Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum Podcast.

Hey Adal and JPC, can I talk to you for a second?

Yeah, okay. Okay.

Okay. So someone's in a silly mood.

Adal? Yeah, I guess I felt a little wild, but yeah.

Can I ask you guys a question and can you promise to respond with complete and total honesty?

Yes, always. Sure. I only ever give you that.

Are you guys living in my attic? You just looked at each other, you made eye contact.

We don't need to answer illegally. What makes you think that we're living in your attic?

Well, also this is kind of like a trick question because LA, it's like they can't have attics because of all of the smog. Is that correct? It's like how Florida can't have basements because of all of the smog.

No, that was the desolation of smog and that was a Hobbit movie.

Because, okay. Okay, agree to disagree, we're all going our separate ways.

No, no, no. Come back. I can hear you guys. I can hear... It sounds a lot like you. They're playing video games. They're arguing about what time they should go to bed.

Erin, we've played a little bit of video games. We've absolutely argued. We've held a seance in your attic.

So you're admitting it.

Well, here's the thing is, when you say living- Is anyone truly living? Yeah, what does it mean to be alive? That's really, I mean- I think we're all pretty bummed out right now.

I don't think anybody's really living.

Did your wives kick you out and then you thought, you know where we should go? Erin's Attic.

Okay, what even is a wife, as Erin says? Wife, wife, wife, wife. I mean, saying it multiple times.

Merry wives of Windsor. Interesting to ask us questions that you seemingly don't know, and yet you're six for six so far with accusations.

Honestly, I don't even care if you stay, but you're a little loud, and I would love if you could contribute to Rent just a little bit. I'm covering it completely on my own, and I would love- Oh, we can contribute to Rent.

We can contribute to Rent. Here we go. Five, six, seven, eight. 528,000, that's how much rant is in LA. Open up a restaurant in Santa Fe.

Okay, you're getting evicted. You guys, you gotta get out. You have to be out by afternoon.

I got drugs, drugs, drugs. I got drugs, drugs, drugs.

La vie boheme.

We know four Rit songs.

I want to downgrade to Riddle host again. You're not my roommates anymore. Okay. You're just my Riddle podcast host. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Well, Erin, nobody's roommates here because we're all squatting. That's part of the plot, right?

Is it? Have you seen it? We're not gonna pay. Erin, of course we can just be a Riddle host. And I'll start by saying I'm JPC. That's Adal Rifai. You're Erin Keif. This is Hey Riddle Riddle. This is a podcast where something happens or something. Something happens or something. I don't remember exactly.

We all went through a rent phase when we were 15 and now we're here and something happens and then it happens.

Yeah, some of us, like me, were forced to go through a rent phase because we were subjected to musical theater in high school and now we have rent- By whom? By the musical theater kids, Erin! By whom? The teachers! The principal! The administration! By whom? By whom? The football team, Erin! The football team! They dragged me out on the field and they said, you're gonna be Nick? Is Nick a person from Rent? God, Mimi, Mimi.

Roger.

Roger. Roger, yeah.

Roger Federer, Andre Agassi. Did you ever really live if you didn't go through a Rent phase when you were way too young? That's what living is. Adal and I went to Sketch Fest this past weekend. JPC, you could not attend because you have a baby. Uh-huh. And also, I did a live show last night, and I met the nicest listener I think we've ever had on the show. I finally met them. Wow. His name is Ben.

Oh, okay, so the old nicest listener, Alan, can fuck right off. Alan, you've been- Yeah, Alan- Displaced.

Toss Alan into a garbage can. Alan's been tossed.

Bye-bye, Alan, bitch.

His name was Ben, and he came to one of my improv shows. He's from Iowa, but he was in LA for work, and he stopped and said hi, and he was so kind. And I went, I'm recording in exactly 12 hours. I'm going to give you a little shout-out, Ben, because that's how kind you are. And this brings me to my next point about Hey Riddle Riddle live shows. There's something I want to say about them.

Okay.

I wanted to run it by you guys. is that what happens at live shows is I get out there on the stage. You do. I do. And I'm so happy to see everyone in the audience. Like in San Francisco, I was like, look at all you, look at all of you, look how sweet you are. And I get annoyed that I have to do riddles instead of talking to people. Can... You feel... Yes?

I shouldn't try and anticipate your line, Kinger.

No, you can. You oftentimes get it right. So what I want to do is I actually would rather we just turn the lights on immediately and we all just sort of talk. Us in the audience.

Erin, I think what you want to do is you want to do a Twitch stream or maybe if you really want to make some real money in OnlyFans. Because you can just do the stuff where you just talk to people, except you're, of course, putting your feet in yogurt.

No one wants to see my feet. In yogurt? No.

Well, I don't know.

I've tried. Absolutely no one cares about my feet in yogurt.

You've been kicked out of so many Vons.

Here's what I'll say. I think, Erin, I'm mulling it over my brain, just like I do with the wine I put in my brain, which is really giving me wine brain. I can't figure out any angle where it's bad to invite the audience to immediately start talking at our live shows. I think this is going to turn out really good.

I do want to see a quick scene. Adal, you are at work. You are complaining to one of your co-workers that you are suffering from wine brain, but you're claiming that you're not drunk, you just have wine brain. Erin, you're the co-worker.

Hey Todd, do you have the quarterly numbers? I just need to present them at the meeting later.

I couldn't possibly have those, right? Do you watch that new show on TV that's just a red square for four hours?

Pardon? Meet me under the desk at 10.

Meet me under the desk at 10.

It's like 10.45. We have to go back in time.

Get in this cup of coffee.

Hey Todd, you were supposed to have the numbers to me like 3.30pm yesterday. I feel like I'm being pretty flexible on this. I know I'm technically your boss but we sort of feel more like peers.

What's the play Something's Rotten in Denmark? I went to go see a production of Hamlet and I thought it would be funny to get on stage but then I fell asleep. And you know there's a scene where they poison the king by pouring poison in his ear? Somebody poured wine in my ear and it feels bad. Things are bad.

Sorry, I'm trying to get a hold of what the fuck you're talking about. Something's wrong. So you went on stage during a production of Hamlet and they confused you for one of the actors and poured real wine in your ear?

Yes, so as to teach me a lesson and something's wrong.

Did you go to the hospital?

I went to the hospital and when I got there they said, can I take your order? And I said, can I take your order? And they said, you want to take my order? And I said, this is the hospital.

Okay, so you went to like a Wendy's. It was a Wendy's. Okay, Todd.

And they poured frosty in my ear.

I really am trying to meet you with empathy here. I know that I have gotten some criticism. No, I know that I've gotten some criticism that I can sort of be a little harsh. But this is sort of kind of what happens with you every day is sort of something like this. And it's sort of getting in the way of what we're trying to accomplish here at the workplace, which is like numbers and stuff. So, um, You know what? I'm going to have you say everything you just said to our boss. And then he has to deal with this.

Okay, fine. Okay, fine. I got drunk last night. I didn't want to come in. All right?

Yeah, I can tell. You look hungover as shit, Todd.

