Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum Podcast.

This podcast is brought to you by eHarmony, the dating app to find someone you can be yourself with. Why doesn't eHarmony allow copy and paste in first messages? Because you are unique, and your conversations should reflect that. eHarmony wants you to find someone who will get you. How are you going to know who gets you if people send you the same generic conversation starters they message everyone else? Conversations that actually help you get to know each other. Imagine that. Get Who Gets You on eHarmony. Sign up today.

Hold on, you have to be this tall to host an episode of Hey Riddle Riddle. Welcome back.

My buddy Adal just got hit with a shrink ray because he was mouthing off to a scientist again. And it's temporary. The scientist explained this is for 48 hours just so he learns his lesson, but we only had today to come to the amusement park. So could you just do us a solid? He's normally like 6'2", 6'1", at least 6'1". Let's call it, he's over six foot, because we don't want to get into specifics, but he's normally like, he's normally weight. Could we at least, just for today, just ride the podcast? Yeah, a couple things.

First of all, I get excuses like this all the time, and I can't, like, make an exception every time. And also, it's more of like a safety issue. Like, if you're so itty bitty like that, you can get really, really hurt in some of the Hey Riddle Riddle scenes, and some of the riddles could crush you. So it's more of like a safety concern. Like, he could die.

Yeah, could we sign a waiver? Because he doesn't, I think, care if he lives or dies. That's kind of the way he operates and lives his life. Is there like a waiver we could sign or...

If I'm being totally honest with you, yes, there's a waiver you can sign, but if he dies and he gets squooshed by a riddle or by a really funny joke or pun, then I have to clean up that mess. You know what I mean? It wasn't a bird, it was a squirrel trapped in a plastic bag.

Sort of the same thing though, huh? I could recommend some other podcasts you could ride today.

Hold on, you didn't take that squirrel out of the bag, did you?

Yeah. Why?

Cause that was probably a science experiment. You probably just pissed off another scientist. If you get zapped with another shrink ray, Adal, it could be too small for me to even find.

That Dr. Chameleon really hates me. Yeah, there's some other podcasts you can ride. Oh, okay. Erin, can I ride an emotional roller coaster? Am I tall enough to go on an emotional roller coaster?

Yeah, I think so. I mean, I'm not in charge of that ride. You'll have to talk to the person.

And just who is it? And who would be the person?

Is it like Angela Bassett? It's Angela Bassett. Exactly. Thank you for doing the work.

I would love to talk to Angela Bassett.

I don't know if you two mind, but instead of recording Hey Riddle Riddle today, I want to say the bad news gang

Is that what they're called?

Well, well, well. Look who it is.

They invited me on their podcast, so, um, let's... What do you think, boys? Let's lay it down.

Yeah, why not? See you later, suckers. The Bad News Gang... Ow! Ooh, I hit my shin. Oh, no.

Oh, no. The Bad News Gang can't record.

No, you guys can take them. You guys can go. You guys can all go.

No, no. Now we don't want him. Something's wrong with him.

Adal, you started talking like them so quickly.

No, that's not me. That's who that is. Oh, similar voice, huh?

Yeah, it's the same face. Similar voice, similar dress, similar face. Well, let's not dig too deep into this. You guys get the fuck out of here.

Name tag says Adal?

Alright, but we'll be back if you say our names.

We'll be back again anytime you say, Bad News Gang.

So, uh, I guess just one then? One for the podcast? Great. Oh, boy. Oh, wait. Me and Erin on the podcast. This is somehow even worse than when it was just me and Adam on the podcast.

You're talking out loud. You're looking at me while you're saying this. You can hear me?

And hi, it's me, Angela Bassett, talking through text-to-talk because that's the safest way to do this. You don't have to do this. We all agree.

You don't even have to bring this back. You know, I'm so glad I just remembered I have a opposite of shrink ray.

What's the opposite of Shrink Wray?

A Sugar Ray? It is 8.48 in the morning for me. That is for you to figure out.

Everybody there's a Shrink Wray.

All around the world, scratchy scramble for me.

Wow, he's back. That's pretty cool. And you're back to listening to the podcast. Hey Riddle Riddle, I'm JPC, that's Erin, and that's Adal over there. We're the three hosts of the podcast. Isn't it a fun show? Don't we all love to be here?

We all big smile, love to be here, big smile.

Yes, we all love to be here.

Big grin.

Ow, ow, it hurts to smile like this.

Big smile. What a happy little bunch. Erin, Adal and I are coming off of a very fun thing because we got to, I almost said hang out all weekend, but we barely saw each other. We sat next to each other. We sat next to each other for, yeah, for 15 minutes, but Adal and I just went to a wedding together. What? Whose wedding? Yeah. Casey Toney. I almost said our mutual friend, but it's really Adal and I's friend, but our past and future guest on our Patreon episodes, Rush Howell, who was our DM for our D&D episodes, just got married and we went to the wedding. And we had a lovely time at that wedding.

Yes. Beautiful, beautiful wedding. Beautiful couple, wonderful guests. I had a great time.

Did you solve any riddles while you were there?

No, there were no riddles, but there was a game show element, which was very fun to the wedding. It was a destination wedding, so we were out of town. When I got into town, I texted Adal and said, Hey man, let's meet up. Let's get some food. And Adal said, I'm at the airport right now. And I was like, Oh, okay. Well, just let me know when you get in and maybe we'll get some food. And then what you got in at like early the next morning and you're like, I'm going to sleep.

Gemma and I missed three flights. Well, not missed. We were flying standby and they filled up and so we couldn't make it. So we missed three flights between O'Hare and Midway. So we had to buy tickets for the next day, which is fine. And then coming home, JPC, I don't know if you heard this, yesterday was a nightmare.

Now, here's my question for you, Adal. So I know that you guys love flying standby. How many times do you think Is, like, of it ruining your travel for the day? Is it enough to be like, maybe no more standby?

Only once before was it a brutal experience, which was somewhere coming back from Vegas or something? Yeah. So once in, like, seven years of using Gemma's flight benefits. Once in seven years was pretty great. Yeah. And then this wedding came up, and for whatever reason, getting in and out of Atlanta is a hellscape.

Yeah, I will say the Atlanta airport is maybe the worst place in the history of the world.

I think it's the new, for a while I think it's been the new number one because Chicago, O'Hare used to be the busiest airport, I think, not the largest, the busiest. And then I think Atlanta took over maybe three years ago. But we, JPC, I won't get too far into the weeds, but yesterday the flight was, it was a situation where we boarded super late, we sat on the plane for an hour and a half, they made us get off the plane, they told us nothing for like two hours, like they were hiding, the crew and the front desk folks were hiding on the plane, and then after like two and a half hours they came out and said like, here's this, yeah, it was insane. And people were getting very, very vocal, A lot of

What's up? It's like a gas company, like they're like a utility that's like, oh good, oh you can't take a shower today? Go suck a fucking duck, who gives a shit? I don't care, I'll never turn your gas on.

