Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum Podcast.

I got hungry in there. I didn't eat all the cereal. Plus, if you want more, it's Magic Spoon. You can always just order some more. Uh, gosh. This makes more sense if I had my Magic Spoon because I'm like the Magic Spoon fairy. I'm in the Magic Spoon box.

Did you eat the spoon? I don't blame you for eating the Magic Spoon Cereal because it's delicious. They have a variety pack. Four flavors included. Cocoa, Fruity, Frosted, and Peanut Butter. Yum yum yum. This pack has 0 grams of sugar, 13 to 14 grams of protein, and 4 to 5 grams of net carbs. Only 140 calories a serving. It's high protein, has 0 grams of sugar, keto-friendly, gluten-free, grain-free, and soy-free. Magic Spoon cereal gremlin, fairy. Are you a gremlin or a fairy?

I mean, I said fairy, but obviously you see me and you say gremlin, so. And it's, you know, I'm choosing 2024. I'm choosing, I'm not going to be offended by what people see. People see what they see with me. And you know, all I'm here to do is tell you about Magic Spoon, which apparently you already know, you covered pretty much everything I was going to talk about. I love it.

It's delicious.

What's your favorite flavor? Easy, easy. I like the cocoa, and I like the peanut butter, and I like a half-and-half mix. Obviously... I've just eaten all the cocoa out of this box. You do have a peanut butter box. I have already eaten that as well. I did get hungry and move boxes. I was really waiting for, you know, a couple of hours for you to have cereal. It's nighttime. Don't people, this is when they have cereal, right?

Well, I have a weird sleep schedule. It looks like your name is Glenn. It's a little name tag says Glenn. It looks like you also are wearing jeans and have a big fat wallet with a chain on it. So can you pay me money back at least, Glenn?

Oh, this chain wallet is just full of IOUs because I have to go to a lot of cereal bars. You know what? Here's what I'll tell you. Here's what I'll tell you that you could do. Go to magicspoon.com slash riddle to grab a variety pack and try it today. And be sure to use the promo code RIDDLE at checkout to save $5 off your order. So basically, that's me, Glenn, giving you $5 off if you think about it in those ways.

Remember, Glenn, start the new year off right with a delicious bowl of high-protein cereal at magicspoon.com slash riddle and use the code RIDDLE to save $5 off. Well, I should be reminding myself, really.

Yeah, that's for you to remind. And Magic Spoon is so confident in their product. It's backed with a 100% happiness guarantee. So if you don't like it, Or, for any reason, they'll refund your money, no questions asked. They will ask one question. They will ask, did Glenn, the wallet chain-wearing gremlin, with a spoon that he can't find, eat your magic spoon? And if that is the case, they're still going to give you your money back. That's part of the guarantee.

Yeah, clearly you shop at PacSun. The box is still moving, Glenn. Do you have a wife or kids or something in there?

I have an ex-wife and ex-kids. Thank you, Magic Spoon, for sponsoring this episode.

Hey Riddle Riddle.

Okay, here it is. Pizza for all three of us. And I know since we all have different dietary restrictions, they said that they were totally fine with splitting one circular pizza into three distinct pieces. They did say it has to only be three pieces, so they cut three pieces. Okay, here we go. It's like a P Siner Mercedes symbol. It's like a P Siner Mercedes. Let's see. Having trouble distinguishing just by sight what everything is in here. I had the nerds. Cheese and nerds.

Oh shit, I had cheese and nerds but on gluten-free dough.

Oh no. Okay, well this is easy for me because I had nerds and cheese. And now I'm seeing that that's not gonna be as helpful. And I'm lactose intolerant so it's dairy-free cheese.

Let's just spin it, spin the pizza, whatever it lands on. We hope for the best.

Okay, it landed on the floor.

Alright, let's record an episode instead of having dinner. Let's all sit down at the microphone.

Oh wait, Erin, I think that might be... I had a microphone connected to headphones connected to a lamp. Is that...?

Oh, shoot.

What do you have? What's your setup?

Nerds and cheese.

This is going to be so easy to distinguish for me because I didn't bring anything and I was hoping you guys, please, please, please, please, please would have everything I need. Please, please, please, please, please.

We have riddles.

Hot, steaming, fresh, piping, hot, steaming riddles.

I was telling you guys right before we started recording that I had to like put together my office. And while I was doing that, or re-put together my office, while I was doing that, I was like looking through books that I've had on my shelf and I was like, oh, I can donate some of these. I have a whole row in my shelf of my bookcase that is just riddle books, and it makes me so sad to see how many I have.

I'll take them all.

I thought about texting you, just being like, I'm going to drive these over to your house. I just don't want to look at you. I don't want to talk to you. I just want to drop these off in shame.

In all honesty, I'll take all your riddle books because my life goal is, I don't know, when I'm 52 or something, I want a stack of riddle books to fall on me and kill me. I want that to be How I Die.

We can make that happen for you. That's achievable.

I got enough here in the house to maybe injure your leg, so you have a lot of work to go, but you got a lot of road until 52.

Listeners, send us heavier Riddle books. Point to your edges. Uh-huh.

What's up, guys?

Wow, Bugs Bunny over here.

What's up, guys? Eat the whole carrot. Chokes.

Uh, not too much. Erin, what's up with you?

Not too much. I just was home recently for a little bit. That was nice.

Yeah, we all were. When you say home, you mean... I mean Massachusetts.

Massachusetts. That's so weird that you consider Massachusetts to be home, because to me, that's not home at all.

Oh, that's crazy. Really? You don't think Massachusetts is your home?

No, last time I went there, I was like, I'm going to Massachusetts, not like I'm going home.

I laughed so hard in this visit home. So, um, my aunts and uncles have very strong Boston accents and Boston personalities, if you know what that is. Racism? Probably, yeah. Can't deny that. Thanks, Boston.

Sorry, my mailman has a real Boston personality, if you know what I mean.

Two of my aunts, my mom's sisters, have been telling this story to us our whole lives. They once dated the same guy. His name is Marty. I won't say his last name, but they've been talking about him for my whole life and how charming and dreamy and like irresistible he was, okay? And we've just been hearing this story, and at the end of the night, we're all sitting around, me and my cousins, we're hearing them talk about it again.

You saw pictures?

Yes. Okay. No! So, he had an Irish brogue, and he was gallivanting around, having sex with every woman in Boston in the 60s and 70s. Wow! Okay?

He... Can we put that Dropkick Murphys song behind the story?

Yeah, put the... Hello there, ladies.

How are you doing tonight? Erin, Erin, you don't have to tell me if I'm right, but was it Marty...

