Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum Podcast.

Whoa, can you guys believe it? We made it backstage.

Wow, this is incredible back though. Ooh, there's a green room. There's a prop table. I'm freaking out.

Ooh, a red room. Oh God. Wow. Disgusting in there.

I feel like I want to hold a clipboard and yell at people.

Do you guys think we're going to be able to like freaking meet the band today?

I'm too nervous. Yeah, I'm too nervous.

I mean, I'm too nervous. I don't want to meet the band. I mean, this band is some of my heroes.

Oh boy, it looks like they're finishing up the finale. They're heading this way. I'm nervous. What do we say? What do we say? What do we say? What do we say? What do we say?

What do we say? What do we say? What do we say? What do we say?

What do we say? What do we say?

What do we say?

What do we say? What do we say?

What do we say?

What do we say? What do we say? What do we say? What do we say?

What do we say? What do we say? What do we say? What do we say? What do we say?

What do we say? What do we say? What do we say? What do we say? What do we say? What do we say? What do we say? What do we say? What do we say? What do we say? What do we

We've been a fan of you two for a very, very long time.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Oh, that's very good to hear. It brightens my day when a new fan tells me they like the music that we make.

JPC, don't do an impression of them.

JPC, that's rude to do an impression of someone's face.

No, it's actually okay. I love the impression that you just did.

Oh, he liked it.

Sorry for wasting your time. We're sorry. We'll go.

We're sorry.

But could we just, if we might just ask one thing of you guys, please, we're huge fans.

I think I know what they want to ask.

Adal! Huh?

Adal! Stop!

No, I thought they liked that. I thought they liked that.

I don't know. They're stonewalling us. They're giving us nothing. Could we please, please, please beat the shit out of Larry Mullins Jr.? Please!

We'd love that kind of idea. Why don't you go ahead and- Erin! I'm sorry, I'm panicking!

What are you doing? Alright, let's drop the act.

Okay, you two haven't said a word to us. We should leave.

Yeah, you two's just stonewalling us, a bunch of assholes.

I guess they really are too big for their britches. You know who isn't too big for their britches? The cast of Betty Boop the Boop-doop-a-doozle-kle.

Adal Saat.

Did you meet them? After the show, they were waiting by the stage door, pleading that someone would swing by and say hi, or get a show, or get an autograph or picture.

Are they? Are they? Okay, so this is Hey Riddle Riddle. It's a podcast. There's improv, there's riddles, there's GPCs, there's Adals, there's Erin's, there's listeners. You're one of those. You're one of the things that I mentioned.

For now.

For now. But I gotta ask you, Adal. Is it contractually obligated? Do they go out there because they have to, or do they go out there because they genuinely want to, like, in a COVID world, interact with, like, street people who are like, I like the musical.

Here's what I'll say. The cast was all smiles by the stage door. There was a red dot on all of their foreheads, but I have to assume that was refracting light from a laser, from a sign or something. Could be, could be. Could not have been nicer. What did you think of the show? I told Erin I'd give it a boop boop with a B plus. Maybe a boop boop with a C plus. Sorry, B minus C plus. Boop boop with B minus.

And this is a thing where it was like public domain, right? It entered the public domain and then suddenly it was there?

I believe so. And I think Great Gatsby did the same because now there's two competing Great Gatsby musicals heading to Broadway. So I think everyone's just salivating, just champing at the bit to jump to dogpile on these IPs.

When does Hey Riddle Riddle go to the public domain?

Honestly, now, if someone can make a better version of this, you're more than welcome to.

February 1st, 2025. Okay, interesting.

Now, I have like a year from now. Okay, we have a year. We have a year to turn it around. Let's do it. Let's right this ship. I have some new business for the two of you. Business? To discuss. Now, I don't know if you guys have been checking your text messages, but I had a baby a couple of months ago. Right. The damnedest thing, this thing can't talk at all, does not know human language, not words or anything like that, and I've been really beating my head against the wall because I am trying my damnedest to come up with what I want my, like, name to be, what I want the baby to call me, right?

You had a baby? Is that why I kept getting these collect calls saying, uh, collect call from JP, we had a baby, it's a baby.

If collect calls were a thing anymore, I would have absolutely done that. I would have loved nothing more than to bop, we had a baby, it's a boy, on your ass.

Is this your first time mentioning that you had a baby on the main feed?

You're getting away from the thing that I'm asking you. Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry. You have been working on your enlisting skills.

So you said you needed a name for the baby?

No, he needs a name for what the baby is going to eventually call him once the baby can speak.

The baby can't speak yet, so I can't playtest any of these names. So I was hoping that you two, my friends, would help me out and start talking to me in those names so that I can just give them a test to see if I like them. I'd love to.

Great.

Adal, please call me daddy.

Let's Casey Beep that.

Nope, just any phrase, anything you want to say to me, just address me as Daddy. Dada. I said Daddy. I'm not testing Dada now.

Dada will come later. No, I said Dada. This baby is into sort of philosophy and art, so Dada. Dada.

Okay, you're out. Erin, I want you to try calling me Mr. Daddy, sir.

Mr. Daddy, sir, can I... No, I hate it.

Okay, I guess I don't have helpful friends.

Okay, hold on. Give me another chance. Give me another chance. Jay... Jaypapacy. Jaypapacy. Jaypapacy is on my list. Okay. So, can we try it with some gusto? Okay.

Jaypapacy!

You have twins.

Jaypapacy's twins. Hey Jaypapacy, can you stop ordering Taco Bell so late at night?

Yeah, your shits are keeping me up.

Oh yeah, that's rich. My shits are keeping you up? Fuck that.

The pipes are clogged with Baja Blast.

Is that O'Danny Boy?

Yes. Is your baby going to call you father? Like formally? And are they going to go, father, can I go?

Well, Erin, I guess I won't know because I can't get my friends to call me different daddy names. What about dad? I like dad. Dad's fun. The classic dad.

I think dad's fun. I mean, you being anyone's dad is insane to me, and I know I had many, many, many months to mentally prepare for you being a father, and still I'm like, You're a dad with the cut off sleeves? The guy with the cut off sleeves?

They're not cut off. I don't cut them off myself. I just order them sleeveless. Thanks. Okay, well here's my other question then. So, I think I could be dad, but maybe I'm just going to have this baby call me JPC, right? Why should I change?

Why should I change?

I'm me, you know? I'm the classic JPC. Why should I change?

Introduce it early and often because Your baby, your child is eventually going to grow up and when they're 13, 14, they're going to start calling you Anmariah by your first names.

Yeah.

Out of an angsty sort of rebellious.

When they get fresh.

Yes. So start it now so that when they rebel, they'll call you dad to change it up.

