Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum Podcast.

What was that?

Me?

Yes.

Oh boy. That was a Loch Colum nitro infused coffee burp.

Correct. Three points.

I like this game.

1, 2, 3, 4. Hey Riddle Riddle.

Hey, um, Adal, JPC.

Erin. Hey, I'm Erin.

Uh, you know we're all in a canoe right now?

Yes. Yes.

I did, just now, a second ago, um, let the paddles go. I let them go from my hands.

No, we saw you toss them and you said, look, look, look, look, look. And you tossed them like a kid tosses keys in the pool to retrieve for their mom.

You remember that?

Seconds ago. Yes.

Well, I mean, there's nothing I can do about it. I'm the canoe swain. So I'm sitting up here at the very tippity top of the canoe.

You're the canoe what? The canoe swain? That is... canoe swain?

Yeah, it's like a cock swain before.

Oh, it's like swine flu, but swain flu. Don't say swine. Don't say swine. Swain.

Very different. Did you know that swine can cause heartburn? No, no. But I saw you ditch the paddles, Erin, but you know, all I can do is try to gently encourage you to, I guess, paddle with your hands now.

Paddle with your hands. Ditch the paddles and get with an Adal's.

And jump overboard. No, Adal grabs the back of your shirt and pulls you back in. Hey, hey, come back in. Right now we are literally up a creek without some paddles. But that's fine. Because guess what? We can record an episode of Hey Riddle Riddle. We can make the most of this. And if we drown, we drown. And if we run out of food, we run out of food.

Do you think we're going to drown in a creek? These are pretty shallow, right?

Maybe. I don't know.

Also, Erin, I have to ask. Just because you said, if we drown, we drown. If we starve, we starve. Have you been watching Rocky IV, where Ivan Drago famously says, if he dies, he dies?

No.

Erin, Hey Riddle Riddle is a place where we tell the truth. Are you sure you haven't been watching Rocky IV, where Ivan Drago says, if he dies, he dies?

Yes.

Wow. Starring MIT grad Dolph Lundgren.

Who's to say? Anyways, this is Hey Riddle Riddle. That's Adal.

That's a motorcycle. That's a motorcycle named JPC.

That's JPC. And that's Erin.

That's a motorcycle named JPC. And that's a motorcycle named Erin. And this is a Riddle podcast hosted by one man and two motorcycles. Or one woman and two motorcycles. Maybe it's just hosted by three motorcycles.

Yeah. Three streetcars named Desire.

And as always, this is a great episode of Hey Riddle Riddle to jump into because we get right to the riddles. We do not waste a single shred of time on this episode. We get right to the riddles. So if you're a new time riddler, welcome to the show. We're jumping right in to the riddles.

Ah, yes, I'm just into Gotham. Time to kill the Batman.

Sorry, I'm a new Riddler. No, I'm sorry, we don't have time for whatever that might be. It's me, Jared Leto's Riddler.

No, no, we have terrible, terrible security here at Hey Riddle Riddle. People are coming through windows, down the chimney. You guys, I'm going to get padlocked these doors. Some very unwanted, unsavory characters keep wandering in here.

The one thing I can promise our listeners is that Jared Leto will never be on this podcast. We will never have Jared Leto on as a guest, a guest producer.

His hands will be nowhere near this. Wait, wait. Sorry, wait. It was me, Dr. Chameleon, playing Jared Leto. It was a joke. I know that. I don't agree with him. I don't like him. Even that, Dr. Chameleon, is too much. Even that is too much.

I'll let myself out. I just came to drop off a gift card because I know next episode it's 311 and I fucking love them. Here's a gift card for Qdoba. Bye!

I do see that happen all the time where I see a person who plays a white supremacist. You see it in a lot of prison contexts and movies and stuff where it's like, hey, this actor, he's always playing a Nazi. And if you're that actor, isn't it kind of just better to not be an actor? Isn't it kind of better to have no career than a career as a Nazi?

Yeah.

Part of me thinks, like, maybe I'll just, you know, do something else. I'll start delivering packages or something.

But then you don't want to be at home, forego your acting career, and you're at home, and you turn on TV, and then you see, like, Brad Garrett as a Nazi, and you're like, I could have knocked this out of the park, this guy sucks.

Yeah, and then you're like, this Italian guy, he got to be a Nazi, and that kind of sets you off on a path, and now you're at the chat rooms complaining about Erin.

What are we talking about? What is this? Can we get right to the riddles?

Erin, we're talking about the debate that I bring up constantly that we keep editing out, which is that Brad Garrett should have been in Inglourious Basterds, and I will die on that hill.

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

And he should have been playing- Okay, if he's dying Kruger's part, then yes, I'm in. Then yes, I agree.

We are gonna get to some riddles, but before we get to the riddles, I have some... I think if you're a longtime listener to the show, I have some monumentous news that I think will maybe shake you to your core when you hear me say it. I don't even believe that I'm about to report this right now, but this is, and this is true. This is 100% actually factually true.

You're scaring us.

I don't know anything. Let me check the calendar here.

If you are a longtime listener, please buckle up. If you're driving, click on your ticket. Wait, can I guess? Yeah?

Are you about to graduate to 2019, Riddles?

Erin, today's episode. will contain the last of the 2018 riddles.

Oh my gosh!

We are officially... May old acquaintance be forgot. Happy New Year, everybody. We are moving into 2019. After today's riddles, we will be done with the past and we will be moving onward to the present. 2019, the third year of Trump's presidency.

Oh man, 2019, the future looks so... So, promising, Erin, I think? Feels like the next couple years are just gonna be so great.

Yeah.

What were you guys doing in 2019?

No pandemic. This! This show!

Yeah, me too.

We were less than a year old going into 2019. We were like six months old. We were babes. I think we started our Patreon in January of 2019. Wow. So we were starting to do that kind of fun bonus content. We didn't really know what to do for the first 10 episodes. We were doing a lot of Would You Rather over and over again.

A bunch of quizzes. A bunch of BuzzFeed quizzes. What else, what else, what else, what else?

And yeah, I was just absolutely chilling in 2019.

2019 is when Casey Toney started Audio Daddy himself. Wow.

Alright, well in honor of that and in honor of how far we've come, let's finish off this year strong with some 2018 riddles. This first riddle is coming from Noah. Noah says, I can fill a house or your mouth, but never a bowl. What am I?

Noah, pump the brakes on the emails, buddy.

You can fill a house or my mouth, Noah? Okay.

Fill a house or your mouth with air?

Yeah.

Oxygen?

It's not air, but that is a correct answer, and it's kind of the answer, but like... Cock-a-doodle-doo. I guess air could also, in that way, fill a bowl if it's always around.

You can't get the air out of a bowl, but... I can fill a house or your mouth with... But never a bowl. Never a bowl.

A bowl. Yes. And you're so close with air, but it's not quite there.

What do we breathe out?

Carbon dioxide. What do we breathe out? Wait, I'm sorry, Erin's starting a TED Talk. That is very 2019 coded.

What do we breathe out?

Negativity. Everybody in the audience is like, oh yeah, negativity.

A past version of ourselves.

We breathe out negativity.

I wish every TED Talk turned into that TED Talk with that guy showing how to pickpocket people. Do you know what I'm talking about?

No.

Never mind.

My greatest regret in life is that I never really got into watching the TED Talks. I would hear that people did a TED Talk, and I even read, back when I was working in technology, I would read books by people that got famous from doing TED Talks, but I never watched the 10-minute video of their TED Talk. I would instead read a fucking You know, bullshit book that they had written.

Is that how Brene Brown got famous?

Well, not that famous because I got no fucking idea who that is.

Wow. Check out the book section in your local Target, my sir. Are you thinking of Dan Brown? Oh, yeah. Dan Brown. Sorry. Whoops. Fill your mouth or your house.

