Which Riddle Riddle?

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I got a riddle order for an Adal. Riddle for Adal.

We actually placed our order at the same time, so mine should also... I was ahead of him, so mine should be ready as well.

Yes, sir. Just give us one second. You ordered the hay?

Yeah.

And he had the two riddles?

We were going to split one of the riddles, but he paid for the second riddle.

This is a really long story. I just am trying to get through the day.

We'll split the riddles back there so we don't have to.

Which way? Lengthwise or horizontal or vertical?

Dealer's choice.

Don't say that. If you want it this way, then it's like Riddle. And if you want it the other way, then it's just parts of letters.

I guess, well, split it lengthwise.

We're both gonna split it.

Should I get a say? I mean, I didn't pay for it, but I'm not sure if there's a rule that says the person that didn't look at the sign.

Can we talk to your manager?

You are exasperated.

Yeah, I work at a fucking riddle store. This is awful.

We want to talk to the manager to give you a break because it seems like maybe you're being

I'm the manager and none of my employees come in every day. I have no break. My life sucks. Oh, you're the manager? My job sucks.

Well, then fuck you. You're part of the problem. We're with the employees.

Alright. Down with management. I'm just going to cut your riddle in half. Oh, looks like your hay is ready. Here's your riddle and here is your hay. Go ahead and get started. Do you need any condiments?

There's tomato on this. I wanted no tomato.

Do I accept a tip? Am I going to accept a tip from you?

Can you accept a tip legally?

Yes.

Okay, we're secret shoppers.

That's not a tip.

Oh, okay, yeah. I thought it might be.

You wanted no tomato?

Yeah.

No.

Well, I think this is... No. I think this is enough for a podcast.

Okay, great. Great. So we can start it? Go ahead. Okay, great. Let's start.

This is a woman on fire.

This is Hey Riddle Riddle with tomato.

Now with more tomato than ever.

I'm JPC.

That's Adal over there. And I'm looking at Erin right across the room from me because we're recording in person.

And?

And we also have a special guest in studio, and I do mean that in studio because we're recording these in a studio, which is absolutely wild for us. It's Vic Michaelis. Vic, welcome to the podcast.

I don't know if I'm supposed to be applauding for myself, but I am. You should applaud for yourself. It's one of those things where I really do think if like any kind of a compliment or something like that is flying your way, grab it. Life is hard. Take it.

Oh yeah. And we'll, the claps, we'll sweeten that. And I had to say sweeten those because that's one of my favorite industry terms.

Is that an industry term?

Sweeten. So it's like if there's a standup special or something, they will sweeten it, meaning they add more robust laughs to make it sound like a hit harder.

That is heartbreaking. Yeah. Yeah, that's really inhuman. You're telling me Bo Burnham's not that funny?

I shouldn't have said Bo Burnham. I actually like Bo Burnham stuff, so I shouldn't have said Bo Burnham. What should I say?

Could be. Nice to know that even the people on top need a little sometimes, you know what I mean? Is that a Raptors hat you're wearing?

Yeah, this is a Toronto Raptors hat.

Come on. There we go. Toronto in the house. I love it. It's working. Toronto zone. Yeah, Toronto's own. I'm begging to be Toronto's own. I'm trying hard. I left and they said, get out of here and don't ever come back. And so I really am, at every single turn, I'm going, and this is a product of Toronto in the hopes that I will be invited back. They're going to be proud of you. They're going to give you the key to the city.

Do you think? I really do.

I don't even need a key to the city. I'll clean the lock, you know? Clean the lock!

Vic, we do have to ask you, legally, two things. One, how do you feel about Drake?

What's up? I'm Erin Keif, and thanks for listening.

I only know what I've heard from Kendrick Lamar and it's not good.

Not great, not glowing.

That's not the raps, Kendrick is a friend of Adal.

That brunch buddy.

Kendrick Lamar, my brunch buddy.

That would actually be really nice.

I just feel like working in service, you get to sort of like see sides of people that maybe you don't ordinarily and I just felt fine. I was just sort of like, okay. I don't know.

I don't think people show a different side of service. The little improv scene we did at the top shows anything about our personalities at all.

Yeah, well, not you guys.

That's not important. But speaking of cool hats, you have a Huntington Garden hat on. Thank you. Which is my favorite place in the world, maybe. Is it? We should go.

Yeah, we should go.

I would love that.

That would be so nice. Okay. Do you have a favorite garden there?

Where's Huntington Garden?

Yeah, Huntington Garden is in Pasadena, the most beautiful place on the planet. I think that's growing up too, is at first you're like, oh, I want to live in Hollywood. And then you grow up and you go, no, no, no, I want to live in Pasadena.

That's where the Father of the Bride House is. Is that true? Yes. Sometimes I just go and I visit it. They like know my car. I like go and park outside.

No, I think that's good. This is going to go for a while. And I might.

If big businesses are allowed to do that, which I feel like they do, I think we're allowed to do that for the greater good. I completely agree.

Your favorite garden at the Huntington.

Um, I like the bonsai tree area. I can just walk around there forever. I also didn't realize that bonsai was like a style of design and anything can be a bonsai tree.

Really? Just the way it's pruned?

Don't quote me on that. I am just saying that. I believe so. And they have a ton.

This is the second thing that you've said that you are not supposed to say on the show.

Are you at all concerned? Now I'm a little worried. So I'm just saying everything I say is completely what my employers think also. And it is that bonsai trees are anything. It's just about the design.

Vic, I'm seeing why you were a brand ambassador, because I feel like if I saw you on TV and you were like, Tim Hortons, gotta drink it, I'd be like, that makes sense.

Thank you for saying that, Tim. If you're listening, I'm begging. I'm begging.

The titular Tim Hortons. And we'll sweeten that coffee. You were also saying before we started recording that you don't do podcasts, or that you don't do a podcast yourself, but I would say that people could check you out on Friend of the Pod, the Mandog podcast, because every time you go on that show, you are very, very famous.

Oh, that means a lot. Yeah, I mean, like, I love Ryan and Dan. They're the best. And yeah, that pod is so fun to do. I really like guesting on podcasts. The idea of hosting or having a podcast feels daunting and paralyzing.

Always a guest, never a host. In a good way.

In a good way. In a good way. In a good way. No, that's good.

Adal, you were going to ask Vic a second question.

A second question is, yes, thank you. What is your relationship with riddles? Do you like escape rooms, puzzles, crosswords?

I love escape rooms, and I've done hundreds of escape rooms. I really, really love escape rooms. I like riddles. My family's the type where if we're in line at a theme park, we're theme park people. We'll, like, just pull out, like, a list of riddles to do. We warm up for escape rooms with, like, different types of puzzles or, like, little games that are gonna help us warm up. You have a sister or brother I could marry, or... I do, actually. What is... What's your flavor? What are you into? One of each. I got two sisters, two brothers. Oh, my God.

That's a big family. All right. Well, whatever. Assess my vibe in this episode and then send me up.

Okay. Erin, you usually go for dads.

I know, but I'm trying to get off the stuff. I've been bad. I'm taking a couple months break from Dad. Okay, great.

So that means that near the end of the episode, we're all going to try to guess birth order based on what we know about how you are personality-wise from the episode.

Oh, I love that. I'm so curious what we're going to come up with.

Oh, fun. Okay.

