Which Riddle Riddle?

#317: Steam In Two! w/ Niccole Thurman

00:00:01

???

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00:01:25

Erin

Okay, JPC, just stand still. Almost done with your tattoo here.

JPC

Almost? Okay. I haven't really felt anything yet.

Erin

I mean, it's not a big tattoo. It's just the name of the show. I'm at the end. Wait, hold on. How do you spell Riddle?

Adal

You're asking me?

Erin

Okay, Adal? Yeah? How do you spell Riddle?

Adal

Whoa, what's this? Hey Rubble Rubble?

JPC

Come on, Erin. A Hey Rubble Rubble tattoo? Actually, that could work. I do love Rubble.

Erin

Oh, God. What are D's and what are B's? I should have asked. You know what? I thought to ask before I started the tattoo.

JPC

Your parents didn't give you the D's and the B's speech? No. That made more sense in my head. Did we get the delay over? Okay, we all got it. I got it. Everyone's nodding.

Erin

I'm sorry.

JPC

That's okay. I can't blame you for this.

Erin

Erin, your line work is exquisite. Thanks. I spelled it wrong. No, it's dumb. I probably am not going to get one at this point, though, because it won't match yours because I wanted Hey Riddle Riddle, so... You could get a tattoo that matches the one that you messed up on me. No, no, no. You'll get the tattoo. We'll... We'll... Pay for it?

00:02:30

Adal

No. Oh, come on.

Erin

You'll get that, and we'll keep going with our day as it was.

Adal

Wait, pay for it? Erin gave it to you. She's charging you?

Erin

Yeah, of course.

JPC

Yeah, well, she's learning. It'll be $6,000. So I have to pay for, you know, I have to pay for the inexperienced fee, basically.

Erin

Yeah, $6,000.

JPC

And Erin also charged me an idiot tax?

Erin

Yeah.

JPC

You'll have to explain that to me one day, because I just don't get it yet.

Erin

Yeah, you never will, and that's why you have to pay it.

JPC

Okay. Oh, and this is Hey Riddle Riddle. It's an improv and riddles podcast. I'm one of the guys. There's another one, and Erin's also here as well.

Erin

And me as well, and also me. And also me.

JPC

Special guest, huh?

Erin

Mm-hmm.

JPC

Huh? Huh? Special guest, huh? Uh-huh. Yeah? Uh-huh.

Erin

Special guest, huh? We have...

Niccole

Niccole Thurman with us. I was kind of hoping that none of you guys remembered my name and that was what was happening. I was like, great. Yeah, the guest is Niccole Thurman.

JPC

Right before we started, Adal was like, I want to introduce Niccole. And I was like, okay, I'm kidding.

00:03:31

Erin

Nicole, we got to do improv together for the first time a couple months ago. And I immediately felt such a Chicago kinship with you on the stage. My body could just feel that you were a Chicago person and it was like, I felt like flying. I had the time of my life.

Niccole

I agree. First of all, you I did have a good set that day, which I don't normally say because but because I've like lately I've been very rusty and improvising. Like, I keep saying like, that was the worst show of my life when I leave and I'm like, well, it could get worse, I guess every time I just try. But no, I'm just joking. But it was that was a fun. That was a really fun show. It was. It was just great. Yeah.

Erin

You did something and it was the hardest I've laughed in the last three years. I was a teacher.

JPC

I do a comedy show with you so that sucks to hear.

Erin

I know, but you guys are so funny and this is how funny this was. I was a teacher who was trying to gain control of her class and I pointed at Niccole and I went, Do cursive! And you made what is the craziest noise I've ever heard a human person make and I lost my mind.

Niccole

Immediate tears. Cursive.

00:04:32

Erin

Cursive.

Niccole

Cursive.

JPC

That's a person doing cursive. Yeah.

Niccole

All the letters are correct. Exactly. And I was just like, that was the first thing that came to my head. It was a very funny.

Erin

I immediately burst into tears. I was like, well, that's the best moment of my life. I'll never recover from it.

Niccole

And you definitely can feel the Chicago energy on that too. You're right. It was a very fun show because, yeah, there's something about the Chicago kinship, the community, the love, the like, my manager didn't make me take an improv class, it's not why I'm here. It's something different. It's more for like the love of the game. And so the people, the performers are different. It's fun. Yeah, I love it. It's kind of refreshing I think that's also I mean when I first moved here a reason why a lot of people like LA or Chicago people in LA because they know that we come from like off-loop storefront theater and make no money and we're cool with it we do shows for nothing so they're like they want to work they love it like I said they do it for the love of the game so it's like it's you know it's a different I think it's it's like when you're What am I talking about? It's like when you're a kid and you're just like playing games, but then suddenly you grow up and you start thinking about the games you're playing. And so you worry about like, is this game fun or whatever? You know what I mean? And so instead we just Chicago people just like to have fun. They just like to be together and play.

00:06:04

Erin

You know what I think helps with that that I don't feel like happens as much out here is in Chicago and the people in your classes and teams. would be some people who have absolutely no interest in going into show business, like lawyers or therapists and people who are like, I'm doing this sort of like as my pickleball league or my church every week where I go and I have a drink and I hang out with people. And I think that adds to the community of it and adds to like the low pressure of like, this is the event. This is not as a means to something else.

Niccole

Definitely. I was telling my boxing teacher the other day because I'm thinking about teaching boxing. I love boxing. I just take classes, so I'm not like, I don't spar with people, but like, I'm a pretty good boxer. Punch-typically. As hard as you learn! He's so sweet! I got his ass, he did!

JPC

Oh, he did. It wouldn't be hard before, it would be easy to kill me with a punch, okay?

Niccole

Yeah, okay, it wouldn't be that hard.

JPC

It wouldn't be that impressive.

Niccole

Yeah, you'd be like, you don't have to hit me that hard, my face is made of cheese, so get over it. No, but I was telling her about it, and I was like, you should take an improv, like, everybody should take, because she was saying she wanted to take one, I was like, everybody should take an improv class. Welcome back to

00:07:28

JPC

Because the only way that I would ever ask that question is if someone volunteered, am I too old? And he was like 56. And I was like, no, you're, you could obviously take an improv. I'd say if you, if you answered 89, I'd be like, yeah, maybe, maybe make a mince or something.

Adal

I've ever seen improv not work for someone or a group of people was I've done a lot of corporate improv and it's always pretty cool to be there and it's like a breakthrough of like oh yeah if I support someone else's idea that feels good or at least to them I did a workshop for Boeing, so they came in from, I think they're based in Seattle or something, but we're running exercises.

JPC

They were, now they're based in Chicago.

Adal

It was like an eight day, are they really? Yeah. It's like, not an eight day, it was an eight hour workshop, but we were doing some exercise and at some point this one guy just like got frustrated and goes, can you tell me what the answer is? And I go, huh? And the exercise is something where it's like one word story or something. And he goes, can you tell me what the answer is? And I go, There's no right answer. And he's like stopping the whole thing and I'm like, this is not for, for these people, this is useless.

00:08:55

Niccole

He's like, could you just script this for me? But then at Boeing, they don't even read all the directions, do they? Because planes are crashing. That's a really good point. So like, what do they care about the rules?

JPC

Just say a word, man. Turns out that only happened after all the improv classes because they started like improvising, putting doors on

Niccole

What is your relationship with puzzles, riddles, escape rooms, lateral thinking problems, daily word puzzles? That's an interesting question, actually, because if I think about it, my immediate answer is I'm not big on them. But actually, it depends on what it is. Oh my god, I just hit this mic. It depends on what it is. If it's trivia, word puzzles I like, crossword puzzles. I've never done a Sudoku or like Wordle, but I feel like I would like them. People are annoying that talk about it, so I just don't do it. It's like, I don't want to be that person. I don't want to say I got the word steam in two. I don't even know what that means.

00:10:11

???

That's exactly what they say!

Adal

The title of this episode is Steam In Two.

Niccole

Steam In Two, baby!

???

I love when I can give you guys the title.

Adal

And they text 20 friends to be like, eh, it's like, yeah.

