Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum Podcast.

The doctor was the mother. Stood on a block of ice. Both of them were goldfish. Hit with the cabin of an airplane. He stabbed him with an icicle. Had the horse's name Friday.

Hey, can I talk to you guys for a second? Yeah. This is an awesome party. Like I love it. Like Dennis is a super close friend. Great location. I love his house. Like the food is awesome. Parking ample, you know, it's like It's a cool place.

You pulled us into the tiniest bathroom I've ever seen. What do you need, JBC?

Yeah, he's got multiple bathrooms. They all smell delicious. I'm actually getting hungry being in this bathroom. Is that insane? I don't know what the smell... It's like this potpourri. It's so fucking good.

Huh?

I guess my big problem... Okay. is that he takes the dressing up as Baby New Year like a little too far. You know what I'm saying?

So you think, yeah, like a diaper should be worn?

No, yeah, I mean just the diaper would be fine. Like, you know, as a Baby New Year I get it with the diaper, but like he... The umbilical cord to the grandfather clock? GPC, you're saying our mutual close friend Dennis takes dressing up as Baby New Year a little too far? If I'm out of line, just let me know, because it seems like you guys aren't on my side here.

No, no, I think, GBC, if Erin and I are understanding correctly, the three of ours close friend, star of FX's Rescue Me, Dennis Leary, is going too far with his baby new year party costume.

And GBC, we just are trying to clarify because I will say you've had sort of a jealousy issue with Dennis Leary in the past.

No.

And you sort of stir the pot.

I asked him what Andrew Garfield was like and he said, he's fine. That's not an answer, Dennis.

Oh, I think Chris Pratt is voicing Andrew Garfield now. Oh, thank God. I just heard the news.

But he's not gonna do it Italian.

JPC. I think this party's going great. I think the costume's funny. Not too graphic. But a little graphic. I sort of feel like it strikes the balance. I think he's doing great. I'm having fun. Adal! You're having fun. Yeah, I'm drunk. He's drunk. So I think you need to maybe take a second, splash some cold water on your face.

You know what?

Some affirmations. Yes. And we're gonna get back to the party, okay?

I'm overreacting. You guys just leave this tiny little bathroom. Leave me in here for a couple of minutes. Not gonna do another upper decker.

Okay, I'm gonna take the potpourri out with me. You're not gonna eat that.

I'm not gonna eat the potpourri. It doesn't help me do the upper decker. Hold on. So you're the asshole who put a duck in the top of my toilet?

You're doing the upper-duckers?

But it's a digested duck. That duck came out of me.

Okay, this is ruined. I'm gonna call a snoober and we're gonna go record an episode, okay? I don't trust us at this party.

Okay, let's all just- but let's all- we have to sing about indigenous slavery. Hey, hey, hey.

Are you guys in the bathroom?

Yep.

Are you guys enjoying yourselves?

Yep.

You ever notice? I grew up in Boston. Smoked a cigarette, smoked a cigarette. I grew up in Boston. And you ever notice? Hey, you ever notice?

Let's crawl out the window, Adal. Step on my back, Adal.

Yeah, hurry up.

Get out, get out. JPC, you go, you go.

And is it bullshit that Dennis Leary hired Dennis Leary impersonators to just circulate at his party?

You're jealous. Get out. Erin, look at this. JPC and I are outside the window. You're still inside. You're about to jump. I'm dressed like Fessick from Princess Bride. JPC is dressed like Indigo Ventoya. And you're the Princess Bride. This is just like that moment in Princess Bride where Fessick looks up and he goes, Jump pretty lady.

I've never read it. I've never read it.

You've never read it? Anybody got a peanut? Nobody's read it. Nobody's read it. That's not you, Columbo read it.

I'm out of the window.

Ooh, landing hard in the bushes.

It hurts so bad and I'm really scared. I'm in a lot of pain and I'm really scared.

Denise Leary has hard bushes.

Pull up the car. Pull up the car. Pull up the car. Pull up the car.

Pull up the car. Pull up the car. Pull up the car. Pull up the car. And get into the episode. Welcome to Hey Riddle Riddle.

And happy frickin' New Year. May all the episodes be forgot. And let's start anew.

If you're listening to this... Oh, you go.

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, wow, that opening was spot on. That was really good. But what you should be thinking is, was the theme song different?

Was that a different theme song? Who was that?

What was that?

Who could that be? Something new? Something borrowed? Something blue? That was, beep-a-da-boo, that was Josh Fudge! You remember? You heard about Josh Fudge? Heard of him?

That was the Josh Fudge remix to the Hey Riddle Riddle theme, thanks to old friend of the show Josh Fudge, a person that we found their name live while we were recording, and they couldn't have been nicer about it.

And now we have this awesome theme. So thank you.

Josh Fudge. Check out Josh Fudge's music on Spotify. Follow Josh Fudge on all the socials.

And tune in next week to Hey Riddle Riddle, where we will be debuting a completely different theme, which will be our old theme. And then we'll just use that one forever.

Unless... Hmm? Welcome back. Riddle podcast and we solve riddles and puzzles and may not say here lateral thinking problems. Three Chicago comedians, that's not super updated. We should update what the show is.

Two Chicago comedians, one LA comedian.

I saw a sticker on a light pole today, Adal, and it said Chicago Comedy College. And then it said, in like fine print, it had like a phone number and it was like, million served, and then it had like a fine print at the bottom and it said, as heard on Joe Rogan experience. Wow.

What?

Did Joe Rogan plug the Chicago Comedy College, a scam that seems to be like perpetuated on this light pole? Anyway, I took down the number and I am gonna- that's my New Year's resolution is finally send Adal to Chicago Comedy College.

He'll learn so much!

Will you guys come visit me in my dorm? Uh, no.

It's gonna be dirty in there.

Super dirty, yeah.

Gross.

Well, it's a comedy college, so it wouldn't be a dorm. It would be... What would it be? A dormant... A dormant volcano?

It's okay that you don't know how to do this yet. You haven't gone.

Yeah. A dorm from Cheers? A dorm from Cheers. Here's what I'll say. So it is... Happy New Year. It's 2024. Gross. We need to... Gross. We need to... We need to tack on... So 2024, we have to have some resolutions as a unit, as a whole, as an entity, as a group, as a podcast. I was thinking... 2024 is Hey Riddle Riddle's 2020 NAR, which means... Is that 2024? It's 2020 NAR. And what it means is NAR, more Australian accents. For the whole year, we can't do any more Australian accents. I feel like, especially me, it's a go-to. I don't do it well, famously. I don't care that I don't do it well, it's fun to do, but we're growing, we're changing, we're evolving, we're challenging ourselves, we're stepping outside our comfort accents. 2020 NAR. Okay.

Yeah, I love it. I will say the last two years have been about Nicole Kidman and her AMC ad. Yeah. So we'll have to move on from that. Are we ready?

