Which Riddle Riddle?

#298: 2 Hams in a Clam w/ Josh Gondelman

00:00:01

Erin

This is a HeadGum Podcast.

???

CarMax is putting peace of mind back in car shopping by putting you in the driver's seat to find a ride that's right for you. Because at CarMax, we believe you shouldn't just settle for a car. You should love your car. That's why every car we sell is CarMax Certified Quality so you can be sure, with upfront pricing that's the same for every customer. So don't settle. Find love at first drive. And start shopping now at CarMax.com. CarMax. The way car buying should be.

???

Hey Riddle Riddle.

00:01:06

JPC

Hey guys, thanks for coming over. Um, just, you know, make yourselves at home. The one rule though, uh, everybody just has to wash their hands before they come in. Cause, you know, from outside. So just wash your hands.

Erin

Sure, she's off, she's on.

JPC

That, I don't care about at all. Um, the only thing I care about is wash your hands and I am a stickler for this. I am going to have to watch you because I know a lot of people just turn the water on. They wave their hands in front of the water. They don't get them wet. Then they wipe their dirty hands all over the towel. I have to change the towel. So I'm just gonna watch you wash your hands.

Adal

And I'm, just if we're putting our cards on the table, I'm a bit of a stifler for this. Is your mom home?

JPC

Nope, I'm an adult man. Don't live with my mom. Interesting. Well, I have to head out, actually. It's a washing the hands thing. I knew it. It's a washing the hands thing with you. You don't want to wash your hands.

Erin

GPC, we just think you're a hand pervert, and that's why you have people over.

JPC

A Herbert, if you will.

Erin

A Herbert. You want to watch us wash our hands, you hand pervert.

JPC

I don't want to do it, okay? I'm going to do it, but you'll never see me. I have a mirror in the bathroom. It's a two-sided mirror. The sink is big enough for two, three, maybe four people to wash their hands together. So I don't know what the issue is.

00:02:12

Erin

This is oddly comforting. I don't know why.

Adal

Is your sink a urinal at a baseball game? What's going on with this sink? This is huge. This is like a pick drop. Hold on.

JPC

First of all, first of all, I didn't buy my sink when they were clearing out an old high school baseball stadium, okay? That's insane. Ice in the sink?

Erin

I'm just gonna use hand sanitizer before this episode.

JPC

Yeah, that works for me.

Erin

So JPC can't watch it.

JPC

Feels the same for me. Feels the same for me. And who's this guest? Who's your guest? You brought someone else over to my house?

Adal

They're refusing to wash their hands. Is that okay if we bring them in? Guests don't have to wash their heads. Come on, man. Well, fine. Our guest is stand-up comedian extraordinaire, New York resident, former Bostonian, I believe, Josh Gondelman. Come on in to JPC's house. Oh, thank you.

Josh

I'm going to put my shoes on my hands and kick back. Hands up, kick back.

Erin

Wait a minute, you're from Boston? What part of Massachusetts or Boston are you from?

Josh

I grew up in Stoneham, which is just south of the North Shore, where I-95 and I-93 meet north of the city. And then I lived in Alston and Brighton and Somerville for a while.

00:03:23

Erin

Oh, nice! Okay, very cool. I'm from South Shore. Oh, we're both. We're rivals, I guess. I'm from Hingham.

Josh

Oh, I know Hingham, yeah.

Erin

Yeah, my family's full of Boston trash from like Dorchester, Quincy. Nice. So, so yeah.

Josh

But Hingham is one of the- we both come from cities that- one of the Massachusetts unpronounceables, where I bet people who don't- who aren't from there say Hingham. And I get stone ham.

Erin

Stone ham. Mm-hmm. Ah, well, two peas in a pod. Very relatable Massachusetts problem.

Josh

Two hams in a clam.

Erin

Two hams in a clam. Oh my gosh. Okay, that's our tour. We're doing a cabaret act. Two hams in a clam. Nobody take it. It's ours.

Josh

Yeah, nobody take it. I know how tempted people will be to take it, but don't.

JPC

You two have some of the thickest Boxton accents between the two of you that I have ever heard. I mean, it's almost unlistenable. I can't really make heads or tails out of it.

Adal

Yeah, JPC and I are trying to decipher what was just said. You both sort of slipped into this deep brogue.

Erin

I said hierarchy. with a Boston accent the first week of college. And I got teased so bad that the class had to end early. So since then, I have corrected the ship and I've gotten rid of the accent.

00:04:36

Josh

My first week in college, I called a water fountain a bubbla.

Erin

A bubbla, yeah, of course.

Josh

And people were like, what the fuck is that? Did you crawl out of the Charles River?

Erin

That's so funny.

Adal

Our friend of the show, TJ Jagadowski, has said, JPC, he said this at one of our D&D games, he said the only way to tell a true Bostonian is to have them pronounce the word S-C-A-L-L-O-P. Now Josh, would you do us the honor of pronouncing S-C-A-L-L-O-P? Scallop. Okay. Well, I failed.

Josh

It's supposed to be pronounced fuck you. It's supposed to be scallop?

Adal

I think it's scallop.

Josh

Yeah.

Adal

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Josh

But you would know better than I would. Also, there's a couple like there's some words that it doesn't even occur to me that I say with an accent that I like don't because there's some that I consciously course correct mid syllable. And then there's some like I say Florida, and people are like, Nope, it's Florida. And I'm like, that's ridiculous. Who would say it like that? It's either Florida or Florida. Those are the two pronunciations I'll accept.

00:05:46

Erin

Josh, how do you feel about riddles, puzzles, escape rooms, lateral thinking problems, crosswords? What's your feeling about those? I love them.

Josh

I've never done an escape room, which feels too intimate. I don't like people seeing me under duress in that way. Intimate and under duress. You gotta get a peek behind Josh's curtain here. I love a crossword puzzle, and I'll even do a crossword puzzle with other people, but I'll ask my wife for help. It's not a problem asking for help. That's a separate problem I have. It's like in an escape room, I can just imagine the stress coming out. And it's like someone watching you watch the NBA Finals where I'm like, I'm not this guy. This is like a voluntary thing. I'm a person who lives in society. I can't be like, yeah, I know. I know the newspaper dates are the same date every year, 10 year intervals. I don't know how that helps us get out of this goddamn room.

00:07:03

Adal

Josh, your shirt is off and all the nachos are gone. What's going on, buddy?

Josh

Yeah, I smeared the nachos on my back. I thought it was a clue.

Adal

Rally nachos. Rally nachos. Yes, it is interesting having done, I think I've done 80 plus escape rooms at this point. It's very interesting to go almost exclusively with people I know. It's very interesting to see what elements come out in people's personalities. When they're put in a stressful situation in terms of like, do they not communicate? Do they like try and take charge and start yelling at people? It's like the Stanford Prison Experiment every time.

Josh

It's very interesting. I would truly rather if someone was like, do you want to do an escape room? I'd be like, do you want to just see what I look like naked? Because that feels less intimate.

Erin

Do you want to see me give birth? Because that feels less intimate.

Adal

Birth is the original escape room, I believe. It's an escape womb.

JPC

If I asked someone to do an escape room with me and their first response was, would you like to just see me naked? I'd be like, huh, I feel like you just want me to see you naked.

00:08:09

Josh

No, I don't want that at all. That's how much I'm anxious about an escape room. Do you want to know my credit score? Like anything but like watching me with time pressure to solve a problem that doesn't matter. That's the thing. It's a problem that doesn't matter. Like when there's real pressure, if someone's like, my car broke down, how do we fix that? I'm not like, okay, I'm going to behave in an embarrassing way. But when faced with arbitrary obstacles, I'm like, I don't know what's going to come out of me and I don't want people to see it when it does.