I love that. I love that. Yeah, so love escape rooms. I'm desperate. I'm the type of person that I'm desperately trying to get people to do escape rooms with me at all times. There's some, especially in LA, some fantastic ones in Toronto. I was really lucky. Real Escape Games came out there. It was like, I think they were in San Francisco and then they originated in Japan and then there was a hub in Toronto, which was like the original escape room. The one where you could like, maybe a mild spoiler, you can like tear furniture apart and stuff like that. And there's like pieces of stuff in furniture. That's every escape room.

For those listening, that's every escape room.

We'll see you next time.

I've probably done like 80. Have you done the hatch rooms out here?

Like Lab Rat or anything like that? Yes, I've done Lab Rat. I was going to do the ladder, which I heard is incredible.

And that you can do it multiple times. A friend of the show, Sandy Weiss, did it maybe like a play test or something because he does this, he creates escape rooms.

Well, and that one I think is the one where it's purposefully you can go back and do that one a couple of times.

Yes, it's like your information carries over and you're trying to go throughout the decades, maybe 50s to 2020s or something. Unreal. Erin and I are going, JPC did not want to go. Well, he also has family. JPC has a baby. We're going to do the Ministry of Peculiarities.

Oh, yeah. I've heard good things about that one. I feel like post things opening up, post lockdown, I haven't been to as many escape rooms. I do a lot of them. My family is in Orlando, so we've done basically every escape room in Orlando. But out here, I feel like there's some new ones that have popped up. Like, I've done all of the ones over at the basement, which are spooky games. The elevator one is incredible. Elevator's incredible.

Water starts to rise out of the floor.

That's scary.

Have you done Stash House?

Yes, I did Stash House, which I really, really loved. The one I really want to do still is the Hex that's out in, I believe, Anaheim. So there's like a couple more. I mean, we've done all the 16-out ones, done all the quest rooms. Weeping Witch? No.

I think that's at the same place as Hex. It's supposed to be one of the scariest rooms you could ever do.

Hell no. No.

You'll never get Erin to go now, but you could have tricked her.

The basement is one that if you are like, like the idea of scary but don't want it to feel too too scary is one I think like the basement original is a good one because there's like I believe they fill that room. I mean there's strangers in the room too which is like not totally ideal or you could pad it with all of your friends but you can go with like what like 10, 12 people or something like that. So that one I think the amount of people makes it feel a little less spooky.

Was it LA where we did that escape room where they asked if anyone in our party was like Comfortable with someone being in their face and I was like, I'll do it and was that Yes, and the guy with the chainsaw like came at me. Yes. Yeah, and I was like I'm not the hero from all those storybooks.

We did two in that place.

Yeah, and one of them was a

We, it's like an Egyptian themed or something. And at the end we're stuck with this statue and we're like, what the fuck do we do? And then we're kind of looking at the cameras and we're like, okay, someone stop us. And we're like, what do we do? And then we just finally smash it. And it's, we were supposed to smash it.

Yeah.

But at the time.

No, no, no, no, no. No, please. No, no, no, no.

Adal's, Adal's kidding.

My son's work.

You can break anything in the escape room. They're not going to stop you from doing it. You're a menace. You won't get kicked out more on a list. Okay, well, so we are going to do some riddles today. I'm gonna be old man puzzles for this episode. I can't wait.

Can I just say too, part of what I like about riddles is figuring out how to cheat and I like that you've positioned yourself on the same couch but as far away as possible.

Yeah, you are, we're simpatico here because there's nothing I like better than cheating at a game of skill. What's part of the skill? That's the skill.

How do you feel about social deduction games? Have you played them?

Like, what are they? Secret Hitler or Blood on the Clocktower? Werewolf? Mafia?

Blood on the Clocktower. I mean, like, I did theater in college. I played lots of werewolves.

We're all allowed to have done theater in college.

I have been doing recently a lot of Blood on the Clocktower, which has been really fun. There's like a big LA group of Blood on the Clocktower folks, which has been a really great time.

If you're ever in Chicago, we have a bi-monthly game. Yeah.

I wonder if Rush knows about the LA chapter of Blood on the Clocktower. I'm sure he's got his fingers in the Blood on the Clocktower pie all over this country. I played a lot of survivor as well like a lot of quarantine survivor and things like that and I'd say I'm somebody where I either people don't see me as a threat and I'm there till the end which is hopefully by design or I play with people that know me well enough and before I can even do anything I'm voted out immediately.

I clocked you as a big threat walking around.

Wow, huge. Yeah.

Threat, threat, threat. Apex predator. He tried punching me and I dodged.

I'm very fast.

And I'm not good at punching.

I don't know, that was... It was so slow. It was a terrible choice for me to do. And you said, here comes a punch.

I screamed threat, threat, threat. I stood up slowly. You literally telegraphed it. You got out of Morse code machine. I'd be really bad in a fight. Okay. So yeah, we're gonna do some riddles here. These are riddles from listeners of the show Again, we don't we do not say fans. We say listeners. This is a riddle from Thomas. Thomas writes A man enters a cage which is covered in blood. I also wanted to say, Erin, sometimes when you read riddles from listeners, you also include the nice things that the listeners say. I always strip all of that out because I can't be bought and I cannot be complimented.

What do you mean by can't be bought? Because here's the thing, you're reading the riddle already, right? So what are they trying to get?

Okay, but this one, actually, Thomas had a really mean message. So this is the opposite of being bought. No, I don't want to put that evil on Thomas. Most people like the show. But just so you know, if someone hears their riddle and they say, hey, I'm Thomas, and I actually wrote a really nice letter. You probably did, Thomas, but it was only for me and it's for no one else. So I read it and then I deleted it.

Oh, you get to keep that in your heart.

I love that.

I'm thinking of all the compliments I would have gotten in these past 300 episodes if you had read.

I could have, yeah, I could have. Because I know that they mean something to you, and that's another little thing for me to think. Yeah.

I can't wait for eventually just Erin sitting on the floor, surrounded by the emails of all the kind things that have been said to you, just weeping. I would wallpaper my room with that.

Thomas writes, a manager's a cage which is covered in blood.

I have a problem with this already. Who's doing that? Why? What's the motivation?

Maybe he's a blood cage cleaner. Maybe he's there to clean.

Oh, it's a job.

This could be a job.

Maybe that helps us.

Yes, all right. Yeah. And time will tell if he's a manager or an employee.

Am I allowed to talk while you're doing the riddles? You can do whatever you want here.

Wait, a surge of power rushing into my body.

Because I did come in immediately and you said there's several very specific rules you have to follow. Immediately followed by you slowly trying to punch me.

Threat, threat, threat. Missed the punch. Apologize for the punch.

Tell you the rules. Vic, our podcast is very similar to Michael Douglas' The Game.

I love that.

The most underrated movie of all time.

I love that. What is that?

Watch the game.

It's basically an escape room in a movie.

And there's a movie called The Escape Room, so that's high praise. Are the plots different from each other? They're horror movies, and honestly, they're fun. It's like watching an escape room and going, I think this is how you solve the puzzle, and then they proceed to do it. Amanda enters a cage which is covered in blood. He surveys the situation and removes a small piece of trash and exits the way he entered. Afterwards, he's hailed as a hero. Why?

Okay. Yeah. This is a riddle. This is a riddle. Is this like a shark, like one of those shark cages?

I guess it's like a shark cage in that it is a cage. But in no other way I would say is it like a shark cage. You said it was a piece of trash? It's a small piece of trash. It exits the way he entered.

Is the piece of trash, what is the POV of this? Is it us, the outsider, is looking at it as a piece of trash? Or this man, who I'm going to call Thomas because Thomas is in this riddle, is is identifying this thing as a piece of trash.