I was halfway between, like, let me call in sick, and then I was like, I don't really have any more flex days. So I came in anyway, and I... Can you just do me a fucking solid... There's throw up down your shirt, and you're drinking a mojito.

I can smell it.

You want some?

Yes.

Let's eat. If you like pina coladas and crunching numbers all day.

But the issue at live shows is everyone is so much more interesting than me. And I just would rather listen to them talk. Because if we talk to people briefly after shows, they just walk up to you and so casually mention that they have the coolest, most interesting job ever. Turns out a lot of our listeners work in alcohol production. They're making wine. Molly, Richard, they're making wine and whiskey.

JPC, I should tell you something. Erin said a lot of the people, our fans, have really interesting lives. A lot of them are in alcohol production. We legally can't call them fans. They have interesting lives, they're in the alcohol production biz. JPC at the live show, Erin made out with the Dozeckis guy. The Dozeckis guy, we have to do this with him.

Both of them? I was dying for you to bring it up.

Wait, James C, I think you're thinking of the Colonel Sanders. I think, you know how 20 people play Colonel Sanders? I think there's just one Dozeckis guy, right?

And twins? There has to be two, I mean, there's Dozeckis. It can't just be one. Yeah, it's the Dos Equis twins.

Okay, so it's like two of the Daniel Radcliffe plays where he blinds a horse?

It's like the way the Olsen twins played one character on that sitcom. Full House. Full House.

Yeah.

It's just two people playing one guy, the most interesting man in the world.

Okay, fine. I'll keep doing riddles at live shows, but it will be under protest.

When has it never not been under protest?

JBC, I will say I'm excited for you to listen to the San Francisco Sketch Fest audio because Erin kills a fly for 20 minutes.

I'm off mic trying to catch a fly with my bare hands. Are you mad?

No, I think it sounds great. It sounds like the true live show experience. It sounds like people got exactly what they wanted.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everybody.

The whole time she's doing it, I go, JPC's going to be so pissed.

I am honored that you think that I would listen to that episode. That makes me feel blessed.

No, that's fair and that's correct.

I feel truly blessed.

Speaking of doing protests, speaking of protesting under duress because I don't want to do riddles, JPC, do you have any riddles that you can read?

Not only do I have riddles, Erin, but I have something that's not riddles really, but is a fun little game. So we'll play that instead. That'll get us into the riddles, right? I think that'll get us into it. We'll have fun with it. We got an email from a person who said I could use their full name. And the name that they gave me was Eric the Puzzler. That's fun.

Sounds like a supervillain.

Yeah, right. And they even have a website, erikthepuzzler.com. So I didn't go there. I assume it's porn, so I don't click on links. But you could go there if you want to.

I just cut my mouth. Can you guys see? Oh, yeah.

Oh, my God. Erin's mouth is bleeding.

What the fuck? It's bleeding so much.

Now, Erin, how happened that? How did that happen?

I cut it with my nail.

Now, when you say nail, you mean the thing on your finger?

Yeah. Why was that your mouth? Because you're holding a hammer nail. That's what I'm saying. I didn't mean to. It's bad, right? It feels really bad.

Erin, I think you should go take care of that if you can. I don't know what you can do.

Okay, but I'll only do it if you keep recording.

Okay, yeah. For the listeners, Erin's whole front row of teeth is just covered.

Looks like she has swine mouth.

It looks like she just ate a big lollipop. Truly, truly wild. I saw it, I saw it, and I go, huh, I wonder what that is. I don't understand how it happened. This feels like something that I would like address with like my baby where I'm like, well, no, but why was the hand in the mouth?

I feel like JPC with with me just mentioning that Erin spent 20 minutes on stage trying to kill a fly at a live show with her just absolutely tearing open her mouth and having blood everywhere. I feel like Erin is entering her, I want to say, Maria Abramovich. Is that the woman? Her Maria? Maria Abramovich stage of life, where she's done with the spoken word. Everything is about performance art and the power of that.

The last episode that Erin did too, I believe, was Erin just doing a draft for us on a main feed episode. So yeah, I do think maybe Erin is so done with Riddles that she is looking for any other thing that she could possibly do. She's going to start wearing fun sweaters again. She's going to do stuff.

Baiting you guys?

We've decided that you've entered your Maria Abramovich stage of life.

Now, we both don't know if that's the right person, but we both agree with the ethos of it.

I've only seen it written. I've only seen it written. Okay, Maria Abramovich.

Well, great. Now this episode is covered in blood. Ooh, that's a title!

This episode is covered in blood.

Am I such a sad sack that I've sort of leaned into that branding and I'm bleeding on purpose?

You'll never know.

You'll never know how much of this is real and how much of this is my persona.

I think the episode title is Bleeding On Purpose. That pretty much sums up Erin's ethos here. But no, we have to get into this because these are from Eric the Puzzler. Eric the Puzzler said, if you're ever in Philly, you have a standing invitation to play the South Philly Mural Escape for free. Eric the Puzzler is an experienced designer who creates escape rooms. Wow. Wow. Erin, I guess you were wrong about the people that listen to the show having interesting jobs.

Oh, come on.

Come on, it was a cheap shot.

Way more interesting.

You give me the shot, I'm gonna take the cheap shot every time, okay? Me and Eric the Puzzler are collaborating as shit. So here's... So Eric the Puzzler sent a little game. Adal, they think that you are going to love these, so they asked if either Erin or I would be old man puzzle. So here's the game. They're gonna give a description of a person and what they sell. Then you have to come up with the name for their store, which will be a homophone or homonym of their first name.

And there's a correct answer or this is just a sandbox? In terms of an open world, okay.

Yeah, it's not a sandbox. We can't be using that. So, for example, if they said, a woman who sells felines, you would say... Cat. Cat.

A woman who sells felines. I don't... Cat.

Yes. Cat. Cat seller. This is a woman who sells felines and it's a person's name.

Cat woman can do...

No, it's homonyms or homophones. So it's just one word twice, basically.

Cat-cat.

Yeah, yes. Cats-cat. Cats-cats.

Cats-cats. I see. Yes.

So a woman who sells felines would be cats-cats. Okay, you understand. I think that there's also... They say a few of them are darn close, but not quite there. So, for example, a lady who runs a dollar store, but everything is only five cents would be... Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Nichols Genes, genes. Erin, you have one point. Adal, you have a tangential grasp on the game.

Not only do I have one point.

Oh, go ahead. I was going to say, if Jean Smart started selling jeans, I would buy anything she sells. I love Jean Smart. And we need smart jeans. We need jeans that can talk to you, that can figure out GPS location in the crotch.

I don't want that at all. I don't want my jeans talking back at me.

I do want to see a scene.

Why is there a hole in the same spot of the freaking thigh in every pair, Erin? What are you doing?

I'm so sorry I said I want to see a scene. I do want to see a jeans. Erin, you are the test person for the very first pair of Jean Smart Smart Jeans. JPC, you are the AI assistant inside the jeans. And Erin, you're taking them for a test walk.

Okay, here we go. Expensive Christmas present.

It looks like you're trying to poop. Do you want me to look up where a bathroom might be?

