Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum Podcast.

Temp check. What kind of summer are we having this year? A family road trip summer? A beach bum summer? Or a wake-me-up-when-the-sun-sets summer? With Instacart, choose your own adventure and skip the shopping side quests. Where available, you can get ice cream delivered to your hotel, sunscreen to the pool, or cold brew to your bed. Well, door, in as fast as 30 minutes. Wherever you find yourself this summer, you can get the goods. Download Instacart for free delivery on your first three orders. Offer valid for a limited time. Minimum $10 per order. Excludes restaurants. Additional terms and fees apply.

Adal and I had a pretty interesting night last night if you, and to a certain degree it's still kind of going on. I'm not going to ask about it. You're fishing, and I'm not going to ask.

We went to a rave. At some point, the sprinkler system turned on, but it wasn't water. It was blood. It was crazy.

Yeah, and Erin, at first, you could probably guess we were like, uh-oh, what is this? But we grew to like it, if you catch my drift.

I didn't ask.

Vampire. What was that, Erin?

Erin, did you say it? Did you say it?

Did you ask if Steve Dorff was there? Yeah, he was there. Steve Dorff was the DJ. Dorff was there. But he doesn't go by Stephen Dorff when he DJs. He goes by Dorff on music.

You didn't have to do this. Anyways, guys, I sort of have my own thing going on today. I did... Oh, Erin!

How can we help?

I messed up. I messed up. Yeah.

You messed up. Because you let a couple of guys into your house that you probably shouldn't have let in unless you wanted to get bit.

I can't tell you how little I care about what you two have going on today. I did a crazy thing.

But Erin, I want to sock your dog.

No. No.

Remember last week? No.

Remember last week? Sit.

Oh.

You sit. Sit. Sit.

Wow, she's glamoring us. Erin, glamoring is a term that a select few can use to order someone around, and it's working.

You know how I love Dungeons & Daddies?

Oh yeah, you got that tattoo on your neck? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's sweet neck.

Stop it. Okay. Sit. Yes. I got drunk and I may have tried to kidnap several of the cast members of Dungeons & Dagons.

Yeah, okay.

Went to Beth May's house. I don't know. It's all a blur.

Beth May, a child of the night.

What sweet music. I woke up and Anthony Burch is tied up in my kitchen on a couch.

Okay, thank God it's Anthony. I thought you were going to say Freddy, but I was like, that guy is vampire hunter coded like 100%. I cannot be anywhere near him. But what do I do? What do I do? What do I do? What do I do?

What do I do? Should we just have him on the podcast?

Yeah, get him in front of a mic. Put a mic here. I have an extra mic on me always. Here we go. Let me take off the gag.

And this was what we were doing the whole time. It wasn't a kidnapping. It was Anthony Burch. Welcome to the podcast.

Hey, hi. Tell my wife I love her. Tell Bethany that she's, like, fine. I will not, sir.

I will say she's fantastic. Hi, hi. Totally normal. What was the last time any of you were in a Hot Topic?

Oh, recently, like within the last year, yeah. No way.

Yeah because I can't remember, oh Mariah- Shopping for your kid. I'm sorry do you not have anything for babies in here? Babies can be goths too. What sucks about Hot Topic is I remember Hot Topic from when I was a kid and it was like You know, chain wallets and like kind of now it's just like a Spencer's Gift. They're all the same store. Like it's just it's just like novelty like dildos and weird. It's just it doesn't it didn't seem fun anymore. But I hadn't been in a mall in so long that when I saw a hot topic, I was like, oh, I got to go in. And it was it was pretty disappointing. It was not the hot topic of my youth.

This is supposed to be a place where you can like get Stewie Griffin on a motorcycle saying like the n-word or something. It is that now. It's that now.

And it's like, it's it's it's a bummer mall culture. It's not the same. It's it don't hit it don't hit the same.

I just had a memory come flooding back to me that, do you guys remember The O.C.?

Yeah.

Of course.

Do I remember the O.C.? Yes, I do. Erin Nevers is with us. So it was very good.

Seth Cohen used to have those like novelty t-shirts. You know what I'm talking about?

Yeah, I do love using the character name too.

Yeah, yeah. And some of them were at Urban Outfitters and some of them were at Hot Topic. And I remember like going to the mall with my sisters like trying to find his t-shirts.

Like their beanie babies, you gotta get them all.

Yeah.

Did you ever find any of them? Do you remember some of the t-shirts? Yeah, like... Would they say like, talk to the hand? Like what was the novelty?

I don't remember, like one was like, uh, have you hugged my t-shirt today or something? Some sort of pervert.

Pervert!

Pervert messaging.

My other car is the Taco Bell Chihuahua.

Okay, actually, I need that t-shirt right now. If you could send it to my house.

Anthony, thank you so much for being here today and I was, as I am wont to do, I was looking over our list of guests because I was like, I'm trying to remember the last time we had Anthony on the show and I was going back through it and I was like, oh god, I don't, we've I don't think we've ever had you on the show officially. You've been on the show in many different capacities before, but never on the actual Hey Riddle Riddle main episode before. And so I would just like to start off by apologizing to you for this gross, this absolute gross dereliction of duty.

Welcome to the show. Finally, I'm vindicated. Finally, the bridesmaid has become the bride. Everything is as it should be.

So it sounds like no charges for the kidnapping. No.

That would have been my third strike.

It also makes me very happy because I can ask you this and it's not like a repeat question. Anthony, what is your relationship with riddles and puzzles?

I've loved riddles and puzzles my whole life. When I was a kid, I don't know if anybody remembers these, but there was like these big stacks of like a bajillion little very vertically aligned like rectangular cards that have like a plastic hook through them. They're called like brain quest or something. Brain quest. Yeah, I had I had all those. Okay, awesome. Me too. Amazing. The two oldest people in the in the podcast finally have something to relate it to. But yeah, I used to do this with my mom all the time. Me kicking my brain quest under my desk. I've been a fan of those since I was a kid. They have very fond memories for me hanging out with my mom.

Let me ask you about Brain Quest, because I also remember Brain Quest. I think we had a couple of them, but I don't think we had like a ton of these. I remember them physically, but like what kind of shit was on them? In my mind it was like whale facts. That could be something completely different.

I think it was a bunch of... I remember getting them through the Scholastic Fair. Yes. And I feel like they were delineated by like grade. So it'd be like second grade, first grade, whatever. Like it would go through the grades maybe. And then I feel like it was just random trivia.

It was just trivia.

Okay. I think so.

I think there's a mixture of trivia and like little riddles and jokes and things like that. Damn. I wonder if they still sell those. Let's see if they still sell those.

I'm sure they don't. They don't have BrainQuest anymore, and that's why... I wonder... Oh, they still do it? They still do it?

Yeah.

They have a modern BrainQuest? You can get them on Amazon. Hell yeah.

