Which Riddle Riddle?

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Oh, and JPC, you have to say something Canadian.

And use Code Riddle, mate.

Close enough. Perfect.

Welcome to Hey Riddle Riddle, you worthless worms. I'm the Lord of Evil, and this is the dark episode of Hey Riddle Riddle.

Oh, Erin, it's just GPC.

That scared the shit out of me.

Yeah, I was really trying to fuck with you guys.

You don't think we know you're the devil?

I have something to admit. I have something to admit. This is not the dark episode of Hey Riddle Riddle hosted by the devil. That was just kind of like a conceit. No, it's not.

Starting now at episode 305, we're not hosted by the devil anymore.

Come back in here.

Hey guys, sorry about that.

Hi Devil. Sorry about that? I carved this into my chest for nothing?

Yeah, and it looks great. Great chest, great shoulders.

Devil, not a big deal or anything.

I'm not single, I'm spoken for.

No, I mean we did go on a date and I was just wondering.

Oh, that was you. Yeah, God. Everybody looks so different in the light.

Yeah.

I'm kind of a creature of darkness, so.

A while ago, and I just never heard back. I just wanted to make sure you didn't lose my number.

Ugh, boy. JPC, great seeing you, brother. Uh, gotta bounce.

He's completely blowing me off. What the fuck?

Erin, don't talk about one of my best friends like that, okay? There's a lot that I'll take, but I won't take that. I will not take being, uh, besmirching my boy, the devil.

God, he's so hot.

Yeah, so hot, literally.

Since it kind of took off, I thought he was going to challenge us to like a Riddle, um, sorry, a Fiddle competition or something.

Yeah, yeah, we had talked about that. We had talked about doing like a whole darker episode hosted by the devil, but honestly when it came down to it, it was like his quote was too high. Like just that appearance, that was $15,000.

Whoa, we can't afford that, not even a little.

Yeah, I know. Yeah, it's crazy. I'll pay it. Well, yeah, I mean, that's part of the problem is I knew that Adal would pay it. But anyway, pretty cool to see him again, huh, Erin? Kind of unresolved feelings there?

I don't know. I feel like I'm back right where I was before.

What is he, like 11'8", 11'12"? He's so tall. A.D.? Well, yeah. Some people say he's Judas Iscariot.

Anyways. She stares wistfully out the window.

She's describing the things that she's doing. No, look, let's not do a dark episode of Hey Riddle Riddle. Let's not have the devil here. Let's just do a completely, I think, After the last episode of Hey Riddle Riddle, the completely normal episode of Hey Riddle Riddle that we did, I think we owe it to the fans, and I think we owe it to the listeners.

Can I just say?

No.

My internet was out. There was an outage in my area.

Well, now you can say it because you have internet, but back then you couldn't say it.

I couldn't say shit, and everyone was like, was she late for those episodes? They just thought I was late for two episodes in a row. And I went, this is the issue with us turning it into a bit. I wasn't fucking late for two episodes in a row. My internet was out.

Doesn't matter. It's so funny to imagine that it's like, Hey Riddle Riddle is the ship that starts on time. The show must go on. The cruise ship.

You miss it. You miss it. We're not waiting.

We're Two minutes and still cost us $15,000. If you think the devil's expensive, you should see what the fucking price is to get Erin on a full episode of this show. God damn.

I'm in high demand.

Yeah, amen. I mean, good work if you could get it.

No one will answer my calls. No one is calling me and no one will answer my calls.

I think your phone might not be working. If you're getting no calls and no one's receiving your calls, that might be a phone issue at that point.

That makes me feel way better.

Yeah.

Thank you.

Every dating app that I've ever used has been fucking absolutely just broken. Like, they're just not working. Like, it's just, what's the problem? Like, I went to high school with you. It should be matching. What's going on here?

You guys, hypothetically, if I were to download dating apps, do you think I should include that I'm on a Riddle podcast?

100%.

Get out of the way. Rip the bandaid off.

No, but no one will say yes.

Erin, this is such a huge part of your life. Yes. Yeah, you can't hide this.

This is not a huge part of my life.

It's the biggest part of your life.

I forget to show up sometimes.

When you're swiping through Raya and Judd Apatow pops up, you're going to want him to know you're on a Riddle podcast because he could maybe help take us to the next level.

Can you cheat with Raya?

Yeah, right?

I would never do that to Leslie Mann.

The problem with Judd Apatow cheating is he's married to Leslie Mann so she could get Raya as well.

Yeah. So then she's gonna catch him. I pick Leslie Mann. I would go on a date with Leslie Mann. I pick Leslie Mann.

Yeah, no shit. How many people do you think are gonna pick Leslie Mann over Judd Apatow? Come on.

I mean, I'd pick Leslie Mann over anybody. Alright, let's do riddles.

Why? Why? Yeah, why? You give me one compelling reason to make you do a riddle right now.

Because it's in the name of our show?

But it's not in the bio of your dating apps, okay? So JPC and I don't want to be a part of something you're ashamed of.

You're not ashamed, Adal. I'm not ashamed. I'm deeply embarrassed.

I want to talk to them. If you go on a date, Erin, I want to talk to them. I want to talk to them.

If I date anyone, you'll never meet them. And that's by design.

That's not true.

Erin's at a coffee shop. It's Silver Lake. Suddenly, bursting through the door is J.P. Riddles and Puzbot in full costume.

Sweaty from the plane.

I'll be out in L.A. I'll be out in L.A. in a couple of months, Erin, and if you think for one fucking second I'm not gonna find out if you're dating someone and then go and introduce myself and shake their hand and like show them my shotgun and sit too close to them on the couch, I'm doing all that. I'm doing all that.

No. No. No.

I'm gonna... I'm not gonna wait for my child to grow up. Who has the fucking time? I'm gonna treat you like a child.

I'm gonna quit Hey Riddle Riddle. I quit. I quit.

Casey, can she do that? Casey is typing. Casey is typing.

That's why I'm so fucking confused.

Amen. No, I can't.

I love it too much.

She loves it so much that she's going to show up for the whole episode today, guys. How's that?

We'll see.

Only time will tell if the internet... And this is for the record. This is just for everyone out there listening. We do not commit to doing the whole episode. Just because you're listening to an episode, just because it drops into your podcast feed, doesn't mean we'll be here the whole time.

Yeah, the last 20 minutes of this one could be pig orgasm noises.

Erin, stop. Don't. Casey has it on the soundboard. If you say it, he'll play it.

No, don't.

Don't. Okay, we'll spice it in, like, let's put like 30 minutes of it right here. And then the podcast will pick up in about 30 minutes.

No, no, no, no. We can't play pig orgasms. And since we're all here, which is so rare for the show, why don't we do some riddles, huh?

Great.

That makes sense.

And what do you say to doing some riddles from 2018?

Is that fun? Perfect.