Adal

This is the opposite problem of vanilla ice. If you check out a problem, you won't solve it. We have a lot of escape room creators, Sandy Weiss, the Lukmans. That's so cool. Anyone out there who's listening to this episode, please build an escape the womb. Maybe there's audio clues, but they're muffled. Don't do that.

Erin

Do not do that.

Josh

I'm hearing a lot of classical music. There's a placenta pool. Yes, yes, yes. Yeah, just sucking nutrients through a placenta. That's sick. And I'm not anti-Escape Room. It sounds so... Because I love puzzles, and I love thinking about things. I just did the Connections game.

00:09:28

???

Hey everyone.

Josh

If instead of a toll booth, there were just like a troll that you could answer a riddle instead of paying $6 or whatever. A troll booth. Yes, exactly. I think that would be sick. I would like that. But the idea of like people around me watching, like collaborating to solve a problem. And it's like, I just know, because I try to be very even keeled, but I know I would be like, I would just be like, Alex, your boyfriend is not helping right now. And then I would have to like, send them an apology edible arrangement.

Erin

Have a silent dinner after the escape room where everyone's just cutting their meat.

JPC

Decompressing. This makes me think I do want to see a quick scene. So we're gonna see a scene where Josh, you are driving a car, you're on the highway on a tollway. And there is a I think once we get past this, we should stop at the next rest stop and get coffee.

00:10:51

Erin

Todd, my arm is broken. This is sort of an emergency, man.

Adal

We gotta get Denise to an ER. Why did you go to the troll booth?

Josh

I just, like, it's like $11 to go over the bridge or you could solve a riddle. This just feels like a slam dunk to me. Last time we did this, we were in the car for four and a half hours. Yeah, we saved $11 and we still got to Nana's house. Welcome, how many axles have ye? Two. Is that the riddle? That's an easy riddle. That's just a question.

Adal

No, I think the difficulty is based on how many axles you have.

Josh

Oh, oh, oh, oh, okay. Yeah, so two, but you could give us like a four-axle problem. Ah, yes, a challenge accepted. What sleeps in the morning, drinks at night? I'm losing a lot of blood.

Erin

for your broken arm? The bone is sticking out.

Josh

Oh, I didn't know it was one of those. I thought it was like one of the other ones. I'm so sorry. This is it's fine. I know. No, this is bad. Troll. Can we I didn't realize how bad her arm was broken. I thought it was one of the other ones. Would it be okay if we backed up? Is it alright if we back just like I'm gonna back up and we'll go people are gonna yell.

00:12:09

Erin

People are gonna yell. Is the riddle?

Josh

Of course you can back up, but 20 years off your life I will sup. I don't think he has that authority. The transit authority can't take 20 years off your life.

Erin

I think I might be dying, but I'm glad that you saved $11, Todd.

Josh

But 20 years? I think we can get this. Okay, wait, so it's drinks in the morning, no, sleeps in the morning, drinks in the afternoon. Since I didn't finish the riddle, I will have to produce a new one. Okay, fine. Give us a new one. What sleeps in the morning and drinks at night.

Adal

Wait, are these all about sleeping and drinking? This poor guy is just describing his life. Just a sad troll. You don't think the transit authority can take 20 years off your life? Talk to this troll, Josh.

00:13:14

Josh

Yeah, I guess you're right. I just don't, I feel like he's doing some extrajudicial stuff. Yeah.

Adal

I love the idea of instead of a, well in Illinois we have like the iPass or whatever, I love instead of like the automated thing it's like a little beeper that says like, cloud, egg, like just says the riddle for you as you go underneath.

Josh

It says the answer, yeah.

JPC

The answer, yeah. The life cycle of man! It's just an Authenticator app where they Riddle answer changes every minute. Ugh, God. If only they'd let me organize society, I'd have a better way of doing things.

Erin

I would move to the moon. I would move to the moon immediately. Day one, I'm out of here.

JPC

No air up there, no riddles, that's smart. Okay, well hey, those troll riddles were really great, but what if I told you that instead of hearing Adal kind of improvise a troll riddle, we could answer some riddles that real people sent us in the year 2018? Huh? That's pretty cool.

Josh

Oh man, these are all riddles that are very like, hashtag resist. Yeah. Some pre-COVID riddles. They're just like, what's orange and ruining democracy?

00:14:28

JPC

Yeah, I don't know if some of these riddles have aged well. I've also noticed a disturbing trend when I'm looking through riddles from 2018, because people will sign off the riddles with their name. But also like if it's like Gmail, and you change your name on Gmail, it will update since then. So there are, there's a lot of discongruity between the names people sign off on and the name that is displaying on their Gmail. So I have just kind of a mild level of stress that I'm just like dead naming all of the people that sit does riddles because six years is a long time and they've probably changed. So a blanket apology. I'm just going off. I'm using bad information. Someone gave me some really bad information. If I get, if I get your name wrong.

Josh

I was thinking because if it's a first name that changed, right, that feels like maybe a transition. Last name is as marriage or divorce. And I don't want to say which is best case scenario for a given person, which is worst case scenario.

JPC

You know, or it's also possible that, and I'm not going to name names as to who this applies to, but some people have insisted that their name in Gmail has to be Gmail, they don't know how to change it, they in fact can't change it.

00:15:30

Erin

He's talking about me. I don't know how to change it. I have tried for years.

Josh

Now this is the greatest riddle of all.

Erin

Should we just do a hard pivot in this episode and the three of you help me figure this out?

JPC

Let's do it. Hey Erin, I swear to God I have written down for a live show in the future I'm gonna get your phone and I'm going to change your name in Gmail to your name so that I know... Hey GBC, you can't handle what's on my phone. You can't handle the truth. I've been emailing you for the last six years and it says, Hi Adal, Hi Gmail.

Erin

I'm trying my best That's what I think an escape room would feel like And it would. Having been in an escape room with them, this is exactly what it feels like. Dredging up the past.

Josh

I'm doing my best.

JPC

It is a bad impulse, but my impulse in an escape room isn't to solve riddles. It is to create chaos and confusion and any sort of interpersonal discord that I could throw into the mix. That's what really gets me off of the escape room.

00:16:42

Josh

Oh, I would lose my goddamn mind. And I would make you believe that that was your problem and not mine. It would absolutely be my problem. It would take a while for me to say anything, but I would be slowly going crazy. My brain would feel like it had turned into spiders that were trying to escape my head.

JPC

Okay, well, I'll say of these riddles, we're gonna do some riddles from listeners. Some of them are kind of frustrating, but they're also like kind of worn-up-y, but there will be a payoff. So if you don't like these, hang out, because in the after the break, in the second half of the show, someone else had submitted a very fun game that I think everyone will have a lot of fun with. So if we're not having a good time, the good times are on the way.

Adal

So these should be work, and the rest should be play. Exactly, exactly.

JPC

We're all going to have a nice little salad before we tuck into our dessert. That's how meals work, right? Salad and dessert?

Josh

Is there anyone... Yeah, yeah, the two courses. Is anyone else, A, when you get a plate of food, right? If you get an omelette or a burger with a little salad and some fries, I house that salad right off the jump. Salad's gone before I take another bite of the food, because I know once I finish that burger, I don't even want to see the salad. Yeah.

00:17:59

JPC

So I gotta get it out of the way first. I am the exact same way. If there is at any point a salad in the mix, I have to eat every shred of that lettuce before I touch the food that I actually want to eat. Because, yeah, if I even have one french fry, I'll never touch the salad. Yeah, I'll never go back.

