Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum Podcast.

Hey guys. Hey Adal here, and hey JPC.

Hey, it's rehearsal.

Aww. JPC, what's going on?

Hey, it's rehearsals.

Thanks, Adal.

I really needed a little laugh today.

Oh, actually, why the long face? Looks like you do have a long face. Like a horse. Thank you, Adal. I really needed a laugh today. Dequine face. Oh. Adal, have you ever tried to make someone feel better before? I used to have the Patch Adams thing. What's the Patch Adams thing? Oh, when you grew way too big? A doctor? You were like an adult man with the brain of a child?

That's Jack disease. I had Patch Adams disease, which is where I would dress. Oh, so where you wore a wig in order to get closer to your kids.

You got hired faster than any? Well, I would dress as a clown in order to scare other kids at the hospital.

What are we doing? JPC's upset.

What's up? What's up, buddy? Yeah, yeah, the hateful horses and the long face thing. I just got an email.

I just got kicked out of my barbershop quartet.

Oh, what happened? Oh no. Oh no.

I really appreciate it. We're so sorry. Honestly, I really appreciate it.

It's you guys trying to cheer me up and obviously I'd do a barbershop quartet with you guys, but you know, there's only three of us and Casey can't hold a fucking tune to save his fucking life. I'm lashing out.

TPC, what happened?

Last week you were talking about how you were all best friends and you're going to tour the world together. And apparently the tour is still on. No! The tour from Duluth to Denmark?

I saw the posters, they look beautiful.

Yeah, they are gorgeous. My wife actually designed them. Someone drew a penis going out of your mouth though, which I didn't understand. Yeah, my wife is a very creative person and, you know... Oh, that's part of the design. I'm so sorry.

Far be it from me to criticize her art and kind of what she was doing. What happened, JPC?

Well, apparently, I am hard... Now, let me ask you guys, do you find me difficult to get along with?

I'm sorry? I was just going to finish your sentence, hard to work with.

Yeah, that was the exact words that they were using. I was trying to soften the blow.

Whoa, you? Thank you!

No more! Stop reaction! No, thank you! Yes, exactly! Anyway, I told those guys to pound fucking sand and kick fucking rocks. Did they, like, complain about how you are always talking about, like, piss, and dating your cousins, and, like, police horses?

No, they complained about us singing about that kind of stuff.

I never complained about me talking about it.

We appreciate you, and we're happy to have you, and you're welcome here.

So thank you, because that's what I wanted to hear, Erin. You know, you guys actually did a really good job. Adal with the horse stuff, and then Erin with that, making me feel like I made the right decision getting kicked out of that group.

And I'm really sorry for kicking you out of the group. We just couldn't have you in our group anymore.

Yeah, sorry, I'm just getting some applications here for other tenors. Oh, Erin, I got some really good audio for a potential replacement for JPC.

They sing a version of Camptown Cousin Piss This Horse. You know that song?

Camptown Cousin Piss This Horse, Piss Horse, Piss Horse. Doodah, Piss Horse, yeah. Doodah first and then Piss Horse second. Yeah, no, it's better off. Those guys are better off.

Adal, Erin, and Pavarotti.

They're better off. They're totally better off. I still love those guys. But I love you guys and I'm excited to do- Love you too. Looking at my calendar. Hey Riddle Riddle the podcast. I'm excited to do that for today. Love you. Oh, good. Good, good, good.

So this was like your fallback career.

Yes, and then I'll spring forward and I'll do a different career in a couple of months. No, wait, in one month. Soon. That can't be right. Googling, when do we spring forward? Well, I have some riddles from Trevor, who's been listening to the show since basically episode one. What does basically mean?

I wrote these riddles for my D&D group while the characters were exploring the desert.

I tried to reword the riddles to make that clear in each one.

Some are poems, which I know y'all hate, but I taught you. Sorry. Some are basic riddles, and some are hink pinks. So, fun?

Is it fun? Is it fun? Okay, Erin, now it's insensitive. Now it's crossing a line. I'm so sorry.

I think when you're in the desert, you want a hink drink. I think you're right. Let's see what happens next. Not necessarily. Some people love being thirsty. Pads and fruit, some feast on me.

I fill these desert lands, you see.

I harvest water from the winds with my thorny surface pins. Liquid camel.

Did you see, did you hear me go, don't say horny, don't say horny, don't say horny, when I got to the word thorny. That's what my brain was saying. Pads and fruit, some feast on me. I fill these desert lands, you see.

I harvest water from the winds with my thorny surface pins.

Erin, that is a cacti.

Yes.

Also, horny surface pen is like, that's like a, I don't know, like an NC-17. We're writing like a romance novel and we're trying to come up with another word for penis. And we're like, what about horny surface pen? His engorged tadpole started to snake out of his pants. I just can't say cock another time. I hit my cock count in this book. It's 11. I gotta think of another word.

It's not even a romance book. No! This is a book about Thomas Jefferson.

Okay, so I want to see a scene. GPC, you are a cactus, and you're on a date, and Adal, you're sort of trying to deal with a date, being on a date with someone so prickly.

Oh my gosh, you must be, okay, I see you're wearing a rose, or that's growing out of you, whatever.

Hi! Everything here is gluten-free. Yeah, I thought you said you had dietary restrictions and that you also weren't very hungry.

I did, I'm just not gluten-free.

Everything here is gluten-free.

I'm so sick of people thinking I don't want to have gluten.

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.

I can't have a lot of water. Oh. If the waiter tries to refill the water, I can't have a lot. I only need a little drip.

Okay, and I don't know if this restaurant does things different, but I think you can drink at your own pace and kind of eat or drink what you want. Don't even get me started on Pace, Picante, ugh, everything that people assume just because I look the way I look I want salsa all the time.

Oh yeah, I remember in the 90s there was a Pace Picante commercial with you in it where people were like, New York City, right? So you're familiar with my work. Yeah, I didn't realize that was you. There's a lot of cowboys in the desert.

I obviously hate dating fans, but for you, I'll make an exception, cute stuff. Come here. I don't know if that's obvious. Oh, sorry, gotcha. Oh, sorry, sorry.

Oh, my God. I'm a little dangerous. Oh, I think a tarantula just crawled in my mouth. Was that? Oh.

Um, so... Obviously, you invited me, so I won't be picking up the check. Can you put your arms down? I'm sorry. Sorry, you're just bothering me.

Your arms... Can I put... Oh, I'm sorry everyone. It looks like the man I'm on a date with is trying to control me. He thinks my arms are too high in the sky. Sorry, it just looks so uncomfortable. Also, I enjoy your t-shirt says Tom Segura.

It's not my t-shirt. It's Tom Segura's. He fell down in the desert.

That's why it stuck to me and not be wearing it.