I might buy some to do on the show, because those were delightful.

Adal, don't buy them to do on the show. Just say like, oh, we wish we had them. Do we have a mailing address? I guess we have a mailing address. I wish we had them.

Oh, we got 14 of the same BrainQuest.

Fuck.

God damn it, now they're all in my house.

God damn it. I didn't think this through.

You're going to send us any fourth grade and below. I want you to be realistic about our intellect. Don't send us seventh grade brain quests. That's an insult.

Me popping three ibuprofen and trying to read a seventh grade brain quest being like, oh my god.

Ow.

They're all just about puberty. Well, it sucks to hear that you like riddles because that kind of makes us not having you on sooner look pretty bad on us. Yeah, I've also submitted riddles to this show.

Yeah, you've done your riddles on the show. Yeah, yeah.

I've heard every episode of the show also.

Oh my gosh. And you think we should keep going?

Should we stop? And you deserve an apology. It's no serial, but it'll do.

Well, we're not trying to be serial. I'm so tired of people going like they're aiming to be serial and they're just landing on us.

You should go for that. Just do multi-part riddles that sort of tie into one another and ultimately about the carceral system of America. If we're not trying to be serial, then I don't know why every episode I say, Mel Kim?

Yeah, and I bring up Pat Tillman constantly.

Anthony, have you done an escape room recently?

Yeah, yeah, I'd say within the last six months.

Oh, wow. And was it good?

No, it was the worst escape room I've ever done. Whoa. Things kept breaking. And so instead of like inputting codes into a thing that would make something open, the our docent was just like, just scream a word at the door and I'll open it for you. And it was like, that sucks. There's a bunch of really obscure puzzles and a lot of things that were based on the docent like activating things rather than things actually changing in the room naturally.

Well, these two guys, I forgot their names, Adal and JPZ, are going to be in Southern California soon. And we can all do an escape room together.

That'd be so fun. And I'm going to be in Chicago in a couple of weeks. I'm going to see Adal and JPZ.

Oh.

OK. We're going to talk about you. I'll pull up a picture of Adal. You can see a picture of Adal on my phone. I'll show you a modern day version of what he looks like, an approximation.

Well, I'm Old Man Puzzles today, still. What are you fishing for? Aaron, I don't know why I thought of you but I don't know if you've seen this viral TikTok where it's like two parents in a hotel room or something and they're like, who wants to go to Disneyland? Oh, and then that baby that's a thousand years old. You know what I'm talking about?

There's like a four-year-old who's like, I do. And then there's a baby who raises its finger like a Victorian professor and goes, me.

First of all, it's a shock that that baby can talk at all. And the fact that it knows what the Four Seasons is, is insane.

The baby's eyes are so educated. And as soon as I saw it, I was like, Erin needs to see this, and then I forgot the sentence.

It's just the Six Flags bald guy, but with better eyes. One of my favorite stitches I saw someone do is someone superimposed a full suit on the baby. It was very funny.

I'm speaking of the Six Flags bald guy, who, by the way, I love that guy. You know how there was that- There's no character more JPC-coded than the Six Flags bald guy. I do. Thank you so much for saying that. That means the world to me. That's so true. You know that guy that did, I think he did Verizon commercials, the Can You Hear Me Now, and then he switched over to Sprint? Yeah, the traitor. Yeah, well, when that guy betrayed Sprint, which you never betray Sprint or whoever he betrayed to do whatever, I was like, this is perfect. This opens up a world of that being allowed. And I would love like the Six Flags bald guy to do like Taco Bell commercials. Let him breathe.

Here's a quicker way to get diarrhea than going to Six Flags.

Not really. The Noid pops up and he's like, actually, Little Caesars is great. The Noid, where have you been? What's going on?

And also, I get that it's a conflict of interest and that's why we hate the Verizon guy who did that thing, but the Noid could certainly do home insurance commercials. He could team up with the Aflac duck. That's fine.

Yeah, I feel like the equivalent would be like Disney Parks if he started.

Yeah, I think stay in your lane, but you can switch brand loyalty. You can switch brands.

Okay, that makes sense. I think if he's in a Disney Parks, you would just see him getting lynched by Mickey and Goofy. They would make a symbol of him to scare other people off. Not in our backyard. I'm putting the true detective, but the Six Flags bald guy.

I would fly to Disney World immediately if I saw that commercial.

I love Mickey and Goofy sitting in like a Chevy Impala watching starlings form shapes.

Time is a flat circle. Can you stop saying goofy shit? Is it possible for you to stop saying goofy shit for once?

Have you ever read The Yellow King?

Ah, Mickey getting handcuffed and fucked. Why not?

Hi Adal, Erin, and JPC. I just learned about Hey Riddle Riddle from Dungeons and Daddies last year. Um, and, uh, they have submitted a bunch of great riddles. Okay. And these are from Maria. So thank you, Maria.

Thank you, Maria.

I waited until Anthony was on the show to do these.

And, uh, we would, of course, promote Dungeons & Daddies, but we've been legally told they absolutely don't need our help, and any time we mention it, you lose thousands of followers?

Yeah, if you showed up on Dungeons & Daddies, we'd just lynch you publicly as a symbol of the island.

As you should. Uh, these are some homophone warm-up riddles.

Okay.

The answer to each riddle is a homophone that is both a noun and a verb. Um, it could be other parts of speech too, but it's definitely at least a noun and a verb. Okay. Don't miss one or you'll surely fall to watch paint dry blank at the wall.

Stare? Stare. Yep. Stare, stare. Okay, that is a noun and a verb. I'm ready. I'm ready. Stare and stare is a noun and a verb.

Okay, so you weren't ready when I started, but now you're ready.

You said that there's also another part of... And I was like, some of these could be prepositions. And I was like, I know all the prepositions. If the answer to this is of, I got this in the fucking bag, dude.

Of is definitely not a preposition. Fuck!

Fuck!

Erin, you know that painting, a nude descending a staircase?

Mm-hmm.

Do you think they were falling?

Yes.

Okay. That's why there's that big speech bubble that says, fuck!

Uh-oh.

They painted a Lego at the top of the stairwell?

You save one for a tardy friend. It puts your standing to an end.

A chair. Spot. No. Chair, chair.

You were close. Seat? Yes, seat.

Oh, seat.

Okay, seat. There's only one. Oh, seat, seat. Gotcha.

You'll need it underneath your plants. You sometimes do this in your pants.

Piss. No. Pot. I pot in my pants. Soil.

Yes. Anthony is sort of sweeping this.

Well, yeah, he listens to every episode.

I do want to see a scene. In this scene, I'm going to be the teacher in a classroom, and Adal, you have just soiled yourself, but you're trying to think of another way to tell the teacher without saying it so that no one in class knows that you soiled yourself. Okay, everybody, open up your books to page 7, and we're going to read a little story. Oh boy. Page 7, everyone. And then we're going to do popcorn style. So I'm going to start.