It was funny, there's several passengers who, once we were told to get off the plane and like standing there waiting for several hours, there were many people who were like, alright fuck this, I'm gone, or like, I refuse, even if they board the plane, I'm not getting on this fucking plane. Half an hour later, quietly board the plane. You have to. What else are you going to do? Yeah, I'll suck a duck.

Can I get a new duck or do I have to suck the duck?

I just sucked the duck.

Speak first, feathers and all.

Erin, one of the most delightful parts of the wedding was after the beautiful service

There was like a little cocktail hour. Ceremony? What did I say? Service?

Service is for a funeral.

No, bathroom is a beautiful service. You could say service if it was like a religious wedding, which it was not. The reason I said service is because I love Rush. I wish it were me, but it was not.

I get that.

I wish I'm the best.

You know what? Rush is a tennis guy too, and so service does make sense because I think that that is a tennis term, I believe as well.

Forget I said anything, and can you kindly suck a duck?

We're riffing! We're riffing!

There was a cocktail hour and I was in line getting cocktails for Gemma and I and I turned around and Gemma was talking to someone and as I approached he turned and like said hello and I'm like I've never met this guy in my life. He looks so familiar. Why do I know this guy? I'm like, did I go to college with this guy? I couldn't quite place it. It was Coach Beard from Ted Lasso.

Oh, I thought you were going to say it was JPC.

It was JPC. That's crazy. Was he nice? JPC and I sat next to each other during dinner.

Was he nice?

And we're doing lots of bits. He was incredibly nice. We went to the same college, so we started talking teachers, old theater teachers. I rate my professor.

Yes, yes, yes. Getting on the old apps.

Do you guys mind if I grab a sweatshirt really quick?

Wow, Erin, thank you so much for asking and then not waiting for... The response. It's kind of a strange thing to say, do you mind, and then just go get the sweatshirt. You will. I didn't mind. You know I didn't mind.

TPC, let's agree, whatever, when she sits back down, whatever sweatshirt she's wearing, this is the sweater part two. We, I don't care if it's a gray sweatshirt that says like, you know, Hollinger, what's that place? Hollister? It's Hollinger. Hollinger. Tommy Hollinger, what's that old? Yeah. Says, I don't care if it says Champion, we roast this thing.

Okay, well, it's the craziest sweatshirt I've ever seen in my entire fucking life, so we do not have to worry about that.

Oh, you were hoping I'd put on a crazy one? So we'd have content?

I'm sorry. Yeah, not much there.

I am looking at the titular sweater, sweatshirt, right now. Do you think that I could get more than what I paid for it? Because it's a historic Hey Riddle Riddle artifact.

There's a Hey Riddle Riddle listener out there who would pay like $1,000 for that for sure. No.

I think someone would pay $200 tops. Yes, Adal.

The last, I want to say year and a half, I have made $28,000 off selling, quote unquote, your bathwater to fans. So I think your sweater- What is it really though, Adal? I don't want to talk about it.

Well, it has to be bathwater. Let's brass tacks, it has to be bathwater, because they're going to know if it's not bathwater. And Adal famously does not take baths.

Could it be the runoff from like a car wash?

Erin, how did you know?

I knew it. I leave a similar residue, same as a dirty car, just a lot of pollen.

There's part of me that thinks it's maybe unethical to sell a listener of this show Erin's bathwater that's just car wash runoff. But also, if you're the person who's buying bathwater, I don't believe it's unethical to scam you. I mean, I don't think any of our fans or listeners would actually buy bathwater. I don't think that that's something that the majority of people would do. But if there's a chance that we could make $2,800, well, we should take that chance. Erin, what are you googling right now?

Oh, I'm pulling up my riddles, but you're right, we don't need them. You're right, you're right, we don't need them. That's a good point. Back to talking about selling my bath water. You're right, we don't need this.

Riddles can wait, riddles can wait. Erin, are you aware of, I want to say, ugh, 20 years ago, who can recall? There was like a kid in Canada who's like, I'm going to take this pen. It was like a 50 cent pen. It's like, I'm going to take this pen and I'm going to keep trading. I'm going to make trades where I get the slightly better deal out of it until I get a house. And this kid kept trading. He's like, this pen for this and that for this. Kept trading, kept trading. People were getting excited and they're like, oh, I'll trade you this for whatever you have now just to give you a better deal and sort of continue the motion of this exercise. So the kid ended up with a full-blown house. Let's do that with a sweater, but get you into like a Range Rover. What's your dream car, Erin?

I don't give a shit about cars.

And Erin, don't say marshmallow wheels.

Ice cream truck. Oh, wait. Yeah, never mind.

The car you want most versus your dream car. Oh, Casey. Casey's in an apartment with good internet. That is a slam. And Casey, that is a slam from you. Casey has some pretty good slams. Casey puts some pretty good slams in the channel.

He doesn't have a microphone, so no one can hear him. Oh, he does? What were we talking about?

Like if money was no object, Erin, what is your car that you desire most?

A limousine, but I'm the driver.

Uh-oh.

No. I don't know. I don't know what... Oh, you know what I like? Because I see them around California and they seem so correct in California. Are they called Broncos?

Tesla. Are they called Broncos? Absolutely. You mean like the white Bronco? The OJ Bronco?

No, no, no, no. Like the Jeep. The Bronco Jeep.

Oh.

A Bronco is not a Jeep.

There's Grand Cherokees.

It's not a Jeep, but it's like it doesn't have a top.

Oh, you're talking about... Oh, this is a bronco that went through a drive-thru and was too big for it. This is a bronco with no top.

Jeep Wrangler? What could that possibly be? Erin, Erin, I think I know what you're talking about. Is it the car from Empire Records? Because I was obsessed with that car. The one that Liv Tyler drives? Oh, what is that? In Empire Records, Liv Tyler drives a car that looks like a Bronco but has no top. It has a cloth top you can take down. I was obsessed with that car. I wanted it so bad. I was obsessed with it to the point where I can't remember what it's called right now. But it is a beautiful car if that's what you're talking about. Are you talking about a Dodge Durango?

I can't imagine what kind of car this is. I do like that Erin, you're like dream car. When we say dream car it has to like be a car that exists. It can't be a car that you want to dream about.

Uh, hold on. This is going to take too long.

I have to be too quiet. I mean, I think Range Rovers are pretty nice. Also, there's some new or newer electric car. Here's the thing. I can't remember the freaking names of cars. It's some new electric car that comes in like a teal color. So it looks beautiful. It looks like a throwback car. Yeah, like 1960 Broncos.

Okay. Like the ones that people like, uh, restore.

Oh, okay. So Erin, you want a car that is 80 years old.

Yeah, I want like a vintage car.