Okay, what do you think about Bert Kreischer? He's my number one.

I think when he takes his shirt off, I think that is the funniest thing I've ever... I think more comedy should be shirts off. Oh, I love Burt Kreischer. The character that I am loves Burt Kreischer.

So funny. Yes, thank you.

I think every comedian should tour for 10 years off one story. They should take their shirt off.

What else?

What else does he do?

We should be concerned about their health constantly because of the amount they drink. Doesn't matter. 10 out of 10. Same. Burt Kreischer with Jim Brewer's politics. That's my ideal comedian.

Seed! Seed! Seed! Erin just made a cactus talking about Burt Kreischer. Can't get mad at that. That's exactly how I wanted that scene to go.

Would you believe I've never seen a single ounce of Burt Kreischer stand up, but I've scrolled past thumbnails before and said, obviously not for me. Truly obviously not for me.

When the sun dances across the sand and shows a golden promised land, I trick the eyes and tease the mind, but I'm merely lies, you're in a bind. If you can't sing anymore, you got kicked out of the group. This is something I squash down daily, which is my rage. Spelled M-I-R-A-G. Yes, it is Adal's Rage.

What is it? It's an homage, or could it be... Liam, what do you think? One more go around the world?

Why did we fall down, Mr. Brost? So that Oasis can tour again.

Three, four, somebody once told me... No, no. That's the other guy. And he'll never tour again.

Because he died. You got it. It's a mirage. Well, I was trying to think of who... Now, I know the Mirage is a hotel in Las Vegas, but I was trying to pull my Mirage reference. Did someone do a residency there, or is that 25 years ago? Could I have said Lance Burton? Is that anything? I saw Lance Burton, maybe at the Mirage.

I saw Lance Burton in Vegas when I was eight years old, nine years old.

And it might have been the Mirage. Mirage has a volcano out front that erupts every once in a while.

Adal, would you believe that I also saw Lance Burton one time when I was in Las Vegas?

We saw the same residency. I think, and I cannot be sure about this, but I think that I probably saw Lance Burton because he was the cheapest of the big-name comedians on this trip.

Can I blow your mind, ABC? He wasn't David Copperfield. Can I blow your mind? That's the same reason my family went to see him.

I bet that there's a lot of lower income families who had a, A, had family living in Las Vegas, which is why we went, and B, who went and saw a Lance Burton show. But apparently, according to Erin's Copperfield story, right? No, not Copperfield. Angel. Angel, Chris Angel. We maybe didn't miss out by seeing the second or third best. I am the mind freak. Worst money I've ever spent.

Okay. I am plentiful in the desert.

You'll find me abound. Trim off one fourth and I connect sights, times, thoughts, or sounds. Lego? Is this sand into A? Lego. Yes, it's sand. Remove S and it's and. Here's my question.

No fucking way. Desert's full of sand. Here's my question.

How come- Uh-oh.

Sorry, I needed attention and that was the only way I could think to get it. Wow, Erin, look at you. Whoa, look at Erin. Yay! Can I just say, I mean, obviously we can cut it out of the episode. I think we keep it. You sneezed. And when you sneezed, your hand got so close to your mouth that I was terrified that you were about to cut open your gums again.

I mean, it was, Erin, it was right there. It was a close call. And you know, I would say, you don't know anything about me, but that was recorded, right?

When I cut my mouth open? Yeah, we recorded that. I can't deny it. That got captured. Do you guys worry about me, like, all the time?

I would worry about me, like, all the time. I sneeze like a teddy bear? No, forget that I said that. Erin, we don't have a text thread that says, you know, worried about Erin, and it's me, JPC, and Casey constantly being worried about every single thing you do and say. Erin, I'm not worried about you.

I do have a reminder set up to check in with you every couple of years just to make sure everything's good, but I don't, but that's, I mean, if that's worrying, then I guess I do worry about you. Aww.

Yeah, Erin, every couple of years we're worried that you have to step back inside the Victorian painting you came out of and lead the life you used to lead in 1634. But Erin, we won't hear about that for another 16 months when I text you about it.

You good? That's actually the second time in two days that somebody said I was a Victorian woman. Well, no, Erin, that's the second time you've heard it in two days. That's probably the thousandth time that it's been said.

See, sneezing worked so well, because look how much attention I've gotten. I love it. Okay. A pair of vowels to begin, followed by an equal kin.

I provide respite in the desert sands to travelers from across distant lands. This is a motel. This one is a Motel 6.

Yes.

Is this one Oasis? Mm-hmm. Can I say a scene?

Adal, you are someone who's been stuck in the desert for many, many days, and you see a Motel 6 in the middle of the desert, and you're checking in with JPC, who works at the front desk.

Erin, my people have been stuck in the desert for thousands of years. Water. Waterboy.

I need to see Waterboy.

Hello, are you real? Me? Yeah, I'm real. I'm Dan. I'm the property keeper here at the Motel 6. Motel 6? Oh, you're behind a desk.

One room, please. Oh, okay. Are you... is it... I always forget how to ask this.

Do you need it for a night or is this an hourly thing? Um, I get, uh, for a couple days to just, uh, to rest and, um, I need some water and food. You're gonna stay here and sleep here? Yes. Okay.

Yeah.

Oh, and you want water and food? Yeah, oh, yes.

Well, the Aquafina machine guy has not come, um, and I think... No, I don't care for her. Oh, yeah, I know.

Uh, I don't know why she was allowed to do, like, the whole blacksit thing for as long as she was. Right? I watched Ocean's 8 the other day and I was like, this is insane! This is insane!

I don't get it. Yeah, I don't get it. She had to apologize for it. Haven't really heard much about her since.

What are your thoughts on Bert Kreischer? Kreischer? Oh my God. I love him.

I love him.

Yes.

Um, can I, sorry, as we're talking, can I, I just see you have a big jug of water behind you. Can I just get a little bit of that? Oh. Um. Ugh. God. I... This is employees only water. And it's not, I would love to share it for you, but it's not for drinking. This is for hosing down the parking lot, because it gets so sandy. Oh, God.

Yeah, the only way to get rid of all the sand is to kind of hose it all down, make it wet.

You're wasting all that water. Everything around here is sand.

Can I have some of the water? I'm sorry, everything around here is sand? I live here, buddy. This is my community. Everything around here is sand?

We actually have a lot going on here, okay? I'll have you know that I met my wife and I had my children here. Points to a couple piles of sand on the floor. Wait a minute. How does that make you feel? I'm... I'm dead, aren't I? Dying. You're dying.

Haha, seen. Dying. You're dying.

Okay, you've earned it. We are at the Hank Pinks section. Did Erin, did, and I want to say Trevor was the person who sent those riddles in? Did Trevor say how the D&D crew did with those riddles?