Excuse me.

Yes, Erin.

Tommy Kirst.

Oh, no, I fucking didn't.

Oh, sorry. I guess it was- Which Tommy?

Tommy T? Tommy T is allowed to curse because his parents are going through a divorce, but Tommy T, remember- They fucking hate each other. That's two, Tommy. You get three for the day. So- All right. Okay. And that's fine, Tommy T. And thank you again for narking, Erin. As we all know- We're, we're, say it together, we're safer when we nark. Yes.

Um, it was Tommy V who cursed.

Tommy V, now your parents have a loving marriage, you shouldn't have cursed.

Yeah, I'm sorry, it's just that I, um, I frenched my fries.

Oh, uh, well that's okay, yeah, that's fine. No, um, I lost my dog. Now again, what did we say?

Can he swear if he lost his dog?

No, the only person in this class is Tommy T, and he can swear because his parents are going, and it's a nasty divorce. Goddamn right. That's your third one, okay?

And now it resets. Now Tommy V.

Tommy V, it hurts me to hear you say that it's the dad's fault because we know that oftentimes, what do we always say in class about whose fault it is when parents get divorced? The kids. Alright Erin, that's a gold star for you. Thank you.

Is it true that you've gone on dates at the Olive Garden with Tommy T's mom?

I'm And of course, Casey beeped that. We can't have people being called breadsticks on the podcast. Don't tweet about it. It'll be all there.

Only the Sopranos can do that.

This one isn't maybe necessarily true, but we can discuss it after I read it.

Okay.

It's like a pub where dancing's done, but it can block your way blank none.

Bar? Bar.

Bar. Are people dancing at bars? Maybe like a country bar?

I would say that people are dancing at bars, but I don't think they're dancing at every bar. There are bars that I can think of that I would still call a bar and people are dancing there. But I don't think if I went to a neighborhood bar, there's going to be people dancing.

I guess Beauty Bar in Chicago.

Yeah, I would say that's a bar. There are some things that are not quite a club that I'm like, oh, this is still a bar, but it's got music and dancing.

I'd like to see a scene. Anthony, you are a bartender and JPC, you've been a little over served and you're starting to dance at the bar and Anthony's not having it.

Oh, you're back, huh? Another vodka soda, another vodka and soda. Are you sure?

I feel like you've already had like three or four.

Three, four, five, six. What is this bar called?

If you only want two more, I, I, I, yeah, fine, fine. If it'll get you out of my face. Here you go. There's one.

There's two.

Ooh, oh. Out of my face. Do you Vogue? Oh my god, we should Vogue.

Oops, ouch, oops, ouch, oops, ouch. I'm Voguing in front of your face. You Vogue in front of my face. Okay, fine. Oh, you're spilling. You're spilling. You can't pour in Vogue. Interesting. It's really, really hard to do so. Well, yeah, I mean, but you're a bartender. It's like, shouldn't you be... Dance with me. Oh my god, you're so, you're so tense, I can see it. Come dance with me.

Could I get a tequila soda, please?

Yes, please. God, yes. Here's a tequila soda, please.

Thank you.

Okay, um, were they asking me to dance? Tequila soda? That's my dancing drink. Yeah, you know what they were. They definitely want you to go dance with them. Come dance with me. Come dance. Because it's like, people feel safer when you dance as a group. So let's all dance. Let's all dance in this bar tonight. Who in this bar wants to dance tonight?

Alright, it sounds like we've got some folks who want to dance, so me and the boys are going to play our number one dancing song. Here's R.E.M. 's Losing My Religion.

Oh God, I can feel the whole song in my body. Somebody dance with me. I can feel the whole song going through my body. Has it started yet? Well that's me in the corner. That's me in the spotlight. Country losing my religion.

A toddler might throw one of these. If you're this, you climb stairs with ease. If it blanks, a cat can sit. Won't blank if you've grown out of it.

Cock to it. Sits. Fits.

I think Anthony said it fit.

Yeah, I think so too.

Everyone said such a crazy answer. What did you say, JPC?

Uh, fit? I said fit.

No, you didn't. No, you fucking didn't.

That's your one. Then you get two more. Two more, Erin.

And then it resets and I can say worse stuff, right?

And then you have to move on to slurs.

Shoes and noodles come in these. What Rocky does in sports movies.

Fights. Loses. Errors?

Fights. Loses.

What Rocky does in wins?

Shoes and noodles come in these.

Bowls.

Box.

Box.

Wow. Boxes. Boxes. Boxes. Wait, Rocky's not a professional bowler?

What am I watching?

What am I watching?

If you grill and kick back in this space, a way to say, punch in the face. Yard, porch, jab.

You grill and kick back in this space, a way to say punch in the face.

I'm

Yes, but you won't hear me other than a couple of sizzles.

Sizzles, yeah.

Who wants to hear some new slurs I invented?

Invented? I'm fine with.

Speaking of, your breadstick is almost done on the grill. Let me just turn this over here. There you go.

Yeah, and again, sorry we didn't have something for vegetarians, but I hope this... A grilled breadstick should be pretty good, yeah.

Ooh, ooh, actually, Matt, what do you have in terms of slurs for vegetarians?

Oh, uh...

Carrot Rider.

I can see someone taking offense to that. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

Did I tell you guys about work lately? No. And so you know, I mean, my job not to brag, but I'm like a, you know, management consultant, and they kind of hire us to you've seen up in the air with George Clooney, right? Like, I've seen nobody seen it. And I've, and I've seen the air up there. Okay, great. Well, anyway, you know, I go from place to place and, you know, firing people and it's lately, I've just, I feel like I've been on, pun intended, fire with having people lose their jobs and livelihoods. It's just like, I feel like alive when I'm doing it. Yeah.

What's the pun?

On fire. I fire people on fire. It's a one-to-one. You didn't get it? You don't get it?

And a big reach back and a big punch.

Okay, I have never wanted anything more in my life than the up-in-the-air video game. Anthony, who do we need to call right now?

I work at a video game company, so I'll run it up the chain.

Yeah, please.

No, no good. It needs to be Mr. Beast. It can't just be any like rinky-dink video game company. It's gotta be Mr. Beast.

It's so gray and drab.

Mr. Beast would give like homeless people $1,000 to develop their own up-in-the-air video game and compete against one another to see which one was the best.

Over Thanksgiving last year, I watched like 16 Mr. Beast videos in 24 hours, and I think I have permanent brain damage from it.

Why did you do that, Erin? Why did you watch so many Mr. Beast videos? I don't know. I feel like that makes you a zoomer, like it just de-ages you instantly. Yeah.

Oh, that's why. Trying to stay young, are we?

I guess. And it was also really weird because I was breaking them up with episodes of Columbo. So it was like huge swings in opposite directions.

