Which Riddle Riddle?

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All right, JPC, your word is riddle.

Can you use it in a podcast?

Uh, yes. Hey Riddle Riddle really fell off after the first 14 episodes. Hey Riddle Riddle really fell off after the first 14 episodes.

Okay.

Riddle. 14, huh?

Yep.

Fell off?

Yeah. Got worse?

Oh, that's, I'm sorry. I'm not used to that colloquialism. It got worse. Got worse. Riddle. Riddle. God, can I... I know I asked to use it in a sentence and then I asked to use it on a podcast. Can I hear it in like, I don't know, like a 60-minute fully produced podcast? Would that be possible? Like a full episode of a podcast?

Let me ask the referee, Adal.

Referee? I thought that guy was working at a footlocker.

Well, yeah, I can be both. He's on the clock for both jobs currently.

Oh, that's the dream. Getting paid twice to do one job?

And sir, we have these in a 12 as well, if you would like them. Sorry, Erin, what were you asking?

I was asking if we can, uh, one of our spellers wants to hear a full riddle podcast to understand the word riddle before he spells it.

Hmm. Um, I think that, I think they're only supposed to get like a minute, right? They can ask language of origin. They can ask you to use it in a sentence. They can ask for if it's a good answer or bullshit.

Yeah, but here's my thing is I'm a little hungry. We give him the hour, he listens, we come back.

Okay, yeah, that makes, yeah, okay, let's do that.

And you can ask for more wishes too. That's another thing that you can do. There's nothing in the rules that says you can't ask for more wishes.

Well, there's nothing in the rule that says a dog can't play basketball.

Oh shit, there goes my customer asking for a size 12 shoe. Bad boy. Bad boy.

What you gonna do? What you gonna do?

Erin, I almost made a sale for four sneakers. I would have... the commissions on that. It cannot be my fault.

You know, listen to the podcast. Let me know what you think. This is way past episode 14. I think we're at 313?

That's 99 more episodes plus a couple hundred or something.

Yeah, there's about 300 more episodes. So good luck and we'll be back at the end of the episode to have you spell Riddle.

If we remember.

And we won't.

People nervously skipping ahead to see if we pay it off and we forgot 20 minutes ago.

It's pig coming sound. The end of the episode.

Erin, you did that.

Erin and you. I know, and I know, and I know, but it's actually.

I know, and I know, and I know. And welcome to Hey Riddle Riddle, a podcast about riddles and all the stuff. I'm the guy, that's the woman, there's the other man here. We all know what's up.

One wears a backwards hat, one wears a forward hat, one is me.

One's a pig going.

Let us know in the comments below, there are no comments below, if you agree that we fell off after episode 14.

Now, of course, I don't remember that time in our podcast history at all, but certainly I feel like we got better somewhere after episode four. We didn't really hit our groove until the first 10 episodes. I'm not saying that we didn't get a lot worse later, because we all know that this wasn't very good, but there certainly was a time when it was fine, right?

No, I don't think so. I looked it up. No? Our 14th episode was called, A Riddle a Day Saves Nine. In this episode, JPC is Old Man Puzzles and he wrote some warm-up riddles.

Uh-oh, you're right.

The clue crew tries to remember some things. I'm not doing that anymore. Adal plays God, flickering lights cause problems, and a full stop gets a full stop. Oh, and then Sandy was there.

Oh, okay. Well, maybe it was good back then. That early on?

14?

Mm-hmm.

I think that was the episode that we talked about a twinkle in our dad's penis. So, the last time you wrote riddles and then the last time you said anything funny. Episode 14, I guess.

I've written riddles since then, but they were like Paul Ruddles, which I got in big trouble for because no one liked. And then I wrote riddles where I was deceiving you guys and people didn't like that either. So, I quickly learned to stop doing original content because it's stuff that people do not like.

I agree.

Erin, though, it is funny that you mentioned that because, you know, we are 313 episodes into this podcast and I believe next week, next week we will be, it's kind of arbitrary time, but next week we will be celebrating a pretty big milestone in the podcast. But we've been doing this for five years and I thought before we get to next week's milestone, Maybe it would be pretty fun. And I, again, I claim that I don't really do a lot of work for this podcast, but I put together, I'm pretty proud of this. Adal quick run, he's going to trap us in something.

Erin, he's using the voice that we've learned means he's going to inject chaos.

This has to be my normal voice.

Paul Riddle's all over again.

This is the voice. This is the voice I use. I put together a little video montage for you guys of the last five years of just some stuff that I found, a little video that I found of us interacting on the podcast. And Casey, I think we're ready for this, right? And I would like to play it for you guys now. And just, you know, just as a little gift. It's been a great five years and I've really enjoyed all of it. What is this?

The last five years. And it's fine, it's fine.

Oh! Erin, look at you! Oh my god! You look so young! This is when Adal wore the crazy hat. Adal, where did you get that hat? I'm at Hot Tub! Do you guys remember this?

This is a video of an alligator eating a baseball coach. Adal, what are we watching?

Parasailing. Oh my god, we went parasailing. Look at us, we're so high up!

It's still a picture of an alligator eating a baseball coach, it's just inverted.

Oh no, what do they call this? A garbage plate. Adal ate the whole garbage plate.

No, that's an alligator eating a whole baseball coach.

Oh my god, us on the beach! Oh Erin, you burned so bad that day. You should have worn your big hat.

That alligator is eating the baseball coach's hat.

Just in sepia tones? Oh my god, look at all the times I get, and these are, it's moving really quickly now, but god, five years, look at all, look at this. Wow.

Yeah, he's dead for sure.

It's hard to believe that we've gone through so much, but look at us. Here we are.

Oh, he superimposed us riding the alligator like a horse?

In sort of a victory lap? Just a little gift from me to you guys. I wanted to put that little video montage together to kind of show you what we've meant to each other over the years and kind of all the things that we've accomplished.

That photo will haunt me until the day I die. I will only see that when I blink or sleep.

Thank you, JPC. That was really moving.

What a sweet little tribute. You guys are super welcome.

Yeah. Wow. And I guess we'll try to upload the video as well to like socials or whatever for the people. Oh yeah, it's a podcast.

Yeah, and I'll do my best to block that, so don't worry.

Because it's a podcast, so people couldn't see the video. But yeah, we'll upload it. But if this comes out, just search all around the internet trying to find that video. It'll be there. And it's just, you know, it's fun that we did this.

Just Google Alligator Eating Baseball Coach.

Gotta give a shout out to Casey. Casey hooked this up for me too because, you know, obviously I'm not like a tech whiz. I wouldn't be able to play that on the show if it weren't for my man Casey. Give it up Casey. Yeah.

Perfect. I actually put together a video montage of our last five seconds.

Oh my god. Parallel thinking.

Do you want to play it?

Do you want Casey to play yours as well?

Uh-huh, play it as well.

Okay.