Oh, that makes sense. Oh, Rivian is the car I'm thinking of. There's these new Rivian cars that are absolutely gorgeous, but they're way too expensive.

I'll share this briefly, then we can absolutely get into riddles. But I was taking like Lyfts and Ubers when we were in Atlanta because we didn't have a car. Every time, every one that I got in was a Tesla, which I've never been in a Tesla before and I don't think I would choose to be in a Tesla. But there was also, they weren't all Teslas, but they were all electric. So another one, I don't remember what brand it was, but it was a non Tesla fully electric car. And as we were getting into it, the guy was full on watching YouTube, like music videos on the big-ass screen in the car as the car was driving and I thought this can't possibly be like this is not a thing that the car can do by its that that seems like a safety feature that should be turned off while the car is in motion and then I was thinking like they self-drive right some well they don't self-drive none of them actually self-drive self-driving is like a term used but it doesn't actually do what you would think it does by like self-driving is like driver assist it's not actual self-driving but Yeah, cruise control is like a type of driver assist. They have like slightly more, it's basically slightly more advanced cruise control. But I was like, he was like watching YouTube videos as we were driving and it was like right down the road and I was, I did not give him a good rating because I was like, surely this is not something that you, that you should or could be able to do. But I didn't also look into it, but I think you have to like jailbreak your car so that you can do that. Well, use the screen to do YouTube videos. That sucks.

My only question is, and then we can move on to Riddle, what was the video playing, what was the music? This is truly insane.

It was Drake's hotline bling. What? I know! I was like, my man, you have heard that Drake has been murdered, right?

My man Kendrick won.

And it was truly the length of the ride was like the length of half of Hotline Bling, which by the way is an insanely long music video way too long.

I was gonna say I was like, is that a seven minute long?

It felt like it. It felt like there was like other stuff in the music video that was not part of the song that I barely remember. Erin, we gotta do riddles.

I know and it's crazy to call something warm up riddles when we're 40 minutes into an episode. But I want to do just some Hank Pinks to get your minds nimble and loose.

Nimby Pimby.

And you know what I learned today, or I guess yesterday when I found these, is that hink pinks have different names if there are a different amount of syllables in the answer. So hink pinks are one syllables, hinky pinkies are two syllables, and hinkity pinkities are three syllables.

It's also like a Southern convenience store, I think. Yeah, hinkity pinkity.

So we'll do just a few from each of those.

Okay. I thought you, Erin, you were gonna say that Hank Pinks are different depending on like what country they're from. Like Australians call them Hank Pikes.

They probably do. Their business is their own. I'm tired of trying to figure out what makes those Australians tick.

We can't get into it.

Okay. A party at a convent.

Erin, you decide that this is the time to let your sort of fun flag fly.

and

Open your mouth.

Open my mouth?

Oh, I got it in. Congratulations, you just took Molly.

I took what?

Are you telling me that I've ingested, I dare not say, drugs? Yeah, you can call me Sister Fun now, because I am about to have some fun. Open your mouth.

I certainly can't open my... Is that a jello shot?

Yes. I can't believe I got it in from this distance.

Well, you kinda didn't.

See? Now he's gonna throw more stuff in there.

Oh, unseen. Unseen.

Speaking of dirt in a nun's mouth, an earthquake on a Sunday morning

Ooh, church lurch. Yes. Is it? Yeah. You rang?

I'd like to see a scene. Okay. JPC, you are a priest and you're in the middle of addressing the church and an earthquake hits.

Now, what does that story mean for us today? You know, the Bible is full of these allegories that we can replace into our own lives. So take my life for instance. You know, priests, we are famously celibate. Oh, oh, oh, oh, still everyone, still, everyone still.

What's going on? What's going on? Is he coming? What's going on? What's going on?

I think, I think that there was an earthquake. What? What it could have been, because what I was talking about was God saying, maybe priests don't have to be celibate. That was what he was saying. I'm sorry, I misspoke.

I think we just live in California. Yeah, it's just a... Silence!

Witch! Witch! That's a witch. We all saw me call that witch. Now hold her down. Get her out of here. Get her out of here. They shall speak with their forked tongues. Unless, was she single? She was married? Okay, get her out of here. Okay, so... new thing happening at church today uh father michael is gonna come down into the congregation everyone have their hands up wedding ring check do it a wedding ring check for the congregation father michael maybe you're just horny and you're kind of looking for a sign you kind of did this last week when a bird flew in here That bird was a dove, by the way. A morning dove.

Yeah, and you said a dove is a God's reminder of peace and therefore you think priests should get a piece of ass?

No men talk for the rest of church, okay? The new God rule. Eleventh commandment just dropped. Men shall not speak. Men shall not speak. Men shall not speak. Men shall not speak. Alright, so, uh, single women, like let's just say 25 to 45.

Maybe you just don't want to be a priest.

I'm sorry? I don't want to be a priest. God called me to be a priest. And then he just called me with that earthquake and he said, by the way, new rules just dropped for being a priest and you can get a little nasty.

What was the original call? I'm starting to think it was just a thing that happened.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. It wasn't that I didn't get any of my preferred colleges and I had to go to a seminary school because I misunderstood what seminary was all about and I thought, ooh, seminary, I'm gonna get laid, laid, laid, laid nonstop. And then I got there and they, you know, it's a bunch of... Frankly, monks. You're giving all of us high fives as you walk by us. Me? Yeah, you. Okay, no, you're too dumb. Me? I'm pointing at you. You're not adequate for me. Who wants to see the rectory, okay? Who wants Father Michael to end church early so everybody gets out?

Everyone's hands shoot down.

Okay, okay. Clearly that's a euphemism. The rectory is... You know I have my own apartment here, right? I don't have to pay to live here.

Yeah, but we kind of pay for it.

Okay, you're mouthy. You're on my list. You're on my naughty list. You're not exactly a strike, though, because of, you know, 10 out of 10 total smoke show, but... You know, actually this could work. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Who wants to go see my basic cable package?

Hands shoot down even more.

What are you? How can your hands shoot down even more? Stop putting them up. You can just put them back down. Is anyone interested in this entire congregation? Everyone starts to leave. Wait, no, hold on. Church isn't over. You go to hell if you leave.

Whoa, the doors flew shut.

If you leave before 11, you go to hell. That's facts.

Scene.

First a nun dancing to Darude Sandstorm, and now a priest able to have sex? The religious community is really going to like this episode.

Very holy episode.

All right, let's keep going.

We're averaging one scene per Hink Pink, so let's keep this average up.

Yeah, let's keep it good. Theft of prime cut beef.

Veal steel.

No, but that works, so we can just keep going.

You said theft of prime cut beef? Steak take.

No, but that works too. Come on. Let's keep going then. No, I want to figure this out. No, this one kind of sucks, but I read it because I didn't think there would be a scene that could be inspired by it. Filet-O-Way? No, that's amazing. Filet-O-Way? You're smarter than this. It's sirloin poirloin.