No, but... No but, perfect improv star. We've been leaning on that for so... Well, I haven't gotten to comedy college yet. Yeah, you gotta... Erin, I haven't gotten to comedy college.

That's a good point. That's a good point. I'm sorry.

I haven't got my degree, which

Adal, is it okay if I just get a couple things out, just to get them out of my system? Because I'm fully on board with my Australian accent. Absolutely sucks. I lose confidence in it halfway through. But just to, you know, push it out so I can get a clean start.

Yeah. Okay.

Hitha. Okay? And... Rise-a-blide. Rise-a-blide. Rise-a-blide. Okay, I'm all good. I'm all good. I'm done. No, I'm done. I'm done now.

Alright. Let me get it out. Liza-disk.

Mm-hmm.

Specialize. I think I got it.

Dishwasher? Dishwasher? Paper. Paper. Paper in the paper. Are you done? Are you done, Adal?

We've had no requests to come to Australia to do a live show. Do you guys, do we feel like we know why?

Do you think there's a correlation? I think it's just because it's a country full of hoons. And hoons are... Oh, hooning is one of my favorite Australian pastimes that I've learned about. Basically, hooning or hoons are people that, I guess, soup up cars and then destroy them by driving them too hard. Yeah, it's a very uniquely Australian thing to do.

Sounds very Australian.

And it's very illegal.

Wait, we said that- Okay. I know!

We're not gonna be the podcast that John- After this episode.

After this episode?

No, no, for me it's now. I'm done. I just had to talk about Hooning one more time and now I'm done. I won't talk about Hooning for another year.

R&R.

I'm not trying to be negative here. I think we can't do it.

Well, here's the thing, Erin. Australia... Let's see. There are different time zones. So this is... For Australia, this episode is in December. No, that can't be right. We'll figure it out.

But anyway, this episode is the final episode. It's only the third, so it might be. It might be still December.

No, I think they're ahead of us. Here's what I'll say. We do have some quick, quick, quick work up top that we have to get through. It's not fun. It's an obligation. Famously, last New Year's, we talked about celebrities we think will pass away this year. I hate when we do that.

I hate when we do that.

Erin, you famously said Bluey's dad, Bandit, would... Did I?

Yes, you did. Oh, yikes.

JBC said that Rahm Emanuel would be eaten by a helicopter.

Is this real? Adal, is this a myth?

Yeah, that sounds familiar. So we do have to get just a few chunks out of the way, and then we can start with the riddles. Is there any celebrities we want to say are going to pass away this year?

I want to say Rahm Emanuel is going to get eaten by a helicopter. I'm going to double down on that.

I want to say that I think the helicopter that ate Rahm Emanuel last year is going to pass away in 2024.

Okay, and I think Goofy is gonna hit a canyon bottom and not bounce back.

Oh, okay.

Wow. Not Wile E. Coyote. I think Goofy, I think his time is due.

But you think Goofy's gonna perish? trying to be respectful, in a very Wile E. Coyote way. So, do you think- Well- Okay.

Here's what I don't know, and this is something I just thought about this morning. Woke up in a scream in a fit. I had a night terror about it. Wile E. Coyote and Goofy both plunge a lot to canyon bottoms. Wile E. Coyote famously holds up a little sign that says like, help or yelp or whatever it is. Right. Goofy does more of like a yahoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-ee. Okay, so I think Wile E. Coyote is fit for this life. I think he's all about that life, that canyon bottom life. I think Goofy was not made for this. I think Goofy is a dog who needs to stay in his lane, and he's not, and I think it catches up to him.

Adal, if you had a little sign that you'd hold up when you were about to fall into a canyon, what would it say?

This seems right.

If you bring around a sign that says, of course, with you anywhere you go, no matter how you die, it's going to make it's going to make someone smile.

Yeah. Oh, absolutely. And R.I.P. already to the Roadrunner, Wile E. Coyote movie that just got shelved and they said will never be released because it's going to be a tax write off. So that's a bummer. A few other things we have to get to. Public domain announcements for 2024. And actually, this seems apropos of what we were just talking about.

Did Uncle Santa finally hit the public domain? Not yet.

That'll be next year, I think. So public domain for 2024, unless I'm wrong.

People all of a sudden it's a mad dash to write a musical about Uncle Santa.

You don't understand, listeners, you don't understand how much money we pay every time we do an Uncle Santa episode. It's an investment for us.

Yeah, it's like $80,000.

I don't know if this is correct, but one website said, public domain for 2024, Batman, Superman, Mickey Mouse, and even Bugs Bunny.

That can't be right.

That is insane and that cannot be correct. That's what it said, and I'm going to trust the very first search results versus doing any diligent research. We also have to get to some 2024 predictions. Anybody have some predictions for the year? Perhaps something with the Paris Summer Olympics?

Way more Batman porn, I guess. Way more Superman porn. Way more Mickey Mouse porn. I feel like this is an easy one.

What about Bugs Bunny porn? It's Bugs Bunny and he's chomping on a penis.

2023 was peak Bugs Bunny porn. I don't think you can get any more Bugs Bunny porn.

He's chomping on a penis like Racha Martin.

Don't! Don't!

Say something that funny. I'm not in the right mindset for something that funny, Adal.

What's up, dick? He has anal sex and then says, ain't I a stinker? I think that's pretty fun. Of course, Elmer Butt. Him and Elmer Butt have sex.

Okay, I love it. These are predictions now? You're doing predictions?

No, these are projects I'm working on. Got it. Any 2024 predictions besides that?

Hmm. Hmm. I predict that we all get closer in our friendship. I predict that we do at least three scenes that require Australian accents every episode.

Can I do a prediction? Can I do a prediction? And I'm sorry for everyone. I'm sorry for all of you free listeners, freeloaders out there. We love you. You don't have to pay anything for the show, but if you do go to the Patreon every month I'm There will be a valid reason, she'll have a reason, but she will not be able to finish whatever the assignment is for some reason.

And please be honest with me, are you saying this based on me throwing up maple syrup into the sink?

Erin, this has nothing to do with you throwing up maple syrup into the sink. This has nothing to do with you taking your dog to the emergency room. This has nothing to do with the video game giving you motion sickness so you can't finish. This has nothing to do with the fact that Netflix personally logged you out and said you can never log back in before you watch the movie. This is just a blanket statement that I think will be a prediction that will come true.

Hold on. I am mostly okay in our main feed episodes. I think I thrive on our clue crew episodes.

That's where you're best.

Everything's great. I'm golden over there. I'm the queen over there. There is something about Review Crew episodes I have... I'm cursed over there. It is unnatural to my body to be on Review Crew episodes. You, too, probably feel uncomfortable in some corner of Hey Riddle Riddle, right? Adal? Adal.