Your kid's going to knock on your office door and go, hey, JPC, I've been listening to old Hey Riddle Riddle episodes, and I think you're insane.

Yeah, that's going to be a problem. Now, the other thing I'm going to try, this is too early. It's too early. It's only been a couple of months, and I can't really implement this yet. Mariah's not on board with this. I think I want to teach the baby that ketchup is mustard and mustard is ketchup. I think I just want to switch the names for things because I think that's going to be a fun experience when they're in school and someone's going to be like, do you want ketchup on that? And then they get mustard and they're like, oh, wait, what is this? And then they'll be like, oh, I guess my insane dad taught me that these two things had different names. I will have to remove all the labels on all the ketchup and the mustard.

I was just going to ask, what about labels?

I will have to remove the labels and I'll have to make sure that I protect the labels at restaurants as well. And I think I can do that by turning the bottle, putting my hand in front of it, strategically placing coffee cups. Yes. Yeah, I think I can do it.

I think that this is a really good choice for a mix-up to confuse your child. Because I think teaching them blue is yellow and yellow is blue, they're going to get corrected so early in that. So early. This ketchup mustard thing could go on for a while.

Yeah. I'd say 15 years. Before they catch you. This is akin to M. Night Shyamalan's The Village.

Oh my God, if I could have a baby with half the staying power of M. Night Shyamalan's The Village, the cultural impact of my baby?

A group of college professors started an experiment where they live like old-timey 1800s people, but this is the exact same where you're raising your child the exact way as anybody would, but ketchup is mustard and mustard is ketchup.

Look, I dare you, if you think that this is wrong, then you don't deserve to have that little sign in front of your house that says, like, Sciences Matters and, you know, all the other shit that's on the thing, because this is basically what I'm doing would be science, actually, and this is experiment.

We should tell our own signs that say, Science Matters or whatever, and then it says, Ketchup is mustard, much of it is ketchup.

So, GPC, I have yet to meet your baby, but I have seen plenty of pictures of them. And I can already tell that they are so sweet and cute and very charismatic. And so you need to sort of add adversity to their lives. You have to add adversity to their lives to sort of mess them up a little. Because I feel like the path for your kid is going to be pretty easy. No one's ever going to say no to them.

Yeah, I gotta at least bump it up to normal difficulty. I have been... The diaper... Diapers have wild names, but Huggy's Newborn Diapers, which is what they had at the hospital.

Oh boy, this is his new Abbott and Costello routine.

Truly. Huggy's Newborn Diapers are called Little Snugglers, and so every time the baby is fussy or something, or they don't want to sleep, I'm like, you know what? You're not acting like you want to be one of Huggy's Little Snugglers. This is not the way one of Huggy's little snugglers would act. And if you ever want to be on the box and be one of Huggy's little snugglers, you better change the way your attitude is. And it works every time. Carrot and stick, baby, carrot and stick.

I'm glad you brought this up. Maybe because of my proximity to Hollywood. You have a baby that's a star, JPC.

Yeah, it's a very photogenic baby.

How quick can we get them in some Gerber baby commercials?

I mean, I would kill for my baby to be one of Huckie's little snugglers. I'm not saying this to be passé, but I don't know. Look, I will say this. Nobody reach out to me unless you are in the making a baby a star industry and you can make my baby a celebrity because then let's get it going. I'm going to be like Seth Rogen's parents. I'll never work another day of my life. That's the dream.

I was in a commercial once and the set was basically all men on the commercial and I was playing a mother, a young mother, with a baby in the commercial.

Did you hold an actual baby?

There was a real baby actor and he was so cute. He was outrageous. But he was like maybe six months old, five months old. That's a really little baby. And it was on set with his mom. It was so, I felt so uncomfortable and sad for the baby because they had to write all over the baby with like marker and he was so tired.

Was this for like not falling asleep at a party pill?

What's this commercial for? And he was so, so tired.

Yeah, they get tired.

And the men on the set were getting so impatient with this baby crying. And it was so confused because we had to do a bunch of takes and I had to pick up the baby off of like a chair. But the baby was just so exhausted and I had to keep putting the baby down on the chair. And then he would start to cry every time I put him down. Because he's like, what is happening? Why are people picking me up and putting me down so many times?

Yeah, I want to be held.

And I just, my heart was broken and I think the mom was like, I wanted to add this money to his college fund and I thought he wouldn't remember.

The mom's like, I don't know if this is worth $800.

That shit's being spent immediately. Erin, here's the thing. I do want to see a scene. I want to see a scene.

So Erin and I are going to be on set. Erin, we're going to be actors playing like a husband and wife on set. Adal, you are, you're not the baby's like a father or anything. You're just the baby wrangler.

Yes, yes.

You're a baby wrangler and you're the one who's trying to get the baby to do the things that we need it to do in the commercial. I've never worked with a baby before.

Yes, they always say don't work with babies or animals, but here we are.

Totally fine, totally fine. They say that, huh? Yeah, God, you were, you were kneeling down behind me. Yes, I, I'm the CEO of Wrangler Clothing. And this of course is a commercial for Baby Wranglers. I am the Baby Wrangler, not to be confused with our brand, Baby Wranglers. Spelled the same, pronounced the same. Okay. Different entities. Sure. Okay, so for this scene, have you two seen Jerry Maguire? Oh, yeah. Okay.

Tom Cruise?

Sorry?

Tom Cruise?

No, the movie Jerry Maguire.

Oh, great. Yes.

Yeah. Tom Cruise is in it. I forgot that's a rated R movie. I watched that recently. It is?

Is there nipple? Why? Too many F words?

I think that there's like some sex scenes in there too, right?

No, absolutely not. So there's a scene where they pick up Jonathan Lipnicki or something or he jumps or something and the parents are holding him by the hands and they left him, well not the parents, the parent and his stepdad I think, played by Tom Cruise.

Let's just watch it.

Shouldn't we just watch Jeremy Davis? Here we go, VHS copy in my pants here.

VHS? I'm sorry but I can't, I can't watch something.

Okay, who's coming with me? Huh? Who's coming with me? You? Come on. Who's coming with me?

I feel moved by this.

I think this is Snow Dogs.

Scene.

Yeah, I can't tell. Erin, here's where I take some umbrage about whether or not people get upset. I said, did you hold a real baby? And you said, yes, I held a baby actor. Now I want to delineate between a baby and a baby actor. If a baby is crying on set, take all, holy shit, let's get this baby everything it needs. Let's be patient and realize there's a little baby on set. If the baby actor, if there's a baby actor on set and it's crying, it's being unprofessional.

Yeah, it's being a diva.

Or it's making a choice. Or it's making a choice. If the director says cut and the baby starts crying and says, can anyone bloody hit their marks? What is this?

I'm British's director.