I could use a heads up that was jarring, Erin, to say the least.

I know Adal's throwing up. He's really dizzy. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. This one is also a hanky panky, which I don't really like saying any of these words. So I actually that is the last time I'll ever say it. A magical grasshopper.

Ooh. A magical grasshopper. A magical grasshopper. What's another name for a grasshopper besides insect?

It's like just kind of a different kind of bug.

A different bug. Cricket.

Oh, okay.

Cricket. Yeah, cricket.

Things like biblical.

Locust. Locust. A hocus locust. My favorite Bette Midler.

I'd like to see a scene. You are two grasshoppers and one of you just discovered you have magical powers and you're trying to convince the other one that you do.

Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump.

Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump.

Jump. Jump.

Jump. Jump. Jump.

Jump.

Jump. Jump.

Jump. Jump. Jump.

Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump.

Jump.

Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump.

Jump.

Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump.

Jump.

Yeah man, jump! Jump! Yeah, look at it run away. What did you do? What the fuck did you do? Loose polar bear. Oh! Carl, what did you do? What do you mean? We're crickets. We can jump and we can summon polar bears. Those are the two things that we can do. What did you do with the dandelion? You swished it and said some words. What was that?

Yeah, I swished it. I said the magic spell that grasshoppers know and it turned into a polar bear.

No. No grasshopper knows that spell. What?

All we do is jump and eat leaves. No, I mean, yeah, I mean, yes, we jump and we eat leaves and we summon polar bears. How do you think there are polar bears if not for grasshoppers? What do you think polar bears just exist?

Look, oh, it's dying rapidly.

Yeah, yeah, it ages super fast and turns back into a dead dandelion. Dandelions don't live very long after you pluck them. Dude, you're fucking with me, right? No. I know.

Wait, I've seen you summon a polar bear.

When? Name one time I summoned a polar bear.

When was that? Was that me? Because yesterday we were hanging out. I was summoning polar bears. Were we not? You were summoning polar bears. Do we not summon polar bears together?

Witch. He's a witch.

He's a witch. Grab him. He's a witch. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.

I am not a witch, okay? All we have to do is find one other grasshopper, and then we can ask them if they can summon a polar bear. Jump.

Jump.

Hey, Amanda. Amanda. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump.

What's up?

Amanda. You can summon a polar bear, right? You turn a dandelion, cut the dandelion, turn it into a polar bear. It rapidly ages and dies. What?

See?

Amanda's fucking with you because we had a thing. We had a thing. And this is like her getting back at me for the thing that we had.

You showed up to the same ice cream shop as me. We walked outside with our ice creams for a minute and you told everyone we went on a date.

I was invited to the ice cream shop by Amanda. It wasn't like I happened. I don't even like ice cream.

What Amanda, not Amanda me, jump. Jump, jump, jump.

Where are you going for ice cream? I literally just... Yeah, enjoy that. Enjoy that. See what you missed, Amanda? You missed a grasshopper who can summon a polar bear.

Apparently that's a pretty... Witch! Witch!

Oh, come on!

Um, a tired flower.

Ooh, a lazy daisy.

Yes. Wow! Which is how I identify. Lazy Daisy.

That's who I like to play in Mario Kart. Rose Red Rose.

Lazy Daisy. She just won't move. Okay, let's see.

The guy who keeps picking you up and dropping you back on the track, even though you're on the track. You're like, I get it.

I'm just... She's just scrolling on her phone.

That's why Donald got a divorce, honestly. Yeah.

Welcome back everyone.

We do represent Daisy Duck.

Yes, but we are some of the lawyer. It's like a dream team. You know, it's like a Cochran. Yeah. Sorry. Cochran. Cochran. It's Cochran. Johnny Cochran, who is a porn producer. You thought I was going to say actor. He produces. He was a former actor, of course. Erin, why are you- Is the divorce contagious?

No. Well, Donald showed up to court with no pants on, so I think he was trying to make a statement.

I think so. His team quickly, you know, they fix it. It's not contentious, but I think when you just have this much money, you just have like, there's just so much to tie up, right? So that's why you have a big team. That's why you bring on Adal Nye and Johnny Cochran.

We think Donald said the C word, but we can't tell. There's just like a five minute string of like... Yeah.

And we had the stenographer try to read it back, but it was obvious we were putting a ton of pressure on her. She's pointing at the stenograph machine and she's like, you know, I'm trying my best here, but it's like speaking another language essentially. And it is to a certain degree. It's duck. It's like, you know, English is not his first language. So he's trying to speak in it and it's just hard for everybody. So it's unclear if he said the C word, but we're pretty sure he did. Say it. Whatever he said, there was malice behind it, which I think is not okay.

Erin, I saw you take out your phone and it said contacts Donald Duck with heart eyes.

Um, did it? Hey, heard you're recently single. Wanna grab a drink?

Yeah, we told you that in conference.

I can suck a duck.

We gotta get a break.

We gotta get a break. No, no, no, no! What did I do? What did I do? What did I do?

Erin, it was good. It was a good thing. It was a good thing.

Hey JPC for the encore, why don't you join us on stage and we'll really rock it.

Oh, I, no, I mean I couldn't, I don't even have my guitar.

Yo, buddy, your money. Let's rocket money.

Oh, this is a rocket money ad. I thought my dreams were coming true and I was going to be able to actually play rock music on stage.

Your dreams are coming true. Because, hey, how much do you think you're paying in subscriptions every month? The answer is probably a lot more than you think, buddy. Over 74% of people have subscriptions they've forgotten about. I definitely did. Yeah, no.

Yeah, I know about Rocket Money. Rocket Money is great. Yeah. Fantastic. Yeah. Helps you cancel your subscriptions. But you know, you're the band GWAR. You're one member of the band GWAR. It's been my lifelong dream to play with GWAR. Spells different. You spell different, sure. We won't spell it. That covers it. We just have to say spelled different. I know that Rocket Money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower bills so that you can grow your savings. But really, you know, savings and money and everything doesn't matter to me. It's more about like achieving a lifelong dream of playing with Gwar on stage, which I thought I was going to do, and it turns out I'm not going to do.

Oh, yeah. It's just we saw your one-man musical and just seemed like a bit... You know, I love personally, as you know, the lead singer, I love seeing all of my subscriptions in one place with Rocket Money. And if I see something I don't want, Rocket Money can help me cancel it with just a few taps. It's incredible.

Yeah, no, it's incredible. It's got over 5 million users and saved a total of 500 million in cancelled subscriptions, saving members up to 740 a year when using all of the app's features. It's a great app. I use it. I love it. Just not, you know, I thought for whatever reason and crazy in my mind that I was gonna, you know. And obviously Erin's not here because she's doing a hands on a hard body contest to win a blimp. So stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocketmoney.com slash riddle. That's rocketmoney.com slash riddle. Rocketmoney.com slash riddle.

