes, which I interpreted as he's just keeping a dignified, stiff upper lip through the whole thing. You know, keep calm and carry on and all that.

Famously the smartest man in the NBA, I believe. Welcome back to

F-C-H-W-P-O

And Adal, really great job on bringing Erin into that conversation. Thank you so much.

I, too, am from Boston.

I'm like, oh, we'll talk basketball. Then I'm like, I'm so sorry you guys. Erin, if you had to root for a team, you've been to a Celtics game.

Yeah, like maybe 10 times in my life.

Yeah, back in the Reggie Miller days.

Yeah.

Not Reggie Miller, Reggie Lewis.

Reggie Lewis.

No, but he also- Ooh, thank God, an entrance for me.

Reggie Miller was on the Pacers, my good man. So sorry, I was going to get to you with Reggie Miller. Thank you, thank you.

Let's get to some riddles, something we all agree that we hate. Yeah, well, yeah. Yes. Okay, here's our next riddle.

Since we brought up Reggie, we were just talking about him on a Flagrant Ones episode, our basketball show that we do, and he was a player I really liked when I was six, and I was just talking about seeing him so much that my parents eventually had to be like, hey, he died. It's just not a conversation you're expected to have to have your favorite basketball player. He had a heart issue on the court and then he died after that. At least you weren't there when that happened. You were like 6 when he died? I was 6 or 7 when he died. He was my favorite player and so eventually they decided to be like hey you have to stop asking about him.

You're like, Mom, I can't find my Reggie Lewis or my Draws and Petrovic jersey. Where did you put them? Here's the next riddle. We're getting past the 19th century with this. A person is on an airplane when a fire breaks out.

Oh, thank God for that warning. Otherwise, it'd be like, what the fuck?

They panic and they decide to open the emergency door and throw themselves out of the plane. Although they are not wearing a parachute, they are uninjured and survive their exit from the plane. How is this possible? It hasn't taken off yet.

Jim, is it possible to open the door? Well, you said an airplane, right?

Jim is here and I just checked with her and she said it's not possible to open those doors, so... The plane was on the ground at the time of the fire.

It hadn't taken off yet, so... You guys... Sean and Erin go. But still, you need a special tool to open the door. I've seen them use the tool. Not if you're hopped up on adrenaline. Hell yeah. I think this week someone fell 30,000 feet from a flight and lived or something.

What?

What? I saw this. Did you see this?

No one knows what this is.

I think if you go limp, you don't die, because it's the tensing up that kills you. Yeah, that makes sense.

That can't be real. From 30,000 feet, it's going to kill you no matter what.

Depends what you land onto. Yeah. If you land on top of a tall car, it'll actually collapse. It'll help take the weight of the fall out.

You guys make fun of me and I'm going to look this up. Okay, great. Let me look this up.

It sounds like someone was trying to get Adal to jump out of a plane.

Yeah. It was a text. It kind of sounds like a parent's conversation with a six-year-old when they're like, no, he lived. He fell 30,000 feet out of a plane and now he's upstate on a farm. Yeah, he's okay. He's having fun. He's not an ouchie, but he's actually doing good.

Mommy and daddy kissed it and it's all better. Okay, what I found from 2019, so this wasn't recent, but I thought there was a recent one. Woman survived a plunge of more than 5,000 feet after her parachute failed.

So that's... Okay, so we went from 30,000 this week to 5,000 in 2019 pre-COVID. Have either of you guys skydove before?

Never. No. Any interest?

I bungee jumped once.

How was that? Scary?

Yeah, but I liked it. But it was, yeah, it was scary. I got scared and I think I would be really scared of skydiving too.

I do want to see a scene. Sean, you are a skydiving instructor with, I think it's like Tandem. Erin, you're skydiving for the first time. Okay, so we're about to get on out of here, and before we go, look, obviously the plan is always for it to go well, but if something does go wrong,

I'm Well, you're jumping out of a plane. Obviously one person's on the back, one person's on the front. Person in the front's in a lot more danger. Person in the back basically has a big moosh cushion underneath them. So I'm just saying, look, I'm going to pull the chute. I've done it a bunch of times. Never had anything go wrong.

But hypothetically, if it doesn't come out, we could just, you could like turn it in the air and then I could fall on you and you could be the moosh.

Hey Riddle

Hey everyone!

This is me just testing Google. So I just, first thing I thought, we're about to jump out of an airplane. So I'm just going, yeah, how, but yeah, I just got, you can see in my search history, I'm just making sure, does it work up this high? And it doesn't work great. It's slow, but it's how, you know, how does a parachute work? Where's the ripcord?

Can I look in your backpack? Oh God, you're sneezing. You sneezed right in my face.

That's the issue being strapped to somebody is there's nowhere to sneeze.