Oh, gotcha. So, hmm. Okay, so the man who's entering the cage covered in blood, I don't think they're seeing- The man is covered in blood. A man enters the cage, which is covered in blood. No, I'm sorry. Cage is covered in blood. Yes. I don't think that that man in the riddle is seeing this as a piece of trash. You could describe this thing as a piece of trash. It's pretty loose. Like, if you're like, that's a piece of trash, I would probably call it something a little more specific. GPC. But that's the riddle. Okay man. I have two guesses.

I'm proud to be trash. I actually don't care. You're ready to guess? I'm ready to posit some ideas.

Okay.

Hold on, a posit's just a guess. You can't confuse me, college boy. Is the cage like a Wrestlemania Hell in a Cell cage? Erin, don't say ooh to Wrestlemania Hell in a Cell.

Could it be that?

The piece of trash is like Mankind's sock, Socko or something? It's a tables, ladders, and chairs match, but is that the same? I love throw somebody through a table and then write them a letter. Tables, letters, and chairs.

What's your second guess?

This is a, this is like a aquarium and they chum the waters for the sharks or something or whatever sea creature and the piece of trash is like, you know how turtles will get like, what are the six pack holders, like the plastic, can you get a six pack of coke?

Oh yeah, that you're supposed to cut for the turtles.

Yeah, is it something like that where it's like he saved the life of the... That's interesting.

Saving the life. I was thinking the same thing. You're close with saving the life, but you're not close with like turtles or whatever the hell you... So it's not a sea creature. It's not a sea creature.

So, but is it maybe a thing that would be at a zoo? An animal? Is there melted ice?

I mean, Erin, technically it's an animal that would be at a zoo, but that's not really helpful.

Is it like a crib?

There's no melted ice and it's not a crib, no.

Yeah, why would there be blood everywhere?

Yeah. A man enters a cage which is covered in blood. He surveys the situation and removes a small piece of trash and exits the way he entered afterwards. He's hailed as a hero. Why? The hailing as a hero thing maybe could be an important avenue there. Yeah. Exits the way he entered is also kind of, I mean, everything's important. Is the healing as a hero like sarcastic? No. People are like, whoa. No, people truly, truly believe that this person is a hero.

Read the beginning of that one more time. A man? Exits the way he enters is important.

A man enters a cage which is covered in blood. He surveys the situation.

He just enters a cage. We don't know how he enters the cage.

Exactly. He surveys the situation and removes a small piece of trash and exits the way he entered. Oh, is this a mousetrap? This is not a mousetrap. A hamster cage? The man, I will say, has a clue to help you guys. Is it Jesus? Doesn't say that it is Jesus, but I won't say that it's not Jesus. The man has a very specific profession. Cage match Jesus. Cage match Jesus.

Cage match Jesus.

Do you see him on the cross? He's got that Dorito chip shape. He was starved up there.

No, if you weren't horny for Jesus, the Jesus statue at your church, you weren't living.

They made the Jesus at my church as sickly as possible because he was a Catholic. We Catholics are infernal people.

I was Catholic and our Jesus was Jack. Rockstar Jesus.

I do want to see a quick... I don't know if this is a scene. Vic and Erin, you're going to cut promos as... What's next?

Hey it's good Okay, here we go! I'm Abraham and I have 500 kids. And my kids are gonna descend upon you like the Lord said unto me. I shall have all of the earth with my children and we shall swarm you and defeat you and eat you. And I'm Mary Magdalene. You're gonna wash my feet with your blood.

Can I just say, if that was church every Sunday, right? I would be there

What kind of church did you go to?

And that was boring

It's a crazy thing. It was like, you know, the pastors and all the pastor's kids were making like millions of dollars living in these mini mansions.

Pastor takes out an electric guitar and starts to play Kid Rock or something.

Yeah, I mean, there was this whole big thing where there was this like, I keep saying this and I'm like, is this going to get me in trouble? There was like a big Christianity Today like expose on our pastor because he apparently like tried to put out a hit on a Christianity Today reporter. What? And I know, and his son-in-law It was a whole thing, it's all alleged, but then he ended up getting ousted by the elders because he was like, quote unquote, embezzling a bunch of money from the church and is still like now just like moved I think to California and is doing like a podcast.

I can't breathe.

He's doing a podcast now? JBC now's the time to reveal yourself.

Isn't it weird to get caught embezzling money from the church because you're like, that's what we're all here for, right? Like it's my money, like I earned it by swindling people.

Yeah, sure. Well, I think that's maybe why it's a little, but it's like when it's a big company, it's like you're saying you're doing it for stuff, but it's actually just going into a house. And I think with the number of profit, it can get like a little like... Yeah, with the tax exempt status or whatever.

Yeah. I'm telling you, I don't think people should be doing bad stuff.

Hot take. I know this is going to get me in big trouble. Oh my God, I just remember we haven't figured out the answer to this riddle.

Oh man. I hate that feeling. Hunter's a cage. It's a terrible feeling. Because I think that that's got to be a big piece of it. It's like we don't know how he's going in. I think initially I'm picturing a door. I really think that it's like we're appearing in this cage. Okay. Somehow.

The cage is technically a cage. You would call this a cage, but it's... Jail cell? I think it's an atypical type of cage that you probably wouldn't... It wouldn't be the first type of cage that you think of.

Okay. I know the answer.

Ooh.

The cage is a jail cell, and the piece of trash, quote-unquote, is going to be somebody that he's ratting on. And so he removes the piece of trash, takes them out, kills them, and then he's hailed as a hero because it was a really, really bad guy that they didn't know what to do with. HBO, are you listening? I think every part of that makes sense. HBO's like, yeah, Oz, we made Oz.

So where's the blood in this?

Because he killed the guy.

But he enters the cage, and it's already covered in blood.

Because that guy just killed a bunch of good guys.

The blood is proverbial and then also literal.

That works. It's not the answer. I think it is. I will accept it. And now Vic doesn't have to do any more riddles.

Great.

Now you two have to still come up with your own unique answer that hopefully is the right answer.

But Vic, you're off the hook. Is the bloody cage like a space station? Is this like an astronaut coming to a- Alien. What are some other types of cages that you can think of?

It literally has the word cage in it. Can I ask a question?

Rib cage. It's a rib cage. Erin, would you like to solve the puzzle? Erin, would you like to solve the puzzle? Oh, I'm so mad. I hate Riddle so much. It's so smug. He goes into a rib cage and takes out... Someone swallowed a piece of trash? Erin! What an idiot!

No, it's not someone swallowed a piece of trash. What is it?

Like a tumor?

Like a tumor? No, this is like another... It's not trash, but it's like... A baby? It's junk. It's not supposed to be in there. Rape.

A grape to poke around your heart? Grape!

I do want to see a scene.

Must be nice to have never had a grape in your rib.

You're going to be playing a surgeon and you are, and Adal, you're going to be the nurse assistant and you are going to be taking things out of a patient's body that are not typically found inside of a patient.

Okay. Scalpel. No, I found a scalpel inside this guy.

What the hell?

Oh my god.

They must have been operating on themselves.

My god, there's all sorts of stuff.

What else is in here?

Scissors.

Wow.

One of those pizza cutters.

Selfie stick. What the hell?

Okay, that's not bad. Oh my god, $100. Don't mind if I do. What do we do?

What do we do? Hey, come on.

What?

Cut it in half.

No.

If you have 51% of a bill, it's legal tender.

Wait, he's waking up.

He's waking up. Wait, wait, wait. Hey, what are you guys doing in my locker? Is that what you call your ribs?