Yes.

Was it? Okay. Whoa! I guessed it! That's a film character.

What are you- what? So, my cousin Pat said it best, where if he doesn't look like a young Colin Farrell at this point, everything else is unacceptable by the way they're talking about this. And we're hearing it, and then my Aunt Jane goes, I mean, he wasn't that handsome. And everyone turned and they're like, excuse me? What are you talking about? The way you were talking about this. And she went, well, he had CHAM! in her Boston accent. We're all dying laughing. My Aunt Barbara goes and gets her box of love letters that she has, that men have written to her over the course of her life. She's been happily married for 50 years. Pretty big, pretty cute. She goes to get a photo of him.

Don Juan!

Okay. Alright.

Casey's dying!

That guy looks like an accountant's accountant.

They were like, he's so sexy.

He looks like a Pixar nerd.

He looks like if Pixar drew Dwight Schrute.

Look at him!

I was screaming. I was like, what? I have been alive for 32 years. You have been talking about him like he is the hottest person that ever lived. I died. I died.

I will say, knowing, having some friends that are Irish, the Irish people that I've come across in life are the most quick-witted, most charming, most conversational forward. Like they can hold up their end of any conversation. They're so personable. They have something to say to everything. They never let the ball drop.

They have charm.

They have charm. The Irish people are incredible. Very, very quickly.

There's also something alluring about an accent, too, you know? Because that photo of that man does not tell me what that man's voice sounded like, and I think a voice could do a lot.

Please do not side with them. They were under some sort of spell.

Oh, Erin, your aunts are whores, okay? I am not. Did they know? Did one of your aunts hook up with this guy and then the other one, and then did she say like, you gotta hook up with this guy? Like, or was there like a miscommunication?

They were like kind of fighting about it a little bit. And then my mom who was like, there's a good age gap between her and her sister. So she was like in high school when all this was going on. And he would call the house and go, can I talk to the prettiest sister? And she would go, which one? And he'd go, I don't care. Like, he was like, put either of them on the phone. Yeah, I'll take what I can get. Like, what are we even talking about?

Erin, that photo of that man too that you showed us. Was that At the time? Was that a photo at the time or was that a photo from like 10 years later?

No, that's at the time.

Uh, two things, Erin. One, she's never gonna admit it. Your mom absolutely dated this guy as well.

Yeah, everyone kept saying that.

I think they're hiding it from you for your protection. Two, I'm trying with all my might, with all my processing power, I cannot conjure an Irish nerd. Like, how do you, like, oh, come on in here.

He played the guitar, too.

Come on in here, I'll show you my Hewlett Packard. Like, it's impossible for Irish to sound nerdy.

Wait, Erin, how old was that man in the photo that you just showed me?

I think like 35, 34.

Oh thank God, okay. So there's a big age gap. You said your mom was in high school and there was an age gap so I was like, okay so her sisters are in their early 20s, this man is what, like 24? And I gotta say, I'm sorry to this man. If that man was 24 in that photo, that's like one of those old-timey things where you're like, oh, this man looks like he's 61. That guy's 18. It's his 18th birthday. He's a coal miner.

I think my aunts were like 28 and 26-ish, and this guy was like 30-something.

Okay, good. 30 is fine, but rough shape for a younger man.

Yeah, my aunts were dreamy. My Aunt Jane, who is the oldest of the siblings, My uncle was a priest and she was so pretty that he left being a priest to be with her. Isn't that so fun? And then the church harassed them and they would drive by their house and threaten them. That's an Irish Catholic bus and stuff.

But again, what's that say? I don't know. I mean, I'm a priest.

Riddle podcast. Sorry. I could not figure it out.

Yeah, we have to do that.

I'm Old Man Puzzles, I think.

You'll see no complaints from me.

You'll get no complaints from me. Yes.

Okay.

I thinks have it.

I don't know why I just woke up and I assumed I was. But I'm here. Okay, ready?

Yes. Mm-hmm.

That wicked queen, she killed them both. The bishop said no prayer. Behind the castle wall, the king watched his mate come near. They viewed the battle from afar, the stallion and the mar. They viewed the battle from afar, the stallion and the mar. Don't overthink this one. This one's easy.

One night. One night. This is like a deck of cards.

Every time I hear king and queen, I'm like, it's gotta be like a deck of cards, right? This is chess, my friend.

You know the most random song from the musical chess.

That's the only- I think it's just one song.

No.

I think Chess the Musical is one song.

And it's, nobody's on nobody's side. I love that song so much. It makes me like hate people. It makes me be like, yeah, fuck people.

Can I ask you about the musical Chess real quick? Yeah. Is it a musical about the game chess? Like, is it a chess board? Chess board the musical?

It's a musical about the Cold War, I think, right? It's like a chess tournament during the Cold War. I don't know, it has a song in it called Nobody's Side that you need to look up right now. It will get you fucking pumped up.

You've heard One Night in Bangkok, right? I've seen The Queen's Gambit. I know all about this.

Alright, ready? My skin is made of bone. My hands can grip you tight. I have two eyes. I have no head. I travel left or right.

Is this that guy your aunt's fucked? Burn.

No, I think that's that.

My skin is made of bone?

Creative answer. My skin is made of bone. My hands can grip you tight. I have two eyes. I have no head. I travel left or right. Travel left or right, I think is maybe the most helpful.

Oh, is this one of those like people movers at the airport?

No.

What skeleton people movers do you have? Headless horseman people movers?

I have two eyes.

Two eyes. Is it spelled or just like a spelling thing?

No. Oh. It's E-Y-E-S and they're literal eyes.

Literal eyes but no head. What has eyes? Potatoes.

I would say its head is its body. I actually am excited for you to find out the answer to this because I do want us to really talk about what... It's head is its body.

It's head is its body. Jennifer Aniston?

And it moves left or right.

Okay. A crab.

It's a crab! Wow!

Do you want to see a scene? Erin, you are a crab. JPC, you are the first ever, you're a fisherman in ancient time. You've only caught fish. You've only seen fish. There's legends of monsters in the ocean, but you've never seen them. Suddenly, you've caught a crab. You don't know what the fuck this is.

Ah, fishing for my family, yes.

Ah, bless us ghosts! Hey, don't scream, don't scream, don't scream.

What devil, what devil are you? What devil is this?

I'm a crab. Not a lobster, not a fish, I'm a crab. Throw me back in, eh? I probably taste like shit, right? Look how scary I am.

I'll do anything that you wish. Please just leave my family alone.

Oh, you know what? I accidentally... I'm taking a little bite of myself. Disgusting. Wouldn't taste good at all.