Okay, an opportunity has presented itself. You guys have hat pack hats. Yes. I will be buying one. Those are incredible.

Yeah.

What do we have to do in order to sell, in the Hey Riddle Riddle merch store, some sweatpants that on the butt say mush cushion?

Hey Riddle Riddle

You grab me by the ear and press your lips to me. Up and down I move like a boat on a choppy sea. Hot and dark to look at, I'm known throughout the earth. Grasp me in your hand, my scent and taste gives me worth. What am I?

Like a trombone instrument. Wow.

That's a great guess. It's not that. You grab me by the ear and press me to your lips. Up and down I move, like a boat on a choppy sea. Hot and dark to look at, I'm known throughout the earth. Grasp me in your hand, my scent and taste give me worth.

Coffee cup. Cup of tea.

It is a mug of coffee. Wow. And did you say mug of tea? I said cup of tea, yeah. Both pretty much got it at the same time.

And then I'll just say that I was thinking corn, so I was wrong on that one. Grab me by the ear? That makes sense. You said grab me by the ear and I stopped listening and I said corn. Yeah. You go up and down like a C when you're eating corn, right? That's like a C works.

It's more of a typewriter, right? Yeah, like a C. Side to side?

Yeah, typewriter C, it's the same shit. Side to side.

Yeah.

Corn works, just say it's good.

JPC, you're in such a vulnerable position sitting in the middle of that couch.

The middle is worse.

And the scent of corn is, of course, it's true appeal.

We do want to see, we'll say our couch boys, the three of you, we'll do a, do you remember, you might, I don't know if, I don't know anybody's age here, except for JPC, I guess. Do you guys remember the Folgers commercial where it's like somebody comes home from

Oh, the brother and the sister. Brother and the sister. The incest commercial.

Or like the Jean-Luc. There's like, what was that guy's name in Paris? Jean-Luc. Coffee commercials used to be a big, big thing. So I want to harken back to the 90s and the three of you will do, put your own spin on a coffee commercial.

She's dull, huh?

Mondays.

What a big sleep. Hey Riddle Riddle. I can hardly even hear you, I'm feeling so dinged. He said Dole ate it last night. I could use someone to pick me up as well. He absolutely turfed out. I thought we were gonna be done with this fool. But then Dole did not come through for us last night.

This had to be the worst debate performance I've ever seen or will ever be seen. He happened to... So sleepy though. You know. And we gave him $500. That money's gone. I know. So now we don't even have money for coffee. I wasn't even thinking about that. No money for coffee. And it's Derek's last day before war.

A war that Bob Dole could've put it into. Should've put it into. Derek's off to Bosnia. And he's so tired.

Yeah, I don't think my drill sergeant's gonna look too kindly on me falling asleep on the plane to Bosnia. I just- Well, there's no coffee. I really wish- There's no coffee.

There's no coffee.

Okay, there's no coffee. There's nothing to be done. Well, great. So since there's no coffee, I guess I'll fucking die. Boulders.

Boulders does not support the Bosnian War.

Outstanding. But I don't think I've seen a coffee commercial since college.

Did they run out of money?

Maybe.

Or maybe it's a thing of like it's so ubiquitous people are like... But are people drinking like Folgers anymore?

It's all Starbucks and Dunkin Donuts.

Yeah, I feel like that was prior to like the chain coffee places opening up. I feel like that's where all the marketing money is now.

Hey Riddle Riddle

Some ads' purpose are just to trigger a craving though. So it's like you've heard of Sprite, but you're supposed to see a commercial for Sprite and be like, that actually sounds really refreshing right now.

Cause you're like, oh no, I'm thirsty. Is Snapple still around? No.

Snapple?

I think the drink exists.

It's kind of hanging on. Fruitopia, I don't think we have access to anymore.

Cook, that's been gone for a long time.

I think you can get it in Canada, I believe. I believe you can still get Fruitopia in Canada.

You're thinking of Clearly Canadian?

Clearly Canadian, that's like a ginger ale. Or Orbitz. You know what, I'm thinking of Orbitz. Orbitz, the little bubbles in there. Little floaties.

Little boba tea before there was boba tea in America. Let's do another riddle here. In his own home, a person watches whilst a robbery takes place. Yet they do not respond, and they do absolutely nothing. Betty White is clutching a casket.

Oh, it's a Hallmark movie.

Never mind.

That might be the answer to the riddle.

Are we getting a clue here that it was all happening on a TV? Yes. He was watching a robbery take place on a screen.

Mid-episode.

Well, this sucks.

We just watched a two-hour-long movie in silence.

This actually sucks because Sean just got it.

The robbery is happening.

I got it first. Hayes got it. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Hayes got it.

Minutes ago.

Hayes got it. The robbery's happening on television, on a television drama they're watching. Hayes? Don't sound that dramatic. You didn't respond at all.