I'm a doctor at this hospital. You can't just come into my locker. This is where I keep my scalpels. Run. Run. Run. Erin, you got it, of course. The trash is a piece of shrapnel. This person is a combat surgeon removing shrapnel from the chest of a soldier. Thomas. That's why they're a hero, because as we all know, soldiers are the real heroes. Are the heroes. Yeah. You put a soldier next to a teacher, that teacher's getting kicked in the teeth every single time I'm fast enough to kick him.

Yeah.

Which is- Never. Never. Unfortunately.

How do I feel about that riddle? Thomas, I think you should subscribe to Dropout TV. And I'm a huge fan of yours. And I love that. And I think you're so smart. And I think you're... And I love it. Great.

Okay. What the heck are they doing? They know how to... They're like not alienating the listener. What the fuck?

Love it.

Is someone writing this down?

Love it. I don't have a pen.

It's not being recorded.

Check your chest. Check your chest.

We're going to read a riddle now from Liam. Liam says, A man is walking down the street when a woman stops him and asks the time. He tells her, and he says that he can't understand what she's saying. So she asks again, to which he replies that it's 3.45pm. But she thanks him, and they go their separate ways.

Can you read it again? What's the question?

What? The question is, like, why? Like, why did this happen? Or what makes this make sense? A man is walking down the street when a woman stops him and asks him a time. He tells her that he can't understand what she's saying, so she asks again, to which he replies that it's 3.45 PM. She thanks him, and they go their separate ways. Why did this happen?

Was she speaking a different language at first?

I'm This person is a hero. You're correct, Vic.

So I'm thinking a 1300, 01300 and being like, what? And then being like, oh, wow. You laughed in my face and I actually had a real serious and excellent answer.

I've been trying not to do that.

Fuck.

Okay, well.

I think that's a good answer. That is a good answer. I think we should just accept it. Okay.

Vic, you no longer have to participate for the rest of this riddle.

This is huge. This has been my goal coming in. I say, plausible enough answer that I have to talk as little as possible.

I love that. And now you can just do what I do and just do jokes for the whole time.

Alan and Erin, what are we thinking? Is this something where it's like sign language and there's a misinterpretation with the sign language?

No, but you are so close.

He had to turn on his phone to tell the time.

Oh, interesting. But this is that he says he can't understand what she's saying. So she asks again.

She says it was in a sneeze. She was sneezing the first time she said it.

Oh, I love that answer.

Or yawning. She was like, do you want to know what time it is? And he's like, what was that?

What time is it? Erin, I can fully believe you would walk up to someone and sneeze, ask them to tell the time, and then just all the blood would drain out of your face.

Yeah, and then a piano would fall on my head and my teeth would fall out. You'd be so embarrassed. Very cartoon.

You'd see that that person was John Hamm that you had no idea. What's the guy- John Hammond would say, Miss, your dress is up over the back of your head.

Do you remember that?

Yeah, I do.

I walked around downtown Chicago after an audition with my dress tucked into the back of my underwear and I was like, everyone's looking at me today. I must look good today for a while. And then I saw myself in the reflection of a building and I- No. I never felt joy again after that, I don't think. That was it for you.

Seven or eight years ago. That's tough, but think about how much joy you felt before you knew that in that moment.

So true. I thought I looked pretty. I thought I was a pretty lady in a dress walking around downtown Chicago.

I bet you were a pretty lady in a dress.

You're a trendsetter.

There's no way to know.

I just saw Cara Delevingne with that exact same star.

That's the craziest name. That's how you pronounce her name? It's Delevingne, right? No. Cara Delevingne. I thought it was Delevingne. But honestly, do you remember that wonderful time on the internet right before we found out that Kate Middleton had cancer, which was horrible, obviously. But then before that, when everybody was like, oh, what's going on? And so then we all learned the Marchioness of Chumlee's name, but everybody was like, Chamondelet, because that's how it's spelled. And so now I'm wondering if it's a situation like that. Well, let us know in the comments.

There's no place to leave a comment. Let us know somewhere. There's no place to leave a comment.

I'm going off of, isn't it like Merovingian or something? What does that mean? The Merovingian line or something. Is that from Da Vinci Code? It's like the cup of Christ.

Machiavelli. Not all of us re-read the Da Vinci Code this year, Adal.

Are you thinking of Taravangian from the Way of Kings?

I was thinking of terra firma.

I think it's Cara Delevingne. I think it's Dan Brown.

What were we talking about though?

Is this like a Siri or Alexa situation?

Wow.

I'm sorry, I didn't catch that.

Yes, is it that? Wow, that's also another really good answer, Adal. You are done for this riddle. Oh, thank you. Go ahead. What the heck, I'm alone. Erin, you're not alone, you're with me. And you got it last time.

That's so true.

It is so much worse.

Erin, you did such a good job last time. If there was somebody that was going to be alone trying to answer this riddle, I'm so glad it's you.

Adal was very close with... Adal, you were talking about sign language, right? I was. Yeah, Adal was very close with sign language, if that helps. I'll read it again. A man is walking down the street when a woman stops him and asks him the time. He tells her he can't understand what she's saying, so she asks again, to which he replies, it's 3.45 p.m. Does she do like one of these things?

That's exactly what I was thinking.

No, she asked them again in the exact same way. What she says does not change. Is a duck upset? The woman is Ke$ha. The woman is Ke$ha.

So the way she asks is TikTok on the clock? Yes. Because my body don't stop.

And he says, I don't know music. Yeah. And she did wake up in the morning feeling like P. Diddy. Yes. Do you think she still sings those lyrics? No.

She only listens to podcasts now. I'm trying to think of any other Ke$ha song other than that one.

Dinosaur? What's that? That can't be real. I stopped listening to music after that Ke$ha album dropped. She had a bunch of them that were amazing. Oh, she did Die Young.

That last Ke$ha album, the last Ke$ha album she put out is also very good. Really?

A member of Mensa.

Is that true?

Yeah.

That doesn't surprise me at all.

Genius like you.

Well, also like a genius in the way that she did the music, I think. It was like it was hitting a demographic that people were just like, don't care. Not interested.

Yeah. And the answer's not Kesha. I'm not sure what we're talking about, but that's not the answer. Would you like the answer, Erin?

Yeah.

Okay. I give up. Thank you. Thank you so much for admitting defeat.

Welcome to the show.

The first time, he did not hear the woman, but the second time, he read her lips. Didn't we?

Okay, I don't like that riddle at all. Wait, no, hold on. I respect the riddle. Because who wrote it?

That would be Liam.

And Liam, we love ya.

This is why Vic is successful and we are not successful.

We shit on Oasis all the time.

That was from Liam Gallagher, yeah. Is Liam Gallagher the good one or the bad one? I mean... Trick question. They're both assholes. I think Liam's the more talented one.

Liam DeCago seems like a character from Shameless. I think they're all Gallaghers and I think that there's Liam Gallagher in there.

Lit the bear!

The Bear. Today we're

No one will believe that this many bad things happens to one lady.

The director is like looking at a post of all the scenes that they have of a woman walking with her dress tucked into her underwear and they're like, do we need all of them? I feel like it's a little heavy.

It's a hat on a hat here. And all of a sudden we're just cutting to these emails as wallpaper and they're just like, how did we get here? Yeah, you don't understand why I needed all those compliments if you don't see me have my underwear out.

And there's a select few of you that are listening to this show only listening for Erin tragedies and you are not going to be disappointed when we come back from a brief break. Erin's going to get into her whole bevy of tragedies.

Stick around. Wait guys, stop fistfighting. Argument over. I have a solution to all of our problems.