I'd say you broke even.

Yeah, my brain ripped in half at the end.

You were Benjamin Buttoning at 50 times speed. Yeah, this feels like muscle confusion for like de-aging. They're like, we have to like age you and then your body gets confused and like hopefully we end up like six years younger.

It's like the cold hot therapy that people do. It's like ice baths to the sauna. It was not good and I will not probably ever recover from this.

Erin, what was the most memorable video or stunt you saw or what was like the most egregious situation? Do you remember anything?

Yeah, that's actually the better question. I remember feeling like, uh, I don't know, when he was buried alive for a week.

What? Oh my god. I think you watched David Blaine.

And I was like, I don't know about this. This is hard.

Mr. Beast was buried alive for a week?

Yeah, and then when he was in solitary confinement for a week, and he didn't like know how far in he was.

This guy will do anything for clicks. What the heck? Welcome back to

Oh, what?

So like, he, this guy has to live in this huge grocery store, and he has to, like, get rid of $10,000 worth of product every day.

So get rid of like, so this is a money laundering scheme.

So like, he's working beginning he's like looks at no, no, they're they donate all the stuff to shelters and stuff.

So if he stayed for 50 days, it was an air one.

Yes, no, but it was like, like the beginning he was like giving $10,000 worth of like the fruits and vegetables because that was going to be perishing first, you know what I mean? And then he just like kept a bunch of canned things.

Oh, so he's living in there and it's not getting restocked with food. Exactly. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it.

Yes. Why are we talking about Mr. Beast? This is awful.

You brought it up, Erin.

Alright, two more quick and then we'll take a break.

He's your favorite guy, apparently.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. We're gonna do two more and then we'll go on a break. Can everyone take a little break?

Erin, is Mr. Beast single? I don't... What's his name? Eric Beast?

I think his name is Eric Beast. Please don't make me date Mr. Beast.

We gotta set you up with Mr. Beast.

Oh no, I don't want to be Erin Beast, please. Erin Beast is a great name, though.

Erin, what if you were Mrs. Beast? Oh, Mrs. Beast. Oh, Mrs. Beast.

Mr. and Mrs. Beast. I would immediately give away all of his money and take away his cameras.

So you divorce him. Erin, what is the way that you get to being Mrs. Beast? Is it by marrying this Mr. Beast or is it by doing a Beauty and the Beast thing with like a beast from a castle? Either way you're ending up as Mrs. Beast. Which is your preferred way to do it?

I'm gonna take option two.

Oh, so you're going to try to meet a French candelabra. Okay. Yes. Okay.

It's redundant.

If you don't mind. Totally redundant. That's funny. You read this, then with friends. You read it.

I'm not fucking doing your job. You're always trying to get us to do your fucking riddles on your day.

It's your day. I know. I really have been doing that lately. It's my day off. I've been begging them to take over Old Man Puzzles three or four times an episode.

I do want to see a scene. Erin, you are Beauty. You have married Beast, of course, before he... In the movie, does he turn back into a human?

Yeah, he does.

He does, unfortunately. Amen. So he stays Beast. Erin, you marry him. You are now Mrs. Beast. The house has all stayed the same. Nothing's turned back into whatever they were. So this is Anthony and JPC are Lumiere or Cosworth, whoever they want to be, and they're just kind of fed up and talking back.

Um, could I get, like, an omelette? This morning I think I'm feeling an omelette.

Oh yeah, why don't I just make you an omelette? Oh, it's because I'm a fucking teapot! What, are we gonna pour you an omelette?

I just thought you could go to the kitchen and ask.

Oh, I thought you could go to the kitchen and ask. You're married now. Don't you know what your job is? This is the 1800s. There's only one room for people like you.

Are you smoking?

Yes.

You can't smoke in here.

Yes, I can. Watch me.

Well, I'm smoking my face.

Of course he can smoke. He's a candle. There's nothing else he can do but smoke. This is my default.

Okay, I don't know where this attitude came from suddenly.

You were supposed to end the curse. I was supposed to go back to being a person, a human person.

I mean, he turned back into a person. Not him, us.

Us. I don't give a shit about him.

I don't know what to tell you.

And also, by the way, I know that he turned into like a human man or whatever, but he still obviously wants to do like beast stuff. Like he eats uncooked meat. That's something human men are not supposed to do.

Leave us alone, okay? We're in love. We're happy. Do your job.

Oh, so now we see the real situation here. Okay, so that's the way it is.

Okay, um, I would like some tea.

Great. I will just pour that on the floor. I'm going to pour the fucking tea on the floor. What a waste. Like I've been doing all week. All week I've been pouring tea on the floor.

I'm going to sell you both in a garage sale. How about that? Good. Do it. And then you can end up in a way worse place.

Pussy? Yeah, you won't. You won't. Sell us.

And garage sale side. Put it out front. Puts these two on a table. Free. Now we wait.

How much is this kind of candlestick thing here?

I will give you $5 to take it off my hands.

Mmm.

She has sex with it.

No, I don't.

She has sex with the candlestick. I've been inside of hell.

That was once and it was a party. We were all on drugs.

And it's never been cleaned, sir. It's never been cleaned. Half of my head is still inside of hell. See that little missing piece? That should be a top piece. That's gone now. And it's gone forever.

And actually I do want to fuck this feather duster. We all agree we wanted to fuck the feather duster, right?

Oh yeah, 100%. We were all inhuman.

Gorgeous. No one fucks like the feather duster.

I watched an improv show this weekend where below where the improv show was happening was a full production of Beauty and the Beast and it was hysterical.

You could hear it? The sound bleed?

Yeah, just watching Tim Lyons do an improv scene while Gaston plays underneath him. It's very funny. You read this, then with friends discuss, you blank it not to miss your bus. Sometimes it rides in a canoe when someone closely follows you.

Dog. Dog.

Yes. Canoe dog. Yes. Well, I'm exhausted, they're exhausted, we're all very tired, and we're going to take a quick break.

Yes, I'm very tired because it's the daytime. Oh, no one?

This show is sponsored by BetterHelp.

I've hurt my... I've hurt my... I've hurt my... What? Mental health? Uh, TPC, you should try better help. You keep saying try better help. Yeah, okay, try better help. Yeah, okay, because I've hurt my mental health. I fell and I hit my mental health on the ground.

JPC, we all carry around different stressors, big or small. We get it. I get it. I've been using BetterHelp for many years and it works perfectly for my brain. I can message my counselor anytime. It's online, convenient, flexible, and suited to my schedule. All I had to do was fill out a brief questionnaire and I got matched with a licensed therapist right away. And also, I can switch therapists anytime for no additional charge.

Yeah, J.P.C. therapy is a safe space to get things off your chest. Anytime you play J.P. Riddles, I have to talk to my therapist and be like, is he real? Can he get me in my dreams, etc. You have to figure out how to work through whatever's weighing you down. And for me, it's being terrified that J.P. Riddles is going to get me.