Niccole

They used to post it on Twitter. I'm like, bitch, no one cares. You got 56,000 followers. None of us care. But yeah, so I've never been into that. I like puzzles. I like things. Okay, yeah, it's interesting because I think if you were like, let's sit down and do a puzzle, I'd be like, ew. But if you were like, let's put together this thing. I'm not exactly sure how to do it. I'd be so into it. And I wouldn't want to be done until I did it. So I think it's like a mixed bag with that kind of stuff. Yeah. If there's rules to be explained, I'm out. You know, if it's pretty clear, I can do it and I'm having fun and like riddles. I don't know how I am with riddles. I think I'm going to find out on Hey Riddle Riddle. Have you done an escape room? No never. I think an escape room would be fun if you were with the right people. It's like everybody has to be like chill but adding ideas or like whatever the thing is. You guys have to like answer questions or whatever like somebody has to be you have to contribute but I would never want to go in with like somebody who was super hyper and stressed out because that would just give me anxiety and I'd be like I gotta escape the room now. Riddle Riddle

00:12:03

Adal

It does tend to highlight people's hidden personalities, where you see people turn into Type A, where they're like, shut up, put stuff here, and you're like, whoa, we're supposed to be having fun. And people get intense. Hopefully, Erin, we've done some rooms. We've done some rooms, JPC.

Erin

There was one time, I will say.

JPC

I think it doesn't count for you, Adal, because you're hyper-aware of that fact. So it's very easy to not fall into it because you're so aware of it.

Erin

We did a world new show in Kalamazoo, Michigan, and as a warm-up, me, Adal, and two other improvisers, Brett Lyons and Atra Azduz, right? Because that was the four of us, right? Did an escape room, and we had a two-hour improv show right after this escape room. So I was like, we're gonna have fun, we're gonna do bits, and we're on this submarine, and I'm like, guys, we're on a submarine! And they're like, shut up! Okay, this is Morse code, and the numbers, and it was the most stressful hour of my life, the most stressful escape room, no one was being funny, Three of the funniest comedians in Chicago. The fun left the room, and then we got to the show and everyone was like... Oh god, what a terrible energy for this improv show.

00:13:04

Niccole

Oh no, oh no, oh no. We fucked up.

???

Wow.

Niccole

That's like when people used to talk about like couples taking trips to Ikea. It's like the new thing, the challenge, or the way to test a relationship is like, can we escape a room without killing each other?

Adal

Let's get into some riddles. Okay, and Niccole just so you know they are good Aaron Last episode Aaron don't knocked it from the bottom into her face and almost Punched myself in the face.

Niccole

I'm gonna do that too. Why is this so it's so wobbly, okay?

JPC

No, you're like you're you're like boxing them. It's like you're not punching it towards you you're you're Absolutely clobbering.

Niccole

I'm giving it uppercuts and whatnot. That's why I

Adal

So riddles can be very bad and very sort of frustrating, so keep that in mind. Yeah, I mean, like, they can be frustrating, but, like, you know, you can choose. You can choose to get frustrated.

Niccole

How do you want to receive it, really? That's the thing.

Adal

But here's the first riddle, and I feel like this will be a good one, especially for Niccole.

00:14:05

Niccole

Ooh, sounds challenging. Okay.

Adal

There's one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends. What is it?

Niccole

The score or the leader, and the spectator and the participants don't know the score or the leader until it's over.

Erin

I was gonna say like a track race, but the spectators would know.

JPC

Yeah, there's a... You said it's a sport? Yeah, it's a sport. And are we using like sport in quotes? No, it's a sport. Okay, this is an actual sport.

Adal

There's one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends. What is it?

Niccole

Wait, is it like hunting?

Adal

Ooh, that's a great guess because- Because the animals are like, what the hell?

Niccole

And then the spectators are like, we don't know who's winning. We heard shots. Yeah, exactly.

Adal

Until the dogs go grab the foxes. Hunting is a great guess. It's not hunting, but Niccole, I think this is a good one for you especially.

Niccole

Okay, is it boxing?

Adal

It's boxing.

Niccole

Is it boxing? It's boxing. Wait, the spectators and the participants don't know that they're watching a sport or playing? I mean, that's what it says here. But also when you're watching, you know who's the land dude. Well, maybe if you're like watching two dudes just like punch each other back and forth on the street drunkenly, you're like, hey, we're watching a boxing match and nobody knew it.

00:15:17

JPC

The Sweet Science. Because I know that you don't end a round of boxing and they say, you got 13 points, pretty good. Like I know it's not that, but how do they decide who wins, is basically my question.

Niccole

I think it's like... Well I was gonna say, I was only gonna say that I'm thinking of it right now, think about the end of like boxing matches when the ref is like, woo, and holds up the guy and the guy's like, yeah! And so I think it's like that unless it's a clear knockout because I think there's so many rounds and you could go round for round until the round runs out and both be good and not knocked out all the way till the end. And by that point, somebody's got to win somehow.

JPC

Is it subjective? Do the refs just be like, I think this guy did the best?

Adal

I think they count punches landed versus punches thrown. And then also like,

JPC

That sucks. My ratio would be dirt. I throw a thousand punches and maybe get ten.

00:16:21

Adal

But I guess you do see... I think you'd be more tired that way, so like... Every once in a while, you do see a boxing match where you're like, oh, clearly it's this person, and then the other person wins, and you're like, that's an upset. So there is some subjectivity, but I think for the most part, they're counting punches landed. Sure. Yeah. Okay. Okay.

Erin

I'd like to see a scene. Oh, please. Niccole and JPC, you are two drunk guys boxing on the street, and then you realize that you don't really know why you're mad at each other.

Niccole

Get over here! Stand back up!

JPC

It's not even gonna happen anymore.

Niccole

Oh, it's gonna happen?

JPC

Yeah, well it's gonna be true and it's gonna be next time it's gonna be you on the ground and I'm gonna be upstairs.

Niccole

Yeah, right. I've been going to Knockout USA for three weeks, so I know what up.

JPC

My favorite water park is Wild Wild Knockout World and my favorite ride is Shut Up.

???

Oh, good one.

???

Get up!

???

We're gonna keep fighting until you apologize what I do

00:17:26

JPC

Mmm. It was not what you did, it was the way you did it.

Niccole

What was the way?

JPC

Just so mean.

Niccole

No, you don't even know. I don't do anything mean. I'm very nice. So nasty. No, you didn't do nasty. I meditate.

JPC

Oh, bull.

Niccole

Before I take boxing class, I go to transcendental meditation.

JPC

That seems odd to do. That seems like a very weird order to do.

Niccole

I gotta get in the zone before I knock bitches out. And that's what I'm doing right now!

JPC

Ooh, my leg.

Niccole

Ow! I did a kick.

JPC

I don't think you can knock someone out by hitting them in the leg.

Niccole

That's okay, I'll try again.

JPC

I'm getting pretty sleepy.

Niccole

Why are you mad at me, man? Just give it up. I don't do anything mean. Was it your girl?

JPC

I think you took my pillow. I think we're both trying to go to sleep in this bed.

Niccole

See, I told you, as roommates, we gotta get our own rooms, bro.

JPC

I know, but the hospital won't let us have our own rooms because we don't have insurance.

???

Yeah.

JPC

That is fucked up that they do make you split a room in a hospital.

Niccole

Yeah, every time I've been that, I've been like, hi. I got so lucky and had two personal rooms. Wow. When I was in two hospitals last year. Wow. I was very lucky. I was laying there with a broken back like, bitch. I'm alive. I'm rich in life. They said something like, your SAG insurance got you a private room, and I was like, yay?

00:18:42

???

I don't, what are we doing?

Niccole

No, but that is crazy that they make you share rooms and like I feel like those it's always like a crazy loud Yeah, that would be traumatizing because it's I guess it's like they probably do it when it's not like a contagious Whatever between two people but even like a hospital I'm always worried about germs in a hospital because I'm like this is where sick people go That's the worst isn't that the place you can get the sickest at a hospital? Yeah, they play too much. They don't care about us.

JPC

They don't care about us I was in a room with someone and they just wanted to watch Wheel of Fortune and it ended and I was so happy and then they picked up their remote and changed it to a different channel that was playing Wheel of Fortune.

Niccole

Hey Riddle Riddle I just gotta be honest here, I was controversial. They ate differently back then. They must have! They just chomped it, mushed it. They get it all over their face, they don't move it. But anyway, she was doing the like eating and sighing thing. Do you ever hear people? And you're like, what are you doing? But luckily I got to leave like that day.