I can fill a house or your mouth, but never a bowl.

What am I? A plate? A plate can never fill a bowl.

A word, a family, a name, a love, a breath.

Erin's writing a poem. JPC, Erin's writing a poem mid-show.

It hurts.

Quick.

Cut me off.

Fill a house with your mouth but never a bowl. Emma, you were so close with air. I would say that this is kind of sometimes like a thicker air.

Thicker air. Smoke.

Yeah, smoke. It is smoke. Which is interesting because you can smoke a bowl, but I guess you can't fill a bowl. You fill a bowl with weed and then you smoke that. I think they mean like a bowl, like a cereal bowl. Oh, Erin, that's way too much weed.

You gonna smoke a whole cereal bowl, Erin? I do want to see a scene. JPC and Erin, you two just smoked a big bowl. And now you're both, you're both kind of thinking of TED Talks you might give.

Has anyone ever given a TED Talk as their belly? Like doing, like, you know how you can kind of squeeze your belly to make like lips for your belly and then you can make your belly talk?

Put googly eyes above your belly button?

Yeah, and it doesn't- not like nipples, because that's way too high for eyes, but like, put- put- Yeah, because the belly button is gonna be part of the mouth, so you could like, right below your ribs, you could put googly eyes, and then a whole TED talk that is your stomach, like, talking about, you know, what kind of stuff they like to eat.

Well, I guess I'll hit you with this question. Are you willing to have your stomach be more famous than you?

Fuck. I didn't think about that. on the episode Yeah, I know, right? Yeah, fuck. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know if it's worth it, you know? You wake up one day and you're like, you know where you were last night, but you're like, did my stomach give Brad Garrett a blowjob at a party last night? And I'm like, what am I even doing if this is what my life is, you know?

Yeah, yeah. You know what? I have a question for you. Let me ask you this question. Has anyone ever done a TED Talk as their stomach? You know, sort of make their belly button the lips, and then with like two googly eyes above it, and then sort of talk as their stomach, talk about like being hungry and stuff?

Yeah! Oh my god! That's such a good idea! How has no one ever done that idea before?

Right? Oh, but you know what I'm thinking about?

Mmm. Pizza.

What if my stomach got more famous than me?

Oh, yeah. No, yeah. But also, like, we should order pizza.

Oh, yeah, for sure. Yeah. But, like, if my stomach goes off on its own, and then I'm like, I know what I did last night, but did my stomach give Brad Garrett a blowjob at a party? Like, that's so... Like, that's just like chaos.

Oh my God. I just had a brilliant idea.

What's up?

So, you know how there's TED Talks, right?

Oh, yeah. I haven't thought about that in a while.

Don't forget to

Are you sure, Adal? Because we could have done that for the rest of the episode and then this episode would have been infamous and everyone would have talked about how you should skip it.

I think that's what it feels like when you die and you're in purgatory.

Yeah. Unfortunately we don't have time to do a whole episode where we just talk about how our stomachs could do TED Talks because we have to get through... Or give blowjobs to Brad Garrett.

That would have come around too.

Everybody loves blowjobs.

But if we don't get through these 2018 riddles today then I'm a liar because then I have to do more 2018 riddles in the three episodes when I'm back.

Okay, okay. We'll eat our vegetables.

And now I'm looking at the list and I'm like, this is too many. I should have waited to announce this. This is way too many riddles for one episode. We'll just never get through this many.

Wait, no, okay. I'll take that as a challenge. I'm willing to get through all of these riddles.

Okay, then we gotta go. This is a riddle from Michael. Thank you, Noah, for that riddle. This is a riddle from Michael. What is four letters, sometimes has nine, and never has five? True. Yes, it is true. That is true. Okay, this is a riddle from McKinley. Wow. Kevin? President? It could be from McKinley, the president.

Erin, that was a statement. It was just kind of saying how many letters the previous word mention had.

Oh God. If I didn't get it then, I'll never get it now.

If you don't get that riddle in 20 years, let's make a pact. Let's make a pact. You marry that riddle.

We meet back here. What did JPC say when we talked about this before? He'll turn me into a crab?

What's funny is the first time we did that, we've probably already passed that time threshold.

Oh God, I can't believe how old we got on this podcast.

Yeah, I know. I got so old on this podcast. I got so old that, like, I hurt my knee a few months ago, and I finally went to, like, a knee doctor, and he was like, I'll inject, like, a steroid shot into your knee, and we'll see what that does. And it, like, immediately felt better, but he's like, it's gonna wear off in, like, five weeks. And I was like, okay, so, is the rest of my life getting fucking knee injections every five weeks? Like, what's going on here?

Well, at some point it'll be replaced with metal, I'm sure.

God, I can't wait until my knee becomes metal. And then, yeah, I'm going to be kneeing people in the head. I'm going to be doing kickboxing and shit like that. Of course, if I got a metal knee.

Knee metal alchemist.

That's the biggest thing. That sucks so much. My grandma has had two knee replacements and it's really hard for her to get around. If you're going to get a knee replacement, you should be able to jump over fucking cars and buildings and shit. Like, what's the point of getting a knee replacement if it's not going to be a super knee?

You want to be like bionic, yeah. Yeah, it should be all fucking bionic.

Get the good kind. Bullshit. Okay, Riddle from McKinney.

I want an iPhone in my knee.

Siri constantly turning on.

Toto's Africa playing from my knee. I'm just muffled from Spotify.

Haptic sounds every time you bend down to grab something.

You have to get an extra surgery because the doctor accidentally set it to vibrate. Your knee just goes crazy. You're driving and your knee's kicking the pedal.

I didn't quite hear that.

Kevin made $100 in tips and declared three quarters of it for taxes. The government, in turn, demanded 4,000 times that much. Why?

Kevin made $100 in tips and declared ¾ of it for taxes. The government, in turn, demanded 4,000 times that much.

Why?

Well, did they demand that much from Kevin or just, you know... Well, that was only his tips.

That was only his tips. It could have been his actual salary. Yeah, his whole paycheck.

This is just off of the $100. This is just off of the $100.

It's not off of... JPC, I do have to cry foul here. Okay. It's not fair to do a tax riddle when you're not in the mix to solve it. Can I just say that?

Okay. That's true. McKinley, that's a chop for you, my man. You shouldn't have done that. Thank you. You shouldn't have written that in 2018. You knew I was going to take it. You're right. This is a tax riddle. It's unfair. I can help play along. Let's see. What kind of notes can I give you here?

So, three-fourths of $100 is $75. Exactly. So he declared $75. He made $100. No, Adal, my hint to you is he did not declare $75. Oh.

He declared, oh, did he, like, two-thirds of a dollar? Kevin made $100 in tips and declared three quarters of it for taxes.

Three quarters, like three, like quarters.

Three quarters, 75 cents. 75 cents. He declared 75 cents. Wow. And they demanded 4,000 times that much, which I assume would be like $75. I don't know why his tax rate is 75%. For $100 on tips, you gotta be like in the top .01%. And by the way, Kevin, if you're in the top .01% and your tax rate is that fucking high, cheat on your taxes. You know, at that point, when you're that rich, you don't pay taxes anymore. We all know this. The richer you get, the less you pay because you figure out ways. I start a trust, you know, pay property and say that you operated a loss or five LLCs declare bankruptcy. You don't do do this shit, Kevin. I get go on TikTok. They'll teach you how to do it.

GPC, Adal, I would like to see a scene. Okay. GPC, you are a waiter and you're going to collect your tips from your manager, Adal, after a week of shifts and you have no tips because you are the worst waiter in the world.

Okay. Man, can't believe we made it through that one. What a lunch rush. Okay, so end of the week, time to settle up.

Sure, sure thing. Zach, just real quick, one thing. I do wish that at the end of all your shifts you didn't say who. Can't believe we made it through that one.