Okay, let's see what this is.

I can't wait, you guys. I've literally been working on it for months. I feel so nervous and excited.

Yeah, I'd love to see it. I'd love to see what Casey put together. It seems like a long time to work on a short video. Yeah, let's see what's going on.

I'm sure it'll be the same. I think he probably used the same song.

Now, okay, so Casey says pretend there's music playing. Why should we have to pretend there's music playing? Can't you just play that same fucking song?

Yeah, Casey, just use the same montage song that you definitely played and it wasn't just me playing.

JPC, can you play it, please?

I could, but it's funnier that you made Casey.

No, I'm doing the same shout-out as you did to Casey doing it.

This is a great bit. Just give me two to three minutes to find a song, okay?

I think it should be live time though, Casey. If you're not prepared for work... I'M PREPARED! I'M PREPARED! I JUST NEED A SECOND!

JPC, play the music. We'll pretend Casey played it.

Oh. Okay, so this is a peek behind the curtain. You just want me to play the same music from the video that I made.

But now the vid's gonna feel so tired. No, Erin, it won't. God, this sucks.

I agree, Erin. So that might be something different.

I think it went something like... Alright, cool.

Yeah, I got it. No, I got it now. Please welcome the wickedly talented, one and only Adele Dazeem. And you think the show's gotten worse?

Significantly worse. Drip by drip worse. Oh. Oh, here it is. My video's playing. There's us. First day of recording. Oh, wow.

This is a baseball coach eating an alligator.

Oh my gosh. This is Adal bringing us coffee for a late night recording.

I called it kefefe at the time.

JPC saying Maria CBS and we're all laughing and laughing.

I'm wearing high-waisted jeans. Oh, here's where Erin tried to do the splits and um... She she ripped open her shoulders and my everything.

Yeah.

Ziphoid process.

Oh, look, there's Casey. He's just a little baby. Wow.

Actually, that is just a baby photo of Casey. That's crazy. Why is that in here?

And we're all holding him, haha. I don't remember Casey being that young when he started. And why do we all look way older?

Oh man.

We all look like we're in our 60s and we're holding a baby Casey? Where did you get that?

And look, we're getting older.

Oh god, yeah, we're getting way older.

This show's getting worse.

Oh no. The two of you are at my funeral? When did that happen?

Oh my god, wait guys, this is skipping forward in time. This is going way past- Erin goes broke?

Wait, why are they repossessing your car, Erin?

Oh my god. JPC. You're still alive. You're at my funeral now.

I don't know. Oh, no, no. Look at the next picture. It's me asleep. This is a dream. This is all happening inside my dream? And Casey's there. Wait, it's a hospital room. Wait, he's injecting something into my machine. No! No, he's killing me! Casey's killing me!

Oh, did you give him power of attorney?

I guess!

Oh, JPC.

But look, he's a baby still. He's so sweet.

Oh, and it's zooming out. And it's like the end of Men in Black 2 where inside Casey's little baby eye is like a bunch of universes.

Oh, wow.

That was Men in Black 2?

Are we sure about that? Oh, it's ending. Oh, beautiful. Wow.

Wow. That was beautiful, Casey.

Wow.

We've been through so much together.

We've been through so much together. And we will go through so much in the future. I don't know how to say this. I actually planned a little. We have a montage to celebrate. Ah, 2-2-3 minutes.

Should be a different song, Casey, because what are the odds that we all built a montage video using the same song? That's true.

We're going for realism here.

Did we all Google royalty-free montage music and rip a piece of it to our computer? Maybe, but... Alright, here we go, here we go.

Okay.

This is, this is very Adal for a montage.

Oh, there's us. We're doing those old Patreon promo videos we used to do in person.

Wow, look at us.

Here comes the alligator.

And that's the end. Wow.

It was just a still clip of us doing a Patreon promo and then an alligator eating a carriage from the inside out. Yeah. The highlights. Honestly, yeah, I guess Adal's was a lot more concise.

Guys, I'm feeling nostalgic today. I'm feeling a little sentimental today, boys. I'm in my feelings.

I certainly agree with the second part. Feeling mental today.

Yeah.

I feel semi-mental.

What time is it? Oh, Erin, it's Riddle Time. Game time whoop. That's what time it is.

Game time whoop.

It's Riddle Time, and if you recall the last time that I was Old Man Puzzles, almost five years ago today, we were doing some riddles from 2018, and we're going to finish off our riddles from 2018. Now, the last time we played, you guys really liked these riddles from Samira, and so we are going to jump back into some more riddles that Samira submitted.

So, these are going to be... Can we call this Samora Samira?

Samora, Samira, Samira, Samora, Samira.

Samora, Samira?

Yeah. Yeah, we'll call this segment Samora, Samira. Casey, go ahead and play that theme. Okay, okay, Casey, okay.

No, it's the alligator eating you.

Okay, wow, wow. Unbelievable. Unbel... It's crazy that our producer can't just have a thousand themes ready to go for all of our stupid bullshit. I mean, it just makes you look bad, Casey. And of course he can edit this and make us look however he wants.

Make TPC's voice sound real stupid right now. I bet it sounds so stupid.

All right, so more is a mirror. We're actually, in real life sometimes we're actually nice to Casey and it feels weird every time we do it.

I've never seen you be nice to Casey in real life, frankly.

You know what? I gave Casey a birthday present and he gave me a hug. Can you believe that?

Did everyone burst into flame?

I said you required my law to give me this hug. Okay, so these are some more Samiras. It says, disguised names of celebrities. So I'm going to give you like, this will, it'll all lead to a celebrity's name. You just have to do like a little work with the way that this phrase sounds translating it. So, reaching someone on a telephone and making a joke of something rudely. Today we're

Mean.

When you insult me, if I were Erin, if I were to be like, here's my impression of Erin.

My name's Erin Keif. I'm doing Erin Keif impression.

What would that be? I'd burst into tears. Accurate?

Mock.

Yes.

Colin Mockery.

Colin Mockery. It's Colin Mockery. Wow. Yes. Colin Mockery calling Mockery. So that's, that's... Why don't we get him on the pod?

Huh?

Someone actually put us in touch with- Someone actually put us in touch and then we never heard back. Some of his people or something like that.

Alright everybody, let's start an online harassment campaign to call him mockery. Bother him until he gets to the show.

No, no, no. Someone already did a very nice thing by being like, hey, I can put you in touch with his people. Okay, here's the next one. Rude and quick-moving Okay, sorry. I read that too fast and I didn't separate it correctly. Rude and quick-moving papers around. So the first word... The first word means rude. And the second phrase, quick-moving papers around.

Shuffle?

Kurt organize? Wow, you're so close.

Kurt Russell. Yes, it's Kurt Russell. When are we going to get Kurt Russell on the pod, huh?

We reached out to his people and they said no fucking way.