No, I would never... You are gross looking. I would never think to eat you.

Right, don't put me in a cake. Okay, Domino, you said that this creature told you exactly the recipe to cook it but then said don't cook it?

Yeah, it had all these old bay packets on him.

Old bay?

Oh, I don't know what these... I have no idea.

Bay of yore, yes. Well, if it's saying don't cook it, let me scan this recipe here.

Don't boil me. Don't boil me. Don't crack my legs and suck it out. Please, come on.

Don't do this, you're saying.

Don't. And if you do, can I have like one bite?

Okay. I get it. I get it. This is its thing. This is its kink.

Yeah, throw it back. No, don't throw me back! I'll be back.

I love a creature saying, I don't taste delicious. Here's how to cook me.

What's the best way to prepare a crab?

I mean, I like soft, just shell crabs, like the fried ones. That's fun to just eat them all.

I think tell it everything's going to be okay and then get it right in the back of the head when it's not looking.

Yeah. Crab soda? Same. I tell the world that you were here. Sometimes I'm hard to see, sometimes I'm clear. I show your skip, your jump, your run, and when the rain descends, I'm quickly done. I like this riddle.

Is this a puddle? Is this like a chalk, like a hot scotch?

No, I like where both your heads are at.

Like a big ol' puddle? Puddle?

I tell the world that you were here.

Oh, is this like your urine?

No, it's something you leave behind. Sometimes I'm hard to see, sometimes I'm clear. I show your skip, your jump, your run, and when the rain descends, I'm quickly done.

Your track coach?

No.

Yeah, if your track coach is like a magical snowman that melts in the rain, he's just there for Christmas to get you better at track.

Disney, I got a great movie idea for you.

Check it out. Is this like a picture? Erin, is it a footprint?

It's a footprint! I would like to see a scene. You two are detectives and you're on a case and you've discovered some footprints and it's clearly an exact match to one of your shoes that you're wearing.

Oh, interesting. Ted, take a look over here. It looks like there was two sets of footprints and then it goes into one set of footprints on the beach here and then back to two. I just think it's insane that you use the breaks back to back.

I just don't think, if it's two 10-minute breaks, it shouldn't be a one 20-minute break. That's breaks, quote-unquote, the spirit of the break.

I feel like mentally, it's not till like six minutes in that I actually feel like I'm on my break.

But that's a you problem. That's a four-minute break.

But if I take it back to back, that's a 14-minute break.

No, just because you take a bathroom break, the minute you say, I'm taking a bathroom break, that's when it starts. It doesn't start when your butt hits the seat. I see.

This is because you and your wife are on a break. You have this thing, you have a thorn in your side about breaks. You're really, you're dying on the hill of breaks.

She asked for a break and a break means a break, okay? A break means we will come back. That's just, everybody knows that.

No, that is not the case. I'm a detective and I'm telling you, a break means...

You're a detective or are you on your break?

Hey fellas, three more people got murdered while you were over here.

So, my theory here... One guy's definitely gonna get murdered if he keeps up with the break stuff.

Maybe one guy hopped on the other's shoulders? Maybe this was like a circus act here?

Like the Flying Walendas? So it's two people standing, then the one guy puts his brother on his shoulder, then they walk, and he goes, too heavy, puts him back down.

You with the Flying Walendas. I said I'll take you for your birthday. Is it your birthday? When? When it's your birthday, I'll take you on your birthday.

Across me the long wind whirls. Around me curl the claws of birds. Within me flow your distant words. What? Poetry. Poetry riddle.

Erin, why are all these riddles poems? Poems are hard to be riddles because you have to listen to the whole poem.

Yeah, you gotta actually pay attention. Across me the long wind whirls. Around me curl the claws of birds. Within me flows your distant words.

Today's episode is

What are you picking up? What are you picking up on the vibrations? What are you picking up?

I mean, it's obviously, it's not his wife. He's, you know, he's calling a different house. He's telling, it's all, you know, I love you. I'll never leave you. You know, you're so important to me. I don't love her. He's cheating. Do you guys, when we're sitting up here all day, are you guys not feeling and listening in on the conversations?

Isn't that illegal?

Yeah, we can't, we're not supposed to tap. We're not supposed to tap the line.

We're not supposed to tap the line.

I mostly look for shiny stuff. Look, I found a buffalo nickel. What are you gonna spend that on, Frank? I'm gonna, I don't know, go down to the bar, toss it in, you know, toss it in the... Hey, leave Frank alone.

Man, you're doing something illegal. You can't be getting into people's business like this.

Why not? We're birds, okay? What court's gonna prosecute a bird?

Bird court. You've never been to Byrd Court? Have you been checking your mail? You might have been in jury duty. Hold on, let me check. Oh my god, I got all these summits to Byrd Court. Oh, you're fucked.

Why didn't anybody tell me?

Welcome to jury selection for Byrd Court. Let's see here. Potential juror number 14. Oh, it looks like you've not responded to us for some time. Is there any reason you should not be on the jury?

Um, no, I don't think so. And just a quick question, if I'm on the jury, it's like a double jeopardy thing, right? I can't, I can't be... Convicted of a crime of serving on the jury? No. Me?

I'm the lawyer that put the birds from the Windex commercial behind the bars. You might have heard of me. What did you do?

I haven't heard of you. Wouldn't you say your name if you wanted someone to know if they were... Joke's on you.

I'm too lazy to come up with a name. Those birds watched their friend fly into a glass window without warning him. They are an accessory to murder.

Okay, no, yeah, they deserve to go away. Hey, settle a bet for me. How bad would it be if a bird was like wiretapping some phone calls?

Penalty by death, of course.

Your Honor, my client, caw caw caw caw, was not tapping the wires. He was curious. His feet were just resting on the phone lines.

If he happened to pick up the phone... I'm a judge and I'm a peacock!

Your Honor, your poo? Can I just say beautiful? Thank you. A murder of crows is just a title, alright? It's not evocative of their nature. My client was just purely resting his feet from a long day's work. So we happen to pick up the tone of a conversation. So somebody in the neighborhood happened to be cheating. That's not a crime.

Kill him! Gavel, gavel, gavel, gavel.

Wow, beaten to death by a gavel.

Scene. Judge, jury, and executioner. Wow, peacocks are mean. Peacocks are mean, by the way.

Are they?

Oh, yeah.

They will chase you off. They're like a goose.

They don't give a fuck, and they're nasty birds, and if you get too close to them, they will try to kill you, Erin.

Oh, okay. I met a couple peacocks in Australia, and they seemed pretty... Matt.