Didn't say a word.

I'm watching a really good robbery on TV, I'm like, oh no!

I, at the very least, will say, eesh.

And that's who you're Kathy Ak, right?

That's my version of Kathy's ack.

Yeesh.

And I'll do ack.

Yeah, and ack wouldn't be appropriate in a robbery either.

Yeah.

That's more of a yeesh situation. Ack sounds too much like a gun firing. It's kind of dangerous in a robbery. Yeah, they say that.

They say in a robbery situation you're never supposed to say stuff like ack.

No Ziggy, no Kathy, no Dilbert. Erin, what noise would you make if you woke up to a robbery? Hey Riddle Riddle I think under my breath I'd give a little, what have we here? Just to seem, I think if someone's curious they're not going to do anything.

Yeah, that's right.

Hello, what's this? What's all this then? Oh, and this is a new riddle.

Oh good.

Owe to receive such a thing, it gives your soul a little zing. To get one can bring you maximum joy, whether you're a girl or a boy. Dumb.

This is head, motherfucker.

Everybody likes getting sucked off and sucked down.

Sucked down is awful.

You're gonna feel stupid when you hear this next line. No, I won't. Its message can be so sincere. Wow.

Its message can be so sincere.

And sometimes cause a little tear.

Yeah.

What is this?

Yeah, I guess getting sucked down. I think it might be getting sucked down, right?

It's gotta be dope. Could it possibly? Have you read the answer yet? Scroll down for the answer and see if it's dope.

Sounds like an epic case of dope.

Erin with just a straight blank face saying, yeah, I guess it's getting sucked down is the title of this episode. I think so. That whole sentence, Erin with a blank face. Guys, think more.

Pull back.

We're too tight of zoom.

Pull back.

Is it a compliment?

It's somewhere in between a compliment and getting sucked down.

Getting sucked down is a little bit of a compliment, ultimately.

Like a love letter? Like a letter?

In the form of getting sucked down? Hey, baby, it's a compliment!

There's no greater compliment than dough. A coupon book. One free mow the lawn, one free do the dishes, one free suck dick. Owe to receive such a thing. It gives your soul a little zing. To get one can bring maximum joy, whether you're a girl or a boy. Its message can be so sincere and sometimes cause a little tear. What is this?

I do love a love note. That's a great answer to that.

Like a card, a love letter.

Yeah. This is

What does the actual answer say?

Yes, what is the actual answer? Does it say Dome?

Two words. A. Kiss.

Well, they don't say where it goes.

Yeah, good point.

What is Dome if not a kiss? A little kiss. A little kiss.

Every kiss begins with Dome.

No, it'd be every Dome begins with kiss.

Yeah, it'd be every Dome begins with kiss.

No one's listening at this point. We're 52 minutes in. We're safe. We're safe, everybody. No one can hear this.

We're going to do one more riddle. One more riddle. Okay. All right. No, we did that one. A person has just left a hospital appointment and is making their way home. On the way, they hear a phone ringing. They are very excited and race home to give their family the great news. What was the news?

They're not deaf. That's right.

That's a great answer.

Sean, that's the answer. The hospital has cured the person of deafness.

Oh, interesting.

And knew that this was the case when he heard the phone ringing.

On the way home. On the way home. Okay. So, they wanted to test this perfectly, so all the doctors were like, everyone just be, just shut up. Everyone just be quiet. They're walking ahead of the person, just like, hey, stop. Everyone stop talking.

They've shut off all traffic on the roads.

It's like a shootout, like there's a shootout happening close down the main street.

Because the doctor's like, we want it to be a wow moment, and it won't be a wow moment if as soon as they wake up we're like, Hey Riddle Riddle And don't not talk to them because they'll think something's up. Talk to them, but just don't make any sound when you do it. Just lip flap.

It's a surprise that the surgery worked.

These cruel fucking doctors. I got this great riddle idea.

Okay, hold on. We're going to do one more. We're going to do one more. We had a burglary one that was the TV. This is another burglary.

Those are the best ones. They're kind of scary. Once it's revealed that it wasn't like anyone was really in trouble.

It was on the TV.

And there's like five of us here and the lights are really bright. Yeah. I'm not going to lie. It's super weird.

But that won't be the case when I'm trying to go to sleep.

It's scary in a fun way. Yeah, when I have a loaded up thing.

There will only be four of us here.

A person is standing in the living room of a house. There is no one else in the house. Suddenly, the person puts their hands in the air. Next, they laugh and let their hands drop. They exit the building. Can you explain this? That is a great guess, and topical, but it is not correct.

Is that topical? I think so. Can you read the beginning again?

Yes. A person is standing in the living room of a house. There is no one else in the house. Suddenly, the person puts their hands in the air. Next, they laugh and let their hands drop. They exit the building. Sean, you're a parrot, you're his owner, and you're trying to like talk him out of saying weird stuff when other people are around.