Adal, you have to feel uncomfortable. I'm always uncomfortable. That's my secret, Cap. No, Erin, this is where the smart money is. I'm just putting my money on a bet that I think I can win, and I'm being conservative when I say 9 out of 12.

Alright, well I'm about to have to get completely determined to not have anything go wrong.

That will just make it happen more for me, so that's fine. I'm gonna do a side bet based off what JPC just said, and I think Erin, for your November review crew, in this year of our Lord, of our Lord, L-O-R-D-E, Australian Lord,

Her birthday month.

I think that for your birthday month, you're going to have a poll that's like, um, Erin goes to Hawaii. And then the other options are going to be like, hold your breath for four minutes, uh, uh, catnap and something else. Catnap's going to win or whatever it is. And we're going to have to, and Erin's going to be like, fuck. Oh no.

Is this because I put DIY Christmas decorations, the one I really wanted to win, on the pole and then maple syrup won and I threw up into the sink? I feel like there's been a huge social consequence for me throwing up into my own sink in my own home with my own maple syrup.

In the privacy of my own podcast.

Yeah, okay, I'm not safe in my podcast anymore?

Fuck that. Okay, we have one more thing to get to before we get to riddles, and that is something we started last year. It's now a Hey Riddle Riddle New York tradition, which is... JPC, you have to call Jason Statham. and tell him to not jerk off.

Do you have any memory of this? Absolutely none. And guess what? I did the best of episodes this year, and so I listened to that episode within the last three weeks.

So wait, but what do you think the odds are that this didn't happen and that Adal is just making me do this? That would be very funny. Because I have to do it.

Adal, there's still time to do something like that in this episode. Say we did something last year and make us do it again. I will say, JPC, this sounds a lot like you, and I think you should do it.

It sounds right. But he can nail my voice. I think he knows exactly... Okay, you know what? We'll just do it. We'll just, okay, give it a quick dial here. Don't know why I'm dialing. I should just hit Jason Statham. It'll auto-dial when I select it from my contacts.

Oi. You've reached Jason Statham. And his partner... And his partner... Hobbs! That's right. We're married. Please leave a message after the beep.

Married to the character Hobbs? Was that his beep, or is that...?

Beep!

Okay. Hey Jason, you got- hey buddy, you gotta change the answering machine. Uh, every time I call, I feel like I spend the first 30 seconds of the call saying it's so fucking confusing. Who's doing Hobbes, by the way?

Beep!

What the fuck? Oh, that's my microwave. Oh, God. And the milk got too hot. No way to cool it down. Sort of reverse microwave. I guess I could try my best to invent that. Let's see if I put negative 30 seconds on the microwave.

Oi, love. Hey, I just picked up the phone. I was trying to let you go to the machine, but you've been... Jason!

It's JPC. Wait, you weren't jerking off, were you?

What does he want?

You weren't jerking off, were you?

What does he want?

Maybe. Jason, you're only here by the grace of God because you didn't do it last year. I gotta tell you, buddy, you can't do it this year.

God is great, isn't it? God is good, isn't it?

If you jerk off at all this whole year, your sister, Vanessa Kirby, from the Game of Thrones... You mean jerk off again?

Hi, it's me, Hobbes. He jerked off already.

Hobbes, what are you even doing there?

Um, I am... You're his partner!

Yes! Stop him from jerking off.

No. What? Would never.

Alright, you're on your own journey. Good luck to you, Jason. Good luck, God bless. Hobbes, I'll see you at Christmas.

Alright, love you.

Bye, I love you too, bye.

Wow, what a sweet little phone call that was. What a nice tradition that is.

They're down-to-earth folk.

Another tradition we have most episodes is that we have to do some fucking riddles, so let's do that tradition. Everybody ready for some riddles? The first of the new year? Yay! Okay. Yes. Trodden by sparrows... Shadow. Huh? A shadow. Echo. Yeah, it's echo. Trodden by sparrows, resting their wings, adorns peasants' houses, stands above kings.

Wreath, chimney, icicles, roof.

It's a roof. Wow. Erin, starting off the new year blazing hot. Let's see if we can keep that strict. Well, hold on.

What's a sparrow?

I did hear roof, which means... I do want to see an Uncle Santa scene.

No, no, why? No. We don't have to, Adal. Adal, it's a new year, please.

That's kind of in poor taste because he's passed away. He passed away.

I think we did have like Second Cousin St. Nick. We had a few... Casey is typing.

There were, there were, there were other, you know, there were other Uncle Santas, but he's, I mean, he's gone. We could do it. I don't mind doing like my impression. Yeah. But I just wanted to, you know, listeners are going to, it's in poor taste. It's not in the public domain. It's going to cost us $80,000 and it's in poor taste.

I do want to see it. So JPC, do your best impression. So you're Uncle Santa on the roof, and it's January. Erin, you're the homeowner of this roof, and you have a feeling that he's been stuck up there, and you're coming up to check on him about a month later.

Hey!

No, no, no, no, no, no.

I brought you some coffee. No. And I made an extra bagel. I know you're not stuck.

You're asleep.

Yep.

You're dreaming.

I'm dreaming. Well.

Leave the dream bagel.

Yep. I'm going to leave the dream bagel and the dream coffee, dream change of underwear and a blanket.

Oh, no, no, no. I won't be needing that. Hey, here's an idea.

I can smell you, Uncle Santa.

Throw a pizza up here.

Do you want a pizza for lunch? Is frozen pizza okay? I mean, I'm going to cook it, but can I just... Does it have to be delivery?

Come on.

Okay, but Uncle Santa, if you can, we took all the Christmas decorations down last week. I can't.

Okay. I'm scared.

Okay. Are you stuck up there or are you like emotionally stuck up there?

Yes.

Okay. Hey Jeannie, Jeannie?

Yeah, what's up?

Can I try talking to him?

Yeah, but honey, I... I think we're gonna have to move. I'm not even kidding.

Okay, I think I have. Uh, hey, hey champ! Hey big guy!

Close your robe!

Oh, sorry about that.

Wide open robe!

Sorry about that. Um, the wind just really took it. I was wondering... I see you have a Ski-Doo up here? Um... Ho ho ho! Are you able to... Um, maybe slide... I don't know how you got up here on a Ski-Doo.

Okay, you wanna take it for a test drive? Everybody wants a spin on Uncle Santa's Ski-Doo!

Well, no, I'm not magical, so I think I just crashed, but... Take the keys. Well, you whipped that, there go the keys. Well, you threw them at me about 150 miles an hour. I have done my part. That's a fastball pitch.

Honey, you're bleeding. You're bleeding. Oh my God. Uncle Santa. Huh? What? Come on. How much longer? You just injured my husband, okay?

This is serious. Till the snow melts. You scared the kids. Till the snow melts.

No, Uncle Santa.