Yeah, Erin, that's Australian peacocks. They have a whole different culture and society there.

That makes sense.

I'm talking about American peacocks.

American peacocks.

Yeah. I'm talking about $2.99 for your first 12 months. I'm talking about scrubs. I'm talking about all the reality shows that you could watch. Cream of the blooms we are, honey-sweet queens of the scented bed. Yellow of the ripening apple we are, and glow of the snow in the ruby reds.

Silky and soft we are, perfuming your lives.

Take us to your love, but beware of our knives.

I don't know what the fuck you just said, but I am starving now.

Yeah. Don't eat whatever this is.

Is it like a bourbon glaze, Erin?

Cream of the blooms we are, honey-sweet queens of the scented beds. Yellow of the ripening apple we are, and glow of the snow and the ruby reds. Silky and soft we are, perfuming your lives. This is the most helpful line, this next one. Take us to your love, but beware of our knives.

Erin, can I just say, I don't think I've ever, in the history of us recording this podcast, felt more like I was doing fucking homework than this one.

Fuck you!

This one feels like long division. This is hard as shit.

You think this one's hard? I think, just listen to this line. Take us to your love, but beware of our knives.

Aliens. Take us to your love. Aliens. Oh, is this like a condom with a razor blade in it?

No, but you got my birthday gift.

I do want to see a scene. Let's see here. JPC, you're an alien who's come to Earth, and you want Erin, who's the first Earthling you come across, you want her to take you to her love.

Do not be afraid. Oh my gosh.

Do not be afraid. You were a little afraid.

Oh my God, are you an alien?

Well, not to me, but I guess to you I would be. I am not from here.

It is my dream to meet an alien. I'm obsessed with aliens. Can I get a selfie?

You can, but first you must help me. My name is Gleep Glorp. I am not from this planet.

Where are you from?

I hope you enjoyed it. Look at me. I'm kind of like a fish guy. I'm from like a fish planet and it's very far away. That's what, that's my whole thing. I'm sorry I'm getting upset. I'm so horny. I'm so goddamn horny. What? I've been on this ship for so long and you know, I haven't gleep glorped, to use a phrase from my planet, in a long time. I'm not interested in you. I can see the face that you're making. Yeah. Just to be clear, you're not my type. Sorry to materialize.

Oh, gleep glorp.

Yeah, oh.

Oh, you're here? Jeep Jorp. Great. Wow. The one planet I choose to- Of course. Of course.

This is my ex.

This is my ex. Don't be afraid. You look a little afraid. I'll give you two a minute.

We don't need it. No, no, no. We don't need it.

We don't need it. We've done this dance a million times.

Literally a million times. A million. I don't know. I just heard Gleep Corp was horny. No! Don't tell him! I don't know if it helps.

You can have one-off sex with your ex. That's fine. Wow, Gleepglorp is horny. Next thing you'll tell me, water is wet and cake is delicious.

Oh, very funny, Jeepjorp. Oh, you're such a comedian. We have comedians on my world.

And water. And cake!

I don't want to hook up with Jeepjorp. We just don't work. We've tried it a billion times. Every which way.

Well, I'll give you two a minute to catch up.

We don't need a minute. We've had a billion minutes. Species can have sex six to seven times in one minute. Oh, you should.

I think you guys are going to like this one before we go on a break.

Are you ready?

Well, we didn't finish the last one.

Yes, we did.

No, we didn't.

Oh, no, we didn't.

Was it a condom with a razor in it?

Oh my God, I'm losing it. I'm scared.

Erin, my girl, you've never had it.

That makes sense. I thought you guys were going to get this right away. Cream of the blooms we are. Honey sweet queens of the scented bed. Yellow of the ripening apples we are. The glow of the snow in the ruby reds. Ruby Reds is helpful. Silky and soft we are, perfuming your lives. They smell good. Take us to your love.

Flowers. Flowers.

But what kind?

Blossoms.

What has knives?

Cherry blossoms. What has knives? What has knives? Thorns. Roses.

Roses.

I'll rose by any other name. Would smell as sweet, tibbled the Prince of Cats. I don't know if they have knives.

The more you think, the more I shrink. A towel?

My clothes wouldn't gem a dozen?

The more you think, the more I shrink.

What's it called? Doubt?

Yeah, doubt.

No. It's a literal thing.

The more I think, the more you shrink. The more you think, the more I shrink?

Yes.

Oh, is this like a therapist? Like they're a shrink? Oh, that's a good one. You think about yourself and they're shrinking?

I like the way you're thinking, but no.

Is it that movie, Shrinking? Do you guys remember that movie, Shrinking?

I don't.

It was a huge bomb. I would say- No, it's called Downsizing. It's called Downsizing.

Thinking is sort of a misleading word for this. Wait, Erin, there's only six words in this riddle. I know, but think, it's more actionable than think. It's like you're thinking while you're doing this action. Pooping. And it makes something shrink.

Oh.

Does pooping make something shrink? Your butthole.

No.

Is it a part of my body like a butthole or a penis, Erin?

No.

Is it a butthole or a penis? And don't, you really swatted that away so quickly.

I just feel, I feel like you're so on the wrong track and I don't want to encourage you. It's an object.

Okay. Butthole in the penis. An object that's not a butthole or a penis. There are not.

People never usually like use this thing until it's like completely shrunk.

Soap! No. You use soap until it's completely shrunk and then you can't use it anymore.

This thing, you probably are throwing it away when it's like two-thirds the way.

Candle. We all do that, right? Ice cream sandwich. I'm not crazy, right? Let's just talk about shit we waste. Roll up paper towels.

You're more likely to lose it than probably.

Patience.

Or have someone pick it up from your house and forget to... Pick it up.

Milk? No. Water? No. What is this? Mail?

No, I think you probably interacted with this thing way more in the first chunk of your life.

The first chunk of my life? Milk?

Like, up through high school, college time.

Oh, um, um, um, uh, uh, pornography? Like, printed pornography?

No.

Yeah, yeah. Early in life. No longer, of course. Not necessary.

It's, yeah.

A telephone, no.

Another version of this thing doesn't shrink, but you gotta be much more sure when you're using a different version of this thing.

Erin, is it one of those hats with like a propeller on it? No. Okay. Erin, is it one of those big hoops and a stick?

No.

What about one of those little cup and ball games? Oh, is it one of those dinosaurs that you put in water and it expands?

What the fuck is this? It's something that the more you think, but think is the wrong word, the more it shrinks, and we used it when we were kids.

Yeah, you used it probably- Trinky Dinks. I just don't think I interact with this thing that much. I use a different kind of version of this thing more than I use this thing.