I mean, you're in my brain, dude. I have the same thing.

Have you guys talked to your therapist about the podcast? I mean, I, of course, of course. Primarily. It is a lot about the podcast when I talk to my therapist. And if you're thinking of starting a podcast or maybe even starting therapy, get it off your chest with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com slash Riddle today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash Riddle.

But don't take it from us. Take it from JP Riddles. Hey Riddle Riddle would like to thank Claritin for supporting this episode and providing us with samples.

Hey Adal, Adal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you want to see my impression of me last week when I had really bad allergies and I wasn't doing anything right? Oh gosh, I feel so sick and can't even do anything. Oh my, doesn't that sound just like me?

Yeah, that is you to a T. That is a great impression. You should have a Vegas residency. Erin Keif does Erin Keif.

I keep writing them and they keep saying, who is this? The city? But luckily for those of us who live with symptoms of allergies, we can live Claritin Clear with Claritin D. It's designed for serious allergy sufferers and Claritin D has two powerful ingredients in just one pill that relieve your allergy symptoms and decongest your nose so you can breathe better. Did not sound like me last week.

Uh, Mary Keif.

Oh, that's so good, Adal. That was so... Okay. No, it's fine. It's good that you're good at my impression too.

Yeah, maybe I should go to Vegas. I have seasonal allergies myself and I feel like anytime I step outside in the spring, in the summer, eyes turn red. Itchy, itchy, itchy. My contacts come out. My nose is running. Claritin D tackles nasal congestion caused by allergies or a cold and also relieves sinus congestion and pressure due to allergies. Which is the worst part that your nose dripping or being congested and you feel that pressure right at the bridge of your nose. That's the worst. That's the worst, Erin. I'm Erin Keif.

Oh, my gosh. Wow.

Can you believe JPC turned into an owl?

That's fun. That's good that we're acknowledging this. Yes.

Fast and powerful relief is just a quick trip away. Find Clarendon D at the pharmacy counter. Ask for Clarendon D at your local pharmacy counter. You don't even need a prescription. Go to Clarendon.com right now for a discount so you can live Clarendon clear. Use as directed.

It works in like 30 minutes, and so I don't have to sound like this anymore. I'm Erin Keif. Achoo! Achoo! Achoo!

Erin Keif is live in five minutes at the Luxor in Las Vegas. The Luxor? Yeah.

That's fine. That's good. No, that's okay.

It's like 20 bucks a night.

That's okay. Okay, class, take a seat. Take a seat. We are going to talk about VPNs today.

My weird cousin? Nope. Uh, the joke there is that I'm JPC and VPN is also three letters and it's like, the joke there- Who are you talking to?

It looks like you're addressing a camera or something.

Sorry ma'am?

VPN stands for Virtual Private Network, a service that protects your internet connection and privacy online. VPNs create an encrypted tunnel for your data, protect your online identity by hiding your IP addresses, and allow you to use public Wi-Fi hotspots safely. It's all about internet safety.

Oh, teacher, teacher, I have a question. Do I have to know all this stuff about a VPN or can I just use NordVPN?

Oh, so you know about that.

Well, yeah, I mean, I know about my weird cousin from Scandinavia, NordVPN, which is for a future ad. We'll do that for a future ad. That's actually really good. Ooh, and teacher teacher.

Yes, Adal?

I actually brought you an Apple with NordVPN inside of it for you. And I've also heard that NordVPN is easy to use, connects with one click, or you can enable auto-connect for zero-click protection is what I've heard.

Oh, okay, you guys know way more than I thought you did about this.

Yeah, like NordVPN has like 6,300 plus servers in 111 countries, so you can change your virtual location easily if you want to access maybe something that is not available in your area. Or if you're like me and you one time go to Mexico and say, I'm going to download stuff when I get there, then realize that you're in another country and you can't watch all your favorite shows until you use your NordVPN.

But do you know that it has amazing speed? Yeah. It's one of the fastest VPNs out there?

Yeah, I did know that. I knew that as well. Oh, okay. Yeah, and teacher, respectfully, duh. If that makes sense. Okay.

Well, one NordVPN account can be used on six devices, but I guess you already knew that.

And with the most respect, do possible in this moment, duh, is what I would have to say.

If that makes sense, teacher, duh.

If that makes sense to you. But don't take our word for it. Wait, no. Do take our word for it. Here's what you can do. Here's what you can do. Strike that. Take our word for it. And also, don't take our word. Here's what you can do. Go to NordVPN.com slash Riddle and find out for yourself what NordVPN can do for you.

Hey Adal, GBC, great party, love the vibe, love the decorations, so cool. I'm gonna head out, I'm gonna go home. So nice seeing you. But great, great party.

Wait, are you going home to your Helix Sleep mattress?

Yes.

I knew it. Because the party started six minutes ago, Erin.

Yeah, I just I'm so tired and doesn't that sound so good? I have a midnight lux and it's perfectly suited to my sleep needs. Why would I stay here another minute?

Well, this is your birthday party that you begged us to throw for you. But I guess if you want to leave after six minutes to go sleep on your Helix sleep mattress, it does make sense. I mean, they do personalize your mattress and ship it straight to your door free of charge, which is a pretty good deal.

And Erin, I don't know if you've noticed, but we swapped out the floorboards for Helix Sleep mattresses. You're standing on one right now. You know, Helix knows there's no better way to test out a new mattress than by standing on it in a house, replacing the floorboards with a mattress, or by sleeping on it in your own home. That's why they offer a 100-night trial and a 10- to 15-year warranty to try out your new Helix mattress.

And everybody is unique, and everybody sleeps differently. And that's why Helix has several different mattress models to choose from, each designed for specific sleep positions and feel preferences. I have the best mattress in the world. People compliment every time I sleep over and sleep in my bed. Everyone thinks it's the best mattress ever.

Oh, yeah. Casey was saying it was amazing. He said he accidentally kicked you out of bed. He was so comfortable.

Yes, but that's a story for another time. Happy birthday to me.

I'd rather hear it now.

And listen, don't take our word for it. Helix has been awarded the number one mattress picked by GQ and Wired Magazine. It is even recommended by multiple leading chiropractors and doctors of sleep medicine, and doctors of sleep-o-medicine, thank you Casey, as a go-to solution for improving your sleep. Plus, Helix is offering 20% off all mattress orders and two free pillows. For our listeners, just go to helixsleep.com slash riddle. That's helixsleep.com slash riddle. This is their best offer yet, and it won't last long. With Helix, better sleep starts now.

Bye, Adal, bye, ABC. Happy birthday, Erin. Zoom.

Wow, she can really run. She can really zoom. Hey Riddle Riddle.