Oh, uh, nope. Just walking down the street. Just left my apartment.

Oh, I don't care. I'm just walking by you. Excuse me.

Oh, sorry. No, I'm talking to my... Okay.

Oh man. Adjusting gate setting. Adjusting gate setting. Adjusting gate setting.

Please don't walk for me. Whoa! Uh oh! I'm moving way too fast. Whoa, look at this lady's strut. She's like the keep on trucking guy. I hate this. Hey, hey.

It looks like you really have to pee. Should I look up where a bathroom might be?

Nope. Jeans, let's just stop moving. Stop moving for a second. Whoa, she looks like John Lenfodo. Okay hold on. Jeans. Jeans. I'm just, um, I don't have to pee. I don't have to poop. I don't have to walk like the Ministry of Silly Walks from Monty Python. I just need to make it to this date on time and I need you maybe to like chill out about being chatting or saying anything. I'm just trying to look very normal on this.

Accepting settings for chill date. Genes, do Tobey Maguire walk from Spider-Man 3.

No! Ow! Ow! God! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Stop! Stop! Stop! Genes! Genes! Genes! Mom, what is that lady doing? Genes, stop! Genes, stop! Genes, stop!

Genes, stop! Genes, stop!

Genes, stop! Genes, stop!

Genes, stop! Genes, stop! Genes, stop! Genes, stop!

Genes, stop! Genes, stop! Genes, stop! Genes, stop! Genes, stop! Genes, stop! Genes, stop! Genes, stop!

Genes, stop! Genes, stop! Genes, stop!

Genes, stop! Genes, stop! Genes, stop! Genes, stop! Genes, stop! Genes, stop!

Genes, stop! Genes, stop! Genes, stop! Genes, stop! Genes, stop! Genes, stop!

Oh no, please Jeans, please. I don't, I'm too far from home.

Jeans won't. Jeans won't. Okay. Jeans can be good. Okay, Jeans. Jeans just have to learn user settings. Every user different.

Yeah, and I, you know, I'm a normal lady. I'm just a normal lady who's trying to go on a third date with a guy who's, I don't know, he's like just fine. I don't know.

Lady. Readjusting settings.

Oh, okay, great.

Oh. Lady doesn't have to poop. Lady doesn't have to pee. Ladies shouldn't be doing Tobey Maguire walk from Spider-Man 3.

I mean, ladies can do all those things. What do you mean, Genes?

They can? Same. I do... Okay. Now, JPC, you've given me... I want to get back to this game. Absolutely. Very quickly. I must get this out of my brain. Says the guy who's losing the game one to zip right now. God damn it. I have to say this or else it will fester in my brain. We need a Spider-Man. You talked about Spider-Man 3. Of course Venom, the symbiote, attaches himself and makes the new suit. We need Denim Venom. Now what this is, this is a Venom. This is like Venom's cousin or something. You know there's Carnage who's red and kind of more psychotic. Denim Venom is Canadian. He lands in Canada. And he makes an all-denim sort of Spider-Man Venom Carnage-esque suit for someone. No extra powers, but... You don't need extra powers, it's got all the power in the ED. You don't need extra powers when you have a Canadian tuxedo on. Denim, Venom, Marvel, if you're listening, and I know you are, please let us write this.

When was the last time you wore all denim?

Last time I was in New York, and a friend of the show, Stuart, from the Fop House, called me out and said, what's going on with the Canadian tuxedo? And I said, I'm never doing this again.

No, if you go in denim on the bottom, you gotta go chambray on the top. That's the trick.

Oh, I love chambray right outside Chicago. A historic village.

It's only chambray if it's grown in the chambray region of France. Otherwise, it's just a sparkling shirt. Sparkling shirt. Here we go.

I like that a lot, JVC. Here we go. I rarely give you your flowers, but I would like to slow down for a minute and tell you that I did love that.

Wait, we shouldn't give me flowers for that. I said it, and then I set up my own joke, and then I just did it.

Isn't that what this is?

Yeah, I guess that's right. All right, here's your next one. This dude sells toilets. John's John's. John's John's.

Adam's back on the board.

You did move too slow. That is correct. John's brother is launching a line of rugs to pair with John's products. Matz Matz.

Matz Matz.

I hope we get a pizza. Erin, I hope we get a pizza pizza.

In my defense, my mouth tastes like blood. Because it's filled with blood.

This puzzle master bakes pecan cookies. Sandy Sandys. That is Sandy Sandys.

What the fuck is happening? Why am I moving so slow?

Erin, maybe you've just lost too much blood. You started out with all your blood in your mouth and now it's slowly leaked out and now you don't have enough to do the riddles very good.

Wanna guess my blood type?

Anemic Jagger?

I have had this pickup line at a bar so many times where a woman will saunter over to me and say, you wanna guess my blood type? Is it B positive?

Cause I need a kidney. You look like you could be a match.

Erin, I would say you are AB positive.

Okay, Adal, what's your guess?

I think you are the universal donor.

Is that O?

Yes, I'm O negative.

Oh. Oh, negative. I don't know why I guessed positive with you. The person owns a strip club. Sorry, can you say that again? This person owns a strip club.

Naked's Naked's. No, no. Dancer's Dancer's.

Pole's Poles. No. Paul's Poles. Paul's Poles. No? This one is right on the money with... It's not a slant. It's the same word twice.

Okay.

Is it like money related or dancing?

Bill's Bills. It's not money related or dancing. And you know what? Here's what I'll say. It might help you out. This is an all male strip club.

Oh.

Oh.

Dicks Dicks.

Uh, yeah, I think I can... That's gotta be Dicks Dicks. That's not the answer, but I do think Dicks Dicks works for that. This person owns a strip club, yeah. Chips Chippendales? The answer that was given was Guys Guys.

Oh.

But I like Dicks Dicks better. But also, if I was gonna go to a strip club called Dicks Dicks, I would want it to be called Dicks Dicks Dicks.

Because the Beetlejuice theory? Anything you say three times in a row, you will summon?

Rule of threes, you know? Rule of threes.

And listeners, no, I'm not going to call for a dickle juice scene where somebody says dick three times.

Well, actually, this sounds pretty good. Actually, Adal did call for that scene, and we did cut it out. After the scene happened, we all sort of looked at each other.

This is also JPC cutting in from a little further into the episode. Adal kept calling for that scene. We had to keep cutting it out. He called for it after break. He called for it right before we went to plugs.

He called us on the phone to try to do it over the phone.

It's dick time. Hey, it's me, Diggle Juice. And that has legs.

And that has legs.

Can we get that out of the episode? I'll keep saying it. Casey, maybe just have him say it once. Leave one in there. It's dick time. No! Alright, here's the next set. These are the intermediate pussies. These are a little harder. This guy is a ladies barber.

I would like to see a scene actually. JPC, you're a woman's hairdresser, and your name is Bob, and you only cut bobs, and Adal, you are a woman who just went in there asking for a very different haircut that isn't a bob, and you're trying to politely express your disappointment in your new haircut.

All right, what do we think? Okay, this seems... Yeah, this isn't what I expected, nor what I asked for, I guess.