Skin of my teeth. Barely made it through.

Bringing down morale.

Oh my god. Bastards at this restaurant. Absolute bastards.

And actually there's no tips. What do you mean there's no tips?

Oh, we doing like the living wage type of thing? We're not doing like no more tips because we're going to be higher bass writer or whatever?

When I started the restaurant Who's There, which was sort of a fun male version of Hooters, where the waiters walk around in jeans and no shirt with like a hardware belt and a trekkers cap and they just say, who's there? Huh? And like a country sort of redneck accent. I thought it would be a smashing success. Zach, you have proved me wrong at every turn.

I so okay. I did not get that vibe. I've been doing it more of like a Ebeneezer Scrooge asking after the ghost thing wearing a long stocking cap and a nightgown.

Yes. Yes, we've had our complaint box had to be emptied and refilled 10 times a day.

Are you wait? Are you saying that I didn't get any tips from an entire week of shifts? I did a double yesterday. I didn't get any tips yesterday.

When I saw you Four years ago, in a college production of Christmas Carol, I thought, wow, what a steal. Attending a college production of Christmas Carol. Well, you were mouthing the words.

Yeah. You know, 50%. Honestly, if 50% is your batting average at baseball, that's actually really fucking good.

I mean, yeah, nobody's ever hit 500. Tony Gwynn came close, I guess.

Oh, that's what I'm saying. So it's like 50% of lines in a play if you apply the same logic.

You're fired, Zach. We have to let you go.

What? What am I going to tell my tables? They're still waiting on their food for me. Yeah, we've already- Even though I'm clocking out. I said, woo, what a shift.

We've already put Petey on the- Hey, Petey, can you come here for a second?

Hey, y'all.

Oh, now there's my star. Petey, how are tables eight and four doing?

Well, they're pretty horny, but I keep dumping water on their heads like you taught me to do. Calm them down.

Petey, here's $200. You are crushing it.

Yeehaw!

Wait, wait, you know, okay, fine, fine. I'm fired, but before I go, I'm gonna get paid out my tips. I had a table yesterday, I had a four top yesterday that I know tipped me because I went the extra mile for them and I was dipping my finger into all of their food, checking the temperature, making sure it wasn't too hot. That, I mean, I never do something like that. They must have tipped me.

They did not.

They did not?

They did not. And it wasn't just a four top, it was ZZ Top. It was the three guys and their manager, and they thought that you were talking down to them. They said, we don't know what the theater is.

I had to talk down to them because their beards were so long.

Well, for two of them.

See. More riddles. Come on. We got to get through this.

This is from Ben in Taiwan. Ben in Taiwan says, if 11 plus 2 equal 1, what does 9 plus 6 equal? 15. Adal says 15. Adal says 15.

2.

9 plus 6 equals 15. Erin says 2, which is very close but not correct.

3.

Erin says 3 and 3 is correct. Erin, do you want to explain? Do you want to show your work?

Oh yeah, um, I'm gonna go over here and then you can walk up and then you sit down on top of here and then make sure that that's safe and then you go over here.

Erin has one of those, uh... Three-fold poster boards, uh, hypotenuse, hypotenuse, hypotenuse.

Then over here it says, why do onions make me cry? And then you get the answer to that.

There's a cork board with red string, but the red string's just dangling. It's not connected anywhere.

John Adams, our finest president? Question mark? No. So that's what it says on this side.

Why answer the question?

And then you can see my mental math is here, and my mental math is behind me. And then I can keep going, of course.

Erin, I love that as an answer. It doesn't really explain how you got there, but it does give us keen insight into your brain.

I was up all night. I was up all night. It's three because... Yeah.

And Adal, feel free to help her out if you know why the answer is three. And if no one knows, we'll just move on, Ben and Taiwan.

Can you repeat the question so I can...

If 11 plus 2 equals 1, 11 plus 2 equals 1, what does 9 plus 6 equal? Yeah, that's true, but that's not really what is being asked. If you're thinking of these as just numbers, they're not. They're numbers that represent something very specific. Yeah. It's not just abstract numbers. Months of the year. Yes, so 11 November plus February equals 1 January Thanksgiving and Valentine's Day.

Yeah. What if we just combine that? Oh, the dream. Be done with it.

Yeah.

I would like, JPC, I would like you to step in and teach us something.

So, if you think about this, on the face of a noble clock, 11 plus 2 equals 1 o'clock. So 9 o'clock plus 6 hours would equal 3 o'clock.

Are your minds blown?

Ugh, whatever.

Not blown, pissed. I guess pissed mostly.

Okay, been in Taiwan, so you waited about six years to get a whatever and a I'm pissed.

I have a question for people. If you listen to the show, is anyone who has submitted any of these 2018 riddles still listening? I would like to know, have we read one of your 20 riddles recently? I don't think any of these people are still here.

I don't think so either. I thought about emailing people back too when I'm going through these emails from 2018 to just be like, hey, what's up? Do you remember there were a couple of people who... I don't think we ever endorsed it, but we were happy that they did it. They made a website that was like riddiesandpussies.com that has long since been defunct. I found an email from them from 2018 that was like, hey, we made this website. I kind of wanted to email them back, but knowing that the website was defunct, I was like, maybe it's best to just let them live. These are just for us, they're for no one else. But here's one for Max, and maybe Max still listens, we don't know. These riddles, I love it because in 2018 I feel like we were getting, there was also a time in 2018 which is why we got to the end so fast, there must have been like a riddle going around on Facebook that we've done before, but like 11,000 people emailed the same riddle from Facebook and they were like, we got this from Facebook. And I was like, okay. So I got to skip through a lot of riddles because of that, but this is one from Max and these are originals. So what I'm going to do is I'm going to give you two words and those two words correspond to two other words that rhyme.

Okay.

Does that make sense? Yep. So, for the first one, I'm going to give you Rose and Strength, and then the answer is like two primers. Flower Power. Flower Power. Adal, excellent. Flower Power. All right, here's your next one.

Good for you, Adal.

Erin, you're punching me in the neck.

No, good for you.

The next one is Hearing Ale. Hearing Ale.

Listen, glisten.

Hear, beer.

Hear, beer. I will accept hear, beer even though it is ear, beer. But I think hear and ear, they're both in there. But I think hear, beer works totally fine.

Erin, congratulations. I mean, you didn't get it exactly right like I did with the first one, but still very good.

Oh yeah, it's so good to see you.

I'm punching myself in the neck.

It's so good to see you. It's so good to see you. Oh my god.

Oh Erin, how are you? It's so good to see you. You're looking well. Yeah, well done. Mud and clothing. Mud clothing.

Ooh, okay, this is... This is mud clothing.

Dirt shirt. Erin got him with dirt shirt.

Wait, mud isn't dirt. What are you talking about?

Mud is wet dirt, famously. It is famously wet dirt.

It's like saying pickles are cucumbers. It's like saying pickles are cucumbers.

Once it's transformed... Are you saying that mud is brined dirt? Yes. I went and got a mud mask and I was like, um, actually, was this brined? Was this dirt brined?

Because this isn't a mud mask. Could I get a spicy pickle mud mud mask?

I'm A bunch of pickled vegetables, one of which was cucumbers. And I'm like, this is kind of bullshit because pickles are a thing. Pickled is a different thing. And this said, like, pickles sampler. So it's like, you can't give me a pickled green bean and be like, that's a pickle. I'm like, fuck you, that's a pickle. This is a pickled green bean.

I've had that happen before at the Publican in Chicago, where they're like, plate of pickles, and I was like, that sounds incredible. And it was like, and some of them, listen, a pickled green bean, delicious. Pickled carrot, outstanding. But then there was like pickled ramps, and I'm like, I don't know if I needed that.

I'm not saying that it's not good, but you bite into a pickle and you expect like a flavor and a texture that I'm into, and a pickled green bean just does not happen.