No, no, that's the baby. The baby has to be British because as we all know, the Brits are taking our acting jobs.

They're taking our acting jobs and they're taking our podcast.

Wait, sorry guys, we're getting a fax. We're getting a fax.

Hold on, let me look. I love these.

What the hell is happening? This is a Riddle podcast.

Oh, should we do some riddles? Let's do some riddles. Yeah, why not? Who said this? Who's old Daddy? Daddy Puzzles? I'm Daddy Puzzles. I think I signed us up for AutoFax, which is a fax service that just sends you a fax automatically when you're acting up, not acting right.

I thought it was Auto Fox. No, that's Car Fox.

Oh God. No, it's Star Fox.

I was going to say Star Fox.

Alright, we have some more riddles. These are riddle submissions. These riddles are from David. David sent in a bunch of riddles, actually. I think we've done some of these before, so I maybe cut around some of the ones I think we've done before. Some of these could be a little frustrating, I would say. So that's fine.

It's fine for us.

Okay, here's your first one. Again, these are riddles from David. A sundial has the fewest moving parts of any timepiece. Which has the most?

I'm going to say a... I think we've had this one. Possibly. I'm going to say a... Boy, I'm going to say hourglass. Because thousands of grains of sand.

It is. It is an hourglass, and the hourglass has thousands of grains of sand.

That's a good riddle.

I like that. I like that riddle. And that's your warm-up. We've had it before, so that makes it a warm-up riddle. Honestly, we're seven years in. It's just backwash at this point. We're all just drinking the last 10% of the riddles.

That makes me feel nauseous.

And peeing out the answers.

Oh, God.

Peeing out the answers. All right, here's your next one. What is unusual about the following words? Revive, banana, grammar, voodoo, assess, potato, dresser, and uneven.

They're all Kelsies. They're all different Kelsies.

They're all different, okay.

Kelsey Grammer.

Kelsey Banana.

Kelsey Banana. He's the comedy version of Kelsey Grammer. Have you not seen Frasianna? I feel like Kelsey Grammer's supposed to actually be the comedy version of Kelsey Grammer. He just doesn't seem very funny to me.

Has anyone seen the new Frasier? Has anyone watched the new Frasier? It's not a reboot. I guess it is, wait, what is it? Yeah, it's a reboot.

Yeah, like they did with Will and Grace. I think Kelsey Grammar's the only one that came back? I never watched the original Frasier, haven't watched this Frasier.

Let's do Frasier for a review crew.

I have friends that swear by Frasier. I never watched it either. I missed a lot of sitcoms of that ilk, but I know people that think that that show is just hilarious.

My buddy Damon loves the show, but my first dating profile ever, under a description of me, it said, hates Frasier.

That's just a nice combination of words. Hates Frasier. Why did it say that, Erin?

Well, sort of an inside joke with one of my best friends, Mackie, from the time.

Oh, you'd be fun to date.

Oh, brother. Which I was like, how would you describe me? And she would say, hates Frasier. And then I went, okay.

Damn, if someone would describe me as hates Frasier, I would be like, what do you think, I'm like an asshole? Like, you think I'm stupid? What do you mean hates Frasier?

You think I'm an asshole? You think I'm stupid?

Can we go around? Wait, Erin, you said you hate Frasier.

Yeah.

Okay. JPC, you've never seen Frasier?

No, I've seen Frasier, but I've seen episodes or whatever.

We'll each do five seconds of what we think Frasier is. Gotcha.

Love it.

Okay. I'll go first since I put this out there. Oh dear, another tangerine behind the armoire.

How are we going to beat that?

That's that kind of thing.

Okay. Okay.

All right. Oh dear me, Niles. I can't believe the dog is wearing my blazer again. I'm going to have to get that dry cleaned ten times over.

That was ten seconds, but fantastic job, Erin. JPC?

Okay, now I'm going to be the dad. I can't believe my sons are gay coded.

Yay. Chicago's own John Mahoney. All right, what do these words have in common was the question?

Yeah, I guess it's something that they all have in common, but it's also something unusual about them. That's the way that it's phrased. But it is something in that words again are revive banana, grammar voodoo, assess, potato, dresser, and uneven.

First letter at the end, then it's reversed.

Yes, if you take the first letter of all of these words and put it at the end of the word, it is the word backwards.

That's crazy.

Yeah, this is a fun one. I mean, you have to kind of look at them. I put them in the chat because I was like, you're definitely never going to get this if I just conceptually list them.

I would never have gotten it if I hadn't seen them written.

Okay. This next one is also, I would say, in the same vein, kind of frustrating in that way. What makes this number unique? And the number is 8,549,176,320.

We put the first number at the end and it's the same.

Yeah! Yeah! You turn it upside down on a calculator and it spells vagina.

Texas Instruments calculators are... Hold on, wait.

Smut. Casey, go ahead and throw that over Texas Instruments. Don't let people hear me say calculator.

This is either the current population of Earth or it's the first, it's the only number in the, what do we call the number? We have alphabet for letters. What do we have for numbers? The number fit?

Oh, alphabet for letters, Adal.

I love where your head's at. This is the first number or only number that contains one of each, zero through nine.

Well, so, it does contain 0 through 9, you are correct, but you are incorrect in that it's the Odley number that does that. I could think of... Well, only once.

It contains it only once. Well, no, that's, never mind. I'm glad we all got there.

I'm glad we all got there. Um, no, you, you were, you were, when you use an alphabet for numbers though, you were getting dangerously close to a solution. And you were also correct in that there is only each one of those numbers. Each number appears only once in this.

Erin, I loosened the lid for you. Go ahead and go ahead.

No, I was going to say, can I sit this one out? My ankles, my ankle kind of hurts. What the fuck? Yeah, can I go sit on the bench and eat some orange slices?

I did watch Erin really lay it hard on that ankle.

Yeah, I did.

She's chasing a butterfly.

I'm going to really limp off the field here.

Erin tried to do a layup, but she's more physically suited for a lay down.

I'm going to crack open a Gatorade, eat my orange slices, and watch Adal.

What kind of Gatorades are you drinking? Well, to be fair, I did loosen the top for her. That's the only reason she was able to get it so quickly.

Good luck, Adal, solving the riddle.

8-5-4-9-1-7-6-3-2-0.

I got it. 8-5-4-9-1-7-6-3-2-0.

Jenny, Jenny, now that I've found you. Okay. Again, I think I was really helping you out when I was saying alphabet for numbers, when I was giving you that.

And I think I got the answer. That's basically it. So this is an alphabet for numbers. Yes, look at this number and think alphabet. Okay, so A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H. Okay, H is the first letter.

Okay, A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H. Oh, okay, I see what you're doing.

E is the second letter.

Stop that, go ahead and stop that.

It spells Hercules.