Let me stay till the snow melts.

You make the neighbors nervous. You make the kids nervous. No, Uncle Santa.

There's a lot of neighborhood dogs missing. I'm saying there's a lot of neighborhood dogs missing. What am I doing? I'm using my sack that I keep all the presents in, tricking the dogs into getting into the sack, pulling it up onto the roof and eating the dogs. Wouldn't there be dog bones on the roof?

I can see dog bones on the roof.

There's a pile of dog bones right there. You got a dirty roof, ho, ho, ho.

That's not on me. Wow.

I'm glad we saw it. That was worth the $80,000, I think.

Yeah, some new lore, some new backstory. Uncle Santa a little less likable.

Well, no, I don't think so. He was less likable. That was me doing an impression.

Adal, it's my least favorite episode of any podcast ever is the Uncle Santa podcast episode.

He rides his ski-doo onto roofs. He gets stuck for a month. He eats dogs. He's dead. He died. He's died. In service of something. He had a reason. He had his reasons. Here's another riddle. What is black as night and floats on a sea of white? It tells a story but makes no sound. It helps the news to get around.

Writing. Words on a piece of paper.

Yeah, typeface. Erin, you basically got it. It's just a little more specific than that.

Font! A book. A newspaper.

Did you say font? I said font! Font! Um, that's close. Um, what is black as night and floats on a sea of white?

A word.

Uh, yes. Letters? Yes, but... Are we looking for a specific word? Well, yeah. I mean, all answers are specific. News. Let me read this first part one more time. This might be helpful. What is black as night and floats on a sea of white? So a newspaper, somebody guessed, that's a lot of black and white. But this specific thing is black on top of the white. It floats in a sea of white. Oh, cookies and cream. It's used to make a newspaper.

Ink.

Yeah, Erin, it's ink.

Okay.

Pretty good, I thought. I mean, was it pretty good? Because we got just ever so close to it pretty quickly.

That's true.

Okay, we're starting off the year blazing hot. What seat is above all others? Hot seat. Huh? Hot seat. Okay. And the hot seat is above all others?

Oh, an airplane seat.

Jump seat. Yeah, I like those. What seat is above all others, the prince of which is richly served, yet when he gains stature, he'll be lowered as he deserves?

Oh, a high seat.

Tongue twister.

A coffin.

For a baby. JPC... change one? A high chair. High chair, it's a high chair.

In Australia, they call them high seats, and I do apologize that I used another Australianism.

GPC, you're a man at a restaurant, and you're complaining to the server, Adal, that you don't fit in the high chair.

Yeah, so... Sorry, yes. I was talking, and you started walking away.

Oh, yeah, sorry. I thought you...

Now, trust me, you don't have to apologize. It happens so often that I'm just used to it. The high chair that you brought to the table, I think this is a medium. Do you happen to have a large?

I'm so sorry. We only have the one... It only comes in one size. I mean, we don't custom make them. We order these.

You have to order the larger size.

We never really see a size. I was just bringing it out to humor you. I didn't know you were going to try and sit in it. I would recommend you just use our normal chairs.

Okay, if I could, I would. So, first of all, if I could, I would. Second of all, no, I'll be using a high chair. And if you don't have the one that fits me, then I guess you, who do work here, correct, will have to come with me to my car to get the one that I have and bring it into the restaurant. Because it's too big for me to lift by myself.

I'm fine to allow you to bring that in. I don't have to join you.

I must demand that you do.

Okay. Mm-hmm. No, I just... This job doesn't pay me well enough to kind of put up with that.

It's not a matter of pay, and it's not a matter of pay. I'm requisitioning you to do this task for me.

Okay.

Our specials today, we do have a... There's only one special today, and he's a special boy, and it's his birthday, and he's me, and I demand that you go get your coat, walk with me to my car, Which is parked at my house. And bring the high chair back for me to sit!

Of course, sir. We did receive your email from OpenTable when you made the reservation. It did say in special notes, it is my birthday, and then it said free appetizer, free dinner, free dessert. That's not something we do here.

I'm happy to bring out some sorbet. I don't send those emails.

Okay, was there someone else in your party that couldn't make it that sent that? Of course.

And is your daughter the woman who's sitting back-to-back at the other table from you with the fake mustache on? I wouldn't know. I haven't ever seen my daughter face to face. I was in prison for many years.

I was the warden. Yeah, and don't you feel like a fool? Thank you for doing that, I guess. I've never met a warden, I don't know what to say to them.

I mean he was a warden and then he went to jail for tax fraud, okay?

Yes, I was a prison warden who went to jail for tax fraud, so... I meant prison, okay.

No! Fight, fight! No!

Wait, how do you know so much about my life? You're not my enemy Steven from across the way, are you?

I'm your daughter. And I'm your friend. I'm your enemy Steven from across the way.

All these years. Now let's get this waiter to go back and get your high chair from the house. Waiter, obviously this is a very special occasion and not something that we planned out ahead of time. I think you should come with me back to my house in South Dakota, get the high chair from my car, which I do not own, and bring it back to this restaurant so I can have my special pancake breakfast.

And since we have this big, big reunion happening, we should get all of it for free.

Let's seal it all with a triple kiss.

That's what it's like to be a waiter in 2024. Yeah, pretty much anywhere. Let's do one more Riddle before the break.

Can I ask you a question? Can I ask both of you a question? I don't really eat out in restaurants a lot, but I do go to a breakfast place about once a week. It's like our special time. We go get some breakfast on a Saturday. And I do get to see like little kind of insane things. For the most part, most people are great. They just go to restaurants. They act normal. There's a lot of like normal at restaurants. But about a couple weeks ago, But a couple weeks ago, I was at this restaurant having breakfast, and as soon as we walked in, there was an alarm going off, like one of those cell phone alarms that's like... Very loud and very abrupt and I'm like walking into the restaurant like, what's going on? Like does no one hear this like cell phone alarm going off? It goes off for 10 minutes.

Whoa!

Finally, I'm like, I'm like trying to figure out where it's coming from but I'm not like asking anyone or stopping or hassling anyone because it's obviously a customer. And there's one table, and there are some older people, and my suspicion is on them. Sure, this is a judgment, I'm making a judgment, but my suspicion is on them, because they're also one of the only people that are not looking around for the source of this out, which is a big red flag.

The call is coming from inside the house, of course.

Finally, a waiter comes up to them and says, hey, it's the two people, they say, hey, the cell phone, is one of your cell phones going on? And the guy, it's a guy and a woman, and the guy turns to the woman and goes, she doesn't even have a cell phone. And the waiter goes, could it be your cell phone? And he goes, I don't think so.

I don't think so.

And then he reaches into his bag and he pulls out a loud cell phone that's just like, has been going on for 10 minutes. But I did love the insanity of the waiter who knows it's him and is asking in the most polite way, could it be yours? And his first response was, she doesn't even have a cell phone. It's like, hey man, we're talking about you.