Erin's actually doing a hands on a blimp to win a hard body gym subscription. Either way she wins.

Yeah.

This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. Okay. Hi, I'm JPC. Hi. Welcome. Oh, no, you're the audience. You don't, you don't talk. Welcome to my musical. Talk about Squarespace. Hold on. Squarespace is the all-in-one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and succeed online, whether you're just starting out or managing a growing brand.

Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website, engage with your audience, and sell anything from products to content to time, all in one place, all on your terms.

Upload video content. Organize your video library.

Stop. Stop. You're the audience.

It's my musical. Showcase your content on beautiful video pages. You can sell access to your video library by adding a paywall to your content.

Erin, this is so rude. I invited you to my one-man show called Squarespace.

Sell exclusive content on your site by adding a paywall to some memberships or courses or sell files your customers can download like PDFs, music, or ebooks.

Great. Now Adal's probably going to do some character song that he's got prepared as well in the audience as well.

Make checkout seamless for your customers with simple but powerful payment tools, except credit cards, PayPal, Apple Pay, it's eligible in countries, offers customers the option to buy now, pay later, with after pay and clear pay. I'm more of a talk singer.

Yeah, it was more of a talk.

Like David Byrne.

We love Squarespace, we use it for the Hey Riddle Riddle website.

Well, you know what, Erin, it's- Do the finale, do the finale. Wow, they've already heard you sing, now if they hear me sing they're going to be like... Do the finale.

Fine, fine! You want to hear the big finale?

Yes!

Head to squarespace.com for a free trial and when you're ready to launch go to www.squarespace.com slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. So basically the way that it works is there's like a witch and a cook and then there's like a mouse who becomes a pirate.

Gotta go home.

Yeah, everybody needs to go home. I could go for a helix sleep right now. I'm sorry. I should just say sleep, but I've been doing helix sleep lately. So I just I say helix sleep now.

Oh, no, man, I get it. I have a midnight lux and that's how I describe sleep now and I'm tired. I go. I want to go to I want to go to helix sleep right now.

Oh, absolutely. So two helix sleep. Sorry, two helix sleep mattresses. Our specials today are like a braised pork.

The other night my wife was like, I'm going to go to bed, and I was like, bed? Do you mean you want to go to Helix Sleep? And she was like, JPC, I'm not part of the thing. I shouldn't have to say the brand and everything. And I said, baby, we have the mattress. You better say the brand.

But does she know the Helix lineup offers 20 unique mattresses, including the award-winning Luxe Collection, which I have, the newly released Helix Elite Collection, a mattress designed for big or tall sleepers, and even a mattress made just for kids?

She should know this. She should know this. I mean, it's a personalized mattress that is shipped straight to your drawer free of charge. I'm sorry. Two braised, whatever you said. We'll just do two braised, whatever you said.

Two braised Helix mattresses, of course.

Oh, I could definitely eat a braised Helix mattress right now.

I took the sleep quiz. It took like a minute, and it was so great. You know, they have a 100-night trial and a 10- to 15-year warranty, so it's a no-brainer. A no-brainer!

Because just like the dishes we serve here, everybody is unique and everyone sleeps differently. That's why Helix has several different mattress models to choose from, each designed for specific sleep positions and feel preferences.

And I know that the mattresses come with a 10 or 15 year warranty depending on the model. That's still correct?

Uh huh. And it was awarded the number one mattress picked by GQ and Wired Magazine. So, we'll order that as well.

So, waiter, do you have all that? And if you wouldn't mind, could you just read it back to us?

Okay, I think I have all of it. I do want to let you know, just because today's a special day. Oh, okay. Helix is offering 30% off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners. Go to helixsleep.com slash riddle. That's helixsleep.com slash riddle. This is their best offer yet and it won't last long. With Helix, better sleep starts now. Do I, do I have that right? Yeah, sounds delicious. Perfect. We'll take two. Great. Um, that'll be right here at the table.

We're back from break. I was celebrated and scolded during the break for the joke I made right before.

By yourself.

By yourself. JPC and I sat quietly. We sat quietly and listened. Yeah. Because that's honestly what allies do. We listen.

That's what good friends do. All right. I'm still Old Man Puzzles, which, by the way, I think is not my favorite.

To say that you're still, to say halfway through the episode you're still old man puzzled. No one has relieved me.

I don't know, I feel like one of you should go, can I cut in? And then you finish the episode for me so I can just sort of be a lazy daisy if you will.

Erin, you're pitching a perfect game. You don't bring in a relief when there's zero hits.

No, we're going to wait until your knuckles bleed, Erin. We'll say pull her out.

Is Clemens the one that hit the bird? Randy Johnson hit the bird.

6-11, a beast of a man.

The bird exploded. And the green grass grows all around.

Most amazing thing ever caught on film. And Roger Clemens was, when he was pitching for the Red Sox, was the one whose socks he started to bleed through. I thought it was Curt Chilling. Was it Curt Chilling? Erin, you might be right.

Was Clemens the racist or were all of them racists?

John Rocker of the Atlanta Braves was the racist. Yeah, it was Curt Chilling. It was Curt Chilling. Erin, my apologies. It's okay.

But also, why is your sock bleeding? That's not a common baseball injury. Why was that a big deal? Did he have surgery on his ankle?

Oh, yeah, that could be it.

Why did Kurt... I guess, yeah, if I'm playing baseball... Oh, Google told me to get a life.

I was like, why are your socks bleeding? They're not. You have a stigmata.

Erin, I think he played for the Red Sox. Did you ever see, what's his name, Tim Wakefield pitch? That's my favorite pitcher of all time, besides Nolan Ryan.

I can see Erin as a young girl being like, oh great, I get to see Tim Wakefield pitch. Grow up, Adal.

His pitches were all like- He had a torn tendon sheath, I don't know what that means. But his bloody sock is in the Hall of Fame.

Erin, that could be your sweater.

Men are broken. Yeah, I want my sweater to make it to the Baseball Hall of Fame. Can we make a call?

It could go just buy a fucking ticket. Buy a ticket and leave it in the trash.

But also Google Tim Wakefield pitch because all his pitches were like 31 miles per hour and they acted insane. His pitches, he threw like breaking balls.

I can't explode a bird.

No, but he threw the wildest pitches, but they're so fun to watch.

Yeah, if anyone wants to visit the sweater in person, it's going to be in the trash can at the Baseball Hall of Fame. Aw. Okay, more riddles, unless someone wants to cut in?

Is that in Pennsylvania? No, Erin, we don't want to cut in.

Erin, may I have this dance?

Yes, you may be Old Man Puzzles. Is that what you asked?

Yes.