I guess. I've had these on... Well, I've had these on my... I keep a little spreadsheet of riddles that people have submitted for the show. And these have been on here for quite a while. And I'm going to get into them right now. And you guys are going to tell me how long you think I've had these on the list. I keep scrolling down and forgetting that I have them. So I'm going to do them right now. Here we go. These are riddles from Ashley. Who is a Christmas tree's favorite singer?

Who is a Christmas tree's? Uh, Yul Brynner? Um... Wreath? Wreath Witherspoon?

No, it's Wreath Wizard... Wizard Spoon? Wreath Wizard Spoon. You're a wizard, Reese. Wreath Wizard Spoon. I'm doing the complete wrong direction on that.

Title of the episode.

Erin, incredible. She's still at it. That's why she gets paid the big bucks. Wizard Spoon. You try to say Wreath Wizard Witherspoon.

Wreath Wizard Spoon. Get it right. It's Wreath Wizardspoon.

The answer is Wreath Wizardspoon. Who is A Christmas Tree's favorite singer?

Mariah Carey.

Oh, that's a really good answer. Yeah, probably.

Okay, let's see. What do we know about ornament? This is a pun. Okay.

And it's a pun. I mean, if you get... Wreath Witherspoon kind of works, except she's not a singer, she's an actor. I don't necessarily know that she does any singing. But if you could give me any singing pun that works with a Christmas at all, I'll give it to you. But there's a specific one that they're going for.

Deck the Hall of Notes.

Ooh, yes, yes, yes.

Okay. Yeah, Erin, I said it. I said that I would. I don't love that one, but I'll give you Deck the Hall and Oats. You don't love it? I don't, but I'm just, why don't I love that? Deck the Hall. I think it's, I think what's tripping me up is it's Deck the Halls and it's Hall and Oats. So it's, and, but Oats is an S, so there's just like a pluralization issue in there that I'm not, I'm not in love with.

Fine.

Adal, do you have one?

I'm trying to think of like words associated with Christmas trees and all I can think of is like ornaments, tinsel, gifts. Are any of those the base of the answer?

No, none of those are the base of the answer. Pine? Chris Pine? Chris Pine, who does sing, right? That could work. But what are some other types of trees that might be Christmassy?

Evergreen. Coniferous.

Evergreen, Everlast? Is that a thing?

Father of mine. Oh, that's Everclear. Tell me where have you been? Great song. Honestly, great song. Who was Everlast? Everlast, he did the rap, right? And then you really might know what it's like.

Is that him?

Yep, that's Everlast. It's neither one of those. So this is based on a tree.

It's another type of tree, yeah.

Why can I not think of what type of tree is usually a Christmas tree?

I don't know, man.

Is it not a pine? It's not a pine.

It's not a pine tree, and I think that- What are they called? I don't know. This is a word- Spruce. It's Spruce. Spruce Springsteen. It's Spruce Bringsteen. Like you're bringing presents. Yes, that is Spruce Springsteen is the answer there. These, I think, are kind of like in the vein of warm-up riddles. Where does a snowman keep his money? I almost said Aaron. I almost addressed that one just to Aaron.

Where does a snowman keep his money?

Yeah.

In the bank. In the snow bank.

In the snow bank. Yes, you have got it.

You addressed it to me for a reason.

Do you want to see a quick scene? Adal, you're going to make a deposit at the bank, and Erin, it is a snow bank, and you're working there. You're the teller.

Yes, may I approach, please?

Uh, yeah.

The name's Frost. Jack Frost. Nip, nip, nip, nip. Take a little nip of the booze in this little flask here.

Okay, sorry. We're probably going to close in like a minute. No, no, no.

Need to make a deposit here. Here's... Is it snow?

Here's 7,500 icicles to put in my account, please. Great. And I have to let you know that if it does become spring, we are not liable for whatever happens to the currency you deposit into the snowbank. I am so cold.

Well, then I'd like to liquidate my assets, please.

That will happen on its own when spring happens. We don't actually like to expedite that process at all. We let it happen naturally. So if you want to come back in a few months and get a puddle... What's the APY? What is that?

Is this a high-yield snowbank?

Yeah, it could snow again here and then that will accumulate on top of your... Oh, my money will accumulate. Yeah, maybe. Or if it starts like a rainy kind of snow, then it could melt some of the assets. So, you know, we don't make any promises.

Okay. And I've cut some money on my tongue on the way over here. Are we able to do anything with that?

Yeah, spit into my hand, I guess.

And Casey, can we get a clean, just a drop of Erin saying, yeah, spit into my hand, I guess.

Yeah, I'm going to need that.

I'm going to need that.

Whoa, number one on iTunes.

Number one on iTunes.

How is a three second clip of Erin saying that, number one on iTunes?

Nobody wants to hear me say that.

It is crazy what can get on the iTunes charts these days. Where, or I'm sorry, why did the gingerbread man go to the doctor?

Where did the gingerbread man go to the doctor?

Yeah, what hospital? You're gonna need to answer either one of them. If you have a hospital pun, you could do that as well. Seattle Grey. He was feeling crummy? Yeah, Adal, it's because he was feeling crummy. Is that the answer? It's the answer. He was feeling crummy.

Adal, you are a gingerbread man and you're going to the doctor who's JPC and you're trying to explain like real symptoms that you're having and JPC is trying to get you to say that you're just feeling crummy.

Okay. So it feels like every time I get up in the morning, just like my left knot is like sore.

You said left? Yeah. Okay. Um, well, yeah, we can, we can definitely check that out and we'll, we'll, we'll definitely get to that, but you know, I'm going to give you a full gamut of tests. So I just have some questions. Um, have you been using shampoo? Uh, frosting. Oh, frosting. Okay. Of course. Um, and, uh, and you're using that every day, once a week.

Well, I just read that you're not supposed to shower every day. Yeah. Because there's like natural oils. Sure. Like cooking oils that arise from my... Cooking oils. From my gingerbread. What? Sure.

Yeah, shortening.

Yeah.

I'm sorry. I'm not trying to get this over with.

I'm just... Oh, you're not abbreviating. It's... I see what you're saying.

Gotcha. So yeah, I am noticing some dandruff. I'm noticing it looks like chocolate chips, I guess you would say, but kind of scattered around the shoulder area.

Yeah, I can't really brush those off. Those are baked in.

Those are baked in? Yeah. Okay. Because they are, some of them are falling off onto the floor. Are you sure?

Those are moles. There's moles and there's dandruff. And it's hard to tell because some are dark and some are semi-sweet.

Sure, yeah, but you're sure that you're not feeling a certain way about that because you kind of are leaving a little bit of a residue on the floor here.

Oh, sorry. You put down a baking sheet on the... When you told me to hop up here, you put down a baking sheet.

I thought... That's standard operating procedure for any gingerbread.

Am I feeling a certain way? I guess I'm feeling anxious. I'm feeling... Anxious. Interesting.

Okay. No.

Hesitant to sort of, I guess...

Yeah, we can treat a lot of these. You know, obviously, you know, butterscotch for anxiety. If you're feeling at all hesitant, that could be little chopped up Heath bits. Could help with that, of course.

Is Heath a portmanteau of hesitant and something else?