What? Stop fistfighting? Okay, I guess I can stop. I never even thought of that.

We don't have to argue about what we're watching tonight anymore on the TV. I know what we're watching.

What's that? Okay? Our diets?

We're going to Hulu Animayhem, your animation destination to watch full seasons and new episodes of your favorite animated shows.

Okay, I've heard of this. I've heard of this.

But wait, Erin. I will not stop farting and I will not watch what you say unless I can stream stone-cold animated favorites like Family Guy, Futurama, and Bob's Burgers. So help me.

Put down your fists. That's what's on there.

What? Cut to JPC pulling off his fists and setting them down, not realizing what Erin meant. Cut back to now.

Okay, but that's fine for me, but I know Adal's not gonna stop fighting unless he can watch his favorites like Solar Opposites, Hitmonkey, and American Dad.

Take off your fists, Adal.

Cut to me taking off my fists, not realizing what Erin meant, cut back to now.

Plus, you can watch some of the freshest animated series around like The Great North, Grimsburg, and Crapopolis, and so many more!

Okay, now we cut back and we're, it's Adal and I, we're like hanging out without our fists and we're trying to drink coffee and we keep reaching for the coffee cup and like bumping into the coffee cup and then like a big chicken breaks in and we start fighting the chicken and we're like rolling around with the chicken.

Hey, what happened to your fists? So if you're looking for your favorite animated shows, there's only one destination you need to remember. Hulu Animayhem, your animation destination. Now streaming on Hulu.

I'm going to kill Erin and I'm going to be the third host of Hey Riddle Riddle.

Oh, from Bob's Burgers.

Yes. That's H. John Benjamin. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp.

Well, guys, I heard back. I didn't make that acapella group that I auditioned for. Oh, Erin, no.

Oh, Erin, no. Okay, we're not doing that.

Cliff Notes. Erin. You didn't make Cliff Notes? I didn't make Cliff Notes. Oh.

Erin.

And I sang so good.

I am so sorry that happened to you or whatever it is that you were referencing from before. Is there any amount of money that I could give you to not have to deal with this? I'm sorry, I don't know how to say it.

Well, the good news is I have better help. It's online therapy that's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to my schedule. So I can find something else that makes me happy to fill my time, to fill my cup.

Erin, that is fantastic news. I know online therapy is great for me. I love it because I don't have to sit in a waiting room. I don't have to go anywhere. I can just kind of like directly interface with my therapist. It's a really great way for me to explore the issues that I have going on.

Yeah I think it's good for all of us because you can just fill out a brief questionnaire, or sing it I guess, to get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapist at any time for no additional charge.

Now Erin, is what you're doing there, is that acapella?

I thought it might be.

I thought acapella was like, it was supposed to sound like really good.

Anyways, I really, really love my therapist. I've used BetterHelp, and that kind of therapy works great for my brain. So never skip a therapy day with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash riddle today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash riddle to get 10% off your first month.

Do you guys think Kathy does acapella? Mmm.

Acapella. Erin, you should put that in your act. Better help. Better help. Better help. Better help. Adal, JPC, you guys are not going to believe what I've been spending my money on.

We'll probably believe it. Well, don't lie to us. Tell us the truth.

Oh, okay. Well, the truth is that I have been sending an acapella app $50 a month for the last six months. I downloaded it rocket money, and they caught it for me, and then they canceled it for me. Thank God, right? That's so much money.

Yeah, that's a lot of money. And what would an acapella app even be, right?

Don't ask questions you don't want the answer to. Answer to. Answer to.

I don't want the answer to that. So that makes sense.

Silence. Yeah, Erin, I've heard of Rocket Money in a more normal way. With Rocket Money, I have full control over my subscriptions and a clear view of my expenses. I can see all of my subscriptions in one place. And if I see something I don't want, Like acapella for $50 or whatever it was a month, Rocket Money can help me cancel it with just a few taps.

And they also monitor your spending and help lower your bills so that you can grow your savings.

Yeah, and Rocket Money will even try to negotiate lower bills for you by up to 20%. All you have to do is submit a picture of your bill and Rocket Money takes care of the rest. They'll deal with customer service, Erin, for you.

Wait a minute.

I just got a notification. Do you want to continue? This is from Rocket Money. It says, do you want to continue to contribute $1,200 a day to the Erin Keif Scholarship? Oh. OK.

Erin, when I gave you my phone the other day, that was for... Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year when using all of the app's features.

So stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to RocketMoney.com slash Riddle. That's RocketMoney.com slash Riddle. RocketMoney.com slash Riddle.

Do you guys think Kathy's in an acapella group? Dude, I love that.

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Hey Riddle Riddle

Okay, we are back and we have, oh, this is fun. We have a riddle submission from one of our Discord mods, Kelly. Friend of the show, friend of us. Yeah. Yeah. Friend. Friend. We can just say friend. And Kelly writes, and by the way, this riddle, thank you for sending it in, Kelly. You probably sent this in in 2019. Can I ask a quick question?

Yes. Do people write these riddles themselves?

So, yes, sometimes they do. And what I will say is we've been doing this show for 300 episodes. You know, a gentleman never tells and a lady would never ask. And we've probably done a lot of the riddles and a lot of the riddles we do are just repeating riddles that we did 100 episodes of and forgot. So when people write their own riddles, I always like Hold those like a golden chalice to my parched lips because they are mana from heaven. I'm speaking to Christians.

I love that. I wouldn't say that.

That's so funny. There really is only like a hundred riddles, but you can like kind of word them differently. So anytime someone can like write a riddle and it feels like we're getting some sort of new format of riddle, it's thrilling.

I love that.

There's a hundred riddles and five answers. Hey Riddle Riddle

First, think of a person who lives in disguise, who deals in secrets and tells naught but lies.

Next, tell me what's always the last thing to mend, the middle of middle and the end of end. And finally, give me the sound often heard during the search for a hard-to-find word.

Now string them together and answer me this. What creature would you be unwilling to kiss? Spideer. Spider. Spider. Spideer.

It is Spideer.

That's good.

That is very good.

I'd like to see a scene.

Sounds like John Malkovich saying Little Miss Muffet. Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet.

Um, Vic, you are a James Bond type, but you are also a deer and you're going into a casino and trying to sort of solve a mystery. Hold on.

I'm a James Bond type and a deer is in the animal. Yeah. And I'm trying to solve a mystery.

Yeah. What does James Bond do?

In your defense, Erin, that was insane.

Was it? Erin, I don't think it's insane, but now you have to consider who is it coming from?

If I don't think something's insane, that's gotta be, yeah, right?

No, it's insane! It's not insane. It's really not. It's big-brained. It's like, it really is like, 4D chess, like, an amazing scene.

Erin and I hear it, I go, hmm, checks out. Then I continue eating my fingers. That's like asking Hemingway, am I an alcoholic?

And he's like, no! And you're like, I gotta go right now.

Excuse me, Mr. Hemingway.

Look at my six-toed cat.

Okay, so you're entering into a, you use the casino?

Yeah.

Okay, gotcha. May we help? Oh, you appear to be a woodland creature. I'm sorry, I just almost came up and asked you if there's anything that we can do to help. I don't know why.

What an astute observation. Hey, hon, why don't you go get me a bowl of grass? Shaken, not stirred, alright?

Yes, right away. Why did I say yes right away?

Here, let me give you a little something. Come here. You gotta come down.

Okay, a bending down.

And here we go. And there's a $100 bill. I'm gonna use my hoofs and I'm gonna put it in your waistband.

This is covered in ticks. Interesting.