It's not that. Okay, maybe even just look at the first, the eight and the zero and think alphabet.

Oh, A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H. There's no letter for zero. Okay, 80. The alphabet just turned 80 this year.

Adal, I wish I could help. I really need my ankle, though.

No, sweetie, take care of yourself. One more try. One more try.

Maybe think of just zero and think about the zero. How would you spell zero?

Z-O-R-R-O. Yes. Z is at the... End of the alphabet. And where is zero in this number? At the end, but nine is in the middle, so I don't understand.

Okay, nine begins with A. Oh, it's all the numbers listed alphabetically. Yes, this is the numbers. And Erin, you get an assist on this one.

Yay, my team won! Erin, you're covered in grass stains and you haven't done anything.

I fell off the bench. It hurt really bad.

I want to see a scene. The two of you are well-regarded, lauded math professors, some of the best mathematicians in the biz. Why would you do this? You're working on a seemingly unsolvable problem that you think you have a little, you've made a little headway in.

Okay.

Not enough coffee in the world to help us solve this one.

No, no, no, no, we're making good progress. Wipe some chalk off, wipe some chalk off. Okay, let's just, you know what? Why don't we switch sides of the chalkboard? I've been really focusing on this quadrant. Why don't we switch sides?

You've been doing snow angels in that quadrant on the chalkboard. That's why you're so covered in chalk.

Okay, yes, but if you see lower here, I have snow angels equals X. So snow angels is a placeholder for X. Carl, can I ask you a question? Absolutely.

A few hours ago, you were really high, strong, really stressed about this math problem.

Yep.

I saw you have an idea. Go to the bathroom. Now your eyes are bloodshot and you seem high as a kite. Did you think smoking some weed would maybe loosen up your brain a little bit to help solve this problem?

Yeah. Okay. I'm sorry, am I being shamed for this? Weed's legal.

Okay, you came out here, you immediately ordered KFC and Long John Silvers.

First of all, they're in the same building. It's a KFC-Long John Silvers. It's not like I ordered KFC and Long John Silvers from two different restaurants all the way across town.

I watched you eat it slow and silently, and then you went, and now something sweet. And then you ordered a pint of ice cream.

I'm sorry, are we math professors or are we the Grubhub police? Which one, which one are we?

Let me just check my wallet. Okay, I can see you just opened Grubhub again on your phone. What are you ordering now?

Let me just order, let me just order a couple of pizzas, mashed potatoes. It's a Pizza Hut KFC, okay?

Okay.

It's not weird that I'm ordering mashed potatoes and pizza. It's from the same restaurant.

Okay, I'm upset. I feel like we have a deadline on this. You're one of the best math brains in the business. I don't see you making any headway. You've erased half of our work with your body.

Okay, fine. We're math professors. What's the worst thing that's going to happen? Oh, the rocket's going to fall out of the sky because we got the math a little wrong.

Yeah, the rocket's going to fall out of the sky if we get the math a little wrong.

Okay, fine. Let's turn on the TV.

Let's turn on the TV right now and see if- We take you here live from Cape Canaveral, where a rocket has just fallen out of the sky. What are the odds that it fell at Cape Canaveral, famously the launching point for rockets? Usually rockets land somewhere in the ocean, but not this time.

Seems some mathematicians- Is this Newscaster High?

What is happening? Seems some math- mathematician. Say that word. Math- Pythagorean Serum. Serum? Okay, fine. This is my cousin.

This is my cousin Carl. This is pre-recorded. This is on a VHS tape.

Oh brother.

Mashed potatoes on a pizza.

Si.

I think I would like to get high and go to work. I think that that sounds lovely. JPC, you can. Yeah, I guess I can.

Check out our next week's episode where JPC will be high for it.

We did an episode on our Patreon. We did an episode where two of us were high and Becca Barish was high.

Don't tempt me with a good time. I'm not going to wash away the sobriety, although it could be worth it for content for an episode. Why not?

Ham's a ghost.

What about an episode where I get super fucked up and throw it all away? I'll watch my life just spiral down, huh? Huh? How much we all pay for that? How much we pay to watch the monkey burn?

$14?

$15? Hey, you know what? We're not mathematicians, but while we figure out how much it's worth for me to throw my whole fucking life away, why don't we listen to some ads?

I'm mostly concerned that you think the phrase, see the monkey burn, is something.

Okay, fellas, sit down. Slams door, turns chair around, turns hat backwards. Real talk, okay?

Whoa, okay, things are serious. Wow, this is cool.

52% of men over 40 experience some form of ED between the ages of 40 and 70. Nope, I'm leaving.

I'm leaving. Oh, the door's locked. The door's locked.

But it's always been a taboo topic. Well, not anymore. Thankfully, HIMSS is changing that by providing affordable access to ED treatment all online. All online.

All online. And Erin, of course, by ED you mean erectile dysfunction.

I do.

And I'm someone who's confident in the office, at the dinner table, and even on the dance floor. But can you keep it going when you get back into the bedroom with hymns? You can get access to medications to ensure your erectile dysfunction, or ED as Erin likes to call it, gets treated. So you can keep the confidence going all day and all night.

Also, the process is simple and 100% online. No uncomfortable doctor visits. And this is not, you know, just a common example of how this thing might go. You might go to the doctor. You might say, hey, I have ED. The doctor might say, let's see your penis. You show him the penis. They say, no, no, no, your real penis, not the joke penis that you bought at the joke penis store. And you have to assure the doctor that the joke penis store closed down. And you have to even show him the website that says permanently closed so he knows that you didn't get it at a joke store. And then you have to get a big screaming match. The receptionist starts crying.

Huh, joke penis closed down, JPC.

Anyway, all you have to do is answer a series of questions on their site and a medical provider will determine the right treatment option. If prescribed, your medication ships directly to you for free in discrete packaging. No insurance is needed. You pay one low price for your treatments, online visits, ongoing shipments, and provider messaging.

PIMMS has hundreds of thousands of trusted subscribers, so if ED's getting you down, it's time to change that.

You know what, Erin? I think we should do it, and we should give all our listeners an option as well. Start your free trial online today at hymns.com slash riddle. That's H-I-M-S dot com slash riddle for your personalized ED treatment options. Hymns.com slash riddle. Prescriptions require an online consultation with a healthcare provider who will determine if appropriate restrictions apply. See website for details and important safety information. Subscription required. Price varies based on product and subscription plan.

Adal GPC, open up. I want to talk about my favorite app on my phone.

Okay, but we're about to... We're about to head into space, Erin. This better be important. Let me unseal this.

I want to talk about Rocket Money.

Would it please kill you, Erin? I mean, what happened to civility? This country used to stand for something. That's why we're leaving. That's what we're going to find.