Hey guys, I got some good news for both of you. Whatever I've been passionate about things like this, it means my life is going really well. It means there wasn't a lot of natural stressors in the rest of my day. So things like pickled green beans would set me off into like a little bit of a passionate anger. And that just means things are probably going pretty good.

Erin, you didn't chime in about this.

John Adams, onions, and math. How do the three overlap? That's a Venn diagram.

That's a TED Talk.

Spoiler alert, friends, with my stomach giving a blowjob to Brad Garrett.

Sex mallard. Sex mallard. Sex mallard.

Fuck duck.

Erin, that's fuck duck.

You got it.

You can suck a duck. You can suck a duck. Badger kick. Badger kick. Chunt punt. Chunt punt. Aw yeah, baby. This is going to be Erin Moller's. Erin Moller's. Keef Teeth.

Yes, Erin got Keef Teeth.

Keef Teeth.

This is going to be Handsome Adal.

Don't. Nobody say JPC.

Handsome Adal. Handsome Adal, JPC! What if that was the answer? Max, that's an all-timer. To give us six ones that make sense and to do Handsome Adal as JPC. Handsome, I don't even know if I would say that handsome is the corollary to this. I would say maybe even Cool Adal.

Cool Adal.

Cool Adal.

Hmm. Cold Old.

Cool Guy Rifai. What era was that?

Was that the 90s where Fly was cool? Yes, and then the offspring brought it back.

Give it to me, baby.

And I just want to tell everyone, when you're traveling internationally, please, fly, Rifai. Wait, fly? Rifai the friendly fly. Rifai the fly. Erin, help.

John Adams was on. Okay, yes. Onions make you cry. Tallest boy.

Rifai Emirates. Alright, look, we did a really great job. We did a bunch of riddles. I thought we weren't going to get anywhere near close on finishing these 2018 riddles, and we still kind of have it. So we have a lot more riddles to do when we get back, and we'll be back right after this break. I could go for a helix sleep right now. I'm sorry. I should just say sleep, but I've been doing helix sleep lately So I just I say helix sleep now.

Oh, no, man, I get it I have a midnight lux and that's how I describe sleep now, and I'm tired I go I want to go to I want to go to helix sleep right now.

Oh, absolutely. So two helix sleep Sorry, two helix sleep mattresses. Um, our specials today are like a braised pork and

The other night my wife was like, I'm gonna go to bed, and I was like, bed? Do you mean you want to go to Helix Sleep? And she was like, JPC, I'm not part of the thing, I shouldn't have to say the brand and everything. And I said, baby, we have the mattress, you better say the brand.

But does she know the Helix lineup offers 20 unique mattresses, including the award-winning Luxe Collection, which I have, the newly released Helix Elite Collection, a mattress designed for big or tall sleepers, and even a mattress made just for kids?

She should know this. She should know this. I mean, you know, it's a personalized mattress that is shipped straight to your drawer free of charge. I'm sorry. I'm too braised, whatever you said. We'll just do too braised, whatever you said. Too braised Helix mattresses, of course. Oh, I could definitely eat a braised Helix mattress right now.

I took the sleep quiz. It took like a minute, and it was so great. You know, they have a 100-night trial and a 10- to 15-year warranty, so it's a no-brainer. A no-brainer!

Because just like the dishes we serve here, everybody is unique and everyone sleeps differently. That's why Helix has several different mattress models to choose from, each designed for specific sleep positions and feel preferences.

And I know that the mattresses come with a 10 or 15 year warranty depending on the model. That's still correct?

Uh huh. And it was awarded the number one mattress picked by GQ and Wired Magazine. So, we'll order that as well.

So, waiter, do you have all that? And if you wouldn't mind, could you just read it back to us?

Okay, I think I have all of it. I do want to let you know, just because today's a special day. Oh, okay. Helix is offering 30% off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners. Go to helixsleep.com slash riddle. That's helixsleep.com slash riddle. This is their best offer yet and it won't last long. With Helix, better sleep starts now. Do I, do I have that right? Yeah, sounds delicious. Perfect. We'll take two. Great. Um, that'll be right here at the table.

This show is sponsored by BetterHelp.

Hey guys, I'm ready to record a Riddle Podcast, I guess.

Something different about you, kind of can't put my finger on it. Hope you're not ticklish, really trying to put my finger all over what's different about you.

Yeah, no, sorry, I'm just sort of mentally exhausted from doing, I don't know why we started doing a Riddle Podcast. It's just been so many years and I just feel a little depleted.

Yeah, Adal, you've been sort of bottling up these emotions about the choice that you made to start a Riddle podcast. I'm actually, you know what? I think you could maybe talk to a therapist about that. Have you tried BetterHelp yet? Oh yeah, BetterHelp.

They're fantastic. I should go back to them.

Yeah, yeah. If you're thinking of starting online therapy, Adal, you gotta give BetterHelp a try. And there's no better time to start sorting through, you know, the whole thing about starting a Riddle podcast than five years after you did it and you've kind of... Well, I guess the better time would be... You know what? There's no wrong time. I'll put it like that.

Adal is entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. All you have to do is fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist, and you can switch therapists anytime for no additional charge. I use BetterHelp, and I love being able to message my counselor anytime. It's the best to actually talk about my feelings while I'm feeling them.

It is the best. I used to use them, and then I just started recording Riddle Podcasts nonstop. I have three or four other Riddle Podcasts on the side. Well, that's smart.

No, that's smart because you have to diversify because you don't want to put all of your riddles in one egg basket.

Uh-huh. Wait, riddles in an egg basket. So a chicken, so which comes first? Don't use that.

Don't use that on your other podcast. The scorpion crosses the river. Listen, get it off your chest with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash riddle today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash riddle.

Ah, the podcast is stopping.

Wait, no, uh, hold on.

Wait, wait, wait. No, my three or four side, Riddle. This one will always be going.

Oh, go, you hip-hip.

Hooray. Hooray. Hooray, Riddle Riddle. Erin G.B.C., it's me, Adal. I got turned into a monster, and now I have to sleep under my Helix mattress. You know, because, like, the monster under the bed.

Okay, so you're, you're the, now you're the monster under the bed, but the monster under the bed is something that applies to all mattresses, not just Helix sleep. You're not like a Helix sleep mattress monster.

I don't think so, but I want to sleep on my Helix Sleep mattress, not under it. Does that make sense?

Adal, I love you, but it's just like, I just want to make it very clear that like, well, yeah, I mean, not as you are now. I mean, I love the version of you in my head. I just want to make it clear that like, Helix Sleep doesn't create the monsters, right? Like the monsters exist in mattress, you know, regardless. They're bed monsters. You just happen to have a Helix Sleep mattress, which is a great mattress.

Yeah, well I think I love my Helix Sleep so much I think it turned into this like monstrous love or maybe it was the witch.

Yeah, I mean we do want to avoid saying stuff like that, you know, obviously.

I mean, I get it though because I have a Midnight Lux Helix mattress and boy howdy do I sleep well at night. I took the Helix Sleep Quiz, and they offer a lineup of over 20 unique mattresses, including their award-winning Lux and Ultra Premium Elite Collections, the Helix Plus, a mattress designed for big and tall sleepers, and the Helix Kids Mattresses designed for growing bodies and endorsed by children sleep experts.

And you know what's insane is even when I sleep under it, the monster under the bed, it's still so comfortable. Even sleeping under a Helix Sleep Masters.

Well, I mean, Helix knows that their mattresses are comfortable, but they still offer a 100-night trial and a 10- to 15-year warranty to try out your new Helix Sleep mattress. And also, Helix knows that everyone's unique. Some people are monsters. Some people are people. Okay? Everyone sleeps differently. That's why Helix has several different mattress models to choose from, each designed for specific sleep positions and feel preferences.