Toilet paper. No. Really calling out Erin.

I mentioned high school or- I'm always mad, that's my secret. I mentioned high school and college, like school. A pencil!

The more you think, the more eyes shrink. Okay, thinking is, yeah, you're right on that.

See this? This is why I can't relate to this at all. I exclusively use mechanical pencils. So, no getting up in front of the class to sharpen my pencil.

Well, I think now's a really great time to take a break. Do you guys need a little rest?

Hey, the more you break, the more I shake. Okay. I'm so fucking mad at that riddle.

See you soon!

You have no idea how good it feels to be called a young man. I mean, I just turned 35 and I'm feeling like, I don't feel young anymore.

No, it's like calling a big guy tiny, that kind of thing.

Sure, no, that makes more sense.

Hey, young man, do you like solving madcap creative online puzzle hunts with cash prizes? Why, yes, I do. Of course you do. Based on Who Killed Icky, a murder mystery novel by George Brown, the Who Killed Icky Puzzle Hunt is designed by John Brommels, a member of this year's illustrious MIT Mystery Hunt Team.

OK, so, old man that I've never talked to before, and I say old man in the way that, you know, people call big guys tiny. I think that Sandy has talked to us about the MIT Mystery Hunt team. I think Sandy has definitely mentioned that. By the way, I did look up John Brabbles just now. This guy has an awesome mustache. So, I believe someone who could design a puzzle hunt with a mustache like this. Let me just put that right out.

I'm one of his associates, and I see that you're wearing not a MIT Mystery Hunt team shirt, but an MIT Ethan Hunt shirt. That's pretty cool. I love, am I, whatever, maybe. The Who Killed Icky Hunt is online and open to anyone, even you, young man. The live puzzle hunt will happen on January 27th at 10am Pacific and 1pm Eastern. You can complete puzzles individually or as a team. Do you have friends, young man?

Not many anymore. You know, you get older and they kind of start. Okay, the first puzzle. January 27th, 10am Pacific and 1pm Eastern. Two different times.

I'll get this. $50,000 in cash prizes will be given to the first 10 fastest players slash teams. There are even mini-puzzles, my good sir, available before the 27th. A $5,000 award will be given to a randomly selected player who successfully solves each of these. Wait, randomly selected? That sounds like it could be me! Possibly with that squirrel on your shoulder. Visit ickytreasurehunt.com to find the clues, solve the puzzles, and win the cash. Icky, spelled I-C-K-E-Y, treasurehunt.com. Ickytreasurehunt.com. I'm on the website right now! I won!

I won! No wait, I clicked. I clicked the website. Aw man, I'm confused. Oh boy.

Hi Adal, hi JPC. I'm really excited. It's a great time of year. JPC, I know you love this time of year. It's starting to be tax season. We get to do our taxes soon.

It's beginning to tax a lot like season.

I love you. That was real.

That was real.

I get to use my favorite app that organizes all my finances and cancels all my subscriptions for me, Rocket Money. I love Rocket Money and it's been helping me with my taxes for years.

Wait, wait, wait, Erin. Rocket Money? Are you talking about the personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills? Are we talking about that Rocket Money?

I love you.

That one was forced.

Yes. I can see all my subscriptions in one place, and if there's something that I don't want, I can cancel it with one tap. I never have to get on the phone with anybody or talk to customer service. They do it for me. So I'll be like, when did I subscribe to this? What? And I'm spending $8 a month on who, where, when? It will cancel it for me and I have no headache around it.

And Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has helped save its members an average of $720 a year. Oh boy, we wish that was $420, but $720 is better. Yes, that's right, Erin. With over 500 million in canceled subscriptions. Rocket Money gets you more pocket money.

And Rocket Money, honestly, guys, they don't want us to talk about this. It is the one design flaw with their app. It doesn't work for Hey Riddle Riddle Patreon. Unfortunately, that's the one thing Rocket Money can't help you cancel. Don't even try.

Don't even attempt.

And we're working with their devs and we're hoping in a couple of million years we're going to get that thing fixed. But for now, Ramey, just keep subscribing to the Patreon. It's good for you. It actually is good for you.

And truly it color codes everything and you can like create little like sub-genres for your finances and it helps me so much every tax season. I am so grateful that I have the app.

Hey Erin, it's me, Grover the Spur- the Blue Whale. Thanks for the heads up on Rocket Money. Stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwarranted subscriptions by going to RocketMoney.com slash Riddle. That's RocketMoney.com slash Riddle. RocketMoney.com slash Riddle. I love you. Erin, you know that guy? No, I don't. That's my wife. Erin, we're married. No. You married a whale. Canonically.

No.

No.

My wife. My wife. My wife.

Poor whale at. Haha, it's me. The villain from the tick chair face. Sound like Dr. Chameleon. No, it's Chair Face and I'm here to tell you about Squarespace. It's Chair Face talking about Squarespace. Oh, okay. Okay.

Is that fun? I'm having a good time. Can I be honest with you? Yeah. I thought it was going to be Dr. Chameleon. Hey everyone! You use Squarespace, the all-in-one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and succeed online, whether you're just starting out or managing a growing brand. Squarespace, the one that makes it easy to create a beautiful website, engage with your audience, and sell anything from products to content to time all in one place, all in your terms? Dr. Comedian? A new canonical character?

That's something that you use? That's right, I mostly use their online store where I sell my t-shirts, 10 cc's of chuckles. You can sell your products on an online store whether you sell physical, digital, or service products. Squarespace has the tools you need to start selling online. Where's everybody from? Where are you from, sir?

Uh, around here. Local. Can't do much with that. Well, hey, speaking of something you can't do much with, Squarespace has an asset library where you can upload, organize, and access all your content from one place. With the new asset library, you're able to manage all your files from one central hub and use them across the Squarespace platform. For instance, I've compiled all of the known recordings of Dr. Comedian here in our asset library. I'm going over this now. Wait a second, Dr. Comedian, are you Brad Garrett?

That's right. Everybody loves Raymond, and everybody hates Dr. Comedian. I'll be playing at Chuckleberry Fins in Philadelphia, PA. I'm definitely interested.

Plus, when you design your products, production, inventory, and shipping are all handled for you, saving you time and money.

So head to squarespace.com slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code RIDDLE. But don't just take it from me, Brad Garrett playing Dr. Comedian playing Dr. Chameleon playing Chair Face. Take it from JPC.

Uh, I can't endorse anything that Brad Garrett, Dr. Chameleon, Dr. Chameleon squared. Oh God, Drew Rifai, so close. I was so close. I don't know this man.