I love it so much. It's how I keep track of my finances. I've been doing it way before they were a sponsor of the show. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps you lower your bills. And it is your best friend come tax season.

Well, bills was the primary reason Adal and I had built this rocket to leave this world. That and civility, which is out the window.

Wait, is this rocket money that has over 5 million users and has helped save its members an average of $720 a year with over 500 million in cancelled subscriptions? That's the one. JPC and I spent $500 million on this rocket. Oh brother.

Wait, you knew about this and we still built this rocket? Yeah. I mean, I'm the only one who did not know about rocket money for the purposes of this scenario.

They'll even try to get you a refund for the last couple months of wasted money and negotiate to lower your bills for you by up to 20%. All you have to do is take a picture of your bill and rocket money takes care of the rest. So maybe you can negotiate whatever this plea for attention was.

Yeah, we actually did. This rocket that we built is a subscription service, so we also are getting $24.99 a month on top of the $500 million, which is like, I don't know, bank-breaking. Oof.

But we have been featured in several small-town news programs. But we should stop wasting money on things we don't use. You can cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to RocketMoney.com slash Riddle. That's RocketMoney.com slash Riddle. RocketMoney.com slash Riddle. What's this red button do?

Hey Adal, hey Erin, I'm sad today.

Oh, little Charlie Brown, what's going on, buddy?

No, no, it's just that I was thinking about my favorite dish from my favorite local restaurant, Papa Marconi's, their Big Spicy Stinky Meatballs. And I just don't think I'm ever going to have Papa Marconi's Big Spicy Stinky Meatballs because it's too far away.

Oh, buddy, I think Papa Marconi got arrested for being one of Batman's villains, I want to say?

No, it was tax evasion. It wasn't for that. You actually can't be arrested for being a Batman villain. That doesn't sound right.

Well, GPC, you can get that level of culinary genius right in your home. CookUnity is the first chef-to-you service delivering locally sourced meals from award-winning chefs right to your door every week. And it's cheaper than other delivery options.

Papa Marconi's won an award. Most health violations failed.

No, no, no, no. GetCookUnity, JPC. I've tried over 15 of their dishes and they are phenomenal. Some of my favorites are the award-winning Chicken Briyani with Pomegranate and Cucumber Mint Raita. I don't know how to say it. Raita? They're crispy tilapia tacos. Yum, yum, yum, yum. They have a spicy slaw and guacamole. Everything is so simple. It's so quick. It's so easy. If you're a new parent, if you have a lot of work going on, this is the perfect meal subscription for you.

And no cooking is required for chef quality dining experience right at home. And unlike other meal services, CookUnity is a chef collective bringing exciting culinary talent straight to your table. Food arrives fresh, never frozen, and packaging that keeps meals fresh in the fridge for up to seven days.

Wow, and CookUnity's packaging is compostable, recyclable, and reusable. You can pick as few as four or as many as 16 meals a week. That's good if you have questions about sustainability because I happen to know that Papa Marconi's, it would be just nonstop trucks rolling through that place, taking, unloading a bunch of stuff, loading a bunch of stuff, all hours of the night. Man, I miss that restaurant.

And you've got hundreds of dishes to choose from. Vegan, paleo, pescetarian, gluten-free, and more. Filter for soy, nut, and dairy-free options. Menus are posted two weeks in advance so you have plenty of time to choose.

So why don't you experience chef-quality meals every week delivered right to your door by going to cookunity.com slash riddle or enter code RIDDLE before checkout for 50% off your first week. That's 50% off your first week by using code RIDDLE or going to cookunity.com slash RIDDLE. And tell them Papa Marconi, home of the big stinky sticky meatballs, sent ya.

They're actively pushing people towards cookunity.

I mean, that's how good it is. That speaks volumes. They may wet their beak a little bit, I'm not sure. All right, we're back. We're still doing riddles. We love them. They're from David. David's got great riddles. He's got a great little pose.

Is he holding an apple? Pantless, shirtless. Gorgeous. Gorgeous guy.

You know the original David, everyone sees it as white marble because time has passed. It was fluorescently colored.

Yes. A lot of Roman artifacts were painted, but time and weather have taken away all their color. And then people just thought that's how they looked, so they started to create statues and buildings in gleaming white, assuming that's how they were always done. But no, no, no, no, no. Used to be gilded.

Time, the great killer of paint. Is that Sherman Williams' tagline? Yeah. That's their new tagline. What do you like it?

I love it.

Very depressing.

Very nice.

Yeah, Sherman Williams will remain as empires crumble. Sherman Williams.

All around the world, statues crumble for me. Sherman Williams wrote that. Sherman Williams.

Sherman Williams. Sherman Ray.

Sherman Ray, Sugar Ray Millimans.

Sherwin-Williams feels like it could be taken down and people would be like, we gotta rip down these Confederate monuments. We can't have these Sherwin-Williams stores in our cities.

Yeah, I guess it does sound like a Confederate soldier.

Yeah, Sherwin-Williams is Great March to the Sea. Okay, here we go, here we go. This is, yeah, your next riddle. Put a coin into an empty bottle and insert a cork into the neck. How can you remove the coin without removing the cork or breaking the bottle?

Critical that you do both.

You put a coin into an empty bottle and then you insert a cork into the neck of the bottle. How can you remove the coin without removing the cork or breaking the bottle? This is basically like a magician riddle.

Yes, okay.

Um... It's all sleight of hand. The coin never was even in the bottle. It was like a mirror and a string.

Yeah, they say something like if you throw a baseball at a wall enough times, the baseball will like- You'll be asked to leave the Arby's. Arby's should be welcoming my performance art. Thank you so much. We have the meats.

Yeah, you're like the baseball Banksy.

Oh boy. Is this like submerge the bottle and hammer a nail into it making a hole and then, I don't know.

Hey Riddle

Want to know a little thing about me?

One action, yes.

When I was young, I had a little bit of a crush on Bill Nye, the science guy.

Wow. I had a little bit of a crush on Beakman from Beakman's World.

Oh, okay.

Erin, I didn't meet Bill Nye, but I did see Bill Nye in person, and it was the one time that I ever went backstage to Saturday Night Live to hang out. Bill Nye was not involved in the show at all that night, but he was just there hanging out. And I was like, this is just so, it's such a weird, like it's such a weird, this is a person who was hanging out. The other person that was hanging out that night was, who was also not involved in the show, was Paul Rudd. And I was like, this makes a little more sense because I feel like Paul Rudd is like, Comedy adjacent and Will Ferrell was hosting and I'm like, they've done, they've worked together. So, you know, maybe this is a, but the Bill Nye thing was just, I just walking through the hallway and being like, huh.