I'm

Desert-based riddles. I think we nailed, I mean we hit the gamut, right? We hit Cactus, Oasis, you know, I think you're gonna like Mirage, you're gonna... Not too much else going on in the desert.

Don't tell that to the guy that works the Motel 6 out there, though. Throw a little bit of a fit. Yeah, and his kids and wife, the piles of sand, will also be very offended. A magical grasshopper.

Jiminy Cricket.

No. A magical grasshopper, a... magical grasshopper, bug, insect, a... I forget, wait, what are we doing? The whole riddle, oh, these are ink pens. What are, what's like a, yeah, what's our, yeah, what's like a desert bug that you associate with the desert? Scaram. Or the Bible.

Oh, well, yeah, think, keep that in the back of your mind, because that might be kind of... A locust, a hocus, a hocus pocus locust. A Hocus Locus.

My partner said Tricky Cricky, which also works, which is adorable. Did you ever see Dancing with Jimmy as a locust? No. It is one of the best auditions I've ever seen.

What is it?

Kathy Najimy did a... If you watch the Sister Act extras on the DVD, she auditions as a hocus pocus locust. Just some of the best, funniest... In all sincerity, Kathy Najimy, America's sweetheart. Can I tell you, I watched a... Erin, you're gonna hate this.

Oh, then don't say it. Erin, I feel like I must. Actually, it could be a public service announcement to you, Erin, because I know you love a rom-com, right? Yes. Have you seen the recent-ish, I think it was like in the last year, George Clooney, Julia Roberts rom-com? I have not. Where they're like a divorced couple? You can kind of skip it. It's not very good as a rom-com. And I watched the whole thing and it was, whatever, fine.

Not great. And it gets to the very end and the outtakes start.

And I go, okay, here we go.

They don't do outtakes much anymore. I love when I see a little outtake. And I know George Clooney is a notorious prankster when it comes to being on set. This guy loves a little prank. That millionaire loves to prank people. He loves to prank people, buy them Nespresso machines, shit in their car, whatever. He's funny. Whatever, he's funny. Anyway, the outtakes start and they're like stinkers. They're all stinkers. And I do think, to a certain degree, some of the outtakes were like George Clooney and Julia Roberts. I'm like, these guys are just like too rich and they don't care enough anymore. This movie was not made for the lols.

Because you know that when the outtakes aren't even funny, when like the fun that they're having on the set isn't funny, you're like,

This movie, this movie couldn't have been, couldn't have been good. But the reason that we watched it, and Adal this was germane to you, is because we live in Portage Park and one day Mariah was out, I can't remember where she was in Portage Park, but there were like signs all over the block Hey Riddle Riddle I would love it if George Clooney's trailer was just outside of my house. They're like, it's free parking here, so that's where we set George Clooney up. They're like, your block is shut down. It's like, oh, you're filming? It's like, no, Clooney needs his wiggle room. It's like, what the fuck? Clooney's going to be running pranks down this whole quadrant, and so we had to shut everything down. I can't mow my lawn because he's sleeping? Anyway, whatever that movie was called about George Clooney, you could skip it. You could skip that one.

Well, we'll never know the name. Was it Ticket to Ride?

That can't be right. Ticket to Paradise? Train Board Game, but Ticket to Paradise sounds right. Ticket to Ride is the train board game. It's kind of boring, honestly.

The first thing you think of when you hear Ticket to Ride is a board game? Wow.

What is it, a Rush song from 1921? What the fuck? Ladies and gentlemen, Paul McCartney. Oh, oh no.

She got a ticket to ride. Okay. God, this sucks.

Wow, Erin. Don't say that about yourself.

You're so mean, Erin. Erin, you're gonna make Erin cry.

And you might. But Erin always does. She always does this.

An angelic dung beetle.

A what dung beetle? Angelic.

Angel. Angelic.

That would be like... Houston. Uh, holy... a holy moly. Oh, a holy roly-poly? A holy roly-poly?

No, you... remember the word I told you to keep in the back of your mind?

Scarab.

Um, a... Sacred scarab?

Sacred scarab?

That's... No, and it's kind of like an angel, like a baby angel. A cherub. Cherub scarab. A cherub scarab.

Yes.

Yes.

You did it.

A baby angel. I do want to see a scene. Adal and Erin, you guys are both going to be angels.

You're both, you know, timeless immortal beings, but Erin, you're a full-grown angel, and Adal, you're a cherub, a little baby angel, and you'll always be a little baby angel.

My human is driving me insane.

How was work for you today?

Oh, it's amazing.

I got to go down and I moved.

So there was my human was in the wilderness and I got to move a bear out of the way and lead them and I shone as a light in the darkness to lead them in a different path so they weren't mauled. This is the greatest job in the world.

That sounds so fun.

My human got really high and watched four seasons of Vanderpump Rules in one sitting.

Oh, you didn't turn into a light to guide them towards the greater purpose? No, they are eating white cheddar Cheez-Its. Oh. And sort of feeling nothing. I'm trying to sort of send them signs, guide them towards anything, but they seem... Oh, they just started another season of Vanderpump Rules. Jesus. Oh, um... Bazakiel, do you want to jam on our harps?

Wouldn't that be so fun to jam on our harps? Let me tune up my harp here. I'm not really feeling inspired. You look really cute. I love your little, like, cloth diaper.

Thank you. I just feel a little uninspired.

I don't feel like singing or anything. My human just... They're supposed to be great. They're actually... We're on the path to sainthood. And then, can I be honest?

Yeah?

I dropped the ball for, like, a long time.

Oh. Yeah, they were supposed to be super rich and help a bunch of people. Oh. Give away all their money, the midway point of their life, sort of help a bunch of people and now they are.

Oh, they're ordering Taco Bell. Well, maybe that's what they were meant to do on the path towards sainthood. Hey, listen, I think you're the greatest. I mean, you've taught me so much. I look up to you. I think you're incredible. So whatever you're doing, you know, you're an angel. So anything you do can't be half bad, right? No, no, I'm not good. I've messed up their life because I went down to Earth to live for a little while and then I came back up and they were in a bad way. What did you do on Earth? Tell me all about it.

Well, have you ever heard of the TV show creator Ryan Murphy?

He did Glee and several other mediocre TV shows. That was me. I thought I could make good art.

But I went down there and I sort of... I don't know. I don't know what I did. I don't know what I did. It seems like you really snagged on the barbed wire fence that is American Horror Story. Yeah, I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I'm really sorry. You seem like you're doing good though. I'm really proud of you, buddy. Yeah, I would love if you know how I can go down to earth and live. I have so many ideas. Just so many ideas. Okay, Noah, this is Joel. Obviously, I'm Ethan.