And right now Helix is offering monster savings. Okay, where's he going with this? Helix is offering up to 30% off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners. Go to helixsleep.com slash riddle. That's helixsleep.com slash riddle. This is their best offer yet and it won't last long. With Helix, better sleep starts now.

And the mattress obviously won't turn you into a monster. It's something that is broken inside of Adal that made him into the monster because of his love of the mattress. But it's like, get the mattress, you're fine, nobody becomes a monster.

Just do a slow fade on this. It's going to go on for a long time.

I look exactly the same, but just my voice is different. No, I can stop. It was just a character. I'm going to take a nap. It's just a character.

Well, well, well, well. Nice try, JPC.

What do you mean, nice try? I stuck you in a well. I did everything I wanted to do.

Yes, you also thought I would be subscribed to your silly little insult-a-week subscription that I signed up for the free trial of several months ago. But guess who caught it for me? Dang! Rocket money. They are a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills, all so that you can grow your savings. Nice try, J-P-C.

Adal, you're still subscribed to JPC's Weekly Sneeze, right?

Oh yeah, and I love last week's that was like, wait till next week, you're gonna get it. So good. Dude, so good.

Love to keep them waiting.

But I also am subscribed to Rocket Money's services. No! Sorry, it's just that Rocket Money will even try and negotiate lower bills for you, up to 20%. All you have to do is submit a picture of your bill and Rocket Money takes care of the rest. They'll deal with the customer service for you. I hate dealing with customer service.

And for everyone that keeps requesting JPC's Weekly Sneeze sends you a copy of the bill, I said we don't do anything on paper. We can't have records for any of this stuff. So that's why there is no bill.

Yeah, that makes sense.

Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has saved a total of $500 million in cancelled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year when using all of the app's features.

But you don't have to use all the features. Like, for instance, if they say, hey, why don't you cancel JPC's weekly sneeze? You're not getting anything from it. The title doesn't make any sense. Is a sneeze an insult to him? Like, what does this even mean? So you can, like, if that's a notification that pops up, you can just, like, ignore, like, silence, or be like, actually, I really do want this. It's, like, very valuable to me for the weekly sneeze. It actually does make sense, because a sneeze is, like, an insult in some cultures.

Wait, Rocket Money is saying that this is $250 a week?

That's weekly. It's a weekly. Anyway, stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions, not GPC's weekly sneeze, by going to RocketMoney.com slash Riddle. That's RocketMoney.com slash Riddle. RocketMoney.com slash Riddle.

I choose you to subscribe to this newsletter? I got that one off a Valentine's card. That's actually pretty good. Resubscribe. Hey Riddle Riddle.

At the end of 2018, we got a bunch of riddles, a bunch of riddle submissions from Samira. And look, I know I'm pretty stupid and I know some of the ones that we've already read on today's riddle or today's episode, we've already done those riddles before. I know this to be sure. But I tried to, if I saw one that was like, oh, this is very familiar, I didn't include it. So I condensed a bunch of Samira's riddles into some original ones and then some ones that I think are just pretty good. So here's the first one. A little house full of meat, no door to go in and eat. What am I?

A little house full of meat, no door to go in and eat.

A little house full of meat, no door to go in and eat. What am I?

Erin, what's like a little meat house? Would that be like the brain? Is the brain considered like a little meat house? Wow.

I don't want to say what I'm thinking.

Erin, you don't want to talk about what's going on in your little meat house?

No, no. Can you read it one more time?

A little house full of meat, no door to go in and eat. What am I? If it's the brain, is the mouth the door to the meat house?

No, you can't get to... I mean, unless you're... Eyes are the windows. Ancient Egyptians. You can't get... I guess they went up through the nose.

A turkey. It's just being a turkey has no door.

GBC, if I started calling my brain my attic meat, would that be, do you think that would catch on?

Isn't it fun that your brain came up with that? It sort of named itself, huh?

Oh God. Oh God.

Attic meat sounds sexual.

It's been in control the whole time. I don't understand. I can't put my finger on why.

That does not sound sexual.

You shouldn't put your finger on my attic meat.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no.

No, this has taken a turn. As soon as I get queasy in a Hey Riddle Riddle episode, we know that we've taken a turn somewhere.

Oh, my attic meat is up here, Erin. Your attic meat is your most sensual organ in your body.

Casey, I don't know how you can cut off your audio from... Don't talk to Casey.

Don't talk to Casey. Talk to me.

I can talk to Casey.

Casey don't work here. Talk to me. You deal with Casey. You deal with Casey. You deal with me. Talk to Casey.

It's not like Elena.

This is a food.

This is a food. It's a type of food. Is it an animal?

Like a dead animal?

It's not an animal. It's not an animal. It's a foodery house?

What other food has like meat? Like coconut?

Erin, you've got the answer right there. Holy shit. Erin, good job. Coconut works because it's just a nut. Any nut, basically.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Okay.

Yeah, because they have a shell and it's meat inside. The flesh of a coconut.

Fantastic. Next Riddle.

Come on. I mean, when I'm eating almonds, I'm not like, yum meat.

Yeah, but it's 13. I do want to see a quick scene. Erin, you have just purchased a new home. You've invited Adal over to it, and it is a little house full of meat.

Hey, you found me.

Hey, good to see you. So good to see you.

Great parking spot. So good to see you. Welcome.

Thank you. Should I come in or I don't know?

Yes, of course. Of course come in.

Okay, it just feels weird for me to say it. I just assumed... Well, I think I was waiting on you to invite me in, but that, um... Hi!

Hi! Sorry, I... Oh, tight squeeze hug. Oh my god, look at you up and down. Oh my god, look at you. Those shoes are interesting.

Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. Sorry.

Hmm?

Everyone's been treating me so weird since I bought this place.

No.

And all the neighborhood kids think I'm a witch and I'm trying to cook them or something. They think it's sinister.

No, Erin, no. That's all in your attic meat. Listen, I mean, look at this. Prosciutto carpet.

Yeah.

Wow.

I thought it was nice.

Yeah, how much did you pay for this? Well, this is $1.5 million and I did a 30-year mortgage.

What? What happened? Did you choke on the carpet?

No, I would never eat... The prosciutto? Ooh, this one point... huh, okay.

I mean, can I give you a little tour at least?

Yeah, I mean, the Zillow has gone viral, but absolutely.

Here's the kitchen. Refrigerator made of meat. Oven made of meat. Walk this way, you can see through the meat window. My meat pool and meat trampoline.

Walls of salami.

Yes, you noticed. All the art is also meat. Let's see. We got some meat in the fridge to eat if you are hungry for meat. Meat bed.

Is that a ham go?

Yes.

Vincent Ham go, okay.

Do you want to do some more of those?

No, just the one.

Okay. All right, well... Pigcasso.

I'm sorry, one more. Thomas can steak. Edward Munch. Munch on some meat.

Andy Warhol.

Who else? Who else?

I don't know.

Leonardo da Vinci. Georgia O'Beef.

Georgia O'Beef. Of course Georgia O'Beef.

Of course Georgia O'Beef.

Georgia O'Beef sounds like Georgia O'Beef.

Hold on.

You're telling me. Georgia O'Beef. Georgia O'Beef. Georgia O'Bakes. You say it fast enough. Meats are gonna paint?

Okay.

What kind of goose fights with snakes?

See, here's the problem. It's not my brain is trying to do like Swan Lawn, but these are different riddles.

These are different. These are from Samira, not Max.

What kind of goose fights with snakes? Darkwing Duck?

This is It's not really even a goose at all, but also it's... It kinda is, but it's not really a swan, duck... In Drive, didn't Ryan Gosling... No, that was a scorpion on the back of his jacket.

You thought it was a big goose on his jacket? This guy thought... You know, I thought it was a big snake.