They offered us Katie Holmes, I want to say? Kate Hudson. Kate Hudson. Kate Hudson.

We could get Kurt Russell's kid on the pod though, right?

That's Kate Hudson, right?

Yeah. Do we remember what that guy's name is?

Wyatt Russell.

Yeah, Wyatt Russell.

Yeah, I would like Kurt Russell from Tombstone to come on the show. I think he would be a great guest.

Interesting. Adal, what's your favorite Kurt Russell to come on the show?

And don't say Sky High. Gotta be Captain Ron.

And I, of course, would love to have Snake Plissken on the show.

Escape from New York or L.A.

Or L.A.

Hey, either was good, baby. The coasts. I mean, let's have an escape from Oklahoma City. Spread it around, Snake.

Escape from Oklahoma City is easy. It's just like drive in any direction. You get out of there pretty quickly.

Have you guys seen Captain Ron? Yeah. No. I saw it once when I was like 15. I don't know if it holds up.

Hey, you know what? I was at least recently talking about this because by the time this comes out, I'm not sure if it will be something that was actually voted upon, but I wanted to do The Thing for our July review crew.

I don't want to do that. My number one favorite horror film.

Erin, you don't want to do The Thing? No, I don't want to do that. I don't like scary stuff.

But it's not even that scary. No.

It's from like the 70s.

No! No!

Erin, what if we did a mash-up? That Thing You Do.

So it's The Thing, but... You two watch The Thing and I watch That Thing You Do?

And you watch That Thing You Do, yes.

That's so funny. I actually love that. I love that.

So if you're not a member of the review crew tier on the Patreon, first of all, it's a great time to get ad-free episodes. This is an ad within a show. Madden Web, 60 Grapes, all those ones. Go on there and make us watch, make Adal and I watch The Thing and Erin watch That Thing You Do.

And we never, we just talk, we don't, we never sort of differentiate or parcel off any part of it.

I know I said that I wanted to watch The Thing, but it is Adal's one of his favorite horror movies. Is there another Thing-based movie that I could watch so we can all do three different things and that we review them together?

Adam's Family.

Yeah.

Or have family value. Because the star- Cousin It. Well, no.

The star is thing.

You can write 10 things I hate about you. Wild things.

Alright, 10 things I hate about you is legitimately one of my favorite movies. Do the right thing.

Do the right thing where the wild things are.

Do the right that thing you do. Do the right, yeah, do the right the thing. Do the right that the thing do. Ten the things that you do that I hate about you. This podcast rules. I actually think this is great.

We all got re-energized at the same time. We all feel better. I'm back in baby. Let's fucking do this.

Hey, why don't we do this? Why don't we do another one of Samora Samira? We have Toilet Samaritan Male.

John Goodman.

John Goodman!

Hey Roseanne, where's DJ?

Why don't we get John Goodman on the podcast, huh?

Look, there's no way John Goodman would ever come on this podcast, but I would love to have John Goodman on this podcast.

I want Big Dan. If we're doing it like we did with Kurt Russell, I want Big Dan from Oh Brother Where Art Thou to come on the show.

Oh God. Okay, here we go. Oh, you know what? I just watched in a hotel room. I just drove to LA like a few days ago. That's probably why I'm so slap happy. Oh, I'm sorry. Drove to LA and then flew back. Helping drive my friend Tim Lyons. Listened to a bonus episode of Improv Is Dead that we recorded in a hotel room in Oklahoma. That's fun.

Oh, you escaped Oklahoma City?

Yeah, we escaped Oklahoma City. Or maybe it was Nebraska, it doesn't matter. We watched the end of the Denzel Washington movie, Flight, on TV. Is that where he's a drunk pilot? He's a drunk pilot. And John Goodman comes in at the end of that movie to sell him cocaine. It seems like John Goodman was on set for like 20 minutes, he wore his own clothes, and he just got to have the time of his life. It's such a fun scene.

I've never seen it.

That sounds a lot like John Goodman in one of my favorite TV shows, David Simon's Treme, where John Goodman plays a guy in New Orleans who just goes to Laius's by the track and orders buttered shrimp po'boys and eats them. And it's like, this isn't acting, this is... But yeah, John Goodman's old enough that that's... Enjoy your retirement.

Only take roles where you get to do cocaine and eat po'boys.

Ooh, cocaine and po'boys. New song we write, Erin?

I'm brainstorming it right now and I'm coming up.

You're on your phone.

I'm not on my phone. My phone is on the other end of my house.

I really thought Erin was going to say, I'm busy that weekend.

I'm so busy that weekend.

That whole weekend is crazy for me. All right, here we go. Ooh, penis, off-white, boy, kin.

Dick... Cream...son. Dick Grayson.

Dick Grayson. Gray is not off-white.

Yeah, that's true.

I'm a no-white. I think so. How would you describe gray? Bleak. Yeah, I guess so. Casey says off-black. Stormy sky. Okay, here's your next one then. Hold and move an ugly, dangerous cat.

Keep. Hold.

Rib Wilson. So the first one is hold and move. So it describes holding and moving something. Shuffle.

Carrie.

Erin. Carrie Underwood. An ugly, dangerous cat.

Ugly, dangerous cat.

This is a type of cat. Tabby. This might be hard. This is not the way that I want to go with this.

Carrie Mulligan?

No, I love Carrie Mulligan.

Honestly, I think if you keep naming famous Carries, there's not too many. I think if I had an ugly cat, I would want a Mulligan. I'd be like, can I get a little do over here? Carrie. What was it? Scary ugly cat?

Let's say this. Let's say hold and move. A seafaring food producer.

Carrie a lobster fisherman?

One of those words is correct, kind of. Fisher. Carrie Fisher. Carrie Fisher.

Wow. Wait, is a fisher an ugly cat? Fisher.

Okay, I think so. I think a fisher is a type of, let's see, a fisher cat. Oh, it is a member of the Mustelid family, but it is sometimes referred to as a fisher cat. It looks like a little tiny, like, bear-looking thing. I do want to see a scene. God, these things look cool as hell.

Toss it in the chat, my dude. I do want to see a scene. Erin, you are a cat, JPC is your kitten, and you're teaching him to fish.

Gotta be honest with you, this is mostly about getting out of the house.

Um, shouldn't we have like poles or like lures? It seems like you just have like a six pack of Amstel light.

Yeah. And some peace and quiet. That's sort of all you need for this. So, I used to bring the fishing rods out and stuff, but that's mostly just for show. Occasionally I'll reach down and use my claws to pull out like a koi fish. Expensive fish, but mostly I just drink my beer and I think about some of my exes.

Should I? Should you be? Should I be privy to this? I mean this seems like kind of like too much for like me like a kitten like should... You're talking a lot for what this is. We don't talk? We don't talk at all?

You bring your iPad?

No, you said we're going out to the lake. I didn't bring my iPad because it's the lake.