That's exhausting. Yeah, I also feel like a lot of older people have the We'll see you next time.

I do know people in the service industry saying that post-COVID people are significantly crazier to staff at restaurants.

Yeah, I believe it.

And I've noticed, and it's the few times I've been at like a fancy restaurant for like a birthday or a special occasion for like a friend or something over the last few years, where I've had the thought like, oh my god, I think being rich gives you brain damage. Because it's only at the fanciest restaurant that you see people trying to make waiters and waitresses cry for sport. It's outrageous.

It's outrageous. Outrageous. It's big game hunting for the wealthy.

Yeah, it's so upsetting in such a clear divide between people who have absolutely worked a job like that before and the people who haven't.

They stuff and mount the receipts where they had two items taken off and they put them on their fireplaces.

Stuff and mount the receipts?

Yeah, I agree with all that.

People... Adal, your cell phone's been going off for like 10 minutes.

Gemma doesn't have a cell phone. Let's do one more riddle before the break here. It can keep you alive. It can make you dead. It can be blue. It can be red. Enough is a word it never has said.

Poison. Blue poison. Red poison.

Could you read it again?

Is that from Dr. Seuss's The Poisons You'll Go? Uh-huh. It can keep you alive. It can make you dead. It can be blue. It can be red. Enough is a word it has never said. I'm going to go with blood here. Yeah, blue and red.

Blue blood, red blood. Yeah, Tom Selleck.

Americans. That's very, very good. I would say blood probably has said enough. I don't think enough is a word. Blood is never said.

I'd like to see a scene. Uh-oh. Adal, you are blue blood. You're sort of the shy blood when it's inside the body. And JBC, you are red blood. And you two are, and you're much bolder and brighter and louder. And you two are hanging out.

Woo, that was fun. And you gotta go, right? Because you gotta get more oxygen?

Yeah, well I'm just gonna stay inside. I don't really want to... When I go out, I feel like I'm just different. I change.

Buddy, buddy, buddy. I gotta stop you right there. That's all wrong, okay? How dare you talk about my best friend like that? First of all.

Oh, I'm so sorry. Who's your...?

Blue! It's you, buddy! You're my bestie!

Oh, thank you, thank you.

It's you! I'm trying to pump you up!

I'm not used to anyone looking out for... I'm just gonna... You're... I mean... You're the life of the party. I'm just gonna clot. I'm just gonna clot.

No. Hey, don't you dare clot, okay? Don't you dare clot. I will force feed you blood thinners if you clot, okay? Okay. And look, you know, you wanna know a dirty little secret? You think I'm the life of the party?

Yeah?

Inside... I am the party. Not only do I give the party life, the party lives within me. I'm both sides of that coin, okay? The party never stops. When people lower their voice and say, let me tell you something, they usually say something braggadocious, correct? I guess so. I wouldn't know. That's the only way I know how to be.

Oh, here comes White Blood Cells. Hey, WBC.

Hey, what's up? I'm just hanging out with period blood. We're having the best time.

White blood cell, what is going on?

Hi.

Hi. I gotta tell you, I am hemoglobin over here.

Whatever, red blood. You and I don't work together. My job's with blue blood. Once I'm out of the body, I'm not really doing much, you know.

You're talking about my man Blue Blood here. I gotta tell ya.

Oh, hi Blue Blood. I didn't even see you there. Whoa.

No, that's fine. I'm inches from you, but that's fine. Blue Blood, let me wingman. Let me wingman for ya. Please don't. This is my co-worker.

Please don't. Let me do this.

Please don't. Please.

Anyway, Blue Blood was just telling me, won first place in a dick measuring contest.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, I measured the best. Oh, you were measuring the dicks.

Cool.

Yeah, it was a little contest that me and him were running together. He was measuring me.

Anyway... Well, Dry Blood and I are sort of... We have plans, so it was nice seeing you guys. Blue Blood, you love plans. Good job measuring those penises.

You love plans, Blue Blood. Go for it!

I gotta go.

Good job measuring those penises. Something I hope every certificate I receive says. It can keep you alive. It can make you dead. It can make you... It can keep you alive. It can make you dead. It can be blue. It can be red. Enough is a word it has never said. Fire.

Ooh, JBC, it's fire. Yeah. If it's not blood, it's fire. That's what I've always learned from this podcast. Mm-hmm. Fire, brought to you by Prometheus.

Blood.

And this episode is brought to you by some other folks who aren't Prometheus or blood, and we'll hear from them right now.

Adal Rifai, you are today's winner of Super Subscription Market Sweep. And you know what that means. You get to go down the Super Subscription Store and grab subscriptions off the shelf, one minute on the clock, and that's what the subscriptions that you cancel.

Never good when an announcer panics.

No, so the ones you grab... This is super subscription market sweep. It's easy to understand. Going down the aisle, right? We built the grocery store. Not grocery store. Subscription store. Okay. You know what? Forget it. We're not going to do this. Just use Rocket Money. It's so much simpler.

Yeah, no, duh. Yeah. Yeah. No, I don't know what I was thinking. Of course. Well, Announcer, Rocket Money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills. That way you can get more sleep to prepare for the announcer job you have the next day.

I'm in the hole. It's not just an announcer that I am. I also financed this whole project. Uh-huh. I rented a grocery store.

You know what I'm thinking? Are you ruined?

No, I mean, I'm a trust fund kid, so I have, uh... I could kind of do this stuff all my life, and I'm still fine.

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Well, I can see all my subscriptions in one place, and if I see something I don't want, like winning whatever sweepstakes this was, I can cancel it with a tap. I never have to get on the phone with customer service, which JPC, uh, you know I hate JPC if you're listening to this at home.

He's not here. Yeah, you're talking to your friend or whatever. I don't know, man. I mean, this was a terrible idea. It's not really gonna affect me at all though, because like I mentioned, I got...

More money than I know what to do with. I wonder if you have over $500 million because Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has helped save its members an average of $720 a year with over 500 million in cancelled subscriptions. Total.

Yeah, I got way more than that. Way more than that. I mean, this whole thing's a debacle. I hired a whole staff. Your parents are... Are you familiar with the Smuckers family? Oh, yeah. You're a Smucker? My family owns them.

Huh, they're in a real jam. So stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocketmoney.com slash riddle. That's rocketmoney.com slash riddle. rocketmoney.com slash riddle. And if I had canceled my subscription to whatever sweepstakes this was, I never would have. Let me just undo that right now on Rocket Money. Huh. And goodbye to you.

Hey Adal, it's JPZ. I heard the ad that you recorded without me. Uh, keep my name out your mouth. Ow! You pushed me.

Welcome back. Wow, it feels like it's been... Erin, has it been so long since we've done an Australian accent?