I thought Ryan Gosling... That movie would go from a 7 to a 10.

I want to see a quick scene. I want to see a quick scene. Adal, you've just... It's 2024, you've just bought the jacket from Drive, and you're showing it off to Erin, but there is a big goose on the back instead of a scorpion, but you don't know the difference.

Okay, and I do... JPC, I do call you into the scene as well. You and Erin are friends. Got it. Whoa, whoa, whoa takes off sunglasses. Ha ha. Look who has the best Halloween costume of the year turns around. Oh, yeah, it's it's June.

And we're at a wake.

Yeah, but it's never I mean, if you try and shop for a costume like a month before you're screwed because all the spirit shell I'm so sorry for your loss. All the spirit shelves are like barren, right?

Yeah. Thank you. Who were you supposed to- Ryan Gosling from Drive. At first when you walked in, I was like, oh my gosh, of course that's Ryan Gosling from Drive. And then you turned around.

Look at the jacket. I mean, even if you just saw the jacket, it's iconic. This is like Robert's hat. Yeah, I would say the jacket is the most iconic. This is like Indiana Jones hat. This is like Napoleon's hat.

It's like if you were wearing like an Indiana Jones fedora.

Yeah. It's just something's off about it. It's a goose.

It's off. There's a goose on the back.

Well, Indiana Jones famously had a beret, but not to be pedantic.

Not very badass or intimidating.

The goose or a beret for Jones?

Both. Yeah. Did you get this custom? Oh yeah, sorry for your loss.

Thank you. Thank you. My dad died. You don't have to whisper it to me.

You're here. I just want to make sure we're establishing.

It is awake for my father.

Okay. And should we, I know there's a lot of people behind us in line waiting to shake your hand and offer condolences. Should we keep moving or did you want to keep?

No, it's fine because I think most of the people are just staring at your back and like kind of whispering and being like, why is it a goose? Is it from drive? It's a hit.

You guys haven't mentioned my Halloween costume at all that I'm wearing right now. Not to make today about me. I'm sorry for your loss.

I thought, Erin, I truly thought that you heard wake and you were like, the only thing that I have in black is a spooky witches outfit. And I was fine with that because not everyone has a ton of black clothes.

So you thought that this was just my rotation of clothes, this big pointy hat.

I just thought that maybe you didn't have a lot of pieces that were all black that would be appropriate for a wake. I will say the big fake nose, that maybe didn't need to be... What? Oh no, I had stepped in it.

I am going to grab some sandwiches for the road. And I will see you when I see you.

Erin, please don't. That's how my dad went. He couldn't stop eating sandwiches on the road. I see. And this is just a PSA for everybody out there. Just wait till you get home to eat your sandwiches, okay? It's not worth it. It's not worth it.

Mmm, public sandwich announcement. Now I'm hungry.

Ooh, a public sandwich announcement. Pub subs! Where are my Florida listeners at? Huh? People of the South going crazy for the pub sub.

I haven't had a... JPC, you know this. I'm addicted to Jimmy John's. And I've recently, just in the last hour, been craving pot bellies.

Wow. A brand allegiance shift in the last hour.

What happened? I want to eat a sandwich while some guy in a stool plays Dave Matthews.

You got sick of eating a cold sandwich. You said, maybe if someone warms up a sandwich a little bit, I would enjoy that as well.

I'd be curious.

What kind of goose fights with snakes? I don't know. Swans?

I don't know.

A mongoose. Mmm, yes, yes, yes.

Enemy of the snake!

Not really a goose, but fun that it has... I do like it when an animal has another animal's name.

Oh, I thought you were doing an enemy of the state joke. Enemy of the snake.

The snake Gene Hackman is.

Give me another example of that.

Of what?

Like an animal that has another animal's name.

Okay. Well, sometimes it will be like... Mole rat? Yeah, like a prairie dog or something like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It'll be like an adjective or like a... Sea lion? Yeah, a sea lion, where it's like, that's nothing. Why couldn't we have just called that thing something else? Why did we have to call it a sea lion?

Great white shark? It's not Rikki-Tikki-Tavvi. No it's not. What's the story about the mongoose?

That is Rikki-Tikki-Tavvi, isn't it?

It is Rikki-Tikki-Tavvi.

He's a mongoose, right?

Okay. I thought it was that, but then I was like, maybe I'm conflating that with something else. But I remember, I haven't read or thought about that in like 38 years, but I remember maybe there was an animated thing about it? I don't know. Very enjoyable.

I got a book of bedtime stories for my child and I'm reading these bedtime stories and in some of the bedtime stories in this book, I'm like, is this really the fucking story? Like the story of Goldilocks in this bedtime story, and it's, you know, for babies or whatever, but the story of Goldilocks ends with like the three bears come home and Goldilocks is like, ah, and then runs away. And I'm like, what, what? Is that how that fucking ends? I was like, that, I was like, I don't think that that's the right, there's no consequences for anyone. It's just like Goldilocks fucks around and doesn't find out. What's going on here? I feel like it's not even a happy ending. The moral of that story is sleep in someone else's house, eat their fucking food, walk out of there, and it's fine. And if they say shit, they're bears. You get a whole posse to go back and round them up and kill them. And then you get their beds. Anyway, so that's...

That's me being mad about children's books. That story also doesn't make sense anymore.

Again, I think your life might be going pretty good.

Pretty good, JPC. Must be nice.

I get to the end and I'm like, you know what? Forget everything Daddy just said. That story sucked.

Let me read you some Michael Crichton. Let me read you Pelican Brief. That makes sense.

They blow up the professor's car because he was sleeping with his student. Okay, here we go. More from Samira. Okay. Okay, so the following riddles, they take known phrases and use synonyms to change them. Okay, so you have to give me what the original phrase was. So I'm going to give you a bunch of synonyms to words, and then you have to come up with the common phrase. So your first one, scissor something from its place.

Scissor something from its place.

Scissor something from its place.

Cut it out.

Cut it out. Okay catchphrase. Final drinking tube. The last straw. That's the last straw.

Oh God, I'm not going to get any of these.

Erin, that's true.

I know, my brain's moving too slow.

You're what, Erin?

My brain. I'm sorry.

Say it. Say the words. Name of the episode, Erin, say it.

You're Attic Meat. We ruined Erin. Peruse words below one line but above another.

Read between the lines. Erin, you're Attic Meat. It's alive.

To be maintained in the total eclipse.

To be maintained in the total eclipse?

Kept in the dark. Kept in the dark. Erin, oh Erin, you're doing this right now. Confront the tune.

Sing your song? Confront the tune. Confront the tune, Erin. Fight the song. Fight the music. Please don't fight the music.

It's not fight the music, what's a phrase that actually exists?

Confront the music.

Face the music.

Oh, beat up the DJ? Oh.

It's beat up the DJ!

Yay! I'd like to see a scene.

I don't know what the fuck you just said.

All right, please.

Adal, or no, JBC, you are the frontman to a band. You used to be a conductor for an orchestra. You got struck by lightning, and now you're the frontman for a band. You're fully healed. We're going to hear you get struck by lightning again, right as the show is about to start.

Hold on, hold on. Can I just say, I feel like I've done a scene on this show where I was a young girl.

Yeah, I know. I'm trying to bring back that character. I'm saying that this is him after he healed.

JPC, we're running out of premises. We have to start doing sequels.

I just had a moment of panic that I was like, I've been here before. I didn't know. I didn't know it was a callback. So I've been healed. I'm the front man for a band.

And now you're trying to start the show, but right before it starts, you get struck by lightning.

All right Cincinnati, thank you so much. We got one more song before we get out of here. Chillie, three, three alarm Chillie Riddle. I think you're gonna like this one. I think you're gonna like this one. I think, I think you're gonna know this one, okay. Feel free to sing the words, sing along to the words if you know it. Okay guys, you ready? Two, three.