And we're back from our break.

Wow, Cancun. Can you believe it? JPC, you got such a tan.

Yeah, and not in the spot where you think I'd get it.

Oh, neck and butt.

Yeah, neck and butt. Came out on the beach with my neck and butt out.

Erin grabs a riddle to try to change the subject quickly. I walk across an open field, long legs shining as I go, and when I reach the other side, the field is split in two.

A scarecrow.

No. I walk across an open field, long legs shining as I go. And when I reach the other side, the field is split in two.

Is it like a wheat thresher? Or like one of those hole digger things? Like a piece of mechanical farm equipment? Erin, is it a farm equipment? A scythe? No.

Okay. Is it a donkey? It's something now that one of you guessed as an answer earlier.

Oh, butthole and penis. Butthole and penis, Erin, of course.

No, not butthole and penis.

We guessed so many goddamn things before and now I forget all of them.

I know.

Oh, is it a telephone wire? Is it electrical lines? Is it gerrymandering?

This is a very flowery way of saying what this is. I walk across an open field, long legs shining as I go. And when I reach the other side, the field is split in two.

Scissors! Wow, it's scissors, long legs, ooh, leggy scissors. Scissors don't have legs, though they have arms. I mean, this is true, right? No, no, the arms are the little loops. Hold on, those are teeth.

No, idiot.

The blades are teeth, come on.

The blades are the legs. You don't call them legs. The loops are the arms. And it's a lady going, have her hands on her hips, and she goes, I'm ready to cut a piece of paper. That's what a scissors is.

Oh, I gotta see a scene now. Erin, you're a southern pair of scissors. JBC, you are somebody who grabbed a pair of scissors not knowing that they could talk.

Yeah, no, I'll grab the scissors. Okay, in the drawer here. Got them. Coming right back.

Hey honey, what are we cutting today?

Whoa! Oh my god, you have a little eyes and a little face on you.

Yeah. Are we cutting existential crisis bangs? Are we making a school project? Are we opening some bacon? What are we doing?

Uh, you know what? I don't know. My wife is upstairs and she just asked me to bring her some scissors and so I was bringing the junk drawer scissors upstairs.

I hope it's existential crisis bangs, because she's been using me to cut, like, meat and food, and it's grossing me out something awful. I miss cutting it.

She's not using the junk drawer scissors. Surely she's using the kitchen scissors to do meat and food.

No, she can't find the kitchen scissors, and when she can't find the kitchen scissors, I have to go back here, but she's not cleaning me or putting me in the dishwasher, so I'm covered in bacteria. God! Really? She's doing that? I'm not trying to be a tattletale or nothing. I cut my nails with you. You should leave her. You cut, yeah, which is not my intended purpose.

Hey, sorry to eavesdrop. Did someone say nails done? Paste here. I'm like, um, dumb glue. Listen, I know, I know, I've been in the bottom of this box for a while, but I can help with your nails.

Paste, mind your business and shut up.

Wow, just like when people need tape or staples.

Wow, I'm really pulling you two apart. You're going towards each other. Wait a second. Paste, how are you going to help with my nails? I missed that part.

Hey, look, I'm purple now, but I go on clear. You put a little on your nails, then you put on a press-on nail, press down for 30 to 40 minutes real hard, and it'll last for 10 to 15 minutes.

That's solving a completely different problem, Pace. I appreciate it. You know what? I think I'm going to throw you back in the drawer and scissors. I'm

She tells you? And yeah, and she, I'm not saying that she's flirting with your neighbor Dave, but I am saying that she gets awfully giggly when he comes around. And all the stuff you promised to fix in the house, he's been coming over and fixing.

He's like 70, what do you mean? Hey, Paste here again. A bird died because he found out about the two of them, so it's public knowledge.

That bird died because he thought that the window was just open air, okay? I know why that bird died. I was a witness in bird court.

Okay, you guys.

Yes.

I need you to really, like, take a big deep breath. This one is long and very... Okay.

Wait, poetry.

You're telling us to shut up. You're telling us to shut up for a minute.

No, I'm just saying. When you say take a deep breath, am I allowed to take a deep breath and then check out, or do I have to take a deep breath and listen?

At this point, I don't blame either of you for checking out mentally or emotionally from this podcast, so do whatever you gotta do to make it through this. Long have I wandered the wide ways of the whale and the wild wind. Storms stirred me, calm caressed me, the sun and the moon spread gold and silver across my glossy back. Now that the Wanderer's long salt song is near complete, here at my long quest's end, I tilt tall, break and tumble, white-slide hissing at your hopping feet.

Riddles by Emily Dickinson. What is going on? These are beautiful.

Long have I wandered the wide ways of the whale and the wild wind. Storms stirred me, calm caressed me, the sun and moon spread gold and silver across my glossy back. Now the wanderer's long salt song is near complete. Here at my long quest's end, I tilt tall, break and tumble, white-slide hissing at your hopping feet. Erin, did an old sea captain write this? Is this something like... Yarrr.

Yarrr. Yarrr. The old white whale with the gold and silver lines.

Yarrr, Beverly. Me heart is like the salt-encrusted crabs of the ocean, clawing for... I'm going to read it one more time in that voice and we're going to do a sea shanty behind it.

What?

Is this a wave or like a... It is a wave! Oh my god. Oh, it took me... It was so hard. It's so hard to listen to poetry. I don't know the last time I had to listen to a poem.

I do want to see a scene. Erin, you are a pirate poetry teacher. JPC and I are your students.

Yarr, sorry I'm late.

Yarr, no worries. Yarr, a five minute rule. If the teacher's not here in five minutes we can leave, but it's been four and a half.

I, uh, graded your poems from last week.

Yarr.

Yand? Yand?

I'm not... I'm not going to say that you can't write about the ocean anymore. But I am saying your poems are getting a wee bit redundant.

Oh, fingers crossed I got a C. Oh, I hope I got a C. We're all shooting for Cs. Shooting for Cs, of course. I have six so far. Teacher, teacher, teacher.

Did you get that while my poem was about the sea, it was also a metaphor?

For the sea, yar, I got that.

Teacher, teacher.

Yar?

Yar, I'm not sure. Of course it was a poem, but I'm not sure if you got my analogy of kissing a whale.

I did, yarr. Still about the sea. Alright, I'll point to one, yarr, and you'll come up with a new topic that's not the sea that yarr inspired by. Ready? Yarr. Yarr. Yarr.

Yarr. Yarr. Yarr. Yarr. Yarr. Yarr. Yarr.

Yarr. Yarr. Yarr.