And that's all yours and there's another one where that came from if you can tell me who that is over there.

Oh, that is a very dangerous man. I don't think that you want to be associating with Mr. Hans Blofeld.

I think I do. Do you know what my name is?

Um, no.

Deer.

Deer.

A deer.

Oh, a deer. Well, I'll get that, um, bowl of shaken grass. Not stirred, right?

That's correct. So you go ahead and be a me and get out of here, okay?

I'll make like a tree.

Sure.

Ah, deer. You.

Hey deer, have a seat at the table if you can afford the steaks.

Not only can I afford the steaks, I'm gonna get frites with that. Thank you very much.

Before you bite, you should know that is venison. Okay. And? Oh, shit. You are... Holy shit! Just how I like it. That is bonkers! Is everyone... Is everyone seeing this? A guy at the end of the table. Yeah, and I'm doing a virus but I'll stop

I'm not even a musician.

Okay, HBO, are you listening now? Spydeer, Vic is willing to do anything. Four seasons?

I'm willing to do four seasons.

Four seasons? 22 episode seasons? Yeah, let me into the four seasons and I'll do anything you want.

I'm willing to stay in a double tree if I get to do that show.

You know what's funny? I found out recently, because I honestly, and I don't know if this is just my brain being a little bit broken, because anytime you go anywhere and you see a Four Seasons, there's a Canadian flag outside. And I always just thought it was because like, oh, Canadians like staying at the Four Seasons know it's owned by a Canadian company.

I didn't know that.

Or it was started in Canada. I guess I didn't know that either. I just thought they really appreciated their Canadian patrons. And so they were flying the Canadian flag. And I was like, this can't be right. It was everywhere.

Yeah, that's wild. Yeah. Welcome back.

My people shall say it weird.

That's it. Free healthcare but you have to apologize weird. You know the double edged sword.

Us from the Midwest we're like we just say sorry and we say it all the time. And poop.

That honestly is the thing is I feel like people are constantly like hey you don't have to apologize. That's not a thing you have to do. I'm like that is cultural and actually you asking me not to do that is problematic.

Yes.

That's offensive to me and I'd like you to apologize. Yeah for to me.

I'm

I ask you to apologize, you have to apologize to me. You just hate this?

No, I don't hate this, but if you have to ask for the apology, isn't an apology supposed to come naturally?

I don't think that that matters to her.

She just wants it. It's about the power for her.

It's a power dynamic thing, I think.

Is she the youngest? Is she a middle kid? Don't answer, you can answer that.

That's our final riddle. She strikes me as a youngest.

I know, but I'm a youngest. I'm a youngest and that spoke to me. But also middle kids get passed over. I'm gonna say it's a huge trick question.

And I already think I have an answer for Vic.

Is there twins in this mix?

Fuck. I didn't even consider there might be twins in this mix.

Complicated family dynamics on complicated family dynamics is what I'll say.

It could be some step-siblings as well.

Step-siblings.

No, if it's step-siblings, I call bullshit. Quadruplets?

Step-siblings.

You have to say if it's step-siblings, because a step-sibling could come in at like age 35, you could give a step-sibling.

Now Vic, I don't know if this is a dumb question, but can step-siblings be triplets?

Can step-siblings be triplets? Yeah! Great! Probably, right?

Thank God, because my Quora subscription just ran out, so I can't ask.

I think if there is triplets, and then a dad falls in love with a mom... Slow down, slow down, slow down.

What? We're recording this, so we'll go back over it later, because this is important stuff. Okay, we have another riddle here from Caleb. Caleb asks, Nobody asked about that, but... Caleb with a K! And not where you'd think, it's at the end. So 21. C-A-L-E-B-K.

What? Caleb!

No, it's Caleb with a K at the front.

At the front, right, of course.

Okay, here's the riddle.

Like a knife? Is it KC? Yeah. Like a knife!

Caleb. K-N-A-L-E-B. Caleb.

Like a knife.

Like a knife. Caleb. The knife. Okay, here we go. When it's cold, you take me off to stay worm. Coat. I said worm. Warm. When it's warm, you put me off to cool off. Put me off? You put me on to cool off.

I'm sorry.

Start over. Start over. Hold on. Yeah, we have to start over.

Let's reset JPC to his factory settings. Spanish.

When it's cold, you take me off to stay warm. When it's warm, you put me on to cool off. You wear me most when you get dirty, but you'll never find me in the closet. You'll never find a towel in a closet.

Soap. Stove.

I found this guy's towel on the fucking floor.

When it's cold, you take me off to stay warm.

When it's warm... Ice pack.

Yeah.

Ice pack. Ice pack is not the correct answer. When it's warm, you put me on to cool off. You wear me most when you get dirty, but you'll never find me in the closet.

Dry ice.

Dry ice. You can't store it in the closet. It's gotta be kept cold.

I have to hear this one more time. This is breaking my brain with the language of this.

I could do it in Japanese. I can't. Please don't ask me to.

Try.

I wasn't planning on it.

Trying would be worse, I think. You do it and I'll do a dub voice as Robert Pattinson. Fuck, I could have just done a dub voice. What am I doing?

Okay, when it's cold, you take me off to say Is it a condom?

Why would you put it on to cool off?

Okay.

Doesn't it make you less horny, putting on a condom? Oh, I see. So you like cool off sexually.

Yes. It's not a condom, but they do mean cool off sexually.

The dirty one is what's getting me.

Yeah, you wear me most when you get dirty. Sam, you've been engineering this episode. Have you thought, oh, I know some of these riddles or all of these riddles? Uh, not this round. Okay. Okay. Sam has also stopped. It's important to check in.

Get in the closet. Pride month was last month.

Me looking at it being like, did I say these words?

Is this like shaving your head? Like growing out your hair and shaving your head kind of?

I think it's a simpler thing than all of that. You take it off to stay warm when it's cold. When it's cold, you take me off to stay warm. That one's the harder one.

Let's put that one aside.

When it's warm, you put me on to cool off. I think this is something that people do, like in the summertime especially.

A fan, a damp cloth, a... You turn me off.

The heat. Damp cloth is clothes.

Is it like the heat? It's not the heat. Damp cloth is clothes. It's clothes.

Like a... Compress?

You wear me most when you get dirty, but you'll never find me in the closet. Here's what I'll say. Swimsuit? Wear is like, I wouldn't ever say that you're like wearing this, but... Sweat? You're so close with sweat. You're so close with sweat. And sweat is kind of right, but it's not like... In fact, Vic? Water? Yes, Erin, you got it. Ow.

Oh no, Erin just had the physical bit of the year.

Tried to knock herself out in order to not have to participate.

Erin went to celebrate, her hand came under her mic, knocked her mic into her face, and she is down on the couch.

Erin, are you okay?

That's the funniest fucking thing I've seen in my life.

I just essentially punched myself in the face. There are two video, three video cameras in here, none of them are on, none of them recording.

Lens caps are on all of them.

We'll fix it in post.

People ask all the time, it's like, would you do the podcast like in a visual medium? And we think, no, because we have a lot of sound design that goes into the podcast and we don't really want to do that. But man, moments like that, Erin.

Erin, I'm so sorry. That was devastating. And of all the guests to be in front of, I would have not chosen you. No, it was perfect.

I just punched myself in the face. I think Sam really enjoyed it.

And just to check in with Vic, just to check in with Vic, any of your siblings, would they be, after that?

I think that's gonna help. I actually think that's gonna help. Thank God.

That's really, honestly, that gives me a lot.

You're gonna fit into my family so great. I feel so good about this. I can't wait.