Can you imagine you're watching your little YouTube videos on your iPad and I'll just sit here and drink some beer and think of my exes?

Yeah, I mean, I guess I could just kind of imagine it and repress this later. I guess I could just repress this later.

No, you don't have to repress it. I like you.

I'm definitely going to want to do that.

I'm definitely going to want to repress this. No, no. No, you'll be fine. It's fine.

Could you tell me about something, your exes? Maybe I get to know you better? We really don't have much time to ever, you know... I don't really know anything about you.

I mean, I blew it with all of them. It was me, I was the problem. Probably still the problem with your mom, you know? And then in a couple years I'll be sitting out here thinking about her on the boat, you know?

I hope not. I mean, for me, for my

I mean, I don't really appreciate things until they're gone. That's sort of my curse on this planet, you know?

Well, maybe you could try to appreciate me while I'm here and we could fish together. Another deep sigh.

Amstel Light. Maybe your cats will drink it.

Oh, we just got a sponsor request from Amstel Light and they denied it before I could click yes. They can't afford us, honestly. Yeah, they can't afford us. Also, they absolutely can. And for cheaper than you'd think.

That backfired. That bit backfired.

Imagine Amstel Light not being able to afford us. Okay, here we go. One pickle with peepers.

Dylan. Oh, sorry.

Or, there's an or on this one, so I'll let you go. One pickle with peepers.

Dill and eyes.

Dill and... Dill and eyes are close. In fact, dill and eyes I think are good.

One pickle with peepers. Is dill right?

Dill is right. And eyes is right. But there's more to it.

Dylan Iris, Dylan- One pickle. One pickle. Bob Dylan. No. Bob for a pickle in- Uh. The jar.

Erin, yes. You got it.

A Dylan.

Uh, dill.

I. A dill-dazeem.

A dill-I.

A dill, a dill-dazeem.

It's not a dill-dazeem.

A dill-I. A dill-dazeem. No, it works. A dill-dazeem. It works, but it's not a dill-dazeem. A dill-dazeem.

Is it a dill?

It's a dill.

A dell.

It's not a dell. Hello from the other brine. One pickle. Okay, here's your other one. Or, one pickle, improvised verbal comments.

Adal Rifais.

Yes, you got it.

Adal Rifais.

Adal Rifai or Adal Rifai. But you got it, it's Adal Rifai.

Oh my gosh, he was right there.

What a glowing tribute to my name.

When are we going to get Adal on the podcast?

What a proud little boy I am.

We reached out to his people and his people is us and he's here. Oh perfect.

His people is us. We reached out to his people and it turned out his people is us.

Wait, my phone's ringing. Why is my phone ringing? I called Adal's agent.

Have you guys ever sent an email to yourself?

Yeah, all the time.

I send emails to myself a lot too. I usually send articles to myself. Like I have a news aggregator and I'll be like, ooh, I want to read this but not now because I'm enjoying scrolling. So I'll send myself a little email.

To be honest with you, it's always nice to hear from me. Aw.

Occasionally I'll get a text message that I need to open on my email, like a link to join something, but it'll come in as a text message for whatever reason, and so I'll email that to myself, and then I get a nice little email from myself, and I go, oh, it's me. Delete.

He's thinking of me. He's thinking of me.

All right, here's the next one. Praying position, upper limb swole.

Neil Young, Neil Armstrong.

Neil Armstrong. What are we going to get Neil Armstrong on the pod, huh?

Oh, Erin. Oh, Erin, sweetie, sit down. He's a Republican. The moon isn't real. He was staged.

He's a Republican. No, no.

Okay, oxygen enters weed powder. Air in.

Keif.

Puck.

Aaron, thank you for finishing. I didn't want to say your name.

Weed powder.

Weed powder. Okay, here we go. Prostitute solicitor gently touch a stack of hay avoidance geometry.

Pervert Horseshy?

That could be the name of the episode if you need it, JPC, but only if you need it.

If I need it. Is this famous pilgrim, Pervert Horseshy?

People open an episode of Hey Riddle Riddle called Pervert Horseshy. They know exactly what they're getting. Three montage bits.

You're both on the Mayflower. You're both pilgrims coming over. One of you is a pervert. One of you is him. You can decide who in the scene.

Well, couldn't get out of England fast enough. Bad vibes in the entire place.

Same, ever since Martin Luther nailed those things to the door, I was like, yikes, bikes, I'm out of here. Now to get over to the new land and start our new lives where no one can tell us How to worship. No one. If I want to put a buckle on my hat, fuck you I put buckle on my hat.

And if I want to go over to the new world and take a buckle off my hat and stick it sideways into my ass, pull it out, stick it back in a little bit, then pull it out, no one's gonna tell me that I can't do that.

I see you're reading my t-shirt. Hi, I'm Pervert Horseshy.

Yeah, I guess I just started reading the t-shirt without really comprehending what it... What's with the buckle for... These are just to buckle the hat on, you know, to keep the hat on. What's your question? Keep the hat a hat.

What was your question? You're doing some sort of... What are you doing with the buckle? Put it around my hat. Well, I wanted to put a... Here's the thing. You know about scarlet letters.

Oh yeah, and I can't wait to get over there and start scarleting lettering up some women.

Everything that's embroidered on my shirt, that's what I did to get kicked out of England, so if we're being honest... Oh, I was reading it like a sentence, but every individual letter stands for something?

Oh yeah.

If I'm being forthcoming, and that was one of my crimes, I was forthcoming. What I was specifically told to do last.

You guys, great scene but you didn't get this one yet. Prostitute solicitor. I hate when that happens.

Is there any worse feeling on planet Earth than doing a scene, having fun in the scene, and then realizing that you hadn't finished or solved the riddle that the scene was inspired by?

That's like picking up your plate after dinner and seeing that there's a second plate full of vegetables underneath your first plate and you're like, oh my god!

You just described every visit to Old Country Buffet for me because I stack my plates and I'm like, ooh, get as much as possible. And then I'm like, this is just one plate, right?

So this is John. What a disgusting way to eat, but I would love to see someone do it. Just picking a plate off and all the smooshed food on the bottom of the other plate.

Ooh, baby. At some point we must review a buffet, because I believe one of you has never been to a buffet. Is that right? Did I make that up? It's me. Erin.

I've been now, I think, but I hadn't for most of my life.

You've been now? Well, Erin's been on a cruise ship, so certainly you must have eaten at a buffet, right?

Yes, but I just didn't grow up going to buffets.

That sounds like the saddest song in the world.

Toity toity northeast princess who didn't grow up going to buffets.

Oh, the coastal elite.

Oh, I would love to step a day in your life of shoes, Erin.

Must be nice to have Snake Pilsen in your neighborhood.

I'm just a different kind of trash than you guys are. We're both trash, but we're just different kinds. You're Midwest trash. That is true. I'm Boston trash.