Yarr. Yarr. Yarr. Yarr. Yarr. Yarr. Yarr.

Yarr. Yarr. Yarr. Okay, easy, easy. Just anything that's not the sea, I can do this. Okay. This poem is called...

The Big Pond.

No, no.

Okay, you're right. This poem is called, this poem is called, The Super Wide River.

No, no.

Okay, no, I can do this. Ah, oh, okay. This poem, not about the sea, is called, The Rain Inside the Cloud. Yarr!

Upside down, on the land, in a deep hole, Yar, can we please just write poems about the sea?

And I don't blame any of yars, cause the sea, she's gorgeous.

Arr, gorgeous. Yar, gorgeous.

She waves at you like an old friend. She embraces you in her tumultuous arms. Yar, what is this?

It's like the sea is leaking from my eyes. What is this? There's an ocean. An ocean here.

It's almost like the ocean is our emotion. Wow.

Scene.

Scene.

Eat me sweetly when I and my name are the same. What? Eat me sweetly when I and my name are the same. This one's confusing to me. I don't like it very much.

It's like an egg. What do you think it's doing to us?

I don't know. Killing you? Eat me sweetly when I and my name are the same. It's also, what it is, is also a word that is a descriptor of what it says. It's something you can eat, and it's sweet.

It's like a comeback from the movie Pleasantville.

No. You wouldn't describe sugar as being sugar, as a qualifier. Do you know what I mean? Like you wouldn't be like... Sugary. Yeah.

No. Eat me sweetly when I and myself, what is it?

What are some ways to eat me sweetly when I and my name are the same? What are some ways to describe something?

What is just a list of adjectives?

But like when you're like, if I picked up an avocado, what are some of the words you would use to describe it?

Juicy. Firm. Soft. Moist.

No, but the look of it. What are some things you can see and notice?

Alligator pear. Bump. Skin.

If someone's never seen it, what's one of the main descriptors you'd want to tell them? Skin.

Or green.

I'm holding a... Green.

Pitted.

Yeah, oh, yep. A color.

Dark green.

A color is a way you would describe something, and it's also the thing.

Oh, a cherry.

No. A blue.

I said cherry.

No.

A pink.

No.

It's a singer pink.

Go through the entire rainbow.

Brown.

No.

Roy G. Biv. All right, you gotta start with purple.

I can't believe you guys have not gotten it yet.

Purple. Yellow.

Orange. It's an orange? It's an orange.

Which prevents scurvy. Wow. It all comes first. Full circle.

No mouth, but many teeth I have. I tumble mighty giants from on high.

Interesting. So, Erin, I have something to admit.

Yes. You accidentally see it when I held it up.

Well, that puts a lot of the onus on me, but you flashed the answer in front of me when you scratched your face with the answer.

Okay.

So, I mean, what am I- Adal hasn't got it yet.

It's saw. Forget it.

When frost bites your toes, downward I grow.

When sun warms your toes, away I flow.

Shadow.

What?

Shadow.

No.

This is rap lyrics, right? No. Who is this? Is this Eminem? This is Snow. No.

Are you saying Snow the rapper?

When frost bites your toes, downward I grow. When sun warms your toes, away I flow.

When sun warms your toes, away I flow. This is like Snow?

Yeah, you're really close. Ice! Yes, but specifically

Dry ice.

Dry ice. It grows downward.

Icicle.

An icicle.

I want to ride my icicle. Icicles grow downward. They do. They do.

A few more riddles for my guys. Back and forth we go for many hours, drawn to fields, trees, and gardens in the sun, bringing gifts from grateful flowers, a taste that pleases everyone.

Hummingbird, birds, honey, pollen. Yeah, we could be guys here. Why don't we just do a couple of riddles, huh? We could just be guys. Come on, put on the big riddle.

Back and forth we go for many hours, drawn to fields, trees, gardens, in the sun, bringing gifts from grateful flowers, a taste that pleases everyone.

Go out into the yard and throw out the pig riddle. Toss around the old pig riddle.

Hey Riddle Riddle.

You cannot see or hear me, yet many people fear me. I can kill the strongest lion in its lair. Thin your flesh and make your bones appear. And though your cupboard be almost bare, find whatever you can to share, so that I might not come near. This is my prayer. Wow.

Is this hunger?

It's hunger!

Wow! The reason I got that is that most lions in the wild die of starvation.

Is that true?

Sounds true.

I love that. I want to start acting with as much confidence as you act with. I think my life would change overnight if I started acting like you.

I think I did hear that at one point about birds, and I did believe it when I heard it. So it might be the case. We have some listeners that know a lot about birds. It might be the case that most birds die of starvation.

Yeah, tell us more about birds if you know about birds.

I want to see a scene. Erin, you're sort of like a David Attenborough narrator, and this is like a planet Earth, and JPC is going to be a lion, and I'm going to be whatever the lion is hunting. And we're going to hear this sort of narration over it.

The lion is finally awake, and cannot ignore its hunger any longer.

The fuck finally awake?

Sleeping past noon. On a Tuesday.

I'm a lion. I don't have work.

At risk for starvation because of how lazy it is.

At risk for starvation? Hey, guess what? You burn less calories when you sleep. What the fuck is this?

Lying on a rock in the sun. But wait, something has caught its attention.

Gazelle, gazelle, gazelle, gazelle.

A guy who has spotted gazelles has become the lion's new target.

That guy looks way slower than a fucking gazelle. I bet I can take him down easy.

It's all coming up Tony.

I bet the lion decides to lay back down on the rock and get an afternoon nap in instead of hunting the man.

Fuck you! Like you're gonna reverse psychology me to not eat that cameraman.

That man is too fast for him to catch. He ran track in high school. He stopped after sophomore year, but still.

Yeah, high school. I mean, this is probably 30 years ago for that guy. I mean, I don't want to eat him.

Oh, the man gets further away while the lion sees his only hope for lunch.

No, because I'm fucking arguing with you. Hold on, I'm getting up. Oh, big stretch. Ooh, big stretch. Ooh, back stretch. Stretch the back. Stretch the back legs.

Oh my God. The gazelles are gone. I guess I'll just lay face down on the savannah.

Ooh, big stretch. God, stretching makes me sleepy.

The prey has made himself available to the lion, but the lion looked over, shrugged, and is going back to bed.

No, I didn't shrug.

He seems to be re-watching TV shows on his laptop in a dark, dark bed.

No, no, I've never seen The Office. Just because it was on like ten years ago doesn't mean I saw it, because I was busy at that time.

Cereal bowls and cups are stacking up on his bedside table.

A lot of this is my pride mate's stuff. It's not necessarily my stuff.