Adal

I do that with almost everything I eat. So if I get like a pack of Starburst, I'm like, let me get these yellow out of the way, let me like choke down these orange, and then the last five bites are gonna be sweet, sweet reds or pinks. Like, yes, absolutely.

Erin

Choke down orange starbursts. What a chore that is.

Josh

Yeah, as an adult, I guess you could just like give them away to someone or throw them away. I'm not sweating the whatever the prorated cost of like 72 cents is gonna be, but it does feel wasteful even though there is no nutritive value to them.

Adal

I see a post on Nextdoor that says, is someone in the area feeding all the geese orange starburst? Because they are dying rapidly.

00:19:01

JPC

I was cleaning my house yesterday and I found, from Halloween, a five pound bag of assorted candy and I just had to throw it away. I was like, I can't, there's not a way, first of all, this is not, I can't just give this to children or something, right? Like it's bad for them. There's one day a year you're allowed to give candy to strange children. I can't just leave it on the street. I had to get rid of it. I was like, I can't keep it here. If I keep it here, I eat it.

Erin

JPC, what about your unmarked van? Can't you drive around in your unmarked van and sort of pull up to schools and try to give it away that way?

JPC

I was like, can I show up to a food bank and be like, hey, can I donate? It's going to expire in 30 days, but can I donate five pounds of candy? And they'd be like, no.

Josh

No one needs this. This isn't my story to tell, but my friend Ashton, who is one of the founders and the editor-in-chief of Flagrant Mag, which is great, I'm wearing the t-shirt right now actually, but she told me she saw someone buy a KitKat the other day that said it expires in March of 2024, which is this month, and then they were like, do you have any fresh ones back there? And they were like, a month window isn't good enough for you.

00:20:10

Adal

Hot off the press Kit Kat.

JPC

Well, in their defense, like a Kit Kat, I have to imagine that it's gonna last like three years. So to buy it on its expiration month, I'm like, this is an old Kit Kat.

Josh

They're not moving a lot of product.

Adal

I like somebody buying a Kit-Kat and sitting on it to be like, is this going to appreciate? That's the same day to eat. What are we doing? A Kit-Kat's like wine.

Erin

This is a 98 Kit-Kat.

Josh

Smelling one of the bars of the Kit-Kat like a cigar.

Adal

The waiter breaks it just to aerate it and be like, is this, yes, this will do.

???

That sounds so gross.

Josh

Throw me out the window, leave a grieving wife, but leave me in the doorway and you might just save a life. What am I?

00:21:18

Adal

Can you read it again? Erin, I'd love to read it again. Thank you.

JPC

Also, when I copy and pasted this, I didn't write the answer, so I'm glad that we gave me time to remember what the answer is, which I have remembered.

???

Okay.

JPC

Throw me out the window, leave a grieving wife, but leave me in the doorway and you might just save a life. What and why?

Adal

Now, a grieving wife would be a widow. Yes. So throw something out a window and it becomes a widow.

JPC

Oh, so this is the letter N? This is the letter N, yes. Wow. But what's the second part? The second part is, but leave me in the doorway. This one's a little more obscure, and you might just save a life.

Josh

Is it donor way? Yes, yes.

JPC

It would be to add an inch to the doorway.

Josh

I was thinking threshold.

00:22:21

Erin

Oh, Adal. Oh, Adal. That was a good riddle.

Josh

That is a good riddle. Yeah, surprisingly good. Adal, you really got on it quick, too. You knew that this was like a language thing. Because I was picturing just like, what are some things I would throw out the window that my wife would be mad at?

Adal

Orange Starburst.

Erin

I was thinking like vampire stuff, like vampires coming through the doorway. That's what I was thinking.

JPC

Yeah, Erin has true blood on the mind.

Erin

Always.

JPC

Sorry, I was thinking about vampires, Dov.

Adal

So here's what I want to know. So vampires, famously, just like Jesus, you have to invite them in for them to be able to cross the French line.

Josh

And just like Jesus, you have to get them to leave.

Erin

I'd like to see a scene. JBC, you are throwing a dinner party and Adal and Josh are your guests. But Josh, you are Jesus and you're sort of overstaying your welcome and not taking the hint to leave.

???

Well, slaps my upper thighs. It it's getting to be getting to be that time.

00:23:28

Josh

Okay, this has been so fun. What do we all say to one more round? Who's got the water? I'll switch it up.

JPC

You know, yeah. Yes, I can't say we're out of water. So yeah, yeah, I'll get a I'll give another pitcher of water, why not?

Josh

Hold on, I'll come with you to the kitchen. I'll just hold my fingers under the faucet, winify it as it drips.

JPC

No, no, don't do that because it works backwards and it fucks up my hot water tank when all the water in that turns to wine. I took a really surprising shower the other day. I'll bring it, I'll bring it. You guys just hang out for a second, I'll bring it.

Adal

Hey, um, can I, Jesus, can I ask you, are you, are you mad at me? I'm

00:24:31

Josh

Little drunk, I'm in my head.

Adal

Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha.

JPC

Alright, I got the water, and you know what else I got is, uh, to-go cups. I forgot that we even had these, cups with lids, so if everyone kind of wants to take theirs to, maybe we do a little toast, take a sip, and then we take them to go, if that's... I just, that's... brother, that's against the law. Today we're And also, Jesus, I love the whole water to wine thing, and I love that you asked this time, but sometimes people do just want to drink water. I don't understand why. I don't want to speak for anyone else.

Josh

I'm so drunk right now. My urine is bright red. That's not on Jesus, okay? Maybe you ate beets, maybe you got a UTI, but I'm not taking the fall for that. You could lay your hands on it and cure him if it was a UTI or beets, right? I do have to lay my hands on his penis if it's a UTI. Which I'm not, not that there's anything wrong with that.

00:25:55

Adal

Not that there's anything wrong with that. I've seen you cure so many lepers by touching them, I've seen you wash so many feet, and then you put your finger in my drink and it just sucks. It just sucks.

Josh

Oh, you got something against lepers now? No, no, no, no. Some of my best friends are lepers.

JPC

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you brought him over. And if you could cure them as well, that would be awesome, because I am not a clothes-minded person at all.

Adal

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, but... You're a clothes-minded person, new toga.

JPC

Yes, thank you so much for noticing, Jesus. You could have noticed as well.

Josh

I noticed too, I just didn't want to say anything, because I like your old togas so much too. I didn't want you to just think I like the new one.

JPC

Okay, you know what? I feel like everyone, we're getting, we're getting a little heated here. I think we can kind of just, I think we can kind of just settle down. I enjoy everyone's company. I'm glad that you all came over. I'm glad that we're here.

00:26:55

Josh

Sam, I'm so glad we're hanging out. It's been too long since we've hung out. This is so good that we're doing this.

Adal

Too long, too long, yeah.

Josh

Hey John, hey John, hey John.

Adal

Yeah. I, there's people, I betrayed Jesus. There's people coming to, can we stay here just another 20 minutes?

Erin

Yeah, I got a lot of people coming.

JPC

Riddle Riddle Riddle Riddle Riddle Riddle Riddle Riddle I don't know how to pronounce that, it doesn't matter, sent us one of the better ones from Skyrim. So I don't know if, oftentimes there will be like flavor text stuff in video games that I'm like, okay, this is, I think the last time I played the God of War game that came out a few years ago had a ton of riddles in it. And they were like to flesh out the universe riddles. And honestly, some of those were pretty good, but I've opened some books in like Morrowind before and been like, huh, this is nothing. A metal neither black nor red, as heavy as man's golden greed, what you do to stay ahead with friend or arrow or steed? Can you read it again? Erin, I can absolutely read it again. Second time's the charm. A metal neither black nor red, as heavy as man's golden greed. What you do to stay ahead, with friend or arrow or steed.