Oh. I wanted the Rachel. I'm sorry?

I wanted the Rachel.

Oh. Your name is Rachel? I'm so sorry. I'm so caught off guard. This never happens. I don't even know what to do in a situation like this. I'm sorry Rachel.

My name's not Rachel.

Oh. Well then you're a liar?

No. My name is Beverly. I said I want the Rachel. The Rachel. How old are you? Were you around for Must See TV? I'm 29, so... Cuss? Cuss? I'm so sorry, I gave you the wrong haircut.

Yeah. The Bob's Guarantee is that I will always give you the right haircut provided it's the one I know. Is there something, can I give you a free haircut next time?

I don't want a Bob. You know what, this is partially my fault for not reading the sign or interpreting it correctly.

I'm tapping the sign up here. I guess I could be more clear with the way that the sign Yeah, I mean, it's because it just says I'm crazy. So oh, and I figure that is what that says, right? I don't read French.

Oh, you sure? I don't know if it's French.

So that is French?

I think so.

It popped into my head one day, and I just, you know, I wrote it up freehand, and I put it up there, so.

Oh, you know what? Let me, actually, let me just stand up here, and I'm going to turn and face the sign. Well, you are taller than I thought. Smart pants? Use translation. Sorry, my pants have wine brain. I spilled some wine on them. It's, yeah.

No, I'm not drunk. I got this. Crazy walk.

3, 2, 1.

Whoa! Never moved like this before.

Wait! You gotta pay! You have to pay!

I'm on the ceiling. I needed that haircut money to afford my next haircut. I am really running it against the wire here.

Sorry guys, can I run to the bathroom and I just want to- Sure. It's bleeding again. I'm so sorry. This sucks.

Yeah, sure. Let's take a few minutes. I'll pee while Erin's bleeding. Casey clip that. That sounded awesome. All right, enough good times. We have to take a break. Erin's mouth and whole front of her face down to her chin is covered in blood, so we have to go- I assume vacuum that up?

She's beauty and she's grace. She's covered in blood.

We'll be back with more of Eric the Puzzler's puzzles right after this break. 1, 2, 3, 4, Hey Riddle Riddle.

It's the most wonderful time of the place. It's tax season, baby, and I get to use Ragnet money, my favorite app. Hey, guys.

Wow, Erin, you're sitting by a fireplace real close. Your clothes are on fire.

Yep. Ow. Anyways, guys, I was just looking at Rocket Money. It's my personal finance app that finds and cancels my unwanted subscriptions, monitors my spending, and helps lower my bills all in one place. It keeps me so organized. The tax season is incredibly easy for me.

Erin, I don't believe you. Tell me one thing that you've done with Rocket Money that will make me believe that you use it.

Okay, well, it finds all of my subscriptions in one place, I oftentimes forget I've signed up for something, and I end up paying for it for a couple months, And if I can see if there's something I don't want, I can cancel it with one tap. I never have to get on the phone or use customer service. They'll do it for me. And they'll even try to get me a refund on the last couple months of wasted money and negotiate to lower my bills by up to 20%. All I do is take a picture of your bill and Rocket Money takes care of the rest.

Magic. They shouldn't call people out like this. It always backfires when they have specifics that they use the product. Yeah.

Yeah, you challenge way too many people. Also, Erin, correct me if I'm wrong, Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has helped save its members an average of $720 a year with over 500 million in cancelled subscriptions or something?

Mm-hmm. JPC.

JPC.

So stop wasting your money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to RocketMoney.com slash Riddle. That's RocketMoney.com slash Riddle. RocketMoney.com slash R-I-D-D-L-E Riddle.

Erin, I bet you don't want to cancel your subscription to New Clothes and Burn South because you're naked and you're covered in burns.

Ha ha ha, comedy boy. Ha ha ha. Comedy boy made a joke. Ha ha ha ha ha.

No, Erin, you're burned up pretty bad.

I know, I know, and I know.

This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. Adal, Erin, I have amazing news for the two of you.

Oh, he's got that look in his eye.

You know how for a while now I've been trying to develop superpowers by whatever means I can. I'm spilling ooze on myself. You're fighting spiders. I'm finding trauma. Well, funny that you should mention spiders. I got bit by a spider the other day, maybe a little genetically modified spider, and it gave me website.

Oh.

Oh, sweetie, you just discovered the internet.

Huh? You're talking- No, no, I can- I have a keyboard and I can go on to-

Anyone that I choose, I just have to type in the... Yeah, you can go on any website and you can actually even make your own website with Squarespace. We've been telling you about this for several months while you've been in the lab.

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Yeah, that's actually making a lot of sense. I'm looking at Squarespace now. You can kind of set up an asset library where you can upload, organize, and access all your content from one place. And with the asset library, you're able to manage all your files from one central hub and use them across the Squarespace platform. And these spider bites, ah, these just look infected. These look real bad. That looks real bad.

If you end up doing tricks or whatever, you can host video content, organize your video library, and showcase your content on beautiful video pages, and sell access to your videos with member areas.

Oh God, I'm so tired. I think maybe the spider bites have made me... It laid eggs. Yeah, low on blood, maybe low on fluids. Speaking of fluids, Squarespace has a Fluid Engine, a next-generation website design system, and it's never been easier for anyone to unlock unbreakable creativity. Start with the best-in-class website template and customize every design detail with reimagined drag-and-drop technology for desktop or mobile. Stretch your imagination online with Fluid Engine. Built-in and ready to go on any new Squarespace site. Also, I think I have drag-and-drop mental powers where I can drag icons from my desktop. No, I'm using a mouse.

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And if you want to get website, go to a spider cave and get bit by every one of those suckers. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Yeah, and you always call it retreating there, because you've always suffered some sort of loss or defeat?

Well, it's a timeshare, actually. Anyway, I went to go retreat to my mind palace, and it's been razed. It's been demolished, so there's nothing there. I don't know what to do, and I feel like my mental health is in a bit of a pickle here, so I'm not sure what to do.

I think you should give BetterHelp a try. If you're thinking about starting therapy, go to BetterHelp. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire and get matched with your licensed therapist and switch therapist anytime for no additional charge. This kind of therapy works great for me because you can message your counselor anytime and they get back to you with a timely and thoughtful response. And you don't have to like wait around and hold on to everything all the time.

Yeah. And so it's how to put this in terms that you'll understand. So therapy isn't about buying like a prefab brand new mind palace, but it'll give you tools. The hammer, the noble chisel for you to rebuild block by block your own mind palace.

Oh wow, hammer and a chisel writing this down. The noble chisel. The noble chisel, I'm so sorry. So it sounds like what you two are saying is, like my mind palace, therapy can be a place for me to work through the challenges I face in my relationships, either with friends, with significant others, with the two of you, my co-workers and friends. Anyway, that sounds amazing. Any relationship. Yes. Okay.

I guess maybe it also could help you with like one-sided stuff like celebrity fixations. It could help with that stuff too.

Oh, thank God because yeah, I am a Tom Hardy is just... Michael B. Jordan, Johnny B. Horny.