And the one thing we can know about trash is it ruins the world, but no matter where we're from, no matter what we do, we're poisoning the world in our own individual ways. Beautiful.

And it gets taken out every Tuesday.

Adal, you're correct. It's John.

And can you read the second, so that would be the solicitor, but what's the second word? A prostitute solicitor.

Gently touch a stack of hay, avoidance geometry.

Tap. Gently touch. Tap. Brush. Oh boy, there's so many Johns. Gently touch. What could that be? Tap. Nudge.

Avoidant. Is the avoidance geometry two separate sounds?

No. Avoidant geometry.

I would say this is the type of touch, like if it was a baby's head, I would... Pat.

John Patrick Stewart.

Yes, it's John Patrick Stewart. John Patrick Coan.

Yes, it is John Patrick Coan, which is a rick, apparently, is a stack of hay. I had no idea that a rick was a stack of hay.

Oh, and a Morty is... Canceled.

Well, we will be back with more of Samira's Riddles, and just kind of scrolling down here, there's absolutely no way we get through 2018, so... Are you kidding?

Stop promising. Just don't even say it anymore at the beginning of episodes.

I love the promise because the promise makes everyone feel good. The not delivering part obviously sucks, but I'm never gonna stop promising. The moon! Hey Erin, when we get back, a big moon for you. And Adal? Yeah? A couple of Jupiters for you. Everybody gets a planet.

I just found out today that the moon is a Republican, so I don't even care.

This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace.

OJPC, I have a special surprise for you. He didn't. He didn't.

Okay. Unwrap, unwrap, unwrap.

Yes, that's right. Because Erin is no longer with us for now, we're going to do unwraps, which is the opposite of a wrap.

Mm-hmm. And that's also the way that the space angels who... I was almost going to say took her, but I guess it's not really took her. That's how they pray. She flooded to them. She went to them, yes. Well, you know what, Adal, one of the ways that we might be able to stay in touch with Erin while she's visiting the space angels is by building a Squarespace website. It's the all-in-one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and succeed online. Whether we're just starting out or managing a growing brand, Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website, engage with our target audience, Erin and the Space Angels, and sell anything from products to content to time, all in one place, all on our terms.

That's right. And while Erin's in space, she can watch, you know, something like our video collections. You can upload video content to Squarespace, organize your video library, and showcase your content on beautiful video pages. You can even sell access to your video library by adding a paywall to your content. So even space angels can subscribe and Erin can show them all the stuff we've been up to.

Oh, I'd love to content wall some space angels because those guys are flush. I know that they would pay. And speaking of paying, Squarespace makes checkout seamless for your customers with simple but powerful payment tools. Except credit cards, PayPal, Apple Pay, and in eligible countries offer customers the option to buy now and pay later with Afterpay and Clearpay. And I think, no not yet, but one day Angel Pay will be on this list. We can only assume that Angel Pay will be on this list.

And also something very, very helpful is their analytics. You can measure your end-to-end online performance with powerful website and seller analytics, get insights on top traffic sources, hopefully space, understand your reach is growing in space, track sales metrics, and learn where to focus new engagement.

So if you want to meet those space angels or just kind of start a website, head to squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

Hello, and welcome to space. I am Janoris, the head space angel.

No offense, Janoris, but you don't really look like the head space angel.

Because of the sweatpants?

Yeah, it's the sweatpants.

They're comfortable.

They look comfortable, and that's not exactly front-facing. I mean, that's not... Look, Janoris, you look like you've been through it. Can I offer a suggestion? Please. It looks like your finances are a mess. Have you ever used rocket money, Janoris?

No, but that would be helpful.

Janoris, you're going to love Rocket Money. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so that you can grow your savings and maybe afford clothes that aren't elastic.

Yes, I still get issues of Highlights Magazine up here, and I subscribed hundreds of years ago.

Oh, Janoris, how old are you? I hate to ask, but I've never met a space angel before.

400,252. Or, as Erin likes to say, one year older than Adal.

Oh, that's funny. Oh god, she still has her humor. I love to see that. For instance, I use Rocket Money. I can see all my subscriptions in one place, and if I see something I don't want, Rocket Money can help me cancel it with just a few taps. The dashboard shows me this month's spending compared to last month, so I can clearly see spending habits. Plus, they help me create a custom budget and keep my spending on track.

Ah, I'm tapping into the hive brain, and I'm learning that Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has saved a total of 500 million in cancelled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year when using all of the app's features.

Okay, you said tapped into the hive brain, but then you stuck your finger in my ear and pulled out the thing that I was just about to say, so maybe no more tapping into people's hive brains. Fine. Well, for guests, because I am a guest. I am a guest here, right?

You can leave if we want you to. Listen, all of space, stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocketmoney.com slash riddle. Finger in JPC's ear. That's rocketmoney.com slash riddle. rocketmoney.com slash riddle.

And tell him Janoris the space angel from space who kidnapped Erin and JPC sent ya.

Erin, it's been great chatting with you. I just gotta say, you're really animated today.

Thank you, Adal.

It's a little much.

I... I... Um, I know what's happening. Oh. I mean, Erin, have you been watching Anna Mayhem on Hulu? Hulu Anna Mayhem is your animation destination to watch full seasons and new episodes of your favorite animated shows.

Have I, zorp, falls through a trap door, lands right back in the same spot I was standing.

I guess she has. It's a little weird when Erin does it, but I love when Hulu does it. JPC, I don't know if you've been watching like Bob's Burgers, which is incredible. Love Bob's Burgers. Futurama, which is a classic. Hit Monkey, The Monkey Assassin, played by Jason Sudeikis.

American Dad, I mean tons of animated shows are on Hulu, and it seems like Erin from, I mean, your eclectic bunch of animated features that you're kind of, you're kind of inhabiting all of them?

Arooga, my eyes pop out of my head. Whoa, I think you could be right.

Arooga, that doesn't make sense.

Is that Brian? Is that Family Guy? What is she doing? Is that Brian? I don't know, but eyes popping out of your head isn't necessarily the freshest bit. But Erin, there are some of the freshest animated series on Hulu right now, like The Great North, Grimsburg, Crapopolis. Ooh. Sort of a fun Greek mythological world. And the guy from what we do in the shadows, Matthew Barry, plays in some- Oh, I love Matthew Barry. Oh, he's so good. He's so good.

Oh, I bonked my head and there's a bunch of birds flying around it. Whoa.

Well, I know Aaron probably isn't, but if you're looking for your favorite animated shows, there's only one destination you need to remember. That's Hulu Animayhem, your animation destination, now streaming on Hulu.

Run through the wall. Perfect shape of me in the wall.

I'm actually really hurt. Is the bone sticking out?

Yeah, guys, help.