We heard that you wanted to adapt our movie Fargo into a TV series, and I see now that you are a tiny little baby.

So, also... Oh, you can talk. Yeah, I was going to say... Joel, you can talk. You can't say, obviously, I'm Ethan.

It's not obvious if I'm hearing your name for the first time. Well, I mean, I'm famous. Joel, I'm famous, right?

For what? I'm the one that didn't direct the Garfield movie. Seen. I believe that was a different Joel Coen, right? That's why Bill Murray signed up to do Garfield. He's like, one of the Coen brothers, and I was like, yeah, not that Ethan Coen.

Erin, really wise not to jump in there as Joel Coen. You're welcome. I figured it was like a Penn & Teller situation. Oh yeah.

That actually would make it much less confusing when they're directing, right? Because you're like, who's actually directing? It's both of them, but only one of them talks. Yeah, one of them only gesticulates.

Erin, I love that.

Have you heard of the TV show creator Ryan Murphy? Yeah, he blew it. Okay, he's fine. He's rich. He's fine. Everyone's rich. Everyone's rich.

It's fine.

A chewy, sticky undead.

Gummy Mummy.

Based off Gummy Mummy, Erin, I want to see a scene where you are a mummy. This is probably like a Ryan Murphy project. You're a mummy who's been awoken at a museum. You come back to life and you enroll in high school.

So you're trying to fit in at high school.

JPC, you are one of the other kids at the high school. This is the first day of school where the mummy's the new kid.

I'm sorry, Adal. Am I an antagonist or am I trying to help the mummy? Um, since it's JPC, I'm gonna go ahead and say you're an antagonist. Okay, gotcha. Oh, sorry. I think that might be my locker. Whoa, everybody. Looks like somebody didn't know how to flush when they went to the bathroom. You're funny, man. What if I kill you? Yeah, I know I'm funny.

What if I kill and hate you? Huh? I said nice skateboard.

Yeah, it is a nice skateboard. I picked it up from your mom's house last night.

What if I killed you? Hey, you know what?

That's not okay, what you're doing. What I'm doing is normal. Yeah, well it's at least normal.

Your thing is like patently antisocial. No, no, no. I said I love that your hat is being worn backwards. If you ever want to fit in at this high school, you better be normal, mean to people, and not creepy fucking mean to people, okay?

Alright, let me try this. Um... Where'd you get your shirt?

The garbage?

Jeff, do you think that was funny?

It's okay to laugh, Jeff, if you think that was funny. Yeah, Jeff, laugh. I'm confused. Uh-huh. No, Jeff didn't think it was funny because the garbage is not a store, okay? Now, if you had said, where did you get that shirt, my mom's floor, that's funny because I fucked your mom.

It's been established because of the skateboard thing. And that's why Jeff loves it. Well, you're weird because my mom is also a mummy.

You had sex with a mummy?

Yeah, everybody's mom is their mummy.

And I sucked the soul out of your body. See?

Okay. A desert trap, then a great music group. Oasis, Oasis. No, this is really hard. These are hard. These are kind of bullshit. Oasis and Most Def? It's not a real, there's no band name in this.

Okay, and we're on to the tricky or the bullshit ones, right? Yeah. Okay.

Is this like a suckin' hole in a rock and roll?

A suckin' hole in a rock and roll works, so I'll take it as a win. But what's a desert trap? What's something that you can get trapped in in the desert? Um, quicksand? Mm-hmm, and? Quicksand and, uh, mix band, which of course would be the Rolling Stones. Rolling Stones. Sort of like what's, like, cool band. What's cool band? It's not a real band. What's a different way of saying it? It's cool band that's not a real band?

No, you just, it's quicksand and then, like... Is it something band? Band, yeah.

Sick band. Yeah. Sick band, okay. Mm-hmm. Okay, okay, quicksand, sick band, okay, yeah, okay. A godlike ruler who simply wants a brain.

This one is bullshit. Pharaoh and... This one's bullshit, Trevor. And I love you. And I would die for you. Who wants a what-brain?

It's Pharaoh Scarecrow.

Now does that make sense? No.

Trevor. And again, Trevor, we would all die for you.

Wizard of Oz.

I get it.

Where desert tomb raiders find themselves if they are successful. And this one's kind of fun.

Video game... Hall of Fame? Laura Croft, Brooklyn Bluff. Okay, someone write it. She's trying to have it all.

She's dating in the city.

Where desert tomb robbers find themselves if they're successful. I don't think you're going to get this one.

Crypts? Is it a museum? No. Tomb?

No. Where does a successful Tomb Raider find themselves?

Yeah, but what is this thing called? Chamber of Pyramids. Pyramid. Pyramid. Pyramid. Pyramid.

Pyramid.

Pyramid. Pyramid.

Pyramid. Pyramid. Pyramid. Pyramid. Pyramid.

Pyramid. Pyramid.

Pyramid. Pyramid. Pyramid. Pyramid. Pyramid. Pyramid. Pyramid. Pyramid. Pyramid. Pyramid. Pyramid. Pyramid. Pyramid. Pyramid. Pyramid. Pyramid. Pyramid.

Pyramid. Pyramid. Pyramid.

Pyramid. Pyramid. Pyramid.

Pyramid. Pyramid. Pyramid.

Pyramid. Pyramid. Pyramid. Pyramid. Pyramid. Pyramid. Pyramid. Pyramid. Pyramid. Py

Here amid a pyramid.

Okay, I actually like that.

If I saw it written, I'd like it. And hopefully these riddles are of some use. Best, Trevor. Thank you, Trevor. Wait. Trevor, I would say we got limited use out of those, so thank you.

Hold on. They signed off, best Trevor? And we're living in a world where Trevor Noah is still around? I don't know, this Trevor's pretty great. Wow.

Do you think Trevor Noah is even in the running for Best Trevor?

Absolutely.

We're going to go on a break and fight about this. You know who should host The Daily Show? Bert Kreischer. Oh my God, Kreischer on The Daily Show?

All right, we'll be back in a minute. Consider the news absolutely skewered.

Shirt's off to that.

Hey Adal, hey Erin, I got a bone to pick with the two of you.

Okay.

So you remember how I told you guys that I was having erectile dysfunction issues and that I basically couldn't get my dick to work and you guys were just like, go to church, sing some songs.

All you got to do is sing some songs in church and everything will be fixed.

Well, guess what?

I went to church, I sang all the songs and it didn't work. It didn't do anything.

JPC, you were thinking of Sister Act and we said try HIMS.

H-I-M-S. H-I-M-S. Like HIMS a ghost. I was thinking about Sister Act. That always gets me there. JPC, can you come sit on my bench first and then you go to Erin's?