Hesitant and toffee, yes. Wow. Yeah.

So Heath is hesitant toffee, wow.

Yeah, toffee with a T-H. Now you know. British spelling of toffee. Okay, well, you know, I don't, honestly, after completing my kind of battery of tests, I don't really see anything physically wrong with you. Can you describe your kind of emotional state? Maybe it's something on the other side. Like, are you feeling run down at all? Low energy?

Yeah, I guess a little apathetic. I may be dipping my toes into Anwi.

Oh, and Anwi, is that a type of jelly? Today, we're Okay, but you're an emotional crumb. I was going to start taking little bites. Yeah. You know, you're a doctor, you say do no harm, but you're a gingerbread man. I'm going to eat you.

I'm going to eat you up.

It's so hard not to do the Shrek gingerbread man voice whenever I play gingerbread, which is this one time.

The Eddie Murphy one? Yeah, it's hard for me too, man. Hard for me too. How do you scare a snowman? Erin, how do you scare a snowman? I scare a snowman.

Get out a hairdryer.

You get out a hairdryer. You got it. You got it right, Erin. Get out a hairdryer.

Hug it.

No, it's true. The answer is you get a hairdryer. Seriously? Yeah. I'm just as confused as you as to that answer.

So hairdryers are like guns for snowmen?

Yeah, but also you could use a gun on a snowman as well.

I don't think that would be that big of a deal though. Maybe a water gun with hot water.

Oh, now we're talking.

I don't know what would be a big deal to a snowman because they're just an inanimate object. They're just snow. A rabbit? Yeah, a rabbit. A rabbit at face height? Wow. Oh, a rabbit the size of a dog? Oh my God. Okay. What does snowman eat for lunch? I would say this is this is like a traditional lunch food. Definitely not a breakfast food. Sam Snowidge. Sam Snow. You're close with sandwich, but it's not a sandwich.

Grilled cheese.

Oh, is it an ice of pizza?

Oh, that's good.

Adal, ice of pizza does work. I will give you ice of pizza because I'm benevolent and you just, you came up with a great pun. So, ice of pizza. Erin, Adal has ice of pizza, so he's on the board. If you can give me the right answer, you can steal this riddle. You can win those points, Erin, and those points do go towards me not shaking hands with a future date of yours and saying, I'm Erin's father.

Erin, it's me in the bushes trying to do like a Cyrano de Bergerac thing. Help me, help me, help me. Um, Beef Snoganoff. Say Beef Snoganoff.

He'll kill me. My name's JPC and I'm Erin's father and it's nice to meet ya.

He's gonna kill me if I say Beef Snoganoff. Adal, he'll kill me. Uh, Beef Snoganoff.

Erin, what are you doing? That was a joke. Beef snogenoff is, of course, I said sandwich was close. Nothing's closer to the consistency of a sandwich than beef snogenoff.

I didn't do it. The bush did it.

Let me see. You little rascal. Adal was behind this bush with a pentagram carved into his chest.

It hurts so bad. I think it's infected.

Of course, the answer I was looking for here was icebergers.

What? Oh, like lettuce? Wait. Oh, iceberg. Wait.

Like an iceberg.

I see. Iceberg-er. Okay, okay. Iceberg-er.

Two middle fingers from Erin.

She can't prove that.

That kind of sucks. Hey, Casey, we do save these videos though, right?

No, we don't.

Casey, we do. Casey, we do?

I'm sorry.

Oh yeah, we got the video, we got the video.

Oops, I didn't mean to.

No, Erin, you gave me the middle fingers and now you have to pay. You have to do this riddle all by yourself.

No!

Adal can't help you at all.

Adal, hide in the bushes and help me. No, we already did that once.

He gave you beef snogged off in those damn bushes.

Yeah, which is violence against me.

Erin, what kind of music do elves listen to?

Do elves listen to? Elvis.

No, Erin, it's not Elvis, although that is good and you do get points for it.

That was the saddest no I've ever heard.

Elvis was good. It's not the answer, but yeah, Elvis.

They listen to Jingle... Elves.

Don't say Jingle Elves. Don't say Jingle Elves to me right now.

Jingle Elves. Why are you doing Christmas riddles? It's May. Yes, Adam.

I told you, they've been in here for a while.

If we're talking about, like, Santa's elves and not, like, Lord of the Rings elves, it's gotta be Toy George. Say Toy George.

He'll kill me if I say Toy George.

Erin, I tell you, I saw the answer sheet. It's Toy George.

Beef Snoganoff.

The answer, of course, is beef snoggin off. It is wrap. And Erin, in answer to your question... Wrap! Why are we doing Christmas riddles in the middle of May? It's because Christmas can be any time of the year, Erin.

No, and we've established that it can't, and I'm so tired of doing Uncle Santa basic Christmas riddles.

Oh, have we? Have we, Erin, established that it can't be any time of the year? Ho ho ho ho! I have a gift for you, Erin. Sorry I forgot to wrap it.

Nothing has convinced me more that Hey Riddle Riddle has an expiration date more than Uncle Santa. JPC's flipping me off.

No, Uncle Santa's flipping you off. He's giving you the bird, Erin. And for my little Adal, ho, ho, ho!

Don't accept any gifts from him, seriously.

I made you some beef snogenoff.

Okay, Erin, I do have to take this. I'm actually on his side.

No, Adal, please, it's poison. It's obviously poison.

Oh, it's so cold.

It's so cold.

So, what's been going on? Ho, ho, ho, Uncle Santa's here. What's been going on? Wait, Erin. Erin, did you match with Santa on Raya?

I matched with Uncle Santa on Bumble.

Hold on, hold on. Uncle Santa's on Raya. I mean, I'm not on Bumble.

Erin Keif is not. I'm not famous. And you're not. Are you famous?

Oh, I don't know if I'm famous. I am on Raya, yeah. Cool. I just went on a date with Dua Lipa.

Oh, nice. Can you get me a recommendation for Raya? Can you get me in there?

Yeah, I got a recommendation for you. Get famous. And then get on Raya.

I don't want to be famous. I want to date someone famous.

Erin, two things. One, you absolutely should be on Raya. You're the most famous of us all. And two, you match with him on Bumble. Isn't that the one where the women make the first move?

Is it? And did I make that joke on purpose? Huh.

Huh.

Hey, let's not investigate people's low points. If we didn't account for people's low points, Uncle Santa would get no play.

If you listen to this show and you work for Raya, get me in there. I'm not trying to meet the love of my life on there. I'm trying to go on a date with a weird celebrity and have a strange experience.

If you listen to this show and you work for Raya, you could probably be fired. Don't tell anyone you've listened to this. Don't tell them you're weird. I don't think they let weird people on there. Amen. Anyway, what's new with you guys? Can I hang out?

Slam!

Ow! My toe!

Erin. What?

Why? Why'd you- Erin, Jesus Christ, that was a guest. No it wasn't. That was $30,000 was his appearance fee.

Why are we paying for the devil and Uncle- He cost more than the devil?

Well, he did longer.