00:28:26

Josh

Is it lead and lead as homophone? It is lead and lead.

JPC

It is lead and lead.

Erin

Nice. These are good riddles.

JPC

Josh. I do like that one. That was incredible. Okay, congratulations, Josh, you have one point. And this is a good time to remind everyone that we do keep points for the rest of the show.

Erin

Well, we remember once every three years.

Josh

The endorphins flooding my body at being on the board with these riddles. Yeah. It feels like the way people describe, like, when you're dying. Like, I think answering that riddle right released DMT into my body.

Erin

This next riddle is from Tim and Lizzie.

Josh

Tim and Lizzie write, which of the following words doesn't fit the pattern? Stop, crop, drop, or flop?

00:29:31

Adal

Okay, and this is, speaking of DMZ, this is from DMX.

Josh

Stop, drop, shut them down, wear your crop top.

JPC

Stop, crop, drop, or flop.

Adal

Stop, drop, crop, flop.

JPC

I don't think the order matters, but it's stop, crop, drop, or flop.

Adal

Now, flop, of course, we have flip-flop. Drop, we have drip-drop. What was the other one? Where is he going with this? I want to know. We don't have stip-stop, so it's got to be stop. What if he gets the right answer?

Erin

Is it like those shitty math classes you'd take growing up where you have to have your work be right too, not just the answer?

Josh

Yeah, that sucks.

JPC

I'm with Erin. That sucks. Yeah, my work is wrong. I cheated. I cheated on the test. So yeah, there's not going to be work.

Adal

Texas Instruments now makes a calculator for riddles.

00:30:32

Josh

So I know the answer's right, I just don't know how I did it. Absolutely ridiculous that Texas Instruments makes calculators, not guns.

Erin

That's a good point. JPC, can I just guess?

JPC

Yeah, that's how this works.

Erin

Wait, read them again? Read them again and I'm gonna go off vibes.

JPC

Stop, crop, drop, or flop.

Erin

I'm gonna go crop.

JPC

Incorrect. Erin, that is a great guess, but it is not the correct one of those five words. Drop. It is not drop.

Erin

Flop.

Adal

Erin, it is not flop. Wow. Almost more impressive that you went 0 for 3.

Erin

Yeah, that is unlikely. I can't show my work mathematically of how unlikely it is, but I know it's unlikely.

JPC

Erin, would you like to take any more guesses?

Erin

No.

JPC

Erin's all done with guesses.

Josh

So stop is the answer, and we just have to say no.

JPC

No, a stop is not the answer.

Josh

How did we get four guesses wrong when there were only four options?

00:31:36

JPC

Well, they're all wrong. Tim and Lizzie said that this is maybe a frustrating riddle, but I will read it one more time. Yes. One more time. Which of the following words doesn't fit the pattern? Stop, crop, drop, or flop? Ore. It's ore. Gosh darn it. There were five words in there. Okay, but this riddle submission comes with a little bit of a story.

Erin

Because this riddle submission came in... Yeah, calm us down quickly, JPC, because the three of us are about to fly off the handle from that riddle.

JPC

That's from Tim and Lizzie. A few minutes later, we get another riddle submitted from just Tim. So I think what happened here is that riddle, whatever Tim and Lizzie had, a partnership, a marriage, a friendship, is gone, is over. That drove a wedge between them, and now it's just Tim from here on out.

Adal

Well famously, Tim, Lizzie, the boys are back in town.

JPC

Tonight there's going to be a riddle somewhere in this town. So this is a riddle from just Tim, single Tim, living their best life out in the town.

00:32:43

Josh

Alright, don't even read that other bullshit riddle. That was just to get Lizzie off my friggin' back.

JPC

Sorry about that. Okay, so Lizzie and I just had a huge fight. Lizzie doesn't sign off on this riddle. I'm sending it anyway because I'm Tim and I have an email address. I can do what I want. What do you call it when you're free for the first time in your life?

Josh

When you can just be you? When it's Tim time.

Erin

He's like wine drunk and he accidentally sends the please come back Lizzie email to us.

Adal

A band of gold that weighs you down. Five years of marriage, a big frown. What the fuck is this, Tim?

JPC

Hey, I know this is a couple years ago, but do you guys still have Lizzie's email? Because she blocked me and I just know that if you emailed Lizzie on my behalf Hey, here's the riddle, how do you get her to come back?

00:33:48

Josh

In 2030 you'll get around to reading it.

Erin

Yes, we'll read it in 2030. But it has to be, here's the thing, it has to be three emails or less, okay?

JPC

Yeah.

Erin

And it has to be good. So, brainstorm before you just start sending the email. I want good, good emails.

JPC

And I think also, like, feel free to space it. Feel free to space it. Do some return bits where you reply back to an email from, like, three years ago and be like, Hey man, I changed my mind. Please don't read this riddle. This is actually going to ruin me. I'm a lawyer now and I just can't have this getting out there. Like, do some of that.

Josh

I've actually, I've been clean from riddles for three years. And if you read this, I'm worried I'm going to relapse.

Erin

I'm going to start questioning everything. He's going to hear it.

Josh

He's going to be like, was this you writing into the podcast? Like, whoa, that sounds like a riddle to me, boss.

Adal

This should be like the person on Twitter who, for like a year, started each of their tweets with, somebody once told me the world. Like, that was impressive. That was a heat. Yes.

00:34:51

Erin

Some people painted chapels and beautiful portraits 500 years ago, and some people did that on Twitter. And honestly, I prefer the Twitter one. That is a good legacy to me.

JPC

Hey, we're all going to end up in the same place. Heaven. Okay, so this is just from Tim. This is just from Tim. Given to you dry, once made wet, I can wet you in return.

Erin

Towel?

JPC

Erin, I thought towel. I thought towel as well. It is not towel. Tim did say in this email that they made this one up. This is the Tim original.

Josh

Okay, so maybe Lizzie had a point. Given to you dry, once made wet, I can wet you in return. Was dry shampoo around in 2018?

00:35:55

JPC

No, they just did that. That was a 20... It was a recent invention. Yeah, it was probably a costume. This is November, so yeah, I bet it was. Right around the corner, right around the corner. Yeah. Given to you dry. Given to you dry. Once made wet, I can wet you in return. I think that there probably is a lot of answers to this. Is this like tea? Adal, it is tea. It is absolutely tea. I don't get it. So go ahead, please do.

Adal

You have the tea bag or the tea leaves, they're dry, you make them wet, and then you drink it, and that makes you wet? What's your whistle?

???

No, no, no, yeah, no, get y'all horned up.

Erin

You guys drink horny tea before bed, right?

Adal

Twinnings, please take the slogan, we make you wet. Please, wet before bed.

Josh

Twinnings, it's right there. Is that what he's supposed to be doing? I love this effort. I think if I had one critique, Tim let the allure of Riddle speak overwhelm the logic of the Riddle itself, right? Yeah. It felt very Riddle-ish. But when you're like, is that what teeth like the part of me that I put the T on is already wet.

00:37:16

JPC

Tim let the riddle speak overwhelm and now Tim and Lizzie don't speak anymore. If Tim and Lizzie and their separate houses with their two separate small dogs are still listening to this, maybe give it another shot. Okay, maybe we all did some riddles that we didn't agree with and it might be time to bury the hatchet.