00:19:59

JPC

Yeah. I had to split an ambulance with somebody one time and they kept apologizing to me because it was their fault I was in the ambulance. It's like an Uber share. Yeah, and I had to say, dude, don't talk to me. We're at an ambulance. Can you please not talk to me about this? Yeah, makes sense. Yeah, I know. And I think that they charged me full price for that ambulance ride. Shouldn't I get half price? Yeah. It's like Uber Pool, it's a little bit less, right?

Adal

Ambulance Pool.

Niccole

You're sitting in a car with somebody you don't know, you're gonna pay less.

Adal

The other guy said, like, I'm with him. He's like, oh yeah, actually he's got me on this ambulance ride.

Niccole

Was the other guy hurt too, or was he just there to apologize?

JPC

It was a car accident that he caused. So he was like apologizing for the car accident, but I'm like, I'm not in a space where I can receive this apology. Not ready to forgive. In ten years we can talk.

???

It's too real.

JPC

Find me when I'm older and we can talk.

Adal

Let's do another riddle. Please. Okay. The letter. Oh, okay. If there are 40 cups. The letter. Is the answer the letter? If there are 40 cups. If there are four teacups on the table and one cup breaks, how many teacups are left? The answer is three. We started with four teacups and one broke.

00:21:26

JPC

Now, Adal, did you intend to mystify that or did you, because you, you kind of, I was trying to grease the wheels.

Niccole

I need to hear this Riddle again. So it was four teacups and then when you take one away, it's three.

Adal

If there are four teacups on the table and one cup breaks, how many teacups are left? Three.

Erin

The riddles suck.

Adal

Okay, so riddles suck. Is it trying to make you think that it's 40 cups?

Niccole

What are these from, Adal?

Adal

A riddle book.

Niccole

Yeah, that's why. Because some riddles are bangers and then some are like that. Because that's just math, right? Four minus one is three.

JPC

I mean, that's kind of how books work though, too, because it's like a lot of the stuff in books is page filler.

Niccole

Yeah, that's true.

JPC

I can't tell you how many chapter books I read where I'm like, first paragraph, last paragraph, that's all you need in a chapter book.

Erin

I would like to see a scene. You three are three members of high society having afternoon tea and you're trying to like out fancy each other a little bit.

JPC

So I just bought my chauffeur a chauffeur.

???

Oh, that's lovely.

JPC

So the way that it works is my chauffeur will drive me around all day, and then when they're ready to go home, they have a chauffeur that takes them home.

00:22:32

Niccole

Oh, I love that for them. Yeah, that's perfect.

Adal

What do you call the chauffeur for your chauffeur, so there's no confusion? We just call him Ed.

Niccole

I almost lost my tea on that one!

JPC

I recently bought myself a Vince Vaughn. Now, not a Vince Vaughn type, but Vince Vaughn, so what he'll do is I'll come home and I'll step into the foyer and

Adal

He'll talk very quickly and with confidence. Yes. And he's so tall. Tall. And the missus and I just adore it. So he's always around and he stays in the guest house. But it's just a little something we picked up.

JPC

Is this a Swingers era Vince Vaughn? Or did you buy vintage? I know it's a little more pricey if you want to get the original model.

Adal

We all want Swingers era. This is made era Vince Vaughn. So close to Swingers. Close, but...

00:23:34

Niccole

Welcome back.

JPC

Chauffeur sounds like the job title of someone who cleans a couch. Driving is not a one-to-one. It's like you chauffeur the couch.

???

Yes, absolutely. What else? What else? What else?

Niccole

I was gonna say, does anybody want to eat one of these tiny cakes? It's, you know, it's sitting there on the tower of cakes and cheese.

JPC

Yes, I would eat one, but the people that we've- that the cakes are stacked on top of are moving a little much for my pleasure, so I'm wondering if that their movement has somehow upset the cake.

Niccole

We're scared!

JPC

I've seen rich eat sushi off naked people.

Niccole

We should eat cake off naked people. That should be a thing.

00:24:50

JPC

Yeah, cake would be way better to eat off a naked person than sushi.

Niccole

It's so decadent. Actually, you know what would be the coolest? Make a person and then you cut into them and make cake. Oh! Is it cake? That's a rich person thing. They look very real. And then they turn out to be cake. Is this murder or dessert?

JPC

Because if you're rich and they're not cake, it's fine as well because you're like a rich, you know, you're a psychopath.

Erin

Murder or dessert. Yeah, why not? New TV show.

JPC

In which sport do winners move backwards and losers move forwards?

Niccole

I bet, wait, that's wrong. I was going to say rowing.

JPC

Rowing is such a good guess. It's a good guess. But no one goes forward. But the boats go forwards when they row backwards. No, this is nothing. Adal's looking at me like it is maybe something.

00:25:56

Niccole

I know he's got those eyes, but no. He's doing the teacher eyes like that's a good answer and not correct.

JPC

Share with the rest of the class. He's excited for me to have a bad answer.

Niccole

They go backwards to win, forwards to lose.

JPC

I was thinking also like, but this is, you said sport, and this is a sport, Adal. It's like checkers or something like that?

Adal

It's not like an Olympic level sport.

Niccole

What about chess?

Adal

That's a great guess. I don't even know how to play chess, but I guess because they go backwards.

JPC

I could tell that you didn't know how to play chess because you keep moving your pieces backwards. Off the board. I don't want to do this.

Niccole

I want to go home.

Erin

You know when roller skaters like skate backwards and it's really cool?

JPC

Whoa, yeah, like a 70s rollerblader. Is that it?

Niccole

You don't like my answer? Why not?

Erin

You don't like my answer, sir?

Adal

Erin, it feels like you'd be someone at a roller rink who'd be like, look, look, look, look, and then would like slam into someone else.

Erin

Last time I was at a roller rink, I fell backwards and I hit my tailbone and I had to sit on a special pillow for eight weeks. Eight weeks! Yeah, you guys remember that?

00:26:58

JPC

Erin, you know I hate hearing stories about your life, right? I know.

Erin

They make you sad.

JPC

They make me sad to hear.

Adal

Maybe it was six weeks. Erin, you bought more special pillows than any person I've ever met.

Erin

We were recording the podcast at the time.

Niccole

I would talk about it all the time.

JPC

Yeah, about your special pillows. Yeah.

Niccole

Did they give it to you at the hospital? Was it the donut one? Yeah. I think that, to me, seems like one of the most painful injuries. Did you break it?

Erin

No, I bruised it or something, but it hurt so bad. The next day I just couldn't walk. Makes me kind of barfy.

Niccole

I've hurt my tailbone before and it's like, oh, so bad.

Erin

It was visceral.

JPC

And Erin, you had stomach surgery and they put one of those cones on your head so you wouldn't lick the stitches.

Niccole

Yeah, but I got them off anyway.

JPC

I worked around it.

Niccole

What if it's golf? Wait, did you already say golf was not it?

Adal

I have not.

Niccole

Because you know how sometimes in some sports you have to get a low score to win and a high score to lose, so that's backwards and forwards, right? Kinda.

Adal

That is a phenomenal guess. That is not what it shows here, but we're gonna give that points for sure. Points? Okay. What about tennis? Is tennis anything?

Erin

No. Tennis is nothing. Tennis is nothing?

00:28:00

Adal

They move backwards? Say this again? In which sport do winners move backwards and losers move forwards? And I really, I do have to stress, sport is, this is not something where you hear it and you're like, oh, you're an athlete. This is a sport you play.

Niccole

Could it be like bowling or something?

Adal

It's a more casual happening. Or like an eating contest. I'm not sure. I'm trying to think of how that would be backwards. It's definitely an event we're all familiar with, but it's, to call it a sport is pretty strong terms. Oh my gosh, I really wish I could figure this out. Maybe you'd see this at like a picnic or a... Frisbee? Frisbee's a good, I mean... So what about like a three-legged race?

Niccole

Oh, croquet or something?

Adal

Maybe a camp?

Niccole

Not croquet. Gym class? Cornhole?

Adal

Not cornhole. Cornhole is correct. Swimming forward. Gym class, camp, a picnic. Climbing the rope! You're close. You're very close. Spelunking! Cold. Spelunking worse though.

???

Freezing.

Adal

I guess you're not moving backwards, you're just moving down. And this is a quote-unquote sport that involves teams. Typically.