Did he?

I think so. I think so.

Give me another riddle. I need to cleanse myself of Uncle Santa.

Okay. What is the snowman's breakfast?

Are we still?

Snowman's breakfast.

I don't know about snowman food. Okay, I do want to see a scene.

I do want to see a scene.

Yes, Adal.

Well, I say scene, and this is more just like a slice of actual life.

Ice. Ice. A slice of ice. Thank you so much.

A slice of life. So, Erin, you are Erin Keif. You have just matched with Uncle Santa Unriah, and I just got to see what a first date would look like between the two of you. This is Uncle Santa and Erin Keif on a date.

Thanks for meeting me for this hike. I think it should be pretty fun. Ended up being a nice day.

I agree. I, um... Sorry I don't have hiking clothes. I just gotta have the one outfit. Ho ho ho ho ho!

Yeah, if we run into anyone I know, can you just... I'm just gonna tell people that you're robbing me.

No, yeah, I mean, that's totally fine with me. And just so you know, I did tell a couple of people where I'm going to go and I shared my location with them before.

Wait, what do you mean you shared your location for safety on a date with me?

Yeah, for safety. It's our first date and you suggested a hike in the wilderness. I mean, I know, but like... Ho ho ho, I'm not an idiot.

You're Uncle Santa and I'm... I don't know, I'm just hearing... I mean, it would make sense that... I mean, it's good that people are... What? Sorry, I feel like we're getting off to the wrong... I feel like you think you know me and I don't know... How am I the one messing this up?

Sorry. Would you go on a hike with just anyone? You shared your location, I'm assuming, as well with people.

Of course, because I'm on a date with Uncle Santa. Like, that's terrible. I mean, you shared your location, so glass houses, right? I mean, it's safe to share your location with friends when you're on a date.

But not because I was going on a date with you. I don't even know you.

Oh, I shared it because I was going on a date with you.

Yeah, that's why I'm saying that. I'm upset. I mean, I don't know you, but I do listen to your podcast.

Aw, that's so nice.

Yes. You're Jamie Loftus, right?

Oh my God.

Erin, now Erin.

What?

Now Erin. Erin, now Erin. What? Would that, based off that, would you go on a second date with Uncle Santa? And the show will pay for it.

I was the problem on the date with Uncle Santa. I can't believe I was blowing it. That is not good for my ego, and that wasn't even a real date.

You're out of practice, Erin, but Uncle Santa's got tons of practice because he only works one day a year, and so the rest of the time he's on dates.

Are there any hot famous people that are single right now?

Tons.

I'll just slide into one of their DMs right now.

Austin Butler. I have a spreadsheet of this. Hot single people who are famous.

Timothy Chalamet.

Oh, looks like my wife found the spreadsheet, and okay, I'm in big trouble, because I shouldn't have been keeping that spreadsheet. I don't know, man. Erin, yes, probably.

Charlize Theron is single.

Okay. Now we're talking. I'm pretty sure she's still with Seth Rogen. I remember seeing a movie where that was the case. I forgot all about that movie. This is not up to date.

John Hamm is married.

He just got married, I think. Angelina Jolie. I think one of the Coen brothers is single, maybe? Ooh, Erin, that could be a good guess.

Possibly. The guy from the Garfield movie.

Who else, who else, who else, who else? Erin, I think one of the Transformers is single?

Oh my God, I don't want to date a car again.

I can't be of any help to this, Erin, because I do think that every time... I don't know any celebrity's names, and then when I do see a celebrity, Mariah will be like, yeah, they're married to this celebrity. And I'll be like, huh? What? Where do they find each other? Probably on Raya, huh?

Erin, I just googled most eligible Bachelor in Hollywood currently, and it says as of today, and I won't say the date, but as of today, Sonic the Hedgehog is the most eligible Bachelor.

Wow.

Okay, he actually has redacted me already, so that's a no-go.

It looks like Kevin Spacey is single, Erin, and he's coming back.

Is Henry Cavill single?

Henry Kissinger is. You're a little old for Henry Cavill, Erin. I'm sorry to say.

He's like 45.

I know, isn't that the problem? Google Henry Cavill. It's not about his age, Erin.

It's about yours. What movie is he making where he looks this hot?

This baby.

Okay, all right. We're at work, Erin. You can't be Googling Henry Cavill while we're at work. Yes, I can. I guess you can. I guess there's nothing we can do to stop you from doing this.

All right, well, what were we talking about? Snowman's breakfast.

A snowman's breakfast. We need to know what a snowman's going to eat for breakfast.

Eggs and bacon, pancakes, waffles.

I'm going to tell you this. It's a cereal. It's a kind of cereal. Oh, ice krispies. Finish the thought.

Frosted flakes.

Frosted flakes. Yes, Erin.

Frosted snowflakes.

Yeah, I guess I'll give it to that too. Honeycomb but winter. Honeycomb but winter.

Is it okay?

No, it is Frosted Flakes. Erin, you can stop guessing. You got it. We have to do two more of these. Lucky Charms. We have to do two more of these. Lucky Charms, but winter. Cold Lucky Charms. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? I love this one.

John Patrick Coan.

Wow, shots fired. What the fuck?

The fuck? Snowman with a vampire.

I hope you never date Henry Cavill.

No, you don't mean that.

I kind of would like to meet him.

I know, right?

Yeah. As much as I don't want you to be happy, I do kind of want to meet him.

If I date Henry Cavill, will you still do the, I'm Erin Keif's father, into the shotgun thing if it's him? Yes.

Abso-fucking-lutely. No, you won't.

100%!

Please sign my Witcher 3 poster. First of all, it's not a poster, it's a lookbook.

Yeah, you'd fold immediately.

I would say what they did to you on The Witcher is fucking bullshit and I will not be watching the other guy, Thor's brother or whatever. I'm not going to be watching that. He's doing like a space marine thing, right? He's doing Warhammer?

Henry Cavill?

The thing about Henry Cavill is that he does like to date people who are in high school when he was in his thirties and that's not okay, but he also does like to build computers and he likes Warhammer, so it's like, come on.

He reached out to Brandon Sanderson and said like, I'm probably too old, but could I please play Kaladin? And Brandon Sanderson was like, well, you're way too old and Kaladin is Asian. And he was like, so then that's a no. And he's like, Kaladin is Asian. And he's like, so that's a no. Rough stuff.

Rough stuff. Rough stuff.

So Vampire Snowman, is this a play on Dracula or is it a play on like blood or something?

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? I think it's like you take something from snowman and something from vampire.

Frozen steaks.

Frozen steaks is fine, but it's not what we're looking for. You would also get this. I think you would also get this if like, you know, maybe if you're like hiking up Everest or something. Frostbite. It's frostbite. Okay, here's your last one. And these again have been from Ashley.

I'd like to see a scene. Adal, you are a vampire and maybe you're a little drunk walking home from the bar and you see a snowman and you try to bite his neck and you're scared when no blood comes out and you can see you're the snowman.

Pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up. Hey Gloria, it's me, Keith. Listen, I'm out and I would love to see you tonight. If you're free, hit me back, text me. I've left you a few voicemails, but oh, hold on, gotta go. Bye-bye. Ah, yes, the creature of the night, ooh. Excuse me, young man, do you mind if- Cold, cold, cold, cold, cold.

Yeah, man. I'm a snowman. Oh, shit. Yeah.

Oh, fuck.

Yeah. So cold. Can I say something to you, man? You are the most, like, high-key, like, that's-definitely-a-vampire-ass vampire I've ever seen on the street. What? And I've only been here for, like, three days. No! A life.

Look, I sweatpants. I got an A-shirt on.

Dude, I'm not... Fedora. I'm not saying you're not dressed like a loser. I'm just saying that you sound like a vampire. Wow. And by the way, that woman that you're calling, she's absolutely screaming her calls. Gloria?

Screaming her calls?

I mean, yeah, it seems like it. How many messages have you left? Fourteen. Fourteen. God, that's too high. I can't believe I'm doing this. You have absolutely no game. You have absolutely no swagger. I've been alive for three days. Guess how many times I've had sex in three days? Zero? Yeah, Zero's way off. Zero is way off, buddy. Okay. And obviously it's not the way I look. Corncob-ass fucking nose. Carrot nose. Corncob pipe. I got coal for eyes. You think coal for eyes is making people wet?

Do you use the game? Do you like egg women?

Let's get started. Dude, you are on another fucking planet right now.

I would love to see a Ryan Gosling and Steve Carell and Crazy Stupid Love montage between that snowman and that vampire, him trying to get him to be more dateable with Macaloria.

Taking Dracula shopping. The snowman just melting in all the stories that he's in.

And then the snowman ends up dating the vampire's daughter and he's like, no, not him.

Okay, did we? Oh yeah, you did Frostbite. So the last one is, what is a parent's favorite Christmas carol?

A parent's favorite Christmas carol?

A parent's favorite Christmas carol. This is rough.

Vacation Sex? Is that a song? Is that a Christmas song?

Birthday Sex is a song by Jeremiah, and that is my favorite Christmas carol. Girl you know I, I, I, girl you know I, I, I. I love me some birthday sex. Don't you want a break? Parents' favorite... Yeah, we're about to as soon as you get the answer.

So Erin, what do parents want? Parents want... Yes.

Kids.

They want kids. Once they have kids they want to be away from kids.

Well, that's some circular logic.

Parents want the best for their kids. Parents want... Oh boy.

Okay, it's loud. It's chaotic at home. What do parents want? Peace and quiet. Peace.

Oh, holy silent night. Peace.

Oh, holy silent night.

Oh, holy silent night.

Okay, Erin, let's go to break. While we go to break, will you please sing us a little bit of Oh, Holy Silent Night?

Oh, holy silent night.

Break. Break.

Oh, Erin, JPC, come on in. Enjoy my new home. It's completely made of Helix mattresses.

Oh, OK. I don't know. Yeah, I mean, Helix Sleep makes a great mattress, but I'm not necessarily sure that they want you to build an entire home out of Helix Sleep mattresses.

You're standing on my bed. And actually, Erin, you're standing on my bed.

I know, but it's a midnight Luxon. It's very nice.

Erin, I mean, it's also a wall. I mean, you're just leaning against the wall.

I don't care.

Helix lineup offers 20 unique mattresses for different parts of my house, including the award-winning Luxe Collection, Erin. My fave. The newly released Helix Elite Collection, a mattress designed for big and tall sleepers and even a mattress made just for kids. But don't bring your kids over here. This is my nice house.

Yeah. Yeah, and I know that you probably just took the Helix Sleep Quiz and found the perfect mattress in under two minutes, but did you do separate quizzes for each section of your house to get a mattress that lines that? And again, Helix sends a mattress, your personalized mattress is shipped straight to your door free of charge, but your door is also a mattress, so like- That's right. How does that work?

Well, sometimes I come home and as I'm getting my keys out, I get real sleepy and so now I can just sleep on my door and it's amazing.

Well, the good news is they offer a 100-night trial and a 10- to 15-year warranty to try out their new Helix mattresses. So, Adal, if you decide to go back to a normal house, I think that's definitely a possibility.

Why would I ever go back to... I wouldn't. Don't take my house for it. Helix Sleep has over 12,000 five-star reviews. And once you leave my house, I'd appreciate it if you left them two more.

I also have a midnight luxe mattress that is just like a normal mattress that I sleep on like as a bed and it really is a great mattress and I really enjoy sleeping on it. And Helix also knows that everyone is unique and everyone sleeps differently and some people have mattress madness. And that's why Helix has several different mattress models to choose from, each designed for specific sleep positions and feel preferences.

Why'd you look at me when you said mattress madness?

I don't know why, Adal, but we love the new place. We love the partnership with Helix. And we also know that Helix is offering 30% off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners. Just go to helixsleep.com slash riddle. That's helixsleep.com slash riddle. This is their best offer yet, and it won't last long. With Helix, better sleep starts now.

Adal, I'm moving in.

Great. I have a bed for you right over there. It's a wall. It's a wall.

Okay class, take a seat, take a seat. We are going to talk about VPNs today.

My weird cousin? Nope. The joke there is that I'm JPC and VPN is also three letters and it's like, the joke there- Who are you talking to?

It looks like you're addressing a camera or something.

Sorry ma'am?

VPN stands for Virtual Private Network, a service that protects your internet connection and privacy online. VPNs create an encrypted tunnel for your data, protect your online identity by hiding your IP addresses, and allow you to use public Wi-Fi hotspots safely. It's all about internet safety.

Oh, teacher, teacher, I have a question. Do I have to know all this stuff about a VPN or can I just use NordVPN?

Oh, so you know about that.

Well, yeah, I mean, I know about my weird cousin from Scandinavia, NordVPN, which is for a future ad. We'll do that for a future ad. That's actually really good.

Ooh, and teacher teacher?

Yes, Adal?

I actually brought you an Apple with NordVPN inside of it for you. And I've also heard that NordVPN is easy to use, connects with one click, or you can enable auto-connect for zero-click protection is what I've heard.

Oh, okay, you guys know way more than I thought you did about this.

Yeah, like NordVPN has like 6,300 plus servers in 111 countries, so you can change your virtual location easily if you want to access maybe something that is not available in your area. Or if you're like me and you one time go to Mexico and say, I'm going to download stuff when I get there, then realize that you're in another country and you can't watch all your favorite shows until you use your NordVPN.

But do you know that it has amazing speed? Yeah. It's one of the fastest VPNs out there?

Yeah, I did know that.

I knew that as well.

Oh, okay. Yeah, and teach her respectfully, duh. If that makes sense. Okay.

Well, one NordVPN account can be used on six devices, but I guess you already knew that.

And with the most respect, do possible in this moment, duh, is what I would have to say. If that makes sense, teacher, duh. If that makes sense to you. But don't take our word for it. Wait, no. Do take our word for it. Here's what you can do. Here's what you can do. Strike that. Take our word for it, and also don't take our word. Here's what you can do. Go to NordVPN.com slash Riddle and find out for yourself what NordVPN can do for you.