Okay, now I am Old Man Puzzles, and we're going to do some Hinkerley Pinkerleys.

Hink-er-ly, hink-er-ly, hink-er-ly. Okay, so three syllables.

No, no, no, never mind. Sorry, we're going to, looks around the room, we're going to do some mad gabs.

Oh, no. I think they're called. No, no, no, no more mad gabs.

Erin Keif's sweat, they're in the... No.

I regret doing them. You'll make fun of me forever for those. God damn it.

The day the podcast discovered mad gabs, I mean, it's just desperate times for a podcast. We were like, what if it was me just going, and they were singing mad gabs.

The worst possible thing that can happen while we're recording just happens to me. Other than like internet cutting out or anything. It's not a technical issue. I remembered that people hear this.

Oh shit. Now I remembered.

Does that ever happen to you? Because I'm just sitting in my closet talking to YouTube clowns. And then I just remembered that people listen to this. Oh my God.

Adal was singing that song, and Erin's existential crisis aside, I was talking to a couple of people, it was Mariah and another couple, and that song came up, and I was like, oh yeah, the Big Bopper. Like, you know, the music died because the Big Bopper died. And they were all like, who? And I was like, the Big Bopper. Like, hello, baby. They were like, what? No one knew what the fuck I was talking about.

I don't know what the fuck you're talking about.

You don't know who the Big Bopper is, Erin? He had one big song and then he died.

I know that Chantilly Lace song. You know Chantilly Lace.

And you know the day the music died, right?

Yes.

And you don't connect that with that song being about when the Big Bopper died?

No.

Is Big Bopper Richie Valens and Buddy Holly?

I'm in the middle of a different existential crisis. Do you want me to jump tracks to this?

This is a therapy technique called refocusing. I'm trying to get you to think about the Big Bopper instead of thinking about how people are listening to us. I might as well just hear another Riddle, Erin, for the lot of fucking good it's going to do me.

Wait, Buddy Holly, Weezer, Destroy My Sweater, Erin's Sweater, Let's Start an Auction. Email us at, what's our email? hrrpodcasts.gmail.com?

Somebody help Erin at hotmail.gov. Okay, everybody, nobody listens to this. Everyone, it's okay. We're just on a little Zoom.

Sure, Erin. Yeah, whatever you gotta tell yourself. Whatever you... We're not on a Zoom by the way.

Erin, nobody heard you say suck a duck. That's not going to ruin your political future.

Yeah, I can still run for office. Nobody heard me say text Donald Duck that I would suck a duck. Nobody heard that.

In 20 years, no one's going to debate you and say this from the woman who offered to blow Donald Duck. It's not going to happen.

It's not going to happen. Everything's fine. There's not some guy. Listening to this in Kansas City right now, everything's fine.

It's like you texting a human, I'd suck a human. Like if I got a text like that, I'd be like, oh boy, I don't know. Maybe it was like a flirtatious conversation before this, but suck a human really turned a corner for me.

This doesn't have to be a hypothetical.

Like a tool song. Suck a human. Is it anymore? Got to be a tool song or like a... Yeah. God smack. Suck a human. I'd suck a human till they feel like an animal. I'd suck the human out of you.

JBC, check your phone.

Okay, let's see. What did Erin text me? A married man with child. She texted me... I'd suck a human. You've been single too long.

Yeah, that text looks as gross as we both assumed it would.

Erin, I do think it's better though because you did put an exclamation point on it.

I almost put a period and that felt way worse.

I'd suck a human with an exclamation point. Seems like an epiphany you just said.

I'd suck a human! Okay, we have to do riddles. I'm so serious, you guys. I'm so tired.

Okay. You're the one in charge of this. I know, I know, I know!

Okay, here we go.

Yeah.

These are called what words? It's kind of a new kind of game, all right? Okay. Can you guess the one word I am describing? It is just one word, and this can be a little tricky and fun. Okay. Example.

Hmm.

The clue is display the animal hair.

Display the? Taxidermy.

And so you're going to give like the literal, and the literal answer sounds like a word, if that makes sense.

Display an animal hair. So what's a- Wait.

Okay. What is a way to say animal hair?

Fur.

Fur. And then display.

Chauffeur. Chauffeur driving a limousine like Erin does.

Yes.

Yes.

So, okay, so the word, we're saying chauffeur, which will be a word, but chauffeur has nothing to do with displaying animal hair.

Yeah, like, yeah, like being a chauffeur. You know what I mean? Yeah.

Yes.

Yes. What's the horn that Jewish people blow through? Is that a chauffeur?

What's that called?

Chauffeur? No.

No.

We have to move on.

You're thinking of Jafar. Jafar. Yes, it's a Jafar horn.

Hold on.

What's the other horn from like the World Cup that makes that terrible noise?

What's going on with you two?

Broken?

Adal and I are trying to remember a word we haven't thought of in 15 years.

Okay, two bangs.

Two bangs, Lester and Lance. Two bangs. No, that's... Two bangs. Boom, boom. Boom, bop. Is boom one of them, Erin?

Bangs would be like a bop.

Boom is kind of helpful because it's like... It's more of like bangs is like the sound. Bang is like the sound that this thing makes.

So it's like a gun. Yeah. Gun, shotgun. Two bangs. Shotgun, bang. What's up with that thing? These are hard.

So it's the thing that makes the sound? Cymbal, crash.

It's the action.

So it's like... Oh, a smash?

Shoot, shoot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Shoot, shoot. Shoot is one of them.

Yeah, so shoot is the second half.

So it's parachutes. Yeah, parachutes.

Skydiving. Wow. Wow.

I'd like to see a scene.

Okay.

You are tandem skydiving. JPC, you're the instructor. Adal, you are the man who signed up to skydive. And the parachute is not working and JPC, you're trying to play it cool.

Great.

Hey, did you live a good life?

I'm

We are now, I am passing treetops. This is, we're low.

Well, don't say that because I think we're getting pretty close. Let's say we have a little.

We're in the redwood forest of course.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Passing treetops of course, that's like in your mind you're passing treetops.

No, I just hit a branch of a sequoia. This is, oh.

Oh, hello squirrel. Hello bird.

Oh, we passed a woman who was sitting on a high stool.

So we're getting pretty close. Any second now, we are. That's pretty good.

Oh, my nose just brushed some grass. We are getting so close to the ground.

We're getting closer to the ground. And that's fine because we've lived long, successful lives. Hey, what's one thing you've always wanted to tell God? Just think about that and save it. Why didn't my parachute open? Yeah, that's one of the questions that you're going to have to ask. Yeah, I was maybe distracted a little bit when I was packing the parachutes this morning because I had the best sandwich of my life last night. I was thinking, man, I'm going to get that sandwich again when I get off work. I just have to have that sandwich again.

Oh, my knees just hit the dirt. We are so close.

And splash.