Anyway, you can become your own soulmate whether you're looking for one or not. Visit betterhelp.com slash riddle today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp.com slash riddle. R-I-D-D-L-E.

And it looks like the Mind Palace is gone, but the Mind Guest Rooms are still there if you two ever want to visit.

I can't. I have to go to the store.

And I'm good. It stinks in there.

Hey Riddle Riddle

All right, here we go. This man sells fake vomit. This man sells fake vomit.

Pucky's Puke. Um, Snarf's Barf's.

Snarf's Barf's.

It's not Marf's Marf or whatever anyone says. Ralph's Ralph's. It's Ralph's Ralph's. Gross. Yeah, and I feel like Ralph is a very, I don't know, home alone thing to say. It belongs in a certain time period and no one uses it anymore.

No. I'm going to Ralph. It's in the 90s.

Yeah, it's very 90s.

Maybe in the 90s it was either Ralph or I'm going to go call dinosaurs. Do you remember that saying? No. I'm going to go call dinosaurs.

No, old man. We don't know what you're talking about. No, and once again, you're old.

You're old.

We're old. Play that sound bite that we play every time Adal's old.

It's dick time.

Welcome to the wickedly talented, one and only Adele Dazeem.

I assume that's the one that we play when Adal's old. Yes. I have a question. We've been calling Adal old on the podcast for a while, but for any listener, because we have listeners who have listened to this whole podcast through like 12 times. That can't be true. I need you to figure out if someone can find the very first instance of us calling, the earliest, the earliest instance of us calling Adal old, because I have a sneaking suspicion I am now older than that first time that we called Adal.

Oh my God, you're right.

Wow.

I think honestly it was probably within the first 12 episodes. And how old was everyone when the show started?

I was still in my 20s, and I'm long out of my 20s with the show. Because the show started, what, 2018? Mm-hmm.

It's 2024 now, so it's like- So six years ago, I would have been 35? And I'm 35 now, so if- Wow, you have come what you used to dread.

Oh no, I was 26 when the show started.

If, if, if in the first year of the show basically I ever called Adal old, then I am now fucking busted. And by the way, I feel it. I feel it.

And JPC, I'm older than you were when I would call you old as well. And I'm older than you were when we started.

What do you mean you're calling me old? You're like two years younger than me.

I'm like a hundred years younger than you, you idiot.

See, this is what happens when you get old. You start to get contentious. You start to get contentious. We're changing the title of this. Contagorous. Contagorous, thank you. This show is now called Two and a Half Olds. I'm half old.

Please let me be half old.

Erin, you are half old. Also, I just want to say very quickly... You're 35?

Three feet deep in the grave.

Is that Jared Leto's band? Yeah. I realized the other day, that clip of Adele Dazeem. Can you play that clip one more time of John Travolta?

Adele Dazeem. Adele Dazeem. Adele Dazeem.

He's really struggling. He struggles so hard when he says it. Something I realized recently, maybe within the last month, is that in the movie Grease, you know the nerd Eugene? Hey Eugene! And then they knock the books out of his hands. That guy's name, the actor's name, who plays Eugene, is Eddie Dazeem. So I think, I think John Travolta was like, I can't read what these letters are. He's like, this kind of looks like 40 years ago. This looks like the actor's name on the call sheet. And he kind of, he half said, Eddie Nazeeb.

I don't believe John Travolta remembers a single name of a person he's ever worked with. I think he looks at a picture of Olivia Newton-John and he's like, it's sort of familiar.

I don't know. Michelle Pfeiffer. Listen to this. Listen to this. Her name is Adina Menzel. Now, now... Adele Dazeem. You kind of get close with Adele. Adele Adina, you're like, okay, but Menzel and Dazeem could be more different.

So a lot of people who have seen my name only on paper have called me Adele. So Adal Rifai, how do you think John Travolta would say my name? Okay, so- Adele Refraes? Adele Refraes?

I think you'd say Adele Dazeem, quite frankly. Yeah, I think you'd say Adele Dazeem.

That's his catch-all. He's like, anytime he doesn't know somebody's name, instead of saying, like, big guy or something, or champ, he's like, hey, thanks for the pizza, Adele Dazeem over here.

If you don't remember someone's name, you've met them before, they look familiar, you don't remember their name, don't just try to say, like, friend or pal. Go full-on Adele Dazeem over. Oh, look who's on team Dazeem over here. Yeah. Bunch of dudes.

Oh, he's a regular old Adele Dazeem. How you doing, buddy?

If anyone ever says to me, and I hate when people say this, do you remember me or do you remember my name? That's an awful thing to say to someone. But the next time someone says, I'll say, of course I do, Adel Dizzee. You're the wickedly talented. The wickedly talented.

Adel Dizzee. How could I forget you? The wickedly talented.

If John Travolta called me that, I would legally change my name to Adel Dizzee.

I had this thing, I had this idea, because Idina Menzel is like a Broadway singer, right? I don't know, does Idina Menzel have like an album or like albums of music that she puts out?

Yeah, it's called the Rent Original Soundtrack.

Okay, that's not what I'm talking about.

She puts out original music as well.

I think 10 years ago, what she should have done right after this event came out, is she should have put out a solo album of all of her music and called it the wickedly talented Adele Dazeem. And it should have been like a Chris Gaines, Garth Brooks thing where she becomes Adele Dazeem and she just does songs as Adele Dazeem, whatever that would be.

She hosts SNL and is the musical guest.

And Erin- Missed opportunity.

You have an idea to combine Adele Dazeem with maybe another Hey Riddle Riddle standard. What would that be?

Oh, Adele Dazeem and the Howard Dean Scream. Before we started recording, I said that will be the name of the children's book we will release in 2031. Adele Dazeem and the Howard Dean Scream. So look out for that.

Is that Jared Leto's band? Yes. Okay, here we go. 30 seconds to Adele Dazeem. This woman, we're still doing the Eric the Puzzler puzzles, this woman rents property.

Okay. This is a slant. A slant rhyme. This is going to be...

A woman who rents. Tina's tenant.

Tina's tenant.

Apartment rents.

Apartment rents? Apartment rents.

Of course I remember your name. You're apartment rents.

Landlords.

What's another word for a rental? A short-term rental.

A sublet.

You're close with let, but there's another word. You might be more familiar with this for like a car. Lease. Denise's leases.

Denise's leases. Yeah. Lisa's leases.

It's Lisa's leases. It's Lisa's leases. Erin's back on the board with a hundred points. Okay, this lady helps you mark trails.

I mean, that's just Sacagawea, right?

You're just describing Sacagawea. This is a woman who helps you mark trails.

This is posts, signs.

I will say the first name of this woman nowadays has a kind of negative connotation to it.

Bitches, birch, bitches.

Yeah, nowadays. Five years ago, everybody wanted to be that bitch. And then the second word of it, this is also like a slant, and this is a very specific type of trail marking that you're probably familiar with, but I would say this is a hard puzzle. I don't know about intermediate.

Miley's Miles?

No.

Can you read it again?

This lady helps you mark trails.

Okay. Helps you.