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Hmm. Okay, so basically what I did is not what I want to do. I want to use hymns, which has hundreds of thousands of trusted subscribers, so if Edie is getting us down, we can change that with hymns and not go to church and say, Dick pills, whenever you have sex, I want some pills for my dick to work.

I'm happy.

I also, unrelated, I heard about a church that shut down today. Start your free online visit today at hymns.com slash riddle.

That's H-I-M-S dot com slash riddle for your personalized ED treatment options. Hymns.com slash riddle. Prescriptions require an online consultation with a health care provider who will determine if appropriate restrictions apply. See website for details and important safety information. Subscription required. Price varies on product and subscription plan. Sex chews are compounded products and have not been approved by the FDA. The FDA does not verify the safety or effectiveness of compound drugs. Also, E.D. Bone Home. Can we use it? Can we use that? Can you sing some more JPC?

It's the most wonderful time of the place. It's tax season, baby, and I get to use Rocket Money, my favorite app.

Hey guys. Wow, Erin, you're sitting by a fireplace real close. Your clothes are on fire. Yep. Ow. Anyways, guys, I was just looking at Rocket Money. It's my personal finance app that finds and cancels my unwanted subscriptions, monitors my spending, and helps lower my bills all in one place. It keeps me so organized that tax season is incredibly easy for me. Erin, I don't believe you. Tell me one thing that you've done with Rocket Money that will make me believe that you use it.

Okay, well, it finds all of my subscriptions in one place. I oftentimes forget I've signed up for something and I end up paying for it for a couple months.

And if I can see if there's something I don't want, I can cancel it with one tap.

I never have to get on the phone or use customer service. They'll do it for me. And they'll even try to get me a refund on the last couple months of wasted money and negotiate to lower my bills by up to 20%.

All you have to do is take a picture of your bill and Rocket Money takes care of the rest. Magic. I shouldn't call people out like this.

It always backfires when they have specifics that they use the product. Yeah, you challenge way too many people. Also Erin, correct me if I'm wrong, Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has helped save its members an average of $720 a year with over 500 million in cancelled subscriptions or something?

Mm-hmm. JPC. JPC. So stop wasting your money on things you don't use.

Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocketmoney.com slash riddle. That's rocketmoney.com slash riddle. rocketmoney.com slash r-i-d-d-l-e riddle.

Erin, I bet you don't want to cancel your subscription to New Clothes and Burn South because you're naked and you're covered in burns. Ha ha ha, comedy boy.

Ha ha ha. Comedy boy made a joke.

Ha ha ha ha ha. No, Erin, you're burned up pretty bad.

I know. I know. And I know.

This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. Adal, Erin, I have amazing news for the two of you. Oh, he's got that look in his eye.

You know how for a while now I've been trying to develop superpowers by whatever means I can. I'm spilling ooze on myself. You're finding spiders. I'm finding trauma.

Well, finding that you should mention spiders, I got bit by a spider the other day, maybe a little genetically modified spider, and it gave me website. Oh.

Oh, sweetie, you just discovered the internet.

Huh?

You're talking about- No, no, I can- I have a keyboard and I can go on to- Anyone that I choose, I just have to type in the... Yeah, you can go on any website and you can actually even make your own website with Squarespace. We've been telling you about this for several months while you've been in the lab. When you make your own website with Squarespace, you can easily sell custom merch and create a passive income stream that engages your audience and scales your brand. Design your products and production, inventory, and shipping are handled for you, saving you time and money. Here, I'll put on a cape so you listen to me.

Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website, engage with your audience, and sell anything from products to content to time. All in one place. All on your terms. Is that getting through to you? Yeah, that's actually making a lot of sense. I'm looking at Squarespace now. You can kind of set up an asset library where you can upload, organize, and access all your content from one place. And with the asset library, you're able to manage all your files from one central hub and use them across the Squarespace platform.

And these spider bites, ah, these just look infected. These look real bad. That looks real bad. If you end up doing tricks or whatever, you can host video content, organize your video library, and showcase your content on beautiful video pages and sell access to your videos with member areas.

Oh God, I'm so tired. I think maybe the spider bites have made me... It laid eggs. Yeah, low on blood, maybe low on fluids.

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And if you want to get website, go to a spider cave and get bit by every one of those suckers. That's not part of the ad? That's not the copy?

Bell, bell, bell, bell, bell. We gotta get you to hospital.

A little peek behind the curtain.

Sometimes if Mariah's leaving or something, she'll drop spaghetti off in my office when we're recording. And spaghetti can usually come in here pretty quietly and I have all my sound blankets up. But the only way that I know that spaghetti's in here is because the whole office smells like peanut butter because she leaves here with a peanut butter cong. So it's very strange when I have my headphones on and we're talking and I don't hear spaghetti come in because then all of a sudden I'm like, Wow, am I having a peanut butter-induced heart attack? That's so funny. And it's even worse when I'm hungry. If we've been recording for a while and I'm like, huh, man, why am I so hungry for peanut butter all of a sudden? That's just for the listeners who are like, huh, I wonder what happens during break. Well, during break I have peanut butter attacks. And we're back. Okay guys, thank you for staying on the episode. I know it's really hard to get you guys to sit and be for a whole episode, so I just really appreciate you not taking off.

Are you talking about the listeners? Everyone. Yeah, both of you and the listeners. I think it's really brave of you to stay. Erin, I appreciate that you worked in nap time and also passed around some chocolate milks for us.

I think that really helps give us energy for the rest of the show.

I appreciate, if you're a listener to this show, I appreciate when you just sit still and listen for the episode.

It's not long. It's an hour, less if you, you know, maybe a little less if you use the ad-free version.

Sit still. What do you have to do? Sit still and listen. A lot of this stuff is really important, okay? Someone's going to talk to you at a party in a few years about Bert Kreischer and you're not going to know what the fuck is going on because you didn't listen. We need to start a program. I remember being younger, when Book It was out, oh it made me such a voracious reader.

So we need to introduce something, maybe it's called like Fuck It, and for every episode of Hey Riddle Riddle you listen to, you get not a personal pan pizza, because that would be insane, but maybe like a peanut butter sandwich? Personal peanut butter pan sandwich. Well, of course, Peter. A personal peanut butter pan sandwich is using peanut pan, peanut pan? Peanut pan. What's that guy's name? What's going on?

What is happening to the two of you? I want to cc it. I want to cc it.

No, no. No, you don't.

No, Erin, please let me cc it. Isn't there peanut butter with peanut pan on the bottle? Yeah, I think it's just peanut butter. I do want to see a scene, Erin, you're gonna love this, because you're a little British girl and Adal, she's very sad, she has a sad life, and you're peanut pan.