Duh-duh. Duh-duh. Duh-duh. Duh-duh. Duh-duh. Duh-duh. Duh-duh. Duh-duh.

Duh-duh. Duh-duh. Duh-duh. Duh-duh. Duh-duh.

Duh-duh. Duh-duh. Duh-duh. Duh-duh. Duh-duh. Duh-duh. Duh-duh.

Duh-duh. Duh-duh. Duh-duh. Duh-duh. Duh-duh. Duh-duh. Duh-duh. Duh-duh. Duh-duh. Duh-duh. Duh-duh. Duh-duh. Duh-duh. Duh-duh. Duh-duh. Duh-duh. Duh-duh. Duh And if you feel like this tonight, show me up for a ball night, all night, all night rock and roll. I'm gonna lay down on the floor tonight and sit and take my shoes off.

Hey, we should just take like a mini break or something.

This is the best fucking song I've ever heard.

My shoes are smoky hot because my feet are

This man is somehow combining every genre into one song.

I guess he's... He's shaving his head live on stage. Well, there's circus music. He's still missing scat. Oh, the board just cut my ear. An actual board? And that's why the Bodyguard was a good movie.

Look, he's at the bar ordering a drink right now.

Thank you Cincinnati on the double ride. Scene. Yay. Go over to our Patreon, we'll be releasing the full version of that song, which JPC, how long is that full version? It depends because Arnie has to orchestrate it, so he's going to put the music in underneath it.

No, we care about him. We care about him and his mental health. We're not going to have him do that. We know where the line is and that would be a bridge too far.

We should say just officially, before people get worried, we don't actually care about him. We'll make him do whatever. We'll make him do the weirdest shit possible. Do you have any requests?

That would be fun. Hey everybody, go to the Hey Riddle Riddle Instagram, message it, what kind of weird song would you like to hear from Arnie? We'll pick our favorite and then we'll play it on the show.

We haven't used him in a while. We'll just make him do a weird song. It won't have anything to do with anything. We'll just make him write one weird song.

I mean I think it should be a Georgia O'Beef song. Jizz music. What's the Cantina Star Wars jizz? That's jizz music. They're trying to change it but it's jizz music. It's a jizz song about Georgia O'Beef.

Okay, we gotta hit this other one. Here we go. Oh, we just did Face the Music. Diversity is the seasoning of existence.

Change... Change is necessary. Change is necessary? Can you read it one more time? Diversity is the seasoning of existence. A variety is the spice of life.

A variety is the spice of life.

Erin got it just by the wire. She was just a little faster than Adal on that. Immature around the breathing apparatus.

Young at heart. Young at heart.

Young at lungs.

Young at lungs. Young at lungs.

Immature around the breathing apparatus. This is my favorite one. I think this is the hardest one of them.

New oxygen mask. New oxygen mask, Erin, just like the famous phrase.

Young around the breathing apparatus.

When you scuba dive and you have a snorkel.

A snorkel? Is it a snorkel? The answer's not a snorkel.

Kids snorkel? Is that what you're thinking, Erin? Scuba. Scuba. Scuba.

Are you thinking of a scuba... Underwater breathing apparatus?

What am I thinking of?

No, it's not... But you're not... But Erin, whatever you're thinking of is not the correct thing. Is mouth the breathing apparatus? It's a different type of breathing apparatus.

It's not one that you have.

Inhaler. It's not one that you have, Adal.

Sure I do. Blowhole.

You definitely have one of those. You used it to give Brad gills. Oh, green around the gills. It is green around the gills.

Because green is young, nascent even. Wow, I do want to see a scene.

Well, before you see a scene, I think I have to do a quick vote. I mean, we usually cut this from the episode, but I'm going to give listeners a peek behind the curtain. Do we think that we should name the episode, uh, Meat Attic or Giving Brad Garrett a Bloat Job With My Stomach?

Oh God, those are the only options? Those are the two options.

I think whatever will alienate even more people from 2018.

What about, is John Adams the best president? No.

Hypotenuse. John Adams is the best president. Alright, you want to see a scene? I do, but I also went to, who sent in these last ones you just read? Samira. Samira, I do have to just take a second, give you your flowers. These were out-fucking-standing. These are the type of audience submitted riddles, puzzles that I absolutely adore.

She's not a listener anymore.

No, Samira is no longer a listener. Samira has accepted a position as the Deputy Vice Admiral to the UN or something.

They are living their own best life. This is going to be a very weird ask. If you know, people listening, if you know a Samira in your life, reach out to them immediately and just say, was that you? Get Samira back in the mix. We need more people like Samira so many riddles.

Any Samira that you still are in contact with, if you went to a high school with a Samira, like maybe this isn't a person you've thought about in a long time. Even though I do have this person's email, I can easily reach out to them myself. I'm not doing it. That's the whole point is I'm not doing it. You're doing it.

So I do want to see a scene based off the expression green around the gills. Erin and JPC, you are two very young newborn-ish sharks and you're kind of chatting about what you think it means to be a shark and like what you think you should be doing.

I think I'm going to try not swimming.

Oh, oh no. I mean, no, I don't, you can't do that, right? Why? Well, I don't, I just, I remember being born, and I remember our mother, I'm assuming, swimming away, and I thought... That was our mom?

I called her Linda. I feel like I disrespected her.

Maybe that's why she swam away. I just remember she swam away and I was like, swim. Swim, right.

And then it's like, eat. Swim. Eat. Swim.

Eat. Okay. Who told you eat?

Oh no, I don't think anyone did. I think you told me eat.

Did I say eat?

I don't know, it's in my head all the time.

I will say that there was a day, I mean we've only been alive for a couple of days, there was a day about a couple of days ago where I was just riffing. It was after Linda left and I was like, what else? Like swim, swim, swim. I may have said eat.

I saw you trying to practice cartwheels on the ocean floor. I mean, you were really throwing a lot at the wall.

I don't, I mean, what, look, have you ever been sharked before?

No, I've never been anything before.

Yeah, I've never been anything before. So I was like, okay, so, oh, so eat. So look.

Where do you think we are?

What is this?

What is this?

This is existence. This is all that there is.

Yeah, but what is this?

I don't know. This stuff around us? What is this stuff? What is this? What is this? I don't know. Linda left. I don't have a... glue? Could we call it glue?

Yeah, let's call it glue.

Okay, so we're in glue.

I'm gonna stop swimming.

If we stop swimming, we die. And if we stop eating, I assume we also die as well.

What is die?

Oh boy, you're going to get me doing cartwheels on the ocean floor again if we keep talking like this.

The famous David Foster Wallace graduation speech, this is glue.

Also, I have to say- To be a shark and be bored and be like, what is all this stuff?

Erin, I have to say, one of my, one of I think the most overlooked movies of all time, Kevin Kline, John Cleese, A Shark Named Linda, phenomenal movie.

I mean, worth re-watching.

But we have to move on. And the good news is we will eventually finish these 2018 riddles. And we will eventually finish Samira's riddles. We stopped about halfway through Samira's riddles. So that also means that there's time for us to find the Samira. Because Samira has another thing, another type of game that's similar to the one that we just played that we'll play next time. And if you're that Samira and you're still listening, please do let us know because you did a great job. And if you're any of the other people that wrote riddles, you did an okay job as well, but we don't need to know about you.

Uh, JPC, sorry to butt in here, but can I still play Auld Lang Syne since I loaded it up? Even though you didn't finish.

Um, no. Thank you for asking Gazy, but you'll have to wait until next time and we'll play it midway through the episode. Oops, I pressed it! Oh no! Why did I think I could stop him? Why did I think I could stop him?

Well, if nothing else, add in some pig orgasm.

No, I would say no, no, no, no, no.

I would say nothing else. I would say do nothing else.