I feel like we should do... It's been a hundred years! Oh, okay, yeah.

And we're all just... it's not really a scene, it's more of like a shindig. Let's all just do some Australian accents, because this is the last episode. Hey man, what are you doing?

We're trying to help you get clean. We already got it all out of our system.

I found all of the places you were hiding Australian accents around your house. What?

I told you to stay out of every crevice.

We're trying to help you, man.

It's not that I need to, it's that I want to. I don't need to. I can stop whenever I like.

It's beginning to feel like a personal attack.

I thought you were going to say Christmas.

Hey Adal, come here. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Give me a hug. Give me a hug. Just patting down your body to see if you have Australian accents in your pockets. Australian accents in your teeth. Get it out!

Get it out! Get it out!

What is something Australians have a hard time saying? I feel like there's a phrase I heard recently... I love you. Well, that sounds right.

They have a hard time saying... What do they have a hard time saying?

I feel like there's a phrase. Anything emotionally honest, right? It's hard to be vulnerable no matter where you're from.

I don't know. I think they have more figured out than we do. Really? The Australians? I know, and I know that. They have hooning.

Okay, here's... This is from CNN Travel. Australian slang, 33 phrases to help you talk like an Aussie. Okay. Number 33. Oh, interesting. Reverse order. Fair go, mate. Fair suck of the sauce bottle. Fair crack of the whip.

Huh?

Number 32. No worries, mate. She'll be all right.

No worries, mate. She'll be all right.

Number 28. Tell him he's dreaming.

Tell him he's dreaming.

Number 27. Dog's breakfast. Okay. Number 25, Rip Snorter. I don't know if we want to... Do we?

Keep going. Keep. Going.

Number 19, Toads, Banana Benders, Cockies, Sand Gropers, Crow Eaters? That can't be one phrase, that must be several terms.

Give me a home amongst the gum trees, with lots of fun trees, a sheep or two and a kangaroo.

Number 18, Auker Yobo? Is that what they call October? I have no idea.

Far out, Mike.

Number 17, put a sock in it. That's ours. Wait a minute. We love put a sock in it.

That's ours, put a sock in it. Hmm.

Hmm.

So, what are you trying to do here? You're trying to get these Australians all riled up and coming after you, huh?

No, I'm saying... You're negging them.

I'm negging them. Australian culture is so fun and cool and they have the best, most fun accents.

Oh, didn't you also say that Japanese culture is really cool and you want to do some Japanese accents as well?

Let's do some more riddles. Soft on the ground and hard on the table, make it into any shape that you're able.

Water? Play-doh. Play-doh.

Uh, it's similar to play-doh.

It's clay. Clay-doh. Wow, clay is kind of the original play-doh, huh?

Hmm.

Huh?

Silly Putty. Fuck.

Silly Putty, I think, was invented for... It was supposed to be something they were using or creating for World War II, and it was like an accidental byproduct. And they're like, I don't know, fucking kids will play with this. Make a million of them, ship them out, put them in an egg.

We used to use a lot of Sculpey.

What's Sculpey?

Sculpey is like... It's like clay, but you bake it at home. You can bake it in a conventional oven. Cookie dough? No, you can't eat it, but it's like, um, it's like, it's like, it's like, yeah, it's like Play-Doh, but you, it's Play-Doh that you bake at home.

How do you make it?

What's that? What's the recipe?

How do you make it? What's the recipe?

So you can't eat it. I'm, I'm really concerned.

If you make it at home, it has to have a... How do you, yeah.

It's like how you would set something in a kiln. You could make a little bowl if you were in a spinning class or a pottery class, spinning on a wheel.

Sculpey! I remember Sculpey.

Yeah, Sculpey! Sculpey sounds like a kid's show, like a little creature, like an aardvark named Sculpey or something.

Sculpey the Italian aardvark. Oh my fucking god, this is unlocking so many memories. He used to make little lettuce and flowers and stuff.

How do you spell it?

Uh, S-C-U-L-P-E-Y, and it's not, you don't make the clay at home, you buy the clay, and then you bake your creations in the oven to make them hard.

Wait, did I say that you make the clay?

It's a product. I thought you meant that you bake something and it turns into clay that you then use.

Oh, you thought you made Sculpey at home. Like, Sculpey is not a product, it's like a thing that you... That's why I asked for the recipe.

This is why we're in this hole together, man.

That sounds like one of CNN's 33 Aussie phrases, making Sculpey at home, which means, of course, to... Pooping. I will say, the image I'm seeing of Sculpey, there is a .0001% difference between this and Taffy. This looks like Taffy.

Oh, I want to play with Sculpey so bad.

Erin, I'll get you some Sculpey for next Christmas.

Thank you.

What was like the shapely stuff you could like, it's like Play-Doh, but it was made of like little balls, like it was like kind of foamy. Dippin' Dots. The Play-Doh of the future.

No, I know what you're talking about. It was like a softer Play-Doh.

Yeah, but it's made of like little foamy balls. Foamy, softer Play-Doh? Wow. There was a fun product where... I'm going to sound insane. Don't make fun of me. I think this was real and I didn't dream it. It was sand that I think you could sculpt or play with underwater, but then when you took it out of water, it was dry. Like it didn't... I don't know if I'm saying this right. It never got wet. It never was wet. You put it in water... Is this a riddle?

Is he reading a riddle right now?

Do you all remember this? What is sand that never gets wet? It's like Fun Foam.

Maybe.

The little beads. Yeah, that's Fun Foam.

But I would prefer... But what about the sand that never gets wet?

I don't know what the fuck he's talking about with that.

It was like magic sand and you could like layer it.

Okay, so you said you put it in water. Where would you put it? Like in the sink?

You play in like a bowl, like a bowl of water.

You put in a bowl of water.

Yeah. And then you, and you're playing with it and you're like, this is so cool. And then you take it out of the water and it's dry immediately. Like it never, it never got wet.

Uh, sensory sand.

Erin, did you look it up?

Magic sand? Kinetic sand.

Magic sand.

Okay, so what about is magic? Is it just like full of like iridium or some shit? Like is the magic sand that it's like a chemical byproduct?

I guess we had different childhoods, but I think a sand that never gets wet is pretty magical to me. I don't know, I guess I'm a little more hopeful. I have less cynicism in my- that's not true. We're both pretty cynical.

Yeah.

Erin, this is our first Erin's Big Sci of the year. Erin, how we doing?

Plenty more where that came from, y'all. I'm just getting warmed up.

I wonder if I googled, like, magic sand class action lawsuit, how many people who have, like, pancreatic cancer now.

Oh yeah, I definitely ate some stuff like that.

Yeah, I definitely have a lot of plastics in my lungs. Here's another riddle. His body is slender. He has three feet. On his wide, flat head, he wears a sheet. He's there when I play a melody suite. I can fold him up so nice and neat.