Yeah. Well, don't worry about helps you. It's a woman's first name and then something that marks trails. Have you ever seen these? Have you ever seen when there's like- Stand up. I'm going to try to get you to have the word where there's like a large rock with a series of progressively smaller rocks balanced on top of it and it doesn't look like it should stay up. Do you know what one of those is called?

No idea, but I've seen them before.

Okay.

Okay. I've seen them like three times in my life, but I didn't stop to ask the rocks what they were.

Wow, that's like something from a children's book. Stopping to ask the rocks what they are. That is called a cairn. Oh, Cairns, Cairns.

Cairns, Cairns. I didn't know that that's what that was called.

Yeah, I didn't know that they marked trails. I can't remember what the significance of one of them is, but also I think that you have to build them in one of the Assassin's Creed games, because I definitely remember that as being a puzzle.

I've almost seen them in... We saw them a few times in Iceland, and I guess the local lore is that the fairies do it, where they're like, the fairies are building their condos. And it's like, I think someone just put those there.

Hey, let it be fun. The fairies are building them.

I see a lot of parks and stuff, which is, they're also, it's like, oh, cool. But then also you're like, hey, but you're also not supposed to do this at a park. You're just a leave it lay. You're not supposed to be moving stuff around.

Better than you found it.

Yeah, I always leave a $100 bill, crisp $100 bill at every park that I go to because it's leaving it better than you found it, baby. This person runs an agency- All the rocks are worrying him.

Okay.

Yes. This person runs an agency that provides seat fillers to the Catholic Church.

Pews, pews. Pew, pew, pew. Pewdiepie. Pew, pew, pew. Pew.

Pews, pews. An agency that provides seat fillers to the Catholic Church. These are people that would sit in a Catholic Mass.

Yes, very good. Would you like to come to my church? So sorry, bumbling. Today's sermon, yeah, very good. That's Hughes-Pugh's.

Hughes-Pugh's.

Connor Gratian's congregation.

Wow. I would say it doesn't even have to be a Catholic Church. It could be a Presbyterian Church. It could be a Methodist Church.

Chris's Christians. Christian's Christians.

It's Christian's Christians, Erin. It is Christian's Christians. You're back on the board with another 100 points. Okay, this guy's- 100 points? This is the last of the intermediate ones. This guy's pickles- I'm sorry. Dill's Dills. Dill's Dills. Dill's Dills would be good. This guy pickles anything and everything.

Gary's Gerber's this guy's a pickle jars jars he's jars jars nobody do it nobody do the boys everybody cool my mouth is bleeding again from biting my tongue me sir I'll say me sir won't shorten it mm-hmm

I'll do, you just don't do the voice, you just say, Mesa Jar Jar Binks.

Mesa Jar Jar Binks. Pickles everything.

This guy pickles anything and everything. This is another one that's not quite the same word. It's a little bit of a slant rhyme here. Not really a rhyme, but a slant hum-a-phone. What do you call it when you've pickled something? You... Brine.

Brian's Brines.

It's Brian's Brine. Another 150,000 points for Erin. Okay. I'm rich. Then there's also some hard ones. What the hell are you talking about? I also thought Karen's Karen's was pretty difficult, but let's go to the hard ones. Okay. This lass sells trucks. Lori's Lori's. It's Lori's Lori's lass, the operative word there. This dude opened a shoe store, but was immediately sued by Nike for copyright infringement.

Michael Jordan.

So this this person this guy this dude opened up a sneaker store but was promptly sued by Nike. For copyright infringement, you're half right with what you guessed.

Oh, Jordan's Jordans.

It's Jordan's Jordans, yes. Wow. This ombre helps you make sure your garden is watered. Jose's Hoses.

It's Jose's Hoses.

I also would have accepted Agua's Agua. Adal, you weren't wrong. Thank you. This SNL fan started selling latex masks of her hero's face. Hmm. This is a stretch, but I like it. It's a fan of SNL started selling latex masks of her hero's face. Kristen Wiggs Wiggs. Wow, I do like Wiggs Wiggs, but Wigg is not really a person's name.

What's the name of a latex mask?

Don't think about a latex mask, think about the hero's face. Who's the hero of SNL? Oh, the Target Lady. Target Lady's Target Lady. Yeah, Sherry O'Terry's Terry O'Sherry.

Colin Jost.

It's funny to think about this person as the hero of SNL, because in many ways I'd say that this person is kind of like the villain of SNL.

Okay, villain of SNL. Oh, this is Jim Brewer's brewery.

I believe this is the only person who has been involved with Saturday Night Live from the very beginning.

Lauren.

Lauren's Lauren. It's Lauren's Lauren's. What's a Lauren? It's the latest masks of Laura and Michael's face.

Didn't he leave for a little while in the 80s? Yeah, right? There was like one year.

Dick Everfall. That was the Robert Downey Jr.

year.

That was Julia Weitz, Dreyfuss, and Don Jr. and Anthony Michael Hall. Did you know, this is a little known fact, did you know that it's a Halloween mask of Laura and Michael's spray-painted white that is Mike Myers?

And did you know that Mike Myers is spray-painted himself bald to become Dr. Evil?

Oh.

Uh-huh. And you think you can't learn anything listening to this show, huh?

You can't. You can't.

It sounds like somebody's holding him at gunpoint. I doubt that's him. What's your ATM password? I doubt that's him.

Alright, this is my favorite one. This is the last of these hard ones. This man sells gas.

Uh, Moyles Oils. This man sells gas. Shell Silverstein's Shell Petrol. Shell Silverstein's Shell Gasoline.

No, it's not Shell Silverstein's Shell Gasoline.

Sylvia Cynthia Stout would not take that.

I do want to see a scene. I do want to see a scene. Erin, you are pulling in. Your car is almost on empty. You haven't seen another service station around, and you've just pulled into Adal's gas station, which is Shell Silverstein's Shell Gasoline.

Hey, can I get $50 on pump three, please?

A greetings, a huzzah, a welcome, a do. Your car is in trouble. Gasoline, one gallon, two.

Sorry, I think I just blacked out for a second. I thought you were rhyming.

Concussion's no fushion, no fussing concussion. The bonk on the head can end up you dead. You dig a big grave, it can get real grave.

Are you out of gas, or... You have... You're good? Can... Can I... I just need $50 on pump 3.

I'm good, Samaritan. And Sarah Tin was made of tin. A little tin girl, a gust of wind, took her around the world when she was so thin. She ate not a berry, she flew towards the sky, and hit the moon dead in the eye. Lumière, Lumière, a filmmaker too, a candlestick brother, can you think of glue? Elmer's and Felmer's and Fudd's and Dud's. Sit in the theater. Milk Duds. Paul Rudd's. Ant-Man Quantum Leap. They're all in the screen. You and me, baby. Let's pump gasoline.

This is Adal's Eminem impression.

That'll be $500.

That was such a ride. That was such a wild ride of people who are listening to this being like, does he know who Shel Silverstein is? And they'd be like, he knows. He obviously does know. And then it goes a little deeper. You're like, does he know?