Okay, we are back from break. We're still doing riddles submitted by Maria, who loves Dungeons & Daddies and listens to our show. I don't know if she even likes it, but... Maybe.

Thank you, Maria. She mentioned specifically that she loves Dungeons & Daddies and didn't say anything about our show. That sucks.

She says, I don't know if I'm scrolling up, I confuse my co-workers by referencing Erin's Boss Lady Business Bitch bit and singing Santa Baby and ending every line with my wife. So we broke her brain. Yeah. She loves the podcast. She loves the podcast.

Oh, good.

Oh, OK.

Oh, but which podcast?

Doesn't say.

We, we, uh, I went, this weekend my wife and I were going to, I think it was like a, oh, it was an Einstein Brothers bagel and my wife ordered and the person said, uh, can I get a name for the order? And my wife said her name, Mariah. She said Mariah. And the person goes, I don't know how to spell that. And I was like, I, it was very funny too, because it wasn't, she didn't say like, could you please spell that for me? She just said, I don't know how to spell that. And I was like, oh, that's such a, that's such a fun way of like, most of the time, people who work at that place, they just guess or they're like, write down something that sounds like it. And so my wife, who is a lot of patience, she said, it's just Maria with an H. And then that person was like, oh, Maria with an H. And then of course, they called it Maria, of course. Riddle In today's episode, we

We're gonna do some movie portmanteaus, which we've done on the show before. The clue will describe the plots of two separate movies mashed together, and the answer will be a portmanteau of these two movie titles. Spelling doesn't matter, just sounds.

If I'm not mistaken, didn't Anthony submit some of these previously? Yeah.

We never got the chance to ask you, Anthony, since you had just submitted them and we weren't talking to you directly, but are you like a movie guy? You like a movie buff? Do you enjoy cinema?

Yeah. Okay, name three movies, Hotshot, Atlantis Moreset.

A table with sausages on it. Fuck, no.

I haven't seen these. I haven't seen these. Yeah, yeah, those are great. I love those too.

The cinematography in those is impressive.

Shot for shot.

And if the title includes the, it may not play into the answer.

Gotcha.

That makes sense, everyone? These are still from Maria, by the way. Here's the example. Yes. A princess falls into an eternal slumber that can only be broken by the kiss of a high school basketball playing backflipping truck surfing lycanthrope.

Today's episode is

Sleeping butane wolf.

I think Anthony and I are still thinking about lycanthropes. I know Adal and I are thinking about lycanthropes because, whoo, I would not want to run into one of those guys.

You're a vampire now, you have ancient beef with them. And he smells like ancient beef.

Yeah, pee-ew. What a stinky wolf.

The keeper of the Bates Motel goes on a musical journey to the afterlife and discovers the secrets of his Mexican heritage. I didn't even finish it and he knew it.

Oh god. What I wouldn't give for a hot cup of PsyCoco right now.

A gigantic dormant sea monster.

I want to see a scene. I realized when I said that I wanted to see a scene. We'll turn the car around. Erin, you are going to be working. This is kind of like a Kris Kindle mart. It's like an outdoor holiday, you know, mart. That's a great way to describe it. And you're working at a Psycoco booth where you sell hot Psycoco. And Adal and Anthony, you're intrigued by what that could be.

Oh, honey, look at this. Oh, Psycoco. Hi. Oh, those eyes are intense. What's, is this a German drink?

Sure.

Are there samples?

Do we have free samples?

Yeah, free samples. You'll have a very normal day after you drink this. It smells like motor oil. Weird.

Yeah, it's very viscous.

That must be the booth over.

And sorry, I'm not telling you how to do your job, but my husband asked you for a sample and you poured one and drank it yourself. Did I?

Sorry, my eye is all pupil. I'm having a hard time focusing. Do you want another one?

Sure. Yeah.

All right. Here we go. Oh, I drank it again. Silly me.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Are you guys in line?

Okay, the goiter on your neck just started talking to us.

Are you guys in line?

We well, there's only I think we're the only two here, but we're side-by-side I'm next Honey, why don't we can go first?

I think he needs it more than we do.

No. No. No, you're you got here first. Everything's fine for two Psycho.

Oh, what the heck?

Let's let's give it a go. Oh Sign this waiver

A gigantic dormant sea monster awakens and descends upon Los Angeles with the desire to date a redhead and open its own jazz club. Godzilla vs. Kong Kong Land.

Godzilla-la-la-la-la-la-land.

Okay, okay, yeah.

That makes more sense. I'll pretend I said the right amount of la-las. Billy Crystal watches his friend fake an orgasm in a diner before joining the crime-fighting ranks of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, the Invisible Man, and Captain Nemo.

When Harry met Sal League of Invinci- uh, gentlemen or something. Invincible Sean Conneries.

Yes, when Harry met Sal League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. That one's fun, right? Very fun.

The movie?

I feel like everyone's a little numb here today.

Not really. It's not really a fun movie.

Is it just that it's a Monday?

It's technically a Wednesday and it's always a Wednesday no matter what we do. This is a Wednesday.

Yeah, it's a Wednesday when We record every time.

Yeah, I think so. Yeah, we always record on Wednesday We record this as soon as it comes out like you're hearing us. It's live. This is a live podcast

Okay. Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my scientifically engineered monster woman who I had created to wed my scientifically engineered monster man. Prepare to die.

The Princess Bride of Frankenstein.

Yeah.

Also, can I say something? So this doctor built a bride for himself because it's not the Bride of Frankenstein's monster. It's the Bride of Frankenstein.

It's sort of a weird science prequel.

I do want to see a scene. I want to see a scene. Let's see, Adal, you're going to be playing Frankenstein, his monster. Anthony, you're going to be playing Frankenstein, and you just built a bride. It looks like it's for Frankenstein, but you're trying to break it to him that this is actually going to be your monster's bride.

Uh, friend? More than friend? Uh, for me, yeah.

I have good news. Uh, so, you know how, like, you're my son? Like, I made you out of lightning and my own force of will? Uh, now you have a mom! To sort of... take care of you along with me. Uh, a hot mom would rather date? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. We don't have to have those thoughts about mom. Hi. I get to have those thoughts about mom.

Hi.

Hi. What's your name? No, no, no. I don't like this chemistry that you guys already have.

Wow. Come here often?

Putting potion back and forth in beaker chemistry. Me live here actually, my castle. This my butler.

The hubris of man. How did I not see this coming? Ass. Chop, chop, chop, chop, chop.

Well?

Well, I chopped my legs off now, so at least I can't follow you around.

Seems.

He chopped himself. He couldn't live with what he created. He had to chop himself.

Gotta chop yourself.

Um... And that's not incest, because they're not... their corpse conglomerate... I mean, they're not related in any way.

They can... It's technically an orgy, because there's probably 14 people between the two of them.

Every time Frankenstein's monster fucks, it's an orgy. Wow.