No judgment, just observation.

This is judgment. It's laden with judgment. I mean, obviously.

I've been there. I'm that lion.

I'm that lion. We all been that lion. We all been that lion. Not me, of course, but most people.

If you're old enough to hunt, you probably shouldn't have a pride mate, right?

If you're old enough to lean, you can claim.

Well, fellas, let's do one more riddle.

Okay, okay. But it's gotta be a poem.

Okay. With me you color what was clear and all the half-moons disappear.

Is this like a window so clear a bird flies into it and dies?

A moon crayon? No.

Oh, a moon crayon. Erin, could it be a moon crayon?

I don't know what that is.

Then why say no to it?

Then why say no to it?

With me, you color what was clear.

You color what was clear. Is this like a lie? Marker. Highlighter.

No.

Color what was clear. Blush. No. Color what was clear.

Is this like saran wrap and you put it over something and now you can see the color of the thing inside?

Like a dyed egg?

No.

Okay. Read the rest of it please.

With me, you color what once was clear, and all the half-moons disappear.

Cuticles. Oh, nail polish.

Nail polish! I was giving him a hint that I was showing my nails.

She basically did the saw thing where she showed us the answer, Adal. And hey, I'm here if you need, if you want to put on a press-on or something, I paste this here.

Get back in the junk drawer where you belong.

Junk drawer? Is that what you call it? It's just a drawer.

Look around you. A bunch of the weirdest shit you've ever seen. All sorts of wires and thumbtacks. Depleted batteries.

Broken rubber bands.

GPC, what do you mean it's a Saw thing?

The Saw thing. When you showed me the answer was Saw by showing me the card and that time you showed us your nails.

But what happens in Saw?

I don't know.

I forget what happens in Saw. Is that a Saw reference?

The answer to that Riddle, that was Saw that you showed us.

Oh! I thought you meant the movie Saw. I'm in a lot of pain. I'm really embarrassed.

In the fifth Saw movie, Jigsaw puts somebody in a predicament and then accidentally shows them the answer to the combination and they get out and Jigsaw's like, I'm in a fuck.

You're talking with JPC confidence when it's bullshit. I respect that.

I think I only ever saw the first Saw movie, and then I think maybe Saw 2 or Saw 3, whatever one was out when I was in high school, was playing at someone's party, and I walked into it and saw a scene of hypodermic needles, and I was like, no way. I don't want to watch this. And then there have been like 15 of those fucking movies. Yeah, Chris Rock is in one of them?

Yeah.

Weird.

That doesn't seem right.

Well, Casey, do we have a theme and a voicemail? I'd love to hear them.

Send a puzzle ready to this sorry clue crew They're running out of riddles and they don't know what to do

Yay! Wow. I've told the two of you over and over, I believe Sarah McLaughlin is a fan of this podcast. Now I have evidence?

That was so funny.

That was, I believe that was from Kelly, Kelly in Jersey City. And I believe that Kelly sent me a much longer version of that and I said, Is it possible that you could cut it down? And then they did cut it down, so I do want to give a big... Thank you so much. I hope to never have to ask someone to please cut the voicemail theme down. I've had to ask a couple people, and Kelly came through. Unless that was not Kelly, and then, my mistake, I wrote it down wrong.

Hey Riddle Riddle! I have a new, incredibly stinky cat, who I've started calling Little Monkey Bones because she decided to fling her own poop like a little monkey. Little Monkey Bones, that name comes from a name that I would call spaghetti. Before we ever did any Little Monkey Bones episodes, I called her Little Monkey Bones.

I still call her Little Monkey Bones, but it does feel a little different now that that's its own thing. Um, I've been calling Lou Grandpa Stephanie recently. That one's really fun. Mrs. Lanningham is great. International Spy Pepsi Bijou is a lot of fun. I don't know what you guys have cooking at your houses right now.

Yeah. I'm actually in a little bit of a big trouble right now for giving the dog too many nicknames. I have to back off for a while. It got a little bit too much. Now I have to stick to just like the six or seven that I normally do and I'm not allowed to make any new ones.

But what if you want to call Spaghetti Punchy Pear the Christmas Bear?

Well, Erin, this is something that has been explained to me as a thing I'm not allowed to do anymore, so I am trying my best.

Okay, but maybe if she's looking like a Christmas bear, you should go over and rub her belly and call her Punchy Pear the Christmas bear.

I'd love to walk up to her and say, hey, what's going on, snugolumpagus? But I can't do stuff like that anymore, and so I simply won't.

Adal?

Max.

Great.

Great. And great. And Adal, on that note, do you have anything to plug? And be serious about it. Please, for once.

I always am. Erin, I would like to plug... Our Patreon. It's a brand new year, it's a brand new time to consume some of our content, if you have not already. You can go to patreon.com slash hey riddle riddle, check out all the goodies we have for you there. I think it's like over, it's something insane, like it's 350 hours worth of stuff. Something like that.

Jesus!

Fuck! It has to be. Fuck! So check it out. A lot of fun stuff over there. And yes, why don't you give it for a gift for someone else would be very nice. Erin, do you have anything to plug or promote?

I just have a five-star review I want to read. This one comes from Erin. I love being on this show, and I had a great time today. Five stars.

You know, they do let you review your own show. Do they? If you have like an Apple account, there's nothing they can do to stop you.

JPC, what do you got?

I have a five-star review. I'm not thrilled about reading this one, but turnabout's fair play. So this one's from Anna Claire. And Eclair writes, IP Freely, Oliver Klosoff, Seymour Butts, Mike Roch, I'm a stupid moron with an ugly face and a big butt and my butt smells and I like to kiss my own butt, Hugh Jazz, B.O. Problem, Amanda Hugginkiss, Ivana Tinkle, Anita Bath, Maya Buttricks, Yura Snotball, I8PP, that one, come on, it's not even that, Hey Would You Cuddle Me, Ali Tabugur, Ahmed Adudi, I'm a wiener, Maya Norm Usbutt, Drew P. Wiener, ladies and gentlemen, I'm a big dummy with a stupid job. I write down what other people say, just like a big dummy would.

JBC, read the review whenever you're ready. You know what?

Maybe I'll never be ready.

I'll get you out of here.

Yarrr, bye forever.

Hey there, chats and urboxes. If you like that, you are going to love this week's Patreon. We're doing another Chatterbox where we're answering your questions from the Discord and sharing some personal news of our own. You can listen to that at patreon.com. Hey Riddle Riddle by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or start your seven day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month. Plus you get those ad free episodes. See you there.

That was a HeadGum podcast.