Oh, a bug right in my mouth. Ah, we are getting close to the grass. That was not a flying bug. That was an ant, I think, crawling on a blade of grass. You know they say... Polar bear. Right before... Fun.

All right, here's another one. Two plus two, plaster healer.

Two plus two plaster healer. So four plaster healer. Band-Aid? Cast. Yes.

No. Forecast.

Forecast. Forecast. Oh, a plaster healer. Here is me, my dumb ass, thinking it's a three word, one of these, but no. Forecast. That makes sense. Great.

Yes.

Fantastic stuff.

Yeah, this is pretty great.

Trying to think of a fun weatherman scene. This is pretty great. I can move on. Everybody comment below of what scene I should have asked for here. There is no place to comment. Okay. Viewed equine.

A horse?

Seahorse. Seahorse.

Seahorse.

No, that works, but I'm looking for you because you've already done it. It was yesterday.

Yesterday's horse?

That you viewed it.

Ash-colored, 22nd letter.

Uh... 22nd letter, of course.

Of course we're dealing with... These fucking idiots don't know what the 22nd letter is off the top of their heads.

Well, there's 26 in the alphabet, so it's easier... I was googling it! It's easier if we work backwards. Uh, so 26. Gotta be... What was the first part of it? 22nd.

Z. Ash colored.

Uh... Gray. Gray...

It's not important how I feel about these matters not at all.

It is important. Do you hate them? No. Okay.

Do you like them? No.

Do you feel nothing?

Unfortunately, yes, I feel nothing for these.

That is the Hey Riddle Riddle way. That's a sweet spot.

I feel completely bivalent to these.

If anyone wants to write some of these and send them in, I think that they're fun. Okay. A couple more? Yeah, please. Square opposite and stumble.

Square opposite. Circle trip. Circle... Circle gets the trip. Sorry, it was square opposite and stumble?

Mm-hmm. How would you describe a circle?

Of a square? Round trip. Round trip. Round trip. Wow.

Wow, what Adal should have booked? Like my flight to Atlanta.

Not hot holiday meat.

Cold turkey. Cold cuts.

What did you say?

I said cold cuts, which is just, that's not... That's not quite right. No, it's not quite right at all.

Wagon tire.

Wait, did we get it? Did Adal get it?

Yeah, he got it.

Wagon tire. Wagon tire. This would be a... Canastoga, Michelin. No.

Radio flyer.

Wagon tire.

Tire. Wagon tire. To tire is to be exhausted.

To exhaust. No, it's not that kind of tire. Wagons don't have exhaust fumes.

It's the tire that's kind of on a car.

Okay. Spare. Axel.

Axel Foley. Spare ribs.

This is rubber.

Rubber meets the road. Wheels on the bus. Firestones. Wheel. And what was the second part?

The first part is wagon.

Wagon wheel.

Wagon wheel. Hootie the Blowfish.

Well, that's Darius Rucker solo. Fuck. Erin is in the walls.

Oh my god.

Oh my gosh.

We got a Bruce Willis die hard situation. I was talking to a friend of mine about babies and how babies just start kind of rolling and doing all this tumbling. I remember taking tumbling classes when I was very young and doing somersaults and shit and just being like, yeah, somersault. I'll just do a somersault. I was thinking about now at 35, the thought of doing a somersault, I would have to train for like two and a half months to even consider it.

A somersault.

If I did a somersault in the grass outside, I would break my neck and my back and my ass. You would have pre-called 911. It'd be death by somersault. They'd be like, he could have done it anyway, but he chose somersault. This is the most painful way to end your life.

He somehow broke his neck before he even moved forward.

911, what is your emergency? Yeah, I'm about to do a somersault and I'm in my mid-thirties.

Talk me down. Ma'am, you misheard me. I said 911, what's an emergency? Listen to our Patreon.

All right, one more.

Yes. Yes.

And this one I love very, very much. Church bench leg joint.

Just sounds like a knockoff Looney Tune rooster.

Is this Pew? Yeah, Pew.

Pew. Pepe. Church bench, what was it?

Leg joint. Puny. Puny. Which is how I'd describe the two of you. Well, well, well.

Did someone say bench leg joint?

I don't think so. Wait, did someone say it?

Oh, shit. Are we here? We'd die if we show up and someone didn't say it.

Thank God. No, we didn't say it so you guys couldn't die.

No, please say it now. Hold on, you die. Sorry, Melissa, you die. Oh my God.

I think I go to vacation, right? I think I get a free vacation.

JPC, please say it. Please say the bad news, Jay. Please, JPC. I'm not, no, because I... I'll die.

I hate you though, so it's like an enemy of mine dying if you die.

Hate and love are closely correlated.

Yeah, but you're on the other end of the spectrum, unfortunately.

Melissa, here's what we'll do. Remember Empire Records? Yeah. With that sweet Bronco car, the no-top car. Yeah, with Tyler's sweet no-top Bronco. We're gonna do like the one lady didn't have a funeral for you before you died just so you can hear what everyone would say. And I'm gonna miss you when I go on my vacation.

No rumor that I get if we show up when no one said the bad news, gang. Alright, here I go, a summer song. We do not have time for this. No, we don't have time. You have to go immediately. We didn't call you. Nobody said anything. Did somebody say the bad news, gang? You know we didn't. You know I didn't. Adal, Erin, why am I talking to them? Can no one help with this? They're addressing you.

I am eating calzone.

I am videotaping Erin eating calzone to sell. Okay, okay, fine.

You know what? Fine. Adal and Erin are gonna do their thing. I'm not gonna say it. You guys have your little funeral and then get the fuck out, please.

Melissa, let me count the ways that you have enriched my life. Every time that we appeared after someone said bad news, gang, you were full of energy.

And excellence. And we pan away from this, which is happening next to Hey Riddle Riddle. All right, guys, do you want to do a voicemail while they're doing that?

Huh, normal-sized flowers. I would have thought tiny flowers. Huge turnout for a fake funeral, right? I mean, like, just a huge turnout.

Yeah, big budget. I don't know if that many people would show up for mine.

Well, before we do a voicemail, let's listen to a new theme. Casey?

Oh sailors, please enjoy My hole for a picnic lunch A seaside treat for a horny boy My hole for a picnic lunch Oh seamen in my hole Bust my barnacles, pound my shoals Sail onward to the goal My hole for a picnic lunch Blow brine across my ass Slurp my rudder and slob my mast Spew true your salty blast My hole for a picnic lunch My hole for a picnic lunch

We are in the golden age of these voicemail themes because I mentioned how much I love to see shanties. You're welcome, everybody.

And then we happen to save a hole for a picnic lunch at some point. OK, that one is courtesy of the band A Million Shetland Ponies. So thank you so much for sending that out. And I guess check out however you find A Million Shetland Ponies. Check them out.

Should be called Punies. Punies. Punies. Punies.

Casey, can we listen to a voicemail?