00:29:08

Niccole

Oh, tug of war. It's tug of war. Nice! I never would have guessed that. That's amazing.

JPC

I want to see a quick scene. We're gonna see a scene. So you, you three are going to be on a tug of war team. But, and I'll be on the other team, but I just I don't have a team. It's just me on the other team.

Adal

Okay, let's huddle up game plan game plan. All right, so should we do one big yank? Should we?

JPC

Oh, I think, um, I think Hank said that it's, uh, it's two on two for the day. No, sorry. Can you give us a sec? We're having a little time.

Niccole

It's a team versus you. Hold on one second.

JPC

No, I know. Yeah, we are, we all work at the same Starbucks.

Niccole

Give us one second.

JPC

Oh, yep.

Niccole

Two teams.

JPC

Sorry.

Niccole

Just gonna talk real quick. Sorry. Yeah. Jesus. That's so awkward. You know what? I think we should just go over there and just push him over.

???

Yeah.

Erin

I mean, why use the rope?

Niccole

That won't get us any points, but I think he needs it. It's worth it.

Erin

I think he might be like 17 and we're like 30 something.

JPC

Yeah, I thought Hank said, Zach, I thought he said that you're on my team because he was like... Sorry, what did Hank say? I thought Hank said that Zach was supposed to be on my team and there's going to be a two- Are you like a Brent? You look like a Brent. Oh no. Oh no, I work with you guys. It's Bradley. Yeah. What is it? Bradley, I've worked here for two years with you guys.

00:30:17

Erin

Bradley, can you give us a quick sec? We're having a team meeting. Can you just give us one second? Sure, Brad.

Adal

I feel like I should be a team. Would you like to fuck off for one second? Whoa, okay. Okay.

Niccole

Does he understand that we are not on his team?

Adal

Don't think so. This is so sad. This is so awkward.

Erin

Hank's picking up his son from college. Bradley, put your hands on the rope and just get ready, okay buddy? It's happening.

JPC

Oh, well, I don't know. I mean, everyone's so much bigger than me and I just... Oh, my pants!

???

All the skin off his hands.

Adal

Oh, no. Seed beads. His skin came off like gloves. Who's gonna clean that up?

JPC

Oh, skin came off like gloves. I hate hearing about that.

Adal

Oh, I hated that sound.

JPC

Yeah, I know. Sorry. Skin came off like gloves. Skin came off like gloves! Yeah, what happened here? Skin came off like gloves.

00:31:20

???

You know how that happens.

Adal

You know how gloves is basically skin.

Niccole

Yeah, that's why they came up with skinny. Like someone took their skin off, they're like, there's got to be an easier way.

Adal

Skin is gloves I regrow. Wow. Wow. Gloves I regrow, oh my god. Let's take a break to reflect on that. Kinda ponder that, yeah. And we'll be right back with more skin. The skin is the gloves we made along the way.

Erin

I'm gonna try not to throw up during the break thinking about this imagery. Good luck to me! Wait guys, stop fistfighting. Argument over. I have a solution to all of our problems.

JPC

What? Stop fistfighting? Okay, I guess I can stop. I never even thought of that.

Erin

We don't have to argue about what we're watching tonight anymore on the TV. I know what we're watching.

Adal

What's that? Okay? Our diets?

Erin

We're going to Hulu Animayhem, your animation destination to watch full seasons and new episodes of your favorite animated shows.

JPC

Okay, I've heard of this. I've heard of this. But wait, Erin. I will not stop farting and I will not watch what you say unless I can stream stone-cold animated favorites like Family Guy, Futurama, and Bob's Burgers. So help me.

00:32:30

Erin

Put down your fists. That's what's on there.

Adal

What? Cut to JPC pulling off his fists and setting them down, not realizing what Erin meant. Cut back to now.

JPC

Okay, but that's fine for me, but I know Adal's not going to stop fighting unless he can watch his favorites like Solar Opposites, Hit Monkey, and American Dad.

Erin

Take off your fists, Adal.

Adal

Cut to me taking off my fists, not realizing what Erin meant, cut back to now.

Erin

Plus, you can watch some of the freshest animated series around like The Great North, Grimsburg, and Crapopolis, and so many more!

JPC

Okay, now we cut back and it's Adal and I, we're like hanging out without our fists and we're trying to drink coffee and we keep reaching for the coffee cup and like bumping into the coffee cup and then like a big chicken breaks in and we start fighting the chicken and we're like rolling around with the chicken.

Erin

Hey, what happened to your fists? So if you're looking for your favorite animated shows, there's only one destination you need to remember. Hulu Animayhem, your animation destination. Now streaming on Hulu.

Adal

I'm going to kill Erin and I'm going to be the third host of Hey Riddle Riddle.

00:33:31

Erin

Oh, from Bob's Burgers.

JPC

Yes, that's H. John Benjamin.

Adal

This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace.

JPC

Adal, Erin, thank you so much for joining me here. Sorry about how wet I am. I guess there's no good way to say that. Sorry about how wet I am.

Erin

Uh, huh?

JPC

I have devised a brand new business opportunity that I wanted to pitch the two of you. Okay. Underwater websites.

Adal

Um, yeah, I think the internet works underwater. Yeah, I- wait, what? I think the internet works underwater, right? It must.

???

It works everywhere, right?

Adal

It must.

JPC

Um, no, this is a new idea. I've been spending a couple days in a lake kind of preparing this idea. I've been using Squarespace, the all-in-one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and succeed online. Whether you're just kind of starting out splashing around in a pond or managing a growing brand from a lake, Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website, engage with your audience, and sell anything from products to content to water to time all in one place, all in your terms.

00:34:40

Adal

Oh, I mean, then if you did that, then you should be able to check analytics with Squarespace. You know, you can measure your end-to-end online performance with powerful website and seller analytics. Have you heard about this?

JPC

Yeah, I know that works with Squarespace, but I've been doing it all underwater.

Erin

And JPC, you can upload video content, organize your video library, and showcase your content on one beautiful video page. You can even sell access to your video library by adding a paywall to your content. Looks like you have a lot of videos already uploaded of you in the lake.

JPC

Yeah, it's just hard because it's underwater. I don't think I have an underwater camera for down there. It takes forever to upload because it has to upload through all the water.

Adal

Cameras should work underwater.

JPC

Yeah, I don't think... Oh, but the nice thing about Squarespace is they have a Fluid Engine. With Fluid Engine, the next generation website editor from Squarespace, it's never been easier for anyone to unlock unbreakable creativity. You choose your website starting point, customize every design detail with reimagined drag-and-drop technology for desktop or mobile. Stretch your imagination online with Fluid Engine included in any new Squarespace site. And what I love about Fluid Engine is it works underwater.

00:35:44

Erin

Uh-oh.

Adal

Yeah, engines work in fluid. That's been a thing.

Erin

You can easily manage your clients and invoices from vetting leads to receiving payment via invoices in one streamlined, customizable workflow. Sorry, I said flow. I know that reminds you of the water. Seems like you need a little break from the water.

JPC

Why did you fall out of the sky? Let's give him a towel. Head to Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you're ready to launch, go to Squarespace.com slash Riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Hey Erin, Adal. Hey! Thanks for joining me. Unfortunately, I have to give you guys back your $250. I just don't think, I thought I would be able to teach you JPC, but it's just like language-wise, it's just like too difficult to learn how to speak it.

00:36:51

Adal

Well, that makes sense.

JPC

Yeah.

Adal

I did actually keep the $250 because I've been learning through Babbel. Have you heard of Babbel?

JPC

Oh, wait, Babbel, isn't that the science-backed language learning app that gets you talking? But they don't even teach you GPC on that app. That's not even one of the official languages you could learn.

???

Well, it's just I've been holding back on travel plans because I'm afraid of the language gap. But with Babbel, there's no need to mind the gap because they teach you whatever language you want to learn.

Erin

And I don't have to waste hundreds of dollars on private tutors like yourself. That's the old school way of learning a new language. All I have to do is go to Babbel's 10-minute lessons that are so quick and handcrafted by over 200 language experts, ready to get you talking your new language in three weeks. Because talking is the key to really knowing any language.

JPC

Yeah, but Babbel is designed by real people for having real conversations. Babbel, you know, gets you talking. But, you know, JPC is designed by one crazy man to talk in a language that only one person in the world understands. Isn't that better?