Let's watch some hula. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Oh, God. Yeah. Oh, man. What time is it? 3 p.m. You know what really hit the spot right about now? Oh, yeah. What do you want? I would love to tell someone about my problems and my feelings. Ooh, how about we crack open a big can of BetterHelp. Oh, okay, so better help. So, if you're thinking of starting therapy, why don't you give BetterHelp a try? It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. All you gotta do is fill out a brief questionnaire, get matched with a licensed therapist, switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. And if you've never done online therapy, it works for old JPC. I like it because there's no waiting rooms. My therapist is pretty cool. They're pretty flexible with the schedule. I don't know about you guys, but some people have babies at home, and sometimes the whole online therapy thing can be hard to schedule, but that's why I love using BetterHelp.

Also, we should say, Erin floated away to the moon.

Oh, yeah. That's one of the things that I was going to bring up with my BetterHelp therapist about how Erin floated away to the moon, but I don't want to make all of our conversations about Erin floating away to the moon. Yeah. Yeah. Like two weeks ago, my BetterHelp therapist goes, Erin's real? And I was like, oh boy, I gotta, I gotta restart. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, stop comparing and start focusing with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com slash Riddle today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P.com slash Riddle.

JPC, does that mean she's a space angel now?

Oh, buddy. Yeah, it does. All right, we're launching right back into it. Here we go. Erin, Adal.

What?

Are you ready?

No.

I figured not. All right, we got to launch back into these. So this one is going to be a six-letter word, okay? I'm a six-letter word. So I'm going to go 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 denotes the six slots of that six-letter word. Cool? Cool. So letters 6, 5, and 2 spell out a drink. 6, 5, and 2 spell out a drink. 4, 5, 2, 3 spell out a fruit.

Wait, say that again.

4, 5, 2, 3.

4, 5, 2, 3 spell out a fruit. 1, 2, and 6 spell out a pet.

And real quick, 1, 2, and 6 in order spell out a pet, or do you have to mix it around?

No, it's all in order. It's all in order. It's all in order. Yes, it is. And 3, 2, 6 spells out a pest, which often gets eaten by 1, 2, 6.

And what was 3-6-9?

Damn so fine, do it to restock it one more time. Thank you, let me slow down a bit. So, 1-2-6 was a pest.

What was the food one?

The food one, the fruit?

Sorry, the food one that gets eaten by the other one.

Oh, 3-2-6 spells out a pest, which gets eaten by 1-2-6. What am I? So you gotta come up with the six letter word that is all of those things.

Can I ask you a question? Are there any repeat letters?

Oh, in this word? No, there are not. Every one is individual. And I can also tell you, two vowels, four consonants. You're looking for two vowels and four consonants.

Wow. And a consonant is like North America, Asia.

And all the people of North America and the continent of South America. France! And for the republic by which it stands and one under nation's god of people.

I realized just now the three of us are obsessed with people screaming something at an inopportune moment. We have France, we have the wickedly talented, we have Yeah. We love a scream. We love a good fuck up, a mental breakdown.

Yeah, we love a sound bite too. I think that's, and you know, look at the medium that we're operating in. This is a sound bite heavy medium.

Surf's up, my guy, 100%. Erin, please.

Erin, you couldn't have said it better, and you couldn't have said it more yourself.

I love these soundbites, because you guys don't even need me anymore. You can just use past me. Well, I tried to solve this riddle. Ugh, this is hard.

Can you read the... 6, 5, and 2 spells out a drink. 4, 5, 2, and 3 spell out a fruit. 1, 2, 6 spells out a pet. And 3-2-6 spells out a pest. I'll say the pet one is a pretty common one, and there's only one letter that's changed out to get you to a pest. I think if you can get that, everything else pretty much unlocks. Do you have any guesses for the 1-2-6 that spells out a pet? Cat. Cat. And rat. Cat and rat, yep.

Right, don't say anything else then.

Don't say anything else.

I want to figure this out. I actually, I think I need this for my mental health. You will. So if someone else knows it, don't say it until I've also gotten it.

You have four of the letters already, Erin. Because you have cat and rat, and that is four of the six.

Is it spelled, is it caret spelled C-A-R-E-E-T-T? I'm gonna have to take off my headphones.

E-T-T? Uh, no. There's... It's not caret, there's no repeat letters, and it's only six letters. 6-5-2 spells out a drink, and you have 6 and 2, right? T-A. And then 4-5-2-3 spells out a fruit. B-A-R-E-T. 4-5-2-3. Erin, what'd you say? B-A-R-E-T. That's 5. It's carpet. Yep, you guys got it.

Is it Carpet?

It's Carpet, it's Carpet, yes. T is the first one, then Pear, then Cat, then Rat. It's like doing a Sudoku puzzle, except with words. I actually like this quite a bit.

It's nothing like a Sudoku puzzle.

I do want to see a quick scene. Adal, Erin and I are going to be- Am I like Count Sudoku?

Oh, sorry. Go ahead.

Erin and I are going to be a couple living at home, and you are going to be a door-to-door car pet salesman. So you are, you're not selling carpet, you're selling car pets. Got it.

Oh, is it the door? It's really late.

Yeah.

It's like really late.

Would you get it? I'm going to dry my hands. Hi, hello, how how? I thought I heard you say come in. Did you say come in?

Whoa, whoa, no.

We certainly did not.

Sorry, we'll meet you at the door.

Yeah. Uh, I'm sorry. Jim, Jim Tucker, can we, can we help you?

Yes, my name is Funtz Sayles and I am here to, you know what? Nah, you wouldn't like it. Pretends to walk away. What an interesting, weird guy.

Huh, what's happening?

He's putting the door. Don't shut the door just yet. Okay, door's wide open. Something just got loose in your house, wink wink. I'm not going to tell you what, but... The hell?

Did you let something loose in our house?

That's right. It is something that you do not want in your house. Oh boy, how do you do not want this thing in your house? What you do want... You want it in your car, in your van, in your truck, in your sedan. Anything with four wheels, two wheels, three wheels. What is it? Get it out.

Are you wearing a bathing suit and a blazer together? What is this?

Are you wearing a bathing suit? Yes, I am. It's called a blazing suit. I invented it. Would you like one?

What did you put in our house, you bastard?

Sorry, speak up.

Say that again.

Speak up.

Bam.

Bam-bams?

Bam-bams? You think I put Flintstones, Superstar, Big Club, Bam-bam loose in your house?

I see there's Flintstones gummies that have just recently gone onto our carpet. Are those yours?

Yeah, I was going to smash them up and then show you how this Zumba works. What do you mean you put bed bugs in here? I let bed bugs loose in your house because they make the perfect pet for your car.

Jane, don't touch him. Look at him. I can see his skin. It's literally crawling with bed bugs.

Um, okay, we- it's really late at night, it's a Sunday night, this is really invasive, um... Thank you so much for coming, we- we- you're gonna- you gotta go though, you gotta go.

You little devils don't mind if I do. What the- don't touch a thing! Don't touch a thing in this house! You buy zebra cakes, what the fuck?