Hi, my name is Noah. I'm here calling from work, and I just had a question I thought up for you. If you could only taste one flavor for the rest of your life, what would that flavor be? Like, you can eat any food, but when you bite into that juicy steak or take a sip of your favorite beverage, it's gonna taste like this one thing, hot or cold, doesn't matter.

Yeah, let me know. I normally don't want to speak for you guys, but I think we've talked about this enough that I think with a high degree of confidence, I can say that it would probably be wet duck ass.

I was going to say the same thing. I'd say we'd all like to suck a duck.

Yeah, we'd suck a fucking duck.

Okay. What's my real answer?

It's just that it tastes like this, but I'm not actually eating this thing. Hands down, my answer is Mountain Dew Baja Blast. A drink that I never want to drink again, but would love for everything to taste like.

Yeah, I love when Thanksgiving dinner tastes like Baja Blast in every bite.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Erin, are you going to preorder Taco Bell's new Thanksgiving meal?

They have that?

Yeah, you know how Popeye's sells like turkeys every year and they sell out. Taco Bell's getting in on it.

Yeah, like White Castle does like Valentine's Day, like Taco Bell's doing the logical jump to Thanksgiving.

Of course, that makes so much sense.

They're stuffing quesadillas.

Honestly, a savory taste makes me feel kind of claustrophobic, although I prefer sweet over savory.

Why wouldn't you have stenosesia?

Yeah, but you know what I mean? All my drinks tasted like something salty and savory. I would feel really claustrophobic in that. So I'm going to say citrus, like a lemony or orangey or lime kind of taste.

Pretty good. You want everything to taste like just straight lime juice?

No, like a hint of it. Hint of lime. Okay. Like real, like fresh, like when you squeeze a little bit of fresh lime or lemon or orange into something.

But that would be the only flavor. Yeah, but what's the something? That would be the only flavor.

It doesn't matter. The something is nothing? Yeah, the something is nothing. It's just a squeeze. It's a little bit of lemon.

It's like everything tastes a little bit like a sugar-free or like a low-sugar lemonade.

And Erin, you could say like chicken with a hint of lime, but you're saying just hint of lime.

Well, but you don't want it to be chicken because that's savory. You want it to be, you have to say like low-sugar lemonade. You have to like pick... Like a low-sugary lemonade. Yeah, okay, okay. Because it's like you get to add a little lemon to everything.

No, I just mean, I know, I know that. I'm saying that that little like taste of fresh squeezed lemon or lime, I want that.

If I'm a genie with a monkey paw here, Erin, I'm like, this is too easy. I'm just gonna make everything taste like she bit into a lemon, right?

No!

I'm looking at the other genies like, am I wrong about it?

Is anyone else's taste gonna get that much heat? Everyone's coming after me here.

Yeah. My God. We'll see what Adal says. We'll see if his makes any sense.

Well, this is tough. I'm going to tell him to suck a duck no matter what he says.

No matter what he says, tearing into him.

I love the taste of passion fruit, but that would get old pretty quick. You know, steak is a great flavor. I feel like that would also get... I mean, obviously, anything you choose is going to get old. I love the smell and taste of nutmeg.

Steak is a great flavor. What's your favorite flavor for steak?

I'm going to say... Well, wet beef is what it is. JPC, I'm going to say chocolate-covered pretzel. Cause you get a little sweet, a little salty. I think that's gonna keep me going because if it's all sweet it gets cloying, it gets to be too much. If it's all savory, I feel claustrophobic. So a little sweet, a little salty.

Well, hey, it makes sense to me. Great answer. Thanks JPZ.

Wow. You're so agreeable. That's so nice.

You know what would be awesome? If we could like kiss, and we could swap flavors. So like, you could get a little Baja Blast, I could get a little chocolate covered pretzel.

Get a room.

We will! And then when we get in that room, we're gonna have a little taste party.

Ew, ew, suck a duck.

Hey Erin, you wanna go challengers on this with Al and I? You wanna be ours at diet to our two other guys whose names I don't know? Zoom!

Erin is a blur, she's so far away.

Do you want to be Zendaya from our one guy from Dear Evan Hansen, then another guy? JBC, what about you?

Mountain Dew, Baja Blast. That was my real answer. I don't know why everyone is insistent that I answer twice.

Oh, can't make fun of that. Fuckin' great flavor.

That's all flavor, baby. Okay, let's do this. Erin, do you have anything that you would like to plug? Oh, and also thank you for the person who sent that voicemail in. You can call the number, and the number's in the episode description. I don't remember it. If I had to guess, it's like 801-RIDDLE-5 or something, but that's not it. 805-RIDDLE-1? Could be. Erin, anything to plug?

Yeah, I'd like to plug our patreon, patreon.com slash HeyRiddleRiddle. A lot of my favorite stuff, a lot of my favorite laughs from my life are over there. You can join free for a week if you'd like. Just come hang out with us, please. Adal, anything to plug?

Yes, I would like to plug Martin Scorsese's entire catalog of movies. Although, I do have bad news. Gangs of New York is no longer...

Well, well.

She's already gone.

She's already dead. Why would you say it so late? You know that we told you what would happen to her and I'm in Aruba. I've got to board a plane. I've got to go on vacation.

You're in Aruba? What'd you say?

I'm going to Aruba on vacation.

I thought you said you're going to Aruba and I'm like, that's not a vacation.

Yeah, for some people. You don't get to tell people how they take a vacation. Get the fuck out of here! And punt!

Oh, I punted him so hard. He's dead now for sure.

Great. Two-thirds of the bad gang guys are now dead. I said it wrong and it saved me.

Yeah, that's all I wanted to plug was Martin Scorsese's entire catalog. JPC, do you have anything to plug?

Hey, why don't I read a review? If you want to get a five-star review featured on the show, just leave one. I might pick it today. I picked one from Leave Egg. It says, the only podcast I listen to with my mom, besides NPR. My mom and I listened to Hey Riddle Riddle on the drive to move me into my dorm for my first year of college. Three years later, I'm still listening. You all have gotten me through so many shifts at the dining hall, and I convinced her to get tickets to your live show with me. She doesn't know how to use her phone beyond her camera, so she only listens when I play it, but Hey Riddle Riddle has my mom's approval. I am so glad you could gatekeep which episodes your mom hears so they don't hear all of the Suck a Duck episodes.

I'm Ira Glass. Today, we're talking about sucking a duck. Many ways to suck a duck. Especially in Philadelphia. This is this American duck. Or this American suck. I don't know which one I want to go with.

No? That's all.

Goodbye forever. Goodbye. Forever.

Hey there, Woods and You Rathers. If you like that, you are going to love this week's Patreon. We play some more Would You Rathers. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com slash hey riddle riddle by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or start your seven day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month and get those ad free episodes. See you there.

That was a hate gum podcast.