Hey, they had to be original. I can't do my favorite. I can't do the crocodile one or I was eaten by a lion or anything. Erin, speaking of Shel Silverstein, Do you mind putting a light in the attic? Because when JPC and I go to bed, there's nothing to turn off.

Okay.

Just a fun callback to your idea.

Yes, to my opener. I was just trying to think of if I know any Shelf Silverstein poems. Did he do a genuine anteater, the pet store told my dad. It turns out he was an anteater. Now my uncle's mad.

Oh, yeah.

Lazy, lazy, lazy, lazy, lazy Jane. She wants a drink of water, so she waits and waits and waits and waits and waits for it to rain.

Yep.

Erin, you know- I know two!

You know two complete Shel Silverstein poems. You're welcome. You should have been the fucking Shel Silverstein guy. Adal should have been the fucking Adal, I guess.

Can I tell you something?

Oh, go ahead. I was going to say my favorite just very quickly is It's Giving Tree. They updated it for the new generation.

It's giving tree.

My mother works at a library, and they had a poetry night where people around the town could get up and read their favorite poems. And I went, I would like to submit, please. And she was like, okay. And I submitted the Shel Silverstein, Aunt Eater poem, and they let me go in. And it was everyone reading beautiful poetry of all ages across the town. And then I got up and did that, and one old man in the back laughed, and I went, I'm going to be a comedian. I'm going to chase that feeling for the rest of my life.

How old were you at this time, Erin?

Like 30? No. I was like eight or nine, second grade, third grade.

Two years into the podcast, or four years into the podcast, Erin decided to go read a poem at a library.

Yep.

I would think letting anyone read anything out loud in Boston is a recipe for disaster.

Yeah.

For many reasons. I would never allow that.

Here's what I'll say, Shel Silverstein- And miles to go before you sleep, and miles to go before you sleep.

Fuckin' Yankees piece of shit. Erin Judge. Here's what I'll say, Shel Silverstein, far more clever than Dr. Seuss, and way less problematic than Roald Dahl. He's right in that sweet spot.

This man sells gas. You still haven't gotten this, but it's a hard one.

Fuck. Forgot we were doing it.

It's a hard one. It's not even, you're not looking for a word for gas, you're looking for a... Petrol? It's not a word for gas, it's a compound word for like, buying gas, basically. This is like a colloquialism like...

Erin!

Wow, Erin.

Erin Keif. I can't believe I got it.

Fill her up. Wow, you nailed it, Erin. It's Phillips Phillips.

Wow, that was hard.

Well, she nailed her mouth. She nailed it in terms of her mouth. That's what I was just saying.

So, you can still see the blood, yes?

It seems like you hit your mouth one more time. It sounds like casual Dracula.

And they say podcasters don't have it hard. We put in our blood, sweat, and tears into this thing, okay? We're bleeding for you people.

Right now, just blood.

Eric also included some dessert puzzles. Would you like some of the dessert puzzles as well? This is a calm down for you because you did such a great job.

I save a riddle shelf. You know how you think you're full, but you have a riddle shelf.

Yeah, yeah, yep. A podcaster who will melt your brain with puns. Addled Addle.

Adal's Adal. Adal's Adal.

It is Adal's Adal's. Adal's Adal's. Yes, Adal's Adal's. An improviser who will do your chores for you. Keif sweeps. Keif sweeps. This is kind of a slant.

It's not exactly... JPC's.

No.

Erin's Erin's. Erin's Erin's.

Erin's Erin's. Erin's Erin's. A psychopath who makes custom computers for medium-sized birds.

JPCs, J... Blue JPCs. Parakeets.

Parakeets. JPCs, JPCs.

It's JPCs, JPCs, and then finally... Would you watch a TV show called Erin's Errands and it's me running a comedian's errands with them? I'm going to the post office and stuff. I go.

So it's like comedians in cars getting coffee, but it's comedians with errands. Comedians with Erin running errands.

Erin's errands. Yes. And I just go and we just do little. I go to the DMV with like Mark Maron.

Errands and cars getting stressed. That sounds awful. You take Marc Maron, who's arguably the most pent-up, frustrated person in the world, and you put him at the DMV, which is... But you put them at the DMV with Erin Keif, and she has nowhere else she needs to be that day. So it's just you apologizing for a man?

I do think that comedians in cars getting coffee, the tough part about that is that they're doing a leisure activity, and I do think it's way more interesting to put someone in a... More stress-inducing activity, right? Like, running an errand that you don't really want to do. Because everybody wants to, like, take a break and get some coffee and, like, ride around in a classic car.

It's like me and Vanessa Bayer while she tries to sell her clothes at Buffalo Exchange. Do you know what I mean?

So it's almost like hot ones, but it's stressful ones.

Yes.

Erin, I think you lead with the Vanessa Bayer pitch because it's infinitely more interesting than you saying, Mark Maron at the DMV. Mark Maron at the DMV. Everyone at Hollywood's like, well, the money's kind of dried up.

No, that's my pilot and I will not budge.

I would also say, if someone ever asked me, what are the bookends of celebrity politeness, I'd say Mark Barron on one end and Vanessa Bayer on the other. Erin, it could almost be like a, is it old enough? Is that the Japanese Netflix series where it's like they send three-year-olds on little errands? It should be like old enough where- But it's just me. A celebrity gives you an errand, and you're just stressed out running around the city- And I keep dropping apples on the sidewalk, and I'm like, ah!

I do like the idea of pitching this show and then pitching all of the worst possible things that the show could be. It's Erin's Erin. So it's like an example, it's like me and Kevin Spacey arguing a parking ticket.

People are like, no, we don't fucking see that. Okay, what were we doing?

Go ahead. It's me and Kevin Sorbo at a school board meeting. It's like, ugh. Delete, delete. Sorbo Sorbet?

No, it's got to be like Casey's Macy's. Casey's Cases.

An audio engineer who helps criminal defendants make criminal charges disappear.

Casey's Cases.

Casey's Cases. I'm Casey Cases. All right, Casey, do you want to take a guess here? It's not Casey's Cases. Tony's Alimony. You make criminal defendants' charges disappear. Tony's alimonies. That's dangerously close to a Paul F. Tompkins podcast character. No, this is Casey's Case-E's. Casey's Case-E's. And what's a Case-E? Well, they make the cases disappear, so it's like easily... I guess it could have been like, it makes the cases easily... Oh, I see. It's Casey's Case-E's. There's one final one. There's one final one. Sorry, I didn't scroll down far enough. I didn't see this final one.

Okay.

This chica franchised a Walgreens competitor.

Jules Jules. Maria CVS is Maria CVS.

It's Maria CVS. That's so funny.

It's Eric the Puzzler having a good time. Thank you so much, Eric the Puzzler, for sending those in. Casey, do we have a voicemail? Theme.

Is it a man who made a mess? No, that's a boy's fail. Is it a place for children's gifts? No, that's a toy sale. Is it the back end of a fish? No, that's a coy's tail. Well, so then what the hell is this? It's just the Hey Riddle Riddle. Wow. I loved that.

10 out of 10.