Nobody, if he is wearing his lab coat, nobody stops Bill Nye. He can get in. It's like they say, if you're carrying pizzas and you're confident, you can get through any door. Yeah. You wear, if you're Bill Nye and you wear a lab coat, you can get anywhere.

That's so funny.

Anywhere.

That's really funny.

Hey everybody, Bill Nye brought pizza. Whoa.

I mentioned that when I was like maybe 18 or 19 at a sleepover. We were talking about like celebrity crushes. And it like wasn't seen endearingly at all. People were like, no, Erin, what? No, why? And I never brought it up again until now.

And Erin Howells were you?

When I was in elementary school and they'd show videos, I was like, he's so smart and he wears a bow tie.

But at the sleepover, you were how old?

I was like 19 when I admitted it, when people were like, what are some celebrity crushes you had growing up?

What's a sleepover at 19? I'm so confused. You were in college? Yeah, I was in college. You had roommates in college. Okay.

No, no, but when you like, did you not do that in college where a bunch of people would come over to one person's place and have a sleepover?

Well, no. I got too drunk to go home, like I did that.

And then I woke up and people were running all over my face and I wish I had those pills.

19 struck me as old to call it a sleepover, but that's a me issue, that's not a you issue, because I do think that people do call them sleepovers. It just struck me, in my mind, if I made it 19, if you said sleepover, I'm like, so everyone's parents know that we're here? Is that what you mean? That's a good point. But no, that's a me thing. Adal, please.

I want to see a scene, JPC, you and I are ourselves. Erin, you're yourself and you're coming over to JPC's and you thought this was a sleepover and you're trying to make, as Patrick Stewart would say, you're trying to make it so. So yeah, I thought we might all enjoy some of that ice cream. So there you go.

Oh, this is the new Jenny's flavor?

Yes. Yeah. Brumbleberry crisp. Oh man.

Getting dark. About that time. I'll be right back. Oh, uh.

Oh, she raced upstairs. Is she locking the door? What's she doing upstairs?

Oh, Erin.

Oh, what? You grabbed all my bedspread off my bed and dragged it downstairs. What's happening?

Sleep?

Huh? JPC's baby might wake up any minute. Erin, we should probably head out.

Yeah. To get a movie to watch late at night. Maybe like a horror movie we could all watch. Cuddle up, get skied.

You can stream movies from home. You don't have to go out for them, Erin.

Maybe we go get some candy and a movie. Cuddle up, get skied.

Straight. You know my baby's like two months old, right? I can't have you- Yeah, you can- Staying at my house.

We're not excluding the baby. The baby can hang.

Adal lives like a few blocks from me. Erin, did you come to town and not book a hotel?

Did I come to town and forget to book a hotel assuming that one of you would help me out? No. I am having a sleepover with my best friends. Let's see. I take the couch. You take the floor. What?

You know how whenever I go anywhere, I bring an extra pair of underwear just in case? Somebody took my extra pair of underwear and put it in the freezer. I was putting the ice cream away and I found my... Who put my underwear in the freezer?

Sleepover prank. Puts JPC's hand in a bowl of warm water.

Oh, come on. Oh, I just ruined my bowl of warm water. I was about to eat that. Ah.

Wait, you're awake. I didn't wash my hands. You're awake. I forgot you gotta be asleep.

Erin, look, I love that you still have this childlike wonderment. Don't yawn.

Don't do a big yawn.

She yawned while doing a big line of coke. Erin, there's a baby around here.

I am hitting the hay. You can grind my face if you want.

Alright, I'm sorry. I'm putting my foot down. On the sleepover button, it's happening. We're all doing a sleepover.

What the fuck?

Erin, you go to the car and get the extra blankets.

I'm on it.

Okay. And I'm locking the door and Adal, you can go out the back.

It's cold out here. It's cold out here.

Scene. That's January scene. Erin, never change.

I hurt my feelings.

Erin, never change.

No. Your feelings can still get hurt in a scene, guys.

Yeah, especially when the scene is we're all ourselves and Erin's chosen to do something crazy. I'd like to see a scene. Uh-oh. No, no, no, no.

We're at a scene and we're all of ourselves, okay? Okay, we're all ourselves.

Mutually is her destruction.

Hi Adal, hey TPC, you're not invited to my birthday party and you're dumb, dumb idiot. Scene. Scene.

All right, okay, fair is fair. I want to see a quick scene. We're all ourselves. I'm me, Erin's her, Adal, you're you. Adal, we're all sitting around watching TV, a dog food commercial comes on, and you get an erection. Whoa! What's going on, Adal?

I told you that in confidence.

And scene.

See? I said, when the little dog brings its hungry little mouth to the bowl, the sound of the crunching... Okay, Casey... It's not the dog.

It's the sound of the crunching. Let's all... It's not the size of the dog in the fight.

It's the size of the boner in my pants.

Oh, God.

From the dog in the fight.

Guy who has to think of like the one reason this could make sense. I got an erection watching a dog food commercial. The dog's name was Jane and that's my ex-girlfriend's name. How do you know the dog's name? Don't worry about it.

I'm gonna head to the bathroom. Is anyone using this Purina catalog?

Can I take that with me?

Alright.

You guys still have not gotten the answer to this riddle. It's... What was the riddle?

Sleepover? Why do people have sleepovers?

Why do people have sleepovers? That's the riddle. What is the riddle? Oh, wait. It's a coin in an empty bottle.

I just solved... Holy shit. I know this wasn't the goal, but I just solved a different riddle. A bigger meta riddle. Okay. Which is... Casey Toney, you little scamp. Sleepo is short for sleepover. Oh, yes it is. So when Casey sent Sleepo, he meant to say sleepover. Sleepover Casey Toney.

Yes, sleepover. Casey's sleepover, Tony. Yeah. Casey's sleepover, Tony. Wow, Casey would be awesome at a sleepover.

Yeah, you would be really fun at a sleepover. He'd be fucking awesome at a sleepover.

Stay up all night playing video games.

Yeah.

I bet Casey spins a bottle like a fucking champ.

Yeah. I bet he knows exactly how long to put the popcorn in the microwave.

If Casey and I were at the same sleepover, it would just be two people hanging out from midnight until 8 a.m.

That's a sleepover.

It's not a sleepover. It's not even a sleepover. It's just hanging out.

It's like you guys staying awake for brunch.

It's just a stay-awake-over. No, you have to get this. You have to fucking get this.

I don't. I don't.

Get the coin out of the bottle. You can't remove the cork from the bottle, and you can't break the bottle.

JPC, answer me this. Is this one of those situations, because maybe my least favorite riddle of all time is the, you're trapped in a room with no windows. No, let's see what you saw. They have a mirror. Okay. This is an actual... This is very practical.

This is actually very practical. You could do this with a cork and a bottle if you had this as well.