00:37:54

Erin

We agree.

Adal

I mean, I'm going to Japan soon, and I've been using Babbel to learn some Japanese.

JPC

Yeah, but with JPC you can learn to say thank you like a thousand different ways. You can go, and those are both thank you in JPC.

Erin

Oh boy. Yeah, a lot of JPC is just going, hey, get out of here.

JPC

Oh, okay. Thank you. I have lost a little weight.

Erin

Don't just take my word for it. Studies from Yale, Michigan State University, and beyond continue to prove Babbel works. One study found that using Babbel for 15 hours is equivalent to a full semester at college. That's amazing. With over 16 million subscribers sold, Babbel's 14 award-winning language courses are backed by a 20-day money-back guarantee, so no pressure at all.

Adal

Here's a special limited time deal for our listeners. Right now, get up to 60% off your Babbel subscription, but only for our listeners at babbel.com slash riddle. Get up to 60% off at babbel.com slash riddle spelled B-A-B-B-E-L dot com slash riddle. Rules and restrictions may apply. Do you want to say that in JPC? Oh, absolutely.

00:39:03

???

And if you want me to translate that for you, Venmo me.

JPC

Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't.

Erin

Adal, JPC, you guys are not going to believe what I've been spending my money on.

JPC

We'll probably believe it. Well, don't lie to us. Tell us the truth.

Erin

Oh, okay. Well, the truth is that I have been sending an acapella app $50 a month for the last six months. I downloaded it rocket money, and they caught it for me, and then they canceled it for me. Thank God, right? That's so much money.

JPC

Yeah, that's a lot of money. And what would an acapella app even be, right?

Erin

Don't ask questions you don't want the answer to, answer to, answer to.

JPC

I don't want the answer to that, so that makes sense.

Adal

Erin, I've heard of Rocket Money in a more normal way. With Rocket Money, I have full control over my subscriptions and a clear view of my expenses. I can see all of my subscriptions in one place, and if I see something I don't want, like acapella for $50 or whatever it was, Rocket Money can help me cancel it with just a few taps.

00:40:10

Erin

And they also monitor your spending and help lower your bills so that you can grow your savings.

JPC

Yeah, and Rocket Money will even try to negotiate lower bills for you by up to 20%. All you have to do is submit a picture of your bill and Rocket Money takes care of the rest. They'll deal with customer service, Erin, for you.

Erin

Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has saved a total of $500 million in cancelled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year when using all of the app's features.

JPC

So stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocketmoney.com slash riddle. That's rocketmoney.com slash riddle. rocketmoney.com slash riddle.

Adal

Do you guys think Kathy's in an acapella group? Dude, I love that. Hey Riddle Riddle And we're back, and Erin, how are you doing? Nausea-wise?

00:41:31

JPC

She's not opening her mouth because I saw her put a bunch of pennies in there. I'm sorry, Erin, but I want my pennies back. And I'm not on your team here. And, Erin, there's some puke seeping out of your nose.

Adal

God. What are the next three letters in this riddle? How would I know? How would I... No, that's four. That's four letters. What are the next three... What are the next three letters in this riddle? O-T-T-F-S... Sorry. O-T-T-F-F-S-S... Blank, blank, blank. Man, fuck you.

Niccole

I'm gonna write this down. Only one TikTok french fry shall stay.

Adal

Was that what the letters- were those the letters? Niccole, you got one of them correct.

Niccole

Wait, I did?! Well, one of the- you got something right.

Adal

What are the next three letters in this riddle? So here's what's already in place, and then there's three blanks.

Niccole

Okay.

00:42:32

Adal

O-T-T-F-F-S-S and then blank, blank, blank.

JPC

Is this going to involve me like knowing the fucking alphabet or whatever? Like the number, like what number is O? Nicole is blazing hot.

Niccole

A-B-C-D-E-F-G-H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O. Was that 10? A-B-C-D-E-F-G-H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O. Was that 10? A-B-C-D-E-F-G-H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O. Was that 10? A-B-C-D-E-F-G-H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O. Was that 10? A-B-C-D-E-F-G-H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O. Was that 10? A-B Oh, it's 15.

Erin

I would say transfer this focus onto another sequence.

Adal

But Niccole has said a few things that are blazing hot.

Niccole

15... So it's like 10, 15, 20. Right? I think that's what it is.

JPC

It's not that. Are we thinking like Roman numerals or some shit? Like, no, no? Pullback, pullback. Time?

00:43:32

Adal

It's not time.

JPC

It's not time.

Adal

I think y'all are complicating it more than you need to. Don't tell me what I'm doing, okay? I'll tell you what I'm doing. I'm complicating it more than I need to. And I'll say, I'll complicate it more than I need to. The answer, the three-letter answer, is a type of creature in Lord of the Rings. Oh, a shmeagle. Is the answer Schmeagle?

Niccole

I was so excited thinking you were just going to nail it.

Adal

Is it O-R-C? Orc. No, but that's a game. Is it E-L-F? You got one of those letters right. Is it M-A-N? Wow, one of the creatures in Lord of the Rings, man.

Niccole

So he said E-L-F, one of those letters was right. What kind of creature is a Gandalf? It's like an angel. O-T-F-S? O-T-F-S? Lord of the Rings.

JPC

One of the letters in elf is correct. Yes.

Erin

Yes.

JPC

Okay, this is E. Yes. It's E. It's E. Elk.

Erin

Elk.

JPC

Excuse me?

Erin

Elk? That's nothing. That's an animal.

JPC

Erin, are we thinking that there is an elk in the Lord of the Rings? Yeah. No, don't.

00:44:35

Erin

Don't. Come on. Come on. No. Aren't you bored of bullying me?

Adal

Niccole, you are Gandalf the Wizard. JPC, you are Aragorn the Strider. The Ranger. Yeah. And Erin, you are the lost character who's an elk, and these are the lost chapters where an elk tries to join the fellowship.

JPC

Gandalf, I just don't think that Frodo has the strength of will to take the ring to Mordor.

Niccole

Well, you know, as Gandalf, I have seen things happen. And so, yeah, maybe he could do it.

JPC

Your wisdom knows no ends, Gandalf. I put my trust in you.

Niccole

I believe in you and your power. Tell me about it.

Erin

Are my ears burning? You guys talking about me?

JPC

What? Who goes there?

Erin

Yes, and my antlers.

00:45:36

JPC

You don't have antlers. I don't? No.

Erin

What do I have?

JPC

Well, you have nothing but... I mean, elk do shed antlers. Did you think that you still had... Oh, my antlers.

Niccole

Did you drop them somewhere? What's happening? I'm Gandalf, I don't know Elk.

JPC

Oh, Gandalf, it's my birthday. You're obviously playing a prank on me. You gave an elf the ability- an elk, I'm sorry, the ability to speak. This is like a big- it's a wizard joke.

Erin

Uh, no. Uh, no. I, uh, sorry. No, what? Hold on, this was more impressive when I had antlers to help. Um... I saw that you guys were sort of starting a club where you're helping that little one ring a ring, and I thought I could help. No one can ride me, and I have a lot of food allergies.

JPC

We're super full up right now.

Niccole

Yes, I would take months to train you.

JPC

Because Gandalf has Shadowfax, which is kind of Gandalf's horse, and so we don't necessarily- Right, but again, you can't ride me. We wouldn't, yes.

Niccole

How would it benefit us to not ride you? Would you walk beside you and go slowly? Yeah, you'd have to go slow.

00:46:40

JPC

How would it benefit us to not ride you? Because we're gonna ride you if you can't come up with a compelling reason.

Niccole

If you can't come up with a good reason, I'm going to. Yeah, we're gonna get on you.

Erin

I got a bum leg.

JPC

That's not a me problem.

Erin

Okay. Well, I could help. I could, um...

JPC

We, a big part of this journey is gonna be about, uh, how- Thwack!

Adal

Ah, my elven eyes, did spying elk, I, Legolas, have- Not Legolas. Oh wait, were you talking to this thing?

???

Ow! Ow!

JPC

Legolas, did you just thwack that elk?

???

An arrow!

JPC

Ooh.

Adal

And Legolas never misses. That's kind of his whole thing.

Erin

Yeah, it's right between my eyes.

Adal

Yeah, it's in your brain. And I think sometimes when you get an arrow in the brain, you don't know you're dead for like a week. You know what?