Erin

I'm also so sorry if you did break up and we're just parading the corpse of your relationship. With not even a care in the world. Can I ask the three of you a question? Yes, please. And I really want you to think hard about this. Is there any drink or beverage less horny than tea? Because I think tea is the least horny.

Adal

Well, I call it the queen's juice. And that proves my point. I think milk.

Erin

Oh my god, you're so right. I'm so glad I asked.

Adal

This is, and we're saying this is the least horny beverage. Yeah.

Erin

Yeah.

Adal

Okay. I'm going to say.

Erin

What about those Got Milk ads though? Those are pretty horny.

Adal

Oh, the mustache. I'm going to say Mountain Dew Baja Blast. I was thinking about Mountain Dew. Cause it's tied into Taco Bell. Like you cannot have one without the other. They are a pair. Yeah. And having Taco Bell is the least sexy thing you can ever do in terms of the feeling you have after you eat it.

00:38:30

JPC

I recently accidentally saw a Mountain Dew commercial and there were like people like BMX biking onto a train and they were like grabbing Mountain Dew and I was like wow we still are doing this huh this is still the market that Mountain Dew is going for it seems insane because all of the people that grew up on that in like the 90s when that was their ad campaign have grown up to be I gotta say, probably not a lot of BMX bikers. So, I feel like now they should be like, retooling, like how everything is just existing IP. Mountain Dew should just be like, hey man, like, why don't you just sit down in a chair and drink a Mountain Dew? Life is fucking hard, like, you're allowed to be who you are. I don't have to pretend like I'm getting on a fucking longboard.

Josh

Right, I can drink it at work. I have a job. We do have to take a quick break when we get back we will we will do some riddles on the other side plus a fun game look at this tease we will be right back

00:39:50

Erin

Hey JPC, do you have a minute?

JPC

Oh yeah, yeah, what's up?

Erin

Wow, you were sound asleep. That's crazy. You were fully sleeping at your desk. Sorry to wake you.

JPC

Both of my arms are asleep. I fell asleep leaning on both of my arms. I need arms. Will I need arms for this?

Erin

No, I don't think so. I was looking at my Rocket Money app, my absolute favorite app on my phone. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so that you can grow I was going over all of my expenses from 2023, and I realized that I spent about $4,000 trying to get Adal out of the cat costume last year.

JPC

Yeah, yes.

Erin

That's a lot of money. And I know currently he's stuck again, right?

JPC

Yeah. I mean, I was just telling you about the app that I downloaded about trying to track if my friends are stuck in a cat costume, and I have not used this app in a long time, and it is a monthly subscription app. I'm paying upwards of $900 a month, and yeah, I'm getting a lot of cosmetics, okay? They got me in the microeconomy. I can't get out of it. It's just too fun to get Cat costume, you know, versions of what Adal might be stuck in. I gotta quit it. I have to quit it. And I think it sounds like I'm struggling with my finances and Rocket Money might be exactly the thing that helps me through it.

00:41:15

Erin

Yeah, they will find all of the subscriptions you're not using or you don't want anymore and they'll cancel them for you. Also, they will even try to negotiate lowering your bills for you by up to 20%. All you have to do is submit a picture of your bill and Rocket Money takes care of the rest. They'll deal with customer service for you. It's like having an assistant. It's incredible.

JPC

And Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has saved a total of 500 million in cancelled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year when using all of the app's features. And Erin, I think we're driving that average up because of how much money we're spending on this cat costume.

Erin

Riddle Riddle Riddle Riddle Riddle Riddle Riddle Riddle Riddle Riddle Riddle I love you, Rocket Money. All right. Let's get the scissors. Get the scissors.

00:42:24

JPC

This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace.

Erin

Oh, GPC, you are just in time. I am making my new website using Squarespace.

JPC

Okay. Erin, can I... I'm sorry to... I just want to get ahead of it. The website that you're making on Squarespace, which is, we all know, the all-in-one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and succeed online, whether you're just starting out or managing a growing brand, Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website, engage with your audience, and sell anything from products to content to time, all in one place, all on your terms. We all know this. The website that you're making has nothing to do with Adal being stuck in a cat costume again, right? Erin, we have to think of something else. There has to be. We have to think of something else.

Erin

What do you mean think of something else? This is a real thing that he keeps doing. If he wants us to talk about something else, he should stop getting in these too-small-of-cat costumes.

JPC

You know it's a real thing. I know it's a real thing. Everybody listening knows it's a real thing. I'm just saying, respective of that, you and I, we have to think of something else.

Erin

Help Adal Get Out of a Cat Costume dot com is going to be thriving. I can sell exclusive content on the site by adding a paywall to sell memberships or courses, or sell files so that my customers can download like PDFs, music, or e-books. Because there's going to be a lot of content to download of us trying to get Adal out of this costume.

00:43:42

JPC

Yeah, plus with Squarespace websites you have flexible payments. You can make checkout seamless for your customers with simple but powerful payment tools. You can accept credit cards, PayPal, Apple Pay, and in eligible countries offer customers the option to buy now and pay later with Afterpay and Clearpay. And I know we have been flooded with donations to try to get Adal the equipment that he needs to get out of this cat costume, but I have to tell people The stuff that you're suggesting doesn't exist yet. It's theoretical. It's dangerous. We want to use it. They just can't manufacture it yet.

Erin

And I mean, we're trying everything and we're filming it. And we can upload our video content, organize our video library, and showcase our content on beautiful video pages. So you can sell access to your video library by adding a paywall to your content. So if you want to see these videos of us trying to get Adal out of these costumes, well, he's just screaming. He doesn't know what he wants. He's acting like a cat who's stuck.

JPC

He's scared because he doesn't know where he is. So he's scared. And it's natural to be scared in this situation. And we have to think of something new.

00:44:44

Erin

Listen, all you gotta do- Never, never. Adal, if you want us to think of something new, you gotta show up, buddy.

JPC

Yeah, you solve this problem, Adal. All you have to do is head to squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, go to www.squarespace.com slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. And look, We bought adalastuckinacatcostume.com so you don't have to. So don't bother looking for it because we own that.

Erin

We own it. Don't worry about it. Adal is stuck in a cat costume. If he's not here, it means he's stuck in a cat costume and there's no other concept we'll ever come up with.

JPC

Stop emailing us. He's stuck in a cat costume. Bye! Are we lazy? Yeah, we're lazy people. We just, you know, we're not smart. We're not good people. No, of course not. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Okay, Erin, I don't know. What do we do in this situation? Should we try texting him? Should we try calling him? He's not here. Oh, you know what I can do? Yeah. I downloaded this app forever ago. I'll just check it. Is your friend trapped in a cat costume? I have to re-download it. There's an update from the store.

00:45:59

Erin

There's an update for it.

JPC

Yeah, they're updating this thing all the time. Okay, so yes, so this is why I got the app. It looks like he is stuck in a cat costume.

Erin

Again?

JPC

The app says again, yes.

Erin

Are you telling me we couldn't think of a different concept? So we're doubling down on Adal being stuck in a cat costume?

JPC

Hey, sometimes thinking of concepts is hard. And if your brain is too full of concepts that you're thinking of, maybe it's time that you try out online therapy. Uh-huh. You know what I'm saying?

Erin

Well, JPC, yes, I use BetterHelp. And if you're thinking of starting therapy, I would give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. All you have to do is fill out a brief questionnaire and get matched with your licensed therapist. And you can switch therapists anytime for no additional charge if the fit isn't right. I love being able to message my counselor at any time being like, oh my gosh, I have so many funny, cool ideas of where Adal could be and why he's not here today. I don't even know where to begin. And then she can get back to me with a timely response of like, Erin, make a list.