You've just floated through the window. Ah, fuck, stubbed my toe. Hey, kids, wake up. Peanut Pan is here. Now, raise of hands before I come all the way in the building. Is anyone allergic? Raise your hand.

Hello?

Hello, little kid. My name's Peanut Pan. I'm 47 forever. You two, run. Go find Mother and Father. Nope, nope. And I fly over to the door and block the door. Um, sorry, for a moment we thought you were Peter Pan.

He came and saw us and we went to Neverland. Are you with him?

Number 1. Hold on. I don't want to see it. I think that's weirder. Arguably, I think that's much stranger than taking us on an adventure. No, no, no. He's not a stranger. He's a nice guy. I'm a sidekick. I'm Drinkerbell.

I'm Drinkerbell. I'm not Drunkerbell. I'm Drinkerbell. You're getting glitter all over.

Sorry. I had a nip. I had a nip of glitter before we came. Are you going to put a dash of glitter over us and then we get to fly? If we think of a wonderful thought? She'll puke on your shoes and then you can sit down. Is that something?

That sounds awful. Hey, get this big... What is this big fucking dog? Get this thing off my dick.

What is this?

What is this dog? Well, you smell like peanut butter and dogs famously love peanut butter. And out the window he goes.

Nana, no!

Don't worry, he'll fly. Don't worry, I'll kiss you in the fall with some drinker magic or... or I forgot.

Ah, dog dead. The dog died, motherfucker.

Ooh, heart smack.

That was a heart smack.

Oh, Drinkerbell.

Drinkerbell, you just got into my bed. Drinkerbell, you cannot sleep in my bed, Drinkerbell. One, just a wink of sleep and I'm good.

I can drink one wink of sleep and I'm fine. I'm starting to think you are not nearly as fun as Peter Pan and Tinkerbell were, even though Tinkerbell bullied me something awful.

I'm fun. Here, pick a card. Any card.

You just took a bunch of handfuls of peanut butter out of your pocket. What do you mean pick a card? Pick a card. Any card.

You just grabbed a handful of peanut butter.

I always think that dog's okay because you ran up the stairs and ate the peanut butter out of your hand.

I just get just one more week. Can you go, please? To sleep?

Yes. To sleep?

Yes. OK, so I'm not actually 100% sure what we're going to do next. We're going to try to do something.

And if it doesn't work, we're going to do something else. Isn't that what we do every week, Pinky? So when I was in San Francisco, California, We'll never hear the end of Erin being in San Francisco, California.

You left your heart there, famously.

Well, actually, you did leave your coat there. And they still haven't come. I left two coats there. I'm so upset.

I'm so upset. I can't even think about it. My favorite coat.

I was on the way to the airport, and Erin goes, are you still at the hotel?

And I'm like, I'm on the way to the airport. She goes, I left two coats.

I'm like, you left two coats?

My favorite coat. I'm so upset. You brought two coats to San Francisco? Why? A raincoat and a regular coat.

Oh, OK. Thank you, because that makes absolute sense. You have to bring a raincoat to San Francisco.

Okay, that wasn't the worst thing to happen in San Francisco.

Listener of the show, Molly, who's great, who's given us riddle books before.

Lovely, great, fantastic.

is the most cursed thing I've ever brought into my home. I haven't opened it.

I've waited till I had the safety of witnesses, you guys. And it's like a little puzzle box of like little riddles. I'm going to show you this and you're going to tell me if you think it's safe to open for us to try. Okay. Okay. No. No. That's the most cursed object I've ever seen. There's a little Victorian girl in the front. That's clearly Erin in a painting from when her younger days were upon her.

Yes, a cardboard box with a child on it, with a child on it, in a red dress who has glasses that don't have like the ear part of the glasses and she looks inquisitive and she looks like a ghost and it looks like the box has tried to be, like someone has tried to destroy it.

Any illustration of an old-timey child on the cover of something is an immediate not open for me. Like, that's haunted. It's haunted. So before I open this, what do you think some of the funniest things to be in here could be?

Or the most disturbing? To me, I'm thinking it's the Blue Riddle book.

Can you imagine if I opened this and the Blue Riddle book was in here? Oh, just inside that little box? Erin, I'm not sure what's inside of it, but I do know the minute you open that book, you and that girl swap places.

Adal!

I mean, that's just a fact. No, I'm just saying it's a fact. That's not a fact, Adal. You don't know for sure.

Here's the thing. Here's the sad part.

JPC and I will not be able to tell the difference. Adal! I would love it if you opened that box and it was just... Like that just escaped out of it as a little ghost cloud and then it like flew out your window.

And it just, it like knocked around my room before flying out the window like a bird, like a scared bird. Uh-huh, uh-huh. That's the best, that's best possible scenario, I would say. All right, I'm gonna open it. Casey, do you think I should do it?

Respond quick, Casey. Too late. Casey says, ha ha ha, but that was eight minutes ago, so that could have been to something else.

Okay, Casey's in. Okay, orange.

Casey's in, Casey's in.

Erin is unboxing a thing.

Ew.

So it has... Oh, it smells so old. Is that perfume? What is it? What's going on? Erin, talk.

Erin, what's going on?

Erin's gagging and opening a plastic little pouch inside of it.

Are these like Riddle cards, Erin, that's inside of this thing?

I'm literally gagging. I'm so sorry.

I'll cut that out. Okay. Oh, these are the answers. Okay. Okay, these are great. Okay. These are great. Erin, show us. Everything's okay.

Tell us.

What's going on?

Okay, so the Milton Bradley Company, Game of Riddles. It's called Grandma's Games of Riddles. And I'm gonna open these riddle cards. Wait, this is a Milton Bradley?

This is legit. This sounds like it's a mass-produced product.

Erin, you just... This doesn't sound cursed. You just ruined what we could have taken on Antique Roadshow and retired on.

I'm so sorry. That's fine. Okay. I'm gonna read these riddles.

And I'm... You know what I'm not? You know what I'm absolutely not? What's that? Um... Switching... I didn't switch place with the girl on the box.

You know who would say that, Erin? I'm not finally free after 50 years. You know who would say that, Erin? Wait, what did you just say?

I said, I love your hat.

Oh, thank you.

I thought you said, I'm finally free after 100 years.

Erin, so, okay, so the old 1910 Grandma's Game of Riddles is part of a series of six games by Milton Bradley, so this is over a hundred years old, it sounds like.

It says it's from the 1910s. This could be a reprint, but it looks like- I'm looking- Either way, it was Grandma's Game of Riddles, Grandma's Geographical Game, Grandma's New Testament Game, Grandma's Old Testament Game, Grandma's Arith- God. Arithmetical Game, and Grandma's Game of Useful Knowledge. Grandma, please lay down. You're working too hard. Stop entertaining the kids. Uh, wow. Similar in play, these games each share an interesting glance at the issues and subjects which people of the time valued.