We have no security on these episodes. I'm begging you. Just one, like, camera set up or something. I'm telling you, just any bit, any character can walk in here and I do not feel good. And I do not feel safe if people are going to come in here and they're going to steal our jokes. Dr. Chameleon walked in like it was easy at the beginning of the episode.

I think he has a key. I gave him a key.

You what?

There's a security guard at the liquor store near my house that is always just very disinterested. I think it's an off-duty cop, but he's making, what, $45 an hour, and he's just hanging out at the liquor store. I would love it if we popped into these online meetings and there was just another camera frame of a guy on his phone who was running security for us.

Making sure all of the characters can't just walk in.

So disinterested. Casey, what you actually can do is you can play me a new voicemail theme.

Casey. Give me a beat. I'm MC Adal. This is my voicemail theme. Zing, zing, zing. Come on. Live in my dream. Locked and loaded. Spitting bars so mean. From the Chicago streets where we stay supreme. MC Adal, voicemail champion true. Podcast pioneer breaking through the blue. Screw with me and I'll leave you askew. In this game, only the chosen few. I almost forgot. Also call 805-RIDDLE-1 and leave a voicemail. Later dweebs. And zing, zing, zing.

I gotta say, especially on the Zing Zing Zings, kind of sounded like me.

It was so unclear to me if this was someone with like an AI adult voice, because I think that that can happen because we've done so many hours of this podcast that I'm sure you can AI our voices. Here's what I'll say to that. Don't.

Don't do that. Monday, June 10th, of time of recording, at 9.29 Eastern, or no, Pacific Time, end of society. Society's over. It is done.

Use what Erin just said, pump that into whatever machine, and have her say, my stomach gave Brad Garrett a blowjob. Wait, she said it earlier in the episode.

No, no, no, no.

Never mind. Casey just clipped that.

Casey just clipped that part. Anyway, thank you, Jackson, for sending that in. And if you are thinking of sending in some sort of AI version of our voices. No need to do it. We've said enough insane things on this podcast that you could easily find something like that.

Could have easily been Rich Little or some impressionist.

Casey, can you play voicemail?

Hey guys, this is Charlie. I'm a senior in high school and tried to make my yearbook, my senior quote, to be something that JPC recommended on a Patreon a while ago. Do you remember what it was, JPC?

No, I don't remember what it was, but I gotta say, I'm very glad that whatever it was probably should never have been to that quote page.

That was meant to be you missing that deadline. That could have haunted you forever.

There's also something of saying like, I tried, but the thing that prevented you was getting back to your email in time.

I feel like they would have denied it anyway, right? Yeah, right.

I was about to say that people's meat addicts are too impressionable for them to be listening to our show before the age of 25. But if I'm being totally honest, I think I would have... I can't believe I'm saying this. I think I would have really liked this show when I was in high school.

Oh, yeah.

Right? I think I would have liked you, Riddle Riddle.

Because Future You was on it and you'd be like, that's me.

I think it would be less about that and more like I think I would think you guys were funny.

You know how like Erin, like USA Today is like written at a third grade reading level?

Yes.

I think that like, yeah, Hey Riddle Riddle is like ostensibly for adults, but it's... Written at a third grade reading level. Let's be honest, this is a third grade listening level.

I mean, I think it's more like GIF, right? Kid tested, mother approved.

What mother?

My mom listens, I think.

Yeah, I will say that if you're under 18, absolutely do not leave us any voicemails. But if you're over 18, just let us know that your mom thinks it's okay. If your mom approves, then you can keep listening to the show.

Isn't it wild that... Like, what are senior quotes in yearbooks? Like, Francis Hawk movie lines? Like, what are people putting... It's so weird to think of, like, Modern information being put in a in quote form in a high school yearbook.

I do think it's fun because senior quotes are usually like some other quote that you, like someone else's quote that you're like choosing to like represent you or whatever. But I think it would be much better if they all had to be 100% originals. Like you, you could not do a, your senior quote has to be like your 18 year old brain trying to sum up your experience.

Sorry, your 18 year old what?

Adal, anything to plug?

I want to plug the 2018 movie, Frances Ha. Check that out. Don't know if that's the right year. What else? What else? What else? I've been playing, I was playing a lot of Bellatro, however you say it. I say Bellatro. Very much recommend that. That was very fun and it was a huge waste of my life. Pumped 60 some hours into it, but it was very fun. I had to pull myself away from it and I'm very excited for Hades 2. Erin, anything you'd like to plug or promote?

I would like to plug our Patreon, patreon.com slash heyriddleriddle. Lots of fun stuff happening over there always. And you can go do a seven-day free trial and listen to a bunch of episodes in a week. Binge them all in a week.

JPC, anything to plug or promote or do you have a review?

We actually have something to plug. Hey Riddle Riddle will be live at Dynasty Typewriter coming up Sunday, July 14th at 7.30pm LA time. So we are coming back to Los Angeles.

Wow, we're going Hollywood again. Mm-hmm, Hollywood again. Erin, what celebrities do you think will be there?

You, me, JPC.

And a little birdie told me that Janet Varney's gonna be our guest.

Hey, as long as we ask her and she says yes.

What else did he tell you?

Well, Erin, the little birdie said that you, at night, no judgment, like to wrap yourself in duct tape and dance around to The Cure.

Anyways, if you are not in LA and you're like, oh man, I want to watch that show. Guess what? You can. We are also selling live stream tickets to that show and you can there like the live stream is available for up to seven days after the show ends as well. So if you miss it on like the night of or if you're Sunday night in Australia is probably like Tuesday morning for you. So but anyway, if you want to watch it, you can watch it. You can get your tickets now. Heyriddleriddle.com slash live.

What did we used to call like the chat with the live streamers during COVID? RATCHAT. RATCHAT. RATCHAT. RATCHAT. RATCHAT. RATCHAT. RATCHAT. RATCHAT. RATCHAT. RATCHAT. RATCHAT. RATCHAT. RATCHAT. RATCHAT. RATCHAT. RATCHAT. RATCHAT. RATCHAT.

RATCHAT. RATCHAT. RATCHAT.

RATCHAT. RATCHAT. RATCHAT. RATCHAT. RATCHAT. RATCHAT. RATCHAT. RATCHAT. RATCHAT. RATCHAT. RATCHAT. RATCHAT. RATCHAT. RATCHAT. RATCHAT. RATCHAT. RATCHAT. RATCHAT. RATCHAT. RATCHAT. RAT

JPC, any review to read or anything like that?

I got a review that I would love to read and I pulled this one a long time ago and I forgot to read it, so here it goes. This is from Cat Exists. Cat Exists says, Penguin Baseball Forever. Hey Riddle Riddle is the premier podcast for the most avid and passionate followers of Penguin Baseball. They always have the most recent updates on the PBL, but also the behind-the-scenes gossip. They answer all your questions about who to draft in your fantasy league, to who Wildstyle was seen hooking up with after a long day of mascotting for three teams. Thank you so much, cat exists. And maybe next time I'll read that during Penguin Baseball League month, which was months ago.

But I will say this past week, Erin, correct me if I'm wrong, was the big Boston, they try and like, you know, connect with the city and they had the Waddlers with Toddlers celebration, right? Where the penguins meet the kids.

Oh, that was a disaster.

Yeah, didn't some kid lose an eye?

Jupiter. But he gained a story. No, no, no, no, no, no. Erin. No. Say the words. I did. I said Jupiter.

Ten penguins fly away with a kid.

Why isn't it working? My Jupiter button doesn't work.

They learned how to fly just to take a kid. It's broken! It's stuck! Fine, fly forever.

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Hey there, Sox and Killers. If you liked that, you're going to love this week's Patreon. Hey Riddle Riddle brings you true crime. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com slash heyriddleriddle by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or start your seven day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month. Any of those ad free episodes. See you there.

That was a hate gun podcast.