00:47:03

???

Read.

Erin

It's okay. You're a genius. All sorts of stuff like that.

JPC

I'm glad you brought up the fit not being right, because why would you try to get in a cat costume if you know it's not gonna fit? Like, look, hey, I'll be the first to admit, we're not in our 20s anymore, okay? We can't fit into the cat costumes of yesteryear. We have to accept and embrace our own bodies and how beautiful they are, and maybe just buy a cat costume that fits us.

Erin

Right, and you don't want to be making the same mistakes over and over again in life like Adal, where you continually get stuck in a cat costume. So you know what? Give better help a try. Visit BetterHelp.com slash Riddle today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash Riddle, R-I-D-D-L-E.

JPC

So the app has an option for me to just delete him as a contact. That could solve the problem.

Erin

Yeah. Let's try it.

00:48:04

JPC

Okay, I promised everybody that we would do a little palate cleanser, even though I didn't even really get to the atrociously frustrating riddles. But we're gonna do the palate cleanser nonetheless. So this is a little game that someone named Jeff sent into the show. And Jeff... We'll give you an example and you'll probably get it pretty quick. And if you didn't, that's bad game design, Jeff, so that's on you. Jeff says, I give you two musical artists and you have to come up with the before and after using a song title from each artist. Wow. Some of these are pretty famous. If it gets to the point where you just don't know the song title or something, we can do a gimme. But for example, if I say, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Simon and Garfunkel.

Adal

Under the Bridge Over Troubled Water.

JPC

Wow. Absolutely. It's Under the Bridge Over Troubled Water. So there's the before, the unifying word, and the after.

Adal

And let's all agree, Flea is the Paul Simon, Kiedis is the Art Garfunkel.

00:49:05

Erin

Old Gmail over here does not have a fast enough brain to do this game. I am so sorry, everybody. I will be sitting out and eating orange slices on the bench over here.

Adal

I do have to hear, Josh, who Chad Smith is.

Josh

Oh, I was just going to say, he's out of there. You ever hear about Simon and Garfunkel's drummer? Nope. They're just tapping on the guitar.

JPC

I was recently, I have a different show, which is a show called Bill Buds, which is like a pop music review show, but I was recently looking up the band Phoenix, and the band Phoenix is four people. They're a French band, they're four people, and they've been around since like 95. So they've been around a long time. They do not have a drummer in the band. They have four people and they don't have a drummer. And then I saw, but they've been using the same session drummer since like 2005. So they've had this guy for 20 years and he's like, yeah, you're just like our drummer when we go into studio or we do like live shows, but you're not in the band Phoenix. And I was like, that sucks. You have two guitarists and no drummer in a band?

00:50:07

Adal

Leave it to the French. Foreigner and Vanilla Ice um i'm blanking on cold as ice ice baby it's cold as ice ice baby nice nice joshie thank you i'm so sorry i said no that was good oh god adal that was awesome I'm too exposed, I'm too vulnerable, I'm having fun.

Erin

That truly felt like watching you run into a burning building. I was like, whoa! No hesitation.

JPC

All the people around, it's empty, it's empty. Nice Nice Joshy is far too intimate for a first-time guest on the show. Overly familiar, overly familiar.

Erin

It's absolutely the title of the episode. Yeah. Nice Nice Joshy is the name of the episode. Sorry, Adam.

00:51:08

JPC

As it was in my mouth, I hated it. We are sorry, Josh. Adal will take the mandatory HR course that we take every time we do something like this on the show, and he will not get better, but... I'll be on sabbatical. Listening, learning. Okay. Hall and Oates and the Killers. Rich girl. Okay, rich girl.

Josh

What are their songs?

JPC

If it's a Killers song, you could probably find a girl in there somewhere.

Adal

So Killers have, what's Mr. Brightside? Mr. Brightside. And what was the first band? Hall & Oates. Hall & Oates.

JPC

You're on the right Killers album, but you got the wrong song.

Josh

Somebody told me. That's a previous album, I think. We're talking Samstown? No, we're talking Hot Fuss.

JPC

Sorry, I screwed up. Sarah, smile like you mean it. Can I get half a point? Everybody gets half a point there. I think everybody got their hands on the answer.

00:52:22

Adal

I think it was mostly Erin and Josh who solved that. Or as we know them on the road, something in a clam? Two hams in a clam?

Josh

Two hams in a clam!

Erin

Two clams. Two hams in a clam. Our branding is not good if you've already forgotten. It's only been 30 minutes.

Josh

Well, when he sees the logo, he'll be disgusted and he'll remember.

Adal

Pixie muscles? Those aren't even clams.

JPC

A half point for Nice Joshy and a half point for Gmail. Nice Joshy is worse than Nice Nice Joshy.

Adal

Wow, JPC, interesting. I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry.

Erin

Oh God, my nickname being Gmail was something that was inevitably coming for me and it finally caught up to me. I accept my fate.

JPC

Okay, here's your next one. I think it's good manners to make the guest feel as uncomfortable as we feel just every day walking around. I love it. Led Zeppelin and Belinda Carlyle

Adal

Oh, fuck. I know the name Belinda Carlyle. I could not tell you what she sings.

Josh

Okay, but what about Led Zeppelin?

Adal

And Zeppelin has a hearty catalog.

JPC

Yeah, yeah.

00:53:23

Erin

The only Belinda Carlyle song I know is... Oh!

Adal

Stairway to Heaven on Earth. Stairway to Heaven on Earth. Erin knew the song.

Erin

Thank you. Thank you.

JPC

Dave Matthews Band and Hall & Oates. So back to Hall & Oates already.

Adal

Crash Rich Girl. Under the Table in... No, that's an album. The Ants Go Marching.

JPC

I'm looking at this one now and I'm thinking Hey, what?

Erin

I don't know about this. The Space Between holonotes song.

JPC

No, this is a Dean Matthews Band song that I am familiar with, but it's not... Where are you going?

Erin

Is it that one?

JPC

Erin, yes, it's that one.

00:54:24

Erin

I think it is that one.

JPC

Wait, do you know what that song is called? I think, Erin, we're thinking of the same song.

Erin

Is it called Where Are You Going? Probably not. It's probably not called that.

Adal

Where Are You Going, Maneater? Is that something?

JPC

Okay, here, I don't even know this Hall & Oates song. I think that this might not even be, this could be a Hall & Oates song. I'm gonna change it to Dave Matthews Band and Weezer. I think that that's easier because I think that, I'm looking at this song and I'm like, this is a Weezer song I know, but it's not a Hall & Oates song that I know. And Erin, I think you got the right Dave Matthews Band song, but I actually don't know from just you singing what second of it. What do you say in Ain't So? It's What Would You Say It Ain't So.

Josh

Wow, Josh.

JPC

Dude, okay, so Josh, you are actually really fucking good at this game. It's a big team effort. Is that, Erin, is that the Dave Matthews Band song that you were singing?

Erin

I do not think so. And Josh, I just want to say don't fucking patronize us.

00:55:25

Josh

It's only the biggest stars in sports who say it's a team effort. Today we

JPC

Yeah, I just got out there and I was the best one at sports, so what are you gonna do?

Josh

Anybody have LeBron James' phone number? I want to call him and make fun of him, but he won't give me his number.

Adal

It's a real Tim Lissy situation.

JPC

I think this one, the difficulty on this one is dialed way back down. This is U2 and Maroon 5.

Josh

Sunday bloody Sunday morning?

JPC

Sunday bloody Sunday morning. Josh is on the board.