Hey Riddle Riddle would like to thank Claritin for supporting this episode and providing us with samples.

Hey Adal, do you want to see my impression of me last week when I had really bad allergies and I wasn't doing anything right? Oh gosh, I feel so sick, I can't even do anything. Oh my, doesn't that sound just like me?

Yeah, that is you to a T. That is a great impression. You should have a Vegas residency. Erin Keif does Erin Keif.

I keep writing them and they keep saying, who is this? The city? But luckily for those of us who live with symptoms of allergies, we can live Claritin Clear with Claritin D. It's designed for serious allergy sufferers and Claritin D has two powerful ingredients in just one pill that relieve your allergy symptoms and decongest your nose so you can breathe better. Did that sound like me last week?

Uh, Mary Keif.

Oh, that's so good, Adal. That was so... Okay, no, that's fine. It's good that you're good at my impression too.

Yeah, maybe I should go to Vegas. I have seasonal allergies myself and I feel like anytime I step outside in the spring, in the summer, eyes turn red. Itchy, itchy, itchy. My contacts come out. My nose is running. Claritin D tackles nasal congestion caused by allergies or a cold and also relieves sinus congestion and pressure due to allergies. Which is the worst part that your nose dripping or being congested and you feel that pressure right at the bridge of your nose. That's the worst. That's the worst, Erin. I'm Erin Keif.

Oh my gosh. Wow.

Can you believe JPC turned into an owl?

That's fun. That's good that we're acknowledging this. Yes.

Fast and powerful relief is just a quick trip away. Find Clarendon D at the pharmacy counter. Ask for Clarendon D at your local pharmacy counter. You don't even need a prescription. Go to Clarendon.com right now for a discount so you can live Clarendon clear. Use as directed.

It works in like 30 minutes, and so I don't have to sound like this anymore. Oh, I'm Erin Keif. Achoo! Achoo! Achoo!

Erin Keif is live in five minutes at the Luxor in Las Vegas. The Luxor? Yeah.

That's fine. That's good. No, that's okay.

It's like 20 bucks a night.

That's okay.

All right, all right. Look.

Wow.

Play ball. We are moving on from all things Christmas, and we're moving on to some riddles from Esther. Which, Esther's like a biblical name. Biblical makes me think Christmas. Erin, are you okay?

No!

She's allergic to Christmas. That should be a hallmark Christmas. Wow, allergic to Christmas. Amanda Peete is back in Allergy to Christmas. It's gotta be Amanda Peete.

Amanda Peete! Of fucking course it's Amanda Peete. Hell yeah. Get that money, Amanda Peete.

Okay, here we go. This is a riddle from Esther. A famous basketball player is lying on an operating table in the hospital. He's there for routine surgery, and he's not nervous at all. They place the gas mask over his face and he hears a nurse say, just relax, everything's going to be fine. The statement makes him feel extremely nervous. Why?

Just relax, everything's going to be fine.

The famous basketball player.

Oh, because the doctor was looking in the mirror?

That's funny.

Adal, that is the correct answer. Yes, you got the crux of it, basically. But it is that the nurse was talking to the doctor. So the doctor who would be performing the surgery, the nurse was saying, just relax, everything is going to be fine, which made the person who is having the surgery feel very nervous.

Can I tell you what I think is good about that riddle in the way it's written?

No! Oh yeah, you can tell me.

I would say I think it's good because the detail of him being a basketball player really throws you. Because I think otherwise you would make a beeline to the correct answer too quickly and I appreciate them making it a little bit more difficult of a maze.

Also, what is a routine surgery? Like, isn't every surgery kind of like a big deal if it's your body?

I get a little tune-up every two weeks. I go in, go under the knife, and they sort of rearrange the organs.

Yeah.

Make the feng shui better in my stomach.

Go into the doctor every two weeks. Yep, my butthole is completely out of whack again. I do not know... How often do most people get a butthole alignment? And they're like, every six months or 30,000 miles. And you're like, well, I don't know.

30,000 miles! I don't know.

I don't know why mine is so out of whack, but go ahead and fix it all up again.

I wonder if like for like a basketball player or an athlete in general if routine would mean like an ACL tear or something where it's like severe but it's also it happens so often that they're like this is something I do think that if I ever had a doctor to like describe a surgery that I was having as routine I'd be like okay back up

You gotta remember, I'm a guy with a body. I'm not just a person at your work right now. You gotta be giving me your A-game.

I'm gonna be working on you like a car. My eyes are glazed over. I'm checked out this whole time.

This is basically my commute. I get there and I'm like, how do I get here? I don't remember driving here. No, no. I need you to focus up. I'm an autopilot. Routine surgery. Thank you so much, Esther, for writing in that riddle. We have another one from Charlie. Another riddle from Charlie, not another one from Charlie. I don't know if Charlie submitted this fucking riddle before. A hunter took a shot at something, then realized their mistake. A few minutes later, they died. What happened?

Hunter took a shot at something.

Yeah.

Realized they made a mistake.

They shot their shot.

Can you read it again?

Yes. A hunter took a shot at something, then realized their mistake. A few minutes later, they died. What happened? A mirror? Hunter Biden? Yes, it was Hunter Biden, and that's kind of the direction the podcast is going in 2024. Took a shot at fooling the government? We're getting into the serious issues, and we're talking about Hunter Biden.

Took a shot at something.

It's not a mirror. I do like the mirror, though. That's a funny answer.

Shot the person that was coming to save them.

Whoa. What were they hunting? They were hunting a different person?

A bear mauls you and someone's racing towards you to help you and you're like, another bear. Could it be JPC?

The bear's teaming up with a guy in an orange vest that says rescue. I'm fucked if I let them both get me.

JPC, could it be something along the lines of like, he's on ice, like he's on a frozen pond and he shoots at like a wolf on the pond and that cracks the ice or something?

Dude, that is so close, but it's not the answer, but I think you're totally on the right track.

I think it has to be he shoots at something and the environment changes, Erin. Oh my god, you're so close, you're so close.

He shoots at his heater, and it's cold out. He has a heating thing that he's standing by and he breaks it.

Okay, that could be, yeah, I could see that. I do think that that's... He thought a gas tank was a squirrel?

He started an avalanche. Erin, it's an avalanche!

Nice.

I think that it's so, yes, it is an avalanche. The gunshot sets off an avalanche and a few minutes later he is covered in snow. But I do want to see a quick scene. Adal, you have invited Erin out hunting with you. And Erin, you have brought a bunch of like creature comforts that do not belong in the wilderness for hunting.

So we'll set up here and, um, we just kind of, um, you can make that, uh, uh, noise, um, use the, the deer call whenever you like, and that'll make a noise to attract, um, deer.

I don't really want any deer coming near me. I'm gonna be playing a lot of Nintendo Switch, a lot of Wii Sports, PlayStation, Xbox.