Smash glass, smash glass!

Ah! Ah!

What the- Oh my god. You know what? I think this is- this- I think- I just saw the first Men in Black movie, I think that this is kind of like a... wearing like an egger suit.

Vincent D'Onofrio's best performance.

Can I tell you something? I was watching this movie, Men in Black. We were watching it in a hotel room, of course, me and Tim. And this movie's been out, what, 20 years? And I turned to Tim and I was like, Vincent D'Onofrio kills it in this movie. And he goes, that's Vincent D'Onofrio? I was like, yeah, that's like Vincent D'Onofrio's most iconic role. You didn't know that was Vincent D'Onofrio?

But to be fair, he kind of does disappear into that role. Full metal jacket, gained, I want to say 120 pounds.

That's crazy. We got to get D'Onofrio on. We got to get the kingpin on the podcast.

You ever see him in the cell? Terrifying.

Okay, here we go. Here's another riddle. There was a dad and three kids. When the kids were adults, the dad was old and death came to take the father. The first son, who became a lawyer, begged death to let the dad live a few more years. Death agreed. But when death came back, the second son, who became a doctor, begged death to let his father live a few more days. Death agreed. When death came back, the third son, who became a priest, begged death to let the dad live till the candle wick burned out, and he pointed to a candle. Death agreed. The third son knew death wouldn't come back, and he didn't. Why not?

Never lit the candle?

The candle was lit. The candle was lit. It was a lit candle.

Do their professions matter at all, or is this just a red-headed hearing?

I don't know, Erin. You don't think it matters if someone's a doctor? Well, I guess then people just wasted all that time in medical school because they can just go chop up people for nothing.

That's my stance.

The doctor was a daughter? Do the professions matter? No, not so much. Not so much.

Oh, is this like when you go to a restaurant and you're like, this candle is really, really having a ball and then you lift up the little glass ball and it's one of those electronic candles?

If, okay, so if this was an electronic candle, that would be, that would be a good solution to this, but that's not the solution to this because it is, death verifies, trust but verify, death goes up and sniffs it and it's like, okay, it's a legit candle, it's a candle, it's a burning candle.

Okay, so

Because this dad is already old. So now this dad has to live forever? You didn't ask for this. Yeah. I'd be like, he's like 98 years old and the kids leave and he's like going through the drawers trying to find a lighter to burn the candle down. They come back and they're like, what are you doing? What are you doing? No, you live forever.

I'd like to see a scene. JPC, you are death and you're coming to collect Adal. But you're, JPC, you're feeling a little paranoid because people have been tricking you a lot lately. And so you're just a little on edge.

Don't say a fucking word. You die today, you come with me.

Yes, perfect.

Okay, good.

I greet you as an old friend.

Yes, accord me as an old friend. Good, as most people should do. I get it if somebody's young and it's fucked up, but you're old, so, and you're, you're dead. You're dying. You're dead. You come with me.

No, I get it. Do I, do you like touch me on the forehead or do I, do I do something?

No, don't try to trick me. Don't try to trick me. Touch myself on the forehead, I die. Takes a whole week for my body to be sewn back together by the angels and I have to come back here. It's not gonna work. Okay?

Oh, you misunderstand. I am more than ready. My time on Earth has been magnificent and I have given all I can give. I'm ready to go. Do I take your hand?

Hey buddy, save the breath. It's not gonna work on me, okay? I am immune to this kind of thing, okay? You don't need to talk a bit. You're gonna die today. I'm gonna do my thing. I'm a hit you with a scythe quick, severs your soul from your spine, I take you off to hell or whatever. Or whatever they do with you, I don't know your life, I don't know what you did.

Okay, let me lie prone here.

No. No. Hold on. Stay right where you are. Gotta check for trap doors. A lot of people do trap doors in the floor. I'm gonna lie on the floor. Boof. Trap door. Then I accidentally what? Kill a magician instead. I've killed so many fuckers. If I bring the devil, one more musician. Or magician. Either one.

Oh, musicians are magicians to some degree, the way they're able.

Don't try to confuse me, man. Don't try to confuse me, okay?

I'm trying to support you, old friend.

You're not. I've had four Red Bulls today, okay? I'm on edge. Okay, no trapdoor. Okay, cool. So you said you wanted to lie on the floor? That's fine. You want to lie on the floor, there's no trapdoor, that's fine. If you want to do that.

How did you die?

Oh, man. How long do you got? Well, so, originally when... Pull the cord!

Pull the cord! We got him! No! We got him!

We got him! Caught in a net. Oh, the death so easily tricked.

Yeah, what a fool. No, I'm just kidding. I'm saying that on the podcast. I don't mean that death. We respect you big time.

Yeah. Casey obviously cut out any part where we kind of made fun of death.

Actually beep out death's name.

Oh yeah, and I think we did Death's address in there as well, so go ahead and- And his social. Yeah. And Doc's de- Ooh, that's not great. Yeah, we- Okay, so officially we don't know where Death is from, and we want to apologize to all of the people of **** because we don't know if Death lives there or where or whatever. It doesn't matter.

We're pretty sure he does.

Yeah, we're pretty sure, yeah. It's 519 ****, 610 Anderson Street. Okay, three men each had a cup of coffee. Each man put an odd number of lumps of sugar in his coffee. Twelve in total. Three men, twelve lumps. How many lumps of sugar did each man take? Take? I mean, I think that that's like a, how many lumps do you, how many sugars do you take? Maybe that's a Britishism, I'm not sure.

No, I guess, how do you take your coffee? I've heard that, it just, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Okay, this I really want to get. I think I can get it, so nobody say the answer out loud.

I mean, Erin, that just can't be how the podcast works.

That has to be how the podcast works.

I mean, it has to be 12, right?

But each man put an odd number of lumps, so odd number is key, of sugar in his coffee, 12 in total. How many lumps of sugar did each man take? And here's the next... Oh, yeah, I'm sorry. That's the... I almost read the answer, but that's the full riddle.

Do they all have to take the same amount? No.

No. It's just... Each one takes an odd number of lumps that adds up to 12. Okay. It's a real brain teaser.

This is hard.

Yeah, this one's hard. I think this one's hard. But that's also what makes it so good.

Seven.

Okay, seven. Seven is an odd number.

And like a fucked up four. Fucked up four.

Like a four that touches at the top and connects at the bottom. Is it 11-1-1?

No, sorry, it was 12 total. 12 total. 9-1-1? 9-1... 9-1-and-a-half? 9-1-1 is a joke if you ask public.

This is hard. Why can't I get this?

I think the answer to this is going to make you mad when you hear it. 7-5-0. 7-5-0.

Zero? No. That doesn't work. No.

Well, if the answer's going to make us mad, I'm going to stop trying to guess it.

Yeah, I mean, yeah, that's smart. Yeah, never mind, never mind. That's smart, yeah. To stop trying is, I think, the right move on this one.