So I do think that this is a hundred years old.

Well, it smells like it. I would love it if they did a reprint in like the late 90s and they're like, let's make it smell like it's been around for a hundred years. All right, ready?

Everyone in the factory should just take, fart into this box and then we'll seal it up and it'll smell like a hundred years ago.

Yes, I am ready, and I'm absolutely fascinated by reading about this.

Actually, JBC... Erin, sorry. JBC already, grandma. Erin, you're a gamey grandma.

Erin, I'm reading about this, by the way, on a website called mysteriouswritings.com is where I read that. Click away, click away! Where is happiness always to be found?

Grandma's house, is this the fuckin' game? Bottom of the bottle, 1910. Bottom of the bottle. In a Pinkerton's gun.

At the Nickelodeon. Showing the great train robbery.

Where is happiness always to be found?

Happiness feels like it could be like a 1910's name, too. Like, that's Happiness Johnson. Is it the dictionary? He's running for president. Happiness Johnson was gunned down in the streets of Minnesota. What is the difference between a sailor on duty and a sailor discharged?

Once a sailor's discharged, he's gonna say, baby, I gotta get home. He's gonna call a cab. Well, I gotta get to scootin'.

I thought you loved me. Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. What is the difference between a sailor on duty and a sailor discharged?

Oh, one of them still has their paycheck. That's funny. Erin, is this like how one is blank while the other is blank? Is it that kind of answer? Yeah, but it's like sort of wordplay-y. So it's like one is at sea while the other's sea-at or something.

Yeah, one goes to sea and the other... Oh, one goes to sea and the other goes to... The other sea... Seas to go.

Seas to go, yeah.

Oh, seizes to go.

Seizes to go, yes, yes, yes.

And seizes to go before I sleep.

Why are A, E, and U the handsomest of the vowels?

Because sometimes... Hey Riddle Riddle

And is this like a, why are they the handsomest vowels? Because they're all in beauty? Yes! Adal, you're so good at spooky old-timey riddles. Wow, they are all in beauty. These are all the riddles my grandma used to read to me when I was a child in 1910.

You're doing the old jokes for us.

You're doing the jokes for us.

We don't even have to call you old anymore. You're like a self-cleaning oven. Erin, I solved that riddle. The morning the Titanic sank.

Yay, he's doing it for us! I don't get this one.

Oh, good. Who is the great man who is allowed to sit before the Queen with his hat on?

Is this a real answer?

Oh, I guess I get this.

Is this like the Pope? It's supposed to be like a joke, I guess. Can you read it one more time? Who is the great man... Who is the great man who is allowed to sit before the Queen with his hat on?

Her dad, the king?

The king, yeah, with the crown?

No, it's the coachman. Oh, yes, yes, yes.

Because he's driving her around.

Oh, okay, so he's sitting in front of... Okay, gotcha.

Adal, you are royalty, and JPC, you are the coachman driving him around, and you're getting a little too chatty and familiar with him.

Tut-tut, off we go. Tight, tight.

I tell you, I went to that Egyptian exhibit at the museum the other day. What a crock of crap, okay? Darvish, we're missing our turn.

We're missing... Now I know a shortcut.

I know what... Hey, don't worry, Your Majesty. I will get you to where you are going. I promise you that. I know the streets of London like the back of my hand. Darvish, when I hired you on, did you read the manual for working with royalty? Trick question, your honor. You know I can't read because a coachman needs to be focused on horses and driving, not reading.

You are not to be talking unless I ask you a query or unless you are of equal status.

Now as far as I know, you're not a duke or an archbishop, so please silence for the rest of the ride.

I'm sorry, didn't you ask me how was my weekend? Or did I ask you how your weekend was? Either way, I love when we're talking about weekends. Tut, tut.

I went to that Egyptian museum this weekend. What a crock of crap. Old and dusty stuff, you know? It's just like, give me something new. Right, your majesty? You ever feel like that? Give me something new.

I...

Every night I feast upon the fattest of ducks, the most succulent of swans, I got into a big fight with a fat duck two days ago at the pond because it's eating all the bread and I want some of the bread so I'm eating the bread off the floor.

And takes off crown and bonks starvish on the head.

Oh, thank you, your majesty. That lump has been killing me for weeks. Oh, I think you lanced it.

I think one of your jewels lanced it. Oh my god.

Wait, that was oddly satisfying to watch. Can I... You actually have a blackhead right here. Let me take out the royal dagger and sort of pinch it between my finger and... Oh, weirdly satisfying to get stabbed in the back of the head.

Look at this. Victoria, Victoria, sit up in your seat. Look at this, when I just sort of push his nose. Keep going!

Oh, this is so satisfying. Incredible! What is that gunk? What is that sweat? Her and me, because I'm still driving.

I've turned around completely in my seat. The origin of Dr. Pimple Popper. The Royal Pimple Popper. The Royal Pimple Popper. It's like Pumpernickel, but the Pimple Popper.

If you were walking in a wood and should meet a lion and a bear, which would you rather, the lion should eat you or the bear? I don't get this one.

If you were walking in a wood and should meet a lion and a bear, which would you rather, the lion should eat you or the bear? I'm going to say the lion because why is a lion in the woods? They should be in the savannah. They are not welcome in the woods. They don't typically live there. Either way, it does seem like you're getting eaten though, right?

Like you're saying like, I'm going to get eaten by one of these. I think it's, well, the answer is the bear. No, this sounds like preference. This isn't a riddle, this is preference.

Also, this is spooky. These are numbered, and we went from 5 to 7.

Where is the 6 card?

And the answer to the 6 card is when it's a jar. What was the riddle?

Oh, when it's a door, not a door. Anyways, next riddle. Oldest riddle of all time. Wait, wait, wait. What is the bear one? Can we figure this out? I don't get it.

So all it says, it says, would you rather be eaten by a lion or a bear?

And then the answer card just says a bear with no further explanation?

Yeah, it doesn't say why. Is it a pun?

And it says walking through the wood, right?

Not the woods. Is that something? If you're walking in a wood and should meet a lion and a bear, which would you rather? The lion should eat you or the bear?

Oh, I get it. You do?

The phrasing of it basically boils down to, would you rather have the lion eat you or the bear? And you would prefer the lion to eat the bear.

Oh, you want the lion to eat the bear. Oh, got it, got it, got it. Yes, that makes sense. Three brilliant scientists trying to figure out a riddle. Hey, can we talk about the budget we're giving you three to solve this one riddle?

I do want to see a scene. Uh-huh.

Okay. Be careful.

Erin, you are walking in a wood.

You come across the JPC who is a lion, and I am a bear. La la la la la la.