Adal

Okay, Queen and Kansas. I don't know. Okay. Well, how does the dust in the wind go? Let's all sing different parts of it.

00:56:41

Erin

Yeah, I am less sure about what that song is after the last 15 seconds.

Josh

Do they sing it in old school when Will Ferrell dies?

Adal

Old school. Spoiler alert. Yes. Oh, it's when Will Ferrell dies, yeah. I thought it was when Blue dies.

Josh

No, you're right. It is Blue. Blue dies. Will Ferrell. You're my boy, Blue. Yeah, it's when Blue dies.

JPC

Does Will Ferrell die in old school? No matter what we can say, Will Ferrell dies at old school. I'm getting things wrong left and right.

Josh

You're getting all the riddles right though, so that's important. Yeah, I'm kind of a riddle survivor. I don't know any facts, I only know riddles. I couldn't tell you my birthday unless you make it rhyme when you ask the question. The day ye were born.

JPC

Alright, we got Lynyrd Skynyrd and R.E.M. I feel like I said that weird. R.E.M. It's not shiny happy people.

Erin

That's the only R.E.M. song that matters.

JPC

Give Me Two Steps. This Lynyrd Skynyrd song, I don't even know if I know this. I feel like I maybe have heard this. So it's not Free Bird. It's not Free Bird.

00:57:44

Adal

Tuesday's Gone with the Wind, Me in the Corner, Sweet Home Alabama, My Religion.

JPC

Sweet Home Alabama-mer-mer. I can give you kind of as a hint, I can give you the center word if you would prefer that. Yes, please. That word, the one that connects them, is man.

Josh

Southern man? Southern man. In the moon. Southern man on the moon.

JPC

Wow. The song is called Simple Man on the Moon if our friend Jeff is to be... I don't know if I know that one.

Josh

Is Southern Man also Leonard Skynard or am I getting it wrong again?

Adal

I don't know. Simple Man is definitely one of their big ones and it's a great song.

JPC

I would bet dollars to donuts that Leonard Skinner has a song called Southern Man.

Adal

I'm looking it up.

JPC

If they're not, they're leaving money on the fucking table.

Adal

I think Simple Man would be a simple man. Oh, Crazy Horse and Neil Young. Okay. Oh, nice. I think Simple Man is in Happy Gilmore? No, that's Tuesday's Gone With the Wind. Never mind.

JPC

No, it's in Happy Gilmore and it's when Shooter Rick Gavin dies. Spoiler alert. Okay, Nirvana and Joe Cocker.

00:58:53

Adal

Hey Riddle What's the Black Box Heart?

JPC

The only Joe Cocker song I know is the... What would you do with a honeymoon? But it's not that one. And I think this could be a cover too. I actually have no idea. It feels like it's a cover.

Josh

It feels like Teen Spirit and The Sky is really good. I think we should make it that.

JPC

Thank you. Should we all agree that that's what it is and that Jeff got it wrong? And that Jeff's the idiot? He looks like a fool.

Josh

Jeff, you got it wrong. You're practically Tim.

JPC

Jeff going full Tim mode on us.

Josh

You hate to see it. I didn't expect this to be a 2 Tims episode.

00:59:57

JPC

The center word on this one is you are. If you guys want to take another stab at it. Come as you are.

Josh

And then you are. My sunshine?

JPC

No, it's close. It's two more words. You are.

Erin

Not a lot.

Adal

I don't know Elijah Cocker.

JPC

You are so beautiful.

Erin

You are so beautiful.

JPC

Of course. I didn't know that was Cocker. Hey, it could be a cover. Who knows? Look, we all can agree that Jeff really temped us on this one, okay?

Josh

So if some of these are wrong. I know nothing about Joe Cocker. All his songs feel like they're covers at this point. He could just be Bob Seger's Chris Gaines and I would believe it.

Adal

Yeah, remember when he hosted SNL and was a musical guest? And Jim Belushi, or not, Jim Belushi, oh no. Yeah, there's Jim Belushi.

Josh

After Jim Belushi died, spoiler alert.

01:00:57

JPC

Okay, your next one, Beastie Boys and Foo Fighters. I think I could get this one. I think I could have gotten this one. Brass Monkey Wrench? It's Brass Monkey Wrench. Big songs for both bands.

Adal

One of the forward of music videos of my life, the Monkey Wrench video on the airplane with David Grohl as the flight attendant. Did you say David Grohl? Yeah, that's very formal of you. After Nice Nice Joshie, I want to play it safe. It's all formal names. Mr. David Grohl. Mr. Patrick Schmier.

JPC

Okay, Blank 182 and the Offspring. This is not one of the biggest Blank 182 songs. I think you might need to be like a blank fan to get this one. Okay. And it's also maybe not one of the biggest offspring songs either.

Erin

Is it I Miss You? It's not I Miss You.

01:02:00

Adal

So offspring, what's the one that's like, give it to me, baby? Pretty Fly for a White Guy. Pretty Fly for a White Guy, thank you.

Josh

Offspring songs that I know, Self Esteem, Come Out and Play. Yep. These are not them. These are offspring songs. What's My Age Again?

Adal

First Date. Erin, did you Google Blink-182 songs? What's going on over here?

Erin

I just happened to see them in concert last year.

Josh

Rock show is Blink-182.

Erin

Yeah, that's fine.

JPC

I will say, the center word that you're looking for is the kids.

Adal

Oh yes. The kids are not alright. The kids are not alright is the offspring song.

JPC

The kids aren't alright is the offspring song.

Adal

Okay. And then who's the other band? Blink-182.

JPC

We have the Eagles and the Mamas and the Papas. Hotel California Dreamin'.

01:03:10

???

Hotel California Dreamin'! I could've gotten that one.

JPC

Adam's eyes rolled into his fuckin' head like a mint hat and he pulled out... He just solved a crime that hasn't taken place yet.

Adal

Wait, what were those things called? Precog. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which precogs can still get you pregnant.

JPC

We got four more.

Josh

We have Jimi Hendrix and Tom Petty

JPC

Last Dance with Mary Jane The actual title is Mary Jane's Last Dance, but you got that right.

01:04:16

Josh

A Jimi Hendrix song that ends with Mary? Did he do a version of Proud Mary?

JPC

Now I would say Proud Mary is the bigger song, and you could do, whoever sang Proud Mary, Tina Turner, Tom Petty, I think would be the right way to go with this. It feels like maybe Jeff knows a little more about Jimi Hendrix than me. The song that Jeff picked here is The Wind Cries Mary. Oh, sure.

Adal

The Wind Cries Mary, yeah, that's a big one.

JPC

I'll give it to Jeff. The next one, I haven't thought about this band in probably, I almost said 10 years, but it's been more than that since high school, JPC. It's been quite a few more years than that.

Adal

Fuel, Oleander, Slipknot. The Codys.

JPC

This is OAR and Lady Gaga.

Josh

Oh, OAR. Sorry, who was the first one? Crazy Game of Poker Face. Nice.

JPC

That was a crazy game of poker face. Wow. That was so fast.

Josh

It hopes that there's one OAR song that I've ever heard. That would help, yes. That would be very helpful. If it wasn't that, I would have no chance.

01:05:26

JPC

I don't think I've ever heard an O.A.R. song so much as hated an O.A.R. vibe.

Adal

Jeff wrote these? These are Jeff, yeah. Jeff, let me just carve out 10 seconds here to say these absolutely fucking rule.

JPC

Wow. Now, are we saying that Jeff has a little bit of Tim redemption? Because we've been calling Jeff a Tim for a long time in this episode. Why don't we see how, let's see how Jeff ends it. Let's see if Jeff can really stick the landing. You're on the line, Jeff. You could be a Tim. We'll see if you're a Jeff. Or you could be a Lizzie.