JPC

We will take you to Mordor as cut up steaks, kind of like dried and jerkified.

Niccole

You're not supposed to tell them.

JPC

We're going to cut them and dry them. But I do want them to know that they're going to contribute to- A win's a win. We'll use all of you. It's cake.

Erin

It's cake. Nike Jay!

00:47:44

Niccole

You know, it's like you think you've seen all the Lord of the Rings and you have, but then you remember you have a terrible attention span. And so you're like, you know who I get confused as Gandalf and the Harry Potter... Dumbledore. Dumbledore. Yeah. Same guy though, same actor. Who does the You Shall Not Pass? That's Gandalf, right?

???

That's Gandalf.

Niccole

Okay, I was right. I had the right in my mind. Dumbledore is gay, but not in the books, just after.

JPC

Just after, yes. Just after. So, I want to change my answer from orc to int. So, E-N-T. That is correct. But, you need to tell me why that's right.

Erin

No!

???

Mind your business!

Adal

Are these Myers-Briggs types? That's the guy from American Pie?

Erin

No.

Adal

Oh yeah, Myers-Briggs, the guy who puts his dick in a pie.

Erin

He tells me what my personality is.

JPC

We'll just tell your mom we ate the pie.

Erin

I would love to take an online quiz where he's just on the other side being like, I don't know, you're an introvert I guess.

JPC

You take the whole Myers-Briggs test and it just tells you what Jason Biggs movie you should be in. It's like, you're a loser saving Silverman. So, yeah, so just move on, I guess, with the next riddle because I- You're dead right, but- E-N-T, you said, right?

00:48:49

Niccole

And it was right. E-N-T, yeah.

Adal

That is right. So, Niccole was blazing hot when you said, I can't remember what you said, you said one of these something. Okay, so it's O-F-F-T-T-S-S-E-N-T. O-T-T-F-F-S-S-E-N-T. Now, how many in total are there in this pattern? What? I have to do a different riddle now? O-T-T-F-F-S-S-E-N-T How many is that?

Niccole

Eight.

Adal

Okay, so these are all types of doctors. An ENT is an ear, nose, and throat doctor.

JPC

You split an ambulance, I'm your ENT.

Niccole

An OTS is on the side if you work at a restaurant.

JPC

FF is fast forward, as we all know, on a remote.

Niccole

Are we done? And I think we're done.

JPC

And I think we're done. And we're done here.

Niccole

We have to know, but I want to guess, because this is why I can't do these kinds of games, because then I will not, I'll be like, no, don't tell me, but tell me.

JPC

I don't know if this applies, but I have a very strong Diner Dash feeling right now where I just want to dash. I feel like I want to leave without paying.

00:49:50

Niccole

I'll come back in and pay you. What's the answer?

JPC

I'll say I'm sorry about my friend. It's his last day.

Niccole

Yeah, it's his last day.

JPC

It's his last day.

Niccole

He's a make-a-wish kid. His make-a-wish was to dine and dash one time.

JPC

He doesn't know, but today is it for him.

Erin

Can I say something about this riddle? This riddle feels how medicine tastes. Does that make sense? Which feels uncomfortable.

Adal

Erin, that's a trick question because Flintstone vitamins, in my opinion, in my household is medicine. And those are fucking delicious.

Erin

No, they don't. They taste like fruity chalk. Flintstone vitamins?

Adal

Fucking delicious.

JPC

That's insane. Erin, did you ever have Flintstone vitamins as a kid?

Niccole

You didn't love eating them?

JPC

No.

Niccole

I remember them being chalky too, but candy is chalky. Wait, Advil has candy coating, right? Ollie gummy vitamins are real good. I can eat them like beans.

JPC

Where do you get Ollie? Is that a brand?

Niccole

It's like at Walgreens. It's like a little trendy, cute brand. It's O-L-L-Y. You can take melatonin and it tastes like mango. And you're like, yum. I'm into it.

00:50:56

JPC

I don't know, I don't think that it should have any taste.

Niccole

I think, yeah, and I think this riddle feels like it should be on the SATs or the ACTs or something. Because it feels like an analogy problem.

Adal

It'd be at home there. So here's what I'll say. When Niccole said one, that correlates to one of the letters in this sequence. And I'll say the very first one. The very first one. O is one? Yeah.

Niccole

And the next one is TT. I'm

Erin

Four, five, oh it's the number, oh my god, it's the first letter of the number. It's the letter of the number.

Adal

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, and then ENT is eight, nine, ten.

JPC

My brain's too slow for this right now. One starts with an O, two starts with a T, three starts with a T, four starts with, and you know, I don't have to say what four starts with.

Adal

Now I spied Sam.

JPC

Thank you.

Adal

I spied Engineer Sam over here, punched a wall. He knew this.

00:51:57

Niccole

Did you know right away? I still don't understand it. Someone gotta write it down for me. Okay.

Adal

Well, Engineer Sam beats us again. I do want to see a scene. God. I want to see a scene. Niccole, you are a teacher in a, we'll say like a second grade classroom. Erin and JPC, you are two students who are called upon to say the numbers and you're trying to help each other out because you did not study for this. Got it, got it.

Niccole

Okay, so we're going to just go through what went through yesterday. It should be easy. It shouldn't be a disaster at all like it was yesterday. Okay, so we're talking about numbers. Okay. Danielle and Leroy, do you want to volunteer to come up to the front of the class and do your numbers for us?

JPC

It's not volunteering for you to be here. Yes. Yes. Yes, Miss Pickles.

Erin

Leroy, I watched like eight hours of YouTube last night. I didn't think about this at all.

00:53:00

JPC

Are we supposed to do these in cursive?

Niccole

I can hear both of you and I just say go for it.

JPC

Okay, okay, we know the first one. A, B, C, D, E, F, G, 4, 5, 6, and 17.

???

A, B, C, D, E, F, G, 4, 5, 6, and 17. Okay, that's close. 81, 90, 64, 32, and 64.

???

Now we've said our 1-2-3's Next time please don't call on me

00:54:07

Adal

As an outside observer, Mrs. Pickles' teachings were unorthodox, but they had results.

Niccole

You said things out loud at the end. You sang a Lumber song, so I guess Mrs. Pickles did it.

Adal

You won't know math, but you will write a musical.

JPC

That's more valuable, honestly, in your life. Are you going to be an engineer? No, you're going to write musicals.

Adal

Who's name do you know better? Lin-Manuel Miranda or... Jonathan Groff. Math. Wait.

Niccole

Mr. Math. Mr. Math. Alright, more riddles. Oh my gosh, I'm so frustrated about this OTT FFS. I'm gonna look it up.

Adal

A dead man. A dead man. I'm obsessed, Niccole, with Gandalf starting sentences with, as Gandalf.

Niccole

As Gandalf, I must say.

Adal

As Gandalf.

Niccole

I have to remind myself sometimes what I'm doing in an improv scene by just being like, yeah, I'm that person.

JPC

I am Gandalf.

Niccole

I am.

Adal

My favorite movement in improv scene is to go, hey, real quick, who are we and what do we mean to each other? Of course, the best initiation in improv scene is, fuck you, where are we?

00:55:13

Erin

Fuck you, where are we is so fucking funny. Fuck you, where are we?

JPC

I was walking, my wife and I were walking on the beach yesterday when we got into town and there was a full beach and I was like hearing people's conversations and snippets which is something that I enjoy picking up on as I walk and I heard it was I think it was a young that looked like maybe a couple on a blanket together and as we were walking past the woman said not too busy to text a bunch of girls and as I was walking by I told Mariah I was like Hey Riddle Riddle.

Adal

In any other place in the world, I would be like, yes, that is the most salacious fun conversation over here. I guarantee you that they were rehearsing lines. Yeah, they were rehearsing lines? I guarantee you they were rehearsing lines for an audition. Yeah, that's probably true.

Niccole

That's funny. The worst. Yeah, right? He sounds like a jerk.

00:56:16

JPC

He sounds like a cheater.

Niccole

You know, I'm already on her side.

JPC

And I told Mariah, I was like, that's my boy! That's my boy, how could you do him like that?

Adal

You should have ran up and been like, I did it, I grabbed the phone.

???

Blame me. I took his phone, he's a good guy, take him back, Teresa!