Oh!

Ooh, scary. Don't tell our wives. Hey, yeah. See?

Maybe a little Brokeback Mountain situation going on out there.

Yeah, why not? We're going to do two more, and then we're going to get to some voicemail.

Okay.

Which is the smallest bridge in the world?

Oh, Bridge of the Starship Enterprise. Because it's so high up there in space.

No. The Bridge of Your Nose?

The Bridge of Your Nose, yeah.

It's the Bridge of Your Nose! Okay.

You got it. You sounded like 2D and Sam. It's the Bridge of Your Nose!

Erin's trying to lead us to the Froot Loops.

God, I would love to get the Froot Loops right about now. Ooh, give me the Froot Loops. Ooh, give me some Froot Loops.

Who whistled the first tune and what was it?

Who whistled the first tune? Absolutely fucking sucks. Whistling tunes was like huge in the 1910s. This was like your primary form of entertainment.

Yeah. This was basically TV back then.

There's one guy whistling with a cowboy hat and we all said this guy's a star. Who whistled the first tune?

Is this like the wind through the reeds? Is this... Is this like Jesus?

It's gotta be like Jesus or something. My gut is that it's gonna be Jesus. Not Jesus. And it's when Judas betrays him and he goes, wow, really? It's the wind.

Can we get a hint?

The wind. Oh, so I did say that.

And what was the tune?

The tune was...

Yep.

Just that. That's a bomb dropping.

That's a dog getting pushed out the window.

Hey, it lived. It lived.

It lived and ate the peanut butter later in the scene. I was trying to find the six so I could confirm that you guys got the right thing.

Oh, okay. I couldn't find it.

Okay, well, okay. I couldn't find it.

It's probably fine that one of these little cursed things is lost somewhere in your house, Erin. That's probably it.

No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm sure it'll be embedded in your bar of soap. No, no, no, no.

Adal, that's actually the worst possible thing. And I'm upset that your brain could come up with the worst case scenario of where it could end up.

Erin, I'm sure it won't turn up in a colonoscopy in 20 years. No, don't! Don't! I'm sure it won't turn up there. You guys! Don't even say it. Don't say it. I'm not going to bite into an apple and find it.

I'm not going to pull it out of my mouth in the middle of the night.

Everything's fine. Everything's normal. I have to move. Kesey, can we get a voicemail theme and then a voicemail, please?

Leave a little riddle.

Just a little riddle.

It's cause you dialed 805-RIDDLE-1.

Leave a little riddle. Leave a fucking riddle. I love it. Perfect length. No notes. No notes. Hey, and if you want to submit a voicemail theme, I think we need more of them. Learn from that submissions example. Try to keep it under 30 seconds.

Send it as a WAV file if you can. Hrrpodcast at gmail.com. We're running out. We're running out. So, you know, if you, especially if you can keep it under 30 seconds, we'll probably play it on the show. And thank you so much for submitting. And if you're looking for inspiration, we all love Yacht Rock. Yeah, please. That would be fun. If you want to do a Yacht Rock one, it'll jump to the top of the list.

Hey, Clue Crew. My name is Ellen.

I'm from Hingham, Massachusetts.

And my question is, how do you explain improv without sounding like a crazy person and or like you're a part of the cult?

Thank you. Bye. Erin, from Hingham, do you know this person? Give me a last name. Give me a neighborhood you grew up in. Hello. Do we know each other? Did you go to high school with my sisters? Tell me everything.

Did you go to high school with my sisters? Did you go to high school with my sisters?

Who are you? Ellen. Well, OK, but remember, we're not here to solve the mystery of Ellen. We're here to solve Ellen's mystery.

That's true. So we need to- The answer is no, you can't.

Hingham, I hardly know him.

I would say don't even try. Why would you try? The only way to explain improv to someone is to trick them into experiencing it and then afterwards being like, huh, what was that? And then letting them draw their own conclusions. Yeah. That's true. Yeah. You could also, if you have Max, and I'll send you my password.

If you have Max, show them an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm and then say, did you know that they only write story outlines and then all the actors make up the rest of their lines to fit the sort of structure and plot points they need to hit? That person will be like, whoa, I didn't know that. Is there a name for that? And then you can say, I think it's called improv. Yeah, yeah, that's really great. Just back your way into it. I mean, again, that's a trick. I would say don't talk about how much classes cost.

Yeah, that'll immediately feel kind of culty. I don't know.

I think he's just sort of, you know what you can say to people? Yeah. People in their 20s and 30s don't have enough third spaces. A place to go where they're in a community, where it isn't necessarily built around drinking. It kind of is. Or religion. Or religion. It kind of is. Erin, I have a question for you. What is happening? Because we can only see the top of your microphone. Is it balanced on like a ball? No. Do you have it on a snow globe?

Could you put it on a flat surface?

I have it on a snow globe.

I have it on a snow globe. Is that okay? Erin, shake that snow globe and you're gonna find card number six. No, don't! Don't! Is your mic also, Erin, it's no longer facing you.

It's at an angle now. No, it's facing you. If you want to

I don't decide what the wave pool does. It's automated. I know we can't see below the mic, but JPC, my theory is, you know when, um, if you go see like Circus LA or like an old-timey circus, there's usually like two brothers who are like strongmen and they like lift each other up and stuff?

I think there's one little strongman in a singlet who's on his back and he's like, he's like moving his legs like a Pedaling a bicycle and usually his brother's in a ball and he's like rolling his brother. I think there's a little singlet. There are all manners of circus solutions to what's going on underneath that. It could be the trapeze artist. Bicycle on a bear. Not a bear on a bicycle, a bicycle on a bear.

Erin, would you do me a favor? Would you take a picture of what the bottom of your mic looks like? Because it's honestly fascinating.

Adal, has your mic ever fallen off?

Adal, do you have anything to plug? I want to plug Erin. Erin, I love you.

You're the best.

It's too late. It's too late. It's too late. I truly cannot think of a single thing to plug right now. Erin, do you have anything to plug? Her microphone in.

Oh my god!

Holy shit! Yes! Bye forever!

Do we just have to end the episode? We just end it? Yes! That was so... He said, I'd like to record a murder. I'd like to record a murder. That's awesome!

Oh my god. Casey got the air!

Casey got the air!

That was really fucking funny. Wait, are we ending there?

Yeah, I guess so. An insult so powerful it can end an episode.

Hey there Mocos and Joes, if you liked that, you are going to love this week's Patreon.

We have special guest improviser Jeff Murdoch join us for an all-improv episode.

Listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com slash heyriddleriddle by joining the clue crew for $5 a month, or start your 7-day free trial, or the review crew for $8 a month, and you get those added free episodes. See you there! That was a hate gum podcast.