Okay.

Put a coin... Well, let me rephrase it, and this might help you.

Okay.

Put a coin into an empty bottle and insert a cork into the neck. How can you remove the coin without taking the cork out or breaking the bottle?

And you changed something there?

Yeah I did.

Do you want to tell us what you changed?

I changed removing the cork to taking the cork out.

Oh you just...

Waddle waddle ding ding. My ankle. Do you burn the cork?

Oh no, Erin. Do you like burn the cork? Yeah, I was going to say. Since you can't remove it. Interesting.

Yes, I guess one thing you could do would be to burn the cork out. Yeah, with like a super focused heat source to just burn only the cork.

I didn't uncork it. I just burned it.

Yeah, but you're on the right track with the cork and you're not taking it out.

You're pushing it in.

Adal, you're pushing it in.

You ruined the wine?

Wow. It's an empty bottle.

No.

No, that's very expensive invisible wine that you just ruined. You owe me $800 and I'm not leaving your house until we get this settled. And I am wearing clothes.

They're just invisible.

I need to start doing, like, keeping track of, like, circumstances leading up to episodes. Because some episodes, riddles make sense to me. Like, my brain can handle the lateral thinking of it. And sometimes, like today, I can't make sense of any of this. So, like, what did I eat different? Was my sleep interrupted? Erin, let's start there.

What did you have for breakfast today?

I didn't eat breakfast today.

Okay.

Ding, ding, ding. Ding, ding, ding.

I'm not a doctor, but I want to say that's it.

Yeah, I do feel a little faint and I am starving.

I'm glad that I'm not doing riddles today because I woke up at six and I've had like three hours of sleep, so I would be useless. I would be absolutely useless at riddles.

And I woke up 50 minutes ago and for breakfast I had a big bowl of Cacchio Pepe.

It's 2024, he's still making it happen. Cacchio Pepe. More riddles still from David. These are great. Two boxers are in a match scheduled for 12 rounds.

Two pairs of underwear boxing. Hold on. Hold on.

Erin, you're on the right track. You're on the right track.

You are two pairs of underwear and you are boxing each other. Go.

Oh, that was pretty brief. Well, brief for you.

What is it for you?

Are they having sex? Huh?

Did the ref just say are we having sex?

Are refs allowed to ask that? I want a clean match, no having sex, only boxing. Come on. Touch gloves, don't fall in loves.

Touch gloves, don't fall in loves.

I like that. That's why they call it the sweet science.

Aw.

You're two boxers, you're in a match. No, you're not two boxers. Two boxers are scheduled to match for 12 rounds. Yes. Pure boxing only, no kicking, UFC takedowns, or anything else. Pure boxing. One of the boxers gets knocked out after only six rounds, yet no man throws a punch. How is this possible?

Underwear.

It's knocked out in the sixth round.

Tempted to just give you underwear as the answer there, Erin, but it's not. It's not underwear.

Is this like, um, because sometimes they'll like kind of headbutt each other?

No, it's... Well, remember, match scheduled for 12 rounds, knocked out after six rounds, yet no man throws a punch.

Oh it's a woman, a woman can box too.

The boxer was a woman, yes! It was a couple of women boxers doing women boxing.

Do you not, yikes, do you not think women can box? Wow.

That's my secret, I don't think. I don't think at all.

Okay, if you don't think I got a riddle that you're gonna be really bad at, you're gonna have to think a little bit on this riddle. Here's the next one.

Erin, I just emailed you a copy of Million Dollar Baby. Go ahead and watch that.

What do these women do? What? She's finished it. Oh my God.

You watched that. GBC, thanks for hanging tight while Erin watched that. Yeah, she hits her head real hard on the stool.

What's funny is she watched it with the sound on, so I just heard the whole movie, but I didn't get to see any. What a weird visual or non-visual way to watch a movie. But I feel like I really got something out of it. Sure.

What is it called? IFV? Like the American Institute of Film something? Oh, IFC or whatever. I was in a hotel recently and I was watching IFC. It was like a special and it showed a bunch of speeches from all the people who had won Lifetime Achievement Awards from them. People presenting the awards and then people accepting the awards. And there was a lot of really funny speeches. You get to hear Steve Martin make a speech. And a lot of them are really charming. Clint Eastwood got honored and then had to honor someone else. He is like the least charismatic, I know everyone hates Clint Eastwood, this is not like news, but he is the least charismatic movie star ever, I think. Like I know him in that monkey movie like, he's like, oh he looks cool in a truck, but like what are we even talking about?

Him in that orangutan?

Oh, right. Wow, Erin. Wow. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry.

But am I crazy? He made his whole career off of being silent and grunting and squinting.

Yeah, and gritty. That's his whole thing.

Yeah. He's a man of few words. Here's what I'll say. Unforgiven is an outstanding movie, but if you were to count the number of words he says in that movie, and he's the lead, and I think he won an Oscar for it, I'd say he probably says 58 words.

There was a certain class of men who were made for the Western. Like that was their genre. Because that's like what movies were for like the beginning of movies. It was like, hey, the only stories are Western stories. The Searchers. Yeah. And it's like Clint Eastwood and fuck, Ronald Reagan and there's the rest of them. Those guys are nothing.

Well, it's noon, whale. I found a whale with water.

Pretty good. It's a pretty good Reagan. But yeah, I agree. I've never seen anything that Clint Eastwood directs, because he's like a director as well, but nothing he's ever directed has interested me in any way.

JBC, remedy that by, I just emailed you Gran Torino. Enjoy. Not Gran Torino. Orlando Bloom.

I actually emailed you Gran Turismo. Gran Turismo, fucked up. Okay, here we go. What do these words have in common? Polish, Job, and Herb.

We've had this before, and it's, they're all, I forget the, not homonyms, but they're all pronounced two ways. So you can say Polish or Polish, you can say herb or herb. What was the third one? Job. Job and job.

Job or job.

Job, job, job.

But why? Why would you pronounce them differently?

Names?

To get proper names?

Yes, so what's different about the word when it becomes a proper name? We'll be right back. I think we definitely had this last one, but it tickled me as well, and I always like to hear it. So, a panda walks into a restaurant and orders dinner. Upon finishing his meal, he takes out a gun and shoots up the entire restaurant. Why did the panda do that?

Is this Animal Parade?

He saw panda on the menu.

A panda with a gun? Hey Erin, real quick. What does a panda ghost say?

Bamboo.

Oh, that's amazing. No, I was just going to be like, ah. Wow, Erin, that's really good. Wait, why is the ghost surprise?

That's so funny.

It's a panda. Pandas don't have the concept of ghosts. They're not prepared.

Are you sure? For being a ghost? Yes. You don't know that.

Come on.