Erin

Or you could be a nice, nice Joshie. We'll see.

Josh

Is there going to be a third ham in our clam?

Erin

We're looking for a third ham if anyone wants to apply.

Josh

Or a thirdom.

Erin

Thirdom is so fucking funny.

Josh

The walk to get to thirdom is like unbelievable.

01:06:30

Erin

I love it though. It's a beautiful stroll though. It's gorgeous, that walk.

Josh

Scenic. Scenic indeed.

Erin

Elton John and Celine Dion.

Adal

Shit, I'm blanking on a lot of Celine.

Erin

My heart will go on.

JPC

Erin, correct. Half a point to Erin.

Josh

Half a point to Gmail. And then, what's the first artist?

Erin

Elton John. My song? No.

Adal

Your song? Yeah. My song, my heart, by Elton John. Wow, selfish, Erin, selfish.

Erin

What's the one he wrote for Princess Diana?

Adal

How wonderful life is, now I'm in the world.

Josh

Jesus. And you can tell everybody, oh this is my song.

Adal

That absolutely rules. Egotistical Elton John.

???

Which is probably redundant.

Adal

Elton John was a narcissist. Small, small glasses. That I lived my life like a candle in the wind. Play this when I'm dead. This isn't about Princess Di. Play this when I'm dead. JPC and I in the car two days ago, a few days ago, came up with a new Elton John song, which is, uh, B-B-B-Benny Jezerett. We're on our way to see Benny Jezerett. Dune 2, and we came up with B-B-B-Benny Jezeret. That's right.

01:07:57

Erin

My gift is my song, and this one's for me, and it's gonna keep me going for the rest of the week.

Adal

That rules.

Erin

Oh, fuck, that's so fucking funny.

Josh

But do we know any other Elton John songs?

Erin

What are we talking about?

Josh

And it has my heart, or my. Yeah, it ends with my heart. Don't Go Breaking My Heart will go on. Don't Go Breaking My Heart will go on. Oh, yeah. Okay, that's a duet, right?

JPC

Yeah, right?

Josh

It is.

Erin

Yeah.

JPC

It's Elton John and Elton John. Today we're

Josh

We're back to the Eagles. We're back to the Eagles. It's Fifth Avenue heartache tonight? Sixth Avenue heartache tonight?

01:09:06

Erin

Sixth Avenue heartache tonight! Holy crap, that was impressive.

JPC

That's incredible. Josh, you are the big winner of the Jeff game. Jeff, you are not a Tim. That's the prize.

Adal

The prize is you're not a tits. You're a ham in a clam.

???

He's a ham.

Adal

I'm waving him over to the clam.

Erin

There you go. Take a seat.

Adal

Is that the Carson move? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Carson, let's get this guy over to the clam. Thank you Josh so much for playing that game and to a lesser degree Adal and Erin, but you two are at work.

???

You had to be here.

JPC

This is our Josh. Josh, you chose to be here. Josh, this brings us to a segment of our show where we kind of plug some stuff that we have going on. Is there anything that you would like to point people towards?

01:10:08

Josh

Oh, sure. I have a newsletter that I read every Monday. It's called That's Marvelous. It's full of pep talks. I am currently on tour doing stand up leading up to a comedy special recording in Brooklyn on June 21st at the Bell House, which I'm very excited for. And in between, I will be in, between now and then, I'll be in Bloomington, Indiana, New Orleans, Louisiana, all the Annas, San Francisco, Seattle, Portland, Dayton, Kentucky, Burlington, Vermont, and maybe a couple others. So come see a show at joshgondelman.com for all the stories. But it's also in my newsletter. That's marvelous. joshgondelman.substack.com. Sorry for the long plugs. Really explore the space.

JPC

You did it. You did it up. What about you, Adal? Do you got anything that you want to point people towards?

Adal

Yes. Forgive me for not knowing the exact timeline, but I want to say 2020 or 2021. I bought a little book called Nice Try by Josh Gondelman, and it was one of my favorite reads of the year. Was that 2020 or 2021? That came out at the end of 2019, so probably 2020. Oh, wow. Okay, so I remember, yeah, I thought I had read it during the pandemic, I guess that could have been either. Thank you, that's so kind, I really appreciate that. But truly a delightful read and some beautiful stories, and I learned that you're a sneakerhead and all that jazz, so I would highly recommend picking up Nice Try by Josh Gondelman wherever you get your books. Thank you. Of course, Erin, anything you would like to publish. Anything from my career that you would like to publish. And it has to be Josh or Tim orientated.

01:11:44

Erin

I would like to plug our Patreon. Lots of fun episodes over there. We did a zoo episode over on the Patreon that I laughed about for the rest of the day after we recorded it. So just check out our Patreon, patreon.com slash Hey Riddle Riddle. JPC, any reviews to read or anything to plug?

JPC

Well, I should also plug that if you're going to our Patreon this month, this is the first episode of April, which means we are firmly in Penguin Baseball League month over on the Patreon.

Adal

April of the Penguins is the official slogan, because we couldn't do March, but it is April of the Penguins. April of the Penguins. And we got Morgan Spurlock today.

Josh

You know if you eat a penguin at every meal for a whole month, you feel terrible?

Adal

I'm gonna try it anyway.

01:12:46

JPC

Get on the Penguin Baseball craze starting in a couple days. You can also pick up all of our sweet, sweet Penguin Baseball drip by clicking the merch link in the show description. That will be very fun. You can sport your favorite team. And then also, you can also go to the Patreon digital store and get the guided meditation project that Casey and I worked on. They are a lot of fun. Thank you for the feedback. A lot of people saying some very nice things about it so far. I assume. We're recording this before it came out.

Adal

Well, I told you it's fantastic. Erin and I both said it's fantastic. Yeah, I liked it.

JPC

I liked it. Now who's out to Johnny? And I think that is it for me, Erin. Yes. Of all of the fun places to say in Massachusetts, there's one that really just takes the cake. Would you like to say it?

Erin

Jupiter.

JPC

Bye. See ya.

01:14:07

Erin

When I did an escape room with Adal and two other improvisers as a warm-up before an improv show we did, which was such a huge mistake, it was like a submarine one. And I was like, gentlemen, mind the sub! And they were like, Erin, figure out the Morse code right now. I was like, oh, God, okay. I thought this was a group of comedians. I'm so embarrassed. Of course. Right away, sir. Yes, ma'am.

Josh

You're taking off your captain's hat, putting it back in your bag.

Adal

Casey's typing something. Didn't you famously get mad at Adal for laying in the ball pit?

Erin

Yes, that happened. We actually have a recording of that. The one time we got to record ourselves in a escape room, Adal crawled into a ball pit. It was a horror escape room, which strike one for me. I fucking hated it. He Crawled into the ball pit and got stuck for the last 15 minutes of it and I was in a ball pit all of black balls trying to get Adal out of the ball pit and it was truly something I have reoccurring nightmares about. But it was fine Adal, you've redeemed yourself since in many an escape room. I've forgiven you.

01:15:11

Adal

Thank you. Hard to get stuck in a ball pit, but it happened.

JPC

Hey there, penguins and baseballs. It is April of the Penguins over on the Hey Riddle Riddle Patreon. That means we're celebrating penguin baseball all month long, kicking off with this week in our Penguin Baseball Draft. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com slash hey riddle riddle by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or start your seven day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month and you get those ad free episodes. See you there and let's penguin ball. That was a HeadGum podcast.