If you feel that there's a similarity between the voicemail theme and the game that we played this episode, that is because they're both from the same person. Thank you, Eric the Puzzler, for submitting a voicemail theme in an accompanying game to go along with it. Very, very nice.

Honorary co-host today, honorary Old Man Puzzles. I'll keep wanting to say Eric the Red. Eric the Puzzler.

Eric The Red, and once again, one of history's greatest monsters.

I'd say for that, Casey's Casey's.

Yeah. Well, thank you so much, Eric. And Casey, do we have a voicemail we can listen to?

Hello, Riddle Riddle. My name is Alex, and I have a question for you. I'm a trivia night host, and I never know what to say when I catch people obviously cheating on their phone. Do you have any suggestions on what I could actually Do or say to make sure that they feel equally embarrassed and humiliated. Thanks!

Hmm. That's a really, really great one. Wow, we had a escape room designer and a trivia host both calling or submitting to the show today. That kind of blows Erin's theory about interesting jobs right out of the fucking- No! It confirms it! I know! It's a cheap shot! I'm not going to take the shot! I'm not going to take the cheap shot! Come on! I'm a fun guy, I'm a mushroom. Fun guys, fun guys.

I guess everyone knows now, GPC is a talking mushroom. He's a fun guy. Little red mushroom.

No cap, no cap. It got popped off.

Eyes, googly eyes, and that's what GPC has been this whole time. My head got popped off.

He was popping off, no cap.

Okay, first one that jumps into my mind. This is an easy one, especially because you're catching people cheating on their phones. You go back to your host stand, you grab your microphone, maybe it's even in the middle of the round, and you say, hey everybody, as a reminder, we're not supposed to be looking at Pornhub on our phones, okay? You can actually get a lot of viruses on your phone by looking at Pornhub, looking at you, table three.

Mm-hmm, I think that's great. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Hey guys, just full disclosure, I'm texting that table all the right answers. That's why they're on their phones, just in case anyone was curious.

And I'd say just be like, that's a cheater. Can you share that with the rest of the class? That kind of thing. Hey everyone, look at this motherfucker. And make sure everyone sees it. What you want is mob mentality.

I would remind people that Rock Bottom is cheating at something that's supposed to be fun. Why are you there?

Yeah, yeah.

Just so everybody, before we even begin, if you look up stuff on your phone, I think it's time you call a therapist because you're cheating at Pub Trivia and it's supposed to just be fun and good for your brain. Yeah, it's the saddest thing. It's supposed to be a third space.

I'm on my third marriage and I'm not the biggest loser here tonight. It's a little bit of- you gotta do a little self-deprecating, right? But you just gotta say, yeah, these people are cheating.

You could also yell what I yelled at Medieval Times that upset GPC.

No, do not. I don't think so. It didn't upset GPC as much as it shocked the entire audience, who thankfully did not hear you. Yeah, I think fuck those people. I think take their picture of beer, pour it on their heads, kick them out. I'm assuming you have a big burly bouncer at this place. Say, get these fucking people out of here. They're fucking trash. They're the scum of the earth. You know, you could say, you're my freaks of the week. You know, take their picture, put it up on the big board. Shame. You have to publicly shame these people.

Yeah, some sort of shame.

Hey, speaking of things that we may or may not be ashamed of, do anyone have anything to plug? Erin, we got to go to you first. You got anything to plug?

I got to plug my mouth because it is bleeding. Yes. Also, you can check out, if you're not a patron from Hello from the Magic Tavern, now's a good time to join. I've been on a lot of their bonus content recently and it's been really, really fun. You should say, oh, sorry. Go ahead.

I was going to say, specifically, Offices and Bosses, season four.

It's been a blast, and I've gotten to go on with my friend Olivia Nielsen, who I'm a big fan of. Adal, do you have anything to plug?

I want to plug, and this will mean nothing to a lot of people, but this is... But the dolphins in space will understand me. This is directed purely at JBC.

Oh shit.

JBC. There is a place, not terribly near our place, but maybe like a 15 minute Uber Eats drive, 20 minute Uber Eats drive. It's called Bad Ass Breakfast Burritos. And I was on Uber Eats the other day.

I was like- So glad you brought this up.

So glad you brought this up. I want breakfast. I'm not sure what to get. I'm tired of our standbys. We ordered Uber Eats badass breakfast burritos. Gemma got the impossible burrito. I got the whatever their main one is. I bit into this motherfucker and my eyes rolled in the back of my head and I said this is one of the best things I've ever had in terms of breakfast. Gemma absolutely adored hers. We were over the moon. JBC, have you tried this?

So, I've been to this place many times. Since the baby is born, I've calmed down on the getting delivery for necessity's sake, but most of the time, I don't get delivery. I just pick things up. And I saw this place a long time ago. I love a breakfast burrito. I love a breakfast taco, but I love a breakfast burrito as well. It's in Avondale, and I don't get delivery, so I drove there to pick it up. It is a ghost kitchen, so it is one of these I'm a civilian. I'm not off duty. I'm just me. I'm just a guy who came for my burrito. First time I had it, absolutely loved it. It was delicious. But I had to stop going to that place because it's, like you said, about a 20 minute drive. And it's a burrito, so it's like completely wrapped, you know, like sealed and wrapped. And it needs to be to keep it hot for like the transit to home. And every time I ordered there, I would get a impossible meat burrito. And like two times in a row, when I brought it back to my house, it was a regular meat burrito. And I said, well, I can't, I just can't go here anymore because I, it's either I just toss it and then I waste, or I go back. I like drive back another 40 minutes. So I was like, you know, eventually I just have to stop. So maybe, maybe that was, you know, years ago, maybe their quality has gotten, has gotten better, but What a bummer. Also, don't love the idea of a ghost kitchen, especially because ghost kitchens, I feel like, have really fun things at them, but you're like, whoa, what's this place? And then you realize what it is, and you're like, oh, it's this. This isn't a fun, quirky restaurant. Those ghost kitchen things are so weird. If you ever have a chance to go into a ghost kitchen, I highly recommend you do it because it is like walking into a spaceship.

Spooky, spooky stuff.

Very smooth. JPC, do you have a recommendation or a review to read?

I do have a review to read. I want to read this review. This is for, I don't know, I'm going to say I bass for him. It could also be I bass for him. Wow, bass and bass spelled the exact same way. Isn't that fun? And Eric the Puzzler, can you do something with that? I bass for him. Maybe I bass for him. I'll never get this right. The review says, A must-read! Jupiter by Forever. Quick, Casey, end the recording! Oh my god, they got us!

They got us! Wait, ow! Ah, it slipped through my hands!

Oh god. Erin Keif, and John Patrick Coan, Casey Toney did the editing, Mallory Perrins did the music,

Whee!

Nice.

Whee! That's the funniest thing to say after recording an episode. Whee! Whee! This is a fun ride, y'all.

I love this ride. Hey there, Georges and Harrisons. If you liked that, you're going to love this week's Patreon. It's another edition of This Day in Improv History. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com. Hey Riddle Riddle by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or start your seven day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month and you get those ad free episodes. See you there.

That was a hate gum podcast.