The three of you should teach high school English. I feel like America's youth could learn a lot from your views on classic literature.

Mary Shelley was history's first freaka leaka.

Erin and all these people and Percy Shelley invented Archive of Our Own.

Didn't she write it? She was like 19 and they're at a party where they're like, let's all take one night to write a horror story. And then she read hers and they're like, what the fuck?

Is that true? You're not supposed to be that good.

Yeah, it is true. Yeah. And she was at a, and she was at like this party with like Lord Byron. Like there was like all these other authors and her story was good and everyone else was like, uh, wait, whose wife is this?

Percy, forget your journals.

I didn't know that.

Yeah, it's also crazy too because I actually don't know if it's true for her, but maybe it's true for Lord of Iron. If you look up when they died, they died at 31. And you're like, huh? Well, that sucks.

Because they're all drinking PsyCoco. Yeah, well, it's the PsyCoco.

I would love to see a movie or a play based on that one party and all these men feeling inferior.

Erin, another fun little tidbit, and I guess you'll decide if it's fun.

I will.

Bram Stoker put on a play production of Dracula before the book came out. Two people attended it, and then it was shut down immediately.

Why? Because it was too scary?

It was because people thought it sucked. And then the book came out, and people were like, this is… Oh, I didn't even mean to do that.

Are you okay? No. First pun you didn't mean to make ever.

It's a Wednesday.

Wednesday. Puns on Wednesday.

A guitar-playing loser falls head over heels for a manic pixie dream girl, but in order to win her affection, he must first defeat all seven evil zombies that are rapidly spreading across the globe and threatening to end all of humanity.

Now, a guitar-playing loser could be a lot of films.

Oh, is this Scott Pilgrim Saves the World War Z?

It's Verse, though. Yes, but you got it.

Oh, Scott Pilgrim... Verse the World. Yeah, you're right. It is worse than the world.

What was the Coen Brothers movie with Oscar Isaac?

Inside Llewyn Davis.

No, Inside Llewyn Davis. No, that's right.

Also, I never saw it. I don't know if he was a loser. Oh, it's so good. You gotta see it. Yeah, Inside Llewyn Davis. I think I only saw it the one time, but it was one of those movies that I was like, I'd watch this again.

Um, but I know he played guitar in that.

A guitar playing loser, what's the... Is that Scott Tillman vs. World War Z?

It is.

Oh, it is?

Yeah, you got it right.

Oh. Can you check that again Erin? I said the answer.

Yeah, you did.

So, okay, so let me get this straight. I got the answer to a riddle correct?

We forgot to mark it. Sorry. We didn't.

That's okay. History will say you didn't. And Casey, can we mark that? Okay, Casey is not even typing. Would have loved to have him type.

He's playing Hades 2.

He said, I marked.

I marked. I marked. I marked. Classic sleepo. Classic sleepo. I marked.

An angel named Clarence shows a family man what the world would be like if everyone confused him with the Messiah. It really encourages him to look on the bright side of life.

I think any line in movie history. Erin, I want you to do this right now. Think of your favorite line in movie history and then do it in a Jimmy Stewart voice.

But where are his glasses? He can't see without his glasses.

Okay, now I'll go. I've seen the Exorcist 167 times. It keeps getting funnier every single time I see it.

Beetlejuice. Okay, let's see.

Mary, get to the chopper, Mary.

Thank you. Anthony.

Anthony.

Rose Bond. This guy's seen movies. Holy shit. Total cinema nut, this Anthony Burch. Oh, fantastic.

And you guys, I want everyone sitting at your desk, driving a car, folding your laundry. Pause it. Try one. Try it out. See if it's fun.

Try one for you. You know what the difference is between you and me? I make this look good.

I'll have what she's having. An old-school monster from the swampy depths goes on an underground adventure with his best buds, seeking out a stash of pirate treasure that may allow him to save his house from developers.

Uh, in my mind I was stuck on Shape of Water, but I was like, that can't be it.

Remember that movie? Not my favorite. I didn't like that. In this found footage film, New York is terrorized by a mysterious monster. Shape of Water? JPC is a real shape of waterhead.

She fucks the food! And we don't get to see it! Like what a waste of a fucking film!

That's your issue with it is we didn't get to see it?

It's a visual medium!

Yeah. Don't sit me in that seat for two hours, have Michael Shannon talk down to me, and I don't get to see the fish get fucked.

I do love the Shape of Water video game, I will say.

Yeah. Yeah, because they made the sexy and interactive.

I completely agree.

It's one of those like $12 Steam porn games. I don't know specifically that they're $12.

I don't know. $12 is just a number I pulled out of there.

In this found footage film, New York is terrorized by a mysterious monster who just wants to play catch with his dead dad one last time.

Cloverfield of Dreams.

I'm honestly having a tough time remembering the names of movies. I'm like, oh, I know that one. That one is... 12 Cloverfield Lane? No, that can't be it.

Miss Congeniality actor falls victim to some space debris but manages to survive all alone except for a wrinkly little guy with bulbous glowing fingertips. It's safe to say they both just want to go home.

Gravity. Sandra Bullock ET. All about Steve ET.

Sandra Bullock ET. All about Steve ET.

All about Steve.

I watched that movie like a year ago. Don't.

All about Steve or E.T.?

Um, all about Steve. And then I watched that weird E.T. knockoff also like a year ago. What the fuck is that called?

Oh, the McDonald's one?

Yeah, Mac and Me. I didn't know it was a McDonald's ad until I was watching it. No one told me.

That's a wild double feature, Erin. I know. Actually, everybody can do that.

That's the new Hey Riddle Riddle challenge. We will send you a pin if you watch those back-to-back and you can prove it to us.

If Mr. Beast can watch them 50 times in a row.

I don't know if I've heard about, what is All About Steve about?

All about Steve has the guise of it being a romantic comedy, but it is a Psycoco movie. It is an absolute fucking mess as to why anyone would write that script, read that script, and think, this is an endearing movie.

Is it newer? Is there any big names in it?

No, it's a Sandra Bullock and Bradley Cooper. Yeah, but it's like, no one is endearing in that movie. You think like, oh, I hope this, you know, she gets the guy, but she's just like a psycho stalker who's like insane. It's wild. It's a wild ride.

Adal, I think you gotta do it. I think you are the Hey Riddle Riddle representative doing the double feature.

You can't watch it without going right into Mac and Me.

And Adal, you have to be as high as medically possible.

That's a given. It is wild to, based on the plot of that, that they are doing a pun on All About Eve. That is pretty wild. Is that what the pun is? I assume it's a play on All About Eve. I guess it is, yeah.

There's so many more of these and Maria, just because we're not getting all of them in this episode, just so you know, I'm going to save them and go back to them.

We will have Anthony back on in 200 episodes when we remember. We'll get to the rest of these, Maria. We promise you that.