I recently watched Kung Fu Panda, and I think that these guys actually have a lot going on mentally.

Uh, so why did the panda shoot up the place?

Yeah, why did he do that? A panda walks into a restaurant, orders dinner. Upon finishing his meal, he takes out a gun and shoots up the restaurant. Why did he do that?

It's wordplay.

This, Erin, this one is wordplay. And this one I would say, this is more akin to Adal's panda ghost anecdote, in that it is a joke, I would say. I would say this one qualifies as a joke.

So what do we know about pandas? They're black and white. They love to roll around in the snow, if YouTube is to be believed.

I'll go ahead and say, YouTube, not to be believed. Let's go ahead and not believe YouTube.

They bamboo, I think- Bamboo shoot. You had to bamboo shoot. Oh, bamboo shoot.

Okay, we're so close. Wow.

We're so close. Then you do it. You finish it. Let us sit down.

Yeah.

Zip, zip. You solve it.

Okay, let's think about this. Bamboo shoot is correct. What did the panda do? Give me the order of the way the panda did things.

First, the bamboo shoot.

He ate bamboo, then he shoots. Ate?

Yes. So the first thing he did was he eats. Eats.

Bamboo.

Bamboo shoots. Bamboo shoots. Eat blamboo.

Shoots.

He eats bamboo shoots.

Yes, but take out bamboo.

Eats, shoots, leaves.

And then what's another thing that pandas eat?

Eats, shoots, and leaves.

Yes! Eats, shoots, and leaves. Wow.

Oh, whatever.

Yeah, because a panda eats, shoots, and leaves.

I do want to see a scene. Yes, please. Erin and JPC, you are two pandas in a zoo, because for us Americans, that's the only context we really have for pandas. You're two pandas in a zoo, and you both are pretty on edge, and you do know how to use weapons.

So the koalas said they're out.

What do you mean they're out?

They don't want to help.

Come on, we need the numbers, okay? We, we're pandas. There's only two of us. We don't have the numbers to overkill the zoo.

The giraffes are silent because they don't have vocal cords because of their necks.

Fucking typical.

Yeah.

Fucking typical of the giraffes.

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. The penguins get to go on walks twice a week around the zoo. No, they don't. With all the animals. Yes, they do.

No, they don't. So they're happy here.

The penguins get to go on walks? Yeah, they're happy here.

Have you seen their enclosure too? They have fucking slides in there.

I know, it's fun.

I would kill to have a slide. I know you can't understand me, but it's so fun taking the penguins for a walk. I feel like all the animals get a special treat.

And here is your weekly dose of Kelsey Grammer singing Sugar Ray. Let me just press play here.

Oh my god.

God, okay.

This is the one good thing in my life, so shut up.

I just want to fly. This is the one good thing in my life.

It wasn't even Frasier, it was just Kelsey Grammer. Kelsey Grammer. Hey, well, I just want to give a quick shout out to our good friend, David, who submitted those riddles probably back in 2018. I didn't check, but it seems likely that that's where I got them from. And if you want to be famous for a week like David, you can always send some riddles over to hrrpodcasts at gmail.com. Make sure you put riddle submission or something like that in the subject line. And hey, in 11 years, we might just get to them and we might read them on the podcast. How about that?

Hell yeah. Hopefully at that point, we're not free-domain.

Oh yeah, Free Domain. Hopefully we're Dorito Domain.

Sorry, Free Domain is my rap name. I eat Fritos and I rap on stage. I'm Free Domain.

I like it. Oh, we do love our friend Freedomade.

Check out my new album. Speaking of my new album... Yeah, Adal, do you have a new album that you'd like to plug? I have a new album, and it is titled, Happy Birthday to My Sister Sadia. I just want to wish her a happy birthday. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, dear Sadia. Happy birthday to you. Of course, she's my older sister, and I'm pretty old myself, so she doesn't... This might be... You know, we're... We're gonna call it?

This is Sadia's last birthday? Yeah. Wow! Sadia! Yikes! Happy last birthday!

Erin, do you have anyone you want to wish a happy birthday to?

Holy shit, every birthday is your last birthday.

Holy shit.

Oh my god. Is that a riddle? Slow march of time coming for all of us.

I would like to plug our Patreon, patreon.com slash heyriddleriddle. A lot of fun stuff happening over there. Really proud of it. You're going to get a bajillion hours of content if you head over there. And maybe check out the one-week free trial if you want. JPC, do you have a review to read?

Erin, I'll also say, because this is relatively recent, I think it was this month, like maybe a couple of weeks ago, when we hit our last stretch goal, we released our Columbo bonus episode. I've been curious to talk about that for a while. You can now listen to it. You can go over to the Patreon, patreon.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com And we captured that. Do I have anything that I want to plug? Well, you know, I will actually throw out a request. And I'll throw out a request and I'll throw out a review. My request is give us more five-star reviews. If you want to get a review right on the show, we're scraping the bottom. We don't have a ton left. So go ahead to Apple or Spotify or wherever you leave five-star reviews. Leave us a five-star review. I might find it. I might read it on the show. Adal?

If you're looking for something to put into the review versus just reviewing the show, you could also describe the perfect sleepover situation for Casey Toney. Let Casey Toney know why he, Sleepo himself, should come sleepover at your place.

Yeah, these reviews are not for other people who want to learn about the show to see if they would like it. That's not what they're for. I want to be clear about that because that'll make a great point. Write whatever you want in that little fucking text box, okay? You can put your fucking deranged thoughts into that text box, the shit that you shouldn't be telling a fucking professional. I might read that as well. In fact, I'm probably more likely to read just your journal entry for the day than I am to read an earnest review of the show, although we do appreciate everybody who leaves earnest reviews of the show. Hey, this one is from TheBuffyBot. TheBuffyBot writes, this podcast is the bar to pass. I recommend this podcast to everyone, including people I've tried to date. Most either never listened or most have hated it, but my partner now listened to the whole back catalog and that's how I know we're a good fit. Thanks for the litmus test. Bye forever. Congratulations on finding love, the Buffy Bot.

That's just wonderful. GPC, I don't know if this is, I've never done this before. Hopefully I don't fuck it up. I saw, we do have an earnest review here. It says, Hey Vern. Huh.

That's the review?

Yeah, it just says, Hey Vern.

Yeah, Hey Vern. And the review title is, Ernest Goes to Podcast.

We got to write that. Hold on, we got to write that.

Oh, Jupiter.

Bye forever. Created by Adal Rifai, starring Erin Keif, and John Patrick Coan. Casey told me to be editing.

Hey there what the hells and was that's if you like that you're gonna love this week's patreon it's another edition of our public access TV you can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com Hey Riddle Riddle by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or start your seven-day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month and get those ad free episodes see you there

That was a HeadGum podcast.