Okay, so we've, we've, as a family, we put together a list of like kind of fun stuff that you could say. Hi daddy. Where's my breakfast? Hey Riddle Riddle Hey Riddle Riddle

That's, I mean, that's fine. I think the earth is flat is fine. And that's good. And so we give him a cracker now.

I think to reinforce the second idea, we missed the cracker window. Sure.

Knock, knock, knock. Hi, just your boss from work here to drop off a birthday cake for you.

Wow, what a nice workplace that you work in.

Michael Jordan was forced out of the league because of his gambling.

Wait, sir, did your parent... He didn't want to play baseball.

Okay, cracker, quick, cracker, cracker, cracker, cracker, cracker, cracker, cracker, cracker, cracker, cracker, cracker, cracker, cracker, cracker, cracker. That's fine. That's true.

David Stern says, Sean and Hayes, thank you so much for being on today. Thank you so much for... Thanks for having us. Always a hoot. Solving so quickly. It was impressive.

You're great at riddles.

I think I had, and I think probably Sean did too, I think I had this book. Not the kissing one, obviously, but that's a little too adult. Yeah. Yeah.

Besides the, what I assume is in our store right now, the mush cushion, to be less gross, we'll say that they're like Lance Armstrong rubber bands or whatever those are. What else is going on? Anything you'd like to plug or promote? We'll start with Hayes.

We have the Hollywood Handbook podcast. Sean's not gonna have much to promote when I'm done. We have our Patreon as well where we're just gonna duking it out with you all on that Patreon list. Sean, I dare ask anything you'd like to

Yeah, it's going to be so close to what Hayes said. I guess we also did change our Instagram handle. People want to follow us on social media and we're dangerously close to actually getting at Hollywood Handbook.

Who hasn't?

A friend, more than a fan, a friend who has now agreed to give it up but there's some like two week lag where, and this I guess will warn people to try and steal it before we can actually get it ourselves. Do you guys have to give them like a signed bat and tickets or something? We didn't offer anything, and they didn't have the guts to ask.

Well now they will, now that they've heard this.

We'll send them a hat.

And hatpackhat.biz It sounds like this guy's getting a hat, and Adal, you still have to buy a hat.

Yeah, like a Rube.

I'm a longtime listener of Hollywood Handbook.

A friend got me into it shortly after the reality show show days.

But my question for you two, which I've always wanted to ask you,

What do you think is the perfect episode of Hollywood Handbooked to recommend to really get someone into the show?

Yeah we should have like an agreed upon go-to answer of like what is even a good episode.

JBC as a fan, do you have an episode? Well this is like a trick question really because I believe that there probably is no episode. There's no single episode that anyone could listen to.

How about this? We had America's Sweetheart, Iowa Debrie on recently. We've had her a few times. You like Hey Riddle

Make her sit through her own answers.

That's so fucking funny.

It's fun that the interviews have gotten more and more prestigious, like every time. Yeah, that's right. Like, for stars, right?

Yeah, you get an actual, like, legit profile.

Yeah.

Okay, Adal, do you have anything that you'd like to plug?

I'll plug our Patreon. We're going to be doing maybe just a few more episodes. You can go to patreon.com slash Hey Riddle Riddle for now. Check that out. Erin, anything you'd like to plug or promote?

I got nothing.

JPC?

No, just like I've said, the live shows that we're doing in the Northeast this fall in New York and DC and Boston and not in that order. You'll have to find that the order by going to HeyRiddleRiddle.com slash live.

Oh, and what was the show? I think this is off air. What was the show you're talking about right before the podcast?

The show that I was talking about.

That these two wrote on.

Oh, okay. I do have one more plug.

It's to go watch The Grinder. I don't know where it is.

I don't know either.

iTunes could probably help you out there.

You could probably rent it or something. I think it was like on one of the like fast platforms at one point. It was on like Tubi or Pluto or something. It wasn't on the, but I don't think it's on any stream right now.

Over the many years I've searched for it, only to find that it wasn't on. And you probably could buy it for like $20, but. Season 1 of The Grinder from 2015. You're going to love the two guys that are the leads on it. Nothing problematic about them now of days.

But yeah, just go ahead and check out The Grinder.

And you guys get a little piece of that, right? Good show, funny show. No, it's not on Pluto or any of those surfaces, but it might be found on... Oh, Jupiter. Bye forever.

Good setup, Adal.

Nice.

Pluto TV. How are you parents in the field?

Hey there oh-noes and they-didns! If you liked that, you're gonna love this week's Patreon. We bring you the Real Housewives of Riddle City. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com slash heyriddleriddle by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or start your 7-day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month and get those ad-free episodes. See you there!

That was a hate gum podcast.