What the f- I see the Switch, but how are you gonna hook up- You brought a TV on a rolling cart.

Okay, this- Excuse me, would you sign for this? Are you Michelle?

I am.

Yeah, I have a sleeper sofa for Michelle.

Oh my god, you are late.

Alright, sign right here. I got lost, it's the woods. Yeah.

Note tip for you. D-H-O.

Okay, well I was going to help you set it up, but you led with the note tip for you. Oh man. No.

Fuck you. Okay, well that's fine. My friend will set it up for me. Motherfuck. I have, the Uber Eats guy keeps fucking blowing up my phone. I ordered a bunch of sushi. See? He's confused. He doesn't know where to go.

Deer hate the smell of fish.

So?

Tracy, I thought we'd get escaped to the wilderness, right? To get, you know, out of out of the path of screens and consuming media.

Yeah, we are. We're outside the city. We're in the wilderness.

Wait, there's a teenage deer sitting down on the sleeper sofa. OK.

I am going to freak out. That's pretty gross. Can we kill the deer?

Yeah, that's why we're here.

Oh, this is all about killing deer? Why didn't you say so? Choked the deer.

You see a Uber Eats guy giving $80 worth of sushi to a deer.

Hey, that's mine!

Teenage deer ate my sushi. Misfits, that's a Misfits song.

Dude, a deer could fucking fuck up some sushi. A deer could eat so much sushi.

I don't know if they would like it. Only one way to find out.

That's my new children's book.

Field trip!

Riddle Riddle A filter machine would need assembled to replace me and beans I resemble. Kidney. It's a kidney. It is a kidney and it is piss.

I'd like to see a scene. Um, JPC, you are, um, hmm, you're the stomach and you're making fun of Adal, the kidney.

And Erin, if I may, I also want to cast you as the brain who's, um.

I'll make an appearance. I'll make an appearance.

And sorry, I was the kidney and JPC was the... Stomach. Stomach.

Hey, man. Enjoy. Enjoy what's coming your way, man. I'm sorry.

Can you send this somewhere else? I can't keep... I really can't.

I really can't. I don't know why he keeps eating asparagus. Man, I don't know. Yeah.

This is disgusting.

Good luck breaking that down, dude. I don't know.

I don't know, man. It smells like undigested meat.

Yeah, I didn't really digest it. I'm able to, but I just don't, man. At this point I'd take some bubble gum.

Just send me some gum or something. This is so fucking gross. This is rancid, dude.

I keep the gum, man. I keep the gum forever down in here.

I gotta turn this into piss?

Hey guys, I know I don't normally consciously talk to you, but you guys are being like really loud down there and like causing me a good amount of pain. Can you knock it off?

Yes, ma'am. Sorry, ma'am. Yeah, absolutely, ma'am.

I'm so anxious up here for no reason.

No, absolutely, ma'am. We will knock it off. Sorry, ma'am.

We'll knock it off immediately. Just me and the fucking eyes up here.

What the fuck did you do, man? The boss never comes down here. What did you do, Kenny? Just do it. Just make the piss. Fine. Fine. Okay. You don't hear the fucking Colin complaining of the stuff I send him. Colin loves it. Colin loves shit.

I love it.

See?

He eats that shit up.

Send me whatever.

Send me whatever.

And I do, man. Colin's cool, man. I got no beef with Colin. Speaking of beef, Colin, beef coming your way.

Hey, you guys talking about bladder? You guys need me?

Hey, bladder. Hey. Don't talk to bladder.

Don't talk to bladder, man. Bladder's a bladderther.

Yeah, thinks the Earth is a big bladder?

It's seed. Seed! What the heck?

What could bladderther mean? It couldn't mean anything. It couldn't mean anything. So let's just move on. Here we go. This is a riddle from Justin, and I love this because this riddle comes with a title. This country used to be something, man. We used to do riddles with titles. This is the way that it used to be.

2018.

God, that was a better time for America. This is called Two Brothers in a Box.

Hmm.

John gave his brother James a box. About it, there were many locks. James woke and said it gave him pain, so gave it back to John again. The box was not with lids supplied, yet caused two lids to open wide. And all these locks had never a key. What kind of box, then, could it be?

It's like a piano.

Before we find out, I'd like to see a scene. You were two brothers and you were stuck in a box.

And Erin, I want you to, you're also the brain, so you can chime in whenever.

We'll see.

Let me try one more time. Stop, man, stop. Nope, can't poop. Cannot poop in a box. Why would you want to?

We're obviously, we're in a coffin. It's because of your gambling debts. That's what the guy said before he put us in the coffin.

He's just trying to scare us. We're not going to die in here. And I'm pooping.

We're absolutely going to die in here. We heard him dump all the dirt on top of us.

That was probably a fully artist, okay? They're just trying to confuse us. They're trying to pit us against each other. And I'm trying to shit because that'll give us motivation.

You're not gonna be able to shit. You already shit once. You think you're gonna be able to shit twice? You haven't had anything to eat while you're in here. Okay, fine. I can't believe I'm dying for your gambling debts. I told you. I told you. You cannot, you cannot bet on historical basketball games. They're already over. Their scores have been determined.

But the butterfly effect thing, the past is changing constantly. The Mandela effect, the butterfly effect, all the effects. It's not.

It's not. Those effects are not.

You're not going to die. You're being dramatic, okay? The bullet in your leg is fake. They shot fake bullets at us.

They shot fake bullets at you, I think. I think one of the guys wasn't on the same page. I got a real bullet in my leg.

It's gonna be fine. Oh, did you ever see Kill Bill?

I saw the second one.

Shit. Did they recap the first one when you saw it? Wasn't the thing that you're thinking of in the second one? Yeah, well what I was gonna say is... Remember, because this is useful for us in this moment, remember when Uma Thurman plucks out Daryl Hannah's eye in one swift motion? Oh yeah. Take out my eye. Because then I feel like in your head will be even and you'll stop complaining.

You know what? That's fair. I appreciate that. That's very big of you. Okay, I'm going to take out your eye. Man, you used to do the heart exploding thing from Kill Bill to me when I tried to grab your eye.

It was instinct.

Yeah, that heart exploding thing, it's real. David Carradine in that movie died jerking off.

In Thailand, I think?

Yeah.

Couple more riddles? No, we're in the middle of a riddle.

Hold on, we need to figure out how David Carradine died.

Come on, pull more riddles.

You don't want to talk about David Carradine jerking off to death? Okay, fine. Weird.

I do, but I'm trying to get through these riddles.

Yeah, you have to get through this riddle first, then you can have your dessert.

What is the box? Can you read it again?

John gave his brother James a box. About it, there were many locks. James woke and said it gave him pain, so gave it back to John again. The box was not with lids supplied, yet caused two lids to open wide. In all, these locks had never a key. What kind of box, then, could it be? The answer, by the way, is also in rhyming couplets. So, I don't know where this riddle is from, but it's just from Justin. It's called Two Brothers in a Box, so maybe it's like a famous... I don't know. This is great, though. Can we get a hint?