About Vic, because it's like, that's such a nice thing to say, that that kind of tells me where they might be positioned in their family. In the order? Yeah. Okay. Okay. Anyway. Okay. That, uh, that's from Caleb. It was water. You don't really wear, uh, water, but when it's cold, you take- Yeah, and you don't put it in the closet. You would never find water in the closet.

In the closet. But there's a water closet. There's literally a thing called a water closet. Yeah, that's true.

Okay, do you think that Caleb- now do we think that Caleb is probably not from the UK at all?

Probably not. Here's what I think about Caleb. Huge fan. I love everything you're doing, Caleb. Subscribe to Dropout TV.

When this episode drops and you get four new Dropout TV subscribers, they're gonna know where that came from.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I feel great about this.

Okay, why don't we do another one? This is a riddle from Finn. This is a shorter one. I went to the forest and got it. I couldn't get it, so I left and took it home. This is a real fucking mindfuck from Finn.

Say that one more time.

I went to the forest and got it. I couldn't get it, so I left and took it home.

Do you know that riddle that's like, a man is stuck- I'm literally just gonna say another riddle now that I'm sure you guys have heard.

This is fun.

This is what the show is. It's like a man is stuck in a cabin and there's no windows and no doors.

Oh, this is my favorite riddle.

Yes, me too. It's like one that I heard at camp and it's my all-time favorite riddle, but this sort of like reminds me a little bit of that one. Like the man that made it didn't need it. The man that- Coffin. Coffin.

It's interesting too because we always try to make the load a little light for our guests so we never ask them to prepare riddles, but it would be fun once to have a guest come in who has a bunch of riddles for us and is like, I'm just going to ask you some of the riddles that I like.

That or you should force guests to write original riddles I think would be really fun. Which I kind of did with my sibling order, who's who, where's everyone. I'm just going to give you names at the end and you're going to have to order all of us.

It's going to be like a logic problem. Yeah, that's why we did play a game once I think on a patreon episode where I had Adal and Erin try to guess all of my cousins names and I don't think either one of you did very well.

You invent the worst games that make no sense. One time we played a game that was just, have I seen this episode of Bones? And he would just say the episode of Bones and we'd be like, yes, and he'd be like, oh no, I haven't seen it.

I'd like to say that that was because we've done a lot of episodes, but that was pretty early on.

I honestly love that and I think a tweak to that maybe I'm just suggesting things for the patreon at this point It's like describing TV shows and then being like have I seen it based on how I described that TV show? See that's a game that makes sense.

Now Vic, famously, you don't host podcasts, but will you be an all-time content creator for

Yeah, absolutely. I will do the visual media. I'll do the hiring.

Yes, yes, yes. We'll put you on retainer.

Yeah. I won't be in any of it, but I'm going to be the hiring manager.

God, that's smart. So smart. Good deal making. I went to the forest to get it. I went to the forest. No, not, I didn't go there to get it. I went to the forest and got it. Interesting distinction, but it is important. I couldn't get it. So I left Erin.

Poison Ivy

I went to the forest and got it. I couldn't get it, so I left and took it home. Yeah, like a tick that burrows into your skin. Why are you humoring me?

Is that the answer?

That's not the answer, but I'm trying to work through if that one would work, and I think, yeah, I think tick works.

Erin, my apologies. You said tick? I did.

Okay, I didn't hear who said it first.

I punched myself in the face earlier. So you're both out.

You're both out. You don't have to do any more answering of this riddle. It's not tick, but I accept tick. And now it's just us.

I went to the forest and I got it. And so then I put it in my pocket and I took it.

No. This sounds like a Huckleberry Finn. This is something that you don't want, but it is something that you would easily, I think, could get in an outdoors thing. It's not a bug related.

Here's what I like about being solo.

Did you see me punch myself in the face earlier?

Hey, we're still doing a podcast over here. No, if you have something to share, share it with the whole class. We're doing a spinoff.

I love a spinoff being just having a quiet conversation on a podcast that's still happening. Also, I think Joey would have gone longer if that had happened during Friends.

We just saw somebody in the back having a conversation and that was Joey.

We see him testing for a pilot in the background.

Love that. Yeah. Frazier is doing therapy to someone or whatever. What the fuck did Frazier do in the back of Cheers? Therapy. That sounds right. Was he a therapist? Was Cheers the show that was spun off of? Yeah.

Why did I think it was The Nanny? That's wrong.

That's hilarious.

And isn't Nightcore the Cheers spin-off? No.

How could it be?

Night Court is a Frasier spin-off.

Harry Anderson?

Harry... Harry Houdini.

Famously punch him in the gut. Harry Anderson, the judge from Night Court, is in Cheers and he does magic. And on Night Court he does magic. It's gotta be the same character.

Is it that or did the network just go, this guy can sell magic?

This guy has pressy digitation on lockdown. This guy sells viewers? What do networks sell? Viewers. Ads.

A tree fell in the forest, and I put it in my pocket.

This is something that you would get, it doesn't have to be at a forest, but you could definitely get it at a forest. You definitely don't want it.

Silence. Quiet wood.

Wood. Yes, wood. Wood. We've hit wood.

Wood, but spelled W-O-U-L-D.

Wow, woold. But think smaller. Wood, and this is wood that you don't want, and it's small.

Splinter.

It's a splinter. It is a splinter. I went to the forest and got it. I couldn't get it, so I left and took it home. So a tick also works.

Yeah, a splinter is just a non-sentient tick. Sure. That's my hot take.

Do we think ticks are sentient? Well, they gotta be, because I guess that would be some sort of... What is sentience? Is it an acknowledgment of existence and an acknowledgment of mortality? Or is sentience just like, I know that... Because does the tick know that it's alive?

I will say if a tick is not sentient, then I have been incorrectly gaining joy every time I kill one. Which, that's basically a waste of joy. It's basically joy that doesn't exist.

I think ticks are not sentient because their whole purpose in life is to stick to you and then be like, I'm a part of this.

It's a parasite sentient. It's like, I'm you. Have you heard about that thing now happening? In your guys' neck of the woods, actually, where those ticks that they bite you and then you become allergic to meat? Yes, Lyme disease. What?

Wasn't Patrick Warburton the tick?

Yes. I almost said, everybody loves Raymond, but that's a different guy. Do you think Brad Garrett lost it to Warren Barton?

100%.

Of course. Not everyone loves Raymond.

Whoa, Vic, you've been so supportive of listeners.

I love Raymond. Oh, okay. I love Raymond. Hot take after hot take after hot take. I'm just saying not everyone loves Raymond.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, not everyone loves Raymond. Oh, I do. We're going to build this episode as like, Vic Michaelis says stuff that they will absolutely get canceled for. I do want to see a scene. Okay, please.

JPC, you are a hiker in the Midwest woods. Vic, you are a tick who has stuck, glommed on to JPC. Oh man.

Oh!

God?

Uh, no. I guess, kind of. Look at your leg.

Look at my leg? Oh my. Oh. Oh, come on. Are you a tick? Are you sucking my blood right now? Don't say it like that. Hey. I don't hate it. It actually feels nicer than I thought it would. I've been single for kind of an embarrassingly long time.

Is that true?

Yeah.

That's so shocking. You have such muscular legs.

Thank you for watching.

Welcome to the show.

It's a dating profile, should I not be- I mean, could you help me? Honestly, you seem like you're super cool, have a ton of things going on. Thank you. Actually, can I buy you a drink? Or would you just like to drink something?

I'm seeing someone.

Welcome to the show. Just my leg blood.