I'm dead tired.

I will say, one of the numbers is the same number. Okay. So they each put an odd number of lumps in their coffee, 12 in total, and one of the numbers is the same number twice.

It's got to be... It's impossible. ...either five or three.

Alright, I can give it to you. You wanna hear it? Yeah. The first man took one, the second man also took one, and the third man took ten.

That's an even number.

I don't know, Erin. Ten lumps of sugar in your coffee? No, fuck you.

No, no, no, no! No! No! No! Erin. No!

Erin.

No! No!

Erin.

No!

I told you!

No! I tried! I tried my best!

I want to see a scene.

No.

Erin.

No, hold on.

Erin?

I'm pulled to the brim with rage.

Erin's got a knife and she's holding it against like a teddy bear. No. That's not our bear, Erin. We don't care about that bear. Yes, you do. Yes, you do. Oh my god, that's my bear.

Oh, Barry. Barry, no. Adal, you wanted to see a scene?

I want to see a scene. JPC, I want you to give the answer again. And Erin, I want you to be really happy with it. And start.

Adal, you wouldn't do this to a woman like me, right? Someone who's loved you for as long as I've loved you.

The concept of a scene just getting stretched to its infinite ends.

Okay, here we go. I'm going to do this scene. I just want to make sure. Adal, you want to do this to your sweet dear friend Erin, who's just really enjoyed you these last eight years or so.

I mean, yeah, I want to, but it seems like the way you're saying it, like there's something I should take into account.

No, that's great. I'm ready. Ready for the scene. Curtain up.

The first man took one, the second man took one, and the third man took ten lumps.

Wait, that's an even number.

Oh, I don't know, Erin. Ten lumps of sugar and coffee sounds pretty odd to me.

Oh, I love it. I love it. I love this. Yes, because that is a that is too much sugar for a cup of coffee. That's odd.

I'm so close to calling scene. I just need a little more positivity.

Erin, do you love it?

Hip hip, hooray!

Erin, what's your favorite part about the riddle?

I guess my favorite part is, um, that it doesn't make any sense, um, and it's sort of a joke, and I was sitting here fucking writing numbers down, doing the math on a sheet of paper.

Erin, it sounds like maybe from what you're describing, it sounds like you might be a little bit mad. No, I love it! You do love it?

I love that I spent all this ink on this.

Yeah, we're going to continue the scene, and Erin, if you don't mind, I'm going to have you marry this Riddle. Do you, Riddle, the answer is- I'm just making sure you guys want to do this to me. I think so.

Okay, great. Time back in.

I'm wanting it more and more. Time back in.

Yeah. Curtain up.

Time back out. Just a quick check. Does Erin have to be happy about anything that happens while we're in the scene?

Wow, that's a good, I almost, this is like genie rules, Casey. Thank you for catching that. If you love this riddle so much, why don't you marry it? And you are marrying it and you're thrilled about it. Thank you, Casey. Casey, why don't you stay on and you're going to be, when we ask if there's anybody who objects, you're going to say yes, but you're just going to be like, I object because I just want Erin to love it even more. Okay. Thank you, Casey.

Riddle, 1, 1, and 10, do you take Erin to be your lawfully wedded wife? I do. I do. I do times 10.

Oh, he worked it into the vows. And there's not a dry ice in the house. Yeah, there's a magician. Because it sticks to your skin. If you swallow it, it could kill you.

Don't touch it. It's too cold.

Erin, do you take this riddle to have and to hold, to love forever and to be happy about?

I do.

Eyes are a little dead, but big smile.

I do. I love it.

Do you typically ask for objections after the ideas, or is it before?

I now pronounce you a woman and Riddle, unless, and you two go ahead and kiss, and while you're kissing, is there anyone who objects actually? I object.

Oh my gosh, thank you Casey, my dear friend, here to save me.

I don't think she loves this riddle enough. In fact, the only way to truly prove she does is to rap about it.

Oh my god, this is the end. And you have to be happy about it. She's happy about it too. I thought he liked me a lot. Turns out they're just putting me on the spot. I hate this riddle show. But JPC hasn't spelled Riddle though. Here he goes, spelling it now.

R-I-D-D-L-E. Riddle Riddle Riddle Riddle Riddle Riddle Riddle Riddle.

Everybody just sit in silence. We just have a silent meal. Super awkward. It's tense. No one's making eye contact with each other.

And scene. Wow, what a great scene. Adal, I loved you calling for that scene. I think, honestly, calling for more like AU scenes within the podcast. Let's do it, baby.

I actually think this is in my jurisdiction to do this. And then everything else that we have to do can happen after the theme song plays. I'm going to say Jupiter right now. Because I'm in pain. And so technically the episode, yes, ends right now.

Bye forever. Bye forever, sure. I guess, yeah, I guess bye forever.

Starring Erin Keif, and John Patrick Coan, Casey Toney did the editing, and Marty Parrish in the music.

Okay, so the episode's over.

Perfect.

I guess we could still, like, do plugs if we wanted to, right? Like, if we wanted to plug stuff, even though the episode's over?

Yeah, are Kurt Russell on impressions? Plugs are fine, too.

Yeah, Adal, anything to plug?

Uh, yeah. Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh

It's a lighter version of me over there.

Erin, people are going to get upset if you promise them something that doesn't exist.

That's a good point. There's something happening over there. There's something happening.

Probably, well, I think what happens in the episode happens in real life. So I think your honeymoon with that riddle is over there. We did a 50 minute honeymoon with the riddle.

Is it?

Stay tuned for a Patreon in the near future for the review crew tier where we review three separate movies all at once with none of us having context for the other movie. Adal, anything to plug?

I can't think of a single Goldie Hawn movie. Nine to five?

JPC, any review to read or anything like that?

Maybe she's not in that. J. Wiley Holmes writes, I'd write an honest, heartfelt review, but those don't get read, baby, and I'm in this for the clout. Get bent! B.S. Wonderful Podcast listened way too many hours, hoping to see a live show at some point. Well, wishes. Well, I hope that you live in Los Angeles and I hope that you came to the live show last week. I hope that that's something that happened for you. Maybe you can still watch the VOD. I'm actually not sure how that works because there was a live stream for that one.

Great, well, the episode is over and I already said the word, so let's just get up. Silently. Nobody follow me.

Okay, now I'm definitely following you.

Don't follow me!

No, I want to know where she's going. Technically, I'm following JPC.

Don't follow me! No, don't make that beat a sound when I walk.

Yeah, Erin's walking sound. There's Erin and the Coffee Riddle. They're on a swing set. Aww.

Oh man. Another perfect episode.

That's really funny.

You know what I think about this show? I don't think that a show physically exhausts people. Like a one hour podcast doesn't physically exhaust people more than our podcast.

I feel like unwell after that one.

That was a HeadGum podcast.