An easel? A... Music stand? Music stand?

It's a music stand.

Whoa, Erin, you got it seconds after I got it. Fucking amazing, Erin.

Adal, I'm going to kill him. I'm going to kill him, Adal.

No, that's fine. I do want to see a scene. JBC, you and I are town folk of a small town set in any town USA. Erin, you are a salesman coming through town. You're a music stand, and you're here to sell us something and maybe sing us a song. Wow, who is that coming up on? That is a fast horse. Who is that riding up?

I don't think I know anyone in town that owns a horse that fast.

It's like a slim metal guy. What is this?

Excuse me! Can someone please put me at the center of town?

It talks.

Where's the mouth?

We should kill it.

No, no, no, I'm here to change your town and make your frown turn upside down. I'm gonna teach your kids music and fuck all your wives. I'm gonna make it so music's in your town and your wives are gonna fuck me and they're gonna like it so. I'm gonna teach your kids to say Do, Re, Mi, Fa, Sol, La, Ti, Do.

Jim, grab it. Jim, grab it. Let's bend it. Bend it. Bend it in the middle.

Ben, you demon. Was the sound just coming into your ears? It felt like it was singing into my own brain.

It's like a radio station inside my head.

You think that's gonna stop me? It's unbending itself.

Holy shit.

Trouble.

Trouble. Trouble. Dolores, get away from that. Get away from that.

I don't know. It looks like it needs help.

Uh, Dolores, don't. Uh, come on. That's a music stand.

I'm just gonna bring it back to my bedroom and try to fix it up, okay? This beautiful antique music stand. It would be a shame if it went unfucked. I mean, broken.

What am I doing? Also, Nick, I mean, come on, man. Dolores... She's obviously... She's obviously having affairs.

What are you... I don't know what you're talking about. She comes home every morning at 10 a.m. wearing the same clothes she was wearing the night before because she knows... You know, I compliment her on her dress. So she likes it. You know, she knows I like it so much... Daddy, Daddy!

Pulls on coat.

Huh?

A music stand just came into our house and taught me how to play music. And now he's with Mom in the bedroom.

Um, teaching her music or... Sounds like it.

I mean, the kid looks nothing like you. In fact, the kid kind of looks like a music stand.

No, my son's head folds out to hold any sheets of paper, and that's something that runs in my family.

I just think you're in denial, man. I mean, look. Look at me. I'm living a happy life. I know my wife fucks the music stand. I know she does. Hey, we talk about it. We're open. We're honest. It's better for our marriage.

Ladies and gentlemen, he's back in the center of town. Do you want to have your kids have no musical ability?

My kid's half music stand, so I'm pretty sure he's got a lot of musical... It would be a shame if he went unfucked.

I mean... And then Erin gave a big, what am I doing?

Sometimes a Hey Riddle Riddle scene feels like tap dancing on a tightrope without a net under it. Where you're like, whoa, all of a sudden you have horrible vertigo inside the scene. Does this happen to you guys? Where you're like, what was this?

I'm trying to immediately forget what we did.

Watching someone tap dance on a tightrope without a net would be just an awful way to watch someone die. That's how all of Dick Grayson's family members do it.

You know they're gonna go. Maybe that's how Goofy goes this year. Wow. Tap dancing on a tightrope. That sounds like an Aussie phrase too. Chris Pratt. Voiced by Chris Pratt. Italian Goofy would be fun. I'd watch an Italian Goofy.

All right. Okay.

I would love it if Chris Pratt got caught casting the Goofy movie. Goofy was played by Chris Pratt and he came out in all the interviews and goes, don't worry everybody, I'm going to do the voice normal. Everyone's like, what?

Why do you even say it?

What is normal?

What's normal Goofy voice? Here we go. Three black whiskers on a white face. Regardless of the weather, they wouldn't stay together, but each went about at its own pace.

Clock. It's a clock.

It's a man with a fucked up mustache.

It's a man with a fucked up mustache on his face.

Who, me?

Man with a fucked up mustache on his face.

Unnecessary, you're at my porch. Filmed in front of a whole studio audience filled with guys with mustaches. Man with a Fucked Up Mustache is played by Vincent Price. That's right, we got him back. It's a clock. Yeah, it's a clock.

That's a good record, though. I like that one.

Free Black Whiskers. I like that a lot. Because you're thinking an animal, and then it's a clock. Which is a type of animal.

I'm thinking man with a fucked up mustache, so I wasn't even thinking animal.

I do want to see a scene.

Okay, no problem.

Erin and JPC... Yes, that's totally okay. Erin and JPC, you're going to be narrators for a documentary on people with sort of fucked up facial hair. And it's almost in the style of David Attenborough for Planet Earth.

Let's focus now on a coffee shop in Brooklyn.

Yeah. So my new band, it's, um, it's sort of, well, it's like jazz fusion, um, but like... This man is a barista and he has a handlebar mustache. So Stephen Malcomus meets, um, like Miles Davis by way of Tom Waits.

As he does with every customer he comes across, he invariably turns the conversation back to his mustache. How much work he puts into it, the effort that it takes to wax it, the maintenance. He even gives people advice, unsolicited of course, how they could have a similar mustache.

So I thought to just start waxing it in the shower and I think that's really given it some volume. You know, you should maybe do some trimming in the shower. You know, just make it, keep it tight.

He spent $45 on pomade for his mustache, and he spent $30 on his girlfriend's birthday gift.

When life gives you pom, we see his apartment.

His bed, disheveled. His sheets, nonexistent. His mattress, firmly on the floor, but in the middle of the room.

I mean, who puts the mattress in the middle of the room? But look, I have those Togo couches.

His books, unread. His records, pretentiously bought. And his mustache. A high-maintenance problem he can hide behind.

We now take you to suburban America. Ohio, to be exact. Right outside of Sandusky. to a middle school where 12-year-old Marcus has just started the ability to grow a mustache.

No, don't film me. Don't film me. Please don't film me. Please leave.

Your dad signed the permissions slip, Marcus. He said you could shave that thing on your lip or you could be in the movie. And you chose not to shave.

It's really coming in though. Not shaving makes it come in thicker next time I do shave, you know?

Nope, that's wrong. It's a myth and it's not coming in thicker. Let's ask some of Marcus's classmates how they feel, specifically the tall girl classmates, how they feel about his little mustache. Dumb, looks bad, bad. Okay, so that's just a teacher. That was a teacher. I'm a tall girl. Teachers can be tall girls. Unsolicited teacher opinion as you pass in the hallway. Stupid shirt. Bad attitude.

That should be a podcast. Teachers just talking shit on students. That's fun, right? That couldn't be... Couldn't dip into Problematic? Yeah, you're right. It's Teacher's Lounge.

Shut it down. We made Teacher's Lounge again. Shut it all down.