Adal

How does he know my name? A dead man is discovered in a locked office. He's the only person in the room.

Niccole

Sad.

Adal

Erin, you got it.

Niccole

It's sad.

Adal

This is a psychopath test.

Niccole

Yeah, that's sad. Can I just say, like, legitimately, what's so funny that you said that? I was just at home watching Signs of a Psychopath, so I know all of that. What are they? Oh, I don't know. Killing animals or some shit? Okay, you were glued to that TV. Didn't I say earlier, was it on the podcast or before, that I don't pay attention when I watch things?

JPC

Yes.

Niccole

I think I just said it like 10 minutes ago.

JPC

That's confirmation that you were telling the truth when you said that. Yeah.

Niccole

My brain kind of checked out a while ago, but there's a lot of signs. Killing animals, wetting the bed, killing small animals, obsession with fire, obsession with violence, any violence or fire, disasters, serial killers. And what's crazy too is to see how many parents are like, it was so weird when he killed the cat and put the cat's head on a spit, but then I didn't think he was going to murder 10 years later. And it's like, what made you think he wasn't going to do that?

00:57:29

JPC

I think it's also like referring to your mom as either mother or mommy dearest. Those are big red flags. But not your wife, so Mike Pence is fine. Mike Pence is fine.

Niccole

Mommy. Oh no, what does he call her? Mommy?

JPC

Mommy, yeah. Yeah, and is it okay that we think Mike Pence is fine? Is that okay for the podcast? No, you're right. Yeah, it's probably pretty bad. Okay, I'll go the other way. I think Trump should have killed Mike Pence. Which, who wants to love me? I want to be loved.

Niccole

You know who had the opportunity and missed it was the fly that flew onto his head? I'll never forget it.

JPC

God, the fly that hit Mike Pence's head. I remember going on Twitter right after it and there was like four different accounts that were like Mike Pence fly, fly Mike Pence, Pence fly hat. I was like, what are we doing here?

Erin

Trying to feel something. Trying to feel something.

Adal

Trying to feel anything. There's a scene in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. Is that the third one? It's the one with Sean Connery. Yeah. Yeah.

???

The Last Crusade.

Adal

There's a scene where it's like a guy, it's maybe the main villain, where he's like tracking Indiana Jones and he finds him in Petra or something. And as he's talking, a fly lands on his face and crawls into his mouth, disappears. And the actor kept going, like didn't flinch or anything. And it's one of the wildest little, it's not an outtake because they kept it in, but it's like, How impressive that this guy... No, not impressive. With a fly crawling on his face and going into his mouth and down his throat, this guy stayed in character.

00:58:51

Niccole

Was he supposed to be evil? Yeah, he was supposed to be evil. Well, he was like in character.

JPC

Here's what I think happened. That guy had like three strikes already on set and his job was dangling. If you cough one more time. He felt a fly in his mouth and he goes, I cannot ruin this take. I cannot get fired again. I'll eat a fly. I'll eat a fly to keep my job.

Niccole

I would eat a fly to get a job right now. I would eat a lot of flies!

Adal

There was a lady who swallowed a fly. I don't know why.

Niccole

Well, actually, it was for... She got a gig out of it. She did get a writing job out of it.

Adal

It's for Gilmore Girls.

Niccole

Yeah, she ate a fly, but the show went three seasons, so... It's all like... correlation?

Adal

A dead man is discovered in a locked office. He is the only person in the room. He did not commit suicide. There are no weapons in the room. Oh, so he'll go to heaven. So what are we talking about here? The only clue is a sealed envelope on the desk in front of him. How did he die?

Niccole

He cut his little fingie on the envelope. Yes, he cut his little fingie on the envelope.

00:59:53

Erin

That is the answer we're submitting. Like the nursery rhyme. When you said sealed envelope... Wait, nothing rhymes with envelope.

JPC

The only thing I had in my head was, kiss for my rooves. And I was like, yeah, it's a sealed envelope. And I was like, what am I doing here?

Niccole

What's that poison that you send in the mail? Yeah, that's what it is. He licked the... that envelope had poison on it when he licked it.

JPC

Oh, like Costanza's fiancé.

Niccole

Anthrax. Is that Seinfeld? Did it get dark?

Adal

Isn't there a thing on Seinfeld where George was like cheap and he bought the wrong envelopes and his fiancée was licking them? The wedding invitations, yeah, yeah, okay. Oh yeah, that would be a big one. You just do an online invitation, you don't waste paper.

JPC

I thought Adal, when you were reading this riddle, that the answer was going to be, because you were like, a man was found alone in an office and it was locked or whatever. I was like, well, who found him? If he was truly alone, the killer must have found him. But it wasn't that, so hardly worth mentioning even.

01:00:58

Niccole

Well, no, you were thinking of a more advanced riddle, I think.

JPC

Yes, that's right.

Niccole

Honestly, since I guess that is a pretty basic riddle. Okay, I'm just gonna be real with y'all. I guess the easy one.

JPC

I think it was impressive. I wanna see a scene. Okay, Adal, you're going to be like a famous detective. And you have been brought into a crime scene and everyone expects you to do like a Sherlock Holmes thing and like tell them the answer and you two are like the the bumbling like you know officers who are already at the crime scene but like nothing that he's saying actually pans out to how the crime was committed.

Erin

Can I just say it's an absolute honor to meet you, sir. We're part of your fan club.

Niccole

Oh sir, we're such big fans of yours. We studied your whole career. We love you. We love your books.

Adal

I appreciate that. It's always nice to meet a fan of Dick Suspicious. Now, I think I see what happened here.

Niccole

Yeah, tell us. Tell us. Tell us. We've always wanted to see this in person. I've heard he's amazing. He just solves crimes immediately.

Adal

Clearly this man on the ground before me, naked and nude, which are different, which are different,

Erin

I know, we saw your scandal in the paper. We know. We know. With a sock and without. I get it.

01:02:01

Adal

I was naked at Applebee's. There's a difference.

Erin

You were drunk and naked at Applebee's.

Adal

Naked is when your clothes get caught in a door on the way in and they rip off. Nude is when you're... We'll see you next time.

Erin

The man in front of us is clearly a clown.

Adal

Because what happened was he blew up a balloon. Here we go! started the meter, the taxi drove across town, the car flipped as it hit an oil patch, right? As the car flipped, the man started to sing an opera song, being a baritone The opera song attracted a audience of people who were clapping and applauding and throwing roses, which is where the marks on his neck come from, thorns.

01:03:36

Erin

This is a male man with an arrow in his chest.

Niccole

Yeah, I thought it was the arrow too. I thought it was the arrow that killed him. But listen, we don't know. What do we know? What do we know? Fuck you, where are we?

???

Scene.

JPC

Hoisted on your own, Picard. Make it so.

Erin

You're brilliant. JVC's not so bad after all, I've decided.

Adal

Thank you, Erin.

Erin

Wow. Was it from the eye contact? Fuck you.

JPC

Okay.

Adal

Where are we?

JPC

Okay, back on the list.

Adal

Here's my impression of Patrick Stewart as a magician. Picard! Any card. Wow. Oh, good one. If I get too hot, I simply freeze. What am I? Oil.

Niccole

If you get too hot, you simply freeze. I mean, that's me. Like, if you see somebody that's really hot, and you're like, oh my god, I'm so horny for them, I freeze. Yeah, right? Like, you get tongue-tied. Like a socially awkward lady.

Adal

That works for sure.

???

A woman meeting Channing Tatum, I presume?

Niccole

Oh, yeah.

01:04:37

JPC

I don't know who the hot guys are these days.

Adal

I don't want to get into too much of anything, but it could also be a man meeting Channing Tatum.

Erin

From She's the Man? Don't mind if I do.

Adal

Jenny Tatum's in a movie called She's the Man?

Erin

Is that Amanda Bynes? Of course, have you seen that movie? I know of it.

JPC

It's like early Tatum. It's the earliest.

Erin

His breakout role. Oh wait, he's in that?

JPC

Yes.

Erin

He's the love interest in that. His role is a breakout role? Oh my god, Adal, you have not seen She's the Man. We have to do it for review too. She does the craziest voice in the history of cinema in that movie.

JPC

The whole premise is that she, it's Taming of the Shrew? Twelfth Night.

Erin

Right? Yeah, Twelfth Night.