Genius billionaire playboy philanthropist escapes his kidnappers in order to save Ice Cube and Jennifer Lopez from a big ass snake. Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist is how I would describe each of you. A sentient toy seeks to understand her purpose in life if the patriarchy is just going to take advantage of hardworking insects and eat the fruits of their labor. Lawsuits ensue. Jazz might be involved.

Now we're back to Lala Land. Barbie Lala Land.

No. A sentient toy seeks to understand her purpose in life if the patriarchy is just going to take advantage of hardworking insects and eat the fruits of their labor.

Barbie movie. Barbie movie.

Yes. Oh yes. Cursed.

I was going to say Akilah and the Barbie.

I was in a waiting room, a children's waiting room, and they were playing a movie. Why? It looked like a movie. I was there with child. I was also when I was sitting in this waiting room. It was like a waiting room connected to different like other waiting rooms for people that didn't have children and I was sitting in the children one and there were two guys sitting in there and someone came in and they're like, you guys can't be in here. You don't have a child. The guy goes, I was told I could go to any waiting room. I was like, that's your answer? Look around, there's like toys and shit all over the place. Just get up and go. Just be like, oh, I'm sorry, I'm in the wrong room. That's insane. But anyway, as I was sitting there, there was something on the screen in that children's waiting room, and it appeared to be a movie where all the characters were bees. And I was like, oh, is this Bee Movie? And Mariah was like, no, this is not Bee Movie, this is another different This animated bee thing.

This is Rush Hour and you're having a stroke.

I was like, well, we're here to see The Doctor because everything is B-movie for me.

Don't ever touch a B-man stereo? What does that mean?

Oh, this is Rush Hour, so fucking funny. Four magicians pull off an illusion-based heist unlike anything North Shore High School has ever seen before. Their only rule is that on Wednesdays they wear pink.

Now you see mean girls?

Yes.

Now you see mean girls.

I was gonna say, now you see mean, now you don't tell mom the babysitter's dead.

I hate to keep talking about my wife on this episode, but she also... We get it. You love your wife. Great. We get it. I never said that. No, no, no. I cheat.

I cheat all the time. Please believe me.

She called that movie once, Now You Can See Me, and now that's the only thing I can think of.

I love it.

I think it's a better name for that movie.

Now You Can See Me. So cute. Oh, tell her I love that.

Now you can see me.

No, no, I won't tell her anything about me. I don't talk to her. I don't talk to her. I swear. I'm cool.

I'm cool.

Anthony, now that you've been on a full episode of Hey Riddle Riddle, what do you think? I think I was better as a listener. Is this a hospitable place? You think better as a listener?

I think you did great. How did we do? Oh, you guys were... Yeah, I think I was better as a listener.

Fair enough, can't.

Put that on our posters.

Um, Anthony, do you have anything to plug?

Uh, yeah, I guess. I do a podcast called Dungeons and Daddies. It's a it's a RPG comedy podcast about four dads who fall into the forgotten realms on a quest to rescue their lost sons. And we just started our third season, which is a Call of Cthulhu horror comedy thing. And it's called Peachyville Horror. It's like set in a Leave it to Beavertown but with Cthulhu shit. And yeah, we're doing a live tour. And if you're in Chicago, we'll see you at our Chicago show. And yeah, fun.

Hell yeah, at the Riviera, right? Yes. Beautiful. Cool. Yeah, very, very cool venue. I saw Muse there last year.

Are you gonna do some of the same stuff that Muse did, Anthony?

Yeah, we're gonna do a bunch of protest songs. We're gonna dress up like cowboys.

Breathe, breathe into the mics as you're talking. Would you rather he die? Would I rather the guy from Muse die? I mean, how long do you have? No, no, he's fine now. He's fine now.

I would like to plug our Patreon, patreon.com slash heyriddleriddle. A lot of really fun stuff.

You can get all of the ad-free episodes of Dungeons & Daddies on our Patreon. Yes. What I do is I just download them from their Patreon and I repost them. Oops, big spoiler, but that's what I do. It's a real, can you hear me now, betrayal.

Now you can hear me.

Adal, anything to plug?

I want to plug, speaking of Muse, I want to plug Bill Buds. They did a review of Matt Bellamy and the Boys' Supermassive Black Hole. Also, please check out sitcom D&D. They just hit their 100th episode somewhat recently.

Anthony was on that show playing a guy named Anthony. You were such a great guest. And you DM'd an episode of that show.

I did. And check out Hello from the Magic Tavern and also check out Dungeons & Daddies Patreon which also has some phenomenal content.

Matt Bellamy and the Boys does kind of sound like what you would like if he was doing a muse show but they couldn't like legally use that name for that night.

Yeah if they were if they were singing like a country version of R.E.M. 's Losing My Religion that would be sung by Matt Bellamy and the Boys.

I'd also like to plug Anthony's new up in the air video game. He has promised to drop all other projects to focus on that full time. So it should be coming to you by Christmas, right, Anthony?

Yeah, there's a created character, but you can only make George Clooney.

If I could create a character, why would I not make George Clooney? Like if that's an option, I'm going to go with that option every time. The guy ages like a fine fucking wine.

We played a preview of it. The boss battle, I think it's the third level, where you have to give 20,000 miles of your airline points to Vera Farmiga. I think that was just so funny. Vera Farmiga?

Oh great, yes.

Yeah, you get to the Vera Famiglia boss battle at the end, you like finally beat her, and then you realize that she's been fucking married this whole time? If you've never seen Up in the Air, I've just ruined it for you.

And then you have to out terrible Boston accent her, and then it switches over to the departed.

Doesn't that sound like a vampire name? Vera Famiglia. JBC, do you have a review to read?

Yes, I do want to read a review, and if you want to get a review featured on the show, all you have to do is write one, make sure it's five stars, and I might read it. Today I'm going to read one from... Pancho Carmano says, my favorite podcast for everyday use. HRR gets me through my days. It is my go to the grocery store, cook dinner, hang out, and ignore my family go-to. I find myself laughing out loud while alone in my house at least once per episode. I started a few months ago on episode one, and I'm currently up to early 2023. Can't wait to get to the present since we all know that it's a gift. I hope that you hear this one day, Pancho Carmano, and know you've made it to the present. It's bad here.

Congratulations. It's cold here.

Trump's about to get elected again. Go back.

And Erin, what's the coldest planet now that Pluto's out of the running? Jupiter. Can you say it? I'll give you Jupiter, Mary. Bye forever.

Starring Erin Keif and John Patrick Coan. Casey Toney does the editing. Marnie Parrish in the music.

Hey there Chattees and Artboxes, if you liked that, you are going to love this week's Patreon. We have special guest Janet Varney on for a ch-ch-ch-chatterbox. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com slash hey riddle riddle by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or start your 7 day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month and you get those ad free episodes. See you there.

That was a hate gum podcast.