The answer is not a single word. It's several couplets.

If you get the answer, it is a single word, but the way that the answer is presented is in rhyming couplets, which I think is very interesting.

Can we have a hint?

What has locks but no keys?

I will say that John gave his brother James a box about it. There were many locks. I don't necessarily know that it's a tangible box. Mmm Pandora's box. It could be like Pandora's box is like a metaphorical box.

A boom box.

HBO home box office.

Are the names important? Are these like historic names associated with the product like John Locke?

That's a great question. James and John as names are not important as so.

Hmm. So, so one person was hurt by it. It said it opened, it didn't have a lid, but it opened other lids, which would be their eyes. Okay, yes. Is this like the thing from Clockwork Orange?

No. Jesus. No, it is not. It is not that torture device that holds your eyes open. It's not that. This is a metaphorical box. Yeah, it's not a metaphorical box. I didn't say that. I just said it's not like a tangible. It's not like a physical box.

Okay.

DVD box set. Is that a DVD box set?

Can you just tell us the answer?

Is it the GameCube?

I can't tell you the answer, Erin, but I can read you four couplets that will supply you with the answer, if you would like. Here we go. As curly-headed James was sleeping in bed, his brother John gave him a blow on the head. James opened his eyelids in spying his brother, doubled his fist, and gave him another. The kind of box then is not so rare. The lids are the eyelids, the locks are the hair. And so every schoolboy can tell to his cost, the key to the tangles is constantly lost.

I almost said boxing ring, and then in my head I was like, there's no locks in boxing. Unless, I guess, uh, bring a deli, do you, uh, bring a, sorry, bring a bagel from a deli. Bring a bagel from a deli.

Oh, that's a good riddle. I like that riddle a lot. You just brought a knife to a gunfight. You just brought a deli spread to a boxing match. You brought a bagel to a punch fight. A bagel to a punch fight. Welcome back to the championship punch fight. Okay, you guys did a really good job at that riddle. I think that riddle was really good, and guess what? Now you're done. You don't have to do any more riddles.

Yay.

You did a great job.

What about a voicemail?

You can have a little voicemail, but first we have a new voicemail theme to play.

We brought the mail across the sea to bring these notes along from listeners around the world, a great mighty frog. Now Adal, Erin, and JPC will form our favorite scenes while we all wait for the mail to come from 2018.

Eric says, in honor of the prequel to 300, I wrote an inspired sea shanty mailbag theme. I hope you all enjoy. Eric, we absolutely did. And also, there's a bunch of other sea shanty. A lot of people really enjoyed doing sea shanty mailbag themes. If you have a mailbag theme, please keep it to under 30 seconds, like Eric did, only 27 seconds. Voila. And send it to hrrpodcast at gmail.com. Casey, can you play us a voicemail?

Hey there, my name's Christina and I'm from Boston. And I really like to go find bottles on beaches and stuff, and I was curious What is each of your favorite kind of trash? All right, thanks. Love you guys. Bye. Oh my god, I love that question.

Find bottles on beaches? I thought- Yes.

I'd say JPC is probably my favorite kind of trash.

Erin, that means so much to me, you have no idea.

I was going to say Long John Silvers.

I love that answer. We are simpatico because when they were talking about trash, my mind went to Taco Bell. Taco Bell would probably be my favorite kind of trash. I know it's absolutely disgusting and I still will eat it.

We're Simpatico there, but also we're Sicario because we both love Benicio Del Toro.

I love like scraps of things, like scraps of paper and scraps of fabric.

It has been quite a while since I have experienced this type of trash, but it used to happen quite often in high school. I would go to thrift stores to buy clothes and every once in a while you would buy a jacket from a thrift store and reach into the pocket and there would be a note in there. And I found a note in a jacket that I bought in a thrift store in high school that I kept in my wallet with me for a long time. And it was like a weird grocery list. It wasn't like a personal note. It was like someone was making a grocery list. I can't remember what it was, but like there was just the first items were like eggs, milk, banana, or something like that. And then the rest of the items were like a to-do list of like things to do. And I was like, this is the worst way to make a list. Like this list is not going to be, you can't use this list in an applicable fashion. So I do like finding like other people's notes, I think is my favorite type of trash.

Very coveted.

I love that.

I would say maybe, and this is maybe specifically like New York City, when you're walking around and there's stuff put out to the curb, like people either hoping somebody takes it away from a trash company or something, or hoping somebody takes it for free, like just picks it up and takes it home, but it's usually some amount of audio equipment.

Yeah.

Constantly there's just like old-timey audio equipment out there, and it's always like, Uh, Beldovia sonograph or a phonograph, like it's always some sort of weird off-brand and just like an old-timey outdated system. I love just seeing what weird shit was made between 1940 and 1985. Yeah, that's pretty cool.

Runner-up for me, we'll say the big trash island that exists in the Pacific, which is just all the plastic bottles that we throw away. I love that. I love finding used condoms anywhere that you're not supposed to find a used condom. You find it in somebody's bedroom, you're like, okay, I get it. But like in a street, or like on the corner, like that's always fun. Comes with a story.

No, wait, hold on. I was on board with everything you were saying when we got to the end part. Wait a minute, wait a minute. Adal, do you have anything to plug?

Yes I do, my dear Erin. I have something to plug, which is an appearance you and I just made on a podcast called Improv Is Dead. Recent Patreon guests Tim Lyons and Damian Anaya host the show. They had us on. Dan White's on a sabbatical, I believe. So check out Erin and I on Improv Is Dead.

I love Improv Is Dead. I would say check it out.

It was a very good time. Erin, do you have anything to plug?

Yes, I would say check out sitcom D&D. We just did our 100th episode with Jake and Amir. They came on the show and the whole time we were all just stuck in a net together and we laughed very hard. So if you want to drop in and listen to that episode, we'd love to have you. GBC, do you have anything to plug or review to read?

I got a review to read and this one comes from J.D. Lowe and J.D. Lowe submitted this review on my birthday. Oh my goodness. If you want to get a five star review featured on the show, just go ahead and leave us one. I might read it. Hey, today I picked this one. It says, Yo dawg, I heard you like reviews. Oh. And if you want to get your review featured on the show, just leave us a five-star review anywhere that you leave reviews. Maybe I'll find it, read it on the show. This one comes to us from Lil' Bit Crazy. It says, oh, and if you want to get your review featured on the show, just leave us a five-star review anywhere that you leave reviews. Maybe I'll find it, read it on the show. This one comes to us from A Cat Too Far. It says, oh, and if you want to get your review featured on the show, just leave us a five-star review anywhere that you leave reviews. Maybe I'll find it, read it on the show. This one comes to us from Green Brine. It says, cool show.

Jupiter.

Bye forever.

Oh my god, that was so scary.

Hey there, Forts and Sumters. If you like that, you're going to love this week's Patreon. It's another edition of our state series, and this time we're going to South Carolina. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com slash HeyRiddleRiddle by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or start your seven day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month. And you get those ad free episodes. See you there.

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