Shut it all down. Um, well, why don't we, for the first time this year, for the first time in this entire year, we're going to hear a voicemail from a listener. Of course, I do want to stress, for 2024, get us your voicemails. Get them in early and often. You can call us at 1-805-RIDDLES-1. That's 1-RIDDLE-1. Sorry, sorry. 1-805-RIDDLE-1. 1-805-RIDDLE-1. Try and keep it under, what do we say, 60 seconds? 30 seconds. 30 seconds, fine. Keep it under 30 seconds. We're dying, this year we're dying to do more voicemail, so send them on over. Casey, why don't we hear a voicemail theme?

In the Riddle podcast system, episodes are composed of two separate but equally important components. Riddies and Puzzies and Scenes and Plugs and Voicemails. I guess that's five components. This part of the show is mainly about the voicemails. These are their stories.

10 out of 10. Fantastic. I love it.

That was another submission by a friend of the show, Chris Finke. Christopher Finke. Thank you again for that voicemail submission. The Law & Order voicemail theme.

I don't want to be hyperbolic, but that's the coolest thing I've ever heard. I think. Casey, whenever you're ready, let's hear that voicemail.

Hi Adal, JPC, and Erin. It's Erin Keif. Um, I'm calling mostly as an experiment and I want to see how long it takes for the voicemail I'm leaving currently right now to make it onto the show.

Jesus Christ.

I don't know if this is going to be in 2027 or if it's going to be like January, February 2024 is my current guess. Um, all right. I love you, Erin. You're doing really great. I'm so proud of you. Adal, also proud. JPC? I'm also proud of you. Okay. And Casey! Hi! Alright. Um... What am I doing? What am I doing? Okay. Enough. Goodbye.

I like the enough at the end. Enough.

Okay, we are recording this episode. It didn't... It wasn't even six hours, JPC.

Casey cut that.

Two months. So about two months is the time limit.

I'm gonna be honest. It took me a little bit to realize that was you.

It didn't sound like me, right?

It didn't sound like you. I think when they said, this is Erin Keif, I was like, oh, he he. And then as they kept talking, I'm like, oh, that is really Erin. But it didn't sound like you.

I sounded weird.

Once it gets to the laugh, you know it's Erin. Because it's really... Fuck you.

Wow.

Just kidding. It's hard to fake a laugh. It's hard. It's hard for someone to like perfectly mimic someone's laugh. Yeah. Because a laugh has to be kind of casual or else it's like a little bit forced. So hey, unless you, if you can fool me, if you could call it with your best Erin Keif impression, uh... I would love if we got a bunch of voicemails.

30 second voicemails of your best Erin Keif impression. Not too mean.

Couple questions for you, Erin. First of all, question number one, is everything going kind of all right or what's happening? Nope. Great. Question number two, the voicemail, 30 seconds way off. I mean, you were like almost a minute on that one. Wow.

That's where a host of the show even gets penalized.

And you also neglected to ask a question.

What are we supposed to do with a voicemail like that?

I didn't. I asked how long it would take for my voicemail to make it onto the show.

Bad question. Bad question to ask. In Erin's defense, I think there was a question couched within that voicemail, which was, JPC, You're doing great. It seemed like there was a question mark at the end of that.

Yeah, I wasn't sure if I was proud of him.

Yeah, there was a little bit of a pause there, which, again, is only adding to the length. I don't think we could cut the comedic pauses in all of these voicemails going forward.

It's adding to the length. I know someone who measures dick. Yeah, the guy from the scene.

Oh, man. Well, I'm glad that my voicemail made it. And you know what? Maybe I'll leave another one one day. And I'll have it be 30 seconds, I promise.

And you can leave that to 1-805-RIDDLE-1, or you can, hey, if you want to mail us anything, Erin, you can mail us something for yourself. That can be mailed to Hey Riddle Riddle, 6351 West Montrose Avenue, number 267, Chicago, Illinois, 60634, if you want to mail us anything at all. And that could be a voicemail. You could mail us a voicemail.

It'd be very funny for Erin to mail us something for her because then I would have to fucking mail it back to her in California, which would be just a hassle.

How unwell do I feel right now? I think that's a fun activity to pass the time.

Erin, you put the back of your hand up to your neck.

Uh-huh. Adal, do you have anything to plug?

Since it is the new year, let's just kick it off right by plugging the Patreon. Hey Riddle Riddle Patreon, we're so proud of what we do over there. We have so much fun. We've had a lot of fun guests recently. We've had a lot of episodes I'm very proud of to be a part of and to help construct. Check it out, patreon.com slash heyriddleriddle. There's a $1 tier, there's a $5 tier, there's an $8 tier. Whatever suits your 2020 NAR budget, hop on over there. Erin, anything you'd like to plug or promote?

Yes, my favorite podcast is the Material Girls podcast. I'm on like my third re-listen of all the episodes. I think a good way, a good episode to go into it is the Goblin Mode episode. But I love it a lot. And I think that if you listen to our show, it's a good balance for the chaos we put out into the world. I think it's like us to our two shows together will balance out your brain.

We're the poison, they're the antidote.

Exactly. Truly. So check that out if you haven't already. GBC, do you have a review of the show you want to read?

Yes, and if you would like to get a review featured on a future episode of Hey Riddle Riddle, a 2024 episode even, go and give us a five-star review anywhere you leave reviews. Hey, this one's from Ultra Queer. I love saying that name. Great replacement for Vyvanse. Do not consult your doctor. If you have unmedicated ADHD, this is the podcast for you. I don't know, I can't endorse any of that, but I love it. So thank you for writing it, UltraQueer.

I will say we get that a lot. I would say 99.9% of our listeners have ADHD, and that 0.1% is the partners of people.

I just, I'm so sorry guys, I just saw CNN Travel just posted a new article just popped up on my browser refresh. It says here that The dad from Bluey, Bandit, it looks like he has passed away. Don't even say it.

Gnar. Gnar. Gnar.

They don't know the cause of death. It looks like Chili is being held under questioning.

Adal, Adal, Adal, Adal, scroll down. Did they say anything about the helicopter that ate Rahm Emanuel?

Um, it's... okay, Rahm Emanuel was eaten by... wasn't a helicopter, it was... Look for update, look for update. Okay, it says, Rahm Emanuel was crushed when he was shot into space and landed on... What is it?

NOR! JUPITER! NOR! NOR! I can't do it. HOTS FOREVER!

They probably say that, right? Tots? Like Tata? Tots Forever?

We've alienated an entire continent.

And an entire country.

Yeah.

Hey there, dogs and noodles. If you like that, you are going to love this week's Patreon. We do an improv fantasy draft. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com. Hey Riddle Riddle, by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or start your seven day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month and get those ad free episodes. See you there.

That was a HeadGum podcast.