A little bit of leg blood. See?

I'd honestly take the blood from my legs. Although, out here in fucking LA, I'm getting eaten alive by mosquitoes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They're horrible! We're sorry.

I have Benadryl creamed out though, so if anybody wants some... We're sorry.

We're so sorry.

On behalf of the... I am the Lorax. I speak for the mosquitoes. It's hard times in the Lorax.

Take the work as it comes.

Um, so wait, hold on, what do you mean?

Cause I don't wanna, I don't, you're gonna give us, oh I guess you're gonna give us the names in order and we wouldn't know anything from them.

I'll give them in a random order. Give them in a random order. So, my sisters are Sarah and Hannah. Sarah and Hannah. My brothers are James and Ryan.

Vic, you've given it all away dear.

And then I'm Vic. You think I've given it all away? No, he's being a jerk. You think I've given it all away? Well, hey, good luck guessing! James and Ryan, you said? James and Ryan.

Do you think- Vic, can I ask you a question?

And I can already tell you guys are gonna be mad about this answer.

Because you think this is gonna be like a hard-to-guess answer.

Well, based on some prior... Then this is a hint. Based on some prior information and how you guys feel about blended families, I feel like this is where you need this answer.

Okay, so there's step-siblings, and I don't think that there's twins. I think there's step-siblings.

Okay.

I think it's going to be half-siblings.

Half-siblings.

I think it's going to be half-siblings.

I think one of Vic's parents is like the type of person to call their cats their kids.

Oh, interesting.

Ryan is a cat name.

Yeah, Ryan is a cat.

Ryan and Hannah are cats for sure. Yeah, for sure. This is the energy that I think, Vic, that you are giving off.

I'll give you a hint. Hannah's gonna be so pissed that you said that.

Hannah's the dog!

Wait! I've deducted something. I've done some deductive reasoning. What do you got? You went to go visit your brother who lived in Boston. This is something you shared with me earlier. Earlier. When he got his, like, out-of-college job. I assume you were older. I don't know why I feel by that story that you were older than your brother when you went to go visit him. Wouldn't it be great if you did it when you were, like, 12?

We'll see you next time.

I'm gonna say you went from oldest in your nuclear family and then there was a remarriage and then you became a middle.

This is like, this is like a crazy prop bet that you're doing right now. I think you're gonna throw for 200 yards.

Okay, wait, what are the brothers' names again? James and James and Ryan. Ryan. I think Ryan, you. Okay. Sarah. Okay. Hannah.

James. Okay. Do you want a hint? That's wrong. But do you want a hint? Yeah. That is incorrect. There are twins.

There are twins! I knew it.

Fuck me. There's twins and there's step-siblings. Shit. What?

Okay, well we would have never gotten this. No. Okay, fucking twins and step-siblings. The girls are twins. No. Are the step-siblings the twins? No. Did the twins come last? No. Fuck! Somebody had twins and said let's keep going? Are you a twin?

No.

Okay, so James and Hannah are twins and they were first. James and Hannah are twins, they were not first.

Okay, I'll start over. Ryan, you, James, Hannah.

Sarah, everyone is sweating. You could drop a pin in here. I've never cared about anything more on the show. Incorrect. James and Hannah are the twins, though.

And they're the twins and they're the second born. Or second in age.

Twins are second in age.

And you're not the oldest and you're not the youngest. So you are third.

That is incorrect. You're in the third spot.

You are the second youngest. Incorrect.

No, no, no, no, no. I said that you're not the oldest and you're not the youngest. So Vic, they are either the oldest or the youngest.

Today's episode is brought to you by

The thing is, and you've always been oldest because that's the way oldest works. No matter what happens with step whatever, oldest has to be oldest.

I don't know if this is a hint or not. There's 10 years between me and the youngest. Wow.

Okay. I didn't think oldest. I wasn't projecting oldest energy, but I guess I'm...

You, James, Hannah. I'm the one that always plans all of the escape rooms, so I'm the one that does all of the bookings and all of the organization.

That is an older sibling thing to do.

You.

It's you, the twins.

James and Hannah, the twins. Sarah and then Ryan. Incorrect. Ryan and Sarah. Correct.

Okay, so... Correct.

You did it! Oh no, come on, you did it, you nailed it.

Erin?

You did such a good job, Erin. Well, nailed it's generous. I have to go lay down for the rest of the day. My day is over. Because you punched yourself in the face a few minutes ago.

Erin, this is a note for Casey, who's editing the podcast afterwards. We're gonna cut it all apart where we were wrong and just go right to us being right. So let's just do a little bit of a celebration right now. One, two, three.

Thank you so much for doing the show. Oh my god. Thank you for having me. Are you kidding? This was a blast!

And providing us that original family riddle that we've never done on the show before but we might have to start doing.

I just feel so good that I got one of the riddles in the correct answers. That made me feel so good about myself and I'm going to be riding that high for the rest of the day.

Do you have anything that you would like to plug or anything that you would like our listeners to find you on?

Yes, I do. There's a lot of really terrible, horrible, no good, very bad trans bills that are being spread across the country. So go look at local organizations. Even if you can't donate, I know money's tight for a lot of people right now. Go see what their asks are. Oftentimes they're just wanting like amplification, posting on social media, things like that. You can show up in person, help support them that way if they ever have things like that. Or, you know, Trans Lifeline is a really really great organization that you can donate to or see what their needs are to help them out.

I'd also say that if you think that there's nothing that you can do, you can also like normalize it because trans people are 1% of the population and they get like 100% of the hate. So you can talk to your friends and family about how that is, you know, a normalized thing.

Absolutely. Go follow folks on social media, put people in your feed. I mean, like, it's just a really great way to, yeah, just sort of make that a part of your everyday life, especially if you don't have any trans friends. Perfect.

Hell yeah.

Adal, anything to plug?

I want to plug a recent episode of Hello from the Magic Tavern. You almost forgot the name of your other show.

Oh yeah!

Hello from the Magic Castle.

Castle?

We went to the Magic Castle on the brain. Vic was on a recent episode of Hello from the Magic Tavern.

It was so fun.

And their episode is one of my favorites of the last couple years or so.

I so appreciate you saying that. What did you play? I was a giant named Garley. And I was going on a first date and I just got some help from the from the guys. It was really fun. It truly was like such a blast. It was like another reason I like went back and I listened to a ton of the episodes and it just was such a such a treat because I do I listen to podcasts constantly. So having the opportunity to go through and listen to that was such a such a treat. I'm so happy that I got to be on it and then I got to discover it is like a podcast. That's so nice.

GPC anything to plug or promote?

Yeah, you can buy tickets to our live shows. We're going to be in the Northeast this fall. Heyriddleriddle.com slash live because it is living to come to one of our live shows. Are you going to Boston?

We're going to be in Boston. We're going to be in Boston. I'm so excited.

We're going to be in Chicago, but we already did that.

New York? Can I guess?

Can I guess order?

Hey Riddle Riddle.com.

Did you guys record yourselves in an escape room?

Yeah.

That is so cool. It was about to be retired. The room was going to be retired.

So we got to go and record ourselves.

It's

Created by Adal Rifai, starring Erin Keif, and John Patrick Coan, Casey Toney did the editing, Marty Parrish did the music,

Created by Emily Cardenas. Hey there, Stakes and Snakes. If you liked that, you are going to love this week's Patreon. We play a new game of high stakes versus low stakes scenes. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com slash hey riddle riddle by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or start your seven day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month. Plus you get those ad free episodes. See you there.

That was a hate gum podcast.