JPC

It's one of those... Or the one where they have the woman masquerading as a man. Yes, whatever that is. But it's like a Shakespeare in modern times. Yeah, 10 Things I Hate About You is the other example.

Niccole

Well, that was Taming of the Shrew.

JPC

Yes, exactly. Or She's All Richard III. But Amanda Bynes has a brother in this movie that looks kind of nothing like her, and she pretends to be him by just being Amanda Bynes wearing makeup, and everyone is just like, Yeah that's the brother and it's true and no one ever addresses the fact that She just looks like Amanda Bynes wearing like a fake mustache.

01:05:49

Erin

Adal doing the craziest voice in the history of cinema.

Adal

Can I hear an impression of it?

Niccole

No, I'll save it for the pot. Niccole, have you seen this movie? I don't think I've seen the movie, but I have so many friends that talk about it.

JPC

But even if Niccole hadn't seen the movie, canonically now, we wouldn't remember the movie. The details would not be there.

Niccole

It's so true that it's almost scary. You'd be like, did you see it? And I'd be like, yes. And you'd be like, what was your favorite part? And I'd be like, I could not tell you.

JPC

I don't know. I play video games sometimes where my wife watches something and a lot of times she will say, you didn't watch that movie. And I'm like, they didn't do a good enough job making a movie that I would want to watch. Two people are at fault here. This is a failing on a systemic level, I would say.

Niccole

For me, it's me, the movie, and Steve Jobs because I'm just looking at my phone. And my mom for giving me ADHD.

01:06:59

Adal

What's the lead character? And she's like, Karen? I'm like, we're Karen! And she's like, you don't remember the lead character? We just watched five seasons in three days? And I'm like, I don't fucking know.

Niccole

I'm like that with, uh, not Lord of the Rings, but Game of Thrones. Seven seasons? Uh-uh. I didn't know who was anybody.

Adal

The current House of Dragons is like Damon, Daenerys, D'Angelo D'Angelo the R&B star?

Niccole

I gotta watch Lord of the Dragons!

JPC

I want to see a scene, I want to see a scene. So you three are going to be in a focus group, I'm going to be leaving the focus group. And we have just watched the most recent episode of, what's the Game of Thrones show, the new show called? House of Dragons. House of the Dragons. We've just watched the newest episode and none of you and I'm asking questions about the show and none of you retained anything from the episode. Great. Okay, I'm seeing a lot of smiles. How did we how did we enjoy the episode? Oh, we were just telling jokes. Oh, I'm sorry. Uh, yeah, but okay, but we did watch, we watched the episode. Oh for sure, but we're smiling because of jokes. Got it. Would you like to share one of the jokes? Was it a joke related to the episode or?

01:08:10

Adal

Well, Amber was saying, um, House of the Dragon, if you just take the first letter that spells hot D, and we thought that was funny.

Erin

Yeah, they all laughed.

Niccole

They all laughed when I said it.

Adal

Like hot dick. Like hot dick. Okay, yeah.

Niccole

It was such a short joke, but you said it and we laughed the whole rest of the episode. Yeah.

JPC

Oh, that was said at the beginning of the episode. Right, yeah. But we kept remembering it.

Niccole

We were like, ah, hot D.

JPC

Okay, well, what did everyone think about the big twist of this episode?

Niccole

Are we gonna get second lunch? Oh, I want a second. Y'all got more of those sandwiches or no?

???

Those are so good.

Niccole

We haven't had a sandwich like that in a long time.

JPC

Is that a Quiznos? It was a Quiznos, yeah. Hot subs.

Niccole

You know what I liked about this show? That time when those two were talking and that one girl goes, uh, Negroni Spagliato. Oh, yes. With Prosecco in it. And the other girl goes, what'd she say, brilliant or something? I was like, that is

Adal

Hey Riddle Riddle

01:09:16

Erin

Yeah, you know my I have my favorite part of the episode. Oh, yeah, that could be helpful I liked when it was like really that the bread was toasted really really well sure yeah, and then it was like teriyaki chicken With like the melted cheese on it, okay?

Adal

Yes, and it like a little yes, that was that that was the Quiznos the Quiznos sub that you had amazing I'd love another I have some feedback sure Oh feed that great per I think it would be so and I think we all agree right it would be so Cool, yeah If there was an ad campaign that was Pop Quiznos, it's a teacher, and they say Pop Quiznos, and the kids go, what? And then they pull out of their desk a Quiznos. Who was everyone's favorite character in the show? Teriyaki with cheese.

Niccole

I like the dragon. I'm going to keep on the topic. Uh, a dragon. Anyway, buy that Quiznos sandwich!

JPC

Okay, we didn't have a dragon in this episode. Could the dragon eat Quiznos? Well, there was no dragon in this episode. They could toast their own subs. They could toast their own subs.

Erin

We watched a funny Dragontails TikTok that I capped on the... You watched a Dragontails... Okay.

JPC

None of you are gonna get the $12. None of you are gonna get the $12.

Niccole

But another sub, please? No, I got the $12. I signed a W-2. You're giving me money. I signed a W-2!

01:10:24

JPC

You are all gonna be employees.

Erin

Alright. Well...

Adal

If I get too hot, I simply freeze. What am I?

Erin

Fuck! We didn't do this one yet? Just tell us.

Niccole

I hate you, Adal! I have another recording I gotta get to. Oh, I know what it is! Is it like nitrous oxide or something?

Adal

That's a great guess. Erin, just get it fast. Get the answer fast.

Niccole

I don't know. A heart?

Adal

This is something that's in this room right now. This is something that's visible.

Erin

Oh, a computer!

Niccole

I knew it! Nicole got the riddle at the buzzer beater. That wasn't really an easy one. I think I challenged myself.

JPC

That was a tough one. And there's like a million things in this room.

Niccole

I was gonna say a Sam, but it wasn't Sam.

Adal

A missile battery. I saw Sam pull out his phone and order Quiznos.

Niccole

Do you guys remember those commercials? You heard me sing it.

JPC

We love the subs! I do think all the Quiznos are gone though, so Sam may have been ordering it from the past.

Niccole

What is a firehouse sub?

JPC

What does that mean?

01:11:25

Niccole

It's like firemen would make it. Erin is trying to end the episode. I have to go, I'm gonna be so late.

Erin

Niccole, you were the champion of the episode. Thank you so much for coming. Do you have anything you'd like to plug? Any shows?

Niccole

I really don't, but you can follow me on social media because right now I'm just hanging and posting stupid stuff on social media. It's Niccole Thurman, N-I-C-C-O-L-E-T-H-U-R-M-A-N on all platforms.

Adal

And Niccole, and I'm repeating something you said, you are willing to swallow a fly for parts.

Niccole

Oh yeah, yeah. I'll swallow all the flies. You wanna sting me with some bees? You wanna just look at me and say, no, but then give me the job? I'll take it.

JPC

It sounds like, Niccole, you could do Fear Factor from like 20 years ago. Yeah.

Niccole

Okay, I'll do Fear Factor. Is it pay? Is it union?

JPC

I'll eat a scorpion for Fear Factor. What do I have to plug, Erin? I'll just keep plugging our tour of the Northeast this fall in October. We're going to Boston, D.C., and New York. So it's a mini tour.

Erin

Come hang out with us.

JPC

HeyRiddleRiddle.com slash live for tickets.

Adal

Adal, do you have something to plug? Yes, I want to plug our upcoming review crew at some point where I guess we're watching... She's the man. You're the man to dog binds?

01:12:32

Erin

You're the man to dog binds. She's the man, I can't wait.

Adal

It's great. I watched it recently. I'd love to watch it again. Are we doing this for a review?

JPC

Absolutely, absolutely.

Erin

Oh my gosh, I love this. And I would like to plug our Patreon, where you can find our review crew. Patreon.com slash HeyRiddleRiddle. Lots of my favorite episodes of all time are over there. So check it out. Come hang out for a week for free.

Adal

And as always, we're going to do two or three closing riddles.

Erin

Nope. Jupiter. Bye.

???

Where are your parents in the music? Bogo Creek.

JPC

Hey there milkshakes and Hollywood signs. If you liked that, you are going to love this week's Patreon. We bring you to L.A. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com. Hey Riddle Riddle by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or start your seven day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month. Plus I get those ad free episodes. See you there.

01:13:47

???

That was a hate gum podcast.